Shelter From The Storm
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: Fourth in the series of Tuckson, Noah, and the OCs-Sarah, Brooke, Maggie, and Wyatt. As the title implies...all is not well with the Tuckers, but they lean on each other to get through the bumps in the road. Of course...more than occasional fluff as well.
1. Chapter 1

**One.**

Morning sunlight blanketed the Lieutenant's desk. To an outsider, she was backlit perfectly, seated, and presumably engrossed in whatever was on her laptop screen—the epitome of productivity. However, the sun cast an unwelcome glare on the framed photographs, and Olivia moved them strategically so her family's smiling faces were unobstructed. She needed to see them this morning.

For a few precious minutes, Olivia lost herself in the images of Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah on Santa's lap and the entire family perched on the sofa after Brooke and Sonny hosted dinner just a few weeks ago. It was a welcome respite from the visions of Lowell Harris she'd been enduring every night since the chance encounter with Dominic Pruitt—a man she had almost killed and a man whose face was also showing up late at night after the past jolted Olivia awake.

Hoping to remedy her subconscious struggle to keep Sealview and its repercussions in the distant past, Olivia went so far as to check Harris' prisoner status. He would most likely die behind bars, but the nightmares didn't subside. She wasn't even sure if "nightmare" was the appropriate term. She didn't wake up screaming or drenched in a cold sweat. There was no tossing or turning or wrestling with the sheets. Her eyes simply snapped open. After seconds of panic in which she checked the baby monitor and the alarm panel, she attempted to sleep again; however, most of the time she stared at the ceiling until sunrise. Each morning as she prepped for work, she promised herself she would tell Ed, for he expected her to divulge these types of things. But then she would see him bundle the twins or get Noah's backpack ready or emerge from the walk-in closet in his suit and tie, and she opted not to sully their current blissful state with tales of ugly flashbacks.

Since being assigned to a special investigation involving possible illegal evictions by the NYPD, Ed was practically back to full time employment with no clear end in sight. The twins spent their days at day care, and Noah either went to an after school program or was picked up by Brooke, Sarah, or even Sonny. The three adults were eager to help out, but also weighing on Olivia's mind was whether or not they needed to rehire Lucy for part-time help. Olivia still kept in touch with her former nanny. After testing the waters of social work and child psychology, Lucy opted to stick with childcare for the time being and had found steadier work with another family. Even so, she mentioned that she would be willing and able to help out the Tuckers on occasion if need be. Ed felt guilty for agreeing to the most recent assignment. He was beating himself up for what he called reneging on his part of the deal. Olivia reminded him that contract work _was_ part of their deal. Nevertheless, both parents were busy and exhausted and unintentionally neglecting little signs that all was not well with each other.

"Hey Lieu!" A jolly Sonny Carisi practically skipped into the office, deposited a white bakery bag on the desk and took a seat. He opened his own bag and bit into a giant éclair. "Happy March."

"Thank you," Olivia replied both dazed by her daydream and taken aback by his grandiose entrance. "To what do we owe this good mood?"

Sonny's words seemed to bounce out of his mouth. "Ah, a sunny day, weekend's coming and I'm off duty, Brooke and I finally booked our belated honeymoon…everything seems right with the world."

"Where are you going?" Olivia was more than willing to immerse herself in Brooke and Sonny's happiness for a few minutes.

"South Beach for three nights and then Key West for another three. We couldn't decide."

Olivia smiled, recalling her own honeymoon in Florida. "Ed and I went to Key West…it was amazing."

"I know. Brooke mentioned we were copying you," Sonny said with a grin, "But it was my idea. I'd forgotten all about that."

He didn't mean to conjure negative feelings, but the word _forgotten_ caused knots to form in Olivia's stomach. She and Ed were only in their third year of marriage, and their island adventure seemed like it occurred decades ago.

"Make sure you go snorkeling." Finding the recommendation soothing, Olivia continued, "And there were two or three restaurants we loved…I'll have to look up the names. And the sunset is absolutely stunning. You have to get there early because the crowds got crazy. When are you going?"

"End of the month. Brooke's spring break. You signed off on the vacation time."

"Oh..oh..yeah I did," Olivia grimaced at her forgetfulness and waved a hand dismissively in the air, "Sorry…a lot going on lately."

Sonny didn't sense her unease, "Ah, you sign things all the time."

Olivia glanced at the assortments of files on her desk, "I do," she sighed.

"Another thing, well, attributable to my good mood is Brooke, well, she, maybe I shouldn't say anything, but—"

Concerned, Olivia stared at Sonny, waiting impatiently for him to get to the point.

"—Brooke wants to start trying for a baby again."

"Carisi, that's great," Olivia's replied warmly, "I was…wondering how she was doing with all that. She never talked about the miscarriage after those first couple of weeks afterward. I was worried, but I didn't want to push her…or you."

"That's the way she is," Sonny said matter-of-factly. "I was the same way, wanting her to talk but not wanting to _make_ her talk…but she comes around in her own time and her own way. Always tough for me though," he grinned, "Cause I'll tell anyone anything at any time."

"I fall more on Brooke's side of that coin."

"I know." They shared a few seconds of knowing laughter before Sonny broached another topic. Rafael Barba was increasingly eyeing a move to the bench, and with several anticipated vacancies in the next year, Carisi was seriously thinking about making a move to the District Attorney's office. He wanted the Lieutenant's honest opinion.

"Carisi, I can't tell you what to do," she began, "And I'm sure you've weighed the pros and cons. I think the most glaring drawback is the pay cut you'll take. But if you're going to start a family, the hours are certainly more predictable. And, selfishly, I would miss you here…but don't let that sway you one way or the other."

"It's so tough," he moaned, "I love the law…I _like_ Barba's job…probably a little too much, I know I get on his nerves sometimes, but I also love the police work. I wish there was some type of hybrid…and you're right about the money…but we don't spend a whole lot."

"Have a kid and that'll change," Olivia advised, grinning, "What does Brooke think?"

"She said it doesn't matter to her—she wants me to be happy—but it'd be more helpful if she would just tell me what to do."

"That's not gonna happen."

"Probably not."

The Lieutenant and the Detective batted around possibilities for a while longer until duty called—a rape homicide in Battery Park City that would keep them occupied well into the evening. The victim's statement mirrored previous unsolved attacks in the neighborhood, but the assailant was sloppy this time—he'd shown his face and left physical evidence. When the squad finally zeroed in on a suspect, Rollins and Fin went to make the arrest only to find the perp's apartment empty. They ran his name through flight manifests and put an alert on his E-Z Pass; with all immediate investigative tools exhausted, Olivia sent everyone home just before midnight. She put a rush on the rape kit and DNA left at the scene. It would be ready first thing in the morning.

…..

Sarah rolled over and into her bedmate, the man she'd met online and had been seeing almost every night for the past two weeks. He was the partner she'd always imagined for herself—the clichéd tall, dark, and handsome professional, slightly older and way wealthier, yet demonstrating a humble and down-to-earth personality. When Brooke and Sonny observed their first meeting from across the bar, they both agreed his mannerisms were completely antithetical to his appearance. He was shy…almost childlike…and perhaps that's why Sarah latched onto him so quickly. She had the upper hand. She was calling the shots.

"Sure it's alright if you go in late today?" He asked. The question could have been misconstrued to imply he wanted her to leave, but there was genuine concern in his voice and he made no effort to disentangle himself from her arms.

"It's fine," Sarah mumbled, "It's Friday anyway. I'll probably show up when everyone is leaving which is perfect. Need to start on first quarter reports."

"I really don't understand finance at all."

Sarah giggled, "At times, neither do I."

"Come on," he lightly challenged her, "You must understand _something_. To be where you are at your age? Those guys…they know talent when they see it."

"I thought you didn't understand finance?"

"I understand CEOs."

"Ha!" Sarah huffed, "Sometimes I think about stealing my clients and breaking off on my own. Give them a big _fuck you_."

"I would—"

His reply was interrupted by Sarah's phone. A Face Time call was coming in from the Argentina office. It was an hour later there, but Sarah was immediately concerned something was terribly wrong. If anyone was even at the Buenos Aires office at eight in the morning, it hadn't been for long enough for a screw up.

Sarah declined the call, jumped out of bed, threw on clothes, and quickly washed her face. She was pulling her hair back into a ponytail and standing in the kitchen when she called back.

"Hey, Sarah, it's Ben."

"I _see_ you," she snapped, "What's going on?"

"Well, everything's alright here business-wise, but we can't find Hillary."

Trembling from the neck down, Sarah screwed up her face and asked what Ben meant.

"I _mean_ ," he was clearly frustrated, "She hasn't shown up for work in two days. She's not answering her cell. We've been to her place and it looks like she may have gone off somewhere."

"Did you call the police?"

"No."

"Why in the fuck not?" Sarah's voice was rising and her date was now out of bed, dressed in sweatpants, and observing from the hall.

"Sarah," Ben spoke to her as if she were a child, "Hillary hates it here. I bet she went back to New York."

Exasperated, Sarah countered, "She's been gone for two days? A flight back to New York doesn't take two fucking days. You don't think she wouldn't have shown up at the office? Or called me?"

Ben stared blankly at his boss.

"Call the fucking police," Sarah ordered. "And stay by your phone."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Find her." Sarah jabbed the "end call" icon and turned apologetically to her date, "I have to go. One, well, the only woman on our Argentina team is missing. I'll call you later."

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked as Sarah, in whirlwind fashion, collected her belongings.

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the door. "Not at the moment. Sorry I have to leave like this."

"No problem," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "I once dated a cop. I get it."

Sarah wanted to freeze and gape at him; she had not divulged any information about her family other than that she had siblings. On her way to the elevator she shook her head and managed to laugh to herself before exiting into the real world once again.

…..

Olivia poured her third coffee of the morning. She didn't bother with cream or sugar or the fancier mixers someone had gifted her with around the holidays. Overnight, their perp had struck again, only this time the physical description was different and the detectives debated amongst themselves whether they were dealing with a copycat or a two-man team. This required poring over surveillance footage yet again. The promised DNA still hadn't turned up, and Olivia impatiently hounded the lab every fifteen minutes. She had the phone to her ear and was barking instructions when she saw Sarah rush through the squad room. She was clad in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, her blonde hair was heaped atop her head in a messy bun, she wore no makeup, and she slammed the door, after which she looked at Olivia with remorseful, wide eyes.

"Livvie, I am so, so, so sorry."

Olivia placed the received back in its cradle. "What happened?"

"Can't you look up people on flights?"

"What?"

"Can't you check flight lists and see if someone has traveled?"

"Yes."

"Can you see if Hillary's flown anywhere in the past two days?"

The last Olivia had heard of Hillary was that she was in Argentina and Sarah was trying to move on with her life. "Hillary?"

Anticipating the inevitable question, Sarah preemptively gave the explanation, including that she'd been in another person's bed when she received the call

Hit with a barrage of information at once, Olivia took a few breaths before responding. True to form she suggested and insisted the police be contacted, but as details poured forth Olivia agreed to check flight manifests.

Having other things to do, the Lieutenant darted around the precinct while the search commenced and Sarah floated around to the chair side of the desk to get a glimpse of the screen. She marveled at the speed of it all—numbers and names rolling in front of her in indecipherable rapid speed and when there was finally a hit she yelped and jumped in the way Noah might have reacted at a surprise visit from Santa Claus.

"Livvie!"

Olivia spun around from Fin's desk and tried not to look irritated.

"I think there's a hit," Sarah said innocently.

Olivia tapped the desk and followed Sarah into the office. She inspected the screen, scrolled, and reported, "It looks like she flew to Nashville."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sarah muttered.

"She didn't say anything?"

Sarah rolled her eyes, shook her body, and did everything imaginable to appear annoyed. She took out her phone and held it in the air, "She left without calling anyone. Livvie…thank you…I'm sorry for bothering you…there's obviously serious shit going on. I got it from here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm glad she's safe. I need to call off the Buenos Aires cops."

…

Ed declined the insistent offer of lunch and drinks in order to pick Noah up from school. The boy was used to being surprised with caretakers, but Daddy had been scarce lately. He bounded into Ed's arms.

"DADDY!"

"Hey, bud!"

"Daddy you get me today!" Noah hugged him tightly. "What we doin?"

"Almost anything you want," Ed replied, "It's a nice day. Wanna get changed and go to the park?"

"Yeah! Let's throw the f'ball!"

Ed took Noah home to change and grab the football. He opted to go to Central Park rather than DeWitt Clinton and he and Noah found a patch of grass to emulate their "field." They were in the middle of a crucial fourth and goal when Ed's phone vibrated in his pocket. With the twins still at day care and Olivia away, he couldn't ignore it.

"Hang on, No."

Noah froze in a ready position.

"Daddy. Where are you? I need to see you." Sarah's voice was as urgent as it had ever been.

"I'm at the park with Noah. I have to get the twins in an hour."

"How bout I get them and come to you?"

Ed jerked his head signaling for Noah to run ahead and he lofted the ball. "That's fine but you'll haveta go to our house and pick up the stroller." Sarah was on the permanent caregiver list, but Olivia had taken the twins in the car that morning.

"It's only a few blocks. Can't I carry them?"

Ed frowned, "Sarah, Wyatt's fifteen pounds. _Just_ Wyatt. And you'll have their bags. Just get the stroller or wait for me."

Sarah groaned, "I'll get the stroller. Don't move. I'll be there soon."

"Sare, what's the matter?" Ed grunted the last words because Noah had come crashing into him at full force. He smiled at the little boy and mussed his hair. Noah grinned back at him then sprinted away for another pass.

"I need your advice," she said in a clipped tone, "And I don't want to talk about it over the phone."

"Does it need to be just the two of us? Or…do we need Liv?"

"Livvie already helped me."

"Oh."

"And I need to see the kiddos. They're a calming presence."

Ed rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, I'm almost at your building." Sarah was almost breathless now. Ed could hear the street sounds in the background. "Do. Not. Move."

"Well, we're kinda in the middle of a football game," Ed sassed, smirking.

"Oh, _Daddy_ , you know what I mean."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two.**

The pub was supposed to be solely a Noah-Daddy spot, but the little boy had graciously made so many exceptions that he had completely forgotten the rule. When Sarah showed up at the park he greeted her just as jubilantly as he'd reacted to Ed earlier at school. After bear-hugging her waist, he gave a few seconds of attention to Maggie and Wyatt before rushing back to the field.

"Watch me catch the f'ball, babies!" He sprinted a few yards away and Ed lobbed a gentle pass which Noah bobbled but secured in his arms. He did a little dance, celebrated the touchdown, and jogged back. "Sare bear, you wanna play?"

Ed expected her to decline, but Sarah held out her arms for the ball. She threw a wobbly pass which didn't come close to being on target, but Noah happily chased after it.

"So, what's goin' on?" Ed asked as he plucked Maggie from her seat and kissed her hello. He quickly crouched down so he could reach Wyatt. Ed lingered face-to-face with his youngest son, soaking up the feel of his little hands slapping at his cheeks.

"How's my big boy?"

Wyatt babbled excitedly.

"Daddy, you are so freaking cute with these babies."

Noah came running up to them with the football, "Here, Sare bear. Try 'gain."

"One more, Noey. I'll throw it better this time."

Noah reached up and pointed to the laces, "Gotta put your fingers here!"

"Oh, well, why didn't ya tell me that before?" Sarah heaved another pass. This one was more accurate but not the tight spiral Noah was used to catching. It bounded off in the opposite direction, and Ed kept one eye on Noah's pursuit as he listened to Sarah.

"So, the dealio is…Hillary absconded from our office in Argentina and flew back to Nashville—"

" _Wow_."

"That's not all," Sarah continued indignantly, "She didn't tell anyone. And she's not answering any calls or texts or emails."

"Are you sure she's in Nashville?" Ed asked skeptically. The inquiry came while he swung Maggie high in the air, causing her to squeal. Seeing his sister having all the fun, Wyatt started fussing, so Sarah picked him up.

"Sheesh," she said as she tried to copy Ed's moves, "This kid has gained weight since the last time I saw him."

"Doc said he's in the eightieth percentile," Ed reported proudly, "Couldn't believe he was born a few weeks early. Both of them are all caught up and then some."

"They're Tuckers," Sarah said, "Tough kiddos."

"Right. So…"

Sarah sighed and hugged Wyatt tightly to her chest. "Livvie found out she was on a flight to Nashville."

"Liv?"

"Yes, I told you she already helped me. But I think she's pissed. They were busy."

"I'm sure she's not pissed," Ed's eyes grew distant as he pictured his wife huddled with her squad in front of a monitor, trying to decipher shreds of evidence. He pictured her leaving the apartment that morning clad in navy blazer and powder blue blouse, and thought about how irresistible she was when she was working—tough yet graceful; compassionate but also a little cocky.

"But she still hasn't contacted anyone?" Ed rubbed his chin, "That's weird. Didja call the police? She have emergency contacts?"

"After Livvie found that flight, I didn't call the police," Sarah reported, "And…I didn't think about the emergency list…I'll find it. Good idea, Captain Tucker!" Her face brightened as if he'd just solved the entire matter.

"But still…" Ed shifted Maggie to his hip so he could throw the ball to Noah once again, "How are you approaching this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…obviously something was seriously wrong for her to run away like that…if that's what happened. But, as her boss, that's unacceptable. Right?"

Sarah cringed. He was absolutely correct.

"And…you kinda have to be her boss first."

"I _know_ ," Sarah moaned, her gloss lips contorting into an impossible shape.

"So I think, as her boss, you need to get that emergency info and contact her. Find out what happened. And go from there."

" _Gawwwd_ , this sucks, I mean, what the serious fuck is wrong with her taking off like that?"

"Like I said," he replied matter-of-factly, "You gotta talk to her first."

" _Fuck_."

Ed cast Sarah a warning glance. Noah was coming within earshot.

"Daddy, I'm hungry!" He dropped the football and put his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

Ed checked the time. "How about we go to the pub? Get a snack? Help Sarah relax."

Noah's eyes widened, "You needta relax, Sare Bear?"

"Yes, Noey. I'm stressed out. I need a vacation. But…I'll settle for the pub."

"Yeah," Noah agreed seriously, "They have mozz'rella sticks."

Ed buckled Maggie back into her seat and did the same thing with Wyatt. The sun was setting, and he tucked a blanket around each of them to ward off the impending evening chill.

"We gonna get mozzarella sticks, bud?" He asked. "Thought you liked the calamari best?"

"I get that with _Sonny_ ," Noah explained.

"Oh."

"Get mozz'rella sticks with Sare Bear."

Sarah took the handles of the stroller and led the group from the grass to the paved path, "And what do you get with Daddy?" She asked facetiously, anticipating his response.

Noah grasped the side of the stroller and walked proudly beside his siblings. He giggled at Sarah's question. "Daddy say I get whatever I want."

"As long as he reads the words," Ed interjected.

"Yep!" Noah said, "Jus' haveta read it!"

…

Any pub bustled on Friday night, but Ed commandeered a large circular booth in the back corner and parked the stroller in an alcove unknown to everyone but the most regular of customers. Noah managed to claim exceptionalism, boasting that he and Daddy always took the front booth by the window but, "today there TOO MANY TUCKERS to fit there."

"Shhh, No," Ed tried to admonish his son but the reprimand carried absolutely no weight. He smiled and cupped his head, "Can't be that loud in the pub, bud."

"Nonsense, Daddy," Sarah scoffed, "Pubs are for being loud."

On cue, Maggie screamed and didn't stop until she was in Ed's arms. Her little face was beet red and she flailed her arms around with fists clenched.

"Okay, princess," Ed softly cooed, rubbing her head. "Shhhshhhshhhshh."

Maggie was dressed in a navy onesie and floral leggings. On her feet were fringed navy booties, the toes of which banged into Ed's belly as he bounced her against his chest. She flung her head back and grinned at her Daddy triumphantly.

Sarah witnessed Maggie's instantaneous mood change with an amazed grin, "Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwd_. Maggs is such a Daddy's girl."

Noah chimed in cheerfully, "Yep! Maggie always stop cryin when Daddy pick her up!"

"What about Wyatt?" Sarah asked.

Noah made a silly face at his baby brother and replied, "Wyatt jus' smile."

Drinks arrived promptly and Ed and Sarah further discussed and debated how she should approach Hillary's rash decision to flee her job. Sarah fluctuated between being vindictive and terminating her right away and wondering whether or not she should fly to Nashville and personally track her down. Throughout her musings, Ed continually reminded her that Hillary's whereabouts were still technically unknown.

"She needs to pick up the phone," Sarah muttered. She covered Noah's ears and added in a hushed voice, "This is so fucked up."

Noah squirmed. "Sare Bear! Your phone!"

"It's Brookey," Sarah reported, "She's on her way."

Ed looked around at the increasingly crowded environs—mostly young professionals and a few tourists. Some groups included children, so he didn't feel too out-of-place with his three little ones who were, by now, no strangers to happy hour. Wyatt was content in Sarah's lap, Noah was drawing on the placemat, and Maggie had tossed her toy aside, preferring to drum a beat on the well-worn table with a spoon. Though content, Ed missed Olivia and sent her a text.

 _Love you. We're at the pub. Stop by?_

He slid the phone just out of Maggie's reach and waited impatiently for her reply.

…..

The entire squad stared at the white board. It contained the totality of their work over the past two weeks of chasing the elusive rapist or rapists who were terrorizing residents of lower Manhattan. While there had been no more attacks, the evidence trail was running cold. Olivia and Rollins sat in the rolling chairs and stared blankly at the timeline. Detective Savage paced. Carisi scratched at his face, squinted, and shifted his weight from foot to foot. Fin's eyes kept drifting to the elevator. They were expecting an unannounced visit from Chief Dodds. Scrutiny from the public, the mayor's office, and One PP had been relentless, but SVU had pursued every lead and analyzed every piece of evidence to no avail. The DNA from the most recent crime scene ended up being that of the victim's boyfriend, and the perp's face generated by the sketch only narrowed the suspect down by race and hair color.

The best the Lieutenant could report was that there hadn't been any attacks in nearly a week.

"I hate that we're basically waiting for him or them to show up again," Amanda moaned.

"We're on day five of increased plainclothes officers in the neighborhood," Carisi mentioned, "You think this guy could possibly have inside info? I mean…unis there I get it…but it's awfully convenient that the attacks stopped as soon as we put plainclothes guys on the streets."

Olivia considered the possibility. "There're officers from three precincts assigned to that detail…that's a lot of possibilities. Everyone from desk sergeants to clerks would know. Not to mention the houses themselves."

"Should we set up something?" Savage asked, trying to be helpful. "Easy prey on a Friday or Saturday night?" He was eyeing Rollins.

"We don't even know how he targets the women," Fin grumbled. "None of them seem to have been followed. At least not what we see on cams."

Olivia agreed. "Yeah, we need to hold off on that for now." On the table, her phone vibrated. She read Ed's text message with a smile and gave him a status update.

An hour later, the Lieutenant was still in her office, giving the evidence one last look before she departed for the night. She also had other paperwork to finalize, but that could wait until the morning. She wasn't technically supposed to work over the weekend, but she was so behind that she planned to come in early for a couple hours before Noah's basketball game. Everyone but Fin and Carisi were gone. Fin was on duty, and Carisi dawdled, waiting to see if the Lieutenant was going to accompany him to the pub. Brooke was already there and insisted Sonny join before they went home to begin their weekend.

Sonny finally got tired of waiting and poked his head into the office. "Hey, Lieu, I'm headed out to meet everyone. You goin?" He assumed she already knew her family's whereabouts.

Olivia sat back and stretched a little. "I think…yes. I'm going. I need to maybe leave this alone for a little while and start fresh tomorrow."

"What were ya doin?"

"Running through the list of officers at each precinct…checking for dings in their jackets…at least, the dings I can see."

"Too bad Tucker's not at IAB anymore."

Olivia eyed him, trying to determine whether or not he was joking.

Carisi noticed. "I mean…that'd be, uh, convenient."

His face reddened slightly and Olivia laughed. "I suppose it would be," she said through a chuckle and grabbed her near-empty bag, opting to leave the files and laptop on her desk. "Okay…let's go."

…..

Sarah was on the sidewalk practically shouting into her phone when Sonny and Olivia approached. She waved frantically in case there was any iota of a chance they would miss the entrance of their regular spot.

"I have to go," she barked, "the rest of my family's here…yeah…sure…okay, I'll see you Sunday." She hung up and enveloped her stepmother and brother-in-law in a ferocious group hug. " _Hiiiiiyyeeeeeee_!"

Olivia said a polite hello and wondered about the state of everyone else inside. Sarah had obviously already had several drinks. She gave Sonny an uneasy glance and murmured a sweet hello into Sarah's blonde hair which she'd swept into a messy pile atop her head.

"I'msogladyoucame!"

Sonny finally extracted himself from her grip, freeing Olivia as well. "Let's go in, huh? A beer sounds really good right now."

They marched inside. Through the dense bar crowd Ed spotted his wife—regal and a bit battle-weary, yet nonetheless stunning. People instinctively stepped aside to let her through and a few patrons ignored their dates for a moment and snuck glances, unsure why this woman commanded their attention but feeling almost obligated to witness her make her way to the back booth and hug and kiss the little boy, two babies, and, finally, the silver-haired man who stood and patiently waited his turn for her affection.

For the few seconds he held her around the waist, Ed pretended they were alone. He knew his brazen public displays of affection often made Sonny and Brooke self-conscious, but he couldn't hold back, especially since he incorrectly predicted this would be one of those nights where she snuck away from the precinct to put the kids in bed, only to return to work after everyone, including Ed, was asleep. He pecked at her lips, her cheek, took her coat, and let her slide into the space he had previously occupied.

"Do you have enough room?" she asked, shimmying more toward the center of the U-shaped booth.

Ed grabbed her thigh and sat on the edge of the seat. "Yeah. You're good."

Her smirk reminded him of the looks she shot his way when they first started seeing each other, particularly the instance in his office when she and Mike Dodds came in to report the sex party bust. Little did they know they were about to face their relationship's first major test, but Ed didn't even think about that now. He only remembered how she covertly gave him that little grin and walked out in her typical businesslike manner, followed by the late Sergeant Dodds who, at the time, had absolutely no clue he and the Lieutenant were having extremely regular sex.

While Ed daydreamed, Noah switched spots so he was between Sonny and Brooke. They didn't seem to mind, and Sonny sat with one arm slung across his wife's shoulders. Noah held up the plastic menu and hunted for "calamari" which, true to Ed's rule, could only be ordered if Noah read the word. The fancier dinner menu temporarily stymied him—he and Ed typically dined there for lunch—but eventually he announced, "It's right here!" and then proceeded to recite each letter.

"Wow, sweet boy!" Olivia praised, "Great job! I'm so proud of you!"

"Bud, pretty soon you're gonna read all the books to us before we go to bed," Ed added.

"You do the voices, Daddy!" Noah protested.

Brooke grinned. "I would really love to hear Daddy do the voices," she teased.

"Me too!" Sarah chimed in. She gulped her white wine. "So…what's everyone doing this weekend?"

"Nothing," Brooke and Sonny said at the same time.

" _Mmmmhmmm_ ," Sarah kidded. "And…Daddy? Livvie?"

"Got basketball tomorrow," Ed reported.

"Omigod I haven't been to one game!" Sarah exclaimed, "Noey I am so so so sorry!"

"Have more games," he replied.

"Only two more. Tomorrow and next Saturday," Sonny said. Because of SVU's hectic February he had regrettably been less than a part-time coach at the YMCA where Noah played. "I'll be there tomorrow, Noah."

"So you _are_ doing something other than Brooke," Sarah giggled even though Ed was glaring at her.

"It's an hour," Sonny retorted, rolling his eyes.

"I'm still waiting to see you and Carisi play," Olivia said to her husband, sidling closer so their legs were touching.

Ed twisted his lips, "I dunno. I was sore for a week after the last time we played."

"Oh _please_ ," Sarah said, "You toss these babies around and around and throw the ball with Noah."

"Maybe you'll get lucky," Ed murmured to Olivia.

Sarah yelped, " _Daddy_! I get in trouble for saying Sonny's doing something other than Brooke and you can say _that_?"

Ed played coy, "I meant maybe she'll get lucky and see us play tomorrow."

"Uh-huh."

Under the table, Olivia's hand was on Ed's thigh now gripping him more tightly than she probably should have been. It didn't last long. Maggie was restlessly trying to break out of her high chair and Ed passed her to Olivia.

"Hi baby girl!" Maggie jumped up and down in Olivia's lap and giggled when she nuzzled her neck. "I missed you today!" Olivia suddenly remembered Sarah's earlier request and asked about Hillary. By now, their romantic dalliance was known to all family members, and Olivia didn't think twice about posing the question.

"What's going on with Hillary?" Brooke squinted at her sister.

Sarah grumbled and gave a concise explanation of the past few hours.

"And you're sitting here at a bar?" Brooke asked incredulously.

"What exactly should I be doing?" Sarah snapped, "She's not answering her phone. Obviously she wants to be off the grid. And I'll try again tomorrow, but she better pick up or she won't have a job when she resurfaces."

The venom in Sarah's voice startled Olivia. "Does she have family? Did anyone at the Argentina office tell you what happened?"

"She has a mom. She never mentioned a dad," Sarah swallowed another drink of the wine, "And all I was told was that she wasn't happy there. Hated it. And left with a suitcase, most of her clothes, and, of course, her purse."

"You can't call her family in Nashville?" Brooke asked, still astonished that Sarah was being so flippant about the whole thing when just a few weeks ago she was agonizing over how devastated Hillary seemed at what amounted to their breakup.

"I could," Sarah said, "But if there was something terribly wrong, don't you think they would've called _us—her employer_?"

"If I were you I'd be calling and calling and possibly on a plane to Tennessee."

"Well that's simply not going to work," Sarah replied, "For I am making dinner for Patrick on Sunday. And you are all invited."

"Who the hell is Patrick?" Brooke cringed and glanced down at Noah who was engrossed with his placemat artwork and didn't appear to be paying attention to the adults. Nevertheless, she felt the heat of Ed's normally-reserved-for-Sarah glare.

"You saw him—the guy I met online."

Ed screwed up his face. "You met someone online?"

"Lots of people do that, Ed," Olivia said softly.

"It's dangerous."

"Which is why I had Brookey and Sonny go along and observe." Sarah signaled for another round and continued, "And we are having a love affair. So I have no time to be chasing Hillary all across the continent."

" _Two_ continents." Sonny meant it as a joke but Sarah glowered at him.

"And online dating is good," Sarah reasoned, "They use scientific algorithms to match you to the perfect mate. You and Livvie should try it just to see if you get paired with each other."

"Not happening."

"You're no fun."

Ed turned to Olivia, "Am I no fun?"

"You're very fun," she gave him a kiss.

Ed continued the survey, "Noah, am I fun?"

"Yep! You the FUNNEST DADDY!"

"Do you think Maggie and Wyatt think I'm fun?"

"Yep!"

Knowing he was about to put Sonny in a tough position, he smirked and asked his son-in-law the same question.

Carisi held up his half-full beer, "Captain, I have never had more fun than when I'm in your presence."

" _Hey_ ," Brooke elbowed him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, helplessness in his eyes.

Olivia wanted to inquire further about Hillary, but the mood at the Tucker-Carisi table was light again. They playfully shot barbs at one another and erupted into multiple rounds of laughter. Olivia hadn't planned on drinking too much, but she agreed to a second and third round but not before searching Ed's eyes for approval.

"Go ahead," he whispered. It was so good to see her relaxed and having fun he wasn't about to cut their evening short until it was absolutely necessary. He had been nursing a bourbon but switched to beer and sipped it slowly, intent on keeping a clear head and knowing Maggie and Wyatt wouldn't last much longer.

"Last one," Olivia said as she handed her empty glass to the server, "Then we need to get home."

" _Why_?" Sarah protested, "The twinsies and Noey ate dinner here! Stay longer!"

"We don't need the kids in a bar this late," Ed said, "I'm surprised they haven't kicked us out yet."

"Our tab's gonna be huge," Sarah replied, "No way they're kicking us out."

"Well, you can stay and run it up even more, but we're going home."

"Brooke? Sonny? Are you staying?"

For the second time that night they responded in unison.

"No."

Sarah frowned and stared forlornly into her near-empty glass. If she was trying to conjure sympathy, it worked. At least it did for Olivia. She reached over and patted the top of Sarah's hand. "Do you want to come over? Hang out? Watch a movie or something?" She could sense Ed's disappointment with the invitation, but Olivia didn't want Sarah to keep drinking and get herself in trouble by doing something rash.

"No…ah…I think I'll just go home and go to bed."

"You sure?"

"Yeah…what time's that game tomorrow?"

"Ten."

Sarah grinned, "Well, I would hate to have a pounding headache and be in a gym full of whistles and basketballs. Okay, okay, let's call it a night."

"And you're going to try to get in touch with Hillary's family in the morning, right?" Brooke said in her best big-sisterly tone.

"Right-o."

"But don't get on a plane tonight," Sonny advised.

"Or call anyone," Ed added, "You're slurring."

Sarah held up her right hand in oath-taking tradition. "I swear I will not get on a plane nor will I call anyone."

"But text us when you get home," Olivia said.

"We'll walk ya there," Sonny offered.

Ed settled up with the waiter and brushed away offers of cash from Sonny, Brooke, and Sarah. When Noah saw the money, he pulled out his own wallet and shoved a few dollars in his Daddy's direction.

"That's alright, bud. You save your money."

"Okay!" Noah agreed. "That's what Sare Bear say!"

"Don't show him the twenties," Sarah whispered.

Ed heard her, raised his eyebrows, and made a mental note to check the contents of the wallet after Noah fell asleep.

…

On the short walk home, Olivia apologized for asking Sarah to come over.

"Ah, stop Liv, I understood…it just took me a minute," he said light-heartedly, "I'm not always as quick thinking as you are." He intentionally bumped into her as she pushed the stroller along. Noah was perched on his shoulders.

"This is our first early and free night in a while," Olivia said, "I felt bad as soon as I told her to come…but I worry about her…especially when she's drinking."

"I'm a little worried about Hillary."

"Me too…she's such a nice, sweet girl…and I wonder how much of her running away has to so with Sarah."

"I know."

They walked a few more steps in silence until Ed leaned over and clumsily kissed her cheek. "I miss you."

Remorse clouded Olivia's face. "Yeah…these stretches…are tough. I miss you, too…and… I need to talk to you."

Alarmed, Ed raised his eyebrows and slowed his gait.

"It's nothing major," she quickly added, "But we haven't had a chance to really talk in what? A week? Two?"

"We've been goin' a thousand miles per hour," he admitted, already starting to beat himself up for not recognizing she was struggling. "So, yeah, little ones in bed and," he leaned in for another kiss, "then husband and wife time."

"Talking and…who knows what else…" Olivia mused playfully, trying to ease Ed's mind. She could hear the anxiety in his voice.

"But talking first."

Olivia looked up at him and grinned. "That's a rare suggestion, Captain Tucker."

More confident now, he smirked back at her. Whatever was wrong, it wasn't enough to completely eliminate her sass, and, whatever was wrong, it wasn't anything they couldn't handle.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	3. Chapter 3

**Three.**

To say Olivia's words stung Ed would be an understatement. She summarized the case—finding Jessie Crews' body in the trunk of a car, the investigation, the arrest, the hotel room fight, and Pruitt's subsequent graciousness. Olivia described being flung back into the wall, feeling overpowered again, too much on the heels of Sealview, and then reacting by nearly killing Pruitt.

"If Fin hadn't been there…" Olivia trailed off, played with her rings, and breathed deeply.

Next to her on the couch, Ed waited silently. He knew about Sealview and Lowell Harris, both from his job at Internal Affairs and from Olivia telling him about it during one of their many early heart-to-hearts.

"Seeing Pruitt the other night…it triggered something—"

Ed wanted to point out that the encounter was three weeks ago, not exactly _the other night,_ but he held off on that for the moment. "Triggered what?" Sudden guilt weighed on him. How had he not noticed? They'd been busy but not exactly separated and incommunicado. Was he really that tuned out?

"I'm not sure what it is," Olivia answered hesitantly, "Not exactly nightmares or flashbacks…I wake up in the middle of the night. All of a sudden. And panic. Only for a minute…but I have a terrible time going back to sleep." She looked at him apologetically, hoping he wouldn't be upset that she'd kept this from him.

"Every night?"

"Almost."

He couldn't hide his disappointment, but there was no way he was going to make her feel worse than she already felt. " _Liv_ …"

She briefly pressed her eyes closed. "I didn't tell you—until now—because I think I was…a little embarrassed." When she couldn't fall back asleep on those torturous nights, Olivia self-assessed, and this was exactly what she'd concluded. No longer did she need Ed or anyone else to remind her she wasn't alone. However, accepting that reality didn't diminish her fiercely independent nature. The inability to work through this latest internal obstacle frustrated her beyond explanation.

Ed reached over and stroked her cheek. "Liv, I know almost everything about you, and I know me telling you not to be embarrassed is pointless." She smiled a little and ducked her eyes but tilted her head into his touch. "But there's no one in this world who respects you… _all of you_ …more than I do."

"The more I put it off the more scared I was that you'd feel…slighted."

"C'mere," Ed held her tightly with both arms, "I always want you to tell me these things, but I also know how tough you are."

"I was so angry with myself," Olivia murmured, "Here I am, with everything I want, and I can't run into someone from a long time ago without it coming to… _this_?"

"That's not fair," Ed replied sternly, almost in his IAB voice.

"Perhaps not."

"It is _absolutely_ not fair," he insisted, "Wake me up if it happens again?"

Olivia heard the nervousness in the question and sat back, looking him in the eye as she responded with a question of her own. "Is it sometimes a bit much…being married to me?" This was a common breaking point in previous relationships—she had too many demons, her job was too stressful, she was too stubborn, she refused to rely on other people to the point she pushed them away—eventually, Olivia Benson became too complicated to love.

This time he took her face in both his hands to further emphasize his response. "Do you remember when you let me buy you that drink?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, slightly confused about where he was headed.

"The day after, I was walking on air. It was what? A half hour? An hour?"

"Something like that." He was still firmly cupping her face, making it a bit difficult for her to form words.

"From that night on…I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. Love you. Marry you. I still feel that same way, _giddy_ almost, knowing you're my wife. And I have never, _ever_ , at any point since then, felt differently."

Tears poured from her eyes. Ed wiped them away with his thumbs the best he could, and then slowly kissed the damp spots. "I love you. I love you more every second of our lives."

Trying to fight back sobs, Olivia shuddered and let her body fall against his chest and into the security of his arms. Speechless in the wake of his words, she let her eyes flutter closed and her body rose and fell with his rhythmic breathing.

At some point, groggy and stretching, they meandered to the bedroom and fell back asleep.

Olivia didn't wake up until the morning sounds of Maggie and Wyatt transmitted through the iPad. She rolled on her side and observed her youngest children. At ten months, neither baby cried much anymore in the morning—they pressed their little faces into the crib slats and exchanged babbles and the occasional shriek.

Ed laid so his cheek was resting against hers.

"So precious," Olivia remarked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

"Yeah," Ed replied, "They take after their mother."

….

Sarah woke up with the tiniest headache and blindly reached to her nightstand for ibuprofen and water which wasn't exactly fresh but did the job. She choked down the pills, allotted herself fifteen more minutes, but as she tried to snooze she remembered her promise to Brooke.

" _First thing_ ," her sister had reminded her before they parted for the night, "Call Nashville."

For once, Sarah wished her phone was hopelessly lost. She argued that it was too early to call anyone, especially since Nashville was an hour behind. There was no reason for her callous attitude. Never one to engage in much introspection, she nevertheless did some quick soul searching and selfishly determined Hillary was simply trying to make her life miserable.

So when a voice that was not Hillary's answered the phone in Nashville, Tennessee, Sarah curtly asked to speak with her former employee without inquiring whether or not she was there.

After a brief pause, the woman asked Sarah to identify herself.

Sarah gave her full name and added, "I'm her supervisor. I really need to speak with her." After what seemed like an interminable wait, Hillary finally came to the phone.

….

Seating in the gymnasium was limited and Sarah shuffled her way down a packed aisle and took the space Olivia had reserved for her with the twins' bag. On the court, Ed and two other dads coordinated layup lines. Sonny was on the bench with Noah's head coach, but they were barely visible due to the semi-circle of additional men surrounding them.

Sarah snickered, "Jesus Christ how many people does it take to coach a kids basketball team?"

"I don't get it," Olivia said, "I mean, I like watching Noah play and I want him to do well, but your Dad an all the other dads are…so serious about it."

"Not to mention my husband," Brooke said, "We don't even have a kid of our own out there and Sonny was up last night sketching out-of-bounds plays."

Hearing Brooke say _children of our own_ filled Olivia's heart with joy. Sonny hadn't been exaggerating; Brooke's words indicated she had weathered the dark days and memories of the miscarriage and was ready to think about kids again.

"Wow," Olivia murmured, "Ed didn't even do that."

Brooke leaned across Olivia so she could look her sister in the eye. She was holding Wyatt and when she moved he bopped Maggie on the head. Olivia grinned down at her daughter as she pawed back at Wyatt, managed to grab his ear, and strained to put it in her mouth.

As the babies wrestled, Brooke confronted Sarah. "Did you talk to Hillary?"

"Yes," Sarah groaned, "She's flying back tonight."

"To Argentina?" Olivia asked.

"No. Here."

At this point, Brooke had been annoyed for almost an entire day and she was tired of Sarah's equivocation. "Why did she leave?"

"She didn't really say. Seems like a lot of things. I need to talk to her in person. She seemed like she didn't want to say anything in front of her mom."

Olivia twitched, trying to get a piece of hair out of her face. Corralling Maggie required both hands. "That's understandable," she said. "Was she planning to fly back tonight or is that something you two decided?"

"I told her she had two options—go back to Buenos Aires or come home."

Sarah continued to maintain her cold approach to the situation. Brooke retreated to her space and inconspicuously but pointedly bumped Olivia on the way. Prior to Sarah's arrival, the two of them discussed their mutual concern with her attitude.

"Still having everyone over for dinner tomorrow?"

Sarah raised her eyebrows at Brooke's caustic inquiry. "Of course. I'm not going to rearrange my life because she can't handle her shit."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Brooke leaned forward again and Olivia pressed her back against the cinder block wall.

"She realized," Sarah grumbled and reluctantly divulged more details, "That I was fighting a lot of battles for her. I was shielding her from a lot of shit from these idiotic men. Look…you don't get it, well, maybe Livvie does, but I'm perfectly comfortable telling guys I work with to," Sarah's eyes darted around and she lowered her voice, "fuck off when need be and we all move on with our lives. You stand up for yourself, they'll get it and back off. Hillary won't do that. She'll dwell on things and overthink and internalize any hint of criticism, fade into the background…and it apparently built up to the point she couldn't take it anymore."

Brooke and Olivia had no choice but to individually digest the information because the referees blew their whistles. The game started in an organized fashion. The kids ran to their proper offensive and defensive spots. Someone eventually scored a basket. On the change of possession, some players had to be reminded to jog down the floor, but for the most part everyone was familiar with the flow of the game. However, chaos soon ensued. Kids took ill-timed and impossible shots. Passes were batted in the air. The ball caromed off knees and sneakers. At one point, Noah and a few others pursued a loose ball and collapsed into one another, jostling for control. The biggest kid on the floor eventually broke free and sprinted away without dribbling the ball. Coaches shouted to him.

"DRIBBLE!"

The shrill sounds of whistles pierced the air.

Parents chuckled.

In the chaos, nobody immediately saw Noah on the far end of the court on his knees. Grimacing, he gingerly held his right arm.

"Oh, God, Noah," Olivia handed Maggie to Sarah and clambered down the bleachers. She and Ed reached him at the same time.

"Hey, bud, what's the matter?" Ed asked, crouching beside him.

Olivia braced for piercing sobs, but Noah remained calm and answered in a shaky voice that his arm hurt.

"Didja get buried in the pile?"

"Uh-huh," he said, "Like this." He lurched forward and landed on his palms. He immediately recoiled, "Owieeeeeeee!"

Olivia held the affected wrist and gently worked it over. Each time she asked if a movement hurt, Noah said yes. "We better get him to the emergency room," she said. "It might be broken."

"Yeah, okay."

Olivia hugged Noah to her, "We're going to the doctor sweet boy."

"We not done with the game!"

"Sweetie we need the doctor to look at your arm."

Noah looked over at the bench where his teammates had taken a knee and were patiently waiting for an update. Sonny jogged over.

"He can't put any weight on his wrist," Ed reported, "We're gonna get him an x-ray."

"Aw, man, okay," Sonny mussed Noah's hair, "You'll be alright big guy."

"Gotta go, Sonny," Noah weakly hissed. The pain was hitting him now and he remained in his mother's arms, "to the hop-i-tal. Can't play anymore."

"You'll play again." Sonny assured brightly, "the doc will fix ya all up."

Brooke told Olivia she and Sonny would take the twins to the loft. In a hurry and completely confident leaving her children in their care, Olivia gave each baby a quick kiss and rushed to follow Ed and Noah to the car. Olivia rode in the back and held an ice pack to Noah's wrist.

"You're very brave," she said.

Noah sat back in his seat. "We hadta get the ball," he recalled, "Then I fell down!"

"I know, baby."

"What the doctor gonna do?"

"First they'll take pictures of your arm so they can see inside and see why it's hurting you."

"See inside?"

"Yes, sweetie. You'll get to see it, too."

"Where sister and brother?" Noah turned his neck from side to side, glancing at the car seat bases.

"They're with Brookey and Sonny."

A languid smile crossed Noah's face. "Brookey have pudding at her house."

Amused, Ed caught Olivia's eyes in the mirror. They shared a quick moment of silent awe—faced with adversity and pain, Noah, again, was the least worried of anyone in the family. Sarah had already texted four times, once on her behalf and the other three supposedly from Maggie and Wyatt. Sonny sent well wishes from the team. Yet, perched on his booster seat in the center of the car, Noah nonchalantly kicked his legs and hoped out loud "his babies" would get a chocolate treat at the Carisi loft.

…

At home, Brooke and Sonny set up Maggie and Wyatt on their area rug and scattered toys between them. The babies wasted no time going after the items and played happily. Brooke and Sonny plopped down on the rug as well and quickly realized Maggie was in need of significantly more supervision than her brother. She frequently crawled away from the rug and onto the floor. Her palms smacked the brushed concrete and she sometimes slid a little, her leggings not providing a stable grip on the firm surface. When she got far enough away from everyone else, she stopped, turned, and looked at them expectantly.

 _Are you gonna get me?_

Sonny and Brooke took turns chasing after her, making laps around the kitchen island until Maggie collapsed on the floor, giggling, at which point Wyatt made his way over to check on his sister.

"They are so funny," Brooke said. Still on the floor, she leaned back against the couch and watched Wyatt try to crawl over Maggie's body. Having the babies there added a domestic element to the industrial feel of the loft. There was a certain comfort in the presence of primary-colored toys, miniature shoes strewn on the floor, tiny jackets tossed on the armchair, and baby talk reverberating throughout the space. In a couple of hours, it would all disappear, leaving the loft feeling barren and sterile, maybe even lonely.

"You think they're hungry?" Sonny asked. Wyatt had his fist in his mouth as he watched Maggie try to pull herself into a standing position using a pillar for support.

"Probably," Brooke replied, "They had some snacks at the game."

Sonny dug in their bag. Finding nothing of substance, he frowned. "What do they eat?"

Brooke found his sudden lack of confidence amusing. "They pretty much eat regular food now," she said.

Sonny opened the refrigerator and the pantry. "Oh! We have ravioli. That should work."

Sonny boiled the pasta and Brooke mashed it, laughing at her paranoia. She'd recently seen Ed and Olivia feed the twins bite-sized pieces of soft foods which the twins expertly chewed.

Sonny kissed her on the cheek, "Ah, better safe than sorry."

Without high chairs they fed the twins on the island. The hungry babies didn't try to escape and waited anxiously for each bite.

"Now for dessert," Sonny announced when their bowls were empty.

"I think we have some cookies."

"No, no," Sonny said, "Snack Pack puddings. Noah loves these. I bet they do too."

Despite their best efforts to neatly spoon the pudding into the babies' waiting mouths, Maggie and Wyatt were chocolate messes minutes later. Sonny took a break and snapped a few photographs which he sent off to Olivia, hoping they could provide some levity to their afternoon in the emergency room.

…

Noah sat attentively on the edge of the exam table. The doctor pointed to the black-and-white x-ray photos and showed him where there was a little crack in his bone.

"Ra-di-us," Noah repeated slowly. "Ul-na."

"That's right Noah," the grandfatherly surgeon said, "And there's a hairline fracture in your radius, so we're going to put a cool cast on it so it can heal and you'll be all better."

"Then I play basketball 'gain?"

"Absolutely. And anything else you want to play." The doctor turned to Ed and Olivia, "This is fairly common in kids, typically the result of falls. He'll have a cast for six weeks or so, but the growth plate wasn't affected."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and Ed rubbed her back. "Thanks, Doc," he said softly. "Putting the cast on today?"

"Yes. Sometimes we wait if the swelling is bad, but it's actually gone down since he's been here," he smiled sweetly at Noah, "And he doesn't seem to be in much pain. Wait here. Shouldn't be too long. I'll be right back."

Olivia stroked Noah's cheek and kissed him. "The doctor's going to put a cast on your arm, sweetie."

"Like Jacob?"

"Yes," she replied, "But yours won't be all the way up your arm like his." Noah's classmate had a much worse break earlier that winter from a sledding accident. "What color do you think you want?"

"RED!" Noah immediately exclaimed. "And you write on it with da marker!"

"You got it, pal," Ed kissed the top of his head, "We're so proud of you. You're doin' a great job."

"I had to have a cast once," Olivia said, "And I was so scared."

Noah scoffed, "Not scary, mommy! Jus' hurt a little bit." With his good arm, he pointed at the pictures, "See right there? It's jus' a little crack! Doc-ter make it all better!"

"Pretty neat how they can look at your bones like that, huh?"

"Yeah!" Noah twisted his lips and thought for a few seconds, "They look in here?" He tapped his head.

Chuckling softly, Olivia replied, "Well, they can, but it's not as easy as taking pictures of your arms and legs."

"I ask da doc-ter," Noah stated confidently. "He show me."

….

When Noah arrived home late that afternoon, he had six signatures on his cast—Mom, Dad, Brooke, Sonny, Sarah, and the doctor, who had become Noah's new best friend even though he had to gently explain that he couldn't give Noah a brain scan. On the way out of the hospital, Noah asked if he could go back and visit the doctor again. Ed promised he would make that happen. Next, Noah insisted Maggie and Wyatt sign his cast and before their bath, Ed and Olivia guided their little hands and they scribbled a few lines on the hardened red gauze.

"Thanks, guys!" Noah said brightly. "You take your baths now, babies! I gotta keep dis thing dry!"

Ed handled bath time while Olivia arranged pillows on Noah's bed so he could keep his arm elevated overnight. Noah watched for a few minutes but got bored and inspected his shelves for something to play with. When he crouched down and put weight on his injured arm he cried out in pain.

"Sweet boy!" Olivia exclaimed, rushing to his side.

"It hurt, Mommy!"

"I know sweetie," she sat down on the floor and cuddled Noah in her lap, "The cast is going to help your bone get all better, but until it's all better we have to be careful."

"Liv, everything okay?" Ed called from the bathroom.

"Yes, he put some weight on his arm…he's good." Olivia kissed Noah's head, "Are you hungry, sweet boy?" They hadn't eaten since breakfast.

Noah fidgeted. Now cognizant of potential pain, he made sure to keep his right arm still. "Want tacos," he mumbled. "The _crispy_ ones."

"Crispy ones?"

"Uh-huh."

Olivia assumed he meant tacos served in hard shells. "Did you have them with Sarah?"

"Uh-huh. And you put 'em in the green dip."

"Ohhhh," Olivia droned, realizing he was describing taquitos from one of Sarah's favorite Tex-Mex joints in her neighborhood. "That sounds good. We'll get those."

"Kay." Noah's voice was almost a whisper and he showed no desire to leave his mother's arms. He curled more deeply into her chest and closed his eyes.

When Ed appeared in the doorway with a towel-wrapped twin under each arm, the two of them were still on the floor and Noah was fast asleep. Olivia mouthed that she didn't want to move. Ed nodded and took the squirmy twins to their room before they made too much noise.

…

It was almost midnight when Noah finally fell into a deep slumber. Despite being given ibuprofen, his arm ached and he spent most of the evening sitting with either Ed or Olivia. They distracted him with books and movies for brief stretches, but he quickly became bored and cranky. He would doze off for a few minutes, only to suddenly jerk awake. Ed sent Olivia to bed and readied himself for a long, mostly sleepless night.

"You got him in bed?" Olivia mumbled when she felt Ed's body next to hers.

"Yeah," he settled into his pillow, "I put the baby monitor in his room just in case."

Olivia rolled over so their bodies were touching, "Good idea." Her eyes were closed, but she slung an arm across Ed's torso and lightly ran her fingers up and down his sides.

He released a pleasant groan and kissed her head. "I'm surprised you're still awake."

"I don't like sleeping without you next to me." She was almost completely on top of him now, and she kissed at his face, "Even when you're busy being the best Daddy."

"Doesn't seem like you're very interested in sleeping right now." He rubbed her back in slow, circular patterns, encouraging her to continue.

"I'm not."

It had been a long, draining day, but it would have been worse if Olivia had to endure it all alone. Though their lives had been hectic recently, never once did she discount the fact that she had a reliable, unwavering partner. As she and Ed made love well into the early morning hours, the familiar, exhilarating wave of pure gratitude overwhelmed her, intensifying her body's responses and adding extra urgency when she gasped, "Don't stop."

When they finally did stop, they rested in each other's arms, sated, perfectly content, drowsy but awake enough to exchange sweet, whispered compliments. It would be only a couple hours before their home burst to life again—the twins would make a mess of their breakfast trying to feed themselves, and Noah would hopefully be in a good enough mood laugh at them as he proudly demonstrated how to properly eat whatever it was Ed prepared.

 _Ed_.

Olivia closed her eyes and resettled her head against his bare chest. The unrelenting fatigue bore down on her now, and sleep was imminent. Before she completely lost consciousness, she murmured one more "I love you."

Ed turned so he could wrap both arms around her and intoned, "Love you more."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	4. Chapter 4

**Four.**

Prior to the arrival of her guests, Sarah gave Patrick a brief biography of each family member, including Noah and the twins. She described Maggie as a "spitfire" and Wyatt as a "chill little dude." She bragged and bragged about Noah but cautioned he may not be totally himself after breaking his arm the day before. It hadn't occurred to her that her sort-of boyfriend would be intimidated dining with three police officers, so she was rambling about Brooke's former and current teaching job before she realized Patrick was completely tuned out.

"What?"

"Your Dad, his wife, and your brother-in-law are all cops?"

"Well, my Dad's retired, but I'll always think of him as a cop," Sarah narrowed her eyes, "Why? Are you wanted for something?"

"No, no," Patrick replied with an uneasy smile, "It's just…I've never actually been in a social situation with police before."

"Relax. They're the most normal people in the world. Well, my Dad can get a little grumbly and Sonny's sometimes _too_ happy, but Olivia's perfection."

Patrick did not look convinced. He nervously ran a hand through his wavy dark hair.

"If it makes you feel any better," she added brightly, " _They_ are probably nervous about dining with a plastic surgeon."

He managed a genuine smile. "Were _you_ nervous after I told you I was a plastic surgeon?"

Amused, Sarah's blue eyes twinkled. "No," she replied sassily and swatted his chest, "But it's definitely a reason to keep ya around until old age."

…

Sarah had completely rearranged the living room to accommodate a table and chairs. She hid the ordinary white plastic surface with a heavy aqua-colored tablecloth, and she arranged ten place settings including two for the twins and one for Caroline who was an unexpected last-minute addition. Nothing on the table—plates, flatware, elaborate floral centerpiece—looked familiar, and Brooke quietly questioned her sister about the items while Caroline gabbed away with Sonny and Patrick in the kitchen.

"I bought it," Sarah said matter-of-factly.

" _All_ of it? For one dinner?"

"Not the wine glasses," Sarah replied, "I had those. _Plenty_ of those. But I wanted everything to be nice…and all my stuff was mismatched and ugly, so…I went shopping. Not all of us had the benefit of wedding gifts."

Brooke rolled her eyes and fiddled with the fake tulips. "How long's Grandma been here?"

"Since after mass. Eleven or so? Uncle Johnny dropped her off."

"I didn't know she was coming."

"I had to practically pay her," Sarah whined, "You know how weird she is about her own Sunday dinner. And then she gets here and tells me we're eating too late, that Sunday dinner is supposed to be served in the mid-afternoon, and I was like, _Gram_ , four is the midafternoon for me since I sleep in, and she just shook her head and went to smoke. But, anyway, I'm glad she came because I woulda fucked up the food and we woulda had to go out."

"What are we having?" The aroma filling the apartment was reminiscent of Caroline's kitchen, so Brooke wasn't surprised when the menu included pot roast with carrots and potatoes.

"And I have dessert—some bars from Magnolia which I took out of the box and arranged on a platter of my own, but I don't think I'll fool anyone."

"I don't think so either." Brooke's voice was barely audible over the banter coming from the kitchen. "Looks like Patrick's fitting in well. I wonder if he remembers me and Sonny being at the bar the night you met."

"I doubt it," Sarah replied confidently, "His eyes were on me."

Brooke ignored the egotism. "And I'm sure yours were on him."

"He is _hot_ isn't he?"

Brooke's cheeks flushed ever so slightly, "He's certainly not ugly. How old is he?" Patrick had smooth olive skin and dark hair free from specks of gray, but there was a maturity in his face that betrayed his age.

"Thirty-five." Sarah saw the doubt in Brooke's eyes—it was the typical older sister expression she'd seen hundreds of times. "What?"

"Nothing," Brooke muttered, "Let's not talk about it now. Let's just…enjoy dinner…and each other. Liv and Dad should be here soon."

Sarah frowned but let the issue go, "Yeah, I better force another drink into poor Patrick. He almost shit his pants when I told him they were all cops."

"He did?" Brooke thought this details was beyond strange. Especially for someone in their mid-thirties. "Does he…have a record or something?"

Sarah chuckled, "That's what I asked him. He said no… I dunno, maybe he doesn't have such a great perception of cops. Understandable."

"I guess," Brooke murmured, sizing up Patrick once more, this time looking for something sinister in his demeanor. He was tall, athletic-looking, and well-spoken. She wondered if maybe he carried himself a little _too_ perfectly, but who was she to judge? Surely, if there was something off, her Dad and Olivia would pick up on it. Brooke stopped fussing with the table and went to join everyone else around the island.

….

"My Noah!" Caroline exclaimed as soon as she saw Noah's cast. "Sweetheart! What happened to you? Did you get into a scuffle on the playground?"

Noah, a little groggy but nevertheless in a good mood, smiled lazily. "No, Gramma Care-line! I fell at basketball." He used his left arm to support his right and asked her if she wanted to sign his cast.

"Of course I do! Sare Bear, where're your pens?"

Sarah rummaged through a drawer and handed Caroline a black marker. While she got to work making an intricate drawing on the cast, the attention fell to Maggie and Wyatt who were bundled up against the early March chill.

"Not quite ready to put away the winter stuff," Sarah said, plucking the beanies from their heads.

"Not quite," Ed replied. In the presence of the stranger, he was tense and stayed hyper focused on his children. He carefully unzipped Wyatt's parka, adjusted his sweater, smoothed his thickening swath of brown hair, held him at face level, and blew strawberries into his neck until Wyatt erupted into giggles. He doted on Maggie next. In the process, he knocked off one of her fringed Minnetonka boots.

"Uh-oh, baby girl, let's get your shoe back on," he crouched down, retrieved the boot, and put it back on her foot. "There ya go!"

Sarah held out her arms for Maggie to be passed to her, but as soon as the baby caught sight of Patrick, she flung herself back against Ed and clung to him.

"Sweet girl," Olivia cooed, rubbing Maggie's back. She looked at Patrick apologetically, "It takes her a minute, but she'll be wanting you to play with her in no time."

Ed smiled, but there was no offer of remorse in his expression. Neither Wyatt nor Maggie were terribly wary of new people, but instead of being alarmed by Maggie's uncharacteristic clinginess, he savored it and held her tightly until she eventually started squirming. When Ed put her on the floor, she wasted no time crawling toward the hallway and the bedrooms. Caroline happily pursued her.

Sarah quickly introduced Patrick and poured drinks, assuming the alcohol would help break the ice. She'd expected the awkwardness. After all, her father had never made these types of encounters easy; however, Sarah was getting an apprehensive vibe even from Olivia which was strange. She typically countered her father's stern aura.

While Caroline shadowed Maggie, everyone else hung out around the island. Noah was perched on a barstool, and Wyatt sat in front of Brooke. She held him protectively with both arms as he played with a squeaky plastic giraffe.

"You and Brooke sure look like your Dad," Patrick said, making small talk.

"Yes we do, thank _gawwd_ ," Sarah replied, though her _thank gawwd_ was significantly less dramatic than usual. "And don't you think Maggie looks like me? I swear we're twins…just a couple of decades apart."

"Yeah she does," he agreed even though he'd barely had a chance to study Maggie's features.

Olivia looked back toward the hallway, "Ed, maybe we should get their things set up so Caroline doesn't feel like she has to chase her all day."

"Ah, let 'em go until one of 'em gets worn out."

To everyone else, Ed's reply was jokingly sarcastic, but Olivia heard the latent sharpness in his words and she moved closer to him so their bodies were touching. The contact immediately soothed him, and he kissed her cheek.

"Cap, Lieu, Patrick here's a plastic surgeon," Sonny jumped in, doing his part to ease the awkwardness.

"Really?" Olivia mused, "Wow…"

"Yeah, I'm at a clinic uptown."

"What kinda work do ya do?" Ed asked.

"A lot of botox," he replied with a grin, "But…you name it we do it…weight loss…"

"Boob jobs," Sarah interjected.

"Yeah," he admitted sheepishly, "Those, too."

Olivia and Brooke exchanged amused glances and eyed one another's chests, sharing a quick, silent joke.

"Eddie!" Caroline darted into the kitchen with Maggie in her arms. "I don't know how you keep up with this kid. She's into everything! Sare Bear, she tore apart that enormous stack of magazines under your nightstand."

Sarah grabbed Maggie, this time without a fuss, "Oh, small sister, were you perusing my fashion mags? Always important to stay informed on the latest styles!"

Patrick's face crinkled as he inquired about Maggie's nickname. "Small sister?"

Sarah gleefully regaled him about the day Noah was informed he was getting at least one new sibling. Patrick smiled, but not as genuinely as Ed would have expected. It was such a sweet story. Then again, these were his kids, his family, and maybe he'd gotten a bit soft.

Dinner went off without a hitch—with Caroline's assistance everything turned out perfectly, and nobody called Sarah on her purchased baked goods even though she did little to imply she'd actually made them from scratch. Noah gobbled his dinner hungrily and had two helpings of dessert. Ed and Olivia attributed his appetite to his lack of food the day before, and they weren't about to deny him extra sweets when he'd been such a trooper about his broken wrist.

Sonny took charge of clearing the table and Brooke and Sarah sorted through their game collection. Ed and Olivia took the twins to the guest bedroom to change diapers and clean them up a bit—feeding them without high chairs was challenging and messy. Neither Maggie nor Wyatt wanted to hold still and each time they tried to sit up, Ed and Olivia playfully knocked them back. It became a hilarious game for the twins and they erupted into their belly laughter which tired them out enough for their parents to get fresh diapers on them.

"We're heading out soon, right?" Ed asked in a hushed voice.

Olivia patted his face, "A couple of games maybe? And we should probably offer to take your mom home."

"Why?"

" _Ed_."

An innocent smirk crossed his face, "We have three car seats."

"True but _still_."

" _Still_ what?" He stepped toward her so their faces were an inch or two apart.

" _Still_ we should at least offer."

"If you say so." Ed uttered the statement in such a way that it was clear he didn't exactly care who was responsible for taking his mother home. He glanced quickly at the twins, and, seeing them safely in the middle of the bed, took the opportunity to kiss his wife. He playfully pecked at her a few times before threading his fingers through the hair on the back of her head and enjoying a brief yet passionate smooch.

Before they rejoined the family Olivia stopped at the mirror and fixed her ponytail.

"Sorry 'bout that." He tugged suggestively on her belt.

"No you're not."

"I like your hair like that."

"You mean the _I don't feel like doing anything with my hair_ look?

"Yep," he replied, "That's the one."

…..

Sonny and Brooke ended up driving Caroline back to Riverdale after the group played several games of Yahtzee. Sarah gleefully suggested they end the night playing _Cards Against Humanity_ , but Brooke immediately struck down that idea and then had to explain her reasoning to Ed, Olivia, and Caroline.

"It is not a game to play with your parents, your grandparents, or a kid," she scoffed.

Intrigued, Ed pressed for more details. "Well what is it?"

"Dad, look up the word _queefing_." Brooke spelled it for Ed.

Sarah giggled.

Caroline drained her gin-and-tonic and praised Noah for rolling so many large straights, ignoring everyone else.

Olivia read the definition over Ed's shoulder. "I thought I'd heard it all," she murmured and kissed her husband's reddening cheek.

"I don't get it," Ed muttered, "Is that really a thing?"

Brooke and Sarah both choked back laughter.

"It is, Captain," Sonny said, "We, uh, encountered that word when we played with my sisters."

"So you've just seen it on the card."

Now Sonny turned beet red. "Uh, yeah. Just on the card."

Laughing, Olivia fell against Ed's shoulder. "Maybe some night after the kids are in bed we'll play. Sounds like it could be…fun."

"Omigod."

Now back at home, Ed and Olivia readied the kids' things for the next morning—Noah's lunch and backpack, the twins' day care bag, and the early morning bottles. The twins would be a year old in May, and lately bottle prep brought about a small degree of melancholy, particularly in Ed, for the five a.m. feeding was almost solely his responsibility.

Nightly chores finished, Olivia sidled up to her husband and wrapped her arms around him. "So…whadja think of Patrick?"

"Boring."

"Phew," Olivia sighed, "Glad I wasn't the only one with that impression."

"I dunno," Ed said with a shrug, "Maybe he was nervous, meetin' all these people at once, but something wasn't quite right."

"Sarah's pretending," Olivia stated confidently.

"You think?"

"I think she's overcompensating for what she sees as the… _blunder_ …with Hillary."

Ed shifted so they were facing each other. He regarded his wife with a smirk, "If she shows up with a ring, I'm putting my foot down."

Olivia kissed him. "Okay.

He raised his eyebrows, expecting Olivia to want to unpack the nuances of the dinner a bit more. "Okay?"

She kissed him again. "Yes. Until then, stay out of it."

"You know she's gonna drag you _into_ it."

"I'll always be there for her and for Brooke," Olivia said, "But, in this case, I'll wait for Sarah to come to me."

"Good," Ed smiled at her and let his hands fall below her waist. "It was a good weekend."

"Yeah it was."

"How ya want to close it out?" He asked mischievously.

Olivia rubbed her hands all over his head and kissed him. Just in case her message wasn't received, she whispered, "I want you."

Ed smiled against her lips as she continued kissing him, and they gradually ambled their way to the bedroom. For the first time in a while, they were both free from distractions and exhaustion and able to purely and simply enjoy each other. Any concern they had about the state of their marriage during this hectic stretch faded away, and the next morning, everything seemed back on track.

…..

Olivia walked Noah to his classroom and stayed longer than usual to update his teachers on his injury. While he showed off his cast to his friends, Olivia explained the circumstances and his better-than-expected response to the pain and the visit to the emergency room. She also pointed out that even though he was right-handed, he seamlessly had been using his left hand to do everything from eat to draw during the weekend; however, she gently requested they be patient with him when the class practiced writing.

"Also," she added softly, "I don't think he fully realizes his wrist isn't one-hundred percent, so he occasionally puts weight on it without thinking. If you could just watch him a little more closely on the playground?"

His teachers smiled and nodded knowingly.

Olivia said goodbye to Noah and stopped in the nurse's office to drop off his ibuprofen. She filled out the necessary forms and checked "as needed" in the dosage column.

"I gave him some about an hour ago," Olivia told the nurse, "So he should be fine for this morning."

"We'll take good care of him," she replied sweetly.

"Thank you."

Right after Olivia signed the form, her phone rang. Rollins didn't bother with pleasantries.

"Lieutenant we're in pursuit of our Battery Park suspect—South End Avenue near Rector Park—" Carisi must have been driving because she barked some instructions his way, "Got a call about thirty minutes ago, the vic fought the guy off, he fled on foot."

"I'm on my way." Olivia rushed to car shouting instructions for road blocks and locking down schools and other buildings in the area. She sped downtown, hoping she would have good news for the public and for 1PP very soon.

She turned up the volume on the radio. The chase was now entirely on foot. The last sighting reported him sprinting south along the esplanade toward the harbor. Unis were closing in from all directions. Patrol boats were in the vicinity.

Olivia parked the cruiser as close as possible and hurried to the scene, dozens of end-game scenarios running through her head. Adrenaline supplanted the uneasy feeling in her gut as she ran. With nowhere to go, there was no telling with the perp would do.

….

Five blocks and seventy-five floors away from SVU's pursuit, Sarah sat at her desk facing the windows. She appeared to be deep in thought. She _wanted_ to be deep in thought. Hillary was due in her office any minute and Sarah was still on the fence about how to handle her troubled friend/employee.

Hillary looked surprisingly good for someone in the throes of a crisis. Her brown hair had grown out and fell in waves just past her shoulders. Her face had a pink, healthy glow. The only hint of distress were her distant, doleful brown eyes, and, of course, the fact that she was in New York and not in Buenos Aires.

"I appreciate you covering for me…with Brian."

Sarah nodded. She preemptively explained Hillary's presence as a response to an urgent family matter.

"Just remember…your parents live on Long Island, not in Nashville."

"Right."

"Are you going to sit?"

Hillary eyed the sofa and club chairs in the opposite corner, but Sarah made no move to leave her desk. She wanted to maintain some semblance of formality. Hillary sat in one of the stiff armchairs on the opposite side of Sarah's massive mahogany desk. It was a strange piece of furniture for an otherwise modern space—bulky, antique-looking, with intricate carvings and inlays. Hillary wondered if Sarah chose it on purpose, as if such a piece would instantly command respect. In a way, it worked. The image of Sarah seated there with the view of the city behind her was impressive, almost regal, and, for Hillary, slightly intimidating.

"First of all, I'm glad you're safe," Sarah began graciously but didn't waste time scolding her, "But simply leaving and not telling anyone where you were going is unacceptable."

Hillary remained silent. She knew this.

"And if you are planning to continue working here, your _work_ , is _there_. Until December."

This, too, was not news to Hillary. Contrite, she stared back at Sarah, waiting for whatever consequences were coming her way.

"I could send you back today, put a warning letter in your file, but what I really want to know, off the record, is _why_?" For a second, the old, familiar Sarah returned. The fun-loving, big-hearted, generous Sarah everyone, including Hillary loved.

Hillary picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her blazer and stared at her feet. "When…when we worked together, it was so much easier. The two of us…we were a team. All of the bullshit from the guys…you were so good at deflecting it, and…I can't do that on my own. It's not me."

Sarah narrowed her eyes suspecting there was more to this explanation, "What are you saying?"

Hillary took a deep breath. "In that office, well, it's different. More laid back. But still, the women there look five stars _all the time_ , so…I started dressing a little differently, not always in suits, wearing more makeup, so I felt like I fit in _somewhere_. And it helped—the women in the office invited me out, to their homes, and they didn't look at me like the American outsider who was too good for them."

"Uh-huh…well, that's good."

"It was, until this guy, not from our office, asked me out."

Sarah's heart sank. Deep down she knew there had to be more going on. Sure, Hillary was not as confident and headstrong as Sarah, but surely a bout of homesickness and loneliness was not enough to send her fleeing to Tennessee without a word.

No longer feeling need for a barrier between the two of them, Sarah stood up and waved Hillary over to the sofa. "C'mere," she said softly. "Get it all out."

….

The issue at hand in Tucker's latest case was New York's nuisance abatement law. Enacted in the 1970s and targeting the illicit activities in Times Square, the law allowed the police to completely shut down buildings deemed "nuisances" to neighborhoods. In recent years, the laws had been applied more liberally, and, in certain cases, forced people out of their homes and onto the streets for indefinite periods of time with no recourse to prove their innocence. Despite the City Council passing reform legislation, certain precincts remained under fire from advocacy groups. The most recent, and most scandalous, lawsuit was in the South Bronx where certain members of the NYPD were accused of receiving bribes for seizing properties and quickly slating them for auction without offering tenants compensation or due process. Even though the neighborhood was gentrifying slowly, it was no secret that enterprising real estate developers and unscrupulous property owners were looking to cash in on one of the few remaining low-rent areas near Manhattan.

Tucker was spending the week in neighborhood community centers interviewing affected citizens and cross-referencing their statements with police reports and officers' testimonies. He quickly surmised the police were in the wrong here, maybe criminally so, but he maintained a neutral façade, showed little emotion, and asked each person a uniform slate of questions. Since he introduced himself as an independent investigator, not a cop, the interviewees spilled a glut of information and retold horror stories of being escorted from their homes, sometimes in the middle of the night and forced to give up leases they'd held for years.

The final interview of the morning was with a middle-aged woman whose grandson had been in and out of prison for dealing drugs. She balanced a toddler on one knee and a baby about Maggie and Wyatt's age on the other.

"Their mama's at work," she explained before she sat down.

"I won't take much of your time, ma'am," Tucker answered, "I have three little ones of my own."

She raised her eyebrows, sizing him up. They were probably the same age, but they obviously led disparate lives.

Tucker went off script. "How old?"

The woman blinked at the friendly inquiry. "This one's three next week and this one's eleven months."

"My twins are almost eleven months."

Her armor began to crack and she broke into a hesitant smile, " _Twins_? Oh, honey, bless you. And you said you had three?"

"A five year old. And…if you want the entire picture, two in their twenties."

"Ah!" She was grinning broadly now, "Any grandbabies?"

"Not yet."

"I have two more—they're in the gym playin' ball. Both at the middle school down the street."

"My daughter taught there for a few years."

"She did?"

"Yeah, Brooke Tucker."

She peered at the business cards Tucker had laid out on the table. Most people ignored them.

"I knew that name sounded familiar!" She said, "Miss Tucker was one a my baby's teachers two years ago. I met her at Open House. He really liked her!"

Tucker and the woman chatted about Brooke, schools, and kids for several more minutes before switching to the more somber subject of the woman's eviction. It stemmed from her oldest grandson's legal problems and his gang involvement though she assured Tucker he never brought drugs into the home.

"Weapons?" He asked because he had to.

Her face fell. "If the NYPD wants to kick people out their homes for carryin' a weapon, half the apartments in the city'll be vacant."

He looked her in the eye. "I get it."

She nodded, apparently believing him. "So what's gonna come of all this anyway?"

"I assure you I'm not wasting your time. At the very least you'll get a hearing in front of a judge…" Tucker hesitated, searching for mollifying words without making unrealistic promises, "Your building, well, a lot of the same stories comin' out of your building—people like you giving their kids or grandkids a place to stay."

"What we supposed to do? Let 'em be on the street? In a shelter?"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for my family," Tucker answered sincerely, " _Nothing_. I'm truly sorry you're in this situation. Take this information," he handed her a page with names and phone numbers listed, "These are numbers for ACLU attorneys who are working cases like yours. For free."

Her momentary rage evaporated and her smile returned. She folded the paper and put it in her bag. When she stood, she let the toddler stand so she could shake his hand.

"Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome."

Tucker watched her weave her way through the chipped faux-wood tables, plastic chairs, and secondhand sofas. When she neared the gymnasium doors she shouted two names and in seconds her other grandsons appeared—skinny, almost as tall as she was, typical boisterous thirteen and fourteen-year-olds. One held a basketball and the other swooped the toddler into his arms and onto his shoulders, Ed's favorite way to tote Noah. He realized he hadn't asked where the family had been living for the past six months, and immediately felt guilty for the oversight.

If his findings helped people like this family, it justified the time away from his wife and kids. He glanced at his laptop and the growing stack of paperwork. Hopefully, there was enough incriminating evidence in there to combat the powers that be.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	5. Chapter 5

**Five.**

Noah and his classmates gathered on the large blue rug for their daily morning meeting. The teachers used this time to explain the agenda for the day and to reinforce rules and procedures. It was also a time for students to share news, either exciting or worrisome. On this particular day, Noah introduced his cast. He pointed out his family's signatures and invited everyone to write their own. The teacher promised that would happen before the end of the school day. He also explained how it happened, having an x-ray, and revealing his "Gamma Care-line" gave him a care package full of cookies and other sweets. His peers, of course, were extremely interested, but Noah pouted a little and announced his Mommy made him leave the bag at home.

"Thank you for sharing, Noah," the teacher said sweetly, "It sounds like you were a very brave boy."

"Uh-huh! That's what Mommy and Daddy say!"

A little girl seated next to Noah stuck her face in front of his and asked, "Did you cry?"

"Nope!"

"But it is okay to cry when we're hurt or we're sad," the teacher pointed out.

"Mommy put ice on it and telled—"

" _Told_."

"—told me s'okay and Daddy tak—took us to the hop-i-tal and the doctor fixed it!"

The teacher smiled at Noah. He was clearly one of the more mature and well-adjusted students in the room. Not only was he highly intelligent and keenly observant, but he had a dignified air about him and often seemed older than five.

"Your Mommy and Daddy love you very much, don't they Noah?"

"Yep! And they love my babies and Sare Bear and Brookey and Sonny!"

The teacher had met all of those people at one time or another and she nodded in agreement. "Okay. Who's next?" She asked.

Before the next child started speaking, Noah whispered to the girl who'd asked him if he cried. "Daddy put somea Gamma's cookies in my lunch today," he said conspiratorially. "I give you one."

…

Olivia checked in with the ESU Chief Gabriel who was set up at a makeshift command center at the edge of an adjacent park.

"He's holed up in one of the yachts," Gabriel reported, "We have the infrared cams arriving shortly. We'll smoke him out."

Olivia looked out over the marina and spotted her squad at various points, weapons drawn, ready to move on orders or in response to the perp. NYPD patrol boats loomed in the distance, and uniformed officers flooded the area, preventing public access to the scene. The eerie silence was interrupted by Chief Dodds' arrival.

"Whaddya we got?" he muttered.

"Our guy attacked another woman a few blocks from here," Olivia said, "But she fought him off, he fled, she called 911, and now we're here."

"We're sure?"

" _Yes_ ," Chief Gabriel muttered, annoyed, "We got him pinned in."

"Sure he's not in the water?"

"We woulda heard a splash, Dodds."

The Chief took a deep breath and followed Olivia's line of sight. He did a quick count. Fifteen large yachts, eleven smaller vessels, and the fleets used for tours which had just been returned to the water after winter hiatus.

"DROP THE GUN!"

The command came from Carisi who was on the far end of the southern pier. ESU tactical teams descended upon the area, but their movements were constrained by the narrow pier. Carisi's voice came through the radio. He gave the exact location of the perp, but reported he'd gone back inside the yacht.

Olivia had her finger on the radio's button and was seconds away from telling Carisi to stand down and let ESU takeover when a single shot rang out. Then another. And another. The perp was firing from inside the boat.

"We do NOT have eyes on the shooter," someone radioed. "I repeat, we CANNOT see the shooter."

Carisi had taken cover but also quietly made his way to where he had a vantage point overlooking the yacht's stern. He saw the man slowly emerge from below, this time, with a longer gun, some type of rifle. The man had his sights on the phalanx of law enforcement in front of him. He didn't see Carisi.

Sonny took aim and fired.

….

Sarah marched into SVU's squad room and directly into Olivia's office just as she had many times before. Today, though, she had serious things on her mind and, due to that preoccupation, she didn't pay any attention to the subdued atmosphere. Normally, officers and civilian workers milled about and the various conversations blended together in a mishmash of indecipherable cop banter. No one was at a desk because, Sarah soon discovered, they were all in with the Lieutenant. Everyone except Sonny.

"Sarah, hey," Olivia greeted her softly, "Now's not the best time."

Sarah may have had a bad habit of barging in unannounced, but she certainly wasn't stupid. Nobody made eye contact. Rollins and Fin exchanged glances. Detective Savage stared at the floor. "Oh. My. God. Is Sonny okay?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed and terrified.

Olivia offered a small smile. "He's fine. Guys, uh, give me a minute?" She ushered Sarah into an interview room. "What's up?"

"Are you _sure_ he's okay?"

"Yes, uh, we had an incident today. I can't talk about it right now, but I promise he's fine."

"Alright," Sarah said wondering if this was the first time Olivia lied to her. "Listen, I, um, I'm not here for nothing. I need your help. I think."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "What is it?"

"Hillary came clean. Told me the whole story. She was…harassed…sexually…and that's the real reason she ran away. One of the guys in the office took her out, she wasn't feeling it, she turned him down, and he kept bothering her…" Sarah rubbed her face with both hands, "She didn't _tell_ anyone…she didn't have anyone to tell, I guess…"

Olivia looked at Sarah with sympathetic eyes. "That's awful…was there…an assault?"

"No. Not that she told me about."

"Okay," Olivia replied calmly, "So, as her supervisor, you need to follow your firm's sexual harassment protocol. Do you…know where to find that?"

"I'm sure it's in a binder in my office."

"And Hillary probably needs to craft a written statement—of everything that happened, everything she told you, everything she may have told anyone in Argentina."

"Okay."

"You're sure there was no physical assault? No rape?"

"No, I'm not sure."

"Did you ask her?"

"No."

Olivia looked at Sarah sternly. " _Ask her_."

"Okay."

"Sare, I really have to get back to work. I'm sorry."

"No, no, no," Sarah waved her hands in the air, "I should've called you first but Hillary was so upset I told her to stay her ass in my office and lock the door and I came right down here. I think…I think I needed to get some space for myself. _Damn_. I…can't imagine."

"Predators know who to prey on," Olivia counseled. "Unfortunately, they are very good at that."

Sarah gathered her bag and buttoned her pea coat. "How can anyone know who to trust anymore?" She huffed.

Olivia didn't have an answer. She gave her a quick hug, kissed her head, and asked to be kept in the loop.

…..

Nobody paid any attention to Captain Tucker showing up on his old floor at IAB. It was like he'd never left. Same assistants. Same clerks. Same unis. Hell, even the same coffee maker in the break room that dated at least to the eighties. He ran into Cole in the hallway outside one of the interview rooms. They shook hands.

"I recused myself from this one," Cole said, "Just for Carisi's sake. Just in case."

"Sure, yeah, I expected that," Ed replied.

"But you certainly can't take his statement," Cole joked in his typical dry manner.

Tucker twisted his lips, "Yeah, yeah, of course…but…lemme listen in?"

"Tucker, he's got his PBA rep. Denzler's here. From what I heard, it was a clean shoot and he probably saved lives." Draper knew his former partner wasn't about to back off the request. "Okay. Listen in. But don't say anything. And…no one knows you're here until it's over."

"Fine."

For someone who'd been involved in a foot chase that extended a mile along the Hudson River, Carisi looked remarkably put together. His hair was perfectly combed back, his pants were still sharply creased, and his body language was relaxed. He leaned back in his chair and waited silently for an investigator Ed had never seen before to enter the room. Tucker crossed his arms and observed the familiar litany of questions.

A preliminary interview like this one, before an autopsy was conducted and the investigation concluded, never lasted very long. Carisi described the chase, cornering the perp on the yacht, the initial gunshots, and the man's emergence from the lower decks. From everything Ed heard, it was a good, clean shoot, just like Draper said. After he was dismissed, Cole swooped in and brought him in to see Ed.

"Captain?"

"Hey," Ed grasped Sonny's left shoulder, "Y'alright?"

"As good as can be expected. On desk duty until this is resolved."

"Shouldn't take long. They let ya keep the shield and weapon, right?"

"Yeah, well, they took the gun for processing."

"They'll issue you another one as soon as your bloodwork comes back."

"Yeah, had that done already."

"And ya gotta see the shrink."

"I know." Carisi cocked his head, "Cap, how'd you know?"

"Liv called me and asked me to meet ya here, but Cole didn't want me talking to you until after the interview."

Carisi smiled appreciatively. "Does Brooke know?"

"Nah…neither of us wanted to worry her at work since you weren't injured or anything." Ed rubbed his chin, "You want me to tell her?"

"No, no…I think," Carisi took and deep breath and his eyes darted around the barren room. There was a distance in them that Ed had never seen before. "I think I'll go home. Wait for her there. Or…she might be home already."

"Need a lift?"

"No, thanks…I think I'll walk." Sonny forced another smile and patted Ed's back as he walked out. Ed spun on his heel and watched him round a corner. Out of practice with such heavy days, he sighed and went to find Cole, hoping he'd want to sneak out early and have a drink.

…..

Olivia left work in time to pick up Noah. She listened to the teacher's report about his day—he was careful with the wrist on the playground and in the classroom, and he hadn't complained of any pain so no ibuprofen was given. He also adjusted well to using his left hand—his writing was a little more wobbly than usual and he took more time—but, overall, the teacher was impressed at how well he'd adapted, especially since the cast was new.

Outside, Noah skipped down the sidewalk and chattered away about his day, sharing the details of the broken wrist, writing and painting with his left hand, and, of course, having his cast signed.

"Look!" He held up his arm even though his coat was covering the cast.

"I'll see it in a few minutes, sweetie."

"Everrrbody signed it! It full!"

"That's so nice," Olivia replied, "And I'm proud of you for being so careful."

"Haveta be careful so it gets all better," Noah repeated what he'd been told countless times by his parents, and, today, by his teachers.

The wind whipped up and Noah put his face against Olivia's leg.

"Brrrr!" She said. The prospect of an early spring was looking dimmer and dimmer. It felt like January. "Sweetie, would you like to stop for a snack?"

"At da pub?"

"Ah, maybe not at the pub."

Noah put his arms around Olivia's leg and she was forced to stop walking. He smiled sweetly up at her and fluttered his long eyelashes. " _Pleeeease_ the pub?

She gave in easily. "Okay, sweetie. We're right there anyway."

"Yay!" Noah did a little dance and almost ran into a group of touristy-looking people.

"Sorry," Olivia murmured to their backs as they kept moving at a brisk pace. She grabbed Noah's good hand. "What are you going to order, Noah?"

"First I haveta read the menu!"

"Oh…yeah…that's right."

"THEN I order!"

"Okay." Olivia grinned down at her boy who was now clutching her hand firmly. He was still skipping but remained attached to his mother.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"We get the babies?"

"We'll get them after," she said, "I want some time with my big boy."

Once again, Noah pressed his head to her leg and murmured, "Like a date. Mommy Noah date." He giggled. "At da pub."

Olivia's body filled with warmth. Sure, she called Noah her big boy, but he would always be her baby. Her first baby. He changed everything for her, and every day since he found new ways to make her fall in love all over again.

….

"Shit," Ed muttered into his bourbon.

Cole raised his eyebrows.

"You mind if my daughter joins us? She's blowing up my phone."

Cole laughed. Tucker wasn't typically one for much modern slang. "Of course not. It'll be good to see her. Sarah, right?" He correctly assumed Brooke would be with Carisi.

"Yeah. Man…she's…you have two daughters so maybe you know…she's never stopped being a teenager."

"That's what I have to look forward to, huh?" Cole asked, stifling a laugh. "Cameron is graduating this year. Off to college in the fall. You mean to tell me it's not over?"

Tucker took a sip and scowled. "No, it is not."

"Damn. There should be a switch or something. You flip it and all of a sudden they're adults _and_ acting like adults."

This made Tucker laugh. He touched his glass to Cole's, "Amen to that." He signaled for another round and sat back, scanning the familiar confines of one of their regular haunts.

The flat screen televisions contrasted sharply with décor that hadn't changed in decades. Lampshades were yellowed from years of contact with cigarette smoke, the mirror behind the bar was hopelessly smudged and plastered with dollar bills and confiscated fake IDs. The enameled bar was chipped and burned in some places, and the swivel chairs creaked and crunched under the weight of the patrons.

Those patrons were mostly people who resembled Tucker and Draper—suited men who skipped out of work early and a few women who looked like they reluctantly tagged along to the narrow, dimly lit dive bar. In the back, where the space widened a bit, a group of twenty-somethings sat around a ratty wooden table playing cards and arguing about the jukebox. Everyone in the place looked like regulars. They belonged.

So when a tall, olive-skinned man dressed casually in tan khakis and a navy sweater came in and paused awkwardly in the doorway, everyone noticed. A few people even glared at him.

Chin raised, Patrick slowly turned his head back and forth, searching for a familiar face. Ed and Cole were at the far end of the bar, but he recognized Tucker's hair and moved toward them.

"Hey, uh, you're Ed, right?"

Tucker was immediately annoyed. Not only had Sarah failed to mention Patrick would be joining them, Patrick had just spent several hours with the family… _yesterday_. Why was he acting like he wasn't sure Ed was actually Ed? And, _he called him Ed_. Sonny couldn't even bring himself to use his father-in-law's first name and this new guy took it upon himself to put the two of them on a first-name basis?

Smirking, Cole waited for Tucker's response.

"Have too much to drink yesterday?" There was a bite to Tucker's joke.

In better lighting, Patrick's reddening cheeks would've been more noticeable. He smiled sheepishly. "Good one."

"What are you drinking?" Cole asked.

Patrick eyed their bourbons, "That looks good."

Ed looked in the opposite direction so Patrick couldn't see him roll his eyes. He quickly turned back and asked about Sarah.

"She's almost here," Patrick said, looking at his phone. She got caught up right as she was leaving.

Ed grunted. Cole, feeling bad for Patrick, continued the small talk. Asked about his job. Joked that he would maybe seek him out for a discount on Botox when his face started sagging. He was just about to pry into Patrick's formative years when Sarah finally showed up. She bear-hugged Cole, kissed her Dad on the cheek, and put her arm around Patrick's waist.

"Thanks for taking care of him! Sorry I'm late. _People_."

"People, huh?" Ed muttered.

"Yes, Daddy. People. People cannot figure things out for themselves. Anyway. I'm done working and talking about work for today. Sir?" She waved frantically at the bartender, "Sir, I'll have, um, shit, well, I'll have whatever they're having."

The bartender laughed, nodded, and turned to pour yet another bourbon.

"What's so funny?" Sarah asked.

" _Harry Met Sally_ ," Ed answered. "I'll have what she's having?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about."

"Watch the movie and you'll get it."

Sarah programmed a reminder in her phone. "We'll watch it this week!" She grabbed her bourbon and gulped it like it was a beer. "Ugh. _Gawwwd_. That's awful."

"They have other things to drink, babe," Patrick said, "Want me to get you something else?"

"Yes. Please. Vodka tonic. With a zillion lemons and limes. Gawwwd you guys I don't know how you can stand that stuff."

"Liv likes it," Ed said smugly.

Cole grinned. Just saying his wife's name made Tucker's cheeks flush and his eyes brighten. "You get her started on it?"

"I did. First time I ever bought her a drink…that's what it was."

Sarah leaned into Patrick and gushed, " _Daaaaadddy_ you kill us with these memories. Kill. Us."

"I'm just talking about buying her a drink."

"Yeah but the way you talk about it is so cute."

"Yeah Tucker," Cole jested, "It's cute."

Tucker weathered the teasing good-naturedly. He checked the time and sent a text to Olivia. He wanted her to join them, but he knew she was with Noah. Nevertheless, he wanted contact with her, even if it was merely a quick text to say hello.

 _Thinking of ya. I'll cook tonight. Whatcha in the mood for?_

Her one-word reply sent chills up and down his spine.

 _You_.

Tucker smiled at the phone and tried to come up with a witty, sexy reply. He settled for honesty.

 _You're absolutely killing me, Lieutenant_.

She sent a simple heart in response.

Cole and Patrick found common ground talking about the Knicks, and the rest of their time together was spent discussing New York sports. Patrick's office had season tickets to everything but baseball and he extended a standing offer to Cole and Ed.

"Just let me know when you want to use them. Knicks get scooped up quickly, but everything else is usually available."

Ed saw the offer only as Patrick's attempt to ingratiate himself with Sarah's family and was irritated he also dragged Cole into the ploy. Using the twins as his excuse, he quickly finished his drink, paid the entire tab, and he and Cole left Sarah and Patrick at the bar. On the street, the former partners shook hands.

"So Carisi'll be cleared quickly," Cole said, "Barring anything weird with the autopsy or the cams."

"Thanks for your help," Ed replied. "Good seein' ya."

"Yeah…and nice meeting, uh, the boyfriend."

Ed didn't bother hiding this eye roll. "Never a dull moment with her."

"Gotta love her though."

"That's exactly it," Ed replied, smiling wistfully, "No matter what, there's something about her…"

Cole gave Ed's shoulder a collegial slap, "And you have one more daughter!"

Ed pictured sweet Maggie—her sandy brown hair, her delicate face, her bright blue eyes, her feisty nature. "One thing I know for sure about her's that she's not gonna take any shit from anyone."

Cole nodded. "I wouldn't expect anything less from a Tucker kid."

…..

Olivia handed the check and her credit card to Josh-the-waiter. The remnants of their snack—potato skins and lettuce wraps—had been cleared and Noah sipped the rest of his Shirley Temple. As Olivia filled out the tip section and signed the receipt, Noah looked on with interest.

"Daddy always give the card," he said.

"What, sweetheart?"

"Daddy always give the card," Noah repeated.

"Oh, well, yes, when we're all together Daddy does pay doesn't he?"

"Uh-huh! I have a card?"

"Not yet sweetie," she said, "The cards are for adults like Mommy and Daddy and the sisters."

"I have money in my wallet but Daddy say I haveta save it."

"That's right," she simpered at her sweet son as he peered at her over the edge of his glass. "It's good to save your money when you're young so you have a lot of it when you're older!"

"Cause Mommy and Daddy buy all my stuff!"

"Yep."

While Noah finished his drink and munched on one of the three cherries Josh generously included, Olivia sifted through his backpack. His lunchbox was partially open, the zipper was stuck, so she took it out and fixed it.

"Good job, Mommy!"

"Thanks sweetie," She noticed he'd only eaten half of his sandwich and a few of his carrots. The chips were entirely gone, but he'd left the empty bag. There was another plastic bag, empty save for a few crumbs.

"Hmmm," Olivia said, "How many cookies did Daddy give you?"

"Two."

"So _that's_ why you didn't eat your carrots," she teased.

"I gave one to Mia."

Olivia was pleased Noah used _gave_ instead of _gived_ ; while his teachers insisted his speech was no longer a cause for concern, she had been getting slightly worried that he still made frequent mistakes with the past tense and she'd been making it a point lately to correct him. However, she was also intrigued about this Mia person who had been the lucky recipient of the extra cookie.

"Who's Mia, sweet boy?"

He examined his cast, found her name, and pointed it out, "She's right here. She's my friend."

"Oh. You've never talked about her before."

Noah shrugged. "She liked my cast. She telled—"

"Told."

"—told the other kids to BE CAREFUL when we were playin."

"That's so nice."

"Uh-huh! And she held the paints for me when we did art."

"Well that's really nice," Olivia cooed, "Maybe we can have her over to play sometime?"

" _Mommmmyyyy_ ," Noah droned, "Mia doesn't play trains and cars! She's a girl!"

"She might like to play trains and cars," Olivia said, "You never know. Maggie likes her pink train, and she's a girl. _And_ …Maggie plays with your big cars."

"Oh yeaaaaah," Noah said slowly, acknowledging his mother's point. "I ask her if she wantsa come over an' play."

"Good."

"She prolly wantsa play with Maggie, too."

"Just Maggie? Not Wyatt?"

Noah folded his hands in front of him. "Maggie always has pink! Mia has _lotsa_ pink!"

Olivia laughed. "You think we should give Maggie some different colors to wear?"

"No," Noah replied without a second thought, "Small sister _looooooves_ her pink!"

…..

When Noah told Ed about Mia over dinner that night, a mischievous twinkle formed in Ed's eyes. When he was informed the little girl might possibly come over to play sometime, Ed grinned and immediately started planning what sounded, to Olivia, a lot like a date.

"We'll make some lunch and you two can eat it at your table by the window," he suggested, "And we'll make sure to have Grandma make more of those cookies. Or…maybe we could make them ourselves? Mia might like that."

"She's five, Ed," Olivia murmured.

Ed ignored his wife, "We can make some Shirley Temples, too, and use the big cherries."

Noah was all in. "Yes!" He exclaimed. "Good idea, Daddy!"

"If we order pizza," Ed coached, "I'll give you the money and you pay. The man should always pay."

Noah was paying serious attention. "Okay….You give the card."

"Yes," Ed replied, smiling, "Daddy _always_ gives the card."

"Daddy, I need a card."

Olivia picked up Maggie for a snuggle before cleaning her up, "Oh boy."

"We'll getcha a card, bud," Ed assured his son. "Don't you worry about that."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**.

Ed heaved himself onto the bed and landed on his back, jostling Olivia in the process. She put her phone on the nightstand and snuggled up to him. She slid her hand under his white t-shirt and lightly scratched his chest. He groaned in response and took a deep breath into her hair.

"Did our stubborn daughter finally fall asleep?"

"She's fighting it," Ed replied.

Olivia could hear the amusement in his voice. "And Wyatt?"

"Guess."

"Sound asleep."

"Yep. Didn't move. Maggie's still in there talking-starin' at the mobile and making noises."

"At least she calmed down." For whatever reason, Maggie had been extra fussy earlier and cried when Ed first tried to put her down for the night. He gave in and bounced her around the living room while Olivia went through the bedtime routine with Noah.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Damn…long fucking day."

Olivia massaged his chest more assertively. "How'd it go this morning?"

"Mostly positive. I—mmmmm that feels good—I just feel so bad for some of these people…mostly women, grandmothers, trying to make things right for their families."

"So sad."

"It is. Oh, and, one of the women was the grandmother of Brooke's former student. We talked for a while, nice lady, hope she follows through with the ACLU and the lawyers."

"I was wondering if you would run into anyone who knew her." Olivia adjusted her position so she had a better angle to work at Ed's pecs. "How do you think this is going to end up?"

"Unfortunately, I think most of these people are screwed. The ones who didn't get a chance to see a judge will at least get that, but, technically, almost everyone admitted to some violation of the nuisance laws."

Olivia lifted her head and kissed his chin. "Sorry sweetie."

"But _you_ …squad alright after today?"

"They're fine…did…Carisi seem okay? He called me after he left IAB but I couldn't get a good read on him."

Ed made a figure eight pattern on Olivia's back. "Legally, he's fine. But he seemed like he was maybe still in shock."

"When I talk to him next I'm going to recommend he see the shrink more than just once."

"Good idea…those things take time to process and deal with."

"Thank you for being there."

"Of course."

Olivia didn't want to dwell on the day's ugliness, so she teased Ed a little more about Noah's "date."

"I hope Mia's parents approve her coming over here," she said, "You'll be so disappointed."

Ed chuckled a bit, "You think they'd worry about her coming to the home of two cops?"

"Probably not."

"I just want Noah to…really understand…how to treat people, _particularly_ women."

"I love that about you." Olivia tickled his side, and her fingers drifted inside the waistband of Ed's sweatpants. "I… _love you_."

"I love you, baby." Ed rocked his hips into her hand and gasped a little.

"I know it was a long day," Olivia intoned seductively, "But…can I convince you to maybe stay awake a little longer?"

Ed grabbed a handful of brown hair, tilted her head back, and kissed her firmly. "I'll stay awake as long as you want." He maneuvered them so they were on their sides. They kissed. Whispered to one another. Gradually stripped off their clothing until they were naked and in each other's arms.

Ed momentarily held her at arm's length. "You are so fucking beautiful."

Olivia looked him up and down. "You're not so bad yourself…you're…" She kissed his neck and nibbled at his earlobe, "So…so…sexy." She switched to the other ear, "And all mine."

He managed a quick smirk before her lips were on his again. He was dying, aching to be inside of her, but he wanted to prolong their amorous evening. He wanted to kiss every inch of her, taste her, and even when she hissed _I want you_ he continued the foreplay until Olivia finally dug her nails into his shoulders and pulled him close so her lips were on his when she rasped, "Fuck me _now_."

The lovemaking was slow and sensual. As much as they could they fixed their eyes on each other. Their lips curled into little sly smiles. Ed boldly tried a few different motions, experimented with both shallow and deep thrusts, and Olivia's sounds only encouraged him. Right before she came she let loose a piercing shriek without bothering to cover her face with a pillow or bury it in Ed's neck.

"Oh my… _fuck_ ," she gasped.

"Like that?" His blue eyes twinkled. He was clearly proud of himself.

"Yes," she croaked. Just the thought of what had just happened had her worked up again. "What…where did _that_ come from?"

"Was flippin' through one of Sarah's magazines when we were over there yesterday. I was a little nervous to actually do it."

"A magazine, huh?" She purred, "Which one?"

"I dunno. A girl one."

Olivia laughed, "Well, if it's in a magazine intended for women, shouldn't I get a look at it too?"

"I have the page," Ed said. He kissed her and gently bit her lower lip. "Tore it out when no one was paying attention."

"You tore out a magazine page and nobody noticed?"

"Nah," he replied in his super-cocky voice, "Everybody was watchin' the twins."

" _Hmmmm_ ," Olivia murmured, "Let me see it." Ed went to get up, but Olivia stopped him. "Where are you going?"

"It's in my coat pocket."

"Then never mind," she said, "I'll read it later."

"You sure?"

"Yes," Olivia rolled over so she was partially draped across his body. "We can do more studying later. Right now…" she kissed him passionately, "I don't want you anywhere else but here."

"That all ya want?"

She grinned. "If you want to practice those moves again, I won't complain."

….

The next morning at the Carisi loft, Brooke and Sonny got ready for work. On the surface, nothing seemed different. Sonny woke up early and made coffee. Brooke showered and sipped hers while she dabbed on her light makeup layers. The local news played from their bedroom flat screen. As usual, Sonny offered to make breakfast, but Brooke typically ate a granola bar from her desk stash when she got to school. On this particular morning she didn't feel like eating anyway. She had a nervous stomach and was worried about her husband. After telling her about the shooting, he completely clammed up and spent the rest of the evening brooding on the sofa. The first thing on his agenda today was a visit to the department's shrink, and Brooke hoped the doctor could help him sort out his feelings even though he wasn't yet willing to talk about them yet.

Brooke kissed him goodbye and took a few extra seconds to hug him tightly. "I love you," she whispered as she held him to her.

"I'll be fine," he replied. He leaned back and played a little with her hair, "And I love you."

"See you tonight."

"Yeah."

Brooke spent her brief subway ride uptown analyzing and agonizing over her husband's body language. He had stiffened at her touch. Instead of immediately returning the _I love you_ he said he'd be fine as if he hadn't heard the phrase correctly. Even when he smiled and kissed her, she could tell he was merely going through the motions. He was physically there, but mentally, he was somewhere else.

Preoccupied with these ruminations, she approached her school's front doors. It was early but a few students milled around outside and one or two of them said hello. She was still new and didn't yet enjoy the notoriety she'd earned at her last school, something she missed dearly. This job and these students were easier to teach, but the atmosphere was different—less family-oriented and more data-driven.

"Miss Tucker!"

The greeting didn't come from the immediate vicinity. It came from the opposite corner where a young man had just crossed the avenue and was rushing down the block. Brooke squinted. Obviously the kid was a former student, but she had to visualize a reverse age-progression to determine his name.

He approached with his arms open and a smile that wasn't exactly friendly. "It's Kyle! Kyle Mason? From sixth grade?"

"Oh yeah," Brooke grinned and gave him a quick hug.

She stepped closer to the curb. A mailbox and a skinny oak tree separated them from the other students who looked on curiously at the teenager who clearly wasn't from their neighborhood.

"How are you?"

Kyle fidgeted, almost like he was dancing, gripped the gold medallion handing from his neck, and yanked on his pants. "I'm a'ight."

Brooke did a quick calculation. "So…you're a freshman now, right?"

"Yup."

"Where?"

"Mott Hall," he replied. Sensing what his former teacher was getting at, he added, "Have the day off today."

He was obviously lying, and the uneasy feeling returned to Brooke's stomach. Something weird was going on here. She studied Kyle carefully—big, bulky clothing, no backpack, jittery—he could easily have a weapon hidden under those layers, but why would he have a reason to come all the way here to hurt her? She remembered him as a mild-mannered, big-hearted kid. Then again, his neighborhood often swallowed up boys like him and spit them out as violent, hardened young men.

"Well, it's good to see you, but I really have to—"

"Why'd you leave the Bronx?"

"Hmmm?" She heard him clearly, but his question stung. Part of the reason she had been reluctant to change schools was that she felt like she was abandoning kids who needed her most.

He repeated the question.

"I moved and got married," she said, conflating the actual events, "This school is closer to home."

"Ah," he rubbed his chin as if he had facial hair.

"I really have to—"

"We got kicked outta our apartment," he blurted out in a shaky voice. "But you knew that didn'tcha?"

Brooke screwed up her face. "I'm so sorry, Kyle…but how would I know that?"

"When I was in your class I…we wrote a lot…and I wrote about my cousin and my brother…"

Brooke nodded. Kyle often wrote poetry and essays about his troubled older relatives who were deeply involved in the neighborhood's gangs.

"And your Daddy's a cop."

"Retired cop," Brooke clarified.

Kyle was glaring at her now with every ounce of adolescent angst he could muster. The kid was fourteen, maybe fifteen, and he'd had a hard road. Nevertheless, here he was, about a hundred blocks from home, intent on avenging a wrong done to his family by making a plausible but entirely false accusation.

"You think I turned you in."

Kyle balled his fists at his sides, but there were tears in his eyes.

"I promise you that didn't happen," Brooke said softly.

"You the only person I ever told that stuff to! How else would the police know?"

"Kyle," Brooke dared to step closer to him. "Breathe," she commanded as she used to do when he or one of his equally angry peers would succumb to a fit of rage in her former classroom. "Close your eyes and breathe."

His chest puffed out as he took a few deep breaths.

"Kyle my Dad was in Manhattan…he investigated cops when they broke the law…I'm not sure exactly what happened up there, but I guarantee you it happened for some other reason. I never told anyone about what you wrote or what you told me." She dared to grab his arm at the elbow, "You and I both know your brother and cousin have been into some bad stuff. The cops in the Bronx know that too."

Tears started running down Kyle's cheeks.

"We're staying with my Grandma's sister…in this little ass apartment… _twelve_ of us."

"Kyle, I'm so sorry."

"S'only a matter of time," he said, "Before the landlord finds out we all livin' there, then where we gonna go?"

Brooke's heart snapped in two, but she was needed in her classroom very soon. "Kyle…go to school, okay? I'm going to give you my number—"

"Ain't gotta phone."

"Okay," Behind them students were filing into the building. Brooke had to go. "Meet me here after school. _Go to school_. We'll get something to eat and talk."

"A'ight."

He turned to walk back to the subway entrance but Brooke had one more question.

"Kyle…how'd you…why did you think I had something to do with this?"

"Your Daddy met my Grandma," he mumbled, "Yesterday at the center…"

Brooke didn't have all the details of Ed's latest assignment, but she was familiar enough with the controversial laws and evictions. "He's trying to help," she assured. "Please trust me on that one. He's one of the good guys."

Kyle merely shrugged, nodded, and walked away.

Brooke was sincere in her offer to meet him later that afternoon, but she wasn't confident she would ever see Kyle again.

…..

Sarah told Hillary to stay home and write her statement of what occurred in Argentina so Sarah could move forward with the harassment complaint. She carefully read her firm's policy, vowing not to make a mistake or forget something in this crucial initial stage. The only thing bothering her was Hillary's decision to pack up and leave which technically was unrelated but she worried would be held against her somehow. She called Olivia again that morning and expressed this particular concern. Olivia agreed it could be problematic, but she also emphasized it had nothing to do with the actual harassment.

"People respond in different ways," Olivia explained, "And, I suppose, if Hillary had to defend herself on that point, she could argue that the people in the Buenos Aires office did nothing when she came to them with the initial complaint."

On her lunch break Sarah went to Hillary's apartment. She answered the door wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. Her hair was in a ponytail and she wore her glasses instead of the regular contacts. Overall, she looked tired, weary, like a boxer who'd just went twelve rounds with a tenacious opponent. Only, Hillary's cuts and bruises weren't visible and they probably wouldn't heal as easily.

"I brought you some food," Sarah held up a small takeout bag. "Banh Mi."

"Thanks." Hillary put the bag on the coffee table and flopped back on the couch among her throw blankets and open laptop. "I'm almost done…"

"I'm here to bring you food and keep you company for a bit," Sarah said. "No rush. Take your time."

Sarah's kindness helped Hillary relax. She was close to acting like the old Sarah again. "I'm so nervous." Hillary's voice was barely audible and Sarah had to lean forward to hear her. "After this, what happens? Ben and Josh are going to know I threw them under the bus."

Sarah recoiled as if Hillary had just punched her in the face. "Ben and Josh need to face the consequences of their actions, _er_ , their _inactions_. You are not the one in trouble here. You get that right?"

"How am I supposed to work with them from now on?'

"You may not have to. They could be fired. Transferred. And if not, there are laws against retaliation."

"There was a policy to investigate what I told them. And they ignored it. Why wouldn't they ignore a warning against retaliating?"

"Because they'd be in even more trouble. _Worse trouble_. So…please…be honest and don't hold anything back. And don't worry. They're in Argentina anyway."

"Not forever."

Sarah groaned and wondered if Hillary was going to counter every statement she made. She thought maybe she should get up and sit next to Hillary, give her a hug, but she didn't want any of that to be misconstrued. In Sarah's mind, she was at the apartment as a friend and colleague. Nothing more.

"Is what you told me everything that happened?" Sarah asked softly.

"Yes."

"The guy wouldn't leave you alone, made the comments, sent you the texts…that's it?"

"Yes."

"And Ben and Josh told you to deal with it."

"They said they'd talk to him. But it continued. It got worse. That's when I left."

"Okay," Sarah mumbled, nearly in tears herself. She wished she could fully comprehend how Hillary felt then and now, but it was impossible. Nothing even remotely close to this had happened to her, and she liked to think that if it had, she would've responded differently, handled the men herself, but now she wasn't so sure.

"I'm going to go," she said. "Email me when you finish. And _please_ don't forget to eat."

"I won't."

Before Sarah closed the door behind her, she stuck her head back in the apartment. "Call me if you need to talk. You're not alone, okay?"

Hillary pressed her lips together, trying to smile, and her eyes glistened with yet-to-be shed tears.

…..

Ed waited for Noah outside of his classroom with other parents and caregivers. The usual group of middle-aged nanny friends chatted loudly with one another near the main doors. Another set of babysitters, younger ones, huddled closer to Ed. The after school attendant waited to escort the seven or so kids who stayed on campus until five or six. She smiled and waved at Ed. There were a handful of other people minding their own business, leaning against the walls, and paging through their phones. On a typical day Ed was one of those people. Even when he had no emails to read or messages to answer, he pretended he was immersed in important business so he wasn't targeted for small talk. Today, however, he surreptitiously scanned the unfamiliar faces and wondered if any of them were Mia's parents.

The children soon filed out in small groups. Noah was almost always one of the last ones to emerge—there was always something he needed to finish, or check on, or put away—and he took time to make sure everything he needed for the evening or weekend was securely in the shark backpack. Sure enough, today was no different. He walked out just ahead of his teacher.

With a little girl at his side.

She was about his height with dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She wore a black shirt, pink pants, and black-and-white Adidas sneakers. Ed smiled. She looked like a cool little girl.

Ed approached them. "Hey pal."

"Hi Daddy!" Noah said brightly. He turned to the girl, "This my Daddy!"

"Hi there."

Before she could reply, someone called "Mia" and her head jerked in the direction of the voice. A man came up to them. He was breathing heavily and looked relieved. "Hey sweetie." He gave her a hug then offered his hand to Ed. "How ya doing?"

"Good," Ed replied, surprised by the hearty handshake. "I'm, ah, Ed Tucker…not sure we've met before. I'm Noah's Dad."

"Tony Bianchi. Nice to meet you," he was still trying to catch his breath, "I don't pick Mia up very often," he admitted ruefully, "but my wife's away and our nanny's off for a couple weeks to study for mid-terms, and…" he grinned, "you probably don't care."

Ed returned his friendly smile. He immediately liked the guy's genuine, almost self-deprecating nature. "Ah, I understand. We've been runnin' around like crazy lately, too."

The men glanced down at Noah and Mia who had resumed their conversation.

"So this is the Noah we've been hearing about," Tony crouched down as much as he could—his trousers taut against his beefy legs. "How's that wrist?"

Ed knew Olivia would give him a playful swat if she knew how much he loved hearing Mia was talking about Noah at home.

"Pretty good," Noah said. "Getting' kinda itchy."

"Yeah, that happens."

"We'll getcha home and fix it up bud." Ed turned to Tony, "Apparently they don't want ya to stick a pen in there and scratch anymore."

" _What_?" Tony seemed truly stunned.

"Nope," Ed said with a shrug, "Best fix is a cool hair dryer."

"That's crazy."

"I know. I'd do it anyway, but I don't want him trying it on his own…so we'll follow the rules."

"Probably for the best."

"Yeah. Hey, listen, Noah mentioned he'd like to have Mia over to play sometime. We're free for the next couple of weekends if ya wanna set something up." Ed had never arranged a play date before, so he had no clue how to go about asking. He hoped his offer didn't sound weird. Things were so much different compared to when Sarah and Brooke were this age.

"That'd be great," Tony replied. The four of them started meandering toward the exit. "Mia, you want to go to Noah's house sometime?"

"Yeah Daddy! And I want to bring my scooter! Noah has a scooter. We're gonna race."

"You can bring the scooter," Tony said, "But Noah probably isn't supposed to race when he's in his cast."

Ed mussed Noah's hair, "You can still ride the scooter bud. We'll just promise Mommy we won't race."

"Kay," Noah murmured, clearly disappointed but he perked up quickly, "Mia come tomorrow?"

"How 'bout Saturday?" Ed suggested. "Weekends are better than after school."

Tony and Ed exchanged numbers and addresses. They set a time, eleven a.m., and Tony promised to reciprocate and have Noah over at some point in the following weeks.

On the way home Ed told Noah he should start thinking about what they should have for lunch, snacks, and what to do in case they couldn't ride the scooters outside. Noah rattled off several ideas before saying with wide eyes, "And you know _what_?"

" _What_?"

"I ask Mia if she likes trains…AND SHE DOES!"

"That's great, bud. What color train are you gonna give her?" Noah had very specific color assignments for each member of the family.

"She can be red."

Ed's heart swelled. That was Noah's color. It would be the first time he allowed someone other than him to operate that particular locomotive.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**.

The trouble with being empathic, at least for Olivia, was she had trouble walking back that intense concern, and it had the potential to be all-consuming, especially when mundane paperwork consumed most of her days. As expected, Carisi was quickly exonerated. Not only that, the newspapers lauded him as New York's latest hero. Local television and radio stations called incessantly. Everyone wanted to talk to the young, handsome detective who saved the city from a vicious predator. Outwardly, Sonny handled the attention as if he'd been exposed to it his entire life. He politely declined interviews. He gave reporters terse yet polite statements. Four days after the shooting, Sonny declared he was ready for regular duty and inserted himself back into the rotation. Olivia observed all of this with a great deal of skepticism, but she avoided doling out unsolicited advice. The day Carisi returned she spoke to him behind closed doors, asked if he needed anything, offered to listen if he wanted to talk, and nodded when he adamantly insisted he was fine.

"I did what I had to do, Lieu," he said impassively. "Any cop woulda done the same thing. No brainer."

Olivia reluctantly let the conclusion stand. But that didn't mean it satisfied her. Complicating matters was the increasingly blurred line between their personal and professional lives. Olivia had to treat him like any other member of the squad, but she loved him like a son. She was tempted to seek out Chief Dodds for advice.

Instead, she called Doctor Lindstrom.

He greeted his infrequent patient with an uncharacteristic hug and motioned for her to have a seat. He asked about her family and she proudly showed off photographs of Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Lindstrom noticed the cast and Olivia boasted of Noah's bravery and his successful quest to completely fill his cast with signatures.

"It sounds like you and Ed have your hands full," Lindstrom remarked blithely.

"We do…but we're so happy."

Lindstrom raised his eyebrows.

 _So why are you here?_

"I'm sure you heard about the officer-involved shooting earlier this week."

"I did. It's in every paper. On every channel."

"Carisi, he's one of mine, and he's also Brooke's husband…I don't think we've spoken since they got married."

"No," Lindstrom was very familiar with Brooke and Sarah anecdotes, but he estimated it had been nearly a year since he'd seen Olivia.

"Well…he's family. _Twice_. A squad member and a family member. And I'm worried about him—he was cleared quickly, came back to work and dove right in…too easily," Olivia talked with her hands and rambled, "I want to talk to him, _counsel him_ , taking someone's life…even when it was justified, even when it was doing a public service…it rocks you to the core, in a way it's devastating, and I don't want him to bury those feelings."

"Because you've buried them."

"Right," Olivia replied in a whisper. "So I don't know if I'm projecting my own experience onto him or if I'm trying to use this as an opportunity for the older, wiser Lieutenant Benson to talk to the younger Detective Benson…"

"Olivia, part of being a leader is cultivating your own experiences and the lessons you learned into wisdom and advice for the people in your charge. You had people in the department who you looked up to, who you listened to. Did they always wait for you to come to them before giving advice?"

"No."

"That's because we don't always know how or when to ask for help. It's human nature to want to solve things ourselves. _As you know_." Lindstrom emphasized with a glint in his eye, "And your former Captain and others who helped you along the way, unsolicited, did so because they recognized a need you couldn't see. And now you're in their position."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Olivia absorbed his words.

"And the other part of this," she continued, "Is there's such a contrast in my life, in the _spheres_ of my life. This morning- Maggie and Wyatt pulled themselves up on the coffee table—and my sweet Noah is right there, coaching them, trying to get them to walk, and Ed and I were watching all of this from the kitchen, drinking coffee, everything so sweet and perfect and _normal_. And my job is so glaringly opposite."

"And that makes you feel guilty?"

"At times like this, when someone close is having a hard time, yes."

"Which is why you should have the talk you want to have with Carisi. Most of that guilt is rooted in what you haven't said. It isn't because you're happy and he's not. And you cannot feel guilty that it was him rather than you who fired the shot." Lindstrom's eyes drilled into her as they did whenever he was going for maximum emphasis. "Carisi won't resent you for saying what you have to say, but _you_ will resent yourself if you keep quiet."

…..

With the twins entranced by animated music videos, Ed hurried Olivia out of her work clothes, and led her to the kitchen where he poured a glass of wine but kissed her before she could take a sip. They made out like teenagers in the midst of unconventional but oddly romantic background noise- the bloopity-bloop from the speakers and the twins' corresponding shrieks and babbles as they tried to sing along.

Olivia smiled as Ed backed her into the corner created by the refrigerator and the island countertop; he loved the space because to someone sitting on the sofa and facing the television, they remained unseen, convenient for when the prying eyes of Sarah, Brooke, Caroline, or Sonny were around. Actually, the _prying_ eyes were Sarah's and Caroline's; poor Brooke and Sonny always unintentionally witnessed the PDA.

Ed lowered his head to Olivia's neck and sucked gently, not enough to leave a mark but definitely enough for her to moan softly in response.

"Number 5 and 11 tonight," he rasped, making his way from her neck to her ear, and finally along her jawline.

Olivia was already too worked up for the circumstances and mention of the pilfered Cosmopolitan article did not help.

Nearby, Olivia's phone vibrated.

"That's probably Brooke," Olivia whispered, "Back with Noah."

"At least a minute til they get up here."

Ed's lips were on hers again and remained there, kissing her powerfully, until they heard two quick knocks on the door and a faint, "Mommy?"

Maggie and Wyatt zoomed down the corridor, their keen ears picking up on the sound of their brother's voice and peeling them away from the music. Maggie had pulled herself up to a standing position against the wall and Wyatt was sitting among the shoes when Ed went to open the door.

"Sorry," Brooke said immediately, "Sonny left with my keys this morning."

"No problem," Ed gave Brooke a kiss on the side of her head and stepped aside. "C'mon inside."

Brooke hung her bag and jacket on the coat rack and grabbed Wyatt. Noah was already divested of his backpack and outerwear, and was holding Maggie's arms as she took tentative steps back to the living room.

Olivia had scurried to freshen up and emerged as everyone was convening around the island. She eyed the spot where, minutes earlier, she'd been pinned. Ed caught her, smirked, and Olivia felt her cheeks flush all over again.

 _Kids. Focus on the kids_.

"Thanks for taking him today, Brooke," Olivia said.

"You're welcome. We need to get back on track with our Thursday dates. It seems like every time we have something going on after school, the PTA or whoever picks a Thursday."

"Probably the best day, huh?" Ed speculated. "If ya have to stay late you only have Friday to deal with?"

"I think that's the idea. _Still_. I miss my pizza buddy." Brooke whipped out her phone and showed everyone a selfie. "We're a little late…because we went to Grimaldi's and then walked the bridge back."

Noah jumped and pointed to the picture. "See that? We were up HIGH on da bridge! Could see ALL of Ma'hattan!"

Ed sat Noah on the countertop. "Know what we should do, bud? We should go there early someday when it's not too crowded, get off to the side a little and let ya draw Manhattan."

Olivia stroked Noah's head. "Is it ever empty enough for that?"

"He's a little kid," Brooke pointed out, "Nobody's going to get mad at a little kid with an easel drawing the skyline."

"True."

Brooke turned around, her back to the kitchen, and watched the twins play. "They're getting so big. Who do you think is going to walk first?"

"I thought Maggie for a while," Olivia replied, "She started pulling herself up first. But it's almost like she's waiting for Wyatt to catch up with her."

"I try to get those babies to walk," Noah reported loudly and very seriously, "But they just keep hangin' onto stuff!"

"Sweet boy," Olivia kissed his head, "You've been trying so hard to get them to walk haven't you?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Such a good brother," Brooke said softly.

Ed inspected Noah's cast. He did this daily and Olivia didn't have the heart to ask what he was actually looking for. "Bud, do you have homework?"

"In the folder," Noah answered. "Math."

Olivia offered Brooke a drink, but she wanted to get home.

"You know what?" Olivia said, "Mind if I walk you to the subway?" She turned to Ed, "I'll get something for us to eat while I'm out, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan," he kissed her cheek. "I'm _starving_."

There was something about the way he droned "I'm starving" in her ear—it was as if the reverberations of his thick, raspy, sexy voice travelled directly to her most erogenous zones and tweaked them mercilessly—and she followed Brooke out of the apartment weak-kneed and already anxious to return.

…..

Rollins accepted the third round of drinks with a routine thank-you, yet her current situation was far from routine. Not long ago, Carisi was her go-to guy for evening hangouts. They binge-watched reality shows, gossiped about Fin and Olivia and Dodds, both the Chief and the son, and munched on junk food. Carisi cooked dinner and doted on Jesse. They were like a little family. Only, there was no romantic spark. Occasionally Rollins wished otherwise because Carisi's company was so easy and fun, but in reality he fit the role of brother more so than lover.

Nevertheless, when Brooke came along, Rollins went through a brief period of resentment. It wasn't easy to see Carisi gradually remove himself from her life even though as his presence dissipated, her home unexpectedly filled up again. Kim returned. Beth Anne frequently visited. And Declan was back and trying to figure out where his career was headed.

Being promoted to Sergeant altered their working relationship as well. Neither admitted it, but her elevated rank changed their dynamic. No longer were they unwavering allies. They stopped privately grousing about decisions from the top. Rollins gravitated more towards the Lieutenant. If Carisi noticed, he didn't say anything, but he hardly had cause to be jealous when he was married to Tucker's daughter.

Rollins couldn't remember the last time they went for drinks, just the two of them, so when Carisi suggested it she eagerly agreed. When Carisi finished his first beer within minutes, it became obvious this was more than two friends catching up. Rollins shamefully realized it had been less than a week since Carisi killed a man. True to her nature, after the case was closed, she assumed all was well, put her head down, and went back to the grind without questioning whether or not he was truly ready to get back to work.

"Won't Brooke wonder where you are?"

"Nah, it's early, and she's with Noah today."

"Want to let her know where we are so she can meet us?"

Sullen, Sonny stared into his freshly poured IPA, "Like I said, she's with Noah."

"Everything okay between the two of you?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's great. We have our delayed honeymoon coming up in two weeks."

"Florida, right?"

"Right."

"That'll be good. To get away. From this for a while."

"Yeah."

The disappearance of the normally effusive Sonny Carisi, Jr. annoyed Rollins, and she was finished stalling. "So why are we really here?"

Sonny frowned. "We're having a drink. Or," he took a swig and slammed his glass down hard, sloshing some beer onto the coaster, " _Drinks_."

"I know that. But…are you…are you okay with," she lowered her voice, "being back at full duty after taking that guy out?"

"IAB and the shrink say I am. So I am."

"Carisi…I've been through this. And I know it's not that easy."

"I just wonder…" Carisi blankly stared ahead, took another gulp, and continued, "If this is a sign." He was starting to slur his words and mumble, so Rollins had to lean in to hear. "If this is a sign telling me I need to leave and go be a DA."

Rollins patted his back. "I don't think now is the best time to make that decision for real."

Sonny twisted his face, "How can it be _right_ …to shoot a guy _dead_ …I mean, yeah, he was a horrible human being—"

"Who was about to start spraying bullets at dozens of your fellow officers including me."

"—yeah…"

"And," Rollins winced but went ahead with her next point anyway, "Liv and Fin both killed men to save your life."

 _You had no moral dilemma when the shoe was on the other foot_.

"And you killed your sister's boyfriend."

"Who was about to shoot me."

Carisi kept drinking.

"Sonny, we have a violent job. A necessary job. A job where we can make a difference. But sometimes we have to resort to pulling the trigger. That's our training. That's what we agreed to when we took the oath. But nobody prepares you for the aftermath…that's why…it's so important, to talk about it, get your feelings out in the open so you can sort through them—"

"You sound like Liv."

"I'll consider that a compliment." The bartender and Rollins locked eyes. She shook her head and motioned for the check. "Carisi, go home. See your wife. _Talk_ to her. Don't you think she deserves to know what you're going through?"

"She wouldn't… _couldn't_ …understand."

"Do you think the department shrink _really understands_? Does anyone other than us? Does that mean we keep things from people who love us because they haven't put a bullet in someone's head?"

He shrugged. "I guess I don't wanna burden her with it."

Rollins smiled and nudged him. He looked at her with cloudy eyes.

"I think that whole 'I do' thing means that you get to do that."

Carisi contemplated this while finishing his drink. Despite Rollins having already paid, he ordered one more and it didn't take much arm-twisting for her to stay.

"We've just been through so much," Carisi moaned.

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "Nobody knows this but us, but, before we got married…"

….

Olivia heard Noah's instructions and tiptoed down the corridor to spy on her husband and children.

"Ok Daddy. You hold the cookie for Maggie. I have Wyatt's. Now. You go over there. No. Over _there_. Okay."

Pause. Footsteps.

"Maggs, Wyatt, hang on here. Stand _up_ , baby! Okay. There ya go. Stay _there_. No, Maggs."

More scrambling footsteps.

"Daddy, show the cookie NOW! See babies? Want the cookie? C'mon, walk to us!"

Olivia rounded the corner just in time to see both Maggie and Wyatt drop into their crawling positions and make beelines toward Ed and Noah. Ed laughed. Noah groaned.

"No crawling!" Noah scolded but gave Maggie a piece of the cookie anyway. She munched away and grabbed for the rest of it. When Noah ran she chased after him. Crumbs fell from her mouth and left a path on the hardwood floor. Wyatt, meanwhile, was eating his treat placidly in his Daddy's lap.

"I leave for twenty minutes and the cookies come out." Smiling, Olivia put the take-out bag on the counter.

"It was more than twenty," Ed countered, pretending to pout.

"But I brought food. You're starving, remember?"

"I _am_."

There was that voice again. Olivia avoided looking at him knowing his bright blue eyes were blazing with flirtatious energy. She darted into Noah's room where he and Maggie were now sitting in the middle of a pile of Duplos. Noah knew not to use the smaller Legos with the twins.

"Whatcha doin?"

"I'm makin' Maggie a HOUSE!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep." Noah concentrated on hastily snapping a wall together.

"Okay, well, tell us when you're finished."

"Kay."

Olivia went back to Ed and Wyatt, still smiling, and Noah could be heard imploring Maggie to sit still. In the kitchen Ed had already set out plates and silverware at the table. Olivia poured wine and brought the food over. Minutes later, Maggie came crawling into the room with Noah on her heels.

"Maggs! If ya run away you don't get your house!"

Maggie didn't seem to care.

Nonplussed, Noah took his usual seat at the table and eyed his parents' dinner.

"Want some, bud?"

"Uh-huh!"

Ed shoveled a piece of his meal onto an extra plate and slid it in front of Noah. "Thanks for helping me eat this, No. I don't wanna get too full." The last sentence was clearly intended for Olivia.

Ed smirked as she threw her head back and burst into laughter.

…

"I love making you laugh like you did earlier," Ed whispered as he removed her bra with a flourish. "But I also love…" he dipped his head into her chest… "that sound you just made…" he reached lower and she gasped when his fingers made contact between her legs… "and _that_ sound…"

Olivia managed only a few words in response.

"You've been foreplaying this all day."

Ed repeated the invented term, " _Fore-play-ing_ ….I guess I have."

Olivia's morning hadn't been entirely consumed with Carisi-related crisis. Ed's texts started shortly after she arrived at work and continued throughout the day. The first ones were innocent:

 _I love you._

 _I'm thinking about you._

 _Going to an early lunch but wish it was with you._

But he didn't stay chaste for long.

 _Continuing the list tonight, right?_

 _I think #s 5 and 11 but I'm flexible._

 _Flexible…_

Olivia did her best to keep up with him, but he obviously had too much time on his hands. When he reported he was getting the twins from day care early, she smiled with relief that he finally had something else to do. She didn't mind his remote flirting, but his texts combined with the vision of him smirking at his phone as he typed them were almost unbearable.

"So," he looked up from her stomach, "We agreed on…"

"Five and eleven." Olivia desperately blurted out the numbers. The day-long teasing was now bordering on torture.

Ed's biceps bulged as he effortlessly lifted Olivia.

"Straighten your legs," he commanded.

"Really?"

"It said it's supposed to—"

"Oh _Goddddddddd_."

"Yep," Ed grunted, "That's what it's supposed to do."

Ed talked them through five and eleven almost like he was narrating a tutorial. He laid off the chatter for a while, but Olivia insisted he continue. She loved the newness of it all, the reinvigoration, the mutual experimentation, even when they both fell into a quick fit of laughter when number five proved to be challenging.

"I don't know if we _go_ that way," Olivia said.

"I _stretched_."

Olivia laughed even more.

"Lieutenant, I'm serious."

She collected herself as much as possible and relayed an unconvincing, "I am too."

It took a couple of resets, but number five eventually ensued…and ended with the two of them splayed on the mattress, a few inches apart, her head at his feet, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what other carnal pleasures they'd been missing their entire lives.

"You wouldn't think," Ed gulped in air, "There were any other ways to…"

"Come?" Olivia finished his sentence naughtily, a little turned on, _again_ , that after all they'd just done he was shy about saying 'come.'

"Yeah." His chest heaved up and down.

She ran a hand up and down his thigh. "That article is the best piece of evidence you've ever uncovered, Captain."

Ed lifted his head and looked down at her smugly. "Why are you so far away from me?"

"Miss me already?" She teased.

"No matter what we do," he said as she settled her head against his chest, "I like you right here after."

Before she closed her eyes, Olivia took in the sight of his toned chest and slung her arm around his waist, holding him tightly. She felt Ed's fingers on her back, making little circular patterns. Ed turned off his lamp, leaving the room dark save for the city lights visible from the window they always forgot to cover at night. Not that it mattered—they had an unobstructed view of the city below.

He tenderly pulled the duvet over their bodies and playfully tugged it up and tucked it under her chin.

She kissed at his fingers, hoping he would forgive the delayed reply.

"I like me here, too."

…

 **#Tuckson.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**.

Fin's call rattled Olivia from her pleasant slumber only an hour after she'd fallen asleep using Ed's pec for a pillow. She was in the same general spot when she finally heard the phone and she blindly pawed around for the device.

"Hey Fin."

Everyone at SVU had woken the Lieutenant. _Everyone_. Multiple times. Fin, for one, never felt guilty when this had to happen for the simple reason that it _had_ to happen. But tonight her voice indicated the call was an interruption of the highest order.

"Liv, uh, sorry to bother you."

He did his best to sound genuinely sorry because this time he was.

"What's going on?" She felt Ed's fingers start up again on her back and shivered.

"Just got three separate, consecutive calls, Murray Hill, could be another serial." He gave other details, including that Rollins and Savage were at the hospital with the victims. "I was tryin' to give Carisi a break…Rollins said he was a little messed up earlier."

Rubbing her eyes, Olivia sat up. Ed curled his arm around her midsection and yanked her back down. She tried to angle the phone so Fin wouldn't hear the subsequent _oof_ , but she was too late.

"Liv, you okay? Look, it's—"

"I'm leaving in a few minutes. Text me the address."

She hung up and scolded her husband.

"You're misbehaving."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He could not have sounded less remorseful.

"I have to go."

Ed did not protest further, even giving her a little shove. Olivia sat up once again, paused to get her bearings, and slung her legs over the side of the bed. The muscles in her upper legs, earlier stretched and extended to their limits, had constricted and tightened and she took baby steps to the bathroom where she flicked on the light and grinned at her reflection in the mirror.

"Shit," she let her neck fall and tried to laugh as quietly as possible. The door to the bedroom was closed, but she was certain Ed was wide awake and would remain so after she left.

In less than thirty minutes, she was showered, dressed, and had patted on just enough makeup and lip gloss to make her look like she hadn't just rolled out of bed. She kissed Ed and left, walking briskly down the block to where she parked the sedan. Her thighs and hamstrings, taking on a life of their own, stubbornly refused to loosen up and practically begged her to turn around and go back to bed.

Or to her Jacuzzi tub.

She took a deep breath before plopping into the driver's seat knowing she was in for an unpleasant twinge and, again, laughed at herself. She shook her head and got in the car.

 _That fucking article_.

…

Carisi showed up at the precinct at his regular time and was irked when he found out everyone else had been up all night investigating and collecting evidence. Fin and Rollins attempted to take the blame. Carisi eyed them, considered their reasoning, and then discarded it. Even Savage tried to put forth a weak effort to convince Carisi they all had his best interests at heart, but Sonny paid him even less attention than the other two. He marched directly into the Lieutenant's office and closed the door.

"So you're sidelining me?"

"No." Olivia drew out the word so she was answering him and also asking why he asked the question.

"So why was I the only one not on scene last night? Why does everyone have to spend this morning _catching me up_?"

"First of all, we were good." Olivia replied calmly. "And later I found out not calling you was probably a wise decision." She glanced in the general direction of Rollins' desk.

"I was fine, Lieutenant. I went home, had dinner, spent the rest of the night watching movies."

"Rollins thought maybe you were going to continue what you started at the bar." Olivia slid a few folders into a neat pile. It was an act of finality. The conversation about why Carisi was not called was over. They had work to do.

Only he wasn't ready to put it to rest.

"I feel like you're handling me, Lieutenant." He stood in front of her like a child who had been denied a sleepover at a friend's house.

"Carisi, I assure you that is not true."

"You're coddling me because of what happened and…because I'm also your son-in-law, well, stepson-in-law."

"Couple things." Olivia dramatically dropped the folders. Once again, they were strewn haphazardly across her desk, their contents poking out from the edges. She sat down. Carisi was still standing with his fists balled at his sides and jaw clenched, but she was clearly in charge. "I think of Sarah and Brooke as my daughters, not stepdaughters. If Sarah hears you put _step_ in there, you'll never hear the end of it. Second, I may be coddling you a little bit…but the reason is different than what you think."

" _Lieutenant_ —"

Carisi opened his mouth to say something else, but Olivia interrupted.

"Sit down."

She employed exactly enough bite to dull Carisi's ire. His face relaxed. And he sat.

"I should have done this sooner," she began.

Carisi had been staring at the floor but his head jerked up at the sound of Olivia's phone vibrating. It was Ed. She turned to try and hide her face, and, without reading his text, preemptively switched everything to silent mode.

Olivia asked Rollins to fill her in on what she had already told Carisi, so Olivia was careful to not belabor the same points.

"Injuring someone and taking a life are two _very_ different things…two very different healing processes." Carisi looked confused. "Yes," she said, " _healing_. I recently learned that myself."

He swallowed hard, remembering the day Olivia saved his life.

"And I would do it again. And again and again if I had to. If that was what was required to save other lives. To stop the bad guy. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing. Necessary, but not good."

"Did you think about Cole's family?" Carisi lifted his tear-filled eyes.

"Not in the heat of the moment. But later I did. I _still_ do on occasion. And you know what?"

"What?"

"The answer…the end of my thoughts are always the same." Olivia paused for emphasis, to make sure Carisi was really listening. "It was his fault. _He_ took himself away from his family. I may have pulled the trigger, but that was the culmination of all of _his_ crimes, _his_ decisions, _his_ behavior." The tears pooled on his lower lids. Olivia slid the box of tissues over to him. "And the same thing is true for you. And Fin. And Rollins."

" _I had to_."

Olivia waited. Let him mumble phrases like that one until he finally broke down into sobs and she went into maternal mode. She knelt by his chair and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Lieu." He mumbled into her shoulder.

"For what?" She blinked back the burn of her own tears.

He took a deep breath and started to pull himself together. Olivia went back to her chair and repeated her question.

"I've been a real asshole."

"Understandable. But…I'm me. Your squad is your squad. You probably want to use that apology on Brooke."

He looked sick. "She said somethin' to you?"

"She's worried and doesn't know how to help. I told her to be patient. But at some point… _believe me_ …that patience runs out."

"And she's been so great…" Carisi trailed off, still appearing as though he could vomit at any second.

Olivia straightened the folders once more. "Why don't you…get updated on what's goin' on, work the case, and go meet her after school for a little while?"

"Okay."

"But you'll need to come back."

Finally, Carisi cracked a smile. Of course he had to return. He was on duty all weekend.

…

Ed held the phone a few inches away from his ear, for Sarah was calling and instead of saying hello like a normal person she squealed, "Daaaaaaaaadddddyyyyy!" But the sound was weird. Off. Like she was both talking on the phone and in the same room. Which made sense because seconds later Sarah waltzed into his office grinning from ear to ear and somewhat inappropriately took a seat on his desk.

"I have chairs."

She sat in one without protest. Ed stopped trying to hold back his smile and sweetly yet directly asked what she was doing at his office although he suspected he knew part of what she wanted.

"I can't believe you have this nice space and you only work part time."

"I have a few friends. And you have the shortest attention span of anyone I know. What brings you by?"

"I have terrific news and I didn't want to barge in on Livvie for the second time in a week so I decided to interrupt your afternoon and let you buy me and Hill a drink."

He was correct in one aspect—the drink. Mention of Hillary was unexpected. He knew what was going on, but Sarah made no secret of the fact she preferred to talk to Olivia about the sexual harassment complaint. As far as he knew, Sarah's personal relationship with Hillary was rocky at best. And Patrick was still in the picture. So he needed some clarification.

"What's the terrific news?"

" _Daddy_ , I have a hard time believing you sound so indifferent when Noey comes home with exciting things to talk about.

"He's five."

Sarah smoothed her ponytailed hair and rolled her eyes. "Ben and Josh got fired!" She was almost as gleeful as Noah at that moment. Her cheeks flushed with excitement and she bounced up and down in her chair. For probably the thousandth time Ed sat in amazement as he watched his Wharton-educated, Wall Street executive daughter act like she should be sitting on the rug with Noah's Pre-K class.

"Wow," The news truly did stun Ed. Neither he nor Olivia thought the men would lose their jobs after they read the firm's policy. It left so much up to the discretion of the partners who Sarah described as a few crusty old men and a few too-rich snobs. "That's…that's so great. Seriously, Sare. For Hillary and…for you…and for the other women who work there."

"Yep! Of course nobody will know the specifics, but surely it will get out that they were terminated for violation of a _policy_ …and that's never good."

If anyone knew how true that statement was, it was Ed. "No, it's not."

"So…are you going to escort a girl to the pub for a celebratory drink or are you going to sit there behind your desk all afternoon and find people to throw in the slammer?"

"You really have no clue what I do, do you?"

"In my defense, you have no clue what _I_ do."

Ed raised his hands in surrender. She got him.

"Let me just finalize something real quick and we'll go." Ed rose from his sleek leather chair and took a couple of labored steps before he resumed his regular gait.

Sarah raised her eyebrows. "Ya okay there, old man?"

Later, he would probably kick himself for saying what he was about to say, but he was in a fantastic mood so he threw Sarah a bone he knew she'd appreciate. "If you knew _why_ I'm a little tight, you wouldn't be calling me old."

Smirking, Ed hurried down the hall, leaving Sarah alone and blathering her signature _omigods_.

…..

By the time Hillary arrived, Ed and Sarah were finishing their first drinks. Sarah welcomed her warmly and removed her purse from the barstool she'd been saving. Hillary, relieved yet diffident, first held out her hand to Ed, but he gave her a quick hug instead.

"Glad this is all over," he said reassuringly.

Hillary closed her eyes. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be the beneficiary of a fatherly embrace.

 _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

"Me too," she croaked. Sarah handed her a drink and she sipped eagerly, still fighting to hold back an embarrassing bout of ugly sobs.

" _Sooooo_ ," Sarah cooed, "The big news in the Tucker fam is that Noey has a date tomorrow and I am going to happen to stop by."

No stranger to Sarah's swooning exaggerations, Hillary inquired, "A _play_ date?"

"Well, I suppose that it is technically a play date. However, it's with a girl!"

Hillary looked to Ed for more details which he happily provided. When he told the story of Mia helping hold Noah's paints, Hillary stopped him.

"He broke his wrist?"

"Yeah. A little fracture. There _may_ be room to sign his cast if ya get a chance."

"It's _soooo_ full of signatures," Sarah gushed.

"Even more now," Ed added, "Every kid, his teachers, the nurse, and even the head of the lower school."

"Omigod."

Ed was bursting with pride. "I dunno…first he wanted to be a police officer, then Liv and I thought maybe he'd do something with math, but he's also a great artist…now I wonder if he'll go into politics…"

Both Hillary and Sarah listened, awestruck, as he rambled about Noah's innumerable skills and accomplishments.

"Ah, ya know what," Ed interrupted himself, "Lemme call Liv and make sure she's still picking him up from school."

He stepped outside. Seconds before Olivia picked up, Patrick rounded the corner and gave Ed a polite wave before striding confidently into the bar.

" _Shit_."

"What?" Olivia asked, alarmed.

"Patrick just showed up."

"Seriously?"

"I'm positive that was him. He _waved_." Ed tried to peer through the tinted window at what he assumed would be an awkward encounter. "What the hell is this girl up to now?"

"Surely she told Hillary about him."

Ed grumbled, "I don't think _surely_ is ever applicable to Sarah."

"Are you going back in?"

The question made him smile. "I can't run away. My coat's in there."

"And you don't run."

She meant way more than sneaking out of sticky situations and Ed knew it.

"No. I don't," he replied staunchly. "Okay, so, you wanna stop by after you get him? Then we'll all go pickup Maggie and Wyatt?"

Olivia agreed to the plan and wished him luck with the love triangle. He chuckled but delayed saying goodbye.

"Ed?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was just trying to get eyes on them."

"I'll be there soon."

"Good. Everything's better when you're around. I love you baby."

"I love you, too." Olivia's cheeks were burning so much she was sure Ed could feel it through the phone. "See you in a bit."

…

Sonny flashed his shield to the school security officer and made his way to Brooke's classroom. He made one wrong turn, ascended and descended a staircase, and finally found the correct corridor—the locker-lined hallways all looked the same and he'd only been here once. Finding the door locked and the room dark, he sent her a text, abandoning his idea of a surprise visit. He also noticed she hadn't changed the nameplate which still read "Miss Tucker, Rm. 186." His vision of spending the next hour strolling arm-in-arm with his wife was quickly fading to a disappointing could've been.

He waited several minutes, but she didn't return the text. Maybe she was out for a drink with her colleagues. But that didn't explain anything. She always laid her phone on the table or bar. He thought about last night which was admittedly a bit foggy and tried to remember if she mentioned something about watching the twins or Noah, but he was pretty sure that hadn't come up.

After waiting a full ten minutes, he left the school and headed back to the precinct, picking up a take-out sandwich on the way. He ate it at his desk, trying not to let Savage's nasally breathing annoy him too much. Shortly after he wadded the wrapping and arced it into Fin's trash can, Rollins returned with lab results and surveillance tapes.

Sonny joined everyone else at the monitor, and they began poring over the footage.

He checked his phone once more before sliding it in his pocket.

Still no word from Brooke.

….

Ed tentatively returned to his spot. He focused mostly on Hillary but did give Patrick a collegial handshake and Sarah a _what the fuck_ glance. She smiled innocently; Patrick shook his hand too firmly, added an unnecessary shoulder grab, and Ed mentally implored Olivia to hurry the hell up. Though not nearly as talkative as Patrick and Sarah, Hillary contributed to the conversation. She showed no outward sign of agitation, so either Sarah had come clean or Hillary possessed an uncanny tolerance for abuse.

Ed bought another round and included a Shirley Temple and a bourbon on the rocks for Olivia. Sarah suggested food. Ed declined. Sarah ordered appetizers anyway. Hillary became chattier, even joked with Patrick. Ed kept waiting for some kind of blow-up. He wondered if Hillary was putting on an elaborate show of patience and acceptance and was waiting for the perfect moment to viciously excoriate Sarah in front of her lover, her father, and the Friday afternoon pub crowd.

"Hey handsome."

Olivia's voice snapped him out of his drama-filled daydream.

"Hi."

For the next minute or so, they were the only people in the bar, the only people on Earth. Ed held her face when he kissed her. Faces millimeters apart, they smiled at each other. Another kiss. Whispered words. A near-palpable serenity surrounded them.

Just a couple feet away, Hillary and Patrick pretended to watch preseason baseball on television.

Sarah snuggled Noah.

"Mommy and Daddy are so goals," she said to him.

"Goals," he repeated softly.

"Speaking of goals," She plopped him on her stool and handed him the Shirley Temple. "I hear you have someone coming over to play tomorrow."

"Yep! Gonna ride the scooters. Maybe play trains. Maybe draw."

"What else?" Sarah prompted.

Noah pulled out his wallet and extracted a credit card. "I buy lunch with this!"

"What the…"

"But when we get a snack in the park," Noah took out his cash, reduced to a few dollars in case he lost the wallet since he insisted on carrying it everywhere. "I use the money!"

Sarah took the card. Upon further inspection she noticed the numbers had been filed down to indecipherable nubs and any other usable information had been scraped away, but she played along. "You're lucky, Noey. Daddy wouldn't let me have a credit card until I was in college."

"And that was still too early," Ed muttered. He and Olivia were now standing side by side on the periphery of their little group.

"No kidding," Patrick said, "This one loves her credit cards." He meant it as a joke, but the statement came out sounding more like patronizing criticism. So while Patrick loomed over them smiling as he sipped his bourbon, everyone else weathered uncomfortable silence.

Olivia nudged Ed. He was going into IAB investigator mode. Jaw set. Lines on his face deepening. Cheekbones protruding. The situation was awkward, but she couldn't help but admire how sexy he looked.

On the way to day care, he ticked off reasons he disliked the guy—presumptuous, rude, arrogant, boring, thought himself as funny but wasn't, ate too much, kept his fingernails too long, so far had worn the same ugly wingtips every time he'd been around.

Olivia nearly collapsed with laughter when he complained about the shoes.

"Ed Tucker picking at footwear choices…now I have truly heard and seen everything."

….

Saturday begin with an early trip to Riverdale to retrieve a fresh batch of cookies and other baked goods from Caroline's kitchen. Ed made the trip solo and stayed for coffee and a rare mother-son chat. Among other demands, Caroline requested he and his family come for Sunday dinner the next day. He said he would see. Caroline argued that meant no. He repeated his initial response. Caroline threatened to call Olivia. Ed upgraded his answer to "as long as we don't have anything going on" which mollified the sprightly matriarch, and she allowed him to leave with the treats.

Mia and her father buzzed the Tucker apartment at exactly eleven o'clock. Ed told Noah he should answer the door when they knocked which he did, but Ed and Olivia hovered in the hall and Maggie and Wyatt crawled at Noah's feet.

"Come in!" Noah said warmly, just as he'd been coached.

Mia immediately crouched down and said hello to the babies. Noah told her their names and explained they were very good at crawling and playing with toys, but they weren't walking yet, a reality that clearly frustrated him.

"C'mon!" He skipped down the hall, "I show you my room!"

Mia followed. So did the twins.

Tony casually threw up his hands and grinned at Ed and Olivia. "So much for a hug and kiss goodbye," he quipped.

Ed made introductions and Olivia invited Tony in, but he politely declined. "I hate to admit it, but I'm going to steal a couple hours at the office if you don't mind. Ed, you have my number in case you get sick of her."

"I'm sure that won't happen, but yeah I do. No problem."

"Thanks so much for having her over. She doesn't get to do this type of stuff often."

"We're happy to have her," Olivia said. "Is there anything she doesn't eat or drink?"

Tony shrugged. "She's not allergic to anything…she's a pretty good eater…and we're not kale people if ya catch my drift."

Ed laughed. _Actually laughed_. With someone he barely knew.

Olivia observed their interaction with interest. Tony's jet black hair was graying around the ears and he had the body of a former linebacker who hadn't bothered keeping tabs on his physique. She assumed he wore a suit to work, but he was dressed in well-worn jeans and a Jets hoodie. She guessed he hadn't shaven since the previous morning—salt and pepper whiskers poked through his doughy skin. As for age, he was younger than them, every parent in Noah's class was, but not by much. The slang he used and his general attitude toward life and parenting dated him.

"So, I'll get her around one?"

"Ah, give 'em a little more time," Ed urged, "Maybe three?"

"Sure. Like I said, call me if she's on your nerves. Mia!" He called back toward the bedrooms. "Mia, I'm leaving. See you later on!"

"Okay!"

He shrugged again. "In other words, _Daddy get outta here_."

….

Earlier in motherhood, Olivia obsessed about her parenting decisions. Fostering Noah and the requisite supervision caused her to agonize over everything from how often and how much he was eating to clothes he wore during home visits. Too stylish? She didn't want Ms. Jackson thinking she was in this merely to play dress up. Too casual? Would she make a negative note about an overlooked stain or a plain ensemble of t-shirt and jeans?

Finalizing everything helped, but not completely. Yet she was too busy and relied on Lucy too much to fall into the overprotective category. Ed changed her for the better. He pushed Noah higher on the swings than she would ever dare. He watched him roll on his scooter rather than jog along next to him, at least within the confines of the park. He gave him the entire hot dog, mustard and all, instead of breaking it off and feeding it to him in pieces. Unpredictably, when it came to Noah and now Maggie and Wyatt, Ed Tucker lived in the moment and refused to worry about every little thing. Olivia wasn't quite this carefree, she probably would never be, but the two of them together, in her very biased opinion, made fabulous parents.

Except for one thing.

Cleaning up.

After they kissed Noah goodnight, they stumbled over the jumbled mess he, Mia, and the twins had made that afternoon. Ed let loose a few lines of hushed profanity. Olivia laughed. She'd been laughing a lot lately. Ed playfully shushed her. She argued there was no way Noah was waking up after this action-packed day. He grabbed her hand and tossed her on the bed. There were no numbers on this night; they hadn't had a chance to further study the Cosmo article and they were still a little sore from five and eleven anyway.

"We haven't painted ourselves into a corner, have we?"

Ed felt Olivia's lips on his chest as she spoke. "You mean have we ruined regular sex with article sex?"

"Yes."

"No. We have not."

She was adamant.

Ed asked no further questions and instead reflected on the day. "What a great Saturday."

"It was so, so perfect."

Noah and Mia were content in his room with the Duplo blocks and trains for a while. They graciously tolerated Maggie and Wyatt being there too, and Noah only got a little annoyed with his parent's frequent check-ins.

"You're…" Olivia tried not to choke up, "…you're such, I love how you're teaching him how to be a gentleman."

Ed was old school. He did not deny this. He refused to parent any differently and Olivia supported him completely. Ed coached, modeled, and practiced every possible element of their day in which he expected Noah to behave a certain way. He passed the greeting test with flying colors. At the park he made sure to stay next to Mia. They knew in advance they couldn't race, but Noah knew the park's paths better than she did and Ed told him to make sure he stayed right next to her and tell her if there was a turn coming up that was hard to see.

And he did exactly that.

Olivia couldn't believe it. She lagged behind, leisurely pushing the double stroller and reassuring Maggie and Wyatt that someday soon they would be scooting around with their older brother. Ed hustled ahead, far enough away to give Noah and Mia some sense of independence, but close enough that he could be at their side in seconds. However, the five-year-olds appeared perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

A twig got stuck in Mia's wheel. Only the incessant clicking noise bothered them, but Noah insisted they stop and he plucked it out and tossed it aside.

"Kay, Mia, lessgo!"

Several times Olivia heard Mia reminding Noah to "be careful, your wrist won't heal if you're not careful."

When they encountered a pretzel vendor, Noah stopped. They parked the scooters and waited for Ed and then Olivia to catch up.

"Daddy, gonna get a pretzel!"

"We're gonna have lunch, so maybe share one, okay?"

"Kay!"

"Ed! Can I have a juice, please?" Mia had warmed up quickly. Even more endearing, she was clearly an independent-minded, outspoken child who was exceedingly polite yet gave indications that she could, when provoked, be a bit of a handful.

"Sure. No, go ahead and get two drinks. One pretzel, two drinks. And we'll sit on the bench over there."

"Kay."

Ed hovered a yard or so behind Noah, but they had lucked out and found a kind, patient vendor who was enamored with his young customers. He made his way around the cart to see exactly what Noah and Mia wanted and didn't frown at all when Noah slowly counted out six dollars from his wallet.

"Give him a tip, bud," Ed muttered under his breath.

Noah produced another dollar and gave it to the man.

"You know what," he said in heavily accented English, "You keep it and spend it on your girlfriend."

Noah giggled. "She's my _friend_!"

"You spend it on her." He gingerly placed the dollar bill back into his wallet and handed it back to Noah. "Have a good afternoon, sir."

Olivia sighed at the memory. Ed played with her hair.

"So precious," she murmured and slung a leg over his. She was happy to reminisce, but it was early. "But him paying for lunch, or thinking he paid for lunch."

On the way back home, they discussed lunch options. Noah and Mia both wanted pizza, so Ed set them up at the computer with a menu and they selected their favorite items. Mia, unintentionally yet forever cementing a place for herself in the Tucker hearts, jumped down from her chair and asked the twins what they would like to eat. She got down on all fours and her ponytail brushed their faces.

Wyatt crinkled his nose and very nearly sneezed.

Maggie grabbed a handful of jet black hair and pulled.

"YOW!"

Noah clambered down from his chair. "Maggs!" He carefully pried Maggie's fingers from Mia's locks.

Mia giggled.

"Do you have brothers or sisters, Mia?" Olivia asked.

"I have a…" she bit her finger, trying to think of the proper term, "…a neshew?"

"A nephew?"

"Uh-huh!" Her _uh-huh_ sounded so much like Noah's that Olivia wondered if it was part of the school's curriculum. She winked at her husband.

Ed already liked Tony. He was a nice, relatable, down-to-earth guy. Now he _really_ liked him. Apparently, their lives had followed similar paths.

When the food arrived, Ed took the boxes, shoved a twenty in the delivery man's hand, and prompted Noah to give his card. The delivery guy picked up on the act and did not disappoint. He pulled out a mobile credit card device, swiped the card, somehow made it beep, and let Noah sign his name with the stylus pen. Ed was so appreciative he didn't care if the old card had somehow registered and was charged.

Sarah showed up later in the afternoon, in time for Shirley Temples, which she enthusiastically mixed, and Grandma Caroline's cookies. She took a seat at the child-size table in a child-size chair and gabbed primarily with the visitor.

"So, I'm Noah's Sare Bear. His sister."

"I have a sister."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep. She's big."

"Like me?"

Mia looked Sarah up and down and then up and down again. "A little bigger."

Sarah cracked up. "Okayyyy. You live in Manhattan?"

"Yes."

"You know Manhattan?" Sarah thought Noah was the only preschooler to know his borough.

" _Yes_. It's where my house is. My sister lives in Brooklyn but Mommy says we have to live here. So we live in Manhattan."

Sarah looked back at Ed and Olivia and mouthed, _she's sassy_.

Olivia was sure she saw Ed falling in love all over again.

"And what have you two been doing all day?"

Noah answered first. Mia had just taken a bite. "We rode the scooters!"

"Nice."

Sarah ate lunch with Ed and Olivia at the island and they spoke in hushed voices about how Mia was so sweet and cute and kind of bossed Noah around.

After lunch they played a little more and tried yet again to get Maggie and Wyatt to walk, but the babies proved content to chase the bigger kids around on their hands and knees. Eventually, Noah requested to watch a movie. He and Mia perused their options and settled on the original _Lion King_.

"I'm dying," Sarah gushed, resting her head on Ed's shoulder.

When Tony came to retrieve Mia, the movie was almost over. The kids were sitting on the sofa separated by a giant bowl of potato chips.

"Want a beer?" Ed asked.

"Sure."

The adults sat at the dining table, sipping their drinks. Tony was a personal injury attorney and shared stories Sarah was a bit too interested to hear. Tony knew the Tuckers were police officers and regarded Olivia as a bit of a celebrity.

"You're on the morning news shows," he admitted bashfully.

"I wish I didn't have to be," Olivia replied.

Ed slung his arm around his wife's shoulders. "She's one of the best."

When it was time for Mia to leave, Noah thanked her for coming over.

"You come to MY house next!" Mia said. "And bring your trains!"

"We have a lot of track," Tony explained, "Had it since I was a kid. No sense in letting it stay untouched."

Mia hugged everyone—Sarah, Maggie, Wyatt, Ed, Olivia, and Noah. Tony thanked them again and ushered his daughter toward the elevator.

In bed now, Ed grinned as he described Noah's expression.

"He was so bummed."

"He was." Olivia propped her head on her elbow. "You know what he said to me later on?"

"What?"

"I kissed him goodnight and he asked me if I was going to kiss you goodnight."

Ed raised his eyebrows naughtily. " _And_ …"

"I said I always kiss you goodnight."

"Mmmmhmmm."

"And then he said, but 'I don't kiss Mia.'"

Ed grinned. "Oh yeah?" He tried to stifle his laughter.

Olivia swatted his stomach, " _Ed_. He's too young to think about kissing a girl! I told him that kissing was something private and special and we kiss the people in our families because we love them."

Ed couldn't contain himself. He continued his almost silent laughter. "Aw, Liv…I hate to tell ya, but I think he loves her."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**.

"Okay bud, we just need forks and spoons and we're all set."

"Babies need bottles?"

"Nope. Already had 'em. They'll eat this stuff."

The "stuff" included scrambled eggs, waffles (frozen, not from scratch), fruit, and Caroline's banana bread. Ed had already placed coffee and a juice box for Noah on his and Olivia's respective nightstands. He handed the twins' sippy cups to Noah and followed him into the master bedroom carrying the tray.

Olivia was sitting up against the headboard watching the twins on the mattress in front of her. They were wearing matching star-and-moon pajamas and jockeying for the same plastic giraffe, a favorite since they were able to play with toys. Outside, billowy gray clouds loomed over Manhattan and weren't expected to abate any time soon. Olivia dimmed the recessed lighting so it brightened the muted blue-and-gray bedroom colors ever so slightly, assuring it was indeed daytime.

"Breakfast is served," Ed announced gallantly. He popped open the tray's legs and set it on the mattress.

"Here ya go, babies!" Noah tossed the no-spill cups on the bed and climbed up himself. "Got some apple juice for ya!"

"Well, thank you guys," Olivia said sweetly, simpering at Ed and Noah, "This is so nice." She tore a waffle in half and gave Maggie and Wyatt a piece each. Maggie wasn't interested quite yet, but Wyatt ripped off a huge bite. "Yummy, huh baby boy?" She cooed at her smiling, chubby-cheeked son.

Ed gingerly took his place beside Olivia, careful not to jostle the tray. He handed her a loaded plate and utensils. "For my wife."

"Thank you." She wasn't sure if his eyes had stopped sparkling since yesterday morning. "You look happy."

"I am."

They traded a few kisses. Ed playfully swiped his tongue in and out of her mouth quickly and merely grinned when Olivia attempted to glare at him.

"Daddy say we're having a laaaaazy morning!" Noah said from the end of the bed. "He said we can watch cartoons before we see Gamma Care-line!"

"Did he say that?"

"Uh- _huh_!" Noah stuck his lips out and stared intently at Ed as if he expected Olivia to overrule the plan.

Olivia grabbed the remote control for their rarely-used bedroom flat screen. "Well, alright then. If Daddy says so."

Ed squeezed her thigh; Olivia hinting at being submissive when she was most definitely not turned him on. He had to touch her.

When they finished eating the five of them curled up together and watched the rest of Cartoon Network's early morning programming. Maggie and Wyatt were content to watch for a little while but soon started crawling around on the bed. Ed and Olivia used their legs as side barriers and gently nudged them back toward the center when needed. At one point, Wyatt propped himself on his hands and his feet and with Ed's help did a somersault.

Ed hovered over a stunned-looking Wyatt who was flat on his back, "Didja flip big guy?"

Wyatt got his bearings, pawed at Ed's face and smiled. Ed lifted his pajama shirt and blew strawberries on his belly. Wyatt giggled and shrieked in delight. When he calmed down and stared breathing normally, Ed growled and nuzzled his chin. Wyatt slapped the sides of his head and babbled, "Dadadadadadada!"

Everyone froze.

"He said Dada!" Noah exclaimed.

"Oh my God, Ed he did!" Olivia scooted forward and rubbed his back encouragingly.

Ed stared at Wyatt, looked at Olivia, and then back at Wyatt.

"Can ya say it again, sweetie?" Olivia prompted, "Da-da!"

Wyatt repeated _Dada_ , grabbed for Ed's nose, and said it once more.

Noah bounced on his knees and clapped his hands, "Da-da, da-da, da-da! Great job, Wyatt!" He stopped bouncing and addressed his sister, "Now, Maggs, you! Say DA-DA!"

Maggie batted her eyes a bit defiantly at her brother and drank her apple juice.

"Or say Mama?" Noah suggested hopefully.

Maggie flung the cup aside and dove at Noah. He fell backwards and let her crawl on top of him and one of their familiar wrestling matches ensued. Olivia grabbed Noah's ankles and dragged them away from the edge. Ed was still in a state of shock. Wyatt rolled over and piled on top of his brother and sister.

For several minutes, the kids made the only sounds in the room. Olivia let Ed soak up the gravity of what just happened. She remembered when Noah first said "Mama." She was so elated she burst into tears—and had no one with whom to share the moment.

"Y'alright?" She asked softly, stroking his cheek.

"I…do you…do you think he knew what he was saying?"

"I think so," Olivia replied, "He said it three times and reached up for you when he said it."

"Isn't he still a little young?"

"They're almost eleven months," Olivia said, "The _What to Expect_ site says it happens as early as seven months." She kissed him, "Sweetie, he _said_ it."

"I'm stunned." Ed turned to her, dazed but also slightly remorseful.

Olivia read his mind. "They'll say Mama eventually," she kissed him again, "Smile, Ed."

He did smile, but Olivia didn't see it because he put his head on her shoulder. She leaned back into the pillows and played with his hair.

"Do you remember when Noah first called you Daddy?"

"I'll never forget it." Ed recalled carrying Noah out of day care and stopping short in the middle of the sidewalk.

 _"Daddy, where are we going?"_

It was Ed's birthday. It was also the day they got engaged.

"It wasn't that long ago…" Ed murmured.

"No it wasn't…and our kids lucked out. They have the best Daddy."

He tilted his head back and kissed her chin. "And the best mother. The best _parents_."

"We are pretty great."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Noah was trying to sit up, but he was conscious of being on the bed and didn't want to push his siblings to the side. Ed and Olivia each grabbed a twin and Noah sighed with relief. "Thanks! Those babies are gettin' heavy!"

"Sure are," Olivia held Maggie up and grinned at her. "Did you get your brother?" She cooed.

"She blew her bubbles on me 'gain!"

"Well," Olivia said, "Let's get cleaned up and dressed and maybe she'll blow 'em on Grandma Caroline today."

Noah clambered off the bed. "I'm takin' a bath?"

"Yep. Everyone is."

"I get a bag." Noah ran off to get one of the plastic shopping bags they used to keep his cast dry.

Before leaving the bed, Olivia wanted to prove something to Ed and hoped her hunch that Wyatt knew exactly what he was saying was correct.

"Wyatt? Look at me, sweetheart." When she made eye contact, she asked, "Wyatt, where's Dada? Where's Daddy?"

He paused and smiled.

Olivia asked again, "Where's Dada?"

Sure enough, Wyatt turned to Ed and fell into his chest. Ed cupped his head and held him close as he leaned over to kiss Olivia. They whispered tender _I love yous_. Before they left the bed, Ed's familiar naughty smirk crossed his face.

"We could ship the kids to Riverdale with Sarah and Brooke and stay here ya know."

"You're hilarious."

"I'm not joking."

Olivia stood up and adjusted her hold on Maggie. "We're going," she said firmly, "But as a consolation prize, why don't you think about what numbers we're experimenting with tonight?"

Ed raised his eyebrows and his cheeks turned a deep crimson.

"Helluva a consolation prize, Lieutenant."

Olivia sassily cocked an eyebrow and left the room.

…

While Olivia accepted Wyatt's milestone with patient pragmatism, Caroline and Sarah immediately decided they'd been unfairly slighted and took turns trying to coax him into saying their names.

" _Grand_ -MA!"

" _Sare_ Bear!"

Wyatt patiently listened to the women slowly pronounce the syllables, but his gibberish remained unintelligible. They tried the same thing with Maggie, but she didn't cooperate and, unlike Wyatt, she refused to sit still for any amount of time.

"She's always been squirmy," Sarah remarked with a frown. " _Ugh_ …I want one of them to say my naaaaame!"

"Pretty soon they'll be running around talking up a storm," Brooke said, "And you'll want them to be quiet."

Sarah frowned, "I will _never_ want them to be quiet!" She shot her sister a _what the hell is wrong with you_ glare.

Ed poked his head into the living room. "Lieutenant? Can you give me a hand?"

"Um, sure," Olivia put her drink on a coaster with the letter "T" cross-stitched in the center.

She went with Ed to the garage and watched approvingly as he lifted the door with ease and muttered he'd been trying to get his mother to install an automatic opener for years. Not that it mattered—the interior was so cluttered there was no way Caroline could park her rarely-used sedan in there anyway.

"What are we doing out here?" Olivia asked.

"Ma has lamb chops and they'll be better on the grill…which is in here somewhere. But first…" He pulled her inside out of view of any spies looking at them from the house's rear windows. "Mmmm," he moaned into her mouth before swirling his tongue around hers and sliding his hands under her sweater. Olivia kissed back with equal ferocity. It caught Ed off guard and he stumbled backward and into a patio chair, stored in the garage for the winter months. He let himself fall into it, dragging Olivia with him, refusing to stop kissing her, but one of the chair's legs buckled and they instinctively shifted their weight to their feet, balancing precariously and laughing uncontrollably against each other's neck.

" _Shit_ ," Olivia muttered, laughing harder now because Ed was actually giggling like a child. " _Ed_! We have to get her a new chair!"

"Well, let's first get outta this one." He lifted her off of him and she held out her hands to help him stand. He assessed the damage. "Yep…this one's a goner."

"How are we going to explain this?"

"We're not. We'll let her find it when she gets the furniture out for spring."

"And then what?"

Ed looked around, "Maybe we should bury it under some of this junk so it'll look like that caused it. Then we'll get her a new one."

Olivia gamely picked up a plastic tub filled with gardening tools and put it on the chair. Ed added another tub, a tightly coiled garden hose, and he topped everything with a chainsaw. "There," he said, slapping his hands against his thighs, "All set. Nobody will ever know the real story."

"If we don't get inside soon, they'll start talking."

Ed slid his arms around her waist, " _Lieu-ten-ant_ ," he droned, "They've already started talking. They've been talking since…Sarah and Brooke showed up at the precinct. And you know what?"

Olivia conjured an appropriate amount of sass. " _What_?"

"I _like_ them talking." He started kissing at her neck. "It means we're doing something right."

"I like the way you think, Captain."

"What else do you like?" He pulled her even closer so their hips were pressed together.

Olivia flushed and playfully shoved him away. "I like your skills on the grill."

"I have other skills…" his voice trailed off as he ventured farther into the garage to get to the covered round Weber.

"Well, why don't you show off the family-friendly ones first?"

"Okay, Lieutenant," he replied as he wheeled the grill from the garage to the open air of the driveway. "You win. G-rated for the rest of the day." Ed hoisted the bag of charcoal and dumped some into the kettle. "I promise."

"I'll go tell Caroline you're starting the fire." Olivia half-jogged away.

"You're gonna win tonight too." Purportedly, he was talking to himself, but he said it loud enough so Olivia could hear.

She turned around and gave him a quick yet suggestive wink before disappearing into the house.

…..

Caroline and Olivia worked on side dishes in the kitchen while Brooke and Ed minded the grill. Sarah offered to help with food preparation but she was met with a polite smile and the suggestion that she keep the twins and Noah occupied instead.

While they chopped and diced side-by-side, Caroline made her typical meddlesome yet endearing small talk.

"So…where's the other girl?" Caroline asked. She made no effort to lower her voice. There was no way Sarah could hear while she was in the midst of the clamor coming from the living room.

"She's…well, she was in Argentina working but she's back now. Sarah seems to have moved on…you remember meeting Patrick?"

"Oh, oh, _that_ guy," Caroline nudged Olivia, "You probably think I'm losing my marbles, but that's not the case, dearie. He was forgettable. I'm sorry he ate so much of my soda bread."

Olivia chuckled and stepped aside. Like her, Caroline instinctively talked with her hands and she had a paring knife in one of them. "It really is too good to waste on someone like him," she concurred.

"So what is my Granddaughter's problem?"

Caroline cocked her head and looked up at her daughter-in-law with wide eyes. Olivia felt bad smiling when Caroline was obviously concerned, but Sarah, Caroline, and Ed all resembled one another so much it was almost comical; the resemblance was even more pronounced when they were troubled.

"She has an ideal," Olivia briefly stopped slicing asparagus, "An ideal of a perfect relationship, but that ideal doesn't come from her. It comes from television and movies and magazines—"

"And you and Eddie."

"Perhaps."

"Not perhaps. Hell Olivia, _I'm_ fascinated by you and Eddie and I had the most perfect marriage God rest his soul."

"I wonder if it would be the same if we'd been married sooner."

Caroline started working again and Olivia followed suit. "Of course it would have been," she said confidently, "Soul mates are soul mates. I knew he shouldn't have married Angela. But, he was being Eddie…they'd been dating for a while and he thought he should get married. Same as Sare Bear. She didn't want to get married. And now she's scared…because she found her soul mate but she happens to be a woman. And Sarah, unfortunately, has a nineteen-fifties attitude toward love."

"I have to admit, I was surprised you jumped on board with the whole thing right away."

"Dearie…you can't help who you love. It's that simple. Luckily I loved a man who would die for me—now he wasn't perfect, mind you—but he was a perfect husband. And I think I was a pretty good wife. But you don't get to that perfection with the _wrong_ person. Which is why Eddie is so different now. Which is why Sarah had to get divorced. Which is why…" Caroline screwed up her face, "Where the hell is Sonny again?"

"He's on duty this weekend."

"How's he doin? I've been following all of it on the news. When I saw him I nearly fell out of the recliner!"

"He's alright. It's tough…" Olivia stared out the window into the backyard. "…he needs time."

"I can't imagine. I slapped a fella once, but that's not exactly the same."

Olivia grasped the edge of the countertop and doubled over with laughter. She gave Caroline a side hug and said, "No…no it's not. But I'm sure, in both cases, they deserved it."

Caroline attacked a head of lettuce with a larger butcher knife, chopping it in half with more force than was necessary.

"You bet your ass they did."

…..

Ed used tongs to inspect the underside of a lamb chop and decided they needed another minute or so before rotating. Brooke was wandering around the garage, marveling at the decades-old relics and wondering aloud if Caroline would notice if one day they simply cleared everything out save for the items she still used. The broken chair did not go unnoticed. Brooke tested the pile on top of it and, judging it sturdy, left it alone and went back to her father's side.

"Looks like Gram is down a chair," she said.

Blood rushed to Ed's face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah…she's got tubs and other crap on top of it and they're probably thirty years old. No surprise."

"Maybe we can get her a new set for Mother's Day."

"Oooo, good idea. That's a good chip-in gift." She gave the meat her own inspection. "Are you sure these aren't on for too long? They're supposed to be rare."

"They're thick and it isn't very hot. I think we're good."

Brooke shrugged. Selfishly, she didn't like lamb anyway so she didn't care all that much. "Dad, I've been meaning to ask you…"

Ed furrowed his brow and peered at her. He was expecting a question about Sonny.

"An old student of mine came to see me the other day. His Grandma talked to you?"

Ed immediately pictured the woman. "Yeah, yeah, I remember. And I meant to talk to you about them, but…" He trailed off, a little miffed at himself that he forgot.

"Well, he's…he's the oldest one at home. So he feels like he has to do something…and I keep telling him he needs to go to school and let the lawyers and the process work itself out but—"

"You've been talking to him?" Ed scoffed.

" _Yes_." Brooke told him about the day Kyle confronted her on the street. Ed soon learned that she had been meeting him on a regular basis at a diner halfway between the school and the Bronx.

"Brooke, you don't need to get mixed up with this. There's nothing you can do."

"But what exactly is happening?"

"Nothing yet. I told her to call the ACLU lawyers. At the very least they'll get a hearing. Until then…I'm sorry to say sweetheart…the NYPD and housing authority had every right to kick 'em out."

"But she was just trying to give her grandson a safe place to stay!"

"I know," Ed was trying not to revert to cop mode. It was so much easier to be a hard ass in these circumstances, but he'd learned to take a milder approach. "It's the same story. Almost all of 'em. But, Brooke…they broke the housing covenant. And those buildings were infested with gangs."

"So innocent people get kicked out of their homes."

"They will get their day in court," Ed repeated, "It just takes a while. Tell the kid to go to school. It won't help if he gets picked up for truancy."

Brooke sulked.

"Hey," He grabbed her arm, sensing the true root of her discontent. "I know…I _know_ how much you loved those kids. But you also have to know, this would've happened even if you'd stayed. Stop beating yourself up."

"He thinks I turned them in."

Ed almost dropped the tongs. "What?"

Brooke intended to avoid this particular point, but now she couldn't help but bring it up. She'd temporarily assuaged Kyle, but in typical teenage fashion, he kept returning to the connection that made the most sense to him—his former teacher and her father. She explained this to Ed, but his jaw just became more and more firmly set, muttering only, "That's ridiculous."

"Try telling that to a fourteen-year-old," Brooke countered. "He's grown up around drug dealers. Around gang members. Now all of a sudden developers want to get their hands on the South Bronx and _now_ the police and housing care? It's complicated…probably corrupt…but he can't see that. He sees me. And you."

"You need to stop seeing him."

" _Dad_."

"I'm serious. You need to stop seeing him."

Brooke met his resolute, icy glare with one of her own. "And abandon him like everyone else?"

"Why'd he find you again?"

Brooke cringed, anticipating his point. She said nothing.

"He found you because of me. He doesn't think you're on his side. And you can't do anything…he's playing you."

"Dad, he's a kid."

"Brooke," Ed gave her a look he hadn't given her since she was a teenager, "You and I both know he hasn't been a kid for a while."

She rubbed her temples, reluctantly conceding the point.

"Sonny know about this?" Ed asked.

"No. He's got enough to deal with at the moment."

"I would want Liv to tell me. No matter what."

Brooke forced a closed-lip smile and managed to make eye contact with her father. She was afraid to do so, fearing his eyes would be blazing with incredulous anger, but they were filled only with love and concern.

"And I'm glad you told me," he added softly, reaching to hug her with one arm. With the other, he started flipping the chops. "Now…you tell me if you think they're done. That way, if they're not right, I won't catch hell from Grandma."

….

Caroline knew Maggie and Wyatt wouldn't be able to eat the lamb chops, so she cooked a tiny meatloaf for them to share. They were seated in the wooden high chairs Caroline had owned for years and she served them their meals on plastic partitioned plates.

"I give 'em five minutes," Ed remarked with a grin on his face. "And about an eighth of it will be in their mouths."

"An eighth?" Caroline asked incredulously, "Jesus, Eddie you're precise."

Ed snuck a wink at Olivia. "We still feed 'em," he explained.

"Well, it's never too early to learn," Caroline said. "There you go sweethearts. Dig in."

Noah waited patiently while Olivia prepared his plate, but he didn't start eating right away. Caroline fussed.

"Noah! You eat up young man!"

"I waiting."

"For what?"

"Ladies first."

" _Omigawwwwwwd_ ," Sarah dropped her head on her empty plate, some of her blonde locks falling into the roasted potatoes. Brooke plucked the hair from the food.

"Eddie, what the hell?"

Ed served Olivia a lamb chop and pieces of asparagus. "Want more?" She signaled she was fine and he finally addressed his mother. "He's a gentleman, ma. We've been practicing our manners…all of 'em…haven't we, bud?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Only because Noey had a _daaaate_!" Sarah gushed.

Caroline knew about this but was still intrigued. "You had a date, Noah?"

"A play date," Olivia clarified, "His friend Mia came over."

The attempt to downplay the "date" failed miserably.

"So, Noah, tell me about this girl," Caroline said.

Noah chewed his first bite before replying. "Mmm, this good."

"Thank you, my dear. Now…tell me about this Mia person."

"She's my friend from school," Noah said, "She's nice."

"And what did you do when she came over to play?"

In chronological fashion, Noah recalled his day with Mia. Sarah swooned all over again at the pretzel story and the credit card story and she pressed Noah about the goodbye.

"Don't forget to tell Gram she hugged you!"

Ed shot her a warning glance.

Sarah backed down, "Well, she did hug _everybody_."

"She's a good friend, isn't she, Noah?" Olivia said.

"Yup! I go to her house next!"

"So she liked my cookies?" Caroline asked.

"She LOVE your cookies!"

"Well, why don't you bring her to Sunday dinner next weekend?" Caroline asked.

Even Sarah rolled her eyes. Ed reached over and took away Caroline's gin-and-tonic. Brooke grabbed the wine. Olivia smoothed Noah's hair, kissed his head, and murmured, "Maybe someday."

From her high chair, Maggie blew her bubbles, sending sprays of mashed potatoes all over. Wyatt giggled at his twin and shoved a handful of food into his mouth. Caroline tried to wrestle her drinks back and Sarah and Brooke stopped her. She bargained for their return, and they quickly relented. Olivia and Ed took in the chaos without batting an eye. They ate and casually followed the banter, not joining in but offering congenial smiles. At one point, Olivia requested another chop. Ed dropped one on her plate, but she didn't set it down right away. Uncertainty overtook his features.

 _What's wrong?_

Olivia mouthed her response.

 _I love this._

He surveyed the table—the same one where he'd eaten meals as a kid, surrounded by the too-big china cabinet and the walls of family photos.

He smirked and mouthed back.

 _Me too_.

…

 _ **#Tuckson**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**.

The Tuckers stayed at Caroline's longer than they'd intended, but it was time well spent. Olivia was willing to sacrifice later bedtimes for the fun they had playing cards and trading friendly barbs. When they finally had to say goodbye, Caroline, as usual, demanded they not stay away for too long and it was Brooke who promised she would be back the next weekend.

"I really love this," she said earnestly.

"You're just so _far_ away Grandma!" Sarah interjected. "You need to move to the city."

" _Hmph_. You need to get out of the city every once in a while so you can keep it real."

Sarah burst into laughter and collapsed into Brooke. "She said _keep it real_."

Ed and Olivia packed up their brood and began the drive back home. Both were in exceptional moods. They joked about the chair, and Ed mentioned Brooke discovered it but quickly deduced the damage was the result of the heavy tubs. Olivia laughed. Ed smirked. Another secret, just for them.

Ed was turning off the parkway when Olivia took a call from Chief Dodds. She didn't do much talking—there were many _uh-uhs_ and _mmhmms_ and _I understands_. When she ended the call, her demeanor was significantly less cheerful.

"Haveta go in?"

"No…"

Ed let his hand drift to her thigh, "Then what's wrong?"

"I have to send Carisi undercover."

They were almost home. Ed mumbled a "damn" under his breath but waited until the kids were in bed before delving further into the topic. To his delight, though, the topic was discussed in the Jacuzzi tub.

Olivia's idea.

" _Mmmmm_ , this is so nice," she leaned back, requesting a kiss which he was more than happy to provide.

"Yeah it is."

"I almost don't want to talk about work."

"I want you to."

Olivia summarized the Chief's proposition. Computer crimes had stumbled upon a site on the dark web where users were apparently boasting of "conquests" which seemed to fit the description of the recent Murray Hill rapes.

"They think it's some type of underground brag board and the users aren't necessarily connected. They're one-upping each other. Which explains the escalation." Olivia paused. It seemed strange to have this conversation while sharing the bathtub with her husband, "And since Carisi was the only one not on scene when we took the initial calls, he's a great UC."

"Seems like a pretty good set up."

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?" Ed asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's too soon…I'm not sure he's…ready."

"Liv, everyone, including you, officially says he's ready."

"There's more to it, Ed."

He sat up so they could face each other as much as possible. "What is it baby?"

Olivia winced. Squeezed her eyes closed. Opened them again. Ed's eyes were still on her.

"I'm having a hard time being his commanding officer right now."

"That bad?"

"Ed, he shot and killed a man."

Ed knew about her heart-to-heart with Carisi, but Tucker had a hard time feeling sympathetic for a criminal. Olivia acknowledged the difference between Carisi and Ed. Ed wouldn't think twice or feel remorse after taking someone out. Carisi was agonizing, questioning, replaying, and wishing there would've been some other way out if it.

"It was a good shoot."

"In his eyes, he was playing God."

"The guy's crimes took God out of it."

"I tried to make that point. I'm not sure it landed. And…you know what? I don't know if I'm hesitant because he's family or because he's a member of my squad and just been through this."

"Maybe both."

"Maybe." Olivia settled back into Ed's chest. "Would you be…would you say something if Dodds wanted me to go undercover?"

"Depends."

"On what?"  
"You _know_ on what, Liv. The job. The circumstances. The time."

"So you would say something."

"If it were a dangerous assignment, if I felt weird about it, yes I would."

Olivia shot up, sloshing water over the sides of the tub. "Who would decide _dangerous_?"

Ed wasn't anticipating such a defensive response. "I…would hope we would make that decision together." He twirled a damp piece of hair. "But ultimately…I trust your decisions…so if you thought it was something you needed to do, I wouldn't object."

Olivia dipped her head into his chest. "The thing is," she murmured, "I don't think I would do it."

"And you won't have to," he rasped, "You're the _boss_. You have a full squad. You don't have to do that stuff anymore."

"But I'm about to ask someone else to."

Ed tangled his fingers in her hair. "They signed up for it. Just like you did when you were younger. Just like I did. Like everyone did." He kissed her. "We've paid our dues, Liv. You gotta realize that."

…..

Sarah playfully ran her fingers through Patrick's chest hair as she took in the view of lower Manhattan.

"This is a perfect place," she said in a raspy voice, "I wish I could find something like this."

Patrick groaned. "You have to go in this early? I don't have an appointment until noon."

"I really need to make an appearance. I'm good…but not that good…yet."

"Why don't you quit your job and marry me?"

Sarah laughed, "Why don't you let me leave and meet me and Noey later on?"

"Noah?  
"Yes. I'm getting him today after school. We're going to get a mani pedi and then a drink."

"This is your five year old brother?"

"Yes."

"He can go to day care or something, can't he?"

"I'm picking him up from school," Sarah said, sitting up, "And we're having a nice afternoon together."

"So you're gonna go to work and then go hang out with a little kid."

"Yes," Sarah replied, sitting up, "And, as I've said, he's my brother."

"Just seems like a lot of work."

Sarah found her clothes and started getting dressed. "I promised I would get him today. Other than my work, which I also have to attend to, he's my priority." Sarah gave Patrick a poignant glare. "He will always be my priority."

…..

"Good morning, gorgeous." Ed kissed Olivia's cheek and swatted at her behind on his way into the closet.

"Morning." She approvingly eyed his naked backside. "Going in late today?" Olivia had already showered and got Noah up and parked at the coffee table for breakfast and juice. The babies were still snoozing.

Ed reappeared in sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. "Yeah, have a lunch meeting. I'll take Maggie and Wyatt around ten. You want coffee?"

"No…I'll get some on the way in."

"Sure?"

Olivia smiled appreciatively. "I'm sure. But thank you."

Ed leaned against the vanity. "Feel any better about Carisi?"

"I do," she replied, taking a deep breath. "He's gotta move forward and we have a dangerous ring of rapists out there. Maybe…in a way, this will end up being good for him."

"He'll be fine, Liv. And Brooke will be, too."

"If she doesn't kill me."

"She'll understand," Ed pulled her close and rubbed the small of her back. "God, I hope she leaves that kid alone."

The last thing Ed and Olivia talked about before falling asleep the night before was Brooke's relationship with her former student. Ed scolded himself for neglecting to tell Brooke he'd met Kyle's grandmother, and he also lamented Kyle's inaccurate assumption that Brooke had anything to do with their eviction. Olivia did her best to assuage the undeserved guilt consuming him, and she, too, was alarmed Brooke had been meeting with her former student.

"Me too," Olivia said softly though deep down she had a feeling Brooke would have trouble abandoning Kyle. She put her palms on his chest. "Sweetie, I really have to get a move on here."

"Okay," he kissed the tip of her nose and glanced down at her chest. She had not yet put on a blouse and was wearing only a simple black bra.

Olivia let out a little chuckle, "You know what that reminds me of?"

"What _what_ reminds you of?"

"That little look you just gave me."

Ed raised his eyebrows and let his eyes droop. "I always look at you like this."

"But it reminds me of the time you bought me a drink in that bar…after Amaro's dad was arrested. You snuck a little peek then."

"And you're just _now_ calling me on it?" He asked with mock incredulity, smirking and clasping his fingers against her skin, not quite ready to let her go.

"I guess I was a little distracted by, uh—"

"How irresistibly handsome I was?"

"More like how nice you were."

"God I loved that night. _I_ remember wanting to kiss you so badly I couldn't stand it."

"I remember being a little…confused."

Ed made a smacking noise, "Ah, you were into me."

"I didn't say I wasn't," she cocked her eyebrow, suddenly not so concerned about getting to the precinct early. She leaned up and kissed him. "I've been into you ever since then. And I always will be."

She expected him to go for another, deeper kiss, but he pressed his forehead against hers and intoned, "Liv, last night when you asked me about you going undercover…"

"I'm sorry I reacted that way."

"No, no, you were right. It's just…the times I saw you hurt, in danger, it nearly killed me. Maybe sounds a little selfish, but I don't want to go there again…see you in peril again…I _refuse_ to let anything bad happen to you. So, a UC assignment, Liv? It would scare me. I wouldn't demand you say no, but it would scare me."

Ed rarely displayed such raw emotion, at least, not _this_ type of sentiment. He had no problem pouring his heart out when the topic was how much he loved his family, but Olivia wasn't sure she had ever heard him verbally admit to being scared.

Her fingers tenderly stroked the back of his head. She remembered his face when he took her statement after Lewis killed himself. She heard his voice asking if everyone was okay after Joe Utley learned Ralph had been apprehended. She recalled him leading her away after Utley was killed—the way he kept his arm around her until they got to the car and then radioed for a path to be cleared so they could get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

"I don't want you to be scared," she said in a throaty voice.

"I can handle it…if I have to, but honestly? I'd rather not have to."

"I promise you. I would never make a decision knowing it could hurt our family. Hurt _you_. The job isn't my whole life anymore. You are."

They kissed and fell into a tight, secure embrace which lasted until they heard Noah calling for them.

"Mommy! Daddy! Babies need ya!"

Ed loosened his grip and kissed her once more. "Sure ya don't want any coffee?" His eyes practically pleaded with her to accept the offer, so she did. At the moment, giving her husband that bit of satisfaction outweighed anything in the world.

…

At the nail salon Sarah read a _People_ magazine, holding it with one hand, and Noah played games on her iPhone while their feet were scrubbed and buffed. Noah's manicure took no time at all, so he had the use of both hands and he swung his arms around, acting out the moves of his avatar. Sarah warned him about dropping the device into the water and Noah merely giggled in response.

"Noey! It's not funny! I would have to get a new phone."

"I won't drop it."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

"So, how was school today?"

"Good."

"Whadja learn?"

Noah kept his eyes glued to his game, "Ummmm, graphs."

"Graphs? Wow."

"Yup. And some reading."

"Both useful skills. Aren't you going to ask me how work was?"

"How was work?" Noah asked robotically.

"Oh, it was quite boring today actually. A lot of work on the computer. And a few phone calls."

"You talk Spanish?"

"Not today. A _whollllle_ bunch of English."

Noah giggled again. His legs jerked and some of the water splashed. "That tickled!"

The woman working on his foot shot him a quick smile and continued running the buffer along his heel.

"Ope! Sare bear! Got a message!"

"Who's it from?"

"It say P-a—"

"Ugh. Patrick. Ignore."

Noah swiped the notification away and continued playing.

"Noey, do you like Patrick?"

He shrugged and made a "meh" sound.

"Yeah, that's about the way I feel right now."

"Sare Bear, I'm hungry!"

"We'll get something to eat after this. Hey—how are you doing on your art supplies? We're right by DaVinci. Want to get some new stuff?"

"Yeah!"

"You can draw with your left hand okay?"

"I can use this hand, too," Noah held up his right arm, the cast now had so many signatures very few of them were actually legible. The part between his thumb and index finger was worn and nicked.

"Are you supposed to use it?"

"Uh-huh. Just can't go like this," Noah put his palm on the seat but didn't press down.

"Well, I'm proud of you. You handle adversity well."

Noah frowned at the unfamiliar word.

"It means when something bad happens or if you get hurt, you don't get sad."

"Nope! I'm not sad. I didn't _cry_."

"I know. I was there. So," Mischief crossed Sarah's face, "Who helps you at school when you can't use that hand?"

"My friends and my teachers."

"Which friends?"

Noah looked upwards and twisted his lips. "Mia and Nathan."

"What does Mia do?"

"Holds my paints and opens my bags at lunch."

Sarah was grinning uncontrollably, picturing these scenes and desperately wanting to witness them in real life.

 _The next time I pick him up I'm going to ask if they need volunteers_.

"Hmmm," Sarah mused, "Sounds serious. Is Mia your _best_ friend?"

Noah leaned back in the oversized, plush leather chair, and smiled sweetly. His reply was tinged with exasperation. " _Sare Bear_ , you my best friend!"

…

The undercover assignment flattered Carisi, and he accepted without question, considering it an order rather than an option. He worked with the department psychologist and Rollins on a profile and they got him set up with identification and a virtual presence. The strategy was to stage an assault and subsequently have Carisi take credit in the dark web chat rooms, earning him an invitation to the sites the real rapists used which could then be dismantled by TARU and computer crimes.

"So it's mostly online," Carisi said, taking a bite of his cheeseburger. "And should be resolved pretty quick.

Brooke wasn't so sure. "So you have to _pretend_ to rape someone?"

"Not exactly, well, yeah…"

"And how exactly is that going to go down?"

"I'm not supposed to get into specifics," Carisi replied, "It's, uh, the goal is to bust the guys behind the string of rapes in Murray Hill."

"You told me that already," Brooke snapped.

"Brooke I can't," Sonny held out his arms helplessly.  
"I know…sorry…I just…there's a lot going on. Like, are you sure you're really ready for something like this? It seems like you shot that guy and it's had absolutely no effect on you. And that's so…not _you_."

Other than the night of the shooting, Carisi hadn't said much to Brooke. He chalked everything up to "doing his job," and the two of them hadn't had much alone time since then. Despite Olivia encouraging him to talk more with his wife, the moment seemed to have passed.

"I want to put it behind me," Sonny answered. "If I don't, I can't do my job."

"I get that…but…are you really okay?" Brooke looked into his eyes, searching for angst or sorrow but he stared back at her resolutely.

"I'm working on it."

"Alone?"

Carisi pressed his lips together and his eyes darted around the restaurant as if he were searching for an answer among the patrons. "It's probably the worst thing I've ever had to do," he said slowly, "But I think Liv had the best point—I may have pulled the trigger but that guy killed himself."

Brooke assumed he'd spoken at length to Olivia about the shooting, but him quoting her stung. "So, Liv, the shrink, Rollins…they all get full disclosure and I get 'I want to put it behind me?'" Embarrassed by her petulance, Brooke stared at the table. Perhaps it was unfair to add a jealous wife to everything else facing Sonny, but she couldn't stop herself from making the comment.

Sonny dropped the French fry he was about to eat. "I really want to leave it in the past, Brooke. You're my normal. Please realize that. I don't want the memory of shooting him to permeate my _whole_ life, okay? And I don't want you looking at me and seeing me as a…killer."

Brooke's stomach flip-flopped, but she managed a weak smile. "Well now I feel like a bitch."

Sonny grinned, glad the tension was short-lived. "And I certainly don't want you to think you're a bitch. Because you're not. I should've said this to you earlier…but I…I hadn't worked through it myself quite yet." He grabbed one of her hands. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They finished their meals and took the long way home, strolling hand-in-hand. The undercover operation was commencing tomorrow. Brooke still hadn't told him about Kyle, but she decided that could wait until the squad caught the men terrorizing Murray Hill.

…

Maggie saw Olivia first. She zoomed across the rug and expertly pulled herself up against the half-door separating the infant day care playroom from the main hallway. Soon she and Wyatt would move on to the toddler room, yet another milestone to be celebrated, but not one that came without a hint of melancholy.

She flexed her knees and did the closest thing she could to jumping. When Olivia poked her head over the edge, Maggie squealed and gave Olivia her most excited smile—a grin that was becoming unmistakably hers—she stuck out her jaw and her little lips curled back, revealing her top and bottom teeth.

"Hi my sweet girl!"

Maggie tried to scale the door, desperately trying to get a grip on the faux wood with her pink t-strapped crib shoes.

"C'mere, sweetie." Olivia picked her up and one of the attendants opened the door. She gave her thanks and asked Maggie, "Where's Wyatt? Where's your brother?"

Maggie alertly turned her head back and forth. Once she laid eyes on Wyatt she screeched and squirmed.

"Is that him?" Olivia said, "Yes it is! There's Wyatt! Wyatt! Come here, sweetheart! Time to go!"

Upon hearing his name, Wyatt's head shot up. Like his sister, as soon as he saw Olivia he made a mad dash for her. She scooped him up and kissed his cheeks.

"It's a beautiful day, sweet twins. Mommy brought the stroller."

"Need any help?" The attendant asked.

Both Olivia and Ed were experts at juggling two babies at once by now, and she declined. She grabbed the twins' bags, and once they were seated in the stroller, she put on their jackets, kissed them both on top of their heads, and walked out into the sunshine.

….

Sarah and Noah met Olivia and the twins in the park. Olivia had stopped at home to change and grab a few toys and a blanket, and they were set up in a semi-shaded spot near the ball fields. Noah spotted them first and sprinted over. Olivia didn't see him until he crashed into her from behind, giving her an enthusiastic bear hug.

"Hi sweet boy!" She said, a bit choked but grinning nonetheless.

"Hi Mommy! Hi babies!" Noah gave them both hugs, but then frowned.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"Don't have my ball."

"They _miiiight_ be in the stroller."

He immediately brightened and hustled to the stroller where he found his football and his soccer ball. "Thanks, Mommy!"

"You're welcome. Very polite. I love it."

"Gonna kick the ball," Noah said, "Then Sare Bear can throw the f'ball."

"Stay close sweetie."

"Kay!"

Sarah sat cross-legged on the blanket next to Olivia and held out her hands. "What do you think? Too dark?"

Olivia held her wrist and examined Sarah's fingernails. "No. I like it." She angled it toward the sun, "Is it blue? Gray?"

"Combination of both, I think. I never get something this…punk…but Noey likes it."

"I get that every once in a while…but I haven't had my nails done in a long time. Probably need it."

"Livvie, you always look perfect."

"Ha!"

Olivia's phone pinged.

"If you have to go I'll watch the kiddos!" Sarah offered enthusiastically, apparently forgetting how exhausted she'd been the last time she babysat all three Tucker kids.

"I don't. It's your Dad. Just telling me he's on his way home and picking up diapers on the way."

Olivia stared off into the distance, purportedly at Noah who was practicing his soccer moves a few yards away, but Sarah recognized there were more thoughts running through her head than the actions of her five-year-old.

"Livvie?"

She flinched ever so slightly, "Yeah?"

"Y'okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking about how nice it is to get a text like that."

Now it was Sarah's turn to make a face, "He's going home and buying _diapers_? Yes…that's sexy."

Olivia pretended she didn't pick up on Sarah's sarcasm. "It is, isn't it?"

"Livvvvvie, _gawwwd_ ," Sarah put her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"You don't get it, Sare," Olivia said, "This is all still new to me. All of it. Even buying diapers….and when we talk later we'll be annoyed at ourselves for not going to Costco over the weekend. And it's still…all so…"

Sarah finished the thought, "Perfect…because you never thought you would have all this."

" _Any_ of this. So," Olivia grabbed Maggie who was plucking handfuls of grass. She brushed them away before they went into her mouth. "Yes. I love getting texts like that. But you know what is kinda funny?"

"What?"

"Your Dad texts in complete sentences. With punctuation. And doesn't use any shortcuts. It's adorable."

"Omigod, omigod, _omigaaawwwwd_ that _is_ adorable! I wouldn't know. His texts to me are like, one or two words. But that is _soooo_ cute. And you know what else is cute? These freaking babies. C'mere, Wyatt!"

He was closest, so Sarah snatched him for a quick snuggle. "Okay, okay, I know ya wanna move." She let him go and pouted, "He's usually the one who likes to cuddle."

"Not so much lately. They're both getting ready to walk, I think."

"Wyatt's prolly pissed because Maggie crawled first, so he's going to walk first. But _I'm_ pissed that neither one of them will say Sare Bear yet."

"They haven't said Mommy or Mama either."

"Oh, Livvie, they will. Probably when you least expect it."

"Of course," Olivia gazed at her little ones and then took a glimpse at Noah who was obediently staying close to the blanket.

"Livvie, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"You don't have to answer."

"Okay."

"Did you know Noah was yours when you found him?"

Olivia pressed her lips together contemplatively and was silent for a minute. "You know…I have held so many babies in my career…so many. Sick, abused, malnourished, neglected…products of the worst imaginable circumstances. But the second I laid eyes on Noah—I knew he was meant for me. That's why I went to every family court hearing…I guess…we were just meant to find each other."

Olivia's phone pinged again and she laughed as she read the message.

"Daddy again?"

"Yeah," she said, trying not to become emotional, "Double checking on the diaper size."

Sarah was in the middle of another _omigawwwwwd_ when her own phone rang.

"Ohhh…. _shit_."

"What is it?"

"It's my mom…she collapsed at work, they just had to rush her to the hospital."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**.

Angela worked three blocks from Sarah's office in lower Manhattan, but mother and daughter hadn't had contact in several months. While Brooke dutifully visited during the holidays and for important events in their half-brother's life, Sarah shied away, either making excuses or flat-out refusing to attend. She and her mother had always butted heads, but as Sarah made her way into adulthood, she was content to diminish Angela's role as much as possible. When Olivia came along, that approach was even easier. Finally, Sarah found a woman she could trust, could talk to, and could love wholeheartedly without worrying about that love being used as a manipulative tool. So, as Sarah read Brooke's updates while speeding down the FDR in a taxi, she was not all moved. She assumed she would have to buy something to wear to the funeral. Wondered if her mother had a grave site picked out. Assumed she and her new husband had life insurance policies. Thought about whether or not Olivia would attend the service.

When Sarah arrived at the hospital, she was ready to appropriately cry and wail like the best of devastated daughters.

"She's stable," Brooke reported.

Sarah stopped herself from rolling her eyes. "What happened?"

"They don't know. Maybe a heart attack."

"Great. She's how old? Fifty? I need to get a heart screening immediately." Sarah wiggled her fingers in the air as if she were summoning servants. "Wait a minute, where the hell is Sonny?"

"He's learning how to be a rapist."

Sarah nodded nonchalantly but then gasped, " _What_?"

"I'll explain later. Is Dad on his way?"

"Yes. I wanted to wait for him but Livvie shoved me in a cab on CPW. Where's Dave?"

Brooke glared at Sarah, annoyed she was so out of touch with the rest of her family. "He's in London? Hello? He's been there since Thanksgiving."

"Hmm. Wonder if he has a job for Hillary."

"Sarah what the fuck?" Brooke muttered under her breath.

"Okay, okay, okay." Sarah threw up her hands in surrender. "What do you want me to do?"

"Go get Aidan."

"I just got _here_. And…where is he?"

"At school."

"Out on Long _Island_?"

Brooke was beyond frustrated. Sarah had a terrible sense of geography. According to her, there was Manhattan and Everywhere Else. "In Greenwich."

"That's like an hour away."

"Go get him and take him to my place. He can stay with me for now."

"Brooke, you're going to Florida in a week!"

"Maybe not, Sonny's going undercover."

" _What_?"

"I told you I'll explain later. Just…go get Aidan, please. He was at Lacrosse practice but he's with his coaches until one of us gets him."

"With what car? I am _not_ going on the train at this hour. Can't he ride the train here? We always did."

"Sarah, his mom's in the hospital!"

"Well, who the hell told him? They coulda kept it a se—"

"Girls!" Ed came jogging toward them, "You okay? How's your mom?"

"Brooke wants me to go ALL the way to Connecticut to get Aidan, and—"

Ed produced his keys. "Take my car and go."

" _Daddy_!"

Ed focused on Brooke, "How is she? Any word from the doctors?"

"Not much, she's stable but not conscious."

"Well, that's not bad news." Ed hugged Brooke more tightly but he was still holding his keys. He stared at Sarah. "You do have a driver's license, don't you?"

" _Yes_."

"Then go."

"You know…" Sarah was about to go on a rant how she and Brooke traveled on the train by themselves for years and never had anyone come and pick them up, but some alarms went off, nurses went scurrying, and she instantaneously grasped the gravity of the situation. "Fine," she muttered. "I'll go. I cannot believe you're sending _me_ of all people, but, I'll go."

"I'm Mom's emergency contact," Brooke said, "I have to stay."

Sarah scratched her neck. "Is it all gassed up?"

"Yes."

"Brookey, send me the address of his school and I swear to God he better be there."

"He will be," Brooke said, "But you're also going to have to take him home so he can pack a bag."

"Ugh. Fine. I assume he knows how to get home."

"He's fifteen, I hope so."

"Fifteen? When did that happen?"

Sarah winked and walked off. Ed kissed the side of Brooke's head. "Ya alright?"

"I'm fine…just wish I knew more….thanks for coming."

Ed furrowed his brow. "I would never dream of letting you go through something like this alone. Come on. Let's sit. You want coffee? Something to eat? Whatever you want, let me know."

….

Rollins fanned out files all over the Tucker's dining table and contemplated them with her hands on her hips.

"Amanda, is Jesse okay with chicken nuggets? I have sweet potatoes too, and some carrots, which Noah won't eat but the twins will."

"She eats anything," Amanda replied indifferently. "Thank you for feeding her."

"Thank _you_ for working from here. I don't think Ed will be back any time soon." Olivia arranged the nuggets on a cookie sheet and put them in the oven, "Noah, clear your table for you and Jesse, okay?"

"We wanna watcha movie!"

Olivia didn't like Noah to eat his meals in front of the television, but this sounded like a good plan for this particular evening. Rollins nodded her assent and Olivia told Noah and Jesse to decide what they wanted to watch.

"Maggie and Wyatt are so sweet," Rollins said as she shifted her gaze from the paperwork to the play mat where the twins were tossing toys around.

"They have always been the best babies," Olivia said, "Yet another reason we're lucky."

"Are you and Ed done having kids?"

"Yeah," Olivia replied, "This is it. What about you?"

"Well, I said I wasn't having kids. And now I'm saying Jesse is it. So, with me, you never know. But if I have another one, I'm not doing it on my own."

"How's that going?"

Amanda fidgeted. Her eyes twitched. "You mean what's going on with Declan?"

"No," Olivia replied pointedly, "I meant how _are you_?"

"Declan isn't going back…but he's upstate. We've been there, you know, and it's all about him and Jesse. So she can see his Daddy. Declan and I…that was…I was in such a bad place then. And now I'm not." Amanda screwed up her face, "And I know we've talked about this. He wants more, I know he does, but I would always be on pins and needles about him leaving again."

Olivia put a reassuring hand on Amanda's shoulder, "It's not easy. And I want you to keep talking about it. I'm glad you are talking about it."

Rollins glanced at her phone. "Carisi called. His fake site is up and running. Just waiting for sharks to bite and for the girl to be in place and stumbling later on."

"Where'd we find her?"

Rollins held up a photo, "The academy. Reminds me of the one we used to bust Teddy. So we've staged something brazen, in an alley on thirty-ninth, Carisi will get away, brag about it, and hopefully that get him in their little club. This dark web…man it's like a whole other world. It _is_ a whole other world."

"As if the regular internet isn't terrifying enough."

"Right. Hey, speaking of Teddy…have you heard from Pippa at all?"

"Not since she moved."

"God, that was terrible."

"It was…excruciating."

"And that's another thing about Declan," Amanda said, "After being around that scum for all these years, none of it rubs off on you? Do you eventually become one of the monsters?"

"It has happened…but I also think it becomes an obsession. Fin would know better than I would, but you see the depths of these crimes and, in his case, you want to take everyone down. Declan's a stand-up guy, I'm sure he falls into that category."

"Which is why I'm not confident he can stay away."

Over on the sofa, Noah and Jesse sat back and waited for the movie to start. When the sound came on it was way too loud and everyone's head snapped up. Noah giggled out an "oops," and turned down the volume. Maggie and Wyatt crawled over and sat on the floor in front of the television.

"I never thought I would be okay with parking kids in front of the TV," Olivia said, "But I quickly learned that was unrealistic."

"Oh yeah," Amanda replied, "Disney has bought me some precious time. And I don't feel bad about it."

…..

Sarah parked Ed's SUV in front of Aidan's school and found the front doors locked. She tried a few adjacent doors, but they, too, were secured. She called Brooke.

"The fucking school is locked."

"He's on the field."

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"The field? Lacrosse practice? You couldn't figure that out?"

Sarah hung up and followed the signs for the athletic fields. Sure enough, Aidan and a few other people were sitting on bleachers. She got out, smoothing her jeans and flowy white t-shirt. Everyone but Aidan looked happy to see her.

"Hi," She extended her hand to the first person to greet her, a homely middle-aged woman, "I'm Sarah. Here to get Aidan."

The woman stared at her. "Is. Everything. _Oh_. _Kay_?"

Sarah wanted to laugh. If Aidan's mom was dead, coding "okay" like that wasn't going to help nor was it going to fool him. "She's fine. I need to take Aidan home and then to the city."

Aidan finally walked in her direction. He was tall, skinny, and burdened with an overstuffed backpack and an athletic bag, both of which he tossed in the rear of the SUV. Sarah told him as much as she knew about his mother, and they drove in silence to the house.

"When's my Dad coming back?" He asked before getting out of the car.

"I don't know."

"What am I supposed to do with Oreo?"

" _Oreo_?"

"Our cat."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sarah mumbled, "Bring the damn cat. Just hurry up. I don't like driving in the dark."

Thirty minutes later, Aidan, a week's worth of clothes, Oreo, and her litter box were on their way to Manhattan.

…

"Okay Ed. Okay. Sweetie, stay there. Be there for Brooke. It's alright."

Rollins tried not to listen to her boss speak to her husband, but Olivia was pacing the living room and making no effort to muffle her words.

"Tell Sarah she can come here. Yes with Aidan, he doesn't need to be at the hospital all night. It's fine. For now. Ed, we'll work it out. Okay. I know. I know. I love you, too."

She ended the call and placed the phone on the table.

"Everything as good as can be expected?" Rollins asked.

"That is exactly how I would characterize the situation."

"Any word on why she collapsed?"

"A stroke," Olivia said regretfully.

"Oh no…"

"Apparently she slipped into a coma. Touch and go. Sarah is bringing her son, their brother, here…his Dad is in London but they haven't been able to contact him."

"Oh no. Lieutenant…we can handle all of this—"

"I know you can," Olivia put up a hand, "But let's just get this started and we'll go from there." Olivia looked at Noah and Jesse on the couch and the twins playing on the floor. The undercover op was supposed to begin tonight, and her apartment was hardly the place to command the operation. "You know what…why don't I stay here? And you go to the precinct? Jesse's good, right? Has her pajamas? Just keep me posted."

Rollins was thrilled. Olivia was handing over the reins, grating her the ultimate trust. "I will, Lieutenant. Jesse…she has everything."

"I'll put her in Noah's bed. And I'll put the rail up. Thank you, Amanda."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

….

There was nothing Ed hated more than coming home to quiet. It meant he missed everything. He missed kissing Wyatt goodnight and watching him curl up and soothe himself to sleep. Wyatt loved his bed. He loved his jungle-themed blanket. He held a corner of it between his thumb and index finger as he drifted off to sleep.

Maggie wasn't as easy.

He missed Maggie screaming….insisting to fall asleep in her Daddy's arms. She never did this when Ed was gone or out of sight. However, if Ed was there, she cried until he picked her up, and he always picked her up. She would nestle her little head into his neck and close her eyes with a sly smile on her face. It was only when her grip on his shirt loosened that he put her in the crib. Even then, he watched her as she stretched out and smacked her lips, she was so perfect.

And then he would take one final glimpse of Wyatt—totally out, Wyatt never had trouble sleeping. And, illuminated in the moonlight, he was a mini-Olivia. His jaw was the same. Their coloring was the same. He looked exactly like her. Except for those blue eyes. Both Wyatt and Maggie had his eyes.

They had made two more perfect versions of themselves.

After he looked in on the twins, he went to the master bedroom where Noah was sleeping next to Olivia. She jumped out of bed, hugged him, and listened to him parrot what the doctors had told him and Brooke. Not much had changed. Angela had been treated with medication to dissolve the clot, but she was still in a coma.

"Doc let it slip to me in private that a coma's not a good sign. But then again, she's young… _ish_ …and they got her to the hospital as quickly as possible. Vital signs are strong."

"Oh, _Ed_." Olivia hugged him again, "I'm so sorry, honey. Are you okay?"

"I'm good, Liv. Glad to be home. With you."

"And Brooke?"  
"I told her she could come here, but she's with Sarah and Aidan at Sarah's place since she has the extra bedroom. Did they stop by?"

"No, she ended up going straight home."

"How'd it go with Carisi tonight?"

"Apparently without a hitch—I was just texting back and forth with Rollins—a lot of people have viewed Carisi's fake site but nobody's made contact yet. I _really_ hope we don't have to continue this for much longer."

He kissed her forehead, "Fingers crossed. Hey, I'm gonna change and try to get some sleep. I'm exhausted."

"You must be." Olivia eyed Noah, "I let him fall asleep in here," she said, "He and Jesse were too crowded in his bed."

"Good. Don't want Mia to get jealous."

"Ed!" She swatted at him as he walked past her and into the bathroom as she added. "You're awful."

He returned, shirtless and wearing shorts, and instead of going over to his side of the bed sat next to Olivia. "Awful, huh?"

"Yep."

He leaned down and kissed her. "How awful?"

"A tiny bit."

"Oh. Okay. I can live with that."

Olivia caressed his cheek and gazed at him sweetly, "Sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, like I said," He gingerly climbed over Noah and got under the covers but not before giving her another kiss, "I'm so glad to be home."

Noah rolled over so he was flush with Ed and sighed, " _Daddy_."

Ed gave him a kiss and whispered, "Yeah bud. Daddy's right here. Mommy too. Love you bud."

Olivia and Ed smiled at each other as Noah mumbled something that sounded close to "love you, too."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve**.

The waiting room televisions were all tuned to local news channels, and every single one of them, at varying points in their programming, broadcast taped footage of Lieutenant Olivia Benson, flanked by Sergeant Amanda Rollins and Deputy Chief William Dodds, announcing Manhattan's Special Victims Unit had caught the predators suspected to be responsible for the recent string of Murray Hill rapes. Not only that, in conjunction with Computer Crimes and TARU, they had taken down related websites and discussion boards, preventing similar crimes from taking place in the future.

"While we know the internet is a breeding ground for all types of nefarious behavior," Olivia said, "These sites are connected to other sites, and this ring will, undoubtedly, lead to related investigations, and, more arrests."

The broadcast interrupted regular programming right before lunchtime. Sarah was the first to notice and squealed loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, causing already-tense relatives and friends to shoot her nasty stares after they calmed down from the false alarm.

"Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwd_!"

Brooke shushed her but quietly wondered why Sonny wasn't there. After all, he did most of the dirty work.

"He was the UC, they're not gonna show his face," Ed mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, keeping his eyes on the television and beaming with pride.

"Livvie looks so _hotttt_!"

Brooke rolled her eyes at Sarah once again disregarding a more important point. However, Olivia _did_ look radiant in front of the cameras. Nobody would have guessed that the past three days had been some of the most hectic in recent memory. Her face had a healthy glow, and she was dressed in all black, accentuating her coloring. Around her neck was the Valentine's Day Cartier which she reflexively touched while listening to reporters' questions. She couldn't help moving her hands when she responded, and Ed relished seeing the lights hit the diamond on her left ring finger.

Brooke resisted the temptation to tease Sarah about Dodds. "She really does look pretty. And confident. I would freak out with all that attention!"

"She's prepared," Ed replied, "And very good at her job."

"I. Love. Her." Sarah threw her body forward, sending her loose blonde locks flying wildly.

The camera cut to footage of the handcuffed perps being escorted into the precinct, and Ed shifted his eyes to Aidan, sitting two chairs down. The teenager hadn't spoken more than a few sentences and the requisite pleases and thank yous, and he sat slumped in the chair, his eyes laser-focused on his shoes. He still seemed in shock and bewildered by the circumstances, and Ed pitied him. Angela was out of the coma and improving, but she was looking at a lengthy stint in a rehabilitation center and his father was still incommunicado. Next week was Spring Break, but beyond that, he needed to go back to school and to some sense of normalcy. Being shuttled between Manhattan apartments had to be unsettling.

Ed's mind drifted back to two mornings ago, when he and Olivia woke up unsure of whether or not Angela had survived the night. Groggily, Ed pawed around for his phone and called Brooke to check in, keeping his voice low since Noah was still asleep.

"Anything?" Olivia asked when he hung up.

"Nope. No news is good news, I guess." Ed settled back in next to her and Noah, slinging an arm around both of them for a few final, precious minutes of snuggle time.

Olivia massaged his bicep. "This has to be tough."

Ed closed his eyes and burrowed his head deeper into the pillow. "I hate that Brooke and Sarah, Brooke in particular, have to deal with this."

"They're strong," Olivia said reassuringly, "But…"

She trailed off, so Ed finished her sentence. "Nobody prepares you for this."

"No…no, they don't. Has anyone managed to get a hold of Dave?"

Brooke tried," Ed groaned, "But apparently he switched companies…she talked to Aidan and he tried to Face Time but he didn't pick up."

"That's weird."

"It's very weird." Ed speculated that Dave and Angela's marriage was a marriage in name only—Aidan said his father had been in and out of the country for the past year and he often took long holiday excursions to various places in Europe and even Northern Africa. When Ed guessed Aidan may be invited along on one of those vacations one day, Aidan laughed derisively, the most emotion he'd displayed since arriving in Manhattan.

Olivia propped herself on her elbow, "Whatever needs to happen, Ed, whatever we need to do, it's all good."

He smiled. "Thank you."

"And that includes anything Aidan needs. Poor kid…"

"Yeah. It's gotta be… _damn_ ," Ed rubbed a temple but his phone interrupted his thought, "It's Sarah," he reported, "She's bringing breakfast."

"Well I guess I better get up then." Olivia kissed Noah's cheek gently. "I can't believe this one and Jesse are still asleep."

Twenty minutes later, Noah and Jesse were very much awake. Olivia tried to entice them to hang out on the couch with juice until Sarah arrived with the food, but the kids had other ideas. As soon as Maggie and Wyatt had their diapers changed and were deposited on the floor, Noah and Jesse started playing chase. There were, according to the older ones' chatter, teams, but Olivia could make no sense out of the patterns they made through the living room and bedrooms and was, once again, thankful there was no apartment directly below theirs.

When Olivia announced the twins needed to eat, Noah and Jesse bellowed a simultaneous "NO!" and sprinted for Noah's room. The twins followed, but their crawling pace proved to be a disadvantage.

"Gotcha, babies!" Olivia said, holding a twin under each arm. They wiggled and fussed. "Shh shh shh...time to eat." As soon as their waffles were plopped in front of them, they calmed down. Olivia added chopped strawberries and looked on adoringly as Maggie daintily picked at the fruit and Wyatt chose to mash it with his fists.

Ed came into the kitchen dressed casually in jeans and an untucked navy polo. He took one look at the trays, frowned, grabbed the syrup, and drizzled some on each waffle.

Olivia regarded him with an expression somewhere between annoyed and amused.

" _Olivia_ ," he said in a voice dripping with reason, "Who eats a plain waffle?"

"Ten-and-a-half month olds."

Ed jerked his head at the twins, "Look at 'em. They're _so_ happy."

Both Maggie and Wyatt were sucking on their waffles, trying to extract and taste every last bit of syrup. Olivia couldn't help but break into a wide smile.

She shoved the dish towel she was holding into his chest. "You're in charge of clean up."

Ed grabbed her fist and kissed her. "Yes ma'am." He kissed her twice more, grateful for some levity before what was sure to be a difficult rest of the day.

Sarah, Aidan, and Brooke arrived a short time later with bagels and good news.

"The hospital just called," Brooke said cheerfully, "Mom's awake, or, at least out of the coma. They can run more tests today, see the extent of the damage, said everything looks really good."

Olivia hugged everyone, including Aidan who seemed a little taken aback not so much that a stranger was hugging him but by the hug itself.

"That's so great. Oh…I feel so much better."

"Yeah, so we'll eat and head down there," Sarah said, "Let's see…I called Aidan's school, my bosses don't apparently care if I'm working at the office or from home or on Mars—"

"—Must be nice," Ed interjected.

"—and Brookey, your students are probably absolutely thrilled to have a substitute teacher, early spring break for them, so I think we're all set."

Brooke started pulling the food from the bags, and said dryly, "Yes. Other than the fact our mother had a stroke and is in the hospital, we're all set."

"Hey! _Daddy_! You fed the twins?" Sarah ignored her sister and frowned at the waffle and strawberry mess in front of Maggie and Wyatt, "I told you I was bringing them food, too!" Sarah swiped a plastic container of scrambled eggs and dumped them on the tray. "There you go, sweeties. I brought you a plain bagel but it looks like you've had your carbs for the morning."

Sarah took charge, taking out knives for the cream cheese and paper plates from the pantry. She served Noah and Jesse at the small table and came back to the adults wearing a sly yet serious smirk.

"Sheesh, I hope Mia doesn't get word of this."

"Oh Christ," Brooke muttered under her breath.

Olivia guffawed, nearly choking on her first bite. "You and your Dad are just alike…and so bad."

" _Livvie_! You just _know_ Noey is gonna go to school and talk about his morning!" Sarah continued babbling, predicting a conversation and a fit of jealousy that wasn't likely to occur in a preschool classroom.

Ed shuffled around Olivia to grab coffee creamer and whispered in her ear, "Thought I was _awful_?"

Olivia shivered. Ed was a serial and unabashed flirt. Even when he was referring to innocuous banter such as last night's exchange, he managed to make Olivia's heart flutter.

" _Dad_!"

Brooke's voice snapped him back to the present and he opened and closed his eyes against the fluorescent light of the waiting room.

"Yeah?"

Sarah grinned at him. "We're getting lunch. Are you coming?"

"Sure, yeah, of course."

As Ed caught a final glimpse of the replay of his wife on the waiting room flat screens, a pleasant chill traveled up and down his spine. Tens of thousands, no, millions of New Yorkers would see her, hear her, perhaps even notice her jewelry, _admire_ her…even Chief Dodds, stoic and austere and official-looking, occasionally glanced at her reverently as she spoke.

Ed chewed on the insides of his mouth to keep from grinning.

 _All those guys out there_ , he thought, lifting his chin, _and I'm the one she falls asleep next to every night_.

….

Olivia and Rollins left the press conference at One PP and returned to the precinct to find the men of the squad sitting on their desktops and not bothering to create the pretense they were hard at work. Rollins muttered something under her breath about respecting authority as she and Olivia marched into the squad room from the elevators.

"Great job Lieu! And Sarge!" Carisi heaved himself from the desk and held out his fist. Both Olivia and Amanda scrunched up their faces at the gesture.

"Thanks," Rollins replied, taking a seat at her desk. "Slow day?"

"Yep," Fin said, "Haven't had one call."

"Well, it's early," she countered dryly.

The Lieutenant opened her office door then stuck her head back out, "Carisi?"

Nobody batted an eye at Carisi being summoned to speak to Olivia alone, and Rollins' presence enticed Fin and Savage to open their laptops and at least pretend to work.

Olivia motioned for Carisi to sit. "Did you meet with Barba?"

"Yeah, and I typed everything up, he has that, too. And the grand jury won't be until after Brooke and I get back, so this all works out perfectly." Carisi held out his arms, maestro-style.

Curious about his untainted optimism, Olivia tilted her head. "Brooke's okay leaving…with Angela being in the hospital?"

Carisi refused to let go of his good mood. "Yeah, well, it's a recovery and rehab process now, right? At least, that's how she explained it to me. And Sarah's here. And her husband's gotta be back soon, I mean, how can a guy just disappear in this day and age?"

"Or, even if he wanted to disappear from his wife, I can't believe he's ignoring Aidan's calls." Olivia powered on her laptop. "While we have some downtime…let's check flights…give Brooke one less thing to worry about while you two are in paradise."

Carisi smiled. "Thanks, Lieutenant."

"And…why don't you go? Get Brooke out of the hospital for a while. I'll call you if I get anywhere."

…

Brooke got Carisi's text and excitedly began tossing her things into her purse. She and Sarah had been at Angela's side for most of the day, and they were both mentally drained. Brooke spent the last few hours listening to rehabilitation options even though Angela still needed some time in the hospital before she was released to an inpatient facility. She was not speaking, but had been awake for stretches of several minutes and was responding to some verbal prompts.

Sarah continued to use her phone and Aidan's phone to call Dave and grew more and more frustrated when he didn't pick up.

"How in the hell can he be so irresponsible?" She kept muttering under her breath to no one in particular. "What the _fuck_!"

Brooke spoke to her mother despite Angela's eyes being closed, "Mom, Sonny's coming to pick me up, so I'll be gone for a little while, but I'll come back tonight. The doctors and nurses are taking good care of you." She patted Angela's hand. "Love you, Mom."

Sarah studied her fingernails. "Well, if you're leaving, I'm leaving."

"Sare, someone should be here."

"Why? We're not doctors! What difference does it make?"

Though she was put off by Sarah's crass attitude, Brooke did manage to conjure some sympathy and even appreciation for her sister. After all, Sarah had been by her side this whole time and was taking responsibility for Aidan.

"Do what you need to do," Brooke replied in a gentle voice. "Meet back here tonight for a bit?"

"Yeah, okay."

They left Angela's room and found Ed in the same seat he'd occupied for the past few hours. After lunch he went home and retrieved his laptop and actually managed to get some meaningful work done. Since his ex-wife was out of the woods, he wasn't planning on returning to the hospital again, so he had been extra generous with his time over the past two days.

Sarah and Brooke announced their plans. Aidan appeared less than thrilled to be tagging along with Sarah to her office and then to meet Hillary for a drink.

Ed noticed and asked Aidan if he wanted to go with him instead. "I haveta pick up my son from school and we usually go kick the soccer ball around for a little while. Interested?"

This sounded like a much better option. "Yeah, sure," he said.

Sarah and Brooke both cast skeptical glances at their father.

"We'll hang out, get the twins, and whenever you're ready to come back here…or go to Sarah's place, we'll make that happen," Ed said casually, answering his daughters' uncertainty with a shrug.

"Alright," Aidan said.

On the street, their little group gradually broke apart. Ed and Aidan hopped into the Tuckers' SUV. Before Sarah descended into the subway, she heaved a high-pitched, "Whooooweeeee!"

"What?"

Sarah watched Ed's vehicle disappear into traffic. "Oh to be a fly on the wall…I cannot _wait_ to hear about this!"

"Hear about it from who? Aidan hardly talks, and Dad'll be like, 'we had a good day.'"

Sarah winked at her sister, "I'll get the deets from Noey."

She shot her a quick grin and bounded down the stairs, leaving Brooke alone to wait for her husband to arrive.

….

In the car, Ed wasted no time engaging Aidan in conversation. He asked about school and about which sports teams he liked. When Aidan said he was a Jets fan, Ed enthusiastically told him about taking Noah and Olivia to a game and meeting the quarterback. The story loosened him up, and Aidan rattled off questions. What was he like in real life? Was he super huge? Did he give autographs? By the time they parked in front of Noah's school, Aidan and Ed were conversing easily as if they were old friends. Aidan even opted to go into the school rather than wait in the car.

As usual, Noah walked out of the classroom last with Mia at his side.

"Hi, Ed!" She said enthusiastically, before even Noah greeted him. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in its usual messy ponytail and her face was streaked with what Ed guessed was sidewalk chalk. Nearby, her nanny waited impatiently with her jacket.

"Hey Mia! Hi No!" He mussed his son's hair and then smoothed it, "Good day?"

"Yup!" Noah noticed the visitor. "Hi Aidan!"

The teenager blinked. "Wow, uh, hi, I can't believe you remember my name."

"He remembers everything," Ed said with a smirk. "Ready pal? Aidan's gonna go with us to the park."

Noah grinned. "Kay! We gotta get the ball!"

"Yeah, bud. We'll go home first. You need different shoes, too."

Noah, ever the fashion plate, had chosen to wear his leather boots that morning rather than his sneakers.

"You need diff'rent shoes, too!" Noah pointed out.

Aidan looked down. "Wow…you guys match."

"Yep!" Noah took Ed's hand, "We have the same. And we have WALLETS!"

"That's cool."

"You have a wallet?"

"Yeah." Aidan took his black leather accessory out of his pocket and held it up for Noah.

"I have lotsa money," Noah boasted. "And a CARD!"

Aidan didn't ask questions; he just smiled at Noah and said, "You're one lucky dude."

Noah giggled and started skipping, still holding onto Ed's hand. "I'm a lucky dooooooode!"

Ed almost made a comment about Sarah and Brooke spoiling him, but he caught himself just in time. He buckled Noah into his seat and stayed close for an extra second, kissing his forehead and tapping the tip of his nose. Noah, used to his Daddy showering him with affection, took everything in stride.

"Daddy, I wanna drive."

Ed grinned and shook his head, "Sorry bud…you're not _that_ lucky. At least, not yet."

…..

" _Lieutenant_ ," Ed gasped, straining for air, "What has gotten into you?"

"That was number three," Olivia purred into his ear.

He lifted his head so she could see how impressed he was. "You snuck in some study time without me, huh?"

"I figured it'd be a nice little surprise," she drew little circles on his chest. "You're just…so… _perfect_." Olivia started kissing him deeply.

Ed moaned and his hands flew to her back, keeping her close. Round two of lovemaking wasn't far away, but he loved the simple pleasure of feeling every inch of her body in contact with his.

"So perfect," she repeated, pausing to catch her breath and gaze at him.

" _You_ are," he countered. "You shoulda seen Brooke when she found out you got a hold of Dave. It was like she'd jettisoned about two thousand pounds of stress."

Olivia brushed aside the compliment. "How many men—" Kiss. "Would hang out—" Kiss. "With their ex's kid—" Kiss. "Like it was no big deal—" Kiss.

"I dunno," he sassed, "How many?"

" _You_ ," she said, grinning, "Seriously, sweetie, _you_ , this week, you've been so strong for _everyone_. And it makes me love you more and more."

"I can _tell_."

They kissed for a while longer. Olivia started to get increasingly aggressive, so Ed snuck in a few more words while he could still form them.

"But I know how ya feel," he murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," He held her face an inch or so from his. "It's almost the same thing…that you do for Brooke and Sarah, treating them like they're yours…that makes me love you more and more."

"Ed?"

He was holding her cheeks tightly so her lips were contorted.

"Hmm?"

She twirled her hips against his and peppered his face, neck, and chest with kisses as she spoke. "Can we stipulate we're both good people and madly in love with each other? Because. I need you. I _waaaant_ you. So badly. Right now."

Ed shook with laughter.

" _What_?"

"I don't think I've ever heard _stipulate_ in this context before."

Olivia continued exploring his upper body, her lips curled into a smile as they met his skin. She was sure her next sentence would be the final intelligible words either of them would utter for the immediate future, and she delivered it slowly.

"Well, Captain…maybe…we need to write our own article…"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen**.

Sarah flopped on the bed and immediately grinned at the ceiling, imagining all of the X-Rated scenes that had occurred on this very mattress. She closed her eyes and tried to soak in the ambience, try to somehow absorb and internalize the sex appeal her father and Olivia unintentionally exuded on a regular basis. Chills fluttered up and down her spine when she recalled the day she'd accidentally-on-purpose overheard them making love, and when Olivia spoke to her, Sarah heard the deep, gravelly, bedroom voice rather than her normal timbre.

"So, how's Patrick?" Olivia called from the bathroom where she was finishing her hair and makeup.

"I have no idea. I haven't seen him since…since the day mom went into the hospital."

"He hasn't called?"

"He's texted, but…I realized I don't miss him, so that must mean something, right?"

"I think that means quite a bit."

Sarah unclipped and refastened her messy bun. "I am _so_ happy for Brooke." She didn't feel like talking about Patrick, mostly because she assumed questions about him would ultimately lead to questions about Hillary.

"Me too."

"I mean…I actually _prayed_ , Livvie. I prayed for her to be able to go on this vacation."

"Wow."

"I know, right? Not that I actually believe it works. I wish I believed it. I'm fascinated by people who have faith in God and so blindly and so, uh, _religiously_ , pray and go to church and think it works."

"I am, too."

Unsure whether or not Olivia was actually listening to her, Sarah got up and moved to the bathroom, perching herself on the edge of the tub. Olivia wore panties and a tank top that fell about mid-thigh.

"Livvie, you have great legs."

"Thanks," she replied, suddenly a bit self-conscious under Sarah's brazen scrutiny.

"So I guess…if you really want something, just tell me and I'll pray for it," Sarah concluded matter-of-factly.

"I'll keep that in mind," Olivia replied, "I'm just glad Dave is coming back and Aidan will be able to go home. And you and Brooke won't have to worry about all kinds of decisions."

"Yeah, that guy is an A-One asshole," Sarah said, "But I need his job—living in London and going on cruises at random? Like…I _need_ that job."

"Go after it," Olivia said sagely, "You're young. You can do anything you want."

"Yeah," Sarah murmured, and, once again, changed the subject, "Livvie, I have never seen pictures in a bathroom before."

Olivia arranged framed photographs on the window sill and on the vanity. The one on her side, Noah holding both twins when they were a little over a month old, was barely noticeable among her products.

"No? Well, I have so many…"

"You really do."

"Going to be time to rotate some new ones in soon. I'm going to have new professional ones done when Maggie and Wyatt turn one."

"Omigod!" Sarah shot up and started pacing, "We have to plan their party! We only have a little over a month!"

"We aren't going to do this huge thing," Olivia said, "Your sad suggested we have it upstairs or at Caroline's. Just a small family get together."

Slightly disappointed, Sarah plopped back down on the edge of the tub. " _Wellll_. I guess, they're so little anyway it's not like they have _friends_."

"Right." Olivia went back into the closet and reappeared clad in her dress—a Kelly green A-line number. She studied herself in the full-length mirror.

Sarah gawked.

"Livvvvvvie! That _color_!"

"I bought it for St. Patrick's Day…" Olivia murmured, "But I got called in to work so we missed it. Tonight's our make-up date. Finally. So thank you so much for watching the kids."

"Anytime," Sarah said. "Where are you going?"

"You know what? I don't know." Olivia tilted her head, inserting earrings. "I'm not sure if your Dad knows either."

"Well, you look amazing." Sarah rose again and played with Olivia's loose curls. "Daddy may just take you to a hotel."

Olivia laughed and went to the closet again, this time to slip on a pair of navy heels. She wondered if Sarah somehow knew Ed had previously and randomly whisked her away to a hotel room on the day he punched Chief Dodds.

In the living room, Ed was showing Aidan how to operate the television and stereo, but he stopped mid-sentence when he caught a glimpse of his wife sauntering in from the back hallway. He'd seen the dress hanging in the closet, but it was a thousand times more alluring with her in it.

Aidan's cheeks reddened. He sat on the edge of the chaise and stared at his phone. Sarah couldn't wait to tease him about this later. Not that she could blame him. Mrs. Tucker was drop-dead gorgeous.

Olivia picked up each twin, kissed them, and brushed away the traces of lip gloss. "I love you sweet babies," she cooed. "You be good for Sarah and Aidan."

Ed was still gawking.

"Sare, their dinner is in the fridge. They should eat pretty soon and they'll get a bottle before bed. About seven-thirty. And there's money here for whatever you want to order for you three."

Olivia waved Noah over. "C'mere sweetie. Give me a hug." Noah complied, squeezing his mother tightly. "Awww, good hug. I love you so much."

"Love you, Mommy!" Noah looked back and forth between Olivia and Ed. "Hey! Daddy! You have a green tie! Like Mommy!"

Olivia smiled at Ed who was apparently incapable of speaking. He was still standing in front of the television with a silly grin on his face.

"Yeah, we match, don't we? We have blue and green!" Olivia kissed his head. "Okay, we're going to go. Be good sweet Noah."

"I _always_ good!"

"I know you are."

Ed hugged and kissed the kids and mumbled his own goodbyes and thank yous to Sarah and Aidan, but it wasn't until he and Olivia were in the elevator that he actually spoke in complete sentences.

"Goddamn you look fantastic," he said, smirking. "I want to kiss you, but if I do, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

Olivia playfully pouted. "Oh come on. Maybe just a little kiss?"

Ed leaned in, "You asked for it." He kissed her cheek and neck and, finally, her lips. " _God_."

The elevator doors opened and Olivia took his arm. "Where to, Captain?"

"Cocktails first…I know just the place."

….

Brooke stood over her suitcase, biting her lip and trying to determine which items could be eliminated. Ostensibly, packing for a trip to a warmer climate was easy—swimsuits, sundresses, flip-flops—but her promise to pack lightly was quickly broken. Sonny wasn't any better.

"Gonna be a little chilly at night," he predicted, tossing a few sweaters and a pair of long pants on top of his shorts and t-shirts.

Brooke checked the weather for the umpteenth time and agreed. In went a sweatshirt, two cardigans, and a pair of jeans. She tested the weight. "You think this is over fifty pounds?"

Sonny lifted the Samsonite with ease. "Nah. Not even close."

"It seems like forever since I've flown anywhere," Brooke said, "The last time…was three years ago when I went to LA. And that was for a conference, not a vacation."

Sonny wrapped his arms around her. "I cannot tell you how happy I am to be going."

"Me too. Ugh. I just. I hope Dave isn't a jerk and takes care of everything."

"Hey," Sonny sat her down on the edge of the mattress and held her hands, "You deserve to get away. And your mom keeps improving. And that's his responsibility, right? It's his wife."

"Right."

"You stepped up when ya had to," Sonny said, "And now you get to step back and let the doctors and everyone else do the work. The next ten days? All about us."

Brooke smiled and echoed, "All about us."

"Now," Sonny broke into his jovial grin, "Let's see if we can close these suitcases. I'm gonna have to sit on mine I think. You zip."

Brooke glanced at the clock. "You know what? Let's wait on that…I'm going to go downstairs and let Marco know we're leaving and leave a key for Dave just in case."

Sonny raised no objections. Even though he was a little uneasy about Dave and Aidan potentially using their loft, he pretended to be completely supportive when Brooke suggested the offer. He didn't want to create unnecessary tension before their trip.

"I'll see if I can't eliminate some things…or maybe we just need to bring an extra bag."

"Good luck," Brooke called from the kitchen, a bit absent-mindedly. She had hurriedly plucked an envelope from her purse and scribbled Kyle's name on the front.

"Be back in a minute!"

"I'm timing you!"

Brooke smiled and slid on her shoes. She chastised herself for continuing to keep her involvement with Kyle a secret, but there was no way she was going to bring it up now.

 _I'm overthinking this anyway_ , she thought. _I'm a teacher. I'm helping a kid and his family. That's what I do. Going above and beyond the call of duty. Almost everyone does it_.

…..

Sarah had listened carefully to Olivia's instructions about feeding the twins and giving them their bottles and their bedtime, but they both knew the guidelines were all given in vain. Sarah eschewed the plates of veggie lasagna earmarked for Maggie and Wyatt and instead let the twins eat chicken fingers and French fries like their big brother. Wanting them to have the full experience, she dabbed honey mustard and ketchup on their plates, knowing full well they would make an exceptional mess. She found their largest bibs and let them chow down.

"Sare bear!" Noah exclaimed, cookie crumbs falling from the corners of his mouth, "Less play hide-an-seek!"

As usual, Sarah readily agreed to Noah's suggestion. "But we have to get everyone cleaned up first."

"Kay!"

"Aidan, you don't have to play," Sarah said graciously, "You're probably getting sick of all this."

"No, it's cool," he said, "And…makes me not think about mom so much."

"Do you want to go to the hospital? I can Uber you there." Even though he'd been in her care for almost a week, Sarah wasn't sure how to handle Aidan. When he was at the hospital he acted like he wanted to be anywhere but there; however, he was clearly worried. Sarah hoped Dave's presence would help the teenager better process his emotions.

"No…I'll wait until tomorrow morning. Dad said his plane lands around ten so I'll meet him there."

"Okay, well—"

"Aidan! You on my team! C'mon!"

Aidan followed Noah into a corner of the living room to plot strategy. Sarah looked at the smiling twins who were patiently waiting to be wiped down and freed from their high chairs.

"Okay, babies," Sarah clapped her hands, "You and me. You're little…so we have an advantage."

….

Ed followed Olivia into the elevator and wasted no time sidling up to her. "This'll be great," he intoned, "I love us on a rooftop."

Olivia pressed her cheek against him. "Mmmmhmmm."

"Might be a little chilly, but I'll keep ya warm."

"I know you will."

The elevator dinged and both their faces fell at the sight in front of them. Rather than being greeted by a city view and a sharply dressed host or hostess, a heap of old, rolled carpeting and derelict appliances lay at their feet. To their right was a restroom that had obviously been dormant for some time—the toilet's porcelain was chipped, it was missing a seat, and rust ringed the sink's fixtures.

Ed backed up and peered at the elevator panel. "Uh, this can't be right."

Olivia glanced upwards. "Maybe go one floor down?"

Ed punched the corresponding button. This time when the doors opened the scene was more along the lines of what he'd initially expected. They were led outside, but Ed balked at the table the stuffy hostess chose for them. He wanted one of the sofas in the back corner.

"We're not seating in that area, sir."

"Why not?" Ed looked around. The space wasn't that big and it wasn't crowded. Certainly one server could handle walking a few extra steps.

Apparently not expecting to be questioned, the hostess stammered a weak excuse and went to check with the manager, leaving Ed and Olivia standing just outside of the sliding glass doors. Olivia tried to convince Ed that a table was just fine, they wouldn't be staying long anyway, but Ed was undeterred. The manager arrived, but his explanation made no sense to Ed.

"Look. My wife and I want to sit there," he pointed to a small loveseat. "I'll get the drinks from the bar myself if I have to."

Probably figuring it was easier just to relent, the manager nodded, ducked inside to grab the cushions, and told them to enjoy their evening.

"Now we will," Ed muttered, settling in with his arm around his wife's shoulders. "Whaddya want to drink, Liv?"

"Start with bourbon?"

He kissed her cheek. "Sounds good to me." He was about to get up and go to the bar when a server appeared and took their order. "Whaddya know," he remarked slyly. "They're serving in this section after all."

…..

At the Tucker home, Team Noah and Aidan searched for the perfect hiding spot. Aidan kept gently reminding Noah to keep his voice down as he fired off suggestions. When he finally decided under his bed was the perfect place, Aidan squatted and furrowed his brow.

"I dunno if I fit," he whispered.

"Uh-huh!" Noah laid flat on his stomach. "Jus' go like this!"

Aidan complied and shimmied his way under the bed until he was flush against the wall, bending his knees slightly. He was about a foot too tall. Noah joined him, dragging blankets and a stuffed dog with him.

"They won't see us with this stuff," he murmured gleefully, clearly impressed with his ingenuity.

"Good thing I'm not claustrophobic."

"Whassat?"

"It means you're scared of being under beds."

Noah turned so he and Aidan were face to face. "You scared?"

"Nope."

Sarah and the twins were close. Aidan put a finger to his lips and Noah buried his face in the carpet as if that would make him even more undetectable.

"Hmmmm," Sarah droned, crawling slowly alongside Maggie and Wyatt. "Where could they be?"

Both twins looked at Sarah expectantly.

"Where's Noah?" She urged.

"No!" Maggie bellowed.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod." Sarah ran out of the room and returned with her phone. It was way past everyone's bedtime. Nobody was in pajamas. But she figured capturing this moment on video would absolve her from being the most lenient babysitter ever.

"Maggs! Where's Noah?"

"No!" Maggie said again.

Noah's muffled voice came from his hiding spot. "She say my name!"

"No!" Maggie said a third time and crawled to the foot of the bed. She strained to reach for the blanket covering Noah's head. She eventually got a decent grip and revealed her brother's flushed face, a few strands of damp brown hair clinging to his forehead.

"Maggs!"

"No!"

"Hi Maggs! You finded me!" Noah rolled himself out, shook off the blankets, and wobbled a bit before getting his bearings. He crouched down and told Aidan he, too, could come out. They'd been discovered fair and square.

"No-AH!" Sarah still had her phone pointed at him, "Maggie said your name!"

Maggie had pulled herself up on the side of the bed. Noah took her hands and danced with her, "Ya said it, didntcha, Maggs? You said No! Then ya found me under da bed! You win, Maggs!" He looked over her shoulder at Wyatt. "You win, too, brother! Cause you on a team!"

Wyatt had already made a dash for the train table, so Noah gently let Maggie go. He needed to limit the damage Wyatt was capable of inflicting on the most recent track configuration. Maggie stood on her own for a few seconds.

"Omigawwwwwd…" Sarah said, overwhelmed by the prospect of Maggie saying her brother's name and walking in the same evening. However, it didn't happen. Maggie reached for the stuffed dog Noah had taken under the bed and collapsed on top of it. Sarah ended the video.

"Okay," she said, "Tucker kids, in PAJAMAS!"

"No way!" Noah shouted. "C'mon, babies, follow me!" He ran out of the bedroom with Maggie and Wyatt on his heels. Maggie chanted more "Nos" and Noah joined in.

 _No! No! No! No! No!_

Sarah looked at Aidan.

"Aren't you going to miss us?" She asked sarcastically.

"Yeah," he replied sincerely, hopping up from his spot on the floor. "This has been kinda fun."

…..

By the time complete darkness fell, Olivia was wearing her coat and had Ed's jacket draped over her legs. They were huddled together, fighting the chill, unwilling to surrender to the weather until it was absolutely necessary. They were the only people left on the exterior patio and were bathed in the purplish-red light from the gigantic letters spelling the hotel's name. The server abandoned them nearly thirty minutes ago, but neither Ed nor Olivia cared.

Ed's stomach rumbled.

"You're hungry," Olivia said softly, "Should we order those tacos now?"

The both laughed. Earlier, a group of young women ordered several appetizers which already seemed overpriced and were so thinly-portioned Ed was certain someone was playing a practical joke.

So, the Tuckers reluctantly left the rooftop and meandered arm-in-arm up Columbus Avenue, stopping occasionally to peruse menus. They were unfamiliar with restaurants in this neighborhood, but several places piqued their interest and they vowed to return. Eventually they took seats at a tapas place, sampled recommended wines, and tried eclectic dishes like roasted bone marrow and duck liver pate. Olivia delighted in watching Ed sample the strange food and teased him when he ended up obsessed with the bone marrow after very nearly refusing to try it. The dinner was relaxed and fun, and Ed loved that Olivia didn't hesitate when he got carried away and fed her a few bites from his fork.

At one point, Ed ordered stuffed avocado, causing Olivia to raise her eyebrows.

"They say it's an aphrodisiac," he explained matter-of-factly.

Amused, Olivia asked, "How many magazine articles did you take from Sarah's?"

" _Lieutenant_ ," Ed leaned across the small table for a kiss, "Everyone knows that."

"Really."

"Yes," He stared at her so intently, almost _lecherously_ , Olivia grabbed the hemline of her dress just to make sure it was still on.

"Y'alright?"

For distraction purposes, Olivia speared the final bite of their short ribs. "I'm very much alright."

Ed grabbed her hands, fork and all. "I love you, Liv."

She let him have his moment. Every once in a while he did this—he locked his gaze on her and got lost, for a few seconds he went someplace else, his eyes grew silky, and Olivia fell in love with him all over again. She let him process whatever thoughts were running wildly through his head and appreciated the fact that no one else in the world ever witnessed this particular Ed Tucker countenance.

Slowly, she disentangled one hand and touched the side of his face. "I love you, Ed. I never knew how much I could love anyone until I loved you."

He smiled appreciatively yet raised his eyebrows, "Aw, c'mon."

Olivia understood the source of his doubt. "With Noah…loving a child…it's not scary. It's not daunting. I think, because they love you back unconditionally. You? It's a different leap of faith. A different set of feelings."

Ed kissed the top of her hand and smirked, pleased with her reasoning. "We gotta do this more often."

"Absolutely."

The server delivered the avocado, and the lustful expression returned to Ed's face. He slid the plate toward her.

"I don't know how much of this I actually need," Olivia admitted, cocking an eyebrow at her husband.

Smirking, Ed scooped a bite and held it out to her, "Humor me."

…..

 **The conclusion of #Tuckson Date Night Coming Soon!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Fourteen**.

In exchange for donning pajamas, Noah bargained for the privilege of dragging his bedding to the couch and most likely falling asleep there while watching _Nick at Nite_ reruns. He set himself up on the chaise end of the couch, carefully smoothing a sheet on the cushion and arranging his large, adult-sized pillow and a smaller one he'd had since he was a toddler. Sarah planted Wyatt next to him and handed over his bottle. She fed and then cuddled Maggie in her lap, delighted the baby didn't attempt to wiggle away after she was finished.

Noah's negotiating skills entertained Aidan and were met with his high praise.

"Yeah," Sarah huffed, "He's a young Tr—" She stopped before making the insulting comparison to the impeached former President who had not lasted an entire term. "He's persuasive. And also cute. And also he knows I have never once said no to anything he's asked for, so…I'm pretty much screwed."

"Sare Bear, you're SCREWED!"

Aidan struggled to choke down the soda he'd just sipped.

"Noah! Don't say that!"

"You said it," Aidan boldly pointed out.

"Ugh," she grumbled, "Noah. Do _not_ say that, okay? I'll get in big trouble with Daddy! Here," she handed him a soda can, "Drink this cream soda and forget that word."

"Need a straw."

" _Fine_."

….

Ed helped Olivia into her coat, she took his arm, and they started retracing their steps back downtown. The crisp early April air was brisk but not unbearable, and they set out at a slow pace, leaning into one another, forcing more hurried pedestrians to navigate around them.

"Nightcap?"

Olivia readily agreed. "Some place around here, or…"

"I saw a place earlier…I think it's on the next block."

Sure enough, his recollection was correct. The wine bar was tiny and tucked into a wide, shallow space between a boutique and a dry cleaner. Ed ushered Olivia to the lone open seat at the bar and wedged himself between her and the wall, not at all minding that the close proximity required her legs being pressed against his.

"I love this night," Olivia cooed as they clinked glasses.

"Me too." Ed took a sip and kissed her. "Every two weeks. We need to make this happen."

"Sounds good to me."

"Brooke and Sonny leaving tomorrow morning or afternoon?"

"I think late morning."

"Ya know, _we're_ due for another vacation," Ed grinned, "Think we're ready to fly with three?"

"I think so."

"Maybe for Christmas? Some place warm?"

Olivia frowned slightly, "Maybe not Christmas…I love it here then. Especially if it snows."

"New Years?"

"Oooo," Olivia cooed, "Tropical paradise for our anniversary? I _like_ that idea!"

Ed smiled as he thought out loud, "Yeah. Beachfront room with a balcony, in a little walkable town we can explore…something different."

"I love the way you think."

"You know what I love…other than you?" Ed played with her hair.

"What's that?"

"I love that you're letting yourself take vacations," he replied tentatively, unsure how she would perceive the statement. "It really means a lot to me…and it's good for you…for us."

Olivia simply smiled sweetly at him, for he was absolutely right. He was also incredibly sexy shirtless and in his swim trunks with water beading on his chest and back. Her smile widened at the mental picture.

"What?"

"Just thinking about the beach."

Ed raised his eyebrows playfully. "Been some _good_ times there," he remarked whimsically. " _Really_ good times."

They ordered another round and checked in with Sarah who reported Noah and the twins were fast asleep and she and Aidan were perfectly fine watching movies and hanging out. The people on the opposite side of Olivia left, so Ed claimed the stool next to hers. The distance between them wasn't any wider, but this way he could rest his free hand on her thigh, one of his favorite public displays of affection.

…..

Sarah sat up and peered at Noah, careful not to jostle Maggie too much in the process; however, after all the night's activity, she was in a deep slumber and heavy against Sarah's chest, cozy in her pink-and-white polka dot pajamas.

Wyatt had been the first Tucker child to surrender to fatigue, and he was laid out between Noah and Sarah, having been extracted from his older brother's train blankets as soon as he started dozing.

Noah's head was turned away from Sarah, and she mouthed "is he asleep?" to Aidan. He nodded in the affirmative.

"We're just going to keep them all out here," Sarah said in a voice just above a whisper. "Easier that way."

Aidan shrugged and turned back to his phone.

Sarah flipped through channels. "Let me know when you see something you want to watch."

"Alright."

Sarah sized up her half-brother. With his brown hair and dark complexion, he didn't resemble his mother. His height had to come from his father's side because Angela and the rest of her family were all petite, even the men. As he warmed up to everyone, more of his personality shone through, and Sarah found herself liking him and also feeling a little guilty she'd been so distant for his entire life. He was polite, kind and considerate, and very good with Noah and the twins.

"So you must be happy that your Dad's coming back. And your mom's getting better everyday…you'll be able to go home."

"Yeah," Aidan mumbled, "Kind of a crappy Spring Break."

"Were you supposed to go somewhere?"

He shook his head. "My Dad was maybe gonna fly me to Europe, but…that never happens, so just hanging out with friends."

"The one time my Dad took us somewhere for Spring Break we got separated and didn't call him and he was pissed the whole time.

"Least ya got to go somewhere." Aidan shifted in the chair so he was sitting normally rather than with his legs slung over one of the armrests. He narrowed his eyes and asked, "Why'd you say _your mom_?"

Sarah scrunched up her noise. "Huh?"

"When you said Mom's getting better, you said _your_ mom's getting better."

 _Whoops_.

"I guess…" Sarah smoothed Maggie's wisps of light brown hair. "Mom and I…we never were really close. We don't get along very well. Never have. And when Dad married Livvie, we kind of, sort of, naturally became a family. I'm a lot closer to her. She's like my best friend. Even though maybe she doesn't think about _me_ that way." Sarah grinned.

"She's really nice," Aidan said, "And your Dad is, too."

"Oh boy," Sarah bellowed sarcastically, "Don't piss him off…actually, he pretty much only gets annoyed with me. And criminals. Everyone else? He seems to like."

Aidan smiled at his phone.

"You know," Sarah continued, "You can come to Manhattan every once in a while if you want. I mean…I try to hang out with Noey a lot…if you get bored out on the island."

"Connecticut," he corrected.

"Ugh," Sarah grumbled, "We lived out there. That's why I'm always getting it wrong. Good thing I managed to find your school, huh? You should be impressed."

"Yeah…nice work."

"And my driving?" Sarah raised her eyebrows, daring him to answer truthfully.

Undaunted, Aidan replied, " _Needs_ work."

….

The lights in the wine bar seemed to gradually get dimmer and dimmer, and by the time Ed ordered their third and final round along with the check, he had to tilt a tea candle to see the numbers. It almost slid from its holder and Olivia grabbed it just before the tiny pool of wax spilled onto the leather sleeve.

"Nice saaaave," he slurred.

"We're a good team. You pay. I prevent us from being kicked out and banned."

He smirked at her and shoved the bill aside. It could wait.

"Liv…there's something, uh…" he grabbed her hand.

Olivia was studying him closely, searching for a way to possibly help him say what he needed to say.

"I, uh, I want you to know, if something like what happened to Angela ever happens to me…I'd want ya to be as normal as possible, you wouldn't have to—"

Olivia squeezed his hand. "Ed Tucker, _stop_. I will be by your side forever. And you'll be by mine."

Sheepishly, he mumbled, "Just makes ya think."

"It does," Olivia held both his hands now, "but we're prepared for the worst. We at least have that peace of mind."

"Yeah we do," he murmured, not sounding convinced.

"Hey," Olivia grabbed a handful of his shirt and kissed him firmly. "No being sad on date night." She kissed him again, more forcefully this time.

The naughty smirk returned. "I'm still a little sad."

Olivia pretended to take his words at face value and kissed his lips, his cheek, and then below his ear. "Let's get out of here."

Ed immediately reached for his wallet and impatiently waited for the bartender to run his card. In the cab, as soon as he gave the driver instructions, he began kissing her slowly, tenderly, stopping periodically to gaze into her eyes. He dared to slide his hand up her thigh, not far enough for her to admonish him but certainly far enough to make her moan softly into his mouth.

"Another number tonight? Or…"

"No," Olivia intoned, "Not tonight. I want pure, original, Captain Tucker tonight." Desperate to feel more of his skin, she untucked a corner of his shirt.

Ed smiled devilishly. The taxi jerked and careened through traffic and horns blared. On the screen, local news broadcasters blathered on and on about property taxes and gentrification, and he almost wished the ride was longer because he was certain, if they had a couple more miles, that hand scratching at his stomach would be in his pants.

"I want you," he rasped. "I want you right here."

Olivia, the lower half of her body concealed by her coat, shifted her hips, forcing Ed's hand upward, and he pawed at her panties, trying to get a grip while remaining as stationary as possible. She peeled her lips from his and pressed his head into her neck, only then realizing where they were.

" _Ed_ ," she practically yelped, "We're almost home."

"Fifty-third, sir?"

"Yeah," Ed groaned.

Seconds later, the car came to a stop, Ed paid, and nearly jogged to their building's entrance. In the elevator, Olivia grabbed him by the hips.

"Better tuck this back in," she said, all business.

He watched her fix his clothes as if it were a routine favor.

"Liv?"

"Hmm?" She took a half-step back, her eyes on his waist, evaluating her work.

"I fucking love you."

….

Sarah was quickly forgiven for keeping the kids up late and allowing them to fall asleep on the couch. Ed and Olivia woke up early the next morning, naked and slightly hungover.

"I need breakfast," Ed mumbled.

"That sounds _sooooo_ good."

"I'll make it."

"Don't want to order?"

"Nah," Ed sat up, rubbing his forehead and squinting in the sunlight. "I'll run out and pick up some stuff. We need bread and milk anyway. And toilet paper."

Olivia flung the covers over her head. "How is it that we're so bad at keeping things like that in stock?"

He playfully rolled over her instead of getting out of bed on his side. Peeling back the sheets, he kissed her and answered. "Because it doesn't matter."

"It kind of does."

"Big picture? Not really." He ran his index finger down her nose and kissed her once again. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Olivia lingered in bed and relived date night. Even with three young children, she and Ed had ample alone time together, mostly in the evenings after everyone was asleep, but actually going out together, just the two of them, was a rare treat. Occasionally, she fretted if, without the kids' presence, they would be out of sync. She'd seen it before—married couples devoting so much time and energy to their kids and losing their original connection in the process.

She remembered their banter, laughs, the mostly lighthearted conversation, and the subtle and not-so-subtle touches. Last night reaffirmed not only their love, but how much they enjoyed one another's company.

When Ed returned, the twins were awake and playing on the floor, but Noah was still asleep. Olivia had been watching and re-watching the video Sarah took of Maggie. She couldn't get enough of her daughter's delicate yet excited voice and once again found herself in the quandary of looking forward to watching the twins grow up yet wanting to live forever in their first year.

The door opened and she slid her phone aside. Perfect timing. She was just starting to obsess about how _Mama_ would sound coming from her babies' mouths.

Olivia inspected the contents of the bags heaved onto the island—eggs, bacon, hash browns, bread, milk, pancake mix, Advil, and…a thick, shiny, new issue of _Cosmopolitan_.

"For when we run outta ideas," he explained with a shrug.

Olivia flushed and swallowed hard, both aroused and charmed. She didn't have the heart to immediately break it to Ed that the article he'd taken was most likely not a recurring column.

…

The Tucker family was still in their pajamas when Brooke, Sarah, and Sonny dropped by. They had just come from the hospital where they handed off Aidan, updated Dave, and were able to have a brief conversation with their convalescing mother.

"I am no longer the mother of a teenager," Sarah announced dramatically, picking at the leftover bacon now congealed in the frying pan. She surveyed the kitchen—dried pancake batter dotted the counters, an open loaf of bread hung over the edge of the island, pieces of eggshell were on the floor. "I didn't realize you were so," she eyed Noah and chose her words carefully, "Um, I didn't realize you had so much _fun_ last night."

"Date night again in two weeks," Ed muttered, "We pay well if anyone's interested."

"I'd _looooove_ to join you, Daddy!" Sarah joked. "Omigod. Speaking of date night. I have Aladdin tickets. Three of 'em. For Wednesday. Can I take Noey? Annnnnnnd…Mia?"

Olivia started to say she didn't know if Mia's parents would agree to such an invitation, but Ed beat her to the punch and he was all for it. "No…you want to take Mia to the theatre?"

"Oooo, yeah! What we seein' Sare Bear? The rock band 'gain?"

"Nope. A new one. Aladdin. You've seen the movie I think. The one with the genie?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah recalled the movie gleefully, "And JAFAR," he growled.

"That's the one."

Olivia lightly scratched the top of her husband's head as she rose to get more coffee. "You can talk to Mia's dad about it," she said with a smile and turned to Brooke and Sonny. "What time's your flight?"

"Noon," Carisi answered, a little bewildered.

He couldn't recall ever seeing Olivia completely sans makeup and dressed in such ratty sweats which clearly belonged to Ed. Even at the beach, she'd never been _this_ casual. Olivia, however, didn't seem to think twice about her raw appearance.

"We're going home now and then to the airport," Brooke elaborated, "But we didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. And thank you."

"No thanks necessary," Olivia said, hugging them both, "But you're welcome. You're always welcome. Have a great time…I'm so glad you'll both be able to disconnect for a little while."

"Yeah," Ed chimed in, "Don't call."

"You got it, Captain," Carisi said.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Okay, lovebirds. You go. I'm needed at brunch in an hour. And you two," she wiggled her fingers at Ed and Olivia, "Have quite the mess to clean up."

"It's not goin anywhere," Ed muttered.

"Livvie? Do you and Maggs want to come to brunch with me and Hill?"

"Sare, I just ate…and I need to be home today."

"Alright, just thought I'd ask. Oh," she fished around in her bag and produced an envelope. "Here." She held it out to Olivia.

"What's this?"

"Well, I woke up this morning, and…no Aidan. So I'm freaking out and then look at my phone, he went to get coffee, like, he's feeling pretty good about being in the city now, right? And he came back with coffee. For him and me. And…that card for you. A thank-you note."

Olivia clutched the part of her sweatshirt that fell above her heart. "How _sweet_."

"He's a good kid," Sarah said. "I told him he could come stay with me whenever."

Brooke regarded her sister incredulously. "Nothing like a near-tragedy to get Sarah to open her heart."

"Hey! My heart is _wiiiiide_ open! Oh _crap_ , is that really the time? I have to go…and you didn't drive…"

"We'll have the cab drop you at the subway," Carisi assured her.

"Noey! Noey! Hugs all around. I have to go and Brooke and Sonny are going to Florida! Hurry, we don't want them to be late!"

"Uh-oh!" Noah rushed over, "Don't want 'em to be screwed!"

Sarah doubled over with laughter. She choked and gasped for air, unable to determine which was funnier—Noah merely saying the word _screwed_ or using it in perfect context.

Ed stiffened his jaw, glanced at a stunned Olivia, and said through clenched teeth, "That's it. As of right now, we have a swear jar. Don't come here with empty wallets. _Our_ next vacation's gonna be on you."

" _Noey_! I told you not to say that word!"

"Oops!" Noah covered his mouth and giggled. "I forgetted."  
" _Forgot_."

"Forgot."

"And, Daddy! Screwed isn't a _swear_ word!"

"Close enough."

….

The flight attendant served Sonny and Brooke their pre-flight drinks and they toasted their belated honeymoon. In few hours they would be at their South Beach resort, slathering on sunscreen, and basking in the sounds of the waves and the feel of the sand between their toes.

"Whaddya gonna want to do first?" Sonny asked.

Brooke grinned, "Well, I'm sure we'll be hungry. Maybe find a place on the beach to have lunch?"

"And one of those drinks with an umbrella."

"And an umbrella drink. For sure."

Sonny rattled off other ideas—renting jet skis, a boat ride, riding bikes around South Beach, spotting celebrities—and Brooke listened with her hand on his arm. His enthusiasm was electric, and as the plane taxied she felt the stress of the past week disappear. Finally, she pivoted from simply looking forward to the trip to being excited, and almost giddy, about what was in store for the next ten days.

Brooke sipped her cocktail and watched New York shrink as they ascended into the blue sky. For once, she was totally at peace.

…

"Great news!" Ed announced. "Mia's gonna be back from the beach Tuesday night, so she can go to Aladdin!"

"Wow," Olivia murmured. She was on the floor playing with the twins, still in her sweats.

"Of course they were gonna let her go," Ed reasoned, "How many times do ya get free tickets to a Broadway show?"

"I thought maybe they'd be uncomfortable sending her with someone they didn't know."

"These people are like us, Liv."

"I'm not sure I'd let Noah go with a friend's older sister."

"I bet ya would."

He was teasing her, flirting a bit, and Olivia sassily resisted by staying hyper-focused on the twins. Wyatt was pounding away at his keyboard and Olivia was helping Maggie bounce to the beat. Ed went over to the window, grazing Wyatt's head with his fingertips along the way.

"Good jam, pal."

Wyatt pursed his lips and bopped his head.

"Looks beautiful out there," Ed commented. "How 'bout the zoo? Or…want to take a drive somewhere?"

"Let's go to the zoo," Olivia replied, "I bet the sailboats are in the water at the park, too."

"I bet they are." Ed walked over to the play mat and held out his hands, helping Olivia stand. "C'mon, Mommy, let's get moving."

She kissed him. "You were a lifesaver with breakfast."

"Thank you."

They kissed again.

"And a lifesaver with clean up. Speaking of…I'm taking a quick shower."

Eyebrows raised, he asked, "Need help with _that_?"

She traced his cheekbone with an index finger. "I would love some…but we need adult supervision out here."

"We have Noah."

" _Ed_."

He shrugged. "He uses adult language, so…"

" _Stop_. Give me twenty minutes."

"I'll get us packed up."

While Olivia got ready, Ed popped open the stroller and piled in supplies for the day. Noah added his football and soccer ball and a few specially chosen snacks. Ed checked the weather, appropriately dressed the twins, and stowed their heavier coats as a precaution. As promised, Olivia took less than a half hour and emerged clad in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. Her hair was in a ponytail and she'd dabbed on minimal makeup. It was almost completely the opposite of last night's green dress look, but she was no less stunning.

Noah marched out of the apartment, leading the way, and smacked the down button on the elevator panel.

"To the zoo!"

Ed and Olivia exchanged relaxed smiles. On the way to the first floor, Noah chattered away, preparing Maggie and Wyatt for their first interactive trip to the zoo.

"No sleeping," Noah warned, "Last time you were jus' sleeping and ya missed the animals! Mommy? We gotta take a pic-ture with da turtle!"

"Of course we will, sweet boy. You can be the tour guide. We'll follow you."

Noah grinned proudly. The title of "tour guide" suited him just fine.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	15. Chapter 15

**Fifteen.**

Every Tucker had keys to one another's homes, but Sarah and Brooke always knocked and waited for someone to come to the door when they visited by themselves. For Sarah, this was an uncharacteristic extension of courtesy especially since, once inside, she treated the place as if it were her own. It was almost noon when she arrived to take Noah and Mia to see _Aladdin_. It took at least a minute for someone to come help Noah open the door—the top deadbolt was just out of his reach and before he could drag over a chair, Ed came to the rescue, barely uttering a hello before toting a damp-haired, freshly-bathed Wyatt to the twins' room.

"Hello, Noey Boey! Are you ready for an enchanted afternoon?"

"Yep!"

She frowned at his jeans, t-shirt, and bare feet. "You're not dressed."

"Babies getting dressed first."

"Oh. Okay. Well, aren't you going to offer a girl a drink?"

Noah promptly asked if Sarah wanted a drink. She pondered the question for an excessively long time, decided against alcohol, and asked for a glass of water. Noah skipped to the kitchen. Sarah was sitting on the sofa when he returned with one of his cups half full of water from the refrigerator dispenser.

"I love the plasticware. Thank you."

"Welcome!"

Sarah leaned forward and thumbed through the magazines on the coffee table. She saw the _Cosmopolitan_ and held it up. "Well…I didn't know Mommy reads _Cosmo_."

Noah tilted his head so he could make out the cover. "That's Daddy's."

"Daddy's?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed.

"Uh-huh," Noah replied coolly, "He read that. These MINE!" Noah held up the kids' editions of _National Geographic_ and _Sports Illustrated_.

" _Hmph_." Sarah pressed her lips together in a straight line but her eyes were sparkling with intrigue. She paged through the table of contents searching for what he could possibly be of interest to him. "Perhaps a subscription is in order for a Father's Day gift," she murmured to herself.

"Hey Sare!" Olivia dropped Maggie over the back of the couch and into Sarah's lap. "Sorry, we're running a little late," she wiggled her fingers at Noah, "C'mon sweet boy, let's get you changed. Mia will be here any minute."

Sarah inhaled, "Mmmmm I love this shampoo. Small sister, you are irresistible!" Maggie smiled, made happy little bursts of noise, and jumped up and down as Sarah held her. "Livvie, I thought you would be at work."

"I was. I'm technically at lunch right now, but I wanted to be here so see the three of you off and I stumbled upon an impromptu bath."

"Maggie and Wyatt got syrup in their hair!" Noah reported cheerfully.

" _Thaaaat's_ why Maggie is a little mapley," Sarah joked.

Olivia laughed, "They both are."

"Hey Livvie?"

"Yeah?"

"Think we can grab a drink later? The two of us?"

"Sure," Olivia replied, somewhat concerned. Sarah could understandably want some one-on-one time, or something could be wrong. "Why don't you come by after you drop the kids off?"

"Great!"

Olivia and Noah passed Ed and Wyatt on the way to the bedroom. Ed grazed her cheek with his lips and, like Olivia had done with Maggie, dumped Wyatt into Sarah's lap.

"I'll be right back," he said, "Now _I_ have to get changed."

Sarah got a grip on the twins, fumbled with the stereo, and finally got Pandora playing. She held Maggie on one hip and Wyatt on the other and danced them around, twirling and lurching, pretending to lose her grip only to heave them upwards and gasp, "I gotcha!"

Both Maggie and Wyatt laughed hysterically, and as much as Sarah wanted to continue, she was out of breath within minutes.

"You two are getting too big for this!" Sarah said, laying them gently down on the play mat so she could blow strawberries on their bellies. "Too big!"

"I'm READY, Sare Bear!"

Sarah turned, got one glimpse of Noah, and fell backwards, fanning herself with both hands. "Omigod, omigod, omigod. Screw the show we're going to a modeling agency."

"SARE BEAR!" Noah ran over to the small, glass, Christmas-tree shaped jar Ed had excavated from one of the closets, took it from the counter, and held it above her head.

"You gotta pay!"

…

Brooke and Sonny spent their third full afternoon in South Beach lounging poolside. After initially being turned off by the fawning staff, Brooke let herself enjoy the celebrity treatment. Sonny, on the other hand, didn't think twice about accepting fresh towels or ordering drinks and snacks. Brooke tried not to think about what were sure to be hefty charges on their bill at check out.

"I don't think I've ever had ceviche," Sonny said, his mouth full. "You wanna bite?"

"Sure." Brooke leaned over and let Sonny spoon the seafood mixture into her mouth. "Very good."

"I'm going in soon."

"I'll go when you go."

"Glad it's less crowded today."

When they entered the pool area on the afternoon of their arrival, they immediately turned around. The water and patio teemed with families and young couples, music blared from the DJ booth, and the air was filled with screams, catcalls, and parental warnings to stop running or watch your brother or come over here to be re-sunscreened. Sonny and Brooke wandered the beach instead and eventually found a small, nearly deserted café where they had lunch and Sonny's longed-for umbrella drink.

"It's a popular week," Brooke said, "But I bet people here with families are out doing other things during the day. I overheard someone in the elevator talking about going charter fishing."

"You wanna do that?"

Brooke gave him an appreciative smile. "No…the boat ride yesterday was perfect. And…I don't fish."

"Yeah, me neither. Well, I went a couple times, but I was too impatient and everyone got annoyed with me." Sonny chewed another bite and offered the dish to Brooke, "Want the last bite?"

"No, you go ahead. I'm going to go over there and get a picture of this whole area while there's nobody here. Be right back."

Brooke went to the farthest edge of the enclosure, closest to the beach, and snapped a few photos. Back at Sonny's side, she snapped a selfie, quickly sent it to Sarah, and jumped into the pool. When they resurfaced, a waiter was at the edge.

"Anything to drink?" He asked.

"Yeah!" Sonny replied excitedly. "Whaddya think, Brooke? Something fruity?"  
"Nah," she said, "Maybe a beer?"

"Two Coronas, por favor!"

"Coming right up, sir."

Sonny backed against the side and outstretched his arms, smiling placidly, "I could definitely get used to this life."

…..

The reason for Olivia's presence was, in part, to see Noah and Mia live rather than in photographs, but she was also hoping to meet Mia's mother. To her disappointment, Mia was delivered by her nanny who was outwardly thrilled to have an afternoon to herself.

"I'll drop her off after the show," Sarah said, "Maybe around five? We might need to eat again after."

The nanny dictated the Bianchi's address and her cell number and hastily left. Olivia had no chance to invite her in much less have a conversation and continued to baffled by the trust Mia's family blindly extended to the Tuckers.

Mia shrugged off her jacket and was about to let it drop on the floor but Sarah caught it and hung it on the coatrack. She half-skipped down the hall, her turquoise tiered chiffon dress bounding with her movements. She tugged at her bothersome cardigan which kept falling from her right shoulder.

"Hi Noah!"

"Hi Mia!" Noah twisted his lips and informed his mother that he needed his blue tie. Earlier, when Olivia asked him which one he wanted to wear, he recalled his parents' coordinating attire on date night.

"I'll get it bud," Ed offered, knowing he was the only bow tie expert in the house.

Noah and Mia talked to the babies, and, in the kitchen, Sarah swooned next to Olivia. She had just recovered from the sight of Noah in his slim-fitting charcoal suit and precisely combed hair. The bow tie wasn't an exact match to Mia's dress, but it was close enough and the fact that Noah wanted to match his friend made Sarah extra giddy.

"She cracks me up though," Sarah remarked in a hushed voice. "She doesn't look at all pleased being in that dress and those shoes."

Olivia regarded Mia's silver ballet flats and murmured, "I've never seen her in those." Indeed, Mia always wore sneakers to school.

Ed tilted Noah's chin upward with his knuckle and went to work on the tie. Mia grabbed one of the twins' toys and shook it to get their attention. "Race, babies!" She commanded cheerfully.

"Ya like to race, don't ya, Mia?" Ed observed.

"Yep! Mommy races horses!"

"Oh. Wow. That's exciting."

"They go super fast and jump the fences!"

Keeping his chin up, Noah glanced at his brother and sister. Maggie was entranced by an activity board, but Wyatt cooperated with Mia. "Wyatt! Ya need ta walk!"

At the sound of his brother's voice, Wyatt whipped around, grinned at Noah, and continued crawling forward.

"They're _babies_ , Noah!" Mia said, "They like to crawl!"

Ed put the finishing touch on Noah's tie. "You just wait, bud. They'll be running all over the place before ya know it!"

"Then we _reallllly_ play chase!"

"Yup. Okay, you're all set."

Sarah glided around the island and held out her arms. "Well, my young dates, you look absolutely stunning. Shall we go to lunch and then the theatre?"

Mia softly patted Wyatt's head and gave him the toy. She brushed loose strands from her face. "What're we gonna eat?"

Ed grinned uncontrollably.

"Wait a second," Olivia interjected, "I need a picture!"

The three of them compliantly posed and smiled before Sarah responded.  
"I don't know," she said, "What kind of food do you like?"

Mia shrugged.

"Well, Times Square has a number of establishments. I'm sure we'll find someplace to your liking. What do you think, Noey?"

"Lessgo!" He implored impatiently.

"Okay, okay, gee whiz. Goodbye, parents," Sarah said whimsically, grabbing her bag and blowing kisses at the twins. "Goodbye small sister and brother. Don't be too cute while we're gone!"

Sarah and Mia headed for the door, but Ed quickly pulled Noah aside and spoke to him softly. "Got your wallet?"

Noah patted his pocket. "Yep. Right here."

"And, don't forget, ladies first."

"I know, Daddy."

"I love you, bud. I'm so proud of you."

Noah squeezed his neck. "I'm proud of YOU!"

Olivia, eyes glassy, gave Noah a soft kiss on the cheek. "Have a great time, sweet boy."

"Noah? You comin?" Mia called. Sarah had already opened the door.

He raised his eyebrows at his parents as if to ask _are you done?_ They whispered, "go ahead," and he hustled to join the other two.

Left alone with their twins, Ed and Olivia stood in the center of the room, not quite sure what to say or what to do. Sure, they'd been without Noah before, but, for whatever reason, today took on the character of a significant step in his life.

Olivia released a deep breath. " _Okay_. I better get back."

Ed kissed her cheek. "Dinner'll be waiting when you get home."

"Thank you," she patted his cheek and kissed him, "I love you."

"Love you, too."

"And YOU TWO!" Olivia fell to her knees and held her arms out for Maggie and Wyatt. Maggie arrived first. "Bye, sweet girl. Mommy'll be back tonight."

Maggie grabbed Olivia's nose. "MA!"

Relief washed over Ed.

 _Finally_.

"My baby girl," Olivia held Maggie to her, but not for long. Maggie wiggled and tried to wrestle herself out of the embrace, once again calling out only this time it was a full-fledged, definite, "Mama!"

"Mamamamamamama," Wyatt droned as he came crawling toward them. "Mamamamamama!"

Olivia took Wyatt into her arms as well and hugged both babies while looking up at Ed with tear-filled eyes.

"How am I supposed to go back to work after this?"

Ed couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say, and he was worried he would break down in sobs. Though Olivia hadn't openly admitted it, he knew Wyatt's "Dada" and Maggie's "No!" bothered her tremendously. When he was alone with the twins, he tried to coach them into saying "Mama," and whispered that Mommy would love it so much if one of them could just do him this solid and say it.

The twins came through. And then some. Ed liked to think they'd conspired to say the word at the same time on the same day.

Exactly what their mother deserved.

…..

Sarah and the kids exited the cab on Ninth Avenue and headed east toward Times Square. Noah and Mia walked in front of her, and she marveled at his ability to navigate the semi-crowded streets. The bright lights helped, but still, for a five-year-old, he was remarkably confident. A few people, mostly tourists, smiled at the nattily dressed preschoolers. Sarah noticed Noah had his mother's habit of talking with his hands, and Mia, when she got excited, sort of hop-stepped rather than walk. Sarah videoed their entire walk to Guy's American Kitchen.

They were seated immediately, the restaurant was nearly empty, and Sarah ordered herself a gin-and-tonic.

"And for you, sir?" The server peered at Noah with a tiny smirk.

Noah turned to Mia. "I always get Shirley Temples with Sare Bear. You want a Shirley Temple?"

Mia nodded vigorously, though Sarah wasn't sure if she knew what she was ordering. Noah expertly ordered two of the drinks, adorably asked for a "buncha cherries," and turned his attention to the menu. He told Mia the last time he was at this particular spot he had the chicken tenders and they were yummy. Sarah let them try to read the rest of the menu, only stepping in when they were way off base. For a while, other than when they toasted, she felt like the third wheel. Noah and Mia traded stories, they giggled, they bantered knowingly about parents and brothers and sisters—they sounded like the best of friends.

"So, Mia, do you like your teachers?" Sarah found a way to insert herself into the conversation.

"They're okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah, they make us clean UP all the time." Mia glared at her straw.

"Oh no."

"Yeah," Mia sighed.

"So, have you seen Aladdin?"

"The movie. Yep!"

"We have really good seats. Right up front."

Mia's eyes widened, "We see the genie?"

"Yep!"

She bounced up and down. Noah smiled. "Sare bear, after the genie, we need to see the LIONS!"

"Sure Noey Boey," Sarah said, "We'll take Mia to see the lions next."

….

Olivia cruised through the rest of her day. She signed off on papers and reports, authorizations, and she even agreed to an impromptu interview from a Hudson University researcher. During breaks she glanced at her photographs, most of them depicting all three of her children. And every single one of them had called her "mama." She remained cloistered and unbothered in her office until Sarah showed up. Olivia had forgotten about the agreed-upon drink and was momentarily alarmed.

"Drink, Livvie? Remember?"

"Oh," she smiled sheepishly, "Oh, yeah, it…wow…that seems so long ago. How was everything?"

" _Omigawwwwd_. A-fucking-dorable."

Olivia started gathering files, preparing to leave. "Tell me."

Sarah took a deep breath and, in rapid-fire fashion, recounted the whole afternoon. "So they both ate the same exact thing and then they shared popcorn at the show and omigod it was so adorable, I have pictures— _here_ —I didn't want to keep sending and sending. And they sang along and got so excited they were standing and when they did the finale…they HUGGED!" And then they were pretending to bow and curtsy on the way out and, Livvie, I am just. Dead. Call the ME."

"You sound like you've watched some cop shows."

"I have. There are a few good ones."

"So I hear." She closed her laptop. "I'm done here. Ready?"

A half hour later Sarah and Olivia were seated at the bar of the Tuckers' regular pub. Olivia insisted on the place because she was anxious to get home and wanted to implicitly make the point that she was not going to stay out all night. She texted Ed and offered to bring dinner, but he had already started preparing the meal.  
"We'll see what that's all about," Olivia muttered.

"Livvie," Sarah briefly put her forehead on the bar, "Daddy is just… _gawwd_ , I don't think I've ever, in my entire fucking life, television and movies and books included, known anyone to love anyone as much as he loves you."

"I am lucky."

Sarah poked Olivia's cheek. "Livvie? What is wrong with you? You're, like…out there."

Olivia grinned, "Wyatt and Maggie said _Mama_ today."

Sarah shoved her playfully. "WHAT? When?"

"Shortly after you left. I was saying goodbye, and Maggie said it and then Wyatt."

"Omigawwwd," Sarah nearly knocked over the stool as she fell into Olivia. Recovering, she said, "Oh, fuck. Well, go home. You don't want to—"

Olivia grabbed her arm. "I'm not leaving until you tell me why I'm here."

Sarah closed her eyes and swallowed. "Right."

"What's going on?'

Sarah scratched her head so ferociously her blonde strands stuck out at wild angles. "Hillary quit. The brunch? She invited me to brunch to tell me she quit."

Olivia scratched her neck. "Well…after what's she's been through, it's not surprising she'd go someplace…else."

"She said she's going to Nashville and then to Atlanta. For another job. So this whole time she's been looking…and didn't tell me. Those jobs just don't pop up. Especially not in fucking Atlanta."

"Sare," Olivia folded her hands, "How much do you think this is about you?"

Sarah knew by enlisting Olivia's help she was not going to get off easily. She chose to talk this through with Olivia for that reason—Olivia would challenge her, would help her see the other side—but she didn't anticipate her stepmother's scrutiny being so instantaneously stifling.

"I think she's running away."

Olivia disagreed. "Going to start some place new after being sexually harassed?"

"Livvie, I don't know. I don't _understand_."

"Olivia grabbed Sarah's shoulders and made her look her in the eye. "Sarah, I understand. And Hillary has confronted her abuser, she has some sense of justice, but the context is still the same. The places and faces, other than the ones who were fired, are still the same."

"But I'm here! We…we…"

"I don't know what happened between you and Hillary," Olivia said, "But I know you care about her and she cares about you. But Hillary has to do what is right and good for Hillary, even if it means leaving you."

"There are a thousand firms in New York—"

"Sare, that's not the point."

Sarah pouted. Her narrow face hardened exactly like her father's did when he was dissatisfied.

"I'm thinking Hillary probably wants a fresh start."

"Maybe," Sarah reluctantly admitted.

"And can you blame her?" Olivia asked, "For looking out for herself first?"

Sarah closed her eyes at the veiled criticism.

" _No_." She groaned.

…..

Olivia and Ed nestled into bed earlier than usual. Ed slung his arm around his wife, beginning a familiar routine that would result in, at best, _Cosmo_ -inspired lovemaking, or, at worst, heavy cuddling and falling asleep in each other's arms.

Ed mimicked Wyatt's chant, "Mamamamama."

Olivia breathed deeply. "That was so perfect."

"It was." He continued kissing anywhere he could reach.

"Sarah said Noah was a perfect gentleman."

"Of course he was."

"She said he paid for the popcorn and let Mia go into the aisle first."

"Maybe we should reserve a venue for their wedding."

Olivia swatted his chest but then rolled on top of him and kissed his chin. "You have no idea how much I Love…how grateful I am…for you."

"Liv…I don't care what the year is…young men need to learn to be young men."

"And he is. And he learns it every day from his Daddy."

"And someday," Ed played with her hair, "Someday I'll tell him…that when you find yourself absolutely unable to stop thinking about someone…that's love."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sixteen**.

"And someday," Ed played with her hair, "Someday I'll tell him…that when you find yourself absolutely unable to stop thinking about someone…that's love."

 _Love_.

Since first confessing his love for her, Ed Tucker had defined that feeling in countless ways. Each time his eloquence rendered Olivia temporarily speechless.

" _Ed_."

She wasn't sure what to do with her arms. Her hands tore at Ed's hair. Clutched the sheets. Held a pillow over her face until the need to breathe supplanted the need to muffle her moans.

As much as she appreciated, no, _treasured_ his verbal paeans, right now, Ed was emphasizing how much he truly worshiped her. At the moment, the pleasure was more intense than any sentence he could possibly utter.

Across the room in the easy chair, Olivia's phone chimed every few minutes; Ed flung it there earlier when the obnoxious noise disturbed their foreplay. Turned on and craving more of his kisses and caresses, she didn't object, only offered a little laugh and then a sharp gasp when Ed tore off her shorts and planted himself between her legs.

Somewhere between her first climax and her second, the phone fell silent and remained so until Ed, drained, sweaty, and sated, held her flush against his body with both arms. Olivia could hear his heartbeat gradually return to its normal pulse and she gently ran her fingers along his skin, though her movements were restricted by his possessive embrace.

The phone chimed again.

"Ed, I really should get that, honey."

"I know."

"That would involve you letting me go."

"Don't wanna."

She laughed and he felt her lips curl into a smile against his chest.

" _Ed_."

"Okay, okay."

She retrieved the phone, expecting to see a familiar number, but the missed calls, though local, were not recognizable.

"Gotta go?"

"I'm not sure," Olivia tapped the number and crawled back beside Ed. "Hopefully not."

A gruff voice answered, and the background noise was so raucous Olivia had trouble making out the person's name.

"This is Lieutenant Benson. I've received several calls from this number?"

Ed watched Olivia's body change from relaxed to rigid within seconds. She sat up, rubbing her forehead with her free hand, and mumbled she'd be there within the hour.

"Where's there?" Ed asked softly. Olivia turned to him, and her horrified expression caused a pit to form in his stomach. "Liv, what is it?"

"Brooke and Sonny's loft," she replied in a hollow voice, "That was the local precinct Captain…he knew Carisi was one of mine."

Ed tried to make sense of the sparse details. "What happened? Someone break in?"

"Worse," Olivia mumbled, "Someone apparently did break in…and Dave shot him."

…..

The entrance to Brooke and Sonny's building was cordoned off and heavily guarded. Upon arrival, with her hair hastily clipped back and dressed in a casual sweater and jeans, the Lieutenant blended in with the small crowd of onlookers that had formed on the sidewalk. She brushed past these people, shield in hand, and was immediately approached by Captain Werner, and officer she'd been introduced to a few times, mostly at official NYPD events. They shook hands and Olivia thanked him profusely for calling her.

"What _happened_?"

Before they went up to the loft, Olivia stopped and spoke with the super and the doorman. She was relieved to learn they hadn't called Sonny or Brooke, and she asked them not to do so. She would take care of notification.

In the elevator, the Captain brought her up to speed.

"The shooter was sleeping on the couch. Said he heard the door open and saw a man enter. He asked who it was, didn't get an answer, said the guy kept walking toward him. Asked again, the kid didn't speak—"

"Kid?"

"Had a school ID on him. Mott Hall in the Bronx."

Olivia's heart sank.

"So then he fired. Twice. Got him in the chest and neck. Problem is…gun's registered in Connecticut…even if it's justifiable, the gun's illegal. He's on his way to the precinct now."

"What about the other kid?" Olivia's voice was shaky. "His son, Aidan?"

They stepped off the elevator and into another crowd of crime scene techs and investigators. Inside, the body had already been removed but pools of blood indicated where Kyle had fallen.

"We got him outta here. He's on his way to the precinct, too. Thought I'd wait to hear back from you before calling ACS."

"Thank you," Olivia said. "I'll…I'll take him home."

"What's his relationship to Carisi?"

Olivia explained everything—Angela's stroke, Dave and Aidan crashing at the condo for a few days while they made arrangements for her to be transferred to a rehabilitation center, and Brooke and Sonny being out of town. "So…I suppose he's a half-brother-in-law."

"Damn," Werner muttered, "Dad's at least spending the next twenty-four hours in jail and his mom's in the hospital?"

"Yep."

Olivia slowly spun around, scrutinizing the loft. Every light was turned on and the artificial brightness made the Carisi home seem foreign. She'd been in the loft several times. The vow renewal took place here. But she felt like she was in the middle of a complete stranger's home.

"Listen," she said, "Please stress to everyone…building employees, neighbors, that Carisi is not to be contacted. They're on their honeymoon. I…I want to talk to my husband, see what he thinks we should do."

"Sure thing," he replied, "But…gonna be hard to keep it outta the press."

Olivia walked to the window and peered down below. She recognized two newspaper reporters, but there were no news vans or cameras. At least, not yet. She harbored an odd hope that more interesting and salacious crimes had been committed overnight.

"Of course. But…"

He held up a hand, "I got it, Lieutenant."

"Thank you." Olivia took one last look around. "Any idea how the kid got in here? This building usually seems so secure."

"Door was unlocked. Detectives found a key in the kid's coat pocket."

Olivia felt like she'd been smacked in the face.

 _Brooke gave Kyle a key? What in the hell was she thinking?_

She needed Ed. She needed to get out of there and talk to her husband. This was too much.

But first, she had to pick up Aidan.

….

Before Olivia had a chance to offer her opinion, Ed declared they were not going to tell Brooke and Sonny until they returned. They would pick the two of them up from the airport and break the news on the way back into the city. He and Olivia waited until Aidan had fallen into a fitful sleep on the couch before further discussing the additional circumstances, particularly Dave's illegal possession of a gun and Brooke's connection to Kyle.

"What the hell was he doing bringing a fucking gun into the city?" Ed asked rhetorically, incredulous at Dave's idiotic decision. "And I told Brooke to leave that kid alone. And she gives him a _key_? When she knew Dave and Aidan were going to be there?"

"There has to be a logical explanation," Olivia said, "Brooke isn't that reckless."

"I can't believe Sonny would be ok with that. He didn't look completely on board with Dave and Aidan using the place."

Olivia shuddered. "Ed…what if…what if Sonny doesn't know about Kyle? About any of it?"

Ed's eyes grew wider than Olivia had ever seen them.

"I mean…maybe with everything going on…maybe she didn't tell him."

"How could she _not_?"

"Well, you said she was just meeting with him, right?"

"Yeah, and I told her to stop. Let the legal process work. What the fuck was she gonna do? Rent them a new place?" Ed was pacing their bedroom now, fuming, and looking every bit like his former cantankerous IAB self.

"So how did meeting turn into him getting into their place in the middle of the night…"

Ed grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

"I…I want them to enjoy their trip," Olivia continued, starting to doubt their decision, "But…what if it _does_ end up on the news?"

"It won't be national," Ed muttered.

"Hope they were really serious about totally disconnecting."

"Yeah, me too."

Olivia left the bed and intercepted her husband. He calmed down when she hugged him, so much so that he made a subtle joke.

"We're not adopting a teenager, are we?"

Olivia buried her forehead into his chest. "That poor kid."

"Flip a coin to see who tells Sarah?"

Smiling, she tapped his chin with her index finger, "Funny guy…how about we tell her together?"

"Yeah," he agreed, "Together."

…..

Noah kicked off his covers and slung himself out of bed. He sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Leaving Bernie among the covers, he walked into the hallway, stopped in the bathroom, and stood, arms akimbo, assessing the situation.

His home was silent.

He stepped into the kitchen, tugged open the refrigerator, and grabbed a juice box. He dropped the box once and the straw twice before successfully accessing his drink. The racket woke Aidan. Noah rounded the island, headed for his iPad and bean bag, but stopped in his tracks at the unexpected face.

"Hi Noah," Aidan mumbled.

"Aidan! You spend the night?"

"Uh…yeah…" Aidan used his phone to check the time. "You're uh…you wake up early."

Noah shrugged. "Wanna play on the iPad?"

"Sure."

Aidan's mind was jumbled. Last night seemed like it happened years ago. He'd been asleep in the upstairs bedroom when he awoke to the pop of gunshots. He scrambled halfway down the stairs, but stopped when his Dad barked for him to stop and go back to bed. The next thing he remembered was the frantic 911 call. Officers arrived within minutes, and soon he and his father were escorted out to squad cars. Aidan remembered his officer trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to shield him from the sight of the dead body.

He absent-mindedly helped Noah play his game, but the little boy didn't sense anything was amiss. Soon, Maggie and Wyatt woke up, and Olivia emerged from the bedroom. She'd managed to get a few hours' sleep. Ed had stayed up most of the night brooding, but was now buried under the covers and snoring. Before Olivia left the room she closed the blinds to ward off the bright sunlight, hoping that would help him extract some extra sleep time.

The twins greeted her with smiles and a chorus of _Mamas_. Wyatt bounced up and down and Maggie was trying to scale the side of her crib. Olivia picked her up first, quickly changed her diaper, and sent her crawling out to the living room.

She heard Noah greet her cheerfully. "Mornin' Maggs!"

"Good morning sweet Wyatt!" Olivia smoothed his brown hair which was getting longer and starting to curl in tendrils around his ears and at the nape of his neck. He grabbed her ears and her chin and she paused to close her eyes and savor the contact of his little hands.

"Mommy! Maggie's tryin' to get my juice!"

"Be there in a second, sweetie!"

She snapped Wyatt back into his pajamas and went to rescue Noah. He had his juice box in one hand and the iPad in the other; Maggie had pulled herself up with the help of the sofa and was straining to reach her brother. Aidan looked on, smiling.

Olivia grabbed Maggie and put both twins in their high chairs. It was still early, but she sent a text to Sarah asking her to come over before she went in to work.

"Aidan…as soon as Ed gets up and Sarah gets here, I'll get your things, okay?"

"Alright."

"You need anything right now?"

"No, I'm good."

"Mommy, we're _HUNGRY_!"

"Okay, sweet boy," Olivia scattered some cheerios and fruit on the twins' trays. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"We want cin-min toast!" After a couple of seconds, Noah added, "Pleeease?"

"Sure, sweetie. Very polite. Aidan, we have cereal, waffles…you don't have to have cinnamon toast."

Noah responded for him. "Aidan say he LOVE cin-min toast!"

"It's true," Aidan said, "I like it."

Olivia's phone chimed. It was Sarah.

 _Before work? What's wrong?_

Olivia put the bread in the toaster and wandered into Noah's room to call Sarah. She didn't bother with a hello or good morning. "Hey, Sare, listen…something happened last night and Aidan's here—"

"What the fuck happened to Dave?"

"He's, um…in jail."

" _WHAT_?"

"Can you come over? Please?"

"Yes, yes, of course, I'm on my way."

"Don't say anything to Brooke."

"I don't have anything _to_ _say_ right now, Livvie."

"We'll fill you in when you get here."

"Okay. Be there in a few. Bye."

"Bye."

Olivia opened Noah's blinds and stared contemplatively out the window. What a mess. A crisis, really. Aidan had no other family close by. Angela's family members were either elderly, dead, or living on the opposite coast. Dave had a brother, but he lived in Texas, and Aidan was less familiar with him than he was with Sarah and Brooke. Angela was nowhere near well enough to go home. The specialists predicted a three-to-six-month stint in rehab. The gun charge, if that was the _only_ charge, would ultimately land Dave in jail for up to a year. Questions swirled. Aidan had to finish the school year. Where would he live? Could they convince Sarah to temporarily relocate to Connecticut? Could he stay with a friend?

Additionally, Olivia was desperate to solve the mystery about Kyle's access to the loft. She was adamant in her belief that Brooke would not have given him a key. Could he have stolen it without her knowing? Did he somehow coax it out of the doorman? Would the truth cause irreparable harm to her marriage?

Olivia took a deep breath. Oddly enough, amidst all of these concerns and uncertainties, she felt secure and strong, not unaffected, but confident she and Ed would be able to offer any type of help the others needed. Both their marriage and their immediate world were indestructible.

"MOMMY! Mommy! The toast popped up!"

Ed poked his head into the room. "Mommy," he echoed Noah in a thick, hoarse voice, "The toast popped up."

"Sweetie, I wanted to let you sleep."

"S'alright. I'll catch up later."

Olivia tried to walk around Ed, but he blocked the door.

"I have to make cinnamon toast," she bargained.

"You have to kiss me first."

"Oh, well, that's easy." She pressed her lips to his. "I love kissing you."

" _MOMMY_!"

"Want coffee?" She asked, ducking under his arm and slithering around him.

"I want you," He murmured at her back.

"Not on the menu at the moment, Captain," she glanced over her shoulder. "Inquire again after dinner."

"Will do."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	17. Chapter 17

**Seventeen**.

At the last minute, Olivia decided either she or Ed should meet Sarah somewhere rather than have her come to the apartment. They needed to talk openly and honestly, but they couldn't do that with Aidan's presence. She wanted him neither scared nor exposed to a confusing glut of information and uncertainties. However, he was fifteen and Olivia knew he wouldn't want to be blatantly infantilized, so she announced she would pick up Sarah on the way to retrieve Aidan's bag which, upon checking with Captain Werner, was in the precinct's evidence room. It had been inspected and cleared for release.

"What's with the change of plans?" Sarah asked, hurrying into the car in the middle of a Ninth Avenue block. Olivia explained and Sarah nodded, "Makes perfect sense. But, uh, what the _fuck_ Livvie?"

"Well," Olivia's fingers kneaded the steering wheel, "so… how about we stop for coffee or something after I get his—"

"Coffee?" Sarah thrust her head forward so she was almost laying on the dashboard, "Fuck. Sounds like I'm gonna need a fucking drink."

"Maybe."

Flabbergasted, she stared at Olivia through her oversized aviator sunglasses. _Tacitly agreeing to a drink at nine a.m.? Something was definitely seriously awry._

Olivia filled her in the best she could. "Last night…a kid about Aidan's age came into their loft. Dave had a gun with him and shot him."

Sarah covered her mouth. "Omigod."

"The boy died."

" _Fuck_. And Aidan saw all this?"

"He told us last night he didn't see any of it happen. The shots woke him up…but when the officers took him out he did see the body."

"Dave _killed_ someone," she murmured.

"Yeah. So…your Dad and I, and please tell me if you disagree, we want to keep this from Sonny and Brooke until they get back. I…I see pros and cons either way, but, in the end, I think I would rather let them enjoy their vacation."

Sarah fanned her fingers across her face. "I guess, I, um, I don't disagree…I mean, I dunno what I would want… _fuck_. But what if they see it on the news?"

"Well, your Dad pointed out it wouldn't be on national news…and there wasn't a ton of press there. We're kind of hoping, if they are looking at local headlines, they're not looking too closely. Unless it comes out that Dave wasn't justified in what he did, this will just fade away."

"Ok, but…he was _arrested_?"

"At the very least he'll be charged with criminal possession of a weapon. He'll get bail, but, pending the outcome of the investigation, I can't say whether or not there will be other charges."

"Holy… _damn_ …what am I supposed to tell my mother? I mean…she's awake. She's _seen_ Dave."

Admittedly, Olivia hadn't thought about this aspect. "God, Sare, I don't know."

She quickly dismissed the concern, "I'll worry about that later, and maybe, well, when's he being arraigned?"

"Sometime this morning."

"If he gets bail, he'll be out. Right?"

"Right."

"So it can be his decision then."

Olivia turned into a narrow alley which opened to the precinct's small parking lot. "Are you coming in?" She asked Sarah.

"I can?"

"Sure. It's just an evidence room."

"Yay! I love playing police."

Olivia rolled her eyes, grinned, and led Sarah inside. The drab, metal-and-cinder block surroundings were not at all impressive, but Sarah wandered around the small waiting room like a child on a field trip. "So this is where…the guns and drugs and everything go?"

"For this precinct, yes. There's a larger one in Queens where everything ends up."

"Lieutenant?" An officer appeared, not from the rows of shelves but from the heavy door leading to the squad room.

"Yes, that's me."

Sarah made a beeline for Olivia's side and sweetly said hello to the young officer. He was Olivia's height, blonde, slender, and could not have been out of the Academy for longer than a year.

"Hello, ma'am." He held up the duffle bag. "Cap' said to give this to you?"

"Yes. Thank you. Do you want me to sign for it?"

"Oh, yeah, right," he went through another door and returned with a clipboard. "Here you go."

Olivia scribbled her signature, thanked him again, and she and Sarah left. They were back in the car when Sarah said, " _Whooweee_ he was _cuuuute_!"

"He can't be more than twenty-one." Olivia sounded a lot like Ed.

"Still. Cutie in a uniform. Kinda irresistible, dontcha think?" Sarah giggled and nudged Olivia, "Oh, wait, you prefer them a little gray and in a regular suit and tie."

Olivia checked traffic and steered the sedan onto the street. "Yes I do."

…..

Like Olivia, Ed's heart bled for Aidan, yet the young man was remarkably in good spirits. Alone once again with Ed and the kids, Aidan chatted with Noah, appeared relaxed, and even played peek-a-boo with Maggie and Wyatt.

Ed wasn't sure how the day was going to unfold, so he called into the DA's office, just to make sure nobody was expecting him. He had a great deal of autonomy but still made sure to check in on a daily basis. Word travelled quickly, and the lead prosecutor on the eviction case was aware of Ed's connection to Carisi. Though he was appreciative of the compassion and understanding, Ed didn't like how news of the shooting had already permeated several layers of the city's legal infrastructure.

He'd been in the bedroom, talking on the phone while helping Wyatt jump and do somersaults on the bed. After he ended the call he "flew" Wyatt into the living room where Noah, Aidan, and Maggie were all on the couch watching cartoons.

"Daddy, gotta do our workout!" Noah jumped off the couch and bounded to the play mat.

"Oh, yeah, we don't wanna forget that. What's first?"

"Bench press!"

"Alright."

"Ten Noahs then ten Wyatts then ten Maggies."

A confused Aidan peered over the back of the sofa as Ed laid down on his back and held Noah in the air. Noah stiffened into a plank position, and Ed lifted him up and down, counting out the reps.

"- _annnnnd_ ….TEN!" Ed sat up momentarily and grinned at Aidan, "Great way to stay in shape," he said, "Although, we may have to reduce the number of Noahs pretty soon."

"No Daddy!" Noah stomped his foot indignantly. " _Ten_ Noahs! _Always_ ten Noahs!"

"Okay, okay. Wyatt's next? C'mere, big guy."

Ed repeated the lifts and reps with Wyatt and Maggie, and then flipped over for pushups.

"These are just Noahs," Noah explained to Aidan, "Cause Maggie and Wyatt can't hang on good yet."

Aidan nodded.

"When we try they jus' fall off."

"Oh."

Noah plastered himself to Ed's back. Ed performed twenty pushups, took a quick break, and did twenty more. "Alright, bud, your turn."

Since Noah's right wrist was still in the cast, Noah did his pushups one-handed with Ed holding his torso. He miscounted to twenty, collapsed on his stomach, brushed his forehead, and let out an exhausted breath. "Whoa! That's hard!"

Ed wiped his own brow, smiling, "Gonna make ya strong, though, bud."

"Yep! Gonna have BIG MUSCLES!" Noah flexed both arms.

Ed kissed the side of his head. "Sure are. Okay, you hang out with Aidan for a few minutes. I'm going to get Maggie and Wyatt dressed."

"Kay! Aidan? Wanna do the workout?" Noah looked at his teenage friend with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Um, sure, okay."

Ed corralled the twins in their room and closed the baby gate so they couldn't escape. He rifled through their closet and drawers, chose their outfits, and smiled to himself as he overheard Noah suggest he and Aidan do jumping jacks.

…

At each red light Olivia made phone calls to try and determine when Dave would be arraigned. She received no definite answer, but Barba promised to call her the second he had any information. He also texted back a few minutes later to report Dave had retained a lawyer and he arrived early that morning.

"He did say the dockets aren't too full today, so hopefully it won't be long."

"How much will bail be?"

"Depends," Olivia replied.

"On what?"

"Any prior record…how much the prosecutor emphasizes the shooting…it could be argued that he has reason to flee."

Sarah stared out the window, "Livvie, where on Earth are we going?"

"Home?"

"Please, please, let's stop at the Shark. I know it's open."

"The Shark?"

"On Spring."

Olivia agreed, with the caveat that she couldn't stay long, and they were soon in the wooden confines of the Spring Lounge, one of the few bars open before eleven a.m. Sarah ordered a shot of tequila and a gin-and-tonic but was effusive in her promise she would pace herself. Not sure her boss would buy another generic "family emergency" excuse, she called him and outlined the specifics of the past twenty-four hours in her typical rapid-fire fashion.

"He's so understanding," she said after the call, "Actually, I think I kind of wear him out…well, not in _that_ way," she playfully slapped Olivia's hand. "It's easier for him to say 'take whatever time you need' than listen to me go on and on. But we're fucking busy right now, it's April!"

"Well, go in to work if you have to. Aidan will be fine at our house today."

"Ah, they'll be fine without me for a few hours."

"So," Olivia gently shifted the conversation back to the matters at hand, "If, for some reason, Dave is remanded or he doesn't make bail right away, are you able to let Aidan stay with you?"

"Sure, yeah, of course, but…what about school?"

"I'm really hoping he makes bail and that doesn't become an issue."

"Livvie, I _have_ to be here," Sarah implored, guessing Olivia was going to suggest Sarah go to Connecticut, "At least for the rest of the month."

"Maybe he can stay with a friend?"

"Ugh, let's just hope Dave gets out," Sarah grumbled. Two seconds later, she asked about Kyle. Sarah was sharp and savvy; she knew how secure Brooke's building was and how unlikely it was that a nonresident would be able to not only enter but slip past the doorman _and_ the security guard their homeowners association provided.

Olivia had to be honest. "I'm pretty sure he was one of Brooke's former students."

Sarah twisted her lips. " _Former_? As in the Bronx?"

"Yes."

"That makes no sense," she said, "Zero. Like…how would any of those kids have found her?"

"She must have given him her address," Olivia speculated.

"No fucking way."

Olivia pressed her lips together, "Sare, Brooke has a big heart. She may have gotten in a little too deep trying to help him. But, until we talk to her, we don't know."

"And until she comes back, we're not talking to her, which means the police won't be able to completely close the case."

"Probably not," Olivia was impressed with Sarah's reasoning. "So whatever happens today…definitely isn't the end."

In their final twenty minutes at the bar, Sarah received a few photos from Brooke. She and Sonny were making their way south from the mainland and crossing into the keys. The panoramas showed wide swaths of picturesque turquoise water on either side of their rental car.

Sarah stared at the photos. "Livvie, we are in a freaking reality show, you know that, right? We need cameras. We'd be millionaires."

Olivia just smiled and nodded.

"Another round, ladies?" The bartender sounded persuasive, but they declined.

"At some point I'm going to have to go to the hospital," Sarah said, "And I can't be all fucked up…even though I would like to be."

Olivia's phone vibrated. It was Barba, reporting Dave was on his way to arraignment.

"Oh boy," Sarah sighed, "Moment of truth coming right up."

…

Upon receiving his bag, Aidan went to take a shower, leaving Sarah, Ed, and Olivia alone to discuss the next steps which ended up being far easier when Barba texted again, this time with the bail amount. Olivia's jaw dropped.

"What is it?" Ed asked.

"I knew it wouldn't be cheap," she said, "But for an A misdemeanor…a hundred thousand? _Cash_?"

"He killed a kid, Liv."

"In self-defense!"

Ed shifted his eyes toward the bathroom door and lowered his voice, "That…hasn't yet been determined. He's got money. Been living in Europe. Judge needed to give him a reason to stick around."

Sarah dramatically fell onto the couch between Ed and Olivia, "Do you think he has that much money?"

"He may have to put up their house," Ed replied, subtly scooting away from Sarah. "Or maybe he does…"

Olivia typed another message to Barba then reluctantly announced she had to leave. She figured Dave would be able to post his bail that day and be released within hours. The other question she had was whether or not the judge was going to allow him to return to his home in Connecticut.

"Hopefully we have another slow day, and I'll be home at a normal time," Olivia said to Ed as he walked her out. "Been lucky lately."

Ed held her hand and kissed her. "I'm lucky no matter what time you get home."

"Me too," she cooed back at him, simpering and leaning in for another kiss. "I love you."

"Love _you_."

….

Olivia gathered the squad in her office and made absolutely clear they were not to contact Carisi. She, Ed, and Sarah had made the decision as a family, and, even if it turned out to be the wrong one, they stood by their choice. Since the shooting did not qualify as an SVU case, she urged them to resist the temptation to investigate and let the local precinct move forward. Fin and Savage nodded and went back to their desks, but Rollins lingered.

"Does it look bad?"

"It looks…" Olivia cast her eyes toward the ceiling and lowered her voice, "strange. No forced entry."

Rollins raised her eyebrows, easily connecting the dots, but she asked no further questions. "For what it's worth, I agree with you. Let them have their honeymoon."

"Thanks, Amanda."

Olivia's Face Time ring pierced the ensuing silence. She swiped the phone from her pocket, asked Rollins to close the door on her way out, and accepted the call. Brooke's frantic face appeared on the screen.

" _Olivia_."

"Hey."

Sounding more like Sarah than herself, Brooke fired off a litany of questions. What happened? Who did Dave shoot? Is Aidan okay? Is Angela okay? Are you sure it was our loft? Whose gun was it? Is Dave in jail? Where's Sarah? How did the guy get in?

Olivia hated to respond with a question of her own, but she did just that. "How did you find out?"

"One of Sonny's cop friends."

 _Of course_. The Tuckers could close ranks among themselves, but it was naïve to assume Sonny's acquaintances would do so as well.

Olivia repeated what Captain Werner told her, which wasn't much. "They're still investigating…piecing together what happened."

Brooke pinched her suntanned forehead. "We have to come home."

"That's up to you."

"Sonny's on the phone…trying to get info…" Even more terror seeped into Brooke's expression. "How am I supposed to go home when someone _died_ there?"

Olivia wrestled with indecision. Brooke had no idea Kyle was the person killed, causing even more confusion about how he entered to begin with. Certainly the detectives were poring over surveillance cameras and interviewing the doormen, perhaps Sonny was talking to them now, the explanation would come eventually, but apparently it did not lie within Brooke's knowledge.

"Honey…I'm not really sure what to say." Sonny appeared in the frame, "Hey, Carisi."

"Lieu," he ran his fingers through his loose hair, "Lieu…Liv…I'm not gettin' a lot of answers here."

"We aren't either," she replied, "They're still working to close it out and hopefully decide not to charge Dave with anything else."

" _Else_?"

"Criminal possession of a weapon."

"That was stupid," Carisi muttered.

Brooke looked up at him, "I thought it was your gun."

"Nah, mine's locked up at the precinct."

Fin walked into the office and placed a scrap of paper on her desk. Olivia peered at his handwriting.

 _Dave made bail and was just released_.

"Listen," Olivia counseled, "There's really no reason for you to come back early."

"Lieu, are you sure?"

She was not sure how Sonny and Brooke could possibly enjoy the final four days of their vacation, but she tried to be as optimistic as possible. "With the techs in and out of your apartment you probably couldn't stay there, at least not right away." Olivia forced a rueful smile, "I'm so sorry you had to find out this way."

Sonny shrugged.

Brooke turned to Sonny, "Let's just…figure out what to do, okay?"

"I think I need a drink." Sonny left the balcony and went inside, presumably to their mini bar. Brooke buried her face in her hands.

Olivia wished she could jump through the screen and hug her. "Brooke, honey?"

"I cannot believe this," she dropped her hands, revealing red, teary eyes, "How much is one person expected to handle? My mom…Dave…"

 _And that's not all_ , Olivia thought, becoming nauseated. "I have to ask you a question." At the risk of ignoring her own order to stay out of the investigation, she asked Brooke about the key without mentioning Kyle's name. "Is there any way someone…could've gotten a hold of it without you or Sonny knowing?"

"You have a key, Sarah has one…" Brooke's face suddenly turned bright red. "Oh…no…"

"What is it?"

"Who was it?"

"Hmmm?"

"Who was shot?"

Closing her eyes, Olivia replied, "Kyle."

Brooke burst into tears and Sonny rushed back to her side. He comforted her, probably assuming the enormity of what happened in their loft has become too overwhelming to bear. She tried to talk through her sobs, but those attempts only made her gasp more violently for air and induced a fit of coughing. Her entire body flopped lifelessly against Carisi.

Uncomfortable witnessing this intensely private scene, Olivia stared fixated on the wall full of plaques; however, she was reluctant to end the call without ending the mystery of how Kyle came into possession of the key.

Once Brooke calmed down, Olivia rephrased her earlier inquiry, "It would probably help things along…if we knew how he got the key."

Sonny screwed up his face. Sooner rather than later, he was going to find out about Brooke's relationship with Kyle. Maybe it was best if Brooke told him now, while she was pathetically sniveling in his lap.

"When I… when I…" Brooke's voice was barely a whisper, "I left Kyle some money…it was…for a phone, so he and his grandmother could call about their case instead of having to go somewhere all the time…"

"Kyle?" Sonny asked.

Brooke looked up at him remorsefully, "A former student…I was…I was helping him out with some things."

Sonny's mouth hung open as he listened to the rest of her confession.

"And when I left the envelope at the desk…I also returned the key I'd used last week...Son, you took my keys, remember? You'd left yours at work? Marco must've put the two envelopes into one on accident…and the note I left Kyle, with the key and the money, he may have taken it to mean I was letting him stay at our place while we were gone."

Fuming now, Sonny stood up, causing Brooke to fly back into her own chair. He ferociously scratched his head, and he stuck out his lower jaw. His cheeks pulsated with fury.

" _Son_."

Olivia desperately wanted to hang up, but instead clenched her fists and accepted she was party to the ensuing verbal altercation.

"Hang on a minute, Brooke," he snapped, thrusting his index finger in her direction, "In the last fifteen minutes I learned our house was broken into, your stepfather who had an illegal pistol _shot_ him and now you're telling me _A_ , you knew the kid, _B_ you were giving him money and who knows what else without telling me, and _C_ because you were giving him money and inviting him to our building he ended up dead ON OUR KITCHEN FLOOR?"

Absolutely nothing had gone according to plan. Devastated, Olivia could only stare at her phone. Brooke cried. Sonny stormed off.

Eventually Brooke realized Olivia was still there.

"I, uh," her face was streaked with tears and her chin trembled, "I…I better…go."

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry."

Brooke shrugged. "It's my fault. All of it."

"Now's not the time for that, Brooke. Breathe. Calm down. Let Sonny calm down and talk it out. And call us. Let us know what's going on. I love you."

Brooke stared forlornly at her stepmother.

Seconds later, her distraught face disappeared and the "call ended" message flashed on the screen.

For the first time in her career, Olivia longed for a call. She wanted an SVU case to solve. Even if it was tricky and convoluted and time-consuming. She was good at that. Experienced. Prepared. Confident.

It would be so much easier than trying to extinguish the flames that were threatening to do irreparable harm to her family.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	18. Chapter 18

**Eighteen**.

Each room in the Tucker home had its own unique feel. The largest space, the huge main area-living room, dining room, and kitchen—contained a representative cross-section of their family. It was stylishly decorated, but domestic practicality dominated. A stranger could easily discern children lived there. Among the furniture sat the easel, the miniature table and chair set, and an array of plush and plastic toys. One corner of the entertainment center was reserved for diapers and wipes. In the kitchen, child safety locks secured the bottom cabinets, primary colored alphabet magnets were spread within Noah's reach on the refrigerator doors, and sippy cups air-dried on a towel next to the sink. If those items weren't evidence enough, framed family photographs hung on the walls and sat on nearly every free inch of shelf space. The most recent print, a mother-daughter selfie, was displayed on the side table closest to Olivia's favorite spot on the sofa. It wasn't the highest quality photo, maybe it was a little but blurry, but Olivia fell in love the second she snapped it. She and Maggie beamed at the camera, mouths open, as if they were screaming for others to come and join their party.

An interior decorator would certainly deride Olivia for displaying too many pictures. Not that she would care.

Noah's bedroom was all boy, decorated in blues and greens, with images of dinosaurs and trains predominating. Olivia occasionally questioned whether she and Ed were too emphatic and enthusiastic in defining gender norms for their son. However, when Noah readily accepted Mia's affinity for trains and happily integrated Maggie's dolls into whatever activity he'd concocted for himself and his siblings, her concern was quickly assuaged.

On the opposite end of the hall, past more photographs and the bathroom used by Noah and guests, was the master bedroom, perpetually messy yet cozy and comforting. It was the epicenter of their world as a couple. At times they moved about the room frenetically, especially since they often found themselves sneaking extra seconds together in bed, choosing to get Noah to school in the nick of time rather than be responsible and leave wide cushions of spare minutes. When they weren't rushing to leave, the room became their sanctuary—it was the place where their deepest, rawest conversations occurred, where they both shed all their labels, titles, and existed as stripped down versions of themselves, both literally and figuratively.

Even when Ed wasn't there, his t-shirts, random items on his nightstand, and the occasional whiff of his aftershave made his presence nearly palpable. Relics of Olivia were everywhere—earrings scattered among bottles of mousse and hairspray and lotions, dry cleaner-bound blazers draped over the tub, her loofah which she never managed to return to its hook and then ended up discarding because the thought of it festering on the shower floor disgusted her.

The twins' room brought Olivia the most peace, there was a special feeling of contentment she experienced doing exactly what she was doing at the moment—laying Maggie and Wyatt in their matching white cribs as dusk gradually gave way to the New York evening. Knowing they were having a boy and a girl, Ed and Olivia opted to paint the walls ivory, but artwork matching Wyatt's jungle-themed bedding and Maggie's butterflies, elephants, and wildflowers countered the neutral color.

Olivia smothered her babies with kisses before tenderly arranging their blankets even though they would be either kicked off or reconfigured in a matter of minutes. Wyatt turned on his side and put his fist in his mouth. Olivia ran a finger along his chubby cheek.

"I love you so much, Wyatt Edward." He gazed placidly back at her, his eyelids already beginning to droop.

Maggie, on the other hand, had jettisoned her covers and was standing up, smiling defiantly.

"Okay sweet girl," Olivia said softly, laying her back down, "Time to go night night. Here you go," she put Maggie's small Baby Gund doll next to her head and Maggie promptly flung it to the edge of the crib and tried to sit up. It took two more tries before Maggie relented and stayed on her back, or she would at least until Olivia left the room.

"Love you baby girl," Olivia whispered.

"Ma!" Maggie shrieked, slamming her little fists on the mattress.

"I know you want to stay up and play, don't you sweet girl?"

"Mamamamamamama!"

She smiled, "Close your eyes beautiful Maggie. Even Noah's already asleep!"

"NO!"

Olivia acknowledged she was making bedtime more difficult by lingering in the room, but she craved these precious moments.

"Mommy will see you in the morning."

Maggie grinned.

"Okay, sweetheart, night, night."

Olivia walked out of the room smiling, leaving the door slightly ajar, and feeling so complete and at ease, it was a shock to see Aidan, Ed, and Sarah sitting around the dining table even though that's exactly where they had been a few minutes ago when she carried the twins to bed.

She took her seat next to Ed.

He kissed her cheek. "Maggie?"

"I'm sure she's jumping up and down."

"Small sister _haaaaates_ going to bed!" Sarah said gleefully. "I love it."

Ed couldn't help smiling. "Yeah, we do, too," he muttered sarcastically.

"Okay," Olivia splayed both hands on the table. "Brooke and Sonny are on their way back…and Brooke's going to stay with you at the Connecticut house, Aidan. Is that okay with you?" The judge ordered Dave not to leave the city, so he was relegated to a hotel room near Tisch hospital where Angela was receiving inpatient therapy.

"Yeah, yeah…be easier that way, with school and stuff."

"What about her job?" Ed asked.

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose. Her second conversation of the day with Brooke was not as emotional as the first but no less heart wrenching. "She's taking a leave of absence."

"Carisi?"

"He's okay with staying at the loft. They're done processing it." There was a hollowness in Olivia's words, hinting that there was more to their "separation" than Aidan's care. It cued Ed to steer the conversation to more mundane matters.

"She need us to pick her up?"

"They're taking a cab."

Sarah studied her texts, "And meeting at my place, so, Aidan, let's get going. We have time to stop for a cocktail. We'll go someplace fun so you're not just sitting there watching me drink."

"Be good," Ed warned in his best fatherly voice.

"Of course."

Ed and Olivia remained seated at the table for a few minutes. Olivia laid her head on Ed's shoulder.

"I know," Ed murmured even though Olivia hadn't said anything.

She sighed.

"Want tea? Drink?"

She looked up at him with longing in her brown eyes. He needed to be filled in on the details; the two of them hadn't had any alone time. Ed ended up spending the entire day with Aidan and the kids when Sarah reluctantly went to the office for a few hours.

But the details could wait a little longer. Olivia didn't particularly feel like talking.

"Let's go to bed," she suggested in a deep, seductive voice. "I want to…forget about this for a little while."

He cradled her face and kissed her. "Yes ma'am," he rasped. "I'll help ya forget all night if you want."

Olivia kissed back and replied with her lips still on his, "I want."

….

Contrary to Sarah's prediction, Aidan didn't immediately retreat to the guest bedroom when they arrived back at her apartment. He leaned against the island and watched Sarah pour another drink. She noticed his eyes on her and asked if he wanted one.

"Um…"

"Oh, please, don't act like you don't drink with your friends. Or smoke. I used to be fifteen. For two years actually, which is why I can still tell people I'm twenty-five even though I'm twenty-seven," she laughed at her lame joke, slid him her glass, and got another for herself.

Aidan sipped tentatively. He and Sarah had a fun time at Dave & Busters in Times Square. For a kid who lived so close to Manhattan, Aidan had not spent much time in the city and he took in the lights and cacophony of Times Square with Noah-esque enthusiasm.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with your Dad in the hotel?" Sarah asked then immediately rolled her eyes.

 _Of course he doesn't want to stay there! I'm offering him drinks!_

"No, I, uh, I don't really know what to say to him right now."

Indeed, the earlier encounter at the rehab center had been awkward. An unshaven and rumpled Dave met them in the lobby, gave his son a quick hug, and said nothing else during their visit with Angela. She was increasingly alert and was able to speak, sit up, and feed herself with her left hand. Her right side was partially paralyzed, but with each passing day, she was regaining usage of every limb. Her prognosis was good, but she still had a grueling road ahead of her. She didn't question Dave's appearance which made Sarah think she had to be on some pretty powerful drugs. The mother she knew had always been fastidious about appearances.

"I'll be outta here tomorrow when Brooke comes," Aidan added.

"No, no, no, I didn't mean you weren't welcome here," Sarah quickly clarified, "Because you are, I just thought, maybe, you'd want to be with your parents…in a time like this."

Aidan took another, more generous, sip. He didn't wince at the vodka, so Sarah knew this wasn't his first taste of alcohol. "It's better this way. Here…and with your Dad. I really like them. They're…"

"Normal?"

"Well, yeah, but, just really nice. And I like Noah. He's a cool little dude. And hilarious."

"Yes he is."

"He told me you fill up the swear jar." Aidan laughed. It was the first time Sarah heard his hearty laughter. "He pointed at it and said, that's for Sare Bear."

"Yeah, well, I forget," she threw her hands in the air, "He's a very mature five."

They stared into their drinks in silence for a minute or two before Aidan asked another question.

"What do you think it going to happen to Dad?"

"I don't know."

"I thought maybe Olivia would've told you something."

"She doesn't know either."

"Little weird…killing someone."

Sarah remembered he had seen the body. She reached out and patted his hand. "Are you okay? Do you…do you want to talk about what you saw?"

Aidan avoided making eye contact. "A lot of blood," he mumbled, "But…I was…like half asleep, I didn't realize what was happening. Ed said that was normal."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah…he kinda, well, I told him about it today when you were at work."

"Oh."

Aidan opening up to Ed stunned Sarah, and she had trouble gauging her reaction. Was she jealous he'd confided in him and not her? After basically ignoring her half-brother for his entire life she didn't have a right to feel this way, but it stung no less.

"It just came out," Aidan said a bit defensively. His bony shoulders nervously bobbed up and down, "He's really…just, uh, like a _Dad_ , ya know?"

"I know," Sarah replied, "That's like with me and Livvie. As soon as I met her I knew I could tell her anything. Even when she's only listening to me rant, it makes me feel better if she's there, ya know?"

"Yeah."

"And being around the whole family, Noey and the twins, it's like, you can forget for a little while. I told Livvie…I love them so much because they're so full of potential. So much hope. They're so perfect. They—"

The sound of the door opening interrupted Sarah's next sentence. Encumbered by a backpack and her suitcase, Brooke stumbled into the apartment. Her hair was pulled back into two loose pigtails and loose strands of her blonde hair flew around when she dropped her baggage at her feet. Her face was pink—either from the sun or from physical exertion—but her skin was a few shades lighter around her eyes and the sides of her face where her sunglasses had been.

"You're going to have to even that out somehow, sister," Sarah tapped her index finger near Brooke's temple. She offered no reaction. "Brookey?"

Brooke had been crying or near tears the entire day. On the plane she wanted to sob again, but she didn't. She was too exhausted, so she closed her eyes and rested her head against the window. Next to her, Sonny aimlessly paged through a magazine. When he reached the final page he turned back to page one and started over. Brooke had never seen him this withdrawn. When the flight attendant asked for his drink order, he waved her away rather than speak.

"I, um…"

"Where's Sonny?"

"At home."

"I thought you were both staying here tonight?"

"Change of plans. I…I can't stay there. And…I don't think it's a good idea anyway." Brooke went into the kitchen, said hello to Aidan, and polished off Sarah's drink. "Do you think Olivia is still up?"

Sarah glanced at the clock. "Maybe. But—"

"I need to see her."

"It can't wait until morning?"

"No. It really can't."

….

 _Bzzt. Bzzt_.

Olivia reached for the nightstand but Ed grabbed her wrist and guided her hand back to his hip. "No," he rasped.

She threw her head back and moaned as he started gradually working his way inside her.

 _Bzzt. Bzzt_.

"They can wait a few minutes." He began slow, sensual thrusts, intent on making this last as long as possible. "You're—" he drew a sharp breath, "still forgetting."

Olivia dug her fingertips into his back and let out little cries of pleasure. Ed had perfectly synced the movements of his lower body with the way he swirled his tongue around hers, and she was loving it, her skin tingled, nerves smoldered, and there was no way she was going to stop him even though her phone continued to buzz at regular intervals.

When she finally got around to checking her phone, Ed was still sprawled across her body, peppering kisses along her collarbone.

"Brooke's coming over," Olivia whispered after replying to her first text.

" _Now_?"

"Yes."

Ed groaned. Olivia's body shook with a brief burst of laughter.

"I don't see how Brooke coming over is funny."

"I'm not _amused_ ; I'm impressed."

"By what?"

"You said a _few minutes_."

He lifted his chin, smirking at her, " _And_?"

"More than a few."

"Too bad you haveta get outta bed," he sassed, "I was just gettin' warmed up."

Olivia massaged his head. He wasn't ready to let her leave the bed quite yet and he slowly moved from her neck to her breasts, clearly intending to go even lower.

"What are you doing?"

"She leave yet?"

"She's on her way. From _Sarah's_."

Olivia gasped at the sensation of Ed running his tongue across her abdomen, along the inside of one thigh, and then the other.

"There's time," he insisted, starting to feverishly devour her sex.

"Oh _God_."

"Mmmmhmmm," he droned, the reverberations causing her back to arch. "Let it go, Liv, come, baby." He was almost maniacal now, he raised one of her legs, opening her wider, spurred on by the intensity of both her muted shrieks and the way she was writhing. When she came her shoulders and upper back jerked forward like she was doing ab crunches, and she collapsed back against the pillows as Ed trailed kisses and traces of her own fluids back up her body.

"I need to…clean up a little before she gets here." Olivia, slightly dizzy, wobbled to the bathroom. Ed heard her turn on the water and fumble around; he folded his hands, rested them on his chest, and stared at the ceiling with a sly, proud smile on his face.

Olivia tossed a damp washcloth to him when she emerged, now dressed in a pair of yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt.

"You know…I've never asked this question before, but I'm curious."

"What question?" Ed ran the washcloth over his face, inhaling the citrusy aroma of their soap.

"How do you…well, _learn_ how to do that?"

Ed looked at her innocently. "Do what?"

"You _know_ ," Olivia implored, "What you just _did_."

He chuckled, "Well, there's not a class or anything."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "It's…it seems like it'd be a little intimidating at first."

"I'm sure it was," he replied playfully, "But not with you. With you…I…I can't describe it. I love making you feel good." He turned over so he was propped on his elbow and let his eyelids droop like he did whenever he wanted to look cute. "You feel good, Liv?"

Olivia felt so good that she felt guilty, no, _dirty_ , consoling Brooke when she was still coming down from what had just occurred in their bedroom.

She planted her palms on the mattress and leaned in for what he thought was going to be a peck on the lips, but she surprised him by swiping her tongue in and out of his mouth. "So good," she whispered, "I can't get enough of you."

He gazed at her, entranced by her makeup-free, still-flushed face. Olivia's phone buzzed again.

"Brooke's here."

"You're such a good mother, Liv."

"Thank you," she smiled and kissed him once more.

"Go," he said softly, "I'll be right here waitin' for ya."

…

As soon as Olivia opened the door, Brooke seemingly lost all muscle control and Olivia caught her as she collapsed into the older woman's body. Brooke started sobbing, forcing herself to be as quiet as possible, only making her heave and jerk with alarming intensity. Olivia held her tightly, one arm around her back and the other cradling her head between her shoulder and chin. The scent of sunscreen still emanated from her body.

"Okay, sweetie," she said after a few minutes. "C'mon. Sit with me." She led Brooke to the sofa. "Do you want tea? Water? Booze?"

She shook her head.

Olivia, one leg tucked beneath her, sat down and opened her arms. Brooke nestled into her like a small child who was either sick or terrified. She was both.

"Tell me," Olivia gently urged. "It'll feel better to get it all out."

Brooke took a few deep breaths, sniffled, and accepted the tissue Olivia handed her. "I'm so sorry for coming over this late."

"It's never too late," Olivia assured.

"I fucked up."

Olivia waited patiently for details.

"Sonny hasn't spoken one word to me. The whole fucking flight. Not. A. Word. I…I tried to talk to him, explain, it was a total accident that Kyle got that key, but he ignored me, called the airline, switched our flight and started packing. Like, if I hadn't followed him I'd still be in Key West by myself…maybe…maybe that's what I should've done."

"Sweetie," Olivia ran her hand up and down Brooke's arm from shoulder to elbow. "What else?"

"I left the money for Kyle," she whimpered, "And I gave back our spare key. Those two envelopes…ended up in the same place and I wrote a note for Kyle, I told him, _I know this isn't a long-term fix but it's what I can do right now_ and when he saw the key he…obviously thought I was giving him a place to stay!"

"The doorman will confirm that," Olivia said confidently, "Sonny will understand."

"I didn't tell him about Kyle," Brooke moaned. "I never told him."

"Why not?"

"There was never a time to tell him…Sonny's been busy, then he shot that guy, and I didn't want to bother him with something so…inconsequential."

"But it wasn't," Olivia remarked before she had a chance to filter herself.

"It _was_ ," Brooke insisted before Olivia could clarify. She shot up and made a beeline for the liquor cabinet. She poured an inch of vodka into the nearest cup she could find, one of Noah's.

"I'm a fucking teacher, Olivia!" Brooke was passionate but made sure her voice was hushed. "I'm always involved in kids' lives. I was way more involved when I worked in the Bronx, but this thing with Dad and Kyle finding me…it got to me. They don't even have a phone! They can't even properly defend themselves!"

Many times, Olivia had closed cases, arrested and incarcerated rapists, and still felt a void. People living in poverty operated at a constant disadvantage, and, more often than not, those people ended up either as repeat victims or offenders. She commiserated.

"It's horrible."

"I was only helping. Helping! And I got him killed! And I've ruined my marriage! All in one day!"

Olivia stood too, only to put her hands on Brooke's shoulders and make sure she had eye contact. "We're going to fix what we can fix. Dave did what he did and he'll have to answer to that. Or not. It seems like this was a tragic misunderstanding."

"I can't go home. I can't be there."

"Okay. For now, you're with Aidan. One step at a time."

"Sonny—"

Olivia brushed Brooke's hair back, "He'll come around."

"Liv…" Brooke's bottom lip started trembling, and Olivia hugged her firmly. "It's like in one second my life fell apart."

"I don't have answers, sweetheart," Olivia said into Brooke's hair, "But I will be here for you as long as you need me. We'll pick up the pieces. You'll see."

"MA!"

"I'm so sorry Liv," Brooke said, looking at the twins' bedroom door.

Olivia smiled, "I suspect Miss Maggie was only dozing, waiting for an opportunity," she said. "I'll go get her."

Maggie dove toward Brooke, smacked her face, and then demanded to be placed on the floor where she practiced walking with the assistance of the coffee table and sofa.

"They almost seem like they're delaying walking," Olivia said, "They both walk hanging onto everything but when we try to get them to actually take steps, they crawl."

"They're so sweet," Brooke said, "They want to stay babies."

"I wish."

"Really?"

Olivia gazed at Maggie, "It's a hard wish. I love them as babies. But I love seeing them grow and learn and reveal who they really are. Like, with Noah going to first grade math…it's been seamless. And he's actually more articulate since he's been there, but he's still himself. School has really brought out his personality."

"And he's so polite and nice."

"He is. And mild-mannered. He never gets very upset. That's the way he is."

"Is it?" Brooke dared to ask.

Olivia knew what she meant. "He had a rough start. But…I think I got him at the perfect time. For him and for me." She saw Brooke's distraught face and decided to divulge a bit more. "You and Sarah know…what I've been through."

Brooke studied a photograph and huffed a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah. Sarah…she hunted you down." Brooke winced, "Maybe not the best choice of words. Sorry."

"No. It's…it's what happened. Your Dad has always been so protective of me."

"We saw it on the news…" Brooke murmured. "And Sarah Googled it."

"But that didn't, at the time, have anything to do with Noah," Olivia said, "It just…happened kind of consecutively."

Brooke downed her drink and Olivia refilled it for her. Brooke sat back and readied herself for the disclosure she'd been waiting for since she and Sarah had stalked Olivia Benson. Sonny had already given Brooke the details about Noah's parentage, Brooke wanted to hear some of it from Olivia.

She divulged all the details—finding him, following him through family court, knowing, _knowing_ there was a connection, and then Judge Linden granting her custody on the absolute best day of her entire life.

"I was shocked," Olivia reminisced "I had this baby…and it was like…now what?"

"Do you ever worry about him?" Brooke asked. "I mean, because he's not… _yours_?" Under usual circumstances, Olivia would've been appalled by this question.

"Not anymore," Olivia replied confidently. "But I did. I often did. It was hard not to. But there was this time, it was one of the first times your Dad picked up Noah from day care and I met them for dinner. And Ed stood up and greeted me, kissed me, and Noah was there, too. He didn't stay in his seat. He copied what Ed did. And…that was it for me. I knew. I knew we could raise him well, create a kind, loving man despite his genetics."

Brooke scratched at her eyes. Olivia's sweet memory only served to highlight her current mess. "I have SO fucked up."

"How?" Olivia asked, "You haven't really."

"A former student of mine was killed in my house."

"Not your fault."

"Kyle was there because of me."

"Again, not your fault," Olivia reminded, "Or even your intent. The doorman put the key in the wrong envelope setting off this whole thing."

"Yeah and I'm sure there's a civil suit in there somewhere."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I would think it would be with Dave, not you and Sonny."

Brooke put her hand to her head. "Olivia, can I maybe just, sleep on your couch? I just want to be somewhere were I'm not going to be…"

Brooke continued talking, unnecessarily justifying her request, but Olivia brought pillows, sheets, and blankets.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart," she said, "We'll figure out everything else later."

…..

Ed wasn't expecting Maggie.

"Well, hello Maggie May!" He said, hoisting her in the air.

She screeched and screamed and did not at all let on that she was the least bit tired.

"Too late for this princess," he held her close and kissed her.

Olivia crawled into bed, "Sorry. She woke up, and I didn't want her to wake Wyatt." Olivia laid on her side facing Ed. Maggie was sitting on his chest, still grinning.

"Bad?" He asked.

"I think they need some space, so, maybe it's good Brooke is staying with Aidan for a while."

"Us?"

Olivia played with Maggie's toes.

"Other than one of us being averse to sleep, _us_...is perfect."

…..

#Tuckson


	19. Chapter 19

**Nineteen**.

Olivia flinched in her sleep a few times before she realized why she was suddenly rattled out of her slumber. Maggie had fallen asleep between them last night and they let her stay there, too lazy and too comfortable to tote her back to the crib. Awake now, Maggie knelt by Olivia and gingerly touched the features of her face until, finally, her eyes opened.

"Good morning, sweet girl," Olivia cooed.

Maggie grinned. "Ma!"

"Yes, yes, Mommy's awake." Olivia sat up a little and cuddled her daughter.

"DA!"

"Let's let Daddy sleep," she whispered, getting out of bed.

Ed rolled over. His eyes fluttered open long enough to see Olivia carry Maggie out of the room. He grabbed Olivia's pillow and fell back asleep clutching it to his face.

It was only a few minutes past six a.m., so Olivia was surprised to see Brooke sitting up and sipping coffee, indicating she'd been awake for a while.

"Hey sweetie, good morning."

"Morning."

Olivia prepared Maggie's bottle and brought it to the couch.

"Can I feed her?" Brooke asked.

"Sure."

Maggie reclined against Brooke's chest. Even though she did not tolerate long bouts of snuggles, Maggie still liked to be held when she took her bottles. Olivia peeked in at Wyatt who was stirring but not completely awake.

"How do you feel?" Olivia asked, sitting back down and sipping coffee.

"Like I've been hit by a truck."

"Are you going to try and talk more with Sonny today?"

"I have to," Brooke replied begrudgingly, "But I've said everything. Told him everything. He either thinks I'm lying or doesn't agree that it was a pure accident. I mean, he doesn't seem at all pissed that Dave brought an _illegal_ gun into our home. And then," Brooke stared down at Maggie, "There's Kyle. His family. Those poor people."

"That part…tragic as it is…will shake itself out," Olivia said, "And—"

"And I don't think I want to go back to work," Brooke blurted out, wide-eyed, startled by her own admission.

Brow furrowed, Olivia gaped, unsure how to respond.

"It's not because of this," she said, "It's…I don't like it. I don't have any passion for it anymore. I used to, when it felt like the kids needed me, but these kids don't need me like the Bronx kids did."

"So you want to change schools? Go back?"

"No. I want to do something else to really help those communities at their roots. I don't know. I need to think. I have this leave, so I _can_ think."

Olivia inched toward the edge of the chair, "I understand. I really do. It is so important to feel a purpose in your work—that's why I've been doing what I do for so long. But, Brooke, don't leave Sonny out of the conversation. He's your husband. He loves you. And, he, too, is still deciding when and if he wants to make the leap to law."

Maggie fidgeted and whacked the bottle away.

"All done, small sister?" Brooke put the bottle on the coffee table and stood Maggie in her lap. She bounced up and down, smiling, and chanting something that sounded like _jump_. "You are talking so much, aren't you Maggs?" Maggie let herself collapse, wiggled off the couch with Brooke's help, and crawled off in search of her toys.

Seconds later, a comely, electronic voice, recited phrases such as "C for Cat" depending on which buttons Maggie pressed on the activity board.

The apartment quickly came to life. Wyatt woke up next and snuggled in Olivia's lap with his own bottle until Noah wandered out, rubbing his eyes. Excited by the sight of his big brother, Wyatt immediately wanted to get down.

"No!" He exclaimed.

Maggie soon joined in, and Noah gamely dragged his bean bag over to the play mat, sat down, and sipped his juice. The babies brought him toys, desperately wanting him to play.

"Jus' a minute, babies," Noah yawned, "Gotta wake up!" He shot a languid smile at Brooke and Olivia. "These babies are hyper!"

Olivia grinned. "Where'd you learn the word hyper, Noah?"

"School," he replied, "Miss Amy always say it."

"To who?" Brooke asked.

Noah thought, "Sometimes Peter and Michael. And Mia. She say, 'you're too hyper!' And then they take a deep breath like this," Noah inhaled, his chest puffing out, "And then they're not hyper anymore."

"Mia's hyper?" Olivia asked.

"Mia's jus' silly! And she always tells me, 'BE CAREFUL' because of my cast. When's the cast getting off me, Mommy?"

"Next week, sweet boy! Wednesday."

"Seems like it's been a long time," Brooke remarked.

"Six weeks," Olivia said. Her face brightened at the sight of Ed coming into the room. "Good morning!"

Ed went straight to his wife and murmured a "good morning" as he kissed her. For a split second, they locked eyes, exchanging a quick, intense, nonverbal _I love you_ , and Ed went about greeting his children, saving Brooke for last.

"Y'alright?" He asked after kissing the top of her head and sitting next to her, infinitely grateful that his daughters had Olivia in their lives. He could tell Brooke was upset, there was a dull melancholy evident in her eyes and her posture, but he assumed Olivia had already walked her out of the darkest depths of the past forty-eight hours.

"I'll be fine."

"Got everything all straight with work?"

"Yeah, I did all the leave paperwork online, so, I'm good for two weeks. I just need to spend tomorrow organizing some things for the sub."

Olivia delivered Ed's coffee and stroked his stubbly cheek. "I like this look."

Ed's face automatically flushed at the attention. "I was just thinkin' I need to shave today, but maybe I'll hold off," he said, batting his eyelashes at her.

"Maybe do a goatee," Brooke suggested.

Ed considered this. "Whaddya think, Liv?"

"I like it."

Had Sarah been there, she would have immediately called attention to the flirtatious undertones in their exchange. Brooke smiled, masking her desperate hope that she and Sonny could get back to a similar norm in their own marriage.

"I better get going," Brooke said, "I should take Aidan to see mom. Sarah has to work today."

"When ya taking Aidan back to the house?" Ed asked.

"Probably tomorrow night. We'll see mom one more time and go back."

In the kitchen Olivia prepared the kids' breakfast, portioning fruit, scrambled eggs, and toast onto three partitioned plastic plates. "Why don't you and Aidan have dinner with us tomorrow and one of us will drive you afterwards," she suggested, "Maybe we can head upstairs and barbecue."

Ed agreed. "Yeah, perfect weather for it."

"I'll see what Aidan wants to do and let you know."

"Want me to run you home?" Ed asked. Poor Brooke hadn't come to the apartment with the intention of spending the night and was still in the shorts and t-shirt she'd worn all day yesterday.

"No, I want to walk. Thanks, though."

"At least take a sweatshirt. It must be cool out there." Olivia hustled to their bedroom and found a spare hoodie. She tossed it to Brooke and gave her a hug. "I'm going to work for a little while, but call me or text, whatever, whenever, okay?"

"Okay." Brooke answered, feeling the pressure of tears beginning to build behind her eyes. She left quickly and made it to the elevator without crying, but once inside, the floodgates opened. Luckily, no one joined her on the descent and she darted out of the building, head down, without making eye contact with the doorman.

…..

Olivia stepped off the elevator at the precinct and saw every member of the squad, Sonny included, seated at their desks, working diligently. Fin and Savage were in the middle of phone calls, Rollins was poring over two laptops at once, and Carisi, jaw clenched and eyes laser-focused, viciously pounded his computer's keys.

"Hello, everyone," Olivia said breezily.

"Hey Liv," Rollins said without taking her eyes off her screens. "Had a couple of calls last night. Closed one quickly, but working on the other right now. End of spring break has brought out the worst in Manhattan's teenagers."

Olivia groaned. "Fill me in when you get to a stopping point," she said.

"I emailed you the prelim reports," Rollins said, "I'll be in in a minute."

"Take your time."

Olivia didn't say anything to Carisi and was a little annoyed that he was pretending to be so absorbed in his work. He was a skilled detective, but he never so assiduously concentrated on desk duties. She powered on her laptop and began reading the information Rollins sent, jotting down notes and questions on a legal pad with her new favorite pen, one she'd swiped from Ed's supply a few days ago after using it to write a shopping list.

Nearly an hour passed before Rollins came in and closed the door behind her. "Sorry, I got caught up. Cell phone videos, social media posts, this is a he-said, she-said, and I don't think Barba's gonna be comfortable charging anyone with anything with what we have so far."

"I see that," Olivia replied, "But keep digging. Rape kits?"

"The girls are still at the hospital waiting on a nurse."

Olivia groaned. "Are their parents there?"

"No. They're both from the west coast."

Olivia grabbed her keys. "Let's go. We don't want to lose them."

In the car, Rollins mentioned she'd been surprised to see Carisi at his desk earlier in the morning. "I left around two," she said, "Got a little sleep, came back at six-ish, and there he was. Lieutenant… none of us called him."

"I know. It was from the local precinct that caught the case."

"He's not alright."

"No," Olivia intoned, "He's definitely not. And neither is Brooke."

"She knew the kid, didn't she?"

"How did you know that?"

"I'm a _detective_. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. Especially after it came out that he had a key."

"Which he wasn't supposed to have."

"Dad should be cleared though," Rollins confidently predicted, "Middle of the night, intruder, the kid didn't say anything when he was asked to identify himself…anyone would've taken that shot."

Despite being advised not to pursue an investigation, Rollins knew an awful lot of details, but Olivia chose not to question her about them. It was possible Carisi gave her an update because the fact about Kyle remaining silent had not been publicly released.

"The DA will have to convene a grand jury though," Olivia said, "If he doesn't, it'll look like this is being swept under the rug and with the gun charge, Dave's facing a lawsuit. I'm sure of it. Either him or the building's management."

"Why them?"

Olivia didn't tell Rollins about the mix-up with the key, she merely said, "They allowed him access in the first place. Lawyers…they'll find a way, if anything, to at least get a settlement."

"Well this just all around isn't good."

"No, it's not."

"Tucker handling it okay?"

"He is." Olivia smiled as she usually did when she thought about her husband. "He doesn't get rattled very easily. He's doing what he can to help." Olivia updated Rollins on Angela's progress and how Aidan had unwittingly become a quasi-member of their family. "He's a nice kid," Olivia said, "I'm sad he has to deal with this. A double blow."

They pulled into the hospital parking lot and immediately reverted to professional mode. Rollins dictated the specifics—both girls were seniors at an elite boarding school and had spent the final weekend of their break in Manhattan. "I'm not sure how they ended up at the party," Rollins said, "I got about three different explanations."

"Maybe they'll be on the same page now."

"Maybe," she muttered doubtfully.

On their way in, Olivia received a text message from Brooke. She and Aidan were going to join the Tuckers for dinner tomorrow. She didn't mention Carisi, not that she needed to. Olivia suspected he was still planted at his desk, and she vowed to make him snap out of his industrious trance when she and Rollins returned.

…

A heap of precut romaine lettuce sat in one of the Tuckers' rarely used large serving bowls, and Olivia carefully arranged chopped tomatoes and cucumbers, admiring her work as she went. Her family was already on the rooftop. They had taken two board games, a bottle of wine and glasses, pre-mixed Shirley Temples with extra cherries, and the twins' sippy cups. Ed had the grill going, and when he started to arrange the chicken, burgers, and steaks, he realized he didn't have his tongs.

Olivia was humming a tune to herself when he came back into the apartment and though she heard someone enter, she didn't stop. He smiled and tried to sneak up behind her, but she was prepared.

"You knew it was me?" He droned in her ear as he tightened his grip around her waist.

"I did."

"How?"

"I just knew."

He scattered a few kisses along her neck. "Salad looks good."

She tilted her head toward his, liking the contact with his unshaven face. "Thank you."

"You see the tongs anywhere around here?"

Olivia directed him to the top shelf of the pantry. "They don't fit anywhere else."

"Want me to take anything upstairs while I have free hands?"

"How long until the meat's done?"

"Probably twenty minutes."

"Let's wait, the potatoes will get cold."

"You're the boss," he kissed her cheek and swatted her behind with the tongs. "Comin' up? I miss you. Everyone's ignoring me."

At this, Olivia threw her head back and laughed. Her hair swayed around her face and she had to brush a few strands from her eyes. "Well, we can't have that. I'm…about done here." She covered the salad with plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator.

During the short elevator ride, Ed asked about Sonny who had volunteered for duty all weekend, taking shifts from the others who had been planning to work overtime during his vacation.

"Brooke has been staying at Sarah's. I don't think they've been talking," Olivia moaned, "Yesterday Carisi was all business…I thought maybe he'd come into my office and want to talk like he's done before, but that didn't happen."

"I don't get why he's so upset. You think I should talk to him?"

Olivia smiled but advised against intervening. "Let them work it out themselves. It's between them. I know you want to help, so do I, but…whatever's going on…has to run its course."

"I hate seeing her miserable."

"Me too."

The elevator dinged and opened to the wide expanse of the roof. The furniture had been taken from storage and arranged, so everyone was seated comfortably on the plush loveseats. Brooke, Aidan, Sarah, and Noah were playing Pictionary with slightly modified rules to accommodate the five-year-old.

"Boys against girls," Noah reported to his mother, "Me, Aidan, an' Wyatt!"

"Who's winning?"

"Girls," Noah groaned, "But they're gettin' easy words!"

"How are Wyatt and Maggie doing?"

"Good," Noah replied, "But they jus' wanna play their toys!"

Indeed, Maggie and Wyatt happily entertained themselves, occasionally stopping to take sips. Maggie shook a miniature tambourine, and the soft music Sarah played from her phone was occasionally drowned out when she became extra excited and rattled the instrument with heightened gusto. Always more laid back, Wyatt filled and refilled his dump truck with blocks, only paying attention to the game when Noah shouted one form of praise or another. Hearing this, Wyatt excitedly waved his arms and kicked his legs.

Olivia meandered over to Ed's side, keeping one eye on the sweet scene and, for a moment, forgetting the loosely related crises plaguing Sarah, Brooke, and Aidan. There was one other family on the opposite side of the rooftop, and if they were paying any attention to the Tuckers, Olivia was sure they could not detect anything seriously wrong in any of their lives.

"A lot of food, Captain," Olivia rested her chin on Ed's shoulder.

"Everyone requested something different."

"It all looks great. Who ordered steak?"

"Noah and Sarah."

Olivia chuckled. " _Those two_."

"He also said he wanted a cheeseburger after Aidan ordered one."

Noah's gleeful voice filled the air as he guessed what Aidan was drawing. "He really likes Aidan," Olivia said, "Hopefully he'll see him every once in a while."

"He was showing him his lacrosse videos," Ed recalled, "Noah was intrigued. Maybe we'll take him to a game some weekend."

"That'll be nice."

Ed inspected the meat and switched some things to the top rack. "Almost done here."

Brooke volunteered to help Olivia bring the side dishes upstairs, giving the two of them a few minutes of alone time. In the elevator, Brooke thanked Olivia again for being so accommodating with Aidan.

"And…with me."

"Sweetheart, we love you. We will do anything for you. But…of course we're worried."

"Sonny didn't even offer to drive us," Brooke whined, "Did he…did he say anything to you?"

"He didn't," Olivia admitted.

"I feel weird leaving and not clearing any of this up."

"Maybe…you can come back into the city when Aidan's at school?"

"If Sonny ever leaves work," Brooke retorted, annoyed.

In the kitchen they gathered the salad, potatoes, and extra napkins. Everything else was already upstairs. Brooke glanced at the Sunday _New York Times_ spread out along the island and was surprised the shooting was not headlined on any of the pages. It was consuming her life, but the media had moved on.

"I have to go to the funeral home, too," she murmured, thinking out loud. "And face his family."

"Let one of us go with you." It was more demand than suggestion. There had been scant backlash and protest from Kyle's family and friends, but there was still a chance Dave would face charges for the boy's death. Olivia and Ed were almost positive the grand jury would not have enough evidence to return a true bill. In the wake of this inevitable disappointment, there was no telling how the community would respond, so Olivia was startled by Brooke's naivety.

"Why?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"There's a connection," Olivia slowly explained as they reentered the elevator, "Between you and Dave, at least, there is to them. People don't think rationally when things like this happen."

"So now _I_ have to worry about retaliation?" Brooke's frowned as she thought about yet another wrinkle.

"I didn't say that."

"But that's what you mean."

A pained expression filled Olivia's face and the reality she couldn't do much to fix this situation for Brooke stabbed at her heart. "I want you to be safe," she said softly. They were running out of alone time, and she put a reassuring hand on Brooke's arm right before the doors opened. "Please think about it, okay?"

Brooke closed her eyes. There was so much to think about lately.

"Okay," she whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat then courageously gathering herself for the return to the family.

"MOMMY! LOOK!"

They whipped around in the direction of Noah's voice just in time to see Wyatt toddle from the table to where Ed was squatting near the grill, arms out, and a huge grin on his face. His first two or three steps were tentative as he got his balance. Sarah was filming and repeating her _omigods_. Noah remained still with his hands on his knees, as if he were a coach watching the final seconds of a tight game.

Wyatt paused for a second and looked around, maybe a little startled by all the attention, but he continued his wobbly path to Ed, moving faster and getting more excited at his newfound mobility. By the time he reached his Daddy, his arms were flying all around and his grin matched Ed's.

"Lookit you, big guy!" Ed swung Wyatt in the air, kissed him, and put him back on his feet. "Walk to Mommy." He pointed at Olivia. Wyatt had been so focused, he hadn't noticed her arrival.

Olivia put the salad bowl on the table. "C'mon, sweetie."

Again, Wyatt started out slowly but confidently picked up the pace, and shrieked a few _Mamas_ on his way to Olivia. She smothered him in kisses. Noah cheered.

Sarah wiped tears from her eyes. "I was right," she said, "I _knew_ he would walk first. This is just the most perfect day."

Brooke bit her lip, choking back an onslaught of conflicting emotions while she watched Wyatt take more steps, this time toward Noah. When Wyatt got close, Noah closed the distance and wrapped his brother in a spirited hug.

Ed tore a paper towel from the roll and handed it to Olivia. Near tears himself, he slipped an arm around her waist and they watched Noah and Wyatt explore their corner of the rooftop on foot, hand-in-hand.

….

 **#Tuckson**

 **(Oh, Dear Guest Reviewer—when you ask me questions, I can't respond if you post as "Guest." Log in or Tweet—fid2916)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Twenty**.

The doctor was pleased with Noah's healed fracture but cautioned it would be another four weeks before he should be allowed to play any sports or activities which required him to put weight on the affected wrist. The cast was off and Noah scrutinized his dry, scaly, discolored skin with a combination of awe and disgust. The nurse gently reminded him not to scratch and instead suggested warm water soaks and a specific brand of lotion to help with his discomfort and avoid damage to the new skin.

" _New_ skin?" Noah asked with wide, curious eyes.

Olivia smiled at him, wondering what he was imagining.

"Yes, sir!" The cheerful nurse replied, "Brand new! It'll look just like your other arm."

Noah poked his wrist, "It's under there?"

"Yep, but no scratching. The new skin will be there in a few days. If it doesn't show up, you give us a call," she said with a twinkle in her eye and gave Noah her business card.

He put it in his jeans pocket. "Thank you."

"I must say you are one of the most polite patients we've seen."

Unsure how to respond, Noah mumbled another thank-you. The nurse gave Olivia discharge paperwork, walked them to the reception desk, and wished them well. After signing a few documents, Olivia held out her hand to Noah and he squeezed it firmly.

"Okay, sweet boy. Ready to go to school?"

"Yep! Everrbody gonna say 'Noah? Where's your cast!'"

"They sure are." On the way Olivia stopped to pick up two bottles of the recommended lotion, one for home and one for school. In the lower school office she signed him in and handed the doctor's excuse to the secretary even though such formality probably wasn't necessary for a preschooler. Olivia always erred on the side of caution with her kids; she wondered if Ed would've thought to get a note. He probably would have simply tried to walk Noah directly to his classroom.

They joined Noah's classmates on the playground. Olivia waved at his teachers and gave Noah a quick hug and kiss goodbye. "I'll see you tonight, sweetie. Daddy's picking you up."

"Kay Mommy!" He was anxious to get to his friends, but he was used to his mother's drawn-out goodbyes. She had just finished straightening the collar of his polo shirt when Mia came running over.

"Whoa!" She exclaimed, squinting at his arm, "That looks DIRTY!"

"It's DEAD SKIN!" Noah taunted her by moving his arm within inches of her face but Mia didn't flinch.

"Wow!"

"Yup. New skin's under."

Mia cocked her head, thinking if she looked at the underside of Noah's arm she could see the new skin. "I don't see it."

"Dead skin's gotta fall off in the bath first."

"Ewwww!"

"Hi there, Mia." Olivia remembered Sarah talking about feeling like the third wheel around Noah and his friend and she was getting a taste of that herself.

"Hi 'Livia!" She eyed the shiny Lieutenant's badge, "You goin' to the police's house?"

"Yes I am." She patted Noah's head, "Go on and play sweetie. I love you."

"Love you, Mommy!"

She watched Noah and Mia scamper off and join a group of kids who were clustered around a balance beam. It was only a couple of inches off the ground, and Olivia tried her best not to worry about re-injury. She turned and walked off only to hear, 'Good job, Noah!" Looking back, she saw Noah step off the beam and give his friends jubilant high fives.

….

If Brooke had to endure a temporary estrangement from her husband, her mother's rehabilitation, and the responsibility of caring for a teenager, doing so based at Dave and Angela's nineteenth-century Victorian home was not a bad trade-off. She took Aidan to school in the mornings and spent most of her days on the porch overlooking the Long Island Sound surrounded by books and magazines. She tried to stay away from her phone as much as possible. After calling to check on Angela, she left it inside with the volume turned up in case someone called but silenced message notifications. At first she breached her self-imposed semi-isolation and got up every half hour to see if Sonny sent her anything, but after three days of silence, she decided she'd play the game as well. He couldn't ignore her forever, but she'd gone from sad and confused, to frustrated, to where she was now—pissed and disappointed. Sonny was acting completely out of character.

 _One week_ , she vowed, _I'll give him one full week and then I'm forcing the issue_.

It was on the porch where she watched the live webcast of Kyle's funeral. The grand jury had not yet been convened, but Brooke eventually came to agree with Olivia (and Ed who had also subtly inserted his two cents) that it was better if she kept her distance. She did send a card with a lengthy, heartfelt letter, but she omitted contact information and made sure to send the card from neighboring Port Chester just in case the recipient paid attention to the postmark.

The service lasted hours. It was filled with music, sermons, bible passages, and spoken memories from his family, friends, teachers, and people like the community center director who extolled Kyle for his potential and his interest in someday becoming more involved in the center's administration.

"He was one of the good ones," the man bellowed.

It was at this point Brooke turned it off. For a while she felt a sense of closure, but the more people praised her former student the more she felt herself descending into an abyss of self-loathing.

In an effort to push aside the mess of her personal life, she also spent time researching other job opportunities, even those requiring an additional degree or experience. In college she originally majored in Social Work but was quickly dissuaded by the low salary and reports of impossible caseloads. She accessed her transcript and tried to guess at how many of her graduate classes would count toward a law degree. She took a practice LSAT. Maybe she wanted to work in the public defender's office or the juvenile courts.

Loneliness crept in later in the day, and she often left early to pick up Aidan. On nice days she used her mother's convertible and cruised aimlessly until she received his "I'm ready" text. He always seemed to have a grueling homework load which he tackled in the office adjacent to the family room instead of in his bedroom. Dinners were either simple or ordered and paid for with Angela's credit card. Their mother was improving each day but Dave had not yet told her about the shooting. Brooke privately urged him to stop stalling. She was growing more and more lucid and certainly could not be kept out of the loop for much longer.

Aidan didn't say much, and Brooke still couldn't figure out if he was just a naturally quiet kid or if he was still shell-shocked. Like Sarah, she chose not to force him to talk about his Dad and Mom. He called Angela nightly and usually remarked, "she sounds good." As far as Brooke knew he wasn't in contact with Dave, but it was entirely possible they were texting without her knowledge since he did check in with her nightly.

Aidan often asked about Noah, and on the day he had his cast taken off Brooke showed Aidan a picture of him triumphantly waving his unfettered arm.

"I have my old lacrosse sticks from when I was little," Aidan said, "The next time we see him I could bring him one."

"I'm sure he'd love that," Brooke said, "He's really into sports. He was playing basketball when he broke his wrist and I'm sure soccer must start soon. But he also loves to draw and he's really smart. My Dad and Olivia have really tried to get him involved in a lot of different things."

"I used to play more sports…but you can't get a scholarship unless you focus on one…at least that's what my Dad thinks."

"Lacrosse was your favorite?"

"No," Aidan replied with a wry smile, "It was the one I was the best at."

She smiled and looked outside. It was not yet dark. "Well…do you want to throw the football around? Or play basketball? You have the hoop in the driveway."

"Yeah," he said brightly, "Let's play one-on-one. There's a light out there, too."

Basketball became their nightly routine. Brooke wasn't a great player, but she was coordinated enough to be competitive even though it was obvious Aidan was going easy on her. It was fun. They bet ridiculous amounts of money on the outcomes and by Friday night, Brooke owed him twenty thousand dollars.

"Double or nothing," Aidan said, bounce passing the ball to her. Since it wasn't a school night, they played without bothering to check the time.

"Deal," Brooke said. "Not that I mind playing, but…it's Friday night…no parties or anything?"

"There's one, but I don't really wanna go," he said.

"Okay. You know, it's alright with me if you ever want to go. I'll be more than happy to drive you."

"Okay. Thanks."

Brooke head-faked and dribbled past him for a layup which she missed but Aidan let her get the rebound and didn't contest the put-back.

"Make it, take it," she said haughtily and dribbled back to their designated half court line.

A car pulled into the driveway and the headlights blinded them. Instinctively, their hands flew to their foreheads, trying to reduce the glare.

"Looks like the cops," Aidan muttered.

He was right. Well, one cop.

Sonny.

…

As Brooke stood in her mother's driveway trying to figure out what to say to her husband, Olivia quietly arrived home, unzipped her boots, and found Ed shirtless and dozing on the couch. He'd been watching baseball highlights and the red, blue, and green hues flashed across his bare skin. Olivia kissed him softly, her lips barely grazing his. She repeated this a few times until she was sure he was pretending to still be asleep. In reaction to the feel of her hand on his bare pecs, he smiled and started kissing back, reaching up for her head with his eyes still closed and pulling her down so she was in his lap.

"Hi," he rasped.

"Hi there," Olivia kept a hand on his chest and ran the fingers of her other hand through his hair.

"Didja eat?"

"No."

"I waited for you. I'll heat up the food."

"I'm going to shower first. Or," she cocked an eyebrow, " _We're_ going to shower first?"

He returned her smirk. "I waited for you to do that, too."

In the bathroom, Ed started the shower and got to work removing Olivia's blazer and blouse, tossing them in their heaping dry cleaning pile. Her belt came off next and he lobbed it into the walk-in closet where it landed with a clang. Everything else—pants, bra, and panties along with the gym shorts and boxers he'd been wearing landed directly below them.

They fell into a deep, powerful kiss under the main shower head, arms wrapped around one another, enjoying the simplicity of being so close together after having parted early that morning. Their showers didn't always involve sex. Ed thought this would be one of their tamer nights and maybe Olivia did, too, but once they started kissing, she wanted more, and Ed eagerly gave it to her.

Dinner was eaten in bed—Olivia in her robe, damp hair swept into a clip, and Ed wearing a fresh pair of boxers. She sat in the center of the mattress, legs crossed and facing him, hungrily shoving forkfuls of risotto and chicken into her mouth.

"This is _so_ good."

"Noah and I didn't do too bad, huh?"

"You really made this?"

"Yes."

He answered too confidently and Olivia squinted at him. "Seriously?"

" _Yes_ ," he insisted, "The recipe's in the cookbook you made fun of when I bought it. Remember that?"

"I did not make fun of it," she countered, "I was surprised you bought it. Big difference."

"You know," he sat up so he could peck at her lips, "If we ever actually _argued_ , I don't think I'd ever win."

"Probably not." She grinned and ran an index finger from between his eyes to the tip of his nose. "But when you look at me like this it's a little more difficult to formulate an argument. You're very cute."

"Still think I'm cute?"

"Yes."

He went back to his spot against the headboard and continued eating, a triumphant expression on his face.

…

Aidan excused himself to his bedroom and Sonny and Brooke settled in on the back porch. For several minutes, the only sounds were waves crashing against the stone retaining wall, and they both stared at the moon's reflection on the water. When Sonny grabbed her hand, it startled Brooke so much that she twitched and pulled away. Judging by the look on his face, the reaction devastated him.

"Brooke, I'm sorry," he blurted out, his voice full of remorse, "I came here to tell you I was wrong. Totally wrong. And I miss you. I am so, so sorry." He was anxiously perched on the edge of the wicker chair.

She had already plead her case, explained herself, and tried to get Sonny to see her point of view. One uncertainty grated on her mind. "Why?" She asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"I…I don't know." Sonny paused, collecting his thoughts, "A couple of things really. I was sad you didn't tell me about Kyle, about giving him money, Brooke? I know things were crazy, but we're married. That's the kind of thing I should know."

"I didn't think you'd understand."  
Sonny scowled, "I wouldn't understand? I'm an SVU cop, Brooke. Why wouldn't I?"

"Everyone was telling me to leave him alone, to not get involved. I assumed you would have the same opinion."

"I don't know if I would have," he said, "But I would've liked the chance. Instead you did it by yourself, snuck around…didn't trust me."

"I was protecting you! You killed a man and didn't want to talk about it with me. I know you're still not over that. I know you're struggling with it. I didn't want to put anything else on your plate. _You_ shut me out of that conversation and I didn't run away. I respected what you wanted; I supported you. Loved you. And when the tables turned you went into your own little world. Do you know how responsible I feel? How guilty that a fifteen-year-old kid who I knew well ended up dead in our _home_? How would telling you about Kyle have changed that? Do you really think you knowing would have made Marco _not_ put the key into the envelope?" Fury burned at Brooke's cheeks, and despite the chilly evening breeze she felt beads of sweat form along her spine.

"I already told you why I don't wanna talk about me taking out that guy."

"And it's bullshit," Brooke said, "I will never think less of you for doing your job. I will never think of you as a killer. If we're going to be married, we need to be all in, Sonny. We can't keep things bottled up and away from each other because then _this_ happens. I made a mistake. I should have told you. But I wasn't going to abandon Kyle when he needed someone. This," Brooke firmly pressed her palms against her cheeks, "Went horribly wrong. But why can't you understand that this would've happened anyway? Even if I told you?"

Subdued by the ferocity of her responses, Sonny mumbled a reply. "I do understand that."

"Then what is the fucking problem?"

Even in the dim light, Brooke could see Sonny's eyes cloud over, and despite her anger, she regretted being so harsh. They were both honest about being disappointed in each other, but there was something else nagging at him.

"It's just hard to think about the bottom falling out."

"What do you mean?" She sat back down, this time in a chair closer to his.

"How much, really, can a marriage take?" Sonny asked. "I mean, we've been through a miscarriage, and now this? Dave killing a teenager in our _home_? On our honeymoon? It just felt like…we were doomed to fail."

"Is that how you really feel now?" Brooke asked, unsure if there was any way around Sonny's predilection for fatalism.

"I'm here because that's not what I want."

"That's not what I want, either."

Sonny slowly got up and hesitantly sat next to Brooke. This time, when he touched her, she didn't recoil.

"I really am sorry," he said, stroking her face and then hugging her tightly. "I promise I'll be better."

"We just have to communicate," Brooke said, relishing the security of being back in his arms, "Even when it's hard."

"I know."

"We'll be better," she whispered.

"We will."

…

The empty dinner dishes sat on Ed's nightstand where they would remain until morning. He held Olivia and told her about his day—Wyatt walking, Maggie still insisting on crawling, and Noah's math homework which, in Ed's opinion, was unreasonably difficult and lengthy. His part of the contract project was coming to a close, and unless he was called to testify, his calendar was clear for the foreseeable future.

"I got the email about soccer sign-up today," Olivia said, "Let's not forget to do that."

"We won't. I'll take him to get some new gear this weekend."

Olivia chuckled at the memory of Ed whisking Noah away in the middle of the evening last year when he'd unexpectedly been added to a team.

"Also…I'm invited back to HNT Morning Live."

"Oh yeah?" Ed gently held her at arm's length and smiled proudly. "When?"

"Monday. April is Sexual Violence Awareness Month and they've been doing a different segment each week."

"You're gonna be so great."

"I hope so. It's kind of last minute."

"They could call you to come in right now and you'd be perfect," he insisted, "And…I _love_ seeing you on TV."

"I have to forget you're watching," she said, "Or I'll start laughing or smiling when it's completely inappropriate."

"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we, Lieutenant? Maybe I can run lines with you this weekend. I'll interview you. What's the topic?"

"Consent on Campus."

"Tough one."

"I know."

"It's hard to believe, those discussions still have to be had."

"Paradigm shifts take a long time," Olivia sighed, "Too long."

Ed kissed her, "I can't think of anyone better to keep leading the fight than you."

"Thank you," she half-whispered, settling more deeply into his chest.

"You're the best, Liv. The best _everything_. The world is better because you're in it. Can't say that about many people."

She lifted her head to meet his eyes. "That's one of the best compliments I've ever heard."

"You know I love you." He kissed her lips softly, "But I _admire_ you just as much. I always have."

He kissed her again.

"And I always will."

…..

 **#Tuckson**

 **(P.S. Dear Guest Reviewer Cam, I reworded the last part of 18 because I wasn't happy with the dialogue. It didn't change events at all, I just posted it late one night and didn't proof very well. Please PM me if you have other questions.)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Twenty-One**.

"Liv, I'm gonna take him over to Mia's now. Be right back!"

Olivia jogged out of the bedroom wearing only an oversized gray t-shirt. She hugged and kissed Noah, told him she loved him so much, and reminded him to be polite. He assured her he would say please and thank-you and took Ed's hand, impatiently tugging him toward the door. It had been several weeks since the last play date, and Mia's father was finally returning the favor. Her mother was out on Long Island at her stables, and Olivia wondered if she would ever meet the elusive woman.

Noah rode his scooter at a slow enough pace so he was staying by Ed's side and they could talk. Ed had spent the morning and most of the previous day reading articles and statistics related to sexual assault on college campuses, hoping to impress Olivia when they practiced for her television appearance. As he read, he thought about his children. Had Sarah or Brooke or any of their friends been assaulted? They had never mentioned anything, but he wasn't confident their college selves would have disclosed to him. He was fiercely protective, especially of his younger ones, and the thought of someone hurting Maggie, Wyatt, or Noah raised his blood pressure a few notches as did the idea of one of them as the aggressor.

"Hey, Noah?"

"Yeah Daddy?"

"What happens, say, if you want to play something, like cars, and Mia doesn't want to play it? If she says _no_?"

Noah shrugged. "Then we play somethin' else. Mia has lotsa games and we can race scooters now!"

"That's good, bud. 'Cause when someone says no, they mean no, right?"

"Yep! But when Maggie and Wyatt try to get my juice I always say NO and they still try ta get it!" Noah giggled as he said this.

"Well, they're little and we have to keep teaching them."

"Those babies gotta learn a lot!"

Ed tapped Noah's helmet which Olivia and every other parent but him considered essential scooter gear.

"Good thing they have a big brother like you to help them."

"Haveta help them! They're _little_! And small sister still crawls!"

"She'll walk soon," Ed replied, "She'll get tired of everyone else walking around."

"Then we gotta buy more scooters and bikes!"

Ed imagined Noah's scooter and two smaller ones lined up along the wall in the foyer. It was the kind of sight that would bring happy tears to his wife's eyes. "Absolutely, pal. We'll buy all the scooters and bikes we need."

…

Sarah was dancing around the living room with the twins when Ed came back to the apartment. Wyatt spun in circles, falling, and standing back up all by himself. Sarah held Maggie's hands and she stomped her feet, but whenever Sarah let go she teetered, fell down, and shrieked until she was pulled back to her feet.

"I really think she's faking," Sarah said.

"She probably likes having all your attention," Ed speculated. He liked the music and asked about the singer.

"Dave Matthews. Some of his older stuff but isn't it great?"

"It is."

"I just rediscovered him. You can get all his albums on Apple Music."

"I may do that." In order to avoid an eyebrow raise and a cheeky remark, Ed went back to the bedroom without a word, assuming Olivia was still there. She was at the ironing board pressing a shirt, wearing only a bra and torn jeans which hugged her legs perfectly.

"Now this is incredibly unfair," he said.

"What is?"

"You dressed like this and _leaving_."

Olivia put the finishing touches on her shirt and slipped it over her head. "That better?"

"No."

She shook her head and smiled, feeling her cheeks redden. Ed always made her feel so sexy and she loved his infatuation, even if he did often have trouble controlling his flirting. Looking ahead to his birthday, she vowed to try and see if the girls and Sonny would maybe keep all three kids for two nights so they could have a weekend of alone time _._

She appeased him with a few kisses. "You had a beer with Tony?"

"Yeah. I tried to make it quick."

Olivia shrugged. "No need. How is he?"

"Good. Ya know, I thought he was in finance, but he's a sports agent."

"Oh, wow!"

"Yeah," Ed rattled off several names, mostly professional baseball players, "He offered us tickets and I told him I'd send him a few dates we're interested in."

"That will be fun. We should go to more games, the Jets game was so nice."

"It was, but, ya know, I wouldn't mind going just the two of us…at least once."

Ed was a little sheepish about suggesting they be selfish with Tony's offer, and Olivia found it endearing. She slid her arms around his neck. "I think that sounds fantastic. What were Noah and Mia going to do?"

Whenever anyone mentioned Mia, Ed broke into an uncontrollable grin and this instance was no exception. "She had a whole science set ready to go, paints, Candy Land, and, of course, the scooters."

"No dolls or Barbies?"

"Not that I saw."

"I want to know how Noah would react to those."

"I bet he'd play," Ed predicted, "But Mia doesn't seem like she's into a lot of that type of thing." He was right. Mia was perfectly content to play with Noah's toys the day she came to their house.

They were in the middle of another kiss when they heard Maggie and Wyatt clambering down the hall, babbling and shrieking. Maggie grabbed at Wyatt's heels as he walked. In the bedroom, she pulled herself up alongside the bed and pawed at her brother.

"Sorry guys," Sarah appeared in the hall, "I read a text for two seconds and they took off! Livvie, Brookey's going to meet us for lunch. Aidan's with mom and his dad, but she doesn't have much time."

"Okay, let's go then." She touched Ed's face, "Sure you don't want me to take them both? I don't mind."

"Nah," he said, "Girls day." He lifted Maggie high in the air and then held her close and kissed her. "You have a good afternoon, Maggie May. Don't let Sarah spend too much."

"Da!" Maggie grabbed his nose.

"Give Daddy a kiss."

Maggie puckered her lips, a recently learned skill, and Sarah swooned.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, I didn't know she could do that! You guys have to _tell_ me these things!" She snatched Maggie from Ed. "Give Sare Bear a kiss!"

Maggie complied and Sarah bear-hugged her. "I just _looooove_ you, small sister! Does Wyatt give kisses?"

"Not yet," Olivia reported, "He's more concerned with walking everywhere right now, aren't you baby boy?" Perhaps so, but Wyatt took a couple steps to Olivia and held out his arms to be picked up. She kissed him goodbye and handed him over to Ed. "We won't be too long."

"Take your time. I'm getting Noah at four. Want to do an early dinner here or at the pub? Invite Brooke and Aidan?" Ed saw Sarah start to interject, "And _you_. Sonny too if he can get outta work?"

Olivia thought it was a great plan. "I'll let you know when we're headed back."

Once they packed Maggie into her single lightweight stroller and were out of the apartment, Sarah grabbed Olivia's arm. "I don't know if inviting Sonny is such a good idea," she warned.

"Why not? I thought they talked it out?"

"Well, they did. But Brooke wants to sell the loft and Sonny doesn't want to."

This did not surprise Olivia; she wasn't sure if she could be comfortable in a place where there was a constant reminder of that tragic evening. Carisi, again, had reverted to an oddly stubborn version of himself. "There's so much to consider," Olivia replied, careful not to outwardly take Brooke's side, "Namely, right now, it's Dave. If he can't go home and be with Aidan, Brooke might be there indefinitely."

"When will we know?"

"His court date for the gun charge isn't for another couple of weeks." Olivia had goaded Barba into pulling some strings to get the appearance moved up on the docket, but he wasn't as successful as she'd hoped. "And the grand jury for the…rest…is a week from Monday. If he's indicted, he could be remanded."

"He wouldn't get out?"

"No."

"Gawwwd." Sarah seemed truly shocked and sympathetic, "Dave's not really a bad guy. He wouldn't run. I don't think."

Olivia had too much experience to be this trusting. "You'd be surprised at what people do when they're desperate. Honestly, Sare—and I don't have all the evidence in front of me—I don't think I would vote to indict. But there are other factors here."

"Because he's black and Dave's white?"

"Yes. Depending on who's on the grand jury, it could be a huge deal."

The other factor was that Dave admitted Kyle said nothing and was not behaving aggressively. He was, according to Dave, "looming around in the kitchen." However, Olivia couldn't divulge this to Sarah. It was another detail that truly depended on how vigorously the prosecutor emphasized the point and how damaging or innocuous the grand jurors perceived it.

"I _hate_ this for Brookey. Mom keeps getting better. She'll be able to go home pretty soon I think, what's Brooke gonna do? Live there with her?"

"She'll probably need help."

"I would not wish that on Brooke." Sarah realized how harsh she sounded and backtracked a bit, "I mean…she would do it, she's a good daughter, but, _sh_ —sheesh, it's a lot."

"It is."

"But you know what, Livvie?" Sarah instantaneously reclaimed her sunny disposition. "It's a gorgeous day, we have the most beautiful almost-one-year-old with us, and we have a whole bunch of credit cards in our bags."

"And your Dad told _you_ not to spend too much. Not me."

Sarah practically skipped as she pushed the stroller. "Livvie, I cannot imagine Daddy _ever_ saying anything like that to you."

"Me neither."

…..

Ed took Wyatt out for a walk, mostly to get fresh air but also to do some window shopping to try and get inspired for Mother's Day which was still over a month away. As much as he missed Noah, without him there Ed was more able to focus on other things and start mentally planning exactly how the day would unfold. On an unrelated note, he also noticed a few people regard him and Wyatt with pleasant expressions. It wasn't often he ventured out with only one kid. He tried to stay expressionless and stare straight ahead like most of his fellow New Yorkers, but he couldn't help breaking into a cocky smirk when he saw someone visually impressed with his son. In his baseball cap, Babiators sunglasses, and brand new Nike sneakers, Wyatt was accessorized to impress.

They stopped for lunch at a casual burger spot and claimed an outdoor table. The hostess graciously took away the second chair and replaced it with a high chair. Ever the most laid-back of the Tucker clan, Wyatt leaned back, drank from his sippy cup, and people watched. Ed was so proud, he could barely peel his eyes away from his son.

"Well, hello gentlemen!" The server's greeting startled Ed a bit.

"Hi." Ed tapped the table to get Wyatt's attention. "Can you say hi, bud? Go ahead, say _hi_!"

The server crouched down. "Hi there, handsome!"

Wyatt sized her up and finally huffed his little, "hi."

"I love his sunglasses," she said. "Very stylish."

"Thanks. I didn't think he'd keep them on when my wife brought them home, but he does."

At the mention of a wife, she dialed down her enthusiasm ever so slightly. Amused, Ed made a point to use his left hand and make his ring more conspicuous than it already was; he relished flaunting evidence of his happiness.

His beer was delivered quickly. He sipped and gazed at Wyatt, periodically checking his phone to make sure he hadn't missed a call from Tony or Olivia. It was a perfect Saturday, the first genuinely warm day of spring. Couples and small groups breezed by, chatting and laughing, some folks toted softball bats or takeout sandwiches and were headed to the park. And many others were doing the exact same thing he and Wyatt were doing, enjoying drinks and the sunshine on the numerous patio tables lining Columbus Avenue.

Sunshine.  
" _Shit_ ," Ed muttered to himself. He grabbed Wyatt's small bag from the stroller, found the sunscreen, and slathered it on the little boy's exposed skin. "Don't wantcha to burn, buddy."

"Burn!" Wyatt echoed.

"That's right! _Burn_! Good boy!" Ed ordered their lunches and occupied the wait time pronouncing other words for Wyatt. He tried spoon, fork, straw, car, bird—any one syllable objects he could point out. Wyatt repeated some and disregarded others, but, in all, Ed was amazed at how quickly his little boy who, at birth, couldn't breathe on his own, was picking up skills at lightning speed.

Wyatt.

Little Warrior.

It really was the perfect name.

…..

On a similar patio in a different neighborhood, the Tucker women commandeered a partially-shaded spot, sipped mimosas, and munched on a few shared appetizers. Brooke seemed at ease, especially when she reported Angela was walking and talking with fewer and fewer limitations. Under the surface, though, she was fighting the ugly reality of Dave's current and potential legal troubles. She continued to disagree with his decision to keep Angela in the dark, but he insisted on waiting until the outcome of the grand jury.

"So what are you shopping for today?" Brooke asked, making sure to keep the conversation light-hearted.

Sarah cheerfully replied, "We're looking for first birthday portrait outfits, Livvie needs a teal blouse for Monday, and I need workout clothes because I joined a gym."

"Monday?"

"Livvie's gonna be on TV! HNT!" Sarah grinned from ear-to-ear and put her head on Olivia's shoulder, "I'm so proud to know a star," she sighed.

"I don't know if _star's_ the right word," Olivia replied humbly, "But I'm doing a spot for SAAM."

Brooke nodded, familiar with the acronym.

"And the color's teal! Livvie, I cannot believe you don't have a teal blouse. You have a gazillion blouses."

"I had one. I think it may have been purged over the winter."

"Well, we'll getcha a new one," Sarah said confidently. "And maybe some matching earrings. Has Daddy ever bought you earrings?"

"Once, a while ago."

"I bet if you wore your hair back more often, he'd buy you earrings," Sarah took a sip of her drink and took a bite of crostini, "He likes to _see_ that bling on ya."

Brooke and Olivia exchanged amused glances. Sarah's perceptions were always unique…but in the end this one was probably not too far off base.

"—and for the twins' picture, we don't necessarily need a _matching_ set, maybe just the same colors, we'll have to see what's out there, I've been looking online, but I like to see it at the store."

"Have Olivia and Dad outsourced wardrobe to you or did you just take that upon yourself?"

Sarah scowled at the barb. "I'm another set of eyes is all."

"We could do two different outfits," Olivia said, "One more formal and the other casual."

"Oooo, I like that!"

"Is Noah going to be in any of the pictures?" Brooke asked.

"He is. We'll do a family one, too."

"Okay," Sarah said with finality, "So definitely formal and less formal because you and Daddy will probably be in suits and Noah already has a few suits, I don't think he would've grown out of them already, _omigod_ , this is going to be adorable!"

"Well, we want the two of you and Sonny in one of them, too."

Sarah practically dove at Olivia and hugged her fiercely, "Oh _thank you_ , Livvie!"

"May eleventh," Olivia managed to croak. Sarah's arms were still around her neck.

Maggie was standing in Brooke's lap and reached forward, "Mamamamamamama!"

Sarah leaned across the table. "Say _Sare_ _Bear_!"

"She wants to say 'stop choking my mommy,'" Brooke said.

"Come here, Maggie," Sarah lifted her across the table, nearly spilling Brooke's mimosa and almost dragging Maggie's baby blue Mary Janes through the spinach artichoke dip. Sarah held her so close their noses were almost touching. "You are so beautiful, small sister! You are the prettiest girl in the entire world!" Uninterested in the exaggerated accolades, Maggie contorted her body and reached for the plates.

"Hungry, sweet girl?" Olivia dipped a pita triangle into the dip, "Try this."

Maggie grabbed the pita, tasted it, and grinned.

"Such a good eater," Brooke remarked.

"Livvie, let's get her ears pierced."

Cringing, Olivia immediately nixed the idea, "I don't think I can handle that. Not now. When she gets older she can decide if she wants them pierced." The thought of inflicting that pain on her perfect daughter very nearly made her physically ill, but the feeling was short-lived.

"Look at this!" Olivia held up her phone. Ed had apparently asked someone to take a picture of him and Wyatt.

"They are so _cute_ ," Brooke gushed.

"Oh. My. _Gawwwwd_!"

"Wyatt's sunglasses!"

"Daddy looks so proud!"

"I have to get Wyatt a Mets hat. I can't stand the Yankees."

"I bet all the women are flirting with them, Livvie! A guy with _that_ baby? Daddy's probably having to fight them off with a stick!"

Olivia examined the photo, "They look pretty unbothered at the moment. Let's send one back."

When the server came around again, he snapped a photo and even expertly got Maggie to look forward and smile.

"Okay, people," Sarah said a few minutes later, "Drink up and eat up. We have to get moving if we're going to be on time for the pub later. And I _cannot_ be late because I must hear all about Noah's date with Mia. Livvie, I am so grateful for these children otherwise I would have nothing to gossip about."

…

Ed received the photo when he and Wyatt stopped at the park after hitting Starbucks for an iced tea and a juice. They found a shady spot on the great lawn and Ed tossed a miniature soccer ball and a few other toys on the blanket. For a while, Wyatt was content to observe the action, and his most aggressive move was to determinedly grab for Ed's cup.

"Want a sip, buddy?" Ed handed over the cup since the contents weren't caffeinated. Wyatt eagerly held the cup with both hands and sucked on the straw, too forcefully, because the tea ended up all over his shirt. Ed dabbed at the polo and Wyatt tried again, more successfully this time. He remembered the phone chime and checked the message. The photo of the four ladies had been taken in live mode, and Ed couldn't take his eyes off Maggie. He pressed and pressed again, watching her wave her arms as she babbled.

Maggie had Tucker features—narrow face, defined, high cheekbones, and the crystal blue eyes, but her facial expressions and mannerisms were all Olivia's. Until recently, she'd been the more verbal twin, and even when her sounds were incoherent, her face contorted and she flung her arms around as if she were making the most important of points. Ed predicted her inherited tenacity becoming both an asset and a frustrating character flaw—like Olivia, he imagined Maggie doggedly pursuing an objective and having trouble accepting and moving on in the face of disappointing results or circumstances beyond her control. He pictured older versions of himself calmly consoling her, helping with perspective, and restoring bits of lost confidence.

"Dadadadadada!"

Wyatt's sweet little voice snapped him out of his daydream.

"Wanna play with the ball big guy?" Ed took him by the hand, demonstrated how to kick it, and Wyatt copied the motion, steadied by his Daddy's grip and directed away from a muddy area. "Don't want your new shoes to get dirty."

"Soos!"

Ed grinned. He loosened his grip, offering Wyatt the chance to toddle his own, but his tiny fingers remained firmly around one of Ed's as they zigzagged their way across the grass.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	22. Chapter 22

**Twenty-two**.

Olivia called Ed three times before the phone roused from the impromptu nap he and Wyatt took in the park. The diaper bag served as a makeshift pillow for Ed, and Wyatt snoozed on his chest. The noise from a nearby softball game and the general chatter kept Ed awake for a while, but the weight of Wyatt's little body eventually relaxed him to the point of drowsiness. When Ed finally answered the phone, Olivia could tell he'd been sleeping.

"Sorry," she said, "Good morning?"

"Zonked out here at the park. Little man's still out."

She wished she could see the sweet sight of Ed and Wyatt lounging on the blanket. "I wanted to see if you want me to pick up Noah. We're done shopping."

Ed checked his watch. "Sure. Meet ya at the pub then?"

"Okay. Go back to sleep…we probably won't be there for an hour. Have to stop at home."

"Bought that much?"

"Yes."

"Good. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Ed closed his eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath. With the onset of spring, he vowed to have more lazy days in the park. If another intensive contract job came up, he would most likely decline. He and Olivia had both endured a hectic March, and he hated how much they had to rely on day care and on Sarah and Brooke. Perhaps he was overcompensating after missing so much of his older girls' childhoods, but the thought of losing time with Wyatt, Maggie, and Noah made him sick with regret.

…..

The plan to go directly from the Bianchi's home to the pub was altered when Olivia learned one of the afternoon's activities involved collecting worms and bugs and examining them under Mia's microscope. Noah was fairly clean, but she imagined that those little fingers hadn't been scrubbed to her standards, so they detoured home for a quick clean-up and shirt change. Sarah gamely tagged along, probing for information. They had sandwiches, chips, and chocolate milk for lunch. Noah won the scooter races, but Mia won at Candy Land. He made sure to emphasize that Tony made them play by the rules.

"Why didn't you give her a hug when we left?" Sarah asked.

"She didn't wanna _hug_ ," Noah retorted.

"Oh. _Excuuuuse_ me! I always want a Noey hug!"

"That's 'cause you're my sister! Mia's my friend!"

"Am I still your best friend?"

"Yep! Mia is too!"

Sarah clutched Olivia's wrist to control her giddiness. "How many best friends do you have?"

Noah took a few seconds to think and used his fingers to keep track of the count while he rattled off names, "Brookey, Sare Bear, Mia, Maggie, Wyatt, Mommy, Daddy, Gramma, Sonny," he recounted and announced, "NINE! Nine best friends!"

"Wow. That's a lot."

"Yup."

Before leaving the apartment, Olivia grabbed Noah's windbreaker and he patted his pockets, mimicking Ed's departure routine. "Gotta get my wallet!" When he returned from his room, Sarah asked if he spent any money on Mia today. "Nope, Tony say I'm the guess so I didn't spend any."

"I think he prolly said _guest_."

"But you offered?" Olivia inquired, sidestepping the minor vocabulary error.

"Uh-huh. In the park, but Tony had the money!"

"Well, you can pay at the pub," Sarah said mischievously.

"Kay, Sare Bear!" Noah skipped to the elevator. "You can have whatever you want!"

"Why thank you."

"You welcome."

…

There weren't many people at the pub so early on a Saturday, and the click of pool balls and Noah-Aidan chatter filtered to the Tucker's table. For a kid who had never played the game, Noah sounded like an expert.

"How does he know about the eight ball?" Brooke asked, baffled, "Do they have a pool table at school?"

"Gawwwd that would be so cool," Sarah said, "Everyone should learn how to play pool and darts. Essential bar games."

"I think he might play on the iPad," Ed speculated, "He's got a million games loaded on there."

"He's so fucking smart," Sarah said, making sure to muffle the profanity in the presence of Maggie and Wyatt. She met Ed's disapproving glare. "Daddy, I only have a few more months of not filtering in front of the twinsies."

"You don't do a very good job of filtering in front of Noah."

"And you have half my bank account to make up for it."

The four of them bantered and made small talk. Brooke tried to be normal, but Olivia could tell she had many things weighing on her mind and wished they could excuse themselves without making a big fuss. Just when she and Sonny seemed to have worked through everything related to the shooting, now Brooke was faced with another dilemma—force herself to live in a home where her stepfather shot and killed her former student or demand she and Sonny sell the place. Olivia wanted to reason with Carisi; she tried not to take sides, but this time she agreed wholeheartedly with Brooke. However, she knew she had to take the advice she'd given to Ed and let them decide what to do on their own.

Noah ran up to the table with a cue stick in his hand. "Sare Bear! We wanna go do the race cars!"

Sarah screwed up her face. "Huh?"

Aidan trailed a few steps behind, "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I told him about Dave and Busters."

"Well I don't have anything to do," Sarah said, "We can go in a little bit."

"How many have you had?" Brooke asked.

Offended, Sarah shot back, "I was shopping with Livvie and Maggs all day! This is my second one, well, third if you count lunch but that was hours ago! If you must chaperone, you are certainly welcome to join us. Maybe a little air hockey beat down is just what you need."

Brooke rolled her eyes and peered across the table at Ed and Olivia. "Are you alright with us taking him?"

"It's okay with me," Olivia said, glancing at Ed who had just finished his second drink and signaled for another round.

"Me too," he said, "Just not too late, alright?"

"Well, I have to drive us back," Brooke said, "so it won't be late at all."

Sarah tugged on Brooke's sleeve, "Stay with me!"

"We don't have clothes."

"You can leave first thing in the morning. It's silly to drive all the way back there tonight when we're having so much fun!"

" _You_ spent the day shopping. _I_ spent it with mom."

"And I'm spending all day there tomorrow, so what, sister, is your point?"

Brooke ignored the question and instead said she would tell Sonny to come to Sarah's apartment if and when he left work. Olivia started to break into a funny look, for she hadn't received any calls or word from her detectives about any new cases. Carisi didn't need to be there; Rollins and Fin were on duty this weekend, but apparently Brooke didn't know that.

Olivia didn't have time to dwell on the apparent deception because U2's _One_ came on over the speakers and Ed slung his arm around her shoulders. "I love this song," he whispered in her ear and started singing along.

She rested her head against his. At this angle she could see Aidan hold Noah over the pool table so the five-year-old could attempt his shot. It would probably only be a matter of time before Ed purchased a child-sized cue for his son.

Noah was soon begging to leave for Dave and Busters. Ed and Olivia didn't leave with Maggie and Wyatt until the others were safely in a cab. They had the two separate travel strollers, but Ed walked the whole way home with an arm around his wife and pushing Wyatt's stroller one-handed. Ever since the song came on, he'd been clingy. Olivia expected him to suggest they take full advantage of the Noah-free hours, but he had another idea.

"Let's prep for Monday," he suggested after they unloaded the twins and got them settled. "I've been working on questions all day."

For a second, she thought he was exaggerating, maybe even joking, but his expression showed no traces of humor or levity. She silently admonished herself for thinking Ed's offer to help her was vacuous. Ed Tucker never wasted time saying things he didn't mean.

…..

For the practice interview Ed sat in the armchair with Olivia diagonally across from him on the edge of the couch. Maggie and Wyatt were in their pajamas but not yet in bed; Ed and Olivia had already agreed to keep them awake as long as possible, hoping they'd sleep late on Sunday morning. The twins happily occupied themselves with their assortment of toys, and Ed began firing questions at his wife, initially doing a perfect role-play of a newscaster.

He ticked off statistics which, as he'd hoped, impressed her, and since he was taking this simulation so seriously, she answered in kind.

"The reality is, and what the solution really boils down to is having conversations," Olivia said in response to one of his questions. "Having them early and often. It's uncomfortable. It's not a fun talk to have with your son or daughter, but it is our job as parents and as a society to make sure they understand consent and that they demand campus administrators and law enforcement be proactive but also responsive when an assault does occur."

"The percentage of women who do not report assaults is alarming," Ed pointed out. "Only twenty percent do."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. She couldn't help it.

 _How does he have all these numbers in his head?_

"It's devastating, really," Olivia replied, "Because these are people's lives, and these women are not getting the support they need nor are they getting justice. And the solution involves, again, conversations, listening to why reports are not made and acting to fix those systemic barriers, actual or perceived. Can you think of any other crime that goes unreported _eighty percent_ of the time? I cannot."

The passion oozed from her words. Ed took a drink of his bourbon and cleared his throat. "So let's venture into more serious matters," he said, his voice more gravelly than normal.

"Okay."

"You're beautiful." He gazed at her with heavy eyelids.

She momentarily diverted her eyes and nervously brushed strands of hair away from her face. He was so in-character it almost seemed like the man in front of her was actually not her husband.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm sure…I'm sure our viewers would love to know more about you. Or at least I would. Are you married? Boyfriend? Kids?"

"This certainly is an interesting way to wrap up an interview about sexual assault," Olivia quipped.

"Always nice to end on a lighter note," Ed replied, still pretending to be in his journalist persona. "But, please, if you're uncomfortable, you don't have to answer."

Olivia played along. "I am married. And, in all, we have five children. Three under the age of six."

He raised his eyebrows, "That must be challenging."

"Actually, it's…it is, but it's a good challenging."

"You and your husband make it work."

She leaned forward, "We _more_ than make it work.

"Really?" He feigned extreme interest, grabbed his drink, and sat back in the chair, smirking. "Tell me."

"My husband is the most wonderful man," she intoned sweetly, "He's…given up, or, _changed_ a lot of his life for us to have what we have, for me to continue to do this important job. Every day I am more grateful and more in love."

"He's a lucky guy."

"We're a lucky couple."

Ed remained nonchalant, even as she stood up and relocated to his lap, her knees on either side of his hips, straddling him in the chair.

"Lieutenant," he said softly, "I'm not sure this is appropriate… _we're on air_."

"Ed, shut up."

They kissed for several minutes, pausing at times to eye the twins, but they were oblivious to their parents' amorous activities. Either that, or they were keeping to themselves, scheming to stay up as late as possible.

When Olivia finally started backing away, Ed put his hands on her cheeks and stared at her intently. "Liv, there's one thing you said that is absolutely not true."

"What's that?"

"I didn't give up anything to be with you. And I was never completely satisfied with life until you and our kids were in it."

…

The next morning Ed took Noah to purchase new soccer gear. As soon as Olivia got the twins fed, cleaned up, and changed out of their pajamas, she let them crawl around the master bedroom while she tried to tidy it up a bit. She tossed t-shirts, sweats, and used towels into the laundry basket. Once the garments were cleared, she straightened her vanity knowing it would only go back to its regular state of disarray in the morning. Next she collected earrings from her nightstand and put them back in her jewelry box then gathered their magazines, making sure to leave Ed's latest Cosmo on his nightstand next to a copy of _City on Fire_ , a tome set in 1970s New York City and involving a murder in Central Park. Brooke loaned it to him a few years ago, and he'd barely made a dent in the 900-page book; occasionally he pulled it from the shelves and picked up where he left off before realizing he needed to start again from the beginning. Olivia picked it up and fanned through the pages, impressed he even agreed to take on the story.

Maggie was at her feet and a paper fell from the pages onto her head. She let out a bubble-filled giggle.

"Oops, sweet girl! Did Daddy's bookmark getcha?" Maggie grabbed the paper, crinkling it in her fist. Olivia noticed a significant amount of Ed's writing on the page and gingerly pried it from her fingers. She briefly wondered if she'd underestimated his commitment to the book. Maybe he'd been making notes or jotting down his thoughts as he slogged through the pages.

She began reading and immediately had to sit on the bed. Maggie, accustomed to a cheerful although sometimes teary mother, peered up curiously. Olivia felt the blood drain from her face and then rush back again.

 _Liv, all I want to do, all I've wanted to do in the past year and a half is_ _see you_ _smile_ _make you happy. And I want to do that forever. Will you marry me?_

 _Liv, I can't stand not being married to you any longer. I've wanted to ask you for months and was always waiting for the right time and now I feel like I'm wasting time and I don't want another day to go by without making sure that one day you'll be my wife._

There were at least two other versions with words scratched out and rewritten.

Ed's proposal.

Despite the words being so meticulously planned, Ed never got the opportunity to officially propose. He'd jumped the gun and blurted out "I want to marry you" on his birthday—the day Noah first called him "Daddy."

Wyatt came wandering over, probably curious as to why the room had fallen so still and silent. Olivia looked down at her twins' cherubic faces, their innocent blue eyes gazing at her with adoration and a tinge of curiosity.

Olivia placed the paper back in the book, doing her best to estimate where it had been, and scooped the twins into her arms. "My babies," she cooed, briefly pressing her eyes closed and reminding herself this really was her life. "My precious, precious babies."

"Mamamamamama!"

"I know squirmy sister, you want to get down." Olivia set Wyatt on his feet and he started toddling away. Merely to see how she would react, Olivia put Maggie on her feet as well, and, to her shock, Maggie took off walking after her brother without delay. She held her arms out, balancing, and shrieked a little with each step as if she were warning Wyatt she was on his heels, this time, on foot.

Olivia, shocked and slack-jawed, watched the pursuit with wide eyes.

It was like Maggie had been biding her time, waiting for the moment when she was absolutely certain she would be very skilled at walking before she dared to try it out in front of an audience.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	23. Chapter 23

**Twenty-three**.

Ed played with Olivia's fingers, taking time to study each one and carefully trace the outline of each nail. Her skin intrigued him—so smooth and blemish-free, supple and soft, delicate yet sturdy—they were hands capable of both wielding a gun and soothing her children to sleep.

Outside, the gray Saturday dawn slowly surrendered to, as far as Ed could tell from his vantage point, a bright, blue-skied morning. An hour ago Olivia woke him by gently kissing his neck and running an index finger along the waistband of his shorts. As soon as he stirred, she slithered on top of him and repeatedly kissed his lips, each time increasing the intensity. He ceded control and was soon inhaling sharp breaths and gasping her name, wondering what he'd done to earn the amorous wake-up call.

Olivia felt his chest heave as he tried to stifle a laugh.

"What?"

"Nothin," he replied mysteriously.

" _What_?"

Ed kissed the top of her head. "I was just thinkin' how good we are at sex."

Olivia joined him in laughter. "Yeah, we are."

"Today's one of those days I want to stay in bed with you all day," Ed peered over her and at the baby monitor. Wyatt was standing up and swatting at the animals hanging from the mobile. Maggie was still sleeping, but when she woke up, she would not entertain herself like Wyatt. In seconds she would start bellowing "MA!" or "DA!" and Wyatt would readily join in.

"I was thinking," Olivia drew figure eight patterns on his stomach, "When all this dies down…we should get away for a weekend. Just the two of us."

"I love that idea."

"Upstate…or Vermont…or the coast?"

"Not too far," he said, "Less car. More time in bed."

"Agreed."

Ed started laughing again.

"Now what?"

"I think it's gonna be a lot tougher to convince Sarah and Brooke to watch the kids with everyone walking."

Olivia grinned. It had been almost a week since Maggie abruptly started walking on her own, and the past few days had been consumed with constant games of chase as the twins re-explored every nook and cranny of the apartment. Ed took advantage of the warm spring weather and took them to the park while Noah was at school. Their newfound mobility and independence made him nervous. Maggie and Wyatt scrambled around the playground, and Ed summoned his beat cop powers of observation to keep track of them while simultaneously sizing up the cadre of nannies and other caregivers.

"You ready for the next few years?" Olivia tilted her head back and caressed his face. She already knew the answer.

"Absolutely."

He kissed her until they heard Maggie's voice.

"NO!"

Noah had sleepily entered the twins' room and stood with his face pressed between the slats on Maggie's crib.

"I can't getcha outta there, Maggs! Gotta wait for Mommy and Daddy!"

Maggie jumped up and down. "NO!" She tried to climb out of the crib, curling her feet around the slats and gripping the top bar tightly.

"I'm gonna get Mommy," Noah assured her, "Stay right there! You gonna fall if ya try to get out, Maggs!"

Seconds later, the master bedroom door opened. "Mommy?"

"Hey sweet boy," Olivia cooed. "Good morning."

"Mornin' bud."

Noah wasted no time with pleasantries. "Maggie wantsa get outta her crib!" He stood at the side of their bed, arms akimbo, slightly annoyed with his parents' lack of urgency.

"Alright bud," Ed heaved himself out of bed and stretched. Olivia watched him approvingly.

"Time for breakfast," Olivia said, "Then we have soccer later."

Noah shoved his arms into the air. "SOCCER!" He kicked the air on his way out of the room. Ed stopped to kiss Olivia a few more times. Noah assumed Ed was following him, and when he realized he wasn't, his exasperated voice filled the air, " _Daddy_! C'mon! Leave Mommy 'lone!"

Ed grinned into one last kiss and then went to catch up with Noah. Olivia smiled when she heard the ensuing conversation until the voices grew too faint as Ed and Noah made their way into the twins' room.

"I don't like to leave Mommy alone, bud. She's too nice. I like her."

Noah giggled, "Dad- _dy!_ " He scolded playfully, "We _LOVE_ Mommy!"

Olivia watched the screen and the grainy image of Ed taking Maggie from her crib, changing her, and tickling her belly until she erupted in laughter. Wyatt was next. Unlike his sister, he laid patiently on the changing table with his head turned to the side so he could observe Noah try to get Maggie to kick a miniature plush soccer ball across the room.

Though she was comfortable and snug in her bed, Olivia rushed to get up and throw on sweats so she could join her family.

….

Aidan took the news of his father's indictment with what was becoming his typical detached response. He nodded, shrugged, and asked about his mom's reaction. Angela had been brought up to speed by Brooke and Sarah during one agonizing afternoon at the rehabilitation center. Sarah recalled the visit as being slightly anticlimactic. Both she and Brooke wondered if they'd made a mistake by waiting so long to divulge the entire truth of what had happened over the past few weeks, but Angela received the news without much reaction. She was so cool-headed that Brooke wondered aloud afterwards if she'd been clued in by someone at the hospital. Sarah chalked it up to a sign of full recovery.

"Mom's a cold bitch," she concluded matter-of-factly. "And she didn't even seem worried about Aidan. She just _assumed_ we would step up. More than assumed, actually, expectumed."

Brooke screwed up her face. " _Expectumed_?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, exasperated that Brooke didn't understand her invented word, "Like, most people expect and assume family will do certain things, but they always ask for formality's sake. Mom? She doesn't even ask."

"She shouldn't have to."

"Right," Sarah retorted, "But normal people ask anyway. That's my point. She's so tacky."

"Give her a break. She had a stroke for Chrissakes."

"She's _fiiiine_ ," Sarah replied petulantly, "She's back to her old vain self."

Brooke couldn't help but defend her mother. "I'm sure if you were laid up in a rehab center you'd want a mani pedi too."

Sarah broke into giggles. " _Nah_ ," she said with a wave of her hand, "I'd be looking for ways for you to sneak me some booze. _That's_ the kind of rehab I'd be in."

"Touché."

"Speaking of," Sarah got up from the couch and went to the refrigerator. She took out a previously opened bottle of Pinot Grigio. "Want some?"

"It's eleven a.m."

"Who cares? It's Saturday."

"I have to meet Sonny later. I don't want to start drinking now…I may not be able to stop."

Aidan came into the room, showered and fully dressed. He grinned at Sarah's offer of wine but poured himself a glass of water instead. Sarah and Brooke were joining Ed, Olivia, and the kids for lunch, but Aidan was spending the day with his Dad.

"Now," Sarah addressed Aidan authoritatively, "You call us immediately if Dave suggests you get on a plane and leave the country. Brookey, what countries don't have extradition treaties with us? Look that up."

"Oh, _stop_ ," Brooke glared at Sarah.

"Google it!" Sarah demanded.

"I am doing no such thing."

She was still glaring at her sister, worried she was scaring Aidan. In addition to hefty bail, Dave had been required to surrender his passport, and the order to remain in New York was still in place. It would be beyond foolish for him to flee. Since the indictment, Brooke had been zealously perusing articles and case law, and she was confident he'd be found not guilty. His lawyer wasn't so sure since he was certain the prosecution was going to argue that Kyle's race heavily factored into Dave's decision to shoot. He was considering a bench trial.

"Text me or Sarah when you're ready to come back," Brooke smiled at her half-brother who appeared more amused than frightened.

"I can just go to where you are," Aidan replied, confident in his ability to get around the city. In fact, he'd been dropping little hints that he preferred Manhattan to his home in Connecticut.

"Do you have money on your Metro Card?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah. What are you guys doing after lunch?"

"Brookey's gonna go see Sonny. I was going to maybe go in to the office for a couple hours but I don't really know. Depends on how much fun I have at lunch."

"By _fun_ she means _drinks_ ," Brooke said dryly.

"Maybe I'll be able to meet you in time to hang out with Noah," Aidan remarked hopefully. "I brought one of my old LAX sticks for him."

"You did?" Sarah glanced toward the door where Aidan's Lacrosse bag was shoved into a corner as out of the way as possible. His two adult-sized sticks were there too.

"Yeah, it's in my bag."

Sarah pounded away at her phone. "New plan," she said as she texted, "We're going to meet them later on and have dinner together. That way you can come too, Brookey. And I can go into work now for a couple hours and everyone wins."

"I love it when things just work out," Brooke replied sarcastically.

Sarah ignored her cynicism. "Me too!"

….

Brooke entered the loft with a great sense of trepidation. She wasn't sure what caused her more anxiety—walking into the scene of the grisly crime or seeing Sonny again. Every time they spent days away from one another the arduous slog back to normal interactions dragged out longer and longer. Even then, their conversations were more cordial than compassionate. They danced around one another with an apprehension and hesitance Brooke had never felt before.

At first she was met with complete silence and an eerie stillness as she entered their home. The floor plan offered no way around the kitchen, and her path took her directly across where Kyle's body would have lain on that fateful night. She shivered and set her jaw, determined to will away the embers of agony threatening to explode in her chest.

Sonny was supposed to be home, but the loft sounded and felt empty. It was only when she heard the closet doors grinding against their tracks that she was able to confirm her husband's presence, and she tiptoed up the stairs, making just enough noise not to startle him.

"Son?"

"Hey. Thought I heard something."

 _Thought I heard something?_

The trifling comment exasperated Brooke, and she took a deep breath instead of lashing out at him. He knew she was dropping Aidan off at the rehabilitation center and coming to meet him. Of course he heard something.

He stood in front of their full-length mirror tying his tie and did not stop the process as they spoke.

"My mom's looking in to hiring a nurse," Brooke began, choosing to dive into details rather than address the rift between them. "And they say she'll be released in a couple of weeks. She's going to have a lot to deal with…Dave thinks he may be fired, she's not going to be able to get back to work full time for a while—"

"She must have some sort of leave plan."

"Oh, she does, but I don't know all the details and I don't want to really talk about it with her just yet."

"Probably a good idea."

"But, at any rate, I'll only be out there for two more weeks."

Sonny's shoulders tensed. He gave the knot one final tug and turned around. "We're not gonna be able to sell in two weeks." He was matter-of-fact, but Brooke detected a hint of softness in his voice, which made her next piece of news easier to deliver.

"I realize that," she replied, "But…I, we, need to put this behind us Son. Sooner rather than later. I'm…" Brooke nervously bit her lip, "I'm pregnant."

Whatever demons had been plaguing Sonny instantaneously vanished. He stepped closer to Brooke and took her hands.

"And I'm scared," she continued, "Terrified, really. And I can't do this by myself. I can't do it without you."

"And we can't do it here," Sonny said gently.

"No. No we can't."

"I'll call the realtor today," he said resolutely. "And movers. We'll rent someplace and figure everything out later." He hugged and kissed her. "It'll be okay."

Tears poured from Brooke's blue eyes. She nodded in agreement, for if she tried to speak she knew she would break down in sobs. Sonny hugged her again and, in that moment, the compassionate, loving, tender Dominick Carisi, Jr. returned for good.

…..

After Aidan presented Noah with the Lacrosse stick, the little boy wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything else. He ran away from where his family was set up in the grass and concentrated on catching the balls Aidan lofted to him. Noah struggled with the unfamiliar equipment at first, but Aidan patiently showed him how to return the throws and soon Noah was firing shots like a pro. Eventually they moved over to another section of the lawn and used the space between two adjacent trees as a goal.

"How's he doin?" Ed asked in a hushed voice even though Aidan was well out of earshot. He was reclined on his elbows but his eyes darted from the toddling twins to Aidan and Noah to Sarah and Brooke and then back again.

"He's fine," Sarah said. "He's a kid and he's kind of enjoying it as weird as it sounds."

"I'm worried," Brooke countered, "I think he's burying everything. He's _too_ fine."

Sarah vehemently disagreed. " _Brooke_ , it's obvious he and his Dad aren't close. Mom is incapable of being close to anyone. And now all of a sudden he's with us most of the time and he likes it. He _asked_ to see Noah. What teenager actually wants to hang out with a five-year-old?"

"Just because he's not close to his parents doesn't mean he wants them… _gone_!"

"Keep an eye on him," Ed calmly suggested, trying to diffuse the tension between his older daughters. "And he can see Noah as much as he wants."

Sarah scrambled after the twins who, in her opinion, were wandering too far away. They both attempted to squirm out of her grasp until she deposited them on the blanket and ordered them to play with their toys.

"I'm so mad that Livvie had to go in to work," Sarah whined. "I haven't seen her in forever."

Brooke peered at her phone, "Sonny said he would keep me posted about what time he'd be back, but I haven't heard from him. They must be busy."

Sarah groaned. "I _hate_ that! I can never be married to a cop. No way. Not even one as cute as Sonny or as gorgeous as Livvie."

A grin formed on Ed's face as he realized the truth in Sarah's comment. He hid his reaction by leaning over and kissing Maggie's cheek. Then he pulled out his own phone and sent Olivia a sweet, borderline bawdy text message.

He and the girls discussed dinner options and took turns wrangling the twins. Neither Maggie nor Wyatt were willing to stay seated on the blanket when they had endless places to explore on foot. They plucked handfuls of grass and pebbles, chased after one another, and got moving so fast their little legs couldn't keep up and they tumbled over. Adorably, Maggie waited for Wyatt to right himself before she continued, and Wyatt did the same when she fell.

"Their little shoes are so freaking cute," Sarah gushed.

"Yeah, Liv got those this week," Ed said of the matching gray-and-white Nikes. "Got a pair for Noah, too, but he hadta wear his cleats."

"I can't believe they're almost one," Brooke murmured under her breath.

"It's flown by," Ed replied.

"Time for another baby!" Sarah exclaimed. She elbowed Ed, clearly joking, but Brooke froze, temporarily thinking Sarah had guessed her secret with absolutely zero evidence.

Ed shook his head, "I don't think so. Got a lot ahead of us with these three."

"With the next thing being their birthday party!" Sarah gleefully pointed out, "I have the theme all ready. Under the sea wonders. Get it? _ONE_ -ders?"

"Clever."

"How'd you think of that?" Brooke asked.

"I saw it in _Parents_ Magazine," Sarah replied, "They had a bunch of ideas, but this was the best for a girl and a boy."

"You read _Parents_?"

"Sure. You don't have to be a parent to read it," Sarah said, "Just like…you don't have to be an athlete to read _Sports Illustrated_ and you don't have to be a woman to read _Cosmo_."

The barb was lost on Brooke, but Ed's cheeks flushed. He and Sarah exchanged mischievous smirks.

As strange as it was, his secret was safe with her.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	24. Chapter 24

**Twenty-Four**.

Ed shadowed Maggie and Wyatt as they moved around the toddler gym at Chelsea Piers. Never one to feel self-conscious about his age around other, younger parents, he did find some comfort in the prevalence of older Dads wandering through the primary-colored spaces. They all kept to themselves, though, hyper-focused on their kids and avoiding small talk other than an occasional "oops" or "sorry." Ed concluded his children were the most gorgeous of the bunch. No boy could compete with Wyatt's alluring combination of dark hair, olive skin, and bright blue eyes. Maggie was simply gorgeous. Her eyes, though blue, were wider and rounder than Wyatt's, and her narrow face boasted the Tucker high, defined cheekbones. Her hair was longer now and starting to thicken, so much so that Ed thought to use one of the clips Olivia bought to keep it out of her eyes and congratulated himself for needing only one try to successfully pin her hair back.

He helped the twins navigate the gigantic plastic tubes and padded climbing apparatus, but after a while they were perfectly fine on their own, and when he wasn't taking pictures, he observed their interactions from his place against the wall until they'd tired of the area and it was time to move on to another.

Olivia, Sonny, and the rest of the squad had been consumed with work. Spring brought out the worst of Manhattan's criminal element, and their pared-down squad was struggling to keep their collective head above water. The newest detective, Savage, abruptly transferred to another unit, and they were once again shorthanded. The Lieutenant had a few interviews lined up; however, every applicant was a rookie, and none of them had noteworthy credentials.

Much to her disappointment, she'd missed most of the week's drop-offs and pick-ups. Ed did his best to reassure her that this was simply another hectic stretch, and, for once, she let him convince her that their time apart did no harm. Helping matters was how Ed took her into his arms and whispered how sexy and irresistible she was when she was busy.

"And imagine," he said in a husky voice, "All that great _I miss you_ sex."

They were now approaching another weekend, and Olivia was determined to make headway on, if not close, their most recent case. Both she and Ed longed for a few idle mornings, with breakfast in bed and too much television.

Around lunchtime, Ed wrangled Maggie and Wyatt and cordially nodded to the gym attendants on the way out. Maggie, angry at having been removed from the play space before she was ready, fussed and squirmed. Ed bounced her on one hip and was grateful to Wyatt who contentedly held on to Ed's neck. Consumed with his displeased daughter, Ed barely noticed a man and a woman walking toward them. When they were an arm's length from each other, the pair stopped in their tracks.

"Those children are stunning."

Ed was in complete agreement, but he was trying not to drop Maggie. He didn't want to let her walk, predicting she would try to scramble in the opposite direction and would end up in a tantrum on the floor. He muttered a preoccupied thank you and tried to continue to the parking garage, but the woman kept talking.

"Have you thought of auditioning them?"

Ed's forehead crinkled. "Auditioning?" Her attention now diverted to the strangers, Maggie stopped trying to break free from Ed's arms and he bounced her once more, readjusting his grip.

"Yes," the man responded, "For television shows?"

"Can't say we have," Ed replied.

The woman produced a business card and handed it to Ed. He managed to take it between his thumb and index finger. "Give us a call if you're interested," she said before they briskly walked away.

"Whaddya think, guys?" Ed asked light-heartedly as he exited the building. "Wanna be on TV?" He nuzzled Wyatt and then Maggie, "You wanna be _moooovie_ stars?" He buckled them in their car seats and tossed the business card in the cup holder.

 _Liv is gonna get a kick outta this_ , he thought.

…

Olivia entered Forlini's and veered right into the bar area where Barba was hunched over paperwork and a generous pour of something brown. The lack of light made it easy to forget or disregard the time of day, and Olivia dramatically checked her watch. Barba was not one for a liquid lunch.

"Is there something I've missed?" She asked as she took a seat next to him. Though they had been going almost nonstop, none of their cases had been particularly tricky.

"Nope," he replied, taking a generous gulp.

"Then what?"

"McNamara's retiring."

Olivia's eyes widened and she signaled for a drink. Judge Colin McNamara had sat on the State Superior Court Bench for years and many cynically predicted he would die there. "And…"

"And I'm being appointed to fill his spot. Until the elections."

The news early knocked Olivia from her chair. " _Wow_ ," she gasped. "That's great, Rafael….right?"

"It is. It's not the way I envisioned it, but it is. And it puts off my political career for the time being."

"Your political career?"

"I started to think the next move was the state assembly, or the mayor's office," Barba mused, "But this feels like the right move. Not without sadness, of course."

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded, tears forming in her eyes.

"You're my longest and most honest relationship, Liv. I'm not going to pretend that's insignificant."

"I haven't been…as accessible—"

"No," Barba interrupted, "That's not why I asked you to come here," he looked at her intensely, "I want you to tell me it's okay. You say the word and I stay in the DA's office. I'm happy there."

"I'm not going to do that." Olivia put her hand on his, "Neither one of us is going to do this forever. And we will be friends long after we don't do these jobs anymore."

Barba abashedly smiled into his drink. "So maybe we won't be squabbling when you're eighty-five."

"At least not over cases."

Barba's smile faded slightly. "You think you're in this much longer?"

"Not much longer," she said, "But, for now, I'm in it."

"And you're going to have to break in a new DA."

"I've done it before."

Barba polished off his whiskey and ordered another. "How are those babies?"

Once again, Olivia's eyes filled with tears as they always did when anyone asked about her children. "They are so great," she said, "Walking, saying some words, and, of course, loving to annoy their big brother."

"Sounds chaotic."

"It is. You should come over sometime and witness it for yourself, _Your Honor_."

Barba grinned. "Does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Olivia nodded. "It does."

…..

Noah emerged from his classroom last, which was typical, but he was alone, which was not.

"Hey bud," Ed greeted him with a hug, "Where's Mia?"

Noah dramatically shrugged and replied with exasperation in his voice, " _Absent_."

"Oh."

"She was sniffly yesterday! Miss Leslie tak—took—her to the NURSE!"

"Oh," Ed replied sympathetically, "She probably has a little cold."

He waited patiently while Noah gathered his things and zipped his backpack. Noah was very careful with his belongings and rarely left anything behind. Ed and Olivia often joked that Noah was more responsible and organized than they were.

Noah walked alongside the stroller and narrated his day for Maggie and Wyatt—morning meeting, math, reading, recess—Ed soaked up his little voice and all its seriousness. He hoped Noah would always be this conscientious about school. When they were stopped at a busy intersection, Noah noticed a flower vendor.

"Wow!" He exclaimed. "Those are PRETTY!"

"They are," Ed agreed, "Know what, let's send some to Mommy. They'll make her feel happy."

A few blocks later they were in the store of a florist who delivered, writing a note to Olivia.

 _We love you, Mommy! You're the best!_

 _Love,_

 _Maggie, Wyatt, Noah, and Ed._

"We need them there today," Ed instructed.

"No problem, sir." The clerk replied.

Noah watched a young man grab their purchased bouquet and take off on a bicycle. Ed tried to nudge him out of the store but Noah didn't move.

"Hey, bud, let's go." Ed smiled apologetically as other customers navigated around the stroller.

"Wanna give flowers to Mia!"

"Hmm?"

"She's sniffly! Flowers will make her feel happy!"

Ed wasn't sure sending Mia flowers was a good idea, so he offered Noah another option. "Hey, bud, look over there—" he pointed to a display where there were flowers and small teddy bears arranged in mason jars, "How 'bout we buy one of those and you can give it to her when she comes back to school?"

Noah twisted his lips as he considered the offer. "Okay!" He finally agreed, "Mia likes teddy bears, she have some, but they're big."

Noah selected one of the jars and Ed got back in line to pay. The clerk wrapped the item and put it in a small bag which Noah put in his backpack.

"Then I have it at school," he explained, "For when she gets back."

"That's really nice of you to think of her, bud. It feels good to do nice things for our friends, doesn't it?"

"Uh-huh! Mia gonna say, 'WOW,' and then she won't be sick anymore!"

"Exactly. And what do you think Mommy's gonna say when she gets the flowers?"

Noah started giggling. "She's gonna call on the phone and say I love you and then she gonna cry."

Ed grinned uncontrollably and side-hugged his son. "I think you're exactly right."

…

Brooke slogged through her day, summoning energy to drive Aidan to and from school but not much else. Warm spring breezes and sunny skies abounded, and she parked herself on the back porch with a book, ginger ale, and plain crackers which, along with every other food, repulsed her. Everything ached—back, neck, joints—but she could deal with the physical discomfort. Burying the horror of the miscarriage posed a seemingly insurmountable mental obstacle. She and Sonny discussed both their fears and their tentative excitement at length every night as they lay together in the guest bedroom. She appreciated Sonny's optimism but knew some of it was manufactured for her benefit and that he was more nervous than he let on. After all they'd been through, the likelihood of their marriage weathering another miscarriage intact was low.

Aidan's mid-afternoon text notifying her of his plans to go out to eat with his friends after practice gave Brooke a way out of going into the city to see Angela. She tried to go three times a week, but the last visits had been awkward and tense. Dave was usually there, and he and Angela barely spoke to one another. Brooke got the sense that when they were alone their conversations never deviated from Dave's legal trouble. Angela had also started trying to work for an hour or so every day, and she was irritable, impatient that her body wasn't quite keeping up with her mind.

Brooke called Angela's room and explained what was going on. Her mother barked a list of things to bring on the next visit and asked about Aidan's grades and whether or not he was taking advantage of a parent-less house. Brooke assured her Aidan was behaving himself and that she'd bring him to visit Saturday after his lacrosse game. They discussed a few financial matters and hung up with a terse "bye."

Unlike her sister, Brooke avoided drawing comparisons between Angela and Olivia. It wasn't even worth thinking about as far as she was concerned. Olivia was compassionate, warm, and loving and always willing to lend a sympathetic ear. Angela was more likely to tell her children to "move on and get over it" when they were upset. Olivia was fun and easy to be around. Spending idle time with Angela always felt like work, especially when Sarah was present. Brooke was always on guard, waiting for one of them to start an argument that would end only when either Sarah or Angela stormed off.

Sarah, in her exaggerated, dramatic manner, always marveled at their father's enormous "upgrade" in his second marriage.

"If he was capable of getting _Olivia_ ," she once lamented, "Why in the hell did he waste so much time with _mom_?"

Brooke brushed aside these rhetorical questions. If there were answers, they were complicated and she didn't like to dwell on things that couldn't be changed. In the end, their Dad ended up with his true soul mate, and that was all that mattered.

Still, Brooke thought about the way her call with Angela had just ended. Olivia's goodbyes were always coupled with a "love you" or a "sweetie" or a "honey." Angela, laid up in a rehabilitation center after nearly dying a few weeks ago couldn't summon even the simplest term of endearment.

Brooke patted her still-flat belly and worried she was genetically destined to parent in the cold, aloof way her mother had been all her life. Maybe that was why she miscarried the first time. Maybe it was not only nature's way of preventing horrible birth defects but it was also a way of protecting a child from an unfit mother.

"I promise not to do that to you," she murmured to her unborn child. She leaned back and tried to let the sound of the crashing waves relax her enough so she could get some sleep.

….

Even when she was busy, Olivia tried to sneak away for bedtime to at least kiss her children and Ed goodnight. When she sauntered in just after seven o'clock that evening, Ed was pleasantly surprised to see her duck into their bedroom and emerge wearing pajama pants and one of his t-shirts.

He smiled as he kissed her. "Home for the night?"

"I am," she replied softly, kissing him back and gently stroking the back of his head with her fingertips. "Bath time?"

"We should prolly get the kids asleep first," Ed joked, a twinkle in his eye.

Smirking naughtily, she ran her hands up and down his arms. "No bath for us, Captain. Tonight we need to get right down to business."

He shivered and looked her up and down, his eyes lingering on her chest for a few extra seconds. She was braless and the threadbare shirt was thin enough to give an alluring preview of the night ahead.

"Noah," he called, still staring in awe at his wife, "Let's get the bath water goin' bud."

"Kay, Daddy!"

Noah scampered into the bathroom. The twins toddled at their parent's feet wearing only diapers. Olivia looked down at them, pressing her head to Ed's, and cooed sweetly, "Hi, precious babies."

Wyatt clutched her pant leg. "Mama!"

As soon as she picked him up, Maggie clamored for her attention as well. Olivia carried them to the sofa and kissed at their faces. "How are my sweethearts? Mommy has missed you so, so much, but you know what? Tomorrow I'm here all day! Yes I am. The _whole_ day!"

From behind the couch, Ed kissed her head. "Things musta really calmed down."

"A little," she replied, "Rollins has a handle on it. They'll be fine without me for a day."

Ed wanted to say something about how proud he was, for it had taken Olivia nearly her entire career to be able to utter that sentiment. But he didn't want to sound condescending and Noah had shouted from the bathroom that the water temperature was just right.

Instead, he whispered another _I love you_ and watched her snuggle the twins until another, more insistent, _Daddy_ came from the bathroom.

…

The errands were simple.

 _If you're coming this evening, stop and pick up my prescriptions and I'd really appreciate the fettucine pescatore from Il Corallo Trattoria_.

Sarah didn't notice the extra pill bottle in the bag and she didn't pay attention to the higher copay. She signed on the electronic panel and shoved the receipt into her jacket pocket so she would remember to add the expense to her mother's tab. After she picked up the take-out order, she hailed a cab to the rehab center and folded the food receipt in with the prescription one, graciously deciding to let her mother slide on the taxi fare.

Angela was sitting up in bed with a sour look on her face when Sarah entered the room and dropped the bags on a side chair. Two accordion files and a closed laptop sat on the nightstand.

"Do you want the food now?" Sarah asked without saying an initial hello.

"Yes," Angela replied curtly, "Eating is about all I can do."

Sarah unwrapped the entrée and set it on the bed table. "Well, you're sick."

"I need to catch up," Angela flicked her hand at the files.

"Surely they don't expect you to be working," Sarah remarked.

Angela said nothing as she began to slowly eat the pasta. Her hand trembled involuntarily during the effort which resulted in only one strand of fettucine making it into her mouth. She speared some of the seafood next, but three bites later, the fork was tossed into the container. Angela let her head fall back into the pillows.

"You can go," she told Sarah. "I'm exhausted."

"Alright."

"Sarah?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for bringing everything."

Sarah shrugged. "You're welcome." Pure melancholy clouded her mother's features, so Sarah offered her a tiny smile. In that instance, she commiserated with her mother's frustration at the slow pace of recovery. It was frightening to think about how quickly someone's world could implode—that within a matter of seconds your entire existence could be irrevocably redefined.

Angela didn't exactly return the smile, but there was a rare softness in her eyes. Sarah almost expected her to say "I love you."

But her mother said nothing.

"I'll try to stop by this weekend," Sarah said. She was about to explain how swamped she was with tax-season-related projects, but she stopped herself just in time.

Angela nodded and closed her eyes.

Sarah spun on her heel and left.

A few hours later, Angela was dead.

…..

Olivia shoved Ed backwards onto the mattress and he smiled roguishly while he watched his wife disrobe in front of him. She shimmied out of the pajama pants then yanked off the t-shirt and tossed it at Ed's face. He threw it to the side and propped himself on his elbows, eagerly waiting for her next moves.

She slowly crawled over him, lowering herself just enough so she could feel his arousal. Strands of brown hair tickled his face.

"Thank you for the flowers," she said as she planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

His hands were on her back now, pulling her down so their bodies were flush against one another and he wrapped his legs around hers. During a break for air, he muttered something about sending flowers everyday if she appreciated them _this_ much

The lovemaking was playful and they jostled each other around, kissing and laughing, using every inch of their bed, deftly switching positions, interspersing their moans and cries of pleasure with _Eds_ and _Livs_ and _I love yous_.

Breaking from their post-coital norm, Olivia held him afterwards, her hands clasped together against his upper chest, and she repeatedly kissed the back of his head. "I don't know what to say," she murmured.

"Bout what?"

She grinned. "The sex."

"I wanna make love to you every day, Liv," Ed tilted his head back, "But, ya know, _I miss you sex_ is pretty fucking good."

Amused, Olivia repeated, " _I miss you sex_."

"We never have to have make-up sex 'cause we don't fight. So _I miss you sex_ is about the closest we can get."

"I'm good with that."

"Me too."

They basked in contented silence. Nowhere near tired enough to sleep, Olivia started kneading Ed's pecs.

He smirked. "More, huh?"

She peppered kisses on his cheek and bit lightly at his ear. "I need a little more of you, Captain."

In one motion he flipped positions and was suddenly hovering over her, his eyes blazing with intense passion. "Just a little?"

Olivia started to say something, but the faint sound of Ed's ringtone interrupted her. They groaned simultaneously and looked around the room, thinking the phone was buried under a pile of discarded clothing. During a few seconds of silence, Ed started running his tongue over Olivia's breasts, but the ringing began again.

"It's in the twins' room," Olivia concluded, turning toward the iPad which they had set to the _audio only_ option. She grabbed the device and held it close to her hear. "Yep, it's coming from there."

"Damn," Ed muttered. He got out of bed and slipped into a pair of boxer shorts. "Be right back. Do. Not. Move."

"Yessir."

Olivia took deep breaths and waited impatiently for him to return. She heard the twins' bedroom door open and Ed shuffle around in the dark. It wasn't long before the gentle thud of the door closing transmitted through the monitor. Ed's footsteps came closer. Her body tingled with anticipation.

Until she saw his face.

Concern had supplanted the smirk.

"What is it?" Olivia asked.

"I dunno," he showed her the screen. Both Sarah and Brooke had called multiple times. They had also sent "call us" text messages. Ed took a little solace in the fact that both of them had called because it meant his daughters were both safe.

So that left Angela, Aidan, and Caroline. Maybe Dave. But he didn't think the girls would react with this type of urgency over their stepfather.

Ed sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. Olivia rubbed his back. He leaned appreciatively into her touch.

Something had gone terribly wrong, but Olivia's presence set him at ease.

Whatever it was, he didn't have to handle it alone.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	25. Chapter 25

**Twenty-five**.

Purely to support Brooke and Sarah, Ed and Olivia stayed at the post-funeral gathering until the number of well-wishers dwindled to a few of Dave's family members. Caroline respectfully attended the service, but Sonny drove her back to Riverdale after she gave her granddaughters reassuring embraces and urged them to come to the next Sunday dinner. Sarah reminded her of the twins' birthday party, and Caroline smiled brightly at the mental image of Maggie and Wyatt making a mess of their birthday cakes.

Aidan weathered the day stoically. The only time he shed tears was when he whispered his final goodbye before the doleful funeral home attendants closed the casket, but he quickly collected himself and linked arms with Sarah and Brooke for the processional into the sanctuary. The Catholic service included a simple eulogy delivered by Angela's long-time best friend, but, other than that, the mass was more traditional than personal. Ed and Olivia sat in the pew behind Angela's immediate family. Olivia took his hand during the opening hymn and let it go only to periodically dab at her eyes with a tissue.

The three kids were asleep when Ed and Olivia arrived back at home. They paid Rollins' nanny and thanked her profusely for clearing her schedule and helping out on such short notice. She grinned and shrugged off the gratitude.

"My pleasure," she said warmly, "Your children are lovely."

It had been an emotional day, and the compliment caused fresh tears to form in Olivia's eyes. Upon the nanny's departure, she and Ed meandered through their home and gently kissed their kids goodnight. After changing clothes, they dimmed the lights and sat together on the sofa with tumblers of bourbon, allowing the serenity of their home to wash over them.

"So now we move on," Olivia murmured.

 _We_.

"Liv, you've…you've, uh, thank you." Suddenly, Ed was transported back to the early days of their relationship when he was constantly nervous in her presence. "You didn't have to go today and you've been so great and patient…" He trailed off.

The past week went by in a clichéd blur, but that was the only way to describe the flurry of emotion, activity, and decisions that had to occur immediately after someone died. Olivia not only understood Ed's urge to be present for his daughters but she encouraged it, even when being supportive meant spending evenings at the house in Connecticut and helping Sarah and Brooke decipher insurance documents.

Olivia temporarily extracted herself from his arms so she could look into his blue eyes. "You and I are so strong," she said firmly, "And anything we can do to help Sarah and Brooke…and Aidan…we have to do it. It's tragic that we have to do it, but we did and we will continue to be there for them as long as they need us. This is _our family_."

Ed blinked rapidly against the burn of tears. He'd been so busy worrying about his daughters that he hadn't sorted through his own emotions. Olivia's steadfast and selfless presence smoothed over the entire ordeal, and the level of appreciation and admiration he had for her was astounding.

"I…I love you," he stammered in a shaky voice, hugging her fiercely.

"I love you," she whispered. "It's been a long week, but the worst part's over."

He nodded, fearing he'd break down if he tried to say another word. Instead, he leaned back against the armrest, still holding her with both arms, and closed his eyes, replaying the long week in his head.

As soon as he learned of Angela's passing, Ed rushed to the hospital and found Sarah sitting all alone in a cordoned off "family room" where doctors delivered the worst news. Dave had already been ushered away, presumably to authorize the necessary next steps. Never before had Ed experienced such a silent version of his daughter. She spent their first few minutes together staring at the floor until she finally leaned against him and huffed a throaty, " _Fuck_."

They sat together for a while. He followed her lead and neither moved nor said anything until she finally stood up and asked him to take her to Connecticut.

"I have to be with Brooke when she tells Aidan."

"His dad doesn't want to do that?" It was a knee-jerk response. When one parent died it was up to the other one to tell the children, at least, that's the way things should be. However, Ed quickly remembered Aidan's oddly distant relationship with Dave, asked Sarah if she needed to stop at home, and led her to the car with an arm draped protectively over her shoulders.

He hadn't planned to enter the house. Sarah and Brooke were adults, and they could handle this on their own. Nevertheless, when Ed didn't kill the ignition and made no move to exit the car, Sarah stared at him incredulously.

"You're not coming in?"

It wasn't his place, and he said so. But Sarah screwed up her face even more, smacked her lips, and groaned.

"Daddy, we need you. This is fucked up. This is the most fucked up thing I've ever had to do and _you know_ ," she said pointedly, "That list is long. Besides. I'm not staying here. I need a lift back to the city."

So Ed ventured into his ex-wife's home for the first time late on the night she died. He'd never thought about her house or her lifestyle until she fell ill and Aidan began spending time with their family. The house radiated an ambiance completely foreign to him. The décor was nautical in some rooms and pretentiously gilded in others. He immediately longed for his own home. He missed his wife and his younger children. He wanted to put his foot down and rush to Olivia who was undoubtedly in bed but wide awake and worried about everyone. Nevertheless, he trudged behind Sarah into the kitchen where a distraught Brooke was hunched over the sink, her hands tightly gripping the edge of the white marble countertop.

"Brookey? Hey," Sarah put a comforting hand on the middle of Brooke's back, "Y'okay?" Brooke's eyes were glistening, but Sarah immediately caught a whiff of a putrid odor and saw yellowish splatters on the sides of the farmhouse basin. She glanced worriedly over at her father who was keeping a safe distance more out of uncertainty than reluctance to comfort his daughters.

"I'm…" Brooke took a few deep breaths, "I'm…I feel like I'm suffocating."

At that, Ed rushed over and escorted Brooke a few steps away from the sink to the island where she sat on a high bar chair with an anchor carved on the backrest. Ed waited for a complete onslaught of tears and violent sniffles and sharp breaths, but Brooke merely massaged her temples and mumbled something snarky and insulting about Dave.

"Where's Aidan?" Sarah asked.

"On his way home."

"Sonny?"

"On his way here."

Ed gently held Brooke's head to his chest. "Sure you're alright?" She was warm, her hair was damp, and her cheeks were flushed. Ed realized he'd never seen his daughters handle death before. Angela's parents and his father passed away when they were in elementary school.

Brooke's words sounded standoffish, but she let even more of her weight fall against her father. "I'm fine. I…thank you for coming, Daddy."

 _Daddy_.

Brooke never called him that.

They didn't have to wait long for Aidan's arrival. At first, he sensed nothing wrong—Sarah eyed him carefully for signs of drinking and pot smoking, and when he cleared inspection he joined everyone at the island not at all bothered by Ed's presence. But the ensuing silence and Brooke's disheveled appearance couldn't be overlooked for long.

"What happened?"

Later, Sarah and Brooke would both agree Aidan accepted the news of his mother's death as if he'd been expecting it all along. His lips twitched and curled. He folded and unfolded his arms then shoved his hands into his pockets, uncomfortable and keenly aware all eyes were intensely focused on him. There were no tears, at least none that Ed witnessed, and after assuring them he was okay, Aidan walked out into the night and didn't return for an hour. Then he went to bed without another word. Sonny arrived. Ed and Sarah went back to Manhattan.

"Wanna stay over?" Ed asked. He expected Sarah to say yes, for she always wanted to spend the night, but she, like Aidan, wanted to be alone.

"Among nine million people," she added, twirling around on the sidewalk.

"Be careful."

"I'm always careful." She pretended to go into her building but it was all for show. As soon as Ed pulled away she walked westward toward her favorite neighborhood pub. He went home and managed an hour or so of fitful sleep before Maggie's morning shrieks emitted from the baby monitor.

Normalcy.

"I have to work tomorrow." Olivia's voice snapped him out of his memories. "But I'm going to try and see Sarah and Brooke. Or, at least one of them. I hope Sarah takes a couple extra days off. And Brooke…she looked so tired today."

"They've both been going nonstop," Ed remarked. "Prolly catching up with both of them."

With Dave stuck in Manhattan, there had been incessant travel to and from Connecticut. The girls also had been forced to make funeral arrangements in his cramped sublet. Ignoring Brooke's admonitions, Sarah brought a flask and sipped from it as they pored over their options for flowers, a casket, music, and catering for the post-burial gathering.

"And catching up with you," Olivia sighed. "Why don't you take the twins to day care tomorrow so you can sleep? At least for the morning?"

"Maybe."

For the second time that night Olivia sat up and looked him in the eyes. "A few hours at day care won't hurt anyone," she pointed out, reading his mind perfectly. She knew how comforting it was to be in the twins' presence—their innocence and pure zest for life was refreshing and contagious.

But that was only part of why Ed was reluctant to give himself a child-free morning. "I don't wanna…I don't want to sacrifice any more time away from them, or from Noah, or from you because of _this_." He was mumbling, maybe out of concern that Olivia would perceive his reasoning as insensitive. "Really ironic that she went out in the ultimate act of selfishness and all of us…have to be _selfless_ to deal with it."

Olivia stroked his face, "We _are_ selfless. Every one of us—Brooke, Sarah, Sonny…even Noah…as a family, that's the way we are.

"I'm angry at her," Ed admitted sheepishly. "Like, I'm furious. I never thought about her dying or how I'd react, but shouldn't I be a little bit sad? There should be some grief there? But all I feel, even today, is anger."

Olivia held his hands and listened, her soft brown eyes encouraging him to continue, to expel all his anguish and exasperation right now, in one shot, so he could begin anew tomorrow.

"She and Sarah had their differences. But I don't think she was a bad mother. She…she changed. She changed more than people usually change. Maybe she was never outwardly affectionate, hell, I'm not either, but… _how could she do this to her children_? To her teenage son?"

Ed's eyes were icy and intense-his IAB eyes. Olivia simply rubbed her thumbs reassuringly against the tops of his hands.

"We would never do that to each other," he croaked, wincing, and gripping her hands tightly.

Olivia finally spoke. "No. No we wouldn't."

He grabbed the back of her head and kissed her ferociously, shoving his tongue in her mouth, his need for her obvious and all-consuming. His lips never left hers, even as he hurriedly maneuvered them to the bedroom. Before they collapsed onto the mattress, he paused and held her face firmly with both hands, his beseeching gaze almost frighteningly raw and sincere.

He rasped, "Tell me you'll never leave me."

 _Tell me you'll never leave me._

A few seconds passed. Olivia lifted one hand to his face and ran a finger across his lips, his cheekbones, and under his eyes.

With equal gravitas, she replied, "I will never leave you."

…

The Sixteenth Precinct hadn't had a break while SVU's Lieutenant had been out, and Olivia began her first full day back at work early, closing her door and beginning to sift through the reports and updates her detectives had piled on her desk. She was pleased to see Rollins and Fin had arrested two suspects in one of their most irksome cases and had made headway on a series of brutal West Village attacks that had left three women in Intensive Care with life-threatening injuries. Olivia consumed the new evidence with fervor, making notes on a legal pad as she read the DD-5s, and for a large chunk of the morning, she managed to compartmentalize and cast aside her family's lingering heartache and gloom.

Rollins and Fin were in and out, chasing down more leads, and Olivia reminded them to get their overtime paperwork to her so she could sign off on it. She also promised things would get back to normal soon, but they insisted the gratitude wasn't necessary and chalked up their hectic schedules as an expected part of their jobs.

She ate lunch at her desk and shifted gears to finding a new detective. One PP had sent her a few names and she began reading their applications and jackets, creating a "yes" and "no" pile as she breezed along. Thrilled with her ability to catch up in so little time, she texted Ed, making sure he was set to pick up Noah from school, and then made plans to meet Sarah for a drink.

She was in the middle of a semi-amorous exchange with her husband when she caught a glimpse of Carisi entering the squad room. Baffled by the relative quiet, he made a beeline for the Lieutenant's office just as she was firing off one last sassy text to Ed.

"Where's everybody?"

"Out canvassing in the Village."

Carisi tilted his head to the side, trying to determine whether or not he was familiar with the case. He'd been even more cut off from the squad than Olivia had been.

"They need any help?"

"I don't think so," Olivia held out a thick folder, "But everything we have's in here. Get yourself up to speed."

"On it."

He turned to leave, but Olivia stopped him. "Thought you were taking the rest of the week?"

"I was going to…but I had a meeting with a realtor this morning and Brooke's fine, catching up on some sleep today, so here I am. I, uh…I need to do something other than," Sonny vigorously rubbed his face, "This sounds horrible, but, other than grieve for someone I hardly knew."

"I get it," Olivia replied. "It's the same thing for me. And…I think it's less about grieving and more about giving Sarah and Brooke…and Ed and Aidan…whatever they need to start healing."

"That's the thing," Sonny said, clearly confused, "None of them seem sad, ya know? They're…well…Sarah's pissed. Brooke? She just seems completely flabbergasted. Aidan…I'm not sure he's even processed her having a stroke let alone swallowing a handful of pills and ending it all."

"It's complicated. And it's going to take a while for everyone to sort out their feelings, process their emotions. I'm having a drink with Sarah today…not that I think drinking is the best thing to do right now…but I haven't had a chance to really talk to her."

Sonny nodded. "That's why I'm so glad Brooke's taking it easy today. I told her I'm dealing with all the loft business. I hired a company to stage it for showings. It's going on the market by this weekend."

Olivia shot him a sympathetic smile. "I know this has been a rough couple of months for the two of you," she said. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I am now. It's hard…it's hard to let the loft go…but it's the only way."

"I hate this for you."

Sonny shrugged. "I just want my Brookey back. I want my happy marriage back. We had, like, what? A month of that? Then the miscarriage, then the shooting, and now Angela…and everything up in the air with Aidan until Dave's trial…and then Barba called…"

Olivia raised her eyebrows. She'd forgotten about her conversation with Rafael and its implications for Carisi's law aspirations.

"I think he wants to accept the appointment."

"I think so, too," Olivia said in a hushed voice. "And that means…there's a Manhattan ADA slot potentially open for you."

"It's not like it's earmarked for me," Carisi said, "And I don't think I want it, Lieu. I would miss this too much. I'm a cop…I love the law…but I'm a cop. Law school wasn't for nothing. It'll always be an option—"

"I think it makes you an even better police officer," Olivia said. "And I would hate to lose you, but, I want you to make this decision for the right reasons."

"Brooke and I…we've been having long, honest talks lately. Ever since, well," Sonny desperately wanted to tell Olivia about the pregnancy but knew it wasn't his place. Brooke didn't want anyone to know until she was out of her first trimester, "Ever since I've been kinda living out there with her and Aidan. She's looking to do something else, she's not going back to teaching, and I'm fine with that because she hasn't been happy with her job. And it made me realize that I'm happy with mine. I _love_ this, Lieu. It sounds weird I guess, admitting that right? To love something so ugly? But it's the truth."

"The truth is that it isn't always ugly," she sagely replied, "And the time we get a win, we get justice, we help people heal…that's where the love for this job is Carisi. And it's not weird. It's…what we do. And we're good at it."

"Yeah," Carisi shoved his hands into his pockets, "Sometimes I think that's the _only_ thing I'm good at. That…and bowling."

"You're not giving yourself enough credit, Carisi," Olivia counseled.

"Maybe not."

"We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards sometimes."

"Yeah…but I don't know how to operate any other way."

"Me neither." She grinned, checked the time, and decided to start making her way downtown to meet Sarah.

…

After her third vodka tonic, Sarah let down what little of her guard remained and zeroed in on the detail about Angela's death nobody but her knew. She grabbed Olivia's wrist and dug her fingers into the sleeve of her blazer as she revealed it was her who unknowingly provided Angela with the means to end her life.

"The toxicology isn't back yet," Olivia remarked, "You don't know that was it."

"It _was_ , Livvie. They catalogued everything in the room. I guarantee you there's half the bottle of pills missing."

Olivia regarded her stepdaughter sympathetically. She was wearing more makeup than usual. Her normally well-defined features had a puffiness about them. Olivia eyed Sarah's cocktail and wondered if she'd been drinking enough water to counter the copious amounts of alcohol she guessed Sarah had been consuming.

"None of this is your fault. You couldn't have known."

"No," Sarah responded sharply, "I couldn't have. You know why? Because my fucking mother never _talked_ about anything. _And_ ," Sarah pressed her eyes closed and released an exasperated sigh, "She didn't even have the decency to leave a note! Nothing. Just guzzled some pills and went to sleep and didn't give one fuck about anyone else. Oh! I take that back…yes she did…she split everything, all her assets…between me, Brooke, and Aidan. So I _bet_. _I. Just. Bet._ she figured that was enough. I'll leave 'em with some cash and it's all good."

Olivia found it odd Angela's will apparently didn't include her husband, but she kept that to herself for the time being. "You said…the last time you saw her…she was having trouble eating?"

"Yes," Sarah guzzled her drink, "And she wanted to work but she couldn't. I know that's why she did it. I _know_. But I really think, Livvie, I really fucking think that if you're gonna end things yourself you really, really should at least be courteous and leave some type of explanation. Now, my whole rest of my life, I'm going to have to live it knowing I was an accessory to my mother's suicide." Sarah stared at Olivia with irrepressible despondency in her wide, blue eyes. "And that is really fucked up. Like…I bet she did it on purpose. Payback. She always was vengeful like that. Fuck. She coulda at least thanked me. Oh wait, she did."

"She did?"

"Yes, she said 'thank you for bringing everything' before I left that night. Well, I stand corrected. Fine. Maybe I don't feel so bad after all." Sarah signaled for another round. "In fact, maybe she died thinking that I was the best daughter in the world, or maybe the dumbest, since I brought her those pills without question…not that I knew they were in there." She groaned. "I'm sorry, Livvie, I really don't know how to feel right now. It's over. I just want to go back to normal. But, like, I'm so… _annoyed_! And I'm mostly annoyed because I can't go and tell her I'm annoyed! And you're probably annoyed because I'm making zero sense!"

Sarah defiantly clenched her jaw. Olivia pulled her head to her shoulder and lightly patted her head.

"I love you, honey. And I'm here for you…when you're making sense and when you're not." Sarah's body shook a little as she chuckled through tears. "And I am so happy, so thankful, that you and Brooke came into my life. I would not change one thing about our family, but I do wish I could make all of this better."

Sarah returned to her seat and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I always feel better when I talk to you, Livvie. Everyone does. And…" Sarah swallowed hard, "I, uh, I wonder, can't _help_ but wonder, if all those times I threw our relationship in my mom's face…if that did anything to her. It must have. Just a little bit, right? And for that…I feel incredibly guilty."

"We all do regrettable things," Olivia said softly. "And all things regrettable can be redeemed…one way or another."

Sarah sipped contemplatively and stared straight ahead. "It's Aidan," she murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Aidan. My redemption for being a horrible daughter. It's my relationship with him. That'll save me. That's my apology."

"You're not a horrible daughter. But I do think it's good that you, Brooke, and Aidan have been able to connect like you have. That's the silver lining in all of this. You probably never were going to be close to Dave or Angela, but now you can be a sister to Aidan, and he can have the security of knowing he can count on you."

Sarah nodded in agreement. "I swear to God, Livvie, I feel like I'm a hundred and fifty-five years old."

Olivia clinked glasses with her. "Your best days are still ahead of you."

"This too, shall pass."

"You've survived one-hundred percent of your worst days."

"Rien n'est éternel."

Sarah started giggling uncontrollably. "Okay, okay, enough of the SarOlivia self-help book. I'm good. I'm good. You should get home to Daddy and those darlings."

Olivia produced her credit card and handed it to the bartender. "I'm not leaving you here. Come with me. Have dinner with us. Noah and the twins will be so excited to see you."

Sarah nudged her, "If ya want, I can babysit and you and Daddy can, you know, maybe go _chill_ at my place?"

"I may take you up on that offer another time," Olivia said, by now immune to Sarah's innuendos.

"Oh, Livvie," Sarah leaned in and put her head on Olivia's shoulder as they walked out. "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. I always will. No matter what."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	26. Chapter 26

**Twenty-six**.

From the bathroom, Olivia could hear Ed talking to Sarah, and trying but not always succeeding to keep his voice low. She focused on washing Noah's hair then sat against the wall as he played with his tub toys.

" _I want you to take a few days off. You don't look good at all."_

 _"Thanks, Daddy."_

 _"You know what I mean. You look tired. Like ya haven't slept. And lay off the booze. Have you been eating…you gotta eat, Sarah, you're gonna crash and burn at some point…"_

Ed spoke a few more concerned, fatherly sentences and Sarah started sniffling, crying quietly, and attempting to stifle sobs. _"I know,"_ she moaned, _"But nobody tells you what to do when your mother dies and you're partially responsible for everything!"_

Noah was using the sides of the tub as a ramp for his boats. He made _whirring_ noises and a throaty "BOOM" when the miniature watercrafts splashed into the bubbly water. Olivia assumed he was so fixated on his simulations that there was little chance he overheard what was being said in the living room, but eventually he mumbled, "What's dies?"

"What was that, sweetie?" Olivia asked, hoping she'd misheard him.

"What's dies?" Noah repeated, looking up at her innocently, his long eyelashes damp and clumped together.

Olivia scooted closer to the tub and ran a hand through Noah's hair. "Sweet boy," she cooed, buying herself a few seconds, "When someone dies…it means their body…wasn't strong enough anymore, and it stops working."

Noah's little forehead scrunched up and he twisted his lip. "Like Mufasa?"

"Yes, sweet boy," Olivia smiled at him. "Like Mufasa."

"Mufasa talk to Simba from da sky!"

"Yes he did, sweetheart," Olivia replied, "But remember, that's a movie and a play you saw. It was a story. When people die, we don't see them again."

Noah dunked his boat under the water and let it go so it shot up and caught a little air. "Whoa!" He exclaimed. He repeated his trick a few more times. Olivia thought the questions were over; however, she breathed her relieved sigh too early.

"Mommy? You gonna die?"

Rather than being distressed, Noah merely appeared intensely curious, but Olivia had no idea how to respond to her five-year-old. She wished she could call for Ed, or call Lindstrom for that matter, but Noah needed an immediate answer.

She kissed his cheeks and bopped his nose. "No, sweetie. Mommy's not going to die. I'm right here with you."

"Daddy?"

"Daddy's not going to die either. We're super strong." Olivia paused, swallowing a lump in her throat, hoping she was saying the right things and she was neither damaging her precious child nor implanting an unattainable ideal.

"That 'cause Daddy do ten Noahs everrday!"

"Yes he does, doesn't he?"

"Uh-huh! And ten Maggies and ten Wyatts!"

"And Maggie and Wyatt can do the pushups now I heard," Olivia said.

"Yup! They stay on Daddy's back! Those babies are gettin' strong too!"

"Yes they are. Tuckers are strong."

"Uh-huh!"

Noah shivered a bit.

"Ready to get out, sweet boy? PJs and stories?"

"Want Sare Bear to read 'em!"

"I bet she'd love to read them. C'mon."

Olivia wrapped Noah in a towel, quickly blow-dried his hair, and helped him into his Superman pajamas. He sprinted into the living room and into Sarah's lap.

"Sare Bear, you read tonight!"

"Okie dokie, Noey Boey!"

She followed him into his room, leaving Ed and Olivia alone in the living room. He immediately knew something wasn't quite right.

"What is it?"

"He asked me what _dies_ means."

Ed briefly closed his eyes. "We were that loud?"

"I didn't think so…I think he's just that…perceptive. He hears _everything_."

Ed raised his eyebrows flirtatiously, "Everything?"

She blushed and smiled coyly. " _Ed_!"

"Sorry," he apologized sincerely yet with his trademark smirk. "Can't help it…but, uh, damn, what are we supposed to say?"

Olivia played with her rings. "I read online it's best to be simple and direct."

"And I'm sure you did just that."

"Yeah," she mumbled, staring at the floor. She told Ed how she'd answered Noah's question, but repeating her own words only made her doubt them more.

" _Hey_ ," he said to her in a sort of sharp yet soft voice only Ed Tucker was capable of intoning. "That was perfect, Liv. C'mere." She sat with him in the oversized chair and rested her head against his chest as he stroked her hair. "You are such an amazing mother. Our kids, all of them, are incredibly lucky to have you."

"And you," she murmured, closing her eyes. Fatigue was setting in, and she was hoping Sarah wouldn't insist on staying much longer even though Olivia would stay up all night with her if that's what was needed.

"Yeah," he whispered.

They both found the ensuing silence strange, for Sarah was supposed to be reading and her narrations were always lively and involved complicated voices and, sometimes, the acting of scenes. When they went to check on them, Ed and Olivia both broke into placid smiles. Noah was under the covers but wide awake, trapped under Sarah's arm. He lifted his head slightly, not wanting to move too much and wake up his snoring sister.

"Sweet boy."

"Hey, bud," Ed rasped, "Sare conked out on ya?"

"Yeah," he whispered, "She say she gonna rest _for a minute_ then she fell asleep!"

Ed moved to touch Sarah's shoulders but Noah objected. "No, Daddy! She tired."

"You want to sleep in our room, pal?"

"No, I stay here, I…" he strained a little to reach his nightstand, "I just gotta turn off the light!"

Olivia leaned down to kiss him and turned off the lamp. "I love you, sweet Noah."

"Love you."

Ed kissed him good night. "You sure you wanna let Sarah sleep here?"

Noah turned toward Sarah and gently patted her cheek. "Uh-huh." Then he turned on his other side, clutched Bernie to his chest, and closed his eyes.

…

Since her children functioned as morning alarm clocks, Olivia rarely relied on her phone for wake-up calls. Noah tended to sleep later than his previous norm of six a.m., so the first voice filtering into the master bedroom was typically Maggie's. Her one-syllable words, "Ma!" and "Da!" and "No!" began as soft coos but quickly grew into demanding bellows. If she didn't rouse Wyatt right away, he followed fifteen or so minutes later.

The previous night when Ed and Olivia left Noah's bedroom, they retreated back to the sofa for an hour or so and talked about happier subjects—the twins' birthday party, Mother's Day, and, looking even further ahead, summer vacation destinations. Eventually Ed felt Olivia's breathing get heavier and her body fully relax against his chest. He held her tightly for a while longer, resting his head against hers, savoring the closeness and admiring their knack for growing closer in times of crisis.

Ed knew Olivia planned to go into work, but as the sun rose and filtered into their bedroom, his wife showed no willingness to leave their bed. She shifted and sighed as she always did when she started waking up, and Ed slung an arm around her torso, spooning her under the crisp white sheet. The blanket and duvet were bunched at the end of the bed, having been kicked off in the course of the night.

"Mmmm," he droned in her ear, "This is nice."

Olivia made a few noises and tilted her head back, nestling it under his chin. She held his arm, keeping him close.

Ed peered at the baby monitor. "Looks like Sarah's got the kids under control." He watched her wrestle Maggie on the changing table and finally let her down with a fresh diaper but without her pajamas. Wyatt was next and compliantly laid on his back while Sarah cleaned him up.

Glancing past Olivia's nightstand to the door, he saw the lock wasn't engaged. Olivia groaned when he disentangled himself from the covers but smiled, eyes still closed, when she heard the click and felt him get more aggressive with his hands when he resumed his previous position.

…

"Sare bear, Maggs an' Wyatt get their bottles, you gotta put 'em in dere!" Noah pointed to the bottle warmer and generally directed the action in the kitchen. "Coffee here for you. I get my juice."

"Babies get bottles before breakfast?" Sarah asked.

"Uh-huh! Bottles den ya put 'em in the chairs!"

"What do they eat?" Sarah asked, pretending to be hopelessly ignorant and enjoying Noah's partially exasperated responses.

" _Same stuff as me_."

"What if I don't want coffee?"

"Wanna juice?"

"Can I have this juice?" Sarah held up a wine bottle.

"That's Mommy's and Daddy's for when it's dark," Noah retorted.

"Oh, okay." Sarah started the Kuerig and plucked the bottles from the warmer. Wyatt and Maggie, used to the sound of the machine, scrambled over and looked up at Sarah, grinning and smacking her legs with their little hands. "Feeding yourselves, twinsies?"

"Mommy and Daddy hold 'em, like this!" Noah sat on the floor and dragged Wyatt into his lap. Little brother leaned back against big brother and started sucking away.

"Well, this won't last much longer," Sarah sighed, mostly to herself, "C'mere, small sister." Maggie drank her bottle in Sarah's arms in front of the window overlooking Manhattan. "Too bad ya have to go to school today, Noey! It's a beautiful day!"

"Sare bear! It's Saturday! No school today!"

"How do you know it's Saturday?"

"iPad said so."

"Oh, well, whaddya want to do? Go on a shopping spree?"

"Yes!" Noah exclaimed, "But…think I haveta go to soccer. Gotta ask Daddy." Noah started to get up, but Sarah stopped him.

"Noey, it's really early. Let Daddy and Mommy sleep in. I promise you won't miss soccer." Sarah wandered into the kitchen and found a schedule on the refrigerator. "See," she pointed at the paper, "It's not for a little while. We have plenty of time."

"Kay."

"You sure know your schedule well. Do you have your calendar programmed into your phone and everything?"

"Don't have a phone," Noah said ruefully.

He adjusted his grip on Wyatt and told him not to fall back asleep. "Still haveta eat waffles! Waffle Wyatt! That's…LITERATION!" At this, Wyatt started laughing, spraying milk all over. Sarah rushed to their side and tossed some paper towels at Noah.

"Thanks," he said gratefully.

"No prob."

"Sare bear?"

"Yeah?"  
"You buy me a phone?"

…

Ed moaned while he kissed Olivia, loving that she'd ceded control and let him all but have his way with her. It was exactly what he wanted—not necessarily to dominate—but to lavish all his affections and attention on making her disconnect and feel nothing but his absolute devotion and love for her. Their lovemaking was deliberate and tender. He kissed her softly and sensually as he worked her over and rocked his hips pressing into her slowly and deeply, causing Olivia to alternate between swallowing hard and gasping when she really wanted to let loose a barrage of amorous cries and shrieks. Holding in her verbal outbursts had the effect of making her even more sensitive, more keyed up, and seconds before completely melting around him she grabbed for a pillow only to have Ed knock it away.

"Uh-uh," he grunted, staring into her eyes with laser-like focus, still thrusting his hips at an agonizingly slow pace.

" _Ed_."

Her arms flailed all around and her jaw stiffened, protruding outward at a sharp angle. Nevertheless, she forced a grin, loving the torture, and lifted her shoulders so she could bite down on one of his.

It was the perfect mix of pleasure and pain and Ed groaned. Loudly. Olivia was certain they would be heard, that Noah would come running down the hall and bang on their door and ask if they were…

"Oh _God_."

"Yeah, right there," Ed rasped, "Right there, huh, Liv? Huh baby? _Scream_."

"You know I _ca_ —"

He completely covered her mouth with his, swallowing the rest of "I can't" and her cries, kissing her through her climax and into his own, finally panting with his lips pressed against her face and his hands repeatedly brushing her damp hair back, his eyes only an inch or so above hers.

"Can ya tell?" He asked softly.

"Yes."

Her assured answer took him by surprise. "Thought you would say ' _tell what_?'"

"Don't need to," she replied matter-of-factly, gazing at him with still-dazed afterglow eyes.

"I'm never gonna stop making sure you know how much I love you, Liv. _Never_."

"Good." She smiled sweetly yet confidently, another uncharacteristic response. Usually when he turned toward the sentimental she partially echoed his words or teared up or simply kissed him.

"Good?"

"Yes…because…you…us…" her voice started to tremble, "This entire thing we have, makes me love myself." She ducked her head sheepishly. "Selfish, right?"

"No baby," he replied in a more light-hearted tone and let one hand drift down her body, "You're sexy when you're a little selfish _and_ when you pretend you're not. Like…right now…" he swiped his fingers in between her legs, "You wanna be selfish, dontcha?" He narrowed his eyes and playfully smirked at her before answering his own question and starting a trail of kisses down her chest and abdomen. "Yeah…I know you do…you wanna be selfish just as much as I want you to come one more time."

…

An hour later, Olivia was showered and dressed in work clothes and practically skipping around the apartment saying her goodbyes, gathering files, her bag, finding her phone, losing it, finding it again, and reminding Ed that Noah's post-practice team snack was in the refrigerator.

"Got it, Lieutenant," he called to her from the couch.

Sarah stretched and yawned. "I guess I better go home and shower and change. Sure you don't mind if I tag along with you today, Daddy?"

"Nope."

"Either that or I tag along with Livvie."

"I'm sure you'll have more fun here," Olivia replied with a grin.

"I dunnnooo…" Sarah chewed a fingernail and glanced over to make sure her Dad was occupied. "Livvie, you look positively _flushed_!" She remarked in a hushed voice.

"Well, leaving here is a bit of a workout."

" _Mmmhmm_."

Olivia reddened even more. "Okay, everyone, Mommy's leaving. Love you! See you later!"

"Bye Mommy Loveyou!"

"Ma!"

"Mamamamama!"

"C'mon, babies! Mommy's gotta go to P' _LICE_! We go to prac'tis then SHOPPING!"

Noah started chasing the twins and urged Sarah to join in, so Ed took the opportunity to hustle down the hall after his wife.

"I didn't get a goodbye kiss," he pouted.

"Yes you did, but you can have another."

"There was too much time between the first one and you actually leaving.

"I didn't know there was a time constraint."

"There is. Five second rule."

"I think you're playing the wrong game, Captain."

He held her wrist and planted a semi-sloppy smooch on her lips. "I am definitely _not_ playing a game."

She cocked an eyebrow and kissed him again before turning the doorknob.

"One thousand one. One thousand two. One thou—"

"I love you, Ed," she said breezily.

"Love you, Liv." He quietly shut the door and pressed his head to it; he always hated to see her go, but the separation anxiety was so intense in this particular moment he almost jogged after her to join her for the elevator ride, just for a few more minutes of alone time, kisses, and sweet banter. Surely the emotions of the past week were catching up with him, but he had never found himself wholeheartedly wishing she would think seriously about retiring until now.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	27. Chapter 27

**Twenty-seven.**

Perched on the bottom row of aluminum bleachers, Ed sat back and tried to determine whether the thick, loamy air filling his nostrils was pleasant or if it was disgustingly bucolic. The rival lacrosse teams were warming up on their respective ends of the field. Aidan would have been difficult to discern from his teammates, but earlier he'd made it a point to jog over and thank everyone for coming. Sarah, not at all dressed for the occasion, stood on the sidelines filming the preliminary action with her phone. The skirt of her sundress flapped wildly in the breeze.

"She's gonna show her ass to the entire crowd," Brooke muttered.

Ed chuckled, "I'm not sure she cares." He noticed Brooke fidgeting, turning from side to side, stretching her lower back. "Y'alright?"

"I miss my bed," she moved her neck in circles as if trying to prove she was telling the truth. "Do you think she even knows this isn't the actual game? I don't think Dave cares about seeing the warmups."

"She's prolly sick of talking to me," Ed surmised.

"What did you guys do today? Apparently," she peeked at Maggie and Wyatt who were sleeping soundly in the stroller, "You wore out these two."

Ed smiled at his babies. "They ran around at Noah's soccer practice, didn't have their regular nap, ate a bunch of junk at the street fair, and they passed out in the car. Didn't even come close to waking up when I put 'em in there." Ed adjusted their blankets and put the back of his hand to their cheeks to make sure they weren't too chilly. On the opposite sideline Noah and another boy, the coach's son, practiced tossing the ball using two child-sized sticks. "Looks like Noah's made a new friend."

"They're so cute. But I would hate to have to teach this sport to little kids."

"Seems like they'd just be running around swatting each other with the sticks."

" _Right_?" Brooke laughed at the mental image.

Ed gave her a quick peck on the side of the head. "Good to see ya laugh. You holdin' up okay?"

Brooke deflated a bit at the yank back into reality. "I think so. I really…I really want normal. I need for me and Sonny to be really living together and not all this back and forth."

"You thinking about maybe just living out here until after the trial?"

Brooke shrugged and tucked her shoulder-length hair behind her ears. "I guess at some point I need to sit down with Aidan and Dave and make some decisions. But I'm just…worried about everything. And overwhelmed. Mostly overwhelmed. Too many questions up in the air."

"It'll all shake out," Ed replied, apologetic about his lack of solutions. There simply was nothing he could do. Dave had been offered a plea deal, but he turned it down when the prosecutor refused to reduce the felony charge to a misdemeanor. However, that was before Angela died. "You, uh, you think there's any way Dave'll reconsider now?"

"He's such a dickhead," Brooke muttered sharply. "The level of selfishness between him and mom is mind-blowing. I cannot believe Aidan is how he is…but, maybe, instead of following in their footsteps he's made it a point to be exactly the opposite."

"You ever get a read on what was going on between them?" Ed didn't particularly care about his ex-wife's marriage, but the detached way they dealt with one another and their son piqued his curiousity.

"They led separate lives," Brooke mused, "He traveled a lot. She worked all the time. They weren't even together at Christmas. He stayed in London. He was probably screwing around on her…I have absolutely no evidence to back that up, but why wouldn't you want to be with your family on Christmas?"

Ed was having a hard time being away from his wife on a random May Saturday, so he had no response for her rhetorical question. The game started and he and Brooke were distracted by the action for a while. Equally entertaining were Noah and his new friend shadowing the action and copying the players' moves on the sidelines. Sarah eventually made her way over to the bleachers and took a seat on the opposite side of Ed.

"No more filming?" Ed asked.

"One of the guys over there is doing it and said he'd upload it to the team's site," She reported, "I'm sure Dave knows about it but probably wanted to inconvenience me on purpose."

"Why would he wanna do that?" Ed asked with a teasing glint in his eye.

"Because I was drinking in front of him and he can't drink as a bail condition. Also, he hates me." Sarah rummaged around in her bag, "Speaking of, I cannot believe I didn't bring my flask with me."

Brooke and Ed glared at her.

"I'm _kidding_. Geez Louise."

…..

Fin tossed a wad of paper in the direction of Carisi's trash can. Catching the projectile out of the corner of his eye, Carisi flinched then sheepishly watched it carom off the side of his desk and into the recepticle.

"Tutuola for two!" Fin exclaimed.

"Didn't call backboard."

Fin waved off the technicality and arced another shot. "Swish!"

"You know, you really should be recycling," Carisi said haughtily. "We waste so much paper around here. I can't believe how careless the NYPD is with their paper."

Rollins breezed past their desks on her way to the Lieutentant's office, "You would think of something like that," she snickered. "You and Brooke probably have those nicely labeled bins…and, hey, if you move to the suburbs and get a yard you can have a compost pile! A heap of steaming shit in your backyard!"

"You should be concerned," Carisi countered, "You don't want Jesse growing up in a toxic wasteland, do you?"

Rollins rolled her eyes. "I have work to do. You two…enjoy…each other's company. Try to look semi busy when the interview gets here."

"Another one?" Fin screwed up his face.

"Yes." Rollins appeared mildly exasperated and lowered her voice, "The boss finds an irredeemable flaw in every single one."

"That's Liv," Fin remarked. "Remember how Carisi almost got the boot before he even got started?"

Carisi grinned cockily and sat back in his chair, "And now I'm a member of the family."

Rollins ignored him and walked off. Minutes later a tall, handsome, athletic-looking young officer strode confidently across the squad room, dressed in his formal attire. He boasted several decorations on his lapel and nodded a hello to Fin and Carisi. The detectives tracked him with their eyes until he disappeared into Olivia's office.

"Well hello to you, too," Carisi said sarcastically.

Fin tapped his pen on the desk. "I know that guy."

"From where?"

"I dunno. But I _know_ him. I don't forget faces."

…..

During halftime Ed meandered over to the concession stand and bought snacks and drinks for everyone. When he returned, Maggie and Wyatt were fully awake. Maggie was firecely attempting to get out of her seat, and Ed picked her up and tossed her in the air a few times, her delighted squeals adding to the mishmash of chattering parents and frolicking elementary school aged brothers and sisters. On the next upswing, Maggie grew even more excited and flailed her arms and legs wildly.

"MA! MAMA!"

Ed turned. His knees weakened a bit at the sight of Olivia smiling broadly and walking briskly toward them wearing dark pants and blazer, a kelly green blouse, and her lightweight rain trench. As she got closer she brushed her hair from her eyes and Ed wondered how on earth someone could look this good, this put together, after several hours of nonstop, stressful work.

" _Hi_ ," she greeted them breathlessly and held out her arms for Maggie.

Ed handed off their daughter and kissed Olivia's cheek. "Hi," he rasped, "I wasn't expectin' ya."

"Yeah," Olivia nuzzled Maggie as she spoke, "We finished with the interviews, I think I finally found someone, and it was slow…so I left. But I do have to go in tomorrow. Rollins has something with Jesse and Declan."

"I'm so glad you're here now," he said sincerely, gazing into her eyes.

"Me too."

"Traffic bad?"

"Not at all."

"C'mon and sit."

Wyatt was now bouncing on Sarah's lap, and Olivia kissed his chubby cheeks. He dove at her and she cuddled both twins in her lap. Sarah and Brooke gave her simultaneous side hugs.

"Really nice of you to come all the way out here," Brooke said.

"Glad a got a chance to do it," Olivia said, "Much easier with Saturday traffic. And maybe we can all go to dinner after?"

"Ooooo! Yeah!" Sarah said, "The only, and I mean _only_ good thing about being out here is that little pizza place on the corner by the house."

"Being by the water's nice," Brooke said.

"Yeah but you have to drive everywhere," Sarah countered. "Livvie would you and Daddy ever move away from the city?"

Olivia looked up at Ed with a soft smile. "Not anytime soon."

He shot her a smirk. He didn't care where they lived as long as they were together, and Olivia knew that; she knew it without him having to say the words.

"Um, where's Noah?" Olivia asked, mostly concerned for her son's whereabouts but also needing to escape from the hold Ed's expression had on her.

"He's coaching," Ed replied.

Sure enough, Olivia spotted him in the middle of the team huddle with the other boy. They held water bottles and listened intently as the coaches barked out instructions for the third quarter. When the team took the field, each player fist-bumped the little boys.

Olivia grinned. "I'm going to go over there and get some pictures," she said.

"I'll walk with you," Brooke offered. "I can't stand sitting on these things."

"Because you have no ass," Sarah said.

"Swear jar." Ed delivered the warning but without its usual bite. "It's adding up." Brooke and Olivia walked off and Ed bargained with Sarah, "But, I'll tell ya what, you and your sister watch the kids for a long weekend, we'll call it even."

"Of course we will, Daddy! You don't even have to ask! _And_ I'll still pay!"

"Even better."

…..

By the time everyone finished eating pizza, it was almost dark and Ed was in a hurry to get home. Carisi got caught up at work, and after she learned he was regrettably staying in Manhattan for the night because he was on duty, Sarah insisted Brooke go to Manhattan.

"You two need some alone time. Stay at my place. The sheets are clean. Or maybe they're dirty but it's from the last time you two stayed there, so…"

"You are so gross," Brooke said, "But thank you."

"I gotchu, sis."

Brooke rode with Olivia and they followed Ed and the kids back into the city. As she watched suburbia gradually give way to the concrete jungle, Brooke fully realized the disarray her life had become and she verbalized a breathy "wow" without intending to make a sound.

Olivia had been patiently waiting for her to say something. "Sweetie…"

"I'm just so tired," Brooke moaned.

"You and Sarah both need to take a week and do nothing but rest. Everything else can wait a week. Please? Your Dad is so worried about you both, but especially you. And so am I."

"It's nothing," Brooke lied.

"Honey…" Olivia wished she could pull over and give Brooke her undivided attention, "It isn't nothing. You know, sometimes…you can get really good at battling…and you get so good at it that you don't realize you have some serious wounds."

"I'm not _wounded_."

"But you are, sweetheart. I know you don't like to think of it that way and neither do I, but wounded isn't forever."

Brooke put her elbow on the door and propped her head in her hand. "Olivia…you know, um, well, I don't know if I should even say this."

"You can say anything to me, Brooke."

"I always feel a little…silly…whining to you about my problems."  
"Why?" Olivia asked even though she knew the answer.

"Because you've…you've…you've seen and had to _endure_ all this shit from your job and when I compare it to me—it's like, who am I to complain about my life?"

"I wish you wouldn't see it that way," Olivia took a deep breath, "My job, my life, my experiences are extraordinary. But they have given me remarkable perspective. So…try me. Please let me help if I can."

Brooke ticked off her list, and it reminded Olivia of what Sonny had said to her at the precinct a few days ago. The young couple had endured a lifetime of heartache in the first six months of their marriage, and it scared both of them.

"And Dave, shit, I can't control what he does, but I couldn't disagree more with how he's handling this whole thing. So, I am worried about Aidan because he seems so indifferent and resilient and I'm waiting for him to go on a bender or do whatever it is teenagers do when one parent is dead and the other is out on bond."

"Do you think he'd agree to see someone? Go to a therapist?"

"I'm sure he would. He's so non-confrontational." They were back in Manhattan now and Brooke sighed, "God I love this city."

"Me too," Olivia said, but she wanted to clarify part of Brooke's previous sentence. "Would you consider therapy? You're an adult…but your mother…that takes a toll."

"I'm sad," Brooke admitted, "I truly am. It's devastating. My mom and I had a decent relationship, but we weren't close. And even though I'm sad…that's not the worst part of all of this, know what I mean? I, uh, I'm just not surprised she did what she did." Brooke managed a tiny, self-depracating smile, "Now that I've said that out loud, maybe it _is_ therapy worthy."

Olivia focused on driving, hoping that would eliminate her urge to cry. "Honey, I want you to take care of yourself. And to let other people take care of you, too. You've been so great to be there with Aidan, but don't forget the big picture. Life goes on."

"It does," Brooke agreed. She glanced at her belly and wondered if Olivia had somehow picked up on her secret or if Sonny had let it slip. "I've been…or I was before mom, looking at other career options. I want to work with children of victims…somehow…I want to help kids like Kyle before it's too late. And teaching, it was too late."

"There are all kinds of options. I can help…if you want."

"Please."

"And I feel so, so much better about selling the loft. Sonny didn't want to. But—"

"He told me." Olivia didn't want to break confidentiality too much, but she got the sense Brooke and Sonny hadn't been communicating well lately and she thought this information would help Brooke see her marriage was stronger than she thought. "When he met with the agent…he came to work and said he was so happy to move on."

Now Brooke fought back tears. "He's such a good guy."

"He is."

Olivia parked in a surprisingly free space in front of Sarah's building and made sure Brooke had keys before saying goodbye. She hugged Brooke tightly, one arm slung around the middle of her back and the other hand on Brooke's head, not dissimilar to the way she embraced her younger children when she put them to bed at night.

"You are so strong, sweet girl. So, so, so strong. And you deserve such happiness." Brooke sniffled. "We all love you so much."

"I love you, too."

Olivia held her by the shoulders at arm's length. "You call if you need something. Carisi shouldn't be long, though."

Brooke nodded. Olivia ducked her head, meeting Brooke's eyes again for emphasis. "I'm serious. _Call_. And if something comes up, come over. Stay at our place. I don't want you to be alone."

"Okay."

A car horn blared and Olivia and Brooke spun around only to smile when they saw it was Carisi.

"I guess I better go so he can have that spot," Olivia said.

"Yeah," Brooke replied, "He always wants to act like he takes advantage of being a cop but when it comes to parking he's by the book."

"That's one of the reasons we love him," Olivia quipped. "See you later. And. _Call_."

"Liv, thank you."

"Anytime."

….

Ed and Olivia cleared the dinner table and moved around the kitchen, rinsing dishes, wiping the high chair trays, and righting the disorder that came along with having three young children. Noah and the twins were content in the living room playing with toys and every once in a while the parents exchanged amused glances when they heard Noah manage his younger siblings. He seemed to instinctively understand the line between being an effective facilitator and being bossy, and he was remarkably adept at getting the twins to follow directions. At school in music class, the students had apparently been exposed to Sousa-esque marches, and Noah recognized the genre in a Baby Einstein toy.

"March, babies!"

Ed and Olivia watched in amazement as the twins did their best to mimic Noah's high-stepped gait.

"Hey, ya didn't tell me about the detective you're gonna hire," Ed metnioned as they washed and dried larger pots and pans that weren't dishwasher friendly.

" _Oh_! Yeah, this is interesting. So…do you remember…maybe ten years ago…we had this case of a guy attacking women in Central Park and we finally got them but the arresting officer was a high school kid?"

"That was supposed to be on the DL," Ed said with a teasing smirk.

Olivia shot him a sarcastic yet playful glare and continued, "Well, the kid was hellbent on becoming an officer, but after the case, we all thought 'no way, he's going to do something like this again and screw it up for real' after Marlowe helped him out. But, apparently, that didn't happen. He made the force. And he just made detective. And," she paused for effect, "I'm hiring him."

Ed raised his eyebrows. " _Wow_. Things really do come full circle every once in a while, huh?"

Olivia tossed her damp dishtowel on the counter and wrapped her arms around Ed's waist. "Yes they do."

"So," he said, a hint of mischief in his tone, "Popcorn? Movie on the big bed with the five of us?"

"That sounds so perfect."

Ed played with her hair as he kissed her. "I love the five of us."

Olivia snuck a peek at her children, playing happily together in the living room. "It's everything I've ever wanted," she said, "And more."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	28. Chapter 28

**Twenty-eight**.

" _Brad Fletcher_?"

Chief Dodds started speaking before he was completely in Olivia's office. It wasn't his acerbic comment but his attire that initially caused Olivia to raise her eyebrows. The Chief was wearing shorts, a polo shirt, and sneakers.

"Golfing today?" Olivia asked, sassily ignoring the reason the Chief had made this impromptu Sunday visit.

"Yes," he answered gruffly, "Do you know I only let him interview out of a courtesy to a buddy of mine at the one-three? The guy who worked with him in the Explorers program?"

"How would I have known _that_?"

Recognizing Olivia was going to hold her own in any verbal tug-of-war, the Chief calmed down and took a seat. "The kid's a good cop. Jacket's clean. He's had some high-profile collars."

"And he interviewed well. Sincere. Genuine. I actually… _liked_ him."

"After he nearly cost you a case?"

"When he was a teenager. A decade ago."

"Can you imagine if the press gets wind of this?"

"I would imagine," Olivia leaned forward on her elbows, "With the proper spin, Detective Fletcher's story could be endearing."

Dodds smiled, acknowledging her point. "You may turn into a politician after all, Lieutenant."

"Doubtful."

"Well," Dodds pushed himself up against the armrests. "I have a tee time."

"Stay in the fairway," Olivia quipped, returning her attention to her computer. Very briefly she second-guessed her hiring decision. She thought back to that case and the zealous young Fletcher. In the interview he'd displayed the same fervent dedication to the job, but age and experience had tempered and informed his passion. He was the first detective Olivia actually was allowed to hire, and the more she thought about it, the more she trusted her decision.

"Lieu, we got a call. From the march last night."

The 2020 Presidential primaries were still months away, but that didn't matter to the dozens of candidates vying for their respective parties' nominations. Yesterday, while the Tuckers were watching lacrosse, eating pizza, and finally falling asleep all together on Ed and Olivia's king sized bed, protestors took to the streets outside of the Javits Center where a far-right, polemical, megachurch pastor announced his candidacy. Everyone on the force predicted some type of violence, and they were right. The NYPD made dozens of arrests for clashes outside the building, but there hadn't been any reports of sexual assault.

Until now.

Olivia slipped her phone in her pocket, and followed Carisi to the sedan. He dictated the preliminary information—the young woman had been found passed out on a bench overlooking the Hudson. The joggers initially dismissed her as homeless, but, on a second glance, they noticed torn clothing and dried blood on her arms and legs.

"Prolly one of those brainwashed right-wing nutjobs," Carisi murmured, profiling the suspect, "I don't know how anyone can think of someone like that as a man of God when they're making millions from their so-called ministry."

"It's people looking to fill some sort of void," Olivia surmised, "It's the same psychology as gang members and drug addicts."

"It's weird." Carisi steered the car around to the hospital's rear entrance and aggressively shifted into park. He and the Lieutenant expertly navigated the corridors and found the victim in an emergency room bay. Olivia introduced herself and Carisi, and listened as the young woman told a rambling, at times incoherent, version of the previous night.

"I'd just left the event," she mumbled, "And I was going back to Port Authority to catch the train back home, and…and this guy, he came up to me and said he noticed…noticed me inside and what a powerful message, so we walked to this bar, had a couple drinks…and then I…I, we, well, we were by the water, he said he had a boat…and it's all a blur from there."

"Okay," Olivia said softly, "Do you remember anything else about him? Hair color? Eye color? What he was swearing?"

"He had a gun," she said, opening her eyes wide, the detail startling her, "He was a cop."

"A cop?" Carisi interjected.

" _Yes_. He…he said he was undercover…making sure things weren't going to get out of control on the floor."

"So you were _in_ the audience," Carisi said, drawing a quick glare from Olivia. They had both assumed the attacker came from the group in support of the megachurch pastor, not the other way around.

"Yes."

A nurse entered, ready to start the rape kit, so Olivia and Carisi excused themselves and spoke in hushed voices outside of the examination room.

"A cop…" Carisi murmured, "So, should we call IAB?"

"Not yet," Olivia replied, "We don't know he actually was a cop. But he did manage to get through security with a gun…if…he actually had a gun. I'll stay here, you go over there and get the footage from last night. It shouldn't be hard to ID him if he approached her in the middle of the rally."

"Got it."

Olivia told Carisi to keep her posted and checked her phone which had been vibrating on and off in her pocket. It was Ed, sending her a couple of pictures of the kids doing somersaults at the park. Rather, Maggie and Wyatt were attempting to mimic Noah's somersaults. Ed asked her once if it bothered her when he sent images of everyone having fun while she was tied up with police business. She understood his concern, but assured him those messages gave her a brief, welcome respite from her work, and this instance was no different. He'd taken the photos in live mode and Olivia pressed them over and over, smiling at her big boy and sweet twins innocently playing under the watchful eyes of their father.

"My babies," she whispered to herself, wishing there was something she could do to forever block out all the ugliness in the world from their lives. They were too precious. Goodwill oozed from Noah; he constantly amazed his parents with his expressions of kindness and precocious displays of patience and empathy. Olivia chuckled a little to herself. He would probably make a very good SVU detective.

Sarah always gushed about how Maggie and Wyatt gave her hope and optimism, and Olivia wholeheartedly agreed. Even though she often wanted to freeze time, she also relished seeing them hit milestones and delight in the simplest of things. She loved that they had their own, distinct personalities, and every day new quirks emerged. Maggie had recently started twisting her lips when she was determined to do something; it was a classic Noah expression which she undoubtedly picked it up from her brother. Wyatt was becoming more and more obsessed with music, and had figured out if he slapped at the stereo buttons just right, at some point tunes would blare from the speakers. It wasn't uncommon for a sudden burst of guitars to fill the air during the day. He grinned and danced and would frown pathetically if someone turned down the volume.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes?"

"Makayla is asking to see you."

"Okay. I'll be right in."

Olivia sent an _I love you. Kiss everyone for me_ text back to Ed and followed the nurse into the exam room. She went into police mode but knew, the next time she checked her phone, there would be a part-flirty, part-pouty message from Ed about how he was looking forward to when he could get his kiss.

….

When Sarah met Brooke at the train Sunday evening, she commented on her peaked appearance, and in the middle of the winding ride back to the house, Brooke demanded she pull over.

"Is my driving _that_ bad?" Sarah asked.

"Yes." Brooke gurgled, coughed, cleared her throat, and spit one last time. "Do you even have a driver's license?"

"Yes I do."

"Are you going back to the city?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you bring your things and go on the train?"

"Because I didn't think ahead," Sarah said matter-of-factly, "And I was kind of hoping you'd drive me."

"Sare, I really don't feel—"

"You're preggers aren't you?"

"How'd you know?"

Sarah clicked her tongue. " _Brooke_. I'm not stupid. You haven't been drinking, you perpetually look like shit, and you just puked on the side of the road, and _I maintain_ , my driving isn't perfect but it isn't nauseating. Does Sonny know?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Sarah said brightly, "You told him first this time!"

Brooke glowered at her sister. "He's my husband. And things were already tense between us."

"So _that's_ why he flipped on selling the loft all of a sudden."

"If that's the way you want to see it." Brooke's face hardened. "I was never going back there, so, if he refused to sell it..." Brooke trailed off, not wanted to verbalize the potential end of her marriage.

Sarah made a funny noise and kneaded the steering wheel. "I didn't realize it had gotten that bad."

"Sarah!" Brooke held out her hands, palms up, in disbelief, "A boy I knew was killed by our stepfather in our home! And…I hadn't been completely honest with Sonny about Kyle."

"That was a mistake," Sarah said, "I would've been mad at you, too. Giving him money? You were flirting with disaster, Brookey."

"It was for a phone."

"You're too trusting. He was probably gonna keep extorting you. Make up something about you having sex with him and threatening to lie if you didn't keep giving him money."

"So he deserved to die?"

Sarah rolled her eyes, "That's a separate matter."

"You watch too much television."

"Actually, I don't. You worked at that awful school for too long. You have blind spots."

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Brooke stewed. She wanted to lash out, but part of her knew Sarah was exactly right. Brooke did have blinders when it came to her former students and the neighborhood in the Bronx where she taught for years. The kids she encountered had seen unimaginable violence, drug use, poverty, and general dysfunction, but she never lost hope. She approached each day and each student with optimism. Nevertheless, and this was Sarah's point, it was a losing battle. For every success story, there were dozens lost to the drugs and the gangs.

"Well…how far along are you? And when is the big reveal to the fam?"

"Ten weeks," Brooke replied, "And I'm waiting until the end of the first trimester."

"When's that?"

"Twelve weeks."

"Oh, perfect, that's the limit on secret keeping for me. Over two weeks? I cannot guarantee confidentiality."

Brooke let out a tiny, knowing chuckle. "You're one of the strangest people I know. But I love you."

"Love you, too, sis," Sarah pulled into the driveway and parked at an odd angle, eliciting a reproving expression from Brooke which she ignored. "And I expect that child to be named after me."

…..

As soon as Ed learned Olivia would be gone for the better part of the day, he packed up the kids and they went out to buy construction paper and finger paint, supplies needed to create Mother's Day cards. He covered the dining table with newspaper and squirted the paint onto paper plates. Noah decided he and his siblings would each make a card for Olivia, Caroline, Brooke, and Sarah.

"Brooke and Sarah not mommies," he reasoned, "But they watch us!"

"Good thinking, bud."

"And they buy us stuff," Noah added softly. He selected four pieces of construction paper. Pink for Sarah, yellow for Brooke, blue for Olivia, and green for Caroline. "And I make my hand blue for Gamma," Noah explained, "She love green and blue! Now, babies, which colors you want?"

Maggie and Wyatt sat in their booster seats and watched their brother, intrigued by the art project unfolding in front of them. Everything was out of their reach, but Noah spread out the stack of construction paper in front of them. Eventually, with their big brother's help, they narrowed down their choices. Ed carefully dipped their hands in the paint, pressed them to the paper, slid the paper aside, ran a damp rag over their hands, and repeated the process with a different color. Noah was pretty much self-sufficient, and when all the cards were complete and neatly laid out to dry, Ed congratulated himself for keeping the mess to a minimum.

Noah cornered Ed in the kitchen and whispered, "Daddy, when the babies go to sleep we gotta make their birthday cards!"

"Sure thing, bud."

"What's first? Birthday or Mommy Day?"

"Birthday. That's this Saturday. We're gonna have everyone over here for a little party. Then the next weekend we'll go to Grandma Caroline's for Mother's Day. This week we're gonna pick out presents for Maggie and Wyatt. You, me, and Mommy will go shopping after school."

"Wanna buy 'em scooters!" Noah was still adorably speaking in a hushed voice and constantly glancing at the twins to make sure they weren't overhearing the conversation.

"I dunno, bud. They might be too little still."

This answer was unacceptable to Noah. "We ask in da store."

Ed smiled at him. "Good idea. You're full of good ideas, No. What about Mother's Day? What should we get Mommy?"

"Somethin' verrrrry shiny!"

"Sure. You can pick something shiny out for her from you and Maggie and Wyatt. But, you know what? I was thinkin' of taking Mommy on vacation for a weekend. And you and the twins would stay with Sarah and Brookey and Sonny. Would that be okay?"

Noah considered this seriously. He scratched his face and furrowed his brow before answering earnestly. "Yeah, thatsa good idea, Daddy!"

"Thanks, pal. Remember, it's our secret."

He and Noah fist-bumped.

"Itsa surprise," Noah whispered.

"Yeah, it's fun to surprise people we love, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh! When I gived—gave—the bears to Mia she was _surprised_!"

Ed couldn't believe he'd forgotten to ask about Mia's reaction to Noah's gift. "Oh, yeah, I bet she was. Did she smile?"  
"Uh-huh! And she hugged me!" Noah's cheeks reddened ever so slightly. "Then she say thank you then we dump out all the bears and counted 'em and there were TWENTY-FIVE!"

"Wow. Twenty-five little bears. What's she gonna do with all of those?"

"She gonna give 'em to her baby dolls."

"Oh, I didn't know Mia had baby dolls."

"Yup. She have some. And one _looks like her_!"

"Wow. That's pretty cool, huh?"

"Yeah, we should get one for small sister."

Ed mussed his hair. "There ya go with the good ideas again."

…..

Take-out bags in hand, Olivia arrived at home just as the sun was starting to set. Maggie and Wyatt were already in their high chairs and munching on cheese and crackers. Noah ran to Olivia, hugged her legs, and darted back to the table where he was in the process of arranging the silverware.

"Hello, sweethearts!" Olivia kissed the twins' heads, put the bags on the island, and wrapped Noah in a bear hug. "What have you been doing all day?"

"Nothin," Noah replied casually.

" _Nothing_?"

"Jus' played and went to the park."

Ed emerged from the back hallway and grinned at the sight of his wife. "Welcome home," he said softly, kissing her lips and lingering there for a few extra seconds. "How was your day?"

"We're about to step in a minefield," Olivia lamented.

Ed raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"One of the women in attendance at last night's rally was attacked. And, of course, even Carisi and I, when we first got the call, assumed the perp was a member of that guy's… _congregation_ …but upon further investigation, it's apparently the opposite."

Ed easily completed her thought. "So the media's gonna be interested to see how the NYPD handles it when the rapist came from the people they'd painted as the good guys."

"Exactly."

Ed entangled his fingers in her wavy brown locks. "I know you hate that kinda stuff."

"I really do."

"But the good thing is, Liv, that you block all that out in your investigations. You do a remarkable job of that."

She smiled sweetly and kissed him. "Thanks."

"Just telling you the truth," he said with an innocent shrug.

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes drifted to the island. "Let's eat…food's getting cold."

Ed didn't let go of her. "You know that's the truth, right? I'm not just sayin' it."

"I know." She pecked his cheek, "I'm going to change."

"Wine?"

"Yes, please."

Now it was Olivia who refused to let go. Ed smirked at her, loving that she obviously needed him and took so much comfort being in his arms.

"Okay," she said with finality, putting her hands on his pecs and breathing deeply.

"Y'alright?"

"Yes…I'm just…so happy to be home."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	29. Chapter 29

**Twenty-Nine.**

The camera flashes didn't bother Olivia as much as the dizzying mix of reporters firing questions while jostling for position amongst their colleagues. It was sensory overload. And also a little annoying.

Yesterday, Jason Ostrander, the megachurch leader and newest 2020 Presidential Candidate launched into a diatribe targeting the NYPD, his Democratic opposition, and anyone who fell politically left of center, calling them complicit in the attack and uninterested in pursuing justice. Olivia watched the press conference with her lips pressed together in a tight line. Her shoulders tensed. When she finally peeled her eyes from the television, she stared at Ed with a stunned, disgusted expression, shook her head back and forth, and muttered something about his statement being the most ridiculous thing she'd heard in at least ten years.

Today she and several members of the NYPD brass took to the airwaves to counter the attacks and disprove his egregious allegations. During her turn on the dais, she mostly responded with the same statement.

"Manhattan's Special Victims Unit investigates every report of rape and sexual assault with one goal—justice. At no time do we allow our investigations to be dictated or directed by political entanglements." She struggled at times to maintain an impartial expression, especially when the more salacious-minded members of the media posed questions such as _"What can you tell us about allegations that your deliberate approach to this crime is part of a larger conspiracy to undermine and damage the Ostrander campaign?"_

Olivia seethed with frustrated anger most of the day, especially when the surveillance footage provided no clear image of the perpetrator and the victim's descriptions were nowhere near specific enough for a sketch artist. Brown hair. Round face. Said he was a cop. Seemed like a cop. Had a gun.

"Did you see the gun?" Carisi asked at one point having asked it several times before.

McKenna's face crinkled and she scratched at her neck. "Yes, um, yes, I think so, it was…on his hip."

"Like this one?" Carisi pushed the flap of his jacket aside revealing his holstered pistol.

"Smaller."

The toxicology report revealed a cocktail of prescription and nonprescription drugs and alcohol in her system, but McKenna insisted she and the "cop" had a few drinks at a nearby bar and left together only to split up on the next block where she needed to veer off in the direction of Penn Station.

"And you went to the rally alone?"

"Yes," McKenna answered, "My family isn't…my family and friends and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye politically. They don't see how Jason and his movement are going to return the country to its greatness…finish the job Trump tried to do before…" She continued to ramble on, spewing far-right-wing talking points and Carisi, knowing he and the squad were under intense scrutiny, bit his tongue and listened. " _You_ must understand," she implored, leaning across the interrogation table.

"That's beside the point," Carisi said, "My job is to find this guy. Now describe the bar again for me…"

Olivia watched from her office with the grim realization that McKenna's recollections were too contradictory or unclear or both. They needed a break. They needed a photograph, and Detective Fletcher and Fin were poring over street cameras, but without a more specific search area, any footage of the two would be procured by pure good fortune.

"You thinkin' maybe the guy she met at the rally isn't the actual perp?" Rollins asked. She, too, had been lost in her own mind, trying to conjure scenarios from the information Carisi was bringing forth.

"She's either holding something back or she just doesn't remember," Olivia said, "I mean, look at this list…almost everything in her system but GHB. She's lucky to be alive."

"Maybe it's better if she doesn't remember," Rollins mused.

 _Better if she doesn't remember_.

This tiny piece of speculation stuck with Olivia and consumed her thoughts as she drove home that evening. In her career she'd seen dozens of instances like this one, and the answer was never clear and the decision was never easy. Would it have been better for her to have somehow forgotten William Lewis? Sealview? The handful of times she'd made a mistake and jeopardized a case or someone's life?

Ed immediately knew she was battling some inner demon. Her gait lacked confidence. Shoulders slumped. The color had drained from her cheeks. Even when Noah shouted "Mommy!" and leapt into her arms, the normal sparkle in her brown eyes barely surfaced. The twins toddled over to her, wanting in on the greeting, and Olivia sat on the floor for the group hug. She kissed and nuzzled her children without a word until they restlessly squirmed and she reluctantly let them out of her grasp.

Ed took her hands and pulled her back to a standing position. He brushed her hair back and kissed her tenderly. "Hi."

"Hi." She forced a tiny smile.

"Can I take you to dinner?"

Olivia looked over his shoulder at Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah. The twins were playing happily with their heap of toys and Noah had retreated to the dining table where he was set up with his art supplies.

"Sarah's gonna babysit," he said, "Unless…you'd rather stay in?"

Olivia brightened, "No, let's go. I…let me change first."

"Of course. I'll let Sarah know."

"Some place casual?"

"Wherever you want."

They opted for a nearby pub, not _da pub_ , but a similarly casual spot with a long well-worn oak bar and dim lighting which fit Olivia's mood perfectly. Ed updated her on everyone's day as they sipped their first cocktails and wondered how long Olivia would stay silent about what was bothering her.

"Presser looked like a killer today," he mentioned lightly, trying to goose her into talking.

"Was it that obvious?"

He ran a finger along her jawline, "This gorgeous face hasn't relaxed all day, has it?"

She ducked her head bashfully, but couldn't help and didn't fight the emergent smile. "No, no it hasn't."

Ed played with her fingers and waited patiently. Olivia took another sip. Stared up at the television. Tore at her cocktail napkin. Finally, she lifted her head and was nearly thrown backward at the compassion and love in his blue eyes.

"Right now I'm feeling so… _ineffective_."

"You can't change minds of people like Jason Ostrander."

"I _could_ ," Olivia replied, "If I could make an arrest. Close this case. But we keep hitting brick walls. Even if we made an arrest, Barba—or whoever—would never put her on the stand. She's given too many versions of what happened with too many gaps and too many contradictions."

"If ya take the political pressure out of it," Ed reasoned, "Is there any difference?"

"No. The question marks are still there. _Now_ …we don't even know if the man who took her out of the rally is the actual perp. I have Fletcher parked on street cams, but we don't even know which exit they took out of Javits."

"He'll find something. It's his first SVU assignment. He'll wanna impress."

"I hope you're right."

"It may take longer than you'd like. Or than the press would like. But you'll get there. Someone had to have seen her, seen them. A Friday night?"

"The canvass will take forever."

"Your kid detective is gonna find something," Ed said confidently.

" _Kid detective_ ," Olivia echoed, grinning, knowing Ed's speculative characterization of Fletcher was accurate. Olivia couldn't remember a police officer approaching street cams with such fervor. "And in the meantime, what do I do with Ostrander?"

"Ignore the sonofabitch."

Olivia smirked. "You make it sound so easy."

"It's not healthy to listen to that crap." Ed leaned in for a kiss. "So turn the damn TV off when he comes on. And when you arrest this guy you and the squad can give him the collective finger."

"You'd enjoy seeing that, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah I would. _Or_ , on the day you announce the arrest, you could close with, 'oh, and one more thing, Jason Ostrander, on behalf of SVU, I'd like to tell you to fuck off.'"

This made Olivia break into soft laughter. Ed, satisfied he'd improved his wife's outlook, smiled triumphantly and kissed her again, fighting the urge to completely wrap her in his arms. Instead, he rested his free hand on her thigh, cupped his glass with the other, and refocused their conversation on happier topics, notably the upcoming birthday party.

"This time last year I was part terrified and part excited," Olivia recalled.

"Me too," Ed replied, "But mostly excited."

"You're always so confident."

"Deep down I knew nothing bad was going to happen."

Olivia cocked her head, "How did you know?"

"Because we don't deserve such senseless cruelty. And we _did_ deserve those two beautiful babies. And seeing you, carry them, as a mother to all three," Ed paused, temporarily at a loss for words, "You're so strong and amazing."

"We got lucky," Olivia said in a voice just above a whisper. "At the last minute…we managed to complete our family."

"And gave me a whole new set of priorities," Ed added. "Just like you did. And Noah did."

"You know how we used to be a little sad about how long it took us to find each other?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't felt that way for a while. Not since the twins were born."

"Me neither. We have everything now, Liv."

Olivia tugged on his shirt and kissed him. "Thank you for reminding me."

…

Ed used the family's Nikon to snap photos of the twins. They were sitting in their high chairs dressed in similar outfits—overalls over striped shirts. Pink for Maggie and navy blue for Wyatt. Although they were accustomed to the doting eyes of friends and relatives, they peered curiously at the semicircle of faces waiting eagerly for the birthday cakes to be presented.

Sarah snatched the camera from Ed. "Daddy, live in the moment, not behind the camera lens. I got it."

He smiled gratefully at the reprimand and joined Olivia in the kitchen just as she poked the "1" candle into Wyatt's cake.

"Bout ready?"

"Yes," she handed him a matchbook, "Want to do the honors?"

"Sure." He paused for a few seconds to savor the moment, knowing these were the last first birthday candles he would light as a father. The twins each had an individual confetti cake with frosting that matched their overall colors. A larger cake for the guests was on hand as well.

A few feet away, Noah stood between the high chairs and explain the rite of passage to his siblings.

"When the cake gets here, you can't touch! Cause the candle is FIRE! And HOT! Then we sing and you go like this." Noah took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. Maggie and Wyatt kicked and giggled and babbled. When they burst into a chant of "No, No, No," Noah informed the guests that they meant his name, not an actual _no_. "These babies love their cake! They never say no to that!" He laughed at his own joke and turned back to the high chairs, "You're gonna eat the cake all up arentcha?"

Caroline kissed the top of Noah's head. "You take such good care of Maggie and Wyatt."

"Yup!" He jabbed a finger into his chest. "I know how to take care of my babies! And I teach em everrthing!"

The adults exchanged grins.

"Okay everyone!" Olivia announced dramatically, "Here we go!"

Everyone broke into a loud rendition of _Happy Birthday_. Stunned, the twins sat back in their chairs. Ed and Olivia placed their cakes on the trays and immediately grabbed their hands. "No, no, no, sweethearts," Olivia cooed, "Wait just a second."

When the song was finished, Noah once again took charge. "Okay, babies! BLOW!" He demonstrated his technique once again but projected the burst of air in the opposite direction. Wyatt opened and closed his mouth. Maggie squealed and blew bubbles. At some point, there was enough force of air to extinguish both flames.

"YAY! Good job!"

Ed and Olivia plucked the candles and the twins expertly attacked their cakes, quickly making a mess of the trays and themselves. They each generously offered handfuls to Noah, but he politely refused.

"No thank you, Maggs! I'm gonna eat _that_ cake over there!"

Brooke got to work slicing the other cake and gave the first pieces to Noah and Jesse. They sat at the small table and Sarah joined them, plopping down with a plate and a glass of rosé. Everyone else took seats around the apartment or huddled around Maggie and Wyatt who seemed intent on finishing their treats.

A little while later, wrapping paper adorned with balloons, stars, hearts, and marine dwellers filled a gigantic black trash bag. After tying it up, Ed tossed it in an out-of-the-way kitchen corner, but the gift giving was not over.

"Ready to give Maggie and Wyatt your presents, bud?"

Noah bounced from foot to foot. "Ready!"

The Tucker men disappeared into the back hall and came back wheeling two miniature scooters. Purple for Maggie. Red for Wyatt. They had removable seats, four wheels, and a rear handle serving both as a backrest and as a handle so the riders could be pushed.

"Here ya go, babies!" Noah tore off the gigantic bows that Sarah had loosely affixed to the handlebars. Maggie and Wyatt rushed over and Ed and Olivia sat them on the seats. The one-year-olds grabbed the handles and rocked back and forth, trying to get enough momentum to roll. Noah pushed them slowly forward. Maggie shrieked with joy. Her brown hair had worked its way out of the barrette and fell into her eyes. Wyatt's eyes were huge and his jaw dropped; the ride rendered him speechless.

"Y'okay, Wyatt?" Noah craned his neck around to look him in the eye which meant the ride temporarily stopped. Wyatt screamed and propelled himself toward the handlebars. "Okay, okay, I keep pushin' ya!"

With Noah (and eventually Jesse) occupying the twins, Ed and Olivia mingled among their guests. Olivia chatted with Barba for a while; he was set to take the bench in a couple of weeks and was hoping to weigh in on the new ADA before leaving his current office. She sat with Ed's sister Margie for a few minutes, but Margie had always been an unenthusiastic conversationalist, more content to observe than talk. Brooke and Sarah had been unusually inseparable and Olivia targeted them next.

"How're my girls?" Olivia asked, pulling off a Sarah-esque move and planting herself in the narrow space between the two.

"Noah and the babies are so adorable," Sarah said, sidestepping the question. "There is no better little or big brother on planet Earth than Noey Boey."

Olivia reciprocated and ignored Sarah's attempt at redirection. Her eyes darted from Brooke to Sarah; Sarah to Brooke.

"Tell me."

Sarah and Brooke both started laughing, but it wasn't out of amusement. It was the acknowledgement that Lieutenant Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker could not be fooled.

"Dave's taking the plea," Brooke said under her breath, still smiling and her eyes still fixed on Noah and the twins.

"A year," Sarah added, "For reckless endangerment."

"With one suspended," Brooke said.

"He's telling his lawyer Monday."

Olivia immediately felt guilty for unintentionally bringing up the subject. "A year," she murmured, "Wow."

"Is that bad?" Sarah asked with wide, inquisitive eyes.

"No," Olivia replied, "It's very generous. If he went to trial he'd risk far more…and probably be charged with more serious felonies. I'm…I'm sorry girls, I know you probably didn't want to bring this up here."

"Inevitable," Brooke said with a shrug, "It's probably obvious there's a lot on our minds. It's weighing on us. But at least Aidan seems okay."

Their three sets of eyes zeroed in on the teenager who was serving as a finish line judge. The twins had abandoned their scooters in favor of other new toys, and Noah and Jesse were racing across the floor.

"He was the one who begged Dave to take it," Brooke continued, "He's not stupid. He Googled stuff. Wednesday he texted me, said he was taking the train to the city. And Dave called me before he even got back. I guess they had a heart-to-heart."

"Whatever happened," Sarah said, "I'm glad Dave finally woke the fuck up. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone as selfish as him. Except, maybe, for mom. By the way, her headstone is going in Monday. They called and asked if we wanted to go when they put it in but I said no."

"Thanks," Brooke muttered sarcastically.

"Well do you want to go?"

"It's not about want. It's about _should_."

"Well, I'll give you the number and you can coordinate. I have to work."

Olivia already was beating herself up for initiating the somber interlude, so she figured another question couldn't hurt. "What's going on with Aidan?"

"Sonny has agreed to stay in Connecticut," Brooke reported, sounding more professional than she needed to sound in that moment. "And we have a couple of second showings on the loft. So maybe this is a blessing in a really really terrible disguise. We'll save a shitload of money, and I don't have to be in a rush to find a job."

"And—" Sarah interjected, intending to spill the beans on the pregnancy but caught herself, "We have a gorgeous weekend getaway house to use anytime we want! We should get a boat."

"They have jet skis."

"Jet skis are not a boat."

"We'll see."

"Ugh," Sarah groaned, "You really sound like a mother."

Brooke cast a sideways warning glance at Sarah, but Olivia missed the innuendo. She was watching Ed distract a fussy Wyatt. He blew strawberries on Wyatt's belly and flipped him upside down. Both twins missed their naps and were certain to crash soon. Olivia patted both girls' knees and went over to her husband and youngest son.

"Are you getting tired, Wyatt Edward?"

"Prolly should try to keep them up as long as possible, right?" Ed asked.

"Yes. And let's try to get them in the tub." Wyatt heaved himself in Olivia's direction and she cradled him in her arms. "Hello my baby boy!"

Wyatt grabbed a piece of her hair. "Mama! Mamamamama!" Olivia kissed his forehead and he snuggled into her chest, curling himself into a ball exactly like he'd done since she first held him in the NICU a year ago.

"My big boy," Olivia whispered as she kissed him again.

The guests soon began filing out, and Ed, Olivia, and Noah vociferously thanked everyone. Noah and Sarah had apparently colluded earlier in the afternoon, because as soon as everyone was gone, Noah informed his parents that he was spending the night at Sare Bear's house.

"We gonna watch movies!" Noah said jubilantly, "And in the morning we'll make the big waffles!"

Ed glanced at Olivia who nodded her assent.

"Alright, bud. Let's getcha packed."

….

On the way back to her apartment, Sarah and Noah stopped at a bodega for snacks and drinks. They loaded chips, cookies, and sodas onto the counter with Sarah resisting the urge to add another bottle of wine. She'd already had a few glasses over the course of the day, and the last thing she wanted to do was destroy the trust her father and Olivia had extended to her. She paid for the items with cash and Noah asked why she didn't use a card.

"Because this guy likes it better when you give cash," Sarah said.

"Daddy have a card. And I have a card."

"I know. You're very lucky. I bet not many five-year-olds have a card."

"I have lotsa money, too," Noah boasted, "But Daddy say I haveta keep it at home. So I only have an Abe."

"An Abe?"

"Yup." Noah pulled his wallet from his pocket and showed her a five dollar bill. "See? That's Abe Lincoln."

"Noey, you're so smart."

"Yup. Cause I go to school."

"But you don't learn that stuff in school," Sarah said, "You know all kinds of things that we all teach you."

"Yup! And I teach it to Maggs and Wyatt!"

"You're a great big brother."

"You a great sister!" Noah skipped along next to Sarah, holding her hand and leaning his head into her hip. "Sare Bear, we gonna go on a 'venture tomorrow?"

"Hmmm," Sarah said, "I suppose we could. Wanna go out to Coney Island? We can ride the rides?"

"Yes!"

"Want to drive or take the train?"

"Train!"

"Of course."

" _Sare Bear_ ," Noah said in his exasperated tone he reserved for her, "I love the train! We ride on da C?"

"Nope. The F."

Noah scrunched up his face. "I dunno da F."

"You'll love it."

…

Olivia sort-of recognized the music playing from the iHome and she listened closely for a minute or two before asking Ed the title of the song.

"I dunno, but wait," he rushed over to the nightstand, "The best one is this one—Crash Into Me." The song began playing and he took her into his arms. "C'mere. I've wanted to hold you while this song plays since I heard it for the first time."

Olivia smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, "I like it."

"It was written about us." He felt Olivia's body shake ever so slightly, he assumed out of laughter. " _I'm serious_ ," Ed rasped intently into her ear, "Listen to the lyrics." He sang along, skipping words here and there, but when he got to " _crash_ ," the reverberations caused prickly shivers to traverse Olivia's spine. Ed felt her fingers dig into his back, and he reciprocated. They both knew where the evening was headed, but there was an unspoken agreement not to rush things.

"I love this next line," Ed whispered. " _Listen_."

 _Touch your lips just so I know_

 _In your eyes, love, it glows so_

 _I'm bare boned and crazy for you_

"This song is all about love," Ed explained, "It's about raw, pure infatuation."

 _In a boy's dream._

"Every day with you's a dream, Liv."

" _Ed_." Olivia's hands were moving more aggressively now and she pressed her hips into his, signaling it was time to move things along. She started kissing his neck and moved to his chin and then his ear, one then the other. He stayed as still as possible and closed his eyes, soaking up the feeling of his wife's affections. She was taking a page from his playbook and taking her time with him; he delighted in her deliberate movements and ran his hands up and down her arms, gently rocking his hips into hers, letting her get the sensation of how much he was enjoying this.

He broke apart from her briefly, to put the song on repeat, for he not only wanted to hold her as it played he also wanted to make love to her awash in the very same lyrics which he couldn't imagine ever getting old.

The song restarted and she began slowly undressing, nudging him onto the bed, letting him see her totally naked before she climbed on top of him. "I know you think you're so lucky," she intoned, "But I am, too." She kissed him passionately, almost violently, "Know why?"

Ed grunted but had trouble forming words. He finally croaked a breathy, "Why?"

"Because you changed my priorities, too," she continued peppering his face with kisses, "You helped me get past the idea that I could be good at other things…that I could love being a mother and being a wife just as much as I love being a cop."

"You do it all, Liv," Ed gasped. "You're perfect at it all." He lifted her up slightly and flipped positions. She deftly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and pushed them off with her feet. "God, I love you so much."

She put both hands around his neck. He felt her nails scratch at his skin. "I love you, baby," she said, "Almost too much."

"Uh-uh," he said as he pulled off his remaining clothes, "No such thing."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thirty**.

Noah fit right into the light mood in the squad room late Sunday afternoon. Detective Fletcher's diligence resulted in not only an identification of the latest most-wanted perp, but also an arrest. The suspect had fled to Michigan and was there now, awaiting extradition.

"We'll go, pick up the little bastard, and have him in Rikers by lights out," Fin said right before Noah and Sarah stepped off the elevator.

Noah cheerfully bounded into the room, fist-bumped Fin and Carisi, grinned at Rollins, and darted into his mother's office as if he were the Police Commissioner. Sarah let him go and parked herself at Sonny's desk.

"Well you all seem to be in good moods," she said.

Carisi rubbed Fletcher's shoulders as if the younger man were a prizefighter. "Our new guy here did a whole lotta work for us. So, yeah, we're in good moods."

Sarah fluttered her eyelashes at Detective Fletcher who was doing his best to ignore the attention. "New guy, huh? What happened to, uh, the other new guy?"

"Went to another division," Rollins answered.

Sarah grinned, intent on embarrassing the young detective, "Well, congratulations on…whatever it is you did, Detective new guy." She winked, rolled a foot or so in the chair, and stood up, "I'm just going to say hi to Livvie and be on my way.

Everyone waited to speak until Sarah had completely flounced into the Lieutenant's office.

"Relax, Brad," Rollins said. "Take a deep breath. That, there, is a _wo_ -man."

"And she's a little nuts," Carisi added.

"Shouldn't talk about your relatives like that," Fin muttered.

"Don't get me wrong," Carisi backtracked, "She's great. Has a good job, ridiculously smart…she's just a little cuckoo at times."

Fletcher was still blushing.

"C'mon, man," Fin said, "We gotta a plane to catch."

….

Noah was in Olivia's lap when Sarah walked in. He animatedly complained about the rain and that their trip to Coney Island had to be postponed.

"Was s'posedta ride the F!" He whined, "Now we gotta wait 'cause it's a rainy day!"

Olivia hugged him. "Sweet boy. Don't worry. There a plenty of nice, sunny days ahead."

Noah groaned. Olivia and Sarah both simpered at him.

"But we had a great morning, didn't we, Noey Boey?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Thanks for letting me drop him off here, Livvie." Upon finding her pantry devoid of breakfast ingredients, Sarah treated Noah to brunch and then took him to her nearby office where she balked at the astounding amount of work that had piled on her desk and in her email inbox. Noah occupied himself with pens, post-it notes, and Sarah's phone for a while, but he got restless as the afternoon dragged on. Olivia suggested she drop him off at the precinct which was much closer than their apartment.

"Of course. Thank you. Going back for a few hours?"

"Yeah," Sarah replied slowly, peering into the squad room through the blinds, "Unless that cutie pie out there wants to take me for a late lunch."

"He's flying to Detroit."

"Quite an upgrade from the other guy."

"I think so." Sarah raised her eyebrows mischievously and Olivia grinned back at her and clarified, "He's way more diligent."

"Good to know," Sarah murmured. "Well! I'm off. I'm so ridiculously slammed I may not see you until next weekend at Grandma's though. Noey Boey, you be good at school this week."

"I'm _always_ good!"

"I know, I know, it's just something adults are supposed to tell children." Sarah blew kisses on her way out of the office, including one directed at Carisi who passed her in the doorway.

"Lieu, I'm headed home."

"Us too," Olivia replied. "Do you mean the loft home or out to Connecticut?"

"Connecticut," Carisi said plaintively.

"I know it's not ideal," Olivia counseled, "But you and Brooke are so kind to do this. I'm sure Aidan and Dave appreciate it."

"Aidan does. Not sure about Dave. And," Carisi eyed Noah who didn't seem to be paying attention, "I hate that we're giving up the loft. I mean, I get it. It has to be done. But that was our first home. We bought it together. With money from my Dad. It was supposed to be this place with all our first happy memories and it turned into a nightmare. Not just Kyle, but the first baby, too."

"I know," Olivia murmured but nearly choked as she zeroed in on Carisi's last sentence. With raised eyebrows she asked, " _First_ baby?"

Defeat filled his face. "Uh, yeah, the miscarriage," he mumbled. Yet, his attempt at retraction was futile under the scrutiny of his boss.

"Is there…a _second_ baby?" Olivia silently rebuked herself for prying, but she knew Carisi's body language and could tell he wanted to talk. Nevertheless, she walked back her inquiry. "You know what…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have—"

He shook his head and closed the door. "She's about ready to tell everyone. Maybe Sunday actually, and, it's been, a little surreal I guess, with all this stuff with her mother and Dave and not knowing how to feel about this pregnancy…at least not yet."

"Carisi—"

He ignored the attempted interruption. "Ya know, I heard this author speak once, I forgot who, but I was in college, and he said when he created characters he thought of them each with an empty bucket and he tried to pile as much into the bucket as possible. Made for a better story."

Olivia looked at him knowingly.

"I feel like our buckets are overflowing," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. "I dunno if I can take any more bad news. I don't know if," he gulped and his voice wavered, " _We_ can take any more bad news."

"You've definitely been tested," Olivia spoke deliberately, carefully choosing her words, "Marriage is hard enough—"

Sonny scoffed a bit. "Some aren't."

"Ed and I had our share of adversity before we got married," Olivia replied graciously, not taking his comment personally, "It's different for us. It's different for everyone. But at the end of the day you're two different people who've made a conscious decision to be together. Because you love each other. And you're stronger together."

Sonny processed her words. "Maybe…being away from the city will be good. For her. For the baby."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself," Olivia remarked.

"I'm just not a suburban guy," he said, "I gotta find _some_ silver lining. Maybe that's it."

"Brooke did mention being able to save money. That's not something to discount. Especially if you're going to need a second bedroom when you buy another place."

"I guess we wouldn't have been able to stay in the loft anyway. Not with a baby. At least not for long."

"No."

"You and Tucker wanna move out to the Connecticut house?" Carisi joked. "We'll take your place?"

"Pass." Olivia swiftly replied, matching his jesting tone. However, a pit formed in her stomach at the thought of residing in a house owned by Ed's dead ex-wife and her imprisoned husband. What an odd twist of fate that would be.

"Mommy?" Noah struggled to open a package of mints he found near her coffee maker. "Can you open this?"

"Sure," she tore the plastic and gave him the mint. "We should probably head home, Noah. Why don't you call Daddy and tell him we're on our way?"

Noah eagerly took her phone and instructed Siri to call Daddy which confused the virtual assistant.

Carisi cracked up. "You don't have Ed as _Daddy_ in your phone?"

Olivia laughed and tried to hide her reddening cheeks by shoving folders and the laptop into her leather bag. "Noah," she said calmly, "Tell her to call _Ed_."

…

Ed took Olivia by the hands and led her into the bedroom. Soft music played from the iHome and there were bouquets of flowers on every surface. Candles flickered. In the middle of the bed was a small box wrapped in metallic, rose-colored paper. Olivia froze to take it all in.

She'd expected Mother's Day to be hard, but it was exactly the opposite. Caroline's home oozed with comfort. Sarah bounced around with what Olivia thought was artificial enthusiasm, but she didn't question it. Not yet. Brooke and Aidan seemed in good spirits, though both of them periodically drifted off by themselves only to rejoin the small crowd with brave smiles.

Olivia and Ed waited for Brooke's big reveal but it didn't happen. They assumed she wanted Sonny to be there, and he was working, called away on a case that eventually required Olivia's presence. She reluctantly kissed everyone goodbye, but Noah didn't allow her to leave until she unwrapped one particular gift.

"Itsa present from me and the babies," he said softly. "We buyed it for you."

Olivia knelt in front of him and accepted the box.

"Open it, Mommy!" He implored, "Fore ya go to p'lice!"

Olivia unwrapped the box and found a pair of earrings, teardrop shaped like she often wore but composed of multiple colors, each representing the birthstone of her children, including Sarah and Brooke.

Her lower lip trembled.

"They for you, Mommy! The colors are US!"

"I…" Her phone buzzed in her pocket but she remained frozen.

"Noah designed it himself, didn'tcha bud?"

"Uh-huh! You like em Mommy?"

Olivia blinked back tears. "It's the best present ever, sweetie. I love them."

"You wear 'em to p'lice," Noah instructed, plucking them from the box. " _Here_."

With the new earrings fastened, Olivia hugged Noah. "You did a great job, Noah. I love you so much." She gazed at the rest of the family with tear-filled eyes as she hugged her son.

The phone vibrated again.

"Mommy!" Noah said, his voice slightly muffled, "You gotta go!"

She nodded and squeezed him once more. Before leaving, she embraced Caroline and the girls, saving Ed for last.

"I'll see you later," he whispered confidently. "I _will_ wait up."

"Promise?"

"No brainer."

She cocked an eyebrow and headed to the cruiser. As she drove to the scene she wondered how much longer she would ask Ed to wait alone in bed for her. Maybe it was Mother's Day, but this particular emergency and requisite time from her family seemed more excruciating than others.

The separation didn't last long, though, and she was back in her husband's arms a mere two hours later. He kissed her neck, flicking his tongue and nibbling at her earlobe.

"Ya didn't think I'd forgotten a gift from me, didja?" He teased.

Olivia's hands flew to her ears, "These are…so special…I kept touching them the whole night. They're…more than enough."

"No," Ed stepped toward her and caressed her face, "There is no _enough_. You have one more gift to open. From me." He stared at her, arresting her with his blue eyes, almost making her gasp for air. "It's just a matter of…if you want to open it before or after I make love to you."

Olivia took a deep breath and held him close, her arms around his waist.

"Which is it, baby?" Ed asked softly.

She tilted her head back, "I want you first."

He raised his eyebrows playfully. "Interesting choice."

"I always want you first."

Ed lifted her onto the bed and quickly removed her blouse and pants and everything else. She did the best she could to remove his clothing and the frantic few moments dissipated as they fell into a deep, passionate kiss in the center of the mattress. Olivia ran a foot slowly up and down his leg as they kissed. She smiled when Ed shivered and smiled wider when his fingertips on her spine drew forth a similar response.

"There is no man who loves a woman as much as I love you," Ed rasped, gripping her thigh. " _No_ _one_."

" _Ed_."

" _Liv_."

"Oh my _Godddddd_!"

"Liv, you feel so good. So good, I can't get enough of you baby. You're a fucking drug."

" _EDDDDDDDDD_!"

He moved faster and held her tightly while kissing all over her face wanting to do everything he possibly could to show her, prove to her, how serious he was about his earlier statement.

He was in another world tonight. He took his time. He hit all the right spots. Each time he felt her attempting to switch gears and assert herself, he declined in kind. Tonight was all about her. They were still struggling to breathe normally when Ed asked her if she was ready to open the box.

"Oh, um," Olivia gulped, "Okay."

Ed planted a sloppy kiss on her mouth. "Trust me, you want it."

"I trust you."

Ed leaned off his side of the mattress and retrieved the box which had been kicked to the floor. He handed it to Olivia, smirking uncontrollably. She tore into the package and opened the lid, squinting but nevertheless making out the print and being stunned at the brochure.

"Oh my God."

"Quebec City's supposed to be beautiful this time of year," he whispered. "I got the best room. At the best hotel. And it'll be just us."

Tears spilled over and ran down Olivia's cheeks as she murmured _thank you_ and hugged her husband.

"Next weekend," he whispered, "I got everything set up. Brooke and Sarah have the kids. Rollins is on duty…I hope ya don't mind me stepping in there."

"Not at all," she said, grinning at him, "I'm…I'm so excited."

"Yeah?"

Olivia gazed into his eyes. Not too long ago she would've been worried to the point of debating whether or not to go, but she trusted Sarah and Brooke and Sonny. She trusted Rollins. She trusted her husband. And she was going away with him for a long weekend and not feeling guilty about it.

"Yeah. I _love_ hearing you try to speak French."

"Mmmhmmm."

"Seriously, sweetie, thank you. This is perfect."

"I don't spoil you enough," he said.

Olivia crinkled her nose a bit. "You do. _Plenty_."

"You just wait," he smoothed her hair back, the confident smirk threatening to explode from his face. "I haven't even gotten started."

….

The following Monday night Olivia kissed Maggie and Wyatt and put them in their cribs. True to form, Wyatt curled up with his blanket and Maggie popped back up, begging to be freed. Olivia kissed her once more and whispered another, "good night, sweet girl," closed the door, and reentered the living room only to wink at Ed and then disappear once again into Noah's room.

"Hi sweetheart. Did you pick out your books?"

"Uh-huh," he handed her two hardcovers and sat up, "Here ya go."

Olivia observed the titles with interest. "Two about firemen, huh?"

"Yep! Saw 'em today at school!"

"You did?"

"Uh-huh! They say they pr'tect us from FIRE!"

"Yeah, the firemen do a good job of protecting us."

"Yup! And Mommy pr'tect us too cause you p'lice! And Daddy pr'tect 'cause he's the Daddy! And Wyatt have his badge."

"That's right. You have so many people protecting you and keeping you safe."

She settled in next to him and started opening the first book, intending to read, but Noah continued.

"Today we have a fire drill," Noah said.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh!"

Ed poked his head in, "You two need anything?"

"C'mon, Daddy! Read! You do da sounds!"

"Alright." Ed piled in next to them and slung an arm across Olivia and Noah. "What were ya talkin' about?"

"The fire drill," Olivia answered.

"Oh," Ed replied, "Tell us about it bud."

Noah got excited and stood on his knees, "The fire man came and said we all gotta get in a line and Miss Brynn say 'LINE UP' and we lined up and then we walk outside because if there's fire we gotta get out!"

"Yup, that's right," Ed said, amused at the story. But he quickly became concerned at Noah's frown. "What's wrong, bud?"

"I got outta line," he mumbled.

"Whydja get outta line?"

"Cause Mia was LAST! I tell her to c'mon! She was by the fire! I have to pr'tect her!"

Both Ed and Olivia descended upon Noah, smothering him with hugs and kisses.

" _Sweet boy_." Olivia wanted to tell him to obey the teachers' orders from now on but she didn't have the heart to do it at this particular moment.

"Didja let her go in front of you, pal?" Ed asked.

"Uh-huh!"

"That's so good, Noah. But remember, you gotta listen to the teacher, okay?"

"I listen, Daddy! We went to da playground in da line!"

"Okay, as long as you kept moving."

"That's what Miss Brynn say!" Noah giggled and fell back against his pillow. "KEEP MOVING!"

Ed glanced at his tearful wife and took one of the books. "Okay. Story one of two."

"Do the sounds, Daddy."

"No problem, bud."

Ed wrapped both arms around his wife and son and started reading.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thirty-one.**

The morning sunlight cast its rays down on the St. Lawrence River, making its surface shiny and glass-like, pierced only by the occasional fishing boat or freighter. The wharves slowly came to life with both tourists and those making their livings courtesy of the river's bounty. Sets of stairs led up the steep embankment to the old city. Some people traversed them wearily; others used them as parts of workout regimens and sprinted from bottom to top, top to bottom, deftly navigating around their slower counterparts. Serried seventeenth century storefronts and converted hotels lined the cobblestone lanes which seemed too narrow and too antiquated to accommodate the size and speed of modern vehicles. The Chateau Frontenac's elevation made everything below seem like a mechanized, miniature village, something created for a museum.

Dressed in the thick white terry hotel robe, Olivia took in the view through their suite's bay windows while Ed accepted coffee and their breakfast platters from a tuxedoed member of the hotel staff. He parked the cart in the center of the room, poured two mimosas, and joined her at the window.

"Nice view, huh?" He handed her a glass and kissed her neck.

"It's unreal."

"Well," he held up his glass, "Cheers to the unreal."

Olivia had barely swallowed her first sip when Ed wrested the glass away and began fiercely kissing her. "Last night," he rasped, his lips never leaving hers, "Was…"

She opened her eyes and finished his sentence, "Unreal?"

Eyes on the adjacent loveseat, Ed returned the glass and led her there by the hand. "Maybe," he intoned, "But it _was_ real…'cause I thought I was dreamin' but then there you were next to me when I woke up."

Olivia tilted her head back and smiled sweetly at him before settling into his chest and soaking up the comfort and security of his firm embrace. Seconds later he was kissing her head and soon, she knew, he would move to her face and her neck and then her robe would be flung aside and they would make love, probably right there on the loveseat, and bask in the afterglow while watching the boats traverse the St. Lawrence.

They landed in Quebec City the previous night and were situated in their suite with plenty of time to explore the immediate vicinity before complete darkness fell. They wandered through the quaint streets arm-in-arm and mostly window-shopped. Every time Ed asked if she wanted to enter a store, Olivia said no and clutched his arm more firmly.

"Sure?"

"Yeah," she replied softly, "I'm…really enjoying just being here with you right now."

In total agreement with his wife, Ed smirked and continued on. The old city had a magical quality to it; the area teemed with people, but the frantic Manhattan pace they were so used to was replaced by a type of upbeat yet languid vibe that Olivia immediately appreciated. Cars weaved in and out of pedestrians without blaring their horns. Couples and families parked themselves at outdoor cafes for what seemed to be indefinite amounts of time. Strangers smiled at one another. It was crowded but not chaotic. All the energy of a Manhattan rush hour was present but the urgency was missing. The air was cool and crisp and occasionally whipped strands of brown hair into Ed's face, but he did not mind at all. It was a further reminder that she, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker, was not only real, but here with him.

As darkness fell, they entered a cozy pub and occupied a small table overlooking Rue St. Jean. Olivia ordered for them in French, and Ed remembered to say "Merci" instead of "thank you" when the drinks arrived which Olivia found adorable.

"A toast?" He raised his glass and shyly looked at her, his lips parted ever so slightly and his eyes hopeful, as if he thought there was a chance she would actually shrug off the ritual.

She lifted her glass. "I'd love a toast."

"I, uh,"

He'd planned this moment on the plane. He'd even rehearsed the lines in his head. Now he stared at his wife, her wind-tousled hair framing her face, pink cheeks, warm brown eyes, lips curled into a curious yet loving smile, and he had to take a sip of the dark beer she'd ordered because his throat was suddenly dry and scratchy.

"I want to toast to second chances," he said.

"Second chances," Olivia murmured.

"Yeah," he was gaining more confidence now, "And all the beautiful things those second chances can bring when ya take advantage of them. Liv, I'm just so happy. And I'm so in love. With all of it. With you, with our kids, with…" he was grinning now, "puke and diapers and five-year-olds walking in on us in the middle of the night…I…I want ya to know that. That I'm happy. And I think I'm so fascinated with it because I've never felt this way, never felt like every day gives me a new opportunity to be happy about something."

Olivia blinked several times, stunned by what he said and hoping she could piece together an appropriate yet impromptu response.

But she didn't have to.

"Say cheers, Liv," Ed coaxed, angling his glass toward her.  
"Cheers."

They sipped and Ed leaned forward for a kiss. "I love you so much baby."

"I love you."

They stared at each other for another few minutes until the chemistry between them became so intense Olivia felt the need to change the subject lest they run out on their tab and sprint to the hotel.

"Do you think Noah would like this pub?"

"He would. But _Da_ pub will always be his home base. I bet he'll go there to do his homework when he gets older."

"At least we don't have to worry about him drinking there," Olivia joked.

"Nope."

"So what do you want to do? Dinner? A little more walking? Then back?"

"You tell me. Whatever you want. I'm lucky just to be here with you."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow, "You stole my line from earlier."

…

Sarah picked up Noah from school too early on Friday afternoon and treated him to art supplies, the Subway, lunch, and then Shirley Temples at a place close to the twins' day care.

"Sare Bear," Noah asked as he skipped along beside her, holding her hand, "You gotta get the stroller."

"It's already there," Sarah replied. "Mommy and Daddy left it for me."

"Wyatt and Maggie loooove their stroller!" Noah stopped suddenly and looked up at her.

"C'mon, Noey," Sarah urged, "You know we can't stop like this in the middle of the sidewalk. What's wrong?"

"You know howta take care of all of us?" He asked, wide eyed and clearly concerned.

Sarah smiled. " _Noey_! I positively cannot believe you are doubting me! I am very good at taking care of all three of my little siblings and besides, Brookey and Aidan are coming to stay with us tonight."

"They are?"

"Yes. And then we're going to go to Connecticut for Saturday and Sunday. Mommy and Daddy will be back Monday. So, Monday morning I'll drop you at school and the babies at day care then Mommy and Daddy will pick you up."

Satisfied, Noah returned to matters at hand, particularly how his parents being gone could work in his favor. "I stay up late." It was a statement, not a question, "And _I_ pick one movie and Aidan pick 'nother one! Then Aidan teach me more l'crosse."

"He can't teach you lacrosse at night!"

"T'morrow."

"Maybe."

"We read _Stinky Cheese Man_ t'night?"

"We'll read anything you want, Noey Boey. I am a fan of reading."

"Kay!"

They were walking again and Sarah delighted in how Noah expertly navigated the streets. He impatiently waited for cars to pass and looked to see when jaywalking was possible. They stopped at DaVinci, hopped the C Train to the Tuckers' neighborhood, and sat down for Shirley Temples—virgin for Noah, spiked with a splash of vodka for Sarah.

"Noey, you know I took care of you before. When Mommy and Daddy went on their honeymoon."

Noah scrunched up his face. "Yeah…we do Oreo math."

"YES!" Sarah was so excited he remembered.

The scrunched up face did not disappear. "Where's Jeff?"

Sarah's face fell slightly. "In Philadelphia."

"Why?"

"Because he loved that city and I don't."

"But he your hubbind."

"Husband. And. Yes. He was. But we, well, Noey, when people are husband and wife you have to really like each other. And me and Jeff didn't really like each other."

"Mommy and Daddy really like each other," Noah said.

"I know," Sarah sighed. "I told you, they're goals."

"What's goals?"

"It means…it means perfect. It means everybody wants to be like you when you're goals. Like, Noey, everybody loves Mommy and Daddy. Like. _Loves_. When you get married you have to be like Daddy."

Noah giggled like he usually did when someone made a statement that, to him, was monumentally obvious. "I _am_ like Daddy! We have da same shoes and the same coat and the same NAME—Tucker!"

Sarah smacked her forehead with her palm. "Silly me! Duh!"

" _Duhhh_ ," Noah groaned.

"Hey, don't say that around Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

"Okay."

"And I mean it this time."

"Okay."

"Or you're gonna pay the jar."

"Nope," Noah shook his head assuredly, "Da jar's for you!"

…

Ed nuzzled Olvia's bare shoulder. "So…whaddya want to do today?"

"Well," she said, "There are a lot of places to see. So I think we should just start walking."

"I can't wait to see everything you want to see with you."

It took Olivia a second to rifle through the sentence. She ran a finger over Ed's lips and regarded him with extreme interest. " _You_ ," she said slowly, "Are so incredible."

" _You're_ incredible." He gently bit her upper arm. "God I love you."

Olivia turned and faced him. Under the soft white sheets and plush duvet their bare legs were tangled together. "Sure you don't mind going out for a little while?"

She was teasing him and he ate it up. Olivia's job typically dictated her mood; however, she did her best to bury negativity at home. Ed was too sharp, though, and he could tell when she was hiding angst or an abundance of misgivings. On this trip she hid nothing because there was nothing to hide. The same thing happened in Paris three years ago. Sure, she was wrangling with Mike's death, but she wore that grief openly. Here in Quebec, she had obviously jettisoned all dark thoughts and troublesome uncertainties. He cherished this fun loving, sassy version of his wife and couldn't help but think about the future, when they were both retired and when she was no longer periodically dragged into the ugly job-related abyss.

"Nah," he said, "We're here to see the city."

"Can I interest you in a shower?"

Ed kissed her in response. He slithered on top of her and pressed his hips into hers, grinding against her lower body. Olivia matched his passionate aggression, fiercely kissing back and digging her nails into his skin. Later, after they showered, dressed, and left the hotel, Ed caught her periodically breaking into smiles at random times. After the third or fourth instance, he finally asked what was so amusing.

"Compared to the average couple," her eyes cautiously darted around, making sure no one was within earshot, "We have a lot of sex."

He clumsily kissed her cheek. "A lot of really _good_ sex," he clarified, "And it's not fair to compare us to the average couple."

"Not fair to us?"

She was teasing him again. He playfully bumped into her. "Rather," he said, "Not fair to _them_."

….

All three Tucker children were piled on the mattress in the master bedroom. Noah had opted to sleep there the night before rather than in his own bed. He stayed awake through two movies, but, to his disappointment, the night did not include Aidan. He was staying with his father over the weekend. It would be their final time together before Dave entered his plea and began serving the sentence.

Maggie and Wyatt awoke far too early for their caretakers' liking, so Sarah brought them into bed when she saw Brooke wrapped up in Noah's covers and her face buried in the pillow. The early riser in the family was exhausted and also suffering from morning sickness which apparently wasn't limited only to mornings. The twins cooperated for a while and cuddled under the covers with Noah. Sarah handed over her phone to try and prolong the laziness, but she couldn't manage any more sleep with the _bloopity bloop_ of the games.

"Noey Boey, you kiddos get up so early. It's Saturday. You're supposed to sleep in."

"Nope," Noah replied. "No sleeping. We wanna PLAY!"

Inspired by their boisterous brother, Maggie and Wyatt let loose a round of shrieks.

"Oh boy," Sarah groaned, "We are going to have to have some outside time today."

"Lesstake the scooters out!"

"Alright. Why don't you go wake up Brookey? I can't take all three of you on the scooters."

"Daddy does!"

"Well, Daddy's Superman."

It wasn't necessary for Noah to rouse Brooke because she plodded into the room. Her blonde hair was piled into a mop atop her head and secured with a clip. She hadn't bothered to remove her makeup the night before and her mascara and eyeshadow were caked in half-moon shapes under her eyes.

"You're loud," she mumbled sleepily.

"Children are loud, Brooke. Get used to it."

"You know," she said, "With Aidan gone we can just stay here this weekend and not bother lugging all this stuff out to the house."

"Omigod that's the best suggestion _ever_!"

"Yeah, and Sonny's on duty so he'll practically be living at work. And I think Dad was a little weirded out by us going there."

"I don't blame him."

"It's a _house_ ," Brooke argued.

"It's his ex-wife's house. It's a little strange…to have your perfect new family going into that space. We don't feel right there, do we Noey?"

Noah looked up from the phone but didn't answer the question.

Brooke sighed, "You know what _is_ strange?"

"What?"

"Dad and Olivia letting you sleep in their bed."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "I'm nice enough to stay here and watch their children. It's just a bed, Brooke. You're the only one with the problem."

"It's not a problem," she countered, "It's more like…you have this obsession with them and they don't know it."

" _Stahhhp_ ," Sarah snickered, "And get out of your mood, will ya?"

"I need air," Brooke replied, "Noah, do you feel like taking a ride? I need to get some things if we're staying here until Monday."

"Okay Brookey! I'll ride with ya!"

"And the babies and I shall prepare for our day!"

"Can we eat before I go?" Brooke asked. "I'm starving."

"Because you're puking everything."

"Brookey, you sick?" Noah asked, his eyes filled with concern.

"Sort of," Brooke replied, "Remember we talked about how I have a baby in my tummy now?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, sometimes when that happens, it makes the Mommy a little sick."

" _Ohhhhh_."

"But also very hungry," Sarah added, "Having babies is weird."

Noah giggled and poked Wyatt's belly. "Weird baby! Weird baby!" Wyatt grabbed Noah's head and tugged at his hair. "Ya got my hair, Wyatt! Uh-oh, here comes Maggie! She's gonna blow her bubbles on me!"

Noah scrambled away from the twins, under the covers, careful to avoid the edges. Maggie and Wyatt babbled away during the pursuit and Sarah bopped their heads from above, making the game even more raucous.

Brooke tugged at her oversized t-shirt. "I'm going to change. Noah, about ten minutes okay? Are you dressed?"

Noah scrambled out of the covers and popped his head into the air. "Nope! I have my PJs!"

"Well, let's get ya dressed."

"Kay!" Noah pressed his forehead against Sarah's, "What we havin' for breakfast?"

"How about cereal? Nice and quick?"

" _Nooo_ ," Brooke said as if she'd just come up with the greatest idea for breakfast in the world. "Let's stop for breakfast tacos on the way out. Damn that sounds good."

"Brookey, you say DAMN!" Noah announced gleefully. " _You_ gotta pay!"

…..

Because of Quebec City's high elevation there were miles of walking paths offering spectacular panoramic views of the old city including their hotel, the Chateau Frontenac, a grand, historic site that dominated the area's skyline. Ed and Olivia found a bench and people watched for a while. Olivia zipped her coat to ward off the chilly spring breeze and nestled into Ed. He readily slung an arm across her shoulders.

A couple walked by pushing a stroller. "I'm glad I kept so many of the twins' things," Olivia remarked, "A lot of them are almost brand new."

"Mmmhmm," Ed droned into the side of her head.

"You haven't said much since they told us."

After Brooke crossed the first trimester threshold, she and Sonny delivered the news to their families in low-key fashion. Brooke especially was apprehensive about it all and worried saying the words "I'm pregnant" out loud would somehow jinx her. Sonny was more upbeat, but both Olivia and Ed noticed his smile, eyes, and body language were without their typical swagger.

Once his relationship to the new baby was explained to him, Noah was more excited at the possibility of having another thing in common with Mia who already had a nephew.

Ed put his other arm across Olivia's chest and clasped his fingers together. "Just feel like everyone's gonna be jittery for the next few months. I don't like it."

"I don't either," Olivia said, "But I get it."

"I get it, too. But it can't be good for her to be nervous all the time. And somethin's still not right with them."

"I know."

"I can _tell_ when things aren't right."

Olivia felt his lips curl into a smile. "I know you can."

"And I also can tell when things _are_ right."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia challenged.

"Yeah," He loosened his hold on her just enough so they faced one another. " _We_ are so right. And maybe," his eyes fell momentarily and his sunny disposition clouded, "Maybe I, uh, I don't want any more tough stuff, ya know? For anyone. But especially Brooke. With Sarah, she's, well, she's resilient. She digs herself into a hole and somehow manages to come out of it clean. Brooke's always tried to do everything right, and when she gets stuck, when she has to fight, well…that's not _her_."

Olivia cradled his cheek. "She'll be okay. At some point, she'll realize her strength," Olivia flicked Ed's bottom lip, "Maybe it'll be when she's juggling being a mom and having a job, or maybe it'll be when she holds that baby in her arms for the first time, but she'll get it. It's there."

Ed's eyes bored into Olivia's, deep down, way into the inner depths of her soul. He knew she was speaking from experience, and he knew that not so long ago his wife was mired in a similar version of self-doubt. More than once Olivia had admitted how exhausting it was to function at such a high level on the job while second-guessing every move she made in her personal life.

On paper, Brooke felt like the only misstep she made was failing to tell Sonny about the help she was giving Kyle, and Dave's decision to pull the trigger that night magnified her tiny blunder and sent her marriage spiraling almost out of control. Sonny felt betrayed. They had to sell their beloved first home. Angela's death and Dave's impending incarceration further drove a wedge between Brooke and Sonny, yet here they were, once again, expectant parents.

Ed rarely disagreed with his wife, and he wavered a bit in this instance.

"I hope so," he whispered.

"And no matter what," Olivia said sweetly, "She has us."

"Yes she does."

"Are you gonna tell me what else is bothering you?"

Ed grinned. "I, uh, I'm not sure I'm ready for _Grandpa_. Especially when we have two of our own just barely walkin."

Olivia kissed him, and they exchanged a few pecks. "We are the quintessential modern family," she joked.

"You have such a good vocabulary."

"Thank you. Nice pivot back to flirting."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "Wanna pivot back to the hotel for a little while?"

"Yes."

"Then I wanna take you to dinner."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Some place small and quiet and dimly lit, someplace…"

"Romantic," Olivia murmured, finishing his thought.

"Yep. Exactly. Think we can find a place like that?"

Olivia looped her arm through his and they started off toward the hotel. "We definitely will."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	32. Chapter 32

**Thirty…?...I forgot.**

Somewhere in the heap of sippy cups, board books, favorite blankies, toys, and games hid Sarah's ringing phone. The device had been hidden for most of the evening, but she hadn't had time to miss it while corralling the year-old twins and Noah, who critically watched his older sister care for his siblings.

"Your phone, Sare Bear!"

"I know, Noey! But—Maggie! Stop squirming! You have to get jammies on!—first I need to get small sister ready for bed." She beamed at Wyatt, "Sweet brother is so compliant. So calm. So _obedient_."

"What obedient?"

"It means you follow the rules."

"Oh. I follow the rules."

"I'm sure you do. Does Mia follow the rules?"

Noah smiled shyly and bit his lip. "Ummm. Sometimes she hasta go to timeout."

"Why?"

"She's hyper."

"Oh yes," Sarah recalled jubilantly. "I recall."

Once again, the phone rang. Noah tossed things around haphazardly, feverishly trying to unearth the phone before it again went silent. Finally, he triumphantly held it in front of Sarah's face. She'd wrestled Maggie to the floor and was desperately trying to shove a second arm into the sleeve before the little girl scrambled away.

"It's Mommy and Daddy. Call them back."

Seconds later, Noah was meandering around the apartment video chatting with his parents.

"Sarah and Brooke takin' good care of ya, bud?" Ed asked devilishly, knowing Sarah was within earshot and wanting to ruffle her feathers a bit. He could hear Maggie's familiar strained cries in the background and he shot Olivia a quick, knowing smirk.

"Yup! And I take care of my babies," Noah boasted. "I break up the waffles and give 'em their drinks. And I read 'em THREE books and Maggie doesn't liketa sleep so Sare Bear say EVERRBODY in da BIG BED tonight!"

"Wyatt won't go to bed either?" Olivia asked.

"Uh-huh. He go. But he gotta be with us!"

Olivia smiled and felt the familiar happy tears welling in her eyes.

"Sounds like a party," Ed remarked as Noah transported himself and the phone to the play mat where a now-happy Maggie sat playing in her sunflower pajamas. She immediately recognized her parents' voices and tried to wrest the phone from Noah so Ed and Olivia got a close-up view of their daughter.

"Hi sweet girl!"

"Hey Maggie May!"

It wasn't long before Wyatt crawled over and started shrieking and smacking the screen.

"No no, Wyatt," Noah said, "Can't go _in_ there silly!"

"Ma!"

"Dadadada!"

"MAMAMAMA!"

Sarah entered Ed and Olivia's view and grumbled, "That's all they want to say! Mama. Dada. And No. Both for Noah and actual _no_."

Ed protested, "They say some words."

"Not Sare Bear!" She shot back petulantly before taking a closer look at her father and stepmother. "Nice robes."

Ed and Olivia sat shoulder-to-shoulder on the bed propped against the ornate headboard. Oddly, Ed hadn't thought about their attire when he answered the call.

"Thanks," he replied nonchalantly, "Just got cleaned up and headed to dinner in a bit."

Off camera, Olivia hooked her bare ankle around his, teasing him, maybe admonishing him slightly for intentionally stoking Sarah's borderline-inappropriate obsession with their sex life. But she didn't really care if he did or not. Ed obviously didn't care either. And he delighted in his wife tweaking his nerves and making the call more difficult than it should have been with her intimate torture.

Amused by the implication they'd showered together only moments before asked where they were going

"Can't pronounce it," Ed replied, still smirking and starting to flush.

"Le Lapin Saute," Olivia said.

Ed shivered at her French.

"We'll see how your Daddy likes it…"

Olivia didn't trail off. Ed quit listening because he was stuck on the way she said _Daddy_. The word wasn't lost on Sarah, either. She nearly exploded with giddiness. Oblivious, Noah was the only one paying attention.

"…the menu is…eclectic," Olivia finished.

"Whas 'clecktick?" Noah asked.

"It means the food is different from what we usually eat, sweet boy."

Recovering, Sarah croaked, "Sounds romantic."

"I'm sure it will be," Olivia replied, "This city is so romantic. I love it."

"Well don't forget to come back," Sarah said, "I don't know how any one person can take care of three children."

"Noah helps," Ed mumbled.

"Where's Brooke?" Olivia asked. With the Lieutenant gone, every member of the squad had to pick up a little extra slack, so she knew Sonny wouldn't be around much. The poor guy was bouncing from the Connecticut house to Sarah's apartment and back again. Before leaving Olivia joked he should feel free to crash on the couch in her office and he took the suggestion to heart.

"She's in bed. She's still feeling like crap. I didn't know morning sickness lasted all day! Noey, remind me never to get preggers."

"Kay."

Ed rolled his eyes.

"So anyway," Sarah continued, "It's sort of like I have four children. Five counting Aidan but he's with Dave this weekend. And…well…how do you not worry someone's gonna come in and steal them?"

Olivia saw Noah's alarmed expression and reassuringly said, "Sarah's being silly, Noah! You're safe and sound in your house."

"Yeah," Noah slowly agreed, his expression brightening. "An' b'sides! Theo and Al are down there and they say…NO BAD GUYS!"

"That's right."

Ed glared into the camera. He hated seeing any of his children in distress, but he was especially protective of Noah at this age. Everything registered with him; he was almost too observant. Even the most minute, silly details he internalized. Olivia felt his body tense and turn rigid.

"So what did you have for dinner?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Babies have their nuggies!" Noah said, "But we havin' PIZZA! Sonny's bringin it!"

"Must be quiet at the—"

Ed nudged her and mouthed, _no police talk_. Nevertheless, Sonny bringing pizza on a Saturday night meant things were under control at the precinct.

Sarah cuddled Wyatt, pressing her face against one of his chubby cheeks. "Apparently Rollins and the new guy, that _cutie patootie_ , are crazy efficient—"

"Cutie patootie," Noah murmured before breaking into a fit of giggles. " _Cuuuuutie_. _Patoooootie_."

"—and Sonny hasn't had many middle of the night calls."

"Sonny what?" Brooke wandered into the living room, rubbing her eyes and wearing the same navy sweatpants and gray hoodie she'd worn since showing up at the apartment yesterday morning. She glanced half-heartedly at the phone and offered a weak wave. "Hey guys."

"Hey."

"Sweetheart," Olivia half-gasped, "You…"

Ed looked amusedly at his wife who almost blurted out the obvious _you look like shit_. And even though he felt awful for his daughter and couldn't wait for her to weather the next few weeks and feel better, her disheveled, peaked appearance amplified his wife's knockout beauty.

For a minute, he felt terrible about that thought.

But they were on vacation. Olivia was now pawing at him, inconspicuously, of course, but they were going to have to say their good nights and good byes soon because Ed couldn't handle much more teasing.

"You look like you could use a nice warm bath," Olivia eventually said, "Use our tub. It'll be good to soak in there with the jets going."

"It's extra bubbly!" Noah added.

"Maybe I will." Brooke plodded into the kitchen and plucked a ginger ale from the refrigerator.

"Okay," Ed said with finality, "So, we, uh, we need to get goin and certain twins need to be in bed."

Noah blew kisses at his parents and helped Maggie and Wyatt do the same. Ed and Olivia promised to call in the morning.

"Not too early," Sarah said, "I'm planning to keep everyone up so I can sleep in."

"Good luck with that," Ed muttered.

Sarah blew a kiss of her own and ended the call. She put Wyatt down and joined Brooke at the kitchen island. "Yeah right they're going out. They're having each other for dinner."

….

Five hundred miles away, Ed and Olivia fell into each other, laughing hysterically.

" _Lieutenant_ ," he said, "Do you _enjoy_ torturing me?"

"I did. A little. I think you enjoyed it, too." Her brown eyes were sparkling. "But you're just as bad. Answering when we're in our robes? My hair all wet?"

"Innocent mistake."

" _MmmHmm_."

"Kinda fun," he wrapped his arms around her, "To be a little outta character…isn't it?"

"Yes." She grinned. It was the unfettered, pure-joy Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker smile and it nearly brought Ed to tears. She'd been using that smile all weekend, and the significance was not lost on either of them.

He tilted her chin up using his thumb and forefinger.

Reading his thoughts, she intoned, "But this isn't out of character."

"I know. I, uh…" he stumbled over his words, remembering the last time he made a remark about the rarity of this particular facial expression.

"You love it," she stated firmly.

"I do."

"It's because of you, ya know."

"Nah," Ed replied humbly.

"Okay," She tried again, "Because of _us_. All of us."

"Yeah…"

"But you know what?"

"What?"

"I really _love_ out-of-character, long-weekend-getaway us."

Ed almost suggested, rather, he nearly commented, that once they were both retired, they could go away more often, with and without kids. They could show Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt all the places they'd been and discover new adventures as a family of five. But he held back and remained resolute in his vow not to pressure her into retiring. Instead, he whispered, "Me too," glanced at the clock, and slowly peeled off her robe.

….

"Phone 'gain," Noah slurred sleepily.

"Thanks, Noey Boey," Sarah frowned at the unfamiliar number but picked up anyway, thinking it could be Ed and Olivia calling back for some reason or maybe Aidan using his Dad's cell. She did not, however, expect the caller to actually be Aidan's Dad.

Noah burrowed himself under Sarah's arm as she conversed. He touched his feet to Maggie's belly a few times. Both Maggie and Wyatt had their heads propped on Sarah's leg. Maggie was entranced by the television. Wyatt looked ready to fall asleep at any minute. He was holding his Tiger Wubbanub and stroking the well-worn left foot, his typical pre-slumber routine.

When the kids piled on her earlier, Sarah joked that the bed was large enough for them each to have their own spaces, but everyone insisted on using Sarah as a pillow.

"Noey," Sarah whispered when she ended the call, "Go get Brookey."

"She sleepin!"

"No she's not. Go get her. I just heard her get something out of the fridge."

Noah groaned but crawled out from under the covers and hopped off the bed with a resounding thud. He returned with Brooke in tow.

"Puke again?"

"No. Now I'm starving but the last time I puked it was the pizza, so I don't want that. I just put some toast in."

"Okay good," Sarah said, "Aidan's missing."

"What?"

"Dave just called," Sarah explained, "To tell Aidan he was back at his apartment and Aidan could come whenever and I was like, huh?"

Sarah didn't need to say anymore. Brooke had been around kids Aidan's age long enough to know what happened. "Aidan told us he was with his Dad and told Dave he was going to be here. Nice."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. "Why are you so calm? I'm freaking out."

Noah plopped on Sarah's chest. "You freakin?"

"Yes Noey! Aidan is out there in Manhattan all alone!"

Brooke clicked her tongue, "Don't scare him. Noah, Aidan's just out with his friends and didn't tell his Dad. He'll be back."

"I don't appreciate him lying."

"That's what kids do. That's what you did."

"Only to stay out a little later."

"Stay out," Brooke huffed sarcastically, "More like make out and who knows what else."

Noah's head snapped back and forth, from sister to sister. Out of the blue, Maggie broke into a litany of loud, unintelligible babbles, startling Wyatt awake. He whimpered and Brooke picked him up.

"Oh Miss Maggie," Sarah cooed, "You want to do some girl talk, dontcha?"

"NONONONONO!" She grabbed for Noah's toes.

"Sare-RAH!"

Maggie made a noise somewhere between a growl and a bark, but Sarah shot up and wrapped Maggie in a bear hug, folding Noah into the mix in the process.

"You squishin!"

"Maggie said my name!"

"She _roared_ ," Brooke said crankily.

"She said it!"

"Sare _Bear_!"

"Oops, sorry Noey." Sarah smothered Maggie's face with kisses. "I love you so much small sister!"

Brooke laid Wyatt down in the center of the bed next to Noah. "C'mere Wyatt," he said, helping the younger boy get back under the covers and handing him the paci. "Those girls're silly!"

"I'll call him," Brooke said.

"Call who?"

" _Aidan_!"

"You don't think Dave thought to do that? He called me because Aidan wasn't picking up."

"He may answer one of us."

"Doubt it." Sarah strained to see Ed's digital clock. "It's ten. He's fine. At two a.m., I'll worry."

…

Ed poked a piece of strawberry, dipped it in the chocolate fondue, and popped it into Olivia's waiting mouth. He ate a piece, paused briefly, waved over the English-speaking waiter, and asked him about the music playing softly from overhead speakers.

"You'd call it…adult alternative," The man said. "I can write down a few artists for you?"

"I'd appreciate that." Ed got to work on another bite and noticed Olivia staring at him with a silly grin on her face. He shrugged. "I like it."

"You're very much into music lately."

" _Listen_ ," Ed implored. "No clue what the words mean…but the _desperation_ …the _desire_. He wants her."

Olivia listened more carefully and agreed. "You're right. It's…he's really pouring his heart and soul into this song."

Ed took a sip of his wine. "Wish I could sing to ya like that."

If Olivia didn't know better, she would think he was trying to make up for some egregious mistake. Ed kept pulling from his bag of romantic one-liners, each more knee-weakening than the last, and, each time, Olivia could only muster a sweet yet slack-jawed expression. This time she added a hand grab and leaned forward for a kiss.

Ed licked his lips and scanned the table. "This sorta stuff…strawberries, chocolate…kinda should be served in a hotel room, right?"

The light hit her eyes just right, making them sparkle. "Right," she replied in a velvety smooth voice.

They paid the bill and strolled back to the hotel, taking a side street they hadn't been down before. It was mostly deserted this time of night, but a small pub was open as well as a neon-lit storefront. They slowed as they passed, and Ed stopped for a closer look.

"Sex shop."

Two boisterous patrons exited speaking rapid-fire French.

"You wanna go in?" Olivia asked.

He grinned. "Would you ever use this stuff?"

She kissed his cheek and snuck a nibble at his earlobe. "I don't need you to use this stuff."

Ed puffed out his chest, faced her, and they kissed for a little too long in front of the shop because a young employee bounded from the shop and said something to them in French. They couldn't make out the words very well, but the kid was smiling, obviously teasing them. Olivia did her best to explain they didn't speak much French, so the kid switched to English, something that had been rare in parts of the city that were less touristy.

"Come in," he said.

Ed and Olivia looked at each other, both seeking the other's approval. Olivia jerked her head toward the window. "Let's just see," she said.

Five minutes later they were back on the street, leaning into one another and laughing. "Liv, baby…"She took a sharp breath and made a whistling sound as she exhaled. "I really can't see us...with all that…those _toys?_ …they're so…"

"Medieval looking?"

" _Yes_."

He drew her even closer, so close they had to kind of stagger along the cobblestone path. "You really meant what ya said? You don't need any of that?"

Olivia paused so she could look him sincerely in the eyes. "I really meant what I said. What about you?"

Even in the darkness, Olivia saw him blush.

"Liv," he rasped, bringing his hand up to her cheek, "If everyone was lucky like me and was married to someone like you, stores like that would be outta business," he smirked and added, "So fucking quick."

"C'mon," Olivia nudged his chest and grinned flirtatiously, "Let's go, Captain. I'm in the mood to listen to some French music with you."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thirty-three.**

Wide awake on his back with hands clasped behind his head, Ed stared at the intricate, bas-relief ceiling tiles, illuminated by the soft moonlight beaming from the clear night sky. Next to him, Olivia was out cold, sleeping on her side facing in the opposite direction, clutching the sheets to her chest. Her bare shoulders and upper back, smooth and defined, practically begged to be touched and kissed, but Ed waited.

She was flawless. And she wasn't going anywhere.

 _Flawless_.

He'd had the word in his head since they returned from dinner and the brief stop at the sex shop. The whole way back, as they walked arm-in-arm, that word played on a loop in his mind.

Everything—his wife, children, the trip, his job…or lack thereof—it was all flawless.

His marriage?

Flawless.

He alternated between being shocked and arrogant about how well he and Olivia _worked_. They got along so well, they joked, they sassed one another, and they expertly juggled three young children. Ed loved the simple routine of texting Olivia when he was changing plans, picking up the twins from day care early or leaving them there a little later so he could have some one-on-one park time with Noah. He and Olivia were _so good_ together—in every way. And he was intensely proud.

Slowly, he inched closer and kissed her shoulder, his lips barely touching skin. She smelled so good—the hotel's body wash, shampoo, maybe a bit of perfume lingering on her neck. He breathed her in, running his face along the outline of her shoulder blades, appreciating simply being in her presence.

Ever so slightly, she angled her shoulder not buried in a pillow in his direction. Understanding this as his cue to take things further, he spooned her, teasing his fingertips at her midsection and gradually moving lower.

"I was dreaming about you," Olivia mumbled, taking a deep breath.

Ed gently worked his fingers between her legs and rasped, "I can tell."

She slung a leg backwards, an invitation, and he continued making gentle strokes. "What was the dream?" With his other hand, he carefully moved a section of her hair to the side and kissed her neck.

"Ed, that feels _so_ good."

"Tell me the dream."

"It was," Olivia was already starting to breathe heavily and gasp between words, "We were dancing. Everyone was watching us but we couldn't see them, it was…just us."

Ed smiled and flicked her earlobe with his tongue. The description didn't surprise him since last night when they returned to their suite he found and played music similar to what they heard in the restaurant, and they swayed together in front of the bay windows.

"You remember the first time we danced?" He asked, still moving his fingers casually and deliberately—up and down; down and up—Olivia responded by pressing herself even closer to him, not that she had to move far in order to close the distance.

"I do. I'm sad that bistro closed. I liked it there. But maybe…" She took a deep, satisfied breath, "I liked it because we danced there."

"I was nervous."

"About dancing?"

"About asking you to dance." It had been early in their relationship. They'd been seeing each other for a few months and Ed had been looking for ways to push things along. Their dates had been casual before this one, always meeting at bars or pubs. At first, their conversations centered on police business, but after a few outings they became more personal. As much as Ed enjoyed getting to know the real Lieutenant Benson, he wanted more. So he gambled a little and suggested the fancier bistro, picked her up at her apartment, and, after the main course, asked her to dance.

"I knew," she replied, "You're always so cute when you're nervous."

"But when I had ya in my arms…" Ed closed his eyes at the memory and nuzzled her neck. "I knew I could never live without you. I wasn't nervous anymore."

"All those firsts," Olivia said, thinking of their first kiss, then the first real kiss, the first time they made love, and the first _I love you_. "So special."

"Yeah."

"But I still feel like it's the first time, Ed. It's still exciting."

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. I thought it was just me."

"I'm sorry it took so long to tell you then." Unexpectedly, Olivia rolled over, on top of him. She approvingly massaged his chest and trailed kisses from his neck to his stomach. "Maybe I don't tell you enough," she looked up with desire-filled eyes, "How sexy you are, how much I want you. I a _lways_ want you."

She rendered him speechless and smirked out of pride and out of appreciation for his rock hard erection. She slithered lower and lower and gripped and kneaded his firm thighs before using one hand to tease him a little like he'd done to her.

"Ed, I love you," she whispered.

" _Liv_." He knew what she was going to do next, and it always made him hesitate. " _Liv_ ," he said again. He gulped air, struggling for breath, trying to tell her she didn't have to do this but damn, it felt good.

And there was no hesitancy on her part.

" _Mmmugh_. Fuck. _Liv_. _God_."

There was no stopping his hips from raising off the bed; he tried to temper the ferocity by threading his fingers through her hair, husking her name again, but she kept going.

She finally lifted her head, eyebrow cocked, and purred, "Stop thinking, Ed."

….

Since Brooke found herself unable to sleep, she took on Maggie duties while waiting for Aidan in the Tucker living room. Dave checked in every hour or so, but neither he nor she heard a word from the AWOL teen. Earlier, Brooke and Sarah spent moments being worried and angry but then rolling their eyes at what they both agreed was typical teenage behavior. During one desperate instance, Sarah suggested Sonny track his phone. Now that it was almost one a.m., Brooke seriously thought about doing it.

"Small sister, just go to sleep," Brooke pleaded. Maggie looked up at her with the wide, blue Tucker eyes, light brown hair curling around her ears and at the nape of her neck. She grabbed Brooke's nose and cocked her head, like she noticed something deeply interesting about her features.

"Go. To. Sleep." She'd tried putting Maggie in her bed, but the little girl let loose a barrage of blood-curdling screams, only to stop instantaneously when Brooke entered the room. Briefly, she considered sleeping on the floor, but when Maggie saw her sit down, she started crying again.

"Book!"

Brooke grinned. "Yes! Brooke! Good girl!" She kissed Maggie's cheeks and hugged her. "But you still need to go to bed! It's so late, Maggs!"

Maggie looked toward the bedroom she shared with Wyatt and then back at Brooke.

"Bed," Brooke pronounced as slowly as possible.

"No, no, no!"

"Yes, yes, yes."

Reacting to the sound of their main door opening, Maggie squirmed, wanting to get down. Brooke put her on the floor and she toddled to the foyer babbling "Mamamamamama!" To her disappointment and Brooke's relief, Aidan entered the apartment. Maggie looked up at him curiously.

"Aidan, what the hell?"

"I'm fine."

Brooke sized him up. There was nothing outwardly incriminating about his appearance. He wasn't disheveled at all and his regular attire—jeans, t-shirt, and unbuttoned oxford—weren't rumpled. His eyes weren't bloodshot and his words weren't slurred; then again, he'd only pronounced two syllables.

"Where were you? And why didn't you answer our texts or calls?" Brooke was trying to sound casual, maybe even emotionless. Good practice, she figured, for when her own teenager broke curfew and lied and…did whatever Aidan had done.

"Out."

" _Out_?"

"Yeah. You want me to go to Dad's?" He took a seat across from her.

"No," she said, sensing a faint aroma of cigarette smoke, "But you need to let him know you're okay. Where _were you_?"

"At Hudson."

"As in, _University_?"

"Yeah, well, rightbythere."

Aidan employed Sarah's technique of speaking really fast in order to mask evidence of being drunk. It never worked, of course, but she, and apparently Aidan, thought otherwise.

"At a party?"

"Yeah."

"With who?"

"My friendsbrothergoesthere."

"Oh. And…why didn't you answer?"

Aidan shrugged and scratched his head, trying to get to the point where they could just say goodnight and Brooke would retreat to Noah's room, leaving him on the couch with spare sheets, pillows, and blanket.

"Guess I wantedtabealone."

"But you weren't alone."

"I wanted to not think," Aidan said, sounding pitiful.

If there was a person on Earth who could empathize with this sentiment, it was Brooke. She decided not to say anything else and save the reprimands for the next day. "Maggie," she called, "Maggie, come here. We're going to bed."

"I can stay up with her," Aidan offered.  
"Thanks," Brooke replied, "But I got it."

She found Maggie seated against the wall, her head lolling about, eyes half-closed. She gently picked her up and the little girl finally nestled her head in between Brooke's neck and shoulder.

Brooke patted Aidan on the head. "Make sure you drink some water. G'night."

…

At first sight, the food at the Sugar Shack appeared a little too down-home to Olivia. Ham, sausages, baked beans, home fries, and some sort of quiche-like wedge filled their plates. In the center of the communal table were huge bowls of accoutrements—beets, coleslaw, olives, and the requisite maple-shaped jar of syrup. Ed's mantra for the trip, and their marriage, was always _whatever you want_ , but he approached this particular outing with a certain degree of skepticism. The shack was actually a large log cabin. The main space—a huge dining hall—contained the long tables, a dance floor, and a bandstand. Ed preferred a quiet table for two, but he plastered a smile on his face and gamely made small talk with the people sitting across from them.

Olivia ended up raving about the food.

Ed warmed up to the strangers.

After the main course, a woman, the Shack's co-owner, brought large carafes of a dark red wine-looking beverage.

"Caribou," she said, "It's our national drink."

Ed motioned for Olivia to take the first sip. "God, that's good. Tastes like…a semi-sweet wine with maybe…a hint of whiskey? Some sugar?"

After his initial taste, he nodded. "I love it."

Their new friends proposed a toast. And then another. And another. The owner brought another carafe. A band began playing traditional Quebecois songs—the style was folksy, bluegrass, but the musicians played and sang with gusto. Their energy was infectious, and the crowd, enlivened by both the music and the alcohol, grew more raucous.

On her way back from the restroom, one of their tablemates intercepted Olivia and ushered her to the dance floor. Ed swallowed a pang of jealousy as he watched another man platonically swing his wife among several other couples. They locked arms at the elbow and high-stepped in wide circles. Olivia smiled tentatively and kept a safe distance from her partner. Ed smirked.

She was only for him. _He_ was the only man in the room who knew what it was like to really be with her.

The song ended and Olivia returned to his side. "Sorry," she said breathlessly, "I got…forcibly sidetracked." She took a sip of her refilled glass. The Shack employees did not let glasses sit empty for long.

"If ya stayed out there any longer, I was going to have to come and cut in."

Olivia laughed.

Ed held out his hand, "Wanna dance a little more?"

"You want to dance to this music?"

"I want to dance with you to any music," he said, standing up gallantly. "C'mon."

The band's violins and fiddles dominated the current song, but the next few were peppy ballads. The lead singer's deep, passionate voice rang out, enthralling everyone, and inspiring Ed to hold Olivia even closer. He nuzzled her neck and she leaned her head into his, the familiar flutters of arousal prickling her back. She felt his stubble, the hand on her lower back drifting just above the back pockets of her jeans, the fingers of his other hand interlacing with hers. Because of the remote locale, they had to schedule taxi service to and from the hotel, and their car wasn't due to arrive for two more hours when the Shack closed. They were told an evening there was meant to last a certain amount of time, and leaving early, though not unheard of, was rare. Olivia wanted the full Sugar Shack experience, but she also wanted Ed so badly in that instance she briefly wished there was a way to cut out early. Ed's body turned her on, but his willingness to try the multitudes of new things on this trip accentuated the physical attraction.

Now here he was, as the band broke into another fiddle-led tune, swinging her around, hurling her at arm's length and drawing her back in, grinning, leaning in for playful kisses, and clapping along when the crowd formed a circle and couples took turns showcasing their moves in the center. For a moment, Olivia blocked out the band and, in out-of-body fashion, observed from afar. She and Ed were in middle-of-nowhere Quebec having the time of their lives. She saved the precious mental picture knowing she would need it when it came time to lay down her badge and move on from the NYPD.

 _Why am I thinking about that now?_

Olivia snapped her attention back to the here and now. To her absolute shock, Ed pulled them into the center and twirled her around. Olivia threw her head back; her hair whipped about, slapping Ed in the face each time he pulled her close.

After the song ended, they took a break and went back to their seats for water and more Caribou.

"I can't believe you did that," Olivia remarked, smiling.

Ed gazed back at her and wiggled his glass in the air, "This prolly helped."

"Probably," Olivia said, reaching out for his head and planting a kiss on his lips.

"Mmmm," Ed hummed, " _Lieutenant_. Be careful."

"I want you."

Ed looked around, "There's gotta be somewhere we can sneak off to for a little while."

Shyly, Olivia ducked her head and brushed off the semi-serious suggestion. "You would think we'd wear ourselves out," she mumbled.

"Don't say that," Ed retorted, taking her joke more seriously than she'd intended. The smirk lingered on his face and he rested both hands on Olivia's thighs. "That's never gonna happen."

For a moment, Olivia regretted her words, for they seemed to wound him. She rubbed his forearms. "I didn't mean—"

Ed interrupted the impending apology, "Uh-uh. No apologies. I know you were kidding. I, well, it's not like we're gettin' any younger, and we've had such a good time, an amazing time, I don't want it to end. I miss the kids, but I'm gonna miss this, too."

Tears filled Olivia's eyes.

"No, no," Ed kissed her cheeks, the tip of her nose, and, finally, her lips. "No crying. C'mon. Let's go dance more."

Afraid she'd start sobbing if she tried to speak, Olivia allowed herself to be led back to the dance floor. During the brief break between songs, she told Ed they could plan more weekends like this one now that she felt comfortable with her entire squad.

"Fletcher is…he's going to work out well."

"Good," Ed kissed her forehead and held her at arm's length as if inspecting for damage. An alluring sparkle had replaced the tears, and she was smiling. Satisfied, he added, "And that concludes the police talk until Monday afternoon. No. Tuesday morning."

…..

Central Park teemed with people on the sunny May afternoon. After riding the scooters for a while, the Tucker clan plus Aidan claimed a shady spot with plenty of lush green grass for Noah and the twins to chase around the soccer ball.

"Next time," Noah said to Aidan, "You bring the l'crosse stuff!"

"Okay," Aidan said, cowed by the five-year-old's demand. He stretched out on the blanket and folded his hands across his stomach.

"How's the head feel?" Sarah asked.

Brooke was shadowing the twins several feet away and out of earshot. In Sarah's opinion, Brooke overreacted to Aidan's drinking. Earlier that morning Brooke dragged Sarah into the master bathroom to decide on a course of action. She insisted they needed to talk seriously with Aidan. Until now, he'd taken everything in stride and seemed unflappable facing his mother's death and his father's impending incarceration. Brooke sensed he was finally cracking, and she and Sarah were the only family he had, the only steady presence, the only people resembling parents.

"Alright," Aidan groaned, "Thanks for the Tylenol."

"After this we'll go for some grease. Then you should be good."

"I'm so thirsty," he said.

Sarah rummaged through the bags and tossed him a juice box. "We have water, too."

Aidan was already sucking the liquid down. He crumbled the cardboard and tossed it aside. "Brooke's mad at me isn't she?"

"Ah, she'll get over it," Sarah replied, "And I wouldn't call her _mad_ , more like worried."

"Cause I went to a party?"

"Everyone goes to parties," Sarah said, "It's just…with mom, with your Dad…I know when you were out you forgot about all that. Have some drinks…everything is better for a little while. Believe me, I know. But…"

"I'm too young." Aidan interjected matter-of-factly.

"No, well, yes, but drinking, no matter what age you are, to forget…not a good idea. Trust me." Aidan remained silent. "I mean…I still do it on occasion, when I'm having a bad day or bad week…it's hard, well, it's _easier_ to stop at the bar and have a few rather than _deal_ , you know?"

Aidan sighed. "I don't drink much at all really. And I knew everyone would say no…so I did what I did."

His apparent lack of remorse bothered even Sarah and she was stunned into silence. For the next several minutes she stared into the distance and watched Noah try to play soccer with Maggie and Wyatt. Eventually he and Brooke kicked the ball back and the forth and the twins meandered around nearby. Maggie spun herself in circles, fell down, and cracked up. When she fell, Wyatt toddled over to her and bent down, hands on his knees, and babbled something.

Then he plucked a few blades of grass and threw them in her direction.

"Wyatt!" Sarah called, "Wyatt! Come here!" The olive-skinned, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked boy came over and let Sarah snuggle him. "Why are you throwing grass on small sister?" Sarah flipped him upside down and blew strawberries on his bare belly.

"Maggs! Ahhhhh!" Sarah's eyes shot in Noah's direction. Maggie had stopped making herself dizzy and instead set out to tackle Noah. She had one of his legs in a death grip. Noah fell over and both Sarah and Brooke cringed when he fell onto the arm that had been fractured.

Brooke hovered over him. "No, you okay?"

He was laughing too hard to reply. Wyatt saw the commotion and wiggled away from Sarah.

"Ahhhh! Baby pile!" Noah shouted between giggles. "Help me! Aidan, help!"

Aidan glanced at Sarah for permission, as if last night's misstep precluded him from participating in family fun. She gave him a little shove. "Go." He grinned, jogged over, and grabbed Maggie first, tossing her in the air. She squealed with delight and whined when he stopped after a few rounds.

"I need a break, small sister," Aidan said breathlessly, instinctively using Maggie's nickname. Wondering if maybe he'd crossed a line, Aidan stammered, "Um, uh," his cheeks reddened as he struggled to find appropriate words. "Guess…she's _your_ small sister, huh, Noah?"

Noah grinned, "She can be your small sister, too Aidan! Jus' gotta keep throwin' her up an' down!"

…

In a tiny café near their hotel, Ed and Olivia occupied a table overlooking the street. This particular location was very touristy and made for good people watching.

"I can't believe it took us this long to have crepes," Olivia mused, taking a bite of a simple ham-and-cheese filled version, one of their two savory selections.

"Wait til you try this chocolate mousse," Ed replied, still chewing. "Noah would love it."

"I don't know how you can eat that then go to these." She gestured at the ham-and-cheese and the scallop and asparagus. Ed balked at that one, and even now she wasn't sure he planned to try it.

Ed took another defiant bite. "I may _only_ eat this one."

"Ed Tucker, you're breaking all the rules on this trip."

He let his eyelids droop. "You gonna punish me?"

Olivia coyly played with her napkin, "Well, we have one more night…I'll have to come up with something appropriate."

"You're killing me, you know that right?"

"You like it."

"I _love_ it." The table was small and he didn't have to strain much to kiss her.

" _Ed_!" He intentionally got sloppy with the smooch and left bits of chocolate on her lip.

"Sorry," he said, leaning in once more. "There, got it."

He sat back in his chair and watched her eat and sip her coffee cocktail concoction. They'd gotten a late start, having returned from the Sugar Shack after midnight. Things heated up during the cab ride back, and as soon as Ed shut the door to their suite, she backed him against it, commencing a round of aggressive, almost rough sex, followed by an interlude which included sips from a bottle of maple whiskey liqueur they'd purchased at the Shack gift shop which reminded Ed of bourbon sex which led him to intentionally spill some on Olivia's collarbone which eventually resulted in them having to remove the sheets and sleep curled up with each other and two spare blankets.

"Hope I left the cleaning people enough tip," he joked.

"They may charge us for the sheets."

"I could not care less."

Olivia lifted her eyes to meet his. "Me neither…and we'll check out tomorrow and we'll never see them again… _so_ …" She trailed off, punctuating her thought with a wink.

Ed almost pointed out they _could_ possibly see the hotel staff again if they returned with their kids someday, but he bit his tongue before he killed the flirty vibe she was creating.

" _So_ …" He droned just as mischievously.

She wiggled her fork in the direction of his plate. "So maybe don't overdo it on the sweet stuff right now."

Blushing, Ed took a bite of the ham-and-cheese.

"Yes ma'am."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thirty-Four**.

Crouching on the floor in his bedroom, Noah inspected the backpack contents carefully. His green folder had not been touched the whole weekend. It contained announcements and was only supposed to be opened by his parents. A second folder, this one blue, held his weekend homework which he and Sarah completed late last night. Before zipping the main compartment, Noah scanned the room and decided to throw in an older case of colored pencils and a Moleskine notebook with unlined pages. At the last minute, he added the red locomotive.

"Noah?" Brooke called from the kitchen. She had just finished dressing Wyatt and Maggie was running around, one arm in and one arm out of her pink zipper hoodie. Brooke chased her down and wrestled the other arm into the sleeve. "Zip UP, small sister, and off we go." She kissed Maggie's cheeks and smoothed her fine brown hair to the side. Maggie looked toward the ceiling as Brooke ran her hand over her head.

"Brookey, I'm here!" Noah said.

"Oh! You're already dressed!"

Noah climbed into his chair, "I get dressed for school," he said matter-of-factly. "Brookey?"

"Yes?"

"I have some cereal please?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, sorry." She put Maggie down and rifled around in the pantry, hastily preparing Noah's breakfast. An hour ago Ed and Olivia called like they'd done each morning of their trip. Their flight was departing on schedule and they would be back later that afternoon in time to pick up Noah from school and the twins from day care. During the call both twins needed immediate diaper changes, and Sarah was in the shower. They said their _I love yous_ and quickly hung up. In the chaos, Brooke had totally forgotten about feeding him, so she now hustled to deliver his bowl and juice.

Maggie made a beeline for Noah's chair and tried to scale the slats.

"No, no Maggs!" He said. "You still sit in da high chair. When you get a little bigger you sit next ta me." Noah looked around. He sat on one end of the table, next to Ed's seat at the head, so there was only other available chair next to his. "Wyatt gonna haveta sit next to Mommy," he murmured.

While Noah ate his Cheerios, Brooke finished the morning chores—she clipped Noah's lunchbox to his backpack and packed Maggie and Wyatt's bag for day care. The younger Tucker children's day was proceeding normally. Sarah had to go to work, and Brooke and Aidan were dropping the twins and then heading downtown to the courthouse.

Today, Dave would be sentenced.

Minutes before leaving, Sarah sashayed out from the master bedroom clad in her blouse, blazer, and matching skirt. "I feel so elegant, so gorgeous getting ready in that bathroom. You should try it, Brooke."

Even Noah gave Sarah a funny look.

"Okay, so," Sarah continued, realizing everyone was ignoring her, "Aidan's meeting you there or you're picking him up?"

"Picking him up. So I really need to get going." Brooke wheeled the stroller into the living room and tossed in the twins' bags, saving the actual twins for last.

"Okay. Noey, I'll drop you at school." Sarah kissed the top of his head.

"Kay."

"Where do you go to school again?"

" _Sare Bear_!"

…..

Olivia and Ed curled up together and exchanged kisses as they basked in the afterglow of what would probably be their final Quebec City lovemaking session. After donning sweats to call home, Ed wasted no time peeling the garments off again. However, nothing else about the morning was hurried. Neither one of them wanted to rush these final hours in their suite.

"I love you so much," Ed played with her hair, "So, so much. I could stay in bed with you forever."

Olivia grinned. "Me too," she intoned, "But, uh, come tonight we'll have little ones sort of thwarting that plan."

Ed's smirk turned into a broad smile as he thought about Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. "You're happy, aren't you?"

"Yes," Olivia replied confidently, "For the first time…ever…I can say I am completely happy. I have everything I've ever wanted. Beautiful sons. A _daughter_ ," she started to choke up a little, "Well, _daughters_. And this incredibly loving, sexy, perfect husband who would do anything for me and our family. So yeah. You could say I'm happy."

"I, uh," his already-flushed cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson. "I know _this_ can't be this way at home—"

Trying not to laugh, Olivia squinted. Ed was the best lover she'd ever had. Hands down. Confident. Masculine. So _good_ at it. But ask him to _talk_ about it? The man grew adorably nervous.

"—but I…I hope what you're feelin' now can keep goin' ya know?"

Olivia rubbed his cheek. "I know. I'll…I'll try."

He pursed his lips and kissed at her hand. "No," he said softly, "Don't try, Liv. If you're constantly _trying_ , it's too hard."

They locked eyes and he knew she knew what he meant. As long as she was at SVU, there would be a certain degree of darkness in her life. The danger of her falling into an abyss of darkness, self-doubt, and pessimism would always be present. Some cases hit a little too close to home. Others brought back her own previous trauma.

"Leave the trying to me, okay?" He lifted his eyebrows hopefully. When she didn't immediately respond, he added, "I feel like we're turnin' a corner here."

"Sounds bad," she mumbled, her lower lip beginning to tremble.

" _No_ ," he insisted and kissed her firmly, "It sounds _good_. Being here with you, only with you, in this…bubble…Liv, baby, nothing was wrong before, I can't describe how I feel right now, 'cause to say I love you even more sounds like there was something missing, but there wasn't. I just…" he was rambling now but, to his relief, a smile was forming on her lips. His point was starting to get lost in his words, but somehow she understood.

Olivia threaded her fingers through his and squeezed his hand between their bodies. "We're so strong," she said. "You're right. Something happened here…I think…we're so used to having something to _deal_ with. And we always come out unscathed, maybe _better_ , and maybe we were both a little nervous about what would happen here, without a crisis, when it's just us."

He smiled. "That's exactly it."

"So as it turns out," she continued with an air of whimsy, "We excel as a couple in all circumstances."

They kissed and cuddled for a while longer until it became absolutely necessary for them to prepare to leave.

"Can I take ya to breakfast first?" Ed asked.

"Sure," Olivia cooed. She traced patterns across his chest with an index finger. "Shower for two then table for two?"

"Reading my mind, sweetheart."

…..

The school hallways buzzed with Monday morning activity when Sarah escorted Noah to his classroom. She loved being by his side in the city. At five-years-old he strolled with purpose and confidence, weaving his way around slower pedestrians, and his movement within the building was no different. He walked a few steps ahead of Sarah and greeted familiar faces. Once inside the room, he unloaded his things in his cubby, hung his jacket on the hook, and said a too-quick goodbye to Sarah.

She knelt in front of him. "Noey Boey, aren't you going to show me around?"

His face crinkled. "School gonna start! We have morning meeting!"

"Can't I just meet your teacher?"

"Okay. She there." Noah pointed to the opposite corner of the room. A comely woman dressed in simple khakis and a cardigan-shell combo directed children to various spots in the room in preparation for the beginning of the school day.

"What is it with teachers and this uniform?" Sarah muttered under her breath. It was no secret she despised Brooke's fashion sense and style, but she was seeing a similar pattern with the teachers in Noah's school.

"Miss Brynn! This my Sare Bear!" Noah looked up at his teacher proudly. "She bringed me 'cause Mommy and Daddy are—" he scrunched his nose, "—Sare Bear where they?"

"Canada," Sarah said, outstretching her hand. "Hi, I'm Sarah Tucker. Nice to meet you."

The teacher smiled warmly and introduced herself as "Miss Brynn" which Sarah thought ridiculous.

 _We're both adults_.

It took a great deal of restraint for Sarah to avoid rolling her eyes. "Well, thank you for teaching Noah," she said, "He's learning so much. I—" Sarah paused, for Noah was tugging at her fingers. "What is it, No?"

"You call me _Noey_!"

Sarah covered her mouth, "I am _sooo_ sorry Noey Boey!" She bent down and kissed the top of his head. Before she could say anything else, another person bounded up to their little group.

"Hi!"

Sarah whirled around. There stood Mia, rather, Mia was jumping up and down, her dark brown ponytail flopping everywhere.

"Hello, Mia," Sarah said, "How are you! It's been _forever_ since we last saw each other!" She turned to Miss Brynn, "These two accompanied me to the theatre a few weeks ago."

Sarah's shift to her formal, almost southern accent clearly baffled Miss Brynn. "Oh…oh…that's very nice," she replied. "What did you see?"

"LADDIN!" Mia shouted.

" _Mia_ ," Miss Brynn warned, "Inside voice, remember."

Mia smacked both hands against her mouth and offered a garbled, "Sorry."

The preschool discipline unsettled Sarah, and she mounted a mild defense of the outburst, "It was so exciting, wasn't it?" Sarah asked, patting the little girl's head, "And we had fabulous seats and we were _so_ well-behaved!"

"Yep!" Mia said. "We clap when they finish the songs. _I_ know all the songs."

"I know 'em too!" Noah chimed in. "And, and, next time we see the lions! Know those songs, too!"

Satisfied she'd done her part to tacitly put Miss Brynn in her place, Sarah began making her exit. "I must go to work, Noey," she said, crouching down. "I'll see you later this week. Mommy and Daddy are picking you up."

"Kay." Noah wrapped his arms around Sarah's neck and hugged her tightly.

"You're squishing, Noey!"

"Jus' like you squish me!"

" _Shhh_ ," Sarah warned playfully, "Don't say that at school. They'll think I hurt ya!"

" _Sare Bear_! You don't hurt me! You love me!"

"I do," she said softly and more seriously, "I love you more than any human being on the planet. Now you have a good day at school and call me if you need me."

"Kay."

Sarah kissed him goodbye and flounced out of the room, grinning and occasionally waving at the other parents and teacher's assistants. Miss Brynn announced that there were five minutes until the morning meeting, and she set a large timer conspicuously located in the front of the classroom at child's eye-level.

"C'mon," Noah whispered to Mia, taking her hand, "Lemme show you my new phone!"

….

Upon landing and turning their phones back on, a barrage of text and email notifications greeted Ed and Olivia. Bewildered, Olivia held her phone as it vibrated incessantly and mumbled something about not knowing where to begin catching up. Ed leaned over as the plane stopped at the gate, unbuckled her seat belt, and kissed her cheek.

"We begin with going to get Maggie and Wyatt," he whispered huskily. During their descent into JFK, Ed felt himself become giddy thinking about the twins. He wondered if their reaction would be any different than usual.

Olivia grinned widely, "I can't wait to hold them," she said, "Feel them in my arms."

"Nothing like it," Ed agreed.

The flight attendants opened the cabin doors and Ed popped up. He grabbed their carryon bags from the upper bin and stepped aside for Olivia to walk out ahead of him. When she tried to take her oversized leather bag which served both as purse and tote, he refused to hand it over.

"I got it."

The taxi driver didn't have to fight much traffic on the way back home, and they quickly dumped the luggage in the foyer. Ed scanned the living room. Everything seemed to be in order—toys put away, throw blankets folded, countertops cleared of dishes. The stroller was also gone, so he and Olivia walked to day care.

The children in the toddler room had just finished lunch. The lights were dimmed and there was soft music playing in preparation for nap time. One teacher was gathering the one-and –two-year-olds for story time, and the other organized their cots. Wyatt and Maggie were sitting together on the outer edge of the rug facing the door. Both their heads snapped up at the sight of other people entering the room.

"MA!

"MAMAMAMA!"

With the help of the teacher, Wyatt stood up and began toddling over, his arms outstretched. Even though she was perfectly capable of walking, Maggie crawled over as if she didn't want to waste time steadying herself on her feet.

Olivia scooped her up and held her tightly. "Hi my sweet girl!" She gently stroked her brown locks and kissed her head. "Sweet Maggie girl. Mommy missed you so much." Olivia closed her eyes, trying not to cry. Maggie rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and babbled softly, interspersing "Mama" with other sounds.

Beside her, Ed swung Wyatt in the air. "How's my big boy?" He asked jubilantly, kissing his cheeks and grinning when Wyatt laughed and batted at Ed's face, punctuating the contact with "DA!"

Ed started to turn toward the exit so they could gather the twins' things and head home, but Olivia was still swaying with Maggie, her cheek tilted against her daughter's head. Maggie patiently played with the Cartier, graciously waiting for her mother to finish basking in the comfort of their reunion. A look of pure joy and contentment filled Olivia's features, another of Ed's favorite expressions. He kissed Wyatt again and watched proudly, congratulating himself for being the man she'd chosen. For being the man she'd trusted to give her everything.

Most importantly, he'd done it.

Olivia opened her eyes and smiled at Ed. Wyatt wrapped both arms around his neck and didn't look eager to get down. Both twins had a certain affinity for their Daddy—Maggie typically squirmed out of everyone's arms but Ed's. Wyatt loved how Ed threw him high in the air; whenever Ed picked him up, Wyatt squealed, anticipating the thrill of what was coming.

A few years ago, if someone would've told Olivia that Ed would be the father of everyone's dreams, she would've laughed derisively or made a snarky, disbelieving comment. Surely there was no way Ed Tucker was capable of loving another human being; his hard-nosed unforgiving, stubborn personality simply did not have the capacity to love another human being as unconditionally as children deserved.

But he started proving himself the second he met Noah, and he dove into this second round of child-rearing with gusto.

"Ready?" Olivia leaned over and nuzzled Wyatt. He reached out for her, and she held both twins while Ed retrieved the stroller. Olivia opened her eyes wide as she spoke to Wyatt and Maggie. "Want to go to the park, sweethearts? Wanna go play? You probably need a nap, but Mommy and Daddy missed you so much! So I think we can stay up a little while longer."

Olivia's offer was sincere, but the twins fell asleep in the stroller. She and Ed went to the park anyway, found a bench, and held their sleeping babies. Olivia leaned against Ed, and they people-watched for the duration of the nap. Ed occasionally kissed her head, but they spoke very little. Tomorrow, Olivia would head back to work and their life would resume its regular semi-hectic pace; for now, she allowed herself to relax appreciate the pleasure of having nothing to do.

…..

Noah's reactions to each souvenir grew louder and more appreciative as he rifled through the bags. Earlier, when Ed and Olivia met him outside of the classroom, Noah sprinted to them and bear-hugged both parents at once.

"You back from Canada!" He exclaimed, remembering the country's name.

"Sure are, bud! So good to see you!"

Olivia caressed his head, "We missed you, sweet boy!"

"I missded you!"

The five Tuckers left school and went straight home. Both Ed and Olivia were excited for Noah to open the presents they purchased, and they gave him the bags in a certain order, beginning with one full of candies and sweets.

"Wow! YUMMY! Thank you!"

The dream catchers came second. Noah peered at them curiously.

"We'll hang these on the windows in your bedrooms," Olivia explained, "So you only have sweet dreams." She was reluctant to relay the actual legend, worried that it would scare him.

"Oh," Noah said, "Thatsa good idea!"

He pulled three books from another bag.

"WOW! These are the best books!"

Next came three stuffed black bears.

"WHOA! Friends for Bernie!"

Finally, there were the trains. Hand-carved, hand-painted locomotives, five total, especially for Noah. Ed couldn't decide which he'd like best, so they purchased all available colors. One by one, Noah held them up to the light.

"Like 'em, bud?"

"Yeah," he said slowly, "These my fav'rite trains!"

"We told the man who made them that we needed the best trains for our son."

Noah cocked his head and grinned. Olivia came into the room, her hands full of sippy cups. She handed one each to Maggie and Wyatt and put Noah's on the table. She lifted the five-year-old into her lap. "Daddy and I think you'd like it in Quebec, where we went," she said, "Do you think you would want to go there?"

"Uh-huh! You were up high!"

They had already shown Noah several pictures.

"An' the police in RED and on horsies!"

"Yeah, bud. Didja know police here sometimes ride on horses?"

Noah started laughing, " _You_ ride on a horse at p'lice?"

"No, no I never did."

"Mommy? You ride on a horsie?"

Olivia pictured herself, dressed in her blazer and pants, representing SVU on a horse. She started laughing, too. "No, sweetie. No horse for Mommy."

Noah's attention shifted back to the bag containing sweets. "Can I have one a these?" He held up a long, narrow tube containing maple-flavored candy.

"Sure," Olivia said. "Candy before dinner? Why not?"

…..

With all Tucker kids bathed, dried, and in pajamas, they settled in together on the couch to read the new books from Quebec. Ed ceded actual reading duties to Olivia since her French pronunciation was much better than his. After the third and final book, Ed and Olivia took the twins to their room only to find their blankets and stuffed animals were gone.

"They in da big bed!" Noah said. "That's where we sleep when you in Canada."

"You slept there every night?" Ed asked.

"Uh-huh! Sare Bear say thatsthe only way small sister would go to sleep!" Noah hustled into the room and hoisted himself onto the mattress. "See! Got the blankies and Bernie and da baby doll and brother's Tiger!" Noah curled up under the covers. "We sleep in here 'gain?"

Ed opened his mouth to reply, to tell Noah everyone needed to go back to sleeping in their regular places, but he felt Olivia's hand on his arm.

"Just for tonight?" Olivia suggested hopefully, as if there were a possibility Ed would object to something she wanted.

Ed glanced at Noah, already pretending to be asleep, and then fixed his gaze on his wife. "Alright," he replied with a shrug, "Lemme at least change the sheets first? Our pillows prolly have Sarah drool on them."

Twenty minutes later, the five Tuckers snuggled under the covers of the king-sized bed. Wyatt drifted off to sleep first. Noah was next. Maggie held out for about thirty minutes longer, but she finally dozed off, using Noah's arm as a pillow. Ed laid on his side and reached over for Olivia's hand.

"Love you."

"I love you, too."

Between them, the three children slept soundly, breathing heavily, their lips occasionally smacking softly. Maggie's face twitched, subconsciously reacting to a dream. Even in her sleep she squirmed, and Olivia joked she would, someday, be a terrible bedmate.

"A _very_ long time from now," Ed stressed.

"Yes," Olivia replied with a smile, "A _very_ long time." She lifted herself up on both hands and hovered over the kids to kiss Ed.

He smirked when she fell back on her side of the bed. "A little different than the past few nights, huh?"

"Certainly is," Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat. "But…still so precious…so special."

"It's always gonna be precious and special, Liv. I promise you that."

"I believe you."

"And it can still be precious and special with everyone in their own beds," he added with a sly grin.

"Tomorrow," Olivia assured him, "I think I…I needed this tonight."

"I know," he sat up, kissed her, and turned off the lamp on his side of the bed. "And I predict tomorrow _I'm_ gonna need _you_."

"Really?" Olivia asked with mock incredulity, teasing him, "The weekend…wasn't enough?"

"I'm never gonna get enough, Liv," Ed rasped.

Olivia squeezed his hand. "Silly question?"

"Maybe a little."

In the darkness, they smiled at one another. Olivia kissed the three little heads resting between them and leaned over to kiss Ed one last time. She closed her eyes, assuming Ed was doing the same, but he stayed awake for several more minutes, watching his family and fighting the urge to collect them all into his arms.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	35. Chapter 35

**Thirty-Five**.

Olivia's one o'clock appointment arrived fifteen minutes late, so her already indifferent attitude toward the meeting further soured. She assumed the meeting had something to do with the recent arrest, and, maybe, Detective Fletcher's work on the case. Whatever the reason, her visitor's tardiness annoyed her to the point she vowed to be as tight-lipped as possible. Confirming the appointment was one of the last work-related things she completed before leaving for Quebec, and, in her haste, hadn't thought to ask about the topic of discussion.

She groaned.

She hated going into anything blind.

As it turned out, the man was not a journalist but an agent from one of the major publishing houses in New York. "Your name and your squad have been in the headlines a lot lately," he said after they'd finished introductions, "And I'm surprised I'm the first one to offer."

"Offer?" Olivia asked, confused, thinking she may have zoned out and missed something.

"I want you to write a book. A memoir. Your career, is remarkable, and I think your story would be inspiring, and a valuable, never-before-seen look into this part of the NYPD."

Olivia blinked, taken aback by the proposal. To her left, her phone vibrated and an unfamiliar number popped up on the screen. She thought about ignoring it, but changed her mind, welcoming the distraction.

"Excuse me," she said, bringing the phone to her ear. "Benson."

"Hi Mommy!"

She screwed up her face. "Noah?"

"It me!"

"Honey," she said soothingly, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothin' wrong!"

Olivia listened closely to the background noise. It sounded like children playing. "Whose phone are you using?"

"Mine!"

"Sweet boy, where did you get a phone?"

"Sare Bear buyed it for me!"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

 _Ed is going to kill her_.

She shot an apologetic look to the guest and continued interrogating her son. "Honey, are you on the playground?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Where are your teachers?"

"Over there," he said as if Olivia could see where he was gesturing.

"Sweet boy, I am so glad you called," she said cheerfully, "But, you know what? You should probably put your phone away and go play with your friends, alright?"

"Okay!"

"And I'll see you later tonight."

"Kay, Mommy!"

"I love you, sweet boy."

"Luvvvyou!"

Olivia hung up and turned back to the agent. "I'm sorry. My son…" she trailed off, realizing she would need to reveal way more than she wanted to disclose if she launched into the story. "Anyway, um, this book…"

"Like I said, a memoir. We can bat around ideas at a different time, after you've had a chance to think about what you may want to write and on what you'd like to focus. The angle…could be about balancing your family and your job. Or it could be more job-centered. We'd probably appeal to more readers with a nice mix of both, but, it depends on how much you want to get into the personal details." He squinted, "But details…like your marriage…make for an intriguing story."

"My marriage?" Olivia asked, a tiny bit freaked out that her life had already been scrutinized by this stranger. Then again, her marriage wasn't a secret and her previous tangles with IAB-Ed weren't either.

"I did a little digging before I came here," he sheepishly admitted, "Of course, I understand if the…I understand if you don't want to divulge _everything_ you've experienced. Like I said, the book can take on whatever tenor you're comfortable with. Think about it," he said almost pleadingly, "We're prepared to offer a generous advance. Like I said, I'm shocked you haven't been approached previously."

Considering all she'd been through, Olivia had to admit he was right. She did have a story to tell, she had a powerful story to tell, and maybe she wouldn't reveal all of it, but the parts she could comfortably publicize might inspire or impact others.

"Give me a few days?" She asked. "I want to talk with my husband. Think things over. But I am…very interested."

They stood and shook hands. He apologized for being late and Olivia brushed off the blunder. The agent walked slowly through the squad room, looking around, somewhat dazed by the flurry of activity and noises. Olivia checked in with Fin and Rollins. Confident everything was under control, she returned to her office, closed the door, and called Ed to tell him about Noah's new phone.

Assuming, of course, Noah hadn't already called him for a mid-afternoon chat.

…..

Ed met Cole and another IAB investigator at a diner they had frequented since their early days on the force. They'd spent many late nights here, eating greasy plates of food, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes. The food and coffee were the same. City law had long ago banned cigarette smoking inside its establishments, but Ed swore he could detect a hint of smoke; it was probably caked into the walls and the seats.

Cole introduced the unfamiliar agent as Sergeant Preston who sported a military-style crew cut and a dour countenance, he looked like he fit right in at Internal Affairs. The three men traded cop banter and picked at their food. The conversation didn't take a turn toward the personal until their plates were cleared and Cole ordered a piece of pie.

"How was your trip?" He asked Ed.

"Great," Ed replied, "You been there?"

"Nope. Preston? You been to Quebec?"

Preston shook his head and muttered something about not having the time to travel.

"Highly recommend," Ed added.

"Sarah and Brooke survived with the three kids?"

"They did. And they appear to have been well taken care of."

"Tucker's got year-old twins and a five year old," Cole informed Preston who raised his eyebrows, either impressed or out of disbelief. The retired cop in front of him appeared to be fit and healthy, but his gray hair and a few wrinkles betrayed his actual age.

"Call me crazy," Ed quipped, noticing Preston's expression.

"Oh," Preston's eyes narrowed as he made a connection, "You're the guy who married Cassidy's old girlfriend. _Captain_ Tucker. I knew your name sounded familiar."

Hearing Cassidy's name immediately made Ed tense up. "You a friend of his?"

"Not really," he replied, "Got to know him a little when he was here and then we worked a few cases together when he was at the DA's office. He talked about her a lot."

"I'm sure he did," Ed scoffed.

Cole smirked at his old partner. "Cassidy's trying retirement for the second or third time," he said, "That guy…never could find a home."

"That's what happens when ya can't be trusted," Ed retorted, not caring if his comment somehow worked its way back to Brian.

"How is it," Preston asked, "Chasing after three little kids… _now_?"

There was a bite in the question and Ed couldn't tell if the guy just had an off-putting personality or if he was closer to Cassidy than he let on. Even if the latter was true, what was the purpose of challenging Tucker like this?

"Easier than the first time around," Ed answered casually.

Preston grunted a little.

"You have kids?" Ed asked him.

"Two. But they live in Texas with their mother."

Ed wanted to hate the guy, but he understood. He recognized his earlier self—bitter, scornful, lonely, devoid of any faith in other human beings—and he was immensely grateful and thrilled to have had the chance to move past that long, dark period of his life.

He inspected the check and tossed some bills on the table. "I have to go," he announced, sliding out of the booth, "And find out why exactly my older daughter thought it was a good idea to purchase an iPhone for my five-year-old."

…

Dr. Lindstrom opened the door and smiled at what had become a notoriously infrequent patient. Olivia smiled back apologetically and, as she always did, almost hugged him before stepping around him and taking a seat, this time in the armchair.

"How are you?" Lindstrom asked in his usual probing fashion. There were dozens of other questions wrapped up in that one inquiry.

"I'm good," Olivia gushed, "Really good."

"How is your family?"

She updated him on the past few months—the twins' birthday, Angela's death, the part-time addition of Aidan—and, as she spoke, both she and Lindstrom grasped how emotionally heavy the spring had actually been.

"Wow," Olivia gasped after she'd finished recounting the details.

"A lot on your plate."

"Yes."

Lindstrom leaned forward. " _But_?"

"But…everything is fine. Really. And…I feel a little guilty for," Olivia furrowed her brow, searching for the right words to match her emotions. "For getting through it, with Ed, with our marriage, stronger than ever. It all happened so quickly, but looking back, we could've cracked, gone off the rails at several junctures, but we didn't. Never even came close."

"Sounds like you should be proud," Lindstrom observed, "For being able to step in and support your family, the two of you. It's okay to feel that way, Olivia. Just because others are suffering or going through trauma doesn't mean you have to, and it doesn't make what you and Ed have any less deserved."

"I suppose," Olivia started tearing up and her voice cracked, "I suppose I still have this fear that I'll lose him. That something….unforeseen…is lurking out there somewhere."

"From everything you've told me, I think that's unlikely."

She forced a smile, "And I should enjoy my life, right?"

"I think you should."

"We, um, we were away last weekend, just the two of us. For the first time since the twins were born."

"And how was that?"

"Incredible." Olivia ran a finger along the stitching of her pant leg. "And it made me think about retiring. About how when we're both retired we'll be able to have weekends like that more often. And when we got home yesterday we sat in the park and the twins slept and Ed and I just sat there. And I was so happy."

"Sounds like a nice trip. And a nice homecoming."

"It was. And now…I wonder…am I wasting time at work? Shortchanging my kids? I'm missing hours of their lives I'll never get back. Is it worth it?"

Lindstrom smiled.

And didn't answer her question.

"When the time comes for you to retire, it will be difficult. It will always be difficult to stop because, like it or not, your job has been your life for so long. Even now, it is part of who you are. It will always be a part of who you are."

"Who I am," Olivia murmured to herself. In five years, she went from her entire identity wrapped up in SVU to being a mother and a wife. She thought about the agent and the book, and suddenly she wanted to talk to Ed. She wanted his blessing to move forward with the project, not because she needed his permission, but because she wanted him to be a part of it.

"You know what?" She rose from the chair. "I'm good."

Lindstrom didn't object. He wished her well and closed the door softly. It was refreshing to see her bound from his office with such optimism. He couldn't remember that happening before.

…

As soon as Sarah saw Ed in her doorway, she knew the reason for his impromptu visit. She was surprised the phone hadn't been discovered sooner since she hadn't placed any restrictions on its usage. After storing a few essential numbers, she showed Noah how to make calls and proceeded to download his games and other apps he used on a regular basis. Soon he realized there was a slot in his backpack made for the sole purpose of holding a phone, and he showed it to Sarah, excited that he finally had a use for the space.

"Hi Daddy! Come in! Sit!"

"Nah," he said gruffly, "I can't stay long."

"Darn."

"So, I had lunch with Cole today and, right before that I got a call from Liv."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. _She_ had just had a call from Noah."

Sarah twisted her lips, still playing clueless about the whole thing. "Is he sick?"

"No," Ed replied, trying not to smile, "He called her to say hello…using his phone."

No longer able to contain herself, Sarah broke into laughter. She threw her head back and then forward, bumping her desktop and then looked at Ed with damp eyes. "I bought him a phone," she confessed, holding her hands in the air, palms up.

"I know," he said. "And now you get to tell him why you have to take it back."

"Why on Earth would I take it back?"

"He's too young to have a phone."

Prepared to defend the purchase against all odds, Sarah pressed her lips into a straight line, formulating her argument. "Daddy, he has my number, your number, Livvie's number, and Brooke's number. That's it. And he knows 911. The rest is just games and apps. It's not like he can text. Yet."

"He doesn't need to carry around a phone. He's a little kid. He needs to be playing and talking with his friends… _and not calling his mother from the playground in the middle of recess_."

"I can't believe he did that."

"He did."

"Well, it sounds to me," Sarah tapped the end of her pen to her lips, "Like that's more of a supervision problem than a Sarah-bought-him-a-phone-problem."

Ed cocked his head. She did have a point.

"What'd he say?" Sarah asked, beaming.

"He said 'Hi Mommy' and Liv had no clue what was happening."

"Well, perhaps we make the lad turn off the phone during the day."

"No," Ed insisted, "He will not have the phone during the day because you're taking it back."

"But he has an iPad. What's the difference?"

"The iPad is ours and he doesn't take it to school."

"Can we get Livvie to weigh in on this?"

Ed blew out an exasperated burst of air. "Fine."

Sarah shot him a satisfied smirk. She had a feeling Olivia might not have a huge problem with Noah having the phone, and Olivia was the boss.

Her smirk turned into a sly grin.

 _Gotcha_.

…

At home that evening after the kids were asleep in their beds, Olivia checked their "TuckerFive" home email. They used the account for their online purchases and communication with day care and Noah's school. Olivia deleted several junk messages before coming across one from Brynn Davidson, Noah's lead teacher. She was requesting a conference "at their earliest convenience."

"Liv?" Ed poked his head out of the bathroom. "Why are you not in this shower with me?"

She grinned and tossed the iPad aside.

They made love under the pulsating water and kissed slowly and passionately in the aftermath, slowly coming down from their collective high. Ed had a hard time keeping his lips from her skin, even as he washed her hair and lathered body wash all over her arms and legs, paying extra attention to her inner thighs which he teased mercilessly before planting another sloppy smooch on her mouth and making another trail down her neck.

" _Ed_."

He peeled himself away from her collarbone. " _Hmm_?" There was a familiar desire in her eyes; he knew exactly what she wanted.

She gripped his face firmly.

"Whaddya want, Liv?"

"Gonna make me beg?" She countered.

"Nah." He leaned in and nibbled at her earlobe, "I wanna hear you say it."

She complied. She rasped all the ways he could make her come again and the words were so erotic, so sexy rolling off her tongue that he almost told her to stop. Instead, he slung one of her legs over his shoulder and furiously pleasured her until she was writhing and limp in his arms. They kissed more and she pressed her hips into his.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked in a husky voice, "Fuck me, again, Ed."

He reached behind her and turned off the water. "Not here. _Bed_."

They hastily toweled off one another and playfully ambled to the bed. Ed tossed her on the mattress, a little more aggressively than normal, but she had asked for him to fuck her, so that's exactly what he planned to do.

…..

"One night off, and… _wow_ ," Olivia was still fighting to breathe normally and Ed was too. She tried to do him a favor and slide off his chest, but he muttered an "uh-uh" and held her more tightly.

"Stay right here," he said firmly. "And _wow_ is right."

"Guess we didn't lose whatever it was that got into us in Quebec."

"We certainly did not," Ed chuckled. "And we won't."

"No, we won't."

Ed fidgeted a bit and reached underneath him, "What the… _shit_." He had been laying on the iPad, but he'd been so consumed with Olivia riding out her orgasm on top of him that he hadn't realized he'd been partially laying on the device. He reached over and slid it on his nightstand.

"That reminds me," Olivia said, her lips brushing against one of his pecs, "Noah's teacher emailed. She wants to meet with us."

"Probably about the damn phone."

"Maybe."

"Do you really want to let him keep it?"

"I don't think it's a bad thing…as long as he keeps it here when he's at school? I mean, I'm not sure how much trouble he can get into with it…it's not like he's on social media."

"I draw the line at social media."

"He really just uses it for games. And to draw."

Ed grumbled and kissed her head. "You're right. Let's let him keep it."

"With some rules."

"I like rules."

"I _know_ you do, Captain," Olivia cooed flirtatiously. "You're so…by the book…and I find that incredibly sexy."

"You didn't usedta."

"Maybe now, looking back, yeah, you were a little bit sexy across that interrogation table."

"Liar."

Now it was Olivia's turn to chuckle. "Oh my God! I almost forgot."

"What?" Ed sat up, alarmed.

"Nothing bad. Sorry. Today, when Noah called—which was adorable by the way—I was in the middle of a meeting with a book editor, agent, publisher…something like that. He wants me to write a book!" Olivia ran her hands through her hair, flabbergasted she'd forgotten to tell him sooner. After visiting Dr. Lindstrom, Fin called, summoning her back to the precinct. She didn't have a chance to call Ed, and as the afternoon turned into evening, the morning encounter got buried more deeply in her memory.

Ed loved seeing her so excited and flattered. "That's, _wow_ , that's great, Liv!" Ed kissed her firmly and gazed into her eyes. Even in the dark, he could see them sparkle. "I am so proud of you." He kissed her again. " _So proud_."

"So you don't mind if I do it?"

"Of course not. I want you to. You…you've seen and done so much, you're such a force for good and all that's right in this world…it'll be a bestseller."

She smiled shyly and settled back into his arms. "The agent said he wants a memoir, but that I can take pretty much any angle I want."

"That's amazing, baby."

"And I want you to help me. I want to…tell it from both our eyes…"

Ed gently objected to the plan. "Liv, no, they came to _you_ , it needs to be your story. Only yours."

"You were there, more or less, for a lot of it."

Ed adjusted their bodies so they were lying on their sides, face to face. "I will help you. I'll read it a thousand times. I'll give you as much feedback as you want. But your experiences? They're _yours_. I dunno how valuable it will be for you to include something like-every once in a while an IAB asshole came around to make your life difficult—"

"—then he came around to make it perfect."

Ed flushed. "Thank you. For that. And for wanting to include me. But I think, once you get goin', you're gonna realize you have a lot of powerful things to say—a lot of impassioned pleas to the powers that be—"

Olivia realized he was right. However, she was determined to follow the agent's advice and pepper in some personal details. "I think I have to…write about my mother. About Noah. One day he'll read it…that part has to be perfect. And _you_. Won't readers be shocked to learn the man I keep referring to as my husband…is _you_?"

"Sarah always said our story belongs in a book."

Olivia smiled and kissed him. "It really does." She turned over and nestled into him once again, wanting to fall asleep in his arms.

"This is a really big deal, Liv. I'm…I'm so excited for you. You deserve this." He was imagining her appearing on nationally televised talk shows and being featured in _People Magazine_ articles.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I'm excited, too."

Ed kissed her head and felt her body get heavier and heavier as she drifted off to sleep. He wasn't lying or exaggerating his excitement; he was genuinely happy for her and he meant it when he said she deserved the opportunity. However, he couldn't help but be plagued with a hint of concern that she'd unearth agonizing memories that would stick around long after the book was published.

…..

#Tuckson


	36. Chapter 36

**Thirty-six**.

 _(Note: Credit for words 4,122-the end of the paragraph go to JennBenson)_

The last time Ed and Olivia were called in for a parent-teacher conference Noah was guilty of hitting a boy who had broken his pink pastel which Noah was planning to use to color his small sister's crib. That particular conference seemed like a lifetime ago. Ed felt more at ease this time, but Olivia was keyed up. Ed insisted if the matter were serious, the teacher would have called right away or used _as soon as possible_ rather than _at your convenience_. Nevertheless, Olivia kneaded her hands nervously while they waited for Ms. Davidson to enter the conference room.

"Good morning," she said brightly, walking around the table and taking a seat before Ed and Olivia had a chance to stand and shake hands. They mumbled polite greetings and waited.

"Thank you for coming in," she continued, "I know it's hard to get away from work."

Ed half-glared back at her.

Olivia managed a polite smile.

Ed grabbed one of her balled fists and managed to unfurl her fingers and hold her hand.

Miss Brynn, seeing she had a tough audience, got right to the point. "Noah is still doing very well. He's certainly ready for Kindergarten, and we'll talk about the options for math at the end of the year, in a month or so. But, the reason I called you in today is because we're a little concerned about a social matter."

Ed raised his eyebrows, curious about what she was going to say. The phone, apparently, wasn't the issue.

Olivia finally spoke. "Social matter? He always has positive things to say about his friends and about school."

Miss Brynn smiled sweetly. "I'm sure he does. Noah has lots of friends. He is very popular with the other kids. And, that's where I'm wondering if there's a problem."

"How is being popular a problem?" Ed asked, adding, "At _five_?"

"We, teacher's aides and I, think Noah may be a little _too_ generous. He will give up his place in line to let other kids go ahead of him. He'll switch to the floor during art if another student needs an easel. He lets other kids borrow his jacket, even if it's cold outside and he could really use it. He shares so much of his lunch, sometimes I wonder if he's having enough to eat."

Clearly annoyed, Ed shifted to the edge of the chair. He felt Olivia squeeze his hand in restraint, but he couldn't stop himself from defending his son and questioning the teacher. "Please tell me why any of this is a problem," he said. "I mean, we teach our son to be polite and kind, it's kinda hard to explain this fine line you're drawing. At five," he emphasized again.

"We so appreciate Noah's conduct," Miss Brynn replied, maintaining her composure, "But I'm worried he does not advocate for himself enough."

Now it was Olivia's turn to be the calm one at the table. "He never seems unhappy. He never describes being a pushover or not getting something he wants or needs at school. I truly believe he's…he's been raised to be a sweet boy, and I would like for him to stay that way as long as possible." The teacher started to interject, but Olivia confidently added to her point. "When the time comes to teach him to advocate for himself, we'll do it. But right now? I prefer not to say anything to him."

On the way out, they stopped by the classroom to say goodbye to Noah, but the students had already been ushered into music class. Ed suggested coffee and Olivia accepted without checking her phone; she needed to clear her head before going in to work. She snagged an outdoor table at a nearby café while Ed ordered their drinks at the counter. He set her coffee in front of her, already prepared with her preferred amounts of cream and sugar.

"Too nice," Olivia remarked, obviously baffled, "Our son…is too nice. And today that warrants a parent-teacher conference."

"It's bullshit," Ed muttered.

Olivia was more willing to consider Miss Brynn's perspective. "Maybe, she does have a point. I don't want Noah to think it's okay for people to walk all over him."

"We need to find out if the school actually supports this," he said, completely disregarding the possibility that Noah's teacher had a point, "And if so, maybe we need to look into different schools."

Olivia blew into her coffee and took a cautious sip. "He loves this school. And they've been good for him—Spanish, art, music, the math. I really think she had good intentions, Ed."

Ed stared at the table. He and Olivia were going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

"Let's talk to him tonight," Olivia suggested gently, wanting to be on the same page as her husband, "Sort of, subtly bring it up? Ask him about it without asking about it?" A smile grew on her face, "You know how to do that, right?"

"So do you," Ed replied, his eyes twinkling. He felt the tension leave his body; Olivia knew how to calm him down. "Whatcha got goin on today?"

"Two open cases," Olivia reported, "And I'm going to talk to the agent. I don't know exactly how this works."

"I think you sign something, write a brilliant book, and win a Pulitzer Prize."

Grinning, Olivia reached for his hand that wasn't holding his cup. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so enthusiastic."

"Whydja think I wouldn't be?"

"It, um," Olivia twisted her rings, took a deep breath, and met his eyes, "You know everything. And I know how you worry. I thought, maybe, you'd worry about me reliving all that trauma, putting it on paper, putting it _out there_ , to be judged."

Ed's face filled with every single ounce of love he had for her, and it nearly knocked her backwards. "I am a little concerned about that," he admitted softly, "But not enough to think it's a reason not to write it. I think I'll always worry about ya…but I'm so happy that you're at the point where you feel comfortable laying it all out there, whatever you choose to include, and kinda sayin' _this is what happened, this is how I handled it_ , and…in a way…not caring so much about what other people think."

"I care what you think. What my family thinks."

"We admire you. We love you. And, think about…having that finished product in your hands," he grinned proudly and paused for effect, "Promise you won't leave me when you're famous?"

He was kidding of course, but _leave me_ stung. Nevertheless, she retorted, "Of course not. I'll need a handsome man like you to escort me to…wherever famous authors get escorted."

"Good. It'll be my pleasure."

Olivia whistled softly, "All this planning for fame, and I've yet to write a sentence."

Ed sat back and took a drink. "I bet it'll take less time that you think."

…..

Detective Fletcher meticulously organized files from the two cases he was working on and put them back into their respective boxes. Before returning them to the storage room he double checked his notes and emailed them to Carisi who would double check them before they were passed on to Barba, who was nearing the end of his tenure in the DA's office. At the beginning of June, he would take the vacant Superior Court seat, and his relationship with the squad would change drastically.

The Lieutenant breezed in mid-morning, fresh from her coffee date with Ed and in an obvious good mood. She said hello to everyone and summoned Rollins into her office, asking her to close the door.

"What's up?" Amanda asked.

Olivia flipped open her laptop and tossed her keys in the top desk drawer. "How's Fletcher working out?"

"Amazingly well," she said, almost gushing, "He's…a little overzealous at times, but he's got an eye, he's smart, and he's great with perps and vics."

"Good. I want to give Carisi a little time off in the next couple of weeks, so Fletcher would be able to pick up the slack?"

"I don't see why not. Everything okay with Brooke?" By now, her pregnancy was no longer a secret, but nobody knew Sonny had told Rollins about the miscarriage. Amanda bit her lip, hoping her question didn't reveal too much.

"Yeah, yeah," Olivia replied, "But I want them to get settled. Somewhere. The loft sold. Dave's upstate. I think their furniture and other things are either at Sarah's, in Staten Island, or in our basement. Now that everything's… _over_ …they need to have some sense of stability."

"I get that."

"And I hate that he has to commute back and forth."

"Do they have plans to move back to the city?"

"Not that I know of. And there's Aidan's school. But I want them to have a plan, no matter what it is."

"Maybe they'll realize they like it out there? Especially after the baby's born?"

"Maybe." Olivia opened her email. As usual, several new messages greeted her, but the one from the publishing agent caught her eye. "So, anyway, when you make the schedule for the next few weeks, give Fletcher a few more shifts. I'll sign off on the overtime if I need to."

"Sure thing."

…..

The Tucker dinner routine largely depended on Olivia's schedule. When she was home at the normal time, the five of them ate together at the table, or, if she was really early, they went for an early meal at the pub. When work kept her later, Ed typically fed the kids at the island, and he waited to eat with his wife unless the evening stretched very late. In those situations he made a sandwich or picked at leftovers after Noah and the twins were asleep. Since returning from Quebec, Olivia had made it home by six-thirty every night, so family dinners had been the norm.

"This tastes so good, Ed," she raved, scooping a forkful of chicken and rice into her mouth. "Noah, isn't Daddy an excellent chef?"

"Yup!"

"Did you help?"

"Not t'day," Noah replied cheerfully, "Hadta do homework."

"Homework," Ed grumbled, " _Preschool_ homework."

Olivia ignored her cranky husband, "Was it math?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Do you need help? Is it finished?"

"Yep! Just need ta check it!"

"I'll do that after we eat."

Nearby, Wyatt pounded on his tray and Ed loaded him up with more food. Maggie had eaten all her rice but eschewed the chicken. Ed tried to coax her into trying a bite. "C'mon, Maggie May. Need some protein in that diet, baby girl."

Olivia caressed Maggie's head, "She's not usually so picky. I hope she's feeling okay. She doesn't feel hot."

"Small sister eated my sandwich!"

Ed and Olivia quickly turned their attention back to Noah.

"How'd she get your sandwich, bud?"

"Had somea it left in my lunchbox. When I got home an' opened it up, I give it to her and she ate it ALL UP!"

"Okay," Olivia said with a smile, thinking of both the turkey sandwich she'd put in Noah's lunch and Miss Brynn telling them Noah shared too much of his food. She looked at Ed, and they silently agreed to broach the topic. "Sweet boy, tell us about lunch time at school. We've never talked about it before."

Noah chewed the bite he'd just taken and swallowed. "We eat at da long tables."

"Do you sit with the same friends all the time?"

"Uh-huh. Mia sit here," Noah pointed to his left, "And Nathan sit here." He pointed to the other side. "Then we eat then we go play."

"When I was in school," Ed said, "Me and my friends always traded stuff."

Noah giggled. "You eated lunch at da long tables?"

"Yep."

"Me too," Olivia added. "And I always traded for potato chips and cookies."

Noah didn't seem familiar with the whole lunchtime food trading process, so Ed prompted him further. "You still give Mia cookies?"

"Yup!" Noah said. "And she give ME 'nolis."

"Cannoli?"

"Uh-huh!"

"What about other kids?"

Noah thought. "Brendan has lotsa veg'bles, so I give him some chips. And ONE TIME," Noah's eyes widened, "Alex's mommy forgetted the sandwich! And Miss Brynn gave him one but he said YUCK. Then I gived him somea mine."

"Who has the best lunches?" Ed asked.

"ME!"

They appeared to be getting to the bottom of one of Miss Brynn's perceived problems. Ed and Olivia prided themselves on packing Noah good, if not elaborate, lunches, and they were not overly concerned with loading him up with healthy items. Sure, they included the obligatory carrot sticks and fruit, but there was also caramel dip for apples, different types of crunchy snacks, and sandwiches packed with deli meats and cheeses. Noah also always had cookies or a cupcake or, at the very least, a pudding cup.

Apparently, at lunch time, Noah simply wanted to spread his culinary wealth.

"After lunch, sweet boy, are you ever still hungry?"

"Nope!"

Ed and Olivia exchanged smiles. With this matter solved, they were content to drop the rest of the details brought up at the meeting. Ed mussed Noah's hair. "I'm glad you like school, pal. You do like school, right?"

"Right!"

"Well, if you ever don't like it you tell us, okay?"

"Kay."

"Or if something the other kids do…if they do something to bother you, tell us that, too."

"Kay." Noah's demeanor turned sullen.

Olivia frowned. "What's wrong, sweet boy?"

Noah mumbled something unintelligible and played with his fingers.

"What was that, sweetie?"

"Miss Brynn say not to play with Mia."

The words punched Olivia in the gut. Ed set his jaw and looked as if he would have punched Miss Brynn had she been sitting there.

"Why did she say that?"

Noah's chin started trembling. "Mia goed to timeout ONE, TWO times and then she say Mia's too hyper and LEAVE HER ALONE!" He was crying now and Ed plucked him from his chair. Seeing his brother upset caused Wyatt to fuss. Maggie, too, squirmed and shrieked. Ed cradled Noah and took him to the couch. Olivia quickly wiped down Maggie and Wyatt and put them on the floor, hoping they'd be distracted with their toys, and joined the other two. Noah reached for her and Ed handed him over.

"Shh, shh, shh," she chanted as he cried into her shoulder. After a few minutes his sobs dwindled to weak whimpers and she sat him in her lap. "Sweet boy. I know it must be tough when your friend has to go to timeout."

"Uh-huh. Then we can't play!"

Ed wiped Noah's residual tears with his thumb. "Bud, remember, Mia can always come to our house and play."

"She not hyper here," Noah moaned.

"No, she's not," Ed replied sharply as if Miss Brynn could hear him. He was pissed. How dare she tell his son not to play with his best friend?

"Noah," Olivia said softly, "Daddy and I always want you to listen to your teacher, okay? But we like Mia and know she's your very good friend and she can always be your friend, even if she's hyper at school."

"Mia jus' like to dance and sing and play!"

"Yeah."

"Tell us about the songs she sings."

As Noah rambled on and on about Mia's talents, his mood brightened and he eventually moved on to other topics. They resumed their meal and resumed their normal night—bath, books, and bedtime. With the kids tucked in, Ed and Olivia parked themselves on the couch with the news on but volume low, sipping bourbon.

"I'm gonna say something to her tomorrow when I pick him up," Ed grumbled. "What the hell is wrong with her?"

"Saying that to him," Olivia murmured, "How awful. I…I need to know what happened. Because I want him to follow directions, but I also want him to play with who he wants to play with."

"When she's not in timeout," Ed added.

"Right." She was devastated for her son, but Mia's poor conduct was mildly amusing. "What do you think she _does_?"

"Sounds like she's not into the whole…academic part of it."

"I think you're right."

"Guess Noah's gonna be the brains in the relationship."

Olivia swatted his leg. " _Ed_."

He took her glass and set it next to his on the coffee table, not bothering with coasters. He, too, hated seeing Noah in distress, but he loved parenting with Olivia. They made an excellent team.

"C'mere," he said right before his lips touched hers. They fell into the cushions with each other for a while, kissing, pausing for breaths and to exchange languid smiles. The apartment was silent save for the soft whirring of the dishwasher and the faint voices from the television. They passed the next couple of hours there, nestled together, Olivia under a throw blanket, patiently watching as Ed channel surfed. He finally settled on a late-night talk show, raised the volume, and they laughed at the witty monologue and the ensuing guest interviews. Ed asked Olivia if she wanted another drink. She did, but she didn't want either one of them to have to move. They were too comfortable. They fit too perfectly together.

So he stayed right there.

…

Carisi and Fletcher unlocked Sarah's apartment, and, to their surprise, found her on the sofa dressed in pajama pants and a tank top. Papers were scattered everywhere and she wore oversized, black-rimmed glasses, a rarely-seen accessory.

Carisi apologized for the intrusion. "Didn't realize you'd be home. We're here to grab the boxes from the guest room."

If Sarah was embarrassed about being braless and makeup-less in Fletcher's presence, she didn't show it. "No problem. I have a conference call late tonight because apparently the universe hates me, so I'm working from home." Sarah made a circular motion with her hands, regarding the mess. "Obviously."

"What do you do?" Fletcher asked.

"Finance. Global mergers and acquisitions."

"Sounds exciting."

"Key word being _sounds_ ," Sarah retorted dryly.

Carisi slapped Fletcher's back. "C'mon, Brad, let's get goin."

"Where are you taking everything?" Sarah asked. "And _how_ are you taking everything?"

"Using my truck," Fletcher said proudly. "I think I'm the only guy with a pickup in Manhattan."

"Interesting vehicle choice."

"It was my first car. Came in handy when I did landscaping in college."

Sarah squinted at him. "You went to college _and_ the police academy?"

"Sure."

"You look like you're sixteen."

Brad grinned. "I get that a lot."

" _Fletcher_ ," Carisi urged, "Let's go. You gotta get back and I have a pregnant wife craving everything from liver pate to cronuts, so let's get a move on, huh?"

Sarah stood up and stretched, revealing her belly button. "Need help?"

"If you want to carry some of these to the elevator that'd be great. I think we can get 'em all in one trip."

The trio went back to the guest bedroom and assessed the job. Sarah started picking up smaller boxes, her loose tank top and lack of underwear leaving very little to the imagination. Fletcher blushed and picked up two larger boxes.

"Want me to leave so ya can finish your striptease?" Carisi asked under his breath when he heard the door open and was sure Fletcher couldn't hear him.

Sarah glared at him. "Oh stop. If you would've called first I would've had some clothes on. But you didn't. So you get this." She whirled around and skipped out of the room. "Brad! Brad! Hold the door! I'm right behind ya!"

….

Carisi put Fletcher's truck to good use that day, managing to transport all their smaller, boxable belongings to the Connecticut garage. He seemed in good spirits and accepting of the temporary relocation, and tried to look on the bright side. The commute wasn't that bad, and living for free for a few months was a huge bonus. Most importantly, Brooke felt comfortable there, and Aidan didn't have to change schools.

When Fletcher left Carisi with the full pickup to go back to the precinct, he told the older detective to keep the vehicle as long as he needed. Carisi had planned to hire movers for the larger furniture, the only pieces still remaining in the loft, but he called Ed to see if he could help move the items later that night. Ed, of course, said yes.

"I won't be long," he said, kissing Olivia goodbye. "Sure ya don't want help?"

They had just finished dinner and Olivia was cleaning the kitchen while Noah and the twins played in the living room. She smiled appreciatively, said she was sure, and kissed him goodbye. After she put the final clean plate away, she plopped down on the floor with her children.

"Whatcha playin?"

"We a band," Noah informed her. "Maggie playin' the piano, Wyatt has the bongos, and I have the micr'phone."

"Oh! The Tucker trio. Trio means a group of three," Olivia explained.

Noah grinned approvingly. "Good name, Mommy! But, here!" He handed her a tambourine. "You play dis and you're FOUR!"

"That's a quartet. When Daddy comes back that will be five, so then we can be a quintet."

" _Quar_ -tet," Noah repeated. " _Quin_ -tet." He said both words a few more times, liking the sound. "Kay, babies! Let's start playin!"

The broke into a discordant tune; Noah's lyrics began with "Had nuggies for dinner," and continued with more ordinary observations set to song. Maggie and Wyatt cooperated for longer than Olivia predicted, and Noah taught them how to bow.

"Gotta do it when the people clap!" Noah instructed. "Everrbody say 'YAY! Great song!' Then we bow!" He demonstrated then helped Maggie and Wyatt with their own versions.

"Noah, you're so good to Maggie and Wyatt. I'm so proud of you for being such a great big brother."

As usual, Noah brushed off the compliment, mumbled a humble "thanks," and went back to playing. They moved on to other toys and Olivia became an observer, occasionally running her hands over the twins' heads and pulling them over for kisses and quick cuddles. She played with their brown curls—the contact annoyed Maggie and she grabbed for her Mommy's hand, but Wyatt leaned back into Olivia and grinned, his chubby cheeks puffing outward and his blue eyes sparkling. She used the opportunity to check his mouth for new teeth.

"Got a couple more coming in, big guy," she said, releasing him and grabbing Maggie, "And so do you, sweet girl." In a rare moment of compliance, Maggie curled up in Olivia's arms.

"Mama," she cooed softly.

"Yes, sweetheart, _Mama_. Mama loves you very much."

"Mommy, you wanna check my teeth?" Noah asked.

"Sure, sweet boy," Olivia peered into his mouth. "Yours are all in. But I don't think any are loose!"

"Loose?"

"Yes. Nobody at school has lost a tooth?"

"Nope."

"Well, when you get older your adult teeth come in." She showed her teeth to Noah, "Like these. And they push your baby teeth out."

" _Oh_ ," Noah murmured with interest. "You have pretty teeth, Mommy."

"Thank you. And you have nice teeth too. Speaking of, let's go brush them and get ready for bed. It's almost time for books."

"Kay!"

"Go ahead and pick out your PJs and I'll get Maggie and Wyatt in their jammies."

"Kay!"

"Meet ya on the big chair?" Olivia held up her hand for a high five.

Noah smacked her palm. "DEAL!"

…

Ed crept into their home a few minutes after ten o'clock. He and Sonny ended up making two trips back and forth, and they stopped for a much needed beer after dropping the truck off back at the precinct. Ed offered to drive Sonny back to Connecticut, but he insisted he'd take the train. They ducked into a nondescript pub by Penn Station and had their drinks; Sonny was less effusive than usual, but Ed assumed it was due to exhaustion. It had been a long day, and he was glad Olivia arranged for him to have a four-day-weekend to recover and take care of Brooke at the house.

He found the kitchen and living area tidy and clean. Toys had been put away, magazines stacked, and the remote controls were neatly lined up on the coffee table. In case Maggie was still awake, he decided against checking on the twins. He did poke his head into Noah's room and smiled at his cherubic face. Bernie was tucked under one arm, and a Quebec bear was under the other.

In the master bedroom the floor lamp hanging over the easy chair was on and spotlighting Olivia who had fallen asleep working on her laptop. Her head rested against the rear cushion at an uncomfortable-looking angle, and the computer teetered precariously on her thighs. Ed tiptoed up to her and gingerly removed her glasses. Next he lifted the computer. He noticed she'd written over two thousand words and was eager to read them, but out of respect for her privacy he clicked "save" and closed the laptop, leaving it on the ottoman. He slid one arm around her back and the other under her knees.

"To bed we go," he whispered, scooping her up and kissing her head in the process.

She mumbled something, sighed, and put her head against his chest. Ed only needed a few steps to lay her down on her side of the bed. Since the room was a little warm he draped only the flat sheet over her and cracked the window to let in the cool night breeze. After trading his clothing for a pair of boxers, he crawled into bed.

Olivia made a noise, something between a whimper and a whine, and groped around blindly for her husband. Ed had been considerately settling in on his side, trying not to further disturb her.

"I'm right here, Liv."

She grabbed his arm and slung it across her chest, forcing him to scoot closer, so close they were sharing a pillow.

"Cold?" He asked. Either he'd opened the window too wide or the temperature was cooler than he'd felt on the street.

Olivia wedged one of her legs between his and firmly gripped his forearm.

"Not anymore."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	37. Chapter 37

**Thirty-seven**.

Detective Fletcher piqued Sarah's curiosity, so she did what she assumed anyone interested in a potential mate would do and made sure to run into him as often as possible without arousing suspicion. Taking advantage of her odd hours, she dropped by the precinct on Thursday and Friday, knowing Fletcher would be there and Sonny would not be, so there was little chance of Brooke getting wind of her visits. To her disappointment, the young detective was away on the first afternoon (she surprised Olivia with lunch), and on Friday morning she breezed in to pick up apartment keys since she was picking up Noah from school and later staying with all three kids while Ed took Olivia to dinner.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Olivia asked, "What about work? I thought you had to go in in the middle of the night for calls this week?"

"It's Friday, Livvie!" Sarah said, surprised Olivia had overlooked that fact. "So it's already Friday night there. And I haven't had a chance to spoil my Noey Boey in a while."

"For a week?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Thank you for the phone, by the way."

Sarah cringed, unsure if the expression of gratitude was completely genuine or was tinged with reproval. "Noey asked me for one a while ago…and we were out…in the Apple Store…and it just happened." She collapsed into the armchair. "If you want me to take it back, or cut off the service, I will."

"No, no, no," Olivia waved her hands and smiled. "I'm fine with it. Your Dad's the one who thinks he's going to be Tweeting and Snap Chatting and everything. We set up some rules. It's fine." The truth was, aside from the occasional bout of boredom during a wait at the doctor's office or in the morning before school, Noah rarely used the phone and, as far as Olivia and Ed knew, kept it turned off most of the time. To further reassure Sarah she wasn't angry about the purchase, Olivia added, "And I do like the fact, if something happens and he gets stuck without an adult, he has it. Not very likely, but it's there."

"I'm so glad you're the sensible one in the relationship."

"Me too," Olivia grinned and leaned forward, signaling she had some juicy information. She brushed a section of hair from her forehead. "Did you hear about Noah being too nice?"

Dumbfounded, Sarah shook her head. Olivia summarized the conference with Miss Brynn and Sarah remembered the teacher from when she dropped Noah off two Mondays ago.

" _That_ lady! Ugh. She was so mean to Mia."

"She was?" Slowly, puzzle pieces were falling into place.

" _Yes_! I made Noey introduce me to his teacher, so he did and Mia came over. We talked about seeing Aladdin, and she got excited about it and that beeotch said _inside voice_ and I wanted to punch her."

"That urge seems to run in the family."

Sarah giggled. "Daddy better let me do the punching this time."

"Right." Olivia grabbed her bag and took her house key from the ring. "Here. I'm sure one of the guys would've let you in, but just to be safe. Didn't we give you a key?"

"I left it at your house."

"Okay, well, your Dad's getting the twins and I'll hopefully be not too late, so I'll see you later?"

"Livvie you can't be late at all! It's date night!" Sarah was stalling, hoping to leave at the exact time Fletcher came into the office for something. He was hovering over his desk with Rollins. "Of course…you had a buncha date nights in Quebec so maybe the novelty's worn off?"

The very mention of the city made Olivia flush. Her spine tingled. "Not exactly."

Sarah's face broke into her mischievous grin. "I can tell you two had a really good time there," she said, "You both came back skinnier."

Olivia nearly choked. "Skinnier?"

"Sex burns like three-hundred calories an hour. So," Sarah looked upwards as she did some calculations. "Fourish days, that's ninety-six total hours, we'll assume you behaved yourselves on the plane," she caught Olivia's eyes, "You _did_ behave yourselves, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure you slept a little…in all let's say you spent about half the time in bed or wherever so that's about fifteen thousand calories. Your clothes _must_ be a little loose."

Olivia jerked her head toward the squad room. "Fletcher and Rollins need to see me." She waved them in, delighting her stepdaughter.

Sarah said a brusque hello to Rollins and pretended to search her memory for Fletcher's first name. "It's…Brad, right? Or do you prefer _Detective_?" She opened her eyes wide, waiting for an answer.

"Brad's fine." He smiled but disappointed Sarah by sidestepping her and sliding a folder across the desk. "Lieutenant, here you go, that's everything on the case we caught overnight."

Disappointed, Sarah offered a half-hearted goodbye wave. On the way out she examined her nails and decided the first thing on the after-school agenda was a manicure.

…

Sarah arrived at Noah's school early, and instead of waiting in the hallway, she darted into the classroom as soon as students started filing out. She spotted Noah at his cubby slowly taking items from the storage area and neatly placing them in his bag. One of the assistants supervised the children during this routine, but Noah needed no assistance. A few feet away from him, Mia haphazardly threw her things into her bag, and Sarah heard the assistant reminding her to make sure she didn't smash her folders into the bottom of the backpack.

Sarah tapped Noah on the right shoulder but moved in the opposite direction, fooling him.

"Sare Bear!" He scolded her lovingly and leaned against her legs. "Why you come in here?"

"Nice to see you too, Noey," Sarah joked. "I wanted to come in and see how ya get ready to go. Did you have a good day?"

She and the assistant eyed each other and Sarah offered a tiny smile but also conveyed the message that the only conversation interesting her was with Noah.

"Yup!" Noah held up his jacket. "I need this?"

"Nope. It's a gorgeous day. Very warm. Actually," she eyed his khakis, "We may need to stop at home and get ya some shorts."

"What we gonna do?"

"I _desperately_ need a manicure."

Noah examined one hand. "Me too." He rolled his jacket and clipped it on the outside of his backpack next to the lunch box. "Kay. Lessgo."

"We should say goodbye to your teacher."

Noah shrugged. "Okay."

Sarah weaved her way through the child-sized tables and chairs to Miss Brynn. She was changing the calendar from May to June, facing the board. Sarah tapped her on the shoulder too, but didn't play the little hide-and-seek game she'd played with Noah.

"Oh, hello," the teacher said.

Sarah sized her up, noticing she wore the cardigan-and-casual-pants uniform again, this time in varying shades of blue. "Hello again," she said in a sugary-sweet voice which everyone but Sarah's family would take as genuine kindness, "I'm here for Noey and thought I'd say hello."

"Good to see you again."

"How was his conduct today?" Sarah widened her eyes and leaned forward, feigning considerable concern. "Livvie, that's his mom, said he was having some trouble."

"Noah's conduct is always exemplary," she replied. "He's not having trouble; we want to make sure he's making wise social decisions."

 _Wise social decisions?_

"Well, I want to keep an eye on him because that's what my family expects," Sarah continued. She waved Noah over and he strode over with Mia on his heels.

"Gotta go, Sare Bear!" He demanded breathlessly, "Tasha's waitin' for Mia."

"Who's Tasha?"

"My Nanny!" Mia answered jubilantly. "She say c'mon, MIA! We're late! We're always late," she sighed with the heaviness of an adult.

Sarah cringed as Mia's voice got louder; she didn't want the little girl to be reprimanded for using her outside voice. "Well, we're going to get manicures. Do you think Tasha will let you come?"

Mia crinkled her nose. "Man'cure?"

"Is' when they make your nails all better and your hands SMOOOOOTH!" Noah explained.

Sarah glared at Miss Brynn, practically daring her to say something to Noah about his volume. "Let's go out and see if Tasha says yes," Sarah said, nudging the kids toward the door, "You've been with me before so maybe she won't mind. Bye, Miss Brynn!"

…..

As the sun set over Manhattan, Olivia stepped out of the Sixteenth Precinct and decided to walk the distance to the agreed-upon restaurant, a maritime-themed bistro near Union Square. They parted that morning with no firm plans, but Ed texted around lunchtime suggesting seafood and this place in particular.

"Hi," she said to the host, "My husband made reservations. Tucker?"

"Oh, yes, he arrived a few minutes ago. Follow me."

Ed was seated at an outdoor table for two and stood as soon as he caught sight of his wife. The host waited and politely diverted his eyes as Ed tenderly greeted and kissed Olivia.

"How was your day?" Ed asked as they took their seats.

"Good," Olivia replied, "Nothing out of the ordinary. I actually got more writing done. I was sort of in a zone there for a while."

Ed smirked at her proudly. "I knew it."

Olivia coyly played with the edge of the heavy white tablecloth. "Do you think…you'll want to take a look at what I have so far? Maybe this weekend?"

"Absolutely. Are you kinda just writing at random or starting to organize it already?"

She cocked her head, "You didn't see the first part?"

Confusion filled Ed's face. "No," he replied hesitantly.

"Oh, I thought the other night when I fell asleep with the laptop on you would've read it. Thank you for saving the work, by the way."

"You're welcome," he replied softly, "But, Liv, I'm not gonna read anything unless you want me to."

She reached over for his hands, "You have an all-access pass."

Ed had to chuckle a bit at the personality swap that had taken place. Olivia had long ago stopped obstructing Ed's efforts to get her to open up; even so, he still had to _go and get_ heavy information most of the time. Now she was offering unfettered, prime access and he felt himself reluctant to take it.

"I appreciate that," he said, "But—"

Sensing his discomfort, Olivia bailed him out, "I understand. I just want you to know...how much I trust you."

The raw assertion startled him and he blinked, appreciative yet still surprised.

"To answer your question though," Olivia said as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "Every time I sit down to write I get focused on one thing. I wrote about our wedding first. Then jumped way back to when I decided I wanted to be a cop. And today, maybe because it was so calm, I started on success stories. So maybe I've subconsciously decided to start with the easy stuff first." She smiled sheepishly.

Ed kissed the top of her hand. "I can't wait to read it. _Every_ part of it." Secretly he was dying to get his eyes on what she'd written, but he did a good job pretending to be appropriately indifferent. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, and the connection took his breath away. His lungs constricted, and he recalled the first time this happened—the first time Olivia Benson literally made him stop breathing simply by _being there_.

"Ed?"

"Huh?" He blinked again, snapping to attention, and noticed the waiter was standing at their table ready to take their orders. "Oh, uh, can we have another few minutes?"

"You okay?" She asked as the waiter darted to another table.

"Yeah, yeah," he rasped.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Our second date."

" _Second_ date?"

"You prolly didn't think it was a date, but I kinda did."

Olivia ransacked her memory to no avail. "Which _kinda-date_ are you talking about?" They'd had too many of those at first—using police business as an excuse to meet for drinks when the matter, if there actually _was_ a matter, could've been resolved over the phone.

"Right after you found out you passed the Lieutenant's exam. Remember?"

She smiled at the memory. The first person she notified after learning the good news was Ed Tucker. He returned her text with an invitation for a celebratory cocktail. She fondly remembered that summer and fall—Noah was finally, legally hers—and even though work pressure was relentless, she operated in a bubble of optimism.

Right up until she walked into the Crivello townhouse in early January.

She took a sip of her wine. "I remember. But that bar. It was so loud and crowded in there that night."

"It was. But right before we left. When you thanked me…for lying?"

 _"Well, Lieutenant Tucker, I want to thank you for being dishonest to One PP. You're not one I would've pegged for that kind of subterfuge, but I do appreciate it. It was the right move."_

Olivia laughed gently. "I recall you blushing a little, Captain."

"Oh, for sure. And I could barely say _you're welcome_. But after that, it got quiet. We finished the drinks, kinda sneaking glances at each other?"

"We did. But then we snuck a glance at the same time."

"And then everything stopped. The noise. The movement in the bar. _Everything_. And that's what happened a few minutes ago. You're… _stunning_. Everything about you…"

The table was too long for Olivia to try and kiss him, and right then, she _needed_ to kiss him.

It was Friday night, and the area was packed. People zigzagged across Union Square West, taxi horns blared, every seat on the patio was occupied, and those patrons engaged in boisterous chatter.

Nobody but Ed paid attention to Olivia. To everyone else, she was just another reveler ushering in the weekend. But to him, she represented all the beauty and love and goodness in the world.

And as she rose from her chair, he wondered where she was going.

"Restroom," she whispered, hovering over him and then planting a kiss on his mouth that, once again, left him struggling for air. "On the way, I'll tell the waiter we're ready to order," she said with a wink, "I don't want to stay out too late."

….

The soccer field featured unexpected guests the next morning. Brooke and Aidan showed up while Noah's team was going through warm-up drills. The little boy noticed the older one immediately. Noah sprinted over to say a quick hello but quickly rejoined his team. Over where the Tuckers had set up their game-day chairs and large blanket for the twins, Aidan explained he was returning the favor. Noah had attended three lacrosse games that spring. Showing compassion without being overbearing, Olivia hugged him and offered a sincere "how are you?"

"I'm good," he replied, sounding genuinely good.

Ed saw they brought their own chairs, but he offered his. "I don't sit much."

Olivia patted his back pockets, making no move to conceal the contact. "If you're like this when Noah's five, I'm very interested to see you in a few years."

Ed was self-deprecating. "I'll need drugs for sure." He waved Aidan to come and stand with him on the sidelines. "C'mon. If I look like I'm gonna run on the field, stop me."

Brooke settled into her chair and watched the twins happily playing on the blanket. They had an assortment of small toys at their disposal and picked at snacks from two plastic containers—one with blueberries and the other with small rice puffs shaped like stars. Their no-spill sippy cups were both upside-down near their feet.

"All this stuff," Brooke murmured.

"Hmm?" Olivia asked.

"I'm thinking about everything I need to buy, have, think about," Brooke said, caressing her now-noticeable baby bump. "For babies," she added for clarification.

"It comes to you as you go along."

Brooke wanted to ask about the day Olivia took custody of Noah. She always wondered how Olivia dealt with the almost instantaneous switch from single woman to single parent.

"It's actually harder when they get older," Olivia said. "Very seldom did I need something I didn't have when they were babies. Now I need to make sure I have things for Noah's lunch or if the twins have enough diapers and wipes at day care. But your Dad's pretty good at all that. I'm sure Sonny will be, too."

"I'm sure he will be."

"What's he up to today?" Olivia hoped he wasn't at work. She hadn't specifically told him she'd cleared his schedule for a long weekend.

"He slept in. We're having his mom and sister over tonight, so he's going to shop and get ready for them."

"That'll be nice."

Brooke started giggling. The game had begun and Ed was jerking around on the sidelines as he followed the action. Aidan, not only used to sports but also accustomed to a much faster game calmly watched with an amused look on his face and his arms folded across his chest

A few minutes before halftime, a familiar child came bounding up to the twins' blanket and plopped down next to them. "Hi babies!" Mia said brightly. Maggie waved her arms around and shrieked. Wyatt graciously offered the dinosaur toy he'd been playing with.

Olivia scanned the area for Mia's father or her nanny, but recognized no one. However, a woman wearing a baby carrier and an apologetic expression came up to them and introduced herself as Mia's sister Sofia and the sleeping baby as Henry.

"Henry can play with the babies when he wakes up!" Mia said. "He's my neshew!"

"Neff, Mia," her sister corrected, " _Neff_ -you."

Olivia stood up to shake Sofia's hand and unpacked another chair. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't know Mia knew about the soccer game."

Sofia worked the carrier away from her chest and cradled Henry. "My Dad told me Mia had committed to a game at ten o'clock, so here we are." She thanked Olivia and sat down.

Olivia assumed Sarah had probably arranged for Mia to come to the game last night when she dropped Mia at home after the manicure, a snack, and an hour at the playground. She was asleep when Ed and Olivia returned, and groggily exited without saying much.

"Sof, I'm gonna go stand with Ed," Mia announced. She tore off her windbreaker, tossed it on the ground, and trotted away, obviously not used to waiting for permission from adult caretakers.

"I'll be right back," Olivia got up and walked closer to the sidelines, phone in hand, interested to see how Noah would react when he saw his friend. The first reaction, though, was Ed's. Mia wedged herself between his legs and Aidan's as if her presence at the games was completely typical. Visibly surprised, Ed grinned and gave her a little side hug. He knelt and pointed out Noah. Mia jumped up and down, waving frantically. There was no way he could miss her, but he _was_ in the middle of a game.

He saw her as he jogged toward the opposing goal. At midfield he glanced over to the sidelines like he usually did, did a double-take, and broke into a huge grin before being redirected by his coach shouting to him to run to the goal. Soon, a timeout was called and Noah's team huddled nearby. Noah had been in the middle near the coach, but when he ran back out on the field he stopped to say hi.

"Hi Mia!"

"Hi Noah! My sister bringed me!"

"Tell her _thank-you_ for comin' bud," Ed prompted.

"Thanks!" Noah said, in a hurry, "Gotta go play soccer now!"

Olivia was making her way back to her chair. On the way she passed Brooke who was shadowing Maggie as she toddled around in the grass. Baby Henry was playing with Wyatt on the blanket. Olivia and Sofia exchanged small talk for a few minutes until they were interrupted by Mia's voice.

"HEY!" Mia shouted, pointing in another direction, "Maggs wantsa play soccer, too!"

Sure enough, Maggie had broken free of Brooke's watchful eye and had wandered out onto the field, her eyes laser-focused on the soccer ball. Brooke wrangled the little girl and brought her, squirming and fighting to get down, over to Ed.

"Sorry," she said.

Ed, unbothered, swung her upside down and blew strawberries on her belly. "You wanna play, Maggie May? You gonna be Daddy's superstar girl?"

"BA!" Maggie said, pointing at the field.

"Yeah, baby girl. _Ball_." He pressed his cheek against hers, "Let's watch Noah go get the ball." He tracked his son's movements with his index finger and Maggie did the same.

"NO! BA!"

Aidan had gone and retrieved a small toy football which he handed to Maggie. "Here ya go, Maggs. Didn't see a soccer ball over there, but you can play football too."

Ed bounced her on his hip. "I dunno about that." He pictured his precious little girl dressed in a football uniform, loose brown curls escaping from her helmet, and he wasn't sure whether to imagine her as the unlikely star quarterback or cringe at the thought of Maggie being tackled and getting hurt.

"Ah," he said with a shrug, embarrassed he'd even considered the latter option, "Maggs, you can do whatever you want, sweetheart. Anything you want. And Daddy will be right there. Your biggest fan baby girl."

Maggie straightened her legs and squirmed.

"DA!"

At the moment, Margaret Caroline Tucker's goal was simply for her Daddy to put her down. Ed set her on her feet facing Olivia, but Maggie turned around and headed back to the field. Olivia laughed as she watched Ed scoop up their daughter and swing her in the air, only to put Maggie back down and have to chase her all over again.

"I don't know," Sofia said, "I can't imagine having twins that age."

"For a long time we couldn't, either," Olivia replied, "But you know what? We just get up every day and make it happen."

Brooke smiled knowingly.

 _Make it happen_ was the understatement of the century.

…

 **#Tuckson**

 _Dear Guest Reviewer with the comment about NYPD educational requirements,_

 _Sarah is very well-versed on what it takes to qualify for the Academy and her asking Fletcher about college and the Police Academy was merely to highlight her fascination with how young Fletcher looks and also to kind of remind people about how Fletcher deceived the NYPD when he was a teenager (SVU-Wannabe). There is no misconception. Sarah simply has a hard time believing he's old enough to not only be a cop but also to have climbed the ranks to detective._

 _-AJ_


	38. Chapter 38

**Thirty-Nine**.

After the soccer game, Noah and his entourage slowly made their way from the field onto the sidewalk. He and Mia walked ahead of the group and they were already conspiring to spend more time together. When Ed mentioned lunch, Noah asked if Mia could join. Olivia politely invited Sofia and Henry, but Mia's older sister glanced regretfully at her fussy baby and declined. Ed insisted they didn't mind taking Mia and dropping her off at home afterwards, and, like every other adult in her family, Mia's sister readily agreed to hand her off to near-strangers though she did offer a twenty which Ed refused to take.

"Gotta call Sare Bear!" Noah said as they skipped along.

"I'll call," Olivia said, "We didn't bring your phone."

"I cannot believe Sarah bought him a phone," Brooke said, then retracted, "Actually, yes I can."

Aidan laughed. "Kids though now, everything is on a phone or a tablet. It's normal for him."

"It really is," Olivia said. "Noah even gets a little thrown by my computer because it's not a touch screen. Maggie and Wyatt may not even have actual _books_ when they get to school."

"They'll always have actual books," Ed grumbled.

Olivia smiled at her husband and slipped an arm around his waist. They fell back ever so slightly. Ed pushed the stroller and Olivia looked up at him. Jaw set. Back straight. He looked like a cop. He would forever look like a cop. For someone who never used a man to define herself, Olivia certainly took a great deal of pride in being married to Ed. But their union was more than their mutual physical attraction. They had achieved a sort of synergy Olivia had, up to this point, never witnessed and never experienced with anyone.

"Love you," she said quietly, thinking her words may have been lost in the wind.

"Love you, too." He smirked, "And I think we have some young love in front of us."

She playfully slapped his behind, but had to admit Noah and Mia certainly did look cozy as they walked. They chattered and giggled in their outside voices; once again in their own little world.

At the pub they slid into the long booth by the window, opposite of where they usually sat, but they had a larger than normal group today.

"Mia, we sit here," Noah said, choosing the end seats. "So we can play the juke box!"

Mia was facing the window and was the first one to see Sarah approach. "There's the Sare Bear!" She exclaimed, kneeling on her seat and waving.

When Sarah came in she grabbed Mia and spun her around. "I'm so happy to see you! How are your nails holding up?" Sarah examined Mia's deep purple polish. "They still look lovely!"

"Yup!" Mia slapped stray strands of jet black hair away from her face.

Sarah returned Mia to her chair and said hello to everyone. "I'm so sorry I couldn't make the game. Sare Bear needed her sleep."

"Glad you're here now," Ed said, sliding over to make room.

Josh, their regular waiter, came over to take drink orders. Mia and Noah slowly read the menu aloud. Sarah snuggled Wyatt and fed him cherries from her drink after she sucked the alcohol off them.

"Sarah, that's gross. And also a little wrong." Brooke scoffed. She glanced at her Dad and Olivia, thinking they would also scold her sister, but they just sat there with wistful smiles on their faces. " _Okayyy_ ," Brooke sighed under her breath.

Next to her, Aidan sat with Maggie in his lap. She was gnawing on a plastic straw and uncharacteristically content. Olivia told him he could give her up at any time if he got tired of holding her, but he merely grinned and bounced Maggie.

"Small sister and I are good," he said. "Aren't we?"

Maggie babbled away happily. A few minutes later she started tugging on her pink zipper hoodie and Aidan helped her out of it, tossing the garment into the empty stroller.

"So, three more weeks of school," Olivia said, "Everyone ready for summer?"

"SUMMER!" Mia shouted jubilantly.

Sarah tensed, ready to chastise anyone who said anything about inside/outside voices. She found herself becoming increasingly protective of Mia.

"What do you do during the summer, Mia?" Brooke asked.

"Go to the beach and to the stables."

"Stables?"

"Yep! Mommy's stables. We run the horsies."

"Is that where your mom is now?" Olivia asked.

"Yep. Daddy there too. So Sofia an' Henry are here with me 'cause Tasha have 'nother job this weekend." She sucked a long sip of her Shirley Temple through the straw.

"Good drink?" Sarah asked.

"Mmmmhmmm!" Mia wiped her mouth with her wrist. "Super good! Noah! You eated all your cherries a'ready!" She giggled uncontrollably and dug into her glass. "Here's anovver one."

"That's yours!" Noah said. "I ask Josh for more!"

At the other end of the table, Olivia gently kicked Ed. He was smirking uncontrollably at the five-year-olds. At the contact, he looked up curiously.

 _Planning the wedding?_ Olivia mouthed.

He grinned. "You'll be the most beautiful mother-of-the-groom."

Brooke heard the comment and rolled her eyes. "Oh my God. You're as bad as Sarah."

Acting wounded, Sarah snapped, " _Hey_! What'd I do?"

Bewildered, Aidan hyper-focused his attention on Maggie.

Noah and Mia had no idea they were under such heavy scrutiny. They started a friendly sword-fight with the plastic garnish holders and gabbed away while everyone else tried to simultaneously listen in and engage in their own adult small talk. When the lunches arrived, before taking any bites, the kids spent several minutes exchanging items from their baskets. Noah got one of Mia's chicken tenders. Mia received part of his grilled cheese. Noah dropped tater tots onto her side. In return, he got a few of her fries.

Sarah breathed heavily, trying not to fall into her usual swoon. "Sharing are we?" She asked casually.

"Uh-huh!" Noah said with his mouth full. "Mia like grillcheese and I like chik'tenders so we jus' trade!"

"Oh," Sarah said, "That's nice. Wanna try one of my onion rings?"

"Sure Sare Bear!" Mia said. She took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.

"Like it?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Noah? You want one?"

Noah nodded, but before Sarah could give him an onion ring from her portion, Mia handed him the one she had in her hand. "Here ya go, No!"

Sarah couldn't help it. She flung her arms to her sides and leaned over into Olivia's shoulder. "Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwd_. I can't take this adorable young love. Daddy, Brookey, somebody, _fan me_ before I pass out."

…..

Back at home, Olivia laid Wyatt down in his crib and the drowsy little boy hurriedly shoved his pacifier into his mouth and closed his eyes. Olivia covered him with his lighter-weight blanket; Wyatt gripped the corner and held it under his chin.

"Love you, sweet Wyatt," she whispered, kissing her own fingers then pressing them to his cheek. She hovered over his crib for an extra minute, loving the sight of him drifting off to sleep.

In the living room, Maggie had commandeered Noah's beanbag and was wide awake watching cartoons. In an effort to nudge her toward a nap, Ed added a blanket and her pink baby doll. He turned the volume low and propped his feet on the coffee table, ready to settle in and read what Olivia had written so far.

After lunch, when Noah realized his time with Mia was drawing to a close, he begged to go back to Connecticut with Brooke and Aidan. Knowing Sonny's relatives were going to be there later for dinner, Olivia initially denied the request, but Aidan stepped in and offered to hang out with him. Imagining an afternoon of lacrosse and basketball and who knows what else, Noah jumped up and down and pleaded with his mother to change her mind. She did. Ed switched Noah's car booster seat from his vehicle to hers and said he'd drive out to get Noah later that evening.

Olivia emerged from the twins' room and grinned at Maggie. "No nap for you, baby girl?"

Maggie made some boisterous noises and pointed at the television. Olivia leaned down and kissed her then turned her attention to Ed.

"I'm going to put some laundry away. Straighten up a little bit."

Ed looked up from the laptop. "Want help?"

"No," she replied, "I want to know what you think," she wiggled her fingers in the air, "about that."

"Yes Ma'am."

She disappeared into their bedroom and Ed could hear drawers opening and closing and the sound of her shuffling to and from their room, the hall closet and washing machine, and Noah's room.

Soon, though, he lost himself in her narrative. It began with a reflective chapter. She described her satisfaction at finally figuring out how to be a mother, wife, and commanding officer at the same time. She used no names. Ed remembered her joking about peppering in IAB stories throughout the book and then, at the end, dropping the bombshell that Ed Tucker was actually the "husband" she wrote so admirably of in the opening chapter. He wondered if this was a good move, if she was trying to pile too much into one book, but as he continued, that uncertainty faded away.

He was in the middle of a section titled _Unconventional Justice_ when Olivia came out to pour herself a glass of water and take a brief break from the chores. She came up behind him and kissed his cheek.

"Well?" She asked.

He craned his neck to look at her. "It's…wow…I can't believe this case about the girl calling 911 wasn't in the news."

Olivia smiled, "Probably because it happened over a matter of hours. Nobody called the press. _Man_. That was _intense_. And close. Did you get to the end yet?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay, I didn't want to give it away. We almost lost her. I remember thinking how devastating it would be if she didn't make it. But she did. And we were able to get her reunited with her mother."

"I like this idea," Ed tapped the screen where the title of the chapter was typed, "Good way to break things down and pick and choose."

"That's the hard part. There are _so many_ stories to tell."

"I really like it, Liv. Seriously." He gazed at her, smirking. "And not just because I can hear your voice when I'm reading."

"Your own personal audiobook?"

"Yeah," Ed set the computer to the side and motioned for Olivia to join him on the couch. She sat down, and he put his arms around her. " _And_ I get all _this_ typa contact with the author." He kissed the side of her head a few times. "Mmmm. I love you so much. And I'm so proud of you…hope that doesn't sound…condescending."

"It doesn't," Olivia said softly. "It sounds sincere. And makes me want to keep writing." She shifted so she could kiss him on the lips. "But I just took everything out of the closet…and it may take me a while to finish what I started."

"Sure ya don't want any help?"

"I'm sure," she glanced at Maggie, "How does she not sleep?"

"Maybe I'll turn the TV off and read to her. Close the blinds."

"Good idea, Daddy," she intoned, fully aware of how Ed would respond.

He smiled and pulled her back in for a deeper, more passionate kiss.

"Soon as she's asleep," he said, "I'll come and… _help_."

Olivia stood, cocked an eyebrow, and headed back to her impromptu closet organizing project.

…..

Aidan and Noah spent the afternoon playing lacrosse in the backyard. Noah desperately wanted to go out on the water, but it was still too chilly, and Aidan knew Brooke wouldn't allow him to take Noah on the Jet Ski anyway. They settled for a walk along the sea wall, and Noah happily shifted his attention to the various colorful pebbles they saw along the way. He plucked a few favorites, and by the time they returned to the house his pockets were bulging with his treasures.

While they were on their walk, Sonny had returned and he and Brooke were in the kitchen preparing the early dinner for his mother and sister.

"Hey Sonny!" Noah said, climbing on one of the chairs. "Lookit what I got!"

Sonny inspected the handful of pebbles. "Wow! Those are nice. Let's see…I think we must have a bucket around here somewhere. C'mon." He took Noah into the mud room where several boxes were stacked and labeled for various destinations with Sharpie. Brooke wasn't sure what her mother's purpose was in keeping the boxes in that particular spot. She wasn't moving, and the items all seemed too personal for charitable donations. While Sonny rifled through a few things and then went into the garage, Noah looked around.

Sonny heard him giggle. "What's so funny, No?"

Noah bounded down the two steps and gave him a photograph. Sonny joined him in laughter. It must have been a first-day-of-school picture and neither Sarah nor Brooke looked pleased with having to pose for it.

"Brooke?" Sonny called into the kitchen as he walked that way. "How old were you two here? Middle school?"

Brooke examined the picture. "Yep. Eighth and sixth. I remember that day very well. Sarah and I had just finished fighting over everything sisters could fight about then fought with mom about our outfits. I don't remember school that day, but I do remember the morning."

Noah ran into the room with a stack of more pictures. He peered at each one and gleefully commented on how silly or young or angry Brooke and Sarah appeared. At one point though, his jubilant expression gave way to consternation.

"What is it, No?"

He held up the troubling photograph and Brooke plucked it from his fingers. Ed stood proudly with his arm around Angela's shoulders. With the other arm he held a much-younger Brooke and Sarah to his side.

"Sarah's Kindergarten graduation. See those certificates? Even then she was smart. Never studied, but got the highest grades in everything. So annoying."

Sonny listened, but he was more concerned about Noah's confusion. "Does he understand Cap was married before?" He whispered, eyeing Noah.

"Oh…" Brooke screwed up her face, already beating herself up for not realizing Noah might be bothered. "Hey, bud, c'mere." She sat him on the counter and started pointing at the photograph. "This is my Mommy. Angela. You met her a couple of times."

"She died," Noah whispered.

"Yes," Brooke replied, amazed he remembered or even knew about her mother's passing, "And, a long time ago, Daddy lived with her and me and Sarah."

"Daddy _Mommy's_ hubbind."

"Yes. He's Mommy's husband. But remember? How you and Mommy lived together first? Then Daddy came? And then you met me and Sarah?"

Noah smacked the picture away and muttered, "I don't like that." His chin trembled. "I want Daddy."

Sonny lifted him from the counter and into a hug. "Hey, No, it's alright."

"Want _Daddy_!"

"Okay…" Alarmed and a little panicked, Sonny looked to Brooke for guidance. He'd never seen Noah upset.

Worried but unsure how to handle this, Brooke shrugged. She was sure Olivia mentioned telling Noah about Ed's life before he entered the Bensons' private world. Clueless about how to remedy the problem, she instead changed the subject. "No, are you sure you don't want to stay? Lookit all this food we're making! And we're going to have a bonfire and make s'mores, too!"

Noah lifted his head from Sonny's shoulder. "Makin' sagetti?"

"Yep!" Sonny said brightly, relieved Noah was apparently easy to redirect and cheer up, "Lotsa spaghetti and meatballs and my famous garlic knots. You love those, remember?"

Noah nodded. Moments ago he seemed on the verge of breaking into sobs and now he asked to be put down. Aidan bounded down the stairs and immediately knew something had happened, but Brooke waved away any inquiries and asked what he and Noah were up to next.

"We're eating in about an hour," she said. "Would you mind setting up the bonfire pit so we're ready to go afterwards?"

"Sure," Aidan said. "C'mon, Noah, you can help me bring some wood out there."

"Kay!"

The door slammed.

"What was that all about?" Sonny asked.

"I don't know," she said, "Well, I do know, but…maybe seeing his Dad with another woman and…a family that isn't totally his was a shock to him."

"Damn, he's perceptive."

"He really is. He soaks up and sees everything. Dad and Olivia must have to be super careful about what they do and say around him."

Sonny grinned. "Wonder how many times, you know, he's… _interrupted_?"

Brooke rolled her eyes. "You're as bad as Sarah."

…

The sun had begun its descent when Olivia closed the closet door with finality only to open it again and re-admire her handiwork. Items for donation had been transferred to three boxes, and the toys, seasonal decorations, and other random belongings were now stacked and shelved neatly. In a groove, she considered decluttering Noah's bedroom closet, but decided to save that for another weekend. Wyatt would be up soon, and she and Ed would feed the twins dinner before one of them went to get Noah. Sure, Ed had offered, but she knew he was uncomfortable going to his ex-wife's home, even if it was only to spend a few minutes shuttling Noah from the house to the car. Olivia planned to insist on making the trip.

It had been quiet, so she assumed Maggie was asleep, but she didn't expect to find Ed snoozing as well. She found the two of them sacked out on the couch, Maggie plastered against Ed's chest, her doll under one arm. Ed's lips curled ever so slightly into a placid smile, and he had both arms around Maggie, subconsciously protecting his squirmy daughter from a painful tumble onto the hardwood floor below. With every exhale, Ed's breath caught wisps of Maggie's fine brown hair.

Part of Olivia wanted to take Maggie and put her in bed so _she_ could have some snuggle time with her husband, but she took the laptop and tiptoed back to the bedroom where she took her now-regular writing spot on the easy chair and began a new section. After batting around ideas for a clever title, she settled on one simple word.

 _Mistakes_.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thirty-nine**.

Since it was Saturday night, Olivia gave in to Noah's requests for more stories. Always affectionate with both parents, he was unusually clingy on this particular night. Finally, as the clock neared nine-thirty, Olivia put her foot down.

"Time for bed, sweet boy," she announced softly.

Noah put a hand on each of her cheeks. "'Nother story?"

"No, honey. It's late. Time for bed."

Noah ignored the instruction and poked a few spots on her face with his index finger. "You have freckles."

"Yes I do."

"Mia have freckles, too."

"Yes she does."

For a girl so young, Mia had a few features which set her apart from the crowd. First was her silky, jet-black hair. The other were the prominent freckles scattered across her cheeks and her nose.

Noah touched his own face. "I have freckles?"

Olivia closely scrutinized his face. "You do. One here. And here. And here." She kissed his forehead. "I love you, sweet Noah."

To her shock, the almost-robotic _I love you_ didn't come from Noah's mouth. He furrowed his brow and twisted his lips like he always did when he became lost in his thoughts.

"Sare Bear and Brookey have two mommies," he mumbled, eyes downcast, almost embarrassed.

Olivia saw his cheeks flush. "Well…yes, sweetie, they have, _had_ , their Mommy and then I'm their Mommy, too."

"Cause you're Daddy's hubbind."

Olivia smiled sweetly. "He's my husband. I'm his _wife_. The Mommy is the wife," she patiently explained, wondering about the root of these questions. "Sweetie, tell me more about tonight. I know you had spaghetti and s'mores and played with Aidan, but what else did you do?"

It took a few more probing questions, but Olivia finally figured out what was bothering Noah after he described seeing pictures of Brooke and Sarah when they were "little like him."

"Did you see Daddy with Angela? That's Brooke and Sarah's Mommy."

"Uh-huh," Noah said, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Sweetie, we talked about this before. Remember? Before me Daddy had another wife and that's how he has Brooke and Sarah. But then Daddy and Angela weren't—" Olivia searched for an appropriate explanation that wouldn't permanently damage her son, "—weren't friends anymore, so they lived in different places. Then Daddy met us. And now he's your Daddy and Wyatt and Maggie's Daddy and my husband." Noah still didn't look convinced. Olivia threaded her fingers through his hair. "Did that make you sad when you saw that picture?"

"Yeah," Noah said in a voice barely above a whisper. "Cause Daddy's with US!"

"Yes he is," Olivia said, hugging Noah to her chest, "And he always will be. I promise. And Daddy promises. And we all love you so much."

Noah played with her necklace. "And you love Daddy and Daddy love you!"

"That's right."

"And evverrbody love those babies!" He announced with a grin, making Olivia relax.

She hated seeing Noah upset; nevertheless, she had a feeling he wasn't completely assuaged. Her son was generally happy and almost always in a good mood, but she could see, even at this young age, he had trouble forgetting things that bothered him. She dreaded the conversation she would inevitably have to have with him about his adoption, and, knowing her son, it was a conversation that would occur in some shape or form sooner rather than later.

"Yes. Those babies are so special. And you are special Noah," she held him by his shoulders, "You are such a special boy. You make me so happy. So, so, happy."

Noah collapsed into her. "You make me happy too, Mommy."

"I love how nice you are to people and school and to your brother and sisters. And you're so polite, you say please and thank-you, you are the best son a Mommy and Daddy could ask for and we are so happy you're our son."

He leaned back and again played with the Cartier. "I liketa be nice," he said.

"Me too. It makes me feel good."

"Yeah."

Olivia rocked him for a while longer. She felt him start to get heavier against her body and asked, "Noah, ready to get in your bed now?"

He mumbled something but tightened his grip on her neck. She leaned her head back and decided ten more minutes wouldn't hurt a thing.

….

"Hey," Olivia crawled into bed and kissed Ed on the cheek. "New Cosmo?"

"Yeah." He tossed the magazine aside, "But no good sex tips, so, we're on our own." He started kissing at her neck, "Not that that's _everrrr_ been a problem."

Olivia did something she rarely did. She gently pushed Ed away. He raised his eyebrows, a little stunned she was shutting him down.

"What's wrong, Liv?"

She licked her lips, wishing she hadn't needed to stop Ed's advances. She still reacted to his touch like she did when they first started seriously dating.

"Did Brooke or Sonny say anything happened tonight?"

"No," Ed answered slowly, "Other than apologizing for his clothes being a mess from the dinner and smelling like bonfire. Why? What happened?"

Olivia told Ed what Noah said about the picture he'd seen. Ed clenched his jaw, and Olivia put her hand on his forearm. "Ed, he's going to know about everything as he gets older," she reassured him, "I think he got a little freaked out seeing you in pictures…like we have pictures…but him seeing you with her…I think, was, _tough_."

Ed's jaw didn't relax. "She shoulda told me."

"If—"

" _No_ ," Ed interrupted, "No excuses. He was that upset? That he talked about it _now_? Hours later? She shoulda told me. She shoulda told us the minute it happened."

" _Ed_ —"

"No, Liv, there's no excuse. He's _our_ child. She doesn't get to make the decision whether or not to keep things from us."

"Maybe she forgot."

"How can you _forget_ that?"

Olivia knew this Ed. This Ed was incapable of being talked down, even if she agreed with him. So, she didn't respond. At least not verbally. She smiled and rubbed his earlobe between her thumb and index finger. Only when she felt the tension leave his body did she say anything. "I'm so relieved you'll be there when it comes time to explain things to him. I always thought I could do it alone, but I can't. I need you."

"We're his parents," Ed firmly replied. "We are his loving, doting parents. And he knows he's loved. It'll be fine, Liv."

"What if he wants to find…people? I already banished one blood relative from his life, what if—"

"You didn't trust her. And you were right not to trust her. And when he's an adult he can make those decisions. And it won't diminish _our_ influence. But if he's curious, he'll deserve to know."

Olivia closed her eyes. When she opened them, a fresh set of tears appeared. "What if…what if he hates…that I did what I did? That I kept someone away from him? What if he resents me for that?"

"He won't, Liv," Ed replied softly. "Trust me, he won't. He'll appreciate how fiercely you fought for him. How lucky he is. And I'll talk to him tomorrow. We'll go out and get breakfast."

"Okay," she said softly, starting to play with his shirt. "I know you're annoyed…but…I kinda like it. The way your face gets," she ran an index finger along his cheekbones then kissed him, "It's a turn on…how much you want to shield all of us from any pain, anything bad…" she kissed him again only to tilt her head back abruptly, right as he was about to devour her, "It's the best thing about you."

"Best thing, huh?" He succeeded in getting her on her back. "Sure 'bout that?"

She stared into his eyes—they were desirous and playful and coupled perfectly with his signature smirk. He propped himself on his forearms, but most of his weight rested on her.

"I love this feeling," she said. "You and me. Being able to count on _you and me_."

"Me too." He brushed her hair off her forehead with one hand. " _Seriously_ , me too."

" _But_?" Olivia asked, a smile forming on her face.

"There're some other things I want you to _feel_ right now." He started kissing her neck, "And I'm pretty sure you love 'em too."

….

The mid-morning sun blazed into the Tucker home on Sunday morning, and both Maggie and Wyatt smacked their little palms against the window. From the dining table, Olivia leaned forward over the laptop keyboard and watched her little ones. It had been foolish to think she could work _and_ hang out with the twins, especially considering she was in the middle of writing a heavy, emotional chapter. Lately they babbled incessantly and were trying to form more words. She took a deep, satisfied breath and recalled joking with Ed a few weeks ago about how challenging it would be when both twins started walking. Now the thought of three children chattering away with one another made her break into a broad smile. Maggie and Wyatt growing up would always be bittersweet, but she couldn't wait to talk to and listen to them. She was sure Wyatt would be the thoughtful, quieter child. Maggie would probably be more silly and impulsive. She predicted parent-teacher conferences beginning with _"Well Mr. and Mrs. Tucker, Maggie is highly intelligent, but…"_

Following the "but" would be a more polite form of _"Maggie talks too much."_

"Maggie!" Olivia called over to her daughter, "Sweet girl?"

Keeping one hand on the glass, Maggie turned to her mother and grinned, shoving her chin outward and showing both her bottom and the halfway-in top teeth.

"Love youuu!" Olivia cooed, extending the last sound in a sing-songy voice so Maggie would reciprocate with her latest verbal skill.

"Ooooooooo!" Maggie called back, her lips forming a perfect circle. She grabbed Wyatt's ear and repeated the sound. Wyatt grabbed at her face and they fell together in a heap on the floor, giggling as they played their version of baby wrestling. Olivia hurried over to the floor and scooped them into her lap, kissing their cheeks in rapid-fire fashion, from one to the other, until they were all laughing hysterically.

….

Noah sat on his knees in the well-worn booth and carefully swiped his toast in patterns on his plate, soaking up the rest of the egg yolk. For their "guy" breakfast Ed chose a decidedly un-Olivia type of place. Though she'd been to this particular greasy spoon with him before, she typically raised her eyebrows when he suggested it. Noah made no negative comments and half-skipped alongside Ed to an empty table and immediately started reading the menu.

"Whatcha in the mood for, bud?"

Noah licked his lips. "Not p'cakes. Maybe some scrambly eggs."

"Wanna try over easy eggs?"

Noah scrunched up his forehead. "What those?"

Ed pointed to a picture on the menu. "They look like this. Sometimes they're called sunny side up because the yellow yolk looks like the sun."

"Yeah! I want da sunny eggs!"

When their food came, Ed buttered Noah's toast and demonstrated breaking the yolk and dipping the toast.

"Dippy eggs!" Noah exclaimed jubiliantly, "Cause ya dip 'em in da sun!"

They were almost finished eating when Ed finally brought up Noah's evening at the Connecticut house. First he asked Noah to tell him about s'mores and the food Sonny cooked. Noah seemed so unaffected that Ed almost backed off and left it alone, but then he pictured Noah looking at the photograph with a crestfallen face and soldiered on.

"Hey, No, I heard ya saw a picture? When Sarah and Brooke were little?"

"Uh-huh," Noah replied in a decidedly less enthusiastic voice than he'd been using.

"And I was in it too?"

"Uh-huh. With Ang-e-la."

"Yeah. Did that make ya a little bit sad?"

"Yeah."

"Do you remember meeting Angela?"

Noah shook his head.

"Well, ya see, a long time ago, when I was young like Sarah and Brookey, Angela and I were really happy and we got married, like me and Mommy are married. And we lived together for a while. We were a family. And that's what the picture was all about."

"Where was Mommy?"

"Ya know how the police officers we see have the blue uniform?"

"Uh-huh."

"She was wearing one of those. And working a lot. I didn't know her. So…after a while, me and Angela weren't gettin' along. So I moved into a different apartment. You were in the apartment a few times actually." Noah grinned and Ed realized he had been forgetting to breathe normally. He exhaled slowly and continued. "That's when I fell in love, Noah," he grabbed his son's hands, "I fell in love with you and your Mommy and I promised we would always be together. And now, everything is right. We have our perfect family."

Noah's eyes drifted from their conjoined hands to Ed's eyes. "An' now you in da pic-tures with ME!"

"Yeah, bud. Those are the best pictures. My favorites."

"My fave-rites too!"

"Know what?"

"What?"

"Let's order dessert."

Noah started laughing. "Daddy! No dessert at br'feast!"

"Well, we're changing the rules for the guy's breakfast. And we'll take a picture of us and send it to Mommy and she'll laugh. I love making Mommy laugh."

"Yeah," Noah said as he focused on the flip-roll dessert menu Ed set in front of him. "Me too."

…..

 **#Tuckson**

 _A/N: As a reminder, this story is, sadly, not canon and I began this chapter after last night's episode aired which is why the reference to Sheila is the way it is, and I liked the scene too much too much to change it._


	40. Chapter 40

**Forty**.

Coffee mugs, paper and ceramic, littered every surface in the squad room not covered with files, computers, or tablets. The detectives and a few borrowed patrolmen scrutinized surveillance footage and witness statements. Carisi and Rollins barked out specifics from the crime scenes. Olivia noticed the color gradually drain from Fletcher's face and silently gave him thirty minutes to recover. At that point, she planned to invite him into her office for a chat.

Earlier that evening, Rollins called the Lieutenant away from Sunday dinner at Caroline's house after two calls from two separate precincts both reported possible rape homicides with similar signatures. By the time Olivia arrived, another victim had been recovered and added to the list. The gruesome details and sadistic preliminary modus operandi made even Olivia's battle-hardened stomach flip-flop, so when Fletcher started taking deep, sharp breaths, she waved him aside.

"Lieutenant?" He asked, barely stepping into her office.

"Have a seat," Olivia motioned to the sofa, "You look like you could use a break."

"I'm really fine," he replied in a breathy voice. "First case…like this. One after the other like that. Those poor girls. We shoulda caught it after the first one. Nobody saw anything? Heard a scream? Saw him? I mean, it took _time_ to do that. He must've been covered in blood. Nothing? On a Saturday night in the Village?"

"Maybe that was the problem," Olivia speculated knowingly, "It was a Saturday night in the Village."

Fletcher shrugged and shot to his feet. "I really need to get back out there." His tone revealed a detective's sense of urgency but also an almost-desperate need to be part of the larger group and not singled out in the boss' office. Olivia nodded her assent, felt her head for her glasses, and, not finding them there, rifled through the items on her desk. She heard her door open again and expected Fletcher, but, to her delight, saw Ed, dressed casually in jeans and a black t-shirt leaning against the door frame smirking at her.

"They're under that accordion file."

"Thank you," Olivia said, plucking the glasses from their hiding spot. She craned her neck and looked past him, expecting to see Noah. "Where're the kids?"

"Left 'em in Riverdale with Ma and Sarah." He lifted a reusable grocery bag. "We made ya a plate."

Olivia pushed the door closed and glanced into the bag. "Looks like more than a plate."

"You know Ma."

"I do," she bit her lip and closed the distance between them. "And you drove…all the way here. For this?"

"You gotta eat," he said, pretending to be immune to the flirtation in her voice.

"That's three trips."

"And it's a few extra minutes I get to see you today."

He chuckled as she took the bag, dropped it on the floor, and pushed him against the wall next to the door, almost knocking over the coatrack. Her badge pressed against his hip pocket, and his hands drifted to her hips making sure she stayed where she was for as long as possible. Olivia often asserted herself like this, but it was usually at home without her police officer accoutrements.

A fierce kiss ensued. Olivia pulled away for a second, locking the door, only to go after her pinned husband even more fervently. Head pressed against the paneling, Ed didn't have a lot of leverage to do anything other than let his wife have her way with him for a few minutes.

He knew it _had_ to be only a few minutes, but he groaned anyway when she took a step backwards.

"I…forgot to say thank you," she said, looking at him with lazy, dazed eyes.

He ran his thumb under her lower lip, wiping a bit of the smeared lipstick. "Oh, I feel thanked."

They stood inches apart for what should have been an uncomfortably long time, but staring at each other, eyes locked, had been one of their first acts of intimacy. Every time this happened, they both recalled the day, a few days after Johnny D died, when Ed Tucker sat in this very office and informed Amaro there would be no IAB investigation into his role in the courthouse bloodbath.

"Open and shut," he muttered, putting on his best IAB show until Amaro left them alone. He sat in the armchair across from Benson, marveling at how quickly his nerves threatened to overtake him.

"I appreciate you coming here," Olivia said.

"No problem." Ed exaggeratedly checked his watch. "Drink?"

Olivia hesitated but soon agreed, and they walked to a bar a few blocks away. Inside, Ed asked about Amaro's prognosis and Olivia lamented his impending move to California.

"So, I suppose, your visit today was actually unnecessary." Despite delivering the remark as a sigh, there was a glint in her eye and her lips curved into a tiny, sly smile. For a few months now he'd enjoyed their occasional banter; he craved her sass.

"Maybe," he replied. "But certainly not wasted."

Then it happened. They snuck glances at the same time. Caught. Busted. But instead of awkwardly diverting their eyes, they accepted the mutual affinity pulsating on a loop between them.

Three years later, love, admiration, respect, and raw attraction had been added to the mix, and Ed desperately wished he was taking her home.

"I love you Liv."

He played with her hair. She leaned in for one last kiss.

"I love you." She retrieved the bag and peered inside, inhaling deeply. "Smells so good."

"Her meatballs…potatoes…the usual."

"I'll try and call in a little bit, but please tell her thank you."

"I will." Ed rubbed her shoulders. "Looks bad."

For a second, _looks bad_ confused Olivia.

"Caught a glimpse of the photos on the way in here," he clarified. "The scene…looks bad."

"Scenes- _ZUH_."

"How many?"

"Three."

Alarmed, Ed raised his eyebrows and instinctively clasped his hands around her waist, drawing her closer. "Same guy?"

"I think so. We're running," Olivia was talking with her hands even though she was still securely in her husband's arms. "Everything we have through every system we have. One PP, the mayor's office, doesn't want to alarm the public, but…" she trailed off.

"Always a tough call," Ed offered, "Id the vics?"

"Not yet. Nothing on them but what was left of what they were wearing and," Olivia never thought twice about revealing the details to Ed, "A ring."

"A ring?"

"Yes. A generic gold wedding band. Virtually untraceable."

Ed twisted Olivia's rings. "Unlike these?" He knew he shouldn't be flirting but he went for it anyway, figuring he could beg for forgiveness later.

"Yes," Olivia grinned, shifting her eyes for a split second in the direction of the squad room even though the closed blinds offered no view. "Unlike these." Both her engagement ring and wedding ring had been custom made and the word _always_ was engraved on the inside of her wedding band. Coincidentally enough, she'd had the same word engraved on his. "You don't think it's…a little wrong…"

Knowing where she was headed, Ed put a finger to her lips, a rare move. "There is nothing wrong with us. Ever. I'm going." He brought both her hands to his lips while gazing into her eyes. "Don't forget to eat."

"I won't."

Ed unlocked and opened the door.

"Hey," Olivia said, "How are the babies?"

"Ma's giving them a bunch of junk and letting them get dirty and Noah's telling her everything she's doing wrong."

Olivia grinned. "That's our boy."

"Yeah," he grabbed her hand and gave her one last kiss on the cheek. "He is.

…

Caroline's backyard was typical of homes in her area—long and narrow with garages, hers and the neighbors, serving as partial borders and a ragged chain link fence running the rest of the property line. Spring grass, attempting to turn bright green, poked through the otherwise barren lawn. Her deck had been newly sanded and stained. The patio furniture had been extracted from the garage and Ed had to stifle laughter when his mother stood, arms akimbo, in front of the broken chair.

"What the hell?"

Ed hoisted a box. "Lotta heavy stuff on that chair, Ma." He set one box on the ground and went to retrieve another. In the process he caught sight of Noah and the twins playing with an old Little Tykes golf club set.

"Gotta SWING!" Noah instructed, careful not to hit the wobbly toddlers. "Daddy! We need da golf ball!"

Ed dropped a second box on top of the first one and called to Sarah who was sitting on the patio railing. "Sare, get them a tennis ball or something."

"Where exactly do you expect me to find a tennis ball?"

Caroline twirled around, "Noah, go down to the basement and get the old doggie toys. There's a ball in there."

"Kay!"

"Go with him, Sarah," Ed instructed before turning back to his mom. "Why'd you pile so much crap on here?"

"Eddie! I didn't pile shit. Johnny must've done that."

Ed scowled. "He doesn't know a damn thing about storage."

Caroline picked through the boxes within her reach, "Heirlooms in here," she said, "You should take them home, Eddie."

"We don't have room for this, Ma."

Undeterred, Caroline replied, "Well, I'll label them for you. Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt should have them."

"You have ten other grandchildren."

"Who do not care to take this stuff. Noah is special. He understands stories. He's _deep_ , Eddie. I've never seen a child like him. And Wyatt? I've told him so many stories he sits back and soaks them all up."

"Ma, he's thirteen months old."

"He looks me in the eye. And he _hears_ me. That little boy is one of a kind. And, Eddie?"

"What, Ma?"

"I have never seen a better looking person." Caroline was serious. She picked up Wyatt and he grinned good-naturedly as his grandmother almost-violently kissed him. She held him in front of Ed's face. "Look! Look at him! He is the most gorgeous human being."

"He looks exactly like Olivia," Ed remarked.

"Except for those eyes," she said, "Those eyes are all Daddy's aren't they bubbaloo?" Caroline hugged Wyatt and observed Maggie spinning herself around in circles. "Maggie? She's loyal. And reminds me of me. How do you not see this in your own children?"

Ed kissed his mother on the cheek. "Ma, I love you."

Sarah and Noah came out of the house and tossed two balls into the driveway. Noah excitedly announced their golf game could begin.

"Gramma!" He said, "Gotta put Wyatt down! He gotta play golf!"

Caroline obliged. She and Ed watched the three children, all in jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, run around in the driveway, playing golf according to Noah's rules. The game ended up being another version of chase with Noah hitting the ball and the three of them running after it. Sarah planted herself at the end of the driveway in case the ball or the kids headed toward the street.

"Eddie, I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Ma."

"I'm serious."

"I know."

"I have to admit," she continued, "I didn't think you had this in you. I was worried you would live the rest of your life alone and watching reruns on that awful brown couch of yours."

"It's a great couch."

Caroline made a smacking noise at him sidestepping her point. "That woman was the best thing that could've happened to you. I hope you thank her every day."

Ed smirked. "One way or another, I do."

"Good." Caroline patted him on the back. "Sare Bear! I'll take your spot. Get in here and help your dad get the table out and I suppose I'm going to have to buy another goddam chair."

"Swear jar, Grams," Sarah said as she jogged over.

Caroline gave her a strange look and sat down in the folding chair.

Before grabbing her end of the table, Sarah assessed the broken chair. "Yep. That's a goner." She kicked the boxes, "Maybe she needs a whole new set. These aren't that heavy. They shouldn't have crushed the chair like that." She started to call out the suggestion to Caroline but Ed stopped her.

"She doesn't need a new set. I'll get her a replacement chair."

Sarah narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow. "How do you know she doesn't need a whole new set?"

"Cause I broke it."

" _You_?"

Ed grinned. "Well, me and Liv."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod." Sarah lifted her end of the table and slowly stepped backwards. "Don't worry, Daddy. Your secret's safe with me."

…..

It was after ten o'clock when Olivia sent everyone home. They'd hit a wall with the evidence they had and would start fresh the next day canvassing the areas where the women were found. Most frustrating was their inability to identify the victims.

Ed was awake and watching the late news when Olivia came through the door, hung her blazer, and made a beeline for him.

"Hi there," he said.

"Hi," she replied, snuggling into his side.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing," she sighed, "And no IDs. Hoping they have jobs and they'll be missed tomorrow."

Ed kissed the top of her head. "Somethin'll pop."

"I called your mom. You'd just left." Olivia's body shook with gentle laughter. "I forgot about the chair."

"Yeah, I did too. She blamed John. Then Sarah started asking too many questions so I told her we broke it."

"I'm sure she loved that."

"She did. And that's _all_ I said. So I imagine her mind's been running wild since then."

Olivia lightly scratched his chest. "You're so funny. First the Face Time in our robes and now this."

"Hey, if ya can't beat 'em join 'em"

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

She sat up and kissed his cheek. "I want you."

He smiled. "Ya do?"

"Yes." She straddled him. "Right now…that's exactly what I want."

She kissed him passionately, and he slid his hands under her blouse, undid her bra, and removed both garments at the same time. Massaging her breasts, a smirk formed on his face and he whispered loving words, telling her she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and _would_ ever see.

"God I love you," he rasped as she began kissing him again. He deftly loosened her pants and she moaned at the sensation of his fingers on her bare skin.

"You wanna stay here?"

"No," she said, "Let's go to bed."

…

The next morning, Olivia got Noah ready for school and fed the twins while Ed showered. She dropped portions of scrambled eggs and turkey sausage on their trays, and smiled sweetly as they fed themselves. Wyatt opened his mouth wide and shoved in fistfuls of food. Maggie attempted to eat more daintily, but both babies would be a mess after their meal.

Ed emerged in khaki shorts and a tight-fitting white t-shirt. After kissing the twins' heads, he came up behind Olivia and kissed at her neck. She could smell their shampoo and soap on his skin and inhaled deeply.

"Sleep okay?"

"I always sleep okay after," Olivia saw Noah walking over to them, "after _that_."

Ed swatted her behind and started a cup of coffee.

"Ready for school, pal?"

"Yup!"

"Only ten more days. Then you'll be a big Kindergartener."

" _Daddy_! Have summer first!"

"Oh, yeah, you're right. Good thing you reminded me."

Noah giggled.

"Sweet boy, get your backpack, okay? Almost time for us to go."

"Kay!"

Olivia checked Noah's school calendar. "On the last day they have an awards ceremony in the morning," she reported, "With a reception after."

"Oh good. I want to sit by Miss Brynn."

"I'll email her and reserve your spot."

Ed sipped his coffee. "Thanks."

"Alright," Olivia hovered over the twins and kissed their cheeks, not minding at all they were smeared with breakfast. "Love you, sweethearts. Make sure Daddy sends me pictures today."

"Daddy will," Ed murmured.

"Noah? Let's go."

"Kay!" He scampered over wearing his backpack. Ed handed him his lunchbox and hugged and kissed him.

"Have a good day, bud. I'll see ya later."

"Kay." Noah looked up at Olivia. "Mommy, your clothes are over there." He pointed toward the window and the area between the couch and window where Ed had hurled her blouse and bra last night.

Ed stifled laughter.

Olivia playfully glared at her husband and thanked Noah for the information. She slung her bag onto her shoulder and kissed Ed on the lips.

"Would you mind getting those clothes for me?" She asked innocently.

He shrugged. "If we're just gonna add to the pile later, I might wait."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	41. Chapter 41

**Forty-one.**

The bright morning gave way to a stormy afternoon, so Ed took the twins to the toddler gym at Chelsea Piers and, as planned, the activity wore out both twins. By the time he parked the car, they were both sound asleep. He unbuckled Maggie from her car seat first and secured her on one shoulder, knowing Wyatt would be unbothered by any extra jostling. The doorman ushered them in and Ed nodded his thanks. With the help of the elevator's mirror, he proudly admired himself and his two sleeping children. He kissed their heads, inhaling the scent of the baby shampoo lingering on their brown locks which, every day, curled more and more at their necks. After unlocking the door and kicking it closed, Ed lowered Wyatt onto the couch so he could remove Maggie's new red Converse sneakers and put her in bed first.

He cradled and kissed her head and whispered, "Have a good nap, baby girl."

When he returned, Wyatt had already curled himself into a ball cuddling the throw blanket. Ed wanted to leave him there, but worried Wyatt would roll onto the floor, took him to bed instead. Nonplussed, the little boy merely gripped the corner of his blanket and started sucking on his trusty tiger Wubbanub.

Figuring he had at least an hour of free time, Ed assessed the floor-to-ceiling window panes and got to work cleaning them. He was about halfway through when he heard the door open and turned to see Olivia gingerly stepping toward him with a sly smile on her face.

"Well, hello there," she said in a low voice, eyeing his bare legs and his muscles rippling against his tight t-shirt.

"Hey." He leapt from the stepstool, squeegee in hand. "This is a surprise."

"I needed a real lunch break. Two more bodies this morning. We're going live at five." Olivia grinned a little at her rhyme but stress and urgency flooded her eyes.

" _Aw_ ," Ed tossed his tool aside, held her face in both his hands and kissed her firmly. " _There_. Now. What else? Food?" Ed started to make his way to the kitchen but Olivia caught him by the waist.

"No, I'm…I'm gonna be late tonight…really late…so…" she trailed off, cocking an eyebrow and, keeping her eyes on him, slowly removed her shield and weapon.

Ed smirked shyly. "So, c'mere." He walked them to the bedroom, kissing her all the way and apologized for not having made the bed. "Got side tracked, and went to the Piers, and kinda—"

"Ed, I don't care." Olivia mumbled as they fell together on the mattress. "Mmmm, _God_ , you…thankyouforcleaningthewindows."

His lips moved against her neck and the vibrations of his voice sent chills down her spine. "Lil' handprints everywhere…"

Olivia moaned and grunted, straining to kick Ed's shorts off and shimmy out of her pants. "How was the gym?"

"They love it." Ed succeeded in removing her blouse and bra and aggressively explored her breasts. "Climbing and rollin' around and crawlin' through the tunnels." He moved down her torso, "And they're starting to actually play with each other."

Olivia arched her back and let out a little cry of pleasure. "I love that."

"Me too. And I love you…" Ed was hovering over her center, "I love us."

"Did you," Olivia gasped, "Did you…read the next chapter?"

"Not yet," Ed started working her tongue against her, "I. Will. Later. Tonight."

"Ed. Baby. _Fuck_. You're perfect."

"You are."

Time was of paramount importance, so Ed ramped up the intensity, dead set on making her both forget the ugliness of the morning and remember this midday rendezvous for the remainder of her long day. They cuddled for several minutes afterward. Other than Olivia mentioning she'd never done something like this before, they laid there in serene silence.

Before leaving, she looked in on the napping twins, kissed Wyatt, but as a favor to Ed, only gazed at Maggie since the risk of waking her was high. Ed watched his wife next to the little ones and smiled at a familiar thought—had they been married earlier he was certain they would have had a houseful of babies.

….

Sarah sashayed into the Brazen Fox, found Brooke at the bar, and frowned at her. "Why are you here?" She asked in an overly-accusatory voice, "We have to sit up top. That's the reason I chose this place! Well, that and the hush puppies. Gawwd I'm starving. Drank too much last night."

Brooke wasn't sure which part of Sarah's greeting to address first. "What'd you do?"

Sarah stared at her blankly.

" _Last night_. What did you do?"

"Drank a bottle of wine and watched _You've Got Mail_. C'mon," Sarah grabbed Brooke's purse, "Let's go upstairs. It's too stuffy down here."

Eyeing the wide open windows, Brooke heaved a sarcastic sigh and followed Sarah to the second floor while mumbling something about Sarah watching that movie at least a hundred times.

They chose seats overlooking Third Avenue and Sarah ordered two cocktails. "Shut up," she said before Brooke could object, "I wanted an old fashioned and the pear one. And I'm not going back to work. How are you feeling? And why are you in the city anyway?"

"I drove Sonny in. Something to do," Brooke replied, "I walked the park this morning. I don't think I can live permanently out there. It's boring."

"And you have no job."

Sarah didn't mean the comment to be critical, but Brooke turned defensive. "I'm working on that," she muttered. "But I need to have this baby first."

"Nice to be able to say that. If you need money, ask me." Sarah grinned haughtily and expected Brooke to react one way or another, but she remained expressionless. "Joking, joking of course. You walked today. So I'm assuming you're feeling better? Not as tired? Did you talk to Livvie? When did she start to feel okay? But I guess it's different for everyone, huh?"

"I haven't talked to her," Brooke mumbled ruefully, "She has other things going on. Sonny told me about this case, they're gonna be on the news a little later, it sounds bad. Like, really bad."

Sarah grinned all too gleefully, "Like a serial killer?"

"Like a serial killer rapist."

"Oh," she winced. "Fuck. Gawwwwd, I don't know how they do it. I mean, I'd maybe make it at SVU for one crime. And then I'd be fucking done. And Livvie's done it for how long? Twenty years?

"Yes."

"I've always wanted to ask her…"

Brooke sighed, anticipating yet another inappropriate Olivia-and-their-Dad-related comment.

"I've always wanted to ask, well, know, how on Earth one has a normal sexual relationship with anyone after being in that job."

It wasn't as nonsensical and Brooke expected. "I guess…they really have to separate the two…"

"Someday I'll ask."

"Please don't."

Knowing Brooke was uncomfortable, Sarah twisted the knife a little more. "But then again, the two of them are so fucking in love and hot for each other she probably doesn't think about anything other than how sexy he is."

"Sarah, the _he_ is our Dad."

"You're a prude."

"And you're so far out of bounds obsessed with them," Brooke couldn't help but smile, "But…just…be careful out there."

"Brooke," Sarah took a long drink, "You worry too much. New subject, so, are you and Sonny bunny getting along better out there in the country?"

The older sister couldn't help but laugh. "It's not exactly the country, but, we're good. He's excited, but also exhausted. All this commuting is taking a toll."

"He can always stay with me."

"That's weird."

Indignant, Sarah gently pressed her fist into Brooke's shoulder. "No it's not! There's an extra bedroom. If it weren't for Aidan, I'd tell you both just to move in with me."

"Are you ever giving up that place? You're sitting on it and Dad could sell it for a crap load of money."

"He never says anything," Sarah replied coolly, "I mean, it's in the bank. He knows I won't live there forever and I take good care of it. It'll only appreciate. And how's Aidan doing? Did you take him to the therapist?"

"I did. He really didn't want to, but I told him it's really helped me, with mom…with me being a mom…with my marriage."

"Damn, Brookey, you probably freaked him out."

"Probably."

"Did he say anything about the shrink?"

"No. He just said it wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be."

Sarah considered this. "I quit going to mine. I like talking to Livvie. She always knows the right answers. But I…I'm in a really good place right now, ugh, I hate when people say that, but, seriously, I feel great. Better than ever. So. Summer. What are you doing with Aidan?"

Sarah's rapid topic-switching made Brooke's head spin. "He has a couple of lacrosse camps. Other than that I really don't know. If he could stay with you for a little while that'd be great. I need Son to take a vacation. We had trouble communicating for a while and that was…rough. We're okay now, but…" She trailed off.

"You know what your problem is, don't you?" Sarah asked rhetorically, "You always try to do things by yourself. You better get over that before the mini Carisi arrives or you're going to go insane."

Brooke shot Sarah a cynical look, but deep down she knew Sarah was right. The time spent in Connecticut had been both a blessing and a burden. It was hard being out of the city, and neither she nor Sonny were content there. However, it was peaceful and she spent the better part of most days reflecting on her past. Mostly she attempted to reconcile the strained relationship with her mother. Sarah seemed to take Angela's death in stride, almost like she knew the suicide was coming. Brooke, on the other hand, wondered what she could have done differently. The therapist pointed out that Angela did a good job over the years distancing herself from her daughters, but Brooke had a hard time absolving herself of all blame. She'd always tried so hard to be _good_ —a good daughter, a good teacher, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife—but she was having a hard time living up to her own expectations. Out of nowhere, tears started streaming down her face.

"Hey!" Sarah grabbed her by the shoulders, "Why are we crying? I'm sorry. I meant it, though, Brookey, you have people. I dunno why you always keep everything all bottled up. Come here." She wrapped her into a tight hug and offered an apologetic smile to the waiter who was approaching but abruptly retraced his steps back to the bar. "Or are these pregnancy hormones? I don't know what's going on."

"I wish I was more like you," Brooke mumbled into Sarah's shoulder.

"Ummm, no ya don't."

"Yes. Yes I do." Brooke re-situated herself on her chair. "You're always so _resilient_. Even when you screw up, you kinda say, oh well, and move on. Like, I'm sure you haven't had one sleepless night about mom. Not one. But I can't sleep half the time."

"That's not true," Sarah replied softly. "I brought her the fucking pills, Brooke. She tricked me into bringing them to her. And I had no idea. Didn't notice the copay was higher, just, _doo-dee-doo_ , dropped it off with her Italian food. So, I helped kill her."

Once again, Sarah's dramatics made Brooke chuckle. "You didn't kill her."

"I aided and abetted."

Brooke bent her straw in small triangles. "What if I'm like her? As a mother. Distant…like she was?"

"You're not like her. Fuck, Brookey, you practically risked your life to help those delinquent children you used to teach—"

Brooke smacked her lips disapprovingly.

"—you're. not. Like. Her. And neither am I. You may be a little more like Daddy, but that's fine. And Sonny will be drooling all over that kid. And she or he will have Noey and Livvie, and me…I'm like Livvie…so…"

Smiling again, Brooke said, "I'm surprised you haven't found some way you and Olivia are possibly blood relatives."

"I haven't," Sarah waved a finger in the air, "But I will. One of these days. Don't you worry about that."

…

Ed arrived at school a few minutes early and Miss Brynn kept the students a few minutes late, so a restless Maggie and Wyatt had been freed from the stroller and were toddling around much to the delight of the parents and nannies who were otherwise waiting impatiently for the preschoolers. At one point Maggie bent over as if she were about to do a somersault, revealing her ruffled bloomers. The hem of her dress got caught and Ed plucked it from the elastic and wisecracked, "Oops. Not very ladylike."

Earlier he'd sent a picture of Maggie in her flowery outfit complete with matching barrette which stayed in her hair about as long as it took for Ed to snap the photograph. Sarah replied with more hearts than Ed cared to count.

Suddenly, both Maggie and Wyatt erupted into squeals loud enough to draw the attention of everyone in the corridor. The students were filing out and the Tucker twins spotted their brother as soon as he emerged.

"Wish someone was that excited to see me," a nanny joked.

Noah skipped over with Mia on his heels and hugged his brother and sister at the same time. "Hi babies!"

"NO!"

"Nonononononono!"

Mia giggled, arms akimbo, and said to no one in particular, "Those babies are FUNNY!" Then, her head snapped up. "Hey! Where's Tasha?"

Ed looked around for a familiar face. No nanny. No Mr. Bianchi. No sister Sofia.

On cue, a woman burst through the double doors and hurried in. "Oh, good," she sighed, "I thought I was late."

 _You are_ , Ed thought.

"Hi Mommy!" Mia broke into a wide smile.

Ed snuck glances at the woman. She was tall. Probably as tall as Olivia. Dark hair. Dark complexion. Brown eyes. A regal air about her. But there was a cold, aloof aura about her. So much so that Ed was shocked when she took Mia's hand.

"Bye, Noah!" Mia said as she was led away.

"Bye, Mia! See ya t'morrow!"

"Kay!"

"Alright bud," Ed mussed Noah's hair, still eyeing Mia and her mother as they made their way towards the exit. "Ready? Got everything?"

"Yup!" Noah said. "In da backpack. Lunchbox in there, too. I squished it!"

Ed crouched to tie Noah's shoe. He double-knotted the laces and pinched his chin. "There ya go, bud. Know what? We should start practicin' tying shoes."

"Good idea, Daddy!" Noah grinned, and Ed hugged him. He didn't usually lavish so much affection on Noah when picking him up from school, but Mia's mother unnerved him. He hoped someone in Mia's family hugged her on a regular basis. The entire Bianchi clan seemed to take a hands-off approach to child-rearing.

"Now what we gonna do?"

"How about the splash park? It just opened and it's hot out there."

"YES!" Noah exclaimed. "I help Maggie and Wyatt! We gotta get our swim stuff on!" Noah chattered away to Maggie and Wyatt about the fun they were about to have. Ed slid on his sunglasses, pushed the stroller at a leisurely pace, and listened closely to Noah's detailed instructions about how to maximize their time at the park.

….

Right around the time Ed sent pictures of the kids frolicking in the water, Olivia was speeding toward lower Manhattan with Carisi and Rollins. They had identified a suspect and were going to pick him up in his Wall Street office. Each victim and crime scene showed increased levels of rage, and everyone figured it was only a matter of time before their perp got sloppy. They were right. He left multiple fingerprints at the last scene. With any luck, their five o'clock press conference would be triumphant rather than ominous.

"It was almost like he wanted to get caught," Rollins had muttered earlier, still dumbfounded at how easily the case came to its apparent close. Now, in the passenger seat of the unmarked SUV, she wondered aloud if he was even at his office. "He's gotta know he's cornered. If he's there, he's not gonna give up without a fight."

Thinking the same thing, Olivia had already called for backup, and ESU was on scene when they arrived. She discussed plans with their Captain and insisted on taking the lead. "We're going to bring him in without incident," she said firmly, staring up at the building and squinting against the glare of the sun on the windows. "Office is on sixty."

"He's comin' down one way or another," one of the patrol officers muttered.

Carisi stepped in, "Lieutenant, Fletcher and Fin are at his apartment now with the search warrant. He's not there."

"Find anything?"

"Not yet. They just got there."

"Alright," Olivia adjusted her vest, "Let's do this." She barked instructions into the radio on the way in and marched her squad into the elevator.

"I wouldn't mind the stairs," Carisi quipped.

Rollins rolled her eyes.

The Lieutenant leaned into a corner, making her phone's presence in her pocket even more prominent, and she hoped this would all go down quickly. She couldn't wait to take a better look at the splash pad pictures.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	42. Chapter 42

**Forty-two.**

…. _It's difficult not to blame yourself when things go wrong, even when they go south because of reasons completely out of your control. Most of what I consider mistakes have come from either overzealousness or over-empathizing (if there is such a thing)…_

Ed lightly stroked the back of Wyatt's head. The little boy had been unusually fussy when he was laid in his crib, so Ed got Maggie settled and carried Wyatt out to the living room. He checked his forehead. No fever. Ed chalked the mild crankiness up to teething and soon, Wyatt was asleep on his Daddy's chest and Ed wasn't eager to put him back in bed. He balanced the laptop on top of his legs and read the new chapter slowly and deliberately while Noah watched his allotted two shows before stories and bedtime.

 _Overzealousness._

 _Over-empathizing._

The thing was, as far as he knew, all of those _overs_ resulted in justice served. Olivia had keen instincts and she followed them, even when nobody else in the room believed her. He stared at the screen without reading any of the words and recalled her face over the years—incredulous when he refused to believe her, shocked at his accusations, annoyed and frustrated when he'd taken a gun and a badge.

Then there was her expression the first time he'd dared to reveal his reflective, sentimental side. As they bantered on that particular night, she had been gently needling him and joking about not knowing how she would explain their fledgling romance to her squad.

"I'm sure," she said, "There'll be some comment about you arresting me. You know… _handcuffs_ and everything?"

Tucker felt the blood rush to his face, but he leaned closer to her and smirked, unbothered by being flustered in front of her. They hadn't yet slept together, and he was emboldened and turned on by her bawdy remark. He reached for one of her wrists and made little circles on her skin with his thumb. "I really do…regret that," he murmured, thinking how badly he wished he had a bracelet, a _real_ bracelet to present to her right then.

"I know," Olivia had replied with sincere forgiveness. "I would've done the same thing."

Ed looked into her eyes. "I'm not sure you would have," he said, "In my job…I can't feel anything. I gotta go with the black-and-white facts. End of story. That's…not you."

What followed was one of their first public displays of affection. Despite being in a crowded cop bar where someone could have easily spotted them, she reached over, curled her fingers around his neck, and kissed him. Minutes later, she signaled for their tab, paid it herself, and responded to his inquisitive stare with two simple words Ed would never forget.

"Let's go."

 _…Cops put their lives on the line every day. It's the job. But I do regret the instances when I've gone too far, for whatever reasons, and deliberately put myself in a situation where I could have been seriously injured or killed. Had those instances, any of those instances, gone another way, I would have missed out on being a wife and mother…_

Ed cringed and his stomach flip-flopped as he read her accounts of Sealview, William Lewis, and times, like she'd done with Joe Utley, when she'd told a gun-wielding assailant to point a weapon at her rather than a child or defenseless adult. None of the information revealed in the chapter surprised him; it all came out at various points in their relationship, some of it little by little and others in one fell swoop delivered late at night. In the case of Utley, in addition to hearing _her_ tortured retelling, he'd come clean about his own terror in the midst of the standoff. He remembered her expressions as she talked her way through everything—how her face steeled with resolve at first and then melted and softened until she finally grew silent and let him hold her.

He read more and couldn't believe how she'd managed to get all of this out while not missing a beat. At home she was totally normal, and he hadn't noticed any disturbed sleep. He hoped he hadn't been so wrapped up in their bliss that he'd missed something, but maybe that bliss was part of the reason why Olivia could write so eloquently about such painful experiences and also distance herself from them at the same time.

"We'll go with that," he mumbled. He noticed she'd labeled the next section _Partners_ and he couldn't wait to tease her about whether or not she meant her actual partners like Stabler and Amaro or _another kind of partner_. Smiling to himself as he pictured Olivia trying to act annoyed, he closed the laptop and took Wyatt to bed. He jiggled the pacifier between his lips, but Wyatt was deeply asleep. Instead, Ed left the tiger next to his head so he could easily find it if he woke up.

"Alright, bud," he said to Noah, "Let's hit the hay."

Noah giggled. "Daddy! You always say that but we don't sleep on da hay!"

"Nope," Ed bent down to extract his son from the beanbag, "And ya never will. Not if I can help it." Noah held him around the neck. "I love you, bud."

"Love you, Daddy."

"Tired? Ya got an extra half hour tonight. So only two books, kay?"

Noah didn't mount a protest. After the second book he snuggled up with Bernie.

"Tight tuck or loose tuck?" Ed asked.

"Ti'tuck."

Ed wedged the sheets and blankets under the mattress and kissed Noah's head. "See ya in the mornin' pal. Oh, hey," Ed realized, with Wyatt's fussiness, he'd forgotten to call Olivia. Noah's eyes were fluttering closed, so Ed took a picture, sent it to his wife, and kissed Noah one more.

Back in the living room and feeling a little lonely, Ed looked around for something to do, but he'd already cleaned the floors, windows, and bathrooms. The kitchen was spotless and showed no signs of their spaghetti dinner. Noah's lunch for tomorrow was mostly made, but Ed always waited until morning to make his sandwich.

Eventually he called Brooke to check in on her. She sounded tired, so he tried not keep her on the phone long. She mentioned something about getting together over the weekend, and Ed agreed but suggested they grill on their rooftop patio. He was avoiding spending time at Angela's home at all costs.

"Yeah, okay," Brooke replied, "I…I don't think Aidan has anything going on so hopefully he'll want to come too. I hope Sonny can get the weekend off. On top of living out here he's been putting in a lot of overtime."

"Last time I talked to Liv today she said they caught a break, so maybe things'll die down for a while."

"Maybe."

Brooke did not sound hopeful.

"Hey," Ed said softly, "Sure everything's alright?"

"Yes," she replied all too quickly, "I…I'm overwhelmed is all."

"I can't imagine. You…you let us help, okay? Whatever ya need."

He heard her sigh and it broke his heart.

"Dad, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you think it would be wrong to ask Aidan about changing schools?"

Ed scratched at his neck and stared into the Manhattan evening. "No…but what are ya thinkin?" He always assumed Brooke and Sonny weren't thrilled about being so far away, but he also assumed they were both practical enough to take advantage of living rent and mortgage free for over a year. That, coupled with the money they made on their loft would be a nice chunk of change for their next place. Dave would be free by spring of next year. Brooke was due in late December. Ed's best advice was to wait until early next year to start looking for a place and planning a move.

"I'm thinking…" Brooke heaved another sigh, "I don't know what I'm thinking. I do know we're not going to live out here. I feel like…we're on vacation…this isn't our _home_ …and I can't imagine bringing a baby here. Like…I can't even get a nursery going because, again, it's not our house."

Ed hadn't thought about that piece and he kicked himself for it. Creating the twins' nursery out of the office had been one of the best parts of the pregnancy. He and Noah worked hard to transform the space and put together the furniture. They proudly hung artwork and wall decals matching the theme of each baby's bedding. Olivia spent hours arranging and rearranging clothing and blankets. More than once Ed found her in the rocking chair, surrounded by piles of onesies and diapers, both hands on her expanding middle. Sometimes he left her alone; other times he kissed her head and whispered a heartfelt "I love you."

A variety of emotions struck them in those eight weeks or so before Maggie and Wyatt entered the world. Mostly, Ed was excited, and he tried to temper that excitement around Olivia because he knew deep down she was nervous and scared. So when they were finally home with their healthy, perfect twins; the nursery took on an entirely new symbolism. The first night all five of them were under one roof, they laid the twins in their cribs even though, later in the night they would sleep in the bassinets in the master bedroom. Noah asked to be lifted so he could kiss each of his siblings and, after doing so, he whispered, "I make those beds for ya, babies. Me an' Daddy did. They good beds. Ni'night."

"They're so happy in their beds, sweet Noah," Olivia said, fighting back tears.

"Wanna sleep here wiff them," Noah had said.

"Bud, you gotta sleep in your bed."

"Daddy, I sleep in da bean bag in here."

So, Noah Porter Benson Tucker spent a few hours on Wyatt's first night at home curled on his beanbag in the middle of the two cribs he'd helped construct. Later, Ed would carry Noah to his own bed, but in the meantime he and Olivia sat together on the couch, door to the nursery open, and enjoyed the perfection they'd achieved.

"I love you, Liv," he played with her hair, "I…I don't know if I'll ever be able to…explain to you how much all this means."

"I know," she turned her head and kissed him. "I…really know. Because it's...I can't…I can't put it into words either. At least not now. Other than to say…I am so happy. But it's more because I never thought any of this would happen. Noah? You? And then two more precious babies? It's something for television…movies…not real life."

"It's _our_ life," Ed intoned, his lips on her head, "It _is_ our life. So either those TV and movie people have to work harder or they need to come see us for ideas."

Olivia chuckled and sunk further into his chest.

His chest.

Alone in the apartment, having said goodnight to Brooke a while ago, Ed hated that no one was awake or around to rest a head against his chest. He flipped on the television only to turn it off again. He thought about calling Olivia to see how things were going, but he didn't want to bother her. Instead he opened the laptop and re-read everything she'd written from the beginning. He could hear her voice in the words, so if she couldn't be here with him, this was the next best option.

…

When the squad entered the sixtieth floor office, their perp and a younger male who Olivia guessed was an intern were huddled over a side table, poring over three separate monitors. The accused, Blake Carriker, casually lifted his head and gave the detectives a cold, cocky smile, silently inquiring what had taken them so long. Though his demeanor was calm, Carriker had no intention of being led away quietly or without a fight. As soon as Olivia announced he was under arrest, the man swiftly took the intern into a chokehold and led him behind his desk where he opened a drawer and pulled out a shiny nickel-plated revolver.

"It's loaded," he sneered. "Don't come any closer."

Eight hours later, Olivia and Sonny remained in the office inching toward a surrender. Since they were making gradual progress, ESU had been kept at bay. There was no way a sniper could get an eye on Carriker to take him out via the window, so Benson and Carisi calmly went through the hostage negotiation playbook along with the actual hostage negotiator who was set up mere feet away in the corridor.

….

Company policy prohibited the consumption of alcoholic beverages on the premises, but Sarah and everyone else in her firm interpreted that rule to only apply to traditional nine-to-five hours. After she and a few senior members of her team put the finishing touches on their most recent project, she invited everyone to her office for a quick, celebratory drink. Sarah pulled an expensive bottle of whiskey from a lower file cabinet drawer and poured a round. They'd just taken their first sips when a voice instructing everyone remaining in the building to shelter in place rang out from the rarely-used emergency speaker system.

 _There is police activity in the area. All building occupants should follow shelter-in-place plans. The building is currently secure. Please standby for further information_.

Sarah studied the bottle's contents. "Well, people, this is all I have, so rationing is the name of the game.'

Two others admitted to harboring bottles of their own in their offices, so the crew sat back and chit-chatted while texting their families and friends and waiting for the all clear. Sarah clicked around online and started streaming the local news channel. She let it play but only half-listened as she rejoined her colleagues' conversation.

 _…The hostage situation has been going on since mid-afternoon…_

 _…negotiator on scene…_

 _…NYPD's Emergency Services Unit is assisting Manhattan's Special Victims Unit…_

 _…in the process of serving an arrest warrant…_

"Wait!" She interrupted someone's beach house renovation saga and turned up the volume. The reporter failed to mention SVU again, so she simultaneously searched Twitter and Facebook. Sure enough, several articles noted that Olivia's unit had initiated the contact with the hostage taker. Sarah excused herself, grabbed her phone, and went into the adjacent conference room to call her father.

"Daddy," she said breathlessly, "Areyouwatchingthenews?"

He cleared his throat. "No. Just got off the phone with Brooke."

"Turn it _on_."

Ed's heart sank and he blinked at the images—flashing lights, SUVs parked at seemingly haphazard but strategic angles, and Amanda Rollins looking distressed and pushing away microphones and voice recorders on her way into the mobile command center.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath.  
"I'm gonna see if security will let me out," Sarah said, "And I'll come there."

"There not gonna let ya out," Ed replied, already thinking of who he was going to call after he hung up with Sarah. "Just…stay where you are. And stay away from the building. It'll be okay." Ed tried his best to sound confident. And he _was_ confident that his wife could handle any situation, including this one. He trusted her squad. He did not trust the perp.

"Are you gonna call her?"

"No…no…she's…she's working, Sarah. She'll be alright. She's…she's done this before." Ed no longer wanted to talk; he was trying to discern the severity of the situation based on who was there and what they were doing. He also wanted to call Cole.

Sarah took a deep breath. "I'm worried."

"I am, too," he admitted, "But, hey, lemme make some calls and I'll call ya back, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

…..

Keeping the gun on the intern, Carriker moved to a nearby cabinet and produced a bottle of champagne. He held it up tauntingly. "Was savin' this for a special occasion," he drawled, "Such as a wedding…or an engagement…but," he shrugged his shoulders and handed the bottle to the intern, "Pop this open for me, will ya?"

The intern did as he was told, spilling some on the berber carpeting and then handing it backwards to his captor.

"Wanna sip?" Carriker asked Benson and Carisi, obviously not expecting an answer. "I see…quite the rock on your finger there, Lieutenant. _You_ said yes."

"I did," Olivia replied softly and calmly, relieved she had an opening to connect with him, "But it took time…to get there. This stuff," she offered an exasperated chuckle, "isn't easy."

"Sure isn't," Carisi added.

Carriker frowned, "I wasn't talking to you," he said peevishly, "In fact, _you_ can go." He waved the gun in the air in the direction of the door, "Just go."

"Not by myself," Carisi protested.

"Well, I'm not going," Carriker replied. "And _she's_ not going. So…" he aimed the gun at Olivia who was leaning against a pillar ten feet away. Carriker shoved the intern at Carisi. "So…take him. Leave the boss."

Olivia eyed Carisi peripherally. "Go ahead, Detective. Take him outta here. We're fine."

"I'm not—"

"Go _Carisi_ ," Carriker sneered and wiggled the gun.

"Lieutenant—"

"Carisi, go. Mr. Carriker and I'll talk a little more and, maybe, we can get something worked out with him, right?"

Carriker shrugged.

Carisi reluctantly turned toward the door and bellowed "Detective Carisi! Comin' out with one hostage! Don't shoot!"

Satisfied, Carriker sat down at his desk and told Olivia to have a seat. She chose an armchair—not the farthest from him, but not the closest either. She patiently waited for him to speak.

"Sure ya don't want any champagne?" He asked.

"I'm sure," Olivia said.

"Plans later?"

"No, no, just working." Inside, Olivia's stomach twisted in knots. She'd already missed dinner and bedtime and, possibly, a Face Time call, and she was now desperate to get home and into Ed's arms.

"Husband doesn't mind you working all hours of the night?"

"No."

"Must be a good dude."

"He is."

"I coulda been one, too," Carriker almost sang the words, "But no. The answer. _Three times_. Always no."

"There could be other chances," Olivia said with what she thought was an appropriate mix of optimism and compassion.

Carriker took another swig of the champagne. "I think—" another swig, "—nope, no more chances for me, you see, I…gave up…which is why—" he put his thumb on the hammer and held the gun to his head, "—why—"

Olivia stood up and murmured, "no, no, no," she stepped toward him, arms outstretched, palms out, "You don't—"

"I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time."

…..

Several times a day Ed found himself thankful that they were lucky enough to have no downstairs neighbors. Noah typically skipped or galloped through the apartment. Maggie and Wyatt, growing more and more confident on their feet, soon would be running after him or each other. Olivia often traversed the living room in her heeled boots, particularly when she forgot something or when Noah forgot something for school and got sidetracked in his room. On this night, though, it was Ed who paced the span of hardwood floor between the back hallway and the foyer. He kept the news on, torturing himself, and held his phone to his ear, waiting for Cole to relay information. Ed refused to hang up and wait for a call back. Instead he listened to muffled voices and the tinny transmissions from the radio situated on Cole's desk. He'd rubbed his face nearly raw. Suddenly, he heard the unmistakable chorus of "SHOTS FIRED" and panicked.

"Cole? COLE!" He walked down the foyer, trying to get as far away from Noah's room as possible. "Cole? What's goin' on?"

Unbeknownst to Ed, Cole had lowered the volume of the radio. His former partner did not need to hear any 10-13s…or worse.

" _Cole_!" Ed spat the words through clenched teeth. For several seconds Ed stood, hunched over, frozen, worst-case scenarios flying through his head until Draper finally informed him Olivia was alive and unharmed.

Ed took a step backwards, back to the wall, and slid down into a crouch, his face in his hands. "Are you sure?" he croaked.

"Yes," Draper said, "I heard her on the radio. Guy shot 'emself in the head."

All Ed could do was breathe heavily.

"Tucker, she's okay."

Seconds later another call came through.

"Cole, Liv's calling. Man, thank you." Ed didn't wait to hear Cole's response. "Liv."

" _Ed_."

"Goddam I can't tell you how good it is to hear your voice."

"I'm okay."

"Thank God."

"I, um," her voice began trembling, "I…I need to do a couple things here, statement, you know, I—"

"I'm coming to get you."

"Ed, honey, the kids."

"I'll get Sarah to come here."

"Ed, honey, stay there. I won't be long."

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly.

"I _promise_ I won't be long."

"I'll be right here waiting for you, baby. Whenever you get here. Take your time."

"Ed," her voice cracked ever so slightly, "I love you."

"I love you," he tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "And I can't wait to see you. You know I can't sleep without you next to me."

"I know. I'll hurry."

They hung up and Ed stayed right where he was until Olivia was safely at home.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	43. Chapter 43

**Forty-three.**

Ignoring her father's instructions, Sarah speed-walked from her office building to the scene of the crime a mere two blocks away. Twice she hit police barricades, but she made her way to the mobile command unit and caught sight of Amanda Rollins standing, arms akimbo, at its entrance. Sarah frantically waved her arms only to be swept to the side with other onlookers as an ambulance left the scene. Slack-jawed, Sarah watched the emergency vehicle disappear into traffic, headed for the West Side Highway, its lights and sirens gradually blending in with bustling lower Manhattan where normal activity abounded. The interruption caused Sarah to lose sight of Rollins. Muttering, "fuck it," she yanked her phone from her bag and dialed Olivia.

"Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up," she chanted softly, feeling small and powerless among other bystanders. She aimlessly kicked air and stared at the concrete. The call went to voicemail and a terrible burning sensation traveled up her chest and came out in the form of a sharp, quick hiccup-y sob. A hand came to rest on Sarah's shoulder.

"Hey, y'good?"

She looked up and into a pair of concerned brown eyes. They belonged to an EMT. His hand stayed on her shoulder.

"I'm…I'm looking for, my, my, Olivia Tucker? Um," she screwed up her face, "She goes by Benson? Lieutenant Benson?" Dread filled her entire body. What if she was hurt? Or dead? She imagined her father collapsing under the weight of his grief, suddenly widowed with three young children who would never know—

"Oh, the cop who was in there? You know her?"

"She's my mom, well, stepmom, but…"

The EMT was already leading her by the elbow, around the barricades, and to a triage area. Sarah stood on her tip-toes, trying to see around a semi-circle of patrol officers, men in suits, and a handful of bulkily-dressed ESU members.

"She's over there." He gestured toward the canopy. Noticing she was still trembling, he added, "Seriously, she wasn't hurt. Go ahead."

Sarah rushed over as the group was breaking apart. Sonny was at Olivia's side. Other than maybe looking a little tired, the EMT was correct. She was unharmed. Sarah felt a tinge of guilt, for the possibility of Sonny also being there simply hadn't crossed her mind.

"Oh my _gawwd_ , I was so worried," she said, hugging them both at once, causing both Sonny and Olivia to stumble and knock shoulders so they didn't run into each other.

Olivia stroked the back of Sarah's head and pressed her cheek to hers. She didn't bother asking Sarah how and why she ended up on scene, and she allowed her to stay plastered against her body as long as she wanted. Carisi inched away from them, figuring if Sarah knew about this, Brooke must be aware as well.

"Livvie, I was so scared…when I figured out it was you."

"Damn news," Olivia murmured unsure if it was to make Sarah laugh or to avoid a serious conversation.

"You must want to get home to Daddy." Sarah showed no signs of moving.

"I do."

Sarah started softly giggling. "I'll let you go in a minute."

"Let's not make him wait too long."

"Just tell him I found you and he'll understand."

"That is certainly true."

…..

Ed jumped whenever he heard the elevator doors open and close or footsteps in the hall. Their apartment was at the end of the corridor. The trash and recycling chutes were on the opposite end. They never got much non-resident traffic, so any noise caused Ed to anticipate the sight of Olivia walking through the door. He used the time to make sure he was as relaxed as possible. This type of situation wasn't unfamiliar, and he wanted to be rock solid for her.

He remembered how stunned she'd been after the standoff at the townhouse. After being medically cleared he'd taken her home, watched her cuddle Noah, and then, after the little boy had been tucked in, sat with her in complete silence until the sun rose.

Well, almost complete silence.

"Let me know if ya want me to leave," he'd said.

Instead of a verbal reply, she moved closer to him and leaned against his chest. When he draped an arm over her shoulder, she grabbed his hand. Weeks passed before he let on how terrified he'd been.

Similarly, tonight was not the night for him to be effusive and honest about his agony.

Olivia first. He had to take care of her first. Too many times she'd endured nights like these alone, and he knew she would instinctively gravitate to that status quo. He—

 _Bzzt! Bzzt!_

"Damn," Ed muttered. Somehow, the vibration was…more insistent?...than usual. He realized he'd forgotten to keep Sarah updated and he picked up, ready for a reprimand.

"You forgot to call me back," She snapped without returning his hello.

He could easily picture her face—jaw set, lips puckered, her icy blue eyes, carbon copies of his, angry but also a little bit hurt.

"Sare, I'm so sorry, she's okay, she's—"

"I know. I saw her. She's on her way home now. Fin is driving her."

"I thought I told you to stay where you were?"

"I thought I told you to call me back."

"I said I was sorry."

Sarah let him off the hook. "I know…I'm just glad it's over and my Livvie is alive."

"She's actually _my_ Livvie."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, Daddy, do you call her that?"

"No."

"Cause that would be _hawwwwt_."

"Goodbye, Sarah."

…..

Olivia studied herself in the elevator mirror. Her face had a dull, tired look to it, but even without the events of the past few hours she was tired. She and Noah had left home before eight that morning and she hadn't had much sleep the night before. Policy did not prohibit her from returning to work, but she was taking the next day off anyway. It would be nice to sleep in, hang out with the twins, and then maybe have some one-on-one time with Noah after school.

She took her hair out of its clip only to twist and tie it back again. Smoothed her blazer. Brushed something…dust? Gunpowder? from her pants. Why was she fussing over her appearance like this? Ed had seen her in various stages of put-togetherness. Even when they first started dating, she never thought twice about greeting him at the door with her makeup half done or her hair partially curled. On their first morning together, she'd woken and showered first, then said good morning with a towel wrapped around her head and her face completely scrubbed of anything artificial. She recalled him rising to his knees on the mattress, placing a hand on either cheek, and rasping, "You're so beautiful."

Why was she nervous now?

She gave herself a knowing, bashful smile. No matter how good, or how haggard, she looked, Ed would see through any masks, literal or figurative, she employed to deflect the impact of the stress she'd experienced and the carnage she'd witnessed. He may even let her get away with it for a while, but, eventually, he would walk her back into the brightness that was her life. More importantly, she'd let him do it. It had taken the better part of her lifetime, but Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker finally found someone worthy and able to care for her, and Ed Tucker cared for her without being patronizing, without threatening her inherent sense of independence, and always with the greatest respect and consideration for who she was and what she'd been through.

Ironically, sharing her life with his made her stronger.

There was a spring in her step as she made her way from the elevator to their door. Correctly guessing he'd left it unlocked, she slowly turned the knob, trying to be as quiet as possible. She heard rumbling…like Ed had kicked through the pile of shoes to get to her…and suddenly he had her in his arms, the door still wide open, light from the hallway lighting their foyer.

All the calm breathing and relaxation exercises he'd practiced proved ineffective against the overwhelming gratitude he felt toward whatever force allowed her to come back home safely into his arms. So many times, particularly after he'd closed the Lewis investigation, he'd wondered if she was okay, if she had someone to talk to, if she was sleeping, eating, taking care of herself, but then he shrugged off the concern because certainly Olivia Benson was like him—Teflon, desensitized, immune to the adverse effects of the endless slog through the criminal justice system.

But she wasn't like him.

And, as it turned out, that version of Ed Tucker wasn't really _him_ anyway.

A few tears escaped from his eyes and landed on Olivia's neck. Her own tears were cascading down her cheeks and she leaned away from him ever so slightly, needing to see him and show him that it was okay for them both to cry. His forehead met hers and they entered into their intense stare before his face started contorting into the tiniest smirk.

"You, uh, wanna come in?"

She grinned, "Yes. Yes. I would like that." He remained by her side, hand on the small of her back while she removed her boots and hung her blazer on the coat rack. She peeked in at the twins, but shook her head when Ed suggested she take Wyatt from his bed. "I don't want…their lives to be…abnormal for no reason," she whispered. "Let them sleep. I need a drink…and you."

Ed poured two bourbons, took the bottle just in case, and joined her in their bedroom. She'd donned his boxers and one of his t-shirts, either intentionally or subconsciously trying to get as close to him as possible.

He grinned and handed her the drink.

"Thank you." She took a sip and furrowed her brow. He was still smiling at her. "What?"

He toed at her lower leg. "I love your sock line."

Appreciating the attempt at light-heartedness, Olivia returned the grin and gave him a peck on the lips. "Sit with me?"

"Of course."

They retreated to the oversized armchair. The furniture was large enough for them to sit side-by-side and have a couple inches or so between them, but Olivia positioned herself across Ed's body, essentially sitting in his lap. Unsure what to say or do other than be there, he waited patiently and sipped his drink. She did the same.

Olivia slowly scanned the comfortable confines. The Paris painting. Framed family photographs both on the wall and on their bureau. Matching nightstands—hers cluttered with magazines, stray jewelry, reading glasses, and last night's half-full water glass. Ed had neatly made the bed and carefully arranged their heaping set of pillows; Olivia inhaled the faint scent of their fabric softener and knew he'd swapped the sheets for fresh ones. Unlike most days, the floor was completely clear as was the chair and ottoman. Usually Olivia had to brush away random garments, books, or toys before she sat there.

"You've been cleaning a lot lately," she remarked.

"Yeah…started with the windows and kinda got into a groove."

"Not a bad groove to be in."

"No."

She reached down for the bottle and refilled their glasses. "I…You're probably wanting me to talk…about it, but, I don't want to tonight. All I want is to be with you."

"Take your time." He played with her hair, "Whenever you're ready." Ed kissed her firmly on the lips. Satisfied and content, he leaned his head back and lightly massaged her scalp with one hand. He held his glass with the other, resting it on Olivia's thigh. He wouldn't make Olivia talk tonight; however, there was something in her tone that made it perfectly clear she planned to divulge the details at some point without putting up a fight.

"But," he said hesitantly, eyes traversing the length of her body, "You're not hurt? At all?"

"No."

"Okay." Another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"So, got the info about Noah's end-of-the-year thing. Sounds kinda formal. Dress code for the boys is pants, collared shirt, and ties strongly recommended."

"I'm not surprised," Olivia replied, "But I'm certainly glad he likes dressing like that."

Ed let out a sardonic chuckle. "School now is so weird."

Olivia sat up a little so she had better leverage for a prolonged smooch. "I love it when you laugh," She intoned, "And I love it even more when you laugh at weird school."

"I love kissing you."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow and lowered her face to his. _Good thing_ , she thought, for she planned on kissing him all night.

…

On his way back to Connecticut, Carisi called Brooke and offered to bring her food. He hadn't eaten since his morning coffee and Kaiser roll, and hunger was just now hitting him and doing so with ferocity. He arrived at their temporary home with take-out bags and an armful of files related to a recently reopened cold case. Tomorrow he, too, was taking the day off.

Brooke kissed him then wrestled the food from the plastic bags. "I'm starving," she said, "I don't know why. Aidan and I had dinner. Shit, I forgot to cover the grill. Is it supposed to rain?"

"I don't think so," Sonny removed his shield, weapon, and his tie. "But I'll go cover it just in case. Lemme change, I'll be right back."

"Want to eat on the porch?" Brooke asked. "It's such a nice night."

Sonny cynically echoed, "nice night" but Brooke either ignored it or didn't hear him. "Yeah, yeah, sounds good. I'll meet ya out there."

Upstairs, Sonny changed and knocked on Aidan's door. He said a quick hello to the teen and bounded down the stairs and had taken several bites before breezily recounting his afternoon and evening. Despite his attempts to be nonchalant and maybe a little flippant, Brooke's eyes grew wider at every word.

"Oh…my God," she gasped, "I…I feel like a terrible wife. How did I not know?"

Sonny smiled and shrugged. "You wouldn't have known unless you were watching the news. Sarah found out because her office was on lock down, _she_ showed up after, I went back to the precinct and she was still trying to smother Liv."

Frustrated her sister failed to call her, Brooke dropped her sandwich. "What the hell? Sarah knew? So I'm sure Dad knew. Wait. He called me. Didn't say anything." She glared at Sonny, "You all don't have some _don't upset the pregnant girl_ agreement do you?"

"Of course not," Sonny answered calmly. This was absolutely not true, but he understood. The evidence certainly pointed to that conclusion.

Brooke didn't look convinced, but her anger dissipated as quickly as it surfaced. "I, well, _damn_ , Son, are you okay? You look fine…but…that has to take a toll. Right?"

"I wasn't in there for the whole thing," he said sheepishly, "The perp, Carriker, threatened to shoot Liv if I didn't leave. Got the other guy outta there but…I shouldnta left her in there alone."

"You said he was going to shoot her if you didn't."

"He wasn't gonna shoot anyone. But himself. He wanted to die. Didn't even take our guns."

"So there's nothing wrong with what you did."

"No, not technically."

"I know she's my boss, she outranks me," Sonny took a bite and continued talking as he chewed, "But I still feel like I gotta protect her."

Brooke squeezed her eyes shut, imagining the worst-case scenario. What if both Olivia and Sonny had died? What if something went horribly wrong and they were both taken out, making both her and her father widows. In a matter of seconds. "You have to do your job," she croaked, "Follow policy…you have to—"

" _Hey_ ," Sonny changed places and sat beside her on the wicker loveseat. "It's all over. We're both fine." Tears pooled in her eyes. He didn't have to ask what was wrong. "I did that too, Brooke. I thought about the same thing. And…it didn't happen. I wish I could tell you it won't happen, but, you gotta believe me, we do everything we can to come home at night. We really do."

"It's…the risk…is so high," she moaned.

"It is for everyone. How many times have we read about accidents or something else, some other tragedy that's completely upended a family?"

"Your risk. Olivia's risk. Is higher. You can't argue with that."

"No," Sonny admitted, "No I can't. You're right. But, like I said, we do everything we can to minimize that risk, but we can't always predict what will happen. Today? We knew what we were dealing with, but we didn't…we couldn't…none of us thought it was gonna be anything other than a routine arrest."

Brooke winced. "I should be used to this. I grew up with my Dad being a cop. And, on a regular basis, I don't worry, but now, I," she looked down at her belly, "There's more to think about. I don't know, I…I guess I'm in a mood."

"I didn't want to keep this from you."

"I'm glad you didn't." She touched his face, "It's…a little bit of a shock I guess. And…I'm really glad you're home."

"I'm glad to be home."

 _Home_. Brooke hated that word lately. It brought such uncertainty into her thoughts. She and Sonny had been dancing around the subject since making the decision to relocate out here after Angela's death and the sale of their loft. Brooke decided their exercise in avoidance was over.

"I think we need to look for an apartment in the city," she blurted out.

Stunned, Sonny blinked. He was about to kiss her and suggest they go to bed but his wife obviously had other plans. "I thought we were…waiting for Dave to get released?"

"I'm tired of making plans on other people's schedules," Brooke said, "I screwed up, Sonny. I…I'm tired of not thinking of myself, of us, first. I fucked that up with Kyle. I fucked it up after my mom died. My _mom_ died! And I was worried about Sarah and Aidan and choosing the right casket…but never _me_! I love Aidan. I want to make sure he's cared for, and he will be, but it may have to be…away from here. I need control back. I'm _ready_ to get control back. And the first thing I want is for us to have this child and bring him or her back to our home. Not this one. Not this… _vacation_ house."

Sonny couldn't help but smile at the last sentence she'd uttered, but his reply oozed with sincerity. "First of all, you didn't fuck up. You, Brooke Lucille Tucker Carisi, are the kindest, most generous person I know. You'd do anything for anyone. Never blame yourself for that, even when things don't go the way you wanted them to go. But at the same time, you deserve that control. _We_ deserve that control. And," Sonny took both her hands, "Hearing you say that is such a relief. I want you to be at peace. Happy. Looking forward to our baby. Our life. I feel like we hit pause, and, I realized, we don't do well on pause."

"No we don't."

The breeze wafted in, filling the patio with a new blast of briny sea air. Brooke and Sonny abandoned their dinners and curled up on the loveseat. They decided to talk to Aidan after school tomorrow, and even though Brooke acknowledged there was an element of insensitivity in asking Aidan to move away from _his home_ , she hoped he could, perhaps, precociously sympathize with their decision. His world had been doubly convulsed in the past six months, yet he remained steady.

Perhaps he had a little of that resilience remaining in the tank.

…

"More?"

Ed wiggled the bourbon bottle in the air. He and Olivia had concluded their second old-school, teenager-style make-out session and were certainly headed for a third, but in between lip locks, they drank and bantered and teared up again, only this time it was from laughter at Ed's recollection of some of the more wacky and nonsensical IAB cases he'd investigated.

"One more," Olivia held out her glass, "Then we should probably get some sleep."

Ed touched the tip of her nose, " _You_ get to sleep as long as you want tomorrow. Enjoy your day off."

"I have to take Noah to school."

"I got it," Ed replied gallantly. "I don't want you out of bed til lunch."

"Lunch?"

"Yeah. Breakfast in bed. Two babies will haveta join ya at some point, but, still, breakfast in bed."

"Sounds perfect."

"You ready…ready to get in bed?"

"Sick of sitting here?" She asked.

"Nah, it's just," Ed jerked his head in the opposite direction, "We have…a whole bed right there."

Olivia smiled but bit her lip contemplatively. "Can I…can I… tell you something?"

"Anything."

"I'm a little afraid of going to sleep. I don't know what will happen."

There was a noble confidence in her admission. Ed lovingly caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead. "Whatever happens, I'm right here. I'm right here if you can't sleep, and I'm right here if you're snoring like crazy."

"I don't snore."

"Sometimes ya do."

"I really don't think so."

"I don't mind though," Ed continued, ignoring her objections, "I like it. Reminds me you're there."

Olivia groaned and playfully swatted at his chest.

"I'm just gonna keep ya in my arms all night. Like this," he changed their position so he could wrap both arms around her. "And I'm not gonna let go until that sweet baby girl of ours tells us it's morning."

"Poor Wyatt," Olivia joked. "He'll be begging for his own room as soon as he can talk."

"He can move in with Noah. Noah'll be a good roommate. Then we'll make that room all pink and princessy and girly."

Olivia laughed, "It's so funny to hear you say that."

"It's fun raising kids with you."

"It is," she tilted her head back for a kiss. "And they're some pretty great kids."

"Of course they are. They're _ours_."

She moved to get up and pulled him to his feet. "C'mon, my sweet, cocky, Captain…let's go to bed."

Ed peeled back the covers and Olivia turned off the floor lamp, so the room was illuminated only by the dim accent lighting on the far wall. She slid under the covers and scratched at Ed's chest, a sure signal she wasn't quite ready for sleep. Ed had assumed the opposite, so, pleasantly surprised, he rolled over on his side.

"Thought you'd wanna…just crash."

"No," she purred, "I want you. I need you. More right now than I've needed you in a while. I need to remember you're real. That _this_ is real."

With lips slightly parted, he kissed her. "I'm real, Liv. I promise you I'm real." He kissed her again, more deeply this time, and they parted with a wet smack. Olivia's eyes were droopy, dazed, and lustful. "I started being real the second you let me into your life."

Another kiss.

"You're my whole world."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	44. Chapter 44

**Forty-four.**

Noah sang a version of Bruno Mars' _Count on Me_ while Ed put the final touches on his lunch and made sure all required materials were in his backpack. Ed asked about the song and Noah informed him that is was one of three his class was singing at the end-of-the-year ceremony. Noah also mentioned he had the honor of playing the bongos in one song and, in another, Mia was "singing da song ALL BY HERSELF!"

In their high chairs, Wyatt and Maggie boisterously picked at their breakfast and were more interested in banging their cups against the trays than drinking the contents. Assuming they'd had enough to eat, Ed took the trays away, wiped them down in only a few strokes of the wash cloth, and, seconds later, they were strapped in the stroller and ready for the walk to school.

"Those babies need coats?" Noah asked, clearly concerned about the well-being of his siblings.

"Nope," Ed replied, "It's a warm spring morning."

"Warm spring morning," Noah repeated, "No coat for me eivver!"

"Nope," he said again. "But Mommy likes you to take your sweatshirt for inside if it gets cold from the air conditioning, so it's in your bag."

"Kay!" Noah practicing balancing on one foot.

"Bud, why don't you go give Mommy a hug and a kiss goodbye but then tell her Daddy said to go back to sleep."

"Kay!"

Noah hustled into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. Olivia smiled before lazily opening her eyes. She felt Noah's breath on her face and knew he was millimeters away.

"Good morning, sweet boy," she said, her voice hoarse, "Are you ready for school?"

"Yep! I comin to kiss you goodbye!" Noah gave her a kiss and a bear hug. "And now Daddy say you haveta go back to sleep!" He leaned back down, pressed his nose to hers, and opened his eyes wide. "You tired, Mommy?"

"Not very," she replied, "I had a good night's sleep. I'll get up soon and I'm picking you up from school today."

Noah threw his arms in the air. "YAY!"

"I love you, sweet Noah."

Ed poked his head in the room and announced it was time to go.

"Are you sure you want to take the twins?" Olivia asked, her voice still not quite normal.

"Yes," he said with a wink, "We'll be right back."

He turned to walk away but Olivia summoned him back into the room. He smiled at her. "Yes ma'am?"

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

…..

After dropping Noah at school, Ed took the long way home. Even though he was anxious to get home to his wife, he also wanted to make sure she had as much time as possible to rest. He spent most of the night dozing, refusing to fall into a deep sleep just in case she woke up consumed with terror. Olivia, though, slept peacefully in his arms. A pleasant chill traveled up and down his spine when he thought about their lovemaking—deliberate, sensual, attentive, maybe overly so. He was always attentive, but sometimes he let his mind wander, drift off to a place where he didn't think, rather, he threw himself into the complete experience of loving and being loved by Olivia Benson Tucker. Last night he maintained perfect focus. He was precise.

It was all about Olivia.

"BAH! BABABABABA!" Wyatt kicked his legs wildly. There were at least two dozen actions in the immediate vicinity that could have caused the excitement and Ed's eyes darted around, looking for a ball or something else that began with the "B" sound. Of course, "babababa" could have meant anything from ball to taxi.

"Whatcha see, Wyatt?" Ed asked, continuing down the sidewalk.

Maggie caught on to the jubilation and leaned forward as far as her restraints would allow then flung herself back against the seat. She arched her back and looked up at Ed.

"Hi Maggs!"

She erupted into giggles. Being upside down was her new favorite thing, and started a version of peekaboo—looking straight ahead then back up at her Daddy, laughing louder each time until her giggles turned into shrieks.

"Alright kiddos," he said, "Ready to go home and hang out with Mommy?"

"MA!"

"Yeah, Mama! We gotta take extra good care of her today." Ed quickened his pace, suddenly almost desperate to get home and rethinking his plan to give Olivia alone time. He kicked himself. Alone? He'd left her _alone_? That was exactly the mentality he was trying to erase.

He was all set to apologize, but when they arrived back at home Olivia was in the kitchen sipping coffee and paging through the _New York Times_ on the iPad. Ed wrapped her in a hug and gave her a kiss before taking the twins from the stroller and it wasn't long before Maggie wailed impatiently.

"Our daughter would like to be freed," Olivia said softly, smiling as Ed planted a soft kiss on her lips.

Out of the stroller, Maggie and Wyatt toddled to their play area and began flinging toys around, starting their daily task of undoing the pick-up job from the night before. Their two toy boxes overflowed with stuffed animals, musical instruments, gadgets advertised as educational, and many infant items that they'd outgrown but Olivia had trouble discarding.

Ed returned to Olivia's side. "Ya good?"

"Yes," she reached for his hand. "It was…it was fine until the end. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me. He was desperate, but not, damn, until the end I really thought he was going to let me walk him out of there."

He hadn't been expecting her to jump right into the previous night's events. Pleasantly taken aback, he replied, "Was a long time to be in there with him."

"He would say something—about one of the women or about his childhood and then stare…I thought about taking him out several times, but he had the other guy right there. One move in the wrong direction and I woulda hit the wrong guy."

"The vics were…former girlfriends?"

"The first one was. The other two…appeared random; we didn't find anything to connect them to him other than…well, how they died." Olivia sighed. "I'm going to Lindstrom tomorrow morning."

He kissed the side of her head. "Good."

"I really am fine," she leaned her head against his, keeping her eyes on the twins. "But I can't count on bourbon and sex every night to keep that last image out of my head."

"Yeah ya can," Ed quipped.

Olivia laughed softly. "Well…maybe not the bourbon…I have a little headache I must admit."

"I did too, but I think the fresh air helped."

"Want to go upstairs for a little while? Fresh air sounds nice."

"Sure."

They took a large blanket to the rooftop and a few selected toys and set themselves up in a partially shaded area on a patch of artificial turf Noah liked to call his football field. Ed and Olivia doted on their twins, smothering them with hugs and kisses and lavishing them with praise.

"So this is what it'll be like," Olivia remarked as she rolled a ball toward Maggie. "When I retire."

Ed kept it cool. "Yep. Well, not in the winter, but, yep."

She grinned appreciatively.

"But, Liv, listen, I, uh, I don't want this to make ya jump into something you're not ready for."

She grabbed a handful of his polo shirt and kissed him. "It would be so easy for you to beg me to quit. But you…letting me do this…work through it on my own terms…" she searched for the right words but settled on a sincere, " _thank you_."

"Liv, I wanna spend every second of every day with you. And, when you do lay down the shield you'll prolly get sick of me," he grinned bashfully, "But this decision is yours. Factor in whatever you want. We are _we_ in every other case. But, baby, I can't be the one to tell you when it's time."

"You would think after seeing some guy blow his head off would make it easy," she was joking but her eyes grew distant for a split-second, "Not that this is the first time I've…" she trailed off and hugged Maggie to her chest.

Ed cupped her cheek. "Like I said. _Yours_."

"Remember after Dodds died…when you said you didn't know how I was still standing?"

"Yeah."

"When I think back, reflect, like I have to do whenever I write…I think about what you said. How spot on that was. Not just with that year but with my whole _life_. But instead of being…sad or exhausted or _disturbed_ …now I'm finally, well, proud. If that makes any sense. And I'm comfortable with it because…I think it makes you proud to hear me say that."

Ed ducked his eyes and blushed.

"Yours is the opinion I value most," she added, kissing him again and fighting back tears.

He played with her hair and gazed at her so intently the love in his eyes was almost palpable. "Same for me," he murmured.

"We both have such high standards…"

"We're the only ones who can live up to 'em most times." At this they both laughed. Ed scooted so they were side by side and slung an arm around her shoulders. "I wish I would've been there," he whispered even though there was no reason for him to lower his voice, "All the times when…you know…especially after…" Ed didn't want to say Lewis' name so he fumbled his words, "Well…you know, I told you before…"

"Tell me again."

"That day, when I saw you, so resolute but still..so… _crushed_ , I wanted you…I knew you didn't need me or anyone else, but I wanted you to need me, I wanted to kiss those cheeks and those freckles and play with this hair and tell you it was all gonna be okay. That I was gonna make it okay."

Maggie and Wyatt were sitting placidly in their parents' laps as if they sensed they needed to be quiet and let their parents have this moment.

Olivia swallowed hard, but her eyes remained locked on his, beseeching him to continue. She took so much comfort in his words, his raw honesty, his constant reflections about little things from their past that she'd never thought twice about.

"It _is_ gonna be okay," he said. "More than okay."

His voice hitched slightly and Olivia cocked her head. "I believe you. But, at what point am I being foolish? At what point am I intentionally putting myself on the wrong side of the odds?"

"I don't know that this is an odds type thing, Liv. Being a cop is unpredictable. That's why we have policy and procedures...we don't bet," Once again he added levity by quipping, "I mean, who woulda bet on this?" He kissed Wyatt then Maggie then Olivia.

She smiled. "I'm going to think. Seriously. About the next steps. Not just because of yesterday, but because of…I think it's getting close to… _time_. We are always going a thousand miles an hour and even when we're not, I try to be so _present_. I never sit back and really…seriously…reflect."

"I'm so glad you agreed to do the book," he kissed her cheek, "not because of that but because you're so important, Liv. Your work has been so important. So remarkable. You're not the cop who puts in twenty and retires. You really believe in what you do; you actually work for _people_. I worked to settle grudges. I worked because I no longer trusted humanity. But I do now. You made me trust it. I'm honored to know you."

Olivia grinned sassily.

He noticed the subtle request to get in a less morose mood. "I'm also honored to have sex with you."

She cocked an eyebrow. "It's that good?"

At this, he burst into incredulous laughter. "I still struggle to keep my hands off you. There is nothing like making love to you, Olivia Margaret. Nothing."

They traded a few more kisses. Both twins grew restless and crawled away, back to their toys and just as quickly as Ed and Olivia diverted to the serious conversation they went back to playing with their babies. The rest of the morning and early afternoon unfolded in this relaxed fashion. At lunch time they hauled everything back to the apartment, fed the twins, and eventually put them down for their naps.

Olivia was last to leave their room and found Ed wiping down the high chair trays at the sink. She slipped her arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck. "Stop cleaning up." Ed gently dropped the tray onto the counter. Olivia had him pinned, so he leaned back into her rather than try to turn around. Her hands drifted up to his chest, massaging his muscles, and she stopped kissing him only to whisper, "I need you."

Ed took a deep breath. Hearing her say those words was exhilarating and emboldening, and he knew she said them remembering _"I wanted you to need me."_ He would never deny Olivia anything she wanted or needed, but as she untucked his shirt and began tugging at his waistband, he feared she was using sex as a diversion, that she hadn't quite sorted through her feelings, and she harbored more unease than she was letting on. Inevitably, he thought back to the church scandal and how she had gravitated toward alcohol as a coping mechanism. Well, alcohol _and_ sex. He didn't know for sure how many hours Olivia actually put in at Community Affairs, but he did remember a lot of almost-angry, midday romps, mostly on his bed and after they'd downed lunchtime cocktails. They were both pissed and wallowing, but they had taken comfort in each other. They believed in each other.

Ed managed to turn around so he could kiss her. He held the back of her head firmly and swirled his tongue around in her mouth. She urgently shoved his shorts down, and he stepped out of them, his lips still on hers.

"I want you right here," Olivia rasped.

"Here?"

"Yes."

Ed smirked like he'd accepted the most daunting of challenges and, casting aside all doubts about her ulterior motives, gave all of himself to her. He deftly removed her shorts and panties, crouched slightly, and lifted her onto the island. She gasped at the shock of the cool granite against her bare skin then threw her head back with a soft moan as Ed began licking her inner thighs. She whimpered and cried out, squirmed, dug her fingers into his head and neck.

"Ed, you're so good."

"Just gettin' warmed up, baby."

Soon she was writhing and quivering and begging him to be inside her. He took her hands, sat her up, and kissed her deeply.

"Sure you want this here?"

"Yes," she said without equivocation.

He worried about hurting her, after all, she was on the edge of the counter and the position was conducive to doing it more roughly than they were used to, but she implored him to keep going, she was fine, and despite Ed thinking she could possibly come away with bruises and the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt her…the ultimate last thing he'd ever want to do is stop loving her when she screamed for him to continue.

"C'mon," he said when they finished. The afterglow was a little less appealing in their kitchen, so he led the way to their bathroom and started the jets on the Jacuzzi tub. "I wanna hold you."

Olivia happily obliged and they slid into the water hesitantly, expecting the water to be too hot, but Ed got the temperature exactly right and they immersed themselves in the bubbles. Olivia repeated over and over again how good she felt, how good he was, how lucky she was, and her effusion gradually poked holes in Ed's heart. He was worried about her, worried she wasn't being completely honest.

But he wasn't completely forthcoming either.

So he took the lead.

"Liv, look at me."

She twisted around a bit and looked at him with sated yet concerned eyes. "What is it?"

"I was terrified," he blurted out.

"What?"

"Yesterday. When I found out you were in there. I was so scared. Worse than before. Worse than _ever_ before." The color drained from Olivia's face and he immediately regretted his admission. Nevertheless, he kept rambling. "I'm sorry. I hadta tell ya. And I didn't want to. But I had to. Because it's not your fault and I meant what I said about retiring on your own terms…but…"

Olivia touched his face as he trailed off. "But what?" The question dripped with compassion.

"I would kill me if I lost you. And it killed me you were somewhere and I couldn't get there. I couldn't protect you. I hate that feeling…of being helpless…it's the same feeling I had when that motherfucker held you and the kids hostage. It's the same feeling I had when you walked out of IAB after we told you we were closing the case."

Olivia's lips curled into a little half-smile. "Ed Tucker, you are the most perfect man." She wasn't tearing up, but her voice trembled ever so slightly. "And you know what's strange? The whole time I was in there yesterday? I knew I was coming home. Never once did I doubt it. I was so calm, it is almost scary how calm I was. I wasn't scared. I was… _annoyed_ …annoyed this asshole was keeping me from my family." She touched his nose. "Even when you're not there, just the thought of you makes me feel safe and protected…if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense." They fell into another passionate kiss, laughing occasionally when they slipped too far into the water. They dried off and dressed a few minutes before the waking sounds of Maggie and Wyatt transmitted through the baby monitor.

"I love you, Ed Tucker," Olivia flung her arms around his neck as they swayed through the living room. Her gait was light and her smile warmed his heart.

"I love you, too, Olivia Tucker," he grinned and repeated her name. " _Olivia Tucker_ …I love the sound of that."

"Noah Tucker. Maggie Tucker. Wyatt Tucker…" She opened the twins' bedroom door and grinned at the baby babbles. "I love it all."

…..

Walking into Noah's school alone felt strange to Olivia. She couldn't remember the last time she picked him up solo. Most of the faces were vaguely familiar and she and the other parents and caretakers exchanged nods and polite smiles. She and Mia's nanny, Tasha, said a few words but their small talk ended when the children began filtering out. For Olivia, there was something spiritual in seeing her beloved son march confidently into the hallway chattering and giggling incessantly, his backpack bouncing on his shoulders and his polo shirt tucked neatly into his khaki shorts, just as it had been when he left earlier that morning.

Olivia had to fight back tears.

Today Noah walked among a small crowd of fellow almost-kindergarteners, but Mia was, as usual, right next to him. Her jet black ponytail bounced wildly as she thrashed her head around with laughter. Noah talked with his hands, but even in his excitement, kept his voice low. Olivia remembered Sarah criticizing Miss Brynn for her strict adherence to the inside/outside voice rules, and she was glad Noah paid attention to his volume. Olivia hated the thought of her son being punished.

As soon as he saw his mother, Noah abandoned the conversation and jogged over to her. "Hi Mommy!" He said brightly, "You got outta bed!"

Olivia laughed and took a peek around to see if anyone overheard. "Yes, sweet boy, I did! And now it's just the two of us for a little while! What do you want to do?"

Noah twisted his lips and took a moment to weight his options. "I wanna go on top of da building! Up high!"

Olivia immediately knew what he meant. A few days ago Noah somehow noticed movement atop Rockefeller Center. Olivia immediately felt guilty for failing to take him there or to the Empire State Building; like most New Yorkers she avoided tourist traps, but in doing so Noah was, in this case, deprived of an amazing view of his city.

There was no line for the Top of the Rock Observatory, so they went straight up without Olivia having to show her credentials which she was absolutely prepared to do. When they stepped onto the observation deck, Noah first made one awed trip around and then asked to be picked up so he could get a better look and take pictures. Olivia watched proudly as he navigated his phone's camera and diligently concentrated on focusing and getting the desired angles. With Central Park in the background he switched to selfie mode.

"Mommy! Turn 'roun an' smile!" Olivia complied and suggested she hold the phone so they could see more of the park. When Noah examined the photograph—their cheeks together, smiles broad, and the park in the distance—he expertly reported, "That's a good one!"

Olivia wasn't sure if she was impressed or startled or both when he sent the image to Ed, Sarah, and Brooke via iMessage.

"They gonna say, 'WOW you're up HIGH!'" he exclaimed.

"They sure will," Olivia replied, saving the _how do you know how to send pictures_ interrogation for later.

Noah put the phone back in his cargo pocket before anyone replied. Olivia meandered around the deck and they pointed out familiar landmarks, including the general direction of their building.

"Yup!" Noah said, "I can see Maggie and Wyatt playin' and Daddy's chasin' them around and around!"

"Oh yeah? Does Daddy look tired?"

"Nope!"

As they meandered around to the south-facing side, Noah recognized the Empire State Building and One World Trade Center. Olivia promised they would go to the tops of those buildings as well.

"We take Maggie and Wyatt and Daddy! Maggie and Wyatt gonna be scared 'cause isso high up but I tell 'em itll all be okay and I'll hold their hands too! Then they won't be scared!"

Olivia kissed him. "You are such a great big brother, Noah. I am so proud of you and I love you so much."

"They my babies," Noah replied matter-of-factly, "I love 'em! Don't want 'em to be scared! Gotta bring brother's tiger! He _looove_ that tiger!"

"Yes he does," Olivia kissed his cheek again. "And what about Maggie? What does she love?"

"Maggie love Daddy!"

Olivia and Noah both erupted into laughter.

"She sure does," Olivia said, "And so do I. Daddy's the best."

"Yep!" Noah squeezed Olivia's neck. "And YOU da best Mommy!"

"Thank you, sweetie."

"You welcome!"

"Hey," Olivia said softly, "Should we make a special dinner tonight? We can all cook together?"

"Yeah!" Noah exclaimed. "I make grill cheese!"

Olivia grinned. Grilled cheese was not exactly what she had in mind for a special dinner, but Noah loved preparing the sandwiches.

"And fre'fries too!" He added. "Jus' like at da pub!"

"You got it, sweet Noah." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Anything you want. We have to stop and buy some bread and cheese though. You ready to get going?"

"Yep!" Noah patted his back pocket. "Lessgo. Got my card right here!"

They took the long way back to the entrance for one last panorama of the city. Olivia opened the glass door leading to the interior of the deck, but Noah stood aside, insisting she go in before him. She thanked him and continued toward the elevators where Noah also waited for her to step inside before he followed.

"Thank you, sweetie," she said again.

Noah shrugged. "Ladies first."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	45. Chapter 45

**Forty-five.**

Ed could tell something was seriously wrong. He was in the living room winding down the evening with Noah when he heard Olivia call his name from the bedroom. He assumed she was writing and that some newly unearthed memory, coupled with the recent trauma, was too overwhelming to bear. At least, too overwhelming to bear without him at her side.

"Hey, bud, I'll be right back." Ed handed him the remote control. "One more show, okay?"

"Kay Daddy!"

On his way to the bedroom Ed heard Noah using the voice command feature to turn the television to _Curious George_ reruns. Every day the boy amazed him with his tech savviness. Ed tried to worry, figured he _should_ worry, about the cons of his younger children growing up in the digital age, but even though Noah had access to a phone, iPad, computer, and hundreds of cable channels, he preferred face-to-face interaction. When Ed picked him up from school, Noah always opted for the park or a snack at the pub. If they went directly home, he typically unpacked his backpack, changed clothes, and played with Maggie and Wyatt. Now that the twins were starting to talk more and more, he delighted in teaching them words and showered them with praise when they repeated something he said. Very rarely did the phone or iPad monopolize Noah's time.

Olivia, however, had a hard time peeling herself away from the various digital magazines to which she subscribed, and instead of finding her at the laptop, Ed saw her leaning against the headboard consumed with the iPad Mini.

"Ed, we've got to stop with the chicken nuggets and mac and cheese with the twins."

He furrowed his brow.

 _Huh?_

"This article says a child's taste buds are almost fully developed by the time they're three and it's important to expose young children eating solid foods to as many flavors as possible," she looked up at him with immense concern, "And too many times we take the easy way out with them!"

"I beg to differ, Lieutenant," he replied suavely and perched himself on the edge of the mattress. "Whenever we go out they eat what we eat. They eat Chinese. Italian. Greek…even Feta cheese. Feta cheese, Liv! What one-year-old eats that?"

"You think?"

"Yes. I…I wasn't there from the beginning, but I don't remember Noah refusing to eat anything." He leaned down and kissed her. "You know what you're doing."

" _We_ know what we're doing."

"And when we don't we pretend we do," he quipped with a sparkle in his eye. "But, I tell ya what, tomorrow Maggs and Wyatt and I will bring ya lunch. And it will be something… _exotic_."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "Exotic, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well," she tossed the iPad aside and reached for her husband, "I already can't wait."

They fell back onto the mattress, kissing playfully, until they heard Noah's footsteps coming closer. Rather than jump to separate himself from her, Ed spooned her tightly and buried his face in her hair.

"Daddy, show's over!"

"Already?"

"Uh-huh."

"What were you watching, sweetie?" Olivia asked.

"George."

"There was probably only one available," she speculated. The reruns aired in fifteen-minute increments.

"Alright, bud. Go pick out your PJs and your books. We'll be in in a minute."

Noah jogged to his room and Ed resumed kissing Olivia.

"Ed," she gasped, "We have to—" another gasp, "—go read."

"I know," he moaned into her mouth. "I'm gonna read really fast and you can skip some pages."

"He's onto that trick."

" _Try_."

Olivia grinned and put her palms on his chest, reluctantly pushing him away. "I will, but he's never gonna let me get away with it."

"No he's not," Ed admitted with a proud grin, "I love that boy."

Olivia stroked his face, "The three of us were meant to be together," she cooed.

"And he was meant to be a big brother."

"Sometimes things just work out," Olivia said matter-of-factly, sitting up.

"I think," he gave her a quick peck on the cheek, "This is more than something we just worked out."

…

When Olivia arrived at work the next morning she self-consciously ducked her head, walked briskly into her office, and closed the door. Fletcher and Fin paid no attention to her failure to say anything other than a muttered good morning and assumed something on the morning news or found in her email on the way to work soured her mood.

The Lieutenant sat down and took a deep breath. After powering on her laptop, entering her user name and password, and opening the first of several emails, she assumed she would calm down and return to normal, at-work, Lieutenant Benson-mode.

Yet the sensations of Ed's morning lovemaking lingered. Her whole body tingled; she wondered how it could possibly feel like he was there, still touching and kissing her skin.

She speculated the protracted afterglow was due to Noah's arrival in their room mere minutes after they finished. Ed was cuddling her, kissing her neck, one hand still teasing at her thigh, refusing to relent and surrender to the inevitable start of their day.

Noah crept in thinking his parents were still asleep and, finding them awake and wrapped in the covers he regarded them like a disappointed father.

"Got school today!" He said and turned the iPad so it was completely facing them, "And babies 'wake! Look!"

Sure enough, Maggie and Wyatt were standing in their cribs talking gibberish to one another. This had become their morning routine in the past month, so Ed and Olivia routinely switched off the volume and enjoyed their extra minutes in bed.

"Okay bud," Ed took a deep breath with his face still buried in Olivia's neck. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Sweet boy," Olivia cooed, extracting an arm and reaching out for him. "What do you want for breakfast?"

Noah leaned his face into her hand. "Cin'min toast!"

"You got it. Hey, will you please do me a favor and tell Maggie and Wyatt we'll be right there?"

"Yep!"

"Thank you, sweetie."

Noah ran off to the twins' room and seconds later appeared on the screen pressing his face against the slats of Maggie's crib. She grabbed at his hair. He crouched out of her reach, teasing his sister who tried her best to strain over the railing and reach him. Wyatt slapped at his crib's bars and Noah darted over only to duck again when Wyatt began grabbing for Noah's nose.

Maggie's shrieks grew louder and more demanding, so Ed gradually peeled himself away from his wife. At this, she whimpered pathetically and he leaned down to kiss her. "I'll start the shower for ya."

 _I'll start the shower for ya_.

Bursting with satisfaction, Olivia stared blankly into the squad room.

She was a woman whose husband started showers for her.

Unbelievable.

The daydream was interrupted when Olivia caught a glimpse of Sarah who practically twirled around the desks as she made her way to the office.

"Hi Livvie," she said breathlessly, plopping down in an armchair and dropping her bag on the floor, unconcerned that its contents nearly spilled everywhere.

"Good morning," she replied with a curious smile, "Coffee?"

"Oh, damn, I should've brought you coffee. Well," she eyed the cart in the corner of the room, "Might as well. Thanks." Sarah fiddled with the Kuerig and dumped several sugars and a cream into her steaming cup as she waited. "So, the reason I'm here is…I need to know the name of the guy who helped me, uh, the other night when you were, uh, you know…"

With a twinkle in her eye, Olivia finished her sentence, "Working?"

"Sure," Sarah shot her an appreciative grin and took a tentative sip. "Well, this guy, one of the ambulance people—"

"EMT?"

"—yes, that's it, EMT, sorry, well, he was so sweet and nice and took me to you, so I wanted to thank him."

Olivia assured Sarah she would do some digging and find his name and some kind of contact information.

"He was black, or, maybe mixed, not too tall, but a little taller than me, and super nice," Sarah reported helpfully.

"I'll include that in my inquiries," Olivia picked up a pen and wrote on one of the various scrap pieces of paper littering her desk, "lighter-skinned black male, approximately five-nine to five-ten, kind and considerate in manner."

Sarah giggled. "Yep, that's him. Sorry. I should've put it in cop terms."

"I got it."

"So anywho," Sarah sat back and stretched her legs. "Did you hear the news?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows in the negative. She'd been consumed with being a wife and mother for the past three days and hadn't given more than a passing glance to much else.

"Brooke and Sonny found a new apartment!"

Olivia's eyes widened. Ed mentioned talking to Brooke, but if he knew about this recent development it must have understandably slipped his mind. "Where?"

Sarah deflated ever so slightly. "Ft. Greene."

"Oh, Brooklyn? Wow."

"I know," Sarah moaned, "Like, we'll never see them."

"It's closer than Connecticut."

"Right-o," Sarah quipped, wiggling an index finger in the air, "They're renting to see if they like the neighborhood, and it's a three bedroom two bath which is nuts and it has a balcony terrace thing that's all theirs. They signed the lease on the spot because it was so perfect. Sonny hasn't told you?"

"I actually haven't seen him since Monday."

Sarah frowned at the memory of Monday night and mentally admonished herself for so flippantly moving on from the near-tragedy. "You…are you okay, Livvie? I should've asked earlier, but, it's like, you're always okay."

"I'm fine," she replied. "I've seen worse believe it or not."

Wincing, Sarah muttered, "I bet."

"So," Olivia said brightly, "Aidan's moving too? What is he a junior next year?"

"Sophomore."

"He's changing schools?"

" _Welllll_ ," Sarah droned, "That hasn't been decided. A lot is up in the air. If Dave's released early he could be home in Januaryish and Aidan could stay with one of his friends up there part time and Brooke would drive him other times."

Olivia groaned, "That would be…I hate to say it…so inconvenient."

"I know. He could also take the train and Sonny could get him or he could take the subway to Brooklyn…but that's still like…two hours. I dunno. They have the summer to decide."

Olivia pointed out Aidan would have to apply to private schools or the better high schools, and Sarah shrugged, clueless as to what had been discussed when she wasn't around. She rambled on about summer and how excited she was to take Noah to Coney Island now that he was tall enough to go on most of the rides.

"Every time we try to go out there something happens…rain...I get called into a meeting…so we're doing it this summer. Maybe next week?"

"Fine with me. Your Dad will probably appreciate the break."

"Do you even have a contract with day care anymore?"

Olivia laughed, "We do...they have to go a certain number of hours per week, but it's more expensive the less they go. I don't want to give it up quite yet. Last summer he was still working a little…but, then again, Noah will go to a day camp or two."

"And there's me!"

"And there's you."

"I really need to start spending more time with Maggie and Wyatt," Sarah said seriously. "But I don't want Noey to get mad if I take one of them…maybe I'll take Maggie for a couple hours then trade for Wyatt then trade for Noey and he can spend the night or something," she smiled, pleased with the arrangement, "Yep. That's what I'll do! I can't ever have kids. Between yours and Brooke's, I won't be able to find the time."

Olivia glanced at the cluster of framed photographs encroaching on her work space. "Don't worry," she said reflectively, "You have time."

…..

Buoyed by the prospect of a fresh start, Brooke had finished packing what little she had at the Connecticut house by the end of the week. She planned to take Aidan to see his father over the weekend, and Brooke hoped Dave would agree to pay for a caretaker to come and periodically check on the house. With one week left in the school year, Aidan, too, was preparing to relocate to Brooklyn at least for the summer. To Brooke's surprise, he withdrew his registration from the two lacrosse camps he'd planned to attend. He already had a list of other activities to help pass the idle weeks, and among his options was looking for a job. When Sarah found out about his decision she immediately spouted off about the numerous red flags, but everyone—Brooke, Sonny, Ed, and Olivia—all told her to relax and let him adjust in his own way, albeit under the watchful eyes of everyone in the family.

Friday morning after dropping Noah at school and the twins at day care, Ed drove to the Connecticut house and loaded boxes into his SUV. Knowing Ed's reluctance to enter his ex-wife's home, Sonny had graciously left the cargo stacked in the driveway. Ed piled the car seat bases in the passenger seat and lowered the rear seatback so there was ample space for everything.

"That it?" He asked Brooke, a little shocked.

"Just about," she said, "The rest is in storage or at Sonny's mom's. And I still have a few things, but I can take those myself when we're ready to leave for good."

Ed hugged her. "I'm so happy for you, Brookey."

He rarely used her nickname and the sound of it almost made Brooke erupt in sobs. "Thanks, Dad," she croaked. "So, uh, follow me?"

"Yup."

A little over an hour later they pulled up to the Vanderbilt Avenue townhouse. Ed insisted on carrying all boxes himself, and by the final trip, a sheen of perspiration blanketed his brow.

"Beer?" Brooke opened the fridge. It was nearly bare save for a twelve-pack and a Chinese food take-out carton.

"Sure."

Brooke rummaged through a box of miscellaneous odds and ends, looking for a bottle opener. Ed smiled as she tossed items haphazardly against the backsplash, examining a few more closely than others.

"Stuff the kids gave me over the years," Brooke explained, "I feel bad throwing it all away."

"I would too," Ed replied empathetically.

"However, I wouldn't miss it if the box happened to accidentally disappear," she said wryly, sifting through a pile of what Ed assumed were miniature paperweights in the shape of apples. "But, well, oh, there are some notepads in here. I could use those I guess. Oh, and this one's magnetic." She slapped the tablet on the refrigerator.

Ed squinted as he read the words.

 _Don't be sad because it's over. Be glad that it happened._

He read the sentences over and over and took so long Brooke waved her hand in front of his face. " _Daaaadddd_?"

"That's a bullshit quote," he muttered.

Brooke whirled around. She was being silly and hadn't bothered to read what was printed on each page. "Oh," she remarked dismissively, "It's just one of those silly sayings..."

"It's bullshit," he repeated.

"Are you alright?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

Ed took an excruciatingly long time to meet her inquisitive gaze; he knew his reaction was out of the ordinary and Brooke wasn't going to let him wiggle out of an explanation.

"Dad?"

He mumbled an apology. "It's, uh, I dunno, for some reason it reminds me of Liv."

"Aw, _Dad_. She's fine…I felt the same way when Sonny—"

"No," Ed shook his head. "Not that. Not Monday. Yeah, well, that scared the hell outta me, but…" he said the offending sentences out loud and puckered his face as if the words were the most unpleasant things he'd ever tasted. "That made me think about when Liv and I were, well…goin' through some stuff…and—"

"She broke up with you?"

"Yeah."

Brooke's sunny mood refused to fade. "But you got back together! It didn't last long."

"I know, but walkin' out of her building thinking I was never going to see her or Noah again? _Be glad that it happened?_ " Ed took a long drink from the bottle. "Some things you never get over," he continued reflectively, "Losing her woulda been one of 'em."

The Tuckers, at least as Brooke knew them, had never been a touchy-feely type of family, but she grabbed her Dad's hand, trying to soothe the uncomfortable memory's effects. She predicted the gesture would be received awkwardly and maybe her Dad would even jerk away, but he squeezed her fingers.

" _Would have_ ," she emphasized.

Ed swallowed hard. "I know."

Brooke took her hand away. "I'm surprised you still think about that."

"I don't. _Much_."

"You're too old to wallow," Brooke joked and nudged his chest. "Now _me_. I'm allowed to wallow. I'm extremely good at wallowing."

"You haven't had an easy time."

"No…" Brooke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Since her honeymoon had been cut short by the shooting in their loft, her life had been a series of Herculean-esque obstacles. "No I haven't. But…I feel good here. Really good." Her hands fell to her belly. "And, overnight, I got excited about the baby. Like…I am totally not an _energy_ person, but there was some bad juju at mom's house."

Ed chuckled. He wasn't one to invoke bad juju, but, nevertheless, he wholeheartedly agreed with the assessment. "Why do ya think I refuse to go in there?"

…

Olivia left work early Friday afternoon, picked up all three kids, returned home and remained there for the rest of the day. She played games with Noah, refereed rounds of chase, and happily camped out on the floor while her three children played with their impressive array o toys.

Brooke and Ed had lunch in her new neighborhood, and Ed insisted on going to their storage unit to retrieve as many boxes and pieces of furniture he could fit in his hollowed-out truck. As afternoon drifted into evening, Sonny joined them and Ed, in a moving groove, became dead set on clearing the entire unit.

"Then ya can shut it down, return the keys, be done with it," he reasoned.

Sonny readily agreed. "Good idea, Captain. Then that just leaves a couple bigger things at my mom's."

Ed checked in with Olivia regularly. Sonny and Brooke offered to buy him dinner, but Ed declined until Olivia insisted he take them up on the offer.

 _Kids ate_ , her text read, _maybe bring me something?_

When Ed got home the apartment was dark. He flipped on the lights and for a few minutes as he kicked off his shoes and sorted through the mail, he thought everyone was asleep despite the fairly early hour. He put Olivia's food in the refrigerator and sorted the letters he needed to keep from the junk circulars.

Looking up from the envelopes, he finally noticed a dull purplish light in the hall and, upon closer listen, heard the faint sound of the television. Their bedroom door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open slowly, gradually revealing to himself one of the sweetest scenes he'd ever witnessed.

In the middle of the bed, Olivia was propped against their entire pillow collection, slightly on her side, one arm under her head and the other draped across Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Everyone, Olivia included, wore pajamas.

They were watching classic _Winnie the Pooh_.

Still grinning, Ed caught Olivia's eye and softly said, "My favorite's always been Tigger."

All three Tucker children's heads snapped up.  
"DA!"

"Daddy!"

"Dadadadadadada!"

They scrambled to greet him, struggling for balance among the covers, and Ed hovered over them protectively.

"That's why ya got Wyatt a TIGER!" Noah said, "Cause you loooove Tigger! And now _HE_ loves Tigger!"

"That's right, bud." Ed hugged the three of them at once. "I'm gonna change, then…can I join ya?"

"Yep!" Noah clambered back to Olivia's side. "C'mon, babies! Keep watchin!"

Wyatt sucked on his pacifier and allowed Noah to half-drag him back to his original spot.

Maggie wailed. As soon as Ed scooped her up she nestled her head under his chin and instantly returned to contentedness.

Olivia grinned and rolled her eyes playfully.

"I brought ya dinner," Ed half-whispered as he settled in next to Olivia, having changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt one-handed. Before she could answer, a tired Wyatt, started to fuss a bit and Olivia held him to her chest. "Shhhshhhshhh, baby boy. Close your eyes."

"Don't wanna eat?"

Olivia tilted her head against Wyatt's, kissed a chubby cheek, and surveyed the bed. Maggie was now partially wedged between them, serenely watching the show. Noah was opposite Ed, curling himself more and more into Olivia's side as he began surrendering to sleep.

"I will," she whispered, turning back to her husband, "But I don't want to move."

He kissed her and took his time peeling his lips away from hers.

"Me neither."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	46. Chapter 46

**Forty-six.**

It took Ed and Noah under an hour to find the perfect suit, shirt, and tie combination for the following week's preschool promotion ceremony. As soon as they entered the first store, Noah gravitated toward the bright royal blue pants and blazers. They added a simple white shirt and a light green tie which Ed thought was a little garish when paired with the bold suit color, but Noah insisted on the accessory. He clutched the tie to his chest and made his case.

"Gramma Care-line LOVE green and blue and she gonna come!"

Now they meandered around SoHo, chatting about anything and everything. Noah half-skipped along, and Ed repeatedly looked down at him with a proud smile. Noah marveled at the dense Saturday afternoon shopping crowd, slowed at food vendors if the menu placards interested him, and decided he was way too little to cruise the streets on one of the Citi Bikes.

"Maybe next year," he said with an optimistic shrug.

Ed chuckled. "So, bud, what was your favorite part of preschool this year?

Noah answered without hesitation. "Goin to math."

"Really?"

"Yep! After morning meeting I take my stuff and Miss Brynn say 'see you after math, Noah!' And I go to math!"

"By yourself?" Ed furrowed his brow. He had never been apprised of this little detail which, to him, was of extreme importance.

"Yup! Jus' one, two, three, four doors down da hall!"

First Miss Brynn irked Ed with her _don't-play-with-Mia_ business and now this? She allowed his precious boy to walk _alone_ to the first grade classroom? Surely he was overreacting. He wanted to call Olivia so she could tell him he was overreacting, but he let it go for the time being and concentrated on his son.

"So, we got summer comin' up. Ya excited?"

"YES! Sare Bear say we're gonna go on 'ventures and Daddy? We go to da beach 'gain?"

"Yeah bud. I'll talk to Mommy and we'll pick a week to go. Didja like where we went last summer? You remember?"

"We eat those, those," Noah searched for the word and Ed waited patiently. "Those…lossters!"

"Yep. With the big claws."

"I EATED dem!" Noah erupted into giggles. "R'member Daddy?"

"Sure do, bud. That was a fun vacation." Ed's mind briefly drifted back to three-month-old Maggie and Wyatt in their tiny swimwear, Noah steering the Jet Ski, and making love to Olivia on the beach.

Ed's silly grin quickly gave way to a steely-jawed IAB stare when, suddenly, a BMW coupe screeched to a halt at the curb, wedged into a half-car-sized parking space at an angle that blocked one traffic lane. At first, pedestrians froze, but as soon as they realized the car was not going to careen onto the sidewalk, movement began suddenly and simultaneously as if someone hit play after pausing a show. Ed tugged on Noah's hand, but he was fixated on the action. A man exited the driver's side door and rounded the car. From the passenger side, a meek-looking woman slowly emerged, head down.

The man waiting impatiently, arms akimbo, and fired of a string of profanities before grabbing her wrist and half dragging her across the sidewalk and into a building. A few people stared. Two teenagers even pulled out their phones and filmed the scene.

It happened so quickly, Ed couldn't shield Noah, and it was over in less than a minute. Ed noted the number above the door they'd entered and called in a report. Then he gently patted Noah's head and led him away.

"Let's get lunch and take it home, pal," he suggested.

Noah delivered his typical "kay" with significantly less enthusiasm than usual. Ed took his hand and led him down a side street. He didn't know the neighborhood's eating establishments very well and he was hoping to find something out-of-the-ordinary to bring home to further expand the twins' fledgling palates and make his wife happy.

He ended up settling on tacos from a small restaurant whose entrance was so obscured by a trellis and vines from a neighboring wine bar Ed almost missed it. He and Noah ordered the food to go and they had drinks, a beer for Ed and a virgin pina colada complete with gigantic pineapple wedge for the little guy.

"That was a little scary, huh bud?" Ed asked softly.

"Yeah. That man was mean!"

"He was."

"He got outta da car and, "Noah sliced the air with his arm, "Went like dis! An'…Daddy? He hurt her?"

"I dunno, bud but men like us don't grab anyone like that. We don't make _anyone_ do anything they don't want to do. But we especially don't treat women like that man treated her."

Noah sucked hard on his straw, trying to get a sufficient gulp of his thick, sweet beverage. He gasped and swallowed. "We do ladies first."

"Yes we do," Ed replied proudly. "And we hold doors open and when we hug the people we love we're always gentle and when we're playing with our friends we're gentle, too."

"Yep." Noah worked to get another taste.

"And when anyone says no, they mean _no_ and we stop whatever it is we were doing."

"Uh-huh." The waiter came over to their table, apologized for the wait, and dropped off complimentary chips and salsa. Noah picked up a chip and nibbled the corner. "Daddy?"

"Yeah bud?" Ed folded his hands in front of him and gazed at his son. He could tell Noah was deep in thought.

"Why you always hug Mommy in da mornin?"

Ed smiled. "Because I love Mommy. She's my wife and I love her so much."

"I love her so much too!"

"She's a special person," Ed said softly, looking into Noah's eyes, "And so are you Noah. I love being your Daddy, bud."

Noah smiled and cocked his head a little. Unsure how to respond, he stared into the chips and then let his eyes drift back to Ed. He put his hands on Ed's and giggled. "You my bud!"

"Best buds," Ed clarified.

"Yep! And—WHOA!" The bartender plopped a large paper bag situated inside a plastic one on their table. "That's a lotta tacos!"

Ed laughed and handed over some money. He signaled for the man to keep the change and stood up. "Yep. Let's go home and eat 'em. Think Maggie and Wyatt will like the guac?"

"Yep! I show those babies how ta eat it! S'my fav'rite!"

"Guac is your favorite?" This surprised Ed. He would've pinpointed Noah's favorite food as pizza or grilled cheese.

"My fav'rite that's GREEN!" Noah exclaimed.

Ed laughed and mussed his hair. "You're funny, pal. What's your favorite food that's…orange?" He was trying to stump Noah and get him to say carrots which he did not like all that much but Ed figured to be an obvious, easy orange choice.

Nonplussed, Noah quickly answered, "Cheez-Its!"

Smirking, Ed stepped to the curb and hailed a taxi. On the way home, Noah assumed the role of interrogator. When the car came to a stop in front of their building, Ed was trying to come up with his preferred "food with stripes."

…

When the smiling young man took the seat opposite Sarah, she initially frowned, thinking a stranger had brazenly swiped the chair reserved for the EMT, but upon closer inspection, she realized the stranger was actually _him_.

"Omigod," she half-gasped, imagining her initial expression, "Sorry, I…I was expecting a uniform."

His grin revealed gleaming white teeth, straight except for one front tooth that had grown in at an angle, slightly covering its neighbor. "And I was expecting Wall Street."

On purpose she'd worn a simple black t-shirt and jeans. "Well," Sarah re-folded her napkin in her lap and tried to pretend she was indifferent to his sass. "I suppose we're both guilty of…well…presumptions."

He smiled again and started to say something else, but the waiter interrupted for his order and to deliver Sarah's latte. After asking for an iced coffee he quipped, "Didja _presume_ I was going to order that?"

"I'm not familiar with the stereotypical EMS café order."

"Probably because we don't _café_ much."

She caved and broke into a broad smile. Around them, patrons chatted and servers shimmied around the cramped space with caffeinated drinks perched precariously on small round trays. It was loud, so their brief silent interlude was more of a chance to take in the bustling environment rather than an uncomfortable silence.

"Thank you for coming," Sarah said. As promised, Olivia came through and put her in touch with his station Captain. "I hope you don't think I'm weird, you know, inviting you here, but I really wanted to say thank you in person. Getting me to Livvie that day was so important to me, and I really appreciate it."

The teasing glint in his deep brown eyes transformed into a compassionate sparkle. "I could tell you were desperate," he cringed slightly at his word choice, "Not…desperate but—"

"No I was!" Sarah leaned forward so firmly that when she sat back again the imprint from the edge of the table was still visible on her shirt. "Livvie, gawwwd, she's, well, she's the only mom I have. I was so worried and we'd been trapped in our office and I couldn't do anything and my Dad was home with his three little kids—" Sarah stopped abruptly, "—and I've gotten a little too emotional."

"It's okay. I understand."

There was an enormous amount of commiseration in his voice.

"You must see people like me all the time," Sarah said.

"Yeah. But usually I leave 'em and ride away in an ambulance. And nobody's ever bought me coffee after the fact before."

" _Really_?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed, pretending to be shocked.

He played along. "Really. Got a lot of thank-you cards from little kids. But," he raised his glass, "This is the first coffee."

"Well, it is very deserved."

"Thank you."

"Thank _you_." Sarah tilted her head to the side, "Um…you know…I don't think I ever got your actual name.

"Justin."

She reached across the table and shook his hand. "Sarah."

"Well, Sarah," he said softly, "I'm glad everything turned out okay that night."

"Me too," she replied, "You have no idea how…just… _me too_." Sarah described her relationship with Olivia in her typical rapid-fire fashion while Justin, a tad bewildered, sipped his drink. After she finished her own life story, she asked him about his and learned his life had unfolded much differently than hers or Brooke's. The Tucker sisters had been afforded every advantage and every opportunity from the minute they were born. Justin described such hardscrabble beginnings that Sarah had a hard time believing his optimism was genuine.

"Little by little I'm finishing my degree," he said proudly. "I'll be the first one in my family to do it. Well, a few of my uncles did two years at community college, but nobody has a BA. Not yet."

Sarah suddenly felt ashamed at her impressive educational credentials and her professional success. She had taken everything for granted—her innate intellect, her scholarships, and, most of all, her hefty, six-figure income doing a job that came so easy to her sometimes she had trouble taking it seriously.

"Gosh," she said ruefully, "I've probably taken you away from studying."

"We're between semesters."

"So what do you do between semesters?" She asked, a hint of flirtation in her voice.

"Read."

"Read?"

"Yeah."

Sarah couldn't remember the last time she picked up a book. Nevertheless, she asked Justin for recommendations.

"What do you like?"

"As far as books are concerned? I have no idea."

"No," he said, "I mean, what do you _like_? What's your passion?"

After thinking for a second or two too long, Sarah replied, "You know…I really love New York. I think I would be fine never leaving this city for the rest of my life."

Justin nodded confidently. " _Manhattan Transfer_. Dos Passos. That'll knock ya on your ass."

Sarah giggled. He had a thick, native New Yorker accent, but when he said _knock ya on your ass_ it became even more pronounced. "Okay," she said, "I'll give it a try."

Justin checked his phone. To Sarah's disappointment, he announced he had to leave and thanked her again for the coffee. She tried to figure out a way to let him go but make it clear she wanted to see him again.

As it turned out, she didn't have to.

"You have my number," he said as he rose from his chair, "Lemme know how ya like the book."

…

The Tuckers were fifty-fifty with the guacamole experiment. Wyatt happily gobbled the dip, but Maggie stuck out her tongue and made gagging noises, prompting Olivia to lovingly call her a drama queen. Noah immediately took to the moniker and spent the rest of the afternoon using it to address his baby sister. The good news was, other than the guac, both Maggie and Wyatt had no qualms about the tacos. They ate everything—ground beef, chicken, shredded cheese, and even the mildest salsa the restaurant carried. For now, Olivia's palate worries were sufficiently quelled. Ed wanted to tease her a little, but he figured he'd save it for later that night especially since Olivia made a quick exit from the kitchen when Wyatt and Maggie decided to chase Noah into his room.

"No, no, no, sweet twins. You need to get cleaned up before you go anywhere!" She stripped them down, changed their diapers, and snapped them into fresh onesies. With her young daughter and son under each arm she went back into the kitchen and lightly bumped them into Ed. "Say night night to Daddy," she cooed.

Ed bear hugged and kissed them. "Have a good nap," he growled playfully. Unable to resist flirting with his wife, he nuzzled her neck. "You ready for _your_ nap, Mama?"

Olivia grinned, "Why don't you see about the other one and get back to me?"

"Sure thing."

…..

Sarah left the café and immediately headed for the subway and Brooke's new apartment. She squinted at her phone, unsure whether or not she was getting on the right train, and laughed at herself for acting like such an amateur. Despite climbing the subway steps into a new, unfamiliar neighborhood, Sarah got her bearings quickly and bounded up the stairs after being buzzed in. She flung open the door and gasped a jesting "holy shit" when she saw Brooke, Sonny, and Aidan standing in the middle of open boxes in various stages of being unpacked.

"It's comin' along," Sonny joked.

"I, uh, okay, I guess I see that. You know…if I were you, I would put the boxes in the correct rooms _then_ unpack but, hell, what do I know?"

Brooke sighed, "We forgot to label half of them. Aidan's the only one who has a put-together room."

"In my defense…" Aidan screwed up his face, "Or maybe my, uh, to my advantage? I still have a lot of stuff at the house."

The fact that he didn't say "my house" briefly intrigued Sarah, but she had other things on her mind. "Well, good job, sir. Hey, Sonny, Aidan, I need to talk with my sister. Girl stuff. So she's gonna escort me to the bodega."

"I am?"

The exhaustion in Brooke's voice and body language was obvious. Sonny stepped forward, "Or maybe Aidan and I can go. Whaddya want? Soda? Water?"

Sarah slapped at her brother-in-law, "Sonny, don't be silly. It's the middle of the afternoon. Time for a cocktail. Or a glass of wine. You pick."

She waited until their footsteps faded before gushing about Justin. "Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwd_ ," Sarah flung her head forward, her long, wavy blonde locks flying everywhere.

It had been a long time since Sarah had been so effusive about anything other than Noah, Maggie, or Wyatt, so Brooke simply smiled and asked what happened.

"You know that EMS guy I told you about? The one who took me to Livvie?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I found him and took him out for coffee and, _gawwwwd_ , I love him. I fucking love him Brookey. I'm sure of it." Sarah twirled around their new living room. She paused in front of the bay windows and looked out onto the tree-lined street below. "He's like…dreamy. You should've seen his smile, he's got this little crooked tooth and it's so cute and his skin is, like, _perrrfect_ , and his hands, they were like, ugh, so smooth and nice and…I. Want. Them. On. Me."

Brooke shook with silent laughter. "You're so dramatic. And…how did you find him anyway?"

"Livvie."

"Of course."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. "I had to say thank you! I honestly didn't remember him being so fucking gorgeous and then he started talking about his life and the books he reads and he gave me recommendations…"

Brooke snorted. "Recommendations? For what?"

"Books!"

"You don't read."

"I do now! Amazoned one on the way here."

"Well," Brooke shrugged, "I guess it's better than him getting you hooked on cocaine."

"He's better than cocaine," Sarah said, "He's like…whatever those drugs are that make you stay awake all the time. Or is that cocaine? _Fuck_. I cannot stop thinking about him."

Brooke startled Sarah a bit by giving her a little side hug and kissing her head. "I love you, sis."

"And I love Brooklyn," Sarah said, "It does _you_ good. Although…I may be spending some time in the Bronx if Justy and I hook up."

"Waitaminute," Brooke's eyes fluttered open and closed and she shook her head almost spasmodically. "This guy's from the Bronx?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Soundview."

" _Sarah_."

" _Brooke_."

"Are you forgetting all the things you said about my old school? The neighborhood? How you'd never be caught dead there? Soundview's, well, it might be worse."

"He'll protect me."

Brooke rolled her eyes and sized up her sister. She immediately felt sorry for this Justin person. Despite providing a life-saving service, New York City EMS techs did not make much money. Being from Soundview almost guaranteed he was not white and not from a wealthy family—two criteria all of Sarah's boyfriends and her former husband had in common. In Brooke's mind, there was no way Sarah was serious about this guy. Sure, maybe she'd string him along for a while, maybe the summer months, and if he went along with it, bought it, Justin would be exposing himself to certain heartbreak.

Despite knowing way better, Brooke humored Sarah, maybe even needled her a bit. "So, when do we get to meet him? Noah's promotion ceremony?"

Sarah swatted air and gave her sister an eye roll of her own. "Don't be ridiculous. I can't read that entire book in less than a week. It's like three-hundred pages. Unless," she chewed at a hangnail, "Unless, unless, of course, I get the Cliff's Notes. No, no, no…this relationship cannot start that way. Nope. I have to read the whole fucking thing."

…..

Olivia was two seconds from flinging herself onto the sofa when Ed came into the room and told her Noah wanted to see her. They swapped a couple of chaste pecks, simultaneously smiling and kissing. Olivia put her hands on his chest, admired his taut muscles, and promised she would be right back.

Noah was in his newer, larger beanbag holding but not paying attention to his iPad. His quilt gifted to him by Grandma Caroline covered his body and he clutched it in a fist under his chin. Maybe it was because Wyatt did the same thing with his blanket when he was ready to fall asleep, but Noah appeared much younger and vulnerable just then.

"Hi sweet boy," Olivia said. "Think you're gonna take a little rest?"

Noah answered without moving. "Yeah."

There wasn't enough room for the two of them to completely fit into the chair, so Olivia gently lifted Noah into her lap and used the beanbag mostly as a backrest. "Something wrong, sweetie?" She asked, kissing his head.

"Mommy?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why people mean?"

Ed described the incident he and Noah witnessed while they were portioning the taco feast onto plates, but, nevertheless, Noah's question caught her off guard. "What sweetie?"

"Why people mean?" He asked again.

Olivia buried her face into the side of his head and took a deep breath. "Well, sometimes, when people are young like you, their mommies and daddies forget to show them how to be nice."

"Why?"

"I don't know, sweetie." Olivia hugged him more tightly. It wasn't the first time her five-year-old had posed a question with a complicated answer, but crafting responses he could comprehend continually challenged her. "You know, how, in our family, we have a Mommy and a Daddy? And a Sarah and Brooke and Sonny?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, sometimes adults, mommies or daddies, don't have a lot of help. And they're very busy. So it's hard sometimes to remember to teach about being nice." Olivia kissed his cheek firmly and shifted him around so she could look into his eyes. "You are such a nice, kind, sweet boy," she said, "And you know what?"

Noah brightened a little. "What?"

"When people at school or out on the street see you being nice and kind, they want to be nice and kind, too. So, if their parents forgot to teach them, _you_ can show them Noah. That's called setting a good example."

Noah murmured thoughtfully, "set a good 'zample."

"Yep."

"I set a good 'zample for my babies!" Noah started giggling, "Cept! Small sister spit OUT da guac!"

Olivia joined him in laughter. "She sure did. We'll let her try it again. Maybe she'll get used to it."

"Gotta tell her, _Maggs! Don't spit out da food!_ "

"Next time we will, sweet boy."

Noah sighed. It was a heavy, almost guttural sigh, too weighty for a boy of five-and-a-half. He collapsed back into her lap and curled up with the blanket. A brief bout of intense terror struck Olivia as she cuddled her son. Noah was perfect. He was exactly the kind of child future parents imagined for themselves. He was the child of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies and feel-good bookstore fiction. However, when he was in distress, which wasn't often, it consumed him. Most people, at one point or another, remarked how he was wise or funny or intelligent beyond his years, but that same principle applied to sadness, fear, and dejection as well. She made a mental note to research how to talk to precocious children like Noah—children who understood and felt far too much but didn't have the tools to process complicated circumstances that flummoxed even the savviest adults.

Noah soon fell asleep and Olivia gently placed him in his bed. She planted another soft kiss on his cheek and gazed at him for a few minutes before joining Ed in the living room. He jerked his head toward the coffee table where her phone rested, smirked, and said, "It's been blowin' up."

"Who is it?"

Ed pretended to take offense at the implication he would take it upon himself to inspect her phone. "I dunno."

"You know I wouldn't care if you checked," Olivia leaned down for a kiss.

Ed rubbed the backs of her legs. "Don't wanna."

"I'm a little worried about Noah," she said, kneeling on the couch, straddling him. "He asked me why people are mean."

Ed splayed his hands across her back and kissed her neck. "I _haate_ mean people."

"Me too," Olivia chuckled a little and tickled the back of his head. "And so does Noah."

"We're gonna have a problem, ya know," he murmured, still exploring her skin with his lips, "Every girl's gonna want to date him…and he's not gonna want to break anyone's heart."

Olivia took Ed's face in her hands, kissed him firmly, and said, "You have no idea how grateful I am that he'll have a Dad to help him through this stuff."

"I don't know much about breaking hearts," he smirked and his eyes gleamed with playfulness, "But I bet you do."

"Not really."

"Oh come on."

"Nope," Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "It was always people breaking mine. Or, if they didn't break my heart, they…well…they ended up not being who I thought they were—"

Ed's smirk faded as she became more serious.

"—which meant I had to leave because it was too hard to keep guessing all the time. You, Ed Tucker," she pressed her forehead to his, "You gave me so much, but you gave me the opportunity to…just enjoy being in love."

He rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs and whispered, "I love being in love with you."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	47. Chapter 47

**Forty-seven**.

Noah's weak _Mommy_ woke Olivia immediately. "Sweet boy," she intoned and extended her arms to him. He nestled himself under the covers and Olivia held him snugly, her mouth against his cheek. "What's the matter?"

"Baddream!"

"Tell Mommy."

"It was da mean man!" Noah wiggled around so he could see Olivia's face. His eyes were wide with both fear and excitement. "He say GET IN DA CAR and, and…I don' 'member da rest."

Ed sniffed, took a quick, sharp, startled breath, and rolled over so one of his arms was draped across both Olivia and Noah. Content to let Olivia handle this crisis, he wordlessly buried his face in her neck and reassuringly rubbed Noah's chest.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Olivia said soothingly, "Mommy and Daddy are right here. It was only a dream. Everything's all good. You're safe at home. Deep breath."

Noah puffed out his torso and released a long stream of air.

"Good boy. You're safe." Olivia repeatedly whispered _you're safe_ until Noah closed his eyes and fell back asleep. Sandwiched between Ed and Noah, she noticed their breathing was almost synchronized.

She remained awake for a while, batting around ideas for helping Noah through the aftermath of the incident he'd witnessed. She hated that the memory was plaguing him both during the day and at night and made a mental note to research articles and books on the subject. She wanted her happy, cheerful boy back and was willing to do anything to make that happen.

….

"What the…"

Olivia was talking to herself, marveling at a silver, spaceship-esque contraption parked a block away from Brooke's new building. She maneuvered Ed's SUV into another spot, there were several available on this Sunday morning, and unbuckled Maggie while keeping one eye on the futuristic vehicle. Olivia had never lived nor had she spent much time in Brooklyn, and she assumed this car was something concocted by one of the many young, creative types who had moved into the neighborhood in the past decade.

"Ready to see Brookey's new place, Maggie May?"

Maggie flung her head back and closed her eyes, letting the cool spring morning breeze waft over her face. Olivia adjusted her white cardigan and yanked the baby skinny jeans down so the hem landed just above her new silver, sparkly sneakers. Olivia intently studied Maggie's face for a moment. Her baby girl's appearance had changed more than Wyatt's in their first year of life. When she was born, Maggie looked exactly like Sarah and Ed, but some pudginess had developed over those rigid, high cheekbones. Her hair had thickened and was steadily changing from brownish blonde to a coppery-amber hue that, when the light hit her locks just right, appeared to have a natural sheen.

Those Tucker eyes, however, had not changed and were as crystal blue as ever.

"Love you, Maggie girl," Olivia whispered, pulling her close and growling a little as she kissed at her neck and cheeks. Maggie giggled and entangled her fingers in Olivia's hair.

" _Maaaaaaaaa_ ma," she cooed softly. Maggie threw her head back again, disentangled one of her hands, and pinched Olivia's nose.

Olivia grinned. "Ok. Let's go."

"Guh!"

She perched Maggie on her hip, rang the buzzer, and ascended the stairs to the second floor of Brooke's new building. Sonny and Aidan were out running errands and Brooke had been busying herself unpacking framed photographs and other decorative pieces. She expressed enormous relief at having all the larger items placed where they belonged and their bedroom in order. All she had left to do was organize odds and ends and hang artwork.

"It looks great," Olivia said, looking around the main living space. She admired the newly refinished pine floors and the bay window. "So much light."

Brooke showed her the bedrooms and the terrace that overlooked the back alley and, if one leaned over far enough, had a view of a few downtown Brooklyn skyscrapers. "It's not exactly picturesque, but it's big."

"Good to have an outdoor space right off the apartment like this," Olivia remarked. "Imagine how nice it will be to hang out here with the baby. Why don't you pick out some comfy chairs and that'll be our housewarming gift to you?"

Brooke smiled graciously, "That's a great idea. Thanks." She placed both hands on her belly, "Still doesn't seem real. I mean, I'm excited, I'm happy. And being here, moving here, was the best idea. But I can't believe in a few months I'm going to be a _mother_."

Maggie wasn't going to last long being held. She started to squirm and Olivia bounced her, buying a few extra minutes for them on the terrace. "I remember that feeling. With Noah…God, I went home one night, got a crib set up, clothes, diapers, everything, and all of a sudden there he was at home with me. Overnight, I was a mother."

"You were meant to be a mother," Brooke said, making faces at Maggie. "I hope I am."

The despondency in her voice alarmed Olivia. They went back inside, freed Maggie, and sat at the kitchen table while the little girl rummaged around in Brooke's plasticware. "What makes you think you won't be?" Olivia asked as gently as possible.

Brooke untied and retied her ponytail. Her bob had grown out just long enough to be pulled back. "I didn't exactly have the best role model in that department." The words stung and burned her throat on their way out, and Brooke reached for a nearby water bottle. "I hate it. I hate to have to say that. Especially when mom's not here to defend herself, but…it's the truth."

"I know," Olivia replied. "Believe me. I _know_.

"How long has your mother been gone?"

"Almost twenty years. I was just a few years older than you when she died. And I remember feeling…almost relief…because I didn't have to think about her anymore."

Understandably, Brooke was shocked to hear Olivia talk this way. Neither she nor Sarah knew this particular part of Olivia's past.

"She was a drunk." Olivia glanced lovingly at Maggie who was having the time of her life doing the rest of Brooke's kitchen unpacking. "And I hated her and loved her at the same time. And there have been so many times over the years when I've stopped myself and worried that I was becoming more and more like her…whether it was ordering another glass of wine or choosing…to keep all those demons buried rather than face them, talk about them…rather than… _let_ _people help me_." Olivia stared intently at her stepdaughter. "I am _not_ my mother. And you won't be yours. Just like my circumstances were different from my mom's, yours are different from Angela's. And _you_ are different from Angela. This," Olivia took one of Brooke's hands in hers, " _This_ I know for sure."

"I'm glad you're here," Brooke croaked, "To help me."

Olivia smiled. "It's going to be so special, Brooke. You'll see."

Brooke's eyes darted back and forth from their hands to Olivia's eyes. It was hard not to believe Olivia, and instead of scraping for ways to doubt her advice, she allowed herself to believe everything really would be okay.

"Maggie's going to be quite the aunt," Brooke quipped.

Maggie was drumming on the cabinets with a spatula. The adults' silence piqued her curiosity so she stopped and looked up, wondering why they had stopped talking.

"They'll all grow up together," Olivia said, "I don't want it to happen too quickly, but I'm also looking forward to all of it. Every single minute."

…

Ed finished his basic nighttime routine—brushed his teeth and washed his face with Olivia's citrus mint face wash that he'd been using without asking since she brought it home a few weeks ago. Surely she detected the scent on him, but he had not yet been called out for the theft. He studied his reflection, and other than needing a haircut, was satisfied. His tight t-shirt accentuated his chest and arm muscles, and the skin on his face was still taut against his cheek and jawbones. Physically, at least, he decided he really was good enough for his breathtaking wife.

He went into the bedroom and stood at the side of the bed closest to her. " _Now_ ," he said authoritatively. "We have three children fed, bathed, and sleeping peacefully. What do _you_ want?"

Olivia tossed her reading glasses and her magazine aside. "Options?"

He smirked, "Well, they all involve me."

She cocked an eyebrow and grinned back at him. Her hair was secured on top of her head by a clip, but several strands escaped its teeth and framed her face, making her extra alluring.

"Unless," he added, "You want some alone time?"

"Right now that's the last thing I want."

"Good," Ed heaved his body onto the bed, diving over her and landing with a thud in the middle of the mattress. "Cause I don't want that either." He hooked an index finger under her shirt collar and started kissing and biting gently at her shoulder. "Did you have a good day?" He whispered as he moved to her collarbone.

Olivia responded with a throaty "yes."

However, Ed sensed some equivocation. " _But_?"

He was on top of her now and had made his way to the opposite shoulder. Olivia arched her back and rocked her hips into his, trying for as much contact as possible and silently encouraging him to continue.

"I love you," she said, lightly scratching the back of his head.

"You're deflecting." He trailed kisses up her neck and ran his tongue along the edge of her ear.

" _God_ , Ed."

He propped himself on his forearms. "You had a good day except for what?"

"It was all good, but I'm worried about Noah and about Brooke."

Before bedtime, Noah acted like he did at the restaurant yesterday—quiet and despondent—and when Ed and Olivia probed him about his unusual behavior he admitted thinking about the mean man and how he "hoped he wouldn't come back t'night." It broke Olivia's heart, and she made sure to give him extra hugs and kisses and chose the most lighthearted books on his shelf.

Ed kissed her lips and played with the loose strands of long, brown hair. "I guess it could be a good thing," he said, "Noah has such a happy life…when he sees the other stuff it bothers him."

"But it's almost like he's obsessed with it," Olivia protested, "He's five. How can a child so young be so…I don't know…it just seems like he should've forgotten it already."

Ed thought about his precocious son and smiled. "I don't think he forgets anything."

"Good point."

"Brooke?"

"She mentioned, _oh—"_ Ed continued the foreplay, resuming his pattern of kisses and sliding a hand under her shirt so he could massage her breasts.

"I'm listening," he rasped in her ear.

"—she's feeling much better about… _God_ …life but she's still worried about being a mom. How she'll—" Olivia gasped "—how she'll avoid the mistakes of her mother."

"She's nothing like her mother."

"That's what I told her."

"She's gonna surprise herself."

"That's also what I told her."

"You're so fucking smart." Ed lifted her shirt up and Olivia did the rest, tossing it to the floor. "So smart," he whispered. "And so…beautiful. And it's time for you to relax…" he moved to her stomach and swirled his tongue around. "Lemme help you relax." She was wearing a pair of his boxes and he slid them down to her knees. She kicked them the rest of the way off and he smirked, quipping, "Guess that's a yes."

Ed kissed her inner thighs at an agonizingly slow pace. Olivia was already moaning and writhing when he finally planted his face between her legs and pleasured her using the same languid tempo.

He made sure to be especially tender and sweetly loving on this night, and he accomplished the goal so well that it almost seemed violent to enter her, and Olivia had to practically beg him to pick up the pace of his thrusts.

"I love you," he whispered, refusing to take his eyes off hers.

"I love you," her hands drifted from his back to his head and she kissed him fiercely, feeling intensely fortunate to be with a man who was capable of making her feel so satisfied. Ed cared for her in every possible way, and she was nearly delirious in her contentment.

Afterwards, Ed refused to let her out of his arms. He held her tightly and whispered compliment after compliment into her ear, punctuating his words with kisses. He objected when she tried to get up and put clothes on, reasoning that there was a good chance Noah would show up, disturbed by another bad dream.

"I don't think so," Ed objected softly.

Olivia jostled herself around and looked at him. "You seem quite confident, Captain."

"I am."

She kissed his lips. "Okay. I trust you." She laid her head back against his chest. A few minutes later, she was asleep. When she woke up, she was still ensconced under the covers and in Ed's arms. The sun had just started to rise and the apartment was quiet, though, when Olivia glanced at the iPad, she saw Maggie in her crib, propped on her elbows, playing with her Baby Gund doll. Olivia slid away from Ed's arms, eliciting a disappointed groan. She kissed his forehead and pulled the covers up and over his shoulders. Olivia threw on some clothes and hustled over to the twins' room, excited for some quiet mother-daughter snuggles before their home came alive.

…..

Sarah studied data on the three computer monitors situated on a side table in her office, and she was so absorbed in the information that her secretary had to buzz into her office three times before she answered.

"Sorry," Sarah muttered, not sounding terribly apologetic. "What's going on?

"A Mr. Vidal is here?"

Sarah checked the time. It was twelve-thirty. She and Justin had agreed to meet for a one o'clock lunch, but she hadn't expected him to come to her office. Nevertheless, the prospect of seeing him again thrilled her. She whipped out a small mirror and fumbled around in her desk drawer for lip gloss.

"Send him in."

She sat behind her desk and did her best to hide the giddiness and butterflies dancing around in her stomach. Justin, clad in his EMS uniform, entered the office hesitantly. "Hey," he said, "Hope ya don't mind me picking you up."

"Not at all," Sarah replied. "I don't remember what we decided. And I totally lost track of time, so it's a good thing you did."

"We said we'd do lunch today around one," he said with a smile, revealing the crooked front tooth Sarah found so endearing. "And that was the extent of the plan. Sorry I'm a little early. Had a call close to here."

"Saving lives before lunch?"

"Not exactly. Slip and fall at Gristedes."

Sarah chuckled and hoped Justin wouldn't think she was insensitive, but there was something about his workaday, almost indifferent tone that she found amusing.

"What about you? Saving the world's financial system before lunch?"

"Definitely not," Sarah replied. "More like figuring out where we fucked up and fixing it before the client realizes we almost cost them millions."

"I'm gonna have to get ya to explain all this to me," Justin gestured toward the spreadsheet and charts on the monitors.

Sarah laughed and picked up her purse. "You're assuming _I_ understand it," she joked. "I skipped breakfast so I'm starving. Where to?"

"Feel like picking up some sandwiches and goin' down to the water? It's a beautiful day."

A pub and a liquid lunch had been Sarah's suggestion, but Justin was on duty and she was nowhere near finished with her project. His plan was much wiser and more responsible, and Sarah cheerfully agreed. They bought sandwiches at a nearby deli, one Sarah had never paid attention to before, and parked themselves on a bench with a view of the Statue of Liberty. They quickly fell into easy small talk. They people watched and pitied tourists waiting in the long line for the Liberty Cruises tours.

"The thing is," Sarah grumbled good-naturedly, "I really should take my Noey there one of these days. I wonder if they have some kind of VIP resident entrance or something."

"Your son?" Justin asked.

"Oh, no," Sarah replied, "He's my brother."

"How old?"

"Five."

"My nephew's six," Justin said. "I took him on the boat tour that starts on the East River and goes under the bridge. He loved it."

They traded stories about their younger relatives. Justin spent much of his free time taking his elementary-school-aged nieces and nephews to various destinations in the city. He made sure they went to boroughs other than the Bronx. Their excursions included the Museum of Natural History, the Prospect Park Zoo, and the Coney Island amusement park.

"We get hot dogs, but I always have to drag them to Brighton Beach," Justin said with a grin, "There's this tiny, and I mean _tiny_ place that has the best food, it's like, Russian street food. So good."

"I've only been to those restaurants on the boardwalk," Sarah said.

A look of shock crossed Justin's face, "Nah," he waved a hand in the air, "You gotta go off the boardwalk and into the neighborhoods. I don't even know if this place has a business license. But I don't care."

"You'll have to show me sometime."

"Sure." The Liberty Cruise ship's horn blared, announcing its departure. The people on the upper decks waved at those remaining on land as if they were headed for a long, uncertain voyage. "You like your sandwich?" Justin asked.

"Very much."

"I go there at least once a week."

"Obviously," Sarah giggled. The employees had greeted Justin by name.

"I'm prolly gonna get some shit the next time I go in."

"Why?"

He looked at her, surprised she genuinely didn't know the answer. "I don't often go there with pretty women."

Sarah ducked her head, flattered and a tiny bit embarrassed at the sincere, innocent compliment. But she gathered herself and responded with sass. "You don't _often_ go there with pretty women," she said, "Meaning…you have taken someone there with you before."

"Actually no."

"Well, I'd be honored to accompany you again."

His cheeks flushed ever so slightly. "Cool."

Sarah slowly chewed the final bites of her sandwich, reluctant to leave his side. He crumbled his wrappings, held his hand out for hers, and put everything into the plastic bag emblazoned with the deli's logo and telephone number.

"Sorry," he said as he switched on his radio, "I'll walk ya back but I'm technically back on call."

"You don't have to walk me back," Sarah said. "I'm good."

Justin eyed her three-inch heels, "I dunno. I better walk you. Those look…dangerous. Actually, want me to put ya in a cab?" His deeply-set, dark-brown eyes blazed with amusement.

Sarah ate up the ribbing and desperately wanted to kiss him. She was already convinced she and Justin had been meant to meet that evening; she was sure they were destined to be together. Maybe Olivia being held hostage wasn't even about Olivia—it was fate's way of bringing her and Justin into the same orbit. How else would they have met?

"C'mon," she said, standing up and snapping herself out of what was becoming a wild daydream. "Back to the grind."

"Yep." He tossed the plastic bag into a trash can. It teetered on the edge before falling inside. Justin whistled. " _Phew_. That woulda been humiliating."

Sarah laughed. "You don't want me to even try to shoot."

"No good?"

"Worse than that."

"You just need someone to teach you."

"Ha! I don't think it's that simple."

"It's not hard," Justin said, "Just, uh…well, if you want me to show you how to shoot you're gonna need to wear different shoes."

Sarah purposely bumped into him. "Thanks for the advice."

"Anytime."

…..

With suspects in a recent string of late-night sexual assaults occupying all interrogation rooms, Fletcher brought his collar into the Lieutenant's office. He held a fistful of his jacket and asked, "Where ya want me to put this one?"

"Put him in holding for now."

The man spouted off a string of obscenities. Olivia rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Carisi's interview just in time to hear the perp ask for a lawyer. Sonny left the room in a huff and regarded Olivia apologetically. "Magic words," he muttered.

"We're oh-for-three," she replied. "Fletcher brought in another one. Maybe he'll spill."

"Or not."

"Nice attitude."

"It's frustrating."

"I know," Olivia replied compassionately, "But at least this is an easy one. We have them _on camera_ following these women."

"Yeah but that new ADA'll find some way to screw it up. I don't get that guy." Since Barba had assumed his seat on the Superior Court bench, SVU had had to deal with a string of temporary replacements before a permanent successor was named. He and Sonny immediately butted heads over the attorney's reluctance to offer plea deals. The new guy had a penchant for courtroom theatrics, and everyone resented his willingness to pursue a personal agenda at the expense of legal expediency.

"I'm having lunch with his boss later this week," Olivia said, "Oh, _damn_ , hang on." She paged through her phone and sighed with relief, "Oh, good, I thought for a second it was the same day as Noah's ceremony. Anyway, I'll mention it."

"Good deal," Sonny replied, "Preschool has a ceremony at the end of the year?"

"Yes it does," Olivia said, smiling, "And Ed bought Noah a new suit and tie. Wait 'til you see it. It's very…blue."

Sonny grinned. "That's gonna be so fun. Bein' a Dad…getting kids all dressed up for things like this."

"You want a girl or a boy?" Olivia asked.

"Honestly? I think I'm supposed to say I don't care. That I just want a healthy kid. Which I do, above all else, but if I got to choose, I'd want a son first."

"That's allowed. I wanted a daughter so badly. I mean, I had Sarah and Brooke, but I wanted to raise a little girl. And the little girl I got? Well, she's _exactly_ what I wanted."

"She's got spunk for sure," Sonny said, "She's gonna be a handful, Lieu."

"I know. Good thing we have Wyatt to balance her out."

"And Noah to keep them both in line."

"Right," Olivia said, "And me and Ed, too."

Sonny's face crinkled, "That little boy…my Grandma used to say…kids like him, they've been here before. Like, he's an old soul."

"He certainly fits that description."

"Picking him up from school today?"

"No, Ed's on pickup duty today." Movement in the squad room caught Olivia's eye. "Looks like someone's lawyer is here."

Sonny went to greet the attorney and Olivia called Ed before joining them. With a full squad on duty today and this evening, she was free to go home at a reasonable time. The phone had barely rung once when he picked up.

"Hello gorgeous," he said in his deepest voice, sending chills down her spine.

"Hey. Do you think Sarah may be available to babysit tonight for a couple hours? I'd like to take you on a date."

"You're gonna take _me_ on a date?"

"Yes. We're overdue for date night. So, Ed Tucker, will you go out to dinner with me?"

"Absolutely."

"Great."

"Everything okay over there?"

"Yep."

"Good. I'll see ya later?"

"Yes you will."

"I'm looking forward to tonight, Lieutenant."

"Me too."

"We do date night really well."

Olivia smiled and experienced another round of chills as she recalled how their date nights usually culminated in an amorous taxi ride home. "Yes we do."

"We do other things really well, too." For someone who displayed rigid self-control for his entire life, Ed Tucker could not, for anything, stop himself from flirting with his wife.

"And those things _are_ …?" She knew he was smirking at her attempt to be difficult.

"Oh, I'll show you later."

"Looking forward to it."

"Oh, and Liv?"

"Yes?"

"New Cosmo today. Really good article on page sixty-nine."

Olivia burst into laughter. "Sixty-nine? You're kidding me."

Ed remained stoic.

"I _never_ kid about Cosmo."

…..

#Tuckson


	48. Chapter 48

**Forty-eight**.

Sarah stared at the cover of _Manhattan Transfer_ and tried to come up with a reason to call Justin. It took her a mere three pages to realize the style and content were way over her head and surely she'd read the book and miss the symbolism and subtle literary elements that Justin appreciated. Fueled by impending despair, she opened to the last dog-eared page and started reading. If she couldn't grasp its abstract concepts, at least Justin might be impressed that she'd actually followed through, taken his advice, and read the book. As insurance, she had already bookmarked online study guides to skim so she didn't sound like a complete fool when the time came for them to discuss the novel.

She started to type a text, but two things stopped her. One, she wanted to hear his voice. She craved the accent and the way he pronounced certain words, omitting many "R" sounds, and delivering his sentences in rapid-fire fashion without stammering or hesitating. It was almost like he'd rehearsed every single sentence beforehand. Second, Justin struck her as one of the few remaining men still concerned with some degree of courtship decorum. Their lunch date in the park was perfect, and they got along so well; however, the most meaningful part of the day was him picking her up.

 _He picked her up_.

Who does that?

Sarah felt like she was in a movie and she became giddy all over again.

"Fuck it," she whispered to herself, "I'm calling."

Sarah was about to end the call when Justin finally answered. "Sorry," he said, sounding out of breath, "Just got off the train and my phone was buried in my bag."

"You're just now getting home?"

"Yeah. Covered for someone. What's up?"

"Well," Sarah lowered her voice. All three children were asleep on the couch. Wyatt and Noah were snuggled on the chaise end and Maggie was curled up next to her. "Sorry, I'm babysitting and they're all crashed right here."

Justin laughed. "They get away with murder with ya, huh?"

"Absolutely. I'll drive the getaway car for them any day."

He laughed again. Sarah could hear the sounds of the street and then a creaking noise followed by near-silence. He either stopped off somewhere or had arrived at his building.

"So," she said, "I started the book, but I need you to tell me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Is the Ellen character going to die? I'm already attached to her."

Justin guffawed. "I'm not giving anything away, except, well, she gets married and divorced a bunch of times. There ya go. That's your spoiler."

"Oh, well, maybe we _are_ alike then." Sarah winced.

"Whaddya mean?"

Sarah paused. "I…I've been married before."

"Have you been married and divorced three times?"

Sarah giggled. "No. Not yet."

"Then you're not Ellen."

"Thanks." She threaded her fingers through the patterns in Maggie's white quilt and wished she had been drinking. A little liquid courage would have made what she was about to say come out more easily. "Hey, um, I had a really good time today. Thank you for lunch."

"No problem."

"I want to see you again," she said, her voice quivering, "Do you…do you maybe want to do dinner sometime? Or lunch again? Or even a coffee? I know you're busy, so you can name the time and place…" Sarah stopped herself or else she would've added: _It may take me a while to finish this book and I simply cannot wait that long._

She heard Justin mutter a "thanks" to someone, probably a bodega clerk. The pause lasted only a few seconds, but it was agonizing.

"Yeah," he said brightly, "I got another late night tomorrow but I'm off at four Wednesday."

"Drinks and dinner?" Sarah suggested a little too eagerly.

"Cool. You want to meet somewhere or should I come by your office?"

The giddiness returned. "Come by," she replied.

"Alright," he said. "See you then."

They exchanged goodbyes. Sarah flung her head back against the cushions and stared at the ceiling. His name played in a loop in her head. She recalled his smile, the flush in his cheeks when she flirted, how the EMS uniform gave his wiry frame an artificial bulk.

" _Gawwwwwwd_. I _love_ him."

Admittedly, she was acting like a teenager, but she didn't care. She had a mad crush on Justin and Wednesday couldn't come soon enough. She picked up _Manhattan Transfer_ and pretended to read, but she couldn't concentrate. Questions swirled.

 _Where should we go?_

 _What should I wear?_

 _What is he expecting?_

 _What am I expecting?_

 _Is he nervous?_

Sarah held out one of her hands; it trembled ever so slightly and her heart was racing.

 _Because I sure as fuck am_.

….

Ed reached across the small table and dabbed at the corner of Olivia's mouth with his napkin. "Got a little sauce there," he murmured.

She smiled sweetly at him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He hadn't taken his eyes off her for several minutes and Olivia felt the familiar weight of his amorous scrutiny. She continued eating, barely making a dent in the heaping pile of spaghetti alle vongole which she ordered with perfect Italian pronunciation. Ed had asked her to repeat the name of the dish at least five times since then.

"Finished with your meal, Captain?" She asked sassily.

"Nope."

"Something wrong with it?"

"Nope. It's hard to think about eating when one's dining partner is this beautiful." He took a deep breath, "Gorgeous night. Gorgeous wife. Lucky me."

"Sounds like you're becoming a bard."

"A what?"

"A bard, a _poet_. Like Shakespeare."

"Ah," Ed intoned, "Yeah…Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate…" Ed recited the entire sonnet more or less flawlessly.

Olivia's jaw dropped.

Ed smirked. "Funny how you remember certain things. I had to memorize that in high school. I thought it was bullshit then…but I guess my teacher knew someday, forty years later, I'd need it to woo my wife."

Olivia remained slack-jawed and frozen even when the evening breeze whipped strands of hair into her face and eyes. Clearly proud of himself, Ed sat back and haughtily observed her reaction. He sipped wine, smirking, and waited for her to say something. While he waited, he continued to admire the woman seated in front of him. Her precious soul had weathered ordeal after ordeal, yet Olivia showed no outward signs of weariness. She had so much love to give and she gave it generously and without reservation. And, in the years they'd been together, Ed liked to think he'd played a part in helping her realize it was okay to let herself be loved and cared for as well.

"You keep surprising me," she finally said, her voice low and a tad hoarse.

Intrigued, he leaned forward. "What was the best surprise?"

She smiled shyly and her eyes darted around, wary of eavesdroppers. "There are so many…"

"Pick one."

" _The_ _first_ _time_ ," she said softly. "You were so…sweet and careful…and I knew you loved me. We hadn't said it yet, but I knew it. I knew I loved you. And, given everything that happened in the past, that was incredibly surprising. The next morning…waking up in your arms…I had never felt so secure…and I still feel that way."

Ed puffed out his chest and nearly burst from the machismo brought on by Olivia's recollection. Times had changed, and he recognized the sort of gender-normed gallantry he employed and tried to instill in Noah and eventually Wyatt was probably becoming outdated. Nevertheless, he believed in the traditional role of _the man_ , and, when Olivia talked like this, he sensed she did too.

"I don't think I've ever been more nervous than I was that night," he bashfully admitted.

She cocked an eyebrow, "You didn't _seem_ nervous, Captain."

He blushed even more. Olivia was the only person in the world capable of reducing him to jitters. "I didn't want to fuck it up. It was like…I had this one chance."

"And you made the most of it."

Ed signaled for the waiter. "Lieutenant," he said, "We need to get out of here. _Now_."

…..

Olivia took advantage of a rare slow morning to make some headway on the book. She hadn't written anything for over a week and the break turned out to be a boon for productivity. She finished the most difficult chapters—the sections about Lewis and hostage situations—and she concluded the chapter with commentary about the most recent standoff.

 _When it was all over, the day ended as all of my days end. I went home, kissed my sleeping children, and leaned on my husband. Unlike all the other times before, I slept soundly. Some would chalk this up to an increasing tolerance and immunity to crisis, but I know better. Once I abandoned my insistence on handling trauma on my own, the demons appeared less frequently and eventually disappeared altogether_.

She grabbed her phone and viewed the date night pictures. The first one was a silly selfie taken as they waited to cross a street. Ed was kissing her cheek and smiling when she snapped the photo. The second was taken by their waiter as they clinked glasses and grinned for the camera. She was unabashedly biased, but they were a stunning couple. Flipping back to the selfie, she chuckled at how unusual it was for them to take a photo like that. But she liked it. She liked how carefree and lighthearted the night had been. She liked how she and Ed could connect on so many different levels and how their relationship continued to grow and strengthen. In the beginning she worried about stagnation, but those worries had proven to be unfounded.

She was still holding the phone when it vibrated. Brooke was texting. She was in the area and wanted to bring lunch. Olivia reported that Sonny was with Fin and Rollins at Rikers, but she was free to join Brooke if she didn't mind the absence of her husband.

 _Of course not! Want me to bring food there_?

Olivia replied, saying she preferred to go out and get some air. She and Brooke decided on a nearby café with outdoor tables. They ordered iced tea and two different salads—Asian chicken for Brooke and seared salmon for Olivia. While they waited Brooke showed off the items she'd purchased during her mid-morning shopping spree—unisex sleepers, bedding, and a small teddy bear with a "C" embroidered on its belly. She also had paint samples and a catalogue with pictures of staged nurseries.

"Are you sure you don't want us to throw you a shower?" Olivia asked.

"I'm sure," Brooke replied assuredly. "There aren't many people to invite anyway. And I'm not exactly comfortable in those situations. Too much attention."

"I get it," Olivia said, "But Sarah may not be so easily deterred."

Brooke forced a sarcastic laugh. "She's too busy with her new boy toy."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. Since giving Sarah Justin's station contact information she hadn't heard anything else about her quest to thank him. "What's going on?"

"They had coffee and lunch and tomorrow she's having dinner with him."

"Wow, well, that's nice."

"I guess," Brooke muttered, "But…I don't get it. She's using him."

" _Using_ him?" Brooke's cynicism troubled Olivia.

"Olivia," Brooke folded her hands in front of her, "This guy is the complete opposite of anyone Sarah's ever been with. He's from the Bronx. And not the Bronx like Riverdale, like _The. Bronx_."

"It sounds like they're getting to know each other? Maybe not so serious?"

Clearly exasperated, Brooke replied, "The way she talks…she's acting like he's husband number two. She actually used the word _soulmate_."

Olivia couldn't help but chuckle softly. "She does have a flair for the dramatic."

"But it's like she's trying to do some inverted _Pretty Woman_ thing. She's playing. And she's totally going to break this guy's heart."

Wincing, Olivia tried to find a way to disagree with Brooke without upsetting her or making herself an adversary.

"I mean," Brooke continued before Olivia could jump in, "What do they possibly have in common? Sarah makes a bunch of money and throws it around recklessly. This guy probably makes, what? Forty thousand a year? She's got this high-powered job, prestigious degrees…they don't _match_."

"Your heart's in the right place," Olivia gently replied, "But maybe…we sit back and see how it plays out?"

Shoulders slumped, Brooke relented, "I guess. But I know where this is headed. I don't see anything good coming out of it."

"She might surprise you," Olivia suggested brightly.

Brooke managed a weak smile. "She is full of surprises. That's for damn sure."

….

Ed watched the tail end of the rehearsal from the back of the smaller of the school's two auditoriums. The preschoolers were lined up on the stage, and Ed guessed by their levels of restlessness that they'd been in formation for the better part of the afternoon. For some reason, Noah had been pulled aside and was involved in a one-on-one conversation with a teacher he recognized but didn't know by name. Ms. Brynn was directing the larger group. Mia was placed in the middle, and she spun around on one heel, over and over again, until she succumbed to dizziness and stumbled clumsily into one of her peers. To Ed's surprise, Miss Brynn let her intractable student twirl around without reprimand.

When the students were dismissed, Noah ran over to Ed and the babies. He greeted them in typical fashion with a tap on their heads and boisterous hellos. Both Maggie and Wyatt reached for him and he grabbed their hands.

"Can't get outta da stroller now, babies! We play in a lil' bit. Daddy? Are we goin to da park?"

"Sure pal. I brought the soccer ball and the football."

Noah looked down at his feet. "I don't have da right shoes!"

"I brought your cleats, bud."

Noah hugged his legs, "Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome," Ed crouched down so they were at eye level, "Hey, No, why were you talking to that other teacher just now and not with the rest of the kids?"

"I givin' a speech!"

Ed's eyes widened. "A _speech_?"

"Uh-huh! So I prac'tis with Miss Debbie."

"Wow. What's the speech about?"

"I say 'welcome' and say we had fun in preschool!"

"That is so neat, bud. Good thing we gotcha that new suit. You need to look sharp if you're givin' a speech. Mommy's gonna be so proud of you! Should we keep it a secret and surprise her?"

Noah grinned, "Yeah! We s'prise Mommy!" He erupted into giggles. "And then she say 'Noah! I didn't know you were sayin' a speech!' Then she gonna cry a lil' bit."

Ed mussed his hair. "Yeah, Mommy gets emotional when she's happy and proud of her boy."

"Yeah…'motional," Noah pronounced the word slowly. "What's 'motional?"

"It means when you feel happy or sad or excited you might cry and you might need a hug."

"Oh," Noah said matter-of-factly, "We give Mommy all da hugs den! C'mon, babies! Lessgo to the park!"

….

Olivia spent the next twenty-four hours chewing on what Brooke had said about her sister's burgeoning relationship with Justin. She ran everything past Ed who accepted the story with characteristic nonchalance. After Hillary, none of her love interests shocked him. He did, however, balk at Brooke's outlook.

"She's the one who's bein' dramatic," Ed had snickered, "I bet Sarah hasn't given much thought to how much money this guy makes or where he's from."

"It did seem like a lot of it was in Brooke's own head," Olivia admitted, "But then again, they _are_ sisters. They know each other better than I know them."

Despite her vow to remain neutral and stay out of the escalating conflict, Olivia texted Sarah, baiting her for information, and Sarah did not disappoint. She sent a blabbering text full of _OMGs_ and gushed about how excited she was for a _real date_ with Justin. She promised to call Olivia afterwards and tell her all about it.

So, on Wednesday night after the kids were put in bed, Olivia took her spot on the couch next to Ed but kept her phone within arm's length.

"Everyone's _obsessed_ with this Justin guy," Ed teased. "I'm kinda jealous."

Olivia tilted her chin upwards and kissed him. "No need for that Captain. I'm only in it for the gossip. We girls like to have some of that in our lives every once in a while."

Ed glanced toward the windows. "Wanna give the people out there something to gossip about?"

She rose to her knees and hovered over her husband. Her hair tickled his cheeks. "I'm up for that," Olivia murmured, "But promise you won't be annoyed when she calls?"

"Promise."

…

An assortment of dumplings and a large plate of noodles separated Sarah and Justin. After having a few cocktails at a pub they wandered into Chinatown and Justin led Sarah to this restaurant, tucked away on a side street, another off-the-beaten-path gem for which he had an affinity. The place was so authentic that they only offered spoons and chopsticks. Sarah easily pinched the dumplings using the utensils, but the noodles proved more challenging. She groaned in frustration as another bite fell back onto the plate. Justin demonstrated the proper technique, but Sarah's next attempts failed miserably.

"Here," Justin said, expertly trapping a portion in his chopsticks and offering it to her. "I'll help ya out."

Sarah leaned forward and took the bite as gracefully as possible. "Thank you," she said sweetly.

"Can't have you starving at the end of the night," he said, "Ya might not go out with me again."

"Unlikely," she retorted, taking a sip of the plum wine they were sharing.

They smiled at each other.

"Next time I'll pick a place with forks," he joked. "Or…you can choose."

Sarah eyed the plate of noodles. Justin feeding her a bite had been so kind and so intimate she was tempted to suggest this very same locale for their next dinner.

"I like your choices," she said, "You know all these hidden places. I don't even know if I've ever been on this street."

"Most people stay on Canal or Mott," Justin said, "But we get calls from everywhere so I accidently discover some pretty cool places."

"Nice perk."

"Yeah."

They finished their meal and wandered northward, eventually ending up near Washington Square Park. They passed a chocolate shop and purchased a few items. Justin grinned abashedly and griped about his insatiable sweet tooth.

"I eat too much of this stuff," he grumbled, "But I love it."

"There are worse addictions."

"No doubt."

At the fountain near the park's arch they found an unoccupied bench and watched the tail end of a street performer's juggling routine. As the park became bathed in darkness, the juggler departed, but a handful of people, mostly tourists trying to get a twilight shot of the arch, milled about.

"So, ya still worried about Ellen?"

"Who?" Sarah asked.

"Ellen. From the book."

"Oh. Well, kind of. She seems tragedy-prone."

Justin nodded. "She is." He popped another piece of chocolate in his mouth. "Ya know, I didn't think you were gonna read it."

"Why not?"

"I dunno. A lot of times people say things they don't mean, not to be malicious, but because that's what they think other people wanna hear."

Sarah fell silent, stunned, for Justin had, in a sentence, summarized her entire life.

" _Wow_ ," she finally murmured.

"Sorry," he said as if he expected her to stalk off.

"No, no, no," she said reassuringly, "That's so true." She tucked a leg under her body and faced him. "But I promise you…" After remaining calm and collected for the entire evening, she was suddenly nervous much like she'd been when she called him two nights ago and proposed this date. "I haven't said anything to you that I didn't mean."

"So…you _will_ go out with me again?"

"Yes."

She couldn't resist his relieved smile. It was so cute and innocent and remained plastered on his face as she inched closer to him. He knew what she was about to do, but he remained still, allowing her to call the shots.

At first, Sarah thought she'd made a mistake. When she pressed her lips to his, the sensation filled her body with invigorating electricity, but he was still motionless. Finally she felt one of his hands on her back. His other hand traveled to her head. He entangled his fingers in her blonde hair and opened his mouth ever so slightly. Sarah seized the invitation.

It didn't last long, but, seconds later, Sarah decided it was the best kiss she'd ever experienced.

When they separated, she held his hands. "Was that okay?"

"More than okay," he replied, grinning shyly.

"Do you…do you want to have a nightcap somewhere?"

"Sure," he said, "But, uh, maybe sit here a little while longer?" He draped an arm across her shoulders. "It's such a nice night."

Sarah closed her eyes and relived the kiss. "It really is," she agreed, "Let's not waste it."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	49. Chapter 49

**Forty-nine**.

Sarah looped her arm through Olivia's and rested her head against her shoulder while they navigated the crowded rush hour streets. Sarah showed up at the Tucker apartment before Olivia had donned her work clothes. She answered the knock in her pajama pants and tank top. The twins and Noah were halfway through their breakfasts and Ed was showering. Sarah apologized for the terse _it went so awesome_ text message the previous night and for barging in this morning, but she hoped to buy Olivia a coffee before work to make up for everything and to relay all the details of her date.

"Let me go nudge your dad along," Olivia said.

Sarah kissed the twins and plopped down at the island with Noah. Olivia tossed more pieces of turkey sausage and eggs on the twins' trays and disappeared into the back hallway. Ed was stepping out of the shower when she entered the bathroom and she eyed him approvingly. He raised his eyebrows almost lecherously.

"Am I getting back in here?"

"No, I'm sorry to say," she handed him a towel, "Sarah's here. She wants some girl talk before work, so I'm going to leave a little early if that's okay with you?"

"Sure." He dried off and reached for a pair of boxers. "You better hurry before she notices the smears on the windows."

"Did we get all the clothes?"

"We did."

Olivia caressed his face with both hands and kissed him. "Tell me it will always be like this."

"It will."

Another kiss. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_ ," he swatted at her behind as she made her way into the closet.

If Sarah noticed the damage done to the windows, she didn't say anything. Olivia correctly assumed she was too caught up in her own romance to worry about theirs. She said very little on the way to the coffee shop, but as soon as they were settled with their drinks, the floodgates opened.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, where to begin?" Sarah told her all about Justin coming to her office and their lunch by the water. The drinks, the Chinese food, the chopsticks, the sweets, and, finally, the kiss in the park. "It was so, so, so romantic," Sarah said, "After he wanted to sit there with his arm around me and we stayed there for like an hour longer just talking and watching people and _omigod_ , Livvie, I am in love."

Even if she'd tried, there was no way Olivia could hold back her smile. Sarah seemed genuinely smitten and her recollections were adorably passionate.

"Did you end up going for the nightcap?" She asked.

"We did. But I behaved. And so did he. Then he walked me all the way home which he, of course, didn't need to do and I told him it was silly because he had to get the six home, but he insisted and I didn't know what to do, like, invite him up? Not invite him up? But, Do. You. Know. What. He. Did?"

Amused, Olivia leaned forward. "What?"

"We crossed Ninth, and I was like, my building's right up here and he squeezed my hand and said he had a really good time and he knew what I was thinking because I must've been more quiet than I had been all night, and he said he didn't want to rush anything and then he kissed me goodbye. Like _gawwwwd_."

"This sounds exciting," Olivia took a sip of her coffee. She was almost finished with it and Sarah hadn't touched hers. "And he sounds like a great guy."

"He _is_ ," Sarah flung her head forward and almost knocked over her drink. "I've never felt like this about anyone. I can't stop thinking about him. Like, I was awake all last night rereading all our texts. And I told him to text when he got home and he did and it was so, so, so sweet." Sarah produced her phone, " _Look_."

 _Made it home. Hope to see you real soon_. After the words he'd added two emojis—chopsticks and a basketball.

Sarah was grinning from ear-to-ear, "He's so _funny_."

The chopsticks Olivia understood, but the basketball perplexed her.

"He's going to teach me how to shoot," Sarah explained, talking wildly with her hands. "We had this whole thing with our lunch wrappers and a trash can."

"I am so happy for you, Sare," Olivia said sincerely, "Really happy."

"I feel like it's super important for me to not screw this up," Sarah smoothed her hair with both hands and tightened her ponytail. "There's something different going on. I'm going to be with this man forever. I know it."

Olivia could have humored Sarah only to privately chalk up her excitement to the newness of the relationship, but Olivia had felt the same way about Ed. She still did. Sure, she wasn't as effusive as her stepdaughter, but she, too, sensed the _something different_ Sarah described in her own relationship. Sure, she and Ed had their ups and downs and rough patches, but when they reunited, the feeling quickly returned. Some force beyond their control both brought and kept them together.

"I can't predict the future," Olivia said, "But, it's a good thing you realize this now. And, Justin not wanting to rush things, that's really noble. That being said, when do we meet him?"

"I dunno," Sarah replied, "Maybe give me another couple weeks? I don't want to spook him. And I also need to give Brooke some time to get used to the idea of him being in my life. She wasn't exactly… _supportive_."

Olivia played coy. Sarah may have known about her lunch with Brooke, but she wanted to avoid putting words in Sarah's mouth. "Because of where he's from?"

" _Yes_ ," Sarah griped, "She's still too wrapped up in everything she had to deal with at her first school. I mean, Justin is a freaking EMT. He's not a gang member. He's not a drug dealer. He's working on his degree. And he's a really, really, really sweet guy. I don't get her sometimes."

Sarah's failure to mention anything about money intrigued Olivia. Sarah never kept much under wraps, especially when the two of them were alone, so it was possible she hadn't considered how incongruent their financial situations were. Olivia wondered how much it would bother Justin that Sarah's salary was probably ten times what he made.

"Brooke has a lot on her mind," Olivia said, "And she's probably only afraid that you'll get hurt."

Sarah considered this. "I totally understand that. I don't want her to get hurt ever _either_. But her whole perception of Justin is wrong. She's making a judgement based on… _geography_. And it's the wrong one."

"I'm sure she'll be the first one to admit that after she meets him."

"Oh _gawwwwd_ ," Sarah droned, "What about Daddy?"

"If he's as good a guy as you're describing, your Dad will love him."

Sarah grabbed Olivia's wrist. "Livvie, thank you for taking me seriously."

"You're welcome."

…..

The school auditorium teemed with the families and friends of the year's graduating preschoolers. Ed arrived early and, much to the displeasure of a few other families, reserved most of an entire row by spreading the twins' things and his own jacket over seven chairs. Brooke arrived first. Ed greeted her with a hug and pretended he was oblivious to how much her belly had swelled since he'd seen her last. Olivia, Sarah, and Caroline showed up within minutes of each other, and Sonny rushed in at the last minute. Olivia raised her eyebrows, wondering what had held him up, but he insisted he'd simply lost track of time adding to some DD5s.

"Goddam, Brookey, you're huge," Caroline blurted out as she took her seat.

" _Ma_ ," Ed growled, "We're at a school."

Caroline swatted air. "When's your due date?"

"Thanksgiving."

"Are you sure?" Caroline eyed her skeptically.

"Yes, Grandma."

At the end of the row, Ed and Olivia sat together. Olivia bounced Wyatt in her lap. Maggie was with Caroline, but she was already squirming and Ed promised he'd take her to wander around in the back aisle if she got too fussy.

The program began with remarks from a Lower School administrator. He complimented the preschoolers on their achievements and gave them an official welcome into Kindergarten.

"This shit is formal," Sarah mused under her breath.

Her comment drew more ire from Ed. "Again, you are aware this is a _school_?"

"Sorry, Daddy," Sarah shot back sweetly and batted her eyes at her father.

Olivia gasped. "Oh my God."

On cue, Noah, clad in his bright blue suit and brand new tan wingtips strode across the stage. He waited for an older boy to lower the microphone and smiled at something the teenager said.

Olivia's nails were digging into Ed's forearm. " _Ed_. What's he doing?"

"Givin' a speech."

Wide-eyed, she gaped at her husband. "You knew."

"I did," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "He wanted to surprise you."

Tears welled in her eyes. "Mission accomplished."

Noah's sweet, five-year-old voice reverberated throughout the space. He spoke with confidence and without prompting from anyone.

"Hi! I'm Noah Tucker. Welcome to school! We had a WHOLE BUNCH of fun in preschool! And we learned a lot! Our teachers are nice, and we have a lotta friends! One thing we learned was music. And we're gonna sing some songs for ya!"

Noah stepped aside and took a bow as the audience gave him a rousing round of applause. The curtains opened and he took his place on the risers.

Sarah passed a wad of tissue to Olivia whose cheeks were saturated with tears. Olivia dabbed under her eyes, catching streams of mascara and eyeliner.

"Was someone filming that?" Olivia asked, suddenly terrified she had no record of the milestone.

"Yeah, yeah, I made sure to check. They're back there filming. We'll get a link."

Olivia now had a two-handed grip on Ed's arm. "I'm stunned."

"Figured ya would be." Ed was having trouble holding back his own tears and was glad that the first number was an upbeat one. The second was equally boisterous. The kids stomped and clapped and Noah jubilantly smacked the bongos.

"Good thing I'm not hungover," Sarah quipped.

After the second song, the kids took their seats for the awards portion of the ceremony. Preschoolers did not get numeric grades, so students were recognized for "Excellent Spelling" and other subjective honors. The system was clearly rigged so every child received at least one certificate in addition to his or her promotion award, but, nevertheless, Noah collected five gold-embossed certificates.

Olivia alternated between snapping pictures and wiping away tears. At one point, Sonny got so excited he shouted Noah's name. The little boy peered in their direction and shook his head apologetically.

After the last certificate was presented, all children except for Mia returned to the risers. She took her place at the microphone and waited for the music to start. The children began by singing the first verse of _In Summer_ all together, but the group quickly descended into harmonic sounds and Mia took over. She belted out the lyrics and twirled around the stage, her ponytail flying behind her as if it were struggling to catch up. Sarah moved to the edge of her seat, nervous Mia would lose her bearings and fall off, but the little girl knew exactly what she was doing.

When she reached the final verse, she stopped in her tracks. The piano stopped and the rest of the children fell silent as Mia concluded the song.

 _When life gets rough I like to hold onto my dreams_

 _Of relaxing in the summer sun, just letting off steam_

 _Oh, the sky will be blue, and you guys'll be there too_

 _When I finally do what frozen things do_

 _In summer_

 _In summer!_

A standing ovation ensued. Mia curtsied. One of the teachers shouted "Let's give one more round of applause for our newest Kindergarteners!"

 _Pomp and Circumstance_ blared from the speakers as the kids filed out and into the courtyard where light refreshments were being served.

"How's my face?" Olivia asked Ed as they collected everything and placed the twins back in the stroller.

Ed touched a finger to her nose. "Beautiful."

"C'mon."

"I'm serious."

Olivia took out her phone and reversed the camera.

"See," Ed nudged her, "You look beautiful."

"I can't believe I don't look like a raccoon."

"You've never looked like a raccoon."

Olivia laughed and gave him a playful shove. They filed out slowly and immediately caught sight of Noah when they finally exited to the courtyard. He was among his usual group of friends at a child-sized picnic table, already munching on cookies and drinking punch. Olivia made a beeline for him, but she was intercepted by Mia's mother who held out an envelope.

"Mrs. Tucker, right?"

Olivia tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "Yes. You're Mia's mom. Wow, she was fantastic!"

"Thank you. She does have a penchant for theatrics. And your son, he did such a nice job with his speech. Public speaking and I don't get along. He was so comfortable."

Mrs. Bianchi's friendly nature surprised Olivia.

"Thank you. And I'm with ya on public speaking." Her eyes drifted to the envelope.

"Birthday party invitation," she said. "Mia's birthday is a week from Saturday, the twenty-second."

"Omigod! We have the same birthday!"

Olivia whirled around. She hadn't realized Sarah was shadowing her.

"Hi," Sarah said brightly and extended her hand to Mia's mother, "I'm Sarah, Noey's sister."

"Oh, yes! Thank you for taking Mia to _Aladdin_. She still talks about it."

"My pleasure. We had the best time. And sometime soon we're going to see the Lion King. Noey's been bugging me to see it again."

"She would like that very much." Mia's mother fidgeted and scratched at her face which was peppered with freckles and framed with shoulder-length jet black hair, two features that had been passed to her daughter. "I better get Mia. I want to beat traffic."

The three women approached the picnic table. Noah was the first to get up and hug his guests.

"Mommy! You see da speech?"

"Yes I did, sweet Noah. It was so good and I was surprised and so proud of you! You did such a good job!"

Noah gently touched the skin under her eyes. "You cry?"

"I did."

Noah giggled and hugged her, "Daddy say you get 'motional."

Sarah burst into laughter, "Omigod, omigod, omigod, Noey you are such a little man I love you so much!"

Mia had been pulled aside by her mother, but she broke away and tackled Sarah from behind. "Hi Sare Bear!"

"MIA!" Sarah intentionally shouted her name, hoping Miss Brynn and the other quiet-loving teachers would be offended. "Omigawwwwd you are a SUPERSTAR! Do you realize that? You are going to be on STAGE someday my friend." Sarah wrapped her in a bear hug. "And, Do. You. Know. What?

"What?" Mia asked, eyes wide.

"We have the same birthday!"

"We do?"

"Yes! So I shall bring a beautiful gift when I drop Noey off at your party."

By now, the rest of the family had crowded around them. Olivia smiled at Ed and shrugged at Sarah's commandeering of the next weekend's logistics. Before Mia was ushered away, she dove at Noah, hugging him firmly.

"You gived a good speech," she said.

Noah appeared stunned at the spontaneous display of affection. "Thanks," he croaked and hugged her back while glancing at Ed helplessly.

Sarah squeezed Olivia's hand and bit her lip, restraining the litany of _omigods_ for after Mia was out of earshot.

Caroline stepped forward and gave Noah a side hug, "Watch out, buddy boy," she warned, "They just get more aggressive."

Ed rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward the gate, clearly ready to head to lunch.

…

After lunch, the Tucker-Carisi crew splintered in various directions. Olivia volunteered to drive Caroline back to Riverdale. Brooke was picking Aidan up from school and then getting him ready for next week's lacrosse camp at the University of Pennsylvania, Sarah's alma mater. Sonny was returning to the precinct, and Ed was on twin duty.

"I'm going to blow off the afternoon and hang out with Noey," Sarah said, "He needs a graduation present."

Nobody had a problem with this, least of all Noah. They stopped at home so he could change into shorts and a t-shirt. After a stop at DaVinci to refresh Noah's art supplies, they made their way to the East Village and visited Dinosaur Hill, a toy store featuring handmade marionettes. The clerk demonstrated how to use one of them, and Sarah suggested they buy one for Mia's birthday gift.

"Yeah!" Noah exclaimed, "She gonna love it!" Noah examined the options and pointed at one dressed in genie clothes and sporting dark hair. "That one da prettiest," he declared, "We get dat one, Sare Bear."

"You got it, Noey!" Sarah slapped down her credit card and they waited for the present to be wrapped in tissue paper and boxed for transport. "You're probably not hungry, but…do you want to get some dessert?"

"Yup!"

Sarah didn't know the neighborhood all that well, so she searched for nearby bakeries or dessert cafes. She found several options, but settled on Veniero's. She and Noah snagged a table near a window and ordered a piece of cheesecake and cannoli. Minutes later, Noah's face was covered in chocolate and powdered sugar.

"Noey, you are messy today!"

Noah grabbed a napkin and clumsily wiped his mouth. "This messy stuff!"

"I'm going to get some things to go," Sarah said, "For my new friend Justin."

Noah regarded her curiously. "Who that?"

"Oh, I met him a couple weeks ago and I really like him, Noey. Actually," Sarah picked up her phone. "Do you want to meet him?"

"Kay."

Sarah and Justin texted back and forth intermittently. He was on the subway and service was spotty. Justin had been working through the night and was on his way home to sleep for a while before their Friday night date. They were going to see one of his friends play in a band at a bar in Spanish Harlem.

Sarah's phone buzzed.

 _Just got off at Astor Place_. _Be there in a few minutes_.

"Okay, Noey, he's on his way. Now, he's an EMT so he's gonna be in a uniform."

"What that?"

"He helps people if they get hurt and he rides in the ambulance with them."

"Oh! Like da doc'ter!"

"Yes."

Sarah caught a glimpse of Justin on the sidewalk right before he came in and the familiar flutter of nerves arrived. She coughed a little and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Hey," Justin said, standing in front of the table and grinning at the sugary mess on the table below. "Looks like I missed out."

"No you didn't!" Sarah produced a small box, "I got these for you!"

He cracked the box and peeked inside. "Thanks. I think I'll have one now." He held his hand out to Noah. "Hi. I'm Justin."

"I'm Noah!"

Noah shook his hand vigorously.

"Oh, congratulations, man," Justin said, "Heard you're a graduate."

"Yup! Goin' ta Kindergarten! But have summer first!"

"Yeah," Justin replied, "Don't wanna forget summer."

"Sit down," Sarah said, clearing their shopping bags from the chair next to hers. She handed Justin a clean napkin and small plate. "Thanks for coming. You must be ready to collapse."

"Goin' on adrenaline now. We were busy. Couple hours and I'll be good to go for tonight." He surveyed the shopping bags, "Looks like you've been busy, too." He flashed another smile and it was all Sarah could do not to swoon.

"Got some art stuff and some toys and a pesent for Mia!" Noah scraped the last of the cannoli remnants from his plate with a small fork and licked it clean.

"Who's Mia?"

"My be'friend. She having a BIRTHDAY party and it's Sare Bear's birthday too!"

Justin raised his eyebrows, "And when is this?"

Noah looked to Sarah for help.

"Next weekend," she said, "The twenty-second."

True to his lighthearted personality, Justin inquired whether Sarah and Mia were having a joint birthday party. Noah thought it was a great idea, but Sarah preferred a family dinner at the pub with minimal fanfare. She put a hand on Justin's arm and told him she hoped he would come.

"Sure," he replied, "If I'm invited."

"Well, I haven't exactly invited anyone yet," Sarah giggled, "I kind of forgot about it. The past couple of weeks have been crazy."

"Sare Bear, I'm gonna getcha b'loons," Noah was bouncing up and down in his seat, happily anticipating any type of party even if he wasn't the honoree. "Pink ones 'cuz you love pink! Jus' like Maggs!"

"Wow, Noey, thanks! But don't tell me anything else you're getting me. I want to be surprised."

Noah made a zipping motion across his lips.

Justin smiled at Noah's super-serious commitment to secrecy then tried to stifle a yawn, "I'm gonna get goin. You have more shopping to do?"

"I think we're done. I'm going to take him home and go hang out on the couch. I'm excited to see your friend play. I haven't seen live music in a while." Sarah gathered the bags. "C'mon, Noey. We'll go on the subway with Justin."

"It's the six."

"We'll transfer at Union Square."

"So, uh, tonight, I'll come and get you around seven? Their set starts at nine but we should probably eat first. It gets real crowded in there and the service isn't always great."

"You don't have to come all the way down here just to go back uptown. I don't mind meeting you there."

"That's not right."

Sarah smiled. "If you insist."

"I do," Justin's attention quickly shifted to Noah. The five year old had produced his Metro Card from his pocket and was ready to swipe. He was getting taller and he no longer had to stand on his toes to get the proper angle. The turnstile beeped, clicked, and he went through like a pro.

"Which way, Sare Bear?"

"Uptown."

"Cool little dude," Justin murmured, following Noah down the steps.

"He is," Sarah replied, "He's the first love of my life."

….

Ed delivered a glass of wine to Olivia and sat down on the soft next to her. He turned off the television, turned on some soft jazz, and touched his glass to hers. "To Friday night," he said with a smirk.

"A _quiet_ Friday night," Olivia said, taking her obligatory sip then kissing him. "But what a great day. I still can't get over his speech and Mia's song, and all those certificates. We need to get him some kind of album or frame them."

"We'll run out of wall space eventually. This is only preschool."

"I'm so proud."

"You deserve to be," Ed kissed her cheek, "You're an amazing mother."

"You say that…sounding like you had absolutely nothing to do with this child."

Blood rushed to Ed's face at the implicit flattery. "From the moment we started spending time together I knew your priority was to raise a decent young man. And I hoped, one day, it would be _our_ priority. I didn't get to do that with the girls. So much of being their Dad was being the bad guy, the adversary."

"They turned out just fine."

"They did, but a lot of that was pure luck," Ed chuckled a little.

"I think all parents need a little luck every once in a while."

Ed pressed his forehead to hers, "That, Lieutenant, is the _truth_."

"Hey," Olivia took the flirtation out of her voice. She needed to get a serious conversation in before they went to the bedroom. Disappointment clouded Ed's face and she patted his chest. "One thing."

"What is it?"

"This whole thing with Sarah and Brooke and Justin."

Ed laughed, " _Three_ of them?"

" _No_ ," Olivia rolled her eyes, "When I talked to Sarah she was very much into this guy. I mean, head-over-heels into him."

"Like you were with me."

Olivia played along. " _Are_."

"I knew it."

" _Anywayyy_ ," Olivia continued, "She was annoyed with Brooke for making assumptions about Justin because of where he's from. And I totally agree. Brooke shouldn't do that. But Sarah didn't mention finances. So, I'm wondering, if I made half a million a year and you made fifty-thousand…would that matter to you? Would it matter to me? Will it matter to them?"

Ed answered honestly, "I think it would matter to me. It'd be hard. At the very least, I've always provided for my family."

"I don't know how it will play out with Sarah and Justin…assuming they get to that point."

Ed scooted closer to her. "I'm gonna be able to give him advice," he said, a teasing glint in his blue eyes, "You're forgetting…once that book hits the shelves, they'll want movie deals and you'll be a wealthy superstar…and I'll be content to be your arm candy."

Olivia burst into laughter. _Arm candy_ was not a phrase she would have ever expected Ed to utter. Finished talking for the time being, she put her glass on the table and they fell into a passionate kiss. After a few minutes, Ed began pawing under her shirt and she suggested they move to the bedroom.

"Good idea," he said, "I just cleaned the windows from the last time we did it out here."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	50. Chapter 50

**Fifty**.

Justin snagged the remaining two seats at the bar with a view of the stage. He apologized for the lack of traditional seating, but reasoned if they chose one of the tables closer to the band they wouldn't be able to hear each other talk. Sarah took in the atmosphere and decided it was her kind of place—a lot of dark wood, funky artwork, and an impressive selection of liquor and cocktails. Due to the pleasant weather, the front windows were wide open and the bar was filled with an inviting combination of chatter, street noise, and music. Justin waved his friend over and introduced him as Salim, one of his EMS buddies and also the lead guitarist of the band taking the stage in less than an hour.

Sarah caught Salim blink when they were introduced. The reaction only lasted a millisecond, but she got the sense that Justin didn't bring dates around often. Salim recovered, smiled warmly, and thanked Sarah for coming. He asked for forgiveness in advance; he and his bandmates hadn't had much practice lately and he, like Justin, had worked a grueling overnight shift.

Unconcerned, Sarah smacked her lips, "I'm sure it'll be awesome," she said.

Salim expressed his gratitude and excused himself. He and the band were tuning up backstage.

"And even if it isn't awesome," she said to Justin with a sly grin, "I would have no idea. I almost failed music appreciation."

"Aw, come on," Justin said, "I bet you didn't almost fail any classes."

"Swear to God," Sarah held up her right hand, "Music appreciation and German."

"German?"

"Yeah, I thought I wanted to study abroad in Berlin for whatever reason, I honestly can't remember why, so I took German since I already knew Spanish and I wasn't really interested in French although Livvie speaks it and she sounds so sexy, yes I know it sounds weird for me to say my mom sounds sexy, but she _does_." Sarah noticed Justin gaping at her. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you I ramble sometimes…feel free to interrupt."

"You speak Spanish?"

"Yes."

Justin fired off a few sentences and Sarah responded in kind.

"Damn," he said, "I didn't think to even ask."

"My accounts are all based in Argentina, Spain, and Mexico," she said nonchalantly, "And I hate to admit it but I think I have this job and that sweet little corner office solely because I have the language skills."

"I wouldn't call that office little." Justin broke into the irresistible grin and the teasing twinkle formed in his deep brown eyes.

Sarah grimaced slightly, acknowledging his point. She slapped at the bar and asked about recommended drinks. Justin said their sangria was good if she was in the mood for that, but the bartender also created interesting rum concoctions.

"Start with sangria?" Sarah asked, "Save the hard stuff for later?"

"Whatever you want."

Justin kept talking. He said something to her and the bartender, he produced his wallet and handed over his credit card to start a tab. The pitcher of sangria arrived and he poured her glass first, making sure not to give her too much ice and that she had her share of fruit cubes.

Those few minutes were a blur. Sarah was lost in " _whatever you want_."

She'd heard her father say that to Olivia numerous times, both when they were in the presence of everyone else and when they thought they were alone. In Sarah's opinion, it was one of Ed's signature phrases—a sign of ultimate devotion. Justin had no way of knowing how much that sentence affected her, how much it spoke to her soul, to her innate affinity for romance, but he had unknowingly sealed the deal right there, at least as far as she was concerned.

"Sarah?"

 _Gawwwwd, the way he says my naaaame_.

"Sorry," she grinned and snapped back to attention.

"Y'alright?"

"Yes," she replied confidently. "I'm…I'm just really happy right now."

 _That smile again. I have to kiss him. We've kissed once. A little kiss right now is no_ —

He initiated it this time, a bit more than a simple peck, but nothing that would catch the eye of anyone else in the bar. Nevertheless, she found herself needing to take a deep breath.

"I am, too," He whispered and lifted his glass. "Cheers to being happy."

"Cheers."

…..

" _Ed_!"

"Almost there baby," he grunted.

Olivia had no idea what he was doing but it felt like his fingers were flicking every nerve ending in her body all at once. He was behind her, on his knees, gently biting at her earlobe; this wasn't a position he typically enjoyed very much, but it was Cosmo-tested so he figured he'd try it at least once. Judging by his wife's reaction, he presumed she'd request it again very soon. She was imploring him to keep going, even though her entire body was limp in his arms, spent from a new sort of erotic pleasure. She threw her head back; her hair stuck to his damp neck and shoulders. He sucked at the skin behind her ear and did his best to repeat the hand and hip motions suggested in the article, but he, too, was nearing the finish line.

She collapsed onto her stomach and he followed suit. They were more disheveled than ever. Olivia's face was buried in a pillow and Ed moved it so her airways were clear and he could kiss her cheek. What mascara was not smeared on the sheets had collected near her temples and under her eyes. He grinned, thinking about the earlier raccoon comment.

"What?" Olivia asked, craning her neck at a near-impossible angle.

"I fucking love you."

"I think you love fucking me."

"Both."

Olivia laughed and let out a little whistle. "I need to write those editors a thank-you letter."

"Maybe you'll get to meet them when you publish your book."

"I never saw the article," she said, still panting slightly, "Was the title really _sixty-nine on sixty-nine?_ "

"Yep. But I took the liberty of combinin' a couple of things." Ed slid off her so they were facing each other side-by-side.

Olivia ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him. "I still feel like I'm coming," she said in a throaty whisper.

A little shocked, Ed broke into a toothy smile. "Definitely write that in the thank-you note. Then they'll really know you're serious."

"One problem though."

"What's that?"

"I don't think anyone does this as good as you."

" _Lieutenant_. Flattery will only get you—"

"Fucked more?"

They erupted in laughter and bumped heads before starting to kiss and heat up again. Ed rolled her onto her back and slithered on top, keeping his mouth on hers and holding her hands above their heads. He was going classic-style for round two, but judging by Olivia's moans, she didn't mind at all.

….

Halfway into the band's set, Sarah abandoned her stool, shoved it under the bar and stood so she could dance, warning Justin she had terrible moves. Earlier, when she asked about the genre, Justin, perplexed, explained that the band was composed of a Moroccan, two Puerto Ricans, a white hippie, and a black high school orchestra teacher. Instruments included cymbals, a trumpet, a violin, keyboards, drums, and guitar.

"Sometimes they rap, sometimes they go metal, sometimes they break into a ballad. They don't really know who they are but they have their own identity," he said, "If that makes any sense."

It did. They were fantastic and read the crowd well. They knew exactly when to slow things down and when to play more up-tempo selections. After the first ballad, Sarah was disappointed Justin hadn't asked her to dance, so two songs later she made the decision to show off her unrefined moves and when the next slow song started he held out his hand.

"Wanna dance with me? Up there?" He nodded to the small dance floor in the back of the bar.

Sarah grinned and eagerly accepted. Justin signaled for the bartender to save their seats and move their second Sangria pitcher behind the bar. Sarah rested her wrists loosely on his shoulders and he held her at the waist, never letting his hands fall below the small of her back. Opening acoustic guitar chords gave way to a bass-driven whimsical melody. Sarah closed her eyes and concentrated on the sensation of his body against hers. They had never been this close, and her physiological response was one that typically occurred after much more than one minute of a slow dance.

She focused on the lyrics, but that didn't help much. They spoke directly to her. To them.

 _I'd rather have a minute of all of you_

 _Than fifty years sharing you_

 _With him or her; her or him_

 _I hate to be demandin'_

 _But I'm all in_

It ended too soon, and they swayed for a few extra seconds. He took her hand and led her back to their seats. Sarah pulled out the stool and sat down; she needed a break. Emotions threatened to overtake her, and she worried she might burst into tears and run out of the bar for no other reason that she fiercely loved this man and she was torn between taking things slow and proposing an elopement.

Justin held up the empty pitcher. "Tequila time?" He asked with a mischievous grin. "Or…coconut mojito time?"

Sarah picked up the cocktail menu. "Hmmm, something not as sweet. But not beer. What's this…coconut water and whiskey?"

"It's still a little sweet," Justin said, "But not like a margarita or a mojito."

"I'll try that."

Justin ordered a Brooklyn Brown and asked for a food menu. They had eaten at a nearby taqueria earlier, but Justin had apparently worked up another appetite. He slid the food menu to Sarah and asked her to pick something they could share.

"I'll be honest," she said, "I have zero idea what half this stuff is."

"You allergic to anything?"

"No."

"Trust me?"

"Yes."

Justin ordered the house pastelillos which were not on the menu but he knew about anyway. Sarah pronounced the name of the dish slowly, liking the way it sounded rolling off her tongue. Justin echoed the word and leaned in for another kiss.

"It's like an empanada," he explained, "But so much better."

Sarah giggled.

"What?"

"That's an odd thing to say after a kiss."

He kissed her again and stared into her eyes.

"There's nothing better than kissing you."

Sarah bit her lip, trying to stifle how flattered and turned on she was. She was also starting to more than feel the alcohol's effects and she vowed to drink the whiskey concoction slowly.

 _Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. I can think of something better than kissing me but that can wait. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up._

…

Aidan lugged the last of his lacrosse camp gear down the steps and loaded it into Brooke's car which was really the small SUV his mother used to use to lug him around. In the morning his temporary guardians, Sonny and Brooke, would take him to Penn, but the fifteen-year-old lacked enthusiasm for the camp. He locked the car and then unlocked it, hoping some enterprising young thief would be attracted to the large bag.

"Everything all set?" Sonny asked when he returned. He and Brooke had their feet propped on the table and were about to start a movie. The open bay windows invited in the cool nighttime breeze and Brooke covered her legs with a throw blanket.

"Yeah."

"What's wrong, Aid?" Brooke used her elbows to sit more upright. Aidan had been quiet since they picked him up from school that afternoon.

Aidan took a soda from the refrigerator and sat down in the Ikea chair. "I dunno. Just not feeling lacrosse at the moment."

"You go to that camp every year, right?" Sonny asked, "It might be good to go back and see your buddies."

"I guess. What are you watching?"

"Not sure. You interested?"

"Yeah."

"Then you pick."

Aidan flipped through the new releases and narrowed them down to two choices. "One's comedy and one's action," he said.

"Comedy," Brooke and Sonny answered at the same time.

Aidan grinned and hit play. During the opening credits Brooke reminded him that she and Sonny were going to spend the night in Philadelphia, so if he changed his mind after one night, they would take him back. Aidan pointed out that they would lose his registration fee, but both Brooke and Sonny insisted they didn't care. Things had been tough enough for the kid; if he really was uncomfortable and would rather spend the first week of summer getting acclimated to Brooklyn, it was fine with them.

…

Salim joined Justin and Sarah after the set. Justin bought him a drink and they toasted the successful performance. Sarah wanted to own an album, but to her disappointment, the band hadn't produced one. They had some tracks uploaded to Sound Cloud, but that was it. Salim insisted playing music was something they all did purely for fun, but Sarah maintained they were missing their calling and were destined for fame and fortune in the music business.

"So, you want to head out? Get somethin' to eat?" Salim asked.

Justin glanced at Sarah. She shrugged. "I don't have anything to do. I'm not that hungry, but I'll go." She'd slowed her alcohol consumption, but her yearning for anything Justin did not dissipate. Every little touch gave her goosebumps. They had slow danced two more times. As the final balled came to a close she leaned her head back and told him she was having so much fun and they exchanged playful kisses, but Sarah wanted to drag him… _somewhere_ …because she got the vibe he wasn't too keen on elaborate public displays of affection and she was interested in something significantly more private.

"Where were you thinking?" Justin asked.

"Dunno. I'll see what everyone else is up to."

"You know what," Justin replied apologetically, "I got a noon shift tomorrow so I better call it a night." He looked at Sarah, "You mind?"

"Not at all." She smiled at Salim, "Maybe next time?"

Salim nodded and went backstage to reconnect with his bandmates. Justin retrieved his credit card and signed the receipt. He and Sarah stepped out onto First Avenue and Sarah opened her Uber App. When the car arrived at the curb, Sarah turned to kiss him goodbye, but he shook his head.

"I'm riding with you."

"Why? I mean, that's fine, but, you're like three stops from home."

Justin eyed the driver. "It's late."

"Okay," Sarah said slowly. "I really hate to inconvenience you like this."

Justin took her hands. "I meant what I said about not wanting to rush things. I still mean it. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because I didn't ride with you because it was _inconvenient_."

"Thank you," Sarah murmured, reminding herself she needed to get used to this type of gallantry.

"You're welcome."

….

Ed rolled off Olivia, this time on the opposite side of where he came to rest earlier. They were both on their backs, sweaty and panting, Olivia's makeup was now completed rubbed off her face and her hair was matted and tangled. Sweat beaded on Ed's forehead.

"Liv, I gotta eat somethin. You want anything?"

"I'll have a bite of whatever you have."

He kissed her, got out of bed, and pulled on a pair of shorts. Olivia stretched out and reached over to her nightstand for a hair clip. Ed returned with two small pours of bourbon, cheese, crackers, and grapes. He put the glass platter in the middle of the bed and climbed in. They toasted and ate their post-coital snack, easily resuming everyday husband and wife conversation.

Until Olivia's phone vibrated.

"Damn," she said before looking at the caller. "Oh. It's Sarah."

Alarmed, Ed wondered aloud why she was calling so late.

Olivia tapped "accept" and mumbled, "Hopefully to tell me how wonderful her date went."

…

In the back of the Uber, Sarah ran her fingertips along the back of Justin's head as they devoured one another. Occasionally she would open an eye to make sure they were going in the right direction, but mostly she was consumed with kissing him. When they arrived at Sarah's building, she took his hand and said thank-you to the driver.

On the streets, Justin smiled shyly. "See, wasn't that better than a solo ride home?"

"Very much," Sarah said. "You want to come up?"

He glanced upward, hesitating, and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I do," he said in a noticeably less-confident tone.

"C'mon," she said, "Just for a few minutes."

His joviality returned, "Alright. Long enough to not get the same Uber driver back."

Sarah unlocked the apartment door and flipped on the lights. She apologized for the disarray and quipped she wished she could say he'd caught her on a bad day, but, sadly, she was the world's worst housekeeper. The apartment wasn't dirty, but random items had seemingly been tossed everywhere—heels, blazers, magazines, and the copy of _Manhattan Transfer_. Justin turned down more alcohol, so Sarah poured him a glass of water and they stood at the island.

"Great place," Justin said, "I love the molding."

 _The molding?_

"I think you're the first person to ever compliment that," Sarah said."

"I like prewar places. Especially when people don't get rid of the original details. You ever watch HGTV? I love those shows, the reruns, it's crazy how they restore houses that look like they're about to fall apart at any second."

"Well, you can tell my Dad you like it when you meet him. It's his apartment." Justin furrowed his brow so Sarah clarified, "Well, he owns it. Let me," she chewed a nail and got the timeline straight, "Oh, yeah, my sister used to teach in the Bronx but she switched to a school near here and my Dad moved in with his then-girlfriend who is now his wife and let Brooke live here for nothing and then I got divorced and moved back here from Philadelphia, then my sister got married and moved out so here I am."

"I may need ya to write all that down."

Sarah couldn't decide what she loved more—his sass or his smile. "Bottom line, it's his apartment. Once I grow up, I may get one of my own. But it's nice having the whole place to myself I guess. Do you have roommates?"

"My brother," Justin replied. "My other brother, Mauricio, he had to move in with my mom, and he's got a wife and two kids, so it was real crowded until my other brother's old roommate up and moved to LA, so I got lucky. I was about to finish her basement so I'd have a place to crash."

"Do you and your brother get along?"

"Yeah, it's cool. We don't see each other too much. He works a regular nine-to-five and I'm all over the place. And when I'm in school I'm really never there."

"I get along with my sister," Sarah smirked, "Except lately, but I'll blame her bad attitude on pregnancy hormones."

"Wow…you really got a lot goin on in your family."

"We do. But I like it." Sarah stared at her hands, gathering courage. "Look. I want to tell you something but I don't want to scare you."

"I don't get scared very easily."

Sarah's entire head, from her throat to the place at the very top where she still had a scar from a gymnastics accident when she was five, felt like it was on fire, but she'd already crossed the Rubicon, already decided to let a little raw honesty escape from her hopeful heart before it burst.

"We've only seen each other a few times, but I want you to know, I think about you…all the time. I don't know what it is. I've never been," Sarah closed her eyes and flailed her arms around, "I've never been _good_ …at being anyone's _anything_. Wife, girlfriend…hell, when I tried to be my half-brother's mother he came home drunk…" Sarah chuckled, "…although one could argue that was not exactly my fault…anyway…I don't know what I'm trying to say, well, yes I do, I…" she looked at him pleadingly. He was listening intently, patiently, but she wanted him to say something and bail her out of this bumbling confession. "I don't want you to think I'm not serious."

Justin rounded the island and took her hands. "I don't think that." He lightly kissed her lips, barely touching his to hers. "I wanna know everything about you. That's how serious _I am_. I get what you said. All of it. Even the stuff you didn't say."

Sarah put her head on his chest and he hugged her. When they separated she had already swallowed a gigantic lump in her throat, so when she spoke her voice was weak and tremulous. "I'll, um…I'll order you an Uber."

"Nah," he said, gently guiding her hand that held her phone back to the granite countertop. "I'm gonna walk for a little bit."

" _Walk_?"

"Yeah," he kissed her forehead. "I wanna walk and think about tonight. You good?"

"Yes."

Justin held her tightly during the prolonged goodbye kiss. Sarah offered the Uber once more, but he declined. She relented, but told him to text her when he got home.

"I will," he said, flashing his grin and saying goodbye once more. Sarah waved and watched him round the corner to the elevator. Then she went back inside and called Olivia.

…..

Ed was getting impatient. Sarah was talking so loudly he could make out almost the entire conversation, but it was almost midnight and he was ready to have Olivia fall asleep in his arms. He also heard "sex" and "sleep together" repeatedly and assumed Justin was at least in a different room in the apartment because, if not, he was awkwardly witnessing a back and forth between Sarah and her stepmother.

Finally, Ed made out "okay, he just texted" and seconds later, Olivia was all his.

"Who had sex and slept together?" He asked facetiously.

"As far as I know," Olivia turned off the side lamp, "Only us."

Ed grunted proudly.

"They had a nice night…she invited him up, he went up, and…they drank water and she told him she was bad in relationships. Then he went for a walk and caught a cab home. She told me…' _Livvie I did everything in the world to get myself to sleep with him, but he really means it when he says he doesn't want to rush things'_."

"I like him already."

Olivia played with Ed's fingers and twirled around the wedding band he never removed. "Do you think anything would be different between us if we'd slept together sooner?"

"Yeah, we'd be celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary this year."

" _Ed_."

He kissed the top of her head. "I don't know. I don't know if it woulda been possible any sooner. We had so much to work through. And I didn't want to pressure you, and I don't think you had an easy time believing I was for real."

"I didn't."

"But eventually you did.

"Yeah." Olivia brought his hands to her lips. "Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"I think this Justin guy is for real."

Ed smiled. "If anyone can be the judge of that, it's you, Liv."

"I have a hunch. We'll see…a week from today. Sarah's birthday."

"I have a week to remember how to be intimidating."

"You're still intimidating."

"Oh yeah?

"Yeah," Olivia's body shook with laughter, "Why do you think nobody called you out for saving all those seats today?

Ed smirked. "I love you, Liv."

"Love you, too."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	51. Chapter 51

**Fifty-one**.

 _JB: I apologize for one of the scenes but we talked about it a long time ago and I never forgot about it…even if it is a little painful :-)_

Ten minutes before Sarah was scheduled to come to the Tucker home and pick up Noah, the little boy bubbled with energy and anticipation. He'd popped out of bed before the sun rose, poured himself a cup of water, brushed his teeth, and pulled on khaki cargo shorts and a red polo shirt. In the foyer he assessed his assortment of shoes, chose a pair of black-and-white Adidas sneakers, sat down, and tied them slowly, murmuring Ed's instructions.

 _"Make da X. Make da loop…"_

All this happened before anyone else had opened his or her eyes.

Eventually, Maggie's soft babbles transmitted through the baby monitor, and Olivia stirred, stretched, and yawned. Ed was still sleeping like a rock on his stomach, his head facing away from her and his hands under the pillow. The blankets extended to his upper back, allowing Olivia a view of his bare shoulders. She inched toward him and pressed her lips just above the bulge of his right bicep. As expected, he didn't move. Sitting up, she watched him, how his lips puckered and his jaw relaxed. They'd been up late again the previous night; Olivia departed the precinct for home after ten o'clock and Ed practically carried her to the bedroom as soon as she opened the door. They were going through, rather, enjoying another spurt of regular but not routine sex, and Olivia felt the aftereffects, though they only made her want him more.

As she turned into the living room, Olivia spotted Noah at the island, perched on a chair and hunched over something. She came up behind him and nuzzled his cheek. "Sweet boy," she cooed, "Whatcha doing?"

"Makin' da plan."

"The plan?"

"Uh-huh. Sare bear say we haveta have a plan for t'day! She comin' here and we gonna take da F then we ride these rides," Noah slapped the Luna Park brochure. Last night Noah had been incommunicado for long enough to arouse suspicion and Ed found him in his bedroom talking to Sarah on his phone.

"You're going to have so much fun, Noah! Make sure you take pictures."

"Kay."

"And you're all dressed and ready to go," Olivia glanced at the microwave clock. It was not yet seven-thirty. "Sarah probably won't be here for a while. How about I make you breakfast?"

Noah frowned. "I call her."

Olivia started to object, but Sarah had given Noah the phone. She was entitled to the perks of receiving calls from him at any and all hours of the day. Olivia kissed his head once more and went to get Maggie. She grabbed a fresh diaper and the wipes and took her into the living room. Like his father, Wyatt was still sound asleep.

Sarah had evidently answered the phone and Olivia overheard Noah's end of the conversation.

 _"Makin' da plan…"_

 _"Mommy say I eat br'feast, but we gotta get el'phant ears!"_

 _"Sare Bear! Get outta da bed!"_

Olivia had to laugh at Noah's exasperation. Whatever Sarah said next must have satisfied him because he hopped down from the chair, skipped over, and kissed Maggie. "Hi small sister! Can't play with ya t'day 'cause I'm gonna ride da rollercoaster!"

Maggie kicked her legs and squealed, always entertained by anything her big brother said or did.

"Sarah Bear comin' in _ten_ ," Noah said, "Gonna get bagels then go on da F."

The information poured from Noah's mouth in such adult-like fashion that Olivia had to take a second and steady herself. She laid her hand on Maggie's belly and glanced out the window at the sunny Manhattan morning until her daughter started fussing loudly and straining to sit up.

" _Oh_ -kay, Maggie girl," She blew raspberries on her neck and set her on her feet, "Go play." Maggie toddled away, attempting to chase down Noah, but he was too quick for her.

Still, she tried and belted out "Nonononono!"

When Sarah entered the apartment she immediately started laughing at the cacophony Maggie was making on her own. Olivia hadn't yet prepared her food, so Maggie was in the middle of a huge pile of toy musical instruments, happily banging and clanging away.

"Maggie," Sarah said, laying on the floor next to her, "You're a one-woman band!" She smiled at Sarah and offered a tambourine. "Thank you." Sarah had just fallen into rhythm when Olivia plucked Maggie from the floor and put her in the high chair.

"Breakfast time, sweet girl."

"No thanks, Livvie," Sarah joked.

Olivia smiled. " _Someone's_ in a good mood."

"Livvie, I will be in a good mood for the rest of my life," Sarah checked Noah's whereabouts. He was back in his room and out of earshot. "And I'm like this with no sex? _Gawwwwd_."

"Have you seen him since Friday?"

"Last night." Olivia raised her eyebrows but Sarah quickly clarified. "He worked another double shift, _gawwwd_ he works so much, but I invited him over and cooked dinner."

"You cooked?"

"Sort of. Premade chicken cordon bleu and Rice a Roni. And I think I managed to overcook the chicken but either he didn't notice or didn't care or was being nice…my money's on being nice."

Olivia kissed Maggie's head while she daintily picked at her blueberry pancakes.

"She doesn't seem very hungry," Sarah remarked.

"She's waiting for Ed to get up and dump syrup on them," Olivia replied blissfully, "I can't believe she's so clever already. We're in trouble. Want coffee?"

"No, I'm good. I'll get some with Noey. I mean, I'll get it for myself. I won't give him coffee."

"Is Justin joining us for your birthday?"

"Yes, I, well, I hope everyone's normal. Please tell Daddy we haven't slept together. Maybe he'll be nicer."

Olivia grinned, "I think he's on board with this guy. Especially after Noah gave the stamp of approval."

"He's still going to be overprotective and copish."

"Yes."

"And he's aware he's black and Puerto Rican?"

"Yes."

"And that doesn't bother him?"

"No."

"Well, he didn't like Isaac and Isaac was Brazilian, so I was worried."

"Your Dad didn't like Isaac because the first time he met him he was wearing one of our sheets," Olivia retorted.

Sarah gnashed her teeth, "Riiiiight. Okay. New subject. Well, same subject different chapter. So last night we like spent the whole night speaking Spanish and he's like, I can't wait for you to start talking to my family, they're gonna be so surprised, and then I got _really_ nervous. "Why?"

"You know how Brooke's all weird about this, well, what if they're the same way? What if they're like what's this girl with the fancy Wall Street corner office doing with our Soundview son?"

Olivia sipped her coffee and perched herself on a barstool. "I suppose that's a possibility," she said thoughtfully, "But, Sare, at the end of the day we're all humans and we want the people we love to find people they love and people who make them happy. You've been absolutely walking on air ever since you met him. So, in my opinion, there would have to be something seriously wrong with Justin for me to do anything other than welcome him with open arms."

Sarah gave Olivia a version of her hugs that the older woman hadn't experienced in a while—it was more like a half-collapse into the other person's body with an aftershock of Sarah's blonde hair to the face. "I love you, Livvie."

"I love you."

"Kay Sare Bear!" Noah appeared and announced he was ready. He had his phone in one hand and his wallet in the other.

"Okay, Noey. Let's go. Give me your wallet and your phone and I'll put it in my bag." Eschewing her regular oversized purse, Sarah brought a small backpack with secure zippers. "Where's your MetroCard?"

Noah slapped a cargo pocket, "Ri'here. It for da F today!"

"Okie dokie." Sarah hugged Olivia again and kissed Maggie, "I hope you get your syrup soon, small sister. We shall send pictures and be home in time for Daddy to buy us dinner! Come along, Noey!"

…

All eyes were on the Lieutenant as she strode in that morning. She shot them a funny look and ignored the attention until reconsidering and spouting an exasperated, " _What_?"

"You're gonna love this one, Lieu," Sonny said.

"What now?"

"Got a call this morning from a Mr. and Mrs. Sharpley. Their daughter Alanna graduated from Dalton last week. Well, she and some friends of hers attended a party Saturday night and never came home. Until this morning. And they have no clue what happened. Only…"

"Yep," Fletcher chimed in, "You guessed it. She and four others think they were raped."

"Did they go to the hospital?"

"There now."

"No way it'll still be in their systems if it was a roofie," Fletcher said, drawing an eye roll from Rollins and a mouthed _duh_.

Olivia ignored him and sent Rollins and Fin to the hospital. Carisi and Fletcher drew the assignment of going to interview the party hosts. Carisi had just found his keys among the clutter on his desk when his phone rang. He didn't say much, but he was obviously agitated. When the call ended he violently shoved the phone into his jacket pocket and looked at Olivia weakly.

"Lieutenant, can I have a minute?"

"Sure."

They retreated to her office and closed the door. Carisi wasted no time updating her on the phone call. "Aidan got into a fight this morning at camp. That was Brooke. Apparently he really wailed on the guy."

"Has he been arrested?"

"Nah, nah, nothing like that. But he's kicked out of camp. I don't want Brooke to have to drive there alone…or at all really."

"Go," Olivia said. "We're good here."

"Are you sure, Lieutenant?"

"Yes. And I think it's a better idea if you go alone. He could probably use a man-to-man chat. You know how you and Brooke and everyone else were wondering when he was gonna break? This could be it."

Sonny nodded solemnly, mumbled his thanks, and darted out. Olivia followed and motioned to Fletcher. "You and me, Brad."

"Want me to drive?"

"No."

…

By noon, Sarah and Noah had ridden every Noah-eligible ride in Luna Park three times. They'd also shared an elephant ear and a large cherry soda. Sarah warned Noah about motion sickness, but he was unaffected and begged for one more ride on the clown coaster, a tame, child-friendly ride and the only "rollercoaster" Noah's height allowed. As Sarah predicted, there was no crowd to speak of on a Tuesday, especially not this early, and they never had to wait in line.

Noah hollered and whooped gleefully on the ride and followed suit when Sarah put her arms in the air. He threw his head back, exhilarated, and when the coaster pulled back into the station, begged to go again. Only now, there was a small crowd waiting for the next run and the attendants were suddenly more harried. They rushed riders off and to the exits. Noah scooted out first and walked toward the gate, thinking Sarah was right behind him.

It didn't take him long to sense he was alone and he whipped around. Sarah was struggling to free her backpack which had become pinched, along with a segment of her hair, in the safety bar's turning mechanism.

"Sare Bear!" Noah rushed back to her and grabbed for the bag.

"Noey, _no_ , stay back there." Sarah couldn't move much, for the more she tugged on the bag the more her hair pulled. "Ugh," she attempted to flag down an attendant, but they were all assisting the next round of riders.

"Sare Bear, I get it!"

"Noey, stay—YEOW!" The coaster lurched forward; to everyone else it was a minor jostling, but Noah screamed, thinking the coaster was about to hurtle forward on the tracks.

"NO! STOP!" Noah's eyes erupted in tears and they streamed down his cheeks, leaving dark droplets on the concrete.

Finally, someone waiting in line pointed at the scene. An employee rushed over and, with a flick of a switch, Sarah and her bag were free. Noah glued himself to her side.

"Sorry 'bout that," the man said as if people became snagged on the hinge every day.

Sarah mumbled her thanks and ushered Noah out of the covered concourse. His lower lip trembled and he side-hugged her until they stopped at a bench to regroup. Sarah hugged him to her chest. "It's okay, Noey Boey. It was an accident. Accidents happen. And, silly Sare Bear shoulda had her hair up anyway! Matter-of-fact, let me do that right now." Sarah started to unzip the small pocket on the backpack but Noah whined as soon as she let go of him. "Okay, okay. Let's sit here and calm down. It's alright." She kissed his head and his cheeks and rocked him back and forth.

After a few minutes she asked him if he wanted to go home. He shook his head in the negative. She asked if he wanted to go on more rides. No again. The lunch offer was met with a shrug. Go Karts, though, made everything all better, at least temporarily.

"You put your hair in da pony!" Noah demanded, "Like MIA!"

"Okay, Noey."

"We gonna go fast!"

"Yes, we shall go fast and then we shall eat and walk on the beach and maybe come back for one more ride."

Noah stopped in his tracks and adamantly said, "No."

Sarah crouched down so they were eye-to-eye. "Noey, it was an _accident_ ," she repeated again, this time with emphasis. "Sometimes we have accidents like when we spill or when drop something and it breaks…or when Wyatt takes the knobs off the stereo…actually, I think he does that on purpose. Anyway, accidents don't mean we stop doing whatever it is we were doing. When you spill your paints, do you stop painting?"

Sarah waited for him to answer.

He sniffled a little and mumbled, "No."

"And once I broke a plate! I didn't stop eating!"

Noah brightened and giggled a little bit.

"Okay then," Sarah said, "So we're not gonna let a little accident stop us from having fun. And the rollercoaster was super fun. And I loved going on it with you. I know you were scared, and I kinda was, too, but I'm okay and I learned a lesson to always put my hair in a pony when I ride the rides."

"Okay."

"Gimme a hug," Sarah used the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the remnants of Noah's tears, "The kind where you squish me." Noah flung his arms around Sarah's neck. She patted his back and pressed her cheek to his. "I love you more than anything or anyone on this planet Noey Boey. More than anything. Always remember that. You Sare Bear will always love you most."

…..

Ed and Olivia paged through the Noah-Sarah Coney Island selfies in between bites of Palak Paneer and butter chicken. For their newest culinary adventure, the twins dined on vegetable samosas and curried sweet potatoes. Both Maggie and Wyatt ate the food without the slightest grimace, and Ed triumphantly wiped their mini stroller trays after they'd consumed the last crumb. He tossed the wipe in the trash can and grinned at Olivia.

"Your next book should be something like, Manhattan Dining with the Tucker Twins," he said, "Definite bestseller. Especially with all these organic, granola, vegan, gluten-free people out there. You know, the people who get those green juices."

" _I_ get those green juices."

"Oh, well, they'll immediately accept you as one of them."

"Ed Tucker," Olivia sat back in her chair, arms on the armrests, and gazed at him, getting lost in his blue eyes, "You're quite sassy today. Any reason in particular?"

"I like watching you react. Your eyebrows, little eye roll, your mouth twitches a little. I bet nobody notices that but me. It's almost imperceptible. Like that freckle on your lip."

"Now you're embarrassing me."

"I like watching that, too." He sat on the corner of the desk and touched his index finger to her upper lip. "I'll betcha money Maggie has a freckle there, too. Watch."

"I will never bet against you. And…I would like that very much."

He held her hand and planted a kiss on her knuckles. "We'll get out of here. I know you're busy. Carisi say anything else about Aidan?"

"Nope," Olivia sighed, "Only that he was going home to change and drive straight there to pick him up. I hope it's not serious. I would hate for Brooke and Sonny to worry about court dates in Philadelphia."

"Let's hope it's nothing."

"Right." Olivia held up crossed fingers. She stood and made her way over to the stroller for twin hugs and kisses. Her babies smiled, pawed at her face, and babbled their familiar "Mamas" in between gibberish. "See you tonight, sweet twins. Mommy loves you." She kissed Ed as well and watched longingly as the former IAB menace and forever love of her life walked out of the precinct pushing a double stroller.

…

The F gradually grew more crowded as it barreled its way through Brooklyn and into Manhattan. While the train ran on the elevated tracks, Noah stood on his knees and watched the neighborhoods; when they descended underground, he swiped through the pictures he'd taken that day and became absorbed in using the filters Sarah showed him. He was so focused, when the train pulled to a jerkier than usual stop, he fell against a young woman sitting opposite Sarah.

Noah looked up at her apologetically. "Whoops! Sorry!"

Sarah yanked him back toward her, "Didja lose your balance, Noey?"

Noah kept his eyes on the stranger and giggled, "I losed my balance!"

She offered a comely smile and noticed the photograph on his screen. "Did you go to Coney Island today?"

"Yep!"

"That's very cool."

"Yep!" The stranger went back to reading something on her own phone and Noah took the hint that their brief conversation was over. He leaned against Sarah's shoulder. "Dis a good train, Sare Bear. It big."

"You like it better than the C?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, we shall ride it again soon."

"Ta see Justin?"

A smile crossed Sarah's face. "No, Justin's on the six."

"Oh." Noah whispered some phonetics. "Juh, Juh, Juh-USTIN should ride da J!" He cracked up at his joke.

Sarah giggled. "And you should ride the N!"

"You have S," Noah replied, "SsssssARE Bear. Sare Bear, there a train with S?"

"Sort of. It's nowhere near as cool as the other ones."

Noah kicked his feet in the air and giggled. "Kay. We ride da other ones den."

"By the time you're six we shall ride every train in the city."

Noah's eyes widened. "Whoa!"

"Hey Noey," Sarah couldn't believe she was nervous about asking Noah her next question. She'd done a good job keeping wild daydreams about Justin at bay for the entire day, but now he was back, front and center, in her mind. "Do you think the next time we go to Coney Island, do you think it would be okay if we took Justin with us? Or would you like Coney Island to always be only Sare Bear and Noey?"

Noah pondered the question.

Sarah wasn't sure how she wanted him to answer.

"It okay," he said, "But when we go ta DaVinci it ONLY us!"

She kissed the top of his head. "Deal."

…

By the time Sarah and Noah returned to the Tuckers' neighborhood, it was almost dark and Noah was struggling to stay awake. Once they were in the elevator, she picked him up and he rested his head on her shoulder. Ed greeted them with a smile, laid Noah on the couch, and got to work removing his shoes and socks.

"Wanna watch some shows, bud?"

"Yeah," he murmured.

Ed turned on the television and gave Noah the remote.

"You two have fun?" He asked Sarah.

"Omigod, yes."

"Want somethin' to drink? Liv's on her way and we'll prolly order a pizza or something."

Sarah groaned, "I had too much junk today. But I'll have..hmmm, a beer sounds kinda good."

"Fridge."

"Maggs and Wyatt are in bed already?"

"Yep. No nap."

Sarah relayed the highlights and one lowlight of their day. Ed asked more questions than he needed to about the hair and backpack incident, but Noah's reaction to the mean man had rattled him more than he let on. Nevertheless, the rest of the Coney Island day proceeded without incident, so Ed shoved his worry about Noah's fragile psyche aside for the time being.

Sarah cracked two beers and slid one across the countertop to her father.

He took a swig. "Big birthday comin' up."

Sarah screwed up her face. "Twenty-eight?"

"Oh, thought it was thirty." Ed kept a straight face.

"Daddy, are you serious?"

"No," he replied dryly. "Liv said you want to do dinner at the pub? That's all?"

Sarah nodded, "That's all. Maybe late afternoon if that works with Mia's party? You know how I love day drinking."

Ed laughed a little. "Got something goin on that night?"

"Not that I know of."

"You sure?"

"Daddy," Sarah said, "Why don't you ask me about Justin instead of beating around the bush like this?"

Amused and remorseful, Ed threw up his hands. "Alright. Tell me about this guy."

Sarah brought Ed up to speed in a manner more subdued than she'd employed with Olivia, but she omitted no details. Ed had almost finished his beer by the time she stopped talking.

"I'm looking forward to meeting him," he said, "He's coming to have dinner with us Saturday, isn't he?"

"Yes," she said, "Is that okay?"

"Of course. Just speak English," he said with a wink, "You know how I hate being left out of the conversation."

" _Daddy_."

"So you've been seeing a lot of him…"

"Sort of. He works so much. He's always taking someone's shift or volunteering for overtime…last night instead of _dinner dinner_ I ended up cooking, poor guy, and then he had to go back to work. He takes his job very seriously. Unlike me."

"He probably sees a higher purpose in it," Ed speculated.

Sarah agreed. "And the only higher purpose in mine is making sure a bunch of guys in suits take home their millions." Sarah chewed a nail contemplatively, "Well…there might be one woman…"

"You're good at it."

Sarah looked past him and stared blankly out the window. "I suppose I am…so good nobody cares if I take a day off to go to Coney Island. So, I guess that's a higher purpose." She stood on her tiptoes to get a view of Noah. He was sound asleep.

Ed followed her sight line. "He'll be out for the rest of the night. Thanks."

Sarah shot him a mischievous expression and downed the rest of her beer. "I better get outta here then."

"That's not necessary."

"You said you're getting pizza or _something_. I suspect the _something_ will take precedence over eating. I'm out." Sarah kissed his cheek, tossed the bottle in the recycling bin, and flounced away.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	52. Chapter 52

**Fifty-two**.

Olivia reread the birthday party invitation and rushed to Noah's closet. She began frantically sliding hangers from side-to-side, making such a commotion that Ed immediately joined her. Wyatt and Maggie followed, wobbling along in his footsteps. They both looked up at their parents, concern etched on their cherubic faces.

"I cannot believe I didn't see this earlier," Olivia muttered.

Ed needed more detail. "What didn't you see?"

"Noah needs to be dressed formally. It's an afternoon tea." Olivia handed Ed the card. Sure enough, the directions suggested "shirt and tie" for boys.

Ed eyed the promotion day suit. "Why doesn't he wear that? It hasn't been cleaned, but he didn't wear it for that long."

"No," Olivia said. She yanked a pair of seersucker pans from a hanger. "I hope these aren't too short. I bought them last year and they were too big and forgot to take them back."

Ed took the pants and compared them to the new pair. They were almost the same length. He held his arm out for the matching shirt. "I'll iron."

Olivia didn't let go of the garments right away, using them to keep Ed close and kiss him. "Thank you. You are the absolute best."

Their romantic moment was interrupted by clanks and thuds. Both parents' heads turned in the direction of Noah's train table. Maggie and Wyatt had made an easy and quick job of deconstructing the track and they were tossing the pieces and the locomotives on the floor.

"No, no, no," Olivia said, lifting them both at the same time, "Come on, let's go play out here. Olivia lugged them from the room and peeked behind her.

Ed was putting the track back together and taking his time, for he knew Noah would notice if everything wasn't exactly how he left it the last time he played there. Olivia was prepared to stall Noah, but he was parked at the table diligently placing the finishing touches on Mia's birthday card. When Olivia brought one home from the drugstore the night before, he opened his eyes wide, shocked his mother would put so little thought into such an important token of friendship.

"I _make_ da card." He ran to his room and returned with pink and purple construction paper, markers, and a glitter pen.

Olivia and Ed exchanged curious glances.

"Noah," Olivia asked, "Where did you get that fancy pen?"

"Sare Bear."

Ed threw up his hands and mumbled good-naturedly. "Of course."

…..

Since returning from Pennsylvania, Aidan had been holed up in his room, showing up in the common areas only to eat (he skipped breakfast) and refill his water glass. To no avail, Sonny tried to get him to open up during the two-hour ride back to Brooklyn, but Aidan refused to say anything other than the guy was "talking shit and pissing me off."

Brooke called Olivia and Sarah for advice. They both responded in the same general way—give him time to cool off then make him talk. The problem was, it was going on four days later, and Aidan had said about as many words during that time. Already wary of possible awkwardness with Justin attending the birthday dinner, Brooke devoted herself to extracting some information before the party. Otherwise, he was staying home and she wasn't sure if she wanted to leave him alone.

She knocked on his door and listened for movement.

Nothing.

She knocked again, more firmly. Seconds later, Aidan opened the door and took a few steps backward, inviting her in. Either he meticulously made his bed each day, or he hadn't slept in it yet. His laptop was closed on his desk, chair pushed in, and he had apparently unpacked and stowed everything from his camp bags.

"Mind if I sit?"

"It's your apartment."

"It's yours, too," Brooke said, opting for the desk chair rather than the bed. She made a joke about avoiding the bungee chair until after the baby was born but Aidan's lips remained pressed in a straight line. She tried to force him into talking by simply staring at him, but he was unaffected. She noticed patchy teenage whiskers growing in and how his dark brown loose curls desperately needed to be cut. "What happened at Penn?"

Aidan repeated the same thing he told Sonny.

"I'm sure people have been jerks before," Brooke said, "I don't know you that well, but I really don't get the vibe that you get into fights."

Brooke saw instant change in Aidan's body language. She'd avoided putting him on the defensive and tacitly communicated she was more worried than angry.

 _Of course I can do this_ , she thought. _I was a middle school teacher!_

"I don't. I've never been in one."

"So why now?"

Aidan took a deep breath and his chin trembled though he was trying desperately not to cry in front of his half-sister. She had never seen him get emotional. Not even at his mother's funeral. If one hadn't known his identity, he could have been mistaken for one of the funeral directors.

"He was being an ass. But he's always like that. I know him. We played club together. But he was constantly….it's guy stuff." Aidan glanced at her apologetically.

"Don't worry about it."

"I snapped. Hit him. And I legit could not stop."

Assured he wasn't going to shut down, Brooke pressed on. "Aid, this hasn't been easy. For _either_ of us. You're allowed to be upset. You know that right?"

"Yeah."

"And you're allowed to have an opinion."

He raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

"Like you could have said you didn't want to go to camp."

"I thought I did."

"No, not like that."

He sighed. "I'm really sorry, Brooke. I don't wanna piss you off…you're like…" he trailed off before saying _you're like the only family I have_.

She reached out for his hand. "No need to be sorry," she said, "But I do wish you would talk to me or Sonny or any of us. I don't want you to be in agony. And you don't have to do this—grieve, deal with your dad—you don't have to do any of it alone."

Aidan nodded and Brooke chastised herself for being so phony. Here she was urging Aidan to lean on the people who loved him when she was no better at it than he was. She smiled sweetly at him.

"We should probably leave for the party soon," she said. "Half hour?"

"Okay."

"Door closed or open?"

"Open. And…Brooke?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

…..

The pub's manager allowed Olivia to hang a shimmery "Happy Birthday" banner across the front windows and helped her push the small wooden tables together to accommodate the party of ten. She added some cheesy tiara centerpieces, floral napkins, and tied the balloons Noah chose to Sarah's chair.

"Whaddya think, Maggie and Wyatt?" Olivia stood next to their stroller, arms akimbo. Maggie banged her tray and Wyatt was happily gnawing on his rubber giraffe, but he smiled sweetly at his mother. Earlier, Ed apologetically decided to stay at the birthday party with Noah. He had perused the invitation multiple times, speculated only girls would be in attendance, and his boy would be bored, or, even worse, intentionally excluded from activities.

"So, we'll be back in about two hours," Olivia said to the manager, "Thank you for reserving this for us."

"No problem. Are you ordering off the regular menu?"

"Yes. And you have the cake back there in the cooler? I put candles in the box."

"It's all set."

Olivia thanked him again and bent down to check the immediate area for thrown toys. She pushed the stroller back home at a leisurely pace. New York springs could be unpredictable, but this one epitomized everything traditional about the season—days warm enough for shorts and t-shirts and nights cool enough to sleep comfortably with windows open. She leaned over the handle and observed the twins. They both alertly leaned forward, eagerly observing the sights and sounds of their city. Maggie kicked her legs, and Olivia knew she would much rather be on foot than riding in the stroller. She wondered if she was doing her children a disservice by keeping the family here rather than moving to a place where they could have a yard. This dilemma crept up every once in a while, particularly when some inconvenience struck, but each time she hedged toward suggesting a future move, she thought of Noah and his love for Manhattan. Olivia herself doubted her ability to acclimate to suburban life. Ed also preferred the city, but his willingness to go along with what she thought best comforted her.

…..

The guest of honor sat at the head of the manufactured long table, a birthday grin plastered on her face, but, anticipating Justin's arrival, her attention was diverted each time the creaking door opened. Noah sat on one side of Sarah. Ed and Olivia graciously left the chair to her right vacant. They were early, and for a half hour or so, Noah regaled everyone with tales of the day's first birthday party. He described the fancy, gilded dining room, the large round tables, and the tuxedoed waiters who served the children their drinks and lunch.

"Did you like the tea, Noey?"

Noah scrunched up his nose. "It kinda lemony."

Ed's shoulders shook with laughter.

Sarah targeted her father next. "And you stayed? At a tea party for preschoolers?"

Noah frowned. "We _Kindergarten_ , Sare Bear!"

She glanced at him peripherally, "Sorry, Noey. _Daddy_ …you stayed?"

Ed was not the least bit ashamed. "I got a bad vibe as soon as I walked in. Not leaving my boy there alone. But after I saw some other boys, I went to the restaurant."

"But you didn't leave."

"No way."

Sarah simpered at her father. All at once her expression turned to pure elation and everyone, even Maggie and Wyatt, peered at the door to see what, or in this case who, provoked this reaction. In walked Justin, clad in khaki shorts and a navy blue polo shirt, identical to what Noah was wearing. No one else but Sarah could tell he'd had a fresh haircut, extremely close-cropped along the sides and long enough on top so his dark hair formed tiny curls.

"Jus'tin! We have the same!" Noah rose to his feet on the booth side of the table and smacked his chest.

Sarah had never loved Noah more. Ice broken, Justin grinned and chuckled along with everyone else. He fist bumped Noah and handed Sarah shoebox-shaped container wrapping in polka-dot paper and a bouquet of what looked to be assorted wildflowers. Whatever they were, Ed immediately recognized the cluster was not something one picked up on the street. They'd definitely been customized. Sarah took everything and, her hands full, the new couple avoided the awkward question of how to greet one another.

"This yer seat, Jus-tin!" Noah announced, pointing at the chair. "Ri' next to Sare Bear!"

Justin, however, did not sit right away. He extended his hand to Olivia and Ed, the formal greetings made less edgy by Noah's innocent, welcoming spirit.

"Good to finally meet you," Olivia said warmly. "Thank you for…bringing Sarah to me that night. I didn't realize she was on scene."

"You're welcome," he replied sincerely. "It was weird, all those people standing around and she kinda stood out…" he trailed off, smiling at Sarah who put her hand over his.

Ed gave Olivia a look.

 _Is this what people feel like around us?_

"BAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAH!" Wyatt spontaneously slammed his toy telephone onto the wooden tabletop and Maggie quickly added to the racket with her own pink version of the device.

"And these are the twins," Ed remarked dryly, "Maggie and Wyatt."

"Dese MY babies!" Noah exclaimed.

Maggie, sitting in Olivia's lap and next to Justin, played her familiar restaurant game in which she flung herself at each person, one after the other, making a loop around the table. She dove at Justin who deftly caught her and stood her in his lap without reservation.

"Well, hello there pretty lady."

Maggie pawed at his head and played with his curls. Both Olivia and Sarah offered to take her, but Justin insisted he was fine. Maggie and Wyatt reminded him of his niece and nephews, the youngest of whom was a year older than Noah. He held Maggie high in the air and flipped her upside down, inducing hysterical giggles. Across the table, Wyatt wrestled himself into a standing position, hoping to be next. Olivia and Ed caught one another's eye once again. If this Justin guy wasn't for real, he was doing a hell of a good job pretending.

….

Sarah expected Brooke to be slightly aloof, and she was right. The older sister was far from rude, but she mostly focused her attention on Maggie and Wyatt. Aidan, too, was quiet, and after everyone had eaten he took Noah to the pool table. Sonny ended up going in to work. They were still working the graduation weekend case and trying to piece together the murky events, but the evidence pool was thin. Olivia directed him and Fletcher to spend another couple days on it, but if nothing panned out they would have to leave the case cold.

When the cake arrived, blazing with candles, the group broke into a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday with Noah belting the lyrics at the top of his lungs and again standing on the booth's bench seat. Ed did his best to appear present, but he was obsessed with assessing Justin's body language. He leaned toward Sarah when she spoke. He doted on her—retrieved a new napkin when hers fell to the floor and collected the wrapping paper shards as she tore into her gifts. For the life of him, Ed couldn't see Brooke's problem. She had passed judgement based solely on Sarah's description, and Sarah's description was spot on.

Ed immediately liked the guy. He liked him so much that he nearly gave himself a headache trying to keep his jaw stiff rather than smile at the scenes playing out in front of him.

Sarah was in love.

Olivia was less reserved. She quickly joined Justin in his banter, joking with him like they were old friends. At one point, perhaps goaded by alcohol, she even snapped a selfie with him.

Sarah photobombed.

And then Sarah did something extremely rare.

She cried.

It wasn't a full-blown sob fest, but, for Sarah, it might as well have been. Though prone to erratic flights of emotion, she rarely cried in front of anyone, if at all. Her sadness typically manifested as steely resolve. She did not, much to her disappointment, have Olivia's proclivity for happy tears.

It began with Noah's card. He'd used pink construction paper and every ounce of glitter in the glitter pen. On the cover he'd printed a wobbly "Happy Birthday Sare Bear" and added tiny teddy bear stickers along the edges. On the inside was his birthday message transcribed by Olivia.

 _Sare Bear you my best friend and I love you more than grill cheese and tater tots and all the chocolate in the world!_

 _Love, Noah_

He'd written his own name, alternately using pink and purple marker for the letters.

"Thank you Noey," Sarah said in a shaky voice. His gift to her was a rose gold locket with one of their recent selfies inside. Sarah clutched it to her chest. "Noey, I love it. Omigod it's so pretty and it has us in it!"

Noah pried the necklace from her grip and opened it. "It have US so when you're workin you can open it up and see me!"

"That's right," She kissed him on the cheek and bear hugged him. "Love you. Thank you so much."

She saved Justin's gift for last. Ed watched him rather than her as she peeled back the paper. He didn't look nervous, only excited, almost as if he were close to opening the package himself.

"Omigod."

Sarah placed the items on the table. A CD and a set of chopsticks.

Everyone at the table except for Justin and Sarah wore perplexed expressions.

"Salim's band," she mumbled, "I thought they hadn't made an album."

"They don't," He replied solemnly, "But I asked 'em to do me a favor. You prolly don't have a CD player, but we can load it to iTunes and put it on your phone."

"Omigod, thank you."

"All the songs they played the other night are on there. And a few other ones."

Sarah brought everyone up to speed about the band then held up the chopsticks. "So I can practice?"

"Exactly."

Again, the other family members awaited an explanation, but this time it was significantly less specific.

"I suck at chopsticks," Sarah said.

Ed raised his eyebrows at Olivia. Olivia raised hers back. Noah said he, too, sucked at chopsticks.

"Swear jar, Noey!" Sarah announced gleefully.

"That okay," Noah yanked his wallet from his cargo pocket. He unfolded it and held up a fistful of bills. Sarah replenished his supply before leaving for Coney Island earlier that week. "I got alotta money!"

…

Olivia offered to take Sarah's loot home since she and Justin were going to another live music performance, this time in Brooklyn. Sarah lavished her with gratitude and got to work stuffing everything into a large shopping bag and shoving it in the storage area of the twins' stroller. She hugged and kissed the babies.

"Thank you for your assistance Maggie and Wyatt! You really are lifesavers!"

Everyone parted ways on the street. Brooke and Aidan hopped into an Uber. Ed and Olivia started their stroll home down Ninth Avenue, and Sarah and Justin, hand-in-hand, walked to the subway entrance. Justin suggested taking the train downtown to the last Manhattan stop and walking the Brooklyn Bridge to the venue since they had plenty of time before the performance and the pub was only blocks away from the Brooklyn terminus.

"I love that idea," Sarah cooed. They snagged seats on the train and she practically sat in his lap. Justin's laugh was a knowing one—he was already accustomed to Sarah's occasional clinginess, especially when she was on cloud nine—and he put his arm around her shoulders, well aware she appreciated that type of contact.

On the bridge they meandered slowly, staying to the right and doing their best to walk while holding hands although it wasn't always possible in the dense pedestrian traffic.

"I was thinkin' tomorrow…we could maybe go to Brighton? To that Russian place I told ya about?"

" _Yes_ ," Sarah gushed. "And after you said something about that place of course I tried to Yelp it and failed but I saw that there's an artist market in that neighborhood on Sundays. Can we go there too?"

"For sure. I, uh, I know ya were just out there with Noah…"

"I don't care. I love Brooklyn. Well… _learning_ to love it." Sarah made sure to temper her stated affinity for the borough, for she had resolved to stick to honesty with him, even it was of the brutal variety. "So, whadja think about my fam?"

"They're good people. I liked them. But Noah, man, he's hilarious. He's the definite boss, isn't he?"

"Yes. He's so smart and wise and I _looooove_ him. We connected immediately. I think even if Livvie and my Dad had broken up I still would've asked to be a part of his life."

"Were they close to breaking up?"

"They actually did. But they snapped out of it and realized they were madly in love and soulmates and belonged together. Which is remarkable because Dad used to be the guy who investigated cops when they broke the law and Livvie hated his guts for years."

Justin laughed. "What?"

"Yep. He even _arrested_ her!"

" _Shit_ , but…sure sounds like a great story," Justin said wistfully, probably thinking of the plot of one of his favorite novels Sarah had not yet read.

"It is. Livvie's actually writing a book right now but it's mostly about her being a cop but I'm hoping she includes a chapter about them…I think every book needs some type of love affair, don't you agree?"

Justin, a full two heads taller than Sarah, regarded her with a smile and kissed the top of her head. "That definitely needs to be a law of literature."

"Have you always liked to read?"

"Yeah, but I really got into writers like Dos Passos after a class I took last year. It was a Hemingway class but the prof mentioned Dos Passos and I got his book USA Trilogy, and I'm still reading it, it's like a thousand pages. I like reading how authors create characters. It's mind-blowing to me how one person can create a whole other person…and not make that character sound like themselves…does that make any sense."

"Perfect sense," Sarah replied, "Especially with the dialogue. Like, if I wrote a book, seriously, everyone would sound the same. Like me. With a bunch of omigods and fucks."

"Ah, you don't say fuck that much. Now. The _omigods_ , yeah—"

"I know," Sarah griped, "I need to cut back…but it's my go-to."

Justin gripped her hand more firmly. "Don't cut back," he said softly, "Those omigods…they're _you_."

"Omigod I love you."

She meant it as a figure of speech. Similar to an _I love you_ directed to a coworker who showed up with an impromptu latte or who unjammed the copy machine. But both Sarah and Justin slowed their already laggardly pace, and, knowing she couldn't just leave the phrase hanging out there unaddressed, nudged him into the next alcove typically reserved for skyline photo ops.

"I, uh," she twirled a section of hair, scratched her neck, and was generally consumed with every possible twitch and tic. "I mean…I…I…I didn't mean… _gawwwd_ …" her hands trembled and she felt perspiration start to form on the back of her neck which she felt bad about when Justin put his hand there as he planted a firm, reassuring kiss on her lips.

"I feel the exactly the same way," he intoned.

"I…I…" Sarah stammered and desperately tried to articulate one coherent sentence.

"It's okay," he whispered and held both her hands.

"It's, well, in _three weeks_ , my whole life became about _you_. And not because of anything intentional, it just _happened_. I woke up the morning after we met for coffee and the first thing I thought about was how I _had_ to see you again. And…and…like…I _always_ jump in too quickly but I've _never_ felt like this, I know that sounds so cliché, but I haven't."

"Me neither."

"I don't know what it means."

"You don't have to know," Justin replied.

"I _like_ to know."

"Doesn't that take some of the fun out of it?"

Sarah pondered this idea for a few seconds. "Maybe. I guess," she furrowed her brow, "You're okay with—"

Once again, Justin interrupted by kissing her. "I _know_ there's no one in the world I'd rather be with," he said, "And I'm not talkin' about only right now." He locked his dark brown eyes on her Tucker-blue ones, conveying and sealing what amounted to a long-term promise.

Sarah put her hands on Justin's chest. "You're very good at taking a potentially very humiliating situation and making it something special." She stood on her toes for another kiss and grinned before asking an intentionally mundane question. "Will you take a selfie with me?"

Taking her phone, he said, "I have longer arms. Lemme do it. Better angle."

A minute later, Sarah had a new lock screen photo and a little hop in her step. She had a boyfriend. A rock solid, chivalrous, kind boyfriend—the sort of man she always imagined herself with but one who, as she got older, seemed to get more elusive. The search had seemed hopeless. But she found him. On a night that could have gone horribly wrong for her family, she found him, or, rather, he found her.

And there was no way she was ever letting him go.

….

Many nights Ed felt like he was playing a role in one of the old family shows he used to watch as a kid. Family dinner gave way to quiet time which gave way to bath time then bedtime, and finally, he and Olivia sitting against the headboard in bed, reading or talking. He loved conversing with her, listening to her think out loud, observing how she reacted to his opinions and, sometimes, opposing ideas. He had always appreciated her intellect and how she could stymie him even under the most glaring Internal Affairs spotlight, and, as her husband, he still had the pleasure of an occasional headstrong back-and-forth with the added bonus of lovemaking afterward. Hashing out differences of opinion almost always led to sex, and this night was no different.

Returning home from the birthday dinner with three very wide-awake children, the inevitable evening debrief had to wait. Noah asked to camp out with the twins and dragged the chaise cushion into their room to serve as his bed for the night. An hour later, he was still talking softly to Maggie and Wyatt, and when he grew silent Ed checked the room and signaled everyone was asleep.

Olivia secured her hair in a clip atop her head and sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. The sight of her in a loose tank top and his boxers always made his heart flutter and he put his hand on her thigh, needing the tiniest preview of what was to come.

"Spill it, Captain," she said authoritatively.

He groaned. "I like him. Noah likes him. Maggie and Wyatt like him. What the hell is Brooke's problem?"

"She seemed… _reserved_."

" _Reserved_? Liv, she hardly said anything. Sat down at the other end of the table and acted like she was there to babysit Wyatt."

Everything he said was true, but Olivia commiserated with Brooke. "I can see how she wouldn't be in a very festive mood. Sonny's working a lot again, this whole thing with Aidan, then she's suspicious of this new guy who, to her, came out of the woodwork…"

"Came out of the woodwork?" Ed asked incredulously, "She went to him! Asked you to help track him down! How in the hell is that on him? And you know what else? She's gonna have to get used to Sonny working a lot, or she's gonna have to get a job."

His harsh assessment astonished Olivia. She hadn't heard that tone in years, and her eyes gradually grew wider and wider.

"I know she's stressed," Ed continued, scaling back the cynicism, "But tonight wasn't about being stressed, Liv. It was about Justin. The way she shook his hand, the way she said goodbye to the two of them…it was all weird."

Enamored by his enduring cop instincts, Olivia suppressed a smile while she listened to his indictment of Brooke's attitude. However, to be fair, she did her best to illuminate Brooke's perspective. Brooke was more familiar with people from neighborhoods like Justin's; though an outsider herself, she had ground-level, in-the-trenches insight neither Sarah nor anyone else had.

" _Olivia_. Justin is not an eleven-year-old. He's a goddam first responder for chrissakes."

Olivia angled forward and kissed him. "You know that overprotective streak you have?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Brooke has it, too."

"I get that. I don't get why she feels the need to be that way _now_."

"Brooke is practical. Analytical. And unfortunately she always considers the worst case scenario."

"She needs to seek out the best case scenario. The _good_ in people."

"Is this _the_ Captain Tucker I'm hearing?"

"No," he smoothed her hair and puckered his lips, "It's your husband and the father of your children. It's the man who loves you so much sometimes he stops in the middle of the sidewalk and thinks, _holy shit, I'm married to Olivia Benson_."

Olivia was serious, almost somber, as she slowly removed the tank top and boxers. She straddled him and threw her head back when he massaged her breasts.

"Ed?"

"Yeah, baby?" He sat up so he could gently bite at her shoulder.

"You're not the only lucky one in this marriage."

"Maybe not," he rasped, "But I'm the lucki _est_."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	53. Chapter 53

**Fifty-three**.

Justin handed Sarah the paper bag full of authentic Russian food and unzipped his backpack. From it he pulled a rolled blanket and two oversized cans of beer. He unfurled the blanket and used the cans as tethers while he and Sarah got situated. They placed the foil-wrapped delicacies between them and Justin watched, pleased, as Sarah took a bite of a dumpling and nodded approvingly.

"Holy shit that's good."

"Right? And you thought it would taste like Chinese?"

"Sure did."

"Now," Justin said seriously, "Unlike the Puerto Rican food, I dunno what any of this is called. So you may wanna take a pic if you like something."

Sarah laughed. Indeed, there had been a lot of pointing and nodding at the restaurant. If one could even call it a restaurant. Justin hadn't been exaggerating about its size and inconspicuous location. The food was served out of what amounted to a basement apartment. There were no signs or anything else advertising its presence.

Justin bit into a puff pastry triangle and swatted the crumbs into the wind. "Glad ya didn't mind comin' out here again," his eyes diverted to the water. "We coulda done somethin' else."

"I like it here," Sarah replied. "I don't want to be doing anything else."

He grinned, appearing a tiny bit bashful.

"So…how was church?" Last night when they were making plans, Sarah suggested an early start to their Sunday, but Justin explained he or one of his brothers always attended mass with their mother and this was his turn in the rotation. Sarah, of course, had no problem waiting, but his transparency and his devotion to his family threw her for a bit of a loop. Had the shoe been on the other foot, she was sure she would have begged a sibling to take her place or blown off church altogether.

"Not bad. Kept it under an hour. I always laugh, 'cause my mom won't miss mass on Sundays or holy days for anything but if _el padre_ goes over an hour she gets pissed. Like, that doesn't exactly jive."

"Amazing," Sarah murmured.

"I know. So hypocritical."

"I meant. Amazing that someone can be so devout. The only reason I tolerated church or even agreed to go once I got older was that we went out to breakfast after." Sarah almost choked on her next bite thinking she'd revealed too heinous of a personality flaw and it would cloud Justin's opinion of her.

"We all get God in different ways," he wisecracked, smirked, and popped another eastern European morsel in his mouth. "In fact, my mom wasn't like this until _mi abuela_ died."

"I'm sorry," Sarah said, "How long ago?"

"Couple years." For the first time in their young relationship, Justin fidgeted uncomfortably and looked hopelessly dejected.

Sarah was never sure what to do or say in these situations. After seconds of silence, she scooted next to him and put her head on his shoulder, hoping to offer comfort without saying anything stupid.

"It was after Irma," Justin said.

"She died in the hurricane?"

"No. But her house, everything was gone. She went to a shelter. I went. Tried to get her to come back with me, but she was old, stubborn, and didn't want to leave the island even though there was nothing left."

"Omigod…you… _went there_ …how horrible…it was awful to watch on TV…"

"It's the worst thing I've ever seen. And I see a lot of shit."

"Justin, I…" Sarah stopped herself before saying she was sorry again. It seemed so banal and meaningless. "I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say," he put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. "Those things happen…but…damn, she was so fuckin' stubborn—"

Sarah audibly gasped, for she had never heard Justin use such harsh profanity before.

"—wouldn't even go to the hotel with me, I mean, it was a shithole anyway, but it was better than the shelter, but she wouldn't go. She was fine on her cot…

"How long were you there?"

"Two weeks."

" _Fuck_. _Justin_. You spent two weeks trying to convince her to leave?" Sarah's heart was shredded. She pictured a desperate Justin waking each morning with newfound resolve only to have his grandmother continually refuse to get on an airplane.

"Yep. And the airline was cool at first, letting me extend my trip and her trip but finally they were like, dude you gotta either use it or buy another one…"

"Shit. How much did _that_ cost?"

"Altogether about three grand.

" _Fuck_."

Justin had spent his entire savings on the failed rescue effort not to mention the wages lost by not working. He returned to New York without the family matriarch, and she died the following week. He accumulated credit card debt to pay for another flight for his mother and for the burial expenses.

"I'm just now almost outta that hole," he said proudly, the pep in his voice returning.

Plaguing Sarah was curiosity surrounding why his brothers didn't shoulder some of the expenses, but she saved that question for later, if at all.

 _Not my business_.

"Good for you," she replied brightly. "That's so hard." She had the anecdote about infuriating Ed by maxing out two credit cards when she was in college, but the story was too frivolous to bring up at the moment.

"It is…and I had to take some time off school to make up for it…and to take care of my Mom. Thought she was gonna break down…but she went to church instead." He grinned. "Which is like, one step better than an asylum I guess."

Sarah laughed softly. "I'm glad you feel like you're on track again."

Justin shrugged. "Life is full of stops and starts," he said sagely.

"How do you stay so optimistic?" She asked, truly interested in his response.

"Is there a choice?"

"Yes," Sarah said, "I think I'd be furious. At everyone. The world."

"Sure, I was angry. But at the end of the day, all that, well, you can be angry but that doesn't fix anything. Sometimes I'm still angry. Like, fuck, I thought by now I'd be graduated and in my own place but that didn't happen. But the shit doesn't last forever." He moved so he and Sarah were facing one another. "And look where I am now. I met you. And we're having a nice day on the beach…with sand blowing in our food…but nevertheless, a nice day."

"Shit."

The wind caught Sarah's hair as she whipped around to try and save the food. She brushed it away from her face, and Justin took the opportunity to kiss her. He grabbed a handful of blonde waves and held it gently so they weren't interrupted. There was a new sort of urgency in his kiss, and Sarah matched the fervor, thrilled Justin was willing to make out with her on a public beach when a few days ago he seemed hesitant to do anything more than exchange chaste kisses in a crowded bar late on a Friday night.

….

The new ADA listened skeptically as Carisi presented evidence in the graduation-weekend rape case. Judging by his body language and her years of experience, Olivia predicted he would decline to press charges. Always one to pursue justice with merely an iota of evidence, even Olivia had to admit what they had would never come close to convincing one grand juror let alone the twelve needed to indict.

"Sorry everyone," he slapped his legs with finality, "This is a shot in the dark…with no ammo."

"Counselor, they're guilty," Rollins implored. "We have two witnesses—"

"Who admit only to seeing the alleged suspects serving drinks," he interjected, "and they served them to everyone at the party. Bring me evidence those boys bought, handled…anything connecting them to rohypnol and I might be able to help you out. But all this looks like at the moment is a bunch of kids who drank too much over the course of an unsupervised weekend."

Rollins rolled her eyes and stalked off.

Carisi looked crestfallen.

Olivia checked her watch. "Guys, I have to go."

"See you tomorrow, Liv," Fin muttered. The Lieutenant was not officially on duty until noon the next day and the squad was in Rollins' care. He knew, unless they caught some groundbreaking, sensitive case, Olivia's new standing order was that she was not to be disturbed.

Olivia hurried to the appointed meeting place and found Sarah sitting at her favorite spot—the corner of the bar—with a clear cocktail, probably vodka tonic, and a plate of calamari. She apologized for eating, but she'd skipped lunch. Olivia sweetly admonished her for being silly, plucked a piece for herself, and ordered a glass of Pinot Noir.

"Did you catch roofie guy?" Sarah asked.

"No." Sarah technically was not supposed to know about the case, but Carisi had a big mouth at home and Sarah must have overheard something at which meant she had visited Brooke at some point in the ten days since the birthday dinner at the pub.

"You've talked to Brooke?" Olivia had sent her a few check-in texts but received terse replies.

"I was over there a couple nights ago. Sonny was working late and Aidan was _working_ of all things so I went to keep her company."

"Where's he working?"

"Busing tables at a _bar_ ," Sarah replied. "It's like right down the street from where they live. And he's trying to get a day camp counselor job. Maybe if he gets one, Noey can go to the camp...of course it would probably be in Brooklyn."

"Good for him," Olivia murmured. In bits and pieces she learned about Aidan's tussle at camp and how his inner turmoil was finally bubbling to the surface.

"Yeah. He needs to stay busy. And I told Brooke to get him into therapy but he doesn't wanna go. So," Sarah tossed her arms into the air, "What's one to do?"

"Let him be for now, I suppose," Olivia said, "How's Justin?"

Sarah let her forehead collapse onto Olivia' forearm. "Livvie, I'm bursting. I'm crazy for that man."

"I know. I saw it. Your Dad did, too."

"Okay, so, you know…I know…I can often put you and others in terribly uncomfortable spots because of my, uh, well, my tendency to be a little TMI?"

"I'm familiar with this."

"Well, I need to probably scale that back a little, but today is not the day."

Olivia laughed softly and prepared herself for whatever Sarah was about to reveal or ask. "What's on your mind?"

Sarah detailed their day at Brighton Beach—strolling hand-in-hand through the artists' market, their lunch on the beach, making out on the blanket, walking along the shoreline, and Justin pretending he was going to toss her in the chilly water.

"And so," Sarah lowered her voice, "I'm thinking…tonight's the night. He's coming over and it's finally going to happen because, Livvie, I have to tell you, I _need_ to have sex with this man. Every single kind of sex there is…."

" _Okayyy_ …"

"I mean, within reason of course," Sarah clarified. "So, anyway, the train ride home he has his arm around me and, like, I'm _on fire_ already. Literally, all he needs to do is maybe kiss me here," Sarah put her hand on the side of her neck, "And I'm done for."

Olivia drank her wine and held back a smile. Sarah was definitely back to her old self, and Olivia readily accepted her X-rated raw honesty. Coming from anyone else it would have been raunchy and distasteful, but Sarah a knack for delivering indecent details in the most charming way.

"So we get to my building and I'm totally assuming he's coming up because we've had a perfect day…like, we had fun but we also talked, like, really talked, and I can feel our connection getting stronger and stronger, and the way he kissed me!" Sarah closed her eyes and briefly relived the moment.

"But he didn't want to spend the night?"

" _No_ ," she griped, "He didn't even come up to my apartment."

"What'd he say?"

"Well, that's where I sorta made an error," Sarah said, "I had an early call with Barcelona and I had to be in at five a.m. for it."

"So he was being considerate."

"I suppose he was, but…Livvie, I _need_ him. You _must_ know what I'm talking about."

"Sure," she said, "And I know how much the anticipation can kill you."

" _See_?" Sarah sighed, "Was it you or Daddy holding back?"

Olivia signaled for another round. Sarah returning to normal also meant Olivia had to be willing to reveal specifics she would rather have kept between her and Ed. "A little of both," she said, "I think we both knew _we_ were bigger than a temporary fling, and neither one of us wanted to make a bad call. _I_ …I wasn't in the best head space when we first got together, so that was part of it. I mean, on one hand, I had Noah and his adoption was finalized but on the other hand I still was dealing with _a lot_."

Sarah held Olivia's hand. "Is it better now?" She asked innocently.

"It is," Olivia replied with a smile, "Life is so much better than I ever thought it could be."

Serious interlude over, Sarah abruptly shifted the conversation back to her problem. "I think I'm going to ask him to marry me."

Olivia guffawed and almost dribbled wine down her chin. "Maybe wait on that?"

"Maybe he's saving himself for marriage. He is Catholic, after all."

"You're Catholic, too. And do people actually do that anymore?"

Sarah laughed heartily, "Livvie, you're so funny."

"Seriously, though, have the two of you talked about other people you've dated? Or married?"

"He knows I was married. He hasn't ever mentioned a girlfriend but we haven't really talked about any of that. Do you think we should?"

"Not necessarily."

"Did you and Daddy?"

"Some," Olivia said, "But mostly it was your Dad telling me how much he loathed the other men in my life."

"Omigod, that's _so_ Daddy."

"It is."

"I'm surprised he didn't try to have any of them killed."

Clearly, Sarah was joking, so her eyes almost flew out of their sockets at Olivia's next comment.

"I think he actually _did_ try."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod." She regarded Olivia with an intense, imploring expression, " _Tell me_."

…

At home that evening Olivia registered Noah for day camp, taking delight in the simple task of typing _Ed and Olivia Tucker_ in the "parents" line. She inputted Sarah, Brooke, and Sonny as alternate emergency contacts and paid the fee using the Visa she and Ed shared.

"All set for the first two weeks in July." She closed the laptop and set it aside.

Ed looked up from the cutting board. He was dicing potatoes for the night's side dish. "Good deal. I checked availability for that Bethany Beach house. July's booked but August is still almost wide open. If you want to go back there? Or someplace different?"

"It was so nice there," Olivia replied, "And plenty of room for everyone."

"Not a whole lot to do there though. Kids getting a little older, might be nice to go somewhere with something other than the beach. I hate to say it, but…somewhere more touristy?"

Slightly taken aback by the suggestion, Olivia nevertheless acknowledged his point, agreed, and tasked him with finding the perfect locale for their family's summer vacation.

"How's Sarah?" Ed transferred the potatoes to a roasting pan and doused them with olive oil and seasonings.

"Sexually frustrated."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "Dare I ask for more information?"

"She and Justin haven't had sex yet."

"They haven't?"

"No."

Ed shrugged, "Then I like him even more. Nothing wrong with waiting. They've only been seein' each other for what? Three weeks?"

"Something like that."

"Well, good. Sarah can learn that there's more to a relationship than jumping into bed right away."

"Sare Bear jumpin' on da bed?" Noah skipped over to the island.

Olivia sat him on the counter and didn't answer his question. "I got you registered for camp, sweet boy. This camp has art and music…whaddya think about that?"

"I think it's GREAT!"

"And Daddy's gonna find a beach house for us to visit."

Noah grinned and spoke animatedly about last year's beach vacation. "I haveta teach those babies how to build san'castles! They big enough now! An' we drive da jet ski! Mommy? You have those pic'tures?"

"Of course. Go get the iPad."

"Kay," Noah scrambled to get back down, "I'm gonna show 'em to Maggie and Wyatt."

Ed waited for Noah to disappear into the back hallway. "Ya know," he said mischievously, "A busier beach…well…that means…"

"I know," Olivia said, "Less privacy."

He leaned across the island for a kiss. "I wanna make love to you like we did last year."

"Captain, we always find a way…"

Ed grinned, happy she was game for a repeat of last year's lovemaking on the beach. "Yes we do," he whispered.

"OH-KAY BABIES! Lemme show ya dese pic-tures!" Noah scampered out and gathered Maggie and Wyatt into his lap. Olivia turned around and watched the sweet scene; Ed nuzzled her neck as he looked on and listened to Noah's narration of last summer's visit to the Delaware shore.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	54. Chapter 54

**Fifty-four**.

The ride from lower Manhattan to Soundview lasted over an hour. Sarah spent the commute alternately being nervous about meeting Justin's mother and giddy about another milestone. Olivia had advised her to be patient and enjoy each step in their evolving relationship, but that was easier said than done. She dove into her work projects; it was the only way to keep her obsession with Justin at bay, so in addition to being in love, she was also extremely productive.

Justin's work schedule became less hectic. He let it slip to Sarah he'd been taking so many extra shifts to ensure he would be free for her birthday weekend, and the admission only intensified Sarah's infatuation. After spending the first half of the week apart, Sarah insisted on seeing him Thursday evening. He'd spent the day entertaining his niece and nephews and told Sarah he'd meet her in Manhattan later that night.

"How about I come there?"

Perhaps she was being a little forward, but Justin always went out of his way to accommodate her. It was only fair that she travel to the Bronx every once in a while. Besides, she wanted to see Justin's neighborhood and maybe even his apartment. She knew he shared a tiny two-bedroom with his brother. He hadn't said as much, but she suspected he was avoiding having her over to his place either out of embarrassment or because of the lack of privacy.

Justin didn't put up any resistance and told Sarah he'd meet her on the platform at Morrison Avenue. Almost as an afterthought, he asked if she wouldn't mind meeting his mother, who lived a few short blocks away from the stop.

"I've been talkin' about you," he said. "I know she'd like to see you in person."

On the other end of the call, Sarah spun around in her chair and told him she would love to meet Senora Vidal.

 _He's been talking about me_.

Sarah stepped off the train, acting like she knew where she was going, and Justin almost immediately appeared beside her. She hugged him as if they were reuniting after an extended time apart. "I missed you," she gushed, all of a sudden feeling needy and never wanting to leave his arms.

"Missed you too." He kissed the top of her head. "Mom's still at bingo and dinner at the church so you wanna grab a drink first?"

"Yes. This has been a helluva day." She followed Justin through the turnstiles and down the stairs to Westchester Avenue. The sidewalks were partially shaded by the elevated tracks and lined with discount stores, take-out joints, and various hair and nail salons.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes. It's the end of the quarter so it's time to send numbers to the SEC…and it hasn't been a terribly good year so far, so shareholders are probably gonna riot."

"Against you?"

"No," Sarah said, "Well, maybe…I'm the messenger…but part of being the messenger is finding silver linings…that's the thing with these people…they can swallow a small loss in the short term if you tell them there's a shitload of money to be made in the long term."

"Like, what's a _shitload_ of money?"

"Well, the assets of the companies I handle is well into the billions of dollars."

Justin slowed his gait. " _Billions_?"

"Yes."

"Damn."

"Yes, it's sickening how much money flies around the market on a daily basis. I'm completely desensitized, though."

Justin was holding her hand and he started playing with her fingers. Sarah sensed he wanted to ask a touchy question but wasn't sure how to begin.

" _Billions_ ," his eyes floated around. The word came effortlessly from Sarah's mouth and it was so incongruous with the surroundings of his neighborhood. The idea of _billions_ for anyone living here was so other-worldly and abstract, it was spoken purely in hyperbole.

"Too bad those billions don't fall into my wallet," she said. Sarah felt a rift starting to form between them as they danced around the topic of their wildly different salaries. It scared her and she wrestled her hand away from his so she could slip her arm around his waist. He reciprocated, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she felt his arm on her shoulders.

The subject changed when they entered the bar. It was the type of dive Sarah associated with her father's preferences—narrow, dimly lit, and wood-paneled, outdated televisions mounted in the corners, and swivel bar stools covered in cracked faux-leather. Sarah asked about his day with his younger relatives and he told her they'd spent it mostly at Pelham Bay Park exploring some of the trails before winding down the afternoon at the beach.

"Did they swim?" Sarah asked.

"Not really. The water's still too cold."

"Thank _gawwwwd_ you didn't throw me in."

"I'd never do that," Justin said, "At least, not unless I was planning on throwing myself in, too."

"That _is_ only fair."

They were three drinks in when Justin received the _I'm home_ text from his mother. Sarah went for her card, but Justin waved it away and dropped a few bills on the bar. On the short walk to Mrs. Vidal's corner row house, Sarah took deep breaths.

"I'm nervous."

He smiled. "Don't be."

Justin was right. As soon as they opened the front door, Justin's mother immediately swept Sarah into a hug. She held her at arm's length, told her she was beautiful and, in Spanish, muttered to Justin that he better be treating her like a queen.

"She speaks Spanish, Ma."

" _Es verdad_?"

Totally comfortable now, Sarah launched into a boisterous conversation with Carmen Vidal in her native language. The two of them sat at the kitchen table, essentially ignoring Justin, and he looked on, amused and heartened by their immediate affinity for one another. Carmen lamented that she'd already eaten dinner and demanded Sarah return soon for a meal. She offered to prepare something for the two of them, but Justin informed her they had decided to order in and watch a movie at his apartment.

"Ricky's there, no?"

"He's goin' out tonight," Justin said of his brother, "Trivia and the baseball game."

Carmen reluctantly let them go, but not before recording Sarah's number and promising she would be in touch.

"You know she's not gonna leave you alone now," Justin told her as they made their way to his building.

"I know," Sarah said cheerfully. "Fine with me." A warmth filled her body, probably because Carmen's home reminded her so much of Caroline's—cozy and a bit cluttered with knickknacks and family photos.

Their next stops were a Salvadoran restaurant where they purchased dinner to go and a bodega for a six pack and a package of Hostess cupcakes Justin plucked from the rack at the last minute. He lived on the third floor of a six-story walk-up. The stairwells and hallway appeared clean and well-kept, and Sarah remarked how quiet it was.

"It's not usually like this," Justin said, "It'll prolly get louder later with the game on."

"Sure you don't want to watch it?" Sarah asked. "I don't mind. We can always save the movie for later." The Yankees and Mets were playing the third game of their series and had won a game each.

"I'm sure," Justin said.

Justin's apartment was close to what Sarah expected. The door opened into the kitchen which was large enough for a small table and chairs. Either a lack of storage space or a lack of organization was evident—bread, cereal boxes, a blender, and a panini maker sat on the counter rather than in a cabinet or pantry. In their living room was a well-worn couch similar to Ed's old brown leather one, a coffee table cluttered with a PlayStation and its controllers, and a flat screen television. Justin quickly put the game console on the floor and they spread out their meal. While they ate, Sarah felt uncertainty creep into the air, and she knew their unresolved almost-conversation about money needed to be addressed.

Sarah finished her beer and went for another, bringing one for Justin without asking.

"Thanks," he said, grinning at the half-full bottle already in front of him.

"Listen, um…" Sarah saw his smile fade, "Earlier…when we were repeating _billions_ over and over, um…I got this weird feeling."

"You did?"

"Yes." Sarah sat cross-legged on the couch with her beer, abandoning what was left of the food. "Did it…does it…bother you that I have the job I have?"

Pensively, Justin stared into the kitchen.

Sarah began trembling and her chest burned. She was sure this was the beginning of the end. They were going to break up. Brooke was right. They were too different. There were too many factors ready and willing to drive a wedge between them.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said, turning back to her. There was a levity in his voice that immediately tempered her fears.

"The only thing that would come close to bothering me about your job is that I hate thinking that you see people die."

"And I hate thinking billionaires blame you when they lose money."

Sarah managed a sardonic laugh. "I get paid enough to take it. And you…you don't get paid enough for what you do. You save people's _lives_."

Justin shrugged. "That's the way it is."

Sarah still didn't have the assurance she needed. "Justin, I make a ridiculous amount of money. I mean, you talked about credit card debt, I _try_ to rack up credit card debt and, it's like, I can't. I spoil the hell out of Noey, I constantly buy Maggie and Wyatt outfits and toys, I have a zillion pairs of those heels that scare you…I live in that apartment practically for free…"

Justin blinked. He took her beer and put it on the coffee table. "I knew when I walked into your office the day we had lunch you and I weren't in the same tax bracket." He grinned at his joke, but despondency lingered on her face and in her eyes. He took her hands and weaved their fingers together. "But I could tell there was more to you than your salary. Lookin' back, I think that was obvious the second I asked you if you needed help that night."

"I don't want this to be a problem," she croaked, trying with all her might to avoid crying.

"It's not," Justin said.

"But what if…what if it _is_? In the future?"

"Then we'll make it not a problem anymore. But, Sarah—"

 _Gawwd I love how he says my name._

"—I'm telling you right now it's not. At least not for me. I mean, even after I get my degree, I may still have this job, and if not, I'll never have a job like yours. I'm never going to be able to buy you a closet full of those Manolos or whatever they are—"

Sarah finally smiled.

"—but I don't think you really care about stuff like that. Like, when I saw you with your family and with your brother and the little ones…all I saw was love…and I see it when you're with me, when you look at me, you can't fake the look in your eyes…and money doesn't buy it."

"Omigod." It took Sarah a minute to collect herself, for Justin had completely stunned her with not only his words but by his depth—he was essentially teaching Sarah about Sarah. Nobody had ever done that before, or, if they had, she hadn't paid attention.

" _Justin_ ," She rose to her knees and inched toward him.

The kiss was the same as the one they'd shared on the beach, only this time they were in the confines of his apartment and away from the prying eyes of passersby. Justin held her tightly at first, content to simply kiss her, but soon his hands were untucking her shirt and traversing her back. Sarah had been craving his touch for weeks and wanted to yank off her shirt and bra, but she let him dictate the pace. He seemed intent on savoring every second. Nevertheless, she pressed her hips into his and gasped approvingly at the feel of him against her.

He sat up enough so she could rid him of his polo. The sight of him shirtless made her quiver with anticipation. He was lean and lanky, but his abs and pecs were toned and his caramel skin smooth. She peppered his torso with kisses and she went for his belt, desperate to see more of him.

….

Olivia pounded the keys on the laptop. It got louder and louder and Ed was seconds from asking her what was wrong when she stopped and let out a throaty, "there."

"There?"

"I'm done."

"You are?" It had been awhile since Olivia had asked Ed to read anything. He didn't question her at all, preferring to let her dictate when and what he was privy to reading.

" _Done_ ," she said again.

"Well congratulations," he smiled and kissed her, "Now what?"

"Send it to my editor. Make changes…and publish it I guess. I'm sure there's more to it, but, everything's written."

"I'm so proud of you, Liv," he lovingly stroked her cheek.

She glanced at the screen, "Even if only a handful of people buy the book?"

"Even if _one_ person buys the book."

Olivia smiled, closed the laptop, and snuggled up to him.

"But I told you at the beginning, it's gonna be a bestseller."

"Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you for always believing in me. I don't think I could've written most of what I put down there without you. Without having you in my life. Just knowing you're…on my side…it gave me strength to face the past, to articulate it in a way that could be inspiring to other people."

Ed rolled her over onto her back. "I love being that person, Liv." He kissed her, tangling his fingers in her hair with one hand and teasing at her waistband with the other. "Feel like…some celebratory sex?" He smirked, feeling cocky at already knowing the answer.

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "I very much feel like it. Do me a favor first?"

"Anything."

"Will you put the laptop on the table? I would hate for it to fall off, be damaged, and lose all the work…"

Ed obliged and resumed his position on top of her. He kissed her deeply, his tongue moving around and around hers insistently. He had her out of her clothes and was about to rid himself of his shorts when a piercing cry came through the baby monitor though it was loud enough to be audible without the device.

" _Shit_."

Olivia reached for the iPad. "It's Wyatt." Olivia lifted her head and gave him a quick, passionate kiss. "I'll go. You…stay right here…" She grabbed the shorts and t-shirt from the floor and tied her hair in a messy ponytail on the way to the twins' room. Ed saw her figure enter and pick up their youngest son. She returned a few minutes later with Wyatt in her arms.

"He has a fever," she said. "I just gave him some children's Tylenol." She sat on the bed and cradled her baby boy. "Drink this, sweetie," she held a sippy cup to his lips and he took a couple of sips before swatting it away and burying his face against her chest. "Okay, sweet Wyatt, Mommy's gotcha, go back to sleep big guy."

Ed propped himself against the headboard and motioned for Olivia to lean against him. He ran a finger over Wyatt's pink, chubby cheek and kissed her head. With lovemaking postponed for the night, Ed, nevertheless, whispered in Olivia's ear.

"Is it weird that I think you're sexiest when you're being a mom?"

Olivia craned her head back and puckered her lips, inviting a kiss. Ed planted one on her lips.

"Maybe," she finally answered, "But it happens to me, too…like, when you're doing your ten Noahs and ten Maggies and ten Wyatts?"

"Oh yeah?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

" _Yeah_ …very sexy, Captain Tucker."

"But when do you think I'm sexi _est_?"

"Oh," Olivia replied in a whimsical voice, "Probably right now, when you're still flirting even though this baby is going to be in our bed all night. Your relentlessness is endearing."

…..

Groggy from waking frequently to soothe Wyatt and monitor his temperature, Olivia ambled her way back to the bedroom to hopefully spend her morning off catching up on sleep. Wyatt's temperature was close to normal, but he was cranky which Olivia chalked up to hunger and lack of sleep. Ed sent Olivia back to bed and prepared breakfast for all three kids.

She was close to drifting back to sleep when her phone vibrated. She fumbled around, opened one eye, and saw the caller was Sarah. She answered with a hoarse hello.

"Omigod, Livvie, you are simply not going to be- _LIEVE_ what happened last night."

Sarah rang through loud and clear, but so did the street noise. Olivia pictured her striding briskly down the street, one arm flailing around, the other occupied with holding the phone and making sure her bag didn't fall from her shoulder.

"You slept with him."

"No."

"You broke up?" Olivia crossed her fingers this was not the case.

"Oh, no. Not even close. So, _omigod_ , we're at his apartment, right, which is like, a total guy apartment with video games and all that, and we're eating and talking and, well, he said some stuff and I'm like, I cannot take this anymore, so we start kissing and _it's going to happen_ ," Sarah paused, "And, I swear to God two seconds before Justin is about to take me to his bedroom his _brother_ walks in!"

"Oh, honey," Olivia truly sympathized with her plight.

"So he has his shirt off and my bra's undone—"

Olivia stifled laughter. She was now picturing fellow pedestrians picking up bits and pieces of Sarah's story.

"—and his brother who, of course, I've never met is standing there with beer and two of his friends, they were supposed to watch the game out but they got kicked out of the bar or something so here we are, like, obviously about to ravage each other, and I'm like hey, I'm Sarah. And then we all started laughing because, what else to do? And Justin and I went into his room which is right off the living room, so the mood's sorta killed."

"What'd you do after that?"

"We got dressed and, well, you know, calmed down a little and watched the freaking game with them. Go ahead, you can laugh."

Olivia had already been chuckling to herself as Sarah rambled through the story. "You watched the game with them?"

"What else to do? I couldn't leave right then! So, anyway, the awkwardness passed and we drank and cheered for the Yankees and then I Ubered home."

"Wow, Sare…I promise you, it'll happen."

"I know…I'm okay…I thought you'd appreciate the story."

"I do."

"You also sound like you're still in bed. Did you have a hot date last night?"

"Sort of. Wyatt was up with a fever."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, my poor baby!"

"We gave him some meds and he seems to be better. A little fussy. Your dad's trying to get him to eat so I can sleep."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

"No problem at all."

"I'll let you go. Hopefully the next time I call I'll have better news to report."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	55. Chapter 55

**Fifty-five.**

At noon Sarah had signed off on her team's portion of the quarterly reports and passed them on to the next division. She tapped her fingers on her desk, debating how to spend the rest of the day. Justin was working a fairly regular 10-6 shift so he wouldn't be ready for lunch and Sarah wanted to make sure to give him his space. Sure, he worked in close proximity to her office, but that didn't mean they had to spend every spare second together. Although, after last night's _almost_ , she was tempted to invite him for a midafternoon romp at her apartment.

She piddled in her office until one o'clock before making the decision to leave and surprise Brooke. While waiting for the train, she called Justin, taking a chance he'd be able to talk for a minute or two. He answered like they were already in the middle of a conversation.

"Ya know, I was thinking to myself…Sarah hasn't called or texted yet today. And I was startin' to get a little worried."

She swooned at the teasing and explained she'd left early and was going to see her sister.

"And…I was thinking…why don't you come over after work? I'll make dinner…like, a real dinner?" Justin laughed at _real dinner_ but said he was looking forward to it, whatever that entailed. "And," Sarah bit her lip, "If you want…we could do brunch in the morning at this new place that opened last week on my block. I heard it's amazing."

"If it's amazing we better go," Justin said. Sarah could tell he was in a good mood and excited to see her. She could also tell he understood the implied invitation to spend the night.

The train approached, and Sarah said a hurried goodbye.

The ride to Ft. Greene was quick, and Sarah tried to remember the route to Brooke's place without using her phone. She got turned around immediately and stopped off on a path in the park to get her bearings. Eventually, albeit in a roundabout way, she found Vanderbilt Street and buzzed Brooke's apartment.

"Hi Sis!" She said brightly into the intercom. "Care to take me to lunch?"

Feeling energized but having nothing much to do, Brooke thanked Sarah for getting her out of the apartment, and they decided to go to the pub where Aidan was working. At Brooke's request they chose a booth rather than the bar and its stools with no back support. Aidan appeared, did a double-take, and came over to say hello.

"He seems happy," Sarah said after he went to notify the bartender he had a customer.

"He got his first paycheck," Brooke said, So, yes, he's happy. I also think he has a crush on one of the servers."

"They're too old for him," Sarah said.

"They are, but it's cute."

Sarah slid the lime wedge from its plastic sword and tapped it against her teeth. "I can't believe he's allowed to work in a _bar_."

"Limited hours," Brooke says. "He never works later than six or seven. And we live so close. It's good for him."

"Yes it is." Sarah examined the menu. "Have you eaten here?"

"Yes. Burger's good."

Sarah twisted her lips. "Wanna split one? I don't want to eat too much, I'm making dinner for Justin tonight."

" _Ahhh_ ," Brooke said, "Justin's coming over…how's that all working out?"

"Brookey I am so in love," Sarah said, obviously hoping she'd ask. "He's so, so, so perfect."

"Can I ask you a question without you getting mad at me?" Brooke tucked her hair behind her ears. It was her go-to mannerism for when she was anxious or uncertain about something.

"Sure."

"What are you going to do when it comes time to buy a house or you want to take an expensive vacation and he can't afford it?"

Sarah screwed up her face. "I don't understand."

" _Sarah_ ," Brooke pronounced her name in her teacher voice. It was the tone she reserved for when she believed her younger sister was being naive or failing to completely think things through.

Sarah immediately felt her jaw stiffen as she instinctively went into defensive mode.

"Can I point out that you have never _ever_ had to think about money? And people like Justin, they _always_ have to think about it. They scrape by. It's a _survival_ culture."

"I don't know about _culture_ ," Sarah replied, "He's…he's had some hard times, but it's not like he's destitute, Brookey. You met him…you didn't like him? Didn't get a good vibe from him?"

"I'm worried that he's going to end up using you and your money."

Stunned, Sarah flung herself against the backrest and gaped at Brooke. She was disappointed and offended and couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or lash out at her.

"Why would you say that?" She asked calmly.

"Because I'm genuinely concerned."

"You don't know him."

"You don't either."

Sarah narrowed her eyes and her cheeks flushed, but she maintained her cool. "I've seen or talked to him just about every day for a month. I've met his mother. Hell, Brooke, we haven't even slept together yet. We've spent _days_ together talking…like, really having a genuine conversation…about things that matter. And we've talked about money. I can't…well, I guess I could…but I can't help it I get paid so well for doing something that I find incredibly easy and so, according to you, I should be forever limited to dating people who have the same salary?"

Momentarily cowed, Brooke stared into her ice water and mumbled, "I didn't know you were that close."

"How could you know? From the very beginning you assumed he was some thug."

"Do you remember how you used to criticize my old job?" Brooke shot back, "My school? You called them delinquents and gang bangers and assumed they did drugs and brought guns into the building. _Justin_ is from that same type of neighborhood. So I don't get why you're, all of a sudden, _in love_."

Admittedly, Brooke was right. Sarah had been overly harsh on Brooke and unforgiving in her assessment of her South Bronx students. "Maybe meeting him has taught me a lesson," she said. "But, using the same logic, _you_ shouldn't be so skeptical. You constantly told me I was wrong about your kids and now a guy from the Bronx isn't good enough for me? Doesn't make sense, Brookey."

"I see both sides," she said, "I don't want you to be disappointed. I can see how happy you are."

Sarah raised her eyebrows.

 _You don't want me to be disappointed or you're disappointed I'm happy?_

"Can we eat and talk about something else?" Sarah waved over the bartender, ordered the cheeseburger and another drink. In time, Brooke would get used to Justin. "Like, when's your next checkup? I need to know if I'm getting a niece or a nephew."

…..

Sarah opened the door and Justin immediately dropped his bag and kissed her. However, the smooch was cut short when he heard the sounds of Noah and Maggie playing on the floor. He grinned at them and looked to Sarah who smiled apologetically.

"I. Am. So. Sorry," she said. "My Dad had to take Wyatt to the ER and Livvie met them there. So I'm on kid duty for a few hours at least."

"Is Wyatt okay?"

"Yes, he had a fever last night and it came back this afternoon and he wouldn't eat or drink anything so he's on an IV now. But my Dad didn't sound too worried. His fever was already down, but then again, that happened this morning so they may keep him overnight."

"That's scary." Pure concern was etched on Justin's face.

Sarah touched his cheek and cocked her head. The fact that their romantic night now involved babysitting did not faze him, and she loved him even more. "Yeah, I'm glad my Dad took him to the hospital. So…it's the four of us for the time being." She swooped an arm in the kids' direction.

"Cool." Justin fist bumped Noah. The five-year-old had apparently been waiting for his sister to finish with the tender greeting before he interrupted.

"Hi Jus'tin! We here 'cause Wyatt's not feelin' good! So Daddy took him to da doc'ter and I got Maggie right here! We brought jammies too, case we haveta sleepover!"

Maggie grinned and flailed her arms, scattering toys everywhere. She pulled herself up on the coffee table and toddled over, not wanting to be left out of the huddle.

"I'm glad Wyatt's with the doctor so he'll feel all better," Justin said. "I'm gonna change and then…what are ya playin?"

"Blocks and cars and small sister's baby dolls. Sare Bear have lotsa toys for us in da closet so we don't haveta bring toys when we come over! And we have paper and markers and PAINT!"

"Sounds good." Justin looked to Sarah for direction.

"My room," she said, "To the left."

He returned in khaki shorts and a gray t-shirt and took a seat on the floor with the kids. Maggie immediately handed him her Baby Gund doll.

"Thank you," he hugged the doll to his cheek then nuzzled Maggie's chin with it.

"I need a pillow like this," he said, "So soft."

Sarah lightly scratched his head. "I'll keep that in mind. Do you want a drink?"

"I'm good for now."

"Sure?"

"Yeah," he cupped Sarah's lower leg. His touch sent shivers everywhere in her body and she struggled to stay still. "Didja eat? I'm a little later than I thought I'd be."

"Nope. We were waiting for you, but, I'm sorry to say, I didn't shop so we have junk food and take out menus."

"Noah, I know you like grilled cheese and tater tots."

Noah grinned.

"But what else do ya like?"

"Pizza an' noodles and, and, and, tacos!"

"What about Maggie?"

"She like all that and her nuggies. Those babies _always_ eat nuggies! And not even with honey mustard!" Noah's face filled with consternation, clearly flabbergasted Maggie and Wyatt could possibly stomach chicken nuggets without some type of dip.

Sarah brought a stack of menus to Justin and, without prompting, Noah climbed into his lap and helped him sort through their options. Sarah parked herself nearby and played with Maggie, all the while keeping one eye on Justin and Noah.

 _Omigod they're so cuuuute_.

"Nope, nuffin for Maggs."

"Ah, I don't feel like Indian food tonight."

"Had pizza for lunch."

They settled on Chinese and ate it at on the floor in the living room. Cartoons blared and the floor was covered with toys. Justin asked Noah what he liked to do for fun and the little boy launched into a litany of activities ranging from the zoo to going to work at Sare Bear's office. Sarah bragged about Noah's propensity for math and his ten certificates at the awards ceremony. Noah tried to correct her, " _it was six, Sare Bear_ ," but she brushed off the clarification and continued her encomium.

"Jus-tin? You wanna play Yahtzee?"

"Sure."

Sarah groaned.

"Don't like that game?" Justin asked, grinning.

"I always lose. Noah rolls Yahtzees like crazy. As soon as he's old-looking, I'm getting him a fake ID and taking him to Atlantic City."

Noah was already in the coat closet digging out the game and Justin snuck a kiss. "I'll go to Atlantic City with you in the meantime if ya want."

Extremely interested, Sarah said, "Next weekend?"

"Sure."

…..

For someone who spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the course of her career, Olivia thought she would, at some point, be used to the sounds, the garish fluorescent lighting, and the constant movement of doctors and nurses. When there for police business, maybe she was numb to it all, but she would never be comfortable in the emergency room or anywhere else in those sterile halls when one of her children was in need of serious medical attention.

Poor Wyatt looked pathetic and very small in the large crib, the slats of which more closely resembled cell bars than a baby bed. To keep the IV in place the nurse wrapped his hand in gauze and secured it with tape making his chubby little arm resemble a large white club. Despite the unfamiliar bed, the discomfort of the IV, and other people poking and prodding, Wyatt settled down and was sleeping and sucking peacefully on his tiger Wubbanub.

Olivia stroked his head with the backs of her fingers, barely touching him, not wanting to disturb his sleep, but desperate for Wyatt to feel his mother's presence. Ed began the evening as the quintessential nervous parent, but as soon as Wyatt received fluids and stronger medication, he perked up and eased Ed's fears. Olivia was not as easily assuaged, and Ed patiently watched her dote on their son from one of two rocking chairs in the room. Her lips moved but he couldn't hear what she was saying. Most likely she was repeatedly whispering _Mommy's right here_ or something to that effect. Her hair hung across her profile in loose waves. Having rushed here from work, she still wore her badge and holstered gun. Upon arrival, she'd ditched the black blazer and her seafoam-colored blouse brightened the drab room.

Wyatt's doctor entered holding an iPad and reported his vitals were strong and there was no reason to think this was anything other than a nasty virus. His temperature had held steady for a while, but still, he wanted Wyatt to stay overnight for observation.

Ed saw the panic fill Olivia's face. He immediately grabbed her hand and spoke for the two of them. "Yeah, okay, whatever you think it best."

"I'm staying," Olivia said adamantly.

"Of course _we_ are," Ed kissed her cheek. "Anything we need to do?" He asked the doctor.

"Nope. Bear with us and as long as the fever stays down he should be ready to discharge by noon tomorrow."

Ed and Olivia mumbled their thanks. A distressed Olivia looked at Ed pleadingly. "I hate this."

"So do I, but he'll be fine. Look at 'em, he already looks better."

"He does…I… _ugh_ …all I can think about his being here too much with Noah and Wyatt in the NICU…"

Confident he could kiss her worries away, Ed pressed his lips to hers and vigorously rubbed her arms from shoulder to elbow. Only partially successful, he held her closely, one hand on the back of her head, and swayed around to a balled audible only in his head. Gradually, the tension melted away, but she made no attempt to leave his arms and he wasn't willing to let her go right then anyway.

….

Maggie and Noah were barely visible under a pile of blankets and oversized bed pillows. Sarah and Justin bookended them, with Maggie wide awake at Justin's side and Noah snuggled under Sarah's arm. The second movie of the night, _The Mighty Ducks_ , played on the flat screen, and the remnants of their junk food binge littered the coffee table. Sarah continually snuck glances at her little pretend family. Maggie's stamina amazed her. Small sister had a reputation for hating bedtime, but it was almost eleven o'clock and she showed no signs of fatigue. Noah had been glued to Justin all night and delighted in drawing _boys vs. girls_ lines for Yahtzee, Uno, and matchbox car races. However, when he presented Justin with his art supplies and invited him to draw something, Noah made sure to mention the pencils, pastels, and fancy paper came from DaVinci and trips there were strictly Noah-Sarah adventures.

"But you can use all da stuff, Jus-tin!"

"Thanks, Noah. It is all really nice."

Twice Sarah rubbed Justin's shoulders and reminded him he was a guest and didn't have to actually assume babysitting duties, but each time he mumbled an _I know_ and continued whatever it was he and Noah or Maggie were doing.

Ed sent regular updates and, at nine-thirty, informed Sarah that, as expected, Wyatt was going to be kept overnight for observation. There was no need for concern; nevertheless, Olivia refused to leave Wyatt's side, so he was going to get them some food and coffee.

"I know ya had plans," Ed said, "But do you mind keeping them overnight?"

"No problem," Sarah said. "They're already asleep anyway." She put her index finger to her lips and Noah giggled into his blanket.

"Right," Ed muttered. "Thank you. And tell Justin thank you. I'll call you in the morning."

"Okay." Sarah hung up the phone, tossed it aside, and shouted, "Par-TAY!"

Maggie shrieked and grinned. Noah did a few laps around the living room. Sarah brought chips, cupcakes, and soda to the table. She did show a bit of restraint; however. Maggie was not allowed to have soda. She was, however, given cheese puffs and her hands and entire face were orange within seconds.

"Do _not_ make any Trump jokes," Sarah playfully pointed a finger at Justin on her way into the kitchen for a wash cloth. " _Ugh_ , small sister, it's even in your hair! You are messy!"

Noah examined his hands. "Gotta use dese two fingers, Maggs!" He showed her his thumb and index finger and made a pinching motion. He continued the movement and squeezed her little nose. "Gotcha, small sister!"

Sarah's go-to move for calming down was the movie and blankets. Justin helped her move them from the hall closet and guest bedroom and they stole a few kisses during the few seconds of alone time. Their presence among the children was immediately missed.

"Sare Bear! Justy! I picked da movie!"

Sarah raised her eyebrows, "Justy?"

Flattered by the new nickname, he grinned and his cheeks blushed. "We must be true friends now," he said.

Sarah patted his chest and did her best Olivia imitation.

"I like it."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	56. Chapter 56

**Fifty-six**.

A lull fell over the children's wing when night fell, but the diminished activity sharpened Ed's senses. Every beep pierced his eardrums. Whenever Wyatt moved, the sheets rustled against the mattress. The faux-leather chair covering creaked every time Olivia got up or sat down. Neither mother nor son stayed still for long stretches. Every half hour or so Wyatt woke, struggled with his one gauze-wrapped hand to sit up, and whimpered pathetically until Olivia or Ed picked him up. Finally, Olivia dragged a rocking chair next to his bed and held him. He calmed down some, but was still restless.

"Ed, will you give me his pajamas?"

"Liv, they said to leave him in the diaper."

"He doesn't sleep like this. Ever. Please, just give me the shirt."

Ed handed over the top half of Wyatt's truck pajamas (Noah had a matching set), and Olivia immediately realized, with one hand hooked up to the IV, it would be impossible to get the shirt on.

"I'll go get a nurse," Ed mumbled. He wanted to move anyway. He couldn't sleep in the chair or anywhere else in a hospital. The former cop hated hospitals. He despised the sterility and the workaday manner of the nurses, doctors, and other personnel. Sure, their pediatrician was excellent, but Ed, like all parents, wanted Wyatt to be everyone's priority, and he reluctantly acknowledged that was simply not possible. At the desk, he impatiently waited for the night nurse to follow him into Wyatt's room to temporarily detach the IV. She offered and strongly recommended a gown, but Olivia was adamant that Wyatt wear his own clothing. Once the shirt was on and the IV once again sending much needed fluids into Wyatt's little body, Olivia wore a satisfied smile. She was right. Wyatt settled into her and drifted off to sleep.

Ed kissed the top of her head. "Why dontcha put him back in bed and try to get some sleep?" They both knew the absurdity of the suggestion. Neither Olivia nor Ed were going to get any sleep as long as their baby was here; however, Olivia did acknowledge he may be better off temperature-wise if he slept on his own, so she gently laid him back in the crib. She gripped the railing and Ed securely put his arms around her waist, pressing his cheek to hers. "I _hate_ this," she groaned. Since arriving she'd uttered the sentiment at least twenty times.

"I know. I do too. Another few hours and we'll all be home."

" _Hospitals_ ," Olivia muttered, exasperated.

Ed held her more tightly. Gradually, he had learned all about Noah's medical history and how difficult it had been, at times, for Olivia to balance caring for him and commanding her unit. However, every time the little boy had a checkup their pediatrician now marveled at how much his body had recovered from its rough beginnings. Olivia had predicted a lifetime of breathing problems and the need for an ever-present inhaler, but Noah had surmounted the obstacles of his first couple of years and was now a perfectly healthy boy.

The twins' birth also posed a set of conflicting memories—Maggie coming out screaming only to have the medical team whisk Olivia to an operating room to deliver Wyatt via C-section. Going home with only Maggie nearly killed Olivia. Had she not been so exhausted, it would've been even more devastating. If Wyatt had been required to stay any longer, Ed was sure Olivia would've hired private nurses and created a NICU in their apartment.

So he understood her need to be with Wyatt now. Their youngest son required the least maintenance of all the kids, including Brooke and Sarah. If placed in his crib, Wyatt went to sleep. He walked with considerable confidence, but could be trusted to stay within the unpoliced confines of the space between the living room and dining area that had become the twins' play space. Bath time, diaper changes, getting dressed…Wyatt never objected. Maggie would squirm and squeal; Wyatt, as Sarah once put it, _"was always chill."_

There were times when Ed worried he wasn't paying enough attention to Wyatt because of his characteristic contentedness. Then again, the little boy showed no signs that he was, in any way, ignored. He loved to be held and cuddled. He would sit in anyone's lap for hours. He smiled. He was a little bit shy, and when strangers were around he always gravitated toward Olivia.

"I love how he looks exactly like you," Ed intoned.

"He has your eyes."

"Yeah, but his face, his features, his smile…it's all you. Even when he's sleeping…that is definitely your child."

Olivia put her hands over his. "Our child." She choked back a sob, "And _our family_ is not our family without him."

"Liv, he's gonna be fine," Ed turned her around and kissed her forehead. "He's a little stubborn…wouldn't drink anything…I wonder where he gets that stubborn streak from?"

"Probably you."

Ed smirked at her sass. "Yeah…probably…"

….

A few miles away from the hospital, other Tuckers found sleep elusive. After the second movie, Noah and Maggie were both nodding off, but as soon as Sarah made a move to take Maggie into the guest room and the pack-and-play, Noah shot up.

"We sleep HERE! On da couch bed!"

At the other end of the sofa, Justin groggily rubbed his eyes. "I should prolly go."

He'd hardly finished the sentence when Noah shouted. "NO! We sleep HERE! With da TV!" He lifted a cushion, "See? Dere's a BED here!"

Sarah and Justin looked at one another.

"Up for a sleepover?" She asked apologetically, assuming Justin had spent all the patience for babysitting he could muster and would definitely decline the invitation.

"I did tell my brother the place was his tonight."

"Justy you HAVETA stay with us!" Noah narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow.

Justin smiled at him and turned to Sarah. "If you don't mind, I'll stay.

"Of course I don't mind." She made a swooping motion with her arm, "I mean, we've come this far."

He grinned. "I can crash…somewhere else. Or here on the couch." He'd already concluded Sarah typically piled all the kids in bed with her when she watched them overnight.

"NO!" Noah shouted and reiterated his earlier point, "Da couch bed! With da TV!"

Sarah and Justin exchanged glances. For some unspoken reason, the four of them on the sofa bed was less weird than the four of them on her bed, so Justin nodded his assent. She picked up Maggie and handed her to Justin while she and Noah slid the coffee table to the side and dragged the cushions to the far wall. While she and Noah went through their familiar routine, Sarah overheard and nearly fainted at Justin's sweet handling of Maggie.

He swung her around and made her giggle. At one point he called her _small sister_ and asked how she got that name.

"When we were telling Noey he was getting a sister he said he had big sisters and now he had a small sister," Sarah said, "It was so cute. She's gonna be small sister forever. But her personality is not small. That girl is gonna make an impact somewhere. I'm quite sure."

"Sare Bear, what's im'pact?"

"It means you make people do something or feel something. But not just for a second. Forever. Like how you like sushi? Because I showed you sushi?"

Noah grinned and nodded. "LOVE sushi."

"See, Mommy and Daddy don't like it so much, but I do and now you do, and you'll tell your friends its good, so that's impact."

Noah paused and pondered Sarah's words. "Jus-tin? You like sushi?"

Justin flipped Maggie right side up and onto his shoulders. "Well, I haven't eaten it too much," he said, "Maybe you should show me a place to go to have the best sushi."

"Sare Bear know."

"Maybe she'll take me sometime."

Noah giggled, "We ALL go!"

Sarah put the finishing touches on the sofa bed, adding several extra pillows and blankets, and Noah immediately climbed up and started jumping. "See? Dis a good bed! Justy, gimme small sister!"

Noah held Maggie's hands, and they jumped together, falling occasionally in a heap. Sarah made a loop through the apartment to turn off the lights. She set the flat screen's sleep timer long enough to accommodate another movie, and took her spot on the side of the bed closest to the windows.

"Justy, you sleep here," Noah, still jumping, pointed to the other edge. "And me an' Maggie in da middle 'cause Maggie's squirmy!"

Justin placed a tattered paperback on the side table and stretched out on the bed propped against the rear cushion. Noah arranged his pillows and finally laid down. He successfully coaxed Maggie into the space next to him.

"Dere ya go, small sister," he carefully wedged her quilt around her little body, "And ya have your baby. Ni'night."

Maggie babbled and struggled to move her arms and legs around due to Noah's careful tuck-in job. She whined a bit until Sarah freed her hands, but Maggie made no attempt to get up. Sarah scrolled through movie options and settled on the original _Winnie the Pooh_ since it was significantly less raucous than the others she had stored in her queue labeled _Kiddos._

….

Ed tried not to rustle the two paper bags as he unwrapped the late-night snack. Wyatt had been sleeping peacefully for three hours, and when he and Olivia finally relaxed, they both acknowledged the hunger pangs that had apparently been kept at bay by concern for their son. Ed quietly cleared one of the room's tables and spread their food, including two drinks for Olivia.

"Got ya coffee and tea," he said.

She smiled appreciatively. "You're the best."

"Feelin' better?"

Olivia finished chewing her first bite and nodded, "Very much."

"Good." Ed hated seeing Olivia in distress as much as she hated Wyatt in a hospital bed with an IV needle in his hand.

"I don't know," Olivia stopped eating and waved her hands around as she spoke, "I don't know why I get so terrified…all parents have a kid who has to go to the ER, right? And with Noah…I shouldn't be like this. I should be an old pro by now."

The chair in which Olivia sat was not designed for two people, but Ed maneuvered himself in next to her anyway. "Nobody is an old pro at hospitals," he said, "At least not us, not parents. And it's because we're not in control of anything…we have to rely on the people here…and neither you nor I have ever been comfortable with that."

After a self-deprecating chuckle, Olivia replied, "No, no we have not."

"But I'm comfortable relying on you," Ed whispered.

She put her hands on his sturdy forearms, "I'm comfortable _with_ you," Olivia said, "In general." She knew he was smirking, "Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think people are really going to buy this book?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Couple a' reasons," he replied, "Some people'll read it because they like cop stories. Other people will read it because it's a _good story_."

"It was therapeutic in a way," Olivia said, "Looking back, now, years later, and not only reflecting but kind of…counseling myself…"

"If right-now Olivia could say one thing to green Olivia, what would it be?"

"That's a tough one," she murmured, taking a few seconds to collect her thoughts, "But it would be something along the lines of not being ashamed to see a therapist sooner. When I was younger, when _anyone_ is younger, they assume the trauma of being a cop comes with the territory. That, somehow, having a shield makes you immune to everything you see. I don't know what, if anything, would've changed if, say, I saw someone after my mom died or after some of my first really tough cases as a detective…I wasn't much older than Noah when I figured out I'd have to do a lot of things by myself…so the idea of seeing someone never occurred to me unless it was mandated by the department. It was a punishment, a hoop to jump through rather than a part of surviving."

Olivia's transparency no longer surprised Ed, but it did affirm how much she trusted him and their marriage. It was flattery of the highest order. When she bared her soul and spoke with raw, sometimes-brutal honesty, Ed always had to suppress the urge to thank her.

"What about you?" She asked. "What would Captain Tucker say to Officer Tucker?"

Ashamed he didn't have her brand of poignant words at the ready, Ed recycled musings from a few years ago. "Remember when I was considering retirement and told ya the job will eat you alive if you let it?"

Olivia's heart thumped against her ribcage as the memory of the days before their breakup rumbled back to the forefront of her memory. She choked out a strained, "I remember."

"That's what I'd say. My entire career…I never followed that advice. I'm not sure young Tucker would either…'cause I'm sure someone musta told me that somewhere along the line." Ed felt her body grow rigid, "Hey, Liv? What is it?"

"Not following that advice almost cost me you."

Ed sighed. "But it didn't," he replied matter-of-factly.

"I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that almost," Olivia moaned.

" _Stop_ ," Ed implored. "I was gonna come back and beg anyway…"

Olivia chuckled softly.

"And that's another thing I would say," Ed continued, "You have to be willing to forgive yourself."

"And forgive others," Olivia added.

"Those who deserve it anyway."

Olivia readjusted her position so they were facing one another. She placed a hand on his cheek and stared into his eyes, bright blue and sparkling even in the dim light of the room. There was so much history and emotion swirling in the space between them at that moment, but Olivia was able to sum it up in one sentence.

She kissed him softly, touched her nose to his, and whispered, "I'm so proud of us."

….

Sarah woke up before dawn. Her first sight was Justin, asleep against the armrest, his book splayed on his chest, and the lamp still on. She crept into a standing position, careful not to jostle Maggie who had decided to fall asleep perpendicular to everyone else. One of Noah's arms curled above his head and the other was draped across Maggie's chest. Sarah smiled at the contrast of her pink princess pajamas and Noah's bold, blue-and-red Spiderman togs.

She tiptoed around the bed and dared to move the book from Justin's chest to the table. He stirred but didn't wake. However, when she pulled the lamp cord, his eyes shot open. It took him a second to get his bearings and a lazy smile formed on his face. He reached for her hand.

"Why're you up?"

"This bed gets uncomfortable, and it dips in the middle."

"Yeah."

"Come with me," Sarah whispered, "Let's go back to sleep." Her eyes drifted in the direction of her bedroom.

"What about Maggie?"

Sarah bunched the blankets and pillows around her. "She'll be okay for a couple hours."

In her bedroom, Sarah apologized for the messy space. Justin could not demur, for every inch of shelving, floor, table, and top-of-bureau was covered with something—clothing, lotions, makeup, earrings, shoes, and various important-looking files. Sarah tossed a pair of jeans and random t-shirts from the bed to a side chair and flung back the covers.

"I promise you it's clean," she said.

"I believe you," Justin replied with lingering bewilderment on his face, "But you know…this really is the stereotypical girl room."

"Yes I know."

Sarah's digital clock hadn't been reset after the last power outage, so it flashed the wrong time. Judging by the milky-gray light filtering in through slits in the blinds, both Sarah and Justin concluded it wouldn't be long before the kids were awake.

"One would think they would sleep in after being up 'til eleven," Sarah said, "But it doesn't work that way. At least not with them. And definitely not with small sister. She hates sleeping."

"And she also was up past eleven," Justin said, "You fell asleep, Noah fell asleep, and when the TV went off she looked at me like, _Help! What do I do now?_ "

"Omigod."

"Yeah, so I started reading real quiet to her and that did it."

"Fuck, we did forget story time."

Justin slung his arm around her middle and placed his head on her pillow, slightly above hers. Sarah pressed even closer and weaved one leg between his so she was almost entirely under his long, lanky body. She waited for him to move his hands and touch her, she craved even the slightest bit of intimacy, but the last thing he wanted was Noah to amble in wondering where everyone went. Since they hadn't exactly had the best of luck trying to be alone lately, Sarah reluctantly agreed to be conservative and she soon drifted back to sleep.

….

Olivia tied Wyatt's tiny Nikes and stood him in her lap for a final inspection before they left the hospital. Only his eyes showed signs of sluggishness. They drooped and were not as bright as usual, but the color was back in his chubby cheeks and he bent his knees, trying to jump up and down. Olivia played with the locks of hair that curled behind his ears—and commended him for being such a brave little boy.

"We're all set, Liv." Ed had been signing off on paperwork. "Here's the insurance card back. I have no idea where mine is."

"Will you put it in my wallet? And yours is probably at home somewhere." Ed hated carrying a bulky wallet and only kept the necessities with him—driver's license, cash, and their main credit card.

"You want me to go in your purse?"

Olivia answered him by speaking to Wyatt. "Daddy's silly, isn't he? Yes we want Daddy to put the card back because Mommy's not letting go of her brave boy!"

Ed gingerly opened Olivia's bag as if he were expecting alarms to go off or something to jump out at him. He handled her wallet like he would a grenade. However, when the card was back in its slot, he had no qualms about shouldering the bag for the walk to the car. Olivia strapped Wyatt in his car seat and tucked blankets around him even though the temperature was in the low-seventies.

"Want me to drop you at home first?"

"I kinda wanted to see Justin," Olivia said, somewhat ashamed at the admission. "But Wyatt should go home."

Ed chuckled softly. "Justin got thrown into the fire last night. If he hasn't run away yet, he might be here to stay."

Olivia revisited the photos Sarah sent. She hadn't been in the right head space to enjoy them while Wyatt was being diagnosed, but now she took her time to examine each one. Noah and Justin were side-by-side in several and Sarah had captioned them _"new BFFs."_

"I wonder where everyone slept," Olivia murmured. "When the kids are with Sarah they always pile into the same bed…"

" _If_ they slept at all," Ed quipped.

Indeed, Sarah and Justin looked a little worse for the wear when Ed arrived a short time later. The apartment was a mess of toys and art supplies. Glasses and plates were stacked next to the sink and the trash nearly overflowed with last night's take-out containers and junk food bags. Nevertheless, Noah and Maggie were clean, dressed, and fed.

"Where's Wyatt?" Sarah asked.

"Home."

"I was hoping to snuggle him, poor baby!"

"He's a trooper," Ed replied proudly. "Hardly cried at all when they put the IV need—"

Sarah buried her face in her hands, " _STOP_!"

"Anyway, he's good." Ed shook Justin's hand. "Thanks a lot," he said, "Sorry to have to saddle ya with these two all night." Ed picked up Maggie and held her high before perching her on his hip. Always happy to be with her Daddy, Maggie put her head on his shoulder. A serene smile that looked very close to the Tucker smirk was plastered on her face.

"We had a lot of fun," Justin said sincerely. "Not saddled at all."

Noah skipped into the kitchen having scoured the rooms for any belongings traveling home with him. Justin helped him on with the backpack and they bumped fists. Noah made an exploding noise when his knuckles touched Justin's.

"See ya, Noah."

"Bye Justy!"

Ed and Sarah exchanged amused glances.

 _Yes, Justin now has a nickname and Noah could quite possibly have a tenth best friend._

Sarah mentioned she and Justin were heading to brunch, and Ed tried to shove some twenties into her hands before leaving. Sarah refused.

"Daddy, don't be silly. That's what family's for. Now, Noah, when you get home be extra sweet to Wyatt, okay?"

"Kay Sare Bear!"

"And also be sweet to Mommy because she was probably up all night worrying."

"She was," Ed remarked.

"Well, let her take a nap," Sarah suggested with a twinkle in her eye, "And, Daddy, by _nap_ I mean actual sleeping, kay?"

Ed shook his head helplessly. "Enjoy your Saturday," he muttered, trying to sound perturbed.

"You too!" Sarah poked her head into the hallway. She and Noah blew kisses at one another until he, Ed, and Maggie disappeared into the elevator.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	57. Chapter 57

**Fifty-seven.**

As long as she lived, Olivia swore there was no better feeling than a child sleeping on her shoulder. Wyatt had conked out in his car seat, so when she entered the apartment she removed his shoes, socks, and cotton shorts and put him in his crib. He immediately put his fist in his mouth, probably glad to have it back and gauze-free. The tiny red mark where the needle had pierced his skin still made Olivia cringe. She kissed two of her fingers and pressed them to Wyatt's head.

Intending to shower and change into sweats, she paid little attention to anything in the living room or kitchen, but an array of color on the island caught her eye. It was a bouquet of bright sunflowers and the card was addressed to her.

 _Liv,_

 _I know it's been a tough twenty-four hours. Wanted you to have some sunshine in case the weather didn't cooperate today. And if it is sunny outside, you deserve more of it. I love you._

 _-Ed_

She clutched the card to her chest and took it with her to the bedroom where she read it over and over until she fell asleep. Later, when Ed checked on his sleeping wife, she still had it in her hand.

…

Without the kids, the apartment suddenly felt empty and too quiet. Sarah gathered the bedding from the living room and dumped it all on the guest bed. Justin loaded the dishes into the dishwasher and was in the middle of gathering toys when Sarah snuck up behind him and slid her arms around his waist.

"You babysit _and_ you clean up?"

"If we have too many Bloody Marys at brunch all this stuff could be hazardous."

The joke mildly disappointed Sarah, for she thought they would hop back into bed once Noah and Maggie went home. She'd mentioned brunch to Ed simply for conversation's sake. "I'm going to shower real quick and change."

"Cool."

"Don't do anymore cleaning up."

"Okay."

Sarah lightly scratched his head and caught a whiff of her shampoo, "Did you like my products?"

He grinned, "Yeah…much more exciting than mine."

"Well you can use them anytime."

An hour later they were seated at a sidewalk table for two sipping spicy Bloody Marys and laughing about being thrown into impromptu parenthood for a night. Noah's maturity and protective instincts intrigued Justin.

"He acts way older than five," he said, "With everything—eating, playing, taking care of Maggie…he's so… _dignified_."

Sarah stared at the traffic with a nostalgic look on her face. "I love that boy with all my heart," she said softly, "You're right…there's something about him…he's special. When I first met him he was, like, three, and we were instant best friends."

"It's so cool how they have you to depend on," Justin said, "And also to give them anything they want."

"Yeah…I cannot say no. Which, I suppose, if I ever have my own kids I'm going to have to change."

Justin ran a finger around the rim of his glass. "You, uh, do you want kids?"

"Honestly? I don't know." Sarah shifted in her chair and popped an olive into her mouth. Glancing across the table at Justin, she saw he was prepared for full disclosure. He'd said he wanted to know everything about her, so she provided another private glimpse into her life. "When I was married, he wanted kids right away and it freaked me out. Like, that was one of the reasons I shut down. A huge reason."

"Shut down?"

"I stopped…being there," Sarah disclosed this tidbit ruefully. It was a fact she'd never verbalized until now, and it felt good to release the burden. She hadn't realized how much it had been weighing her down. "I quit at being a wife. It was such a fast change, I mean, one minute we were this exciting, young couple and the next minute I was expected to have dinner on the table and be pregnant."

Unsure exactly how serious she was, Justin did his best to maintain a poker face even though he detected a hint of jest in Sarah's voice.

"What was the other reason?" He asked calmly.

Sarah broke into a brief fit of giggles, "An equally huge issue. I didn't love him."

"I guess that could be a problem."

"Ya think?" Sarah shook her head, "So, yeah, the answer to the kid question is I don't know. What about you?"

"I do. Someday…I want to be a dad. My Dad…didn't get to do a lot of the things he should've been doing with me—"

"Why not?"

"Emphysema."

"Shit."

"Smoked his whole life," Justin rubbed his face. Dark whiskers were starting to poke through the skin along his jawline, and Sarah liked the rugged look; however, she hated seeing him sad. His brown eyes could go from cheerful to downcast and back again within seconds. "And I'm the youngest by seven years so he was pretty sick when I was growing up. He was a good guy, but…I never felt like I knew him as well as my brothers."

Sarah put her hand on his knee. "I think you'll be a great Dad. You're so good with kids."

"So are you."

"I think I'm better with Noey. And I treat him pretty much like I'd treat an adult. I'm excited for Maggie and Wyatt to get a little bit older so I can talk to them and really truly know them. I like to talk…but that you know."

"Yeah I do," Justin kissed her hand. "Talkin' to you is one of my favorite things to do."

Sarah nearly fell out of her chair. _Omigods_ flew through her head. This couldn't possibly be happening to her. Surely she was the victim of a cruel prank. In a half hour they'd had a discussion more meaningful and deep than any words she'd ever shared with Jeff or Patrick or Isaac or even Hillary. She looked at their hands. His long, spindly fingers with their soft brown skin woven in with hers. The cuticles around his closely-clipped nails were dry and a little flaky. Sarah imagined it was due to him constantly washing his hands at work.

"Ready to order?"

The server's tinny voice startled Sarah and pierced the din of the street traffic. Feeling exposed, like everyone in the immediate vicinity had the ability to read her mind and her deep yearning for all things Justin, she retracted her fingers from his and clutched the menu.

"I haven't even looked," she said apologetically.

"Can we have a minute?" Justin asked. He picked up his own menu and rubbed the corners where the lamination was beginning to lose its adhesion, but he kept his eyes trained on Sarah. "Y'alright?"

"Yeah."

"Got quiet there for a minute."

"What are you going to order?"

Justin squinted. "Sarah? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing," she mumbled.

" _C'mon_ ," he implored, "I told ya I love talking to you and all of a sudden you're not talking anymore."

Sitting on her hands, Sarah leaned forward. Her voice was barely audible and Justin angled his body toward her. "Sorry, I…I…I got, you said," Sarah stammered, "Justin, you are so…amazing. I can't describe how good I feel with you and how awesome you were last night with the kids, and everything is so _right_ and I'm…stunned that it's happening."

"Maybe brunch wasn't such a good idea." He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and waved a credit card in the air. The attentive server flitted over, brow furrowed, confused at the abrupt departure. "Change of plans," Justin explained.

Mouth agape, Sarah watched him slurp the rest of his drink and sign the receipt. He stood and held his hand out to her.

She took it.

And they made the short walk back to the apartment at a very brisk pace.

…..

Across the river in Brooklyn, Sonny tried to stop Brooke from bursting into Aidan's room. The teenager returned home late the previous night and she swore he had someone with him. Sonny had been so deeply asleep he hadn't been bothered by the door opening and closing at three a.m. and two pairs of footsteps treading lightly to Aidan's room. Wide awake, Brooke stared at the ceiling, senses heightened, alert for the smell of cigarette or marijuana smoke or the clinking of glasses.

Despite nothing being awry other than the missed curfew, uneasiness consumed Brooke and it lasted all night and into the morning. Sonny made coffee for himself and tea for her and brought it into the bedroom where they watched the morning news until midmorning when Brooke mumbled something about waking her half-brother.

"He's sixteen," Sonny said, "They sleep late."

"He's not yet sixteen," Brooke said, "And sleep late for what? I'm worried he's drinking or smoking or worse. And I know there's someone else in there. I know that for a fact."

Sonny kissed her cheek. "For a fact, huh?"

"Yes. They didn't leave."

He caressed her bulging belly, "This little one has no chance to sneak around." He crisscrossed her abdomen with kisses. "Feel like doing anything today?"

Brooke arched her back, stretching but also responding to Sonny's moves. She had been achy and bloated and in no mood for intimacy for weeks, but suddenly her need for him was urgent. All concern for Aidan temporarily abandoned, she half-rolled onto her side and ran a hand up and down his back.

"Guess you do feel like doin' somethin'," Sonny grinned and kissed her. "I mean, feel like—"

"Sonny, shut up."

…

Since Ed had closed the blinds earlier, the light, or lack of, in the Tucker bedroom made it seem as if Olivia had slept through the entire afternoon and into the evening, so she was pleasantly surprised when she checked the time and it was not yet four o'clock. The first sound she heard came from Noah's room, and she crept in. He was in his bed, waking up from a nap of his own, and Olivia crawled in next to him.

"Hi sweet boy," she purred, "I missed you."

"Hi Mommy," he said softly and patted her head. "I missed you too! Sare Bear forgetted to do stories!"

"I bet you did a lot of other fun stuff."

"Uh-huh!"

"Tell Mommy."

Noah rattled off the night's activities—Yahtzee, movies, Chinese food, matchbox car races—and he significantly downplayed the amount of chips, cookies, and soda they'd consumed. He did point out that Maggie was not allowed to have soda, but he couldn't resist telling the funny story about how the Cheeto made her turn orange.

"Did Maggie go to sleep for Sarah?"

"Small sister sleep by me on da couch bed. When I waked up, she was like dis!" Noah used Bernie the Bear to demonstrate Maggie's unconventional sleeping position.

"Oh, small sister," Olivia cooed. "Silly small sister. Did you have fun with Justin?"

"Oh, YES! Justy LOTSA fun! And he played all da games and he know Maggs likesta be upside down and when da food came I went with him to da door and I say, I PAY, but he gived da money and THEN he say, 'Noah, you pay next time'!"

"Justin seems really nice."

"Yeah, he my best friend."

Olivia chuckled softly and kissed his cheek. "You have so many best friends."

"Yeah." Noah smiled contentedly. "I drawed a pic'ture for Wyatt so he be all better."

"Where is it?"

"In da room by his bed," Noah replied, "We came home and Daddy say ' _shhhh_ everrone's sleepin' and so I did quiet time and drawed."

"What did you draw?"

Noah giggled, "Da beach! 'Cause Daddy say we all go there and Wyatt doesn't 'member 'cause he was jus' a little baby. So I draw da beach and da JET SKI!"

"That sounds so nice, Noah."

"And I put a tiger in da pic'ture too," Noah revealed the anomalous detail with a hint of embarrassment. "Cause brother like tigers."

"You are such a good brother."

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"When we goin to da beach?"

"In a few weeks."

"Justy gonna go."

It was a statement, not a question, and Olivia's interest in Sarah's evolving relationship piqued once again.

"Did you talk about the beach last night?"

"No, but Sare Bear _love_ Justy."

"How do you know that?"

Noah shrugged. Olivia assumed he'd witnessed some affectionate moments between the two of them but didn't quite have the vocabulary to express how meaningful they were in totality.

"Justy gonna be 'nother hubbind?"

Olivia nearly burst into laughter. The question was so innocent but also tinged with the implication that Sarah's love interests were, until this point, incredibly fickle.

"I don't know yet," Olivia said, "Sarah likes him very much and he's nice. So, maybe. But when people get married, when they get husbands and wives, it's very serious."

" _Yeah_ ," Noah sighed and played with Olivia's rings. "Cause ya haveta get one a these."

"Yep. But most importantly, you have to love someone so, so, so much and you have to want to be with them forever."

Noah bear-hugged her. "I love you so, so, so much! I your hubbind too?" He asked, giggling.

"Silly boy," Olivia said, "You're my son. And Daddy's son. And someday you'll love someone and want to marry them. And you'll be such a good husband because you're such a good son and brother. But you're not getting married for a long, long time because Mommy and Daddy want you right here with us. We love being your parents."

…

Tears pooled in Sarah's eyes. She lightly ran her fingertips up and down Justin's bare back and tried to lose herself in the sensation of his kisses. She wanted to close her eyes, but she knew the movement would send tears cascading down her cheeks. The last thing she needed in this moment was for Justin to think she was sad, upset, or in any way unhappy.

He hummed a little as he moved his lips across her neck and throat. One of Sarah's hands flew to his head and she played with his hair, encouraging him to continue lavishing her with his affections. She looped a leg around one of his and slid her foot up and down, hoping to coax even more passion from him. They were both exhausted, sated, and nearly numb, but Sarah wanted more.

After Justin decided to cut brunch short, they made their way back to the apartment with an unspoken but shared anticipation of what was to come. Inside, Sarah kissed him urgently, and started yanking off her own clothes, but Justin insisted they take their time. He walked them to her bedroom, made another joke about the girly mess, and laid her on the bed. Sarah's chest heaved as she reached for him. He smiled confidently, revealing the swoon-inducing crooked tooth, and swore he had never seen a more beautiful woman.

Justin was so sweet, affectionate, and tender-Sarah couldn't help but feel a little guilty at her intense, almost-violent climax. As soon as their first time was over, she craved a second, and Justin obliged, more playfully but no less loving, and now here she was, moved to tears by their shared passion.

Eventually, he looked up and noticed Sarah biting her lip and struggling to keep her emotions at bay. He placed kisses above her eyes, forcing the tears to spill over, and he kissed those, too.

"It's alright," he whispered, kissing her on the mouth, chaste at first then parting his lips and swirling his tongue around hers. "Let it go, Sare."

"Is it weird I'm crying?"

"No," he said softly.

"I've never done this before."

Justin flopped on his back and pulled her so she was resting against his chest. "Sex?"

Sarah swatted at his thigh, " _No_. Cried…after."

Justin buried his face in her hair and breathed deeply. "I think, sometimes, when you're overwhelmed, there's nothing else to do," he whispered. "All that emotion's gotta come out one way or another."

"I never cry," Sarah said, "But, with you, I'm always right on the verge of sobbing. You're so perfect. It _is_ overwhelming."

" _This_ was perfect," he whispered.

"I never wanna leave this bed," she said, "I want to stay right here forever."

"Okay."

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"If I promise to organize all my shit in here, will you stay tonight? And any night you want?"

"Don't organize," Justin said softly, "I like it as is."

….

Brooke and Sonny were showered and dressed for the day when Aidan finally emerged, shirtless, and rubbing his eyes. Brooke eyed the hallway, waiting for another person to follow him, but there was no other movement in the apartment. She assumed whoever had been there snuck out while she and Sonny were in the bathroom.

"Want coffee?" Sonny asked him.

"Nah," Aidan rummaged around in the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. "Sorry for being so late last night. Lost track of time."

Brooke seethed at the flippant excuse, but she had trouble navigating the ambiguity of being both sister and guardian. She wished for Sarah's blunt-yet-bighearted candor. Her sister would be able to deliver a firm rebuke without leaving residual days-long awkwardness. Brooke was certain any reprimand she directed toward Aidan would only cause him to walk away murmuring _"bitch."_

"Let us know what's goin on next time, alright?" Sonny said in a brotherly tone, obviously not buying that Aidan simply didn't realize what time it was, especially since he and everyone else his age were perpetually glued to their devices.

"Alright," Aidan mumbled. "I, uh, I gotta be to work in an hour…gonna get cleaned up."

Aidan ambled his way back to the bathroom. The pipes creaked as the water began flowing to the shower. Sonny opened and closed cabinets, searching for something to eat. Finding nothing to suit his taste, he suggested they go for a walk and find a new place to try for lunch.

"Sure," Brooke said, "Let's wait 'til he leaves, though." She craned her neck enough so she got a glimpse of his open bedroom door. "I _know_ he brought someone home last night."

Sonny grinned lovingly and kissed her head. "If I leave the NYPD, you can step right in as detective."

…

In the center of the play mat, Olivia cuddled Wyatt, woozy from medication but unwilling to be separated from his brother and sister. When Olivia sat on the sofa with him, he whined and strained to peek over the cushions at his siblings. He was much happier sitting on the floor and pawing lazily at toys while sucking on his Wubbanub and reclining against his mother's chest. Two feet away, Noah and Maggie played at the smaller train table—this one held track pieces and locomotives Noah had deemed appropriate for Maggie and Wyatt. The larger table in his room was off-limits to everyone except himself and, occasionally, Ed and Olivia. The twins were only allowed near that setup as observers.

"Small sister, we almost ready to race da trains. Needta fix da bridge."

Olivia was content and highly entertained at Noah's instructions which Maggie, of course, did not follow with any type of consistency. He was incredibly patient though, and when Maggie chose to destroy the bridge rather than help build it, he shrugged and mumbled, "Guess da trains haveta turn around there."

Ed had been busying himself replacing linens on all the beds and wiping down all surfaces with antibacterial wipes, lest the virus that sickened Wyatt lurked in their home. Multiple times, as he traversed the apartment armed with cleaning supplies, Olivia asked if there was anything she could do to assist, but Ed refused and continued on with his chores, pretending to be oblivious to his wife's admiring gaze. In a move of friendly, flirtatious torture, he'd donned a tight white t-shirt and khaki shorts, knowing Olivia would be drawn to the way the sleeves squeezed his biceps and the occasional glimpses of his stomach and back as he strained to clean a difficult-to-reach spot.

"Liv, your phone's been ringin' like crazy," Ed approached her holding out the phone, but Olivia squeezed one of his calves before taking it.

"Sarah," she murmured. "Three missed calls and, let's see…six texts. I better call her back." Olivia stood up and began walking back to the bedroom so Noah wouldn't overhear any bawdy details, but Wyatt started fussing as soon as he realized he was being carted away from everyone else. Olivia handed him to Ed who took over cuddling duties.

Sarah picked up on the first ring. " _Omigawwwwd_ , Livvie, it was amazing. It was everything sex is supposed to be. Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Olivia meandered around the bedroom and bathroom and managed to sneak in a heartfelt, "I'm so happy for you" as Sarah blathered.

"Livvie, I am absolutely in heaven. How am I supposed to do anything other than love this man? I thought it was bad before… _gawwwwd_ …now I'm really addicted…" Sarah paused, expecting a reply when Olivia assumed her question had been rhetorical. "…how do you go about your regular day knowing how perfect you and Daddy are together?"

Briefly, Olivia put a hand over her mouth, muffling her soft laughter. She did her best to sound serious. "Once you realize this person will be there, always, it's much easier."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I need to ask him to marry me then."

"Where is he?"

"Went home to get clothes."

"Sare, can I make a suggestion?"

"Absolutely."

"Hold off on the proposal. Enjoy right now."

"Okay Livvie," Sarah replied, still upbeat, "I was partially joking anyway. You know I have a flair for the dramatic."

"Yes you do. It's one of the reasons we love you so much."

"Livvie, I would suggest drinks later or brunch tomorrow, because I need to see my baby Wyatt, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off this man for that long."

"I understand," Olivia replied, still making an extra effort to be overly sincere.

"Of course you do. So…what's everyone doing?"

"Noah and Maggie are playing trains. Wyatt's sort of playing, but he's still groggy from the meds. Your Dad's cleaning."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, that's so _hottt_."

Olivia scanned their freshly made bed and breathed in the bleachy scent of the sprays and wipes Ed had used earlier. "I know."

Sarah giggled. "Well, I'll be sure _not_ to call later and interrupt the _thank you_."

"Yeah," Olivia grinned mischievously, "Better wait until tomorrow morning, _late tomorrow morning_ , for any more calls."

"Omigod."

"Unless there's an emergency."

"Don't worry, Livvie. No emergencies in the near future. Actually, how 'bout you call me? I would hate to disturb morning sex."

"Deal. Sounds like you'll be having some of your own anyway."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod…"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	58. Chapter 58

**Fifty-eight.**

Wearing his familiar smirk, Ed presented a single sunflower to Olivia when he joined her in the bedroom. She was sitting in the oversized chair, feet propped on the ottoman, and flipping through the latest _Parents Magazine_. She glanced up at him over her reading glasses and accepted the flower with a smile.

"Why thank you."

"You were born to hold a sunflower."

Olivia tossed the magazine aside and removed her glasses. Ed stayed where he was, pretending to be unaffected as she slowly rose to her feet then knelt on the ottoman. He played with her hair and rubbed his thumb over her lips while she massaged his sturdy, firm pecs. Their eyes stayed fixed on each other; even when they started kissing, Ed kept his eyes open.

They made love on the chair before moving to the bed and, finally, the shower. Ed calculated it had been three nights since they'd last had sex and declared the hiatus was far too long and unacceptable. He needed her too much to take such long breaks from loving her. By the time they fell asleep spooned together in the center of the mattress, he was confident he'd kissed every millimeter of her body. Unbeknownst to him, Olivia set a predawn alarm and Ed awoke to the sensation of her lips traversing his abdomen, her hair tickling his sides, and as they fell into tender morning lovemaking, Ed contemplated his unique place in the world. No man on the planet had what he had, and his wife's satisfied sounds assured him she fully understood his appreciation for her and everything they created together.

…...

Squinting against the bright morning sunlight, Sarah rolled over and on top of Justin who tentatively opened his own eyes. She playfully kissed all over his face, neck, and collarbone; he laughed in response, held her tightly, and deftly flipped positions.

"Want me to make breakfast?" She asked sweetly, batting her lashes.

"I'll help," he said, his voice hoarse, "I'm starving."

"Me too." Sarah screwed up her face, "Did we eat dinner?"

"Not really." Justin sat up and ran his hands over his face. Sarah admired his back-the undulations of his spine, the sinewy shoulders, and the smooth, blemish-free skin. "Hey," he glanced back at her, "Wanna eat and go move a little? Play a little one-on-one?"

In her state of bliss, Sarah would have agreed to swim the circumference of Manhattan with him. "Great idea," she said, "But the only ball I have is Noey's soccer ball."

"We can pick one up." Justin ran his index finger down her nose and teased, "Do you have shoes?"

"You mean I can't wear my heels?" Sarah attempted to appear genuinely devastated.

"You can wear whatever you want," Justin replied, "Thing is…you're kinda competitive…and in those shoes…you're gonna lose for sure."

"Well, we can't have that." Sarah slung her legs over the side of the mattress and hunted around the floor for clothes. She and Justin got to work making omelets. After the late breakfast they headed out into the world hand-in-hand, bought a basketball, and found an empty half-court at a playground on 49th Street.

Justin bounced the ball to Sarah. "Alright, let's see whatcha got."

Either she had misrepresented her skills or underestimated them, because Sarah ably took a few dribbles and made a layup. She adjusted her ponytail and set up for another shot, this one a ten-footer from the corner. It caromed off the side of the rim, but she definitely knew what she was doing.

He snagged the rebound and made a shot from the free throw line. "Thought ya didn't know how to shoot?"

"I don't."

"You look like you do."

"I never played organized basketball except in gym class in school," Sarah slapped the ball back to him, "But I've watched a bunch."

"You _watched_? And that makes you know _how_?"

Sarah offered a coy shrug. "That's, uh, the strange talent I have," she said, "When I was in elementary school, I'd watch the teacher do a problem on the board or, in the case of Spanish, hear someone speak it, and I _got it_ right away. It drove my parents and my teachers crazy because, like, I didn't do homework and didn't show my work in math class, but I still got all the right answers."

"You're a genius," Justin remarked, smiling proudly.

"Ha! Not really. I hate reading. I'm not good at it, like, it takes me forever to read one page of a book. I can't concentrate, like, the story could be about two characters going to grab a drink, and I'm like, _hey! I could go for a drink, where should I go? I'm in the mood for vodka_ …and then completely forget the story." Justin passed her the ball and Sarah took several seconds to set up for another shot. "That's why…I wasn't kidding when I said I didn't completely understand my job. I know the numbers, I know the math inside and out, but the context, the abstract part of it, I truly don't get."

"You must hide it pretty well."

Sarah giggled, "Somewhere along the line I learned to compensate for that particular deficiency."

"Also a valuable skill."

"I suppose."

"Alright," Justin jumped up and down in place, "Make it take it or nah?"

"What does that mean?"

"If you make a shot, you get the ball back. Otherwise, if you make the shot, I get the ball."

"Well, it only seems fair that one would be rewarded. Make it, take it."

"Cool. You can have the ball first."

Before Sarah made any moves, she asked whether or not they were playing for anything other than bragging rights.

"Your call," he said.

"If I win you stay with me tonight."

"I can almost handle the humiliation of losing if that's what I haveta pay."

"It's a deal then." Sarah stared him down as she dribbled. Justin smirked and then they both burst into laughter when the ball bounced off her foot. "Oops," she said, "So much for being intimidating."

"I'm definitely distracted though."

"Ok, good."

….

Later that afternoon thunderstorms descended upon the city, and after the thunder and lightning drifted into the sea, a steady rain poured from the sky. Olivia had been out running errands with Noah in tow, and they ducked into a coffee shop to escape a brief yet intense downpour. Olivia ordered tea for herself and Noah pointed out his own sugary concoction for the barista, objecting when he saw his mother had overruled part of his order and he received a smaller size than what he usually enjoyed.

"Sare Bear get da big one," he pouted.

"Sorry, sweet boy," Olivia said, "Mommy doesn't."

At a table by the window, Noah took his first slurp and giggled, knowing there was whipped cream on his nose. He dabbed at his face with a napkin and when he reached for the dispenser for another one, he froze and stared out the window with wide, terrified eyes.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"It da man."

"Who?"

"Da mean man."

Olivia followed his gaze, but she saw no one. "Where, Noah?"

"Dat his car." He jabbed an index finger at the window in the direction of a black BMW parked illegally in front of a hydrant. The window tint prevented Olivia from assessing whether or not a driver was present, but she guessed whoever was driving was waiting for someone.

Olivia ran her fingers through Noah's hair and tried to divert his eyes, "Sweetie, you're safe. Mommy's not going to let any mean man hurt you."

"He hurt the _girl_ ," Noah murmured.

"Noah," she said firmly, "Look at Mommy."

He obliged.

"Sweetie, most people," she rubbed the tops of his hands with her thumb, "Most people are very nice. And mean people, well, a lot of times when they're mean they get punished—"

"Go to timeout?"

"—yes, they go to a timeout for adults. So I'm sure the mean man you saw got punished and the girl he hurt is safe now," Olivia hoped Noah couldn't sense her apprehension, for she was not confident the incident Noah and Ed witnessed involved any sort of justice or safeguards for the woman.

"Da p'lice take him?"

"Maybe."

"Oh!" Noah turned back to the window and a smile crossed his face at the sight of an elderly woman being helped into the car by an umbrella-wielding doorman. "It not him! Mommy! It okay!"

"Yes, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "Everything's okay."

Noah focused on his drink and their conversation turned to tomorrow's first day at camp and all the fun ahead for Noah and a few of his preschool friends who were also registered. Nevertheless, as Noah enthusiastically rambled about his expectations for the week, Olivia agonized over Noah's lingering memory of the mean man and hoped Ed was right. Perhaps their son was surrounded by so much kindness and goodwill that cruelty's impact hit him much harder than it struck the average person.

…

In Ft. Greene, Sonny and Brooke went through their final Sunday chores in preparation for the week. Sonny peeled the dry cleaning plastic from his suits and shoved it in with the rest of the recycling. Brooke emptied the apartment's trash cans into a larger bag which she left open on the kitchen floor, intending to toss the remnants of their dinner in before Sonny took it to the curb.

Monday brought a full-day shift for Sonny, the start of Aidan's second job at a nearby YMCA camp, and Brooke continuing her search for jobs at online schools. After spending the past few months jobless, in mourning, and uncomfortably pregnant, she was ready for some type of work; however, she preferred the work-from-home variety, especially since she and Sonny were trying to avoid the expense of day care. She had looked in to adding some type of social work certification to her teaching credentials, but it required an entirely separate degree and Brooke finally realized she wasn't cut out for that type of work anyway. The guilt she'd harbored since Kyle's death began to fade, and she began the long process of forgiving herself.

"Oh, hey, leave that open," Brooke said to Sonny who was starting to tie up the bag. "I have chicken for dinner and want to throw the container and bones in there before you take it out."

Sonny adjusted the bag's contents so it wouldn't fall over. In doing so, a black carton caught his eye. Unsure whether to snicker or remain silent, he fiddled more with the bag, drawing Brooke's attention.

"Son, if it's bothering you that much just take it out and I'll use a plastic bag."

"It's not," he replied, "It's, um, look at this."

"What?"

Sonny jiggled the bag once more and the carton of interest flipped.

"Oh fuck," Brooke muttered. "Jesus fucking Christ."

"They're not mine," Sonny mumbled innocently.

She swatted at him, appreciative of the attempt to keep the mood lighthearted but still troubled. "Now what?"

"I dunno."

Brooke groaned and swiped her phone from the table.

"Whaddya doin?"

"Calling Sarah."

…

Sarah and Justin arrived back at the apartment before the storms hit; their third one-on-one contest was tied at seven when Sarah noticed the ominous black clouds in the distance. At that point they had each won a game thanks so a little luck on Sarah's part and Justin's lax defense. Despite the understanding that Justin was spending another night with her, they agreed the next made basket would determine the winner and loser. Sarah had possession and dribbled furiously at the basket. Justin stayed with her until she strode within layup range then completely backed off. Startled at being suddenly wide open, Sarah missed wildly. Pretending to be clumsy, Justin fumbled the rebound. The ball bounded in her direction and this time she sunk the easy shot.

"Winner!" She took an exaggerated bow.

"I'm gonna have to step up my game next time," Justin said.

"Me too. It was way too close."

Back at home, Sarah took Justin's hands and led him into the shower. While Brooke sat on her sofa dialing and redialing her sister, Sarah and Justin frolicked under the pulsating water. Once again sated, they toweled off, donned shorts and t-shirts, and retreated to the couch. They were tossing around dinner plans when Sarah finally heard her phone vibrate. A few chuckles and several _omigods_ later, she hung up and resumed her place next to Justin.

"Feel like some family drama?" Sarah asked.

"What's goin' on?"

"My half brother Aidan, you met him."

"Yeah."

"He's gonna cause Brooke to have to take anxiety meds…and I don't think she can take anxiety meds." Sarah popped up, "C'mon. We're inviting ourselves for Sunday dinner at Livvie's."

"You sure you want me to come?"

" _Yes_ ," Sarah said, "I won the bet, remember? You're mine for the evening."

…..

In response to the knock, children's footsteps rumbled toward the door. Noah led the way, and he flung the door open with Maggie and Wyatt at his side. The three of them grinned up at Justin and Sarah. Maggie and Wyatt did their best to jump without toppling over. Noah greeted Justin with a fist bump and hugged Sarah. Wyatt toddled forward, arms extended, and Sarah hoisted him in the air. Maggie squealed and Justin flipped her upside down briefly before settling her back on her feet. Unhappy with this, she screeched again and slapped at Justin's knees.

"Looks like someone's made a good impression." Ed stepped forward and shook Justin's hand. "How ya doin?"

Justin grinned and reported he was well. It seemed like longer than a day since they'd all seen one another. So much had happened between him and Sarah in twenty-four hours and the realization was mind-boggling.

"Thought ya said you were bringing dinner?" Ed asked with a smirk.

Sarah groaned and rolled her eyes, "I said we were crashing _your_ dinner. But we did bring drinks." She held up a paper bag. "Because they are definitely needed. And I need to talk to Livvie. Immediately."

Maggie was still batting at Justin's legs and he followed everyone into the apartment carrying the little girl over his shoulder. Having overheard their conversation, Olivia had already placed wine glasses on the island and, seeing two large bottles of imported beer, added pint glasses.

With Wyatt still in her arms, Sarah hugged Olivia, trapping the baby between them. He giggled and grabbed their hair. Sarah gingerly pulled away, salvaging most of their locks, then kissed Wyatt ferociously. "I was so worried about you little man! You scared us!" She looked at Olivia, "But he seems fine."

Olivia smoothed Wyatt's hair, "He's been sleeping more than usual, but his temperature's down and he wants to play when he's awake. I think we're out of the woods."

Sarah poked Wyatt's chest. "No more getting sick. Okay, okay, Livvie, you remember Justin."

"Yes, good to see you again. And thank you for Friday night. Sorry about the intrusion, but Noah had such a good time."

"No problem," Justin said as he wrangled Maggie. In his arms, she squirmed, but when he put her down she fussed until he picked her up again.

"Maggie, come here," Olivia took her daughter, "Come to Mommy."

"Yes," Sarah adeptly uncorked the wine and one of the beers. "Daddy, this is Quebec beer which was highly recommended to me, so you and Justin enjoy while I borrow Livvie for a few minutes of girl talk." She handed Wyatt to Ed and grabbed Olivia's elbow. "Come along."

Bewildered, Noah turned his head back and forth between Ed and Justin.

"Guess it's guy time for a while," Ed mumbled. He split the beer between the two pint glasses, filled Noah's cup with ice, and poured ginger ale. "Cheers."

Wyatt flailed his arms and Noah frowned. "Hey! We haveta cheers with brother!" He ran to the play mat and somehow located Wyatt's sippy cup in the mountain of toys. They remedied the slight and stayed at the island, absorbed in small talk. When Justin revealed he and Sarah had spent part of the afternoon playing basketball, Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Real basketball or some game at the bar?" He asked cynically.

"Real basketball."

"Ooo!" Noah clambered from the stool and rushed into the twins' room. He returned, dragging the Little Tikes basketball hoop and miniature ball. "We play, too!"

Seeing his toy, Wyatt wiggled around. Ed put him on the floor and Noah lowered the basket to its lowest point and lifted Wyatt so he could dunk the ball. Noah alternately delivered the ball to Ed and Justin, and they took shots in between sips of beer.

…..

Seconds before she flopped onto the chair in the Tucker's master bedroom, Sarah apologized once again for barging in on their Sunday afternoon. She checked the time and muttered, "Well, almost evening."

"That's okay," Olivia replied, "I was surprised to see Justin though."

Sarah grinned, "Oh, ha! This isn't about him although, gawwwd isn't he wonderful?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, "He's won over Noah and Maggie."

"And I conveniently left him to sink or swim with Daddy," Sarah said, "Which I suppose is a little wicked, but he seems like he's in a good mood."

"Oh he is," Olivia said.

Sarah giggled. "I bet."

Olivia certainly did not mind the impromptu get together, but she didn't want to leave Ed floundering with Justin for too long. Little did she know the men, with Noah's assistance, were getting along well and conversing smoothly.

"So, everything's going well with you and Justin," Olivia said. "Brooke?" She was sitting against the headboard, her face pressed to Maggies, enjoying a rare snuggle session. The little girl was content to play with her Baby Gund doll in her mother's lap.

"She and Sonny found condoms in the trash!" Sarah reported gleefully.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. " _Oh_ …"

"Naturally, she's freaking out." Unlike Brooke, Sarah did not seem the least bit vexed by the discovery. "I have no idea why she called _me_ of all people, hell, I've been living in a veritable Gomorrah for the past twenty-four hours." Sarah giggled at Olivia's smirk. "Sorry. Gawwwd. But, Livvie, sex with him is so perfect. You know how it is when you _just know_? Like, all the stars are aligned and fate has had its say and you're with the person you were always meant to be with?"

"I know," Olivia murmured.

"And now I finally know," Sarah gushed. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled. " _Oh_ , but, shit, back to Brooke and Sonny and the condoms. She has no idea what to do. Does she say something to Aidan? Does Sonny? Do we tell Dave so he can talk to Aidan the next time he visits?"

Olivia took a deep breath. She always vowed to be open and honest with Noah when the time came to talk about sex and intimacy, and she was elated that Ed would be able to step in and hopefully take the lead when it came time to broach the subject. "That's a tough one," she murmured. "If…she thinks it's best to talk to him, it would probably be easier for Carisi to do it…if he's willing to."

"Sonny thinks they should let it go," Sarah said, "He said his parents didn't know when he started having sex, but then again he was…a little older than Aidan."

Revelations about Sonny's early sex life made Olivia grimace slightly. "You know, maybe you should ask your Dad. I would be in favor of sitting him down and talking…telling him what they found and, well, making sure he knows about safe sex and consent and…laws." Something clicked in Olivia's mind, "The age of consent in New York is seventeen," she said slowly.

"And he's fifteen," Sarah said under her breath. "Oh, shit. Brooke said something about how he likes some girl who works at the bar. Fuck. If she's serving she's gotta be at least eighteen, right?"

"Right."

" _Fuck_." Her fingertips left pink streaks down her cheeks as she attacked her face with her hands. "Shit. Livvie, when I have kids I'm giving them to you when they get to middle school, okay?"

Intrigued, Olivia flashed a grin, " _When_ you have kids?"

Busted, Sarah threw her hands in the air and her face reddened even more. A solemn determination supplanted the euphoria in her eyes. Everyone in the family knew she and Jeff had widely different timetables for having children, but Sarah had, on multiple occasions, dropped hints she wasn't all that interested in being a mother.

"I could have a child with this man."

"Could as in…you're physically able or _could_ as in you want to have a child?"

"I am open to the possibility." The exhilaration returned to Sarah's face as quickly as it disappeared. "I am open to _anything_ with him."

"I know the feeling," Olivia said. In her case, being open to anything meant becoming comfortable allowing Ed into all facets of her life, past and present. "One day, I woke up and realized I was so much better and stronger with him than without him. And admitting that, you would think, should have made me feel weak but somehow it was empowering…" Olivia had lost herself in the recollection and was about to continue, but the familiar sound of Sarah gasping and starting to swoon snapped her back to the present. "Sorry…this isn't about me…"

"No, no, no," Sarah said, her voice getting louder and higher pitched, "Livvie, this is so great. I finally have a little idea of what it's like to be you!"

Maggie clapped her hands, yelped, and babbled. Sarah's excitement was contagious.

"C'mon," Olivia shuffled off the bed and helped Sarah up, "Let's see what the boys want for dinner."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	59. Chapter 59

**Fifty-nine**.

Slivers of moonlight snaked their way through the half-open blinds and zig-zagged across the white sheet covering Ed and Olivia. The duvet and microfiber blanket had been kicked away and were bunched at the foot of the mattress. In typical afterglow fashion, Ed wrapped one leg and one arm around Olivia and kissed at her head and neck while his breathing pattern returned to normal. He flicked his fingertips back and forth across her torso, under her breasts, appreciating how, when she inhaled, the underside of her curves came into the slightest contact with his forearm. Arousal was once again imminent, and he pressed his body more firmly into hers. The move garnered very little reaction. Lifting his head, he noticed her eyes were closed and her lips were parted slightly—it was the familiar face of Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker fast asleep.

Ed was no stranger to happiness, but before Olivia, it had come in fits and starts. An accomplishment by one of his daughters would be followed by a vicious argument with Angela. An apology would buy him a few weeks of peace at home in time for a stretch of stressful, intricate cases at work. He employed his confident, steely exterior only as a defense mechanism; at every turn he anticipated problems and, most times, they showed up. The past few years with Olivia certainly hadn't been without their challenges, but at his very core he was at peace. No matter what, he could trust their marriage.

The security was priceless.

In order to avoid disturbing her sleep, Ed cautiously rolled onto his back. His lips curved into a smile when she whined unintelligibly until he resumed his previous position.

"You awake?" He whispered through her hair and into her ear.

" _Mmmm_." She lazily rubbed his arm from shoulder to wrist and rocked her hips into his.

"Liv."

"No."

He immediately retracted his hand from her stomach.

" _Ed_. I meant…no…no I'm not asleep."

Ed chuckled softly and let his hand drift back to where it had been, "That wasn't what I asked. You a little confused, Lieutenant?"

"No."

"Sure?"

Her nails dug into his shoulder. "I want you." She opened her eyes wide and smirked. "Clear enough?"

"Oh yeah."

…..

In the morning, with the kids occupied by their breakfasts, Ed and Olivia talked about the dilemma nobody had been able to solve the night before. When Olivia, Sarah, and Maggie rejoined the boys, they had already decided to order pizza and the second of the two beers had been opened. The brew was strong, almost nine percent alcohol, and both Justin and Ed were showing the effects when the food arrived. Sarah presented the details to them in heavily coded language. Both her boyfriend and her father laughed and told her to advise Brooke not to take such things so seriously. They doubled down on the advice after Sarah explained Sonny had merely found a discarded box.

"Oh," Ed scoffed with a dismissive wave, "Then you don't even know he _used_ any of 'em."

"Yeah," Justin added, "Prolly carryin' them in his wallet. _In case_."

"Whatcha carryin' in da wallet?" Noah asked, his mouth full of pepperoni and cheese.

Sarah and Olivia glanced at each other disbelievingly as Justin and Ed erupted into laughter bordering on giggles.

"Money and ID, bud," Ed answered. "And a credit card."

Noah promised to show Justin his own credit card after he finished his slice. He tuned out the other adults and turned his attention back to Maggie and Wyatt. By the end of the evening, Justin and Ed had plans to play basketball, golf, and shoot pool. They even managed to debate possibilities for the upcoming 2020 Presidential election without serious argument. Brooke's conundrum became an afterthought and faded completely after Justin and Sarah left and the kids fell asleep.

A loopy Ed heaved an inaccurate shot at the Little Tikes hoop on his way back from Noah's room and Olivia needled him about the miss. He challenged her to take a shot. She sunk it effortlessly and taunted him with a wink.

"Alright, Lieutenant," he droned, "Here's the deal. We take turns. Every missed shot, you take something off."

"What if you miss?"

"You still take something off."

"Uh-uh, Captain," she said, "Not fair."

"Alright, regular rules—"

Olivia burst into laughter thinking about the unlikelihood of _regular rules_ for strip Little Tikes basketball.

"—I miss, I strip. You miss, you strip."

"And, does…strip include…a watch or a bracelet? Earrings?"

"Uh-uh. _Clothes_."

"Agreed."

After their game, they made sure to tote the heap of shirts, shorts, and undergarments into their bedroom rather than leave them for Noah to discover in the morning. Even with the evidence cleared, Ed knew the sight of the basketball hoop would forever carry special, esoteric meaning for him and his wife. He caught a glimpse of it as he kissed Olivia's neck and placed her coffee mug on the counter in front of her.

"We need to move that thing," he whispered.

"Yes we do," Olivia replied, simpered at Ed, and saw him gawking at her with raised eyebrows. "What? You think I'm _immune_ to symbols?"

"That was fun last night."

"It was. I really like Justin."

"That's not what I was talkin' about," Ed grinned, "Although, yes, I do too."

"I wish we could've been more help with Brooke. I'll call her today."

"I wish you didn't have to go." Ed inhaled sharply. He'd uttered a sentiment which crossed his mind multiple times per week but had been careful not to verbalize. The upbeat mood abruptly turned bleak, nearly desperate, and Ed attempted to backtrack, especially when he saw the dejection in Olivia's features. "It's, uh, this weekend was, damn, it started out horrible with Wyatt in the ER, but, Liv, those tough spots, gettin' through them with you…" He ran his fingers through her hair, "It makes me… _God_ …it makes me love you on a whole other level."

"I'm—"

" _No_ ," he implored, "Don't apologize. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I'm sorry, I…shouldn't have said that."

"But that's how you feel."

He regarded her earnestly, "It is. But me feeling like that…please don't let it pressure you. I've always felt like that, whenever you had to go, when we first started dating, Liv, I _always_ wanna be with you."

Olivia could have called him out for the misdirection. She knew he was telling the truth, but it wasn't the truth he meant in this particular context. There was a remorseful pleading in his eyes. She kissed him, a gesture of absolution, and Ed, grateful for the reprieve, kissed her back.

"I'm going to get dressed," Olivia said softly.

"I'll get Noah ready to go. He doesn't need a lunch, right?"

"Right. They feed them there."

"Pickup at two?"

"Yes." Olivia cupped his cheek and kissed him once more. "I love you."

"Love you."

…

The precinct came to life slowly on Monday morning. Olivia arrived after nine expecting to see officers and other staff milling about, but there was little activity and she made her way to her office without speaking to anyone. Rollins and Fin were there somewhere, having left open laptops on their desks. Fletcher had been on duty all weekend and had the day off, and the Lieutenant assumed Carisi was on his way in from Brooklyn. The trade-off for uninterrupted weekends was a deluge of unanswered emails and unread files, and Olivia powered on her computer, ready to attack her administrative duties.

She was stirring her third cup of coffee and in a groove when Carisi entered the office toting an evidence box. "Ready for an early Halloween flashback?" He asked cynically.

"Early Halloween flashback?"

"Remember the Glasgowman?"

" _Yes_ ," Olivia replied hesitantly. "One of the girls…was released a couple years ago right? The other one got no time?"

"Right. Well, one of the cases Fletcher and Fin caught over the weekend...Patrol found two men, naked, sprinting through Riverside Park near Hudson, superficial injuries, seemed like they were hallucinating so they took them to Bellevue, sedated them, and when they were finally lucid they described meeting these girls, going home with them, then being forced into some crazy S & M room complete with knives and antique pistols."

Olivia rummaged through the folders on her desk and pulled the report. While perusing it, she asked why Carisi made the connection back to the case they'd caught nearly five years ago.

He had an answer at the ready. "Keep reading. Another thing they described? A room, the room, covered with graffiti…weird stuff—zombies, dragons, Demogorgons—"

"Demogorgons?"

"It's a monster from D an' D."

"Dungeons and Dragons."

"Yes."

"Do we know where the girls are now?"

"Students at Hudson."

"Of course. Our _favorite_ university," Olivia muttered, "You would think that's the only college in the city."

"Or at least the only college with SVU cases. I hate to say it, but once they relaxed admissions requirements we saw an uptick in calls involving their students."

"Elite colleges have rapists, too, Carisi."

"I know, Lieu, it just seems—"

Olivia held up her hand. "I know. Get an address for the girls—all three of them? The little sister, too?"

"Yep, she's a freshman."

"Find them. I'll call Findley, have him on standby for a warrant."

"Findley?" Carisi screwed up his face at the unfamiliar name.

"Yes," Olivia sighed, "The first email I read this morning was the one notifying me of the transfer. We'll see how this one works out." Olivia could see the wheels turning in Carisi's head and wondered what it would be like to work with him in a different capacity. "It's gonna be hard to find another Barba."

"Yeah, yeah…it will be…"

"Before you go," Olivia said, "Whadja decide to do about Aidan and your…discovery?"

Carisi grinned. "I took the trash out last night and forgot about it. Brooke's convinced no one has had _the talk_ with him…"

"If they haven't it would be a little awkward having it at EMTC's visitation center."

"So you think I need to say something to him, too?"

"I would," Olivia replied, "But Ed didn't think it was a big deal. Neither did Justin. I don't think Sarah did, either."

"Brooke's worried he's dealing with everything in all the wrong ways—sex, booze, pot…none of which we have solid proof of him doing."

"And what do you think?"

Carisi shrugged. "If his mother hadn't died and his dad weren't in jail, I'd say he's a normal teenage boy. But I get it. I'll talk to him. It'll be good practice. But I hope we have a girl."

Olivia tapped her pen on the desk and glanced at a framed close-up of Maggie's smiling face. "I'm not sure a girl's any easier."

"Yeah…"

"So let me know about that warrant. And take Fin."

Carisi jerked and blinked, "Yeah, yeah…okay Lieu…We'll check in soon."

With two detectives away, the squad room was even quieter and Olivia turned her attention to her mail which was typically last on her list of things to do. Most of it was junk and she tossed it aside, but a thick envelope bearing an embossed version of the NYPD caught her attention.

"Of course," Olivia grumbled under her breath. Inside was an official invitation for a departmental retirement party for Deputy Chief William Dodds whose service was coming to an end at the end of July. She flipped the card over and over and read the text once again, picturing what the standard, departmental-issue invitation would look like with her name in the center.

She was distracted by a new email. It was from her editor, and she opened it immediately, her entire body trembled mostly because she had no idea what to expect.

….

Ed was still beating himself up about the _I wish you didn't have to go_ comment when he picked up Noah from summer camp that afternoon. To make up for the blunder he pinpointed two possible beach rental homes—the one in Bethany Beach and one near Ocean City, New Jersey. The place in Ocean City was a condo similar to the one he'd owned in Kill Devil Hills. Certainly not as spacious and as private as an entire house, but Ocean City offered an abundance of off-beach attractions he thought his older kids and Noah would enjoy. He would leave the final decision up to Olivia.

All misgivings flew to the backburner when Ed heard his son's voice call out "Daddy!" Noah came toward them in his typical half-skip. Ed grinned at him and at Mia who he had not expected to see.

"Hey there, Mia! I didn't know you were signed up for this camp!"

"Yep!" She said, hopping from one foot to another causing her ponytail to sway from side to side. "Jus' like school!" She crouched in front of the twins' stroller and babbled baby talk to them.

"Ya have a good day, bud?"

"YES! We makin' a MUSIC VIDEO! And a BIG PIC'TURE! With paints!" Noah was generally happy, but he spoke with Christmas morning-type excitement.

Ed opened his eyes wide. "Wow! That sounds great, pal! Can I see it?"

"No," Noah replied curtly, "It for da last day."

"Oh," Ed replied, purportedly ashamed, "Sorry." He scanned the area for an adult belonging to Mia but saw no one. "Hey, Mia, who's picking you up?"

The little girl chewed on a grubby finger. Ed compared the two rising Kindergarteners. Noah left the house with Olivia that morning dressed in tan shorts, a navy polo shirt, white ankle socks, and gray Nike sneakers. The sneakers were new and everything else was freshly washed. Somehow, after five hours, the only sign he'd been at art and music camp were the paint streaks on his hands. Mia's arms, legs, shorts, and t-shirt were dotted with paint, marker, and food stains. Her own Nikes were caked with sandy dirt.

"I think Tasha," she said in her raspy voice. Ed always thought she sounded congested. "Oh! Nope! It's Mommy!" Mia dashed over to her mother who was just checking in with the dismissal attendant. The woman showed no interest in coming over to say hello and she ushered Mia out and into a waiting car without acknowledging Ed or Noah.

"Okay, pal. Ready?"

"Yep!"

"Where to? Ya tired? Wanna rest a little?"

"Nope! I'm verrry hungry!"

"You are? I thought ya had lunch?" Ed was horrified at the thought that he and Olivia may have been given the wrong information and lunch was actually _not_ provided.

"We did! But I didn't like it."

"What was it?"

"Sandwich and carrots."

Ed started laughing. "Uh oh…but I thought I saw some chocolate on Mia's shirt?"

"We get _one_ cookie."

"Let's getcha some food then. You wanna go to the pub?"

"YES!" He put his hands on his knees and addressed Maggie and Wyatt. "Babies! Wanna go to da pub?"

They erupted in giggles and chanted "NoNoNoNoNo!" Maggie tried to catapult herself out of her seat but was thrown back by the restraints. She whined and cried, but Ed was unaffected and continued pushing the stroller across the courtyard and to the exit.

Noah held Maggie's hand. "S'okay small sister! Da pub's not far! Den we eat tater tots and everrone's gonna be happy!" He tilted his head backwards, "Daddy! We get tater tots, kay?"

"You got it, bud. Whatever you want."

…

After his shift, Justin went to Sarah's office. He stepped out of the elevator and onto her floor, nodded at the evening security officer, and made his way to her office. It was past six o'clock and all cubicles were deserted. He pushed through the double doors leading to the executive wing and the same empty, quiet ambiance greeted him. It was unsettling, and he checked their texts even though he was positive she asked him to meet her at work before heading to Ft. Greene for dinner with Sonny and Brooke. For some reason his mind raced. He imagined himself in the middle of a cheesy romance novel-one where the boyfriend did everything he was supposed to do only to find his girlfriend in the arms of another man.

He needn't have worried.

"Justy!" She exclaimed as soon as he rounded the corner. He wasn't even visible yet, but Sarah had obviously known she was alone, heard the footsteps, and trusted the guard wouldn't have let a complete stranger pass by without contacting her.

He smiled from relief and her use of Noah's nickname. "Hey beautiful." He wasn't merely being solicitous. She took his breath away. Seated in her midcentury modern, black leather office chair, Sarah looked every part the quintessential executive. It was clear she had been gazing out the window and Justin caught a glimpse of her in profile, the evening sunset engulfing her in an amber halo. With her hair pulled back, her cheekbones and jawline were accentuated, but when she swiveled around, those features softened into an exuberant smile.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you!"

"Rough day?"

"Not at all," she stood and walked toward him. "I missed you. So, I guess, in that sense it was rough." She hugged and kissed him, "What did I ever do without you in my life?"

He wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't dated much, and he certainly had never experienced a woman fawning over him like Sarah had been doing since their first kiss. At first, he thought it was her way of flirting, but he was beginning to think this was, like her propensity for gasping _omigod_ , part of her and, now, part of them.

"You musta hadta leave this building by yourself a lot," he quipped.

"That, my man, is correct." She scratched the side of his face. He'd spend the entire weekend at her apartment without a razor and his beard was longer than he typically kept it. "I'm not keeping you from home too much am I? If you want to pass on tonight I totally understand."

"No, no," he said, "I got another uniform at work, so I'm good for tonight."

"Where'd these clothes come from?"

He was wearing jeans and a crisp white polo with sneakers, his typical attire.

"My locker at the station. Got clothes all over this city."

"If this is too much, I…I get it. It's, well, after last weekend, I can't lie, I…I want to be with you, like, all the time. But I know that's selfish. But I also know I was very serious about Atlantic City next weekend, so if you don't—"

He planted a passionate smooch on her lips. "I want to be with you, too. And you're not selfish. Next weekend's perfect. But tomorrow I gotta prolly skip the next couple of nights if I want the weekend off."

"I can definitely handle that." Sarah held the back of his head firmly while they kissed. They were running seriously late. Brooke and Sonny were probably already on their way to the appointed meeting place, but she didn't care. "You know there's nobody here, right?" She whispered.

"The security guy," he croaked.

"Even better. He has to tell me if someone's coming."

"I walked right by him."

"I told him a sexy guy was coming to get me." Sarah somehow managed to grind her hips into his and walk them to the door. She flung it closed and engaged the lock. Justin slid her blazer off and hurried to unbutton her pants.

"Don't rush," she whispered. "There's nobody here."

"But…your sister…"

"She's used to waiting for me."

….

Full and satisfied, Olivia dropped her fork onto her plate. The clang drew the attention of her entire family. Noah giggled. Maggie and Wyatt banged their spoons (which were, at this point, merely another thing to play with at mealtime), and Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Food taste okay?"

"So good," she said, " _Noah_ , did you and Daddy really make this?"

"Yep!" Noah popped another piece of bacon-wrapped scallop into his mouth. "We have dis food 'cause Daddy say we havta d'cuss the BEACH!"

At their brother's exuberance, Maggie and Wyatt kicked and slapped their trays. Olivia laughed wholeheartedly and kissed Maggie's head. "Oh- _kay_ ," she said. "Let's discuss."

"I put refundable deposits on both these places for the second week in August," Ed reported, "The same house in Bethany and a three bedroom condo in Ocean City. Pros and cons either way, but it's your call."

Olivia wanted her laptop. She had the urge to write another chapter about how much she craved and appreciated this type of normal husband-wife conversation. Instead, she expressed her thoughts with a silly grin plastered on her face.

"Ocean City does have so much more to do and see," she began, "But…I'm not sure Maggie and Wyatt are going to enjoy that part, and, Noah, you love the beach."

"YUP!"

"Bethany has an amusement park thing and mini golf and some nice places to go at night…and I loved that house."

"I loved that beach," Ed deadpanned.

"Ocean City's closer…"

"Only by an hour."

"I think we need another week on the Delaware shore," Olivia said, "It's our vacation, I mean, of course everyone else is invited, but I think this place is best for us now. What do you think?"

"I think you're right."

"Between now and then," Olivia said with a sigh, "I have to ask you to attend an _event_."

"An event?"

"Chief Dodds is retiring. The party is at the end of July."

The irony was not lost on Ed. "You're kidding," he muttered.

"That's what I said when I opened the invitation this morning. And, no, I'm not.

"Liv—"

"Stop…it's…it's not time yet."

"Good. I mean…"

"I know what you mean." Olivia got up and brought the plastic container of cookies over from the island. Before she placed them in the center of the table, she kissed the top of her husband's head. "I love you." She held his face in her hands and forced him to make eye contact, "I. Love. You."

Noah giggled at Ed's garbled reciprocation. Olivia's grip was too tight for him to speak normally.

"What was that?" She teased.

Impatiently eyeing the trapped cookies, Noah shouted, "HE LOVES YOU!"

….

 **#Tuckson**


	60. Chapter 60

**Sixty.**

The night before they departed for Bethany Beach, Ed filled the car with items he felt comfortable leaving overnight. In went the two portable cribs, toys hidden in a thick black garbage bag, and random beach necessities—inflatables, sunblock, and the kids' swimming gear. His final trip included a large box of swim diapers. Before closing the hatch, Ed stared at the container for a few extra seconds and twisted his face in disbelief.

 _Swim diapers._

 _My wife and I are buying swim diapers for our twins in 2019._

 _Who would've thought?_

To the dismay of the attendant, he parked the SUV himself and double checked the car seats so they didn't have an unexpected chore in the morning. The assurance was unnecessary—he and Olivia rarely removed them—but Ed possessed an affinity for order and he would sleep better knowing they could simply buckle everyone in and go.

He felt his phone vibrate as he checked Maggie's seat and, after clicking the lock, checked the screen. Looking past the notifications, he fixated on his new lock screen photo and smiled at the memory of Chief Dodds' retirement celebration.

Ed estimated there had been over a hundred members and former members of the NYPD in attendance. Dodds' colleagues sat at large round tables scattered throughout the very space where Sarah and Jeff had been married. Olivia hadn't made the connection, but Ed burst into incredulous laughter when he read the invitation. The funny coincidence distracted them from the looming question of when Olivia would lay down her own shield, and more than once during the dinner Ed reminded Olivia he knew exactly where they could go to get some privacy.

"And it won't be so cold this time," he rasped in her ear.

She rolled her eyes and pretended to be annoyed, but the feigned expression could not mask her exuberance. Once the formalities ended and people milled about drinking and chatting, Ed excused himself to the restroom and on his way back to their table caught sight of Olivia standing near the exit to the smoking area. She jerked her head toward the door, and he rushed to join her.

"Much warmer this time," he rasped, guiding her to the familiar alcove and chuckling when Olivia frantically cupped his head without verbally responding.

Their clandestine make-out session was the highlight of the evening. William Dodds was a decorated officer with a venerable career, but the ceremony proceeded without the typical roasting and other hijinks. The panel of speakers included the mayor and the commissioner who both delivered laudatory speeches with only a modicum of jest. Olivia had also been invited to speak and she delivered her words in a practiced, friendly manner, expressing her gratitude for all he'd done for the Department. The closest she came to a joke was when she described him as an "unexpected ally." Polite laughter ensued.

Either due to the drinks or to Olivia's influence, Ed let his guard down and mingled with people whose faces were familiar but he did not know well. For a while, he and Olivia moved about the room separately, but they never completely lost sight of one another. His favorite part of the night, other than the al fresco kisses, was when Olivia mouthed _ready when you are_ from thirty feet away. He dashed over to her, they said a quick goodbye to the Chief, and hustled into a taxi. Olivia said something about being glad Matt was in the city so Dodds wouldn't be alone. Ed mumbled a disinterested "Mmhmm," and started kissing her neck as the cab sped uptown.

The phone vibrated again, and the notifications almost completely obscured the photo. Only the tops of their heads, his black wingtips, and Olivia's deep eggplant heels were visible.

 _Those heels._

He answered Sarah's text with a voice call.

"Daddy, what the hell? I've been calling you and Livvie for an hour."

"Sorry. I'm packing and Liv prolly has the kids in the bathtub by now."

"How lovely. I love clean children. Listen, I feel like I'm terribly underpacking. Are you sure we don't need towels or anything?"

"Beach towels, yeah, but everything else is there."

"Okay. And we'll shop when we get there."

"Yes."

"I'm so excited! You're sure you don't mind if we stay the whole week?"

"We don't mind. But remember our deal."

"Yes. Two nights of babysitting. We can handle that."

"Alright. Thanks. And you're following us?"

"Yes."

"Nine a.m."

"If we're not there at nine, leave without us."

"Okay."

He heard Sarah giggle. "I'm serious. We're leaving even if you're not here at nine."

"We'll be there. Justin wakes up at the crack of dawn. He's a good influence on me."

"Bout time someone was."

" _Daddy_!"

….

Sonny eagerly slid off his tie with a convincing whoosh and tossed it on the Poäng chair. Brooke smiled sweetly, her fingers spread out over her expanding belly, and asked why he was home so early. When he left earlier that morning, Sonny warned he might not be home until closer to midnight and it was not yet nine o'clock.

"We're ready," he said confidently.

"I can't believe Olivia's leaving," Brooke remarked, "She's really…changed."

Sonny disagreed. "She already testified last week, and, she's the boss, remember? We did most of the investigating. Grand jury will indict, _or not_ , based on what we have to say."

Brooke either wasn't all that interested in the first place or was more consumed with a separate issue. "I was thinking…if you think it's okay, I'm going to leave Sunday with Aidan. Maybe we can go and get the other car tomorrow night so you can drive it to Bethany?"

Olivia felt terrible making Sonny stay in New York when everyone else was going on vacation, but her squad simply could not be stretched so thin. She gave the nod of approval for Sonny to join them in the middle of the week, but he would have to return if SVU caught something major and she reluctantly assigned him to work the weekend to make up for the extra shifts Fletcher and Fin would have to take. Rollins was using the following week for her own getaway, so she and Olivia had balanced administrative duties.

"Yeah, sure. That's better anyway. That way if I have to leave you're not stuck riding back with Sarah and Justin."

The sound Brooke made was a cross between clearing her throat and an exasperated grumble. She stretched her legs farther onto the coffee table. "I appreciate that," she mumbled.

Sonny kissed the top of her head on his way back to the bedroom. He swapped his suit for more casual attire and removed his wedding ring and watch, placing the items next to Brooke's on their bureau. They weren't fussy about constantly wearing their rings. They weren't a fussy couple. He loved Brooke. Brooke loved him. They'd endured a miscarriage, assuming the guardianship of Aidan, and the devastating loss of Brooke's former student and their loft in less than a year of marriage. Sonny was amazed they were still together. At times, it seemed like too much was working against them and they were doomed to go their separate ways. But here they were, together, strong, and ready to welcome their child in a couple of months.

He should have been grateful that the only thing bothering Brooke was Sarah, but Sonny found himself fundamentally at odds with his wife. He didn't understand Brooke's suspicion of Justin. When she attempted to explain her apprehensions, her reasoning _did_ make sense. After all, she'd worked in a community like Justin's neighborhood for several years. Not making sense though was the reality that Justin was genuinely a good person and didn't fit the stereotypical image Brooke had in mind. Sonny believed Brooke's assumption he was dating Sarah because she made a lot of money bordered on paranoia. Over and over she emphasized their differences in income. The two couples hadn't spent much time together, but when they did hang out, Sonny never detected any red flags, financial or otherwise. In his opinion, Justin was a hardworking young man who loved his family, loved Sarah, and was incredibly kind, polite, and considerate. Yet Sonny's attempts to assuage Brooke's concerns were met with either sullen defiance or overt protest.

He returned to the living room after grabbing a beer.

"Gotta admit," he said, taking a seat next to her, "I'm a little surprised you wanna spend more time there. Sure you're gonna be able to get along with your sister?" Sarah had been incredibly patient with Brooke's cordial yet aloof attitude, and Sonny wasn't sure if she could be silent much longer. More troubling to him was he wasn't sure Brooke deserved much more of Sarah's grace.

"We get along fine," Brooke replied.

" _Ah_ , well, the last couple times we were out with them, it got a little awkward."

"Sonny, I don't know how many times I have to say this," Brooke snapped, "I have a bad feeling. I don't trust him. They have absolutely nothing in common. _Nothing_. Watch. When Sarah doesn't get a Cartier or something for Christmas, she's gonna freak."

"Brooke," Sonny took one of her hands, hoping to keep their disagreement of the friendly variety. "I gotta tell ya, I don't see what you see. Sarah seems genuinely in love. Justin seems perfect for her."

"I can't…" Brooke cast her eyes upwards, searching for words to express her sentiments, "Two things. One, I'm positive she thinks she's in a movie. Like, have you seen Maid in Manhattan?"

"I have sisters. Yes."

"Well, she's imagining herself in that movie in reverse. And the other thing is," Brooke groaned, "And I know I'm horrible and so old fashioned for thinking this way, but, what if they get married? She actually told me…she would want to have kids with him because he could stay home and she would work…she really feels that way, and thinks he would be okay with that."

"Maybe he would be."

"Would you?"

"Sure."

Crestfallen, Brooke pulled her hand away and sat up straighter. "So I'm going to be the nineteen-fifties wife and mother and Sarah's the epitome of the modern woman. And Olivia is, too."

Sonny refused to sever contact and moved closer to her so he could cup her face. "Every couple has a different situation. You, Brooke Tucker Carisi are perfect at what you're doing right now. _C'mon_. Shouldering everything—your mom, visits to Rikers, raising a teenager, carrying our child—most people would throw their hands up and quit, but you keep going. You got us _here_ , into our own home, our new neighborhood we love."

Unmoved, Brooke mumbled, "I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And that's not me. I was always the one under control, making good decisions, having some idea of what's going on. And ever since I left the Bronx, I've been _lost_. But how is that possible? Am I really at my best when I'm risking my life and my sanity going to work every day and trying to teach seventh graders first grade reading skills?"

With that, it clicked. Sonny knew what was wrong. "Brooke, nobody blames you for leaving the Bronx. Nobody. You left for all the right reasons. You were gonna turn into one of those burned-out teachers you always told me you pitied. Maybe someday you'll go back. Or maybe you can tutor, or…whatever…but you gotta stop blaming yourself….for everything."

Tears poured down Brooke's cheeks and Sonny enveloped her in his arms.

"I feel like I've abandoned _everyone_ ," she moaned, "And now," she sniffed loudly, "And now, I'm in a position where I thought I could really help Sarah and she not only basically blew me off, but she was _right_ to do it!"

Sonny held her at arm's length. "You know what I love about you?"

"What?"

"You love everybody. You care about everybody. Not many people are capable of that."

Brooke sighed and joked, "Well, everybody but Justin."

"Ah, no harm done there," Sonny wiped her cheeks, "But I really think he's okay…he's a good man."

"If you say so," Brooke mumbled doubtfully. She rubbed her round belly and sighed. "He's kicking."

"He?"

Brooke put her hands over Sonny's. "I have a feeling…"

…..

Though her back was beginning to tighten, Olivia had no desire to move one inch. She was laying on the beanbag in the middle of the twins' room. At her side were various members of the Tucker stuffed animal family. Doing their best human imitation of Matryoshka dolls, Noah reclined against Olivia and Wyatt and Maggie lined up in their brother's lap. Olivia secured the trio with her arms, and Noah read his version of _Scaredy Squirrel at the Beach_. It was the third of their vacation-themed stories.

Avoiding bedtime story disruption, Ed busied himself with the suitcase he and Olivia were sharing. She had another bag for toiletries and a garment bag for dresses; they had additional luggage in the closet, but the SUV was already close to capacity, and he also liked sharing space, any space, with her. He left the suitcase open on the ottoman and went to Noah's room. Noah had done his own packing and done an impeccable job. He'd stacked shorts and t-shirts separately, included socks and underwear, and in the outside pocket he'd stuffed flip flops and his Sperrys. Adorably, he had also draped the bright blue suit across everything. Humoring his son, Ed took it to their room and put it in the garment bag.

He was placing sippy cups in a reusable shopping bag when he heard Olivia announce it was time for bed. Seconds later she was standing next to him with the pajama-clad twins in her arms.

"Say night-night to Daddy," she cooed.

Ed kissed Wyatt and Maggie, bopped their noses, and wished them a good night in his deep, raspy voice. "Want help?" he asked, offering to take one of the recently turned fifteen-month-olds.

"I'm good," she said, "Be right back."

Noah camped out on the sofa for his extra thirty minutes of awake time, and Olivia sidled up to Ed. "Leave anything for me to do?"

"Nope."

"Sure?"

"Well," he turned around and clasped his hands behind her back. "There's me."

Her laughter was loud enough to send Noah bounding into the kitchen thinking he was missing out on some fun. Seeing his parents in each other's arms, foreheads pressed together, he shot them a loving eye roll and went back to his iPad.

….

Sarah dragged the second of her three suitcases to the living room and stared at them, picturing the contents and thinking about items to add. Despite what her Dad had said, she chose to bring bath towels and wash cloths anyway since Justin liked to have fresh linens for each shower. He had a phobia about reusing towels. So far, the quirk was the only mildly annoying thing about him, but after he explained the amount of bacteria that could multiply and invade damp towels, she became a convert.

"Hey," she said brightly, "We could stop in Atlantic City on the way. Get lucky again!" She and Justin hadn't won more than fifty dollars over the course of their weekend, but Sarah turned the fact they hadn't lost any money into tales of gambling greatness.

"Yeah, I still have some chips I didn't realize I kept."

"Oooo…seriously...we should do it."

"Didn't you tell your Dad we'd follow him?"

"Yes." Sarah shrugged. "Maybe on the way back. _Gawwwd_ I'm so excited. It's going to be so fun, all of us there, and the beach and…" Sarah's eyes turned to saucers, "Wanna know a juicy secret?"

"Sure."

"Daddy and Livvie had sex on the beach."

Justin broke into embarrassed laughter. Sarah still shocked him with her bluntness. " _What_?"

"Now I cannot prove this," Sarah stalked around the living room like a prosecutor, "For I did not witness it with my own eyes. But I know what people look like... _after_ …and I saw them after."

"Maybe they went for a walk. The wind?"

"Uh-uh. They did it on the beach. Even Sonny thought so and he was so sure his boss would never _ever_ do something so outrageous. So…one of the two nights we babysit, I guarantee you, they have a lovemaking date somewhere along the shore."

A contemplative expression filled Justin's features. "Good for them. They're such a cool couple."

"They _are_ ," Sarah gushed, flopping forward, "They're so in love and hot and _gahhhhh_!" She flung herself clumsily around the room until Justin caught her.

"I hope we're like that when we're their age," he said.

For the umpteenth time, Sarah swore she was dreaming.

 _Did he say what I think he said_?

"Me too," she managed to choke out, suppressing the burning lump in her throat.

 _New subject or I'm gonna die_.

"Are you sure you're not weirded out by spending a week with my fam?" She asked.

"I'm sure."

"Cause we can go to a hotel if you want."

"I think it's gonna be great, Sare."

"It _is_! And, _omigod_ , we have to do this paddleboard tour thing. Nobody wanted to do it with me last year. Will you go?"

"Sure."

"Do you know how to paddleboard?"

"Nope. Do you?"

"No."

"So we'll learn together."

"Yeah," Justin looked at her skeptically but with a playful glint in his eye. "But you also said you didn't know how to shoot a basketball and you beat me, what, three times now?"

Sarah stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. "You're letting me win."

"No I'm not."

"You don't play good defense."

"I'm taller, I'm trying to make it fair."

"Next time I want tight defense, mister."

"Okay…you asked for it."

Sarah's lips curled upwards into a mischievous smirk. She slowly loosened Justin's belt. "I'm gonna ask for something right now," she intoned.

Justin gasped as Sarah worked her hands inside his shorts. Nevertheless, he managed to keep up the banter, "Oh, you wanna go play right now? We can find a lit court somewhere."

She giggled softly. "You're so funny."

"So are you."

"You're sexy too."

"You are too."

"Well," she started backing toward the hallway, "Let's take our funny, sexy selves to bed, shall we?"

…

Ed heaved Noah over his shoulder and swung him around so Olivia could wish him an upside-down goodnight. Excited about the road trip, Noah reconfirmed they were leaving in the morning after breakfast. He promised to come and get them from their bedroom when he woke up. Olivia laughed and asked him to please not do that unless the first number on his clock was seven.

Olivia was occupied with her phone when Ed returned to the kitchen.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just received the final version of the book…wow…this is really happening. It goes to marketing next…I'm stunned."

Ed tilted the phone so he could read what she was reading. "Wow, Liv, I'm so proud of you."

"Will you read it this week?" She asked. "I know you've read bits and pieces, but the whole thing together?"

"Yeah. I'll read it now if you want. I'll stay up all night."

Olivia put the phone on the counter. "No, Captain. You have to drive tomorrow. And…also…I haven't yet done everything I need to do today."

Ed cocked his eyebrows, obviously extremely interested. "No?"

"No."

"Well, c'mon then," he took her hands and smirked, "I've always wanted to make love to a published author."

Practically hanging on his back as they ambled to the bedroom, Olivia whispered, "And this week you get to make love to a published author on the beach."

Ed shivered. He closed and locked the door. Olivia was down to panties and bra almost immediately and went to work ridding him of his clothes.

"Damn," he said, entangling his fingers in her hair, "Life keeps gettin' better and better."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	61. Chapter 61

**Sixty-one.**

Inside Bethany Surf Shop, Sarah hung out near the register and watched, amused, as Noah and Justin ruminated over skim boards. They had arrived in the town only an hour ago, but Noah insisted on adding to his already heaping pile of beach toys. Last year's boogie board simply would not do; he needed something new and so did Justin. The problem was, the skim boards carried by the shop were too large for Noah. The other problem was Noah had already seen people skim boarding and desperately wanted to try.

Sarah overheard Justin bargaining with a sales clerk.

"You can't cut one down for him?"

"No, we don't do that, sir."

"Well, we're gonna have to go somewhere else."

"Sir, no shops around here will do that."

Justin smiled politely, "I have a hard time believing there's no place in a town like this that doesn't have a skim board for a five-year-old."

Noah tugged on Justin's hand. "Almost six, Justy!"

"Almost six-year-old," Justin clarified.

"Sorry man," the teenage clerk said. Justin and Noah sulked and returned to Sarah who told them to buck up and follow her. There were at least three other similar stores in the vicinity. Soon, Noah and Justin were toting two brand new, shiny skim boards down the beachside town's streets with jubilant smiles on their faces.

"Okay, next we have to get dinner," Sarah said, "Noey, where's that seafood place?"

"I dunno Sare Bear."

Sarah waved them aside, leaned against a weathered building, and searched for the market on her phone. Noah was already planning his skim board moves, and Justin put his arm around Sarah's shoulders, keeping a watchful eye on their young charge.

"You sure they don't want any money?" He asked for what Sarah estimated to be the tenth time that day. On the drive down in the small sedan they'd rented for the week, Sarah described the house, but her description had not done it justice. Her boyfriend wandered through the rooms, awestruck at the woodwork and the New England-esque charm. Noah dragged him outside to the porch and down the seagrass-lined path to the beach. Sarah swore Justin returned with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sure," Sarah answered, preoccupied with her phone, "I never pay on vacay with Daddy and Livvie. We'll buy them dinner one night and we're buying food now. And we're watching the kids. It all evens out."

Justin kissed her head, "As long as you're sure."

She shoved the phone in her pocket and looked him in the eye. The breeze whipped her blonde hair across her face. "I'm sure. Kiss me."

Cognizant of a restless Noah, he gave her a quick peck on the lips.

"Noey Boey!" Sarah shouted. "Onward!"

"We getting da claws Sare Bear?"

"Yep! A bunch of claws!"

….

Back at the house, Sarah, Justin, and Noah found Ed still transferring items from the SUV to the house. Justin helped him unload the remaining bags, and Ed insisted they go out to the beach with Olivia and the twins while he put everything away. They were staying for a full week this time, and he wanted to make sure they were at home and settled before he relaxed.

"Sure ya don't want help, Captain?" Justin asked.

"I'm sure," Ed replied, "And it's Ed."

Sarah gave him a side hug, "Oh, Daddy, he knows, it's just that Sonny still calls you Captain."

"I know, it's annoying."

Sarah giggled and Justin shot him a nervous smile. She confirmed Olivia was set up on the upper part of the beach close to the house and concluded nobody needed their swim gear quite yet. Knowing Justin felt weird going to the beach while Ed was still working, Sarah slapped his back pockets and asked him to fill the cooler, figuring a special task would calm his nerves.

"Rosé for me and Livvie. Whatever you want. And juice boxes for the kiddos."

"Allowed to bring glass on the beach?"

"Nope. I picked up some plastic cups. In one of the bags." She wiggled her fingers at the mountain of supplies lining the kitchen countertop.

"Got it." Justin turned to get to work, but Sarah held his wrist.

"Kiss."

Ed witnessed the whole thing from the upstairs landing and smiled to himself. Not only was he thrilled for his daughter, but he also found himself starting to develop an affinity for Justin he never had for Jeff or anyone else Sarah brought around. Ed was looking forward to the next few days and getting to know him a little better. Assuming, of course, Sarah was willing to share him.

…

Back in Manhattan, Sonny left the courthouse having spent Saturday morning going over his grand jury testimony with the new ADA. Findley reminded him of Barba—no-nonsense, quick-witted and possessing an impressive array of precise legal knowledge. Unlike Barba, Findley indulged Carisi's tendency to voice his informed opinions, and the two men quickly developed a fraternal fondness for one another. They made plans to meet for drinks Tuesday evening at which point they hoped to celebrate an indictment in the case they'd dubbed _Glasgowman Returns_.

Carisi returned to the squad room and found Rollins in Olivia's office, pacing the floor and talking on the phone. She noticed Carisi and held up a finger, unashamed at having been caught occupying the Lieutenant's office while the boss was away.

"How'd it go with Finley?" She asked.

"Good. We're ready. Barring something completely unforeseen, we'll have the votes."

"Why'd he have to call you in on a Saturday?"

"He's got a bunch of motions hearings Monday morning and I guess, maybe, he wanted tomorrow free. He's got kids." Carisi draped his blazer across the back of his chair and sat down. "Everything good with you?"

Knowing he was alluding to the phone call, Rollins replied, "Don't worry. I'm not snooping. No need to alert your mother-in-law. It was Declan. He's taking Jesse to Florida with his family this week. It's the first time he's taken her on a trip by himself, so he has questions about every little thing." Rollins' eyes darted around, "I don't need everyone knowing my business."

Thinking she was overly paranoid, Sonny ran his tongue across his teeth and changed the subject. "Where in Florida?"

"Disney. Where else?"

"That'll be fun. You gonna join them next week when Lieu gets back?"

"That's the plan."

"What's going on there…with you and him?"

"Nothing," Rollins replied, sounding annoyed as if she was asked that question everyday by numerous people.

"What are the sleeping arrangements?" Sonny asked with a boyish grin.

" _Separate_. It's a resort. We all have our own rooms."

"Adjoining?"

"Don't you have something to do?" She snapped, exasperated and clicking her tongue.

"Other than pry into your personal life? Not really."

She rolled her eyes and strode to the break room. Sonny heard her slamming buttons on the vending machines. He and Rollins had grown apart in the past year. His marriage, her promotion, and Declan returning to civilian life proved to be formidable obstacles to their friendship. It was good to be reminded of old times and sass each other again.

…

The temperature had climbed close to ninety degrees, but the sea breeze and cabana tempered the heat. Noah helped the twins play with a limited selection of buckets and shovels. Maggie and Wyatt were only three months old at this time last year, and their beach experiences had been limited to playing with toys on the large blanket and having their feet dunked into the waves as they crashed at shore. This year they would have to be watched more carefully. Maggie had already been admonished for throwing sand, and Wyatt unintentionally ate some due to his habit of sucking on his fist. On the other hand, they both struggled to walk in the dry sand, so they'd be easy to run down in the event of an attempted escape on foot.

"Livvie, they are so cute in those hats and sunglasses," Sarah said of the twins' floppy, wide-brim headwear and wrap-around Baby Banz shades. "Even though I am still mad at Maggie for breaking the sunglasses _I bought_!" In preparation for their trip, Sarah gifted Noah with new Ray Ban Aviators (she argued he needed those in addition to his sturdier plastic wayfarers). For Maggie she bought a pink pair with lenses the shape of hearts. Wyatt's had white frames and bright blue lenses. The Tuckers hadn't been at the beach house for five minutes when they heard a snapping sound and saw Maggie toddling around, smiling proudly, and holding a piece of her sunglasses in each hand.

"Mommy, when we gonna go down dere!" Noah pointed to the water. "Dis sand isn't good for building!"

"Well, let's plan the rest of our day," Olivia said. "It's four o'clock now…we didn't really eat lunch, everyone must be hungry—"

"Not hungry! Wanna go in da water! With da boards me an' Justy have!"

Olivia grinned, "I guess it is a little mean to buy him the board and then make him wait to use it."

Justin grinned in silent agreement.

"Okay, sweet boy," Olivia said, "When Daddy gets here I'll take you in to change."

"Kay!" Noah stood and observed people on the beach. A few teenagers were skim boarding and he jerked his body, imitating them. Maggie and Wyatt trudged toward their brother. With a sibling on both his left and right sides, he draped his arms over their shoulders as they looked out into the ocean.

Olivia and Sarah scrambled for their phones and frantically took pictures.

"At this rate," Sarah wisecracked, "I'm gonna need a major storage upgrade. Like, _tonight_."

…

While Justin and Ed manned the grill, Olivia and Sarah scrolled through the afternoon's photos which included dozens of action shots. When Olivia saw Noah's board and watched older kids cruise along the shoreline, she worried about her little boy falling and also doubted he was coordinated enough to skim even the shortest distance. Justin had experience on the board from going to the New York beaches with his niece and nephews, and, learning this, Olivia relaxed a bit. She, Ed, and Sarah watched from their second encampment of the day, this one only about twenty feet from the water. Justin demonstrated the technique and balanced for several seconds before crashing into the water. Then, he grabbed Noah's board and put it down.

"Take ten steps back," Justin instructed.

Noah counted aloud and announced he was ready.

"Okay, now jog, don't run super fast, and when ya jump on the board pretend you're on your scooter."

"Kay!"

It took a few unsuccessful tries, but Noah eventually got the hang of it and even started intentionally tumbling into the waves when he lost momentum.

"Justin, want me to take over?" Ed asked when he thought Justin might be growing weary of shadowing Noah.

"Sure, thanks."

"Nah, _thank you_. Go grab a beer."

The sun was already starting to set when they collected everything and headed back to the house. Noah proudly carried his board, holding it on top of his head because he didn't want it to get sandy. Maggie and Wyatt, up way past their bedtimes, were still babbling gibberish with the occasional word peppered in. By now they had been saying _Mama_ , _Dada_ , and _No_ for months. To Wyatt, any object that moved was "ball." Maggie would say or attempt to say almost any word spoken to her. Nevertheless, the name "Sarah" had not yet come out of either of their mouths.

"By the end of this week," she vowed, "I will get them to say it."

"Big week for them," Olivia replied, "Going completely off schedule, really getting into the ocean for the first time…"

"Eating lobster," Sarah added.

"Yes, and eating lobster."

The two women were sitting in the Adirondack chairs around the backyard's small fire pit watching Noah and the twins run around in the adjacent grassy area. They hadn't used the yard at all the previous summer, but with Maggie and Wyatt walking, this was safer. Olivia and Ed left baby gates at home, and Olivia was afraid of a tumble down the porch's wooden stairs.

"Are we going to use this, Livvie?" Sarah gestured toward the pit.

"We should." She contorted her body to get a glimpse of the side of the house, "There's firewood over there. Would be fun, huh?"

"Yes but do you know how to, uh, _do_ a fire?"

"I'm sure we can figure it out. But we should probably have the extinguisher and water at the ready just in case."

Sarah giggled. "We're so city."

"Yeah we are," Olivia murmured. She watched her children play. Maggie in her sundress. Wyatt and Noah both in khaki shorts with no shirts. Barefoot and carefree. Smiling. Erupting into shrieks and laughter when Noah let the little ones "catch" him and they all fell on the grass in a heap. Her gaze drifted to the porch and to Ed and Justin standing side by side. Beers in hand. Chatting but focused on the grill like they knew what they were doing.

"Your Dad really likes Justin," Olivia said.

"He does," Sarah concurred. "What a _relief_!"

"Things any better with Brooke?"

"A little," Sarah sighed, "But, Livvie, we've been out with them a few times and I can tell she's still suspicious. I can't worry about it. At first I thought she was mad at me for not stepping in more with Aidan, _but I have_! Then I realized she's probably so tired. Mentally and physically. I hope after the baby's born she and Sonny can get away for a while. They may not want to leave their kid, but I think I'm gonna get them a trip for Christmas."

"That would be extremely kind and generous of you."

"Too generous?"

Olivia shifted again, this time to she could look Sarah directly in the eye. "I think…Brooke would think so. I think she would feel like she had to reciprocate."

"But she doesn't!"

Olivia responded in her most soothing voice, "I know that. You know that. But it would make her uncomfortable. Maybe a better option would be…offer to watch the baby while they go away for a weekend?"

"Yes," Sarah said lightheardedly, "I can make them one of those coupon books kids make their parents in elementary school." Wyatt wandered in the vicinity, and Sarah motioned for him to come closer, "C'mere, handsome. Gimme some sugar." Sarah growled and nuzzled Wyatt's neck. "Gawwd, I love this baby. I still could eat him right up!"

Noah overheard. "Sare Bear! You don't eat people!"

"Yeah," Ed called from the porch, "Ya eat surf-and-turf. C'mon. It's ready."

"Babies!" Noah shouted, "C'mon! Time for shrimpies AND DA CLAWS! But don't be scared! They don't bite ya!"

…

The adults played round after round of Farkle, a game resembling Yahtzee but with a gambling component, and when they decided to call it a night, Olivia possessed a fistful of dollar bills. Once they were in their room, Ed joked she was ready for the strip club. Olivia played along, sat on the bed, and slowly counted the bills.

"Show me whatcha got, Captain."

Obviously not taking her seriously, Ed laughed. Olivia raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips into a straight line. One eyebrow cocked, she fanned out the bills like playing cards and rested them in her lap.

"I'm not kidding."

Hiding his shy apprehension, Ed mumbled, "I need music."

Olivia searched her phone for the Dave Matthews Band album Ed liked, hit _play_ , and adjusted the volume. She held up one dollar.

"Shirt."

Ed complied and Olivia tossed the bill toward the foot of the mattress. He swayed his lower body and softly sung the words to _Crash Into Me,_ unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts and let them fall to the floor. In his boxer briefs now and still singing along, he slowly crawled to Olivia from the foot of the bed. She sat up and stuffed the rest of her winnings under his elastic waistband.

"Not bad," she purred, running tantalizing index fingers down each of his thighs. "You haven't even touched me," she lowered her voice to a rasp, "And I'm _so ready_ for you."

Ed smirked, turned on, but also relieved his first-ever striptease lasted only a couple of minutes. He descended upon his wife, kissing her forcefully and grinding his hips into hers.

"Glad we gave them the room with the squeaky bed," he quipped during a brief, breath-catching pause.

Olivia practically ripped her shirt and bra off and guided Ed to her breasts. "You think of everything," she half-moaned.

"Had to," he said, "I can't control myself around you."

…..

Down the hall, Sarah and Justin improvised. As soon as she threw herself onto the bed, Justin started laughing, knowing what that portended for their entire stay. Sarah grumbled and wondered if the room reserved for Brooke and Sonny had a bed with equally offensive springs. She tiptoed next door, but reconsidered when she saw the bed was a king and would be more comfortable for her pregnant sister. Also, if caught moving rooms in the middle of the night, she would have a hard time coming up with an explanation other than _we needed a quieter bed_.

"We'll just go slow," Sarah said. "C'mon."

She and Justin started kissing, but as soon as she slithered on top of him it became obvious _going slow_ was not a viable option.

"Maybe, uh, we—"

"No," Sarah snapped, assuming Justin was going to suggest they sleep and maybe be creative the next day. "I want you. C'mon." She took his hand and led him to the room's armchair. Still standing, they started kissing again and began throwing off their clothes. Sarah gently nudged him into the chair. It was slightly smaller than the one in the Tucker master bedroom, but it would have to do for now. Grinning triumphantly, she lowered herself into his lap.

" _Omigod_ ," she gasped a few moments later. "I wanna scream so bad."

Beads of perspiration had formed on Justin's forehead, he was gasping and controlling the pace as best he could in the confined space, but her comment made him chuckle. They weren't used to having sex with anyone else nearby. Since being interrupted by his brother, all intimacy had occurred within the private confines of Sarah's apartment.

" _Omigod_ ," she said again once she collapsed into his chest successfully sated without waking the entire house. "That was the most difficult thing I've ever done."

Out of breath, Justin stroked the back of her head with one hand and her back with the other.

"Jus? Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you comfortable?"

"Not really."

Sarah giggled and stood up. "C'mon…bedtime."

Under the covers, with his long, gangly body enveloping hers, Sarah breathed a sigh of contentment. Justin fell asleep almost immediately—it had been a long day full of driving, water sports, cocktails, and an abundance of seafood, and he was understandably exhausted. Yet Sarah stayed awake for at least an hour; she couldn't stop thinking about how much she loved the man next to her.

…..

Ed was laying across the bed, on his back, with his head propped on Olivia's thigh. They had conservatively thrown on the bare minimum of clothing—boxers for Ed and an oversized, flowy t-shirt for Olivia. She loosely intertwined her fingers with his and, with her other hand, played with his close-cropped hair. Her entire body was still tingling from their lovemaking, and the view of his muscular chest did little to calm her. Above, the ceiling fan oscillated on its lowest setting and the lamp cast a fog of muted, hazy light on the bed.

"You know what I want for our kids?" Ed asked.

"What's that?"

"I want them to feel like we feel right now."

Soft laughter delayed her response. "That would definitely be…a good thing."

"I mean…I want them to be this happy. This…at ease…with everything."

Olivia kissed his forehead. "Me too."

He flipped onto his stomach so his chin sunk into her leg. "You are happy, aren't you?"

"Yes," she answered firmly.

"All I wanna do is make sure you stay that way."

"I know," she said, "And you're doing a terrific job."

He smirked. "Doesn't it take a load off…not havin' to worry about it for the rest of your life?"

"It does."

He lifted himself push-up style, worked them under the covers, and took her into his arms, knowing how secure and loved she felt when he held her. "This is gonna be a great week," he said. "I love being at the beach with you."

Olivia closed her eyes. The beach held special significance for them as a couple and as a family. Until they spent time together in Kill Devil Hills, Olivia equivocated about so many aspects of their relationship, but at the end of their vacation, all questions somehow had resolved themselves.

"What do you think," Olivia murmured, "What do you think about looking into buying a place like this? So we have it…we can stay in the city but have someplace else to get away…when we're both done working?"

He kissed the side of her head. "I think that's a great idea."

…..

The next morning Ed got up early with the twins and sat with them in the porch swing while they drank milk and he sipped coffee. He recalled these same mornings last year, only then he was holding them and their bottles and stretched out in the chaise. Now their babies were barreling into toddlerhood—learning words, following directions, and getting better and better at chasing their older brother around. He looked at the two sets of little bare feet on either side of him. Maggie wiggled her toes and kicked her legs when the breeze picked up. Wyatt, more prone to cuddle, situated himself as close to Ed as possible and Ed relished the feeling of his son's little body against his.

"See the birds?" Ed pointed to three seagulls swooping into the tall grass. Wyatt made a few consecutive "buh" sounds.

"Good boy! What about you, Maggs, _buh-ird_?"

Maggie looked up at him and grinned. "DADADADA!" Then she flailed her arms, slamming the sippy cup on the swing's slats, and it tumbled onto the porch floor where it remained until Olivia stepped outside with her own cup of coffee.

"Good morning," she said sweetly, stretching a little then handing the cup back to her daughter. She gave Ed a kiss more passionate than the average beginning-of-the-day peck. "Noah's up. Do you want to take a walk?"

Dazed by the kiss, Ed's eyelids drooped. " _Anything_ you want… _damn_."

At that second, Noah pushed open the door. Ed expected him to say something about the bad word, but either he didn't hear it or didn't care. After all, there were more important things on the little boy's mind. Arms akimbo, he stood at the edge of the steps and assessed the water.

"No waves. Can't take da board."

"There'll be waves later, sweet boy," Olivia said, "We're going to walk a little. Want to take one of your buckets for shells?"

"Yep! I take dis red one. Babies, if ya wanna get shells, you put 'em in here!"

The five of them ambled their way to the shore with Noah leading the way. Ed put Wyatt on his shoulders and Olivia held Maggie in her arms. Once they got closer to the water she paused often and pressed her cheek to her daughter's, savoring the tranquility of the coastal morning and the feel of Maggie's smooth skin. The ocean's surface reflected the orange rays of the rising sun, gulls squawked, and the water lapped gently at their feet. Ed took Wyatt's pajama bottoms off and dipped his legs. Wyatt stomped, splashed, and squealed with delight. Olivia let Maggie do the same, and she one-upped her brother by attempting to hurl herself face-first into the water. In a minute, Maggie was drenched, Olivia and Ed were laughing, and Noah, bucket in hand, shook his head, amused but also a bit critical of Maggie's actions.

"Small sister! Ya don't even have yer swimsuit on!"

"Whaddya think, No?" Ed asked, "Maggs looks like she's ready to swim today."

"I show her how," Noah said. "But, Daddy, she needs a floaty!"

"We got 'em, bud."

"Wyatt have one, too?"

"Yup."

"Kay. Bu'first we gotta get more shells. C'mon, guys! Help me!"

Ed and Olivia put the twins on their feet and they followed Noah as he deliberately made his way along the shoreline, hunting for the perfect, intact shells. Ed took his wife's hand and they shadowed their children, following Noah's path, until he started feeling the heat of the sun and noticing beachgoers beginning to set up chairs and spread out towels.

"Mommy? Time ta swim now?"

"How about we go back to the house and have some breakfast first?"

"Kay! We gotta get Sare Bear and Justy, too!"

"Yep, we won't forget about them."

Noah skipped ahead but stopped abruptly and waited for everyone else to catch up. He twisted his lips thoughtfully and said, "I love da beach."

"We do too, bud," Ed replied, squeezing Olivia's hand. "We do, too."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	62. Chapter 62

**Sixty-two.**

With the exceptions of Maggie and Wyatt, everyone at the long table had obviously spent significant time in the sun. Sarah and Aidan were the most obvious—their fair skin blazed and already had developed into painful-looking sunburns. Brooke's cheeks, plump from pregnancy, were bubble-gum pink. Noah's face and arms, having been constantly slathered with sunblock, was now deeply tanned, and Justin's caramel skin was almost a perfect match to the coated mahogany tabletop. Ed's ruddy complexion was even ruddier, and the rays had added a healthy glow to Olivia's olive tone. Ed couldn't resist leaning over into her space and sneaking the occasional peck on the cheek, but by the fourth or fifth one, the move could no longer be classified as "sneaking."

"You gonna dance with me?" He asked. They were at last year's favorite beachside, open-air pub, and the band was beginning to warm up. The space was decorated with plastic palm trees, old license plates, photographs of famous local surfers, and strings of tiny blue lights in the shape of dolphins.

It was early for dinner, but Ed liked to beat the crowds and Olivia appreciated being able to adhere to the twins' normal bedtime. Besides, as nighttime descended on the beach town, this particular restaurant took on the feel of a night club.

"Of course." She grinned at him and went in for a kiss on the lips. Normally she would not engage in so much PDA, but their family had enjoyed another perfect day and Olivia was in the best of moods.

Brooke and Aidan arrived earlier that morning just in time to join the group's caravan to the sand. Excited for another playmate, Noah immediately invited Aidan to try skim boarding and the teenager eagerly accepted and thanked Justin for the use of his board. Ed patrolled the shoreline and retrieved Noah's board when it drifted too far into the ocean. No stranger to the beach sport, Aidan showed off his technique and eventually caught the attention of other wannabe surfers his age. While everyone else ate a picnic lunch on the gigantic NYPD blanket, Aidan and the boys got acquainted and quickly became chummy. Brooke breathed a sigh of relief. Despite having the entire beach and the quaint town at their disposal, she had worried Aidan would quickly become bored.

During the twins' short nap inside with Olivia and Brooke, Noah enlisted everyone else's help in starting a sandcastle. He neatly laid out their supplies—several pails and shovels of various sizes and molds resembling giant cookie cutters.

"Daddy, you and me have red, Justy have blue, Sare Bear, you get yellow. An' we put da castles in a BIG circle! Ya go like dis." He demonstrated how to tightly pack the sand, "But, _oof_! Daddy, you turn this over please?"

"Sure bud. That can be my job." Ed overturned the bucket, leaving a perfect sand cylinder.

"And that's how ya do it!" Noah announced triumphantly. "Kay, we need…" he walked slowly in a circle, counting and demarcating some sort of plan in his head. "We need ten!"

The crew got to work. From the porch, Olivia and Brooke could barely make out their heads as they traveled up and down the slope from the wet to dry sand. So far, Brooke hadn't said much, but she'd appeared relaxed and happy to be at the beach. She'd even interacted with and shared a few laughs with Justin and Sarah, alleviating any concerns about potential arguments or awkwardness.

As predicted, Maggie and Wyatt did not sleep long. Not even an hour after they'd been placed in the portable cribs, their wails came through the baby monitor.

Brooke smiled. "They don't want to miss anything."

"No they don't," Olivia said with a smile of their own. "Oh well, let's head back out there. If they crash early, they crash early."

"If Maggie crashes early, I'll buy your meal when you and Dad go out tomorrow."

Laughing, Olivia quipped, "That's probably a safe bet."

When the twins and Ed returned, he and Olivia took them in the water. Maggie and Wyatt sat in their bright yellow floats and splashed around with Noah. He delighted his siblings by disappearing under water and popping up in a different spot. Once again, Maggie attempted to hurl herself underwater, and Olivia bit her lip nervously when Ed grabbed Maggie and dunked her. She loved it, so he tried the same thing with Wyatt. Stunned, he reached out for Olivia and clung to her neck though he cried when they left the ocean to get ready for dinner.

"Tomorrow we're going on a paddle boarding tour," Sarah said. "In the morning if anyone wants to join."

Ed and Olivia had already said they would pass, so Sarah's offer was more for Aidan than anyone. He asked how early they were going. When Sarah said nine he grinned and mumbled he planned to sleep in. He also mentioned one of the kids he met earlier invited him to a bonfire at their house later that night.

"I wanna go, if that's alright?"

The way he asked the question suggested to Olivia that Aidan and Brooke were still working out routines like this one, where Brooke had to actually act like a parent.

"Sure," Brooke said, "Make sure you answer your phone though. And not too late."

"Cool. It's only a couple doors down."

The band played its first song, and it became difficult to talk but the real entertainment were the little ones who bopped their heads and moved their bodies to covers of songs by artists such as Jimmy Buffet and the Beach Boys. When they played _Sweet Caroline_ , Maggie and Wyatt, startled, looked around every time the crowd added the boisterous "BA! BA! BA!"

Sarah, perpetually annoyed neither Maggie nor Wyatt said her name yet, good-naturedly muttered, "I dunno why you're so shocked, you know that sound well."

They ordered another round of fruity, frozen, colorful drinks, and, finally, the band played a slower song, _A Pirate Looks at Forty_. Ed reached for Olivia's hand. "C'mon," he said, "This is our song."

"Thought the Dave Matthews song was ours?" Olivia sassed as she slipped her arms around his neck.

"We can have more than one."

She kissed him once, twice, and lingered on his lips the third time, smiling and looking into his desirous blue eyes. "I love dancing with you, Ed Tucker."

"I dunno if this is actually dancing."

"Maybe we'll take lessons some time."

Surprised, Ed raised his eyebrows, "Really?"

"Yeah. It would be fun. And," she bit her lip coyly, "A regular date night?"

"Love it."

Back at the table, nobody but Sarah paid attention to Ed and Olivia. A starving Brooke perused the menu and ordered appetizers. Noah engaged Aidan in a sword fight with their garnish sticks and Maggie and Wyatt, in highchairs, were content to munch on the crackers Olivia packed for them.

" _Gawwwd_ ," Sarah said to no one in particular, "They are too cute."

Justin, sitting with his back to the dance floor, craned his neck around. "I was gonna ask you to dance," he confessed in a hushed voice only she could hear, "But now it'll look like I'm copying your Dad."

Sarah patted the top of his hand. "Don't worry. Next song. Daddy always beats everyone to the romantic punch. That's his thing. Like, I'm pretty sure he prides himself on it."

…..

The Forlini's crowd was thickening when Carisi, Rollins, and the new ADA cozied up to the bar and ordered celebratory drinks. The grand jury swiftly returned indictments for all three young women in the "Glasgowman Returns" case. The trial would pose its own challenges, but SVU and the ADA allowed themselves an evening of levity before getting back to the grind.

"I knew that wasn't the end of it," Carisi gloated, "I _told_ you they locked pinkies. Rollins, I told you!"

"What were we supposed to do?" Rollins snapped. "Arrest them for…hand-to-hand contact?"

"Not my point," Carisi replied, "When I told everybody we'd hear from them again, every single one of you pooh-poohed it. Even the Lieutenant!"

Finley chimed in. "Have you been stewing about this for six years, Detective?"

"Apparently," Rollins muttered. She scanned the brick-walled interior, "I almost expected to see Barba here. At which point we would've had to leave…it's going to be weird seeing him on the bench and not at the prosecutor's table." In recent months, Judge Rafael Barba had had to recuse himself from several SVU cases because of his ties and had even been temporarily reassigned until the stream of cases he'd touched as ADA worked their ways through the system.

"I expect to field motions starting tomorrow," Finley said, "So we'll become acquainted quickly." He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket. "Damn…sorry guys, I have to go. Our nanny's sick and my wife's in a bind." He dropped two twenties on the bar, "Have a good night. See you tomorrow."

Rollins swirled the money around on the bar. "You want to go somewhere else after this one? Or you have to get home?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sonny gulped the rest of his Jameson's. This was not his regular drink of choice and he grimaced as it went down. "Let's get outta here. Your choice."

….

Before their now-nightly Farkle game, Sarah took cocktail orders and frowned at the almost-empty Stoli bottle. She checked the cabinets, and, finding nothing, remembered she and Justin had a box of booze in the trunk and sent him to retrieve it.

On his way out to the gravel driveway, Justin heard a noise coming from the side of the house. Suspicious of intruders and protective of his girlfriend and her family, he slowly worked his way around the cars to investigate. Separating the beach house from the neighbors were two groves of low-lying shrubbery and a few deciduous trees—enough to afford almost complete privacy. Justin squinted his eyes and peered into the darkness.

Nothing.

He started to turn back to the cars, but a sharp gasp followed by a moan stopped him. He froze. There was Aidan, leaning against the house. In the moonlight Justin saw his contorted face, his eyes squeezed shut, his fingers buried in a mop of hair that belonged to another boy.

Unsure what to do, Justin crept back toward the front door.

 _Shit_. _The vodka_.

He took a deep breath and clicked the remote control to open the trunk. He decided bringing the entire box would result in too many clangs and clinks, so he plucked the requested bottle and darted inside.

"Thank you," Sarah said sweetly. She was about to kiss his cheek, but she immediately noticed the color had drained from his face. " _What_?" She mouthed. Everyone else was seated at the table where Ed and Olivia were explaining the game's rules to Brooke.

Justin shook his head, silently insisting he was fine, and helped Sarah serve the drinks. They were in the middle of their third round of the dice game when Aidan entered through the screen door. Sarah saw the concern form again in Justin's eyes, and it was all she could do to stop herself from dragging him to their room to find out what was going on. Ed asked Aidan if he wanted to play, but he declined, said goodnight, and disappeared into the first-floor den where Olivia had made up the futon for him.

"He seemed to have fun today," Olivia remarked in a low voice, "I'm glad he met some people his age."

Justin nearly choked on his vodka.

"Yeah," Brooke said, "I worry about him being lonely in Brooklyn, away from his buddies. But at least he's been working a lot. Something to do."

Sarah shook the handful of dice with her eyes peeled on Justin, searching for information, but, true to form, he collected himself and shot her a sweet smile.

"Good luck," he said to her, "You need five thousand points to catch up to Olivia."

Sarah groaned. " _Shit_. Livvie. Next time we go to Atlantic City, you're coming with. I have no luck with dice games." Sure enough, her roll was unsuccessful and she passed the dice to Ed.

"Thought you were _so lucky_ in AC?" Brooke joked.

Sarah winked at Justin who immediately turned beet red when Sarah retorted, "I was."

…..

Inside a nondescript west side dive bar, one of the few remaining in Rollins' rapidly gentrifying neighborhood, Carisi twirled an index finger in the air, signaling for another round.

"Want the shots, too?" The bartender asked, "Or beers only?"

"All of it," Carisi said. "We're celebrating."

Rollins hurried to finish what was left of her first beer and dropped the empty pint glass on the bar. "Never celebrated an indictment before," she remarked, "Celebrated _not_ getting one…a couple times."

Carisi didn't seem to be listening. He slid the second shot to her and lifted his glass. "To justice," he declared before downing the alcohol and chasing it with a sip of beer.

"Ah," Rollins said, "I know. You're happy to be free from the wife and temporary kid. That it?"

"Sounds bad," Carisi replied, "Well, lemme put it this way. We all needed a vacation in more than one way."

" _Carisi_ …"

He waved a hand dismissively, "Nah, nah, nothing like that."

"Like what?"

"Like what you're thinking."

"And what am I thinking?"

"That Brooke and I…that we're in some sort of trouble."

Brow furrowed, Rollins said, "It does sort of seem that way at the moment."

"We both need a break," he said softly and gulped more beer. "Not a break from each other necessarily, but a break from reality. For her, being at the beach, away from the city, she'll get what she needs. For me…" Sonny trailed off, a pained expression clouding his features.

Rollins put a hand on his shoulder. "You need some time to take care of yourself?"

"Yeah. Yeah I guess so."

"We all need that," she said, "No reason to feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty about that part. I do feel guilty about…well…I won't be upset if we get a call tomorrow and I can't go." Eyes filled with remorse, Sonny looked at her intently. "Please keep that to yourself."

Rollins gave him a tight-lipped smile and nodded. "Of course," she assured him, "Between you and me."

…..

On any other night Sarah would not have minded staying up late with her family, but the time slogged by and when she and Justin finally closed their bedroom door, she had nearly exploded from curiosity.

"What is it?"

" _Fuck_ ," Justin muttered.

She took a deep breath. _Fucks_ flew out of her mouth at all times of the day in any random context, but Justin used the word sparingly.

" _Tell me_!"

"Okay, okay," Justin parted two slats of the window blinds and glanced down. Their room was directly above where Aidan had stood earlier. "When I went to the car…I heard a noise and went to see what it was, ya know, to make sure someone wasn't scopin' out the house."

Sarah smiled at the heartwarming detail.

"I didn't see anything, so I thought it was an animal or something in the bushes, but then I heard, like…ya _know_."

"What?"

"Like someone's having sex."

" _Omigod_." Sarah's palm flew to her mouth. "Aidan was fucking in the _yard_?"

Justin chewed the inside of his mouth. "Uh, well, sorta."

" _Sorta_?"

"The kid…one of the kids he was hanging out with earlier…I think it was him…was, uh…" Justin rubbed his neck, clearly uncomfortable. "Goin' _down_ on Aidan."

"Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwwd_."

"I mean, I'm pretty sure, I got outta there fast."

"What else could've been happening?"

"Uh…not much else."

"Holy fuck," Sarah paced a bit, "Well, I guess, I mean, he's sixteen. What could be more normal?"

"Maybe I was more shocked 'cause he was with a guy."

A burning sensation shot up and down Sarah's chest. She thought about her dalliances with Hillary and questioned whether or not Justin needed to know about them. On one hand, a sexual partner was a sexual partner. On the other hand, she wasn't sure Justin would understand. Would he be repulsed if he knew she'd been with another woman? It was too much of a risk to take at the moment.

"You think I shoulda stopped it?" He asked.

Sarah hugged him. She pressed her head to his chest and savored his heartbeat. "No. I'll, uh…I'll tell Brooke tomorrow. Or maybe I won't. We adults don't need to know _everything_. As long as you think…you think it was consensual?"

"Oh yeah."

Sarah giggled. "Omigod. Wow. Okay."

Justin kissed the top of her head. Sarah sensed he understandably wasn't in the mood for sex, so she disentangled herself from his arms and changed into her tank top and pajama shorts.

"C'mon," she picked up her copy of _Manhattan Transfer_ and motioned for him to join her on the bed. "Read me a chapter."

…..

Olivia took the early shift the next morning and watched the beach slowly come to life from the porch swing. She snuggled both Maggie and Wyatt in her lap under a blanket. There was a slight chill in the morning breeze, and she liked to think the cozy cover would entice Maggie to stay content a little longer. So far, she cooperated. Seagulls and other birds flew around and dove in and out of the sea grass. Maggie babbled softly—sounding like she was singing a song—and Wyatt's head slowly moved back and forth, tracking the flight of one particular bird. Olivia made herself a cup of coffee, but it sat on the table, untouched. She wanted to prolong the solace and the cuddles for as long as possible.

"Buh! Buh! Buh!" Wyatt extracted one arm and pointed toward the water.

"Yes! Wyatt! Good boy. Those are birds!" Olivia kissed the top of his head. "We see a lot of birds at the beach, don't we sweet twins?"

Maggie's sing-songy voice filled the air.

"We'll do more swimming today," Olivia said, "And your brother wants you to help him build a _huge_ sand castle! Daddy and I will help, too." She sighed and held them more tightly. "Mommy loves you two so, so much. Precious babies. Love _youuuu."_

Maggie repeated the elongated " _oooo_ " sound.

"Yes, sweet girl. That's right."

Olivia heard some movement from the kitchen and soon Sarah joined her on the porch. She leaned against the railing and sipped a coffee of her own. Noticing Olivia's full mug, she offered to hand it to her but Olivia said she'd drink it later.

"You're up early," Olivia said.

"We're going paddleboarding, Livvie! Remember?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right. That'll be fun. I can't wait to hear about it…maybe your Dad will want to give it a try."

"We'll give you a full report upon our return," Sarah peeked inside and saw Justin descending the steps. They only had about twenty minutes before their tour. Sarah kicked herself for not getting up earlier. She wanted to run Justin's account by Olivia before deciding what, if anything, to do.

"Good morning everybody," Justin stepped outside, his bright smile plastered on his face. "Olivia, thanks again, for having us this week. I love this house."

"You're welcome," she said, "We love it too, and we're so glad you're here. You two have a fun morning."

"We will Livvie! _Byee_!" Sarah kissed Maggie and Wyatt. "Byeeee twinsies! Sare Bear loves you!"

"SAH!" Wyatt bellowed.

Sarah's jaw dropped. "Omigod, omigod, omigod, omigawwwwwd! You said it!" She hoisted Wyatt in the air and spun him around, "You SAID it!" She smothered him with kisses and handed him back to Olivia. " _Gawwwd_ ," she sighed. "It's a perfect day already."

Ed and Noah almost ran into Sarah and Justin.

"S'perfect, Sare Bear?" Noah asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes it is, Noey! Wyatt said my name!"

"WOW!" Noah jumped in front of Wyatt. "Good job, brother!" Noah climbed onto the swing and rocked back and forth.

"Sweet Noah, not so fast, we don't want to break it."

"Wanna SWING!"

"Bud, how 'bout I push ya on the tire swing?"

"Kay!"

"Head on down there." Noah scampered down the steps and across the yard to the swing which was too high for him to mount himself. Sarah and Justin left for their tour, and Noah called out for Ed to come and help.

"Be right there bud!" Ed leaned down, kissed the twins' heads, and copied Olivia's good morning kiss technique from yesterday. He slowly inched his face away from hers. "You. Me. Quiet dinner tonight."

"Yes. I'm very much looking forward to it, Captain."

"Oh, you have no idea," he said in his cockiest voice.

Olivia raised her eyebrows with interest. ""Oh yeah? Care to give me a hint?"

"Nope," he touched his index finger to the tip of her nose. "Gonna haveta be patient."

"I can do that."

"DADDY!"

Olivia eyed him up and down, biting her lip approvingly. He was wearing another one of his tight t-shirts. "You better go."

Smirking at her, he called to Noah.

"Be right there, bud!"

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	63. Chapter 63

_**Sixty-three**_.

Ed lifted the leg that had been draped over his shoulder and put it back down on the shower's stone-tile floor. He stood up and Olivia kissed him passionately under the pulsating water. She massaged his back, shoulders, and, finally, held his face in her hands.

"We better do what we got in here to do," she said with a devilish smirk. She and Ed left the beach early to get ready for their night out, and, by now, everyone else surely was back at the house, either inside or hanging out on the porch.

"I got in here to do what we just did," Ed quipped.

"Was this a planned part of date night?"

"No, well, yes," Ed answered with a smirk, "Planned on ending the night with sex. Not _beginning and ending_. This was too good a opportunity to pass up." He started kissing her neck, "Mmmm, shower sex."

"That was the first sex we had on the first trip to Kill Devil Hills. Remember?"

"Olivia Margaret, I will never forget it."

She reached for the shampoo and began the quick task of washing his hair. "What are we doing tonight?"

"We're going to see a blues band. Eat barbeque. Then I'm challenging you to mini-golf." Ed took his turn with the shampoo and conditioner. "Tilt your head back."

" _Wow_ ," Olivia droned, "Three things we've never done before. Nice work, Captain."

He rinsed her tresses and lathered the loofah. "My only hope is you're willing to lose with grace and dignity." He started scrubbing at her shoulders, but when he got to her chest he dropped the exfoliating sponge.

" _Ed_ ," Olivia gasped.

"Sorry," he planted two final kisses on each of her breasts and resumed his loofah work. "You're so…so… _pretty_."

Olivia threw her head back and guffawed. "Alright, Captain, c'mon. Let's get outta here."

…..

The small fire crackled and threw non-threatening sparks into the air. Satisfied they were safe and not about to incinerate the entire neighborhood, Justin cracked open a beer and allowed himself to relax. Noah was sitting in one of the oversized Adirondack chairs with Maggie and Wyatt in his lap. Minutes ago, Sarah dragged the chair several feet away from the pit and, in her most authoritative tone, ordered them to stay put until further notice.

"I think we're good, Sare," Justin said.

Sarah stood next to the brick perimeter and hovered over the flames. Earlier, after getting the approval from Ed and Olivia, they made a trip to the market for graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate then Googled _"how to start a small campfire."_ With Brooke watching the kids, Sarah dictated instructions to Justin with a fire extinguisher and two gallon jugs of water at her side.

"Looks good," she said. "Perfect actually." It was such a small fire it barely generated any discernable heat. Since the whole purpose was to give Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt their first S'mores experience, nobody cared. Sarah dragged the Adirondack containing the kids closer to the pit. "Oh- _kay_. Rules. We do not run around. We do not go closer than this." Using her heel to dig into the soft soil, she circled the fire. "And you must do whatever me, Brookey, or Justin tells you to do."

"Kay, Sare Bear!" Noah huddled with Maggie and Wyatt who were entranced by the orange flickers. "Babies, you gotta stay right here with me. No walkin' 'round. Dat fire is _hot_!" He looked up at Sarah, "They know it hot. I telled 'em when it was their birthday."

Sarah smacked her forehead with her palm. "Silly me. I forgot all about that."

"I'll be right back," Brooke said, "I have to pee. Again."

Sarah giggled. "Alrighty. Will you bring the drinks and snacks when you come back?"

"Sure."

Justin sat next to the kids and Sarah plopped down in his lap, eliciting giggles from Noah. "You holding Sare Bear like I'm holding Maggs and brother!"

"Big baby I got here," Justin joked making Noah laugh even harder.

Brooke returned with Prosecco for Sarah, extra beer for Justin, and juice boxes for the kids. Noah frowned.

"Sare Bear let me have soda! She getted me _orange_ t'day!"

"I did," Sarah said remorsefully, noticing Brooke was looking weary, "I'll go get it. I hid it in the back of the fridge." She groaned and pushed herself to a standing position using Justin's thighs. "Whew, I'm getting old."

Brooke rolled her eyes and watched Sarah half-jog to the house. "Right she's old," Brooke muttered, "Wait until she's thirty and has a kid sitting directly on her bladder."

Instead of looking at Brooke, Justin fixed his eyes on the kids. Maggie was starting to get restless. "You're thirty?" He asked for the sole purpose of saying something.

"Yes. How old are you?"

"Twenty-six—"

"JUSTY!" Noah exclaimed, "I'm gonna be six next then we'll be the same!"

Grinning, Justin reached over and gave his little friend a gentle punch to the shoulder. "That's right, man." Daring to make eye contact with Brooke, he said, "I wouldnta guessed you were thirty."

"I feel fifty."

Maggie contorted her body and, despite her brother's admonitions, did her best to escape his grip. Grateful for the diversion, Justin picked her up and bounced her on his hip. "So funny how she and Wyatt are so different," he remarked.

"They've been like that since they were born."

At the sound of Sarah's return, Justin breathed a sigh of relief. It was obvious Brooke was the only Tucker who hadn't totally warmed up to him, and the past few minutes seemed like hours. Sarah sidled up to Justin and kissed at Maggie's face.

"Small sister! Are you with your buddy Justy? You _loooove_ him dontcha?" Maggie grabbed Sarah's nose and shrieked. Sarah lightly bit her hand. " _Gawwwd_ I love children."

"Especially ones you can give back," Brooke muttered.

Sarah frowned and opened her mouth to deliver a nasty retort, but two things stopped her—the sight of Noah struggling to keep his soda bottle from Wyatt's grasp and Justin, who tacitly acknowledged the tension and reassuringly kissed Sarah's head.

"Wanna take her?" He asked Sarah, "And I'll get the marshmallows ready?"

"Sure," Sarah met his smile with one of her own. "Thanks."

…..

Putters and golf balls in hand, Ed and Olivia made their way to the first hole. It was the middle of the week, so there weren't many people on the course. Before starting, Ed filled in the score card with their names.

"Hope I'll be able to putt straight," he said, "Those drinks were strong."

"Making excuses already?" Olivia asked, eyebrows raised.

"Aw, c'mon," he looked up, smirking. "You didn't think they were strong?"

After a quick kiss she said, "Yes, they were."

"Alright, Lieutenant. You're up first."

Three holes later the score was tied and they faced their most daunting mini golf challenge so far: hitting the ball up an incline with enough force and accuracy to propel it through one eye of a skeleton. Failure to do so resulted in the ball falling into a waterfall. A successful shot resulted in a tap-in birdie.

"Liv, you're not lined up right."

Olivia scrunched up her forehead and shot him an annoyed look. "Worry about your shot, Captain."

"I'm _serious_."

Olivia hit the ball anyway, and, sure enough, it careened off the incline and into the water. Ed tossed her an extra ball. "Mulligan."

Annoyed he'd been right, Olivia wordlessly took the ball and dropped it at her feet.

"Here," Ed walked up behind her and gripped the club, his hands over hers.

"This feels like I'm aimed too far right," she said.

"Nope," he kissed her neck a few times and smirked when she shivered. "Dead on." He stepped away and watched triumphantly as Olivia swung, made contact, and grinned when the ball fell through the eye socket.

"Thanks, Captain," she said, patting his chest.

"Anytime," he replied stepping forward to take his turn, "It's the water."

"The water?"

"Yeah, the waterfall's sorta an illusion. Screws up your sightline." Ed flawlessly completed his shot and held out his hand, "C'mon. Let's see what happened." Olivia hooked a thumb under his waistband and they rounded the skeleton head. Olivia's first ball was nowhere to be found. Her second shot and Ed's first were inches from the hole. "Gimmes," he said, picking up the balls. "Still tied."

"Don't I get a penalty or something?"

"Nah," he said, "You may have to return the favor, though."

"I can do that," she playfully nudged him and planted a clumsy kiss on his cheek as they walked to the fifth hole. "You're so sweet."

…..

Back at the house, Sarah hunched over the fire with a marshmallow on a long skewer. By her side stood Noah, mesmerized by the process. "It turnin' brown!" He murmured over and over. "Sare Bear, it turnin' brown!"

"Yep, and it'll be nice and gooey. Give me one graham cracker and the chocolate. Sarah smeared the marshmallow on top and Noah handed her the second cracker. She blew on the sugary sandwich then handed it to Noah. "Here ya go. Take a bite."

Typically a neat eater, there was nothing Noah could do to prevent the melted chocolate and marshmallow from spilling out and getting all over his hands and face. He started giggling uncontrollably and spewed cracker crumbs everywhere. Sarah snapped pictures then started a video.

"Do ya like it?"

"Uh-huh!" He exclaimed with his mouthful. "Babies wanna try!"

Sarah prepared two toddler-sized portions and set them aside to cool. Brooke had Wyatt bouncing on her knees and Justin was flipping Maggie. "Okay," she said, "Babies in one chair and let's strip 'em. They'll be easier to wipe down that way."

Clad only in diapers, Maggie and Wyatt were placed side by side in one of the Adirondacks. Sarah and Noah presented them with their treats. Even the cranky and tired Brooke erupted into boisterous laughter at what followed.

Both Wyatt and Maggie regarded the food curiously at first, but after Wyatt took a small bite, he tried to shove the whole thing into his mouth. The graham cracker was soggy and the inside was almost completely melted, so the contents smeared across his face and dribbled down his chin. Maggie followed suit. The twins shifted themselves around and picked remnants of the S'mores from one another's skin, trying to savor every last morsel.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"This is so cute but freaking disgusting," Brooke said, wiping away tears.

"It's in their hair!" Noah shouted. "It's in their hair!"

"It's everywhere," Justin said, out of breath from laughing so hard.

A few minutes later, the sticky fifteen-month-olds, bellies puffed out, lazily reclined against the back of the chair sucking their fingers.

"I'm going in and I'll run them a bath," Brooke said.

"Oh," Sarah replied, "Good idea. I was thinking we would toss them in the ocean."

Even in jest, Noah objected. " _Sare Bear_!"

…..

Ed made an exaggerated show of tallying the score even though they both knew he won by several strokes. The small golf pencil seemed to disappear in his hand as he made his calculations, and he twisted his lips as if the process required extraordinary thought.

"What'd we bet?" He asked mischievously.

"We didn't," Olivia snatched the card from him and examined it, "Which…is too bad for you."

"Next time," he said softly. "Wanna…wanna walk the beach back?"

"No nightcap?"

"I was thinkin'…" A shy smile formed on his face, "There's a liquor store around the corner, maybe we get a bottle…take it to our room?"

Olivia knew exactly what he meant and she readily agreed. They stopped at the store, crossed the main street, and removed their shoes before making their way to the shoreline which they would follow for the half mile or so separating them from their temporary home. Ed clutched the paper-bag and held Olivia's hand. They stared pensively into the water. Clouds were rolling in, muting the moonlight.

"I was serious," Olivia said, "About looking into buying a beach house. Maybe not here, but a town similar to this one."

"Be nice to find one a couple hours away. Maybe Jersey? Outskirts of the touristy areas? When the kids get older it'd be nice to have some of that stuff to do."

"Good point…so…Captain, I think that's your new assignment. Find us a house."

Ed slowed their pace. "You're that serious?"

"Yes. You couldn't tell?"

"The timing…"

"By the end of the year I'm going to make a decision. Give me these three months to think everything over."

"I'll give ya all the time you need, Liv. You know that."

"I know."

"And I hear December is a great time for homebuyers."

"Yeah," Olivia said, "I remember reading that somewhere, too."

….

When everyone, including Brooke, was in bed, Sarah and Justin relaxed on the back porch. Sarah plugged in the baby monitor and turned up the volume so any kid sounds could be heard over the crashing waves. She brought the stainless steel cocktail shaker, tumblers, vodka, and mixers out on a large tray and set it on the wicker coffee table.

"Sure this is alright?" Justin asked. "Feel like we should be in there."

"Brooke is," Sarah said, "And we have sound. They're fine." She was about to say she was more concerned about Aidan's whereabouts when he came trudging toward the house. Dressed in bright green board shorts, flip-flops, and a tank top, he resembled the quintessential beach-town teenager. When he sat down across from them Sarah caught a strong whiff of bonfire.

"Hey," he said, eyeing the drinks.

Sarah and Justin responded with "heys" of their own. It had been only twenty-four hours since Justin inadvertently witnessed the activities of Aidan and his friend, so Sarah assumed her boyfriend was, at the moment, a bit uncomfortable. She handed him a drink, grabbed his wrist, and slung his arm around her shoulders.

"Whatcha up to tonight?" Sarah asked.

"Bonfire."

"Fun. A lot of people there?"

"Not really. Me, Elijah, his brother and their parents."

Sarah raised her eyebrows. "Their parents? Oh, I assumed it was just kids. Maybe we'll crash it tomorrow night."

She was obviously teasing and Aidan laughed. "Yeah, okay."

"They let you drink?" The question was genuinely of the interrogative variety, but Aidan perceived it as rhetorical.

"Yeah, just beer."

"Oh, well…do you want another one?"

"Sure."

Sarah felt Justin's body stiffen, obviously disagreeing with her willingness to give Aidan alcohol. She kissed his forehead reassuringly and went to get a beer which she poured into a plastic cup. "If Livvie and Daddy come back, get rid of it." She settled back in next to Justin. "So…is Elijah one of the kids you met yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Your age?"

"He's fifteen," Aidan said. "His brother's nineteen. He's cool. He's in a band, plays guitar around the fire and sings. Maybe I'll take guitar lessons."

"Justin's friend is in a band," Sarah said, "Maybe he can hook you up. Or, at least, Jus, maybe we can take Aidan to one of their shows sometime."

"Sure," Justin mumbled.

"They're from D.C.," Aidan continued, "Georgetown."

"Been there," Sarah said, "It's fun. Actually, D.C. is fun if you know where to go after you see all the stuff you're supposed to see. Have you been there?" She asked Justin.

"Once. On a school trip in seventh grade."

"We'll have to go. Brooke and I took Noey there once."

"He said I should take the train there sometime and see them play," Aidan said. "Think Brooke would let me do that?"

Sarah chewed the inside of her cheeks. "Alone? Unlikely. But I'd go with you."

"I really wanna see them play."

He continued heaping fawning praise on the brother whose name remained undisclosed. It didn't take Sarah long to conlude the person pleasuring Aidan last night was the older brother, not the fifteen-year-old Elijah.

"You have some summer left," Sarah said, "Get his schedule and we'll try to make it happen." She peered past Aidan's head, "And slam that beer and gimme the cup. They're back."

Aidan did as he was told, but he had more time than he thought. Either thinking they were out of sight or unbothered by an audience, Ed and Olivia stopped for a passionate kiss before continuing up the path to the house.

Sarah grinned and shook her head.

"They are _so_ teenager-y."

…

Ed and Olivia bounded onto the porch in the nick of time. They had barely said hellos when lightning followed by a loud rumble of thunder pierced the hazy sky. The rain came down furiously in sheets, and they all hustled inside, not bothering to clear all the drinkware. Olivia and Ed thanked Sarah and Justin for their babysitting services and headed to their room citing fatigue and the intention to relax and look at the pictures and videos Sarah air-dropped. Ed followed his wife up the stairs, admiring her from behind and basking in the familiar feelings of gratitude and appreciation for their family. On the landing they parted. Ed went to the bedroom with the booze and Olivia insisted on poking her head in on the kids. What she saw nearly brought her to her knees.

One of the portable cribs had been pulled flush with the double bed, presumably so Noah had an easier time helping his little sister escape its confines. He was sitting in the middle of the mattress with Maggie in his lap and both arms wrapped around her chest. Noah rocked her back and forth and side to side, his chin resting against her head.

"S'okay, small sister," he said in a hushed voice, careful not to disturb Wyatt. "S'only a lil' storm. Jus' some rain. In da mornin' it'll be sunny again den we swim!"

Another clap of thunder caused Maggie to sit up straighter, point at the window, and bellow " _Ooo_!"

"S'okay," Noah whispered again, tightening his grip and rocking her once more. "Mommy an' Daddy gonna be here and they say 'it's jus' thunder!' Don't be scared, Maggs."

Tears gushed from Olivia's eyes. The way Noah spoke about "Mommy and Daddy" crushed her; the words sounded like those of a hopelessly abandoned child, but his protective tenderness absolutely melted her heart.

"Gotta go ta' sleep now, Maggs," Noah said. "C'mon. You sleep with me but no squirming! If ya squirm you're gonna fall."

Noah rose to his knees for better leverage. In the process of dragging Maggie to the pillows, he saw Olivia in the doorway. "Hi Mommy," he said in the overworked voice of a babysitter who was ready for the parents to come home.

"Hi sweet boy. Whatcha doin?"

"Small sister was cryin' so I getted her out so she won't be scared!"

"Sweet boy," Olivia croaked again.

Ed, wondering what was taking his wife so long, joined them in the room. He immediately assumed the storm woke up two of the three roommates, but that didn't explain Olivia's tear-and-makeup streaked face.

"What happened?"

"Thunder waked up small sister!"

Ed noticed the crib's relocation. "Didja tell her not to be scared?"

"Uh-huh!"

Ed leaned down and kissed the top of Noah's head. "You're the best big brother, bud."

"Now small sister doesn't wanna get back in her bed! Can we all go in da big bed with you?" Noah adorably cocked his head and batted his eyelashes. It was impossible to say no.

"Alright. C'mon," Ed scooped both Noah and Maggie into his arms.

As Ed expected, Olivia went to Wyatt's crib. Fist in his mouth, he was sleeping so soundly she hesitated for a second before carefully collecting him into her arms. "You too, big guy," she whispered.

"Yeah," Noah slurred against Ed's shoulder, already beginning to fall back asleep, "Gotta have one, two, three, four, five Tuckers all t'gether!"

"That's right, bud," Ed whispered. In his peripheral vision he caught a glimpse of Olivia cradling Wyatt. _Mother_ was a role she was born to play and seeing her contented face pressed against Wyatt's chubby cheek made him beam with pride and affection. "The five Tuckers will always be together."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	64. Chapter 64

**Sixty-four**.

Thursday was Jet Ski day. More daring this year with a heavier and sturdier Noah, Ed jumped waves and made semi-sharp turns which, from shore, looked fairly innocuous but probably were exhilarating for the little boy. Sarah and Justin took off on a second machine and disappeared into tiny versions of themselves as they cruised farther and farther from Ed and Noah. Brooke was on a lounger and partially shaded by the cabana. Two feet away Olivia rested her own chaise, in full sunlight, positioned so she had a view of the water and of Maggie and Wyatt who were entertaining themselves with the sand toys.

Olivia knew every parent believed her children were the most beautiful people on the planet, but she also knew Maggie and Wyatt were gorgeous. In their beachwear, floppy hats, and sunglasses, they were even more adorable, if not cherubic. Today Wyatt wore swim trunks and a matching shirt with starfish emblazoned all over the blue material. Olivia chose pink and white striped bottoms for Maggie. When Olivia put the top over her head, Maggie stared down at her chest, a little shocked at the bold fashion statement—a gigantic pink flamingo.

Either reading Olivia's thoughts or thinking on a similar plane, Brooke said, "They win swimwear modeling in the two and under class for the week. Hands down."

"It's so fun to buy," Olivia said, "Actually, it's _all_ fun to buy. Have you bought much? We have so much the twins have never worn, so please come and raid their closet sometime."

"No," Brooke replied, sounding regretful, "I have a bunch of stuff for a newborn, but not much else. I think I'm still so nervous."

Olivia gave Brooke her full attention. "I didn't stop being nervous until Wyatt was home."

"It's not that," Brooke said, grimacing ever so slightly. "Well, not totally. I feel like we're having this child at exactly the wrong time. I mean, we have Aidan with us and I don't know what's going on with him. Sonny keeps hinting he may want to go to the DA's office but then the next minute he's not coming here because of work—"

"Wait. He's not?" Olivia immediately dug in her tote bag for the phone. There was one text from Rollins about the grand jury indictment, but that was all.

"Go ahead," Brooke said, "I don't mind."

Perplexed, Olivia peered at the phone longer than she needed to before tossing the phone into the bag. "I'll call back later. Keep going, sweetie."

"I'm so happy to be in Brooklyn. I love the apartment. I love the neighborhood. But I can't shake this feeling that things aren't quite right. And I don't know if I'm waiting for everything to fall apart because that's what's happened this year or if there really is some imminent bombshell coming."

Olivia reached over and gave Brooke's hand a quick but firm squeeze. "I know that feeling," she said. "And I've gotta tell you, Brooke, you've weathered these storms remarkably well. Believe me, I know how much easier it is to give up and break down and want to quit."

"It would have been…"

"My mom died a couple weeks before Christmas almost twenty years ago."

Brooke sat up. It was obvious Olivia was about to reveal previously undisclosed information.

"And after the initial shock then a quick, small funeral, I went back to my life, well, back to my job. And other than a few times when something from a case reminded me of her, I blocked her out. And it wasn't until a few years ago that I actually worked through my anger, my sadness toward her…and toward my father." Olivia wiped away a rogue tear, "I'm telling you this because I wish I would've faced those emotions sooner, because all of that rage, regretting everything I never said, never asked, never _resolved_ …it weighed me down. And I'm wondering if that's why you're feeling this way."

Despite a trembling lower lip, Brooke's voice didn't waver, "My mom was always someone we had to _deal with_. That's always how I approached her. Sarah did too until she started ignoring her altogether. It's like…mom did that to herself, _she_ pushed us away, but I always thought, a ways down the road, everything would be okay…she'd retire, have grandchildren, you know…it would all just calm down and we could find some common ground somewhere…"

"Yes."

"But she took that possibility away…so how is it fair that _I'm_ the one who feels guilty?"

Olivia opened her mouth to reply, but Brooke continued.

"I wish I was more like Sarah. She's so good at looking at a lost cause and saying _fuck it_ and moving on." Thinking of her sister, Brooke smiled and joked, "Don't tell her I said that."

"I won't," Olivia said. "It's going to take time, sweetie. Forgiveness is hard. It's particularly harder when the other person isn't here, but it can be done. Trust me."

"Liv, I do trust you."

Brooke rarely used the abbreviated version of Olivia's name. Olivia tried to appear unaffected, but hearing it warmed her heart.

"Good," Olivia said. "You know you can talk to me about anything. I'm always here."

"You have so much on your plate…I don't want to bother you…I mean, you have little kids," She smiled and made a face at Maggie, "You don't have time for adult stepchild drama."

"That's where you're wrong," Olivia said, "I always have time for you. I have since the first time we met."

"We really needed you," Brooke mumbled.

"I realized pretty quickly that Noah and I needed you and Sarah, too."

"And Dad, of course."

"Yes. He's pretty important."

Olivia watched Ed dismount the Jet Ski and motion for Noah to jump into the water. He did, and Ed made an exaggerated show of catching him and falling backwards into the waves. Noah's jubilant giggles were audible even among the chatter and activities of other beachgoers. Life jacket on, Noah lazily floated around, bobbing with the waves, while Ed hooked the Jet Ski to the underwater anchor, and he and Noah waded back to shore.

"Didja guys see us?" Noah asked, bounding up to their blanket then slowing so he wouldn't kick sand everywhere.

"We did," Olivia said. "You were going fast out there!"

"And jumpin' waves!"

"I saw that, too. Did Daddy do a good job driving?"

"Yep! And he letted me drive!"

Ed bent down and kissed Olivia, grinning when she shrieked a little at the cool drops of water that dripped from his body onto hers. "He just steered a little."

Assuming as much, Olivia patted his behind and gave it a surreptitious squeeze. "Did Sarah and Justin head back to New York?"

"Maybe…we lost 'em a while ago. Hope they're keepin' an eye on the gas. Well," Ed slapped his thighs, "Anyone hungry? Brooke? We got that chicken salad you liked last year."

Noah hopped over to Brooke and put his face in front of hers, "You want some chicken salad, Brookey? I put it on da bread for ya!"

"You will, Noah?"

"Yep!"

"I would love that. Thank you do much."

Noah grabbed Ed's hand. "C'mon, Daddy. Gotta bring da ladies lunch!"

He and Ed walked off leaving Brooke and Olivia amusedly gasping Sarah-esque _omigods_.

…

The Tuckers lazed around the beach for the rest of the afternoon. The height of activity was Noah's construction of a sand "house" for Maggie and Wyatt. With Ed's and Olivia's assistance, Noah built a rectangular sand "wall" and insisted his siblings be dropped inside with their sand toys. The little ones remained there long enough for a few pictures, but they very quickly realized their confines were easily penetrable. Maggie dove over the barrier and Wyatt, humoring Noah a little, dug his way out. The five of them went into the water to rinse off.

"Noey is gonna be so funny when those babies start talking," Sarah remarked, "They're already starting to get sassy." She opened the cooler and refilled her plastic cup. "Anyone?"

"One more," Justin said, "But then I gotta slow down. We volunteered to make dinner, remember?"

"Yes, yes. Tacos! You and that baby in the mood for tacos, Brookey?"

"I think so. What kind?"

"Omigod we bought pulled pork, shrimp, mahi, and ground beef…at seven o'clock this morning," Sarah muttered, pretending to be annoyed at Justin's proclivity for waking up early.

"Hey," he retorted, "I think better in the morning."

"I know you do," she cooed, leaning far over to kiss him and nearly lost her balance. "Whoops!"

"Did Aidan say if he was bringing his friend?" Brooke asked. Their half-brother had been spending little time with the family. After breakfast each morning he headed a few doors down and presumably spent the rest of his day hanging out with Elijah and his brother. Every once in a while Brooke caught a glimpse of Aidan skim boarding, but he was otherwise absent until sunset.

"I told him to," Sarah said, "And Aidan said okay and then he left. So we'll see."

"Do you think it's okay for him to be gone so much?" Brooke asked.

"I cannot think of a more normal thing for a teenager to do."

"Alright," Brooke sighed, "It's really hard being thrown into motherhood…with a sixteen-year-old."

"But you do it so well, Brookey!"

She did not look convinced. "And I'm _so_ looking forward to taking him to see his Dad next week." After initially seeing Dave once a week, Aidan hinted the visits were too frequent, so he and Brooke agreed to end-of-the-month jaunts to Rikers.

"Do you want me to take him?" Sarah asked. "I don't mind."

"You will?"

"Sure. You don't need to go there in your condition."

"My _condition_? What are we, in eighteen-fifty?"

"Blame Justin, he's making me read books," Sarah said, "Anyway, all you had to do was ask. I hadn't even thought of taking him. Nobody ever talks about it."

Brooke wanted to be annoyed with her sister, but Sarah did have a point. "Thanks. I'll, uh, Aidan knows where to go. You can take our car."

"You should sell it and buy something more practical for the city. Or, at the very least, buy something that doesn't reek of Mom. Jesus Christ I cannot stand the scent of Chanel number five."

"I'll give you the title," Brooke said, "Maybe you can take care of that, too."

….

Sarah danced around the kitchen, happily playing her role of sous-chef. The galley kitchen did not comfortably accommodate many people at once, and Justin immediately realized having Sarah there was like having three people in his way. She flirted uncontrollably, hugging and kissing him, taking advantage of the alone time, but Justin desperately wanted to impress the others with their dinner presentation. He reciprocated the affection, but he also gave her things to do—

 _Measure a teaspoon of cumin._

 _Do they have a slotted spoon?_

 _Chop the cilantro and onions._

 _Time to add ice to the Sangria._

"Did your mom teach you how to cook?" Sarah asked.

"Pretty much all the women in my family," Justin said.

"You're so good at it."

"Thanks," he grinned at her. "I like it…but I hardly ever have anyone to cook for."

"Well now you have me!"

He balanced the spatula he'd been using on the edge of a frying pan and wrapped his arms around her. "Yeah I do," he said softly.

"I'm so glad you came here with me," Sarah said. "I hope you're not getting annoyed with all this _family_."

"I _like_ family," he said. "It's how I grew up." The distant sadness started to cloud Justin's deep brown eyes.

Sarah hugged him tightly. Not only had Justin suffered through the deaths of his father and grandmother, but several aunts and uncles had passed away in the last few years and the boisterous, large-scale Vidal family gatherings he'd been used to as a child no longer occurred. She knew he missed them.

"Justin…will you…will you think about moving in with me?" The question was abrupt and risky, but Sarah needed to push the envelope a little. The beach week only intensified her love for him. "I know you like being close to your mom, I understand how important that is and I need to let my Dad have his apartment back, so when I look for a new one…I really want it to be _our_ apartment. And I'm not tied to my neighborhood, we can look by the six…"

His eyes brightened as he listened to her ramble. By now he was used to her occasional bursts of rapid-fire dialogue and knew it was better to let her finish rather than interrupt. He loved how her eyes grew wider and wider and her words came out in one breath, so fast that, by the time she was finished, everything was garbled together and almost unintelligible.

"That's somethin' you really want?" Justin asked.

Surprised by the question, Sarah cocked her head and insisted it was. "Why…why don't you think I'm serious?"

Fidgeting, Justin said, "So perfect here…kinda wonderin' if maybe we're so disconnected with reality—"

"—we're on vacation."

"—right, that's my point, being on vacation…maybe…makin' you think you want something you don't?"

Sarah frowned. Anxiety burned the inside of her chest. _What was he saying?_

Justin saw it. "Hey," he said gently, "I only… _only_ asked ya that because of what ya told me before…that you get yourself into situations then don't know how to get out of them."

Relaxing, Sarah let her head fall into his chest and she broke into relieved laughter. "I'm sorry to say, sir," She tilted her head back and tapped his chin with her index finger, "You're stuck with me. I'm never letting you go."

He grinned. "I will think about it. I promise."

"Okay. And I realize how stalker I sounded. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"Okay, thanks, because I'm not." Sarah gave him a playful shove, "Let's get back to cooking. It smells so good. We may have unintentionally put ourselves in charge of dinner for the rest of the trip."

"Cool with me."

Justin turned back on the stove and Sarah went to work preparing the garnish tray, basking in a sense of peace she could not remember ever feeling before. Brooke's doubts be damned. Justin not only loved her, he paid attention to her. He understood her. And he quite possibly was capable of periodically saving Sarah from herself.

…..

Noah was giggling so much Olivia had to implore him to settle down. Her reminder wasn't very authoritative, however, because she, too, was consumed with amusement. Everyone raved about the tacos, rice, and beans, but Maggie and Wyatt stole the show. Neither Olivia nor Ed had ever seen them eat with such enthusiasm. Olivia had cut up everything into little pieces, intent on offering the same options as everyone else. Maggie scrunched up her face at first, scrutinizing the options on her tray. Wyatt immediately shoved a handful of mahi into his mouth. The adults still had plates full of food when the twins banged on their trays, requesting more.

"Dose babies love yer tacos, Justy!" Noah exclaimed. "Lookit! Even small sister eated da av'cado! They eatin' all da food!"

"I hope there's enough," Justin said with a proud smile.

Ed kissed Olivia's cheek and teased her about the article. "I think those palates are developing nicely."

She shot him a playful glare and washed down a bite of shrimp taco with sangria. "Who made this?" She asked. "It's great…and strong."

"That would be me," Sarah said, "I cannot claim credit for anything else. Aid, you like it?"

"Real good," he said with his mouth full.

"Why didn't your friends come?" Brooke asked.

"They were going out."

"Prolly good they didn't come," Ed said, his eyes lovingly concentrated on the twins, "These two are eating way more than their share."

Wyatt started banging again. He was particularly fond of the rice and Ed dropped another scoop onto the tray. Wyatt mashed avocado between his fingers, put his hand in the rice, and ate the gooey mixture.

Olivia reached over and wiped his mouth, trying to contain the mess, "Wyatt Edward, Mommy loves you so much, but you're a little yucky right now." Wyatt ignored his mother and continued eating.

Next to Sarah, Maggie outstretched a shrimp-filled fist. "SAH!"

Sarah simpered at her. "Oh, small sister, I do so love how you are finally saying my name, but I'm gonna pass on the bite. No thank you."

"SAH!"

"Seriously, no thank you."

"Full baby girl?" Ed got up and took away the tray. He cleaned it and returned with Maggie's milk cup which she promptly dropped on the floor. Knowing the game, Ed took her out of the high chair and sat her in his lap where she compliantly sat back against his chest and sipped her drink.

Olivia lovingly stroked Maggie's head. "You have Daddy wrapped around your finger, don't you small sister?"

Maggie innocently batted her eyelashes at her mother and reached out for her with the hand that wasn't gripping the cup. Olivia kissed her daughter's tiny fist. "Love you, Maggie girl."

" _Ooooooooo_!"

" _Gawwwd_ , Livvie, I love it when she does that," Sarah gushed.

"I know," Olivia said, "So precious."

"Mommy!" Noah said in a hushed voice, "Lookit! Wyatt's sleepin!"

Sure enough, Wyatt, fist in his mouth, was out cold, remnants of his dinner clinging to his face. Olivia took him from the chair and went upstairs to clean him up and change him into his pajamas.

Downstairs, Ed passed Maggie to Sarah and shooed everyone away while he assumed clean-up duties. When the last of the pots and pans was cleaned, dried, and put away, he joined Olivia in the bedroom. Wyatt was awake now and Olivia was reading to him from a new book, _Goodnight Ocean_.

"We gonna be in trouble with sleeping schedules when we get back?" Ed asked.

"Most likely," Olivia replied, not sounding terribly concerned. "What's going on downstairs?"

"Everyone's on the porch."

"Wanna take him? I need to call Carisi."

Ed squinted, "Why?"

"Brooke mentioned something today about him not coming because of work."

"You get a call?"

"No. Only a text from Rollins about an indictment…which we expected to get."

Ed rubbed his face. "Maybe he doesn't want to leave 'em too short staffed." The presumption sounded ridiculous even to him, and Olivia's expression suggested she felt the same way.

"Either he's lying to his wife or they're busy and not telling me," Olivia surmised, "And I seriously hope it's the latter."

"I'm sure it is. C'mere, big guy." Ed took Wyatt from Olivia and held him above his head.

"Be careful," Olivia warned.

Recalling Wyatt's gluttonous display at dinner, Ed chuckled, "Right. Okay. C'mon, Wyatt, let's go downstairs and keep ya entertained for a while. And you tell your brother and sister to go to sleep and stay asleep tonight because..." Ed shot Olivia a smirk before closing the door, "Daddy has plans for Mommy."

…..

Before everyone turned in for the night, Ed busied himself in the kitchen and refused to give a clear answer when asked about his doings. Impatient and tired, Olivia went upstairs without him. She peeked in at the little ones—Wyatt in the portable crib and Maggie now sleeping with Noah, an arrangement Olivia allowed after Sarah found a pair of bed rails in her bedroom closet. At the moment they weren't needed. Maggie had kicked off the covers, but she was plastered to Noah's side, mouth open, and breathing heavily almost directly into her brother's ear. Olivia adjusted their covers, blew them kisses, and left the room.

When he joined Olivia, Ed immediately heaved himself on the bed beside her, and they made love in what was now their customary beach style—slow, sweet, and deliberate, careful not to make too much noise. Olivia fell asleep in Ed's arms, her head resting perfectly in the space between his chest and bicep. She remained there until the sound of Ed's hushed voice roused her from what had been a deep, comfortable slumber.

Olivia turned her head from side to side and half-heartedly fought against his attempts to get her to sit up.

"Ed?"

"Hey," He kissed her cheek a couple of times, "Mornin."

Olivia opened her eyes to slits, enough to see the digital clock. "It's five o'clock," she mumbled.

"Date number two time," Ed rasped in her ear.

"Hmm?" She asked sleepily.

Ed rolled over and off the mattress. He tossed Olivia a handful of clothes to put on and grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for himself. From the closet he produced a rolled-up fleece blanket Olivia hadn't realized was there and he held out his hand. "C'mon. Sarah has the baby monitor."

Olivia's half-open eyes drifted to the nightstand. "How did I not notice…" she trailed off, smiling. "Oh, _that's_ why you got right down to business last night."

"Partly," Ed still had his hand extended. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

Ed pulled her to a standing position and gave her a tender kiss.

"You'll see. C'mon."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	65. Chapter 65

**Sixty-Five**.

There was no need for an alarm clock in the Rollins household. Frannie the dog began moving about before sunrise, and by six a.m. she expected food. On this particular morning she nosed the visitor, a man she knew well but had not seen in a while. Sound asleep and drooling on a throw pillow, Carisi didn't flinch until Frannie, thinking he was faking it, jumped up, landed her two front paws on his chest, and started licking his face.

"Ack!" Carisi scrambled to sit up and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Damn dog," he hissed though he was starting to smile. He wasn't much of an animal person, but Rollins' loyal pet was endearing and easy to forgive, even for a predawn wake-up call.

Amanda sauntered in from her room, eyes partially open, blonde hair sticking out and falling from a messy ponytail. Seeing Frannie, she knew exactly what happened and apologized.

"I need to go home anyway," Carisi said. He went to the kitchen and splashed water on his face. Rollins handed him a towel.

"You can use the bathroom, ya know."

"This was closer." He hung the towel over the oven handle, "Thanks for letting me crash here last night."

"No problem. Better than you missing your stop in Brooklyn and ending up out by JFK."

"I coulda taken a cab."

"Well, you didn't."

Carisi shrugged. "Well, I am now. Uber'll be here in three minutes. I'll see you in a few hours, Sarge."

….

Clueless as to where they were going at this hour, Olivia nevertheless faithfully followed her husband downstairs. He stopped in the kitchen, collected a bag from the refrigerator and one from the pantry.

"Ed?"

"Shhh." He kissed her softly. "Sarah'll be pissed if we wake up a baby _now_."

Though perplexed, Olivia nevertheless stopped asking questions. Ed gingerly opened and closed the creaky screen door and made sure the heavier door was locked. They ambled down the path to the beach and walked south, away from the residences and where the beach sloped down to the water at a steep angle.

Once the blanket was spread out, Ed unpacked his wares. Pre-mixed mimosa, croissants, strawberries, and chocolate chip mini-muffins Olivia recognized as coming from Noah's stash. He also brought a second blanket and wrapped Olivia in it.

"Thought we'd do somethin' a little different," he said, his eyes watering slightly in the cool breeze. Sun'll be up in an hour."

"I love it." Olivia poured the drinks and sat between his legs, her back against his chest. On the news last night were reports about tropical disturbances, and even though the day was supposed to be sunny and hot, the intensity of the early morning waves foreshadowed impending severe weather. "Mmmm," she droned, sinking further into his chest, "Now I know what you were up to last night."

"Yep."

"Excellent idea, Captain."

"You really think so?"

"Yes."

He buried his face in her hair and took a deep breath. "I love you so much. I love holding you like this, I love being at the beach with you. I love raising kids with you."

Olivia sipped her drink and used her other hand to play with his fingers. Ed was in a mood. He'd been in a mood since arriving in Bethany Beach. There was no hiding it. When they were within twenty feet of one another, Ed couldn't take his eyes off his wife. He helped Noah build sand castles and tossed him around in the waves, but in between throws or after overturning yet another sand-packed bucket, he made sure to make eye contact with her. When hanging out under the cabana with Maggie and Wyatt, he made excuses to touch her…he needed sunscreen, a beer, a magazine he wasn't actually going to read, something for the twins…anything to reach over her and into the tote bag, _accidentally_ creating contact. And while their lovemaking wasn't exactly wild, it was so _good._ Ed expertly navigated the line between trying hard and trying too hard, and Olivia both fell asleep and woke up with a satisfaction that reminded her of the first time they slept together.

"Me too," Olivia said in a hushed voice, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Lips still pressed against her head, Ed smiled. "Am I makin' ya uncomfortable?"

"No," she said, "I'm never uncomfortable with you."

"Good."

"I guess," Olivia peeled herself away from his body and faced him. "I…you know I feel the same way, right? I'm just as in love as you are."

"I know."

"I don't always know what to say…when…"

"When I get like this?" Ed smirked.

"Right." Olivia ducked her eyes bashfully. She rubbed Ed's knees, his thighs, and made a show of scoping out their surroundings. The predawn sky was a shade lighter than when they first arrived. Other than a few early-rising seagulls, the beach was deserted. Olivia nudged Ed onto his back. Wrapped in the two blankets, they kissed and engaged in what they both knew had to be abbreviated foreplay. Ed simultaneously bunched her shirt up and tugged her shorts down, earning a compliment from his wife.

He smirked. "Oh, you just wait."

Olivia's willingness to let loose and cry out when he began moving in and out of her thrilled Ed. He slowed his pace, guided her so they were on their sides and he could kiss her and see her face as she threw her head back, gasped, and implored him to continue.

" _Liv_."

"Don't stop."

"Listen to the water," Ed buried his face in her neck and sucked gently, careful he wouldn't leave marks but almost positive Olivia wouldn't care much if he did. "Damn, baby, you feel so perfect."

Olivia stilled him for a second and stared urgently into his eyes. "I am never going to forget this."

Ed dove at her mouth. They kissed ferociously and Ed continued, proud of his stamina, working his hips a bit more aggressively, remembering a move from one of the _Cosmopolitans_ , hoping he was doing it right, then _knowing_ he was doing it right. All the signs of approval were there.

Fingertips digging into his back muscles.

Arched back.

A low moan followed by a high-pitched shriek.

Then…" _Fuck_. _Ed_."

(This was how he knew he really had done a good job)

Finally, she heaved a satisfied sigh. He finished, rolled her onto her back, draped his body over hers, and pressed their foreheads together. "Yeah?"

"Do you even realize how good you are at sex?"

" _You_ ," he lifted his body push-up style and lustfully glanced at the lower half of her body. "Make it easy to rise to the occasion."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow and he collapsed onto her, laughing and nuzzling her neck. The sun was peeking above the horizon, and they sat up again, wrapped in both blankets. Ed poured another round of drinks and they picked at the food.

"More jet skiing today?" Olivia asked.

"Yep, I didn't get to go with you."

"Hard to kick Noah off. He loves it so much."

"Shoulda heard him out there," Ed said, " _Faster, Daddy! Faster Daddy! Hit the waves!_ "

"Good thing he gets to go with you," Olivia said, "I'd be crawling out there with him on board." She caught a hint of despondence in his face, "What?"

"He's getting so big…so old."

"He is."

"It's amazing," he said, "Sometimes I think I'm talkin' to an adult. He's so smart, so responsible. He's gonna do something really big. Really important."

"Maybe," Olivia drank more mimosa and was pleasantly surprised when she saw another carafe in the bag. "But I only want him to be happy. Whatever that means for him…I want him to be able to do it. Maggie and Wyatt, too."

"They all will. We'll make sure of it." Ed grinned. "You shoulda seen Wyatt last night. When Maggie and Noah were still running around and he was sitting with you? The look on his face, like, he thought they were crazy for still having all that energy."

"At least we have one who's laid back."

"Ma says he's an old soul…she loves how he watches everyone…takes everything in all at once. _He_ might be the next Tucker cop."

"Oh boy."

"He has IAB skills," Ed deadpanned.

" _Great_."

Ed chuckled, "Then again, he's prolly too good looking for that job."

Olivia bit her lip. "I don't know…his Daddy's pretty good looking…ya know…for someone from _that_ department."

In response to the flirting, Ed's face reddened. After almost three years of marriage, he could still become terribly shy around her. He took a drink and locked eyes with her once again.

"Ah," he said, "He looks like his mother."

Ed thought he'd pivoted their conversation safely to the realm of lightheartedness, but Olivia had other ideas. "I'm so thankful they have people in their lives," she said, "That they have family. A big family, a growing family. That's so important to me…"

"I know," he said, "I always took it for granted. But I don't anymore."

Olivia settled back against his chest. "How'd you get this idea?"

"I wanted to watch the sun rise with you."

…

Room-by-room, the beach house gradually came to life. Justin woke up early and draped an arm around Sarah. She was a restless sleeper and had tossed and turned her way to the other side of the bed. Maggie's soft babbles had already stirred her awake, but she was trying to milk another few precious minutes of shut-eye before it became absolutely necessary to get Maggie out of the room so Noah and Wyatt weren't disturbed.

"G'morning," Justin whispered.

Sarah mumbled something that was intended to echo his greeting, but her facial muscles weren't quite up to the task yet.

Justin grinned and let his fingertips drift to her bare leg. Eyes still closed, her lips curved into a smile. He stopped.

"Mmmm _Mmm_ ," Sarah whined.

Justin kissed each eyelid. He wasn't sure what, if anything, they had time for, but he was intent on trying. Sarah, apparently in full agreement, shoved her hips into his and guided his hand to the waistband of her panties. Opening her eyes, she implored, " _Hurry_. I want you."

Justin worked his fingers between her legs. Sarah was shimmying out of her shirt when, "Mamamamama!" then " _Shhh, Maggs_!" pierced the room's silence.

Sarah groaned. Justin threw himself back on his side of the mattress as if Noah could see them. Sarah hurried out of bed, fixed her shirt, threw on a pair of cotton shorts and leaned back down to kiss Justin.

"Rain check?"

Sarah couldn't take her eye off the slightly crooked tooth she found so adorable as he grinned back at her.

"For sure."

"I know you love it here," she said, "But when we get back home I'm gonna fuck your brains out."

Justin played with her tangled blonde hair. Her crude language did not faze him. "I know you will."

Seconds later, he heard Sarah baby-talking to Maggie. From the sounds of it, Wyatt had woken up as well. Noah good-naturedly complained that Maggie stole all his covers, and Sarah said she would re-tuck him and he could go back to sleep for a little bit.

"Thanks, Sare Bear," Noah said.

"You're welcome, Noey. I love you."

"Love you."

"We'll be downstairs."

"Where Justy?"

"In bed where all normal people are right now."

"Sare Bear?"

"Hmm?"

"You love Justy, too?"

"Yes I do, Noey."

Justin heard Maggie and Wyatt fuss; he imagined Sarah struggling to hold a twin under each arm.

"Me too," Noah said.

Justin folded his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. Ever since Sarah slipped up and said she loved him during their walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, she hadn't mentioned the _L-_ word. Nevertheless, it was no secret how she felt about him. He wondered if it bothered her that he hadn't yet said those three very important words even though he was sure she knew how much he cared about her. For him, saying _I love you_ was a big deal. He'd never said it to anyone other than his family members. Nobody else had deserved it.

Until now.

Thinking about her reaction made him smile.

He promised himself he would say it today.

….

Olivia deftly lifted herself onto the Jet Ski and put her arms around Ed.

"I like this already," she said, her chin poking his shoulder.

"Sure ya don't want to take the other one?"

"I'm sure. I like it when you drive."

Ed wasn't sure how to construe her last sentence, but, whatever its meaning, he smirked and welcomed the familiar chill he felt whenever Olivia flirted with him. They waved goodbye to Noah who was jumping up and down next to Sarah. He made sure to prep his mother for the ride, reminding her to hold on tight and assuring her it wasn't scary.

It was early still and the ocean was calm. Ed zipped northward and Olivia scoped out the beach houses, mentally adding items to their real estate wish list. Four or five bedrooms. Wrap-around porch. A small grassy area with fire pit. Large windows. An unobstructed ocean view.

Eventually the residential area gave way to a vast public beach, and Ed steered toward a jetty demarcating the boundary between ocean and the Indian River Bay. He idled in the shallow water and asked Olivia if she wouldn't mind going ashore for a few minutes. She agreed and helped push the watercraft onto the sand.

They sat together, arms around their knees. The beach and boardwalk were crowded, and Ed remarked he was grateful for their spot away from such commotion. Olivia kissed his bicep. He'd ditched his life jacket and she snuck an extra glimpse of his bare, suntanned, sculpted, chest, dotted with water droplets.

"I love how you pretend you don't like people," she teased.

"I don't. I only like us."

"Ed Tucker, that is not true."

He lightly scratched her head and gave her a kiss. "I _tolerate_ everyone else. Out of necessity. Or you'd never bring me anywhere."

"That's _really_ not true," Olivia said, "I need you with me. Who would I exchange annoyed looks with?"

Ed kissed her again. "That's the only thing I miss about the job…working with you and catching your eye and knowing you were thinking the same thing I was thinking."

"We didn't have many of those moments."

"No, no we didn't, but we should have. Like that time you and Dodds came to my office."

"That wasn't an annoyed look, Captain."

"No," Ed gave her a playful side hug, "That was an _I'm still thinking about last night's great sex_ look."

Olivia chuckled. "It sure was."

"We didn't know what we were gettin' into…"

"We certainly did not, but I'm glad we got into it together."

"Me too." Ed kissed her again, more passionately this time, and joked about wanting a repeat of the morning.

Olivia started laughing too hard for them to stay liplocked.

"Oh, shit!" Ed sprung up and sprinted to the Jet Ski which was starting to drift into open water.

"Guess that's a sign we need to head back," Olivia said.

Keeping one hand on the steering column, Ed pulled Olivia in for another kiss. "Guess so," he said softly, "Wanna drive?"

"Sure," Olivia hopped onto the seat, switching places with Ed. "Hang on, Captain."

Ed wrapped his arms securely around her, nibbled at her neck, and licked the shell of her ear. "My pleasure, Lieutenant."

"Are you planning on doing that the whole way?"

"Yes."

"Alright," Olivia hit the gas, "I love a good challenge."

….

Sarah and Justin passed on the offer to watch a movie and nonchalantly announced they were going to go for a walk on the beach. Brooke sleepily told them to have fun and she went to her room to call Sonny and the turn in for the night, leaving curfew enforcement duties to Sarah. Ed sat with his feet propped on an ottoman with Olivia at his side under a lightweight throw blanket. They told Sarah and Justin to enjoy themselves and hit "play."

When he heard the screen door close, Ed whispered, "Their walks aren't as exciting as our walks."

Olivia tilted her head back and grinned up at him. "No way."

Outside, Justin slung one of his long arms across Sarah's shoulders. They walked slowly along the shore in the direction of the house where Aidan had been spending so much time. The home boasted a lawn and a pool, and at night the entire space was impressively lit. Twinkle lights were strung on the palm trees and purple bulbs had been installed in the recessed pool lighting.

"It looks like a nightclub," Sarah remarked.

"Should we crash the party?"

"Maybe on the way back. Shit," she muttered, "We didn't bring drinks."

"There's that little bar we saw on the Jet Ski today," Justin said, "It's not that far. Wanna go there for a couple?"

"I didn't bring money."

"I have my wallet."

Sarah patted his back pocket. "Like I said before, you're perfect."

A shy grin formed on Justin's face. He stopped abruptly and held her by the waist. The faint voices from Elijah's house could be heard in the distance, and the gentle evening waves lapped at their bare feet.

"Sare, I think _you're_ perfect." He caught a few wind-whipped strands of blonde hair, kissed her, and softly said, "I love you."

"Omigod."

He grinned. "I knew you were going to say that."

A hand flew to her open mouth and she broke down into giggles. "I'm sorry," she said, taking a deep breath and reaching up to hold his face. "I love you." She swallowed, making sure she got the words right, "I loved you since you asked me if I was okay that night."

"I may have kinda known that," he admitted sheepishly.

"I couldn't hide it. I'll never be able to hide it."

"At first I, uh, I wasn't sure what was happening."

"We were falling in love."

"Yeah."

Even in the dark, her blue eyes lit up and sparkled. "That was the cheesiest thing I've ever said."

"I think so."

A jogger and two other couples passed them. It was still early and though not teeming with people, the beach was still busy. Justin and Sarah, though, were in their own world, kissing passionately, newly minted as a couple in love.

….

The blue lacquered serving tray certainly had come in handy over the course of the week. More often than not it was used to accommodate the Tucker clan's varied beverage requests, but on the morning of their last full day at the beach, it held plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, and mixed fruit.

"I feel bad about not waiting for everyone else," Olivia lamented.

"Ah," Ed replied, "We're hungry. They'll all be asleep for at least another hour. We can't wait that long, can we bud?"

"Nope!" Noah answered on cue. "Gotta lot ta do t'day."

Olivia amusedly regarded her older son and husband. "Oh yeah?"

"Yup! 'Nother castle. Gotta surf. Gotta bury Justy."

" _What?_ "

Noah giggled, "Justy say we dig a hole, then he lay down, then we cover him wiff sand and only his head show!"

"That sounds like fun."

"Yup! And I gotta do more swimmin' with da babies."

Ed lifted Wyatt up and down, touching their noses and making Wyatt squeal with delight. Maggie toddled around the porch. Olivia kept a watchful eye on her, but they moved one of the tables in front of the stairs to serve as a baby gate.

"Okay, what would you like, sweet boy?"

"Everrthing please!"

Olivia fixed him a plate. She broke a pancake in half and handed each of the twins a piece. Maggie frowned and walked over to Ed who promptly grabbed the syrup, poured it on Maggie's piece, waited for it to soak in, and handed it back. He repeated the process with Wyatt's pancake even though the little boy had already taken two bites. Nevertheless, he smiled at Ed when he realized Daddy had, once again, sweetened his breakfast.

Shaking her head, Olivia leaned down and gave Ed a kiss. "And what would you like, Daddy?"

"You," he said with a smirk, "But I'll settle for a little of everything. Like my boy."

"Shall I include extra syrup?" She deadpanned.

"Always."

She winked, filled a plate for him and one for herself and sat down at his side. The sun was up, and there were no clouds to be seen in the clear blue sky. Birds chirped and the waves were already crashing, making Noah even more anxious to get out and play in the surf. At the risk of getting him too excited, Ed asked if Noah would like to have a beach house of his own one day.

Noah's eyes got wide and his cheeks flushed with joy. "Uh-HUH! And den we bring Mia, too!"

"Do you miss Mia, sweet boy?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," he said wistfully.

"We'll call her when we get back to New York and you can play."

"Kay!"

Ed put his arm around Olivia, balanced his plate on his knees, and ate one-handed. This was a perfect beginning to their final full day. He was usually ready to go home at the ends of trips, but he found himself wishing for another week in Delaware. Olivia had totally disconnected and was more relaxed and at ease than he'd ever seen her. She even put the book on the backburner. When he asked about the final read-through her editor requested, she simply said it could wait. There was no doubt in his mind they would purchase a seaside vacation home.

"Oh, God, Maggie…" Olivia jumped up a split second after Maggie let loose a blood-curdling scream.

Wyatt followed suit with shrieks of his own. He was closest to Noah and clawed at his brother's legs, desperately seeking refuge in his chair.

Noah, alarmed but unsure what had happened, dutifully set his plate aside and lifted Wyatt into his lap.

While Olivia tried to calm their daughter, Ed caught sight of the culprit—a scrawny gray tabby cat, a neighbor's pet they'd seen lurking around the property only to dart away when it sensed too much attention. Perhaps emboldened by the prospect of food, the cat had crept along on the outer edge of the porch until it came into Maggie's sightline.

Olivia looked at Ed helplessly as Maggie sobbed against her shoulder. Ed walked to the railing, leaned over and clapped his hands together, successfully shooing the animal away.

"Daddy!"

Noah wore the same expression as his mother. Despite the danger having been eliminated, a confused and startled Wyatt broke into thunderous sobs of his own. He sat rigidly, flailing fists balled tightly, his pudgy face pink and contorted—it was one of the most pathetic scenes Ed had ever witnessed…and not just because his perfect, peaceful morning with his family was ruined.

Sarah shoved her way onto the porch. "What the hell is going on?"

"Sare Bear! You say HELL!"

" _Noah!"_

"Damn cat freaked Maggie out—"

"Daddy! THATSA BAD WORD!"

Olivia weakly rolled her eyes and bounced a sniffling Maggie.

"—and Maggie freakin' out upset this one," Ed kissed Wyatt's head. The little boy shuddered but was calming down.

Brooke appeared in the doorway. "Is everyone alright?"

"Yes, we're fine," Olivia said. "Just had a little scare from the neighborhood pet."

"Pet my ass," Ed grumbled under his breath.

Brooke grabbed a pancake, folded bacon in it, and doused the "taco" with syrup. "I'm starving," she said before taking a huge bite.

"Uh, Daddy," Sarah said, "Cat's back."

Curious, Brooke peered over the railing. "Oh my God, it's the skinniest thing I've ever seen, _oh_ …" she gagged and hurried to the opposite side of the porch where she regurgitated the food she'd just eaten.

Olivia rushed to her side, rubbed her back, and sent Sarah for a soda. Noah observed everyone with wide, intrigued eyes. Neither Wyatt nor Maggie wanted to be separated from their parents, and they cried whenever Ed or Olivia tried to put them down or hand them off. Nobody felt like eating. When Ed confirmed the cat had left the premises, everyone sat down and stared at each other, bewildered and suddenly exhausted. Except for Noah. He was facing the yard, closely scrutinizing the area.

"Kitty cat's gone," he reported, his eyes narrow and brow furrowed, ready to fend off the feline if it attempted a third approach.

"Good job, Noey," Sarah said.

"Maggs doesn't like kitty cats!"

"Who does?" Sarah quipped.

"I'm gonna get coffee," Ed muttered. "Be right back."

In the kitchen with Wyatt still in his arms, he filled a mug halfway and rummaged around in one of the cabinets, eventually locating a bottle of Bailey's. He closed the cabinet door and saw Justin rounding the corner.

"Hey," the younger man said, "I was in the shower. Everything alright? I heard the kids crying and it sounded like an earthquake out here."

Ed dumped a healthy portion of the liqueur into the mug, filling it to the brim.

"You have cats?"

"No…"

"Good. I really hate them."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	66. Chapter 66

**Sixty-five.**

By noon Justin had been buried and had broken out of his sand capsule three times. It was now Noah's turn and the adults made quick work of covering him. Olivia implored the twins to look at their brother. Maggie laughed, trudged over, and bopped Noah on the head. A frightened-looking Wyatt approached more cautiously, but when Noah sat up and the damp sand crumbled around him, Wyatt burst into laughter.

"See, Wyatt? S'okay! I can get outta here!"

"No! Sah! Bahbahbahbah!"

"Wanna play ball in the sand?" Noah asked. "Arright." He found the rubber soccer ball and kicked it to Wyatt. The three of them commenced a game that was part soccer and part _chase-Noah-and-tackle-him_.

Everyone but Ed and Olivia had gone into the water. Justin and Sarah were diving into the huge waves and Brooke floated closer to shore with a serene look on her face. Farther down the beach, Aidan and Elijah's older brother were competing in a two-man volleyball tournament.

"Do you think we should go watch?" Olivia asked.

"We are watching," Ed replied.

"I meant go closer."

"Nah. Maybe if he makes it to the finals. Hey," Ed suddenly realized he hadn't heard the rest of the Carisi story. "What's goin' on with Sonny?"

"They got busy Wednesday night so he decided to stay."

"That all?"

"So he says."

Ed reached over and loosely intertwined his fingers with hers, "But you don't believe him?"

"Not completely. I think he needed a breather."

"From his _wife_?"

"Maybe from reality," Olivia suggested, "He and Brooke have been thrown every imaginable curve ball since January; he probably wants some alone time. I don't blame him."

"I can't imagine ever wanting to be away from you." Ed looked at her with his droopy, flirty eyes. "I can't hit the curve balls without you."

Under her hat and oversized aviators, Olivia smiled and tried to keep her eyes on the kids. Ed ate it up when she played hard to get, but she knew he wasn't going to relent until she gave in.

"What'd you do before you met me?" She eventually asked.

"Didn't swing."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow, "What kind of extended metaphor are we getting at here?"

"The kind that leads to sex in the shower before we go out to dinner."

….

The men and Maggie idled on the porch while Brooke, Sarah, and Olivia finished primping for their final night out. They were going to a restaurant a little more upscale than their favorite seaside pub, and even Brooke, who had been uncomfortable most of the week, was excited about getting dressed up for the evening. Ed, Justin, and Noah were almost identical in their tan khaki shorts and long-sleeved oxfords with the sleeves rolled up. The only differences were the colors-light blue for Ed, navy blue for Noah, and salmon for Justin. Wyatt matched his brother, and Maggie was dressed in a simple yellow sundress, matching cardigan, and white strapped sandals. To Ed's irritation, Sarah gathered her fine brown hair on top of her head and fastened it in a gold barrette. He predicted the accessory would last an hour.

Noah practiced bouncing on one foot, keeping track of how many leaps forward he could complete before losing his balance. Wyatt and Maggie tried to imitate him, but it would be a few years before they were expected to hit that milestone on the child development charts.

"What's the story behind your bracelet?" Ed tipped his beer bottle in the direction of Justin's wrist. He wore a standard silver watch on one wrist and a beaded bracelet on the other.

"Mrs. Alpert gave it to me," Justin said, "She called for EMS at least once a week."

Ed smiled and swigged his beer, "Yeah?"

"She was ninety-two and still tried to climb on stepstools and do all kinds of housework and she'd fall all the time. Never broke anything, tough old thing, but we got to know each other pretty well."

"She pass away?"

"No, her daughter took her to Arizona. Well, I'm assuming she's still alive…maybe she's not. I wouldn't know. Anyway, she asked me to pack and move some stuff to storage for her and I wouldn't take her money so insisted I take this…said it was made of stone from the tomb of King Tut…that it was for kings…I don't know what it is exactly, but I've hit it so many times and it never breaks or chips or scratches…and I feel weird without it."

"Same with this," Ed held his right wrist in the air. On it was the silver cuff he rarely removed. "Girls gave this to me about twenty years ago for Father's Day."

"It's nice."

"It _does_ get a little nicked up."

"Character."

"Right." Ed finished the beer and grabbed another from the cooler they hadn't emptied. Justin took another as well. "You gonna be ready to get back to reality?"

"I think so," Justin said, "Not that…this week was very cool, thank you again, but I like what I do. I like the city."

"When I was working and took vacations I started to get disoriented. It took me a week to recover."

"How long were you on the force?"

"Thirty-two years."

"Wow."

"Yeah, patrol, hostage negotiation, and IAB."

Justin grinned, "Sarah said you took down dirty cops."

"I'm sure she made it sound glamorous."

"She did."

Ed smirked, thinking of all the shocking details he could reveal.

 _I arrested my future wife. I also arranged a sting op that almost got her boyfriend killed. How's that for glamorous?_

"I was good at it," he said, "But that type of job's disheartening. There's no real good in it. Not like what Liv does. Or what you do."

The compliment made Justin blush. "It's certainly not boring."

"Sarah said you're in school. Whaddya studyin?"

"Right now, literature and creative writing," Justin said with a hint of self-deprecation, "What I'm gonna do with that degree, I have no idea. But I love it."

"That's the hard part," Ed said, "You'll figure it out. And you got Sarah to start reading. That's huge."

Justin laughed. "She's so funny, takin' it so seriously."

"Also huge."

A combination of growing up in a neighborhood inordinately populated with predators and being the youngest child in the family had sharpened Justin's ability to read people. Both Ed's tone and his body language suggested he wanted to say something major, something honest and thoughtful and possibly intended to convey the message that he was still overly protective of his daughter.

Justin beat him to the punch. "She's a special person," he said, "I've never met anyone like her."

"Neither have I," Ed quipped, "Her whole life she's always gone after what she wants…impulsively and enthusiastically…she gets it from my mom I'm sure. I'm not like that and her mother wasn't like that." Ed gave Justin the sincerest of smiles, "I can tell you make her happy. I can tell you love her and she loves you."

Justin bit his lip and waited for more.

"Word of advice?"

"Sure."

"Be patient with her."

Justin nodded and curled his lips into a relieved grin. "Thanks."

Ed leaned across the wicker table and touched his bottle to Justin's. "Anytime. Cheers."

"Cheers."

…

Brooke came downstairs first, looking relaxed in her blue sundress and white Toms slip-ons. She was wearing more makeup than usual, probably Sarah's doing, and her blonde bob was clipped back.

"Aidan's not coming," she grumbled. "One last barbecue and bonfire at Elijah's. Do you think I should make him come?" She asked Ed.

"Nah. Let 'em have fun. He hasn't been comin' back drunk has he?"

"Not that I can tell." Brooke turned to Justin. "Have you noticed?"

"Nope," Justin answered. "Seemed fine to me." With Sarah's assistance he'd filed Aidan's encounter with the boy in the "no big deal column," but he still felt a little dishonest harboring what he knew and hoped Ed and Brooke didn't pick up on his uneasiness.

"It's fine," Ed said, "And we're coming back early anyway. At least Liv and I are. You can stay out later if ya want of course."

"I've been falling asleep by nine," Brooke lamented. "Probably because I won't sleep at all once this one's born?" She patted her round belly, "Is that it?"

"I think so," Ed said. He followed Justin's admiring gaze to the door. Sarah and Olivia paraded out, chins up, well aware of how good they looked. Both heads of hair had been curled and hung in loose waves. Their makeup did exactly what it was supposed to do—enhance their natural beauty. Out of respect for Brooke, both Ed and Justin tempered their compliments and contained their knee-jerk reactions to take their loves of their lives into their arms and kiss them until all the makeup was worn off.

"I'm honored to accompany you three beautiful ladies to dinner," Ed said.

"Daddy!" Sarah frowned and scooped up Maggie, " _Four_!"

"Oh my God, I am so sorry, Miss Maggie," He took his daughter, kissed her, then kissed Olivia's cheek. "You have your hair done and everything."

Maggie chewed on her fingers and appeared perfectly content on Ed's hip.

"Are we walking or driving?" Sarah asked.

"It's less than a half mile," Justin said, looking at his phone. He glanced at Brooke. "But I don't mind driving."

"Let's walk," Brooke said.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked.

"Yes. It's a gorgeous night."

Noah had been so consumed in breaking his record of eleven consecutive one-legged hops he hadn't realized his entire family was outside and ready to go.

"… _eleven_ ," he grunted, wobbled, held his arms out at his sides, steadied himself, and jumped once more, "TWELVE! Daddy! I did TWELVE!" When he spun around his jaw dropped at the sight of his expanded audience. "Hi guys!"

" _Twelve_ in a row, No?" Ed stepped forward and gave him a fist bump. "I dunno if I can do that."

"You try when we get back," Noah said.

Ed chuckled and glanced amusedly at Justin who knew the true number of beers they'd downed during their wait. "We'll see, bud. Ready to go? Ya hungry?"

"Yep!" Noah sized up his sisters and his mother. "You pretty," he said, "Like you're goin' on TV!"

Olivia smoothed his hair and kissed him, "TV, sweet boy?"

"Da show Sare Bear was watchin."

Sarah giggled, " _Omigod_ , it was _America's Next Top Model_. I didn't realize you were watching it, Noey! Did you like it?"

Noah shrugged, "Those girls were kinda loud."

"And not as pretty as us, right Noey?"

"Nope," he said, " _Mommy_ da prettiest!"

…

At the restaurant they were seated in a large, half-moon booth overlooking the ocean. The lighting was reddish and dim, giving the feel that it was much later at night. Tiny tea lights were placed in a circle in the middle of the table, and Ed slid them out of the reach of Maggie and Wyatt who began the evening in their parents' laps rather than high chairs. When the waiter delivered drinks, Olivia asked him if he would take a picture, and everyone crowded in toward the center, surrounding her. Later, when the photograph was printed and framed, Olivia's position as nucleus was even more pronounced.

Like almost every other beachside restaurant, this one specialized in seafood, but the menu was more eclectic. They also featured an oyster bar, and Sarah immediately ordered a dozen and insisted Noah try one. He rose to his knees and inspected the milky gray mollusks, clearly dubious about Sarah's claim they were "so, so yummy."

"Dose look slimy," he said.

"Noey, you haveta try!" Sarah served herself an oyster on a saltine with hot sauce and horseradish. "YUM," she said, her mouth full.

Noah looked to Ed and Olivia.

"You don't have to try them, sweet boy," Olivia said, "But Sarah's right. It's always a good idea to try different things at least once. Remember when you ate sushi? You went with Sarah. Mommy had never given it to you before."

Noah took a deep breath. "Okay," he sighed, "Sare Bear, you make it for me?"

"Sure." She chose the smallest of the remaining eleven, doused it with the milder of the sauces and dabbed on a miniscule bit of horseradish. "Here ya go. One big bite."

Noah shoved the cracker into his mouth and started chewing. He grimaced at first but then nodded, gave the new flavors a chance, and finally swallowed. "Spicy," he reported, reaching for his drink.

"But did you like it?"

"Yep! I have 'nuvver one?"

With Noah occupied and everyone else entertained by his precocious palate, Ed slid his hand onto Olivia's thigh and snuck a squeeze. "You are so beautiful," he whispered in her ear, letting his lips touch her lobe. Maggie arched her back, twisted around in Olivia's lap, and busted her Daddy's surreptitious overtures.

Her little palms slapped at his face. "Dadadadadada!"

"Hey my precious girl." He planted a kiss on her head, next to the barrette.

" _Ed_ ," Olivia said with urgency, "Wyatt!"

He had his other arm looped around Wyatt's middle, but the little boy had almost managed to get his hands on Ed's martini glass.

"Bah!" Wyatt exclaimed, refusing to relent, "Bah! Bah!"

Brooke grinned, "He's calling the olives balls," she said.

"Everything's a ball," Sarah added. "Let's give him an olive and see what he does."

"Yeah!" Noah said, "Lessee if brother likes da olive! I like 'em, Wyatt! You try!"

Ed slid the olive from the pick, but Olivia put her hand on his wrist. "Ed, it's soaked in vodka." Nodding, Ed put it back on the stick and dunked it in his water glass, earning her seal of approval.

"You can never be too careful," she mumbled.

He kissed the side of her head, "You're right."

Wyatt clutched the oversized green olive and its juice dribbled down his arm. He peered at his skin curiously, squeezed even harder, and laughed at his own antics. Finally, he took a bite.

"He LIKES IT!" Noah shouted. "Lookit! He's eatin' it all UP!"

"We're two-for-two with strange foods tonight," Olivia said. "Sweet girl, what are you going to have?"

"Oh gawwwd," Sarah said, "Small sister…" she glanced around the table and finally settled on her own drink, a Manhattan. She removed the maraschino cherry and sucked on it. "Here, she can try this."

Justin laughed, "Hardly the same as an oyster and an olive."

"Small sister is fussy," Sarah said, "Here baby."

Maggie ate the cherry with a satisfied smile.

"Now say Sar- _AH_."

"SAH!"

"Smart girl," Sarah waved over the server and asked for a few extra cherries. "They're for my small sister," she explained, "If you don't mind." He promptly brought a cocktail tumbler full of the bright red garnish and Sarah removed the stems. "Now small sister, these do not have traces of alcohol on them, but I'm sure you'll like them just fine."

Ed rolled his eyes and put his hand back on Olivia's leg. She patted his knuckles and scooted closer to him, happy to watch and listen to her family's jovial dinner banter and wishing she could prolong it indefinitely.

…..

After dinner the group decided to walk the beach home, and instead of following everyone inside, Sarah announced she and Justin were going to walk a little farther down the shore. Noah begged to join them.

"No, sweet boy," Olivia said, "Time for bath and bed."

"Pleeeeease?"

"Livvie, we don't mind," Sarah said. "We won't be gone that much longer…it's the last night…and it's so nice out…"

Olivia gave in and Noah happily skipped a few paces ahead of Justin and Sarah. Ed took the twins upstairs, leaving his wife and daughter together on the porch. Olivia poured a bourbon and sat across from Brooke in the swing.

"Ready to go home?" She asked.

"Sort of," Brooke said, "I miss Sonny. And I'm ready for the home stretch," she splayed the fingers of both hands over her belly, "Twelve more weeks."

"You're not going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

"I don't want to."

"Names?"

"Dominick the third for a boy, but a girl? I don't know. I feel like so many people need to be included in a girl's name…grandma, mom, you…"

"I'm honored," Olivia said, "But don't feel pressured into including me or anyone. When your Dad suggested Margaret, I said no at first, but then he said Maggie Tucker over and over again and that became _her_."

"It really does fit her," Brooke said, "How did you figure out Wyatt?"

"Your Dad did that. He named him before I had any clue. It means _little warrior_."

Brooke remembered Wyatt's rocky first couple of weeks. "Perfect," she murmured.

"It certainly is."

"Olivia," Brooke propped her feet on the wicker table, "Will you…will you help me decorate the nursery? I'm a little overwhelmed with all the options."

"I'd love to."

…..

Since they were strolling through the heart of Bethany Beach, Noah, Sarah, and Justin were hardly alone. People meandered along the boardwalk, and a few groups even lingered on their beach towels, soaking up the last hours of the warm Saturday. Every few feet Noah stopped, crouched, and plucked shells from the wet sand. Soon, his pockets were full and Justin offered the use of his.

"Thanks, Justy," Noah said.

"Whatcha usin' all those shells for?" Justin asked.

"Gonna make a BIG PICTURE wiff 'em."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Noah said excitedly, "Sare Bear getted me long paper and I gonna draw da beach and have da REAL SHELLS and maybe a little sand. Sare Bear?"

"Yes Noey?"

"We put some sand in a cup ta' take home?"

"Sure. Remind me tomorrow."

"Kay. Den I gonna need glue too," Noah giggled, "Dat rhymes! Glue, too! Glue, too!"

"You're a poet and ya don't even know it," Sarah joked, making Noah giggle even harder.

Justin groaned, "Aw, man, I totally forgot to get something for my niece and nephews."

"We can stop at one of the stores before we leave tomorrow," Sarah said.

"Justy, you give 'em some of da' shells! I have a whole bunch!"

"Thanks, Noah. That's real generous of you."

Noah twisted his lips. "What's gen-rous?"

"It means you share," Sarah explained. "And also that you like to share."

"Yup! I gen-rous!"

Noah ran ahead again, but consistently looked back, making sure there wasn't too much separation from his caretakers. Justin commented on Noah's appreciation for vocabulary. This wasn't the week's first instance of him asking about the meaning of an unfamiliar word.

"He's so smart," Sarah said, "And, like, he learns so fast. You only have to teach him something once, well, maybe for tying shoes it's a couple of times, but it doesn't take him long."

"Wish I was like that," Justin said.

"Me too!"

"Have you read _Outliers_?"

Sarah laughed, "Justin. You know better than that by now!"

"Right," he chuckled, "Well, the thesis of the book is that people who get to be experts…it's not because they have some natural talent, it's because they've had the opportunity to practice the skill more than anyone else. It's a really interesting book. I'll give it to ya."

 _Or maybe you can move all your books into my apartment_ , Sarah thought. The question of moving in together had been unofficially tabled. Sarah did not want to force the issue, but she could not tolerate an indefinite wait for his answer. Privately she admitted to herself that her dream was to return to New York and have Justin move directly in with her, exactly how her father and Olivia had made the decision to cohabitate after the Kill Devil Hills vacation.

Worried about switching to such serious matters, Sarah described the time Noah asked about sex.

"What did you say?" Justin asked, stifling his laughter so he didn't draw Noah's attention and make Sarah have the conversation all over again.

"I think we said it was something Mommies and Daddies do…we wiggled our way out of it. My fault, of course. I think Livvie saved the day. Oh, I know how it started. I asked if pregnant people could have sex."

"You have a really comfortable relationship with her."

"Yes I do," Sarah replied proudly, "I'm sure I still make her uncomfortable at times, but she's used to it by now."

"So, like, you trade… _stories_?"

Sarah swatted at air, "Oh, no…but I did tell her how much I wanted to sleep with you."

He smiled at her lovingly and draped his arm across her shoulder. They walked past the end of the boardwalk before deciding to turn around. Justin offered to carry Noah, but he insisted he was not tired at all and, to prove it, continued his energetic, bouncy gait. He found an abandoned Frisbee and they tossed it around as they made their way back. They passed Elijah's house, and, seeing no activity and very few lights on inside, surmised Aidan had returned for the night knowing Brooke wanted to get an early start in the morning.

"Or…maybe not…" Sarah hissed. Her eyes were trained on two dark figures in the water. " _Look_."

The clear sky and the moonlight teamed up to cast a spotlight on Aidan and the other boy Sarah'd dubbed not-Elijah. Their profiles were clearly discernible and so were their aquatic activities. Either they weren't aware of how conspicuous they were or they didn't care.

"Let's get Noah inside," Sarah said.

Justin nodded. "Hey, Noah, if we get up early enough we can prolly play Frisbee more before we have to go."

"Oooo! Good idea, Justy!" Noah turned and ran up the path to the house. Olivia and Brooke were still on the porch, and Sarah heard Olivia warmly greet her son and inquire about the whereabouts of the other two.

"Comin'," he said, "Dey slow!"

Sarah concealed herself behind the tall sea grass and coaxed Justin to do the same.

He knelt beside her. "What are we doing?"

"Spying."

"I've learned too much about your brother on this trip," Justin joked.

" _Half-brother_ ," Sarah said, "And I'm fucking intrigued."

"Why?"

"I didn't know he was into guys. Well, I didn't know _what_ he was into come to think of it. I only started talking to him because his Dad's in jail and his mom died…" She startled herself with the crass response, "Ugh,that sounded bad."

"You've all been through a lot."

Sarah collapsed onto her bottom and sat cross-legged facing Justin. The coarse foliage scratched her arms and legs, but she stayed put. "You could have very easily said, 'you're being a big bitch'."

Justin raised his eyebrows. "But you're not. You're telling the truth." He pinched her chin between his thumb and index finger and moved to kiss her. "You're not a bitch."

"Many people would beg to differ."

"Not me." He pressed his lips firmly to hers but quickly realized they needed a different venue. He pulled her up. "Come on, we're gonna hurt ourselves in there."

Sarah slid a hand in his back pocket, "One more night in the squeaky bed."

Justin kissed her head and slyly said, "Don't forget what you promised for when we get home."

Sarah grinned and leaned even further into him. "Never."

…..

The ceiling fan whirred overhead, sending a faint breeze over Ed and Olivia. Lying on his stomach with his head resting on her thigh, Ed gazed at his wife with a silly, loopy smile on his face.

"Are we drunk?" He asked.

"A little."

By the time Ed had the twins in their pajamas and brought them down for their bedtime kisses, Olivia was on her second serving of bourbon. Sarah insisted they finish off all the near-empty bottles, and, surprisingly, Ed agreed. When they finally decided to call it a night, he started kissing Olivia in the upstairs hallway and had her shorts unbuttoned and partially unzipped before they disappeared behind their door.

"Was the sex still good?"

"Yes," Olivia said, " _Very_ good."

"I want more."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"I was trying to think of where I put that little bottle of bourbon…"

Olivia opened the drawer under her nightstand and removed the bottle. "We put it in here when the kids invaded the other night."

Ed smirked and took it from her. He dribbled some onto her stomach and kissed and licked it away.

His eyes traversed her body.

Up, down, left, right.

He smirked approvingly.

Olivia was impatient. "Why are you stopping?"

"I'm _admiring_ you."

"You're torturing me."

"No," Ed said in an excessively sympathetic voice. "I would never do that." He opened the bottle again, shimmied lower, and poured more bourbon. "I would never." He kissed one thigh then the other. "Ever." He hovered between her legs, inches from her skin, " _Ever_ do that. Hope you're not too drunk," he murmured, "You're gonna wanna remember this."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	67. Chapter 67

**Sixty-seven**

 _Note/Warning: This story is running wayyyy longer than I originally planned and is coming to an end soon..._

While Olivia slept soundly next to Ed back in Manhattan Sunday night, a two predators stalked a typically quiet Upper West Side neighborhood. The victims had been held captive until early Monday morning at which point they escaped and flagged down a patrol officer. Sorting out their accounts and piecing together their movements (none of the six knew one another) consumed the whole day and early evening. By the time she was able to sit back and take a breath, Olivia had missed dinner and bedtime.

Carisi stepped into the office, but Olivia held up a finger, signaling for him to give her a minute. Elbow on the desk, she propped her head against a fist and waited for him to answer.

"Hey," he said in his familiar gravelly voice. "Everything alright? I called to see if ya wanted dinner…"

"I know, I'm sorry, it's been hell here."

"Do you want dinner?"

"No, thanks," Olivia smiled. If she had said yes, Ed would've had to drag three sleeping children out of their beds and into the car, and he would have done it happily. "They ordered pizza a couple hours ago."

"Did you eat some of it?"

"Yes. Did everyone go to sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly, yes," Ed reported.

"Noah's not sitting next to you with chips and soda?"

"Nope."

Olivia ran an index finger over the keys on her laptop, "Tough getting back to work," she said.

Ed was glad they weren't having this conversation face-to-face; he wasn't sure he would be able to hide his disbelief. Olivia did not usually verbalize things like this. Even to him.

"Probably because you had a busy day," he said.

"Maybe. I miss you. I miss the kids."

"We miss you. And we're all right here for ya when you get home. _And_ ," Ed added playfully, "We've all had our baths and showers. Kitchen's clean. And I'll have a glass of wine and a backrub waiting for you."

"That sounds so nice."

"Gonna be much longer?"

"I don't know. Hopefully not. Carisi was trying to tell me something before I called you, so I better go see what he wants."

"Alright. Love you, Liv."

"Love you, too."

…..

After spending a week surrounded by people, loneliness crept over Sarah on Monday night. Justin's shift didn't end until ten o'clock, so she postponed dinner, and sipped wine while perusing properties online. Upon returning to Manhattan, she partially got her cohabitation wish. They dropped the car off at the rental office and took a cab back to Sarah's apartment where she offered to include some of his clothes in the load of laundry she immediately tossed in the washing machine. Justin stayed overnight, Sarah fulfilled her _fuck-your-brains-out promise_ , and she was at her desk by eight a.m., ready to catch up and fueled by the coffee Justin had brewed and put in a travel mug for her. The memory of the sweet gesture lingered and she managed to put the moving-in-together question on the backburner for the entire day. She was so productive members of her team were visibly annoyed by late afternoon, so she shooed them away and finished the project on her own.

Her mind tracked in several different directions. She thought about the past week and laughed about the creaky bed. At work she was overseeing a team handling yet another Argentinian-based merger, and she hoped she wouldn't have to travel there. She and Aidan had been texting back and forth about a date to go and see Dave, and he also brought up the promise to go with him to Washington, D.C. which she hoped he would agree to postpone until Labor Day weekend. Mostly, though, she thought about Justin. And she fixated on one particular apartment listing near Union Square. By the time Justin returned, she'd pictured their things in there together, planned their housewarming party, and was considering emailing the realtor for more information.

"Hi!" She tossed the laptop aside and jumped up to greet him.

"Hey beautiful," he said, swirling some type of hard candy around in his mouth.

He'd spent the past week in shorts and not much else, so seeing him in his bulky uniform was a bit of a pleasant shock. Sarah eyed the paper bag in his hand. "You brought food?"

"I did. Got those noodles you like. Ya know the ones you gotta eat with chopsticks?"

"Good thing I have my own set then." She took the bag from him, "Are you gonna change first?"

"Yeah."

"Your clothes are on the chair in my room."

He kissed her forehead and smiled. "Thanks. Be right back."

Sarah set them up on the coffee table with the laptop prominently placed in the center. "Sit here with me for a sec," she said when he returned. "Now, please, please don't freak out. But…I was curious to look and see what was out there," she turned the computer, "And I am totally in love with this apartment."

The price smacked Justin in the face. "One-point-nine _million_?"

Sarah wasn't so naïve to think Justin would take the exorbitant prices of Manhattan real estate in stride. She _knew_ he would react this way, but, for better or for worse, she wanted to rip the Band-Aid and get the conversation over with. She needed to erase the uncertainty.

She freed her mop of blonde hair from its clip, smoothed it, re-twisted it, and secured the pile once again on top of her head. "It's so nice," she said, "All remodeled and thirteen-hundred square feet! The kitchen isn't huge, but I don't think that's such a huge deal right now. And it even has a little terrace! Look! Can't you see yourself with a book and a drink, reading out there?"

"Yeah, uh, I," Justin stammered, "It's so much money. I know you want to move in together, get a place together, but…I didn't think, I dunno what I was thinking. I could never afford this."

Sarah predicted several scenarios, and this was the second-to-worst-one. Nevertheless, she pressed on and brought up an agreement they made weeks ago. "Remember we said money wouldn't be a problem? And if it was we'd make it go away?"

"Yeah, but…I guess I didn't think about this. I mean, almost _two million_ dollars, Sarah? Do you realize how crazy that sounds to me?"

He wasn't raising his voice or even sounding distressed; he was only calmly making a point. And Sarah had a response at the ready.

"I do," she said, "It sounds crazy to me, too. Every time I look at my pay stub it _looks_ crazy to me. But I _have_ this money, Justin. And I want to spend it on a _home_. For us. And this one…it's perfect. I've been staring at it for an hour. Two blocks from Union Square. Both our trains for work right there. And the six." She reached for his hands, "If you're really not wanting to do this, I understand. I really do. But, and this is gonna sound weird, my job, my salary, it's part of the Sarah Tucker package." She tried to grin but felt the unexpected burn of tears and abruptly ended her speech.

Justin stared at their joined hands for an excruciatingly long time. Their noodles were getting cold. A low battery warning flashed on the computer screen. But Sarah only cared about what he said next. She stared at him in profile—his caramel skin darkened by last week's sun, the way his lower lip protruded a bit, the tiny mole under his earlobe. At that moment she felt as if her entire life hinged on his ensuing response, on his ability to live up to his words, to his assurance that her wealth didn't bother him. Out of desperation she found herself praying that he could get the clarity he needed to see her money made their lives infinitely easier. They wouldn't have to worry about making rent or taking vacations or scrimping after unexpected expenses.

Sarah clenched her jaw and braced for bad news. In her head, she had almost finished preparing a rebuttal when Justin started talking.

….

Sonny took one of the department's SUVs back to Brooklyn, parked it in a city space, and bounded the steps to their apartment. Brooke was lying on her back watching a syndicated medical drama. She lifted her head and smiled at her energetic husband who gave her a kiss and balanced a plastic bag containing two smaller paper bags on her round belly.

"Cannoli and chicken soup as requested," he said.

"Thank you for going to two places."

"No problem."

"I thought you'd be exhausted. You left at six!"

"I've had coffee and some weird energy tonic thing Fletcher gave me. That's what did it. I dunno what was in it, but I feel like I could stay up another few hours. C'mon. Sit up so you can eat."

Brooke regarded her husband with amusement. "So, Olivia's going to help me with the nursery decorations. I was hoping to get started this weekend. Sarah's going to take Aidan on Saturday, so I'll have the whole day."

"That'll be good," Sonny said, "Be a lot easier to decorate if we knew if it's a boy or a girl…"

"You're charming," Brooke replied, "And I know…but…there's something that's making me say I don't want to know."

"I'm just teasin' ya. I can be surprised. Nice of Liv to do that."

"Yeah, I suck at that kind of stuff. I loved her first apartment and what they did with the one they have now. And the twins' room is so cute."

"It is. Oh, and more good news. I talked to my friend of a friend of a guy he knows—"

Brooke giggled and a proud smile formed on Sonny's face.

"—and he's getting Aidan a spot at Brooklyn Tech, so we're all good there. That is, if he's still okay going to school here and not back in Connecticut."

"He is," Brooke said, "We talked about it on the way back. That and some other stuff. He doesn't want to play Lacrosse anymore, for one thing. And he's scared to tell Dave. But the week was good for him. He hung out with some people a couple houses down, made friends, hopefully they keep in touch. He even mentioned going to see them in D.C. Sarah actually said she would go on the train with him."

"Good for him," Sonny said. "Where's he now? Work?"

"No, he's here. In his room."

"I'm gonna change. Then I'm all yours."

"Sounds good," Brooke said, hanging onto his hand for a few extra seconds, "Son, I missed you."

Sonny's blue eyes sparkled. "Missed you, too. Be right back."

…..

The second Ed heard the key in the lock he darted to the island and poured a glass of wine from the bottle he opened earlier. Olivia rounded the corner into the room and an appreciative smile erased the fatigue in her features.

"You are the _best_ ," she said.

Ed caught her blazer as she shrugged it off and hung it on a dining chair. "Should be a crime to go back to work the day after a vacation and catch a case like this."

"Has it been all over the news?"

"What they could report, yeah. Really no suspects?"

"No. We're still waiting on DNA, the lab is backed up, there are six vics and it seems like ten different stories. The only thing they all agree on is they were blitzed from behind and thrown into a black SUV and there are only about thirty thousand of those in the tri-state area."

"So the Upper West Side's on alert."

"We're missing something," she said, "All of them had been out at different places, but they live within a mile radius of each other. So either these two guys got incredibly lucky, or the women have similar patterns…it's just a weird case right now."

Ed took her glass and set it back on the island. "Get changed. Come back out here. And we'll cheers to us not being weird and then I'll loosen up these gorgeous shoulders?"

"Okay," she leaned forward and kissed him. In their master suite, she found a fresh pair of his boxer shorts and one of the t-shirts she usually slept in folded and placed on her side of the vanity. She put them on, pulled her hair into a loose ponytail, and joined Ed.

"Laying my clothes out now?"

"Too much?"

"No. I like it."

He returned the wine and led her to the chaise end of the sofa where he began massaging her shoulders, neck, and back.

"I picked up Noah's school orientation packet today," he said.

"Mmmm," Olivia droned, "I should take him uniform shopping this weekend. Oh, damn, I'm also going to help Brooke Saturday. But probably not the whole day."

"If you want to take the twins with you, I can take him shopping."

"I kind of wanted to take him…"

Ed smiled. Of course she did. "Sunday then? Or the next weekend?"

"Sunday."

"And day care called today. They want to know if we're still customers."

Olivia chuckled softly. "They've been so good to us."

"They have been, but we really don't need them."

"But do you think Maggie and Wyatt should go a few times a week? To play with other kids?"

"Maybe."

"Almost every article I read is in agreement on that point."

Ed smiled. His wife had read an article on every single aspect of child rearing. "Then I'll call 'em back and they'll go."

"Thank you."

He kissed the back of her neck. "No, thank you. You're such a good mother, Liv." Suddenly, the muscles he'd worked into a pliable, relaxed state grew rigid. He turned her torso around and saw tears spilling from her eyes and running down her cheeks. "Liv? Baby? What is it?"

"I'm _not_ a good mother," she moaned, "I'm at work for twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours a day and not here for my babies. Or you. And the worst part? I didn't even think about missing everything until I called you tonight."

Her words were devastating on several levels, and Ed wiped her tears with his thumbs. He couldn't stand his wife feeling this way. "Stop it. You are the best mother I've ever seen. And you're an amazing wife. And we all get caught up with things…it's impossible to think about everyone all the time, Liv. Especially with this job."

Sniffling, Olivia managed a weak smile, "I guess, after last week, it was a shock to dive back in…I suppose I was planning on sitting at my desk and staring and the computer all day."

"And daydreaming about sunrise beach sex?"

"Yes. And that."

Ed kissed both her cheeks then her lips.

"End of massage?" She asked.

He smirked and kissed her again. "No, you need somethin' a little stronger than that. But Captain Tucker's gonna need to take ya to bed for it. C'mon."

…

Sarah's text messages arrived before Olivia walked into her office the next morning. They began mundanely, a simple good morning and a few emojis, but once Sarah knew she had Olivia's attention, her true intentions were revealed.

 _Livvie I need to talk to you_.

Overwhelmed and frustrated by the current case and also baffled Sarah hadn't heard about it, Olivia hesitated before responding. Her squad was huddled around Rollins' desk and she went out to see what they'd discovered.

"We may have gotten something on one of the street cams," Rollins reported. "Black SUV, an Equinox, right there, fits with the timeline."

Olivia directed them to get the footage to TARU, listened as Fletcher and Fin brought her up to speed from their late-night digging, and went back to her office where she texted Sarah and offered to sneak away for coffee.

Thirty minutes later Olivia arrived at a café a few blocks away and instantly felt bad for almost making herself unavailable. Something was clearly wrong. On the surface, she was impeccable as always—black suit, crisp white blouse, shiny heels, a conservative amount of makeup, high cheekbones accentuated by the tight ponytail, yet as soon as she looked up from her cup, Olivia saw the devastation in her eyes.

Olivia sat down and Sarah slid a second drink over to her.

"Thank you," Olivia said, but she held off on taking her first sip. Instead she took one of Sarah's hands in hers. "What happened?"

"I fucked up," she mumbled, so upset with herself she couldn't look Olivia in the eye. "I royally fucked up."

"What happened?" Olivia asked again.

Sarah painstakingly began. "In Bethany, I asked Justin to move in with me. Well, I told him that's what I wanted and I was fine either way, but I put it out there. I _had_ to, Livvie."

"I understand." Olivia wasn't letting go of her hand.

"So yesterday I got home from work and started looking at Zillow, to see, you know? Noey and I saw a few places a while ago, but my heart wasn't in it then, and it is now. Like, I was looking for our _home_. The place where we'd have our first child and come home to after our honeymoon and have all those other firsts there and I found it. I. Fucking. Found. It." Sarah pulled a crumpled piece of glossy paper from her bag, "Here."

Olivia released Sarah's hand and unfolded the real estate listing. She read aloud a few specs and commented on the floor plan before everything clicked. "The price…"

"I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have said anything before I did a little prep work, but I was so excited. Look at it! And, well, this wasn't an argument I cared to use last night, but it's _cheap_ for that neighborhood! Two bed two bath with terrace two blocks from Union Square?"

"That's true," Olivia said, "What exactly did Justin say?"

Sarah described Justin's sullen reaction and his remark about the price point being out of what he ever considered a realm of possibility. "We promised," she lamented, "From the beginning, we talked about money, we said it wouldn't be a problem. And now it's a fucking problem."

"It's one thing to say that and another to be faced with the reality," Olivia said, "But what did he _say_?"

"He got really quiet. Then he said he didn't realize there was _that_ much difference in what we made. Then he asked how much I made exactly and I told him and he started laughing, like he couldn't believe it, and Livvie, like, I was about to tell him I'd donate every single penny to charity and live in a studio in the fucking projects as long as I was living there with him…but I got so…so… _mad_."

"At him or at yourself?"

"Both. I did sort of shove everything at him all at once when he hadn't said a firm yes to moving in together. But we talked about it Livvie! We. Talked. And now he's backtracking."

"So how'd the conversation end?"

"I told him I'd hold off on it for now, he didn't tell me whether or not he would move in with me, we ate dinner, and I fell asleep watching a movie."

"With him?"

"Yes. But, he didn't have to work until two today and he left when I left. Yesterday he stayed. And it was weird. Like we didn't know what to say to each other."

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is tough."

"Please tell me how to fix it, Livvie."

"You're going to hate this, but, you have to talk to him. Again. I heard you," Olivia reached for Sarah's hands once more, "I heard you say _I love you_ to each other. I saw you. And I believe you love each other. You can come to an understanding. I'm sure of it."

" _How_?" Sarah whined, "I'm only going to make _more_ money in the future. What am I supposed to do? Go to my boss and say, _hey, you know what, I need to be in the forty-fifty thousand range because my boyfriend can't handle the idea of being financially secure_."

Though a bit dark, Sarah hadn't lost her sense of humor, and Olivia squeezed her fingers. "He was probably stunned, that's all. When your Dad showed me the listing for our apartment, I remember hesitating…but by that point we'd both gone over our assets, set up joint accounts, merged a few things…and we knew it was absolutely doable. I don't know if it would help or make things worse, but maybe total, complete disclosure would help?"

"Livvie, I don't know…"

Caught in a rare instance of uncertainty, Olivia simply stood up and wrapped Sarah in a tight embrace. Olivia sensed Justin merely needed time to process what was happening. Sarah's life had changed because she finally found pure, genuine love. The same could be said for Justin, but he was also stepping into an existence that was fundamentally different from everything he knew.

"Think about his perspective," Olivia said softly before they parted, "One day he's trying to figure out how to pay tuition and rent and the next day his girlfriend is going to buy a two million dollar apartment."

Shaking her head, Sarah gathered her things. "I guess I was naïve to think this could all be perfect."

"It can be. It still is. A little hiccup, that's all."

"You know what, Livvie? Every other relationship problem I've had…a time like this? I would've gone straight to the bar, called in sick or whatever, and got fucked up. But you know what? I'm going back to work. I'm going to fucking work and when I leave I'm going to find him and tell him why I need him in my life and I don't care if I have to fucking beg."

"And why is that?"

"Why is what?"

"Why do you need him?"

Sarah set her jaw and her body language exuded a newfound determination. "He makes me want to be better," she said. "There's only one other person who's made me feel that way."

"Who?"

"Noey," Sarah said, grinning, "So Justin's gonna have to snap out of it one way or another, if not for me, for Noey's sake. Otherwise the poor kid's gonna have to be my date forever."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	68. Chapter 68

**Sixty-eight**.

It was a proper Friday night in the Tucker home. The quintet was camped out on the couch, snacks and drinks at the ready, and a movie on the flat screen. Olivia found her eyes occasionally drifting to the little toes peeking out from under the blankets, Ed's face, contorted in laughter, and how Noah occasionally pointed out and clarified parts of the action for Maggie and Wyatt. All three kids were bunched between Ed and Olivia, but they were close enough so Ed could lean over for the occasional kiss. When he wasn't doing that, he played with her hair or rubbed her neck, anything to convey how much he enjoyed being in her presence.

They'd eaten pizza for dinner and while they waited for it to arrive, Noah and Olivia made brownies from a mix and they gorged on the sweets for dessert. They were still warm, and Ed topped his with vanilla ice cream, reminding Noah of the S'mores mess at Bethany Beach. He cheerfully retold the story with his mouth full of chocolate.

For Olivia, the evening was a needed respite from a hectic week, and it was the first night she made it home in time for dinner with her family. She and the squad worked almost round-the-clock to track and finally arrest suspects in the Upper West Side rape-kidnapping, and when they finally had the pair in custody, she signed off and went home. With Rollins on vacation the next week, Olivia planned to relax and recharge over the weekend. Not that she didn't have things to do—she was due at Brooke's early the next afternoon and Noah needed school clothes—but she was looking forward to both chores.

"See dat, babies? Dey goin' into outer space! To da stars! Dats a _spaceship_!"

Maggie and Wyatt babbled in response and kicked their arms and legs excitedly. Wyatt looked from the television to the windows, apparently recognizing the similarity between the movie's celestial setting and his immediate surroundings.

"Yes, sweet Wyatt," Olivia said, "The sky's out there!"

"Sy!"

"Yes!"

Ed smiled as he listened to Olivia coax more words from their twins. She was very cognizant of their age, their adjusted age due to their premature birth, and the correlating speech-related milestones. Ed had taken a peek at the charts, too, but he was not even remotely concerned. Both Maggie and Wyatt had started verbalizing their thoughts and recognizing objects before they were a year old.

One of the animated astronauts ejected herself from the shuttle and started flipping wildly across the screen. Noah erupted in laughter and Maggie and Wyatt followed suit. Maggie fell into a total giggle fit, threw herself back against Olivia, and laughed even harder when she viewed her mother upside down. Olivia repeatedly kissed her jubilant face. Seconds later, Wyatt scooted over for his share.

"Gotcha, sweet girl! Got those chubby cheeks, Wyatt!"

Noah flung himself over the pile and kissed Olivia. "GOTCHA, MOMMY! Daddy! Now you gotta get ALL 'a us!"

Before wrapping his family in his arms, Ed paused to watch his wife juggle three shrieking, giggling children. He lived for that blissful, carefree smile.

….

The early-morning Ft. Greene streets were deserted when Sarah buzzed the Carisi apartment. A sleepy-looking Aidan promptly came downstairs, mumbled a good morning, and handed Sarah the car keys.

"Want to get breakfast?" She asked.

"Not yet."

"Mind if I stop for coffee?"

"No," Aidan said, "There's a diner up there on the corner and a Starbucks on Myrtle."

"Well don't you know the neighborhood well"

"I walk a lot."

"Of course you do," Sarah said, "It's New York." She checked the mirror and hit the gas, taking off with a jerk. "Whoops. Sorry."

Aidan laughed. "I knew my life would be in danger."

"I've driven a car like five times in my life," she said, "Gimme a break."

"At least there's no traffic."

"Right. Okay, so, we get there and we check in and wait?"

"Yeah," Aidan replied, "It'll probably take longer since it's Saturday."

"Sorry," Sarah said, "I couldn't go at all this week and next week looks bad, too."

"I don't care," Aidan said, "Thanks for taking me. I don't…I don't really stay long so it's not like it'll be the whole day or anything."

"I'm interested, actually. I've never been to _jail_. And all I have to do today is pick out a church outfit for tomorrow."

" _Church_?" Had Aidan been drinking anything he surely would have spewed it across the dashboard.

"Yes. I'm going with Justin and his mom tomorrow. So pay attention to the news. If you hear of a cathedral collapse in the Bronx, surely I am the cause."

…..

By noon, Brooke and Olivia decided to have the nursery painted eggshell white with an accent wall where the crib would stand. Brooke chose wallpaper with flecks of teal and yellow. She and Olivia measured the dimensions, and Brooke placed her online order. Next they scrolled through photographs of area rugs.

"I think I need to actually go to a store for this," Brooke said, "To see how it feels."

"I agree," Olivia said. "Oh, wow, look at these frames!" She turned her phone to Brooke, "I know professional decorators frown upon too many pictures, but I can't help it."

Brooke smiled. Framed photographs occupied every surface in Olivia's apartment and she updated them regularly. "Why didn't you bring a kid?" She asked.

"I was going to," she said, "But everyone was still in their pajamas and in our bed when I left, so your Dad's on duty until I get back."

"Sounds like Sarah's MO when she babysits."

"They won't want to do that forever," Olivia said, "So I don't mind."

"How long did the twins sleep in your room after they were born?"

"The first four or five months," Olivia said, "Once they started sleeping through the night they went to their cribs. I read so much…some researchers recommended the first year, some six months, some only a month…finally one day we looked at each other and agreed it was time for everyone to be in their own rooms."

"Shit, I need a bassinet."

"You can have ours," Olivia said. One for your room and one for out here. But, are you sure you don't want a shower?"

"Positive."

"Because you know Sarah and I would love to throw you one."

Brooke laughed, "When Sarah gets married again and has kids, she'll get her parties."

"Justin's really changed her outlook," Olivia remarked, wondering how much, if anything, Sarah had revealed to Brooke about the recent…rift? Olivia wasn't sure how to characterize it; a day after Sarah fretted about losing Justin, she sent a picture of the two of them having drinks at the piers, grinning for the camera, and giving no indication anything was wrong.

"I feel bad now…about how I acted." Brooke's round cheeks flushed out of embarrassment and remorse filled her round blue eyes.

"Your heart was in the right place," Olivia said.

Appreciative of Olivia's knack for casting bad behavior in a positive light, Brooke managed a smile. "Do you know she's going to _church_ with him tomorrow?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Wow."

"Yeah, she's been debating what to wear since Wednesday."

"I'm sure."

"I hope she doesn't take selfies or anything," Brooke joked. "Although, that would be totally her. And sorta hilarious."

Olivia agreed and said, "Maybe we should warn against it. Just in case."

….

"Daddy, what we gonna do today?" Noah asked, jumping on the mattress and unofficially signaling he'd had enough of being lazy.

"I dunno, bud. It's hot, you want to go to the splash park?"

"YEAH!" Noah puckered his lips, "We call Mia?"

"She's away at the stables, remember? She'll be back next week. You're gonna see her Tuesday."

Noah giggled, "Oh! Dat right! Mia's ridin' da horsies!"

"Yep."

"Daddy, I wanna ride, too!"

"Someday, bud." Ed sent Noah to his room to change into his water gear and he put the twins on their feet. "C'mon, you two, come with Daddy."

Ed mildly regretted declining Mr. Bianchi's offer to host Noah for a day at the Long Island stables where Mia's mother trained horses. With Olivia working nonstop, Ed would've had to take the twins which meant he could not have stayed with Noah the entire time. Ed always welcomed Mia to their home, but he hesitated leaving Noah in the care of Mia's family members. Supervision-wise, they were too lackadaisical. Her parents, sister, and even her nanny were constantly late picking her up from school. Noah had only been to Mia's house to play twice, and he reported very little interaction with the adults over the course of the afternoon. So, Ed felt bad about denying Noah his first horseback riding opportunity, but it was for his own safety and his parents' peace of mind.

"Daddy! I'm ready!" Noah skipped into the twins' room as Ed was finishing up with Wyatt.

"Alright, bud. Let's get your sunscreen on and head out."

Noah stood still as Ed lathered the cream on Noah's arms, legs, and face. "Dis like da beach," he said.

"Sure is. We had a lot of fun there, didn't we?"

"Uh-huh! Da beach really fun!"

"When we get our own house we'll get some jet skis, too. And maybe a boat."

"WHOA! Den I learn howta drive it?"

"Yeah, you can be the Captain."

Noah giggled, "YOU da Cap'tin! Dat's what Mommy call ya sometimes!"

"Yeah she does," Ed replied with a smirk. He slapped his hands together, "All set. Let's go." Ed wrangled Maggie and Wyatt and strapped them into the stroller. "No? Where'd ya go?"

Noah came running from his bedroom with his phone in his hand. "I telled Mommy we goin to da park."

"You called her?"

"Nope!" Noah held up the phone so Ed could see the screen. "You press dis button and ya talk and it sends what ya say to Mommy!"

Upon closer inspection, Ed saw the dictated text message.

 _Mommy we going to the splash park come when you're done at Brookey's._ After the message there was a series of different color hearts.

"Sarah show you how to do that?" Ed asked.

"Yep!"

"Howdja get the hearts?"

Noah tapped the screen, "Like dis! I putted them there! Lotsa them 'cause I love Mommy a WHOLE BUNCH!"

…

By the time Sarah and Aidan returned to Brooklyn, the temperature soared into the nineties. They burst into the apartment with sheens of perspiration on their foreheads, and wisps of blonde hair curled along Sarah's hairline.

"Jesus, fuck, it's hot," she said, fanning herself with a handful of junk mail. "Livvie, I would hug you, but I assure you it would be gross."

Aidan said hello and, citing work in an hour, went to take a shower.

"How was it?" Brooke asked, tracking Aidan as he made his way down the hall, "He's always a little quiet after the visits. Did he talk much?"

"To Dave, no. To me, yes."

"Typical."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. "So hard…" she murmured, barely audible.

"No kidding," Sarah gasped, "Shit, I felt like _I_ was in prison! Brookey, I'll take him from now on, but damn, that is seriously not fun. But also a little fascinating."

"How'd Dave look?" Brooke asked.

"Skinny. Like his skin lost all elasticity it was so droopy. And old. It was so awkward. We kinda of all stared at each other. Aidan told him a little about vacation and that was about it."

"He never says much," Brooke got up and brought Sarah a bottle of water. "Neither of them do. I hope they'll be able to reconnect when Dave gets out…" Brooke trailed off and tried not to think about the increasing likelihood that Aidan would ask to live with her rather than with his father when Dave was released in the spring.

"What's there to say?" Sarah asked. "How's your cell? Your clothes look comfortable? How's the food? Are the guards being nice to you?"

Brooke laughed and rolled her eyes, "You're so stupid."

Sarah shrugged and downed almost the entire bottle of water in one gulp. "Did you two get the nursery all planned?"

"Just about," Olivia said. She showed Sarah a few sample room designs and pointed out the colors they'd chosen.

"I like," Sarah said. "And I suppose you're still anti-shower?"

"Yes."

"Well, I want to buy you something, so let me know…a rocking chair maybe?"

Brooke brightened, "I'd like that. Good idea. Maybe we can go test them out this week or next weekend."

Sarah bit her lip, "Uh, next weekend, Labor Day…I sorta told Aidan I would take him to D.C. With your permission of course. That kid Elijah…his brother's band is playing there Saturday night and Aidan really wants to go."

"Sure," Brooke said, "I told him it was okay as long as you went with him. Is Justin going?"

"Not sure yet. And Livvie, I would take Noah, but we're gonna be going to see a band…"

"He should be getting ready to go back to school anyway," Olivia said.

Sarah pouted and wiped non-existent tears from the corners of her eyes, "Big _Kindergartener_! My Noey's getting too old! What's he doing for math this year?"

"Second grade," Olivia said, "Following that same class up a level."

"So damn smart," Sarah said. "Well, people, what's on tap for the rest of the day?"

Brooke yawned, "A nap for me."

"Ed and the kids are at the splash park," Olivia said, "Noah sent me a text about an hour ago."

"Omigod, omigod, he used the voice thing," Sarah said proudly, "I was wondering if he would remember."

"He certainly did. And added hearts." Olivia showed them the message and stared at it for a few extra seconds.

"So cute," Brooke said, "Although I still can't believe you got him a phone."

"He asked. And, as you know, I give Noey whatever he wants. And I shall do the same with Maggie and Wyatt." Sarah poked Brooke's belly, "And this little one."

"Save some money for your own kids," Brooke said.

Sarah regarded her sister incredulously, "Oh Brooke, I only spoil other people's children. "Mine will have limits and get by on needs rather than wants."

Brooke and Olivia leaned into one another, laughing hysterically while Sarah repeatedly insisted she was serious.

….

In the car on the way back to Manhattan, Olivia asked about Justin. "So...I'm guessing you two worked everything out?"

Sarah leaned against the window and smiled blissfully. " _Yes_ ," she said, "That night…he went home, to the Bronx, he told me he was fine he needed to think and I was totally devastated—"

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Oh, Livvie," Sarah apologetically, "I'm sorry…I kinda wanted to be alone…you know?"

"I know." Olivia patted Sarah's knee, "So…then what?"

"Wednesday morning he showed up at my apartment early, with breakfast. I literally printed my bank statements, my Roth paperwork…like every single penny I had to my name was on the fucking counter including the cash in my wallet."

Olivia grinned at Sarah's earnestness. "And?"

"And you were right," Sarah said. "He told me he talked to his mother because he was so confused and he felt terrible because he broke a promise and thought I didn't trust him anymore, which of course is not true and I told him that and I said everything I said to you and that I literally couldn't breathe when I thought about life without him then I begged him, I seriously pleaded with this man to please try and accept it, like, there are a fucking lot of worse things in this world. And, the clincher," Sarah clutched Olivia's wrist even though she was gripping the steering wheel, "I told him the best times we had together—playing basketball, eating Russian food on the beach, him reading to me—"

"He reads to you?"

"Sometimes," Sarah answered, "I fall asleep after two pages when I read myself, anyway—"

"That's so romantic."

"Livvie!" Sarah swatted at her, "Let me finish!"

Stifling laughter, Olivia apologized for interrupting.

"So I pointed out, all those things, they don't cost _anything_ , and we love each other because we love Sarah and Justin, not our bank accounts."

"Good one," Olivia said. "Really good."

" _Right_? I mean, it's true, but I was fucking proud of myself because I came up with it on the fly."

"And now you're going to church tomorrow."

"Fuck. Yes. I haven't been in a while. But it's Spanish mass. I've never been to one of those before. And then we're going to Grandma's later for dinner. You should come, too!"

"We should," Olivia said, "We haven't seen her in a month. At least. I'll mention it to your Dad. Are you coming to the park with me or going home?"

"Park," Sarah said, "I want to see my little sweeties."

….

The under-cabinet lighting in the kitchen cast a glow around Olivia's frame. She scraped the remnants of their dinner into the sink and wiped down the counters. When she turned on the garbage disposal it shook more violently than usual and she let out a startled yelp. From the bathroom, Ed called out and asked if she was okay.

"I'm good, but I don't know about the sink!"

Ed towel-dried Noah's hair and sent him into his room to change into his pajamas and select the night's books.

Olivia turned on the disposal again.

"Damn," Ed muttered after hearing the unpleasant rattling. He crouched and opened the cabinet beneath the sink. "The clamp's loose. I'll tighten it after we get Noah to bed."

Almost an hour and three books later, Ed was back in the kitchen with his toolbox at his side. The simple task was more challenging than it looked, for the screw holding the clamp was facing the rear wall.

"I dunno how the hell they even installed it this way."

"Here," Olivia took the flashlight and angled the beam, "This easier?"

"Yep." Ed ducked inside the cabinet, twisted his torso, grunted, and finally started turning the stubborn piece of metal so he could access the screw. "Ah, shit!" His finger pinched, reflexes engaged, and he recoiled.

Olivia didn't have time to react.

Ed's elbow connected with her cheekbone.

"Ah!" she dropped the flashlight and it crashed against the tile floor. Her hand flew to her face.

"Oh, God, Liv!" Ed inspected her cheek, horrified at the red welt now forming below Olivia's eye. "Shit, I'm so sorry baby." He pulled her up, got an ice pack from the freezer, and wrapped it in a towel. He pressed the compress to her face. "I am so, so, sorry."

"Ed, I'm fine. It was an accident." She put her hands on his hips and let him continue with the first aid. "Is your hand okay? What happened?"

"Got caught in somethin," he said, "And now it's turned into a black eye."

"No it hasn't," Olivia said.

"I feel terrible."

"Ed," Olivia smiled and let her hands fall lower, "Honey, stop. You didn't do it on purpose."

"I still feel terrible. Can you see okay?"

"Yes. And it doesn't hurt."

"It will," he said remorsefully.

Olivia patted his behind. "How about you finish the job? I'll stand to the side with the flashlight?" She pried the compress from his hand.

"Then what?" He asked, unable to take his eyes off her wound and his lips puckered into a pout.

"Then we'll go to bed and I'll show you how okay I am?"

"Ten more minutes of ice on this first." He placed the tip of an index finger on the bump, barely touching her skin.

Olivia raised her eyebrows in disbelief. Very rarely did Ed Tucker fail to reciprocate flirtatious banter and he never postponed sex. As she stood at a safe distance and illuminated the internal mechanisms of the garbage disposal, she hoped there would be no bruise. She wasn't sure how well Ed could handle seeing a daily reminder of the freak accident for the next week.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	69. Chapter 69

**Sixty-nine.**

The closest Ed and Olivia had ever come to make-up sex came on the night they officially got back together after their break-up. Olivia felt guilty allowing her mind to wander to that particular night while Ed was rasping terms of endearment in her ear and making love to her as tenderly as he possibly could considering the whole process of intercourse was, by design, a fairly aggressive act.

Post break-up sex brought with it overwhelming emotions, and Olivia remembered fighting back tears and Ed pressing their foreheads together, staring in her eyes, and declaring his never-ending love for her.

During _accidentally-injuring-his-wife-sex_ , he had kissed the spot where his elbow made contact with her cheek no less than ten times and he uttered _I love yous_ most frequently of all the sweet phrases he whispered. Afterwards, when they were both breathing normally again, he pulled on shorts, went to the kitchen, and returned with a fresh ice pack.

"Prolly all the blood rushing to your face wasn't the best idea," he said softly.

"I think it was a great idea."

Concern etched on his face, Ed leaned on his elbow and held the pack in place with his other hand. "I remember you saying to a rape victim once…her rapist was found not guilty, a technicality or something, and you were telling her all was not lost. She publicly named him for what he was."

"Ed? Honey? What are you getting at?"

"You're gonna go out there in the world and people are gonna think your husband hit you. I'll be _named_ as an abuser."

"Okay," Olivia said with finality. She sat up, removed the compress, and tossed it aside, unconcerned about where it landed. She held the sheet in place around her chest. Ed didn't need any distractions while she set him straight. "Ed Tucker, you are _not_ an abuser. I am loved by you. I'm safe with you. I'm _happy_ with you. You have never, _ever_ hurt me. And you never will." She stroked his cheek. "You are the most perfect husband. And I love you."

"I love you." Ed puckered his lips, requesting a kiss.

Olivia obliged and put her head on his shoulder. "Now, when exactly did you hear me say that to someone?"

"I can't give the day, but we, IAB, was involved for some reason. I went for the verdict and overheard ya afterward."

"I can't believe I didn't see you."

"You were focused on the girl," he said. "She was inconsolable."

"So many like her…" Olivia trailed off, trying to picture the conversation Ed remembered so vividly.

"And only one of you."

"Did you read the final draft of the book?"

"No. Why?"

"I wrote something along those lines in the last chapter."

Ed kissed the top of her head. "It must be so difficult to be that one person. Unbearable sometimes."

"It can be. It used to be. _A lot_."

"It sounds so lonely…I hate that."

Olivia turned on her side and kissed him. "I'm not lonely," she said, "Not anymore."

"You're an extraordinary human being, Liv. I'll never stop believing I'm the luckiest man alive."

…..

At the last minute Brooke and Sonny decided to remain at home rather than join everyone else in Riverdale. In her text messages, Brooke insisted she was fine, simply tired and worn out both from being pregnant and from the heat. Their window units struggled to cool the apartment, and Brooke was about to take a cold shower when Sonny suggested they walk a block to one of the neighborhood pubs for an early dinner.

"Maybe moving a little will help ya?" Sonny suggested.

"Vicious cycle going on—too hot to move but if I move I feel better but I don't want to move. But yeah, let's do that."

"Appointment Wednesday?"

"Yes," Brooke said. "Routine. I will ask about the fatigue, though, but I'm pretty sure it's normal. You don't have to go. I know Rollins being out will stretch you guys thin. Oh, we're not dogsitting this time?"

Brooke and Sonny had taken care of Frannie the last time Rollins went away for a long weekend, so Brooke assumed they would be helping out again.

"Only tomorrow night," Sonny said, "Her sister's gonna be there the rest of the week."

"She's back?"

"Yeah, spent the summer in Georgia and is going back to school here," Carisi said, "Poor Rollins. That apartment's so crowded. Jesse's got a toddler bed now and there's not much room for another adult; kid's stuff is everywhere in there."

Brooke screwed up her face and tried not to sound accusatory. "You've been there recently?" She suddenly saw last week's dearth of contact with her husband in a different light.

Caught, Sonny grimaced. "We, uh, Rollins, me, and the new ADA had drinks one night after we got the indictment. I crashed on her couch."

"You crashed on her couch."

"We got carried away with shots and beers," Sonny explained, "And you know me when I've had a few."

Brooke was doing her best not to overreact. "So, the work you talked about was really you wanting to stay here and hang out with your work buddies? Is that it? How many times did you _crash on her couch_? Did she crash on _ours_?" No matter how hard she tried, Brooke had trouble forgetting how close Sonny and Rollins had been before she entered the picture. Sarah often speculated they were more than friends, even when Brooke and Sonny officially started dating. Whenever Rollins' name entered a conversation, Brooke tensed. Sonny denied any wrongdoing, but his admission nevertheless sent Brooke reeling.

…..

Caroline's dinner guests arrived within minutes of each other. Ed and Olivia were unbuckling the kids from their car seats when Sarah and Justin pulled up in their Uber. Sarah was still attired in the clothes she selected for mass—a pale yellow sundress, tan wedge heels, and a lightweight flowered shawl—and he held Justin's hand as they made their way into the house.

"It's hotter than hell!" Caroline ushered everyone through the front door. "Eddie, Eddie, close the damn door, hurry, or we'll all be sweating like a hooker in the front pew."

" _Ma_!"

Justin's shoulders were shaking with laughter before he and Caroline were formally introduced.

"Oh my God, these children are getting so big. Noah! Why haven't you been out here to see me? Aren't you old enough to take the train by yourself?"

Noah's eyes grew wide. "No, Gramma Care-line! I gotta go with Mommy or Daddy or Sare Bear! But I got my card right here!" He dug his wallet out of his cargo pocket, flipped it open, and showed off his Metro Card. However, something wasn't adding up. "Da subway come here?"

"It's a little bit of a hike," Caroline replied, "But I'd come and get ya."

Ed groaned at the mental image of his elderly mother and Kindergarten son meeting up at Van Cortlandt Park. "Let's not give him any ideas," he said. "No, we drive to Grandma's house, okay?"

"Kay," Noah said with a shrug. "Gramma you have da golf set?"

"Yes I do! And Johnny installed the awning over the deck and the patio so, with the trees, we have some shade out back. _Shit_ ," Caroline stepped closer to Justin, "Where the hell are any of our manners? You must be Justin." Instead of a handshake, Caroline hugged him. "My granddaughter did not lie. You're a handsome thing."

Olivia and Sarah exchanged amused glances and Sarah mimicked taking a sip of a cocktail.

"Sarah said she gets her good looks from you," Justin said, playing along, "And, you're right. She's not a liar."

Ed rolled his eyes and slapped Justin's back.

"Grandma, I'm _thirsty_ ," Sarah said, "that sip of communion wine didn't quite hit the spot. What do you have?"

Caroline brushed back a stray piece of her pixie cut and squinted. "Communion wine?"

"Yes. We went to Mass this morning."

Caroline looked back and forth from Justin to Sarah. "Well, I'll be damned. Come on, come on, make yourselves comfortable…Jesus Christ, Olivia, what in the hell happened to your eye?"

…..

Very quickly, the Tuckers divided themselves by gender. Noah and Justin took on Ed and Wyatt in Fisher Price golf while Olivia, Sarah, and Caroline sipped gin-and-tonics under the shade of the new awning. Maggie was uncharacteristically content playing with one of her Baby Einstein toys in Caroline's lap.

"He's very tall," Caroline said of Justin. It was the third time she'd made the observation that afternoon.

"Grandma, what is your point?"

"Must every spoken word have a point?" She asked, a mischievous glint in her eye, "I'm merely pointing out he is very tall. What's Eddie, Olivia? Six feet? So Justin's gotta be six-three."

"Yes, Grandma. Six-three. That's it. Can we please talk about something else?"

Caroline grinned. "Now look who's modest all of a sudden. Okay, dearie. How was church?"

"Much more tolerable in Spanish than in English."

"You like his mother?"

"Yes," Sarah said, "She's very nice and sweet. There's something….I dunno…something _regal_ about her. You can tell she has had kinda a hard life, but she wears it well, if that makes any sense."

"You should've brought her," Caroline said.

"I offered. But she spends like the whole day at the church."

"Some other time…so, is this husband number two?"

" _Grandma_!"

"Olivia?" Caroline turned to her daughter in law, "What do you think?"

"We all love him," Olivia said, "But I think our Sare Bear here wants to take things slow?"

Sarah laughed. "I dunno if buying a new apartment for the two of us qualifies as taking things slow, but, no, I'm not in a hurry to get married again."

"Living in sin isn't taboo anymore," Caroline said matter-of-factly, "But I think you like the idea of being married."

Sarah scrunched up her nose, "How exactly have you come to that conclusion? I _hated_ being married."

"You hated being married to, well, I won't say his name. But we women are _meant_ to be married to our true loves. That's why I never considered even going out on a date after your grandfather died. He was it for me. He was my one true love, I had him for fifty-five years, and that's that."

"Grandma, you're making me sad."

"Me too," Olivia murmured. She stared into the lawn at Ed and tried to parry the morbid thoughts of worst-case scenarios.

" _Girls_ ," Caroline admonished, "Buck up. I'm not sad. I'll see him again. And I have all these memories…not as exciting as the actual person in the flesh, but it gets me by. _You_ have them right here, right out there. And they'll do anything for you." Caroline swatted at Olivia's shoulder. "Watch this—Eddie! Eddie! Olivia needs a refill!"

Ed whipped around at attention, "What's that?"

"Olivia needs another drink!"

He tilted his club against the hard plastic cylinder and jogged over. "Same thing?" He asked, taking Olivia's glass.

"Yes," Olivia answered, a little awestruck, "Thanks…"

Ed slid the glass door open, and, as an afterthought, asked for Caroline's and Sarah's orders.

Caroline shot the other two her best _I told you so_ expression. "But don't act surprised, Olivia," she said, "I'm quite positive you don't lift a finger when that man's around."

….

The golf match over, Noah marched onto the deck, wiped his brow, and told Grandma Caroline she needed a pool. Caroline jerked her head to the right and told Noah he could set up the sprinkler. There was no use in asking for parental approval, but Ed did mumble something about not having swim gear.

"Extra clothes in the bag," Olivia said. She gave Ed a kiss and smiled, ecstatic about seeing her children engaged in some old-school backyard play.

"Alright then." Ed uncoiled the hose and dragged it to the center of the lawn. Noah led Maggie and Wyatt into the grass. He watched in awe as the water snaked along through the green tube and finally spewed from the oscillating sprinkler head.

Satisfied by her grandchildren's boisterous laughter, Caroline folded her hands in her lap. "I love that sound. Reminds me of the good old days."

Olivia snapped pictures and took video before returning to the semi-circle of patio chairs. She took her seat and reached for Ed's hand.

"Been around kids much, Justin?" Caroline asked.

"Yep. I have two nephews and a niece. Twelve, nine, and seven."

"What do you do?"

"I'm an EMT," Justin replied. "And going to school."

"Well, you're a good man to have around then," Caroline quipped, "Especially at my advanced age."

Justin grinned.

"Get many calls to help crabby old ladies?"

"Many."

"Well, if I have to call nine-one-one, I'll request you."

"Grandma, I don't think it works that way," Sarah snickered.

Caroline glared at her granddaughter. "I'm a lifelong taxpaying resident of this city, and if I want Justin here to come and save my life, they damn well better send him!"

…

The sun was setting on Union Square when Sarah and Justin exited the Subway. The afternoon had been an enormous success, and a giddy Sarah suggested they take a stroll around what would hopefully become their new neighborhood before returning to her apartment for the evening. She could tell Justin was still a little uncomfortable, but she was adamant and cheerful and by the time they escaped the retail stores and the hordes of shoppers, they were walking hand-in-hand and weighing the conveniences of local amenities.

"Oh my _gawwwd_ ," Sarah said as they crossed Third Avenue. "The Brazen Fox! And they have upstairs seats open! Wanna go for a drink?"

Unsure what Sarah was talking about, Justin glanced around blindly.

"There," Sarah pointed, "Let's go back. I love that place I didn't realize we were so close. Omigod, Justin, we have to move here."

Sarah half-dragged him back across the street and into the pub where she brusquely told the host they were headed upstairs. Justin gave the demure employee an apologetic smile and followed his girlfriend to the second floor.

"I dunno what I want," he said, "I ate too much."

"No beer for sure," Sarah said, "Not that I'm much of a beer person. And, it's the soda bread. Grams always has to make it when people come over. Like we needed soda bread with burgers and hot dogs…"

"It's really good."

"It is. And she never gives us any to go because she wants us back."

"I for sure wouldn't mind going back. It was a good day."

"Well," Sarah straightened part of Justin's collar that, in the humidity, had curled under itself, "Sunday can be family day. We'll go to church and dinner at my Grandmas."

Gauging her level of sincerity, Justin stared intently into her eyes.

"Unless," Sarah added, "You'd rather go with your mother on your own."

"No, uh, I'd like for you to go…but I didn't think you were, uh, into it."

"I'm not," Sarah admitted, "I never have been. But today I saw how important it is to you, so there must be something there…for me…to discover…eventually." She ducked her head self-deprecatingly.

"Sare, you don't have to force yourself into religion."

"I want to try and understand why it means so much to so many people," she said. "But, like I said, if you'd rather—"

He interrupted her with a kiss. "I'd rather you be with me." She smiled and he kissed her again. "So, uh, that apartment you love…it's close to here?"

"Omigod, it's a block away."

"And I saw a Trader Joe's around the corner," Justin said, "Their ginger snaps…are so good."

Laughing, Sarah quipped, "I'm pretty sure that was in the listing description. Steps from quality ginger snaps…"

"If so, I can't believe it's still on the market."

The brief hours of uncertainty they'd weathered earlier in the week seemed like they transpired decades ago. Sarah, filled with both love and relief, nearly burst. "Justin, I love you."

"I love you, too."

She detected a hint of hesitation. "But…?"

"No, no, nothin' like that," he quickly replied, "It's, uh, I meant it, on the beach, when I told you I loved you." He smiled nervously, "Don't take this wrong, alright?"

" _Okayyyy_."

"After today I love you even more. It's different. Good different."

"I jumped into… _us_ ," Sarah said, "Very fast. After we met for coffee, I was practicing my signature with your last name." She put a reassuring palm on his chest, "No, no, don't flip out, sorry, I shoulda kept that one to myself, but I do have a point—"

He chuckled, much to her relief.

"—which is…you probably feel like I've been feeling all along."

"I think that's it." Justin took a sip of his previously untouched whiskey cocktail. "Now what?" He asked lightheartedly.

"We finish up here. Go home. And get naked."

"Sounds like a plan," Justin said coolly. "And…in a few weeks… _home_ won't be too far away from here, huh?"

"Seriously?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed.

"I'm okay," Justin said.

"All I want is for us to have a good life together," Sarah said. "And we _can_ , Justin. We easily can."

"I know that now," he said. "And it's what I want, too."

….

Ed picked through bags and boxes of frozen vegetables, fruit, and pizza, searching for the coldest gel pack. His search unearthed two of the twins' teething rings—they had gradually tumbled lower and lower in the past six months as food was added to the freezer and they became unnecessary. Tonight, though, Ed decided they would be repurposed to treat Olivia's face.

"Here ya go." He hopped on the bed beside her and was pleased to find his estimations were correct. The ring perfectly hugged her cheek.

Olivia placed her hand over his. There was no use in protesting. Caroline had noticed the bump and the redness, but Sarah had not. To the casual observer, it was imperceptible and only when Olivia put pressure on the area did she feel any pain. Even then, it was dull and only slightly tender.

"Thank you," she said, her brown eyes sparkling.

"I feel terrible about this." Ed kissed her forehead.

"In a couple days it will be gone and well forget all about it." Ed did not look convinced and Olivia slipped her other hand behind his head and guided his lips to hers. She kissed him forcefully, parting her lips, hoping he'd relax, forgive himself, and take the bait. "It was a great weekend," she gasped during a break for air.

Ed removed the teething ring and kissed the cool, red spot where it had rested against her sun-kissed skin. "Hold that thought," he said. "It's not over yet."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	70. Chapter 70

**Seventy**.

 _Gawwwwd there are a lot of chapters…_

The scent of coffee emanated into the bedroom and Sarah smiled at herself in the mirror knowing Justin would, as soon as he heard her footsteps, pour her a small cup of pre-commute coffee and put the rest in her travel mug. She angled her head to one side then the other, inserting simple sterling silver hoop earrings. The day's forecast called for more stifling heat, so she twisted her hair up in a messy bun.

Justin was perched on a barstool working on a crossword puzzle. Sarah came up behind him and nuzzled his neck. "Need any help?"

"Not yet," he said.

Sarah blew on her coffee and took a sip. "I'm going to book the hotel room for Saturday night," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to go?"

"I do," Justin said, "But I already told Rodrigo I'd switch Saturday and Sunday with him."

"We'll visit our nation's capital some other time," Sarah said, "I don't know how fun this is gonna be anyway. And I also have no idea what kind of band this is. I hope it's not country. But we'll be back Sunday afternoon."

Justin raised his eyebrows at her exasperated laughter.

"We decided Sunday was family day and the very next Sunday I'm spending half of it out of town," she explained.

"On three day weekends family day switches to Monday," Justin said.

"Oh, well, it works out perfectly then."

"It does." Justin folded his puzzle book around the pen and put it back in the drawer that had unofficially become the receptacle of his random items. "Hey, uh, I thought of something…with Aidan."

"What's that?"

"You know he's goin' there because of that guy, right?"

"Of course."

"Whaddya gonna do when he wants to go off alone with him?"

"He can't," Sarah said. "He's only sixteen. The beach is one thing, but a different city is another. I guess I better make that clear before we go."

"And…" Justin bit his bottom lip, "Um, have you said anything to Brooke or Olivia? Or your Dad?"

"No."

"I looked up consent laws."

"Shit," Sarah murmured. "Omigod, I am the worst sister ever. I'm cheering him on and didn't think about that at all. It's seventeen in New York, right?"

"Right. But in D.C. its sixteen. Delaware its eighteen but they have some close-in-age exemption for consensual sex—"

"—which it certainly looked like."

"—yeah, but, uh, what about crossing state lines? Is it illegal if Aidan's going there with you to possibly be with this guy? I don't think so," Justin said, answering his own question, "I mean, I think those laws are more for people to seduce kids online and kidnappers, but, don't you wanna check first? _And_ talk to Aidan?"

The consideration he'd devoted to the entire situation heartened Sarah yet also made her feel even more useless as a responsible adult. "I'll ask Livvie. And I'm going to have to tell Aidan…I'll leave you out of it…"

"It's okay," Justin said, "I mean, if he wanted total privacy the side of the house wasn't the best option."

Sarah leaned forward on her elbows, propping her head in her hands. "Have you had sex in public before?"

"No. Have you?"

"Actually, no. Close. But no. Wait, does my office count?"

Justin smiled shyly. "That's, like, semipublic."

"That was so exciting," Sarah said, "I'm gonna need you to come by afterhours again sometime soon."

"Sure."

"What about you?"

"What about me what?"

"Is there…somewhere or some place or…"

"Rooftop," Justin said. "For sure. Rooftop."

"Well," Sarah glanced at her watch and began gathering her things, "We will have to make that happen." She kissed him, nibbling a little on his lower lip, and played with his close-cropped, jet black curls. "See you tonight. I'll wait for you to eat dinner."

"Gonna be like ten or eleven."

Sarah shrugged. "I'll wait."

…

Brooke's suggestion that she come into Manhattan and have a late lunch with her sister worked out perfectly with Sarah's delayed dinner schedule. In between her three morning meetings Sarah debated how much, if any, Aidan information to relay to Brooke. Justin had valid concerns, but Olivia could shed light on those question marks. Brooke had noticeably found some peace of mind at the beach and it seemed to have carried over into regular life; Sarah hesitated to disrupt her contentment.

She met Brooke at a restaurant a block away from her office and slid into the booth across from her. "You don't want this side?" Sarah asked. Brooke was seated in a chair.

"I don't think I fit."

"You really are gigantic," Sarah said, "Are you sure it's not twins?"

"Positive. Well, I do have an appointment tomorrow, but there was only one in there last time. They don't all of a sudden appear in there, you know."

"I wonder if I'll be gigantic."

"You're _pregnant_?"

Sarah's eyes nearly flew out of their sockets. "No. Shit, no. Please, banish the thought from your mind."

"You said something about _your_ kids the last time I saw you," Brooke said, "Which is more than you ever said about them before."

"Oh, we're most definitely having kids," Sarah said, "But not yet."

Brooke played with a corner of her napkin. "You really found the right guy finally, huh?"

"Yes," Sarah said, "I know you—"

Brooke held up a hand and shook her head, "No. I was wrong."

"Your heart was in the right place."

"That is, word-for-word, what Olivia said."

Sarah beamed. " _Really_?"

"Yes."

"Omigod." Sarah giggled, coughed, and cleared her throat with a sip of water. "We did, uh, the money thing…I sort of showed him a two million dollar condo I wanted to buy and he kinda freaked out, but we're good now."

"He must feel like he's won the lottery."

"Please don't ever say that to anyone but me," Sarah pressed her lips together in a straight line, "But, same concept I suppose. I really don't think about money, Brooke. Nobody but Livvie seems to believe me. But I don't."

"Because you don't have to.

Conceding the point, Sarah murmured, "Yeah…" The waiter came over and asked if they were ready to order. Sarah asked for a minute and asked Brooke for the real reason she traveled all the way to Lower Manhattan for lunch. "I know it wasn't to talk about Justin for the zillionth time," she said.

"What would you do if Justin spent the night at another woman's house?" Brooke blurted out.

"Hire a hit man."

"Sarah, I'm serious."

"What the fuck did Sonny do?" Sarah asked sharply.

Brooke pressed her fingers into her temples. "Nothing, well, I guess it's nothing, but—"

" _Brooke_! What. Happened?"

"He spent the night at Rollins' house," Brooke said weakly. "He said they were celebrating after getting an indictment, it got out of hand, and he went there instead of home. Slept on the couch."

"And he _told_ you?"

"Yes."

"No sex?"

"No. No nothing. Except too many shots."

"Sonny cannot drink." Brooke frowned and Sarah went back into sympathetic sister mode, "Um, well, in that case, I dunno. You know I always thought they slept together…but if he says nothing happened, I believe him. He's not a dick."

Sighing, Brooke replied, "It's just…that coupled with he wasn't going to tell me, he let it slip, and also that he claimed they had too much work and he couldn't get away to come to the beach…too much incriminating evidence piling up."

Sarah nodded. The waiter returned and they ordered their lunches. Brooke stared pleadingly at her younger sister. For the first time, Sarah studied Brooke's face. Lines had formed near the corners of her eyes and her complexion was pale. She appeared frighteningly pathetic.

"Brookey, I think you should let this go."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

The conclusion had occurred to Brooke, but she was surprised to hear it from Sarah. "So, no hit man?" she asked with a slight smile.

"Not yet," Sarah said, "But I'll keep some cash at the ready just in case he fucks up again."

…..

Considering the heat and the brief time the narrow playdate window, Ed had not planned on spending much time outside with Noah and Mia. The two kids busied themselves with paints and Legos for most of the afternoon. Ed made them sandwiches for lunch and served them on the coffee table. They ate while watching vintage episodes on Cartoon Network.

Ed kept an eye on the clock, waiting for Tasha the nanny to buzz the apartment. The twins needed to be picked up from day care, and Ed didn't want to leave the apartment and have her show up. At ninety minutes late, he called Mia's father who seemed oddly disconnected from the logistics loop.

"Alright you two. We gotta go get Maggie and Wyatt," Ed announced after he ended the call. "Shoes on."

"The babies went to _school_ today?" Mia asked incredulously.

"Yep. They needed to see their friends for a little while. Are you excited about going to Kindergarten, Mia?"

" _No_ ," she huffed, "It's gonna be _hard_."

Noah patted her back reassuringly. "I help you, Mia. I gotta go ta' 'nother class for math but I help you with reading."

Mia crushed Noah with an unexpected hug and thanked him. Something about her raspy voice made her sound extra grateful. Ed smiled at his son and patted him on the head.

"Mia, I bet you can help Noah with singing," Ed suggested. "You did such a good job at the ceremony last spring."

"Ed!" Mia giggled. "Noah doesn't like ta sing! He plays the bongos!"

"Daddy, I still need some bongos for my room," Noah said.

"Yeah, bud, I know. But I think we should get ya a set for when you're at Sarah's house. It might be better if we keep them there."

Noah agreed. "Good idea, Daddy. Den Maggie and Wyatt won't get 'em! Does babies wanna get all my stuff!"

…..

The uptown C train was delayed for ten minutes between Penn Station and Port Authority, and before service resumed its passengers experienced a thirty-second long blackout. Among the evening rush hour riders was Sarah who took the mechanical failures in stride but did mutter a few words to herself. The day started out pleasantly mundane and was ending in dramatic fashion. First the lunch with Brooke and now the consultation with Olivia. After learning about Sonny's dumb decision and mild dishonesty, Sarah decided to keep the knowledge of Aidan's vacation trysts to herself. When the train pulled into the next station, Sarah sent a simple _I love you_ text to Justin. At Columbus Circle, her stop, she received his reply.

 _Love you too. Gonna try to leave a little early. I'll bring dinner_.

She clutched her phone to her chest and wore a silly smile as she shuffled out of the train and bounded the stairs to the street. By the time the doorman let her into the building, her entire body was damp with perspiration and she rolled her eyes. In her haste to get to Olivia, the practicality of going home first to change had eluded her.

"Drink?" Olivia asked as soon as she saw Sarah's disheveled appearance.

"Please."

Maggie and Wyatt were eating their dinners in their high chairs, wearing only diapers. They, too, appeared sweaty, sticky, and most certainly headed for a bath after they ate. Sarah kissed the tops of their heads and politely waved away Maggie's offered fistful of carrot cubes. "Small sister, I do appreciate your willingness to share; however, I prefer my food served with utensils."

"Sah! Kah! Eeeeee!"

Olivia translated. "Sarah eat the carrot."

Persuaded, Sarah plucked the cleanest carrot from Maggie's tray and ate it. "Yum!"

"UM!" Wyatt exclaimed. He used his spoon as a drumstick and fed himself with his other hand.

Sarah fanned herself with the magazine Olivia had been reading. "I cannot wait for winter. I promise you I will not complain about snow and cold."

"It is pretty unbearable out there," Olivia said, "Want to borrow some shorts and a t-shirt?"

"No, I'll cool off. But thanks." Sarah kicked off her heels, "Ahhh, that's already a hundred times better. Where's Noey and Daddy?"

"They took Mia home." Olivia poured two glasses of chilled white wine and handed one to Sarah. "Here you go."

"Mia!" Sarah smiled at the thought of her little friend. "How is she?"

"Good, but, your poor Dad. She was only supposed to be here for a couple of hours, but she was still here when I got home an hour ago."

"Why?"

Olivia took a long drink of the wine. "Apparently some miscommunication between her Dad and the nanny."

"It seems like they don't really care who watches their kid."

"It is a little odd. Your Dad won't even leave Noah at a _birthday_ _party_."

Sarah and Olivia shared a knowing laugh.

"Speaking of supervision," Sarah said, "I have a teeny tiny problem."

Instinctively, Olivia went into Lieutenant mode. She slid her wine glass to the side and leaned forward. Her body language implored: _tell me_.

Last week's subplot came spilling out. With Noah absent, Sarah minced no words, and she dramatically brought the story to a close with her concerns about the weekend trip. "We're going from New York to D.C.," she said, "Am I a _madam_? Am I guilty of a _crime_ if I do this?"

"I think we can safely say you're not a madam," Olivia said, "And, no. You're not guilty of a crime if you're taking your brother on a weekend trip and he happens to have sex while he's there. But, Sarah, he's sixteen-years-old. He shouldn't be _anywhere_ on his own while you're there. I know you and Brooke are pseudo-parents at the moment, but he shouldn't be allowed to do whatever he wants. Especially in a strange city where a consensual encounter could turn into something else."

"Wanna come with me?" Sarah asked brightly, knowing a firm "no" was the foregone response.

"You'll be fine," Olivia said, "But you might get some pushback when Aidan realizes he's not going to have the independence he had at the beach. Maybe tell him before you go?"

Sarah dug her fingertips into her face, stretching and distorting her skin. "So many _conversations_ lately," she moaned.

"That's life," Olivia said, "A series of conversations. Some easy, but others quite unpleasant."

"Is that in your book?"

"No," Olivia replied with a smile, "But I could certainly add it. Sounded wise, didn't it?"

"Sure did Livvie," Sarah helped herself to more wine, "But you always do."

…

ADA Finley had not had much interaction with Lieutenant Benson in his two months on the job. Her squad was collegial, smart, and efficient, but their boss presented as headstrong, opinionated, and more rigidly professional than friendly. Finley preferred to work through Rollins, Carisi, or Fletcher, but as he began preparing for the _Glasgowman Returns_ trial, he needed to consult with SVU's commanding officer.

In preparation, Olivia reviewed the old case files and the juvenile records of the two older girls. Adjudicated as a juvenile delinquent, Perry was nevertheless sent to a psychiatric facility and had spent less than a year there. Her friend Mia's paper trail ended with Judge Linden finding her not responsible, and little sister Zoe, a victim, had no record at all.

"Any motions from the defense?" Olivia asked.

"Not yet," Finley replied, "But I'm expecting it. This is… _sick_. Rape, torture, all on film, they had their own little shop of sexual sadist horrors in that room." He looked up, expecting to have maybe garnered a smile or even a laugh, but the Lieutenant only stared at the stills from the scene.

"The argument when they were kids was that Perry had complete control over Mia," Olivia said, "But Carisi didn't believe it. Mia played the victim, well. She may do it again this time. And Zoe, too."

Finley cleared his throat, "I also wanted to remind you to avoid any interaction with Judge Barba that may seem…at odds with an impartial court."

Olivia removed her glasses and glared at him.

"I know the two of you worked together for a long time. He's your friend. I get that. But…"

"I know how to handle myself on the stand," Olivia snapped, "Among friends _and_ enemies. You don't need to worry about me or anyone else. Worry about the case. I guarantee you it's not going to be the slam dunk it seems to be on paper."

Finley offered a sincere apology. "I'm sorry," he said. "The word on the street was true. This is a tight unit. And Barba was part of it for so long. I had to mention it. For me."

Forcing a smile, Olivia nodded.

"Have a nice vacation?" He eyed the newest of her photographs—the picture taken at the seafood restaurant on their last night.

"We did." Olivia twirled her rings like she often did when her family was mentioned.

"Your son…starting school next week?"

"He is. Kindergarten."

"My wife's ready for our kids to go back."

"Our twins are going back to day care, too," Olivia said, "My husband will be shocked to have so much free time."

"He's NYPD too, right? Retired?"

"Yes."

"Ever work together?"

Olivia chuckled, "Not exactly."

….

Sarah's Wednesday afternoon plans required another long Subway ride, but she was not as frazzled this time and remembered to go home and change clothes first. She tossed her work clothes in the dry cleaning pile and threw on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Before leaving again, she surveyed her bedroom. Justin's things had gradually appeared alongside hers both there and in the bathroom. Their presence comforted her, and she laughed, finding it funny she was thrilled simply by seeing his toothbrush.

Today Sarah was beginning a new Wednesday routine. It was Justin's only day of classes, but he was on campus all day, from mid-morning to late in the evening. Once Noah started school, she would leave early to pick him up on Wednesday afternoons and then go to Brooklyn in the evenings to have dinner with Brooke and Sonny if he was home and eventually help out with the baby. Once she and Justin moved, the trip time would almost be cut in half.

Sarah considered taking Noah, but she needed to have the Washington, D.C. discussion with Aidan. She settled for sending her little brother a few texts, more to see if he would respond than anything else. Sometimes he kept his phone turned on and close to his side, but most of the time it was in a bag, or under his bed, or on its charger in the kitchen.

 _Hi Sare Bear! What are you doing?_

Sarah smiled. Teaching him the voice-to-text feature had certainly made things easier. It also prevented his frequent Face Time calls which he made at all hours of the day with Saturday mornings being the most common.

 _Going to see Brookey_. Sarah included a train emoji.

 _Where's Justy?_

 _School._

And just like that, the conversation ended. Noticing the time, Noah had probably been called to dinner.

At Brooke's apartment, Sarah made herself a vodka tonic and was on her second when Aidan arrived home from work. They walked a few blocks to an Irish pub a few blocks away and not far from the Lafayette Avenue stop Sarah would use to get home.

"I'm in the mood for some French onion soup," Sarah said after they were seated.

Aidan and Brooke screwed up their faces in disbelief.

" _Soup_?"

"It's a million degrees," Aidan said.

Sarah shrugged. "It sounds good and it's freezing in here, by the way." She ordered a Jameson's and soda from the bartender, citing the interminable wait for their server, and gulped half of it. She hadn't been drinking much lately and she could feel the alcohol's effects. It had been her plan. She needed some liquid courage to broach the topic with Aidan, especially with Brooke there.

"How'd your appointment go, Brookey?"

"Good. Everything's normal. And," she playfully glared at her sister, "Only one baby."

"Aidan, does she not look huge?"

"She's pregnant," he said with a shrug, clearly not wanting to get sucked into taking sides.

Conceding defeat, Sarah changed the subject. "I booked our hotel. So, like, we'll take the ten o'clock train? It's like four hours. That'll give us time to check in and hang out a little before we go to the show. You're sure it's all ages?"

Aidan showed her his e-tickets. "Yep."

"Cool."

"You have to stay with Sarah," Brooke interjected.

Sarah's eyes darted to her sister. She couldn't believe it! Brooke had saved her from awkwardness. The tension in her shoulders and neck disappeared, and Sarah ordered another drink, this time for celebration's sake.

Aidan wore an expression typical of grumpy teenagers. "Blake said there's an afterparty," he feebly protested.

"I can't go?"

"You can…it's…"

"Aid, I'm not comfortable with you going out on your own with people we really don't know," Brooke said, "Too much could happen and I wouldn't forgive myself and it's not cool to put Sarah in the situation where she's waiting up for you and worrying."

"You won't even know I'm there," Sarah assured him, "I'll…be a wallflower."

Neither Aidan's nor Brooke's expression indicated any sense of belief. Sarah erupted into giggles, apparently not even believing herself.

…..

Ed frowned at Olivia's chiming phone and she patted his leg as she read the message. "Sarah," she said, "They laid down the ground rules for Aidan."

"Good. But, damn, I hate they have to do that." Ed set his jaw, obviously thinking about how his ex-wife left her three children in a formidable situation.

"They're handling it so well, though," Olivia said.

"Maybe we can ask them for advice when our kids are teenagers."

Olivia grinned. "You've _raised_ two teenagers. I was hoping you'd know what to do."

"So different now," Ed murmured.

"True. And you're different, too."

"Glad we have a couple of boys in the mix." Ed smiled widely and saw his wife's inquisitive expression, "You should've seen Noah when we were walkin' Mia home. The other day he was on the street side, and I switched spots, told him I needed to be on that side, it was safer that way. He nodded, ya know how he does, then I told him Daddies and Mommies always walk next to the street when they're with kids and gentlemen always walk on the street side. So when he was walkin' with Mia, he made sure to stay next to me and he said, 'we got the Daddy, then the gentleman, then Mia. All safe'."

They were sitting together on the couch. Ed held her close and Olivia hugged him across his middle. "I always noticed you did that," she said. "It was one of the first things that made me realize who you really are."

"I almost passed out when you took my arm the first time. And the second. And the third. And—"

Olivia tickled his stomach. " _Sure_."

"There was a lot of trust in that move," he said. "It wasn't lost on me. Still isn't."

Olivia straightened up so she could kiss him. She held both his forearms. "These arms…" she said, cocking an eyebrow and biting her lip, "They're just so… _strong_." She kissed him again and snuggled back against his chest.

Soon, she was fast asleep.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	71. Chapter 71

**Seventy-one**.

Justin was a little worse for the wear after his overnight shift and Olivia rushed to pour him a cup of coffee as soon as she saw him step off the elevator and make his way through the squad room.

" _Justin_ , hey, thanks for stopping by," Olivia sympathetically pursed her lips, "I promise it won't be long."

"I'm good," Justin said. He accepted the cup of coffee with a smile and a thank-you.

Olivia gestured to the sofa and he took a seat. "Sarah mentioned you were studying literature."

"Yes." Justin's reply was tinged with both formality and curiosity. He had no idea why Olivia had summoned him to her office, and her invitation evoked both excitement and nervousness. Like Ed, Olivia had been courteous and kind to him, but he and Sarah's "Livvie" had not yet had a chance for much in-depth, one-on-one conversation.

Olivia passed him a thick, spiral-bound stack of papers. "I was wondering if you would read this."

Justin mouthed the words on the cover—the publishing house, Olivia's name, and the book's working title. "Your book," he said softly, barely above a whisper.

"Yes. I assumed Sarah told you about it."

He nodded.

"We're in the final stages before it gets printed and bound and _becomes a book_ ," Olivia said, still stunned at her accomplishment. "I've read it through, but I'm so…numb to it all now, I suppose. I need an objective eye before I let it go…before it's literally out of my hands."

Holding the manuscript as if it might crack in his grip, Justin looked at Olivia with wide, thoughtful eyes. "Sure, uh, I will, but, dontcha want Ed or someone in your family to read it?"

"Ed's read most of it," Olivia said, "But he hasn't seen the final chapter or the dedications…I want to surprise him with that. And Brooke and Sarah, well, they would never say anything critical. My editor, I think, treated me with kid gloves. I'd really value your honest opinion."

Justin choked down a burst of laughter. He believed Olivia's request was sincere, but he also found it amusing to be put on the spot like this. It would take an immense amount of courage and confidence to honestly critique her work.

"Wow, uh, sure. When do you need it back?"

"A week?" Olivia said, "I know it's short notice, but—"

Justin grinned, "Sare's out of town, so this gives me somethin' to do."

"Perfect timing then."

"Yep."

"But go home and sleep first."

"Okay." Justin got up to leave but stopped before he got to the office door. "Didn't think you worked Saturdays very much."

"Sergeant's on vacation," Olivia said matter-of-factly, "But, not usually. I've learned to…let go a little."

"Can be hard to do that."

An aura of mutual understanding developed in the space between Olivia and Justin. She took a deep breath.

"I'm still learning."

…..

Sarah hadn't expected the concert to be an actual _concert_. She had never heard of the headliners, and Blake's band was playing two bands ahead of the headlining act. The doors opened at six, and they began playing before Sarah told the bartender to keep her tab open. The style was rock-funk, and aside from Sarah thinking they were trying too hard to channel Bob Marley, they had a good sound.

The venue was huge—a cavernous floor level space and a second level with movie theater seating. Each floor had two bars, and they offered multiple non-alcoholic concoctions for the under-21 set. Blake's band attracted only a handful of dedicated listeners, so Sarah and Aidan had no problem scoring prime spots a few feet from the stage. After spending two songs preoccupied with his guitar, Blake finally acknowledged Aidan with a nod but quickly reabsorbed himself in the music, closing his eyes and bobbing his head as the lead singer belted out melodramatic lyrics.

Their set lasted only thirty minutes, and stage hands got to work swapping out instruments and amplifiers. Aidan clutched his phone, practically pleading with it to ring. He ignored the second band and instead peered over concertgoers' heads in search of the one face he knew. Sarah commiserated—she, too, was lovesick and wished Justin was there by her side.

"Oh, there he is!" Aidan made a beeline for an area to the right of the stage where extra equipment was stowed.

Sarah hurried behind him, weaving in and out of sweaty teenagers and early-twenty-somethings. She caught up with Aidan right when Blake pulled him in for a half-hearted hug. Elijah joined them soon after and the three young men chatted with their heads huddled together. The close proximity was the only way anyone could hear anything, for the second band had launched into a guitar-heavy number.

Aidan broke away from the huddle and pointed to a side door. Sarah followed him outside, into a dark, potholed alley dotted lined with dumpsters. It also served as the de facto smoking room. Semicircles of ragged young men and women puffed away, blowing gray clouds of smoke into the muggy air.

"So, you in?" Blake asked.

Aidan looked to Sarah. "They're, uh, goin to this guy's house. By campus."

"Sure," Sarah said, "Is it close to here?"

"Nah," Blake replied, "It's in Georgetown. Definitely gotta drive. We can take ya, but it'll be a squeeze."

Sarah smiled and outstretched her hand, "We'll Uber. But, hi, we've never met. I'm Aidan's sister Sarah."

"Blake," he muttered, jerking his chin upwards.

It was an annoying gesture and Sarah desperately wanted Olivia or Justin or even Ed there with her so they could make fun of this kid. He was sickeningly skinny with chin-length jet black hair, deeply-set hazel eyes, and, as far as Sarah could tell in the dark, sallow, unhealthy-looking skin. Sarah remembered Aidan saying something about Blake's vegan diet, and she concluded he desperately needed some animal protein.

"Do you attend Georgetown?" Sarah switched to the formal vernacular she often used with Noah, knowing it would annoy Blake and his friends.

"Nah, I took the year off from school."

"What do you do?"

"Work."

"The band's recording an album, too," Elijah chimed in, undoubtedly noticing Sarah's judgmental expression.

Having had enough of small talk in the dank, dark alley, Sarah ordered the Uber and told Aidan they needed to walk out to the busier street to meet the driver. She looked around and spotted a bar a few doors down on the same block. Seeing the car was stuck in traffic, she pulled Aidan inside, ordered two shots, downed them both, and left after tossing some money at the bartender.

"You can get drinks and take them there," Aidan said.

His words smacked her in the face.

 _Shit_.

"Aid, if they're drinking and stuff there, I have to leave. Which means you have to leave, too. I can't be in a place where everyone's underage and drinking and I'm the only one over twenty-one. I could get in serious trouble."

Aidan typed away on his phone. "There're a lot of bars by there…"

"No way." Sarah saw his face contort into a teenage pout. "Hey," she said sympathetically, "I know you like Blake. I know you wanna hang out and have it be like it was at the beach, but it can't be. You get that right? If something happened to you I would never forgive myself. And I'm not leaving you at some college kid's house…"

"I go to parties at home. Elijah's there. What if I promise not to drink?"

Sarah shot him a knowing, good-natured, sisterly glare.

" _Please_?"

"Two hours," she said. "No drugs. If I pick you up and you're drunk I will turn you in to Brooke and she'll be pissed and your life will be hell. You will answer all my texts."

Aidan agreed to the terms. Before he got out of the car, they named a meeting point and Sarah made sure he got safely inside. She peered through the sheer curtains and saw only bare walls, a lamp without its shade, and the same mops of hair from the alley.

The driver dropped her at a bustling corner and she decided to walk a little before getting another drink. She window shopped and exchanged texts with Justin; his replies were more terse than normal, but she assumed he was still recovering from his overnight shift. Eventually, she ducked into a restaurant, snagged a seat at the bar, and ordered a glass of wine and a half dozen oysters.

"Anything else?" The tuxedoed bartender asked.

"Not right now," Sarah replied, "All is well."

…

" _Ed. Yesssss_. _Harder_."

Hypersensitive about hurting his wife, Ed barely complied.

" _Please, Ed_."

Out in the kitchen it looked like someone had hit pause on the Tucker family evening. Some of the dinner dishes were on the dining table, others had been bussed to the island, and a few had been rinsed and were awaiting placement in the dishwasher. The high chair trays had been wiped down but not replaced. Two half-consumed glasses of wine were on the counter next to the stove, one precariously close to the edge.

Dinner had been steaks on the grill, roasted potatoes and green beans, and vanilla cupcakes which were store bought but decorated by Noah. Ed let him pick out small tubes of icing and he marked each one with the first letters of his family members' names. Blue for himself, Ed, and Wyatt. Purple for Olivia and Maggie.

While Olivia put in a few hours at the precinct, Ed took the kids to the zoo and for a picnic in the park. They kicked around the soccer ball, played chase, and Ed did his bench presses with the children. The ten Noahs were becoming more and more strenuous, especially now that Noah insisted on going last rather than first. Lucky for Olivia, Ed's strong arms and chest were here to stay for the time being.

Olivia had been leaning against the counter sipping wine while Ed did most of the clean-up. She occasionally dropped a plate or some silverware into the dishwasher, but the sight of her husband so conscientiously completing the chores was too alluring. Deliciously casual in dark khaki shorts and a white t-shirt, he moved with purpose and pretended to ignore his wife's desirous gaze.

"S'cuse me." He held up two serving spoons. "Didn't use these. They can go in the drawer."

Olivia grabbed the utensils and most of his hand, put her glass aside, and kissed him. She was aggressive and held him by the waist and the back of his head. "I'm tired of watching you," she said breathlessly.

Ed half-carried her to the bedroom. Now here they were, sweaty, grunting, Ed getting lost in her, and Olivia raising her hips to meet his, doing everything she could to make up for her husband's timidity.

She was working too hard. Ed had to make a decision. He lifted his head and scoped out the area where he'd inadvertently elbowed her. The tiny bruise had faded; the bump was gone. And he was in danger of leaving his wife not quite satisfied.

Can't have that.

" _Yes, Ed, baby, yes_!"

Minutes later, recovering and half-draped on top of her, Ed whispered, "Y'okay?"

Olivia murmured, " _Mmmmm_ ," and ran her fingertips all over his head. The fingers on her other hand were intertwined with his, in a fist resting on her chest. " _Edddd_ ," she drawled. "God, you're good at this."

He managed a soft chuckle. "Thank you. But I told ya before, someone as gorgeous as you, as perfect as you are, Olivia Margaret, I gotta be good."

"You're perfect."

"I gotta be perfect."

Olivia eyed his back, the curvature of his bare behind, his hamstrings, calves, and the soles of his feet. He was well into his fifties, but there was nothing late-fifties about his body. "Oh you are," she said.

"I'm gonna fall asleep," he mumbled into her neck.

"I'll be right here when you wake up."

"You're not gonna sleep?"

"I am," Olivia said.

"I like watching you sleep," He mumbled into her skin. Seconds later Ed's body shook with laughter, "That sounded a little creepy."

"No it didn't."

"Ah, c'mon."

"Okay…maybe a little…"

…

Either due to Justin's influence or to the unfamiliar bed, Sarah woke up before the sun rose Sunday morning. She tried to force herself back to sleep, but her efforts were to no avail. In the other queen bed, Aidan was dead to the world, his covers pulled up and over his head.

Using her phone's flashlight, she found her shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops. She quickly dressed and headed down to the hotel bar where employees were readying for the brunch rush. A kind server brought a French press and Sarah sipped coffee while paging through the _USA Today_. She waited until sunrise to call Justin.

" _Omigod_ I miss you," she said, disregarding preliminaries.

"Miss you too," Justin said, his voice full of sleep. He cleared his throat and continued, "But your pillow smells like your shampoo."

"Are you cuddled up with it?" Sarah was grinning.

"Yeah."

"Tonight you'll be cuddled up with me."

"Mmmhmm."

"What are you doing today?"

"Gonna go hang out with my mom for a lil' bit."

"Oh, that'll be nice. Tell her hi for me."

"I will. What time's your train?"

"We get in around five."

"How was last night?"

"It was good. I, uh, please don't tell anyone else this, but I let him hang out with his friends for a couple hours."

" _Wow_ …"

Sarah argued her case, echoing last night's thoughts. Aidan was a teenager hanging out with other teenagers. He was a good kid and always abided by Brooke's and Sarah's rules. He deserved some independence, even in a different city.

"Yeah, uh, that makes sense…and better to do that then stay there and maybe get busted."

"I'll be happy to have a teenager of my own," Sarah joked, "That way we'll say no and they'll lie and we'll catch them…you know…"

"Much easier than being part sister-part parent."

" _Thank you_!" Sarah gulped the rest of her first cup of coffee. "Well, I'll let ya go and get started with your day."

"I'm gonna go for a run before it gets too hot."

"I wanna play more basketball."

"We'll do that tomorrow morning."

"Okay."

"Love you, Sare."

Sarah nearly fell off the bar stool. Justin's _I love yous_ were so sincere they were dizzying.

"Sare?"

"Sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"You make me feel drunk."

Justin laughed. "Uh…thank you?"

"Yes. You're welcome. And I love you too."

…..

The errands were only for wipes, the Labor Day hot dogs and ground beef, and bakery buns. Olivia was away for under an hour, and she arrived back home to shouts and giggles coming from the master bathroom.

Slack-jawed, she stood in the doorway. It took a couple minutes for anyone to notice her presence.

A combination of the jets and an overabundance of bubble bath had created a five-foot-tall sudsy mass in which Noah repeatedly hid and burst through. He yelled "PEEKABOO!" each time he emerged, sending Maggie and Wyatt into fits of giggles. The twins' reaction was priceless—startled, they briefly shook their heads and shoulders, then froze, then collapsed into each other, toppled by their own laughter.

Ed, his back to the door, filmed the hilarity.

Maggie spotted Olivia first.

"MA!" She bellowed and pointed to the tub, "NO!"

"I see, sweet girl."

Ed pivoted and pointed the camera at Olivia, narrating, "And here's Mommy who is probably wondering how, in an hour, things got so out of control."

"MOMMY!" Noah poked his head out, "I HAVE A BUBBLE HOUSE!"

Through her laughter, Olivia inquired about its origins.

Weekend bath time was usually held in the larger Jacuzzi tub, and after breakfast Ed sent Noah to start the water. This was a new "job" of his, and he was well schooled in determining the proper temperature before plugging the drain. He also knew he was not to get in the tub until either Ed or Olivia was present. By the time Ed stripped the twins down to their diapers and joined him, the bubbles had grown to reach the faucet. The expression on Noah's face was a combination of awe and trepidation.

 _What will Daddy say_?

Any fears Noah had about getting in trouble instantly disappeared. Ed not only grinned and plopped Noah in the tub, but suggested they see how high they could get the bubbles to go before the water breached the edges.

"I guess, ah, we gotta clear this out to get the twins in," Ed mumbled sheepishly.

Olivia kissed his cheek and asked Noah if he could do with half a bubble house. They carved out part of the house which led to its eventual implosion.

"You getted it on video, right Daddy?" Noah asked.

"Sure did, bud."

"Good," Noah said, "Cause I _gotta_ show Sare Bear! She prolly gonna want a bubble house too!"

…

The Amtrak train hurtled north and Sarah waited until Philadelphia before she asked Aidan about his relationship with Blake. She began with a few innocent questions then made the observation that Aidan seemed to be better friends with the older brother than he was with Elijah, who was Aidan's age.

"I'm cool with both of them," he said, "But I really wanna learn guitar…"

"Did you get a chance to play last night at the party?"

"Nah, just listened."

"Why don't you buy a guitar? You must have some money saved up from working."

"Definitely gonna do that. Blake said they're playing in New York in December and if I get really good, I could sit in for a couple songs."

A sick feeling roiled Sarah's stomach. Somebody was going to have to have an awkward conversation with Aidan sooner rather than later. "That would be really cool," she said. "Just, um, don't be surprised if Blake doesn't want to…hang out…afterwards."

Aidan screwed up his face. "Why not?"

Sarah massaged her forehead and stared out the window. Little by little she'd opened the door into Aidan's private life and there was no going back now. Someone needed to have this talk with him, and Sarah figured it was better coming from her rather than Brooke. If it didn't go well, at least Aidan could seethe at Sarah from a distance.

…..

Justin arranged the multicolored gerberas in a clear glass vase and set the bouquet in the middle of the island. Sarah had escorted Aidan back to Brooklyn and was on her way home. Even though their separation hadn't lasted quite two days, he felt like they'd been apart for weeks. Judging by the ferocity of the hug Sarah gave him seconds after she entered the apartment, she felt the same way.

"Omigod! _Flowers_? You are the absolute best!"

"Kinda an ugly day out there," Justin said, "Thought these would help."

"They do," Sarah replied, "I think the storms followed us from D.C."

"Everything go okay?"

"Yes. I don't think Aidan hates me too much."

"So you did talk to him."

"Yeah, on the train of all places so we couldn't escape each other," She forced a sardonic chuckle, "I actually was going to leave everything alone—he was on time last night and wasn't drunk and even wanted to do a little sightseeing before we left today—but then, on the train, he told me Blake was coming to New York to play later this year and, well, I took one for the team so Brookey didn't have to."

" _Shit_."

In the coming days Sarah would tell the story to Olivia and Ed and nobody envied her.

"I was totally beating around the bush and I finally told him I saw them in the water. He got super red and kinda shut down for a few minutes so of course I told him I didn't care and blah blah blah but he's sixteen and this dude _will be twenty_ in December and we were kinda at a point where we understood each other until I went too far."

Sarah chewed on her nail.

"How far?" Justin asked.

"I sorta, well, I suggested, no, I _warned_ Aidan about Blake using him and how they're in two different worlds right now…and that pissed him off."

"But you're right."

Relieved to have an ally, Sarah smiled, " _Thank you_. So, long story short, we said about three words to each other the rest of the way, I didn't even go in to say hi to Brooke, and here I am."

Justin put his arms around her waist. "Right where ya belong."

…

While Ed prepared dinner, Olivia cut the tags off Noah's new school shorts and collared shirts. Unlike preschoolers, Kindergarteners were required to adhere to the Lower School's dress code—solid white, navy, or light blue shirts and tan or navy slacks or shorts with a solid color belt. Both Olivia and Noah were a little disappointed at the lack of options, but it did make shopping easier. Noah had more latitude with footwear, and he brought home two new pairs—dark brown Sperrys and neon green Nikes.

"How ya doin with all this?"

Olivia had been lost in her thoughts and Ed's presence startled her. She stammered a few unintelligible sounds, tucked her hair behind her ears, and said she was fine.

A knowing smirk formed on Ed's face. He kissed her cheek and gave her an estimate of twenty minutes for dinner. He sat on the couch and watched the three kids play together. Now that the twins were older, he wondered how they would adjust to their brother being gone most of the day. Maggie and Wyatt adored Noah; no matter what they played, they always gravitated to him. Even when Noah chose to hang out in his beanbag and draw or read, Maggie and Wyatt would bring their toys to wherever he'd set up, usually in front of the large windows.

Later that night after Maggie had finally fallen asleep, Olivia and Ed cuddled together on the couch. The television was off and the lights were dimmed. They spoke in hushed voices and played with one another's fingers.

"One more day of summer," Olivia said.

"And a rainy one at that."

"Hopefully we'll at least be able to use the grill."

"We will."

"I know…preschool was like real school," Olivia said, "But Kindergarten…is a little bittersweet."

Ed kissed the side of her head. "I think every first day of school will be a little tough. It's a glaring reminder they're growin' up."

"I'll be a mess when it's Maggie and Wyatt's turn."

"Still got a while for that," Ed assured her. "But, I can picture it now…Maggie's prolly gonna run right in and Wyatt'll be clinging to our legs."

"I might take him right back home."

Rain pelted the windows as if to emphasize Olivia's melancholy remark, and Ed held her more securely. "Ah," he said, "We'll mope together."

"Promise?"

"Absolutely."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	72. Chapter 72

**Seventy-two**.

The Kindergarten classrooms at Noah's school were no more than fifty feet from the preschool wing, but Olivia felt like she was on a completely different planet. Everything seemed monumentally bigger—the cubbies, the classrooms, the tables and chairs. The teachers and their aides appeared taller and more rigid. The posters and wall decorations screamed of routine—line up routine, getting silent routine, rug routine…washing your hands routine.

Clutching Ed's hand, Olivia took a deep breath and observed Noah skip into his new environment. As they cuddled in bed before dawn, both parents predicted a seamless first day. Other than the new grade and classroom, nothing else was unfamiliar to their son. Besides, he liked school.

This year Noah had been placed in Mr. Bradshaw's class. The male teacher pleased Olivia and made Ed slightly suspicious. When they first met him during summer orientation, the young teacher introduced himself as "Mr. B." and impressed everyone with his enthusiasm and optimism.

Everyone, that was, except for Ed.

"I've never heard of a guy teaching kindergarten," he muttered to his wife.

Olivia insisted it was a refreshing change from the norm, and Ed dropped the subject, at least verbally.

Ed and Olivia each held a twin and stood off to the side among the other parents, none of whom wanted to be first to leave. Noah found his assigned seat, his cubby and coat hook, and a second cubby which, to his delight, was designated solely for art supplies. Mr. B. announced their day would begin in a few minutes and invited parents to say their goodbyes.

"Have a good day, bud," Ed patted Noah's head then lowered Wyatt so he could give his brother a kiss.

Olivia did the same thing with Maggie, then put her daughter on her feet so she could give Noah her full attention. She hugged him tightly and told him how much she loved him and that she was so proud to be his Mommy. Noah smiled and squeezed her neck.

"Love you Mommy," he said, " _I'm_ proud ta be _your_ Noah!" Clearly amused by his clever remark, Noah threw his head back and giggled.

Ed kept one eye on his wife and another on Maggie who, set free, wasted no time inserting herself into the Kindergarten class. She toddled toward the front of the room and the inviting, bright blue shag rug where the pupils would begin the morning with story time and Mr. B's version of Miss Brynn's morning meeting.

Olivia had been fighting back tears but quickly burst into laughter as Maggie plopped herself on the rug and helped herself to a board book.

"Looks like we have someone starting school early," Mr. B remarked and lowered to a crouch, "Hi there."

"Book!" Maggie bellowed.

"That's right!" Mr. B craned his neck around and pointed to another object. "What's that?"

"Ball!"

When Noah saw what was happening, he ran over. "Small sister! You gonna stay in Kindergarten with me?"

"This is your sister, Noah?" Mr. B. asked.

"Yep! My small sister. Dis Maggie. I have big sisters, too. Dey Brookey and Sare Bear. And over there with Daddy, that's brother."

Mr. B. opened his eyes wide and nodded. "Wow, you have a lot of people in your family!"

"Yep! And there's Gramma Care-line, and Sonny, and Justy, too!"

"Well, you're going to have a lot to write about for our first project. It's all about our families."

"No! NoNoNo!"

Noah smiled at Maggie and hugged her. "Gotta go now, Maggs! You go with Mommy and Daddy and Wyatt. I'll see ya later! You pick me up!"

Maggie recognized a separation was imminent. She scrambled to her feet and bounced up and down, her little fists swatting at Noah's chest. Olivia came over and picked her up, but Maggie flailed about, futilely reaching for her brother. Before she burst into a complete tantrum, Olivia rushed out of the classroom followed by Ed and Wyatt. The cavernous hallways amplified Maggie's cries and Olivia apologetically regarded onlookers as she half-jogged toward the exit.

Outside, the Tuckers nearly collided with Mia and her mother.

"Hi Babies! Hi Ed! Hi 'Livia!" Untroubled by her tardiness, Mia did a little dance, complete with a twirl and a plie. After, she swatted strands of hair away from her face and blew a stream of air as if she'd completed the most strenuous of workouts.

"Hey there, Mia! Happy first day of school!" Olivia was still wrestling with Maggie, so her voice was strained. Mia hugged Olivia's legs and asked why Maggie was sad.

"She wanted to stay in Kindergarten."

Mia laughed, "Maggs! You too little!"

" _Mia_ ," her mother snapped, "We're late, let's go."

"Is she in Mr. Bradshaw's class?" Olivia asked.

Mia's mother fumbled around in her purse and produced a crumpled piece of the school's stationery. "Yes, Bradshaw. Room 101-C."

Ed gave directions. "Straight down the hall and to the right."

"Thanks," she replied with the most genuine smile Ed and Olivia had ever seen on her face, "Sorry we have to run. I'm not sure if we're going to last much longer here. We may need to enroll her in a school out near my stables." With that, Mia's mother grabbed her daughter by the hand. "But we'll give it until December."

Both Olivia and Ed mumbled trivial replies. After they disappeared into the school, Ed steeled himself for Olivia's horrified expression. Sure enough, she turned to him with dread in her eyes.

"His best friend…" Olivia murmured.

Ed slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. "Let's hope things change by December," he said reassuringly, "It'll be okay."

Olivia leaned into him. "What would I do without you?"

"You'll never have to know."

…..

In the spacious elevator of a Midtown high rise, Sarah shoved Justin into a corner and aggressively, almost violently, kissed him. Her bag, which had been dropped to the floor, contained the purchase agreement she'd signed minutes ago. As long as appraisals and inspections went well, they would have the keys to their new home in a few weeks.

Sarah groaned when the car came to a stop before they hit the Lobby Level. She'd intended to make out with Justin for every second of their sixty-three floor descent. Not only was she thrilled to complete this step in the buying process, but Justin proved he truly was comfortable with everything. Since he wasn't actually purchasing the apartment in conjunction with Sarah, his presence at meetings like this wasn't necessary, but Sarah wanted him there and he obliged. Sarah unabashedly introduced him as her boyfriend, so there was an unspoken understanding between her, the lawyers, and the agents that Justin wouldn't be signing any of the documents.

In the presence of others, Sarah shouldered her bag and settled for holding Justin's hand. She spoke in a hushed voice.

"Lunch before I go back to work? Or…maybe I won't go back. I wanna celebrate."

"I have to go in in a couple hours," Justin said, "Celebrate tomorrow? Oh, wait, I have class."

"And I have to get Noey after school. Thursday night?"

"It's a date."

Sarah faced him and touched her index finger to his chin. "Our dates are the best."

He grinned at her and gazed into her wide blue eyes. They were simultaneously innocent yet full of desire; the look was uniquely hers. Justin had never seen a pair of eyes put forth anything close to that type of emotion. There was no question she loved him wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Despite the company, he gave her a peck on the lips. "Call me before ya go to sleep?"

It was an unnecessary request. Whenever Justin worked an overnight shift Sarah called him before she went to bed. "Yes," she answered, "But if you're in the middle of saving a life, don't pick up."

"Okay."

"I'm only willing to share you with a select group of people."

On the street Sarah removed her blazer and draped it over a forearm. "Gawwwd is it ever going to cool off? There should be a rule. When school starts, temps need to automatically drop to the sixties."

"Somebody's gotta be able to make that happen."

" _Right_?" As they approached the subway steps, Sarah pulled Justin aside, into the shade provided by the buildings. "Have a good rest of your day," she said, her voice tinged with gloom.

"You too." He leaned down to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love _you_." Sarah sighed, "I better go. I don't really feel like working, but I do feel like being in air conditioning."

"I hope your office is super cold."

" _Thank you_! Do they have space air conditioners? Like they have space heaters?"

"I think they're called fans."

Sarah giggled. "You're so smart." She kissed him again. "I'll see ya later." She slapped his backside and shot him a sassy smirk before descending the subway steps.

…..

Olivia's head still wasn't clear of her parental first-day-of-school jitters when she sat down at her desk later that morning. The detectives moved in and out of her office; they were working multiple cases and had been inundated with calls since last Friday. She and Rollins divided the administrative workload, and, by lunch, everyone was fanned out at various spots all over the city interviewing witnesses and scouring for evidence.

She and Fin had just finished a canvass in Washington Heights when her phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number and Olivia picked up, barking her usual and robotic "Benson." Fin side-eyed her as they drove back downtown; she was doing more listening than talking which indicated this probably wasn't another SVU call. After a few minutes she hung up and fell silent. She stared pensively at the passing streetscape, and when Fin asked about the call, his voice startled her, almost like she was shocked to find someone else in the SUV with her.

"It was…my agent. For the book."

"Everything alright?"

"Yes."

She allowed herself to smile. The book had been marketed to a limited, regional audience, but presale numbers were so strong the publisher decided to double the amount of hard copies printed and to move the release date up by a month. Previews of the book had been available electronically, and word had apparently spread that this first-time author's memoir was a must-read.

"Sure?"

"Very alright," Olivia replied. She wanted Ed to be the first to hear the good news and offered no additional information.

….

At approximately two-thirty that afternoon, news nobody ever wants to hear or read flooded smart phones, computers, and television screens across the city and, eventually, the entire nation.

A shooter had opened fire at an East Village middle school as its students and teachers were wrapping up their first day back. Early reports used words like "massacre" and "bloodshed" though, in the chaos and confusion, nobody could report actual numbers of killed or injured. Once the scene was secure and the shooter in custody, students were ushered to a nearby elementary school to be released to their parents.

The squad watched the news coverage in the media room. Despite confirming Ed, Noah, and the twins were safely on their way home, Olivia could only endure a few minutes of the live reporting before she left.

"Guys, I have to go," she muttered.

Everyone nodded. No further explanation was needed.

Fin turned to Rollins. "Go ahead and go," he said.

"Why?"

"You don't wanna be with Jesse right now?" Carisi asked.

"She's with the nanny. She's fine. This is isolated. Horrific, but isolated. It's not like there's a serial killer out there stalking kids. And I guarantee you, with my overprotective nanny? She may not let _me_ inside."

The men shrugged and remained fixated on the screen. First responders were still rushing in and out of the school and to and from ambulances and hastily-constructed triage tents. An ATF spokesman gave a terse, vague update of "several" wounded, "many" with life-threatening injuries and relayed the grim news that there were five confirmed fatalities.

"Aw, man," Carisi said. He turned away and went back to his desk.

"Damn," Fin mumbled.

Rollins and Fletcher both stood with their hands on their hips. Rollins had taken a liking to the young detective. He could be overzealous and annoyingly idealistic, but he also had a practical streak. Carisi's heartstrings had been tugged. Fin's pessimistic world view only gained more ammunition. Rollins and Fletcher shook their heads, acknowledged the tragedy, and soldiered on.

"C'mon Fletch," Rollins said, "Shift change at that diner uptown. Our guy should be reporting for duty."

….

Olivia burst through the apartment door and ran into the living room ready to break down but her kids' cheerful greetings made it easy to momentarily pull herself together. Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt ran to her and she knelt to hug all three at once. Ed trailed behind them and he and Olivia locked devastated eyes as she kissed the three little heads.

"How was your first day, Noah?"

"Fun! We did paints and reading and math. Math was _hard_!"

"And he has homework," Ed muttered.

"Homework is practice," Olivia said, "And practice helps you get really good."

"Yep! I practice soccer and basketball and I got really good!"

"Same thing with math."

"Hey, No, why don't ya start your homework?" Ed suggested, "Then later we can go out and play a little…won't be so hot."

"Kay Daddy!"

Ed made sure the twins were confined to their gated play area and Noah had everything he needed to complete his assignment. He took Olivia's elbow and led her to the bedroom.

She collapsed into him, quietly sobbing, careful not to alarm the innocent Kindergartener working on two-digit addition problems in the other room. Ed walked her to the bathroom and closed the door so she could let loose and cry like he knew she needed to. Seconds later, his shirt was soaked. Her face was buried so firmly into his chest he worried about her air supply, but when he tried to give her a half-arm's length to catch her breath, she resisted.

Ed kissed the top of her head and rocked her back and forth. "I know," he whispered. "I know."

"How are we ever supposed to let them out of our sight? Or even…out of our _home_?"

Ed didn't have an answer, but Olivia didn't need one. Both knew, with time, they would recover from being smacked in the face with _this could happen to you_. However, in the time it had taken for Olivia to travel from the precinct to the apartment, the confirmed death toll had doubled.

And they were all children.

"Daddy!" Noah shouted from the living room, "Maggs is tryin' ta climb!"

Olivia took a step backward. Ed swiped his thumbs under each of her eyes and wiped the drops of makeup on a hand towel.

"Be right there bud!" He kissed Olivia's forehead, cheeks, and finally, her lips. "I love you, Liv." Her chin trembled and she looked like she was going to burst into a round of fresh tears. "Hey, hey," he wrapped her in another tight embrace. "We're all right here. We're all safe. Why dontcha change and we'll help Noah with some _hard math_? Make dinner? Hang out on the couch?"

She sniffled and nodded. "I think that's exactly what I need."

"Good." He kissed her again and stared intently into her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you."

" _Daddy_!"

Ed tried and succeeded to coax a tiny smile from Olivia with one of his smirks. "I'm gonna get out there," he said. "To relieve the babysitter."

"He's such a good boy."

"He gets it from his mother."

…

Even though she knew he wouldn't answer, Sarah called. She called twice in a row, waited a few minutes, called again, waited ten minutes, called a fourth, fifth, and sixth time. Finally, she left Justin a voicemail.

"Hey sweetie. I…I…" Sarah closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She had only seen Justin on the job once-the night he brought her to Olivia, but she doubted he was as calm now as he was then. "I want you to know I haven't stopped thinking about you and I love you and when you get a chance, call me or come home. Okay?" She started to choke up and paused. "I love you."

She placed her phone on her desk and stared out into Battery Park. Crowds milled about. The lines for Liberty Cruises snaked along the blacktop; from her vantage point the people appeared as one multicolored, faceless mass. Almost all of them must have learned about the slaughter that had occurred less than two miles away, but there they stood, unaffected, waiting to pass through the metal detectors and board the workaday tourist boat.

 _Bzzzt! Bzzzt_!

Sarah immediately felt guilty. Brooke was calling and, seeing her picture pop up on screen rather than Justin's, Sarah groaned. She answered on speaker.

"Hey."

"What's going on down there?" Brooke asked.

"Nothing. It was in the East Village."

" _Shit_."

"I know."

"Is Justin there?"

"He must be."

"Oh God," Brooke agonized, "Sare, it's bad. Every time they come on to give an update…there's more—"

Sarah only half-listened and pulled up a local news feed on her laptop in time to see the latest update. "Fuck," she said, her head in her hands. "Shit. Have you talked to Livvie?"

"Yes. She's fine. At home with Dad and the kids."

"Where's Aidan?"

"Here with me. We're both a little shell shocked."

"They city's shell shocked," Sarah said, "Except for the people going to the statue. They aren't. They're not gonna lose those tickets. _Gawwwd_ , I wish Justin would call. I mean, he's not hurt, but he's gonna be _hurt_ , ya know?"

"I know."

"Brookey?"

Sarah sounded eerily like Noah.

"Hmm?"

"Why do people do this?"

"I don't know, Sare. There isn't a reason. At least…no good reason."

Sarah swiveled around in her chair to face the window again and she caught sight of the stapled purchase agreement poking out of her bag. The document represented a major milestone in her life and in her relationship with Justin, and it sickened her that whatever he was witnessing in the aftermath of the shooting would leave an indelible blot on his soul. For the rest of their lives, this day would be one to be forgotten rather than celebrated, and Sarah immediately worried he would forever connect their new apartment with the carnage he'd witnessed.

…..

The next morning, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt munched on their breakfasts. The twins were in their high chairs facing Noah. He jabbered away and Maggie and Wyatt reciprocated as much as possible; it was only a matter of time before the Tucker children would be able to engage in boisterous mealtime banter. The morning progressed normally—Maggie awoke first, followed by Noah, then Wyatt, the family sleepyhead. After he ate, Noah brushed his teeth and dressed himself as best he could. Olivia helped him tuck in his shirt and tighten his belt. Noah slapped a small amount of hair gel into his hand and rubbed it in his hair.

"What are you doing, sweet boy?"

"Sare Bear show me dis," he said, "An' she pickin' me up t'day."

"Oh…that's right. It's Wednesday."

"Yes," Ed passed behind her and kissed the back of her head. "Wednesday."

"I want to stay home," Olivia said, sounding miserable. "Oh, _damn_."

Perhaps because he was concentrating on his hair, Noah either didn't hear or let the bad word slide.

"What is it?" Ed asked.

"I totally forgot…yesterday, _before_ ," Olivia took a deep breath. "I got a call…the book's presales are off the charts. They're ordering more copies printed. And I'm going one of the morning shows. Not local, a big one, like CNN or Fox or NBC or something. I'm supposed to meet with them today. And I am completely drawing a blank about when and where."

Ed gripped her shoulders. " _Liv_ ," he said with a smile, "That's _amazing_ , baby. Congratulations. _Wow_."

Olivia managed a smile, "Yeah…apparently…the masses like it."

"I knew they would."

"So I better figure out where I'm supposed to be today," she said. Life had returned to her voice and she was starting to sound like her regular self. But then Noah came out of his bedroom, dressed and ready for school, backpack and everything, and the terror returned to her eyes.

"No, those colored pencils you wanted for today are on the table by the TV," Ed said hurriedly, "Why dontcha put 'em in your bag and then we'll go."

"Kay Daddy!"

Ed turned back to Olivia. "I will stay outside his classroom all day if ya want me to."

Olivia smiled weakly. "They won't let you do that."

"But ya want me to."

"I want," she said, "To _sit_ next to him the entire day."

Unfortunately, given yesterday's tragedy, any guarantee Noah would be completely safe or that everything would be okay would have sounded silly and insincere. So Ed held her for a few minutes in the same fashion he'd held her as she'd slept the night before and would continue to hold her until she was no longer scared.

"Tell me what's goin' on with the book," he said softly, "Particularly…when you're gonna be on TV. I _love_ seeing you on TV."

"Would you rather see me on TV or be there when it's filmed?"

"You want me to be there, all ya need to do is say the word, and that's where I'll be."

"I want you and the kids there."

"Done."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	73. Chapter 73

**Seventy-three**.

Noah missed his first Monday morning of Kindergarten to watch his mother interviewed on live television by two of cable news' most renowned and well-known journalists. A few feet off set, Ed and Noah stood side-by-side. Ed alternated crossing his arms and shoving his hands in his pockets. Noah bounced back and forth from his heels to his tiptoes. While Ed remained laser-focused on his wife, Noah took in the entirety of the experience. In between glances at his mother, he marveled at the cameras, the lights, and the efficiency with which people moved in response to instructions barked by a harried director.

The interview began with a brief reading from the first chapter, followed by a question-and-answer session about how the idea for the book came about and Olivia's early history as a police officer. Olivia managed to get in some familiar talking points; she stressed that a combination of education, zero-tolerance, and funding could significantly reduce the need for jobs like hers. Ed wore a proud smirk as she got into her wheelhouse—her voice grew firmer, she looked into the camera, and she waved her hands around, punctuating her points.

Then the segment veered to her family, and it didn't take long for her to choke up. Noah saw his Daddy take a slight step forward and twitch his shoulders. He instinctively put his arm out to "stop" Ed from running toward Olivia.

Father smirked at son.

Ed swore Noah winked at him.

"All working moms know," Olivia said, her voice growing higher and higher in pitch, "How difficult it is…how even an extra hour spent away from your children and husband seems like days. But I like to think, and my husband has helped me believe—" her eyes drifted briefly in Ed's direction, "—I'm making their future safer and more peaceful by the work I do. And he's very persuasive." She grinned and blushed.

"And the two of you didn't get along at first?"

"We worked in different orbits," Olivia said, "But we found each other. And that's what's important. I have a few regrets, but not one related to my husband or my children."

"We met your son earlier," the older of the two interviewers said as a photo of the three Tucker children was projected on a monitor behind them. "And here are all three—almost six and sixteen months!"

Everyone paused and admired Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Olivia had chosen one of her favorite informal snaps—the twins piled into Noah's lap. They grinned for the camera and Noah looked pleasantly overwhelmed.

"What do you plan to do later on? After your career's come to an end?"

Ed expected Olivia to hesitate, but she didn't.

"I think I'll take some time and do nothing but be a wife and a mother," she said, "You know, PTA meetings and volunteering at the school and seeing my babies discover the world," Olivia wistfully peered into the lights. "I'm looking forward to that. But I also know, I'll continue my career …in one fashion or another."

They congratulated Olivia and heaped more praise upon her work. When the producers signaled they were no longer on air, both Ed and Noah jumped as everyone instantly flipped to their off-screen personas. Postures relaxed. Voices got louder. The next guest was ushered on stage, and Olivia strode over to her husband and son.

Beaming with pride and admiration, Ed gave her a hearty kiss. "You were fantastic," he said, "Absolutely phenomenal."

"Thank you."

"Good job, Mommy!" Noah grabbed her hand excitedly, "You're on TV!"

"Yes, sweet boy," she kissed Noah and soaked up his hug before turning back to Ed. "Was I talking too fast?"

"No. You were perfect."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief.

"So perfect," Ed continued.

Olivia looked around. "I think...we're done here. Want to get a little snack before you go back to school, sweet boy?"

"Yep!"

Ed grabbed Noah's hand and slid an arm around Olivia's waist. He leaned over and whispered, "And you're not going in til later, right?"

Eyebrow cocked, she replied, "Right."

…..

With an exaggerated groan, Sarah propelled herself from the couch to her feet. She opted to go in late so she could watch Olivia's interview uninterrupted at home, and it was time for her to depart.

"She was really good," Justin said. Shirtless, he reclined into the spot she vacated and covered himself with one of the throw blankets. "Somethin' about the way she speaks…it's like there's this passion nobody else could ever have."

"I _know_ ," Sarah said, "I love her."

"You think she'll hang it up soon?"

"No. I can't imagine her not being Lieutenant Benson."

"But it's gotta wear on her."

Sarah opened her eyes wide, sat back down on the edge of the cushion and put a palm on Justin's chest. It had been almost a week since the school shooting, and, for the most part, the city was going back to normal. The first of the victims' funerals had been held over the weekend, but the press had honored the families' requests for privacy. The makeshift memorial outside of the school had been downsized. After tomorrow, the nightly vigils would be reduced to monthly. Lawmakers vociferously called, once again, for more aggressive gun-control legislation, but that, too, would die down in the coming weeks and months. The shooting would fade for everyone but those who had been directly impacted—the school, the families and friends of those wounded and killed, and the emergency personnel who rushed to the scene on that fateful day.

Sarah cupped one of Justin's cheeks. He hadn't traveled much farther than the kitchen since arriving home on the evening of the shooting. Initially he pretended to be unaffected, but Sarah wasn't fooled and he finally broke down in her arms and described the gruesome scene.

"I'm tryin' to keep this kid alive…" he said in a choked voice, "Right next to another kid who didn't make it…"

The next day he went to see his mother. They went to church and he met with the parish priest at her behest. As the week went on, some cheer returned to his mien, but he shied away from anything more social than thanking food deliverymen and small talk with Sarah. She rushed home from work promptly at five o'clock each day regardless of whether or not she was at a logical stopping point and consistently found Justin on the couch with a book. Seeing her, he smiled, sat up, and waited patiently for her to change clothes and join him. They spent the evenings watching old comedies. Sarah drank wine and offered to make Justin a cocktail or serve him a beer, but he declined. To Sarah's surprise, he had no trouble sleeping, but he insisted on holding her close. Most nights, they shared a pillow.

Now, almost a week later, Sarah was still content to let him recover at his own pace; however, the long-term implications worried her, and she felt guilty about being worried.

"Is it wearing on you?" She asked.

"I want it outta my head," Justin said in a voice slightly louder than a whisper. "But I don't at the same time. Like it's…the ones who died…like they shouldn't be forgotten so easy…they deserve…more than that." Justin grimaced and tried to look away, but Sarah wouldn't let him.

"You're probably never going to forget it," Sarah said, trying her best to channel Olivia, "But…your work…you can honor them through that, right? Unless…you don't want to go back?"

He managed a genuine smile. "Well, I can't live the rest of my life on this couch."

"Sure you can," she saw an opening to mention their future. "We'll move it with you on it. No problem. You won't mind a little shrink wrap right? That way you won't fall off? They'll carry you like a king."

"Know what that's called? When a king was carried like that?"

"No."

"A litter."

" _Litter_? Like…a litter box?"

"Yep, but different definition. And there are other names, but I always remember that because it's weird…"

"It's very weird. As are litter _boxes_." Sarah leaned down and kissed him. "It's good to see you smile."

He blinked and twirled a section of her hair. "Wanna maybe play basketball tonight?"

"I'd love to."

"And you can't let me win 'cause I'm a little bummed out."

"Okay. You can let me win if you want."

"Ah," he sat up and pressed his forehead to hers, "You don't wanna win like that."

"You know me like we've been together forever," Sarah said. "Am I _that_ easy to read?"

"No. It's that I pay really close attention to you," he gave her two quick kisses, "Because I love you. I love you so much, Sare."

His typical sincerity was even more intense, and Sarah had trouble fighting back tears. They glistened in her blue eyes, and she apologized. If there was one thing Justin didn't need, it was his girlfriend succumbing to emotion. She steeled her jaw and vowed to be Justin's rock for as long as he needed.

…..

"Olivia. Margaret. You. Are. Goddam. Perfection."

Through pursed lips Olivia released a long breath. It caused a faint whistle, and she felt Ed smirk into her neck. She had been intending to go to work for a few hours that afternoon, but she was tempted to blow it off and spend the hours between now and Noah's school pickup in bed with her ravenous husband. They had no sooner unlocked their door when Ed relieved Olivia of her bag, tugged off her blazer, and backed her against the closet doors. From there they jostled one another into the living room, hurling clothes in every direction, laughing, teasing, almost taunting one another. They kicked the kids' toys out of the way, wondered aloud if it was maybe a little wrong they were _doing it_ in the vicinity of the play mat and Baby Einstein toys and twin-sized beanbags and the easel, but Ed insisted it was okay, he wanted the view, he wanted to make love to her in front of the wide-open, floor-to-ceiling windows, those windows were why they bought the place, and even though it was unlikely anyone would see them he didn't care because he wanted to brag and boast and flaunt to anyone and everyone that his wife was _the_ fascinating, revered Lieutenant who wrote a book and had been on television that morning and who was already getting calls and texts for more media spots.

It was playful. Fun. Exciting. They giggled. Both of them. Ed Tucker _giggled_. The sound made Olivia break into hearty laughter and Ed pretended to be offended. By this time they were in the bedroom and Olivia, exaggeratedly contrite, rose to her knees and tilted her head to the side.

"Uh-oh," she intoned, "Captain Tucker's… _displeased_ …" She moved closer and hovered over him and pondered aloud, "What…to do…to make it up to him?"

" _Liv_ …"

" _Shhh_."

"This," he gasped, "Is…supposed to be…" He inhaled a sharp breath, "…me congratulating _you_."

"I've been congratulated. And now—" she started trailing kisses down his chest, "—I want you…to be quiet…" she looked up at him seductively, "…and enjoy yourself."

By the time Ed uttered the "perfection" line, they were sated, spent, barely able to muster energy to do anything other than lie side by side staring at one another, absorbed in their mutual infatuation.

"I hope it doesn't sound condescending," he said, "But I am so proud of you. And…a little bit proud of myself, too, I guess."

"Be proud of us," Olivia said.

"Exactly."

Olivia eyed Ed's inscribed copy of her book sitting on his nightstand. Unbeknownst to him, there were fourteen chapters rather than thirteen, and she was impatiently waiting for him to get there. She hinted at a surprise, but he assumed it was the opening dedication. After a heartfelt message to victims and survivors, she wrote a brief note to her family.

 _For my children-before I knew you, I was working so your lives could be enjoyed to their fullest potential. And For my husband, and the most unexpected yet eternally treasured gift I've ever received. I love you._

She had written notes specifically addressed to each child and Ed, but the editor gently suggested she put those in the _Acknowledgements_ section at the end. Ed hadn't read that yet, either.

"You're actually reading the whole thing…all over again?" She asked.

"Yeah. I want the total experience…wanna turn each page." He touched her lips with two fingers. "I hear your voice. I love that voice."

Olivia narrowed her eyes, "You know, I never felt comfortable like this before you."

"What?" Ed asked, a jesting twinkle in his eye, "Naked?"

" _No_ ," Olivia replied, "So…under scrutiny. But, good scrutiny."

"That's called admiration." Ed shrugged a shoulder and grinned, "Maybe a little bit of obsession mixed in. I really have always been kinda obsessed with ya, Liv. Even when things weren't good between us. I always wondered about you after…those times."

"Wondered about what?"

"You. What you…did when you weren't bein' a cop. What you liked, who you were."

"I _was_ a cop. End of story."

"Such a cop," Ed smirked and touched his thumb to her face. The skin around his eyes crinkled as his smirk turned into a smile. "We're always gonna be cops, Liv."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Nah. Not at all. I like it. I like bein' a cop with you."

Olivia snuggled closer to him. "Nice being on the same side."

"A dream come true." Had he not been gazing at her with a raw, candid expression, Olivia might have thought the comment was delivered frivolously.

"Nice when a dream comes true and you didn't even know it was a dream in the first place."

Ed shook his head. "I knew you were a dream. But it was like…one of those that keep coming back and you wake up and wish like hell it was real, and you always wake up too early, and never get whatever it was you were goin' after." Ed swallowed and his eyes went glassy, "I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much… _we_ …means to me."

"I know how much," Olivia said. "You show me every day. And…that book over there? So much of it…it happened apart from you…but it couldn't have come together without you. There's a…you helped me be comfortable with being confident…if that makes any sense…because…I think…you like that about me, and maybe you always have?"

"I _used_ to _like_ that about you. You'd go blow-for-blow and not back down and still manage to not back down with dignity and integrity… nobody, and I mean _nobody_ could do that. I did like that about you. I respected you," he kissed her lips, "And it didn't take long for those two things…those simple, simple things, to make me fall in love with you."

"When I gave you the chance."

Ed grinned. "That one little bourbon was so important."

"It was two."

"Second one wasn't as daunting."

….

Sarah wiped her brow with her forearm and bounced the ball to Justin. She muttered "check" like she'd been playing pickup basketball for years.

"Six-ten," he said.

"I thought you're supposed to say the higher number first?" Sarah asked haughtily. After all, if she knew anything, it was numbers.

"You say the person with the ball's score first."

"Oh."

Sarah authoritatively pounded the ball into the pavement with a determined expression on her face. They were playing to twenty, and she hoped to even the score here with two consecutive baskets. She had never seen Justin play basketball with anyone else, but it was obvious he was going easy on her without blatantly letting her score. Naturally quick and agile, she was better on defense than offense, yet she tried to exploit her strengths when she had the ball. She faked right and went left, getting around Justin and creating enough space to shoot and make a four-footer with her left hand.

Justin jumped to grab the ball out of the net and slap it back to her. "What the hell?" He asked with his endearing grin, "You're a lefty now?"

Sarah scrunched up her nose; using her left hand hadn't struck her as unusual. "It seemed like the logical thing to do," she said, "It was a better angle."

"Middle school basketball coaches spend years trying to get kids to do what you did."

"Well, perhaps I should go into coaching."

"Maybe."

Sarah checked up and announced the score, emphasizing the backwards nature of it all, " _Eight_ -ten."

"Let's see if ya can tie it up, gorgeous."

Sarah dropped the ball and stepped toward him. "Timeout." She rose to her tiptoes and kissed him. "I love when you call me that."

"It's the Bronx accent."

"Whatever it is, I love it." They kissed again, and, in the sudden silence, Sarah heard her phone ring. "Lemme get that," she said.

Justin waved off her apologetic tone. An actual call probably meant something needed her urgent attention. She jogged over to her bag and sprinted back to Justin's side.

"Brooke's in the hospital," she said in a panicked voice. She clutched her phone so tightly her knuckles whitened and Justin thought she could possibly be close to cracking the glass.

Justin covered her fists with his long, spindly fingers. "C'mon. Let's go. Which hospital?"

"Presbyterian…in Brooklyn…I dunno—"

"I know it. She say anything else? She in the ER?"

"No, she's been admitted."

"Alright," Justin said, "So she's stable. Let's go home and at least get a sweatshirt. It's freezing in there."

"Okay," Sarah mumbled.

Justin kissed her hands. "S'gonna be okay."

….

Olivia and Ed watched their three children play chase and debated their options, which were minimal. They could burden Rollins' nanny, but Ed balked at the thought of Kim possibly being there. He thought maybe Brooke would appreciate Olivia's presence more than his, but his daughter was in the hospital and being apart from her was already starting to rip his heart from his chest.

"Ed, go," Olivia said, "We can take turns."

He eyed the rambunctious children. Even after a full day at school, Noah led the way, making loops around the couch and dining table. He stopped periodically to let Maggie and Wyatt catch up, but then took off. More often than not the twins crashed into one another and whoever rose to his or her feet first adorably waited for the other to stand. That, coupled with Noah's pep talks, nearly made Ed burst into Olivia-esque happy tears.

He reluctantly agreed. "With Carisi there you'll haveta go in…"

"Yeah." The shrill ring of Olivia's phone startled them both. It was Sarah. "Hey sweetie." Ed looked on expectantly as Olivia launched into a litany of _Uh-huhs_ and _Mmmhmms_."

"What's goin' on?" He asked when she ended the call.

"Justin's on his way here," she said, "He's going to stay with the kids while we're there."

Ordinarily, Ed hesitated to allow anyone outside of their family to babysit, but Justin had won Ed over on multiple levels and had experience with Noah and the twins both from Wyatt's hospital stay and at the beach. Ed nodded, though his assent was a moot point since Sarah and Olivia had already signed off on the deal.

"So let's maybe give the twins a quick bath?"

"Oh, yeah," Ed replied. He stepped out to intercept Maggie and Wyatt. "C'mere you two!"

Noah frowned. "Hey! It's not bedtime!"

"Sweet boy, Daddy and I have to go see Brookey. Justin's coming to stay with you for a little bit. Is that okay?"

Noah broke into a broad grin, " _YAYYYYY_! _Justyyyyyy_!"

"Will you help him with bedtime?"

"Uh-huh! Justy good at reading! He make ALL da sounds and say da people! An' he doesn't skip!"

"Oh good."

"An' small sister love Justy. So she go ta bed."

"If she doesn't, will you let Maggie have a sleepover in your room?"

"Yep!"

"We'll come get small sister when we get home."

Noah smiled and nodded his agreement. "Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Brookey sick?"

Olivia sat Noah in her lap, "Sweetie, Brookey's at the doctor. He needs to take a closer look at her baby. Like the doctor had to look at Maggie and Wyatt when they were in my belly."

" _Ohhh_ …" Noah droned then grinned, "Sare Bear say havin' babies is weird!"

"Yes it is. Sare Bear is very smart." Olivia kissed her son and held his little face in her hands. "And you're so smart, Noah."

"Yep! And YOU smart, Mommy!"

"Thank you."

"And Daddy too."

"Yes he is." Olivia grinned slyly. "Who do you think is smarter?" She asked, "Me or Daddy?"

"You!"

Ed walked into the room and kissed the side of Olivia's head.

"He's absolutely right."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	74. Chapter 74

**Seventy-four**.

Olivia gave Justin some basic instructions before she and Ed went to the hospital. Maggie and Wyatt usually go to bed a half hour before Noah, but tonight the three of them could all go at the same time. Three books. One for each kid. Put Maggie in Noah's bed if she's fussy. Help yourself to anything.

 _Thank you_.

On the way to Brooklyn, Olivia nervously kneaded her fingers. She noticed Ed's grip on the steering wheel get firmer and firmer and patted his thigh. "At least she's there. With the doctors."

Ed grunted pessimistically. "She's had to deal with so much."

"Let's hope this is something minor."

"She's _admitted_ , Liv."

Knowing any effort to assuage his worries would be futile, Olivia fell silent but kept her hand on his leg. A few minutes later he placed his hand on top of hers, comforted not only by her touch but also by her engagement ring and wedding band. The expression he wore when Olivia had to be hospitalized before the twins were born returned to his face. She remembered him lamenting about pregnancy a few weeks after —how the process was so fragile and terrifying, how fortunate they were to have two perfect babies, and how agonizing it must be for those who weren't as lucky.

Brooke had been given a delivery room which set off alarm bells in Olivia's head. More concerned with Brooke's immediate status, Ed didn't seem to notice the distinction. He pulled up a chair next to her bed and fired off questions.

"I woke up with back pain," Brooke said. "It went away when I started moving. But then, a couple hours ago, it was _shooting_. We got here and, well, I could tell from the doctor's face—"

Sonny didn't take his eyes off his wife as he interrupted, "Labor. They gave her drugs to stop it…waiting game now."

"I'm probably going to be here a few days," Brooke said gloomily, "Then on bed rest." She rubbed her belly, "Stay in there kiddo."

Eyebrows raised, Olivia glanced at Sarah who was equally frightened but fighting to maintain positivity.

"Do you need anything?" Olivia asked, unable to recall whether or not they'd already addressed that question.

"No, I'm good…you guys…you don't have to stay."

"We're staying," Ed interjected. "As long as we can. Or until you kick us out."

Brooke turned her head to the side. "Thanks, Dad…Liv…Sare…"

"Okay," Sarah said brightly, "Movie time!" Sarah and Sonny took seats by the window. Ed traded his plastic chair for a spot on the loveseat with Olivia. She settled in under his arm, and he held her hand for the duration of the film.

….

Justin followed Noah into his bedroom and settled in next to him to read the final story of the night. Before he opened the book, Justin commented on how easily Maggie went to bed. The notoriously difficult-at-bedtime small sister never squirmed or cried or popped up into a standing position.

Noah twisted his lips thoughtfully. "We played a lotta chase," he concluded. "Small sister's tired!"

"Is that your favorite thing to play with them? Chase?"

"Yep!"

"What else do ya play?"

"Sometimes we play school, I teach 'em but they always run away," Noah giggled, "And we have a band…when dere's da five of us dats called _quintet_ , Justy! I play da bongos an' Maggie has da tam'brine and Wyatt has a g'tar. And we have keyboards and a micr'phone!"

"My friend's in a band," Justin said, "Maybe sometime you can see them play."

"Sare Bear let me hear dem! She say, here Noey, you listen, dis Justy's friend!" Noah made a motion resembling someone handing over a device.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh! Sare Bear _always_ talk 'bout you, Justy. She loves you!"

"I love her, too."

Squinting his eyes and sitting up straighter, Noah asked, "You gonna be her hubbind?"

Hot under the five-year-old's scrutiny, Justin's cheeks flushed and he scratched his face then ran his fingers nervously through his close-cropped curls. "I, uh, I dunno…maybe…um, what do you think?"

"I think YES!" Excited now, Noah rose to his knees. "You gotta buy a _verrry_ shiny ring! Mommy have one. Den you be da hubbind!"

"I'll keep that in mind."

Noah frowned. "But you can't go to Phil'delphia."

"Why not?"

"Sare Bear doesn't like it. Dat's where Jeff goed."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks for the advice."

"Welcome." Noah leaned back against his pillows and tapped the book's cover. "Dis a good one."

Justin cleared this throat and began reading. Noah settled in and worked himself under Justin's arm.

"Dis how we read," he said, his voice muffled a bit by Bernie. "When I go sleep, you gotta turn da light off, kay?"

"Got it."

….

As predicted, Brooke's doctor wanted her to stay in the hospital, and he didn't give a projected discharge date. The medicine had kept the contractions at bay, but he wasn't confident they wouldn't return as he lowered the dosage. Sarah offered to stay at the apartment with Aidan, but Brooke insisted she was fine there on her own for the night. Everyone could go home, she said with her eyes half closed.

"I'm. So. _Tired_. I'm going to be sleeping anyway. Go home and sleep in beds. Someone will call if something happens."

"I'm not going," Sonny said, trying to look as comfortable as possible in his stiff chair.

" _Son_."

"Staying."

Brooke mumbled something unintelligible and let her eyes fall shut.

Sarah held out her open palm to Sonny. "Keys, please. Or, well, Aidan can come back with me, actually, that might be easier. He can take the train to school tomorrow, or skip school or whatever."

"Not skipping school," Brooke mumbled.

"Fine, going to school. But I'm taking him home with me, sorry, I'm selfish that way."

So Sarah and Aidan wedged themselves between the car seats in the backseat of the Tucker SUV for the ride back to Manhattan. Nobody said much. Olivia commented on the unrelenting heat. Sarah wondered aloud about Justin's time with the kids. Aidan kept shifting from side to side and insisting he was fine.

Olivia turned the key in the lock as gently as possible and the four of them crept down the foyer in a single file line. From the couch, Justin looked up with a sheepish grin. Maggie was asleep on his shoulder. Her bright yellow pajamas were a sharp yet pleasing contrast to Justin's caramel skin.

"She woke up an hour ago," he mouthed as he gingerly passed the child to Ed who took her back into the room she shared with Wyatt. When he didn't immediately return, Olivia assumed Ed decided to rock his daughter for a bit.

"Other than the worst sleeper in the history of children," Olivia said, "How'd everything go?"

"Great," Justin said. Sarah sidled up to him and put her arms around his waist. He unabashedly kissed her head. "Maggie fooled me though. She totally was perfect, curled up with her baby, closed her eyes…then not long after Noah fell asleep, she woke up."

"And started talking?" Olivia guessed knowingly, "Very softly…that sweet little voice."

"Yup."

Olivia gave him a collegial slap on the back, "She knew you would get her. We ignore it now…well, I do. I think Ed may not. She's very smart. She says _Dada_ over and over again."

"We men are suckers."

"You are."

Justin asked about Brooke, and they gave him a quick update. Ed emerged from the bedroom and offered drinks, but Sarah noticed Aidan giving off the _I'm ready to go_ vibe. After they left, Ed and Olivia sat on the couch with bourbons and rehashed the day. At best, Brooke would be home in a couple days and confined to her bed.

"Thirty-one weeks," Ed mumbled, "That's long enough, right? Twins were thirty-two?"

"Yes. Most babies are fine at this point…with a stay in the NICU."

"Hope she can at least go home."

Olivia recalled her own time on bed rest; though she knew it was for her twins' safety, she hadn't been the best patient. "I genuinely thought I could possibly go insane," she said.

"I didn't notice."

Glaring good-naturedly, she muttered, " _Right_."

Ed took a sip and held up his glass, examining it with great care. "Bourbon makes me think about sex now," he remarked.

"Interesting redo of Pavlov's experiment."

" _Much_ more interesting." Still holding his glass, Ed made a show of brushing Olivia's hair behind her shoulder and started slowly and deliberately kissing her neck.

Olivia angled her head to give him more room and moaned softly. "God, that feels so good."

" _You_ feel so good. You taste so good," Ed nibbled at her earlobe, "I need you."

Olivia stroked the back of his head. "I know. I'm ready to forget for a little while, too."

"Long while."

"Even better."

….

Sarah made sure Aidan had everything he needed before she joined Justin in the bedroom. She assured him she would be up early and they could walk together to the subway. He smiled graciously and politely before reminding Sarah he was familiar enough with the trains to get there on his own. Sarah smacked her forehead and rolled her eyes.

"Of course, sorry, I…I'm either around idiot junior accountants or Noey. Well, Noey can probably get around by himself," she murmured, "Anyway, well, uh, have a good night. You don't have to go to bed, ya know. Go ahead and watch TV if you want."

Aidan held up his phone. "Got Netflix."

"Okay." Sarah dawdled in the doorway. She and Aidan had been keeping their distance since the Washington, D.C. trip. He wasn't angry with her; it was more like he wasn't sure how to operate now that Sarah knew such intimate details about his life. "Have you, um, you still talking to Blake?"

"Yeah we text a lot."

"Still going to play with his band when they come here?"

"Nah," he said, "I haven't taken any lessons. Got the guitar, but I can't play it."

"Why aren't you taking lessons?"

He shrugged. "Kinda, well, I dunno."

"Let me know if I can help, okay? If that's something you really want to do, you should do it. There are probably a zillion guitar teachers in the city. Hey!" Sarah grinned, "Maybe I'll see if Justin's friend offers them. Salim, the guy in the band."

"That'd be cool," Aidan mumbled. He brushed back his dark brown mop of curls. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'll, uh, see you in the morning."

"Night."

Justin was stepping out of the shower when Sarah entered what had gradually become _their_ room. Sarah had an abundance of stuff—clothes, shoes, old magazines, a few books she never read, makeup, decorative boxes—it was a random mishmash of junk, and Justin good-naturedly carved out a corner of space in the closet and two bureau drawers, knowing the impending move would alleviate the perfumey clutter.

Sarah massaged his lean, smooth chest. "Thank you for being so great today."

He shrugged, a little embarrassed by the praise. "It was good, actually, I mean, uh, your sister, that sucks, but I didn't think once about last week."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothin' really," he said, "Was in the moment, ya know? Read books, watched some cartoons, played chase."

" _Chase_ ," Sarah sighed. "Noah makes me be the horsie when I play. It's exhausting."

"I missed out on that," he said with a grin.

"Maybe next time." Sarah hugged him and added a little extra pressure with her hips to see how he'd respond. Their sex life had been abruptly put on hiatus since last Tuesday, and she craved him. She felt his fingers in her hair and his lips meet the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," he said, "It's been…tough."

"I know," Sarah said, her lips on his skin. "Don't be sorry. I…I miss you is all. But I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy with you. And I miss you, too."

Sarah tilted her head back. She assumed his apology meant another PG night and looked at him inquisitively, but his kiss indicated he had other plans.

"You gotta be quiet," he teased. "Got a guest tonight, don't forget."

"I'll try."

His chest shook with laughter before he suddenly and solemnly said, "Sarah, I love you."

"I love you too." She let her hands fall to the small of his back.

"No, I mean, uh, _damn_ ," He screwed up his face at his loss for words, "I'm…I'm never gonna love anyone like I love you. You're so…great, and funny, and full of, like, this, raw, pure energy, it's like, _shit_ , sorry, it's like, you really truly love life."

"I love life with you in it," she said, "That's what you see. I'm _right_ with you. So…you're stuck with me."

A relieved smile crossed Justin's face. He smoothed her hair and whispered, "I'm so glad I met you."

 _I'm so glad I met you_.

Sarah nearly collapsed. Justin had a way of making the most mundane sentences sound like they'd been plucked directly from the most intimate journals of the bards. He half-carried her to bed and they began making love, not bothering to pull back the covers or turn out the lights.

Sarah once asked Olivia whether or not she ever worried about getting bored with Ed. Marriage, to Sarah, had always been finite. People couldn't possibly weather one another for a lifetime. It wasn't supposed to work that way, and, when it did work, Sarah assumed one or both of the spouses had made life-altering and costly compromises.

Olivia dismissed the assumption.

"There are no compromises with me and your Dad," she had said. "At least, none that really matter. We want the same thing." Sarah inquired about what exactly that was and Olivia's eyes glistened with tears as she shakily voiced her answer. "We want us."

Sarah pressed her eyes closed as Justin hovered over her and let her lips curl into a tiny smile. She finally understood the love shared by her father and Olivia. Everyone, even Noah, had, at one time or another, balked at Sarah's brazen, unabashed fascination with Ed and Olivia, but Sarah never cared. She had been on a quest to replicate their love for herself for some time now.

It had been an accident…that night she met Justin. Sarah had been warned to stay away, go home, wait for Olivia to call…it wasn't the first time she disregarded directives and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but it was the most significant.

Sarah opened her eyes and caught Justin's expression changing from an erotic smirk to a look of concern. She reassuringly tickled the back of his head.

"Somethin' wrong?" He asked.

"No," Sarah whispered.

"Sure?"

"Yes."

Sarah wiggled out of her shirt and shorts. Justin propped himself on his palms and admired her.

"Goddam," He rasped, "Tell me what you want, Sare. I love you. Your wish is my command, girl."

"I want us," Sarah said, grinning proudly. Sarah sent Olivia a mental apology for stealing her line, but she figured her Livvie wouldn't have a problem with it.

Justin smiled back at her.

"I want that, too."

…

The next morning, all five Tuckers left the apartment at the same time for school, day care, and work. Noah insisted he could go into school by himself so Maggie wouldn't cry, but Olivia smiled and said she would walk him to his classroom while Ed stayed outside with the twins. Wyatt nonchalantly parted with Noah each morning, but Maggie fussed and whined and the display didn't seem to be abating with time. Oddly enough, Noah going to school was the only separation that bothered her. When Ed or Olivia dropped the twins at day care, both Wyatt and Maggie happily toddled off in search of their favorite toys, and Maggie hardly batted an eye at being left in Justin's care, although she probably knew, bedtime-wise, she was up against an amateur.

Noah skipped down the hallway holding Olivia's hand. They passed the preschool classrooms and Noah grinned. "There's da little kids!"

"Yep," Olivia said, "Onward to the big kids' classes."

"I'm da fourth tallest in class!" Noah said, "Mr. B lined us up yesterday!"

"Wow."

"An' we put da numbers on a chart!"

"That sounds like fun."

"Uh-huh!" They rounded the corner, "Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Sare Bear pick me up t'day?"

"No, she'll pick you up tomorrow. Daddy will get you today."

"I hope Justy get me, too!"

"You like him, don't you?"

"Uh-huh! He gonna be Sare Bear's hubbind."

Noah sounded so confident Olivia stopped in her tracks. "How do you know that?"

"I _telled_ him! He need da ring, though."

Olivia kissed the top of his head. "You two talked about this last night?"

"Yep!"

"And what did Justin say?"

Noah shrugged. "He say thanks den we started readin' the book!"

"Oh…right, okay," Olivia helped Noah remove his backpack. She unzipped the main compartment and handed over his homework folder. "Well, sweet boy, you have a good day. I'll see you tonight."

"Kay!"

"I love you."

"Love YOU!"

Olivia meandered out of the building, pausing a few times to admire the artwork on the walls and listen to the morning chatter emanating from the busy classrooms. One teacher was beginning the day with a song, another with a story. A few rooms weren't quite settled yet, and the children used the unstructured time to mingle in their own little worlds. Olivia's heart ached and she was consumed with a near-debilitating fear as she pictured how easily and quickly last week's gunman had forever tainted this type of environment for the kids and families of the East Village middle school that had been attacked last week.

Olivia nodded to the guards at the security desk as she exited. They were armed, yet they did not project a convincing, authoritative aura; standing between a would-be assailant and her precious son were two overweight, balding, hourly employees who had probably never fired their weapons in their lives.

Reluctantly, she shoved open the door, walked into the muggy September morning, immediately brightened when she heard a chorus of the twins' "Mamas" break the relative silence of the street.

…

The sun streamed through the wide hospital windows and Brooke was sitting up in bed having just finished breakfast when Ed arrived. He kissed her forehead and took a seat in the boxy recliner. Frowning at the channel, he helped himself to the remote control and settled on one of the mid-morning talk shows.

Brooke smirked. "Think your wife's gonna show up on one of those?"

"She's been gettin' a lot of calls."

"I started reading it," Brooke said, "Couldn't sleep last night—" she saw her father's raised eyebrows and clarified, "—I'm a stomach sleeper…I'm just so uncomfortable. Anyway, I'm only a couple of chapters in, and I'm like…devastated. This is a crushing book. And I think _I've_ had some shit..."

"I guess when you're a cop, ya kinda take things as they come. Not many of us actually add it all up on paper like this. You're right…she's certainly been on the road less taken. Most people don't last five years in that unit."

"Why does she do it?"

"Ya know," Ed shifted in the hard faux-leather chair, "I didn't know the answer to that until I read the book. I mean, I thought I knew the answer. I thought it was because she saw some higher purpose in it, in fighting for victims, in working for people who are constantly shortchanged or ignored by the justice system. But it's more than that. She was put on this Earth to do this job. If anyone was destined for a career, it's her. That's why she can't walk away very easily. That's why I'm willing to wait as long as it takes for her to retire. She's gonna lose a big piece of herself without that job. And…I'm worried about that. And she is, too. But I think this book helped a lot. _Will_ help a lot. It's something that lasts."

"People online already want more," Brooke grabbed her phone, "I guess, well, there were some copies leaked before the release date."

"Yeah, there were. Not leaked, distributed. For that very reason."

"This is huge."

"She doesn't realize it." Brooke stared at the television, but Ed could tell she wasn't actually watching. "How ya feelin?"

Brooke had already explained the latest medical update. The medication was working, her dosage was gradually being lowered, and she would, hopefully, be discharged and put on bed rest in the next 24-48 hours. But she knew her father's questions were all-encompassing.

"I'm ready for this to be over," she said, "Is it bad that I almost wanted the meds not to work?"

"Liv and I talked about that…"

"I mean," she scrunched up her face in frustration, "Am I paying for the first part of my life being easy? Is that what this is?"

Ed traded the heavy chair for a lighter plastic one. He slid it across the floor and parked himself next to the bed. "That's not how things work," he said, taking her hand, "We don't owe anyone for good things and the tough stuff—that's not payment. That's life."

"At some point, I'd like mine to ease up a bit."

"I want that for you, too."

Brooke's body language suggested she was finished with the sentimental and Ed slowly scooted away. She changed the subject. "Maggs and Wyatt at day care?"

"Yep. Doing that three times a week—Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. And swimming starts Monday."

"Swimming?"

"Yep."

"At sixteen months?"

"Mommy and me," Ed answered proudly, "Well, Daddy and me. I stopped by there. They assured me I'd have some extra hands to help with both of them. They're used to twins."

Brooke found herself consumed with uncharacteristic but welcome giggles and thinking like Sarah, "Having two babies with you isn't the problem."

Brow furrowed, Ed asked, "Whaddya mean?"

" _Dad_ ," Brooke said incredulously, "You? In the pool? With all those women?"

"Ah, come on."

"Olivia may want to consider showing up from time to time."

Ed blushed, ducked his eyes, and shook his head. "I really don't get it."

…

 **#Tuckson**

 **Well…I promised this was coming to an end, but I'm having trouble…LOL**


	75. Chapter 75

**Seventy-five**.

Holding her sister's elbow with one hand and two overnight bags in the other, Sarah guided Brooke into her apartment with exaggerated care. Even when they were safely inside, Sarah refused to let go. She dropped the bags and half-carried Brooke to her bedroom.

"Modified bed rest doesn't actually mean _bed-bed_ rest," Brooke said through a chuckle.

"As long as I'm here, it means _bed-bed_."

"You don't have to stay, ya know," Brooke let out a little _oof_ as Sarah guided her into bed. "I'm fine."

"I'm staying for tonight," Sarah said, "No way Sonny Bunny's gonna be back before midnight and I told Aidan I'd help him with his algebra anyway."

"What about Justin?"

Sarah looked around for a spare hair tie, found one, and twisted her locks into a messy knot on top of her head. "He's writing a paper. That's not due until _October_. Imagine that. Planning ahead."

Brooke noticed her sister's bright blue eyes become even more animated and lively. She had been beating herself up for many reasons over the past few months. Her skepticism surrounding Justin was a point of concern she hadn't quite rectified, and it was the one that was starting to bother her most.

"Sare."

"Huh?"

"I want to…I want to apologize for everything I said about Justin and the way I acted around him. I really am sorry. I was wrong."

Having had moved on from her sister's cold reception of her boyfriend, the apology stunned Sarah into momentary silence. She credited her newfound maturity for her decision to ignore Brooke rather than lash out when she made snide comments, and she hadn't been expecting Brooke to ever admit any wrongdoing. The beach trip effectively smoothed things over, and Sarah had accepted Brooke and Justin would never be best friends.

Sarah regarded her sister sagely, maybe a bit haughtily. "I knew you'd come around," she said. "I mean…he's _perrrfect_!" Sarah let herself fall back and across Brooke's legs. She stared at the ceiling with a silly smile on her face.

"Is he doing okay?"

"Yes. I mean, I don't know if he'll ever be _okay_ okay, but he's getting back to normal, back to work, he's close to his degree, so we'll see what he does after that."

"What are his options?"

"I think he might stay in school and get a Master's and eventually maybe be a professor. He likes… _knowledge_. He's like Noey. He truly loves to learn. It's baffling."

"Wow…a professor."

"He'd be a great professor. But I wouldn't enjoy all those undergrads drooling all over him."

Brooke rolled her eyes. Sarah sounded all too familiar with the mien of fawning nineteen-year-olds. "Has he written anything?"

"Yes. Screenplays. Poems. Some short stories. I've only read a couple. I think it embarrasses him. It's like, I wonder how Livvie feels with us reading all about this…well…all this horrifying stuff. Justin has been eyeing my copy of her book, but I think he's being polite, trying to figure out a way to ask me to read it without it seeming like he's _too_ eager."

Brooke nodded in agreement. "I've read half. Right around chapter five it gets heavy. Like, I had to stop for a little while. People who are into cop stories will love it, but when you're reading it and you actually _know_ this person? It was excruciating."

Sarah inched closer and her eyes widened. Brooke swore they took up half her face. " _Ex-cruc-i-ating_?"

"There are things in there she hasn't told us."

" _Whaaat_?"

Brooke pressed her lips in a straight line and nodded. "Yep."

"Like what?"

"You really want me to tell you?"

"Yes. I have no patience."

"Okay," Brooke sighed, "The last part I read was about her going undercover in a _prison_. Like, the chapter started out kind of silly—it was about all the times she went out of character to play a role undercover. It was _funny_ even, at least, the way she wrote it—"

Sarah frantically flapped her hands around, " _Examples_ , Brookey! Sheesh!"

"Like, one time, she was speed dating."

"What the hell is speed dating?"

"I cannot believe you've never heard of it."

"Nope."

Brooke explained the concept to her amused sister.

"Oh," Sarah said, "So…before all the online stuff…that's what people did… _interesting_. I bet they all wanted Livvie! _Gawwwd_ , she is so gorgeous."

" _Anyway_ ," Brooke said, "She wrote about how if she did that in real life how she could really freak some people out, so, I'm thinking, okay, she has a sense of humor, one must need that in her job. Then she goes into these incredibly dark stories, she said how, most times, it's easy to shed the role and slide right back into cop mode but there were a couple times when the experience lingered…"

Entranced, Sarah waited for more.

"She was _assaulted_ , Sarah."

"We know, by that Lewis guy."

Brooke shook her head, "No, before that. When she was in prison."

Sarah's jaw dropped.

"Undercover in prison," Brooke clarified.

"Omigod. Like, _raped_?"

"Almost."

Sarah clawed at her face and found her hands trembling and her body tingle with nervousness. "I don't understand…like, how did she keep going? Keep working and then, now, have a normal life, like, she must be the strongest person on the planet."

Sadness clouded Brooke's blue eyes and a lump formed in her throat. Olivia had never outwardly shown any of the trauma she'd endured during her career. Not only that, she oozed with kindness and optimism. She gave people the benefit of the doubt. Her everyday demeanor betrayed nothing of the horrific crimes and criminals lurking in the pages of her memoir, and Brooke almost felt guilty reading it, like she'd witnessed something intensely private and never marked for public viewing.

"She's amazing," Brooke murmured.

"No other word for it," Sarah said. "No other fucking word."

…

Inside the headquarters of the Police Athletic League, retired Captain Ed Tucker helped himself to coffee and lingered along the perimeter of the rows of dome-backed stacking chairs. He was attending an information session for those considering volunteering for the PAL's various programs for the city's youth. Cole mentioned the opportunity when Ed first announced his retirement, but he hadn't considered it until last week when he read an email calling for more outreach volunteers. With the twins at day care three days, Olivia working, and Noah at school, Ed found himself a little lonely. He was hoping there were some opportunities available during the day. If this didn't pan out, he planned to contact the professor at John Jay who told Ed to be in touch if he ever wanted to speak to his classes again.

There weren't many familiar faces, but, as expected, Ed fended off a few scowls. When he saw the speakers file into the room, he sidestepped his way down one row and took a seat. To his disappointment, the presenters only had after-school and weekend positions to offer, but Ed patiently and politely sat through the entire session. On his way out he was texting with Sarah—they were meeting downtown for lunch—and the second he looked up he was met by a very recognizable face.

Elliot Stabler.

"Tucker." It was both a greeting and an acknowledgement of their contentious past.

Ed nodded and managed a tiny smile. "Hey." Ed shifted from foot to foot and noticed Stabler's embroidered PAL polo. "You, ah, you workin' here?"

"Yeah, started a few hours a week a couple years ago," Elliot replied, "Gives me enough time to spend with Eli and not go stir crazy at home."

Ed offered an empathetic grunt.

"How's Liv?"

"She's great."

"Kids?"

"They're doin' well, too."

"Why don't you take my number? Give it to Liv. Maybe we can all get together sometime. It'd be good to catch up. And I need an autographed copy of that book."

Ed typed the dictated contact information into his phone. After giving Stabler a curt pat on the shoulder, he made a beeline for the exit. He and Sarah had a long, cheerful meal together after which he went back uptown and made the pick-up rounds—first school then day care. By the time he and Olivia slid under the sheets that night, he'd banished the memory of the encounter with Stabler from his mind.

….

The following Wednesday Sarah waltzed into Noah's school. She expected to be frisked or to have to walk through a metal detector or at least be wanded, but she passed by the security desk unaccosted, passed the preschool rooms, and made the right down the Kindergarten and First Grade hall. At dismissal Sarah rocked back and forth on her heels, anxious for a glimpse of her little brother. Sure enough, he was one of the last kids to exit and he immediately sprinted to Sarah.

"Hi Noey Boey!"

"Sare Bear! You 'membered to pick me up!"

"Of course I did! Now. Where to? Feel like shopping?"

Noah twisted his lips and considered the suggestion. "I need some new train stuff," he said.

"Then let's go spend some money on train stuff." Sarah reached for his hand, "Let's drop off your bookbag at home. Do you have your MetroCard?"

"Yep! We take da C?"

"Yes. The C then we have to transfer to the F."

"We take da F to Coney Island!"

"Not today," Sarah said, "We'll take it to the Red Caboose. Then we'll eat. I'm starving."

A couple hours later, Noah climbed into the booth bench opposite Sarah and examined the menu of a touristy pub close to the Red Caboose hobby store. When the server approached for drink orders, Noah requested a Shirley temple with three cherries. Sarah ordered a vodka tonic with three limes which made Noah giggle.

Pretending to be offended, Sarah asked, "What's so funny?"

Noah fell back against the banquette. "You say _three_ limes!"

"So?"

" _I_ say three!"

"You have good ideas," Sarah said matter-of-factly, "So I copied."

Noah narrowed his eyes and his face filled with derision. "Copying bad Sare Bear! Mr. B. say NO COPYING when we work!"

Sarah gnashed her teeth. "I'm sorry, Noey Boey." The waiter dropped off their drinks and Sarah tapped his wrist, "Sorry sir, will you bring me one more lime? I would like four." She grinned triumphantly at Noah.

"Nother cherry, too!" Noah interjected.

The slightly annoyed server hurried away for the additional garnishes.

"Now who's copying?" Sarah teased. She leaned forward, tickled Noah's chest, and changed the subject. "So, how do ya like Kindergarten?"

"It's great!"

"You like the guy teacher?"

"Uh-huh."

"Me too. Much better than Miss Brynn. I think she was more concerned with inside voices than with teaching. I hope Mr. B is nice to our Mia. Hey! You didn't walk out with her today."

Noah chewed a cherry and rolled the stem between his thumb and forefinger. "She was _absent_ today. Yesterday, too."

Sarah frowned. "She sick?"

Noah shrugged and said he didn't know. "Last time she was absent she was with her Mommy at da stables. Her Mommy's _moving_."

"What about her Daddy?"

Noah shrugged. "He live in Ma'hattan like us."

Sarah sipped her drink and watched Noah draw on the placemat. She asked a few more questions, but Noah didn't have much information about whatever was going on with Mr. and Mrs. Bianchi. It certainly sounded like divorce, in which case Sarah worried Mia would move to Long Island and out of Noah's life. Unaffected, Noah drank his Shirley Temple and chattered happily as he and Sarah shared potato skins and mozzarella sticks. Sarah bantered right along with him, but she did so while fighting intense sadness at the thought of her little brother losing his best friend.

…

Since Justin was at school late, Sarah accepted Olivia's wine offering and they sat at the island and gabbed while the kids played together on the floor. While they talked, Olivia paged through Noah's folders and set aside the night's homework—math and reading worksheets. She rinsed the twins' sippy cups and put them in the dishwasher beside other colorful, child-sized serving ware.

"So we're closing at the end of the month," Sarah said, "The realtor at first told me it would take a while, but everything's in order, so… _damn_ …I'm a big girl. Officially."

"I'm proud of you," Olivia said, "So's your Dad. I can't wait to see this place. The pictures look amazing."

"Omigod, it _is_!"

"So when's the housewarming party?" Olivia asked with a knowing smile. She and Ed had the keys to their new apartment for about five minutes when Sarah insisted they put a date on the calendar.

Obviously having thought about it, Sarah answered quickly. "Maybe Halloweenish. That would be fun. A Halloween-themed housewarming party."

Olivia could practically see the party coming together in Sarah's head. "That would certainly be original."

"Or maybe I should wait until after Brooke's had the baby," Sarah said, "She wouldn't be able to come…yeah…that's what we'll do. That way we won't be rushed to get furniture or anything." Sarah ticked off her wish list which wasn't nearly as extensive as Olivia predicted, and she wondered if that was for Justin's benefit.

"How is Justin liking his classes this semester?"

"He hasn't said much about them. He missed a week and has been kinda out of it…he still hasn't told me what exactly happened, I mean, I know what happened, but not specifically what he saw, at least, not all of it. I feel like he's holding something back."

Olivia sighed, "He probably is. Either to protect himself or you. Or both." Sarah swirled her wine around in the glass. Olivia raised her eyebrows at the sudden gloominess in her demeanor. "Things still not okay with the finances?"

"No, no," Sarah quickly replied, "We're good."

"What is it, then?"

"Livvie, don't hate me for asking you this."

"I could never hate you."

Sarah stammered out a partial question, "Is that, uh, _protecting us_ , is that why, um, well, I didn't know…about the prison…"

"You read the book."

"Skipped to that chapter."

"It's not something that comes up…in the course of normal conversation," Olivia explained softly. "I've alluded to it in interviews before, hashed it out with a shrink, had flashbacks after some other close calls. And I almost considered not putting it in there, but it needed to be in there. So did everything else. I promised myself when I began writing that I wouldn't hold back. I said it was for readers, but I think it was for me."

Sarah pressed her palms to the cool granite. "How do you _live_ after that? How do you…did you…keep going?"

"A lot of hard work," Olivia replied, her voice steady and assured. "Therapy. Time. And a sense of purpose." Sarah still appeared unconvinced and hopelessly confused. "What else is on your mind?"

"I don't wanna ask," Sarah replied, shaking her head back and forth.

Olivia smiled, "Now when have you ever not wanted to ask?"

Acknowledging the point, Sarah laughed softly. "I don't want to upset you."

"You won't."

Sarah set her jaw and lifted her head, looking Olivia in the eyes. "Was it hard for you…to be with someone…after that? Like, I dunno, I don't think I'd ever want to be touched again."

"I wasn't," Olivia said, "For a while. That's the nice thing—seems odd to say—about being a detective, you can dive into work. There's always something to investigate, something to do. But then, well, I realized I could be in a relationship, I _could_ be with someone. I _could_ separate what's happened to me with my actual life. I could _have_ an actual life…"

"Did you talk about it with…your boyfriends?" Sarah winced. Talking about Olivia's old boyfriends felt like she was betraying her father.

"No," Olivia said. "One relationship never got that far and the other…well, I loved him, but I realize now I didn't completely trust him." Olivia refilled their glasses and glanced adoringly at her children, "I didn't know what that type of trust was until I started seeing your Dad."

Satisfied, Sarah cupped her face in her hands and grinned at Olivia. "I love hearing about you two falling in love. I never get tired of it."

"It is a good story."

Sarah sighed blissfully. "I'll skip to that chapter next."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	76. Chapter 76

**Seventy-six**. _(Sorry this took so long. Vacation…life…)_

The NICU evoked the same gut-wrenching, heartbreaking feeling every time. Even though Maggie spent less than a couple days there and Wyatt was discharged within two weeks of his birth, Olivia couldn't help but think of all the families whose children never made it home. Or, the children who made it home but with disabilities that would plague them for their entire lives.

"Lieutenant?"

Olivia's head snapped up and she regarded the doctor with a worried smile. She introduced herself and listened to the extended version of what she'd been told over the phone. Earlier that day a pregnant thirteen-year-old had been brought in as an overdose victim and went into labor. The mother was still unconscious, and the baby could not breathe on his own. He also tested positive for opiates, so SVU had a two-pronged investigation on their hands.

"Did she say anything at all?" Olivia asked.

"No. She was unconscious when she arrived."

"How do you know she's thirteen?"

"The older girl who dropped her off gave intake that information. Who knows if it's legit. Gave a name, too. But she split right away."

"We'll get the cameras," Olivia said, scanning the ceiling. "What are the baby's chances?"

"He's about eight to ten weeks early," the doctor replied nonchalantly. "Barring anything unforeseen he has an eighty-ninety percent of surviving with minimal complications. He is at higher risk for heart defects because of the opioids, though, but at a good weight. We'll need to talk to the mother to know for sure how long and how much she was using."

Olivia sighed. "Anything else?"

"Yes. This girl," The doctor glanced in the direction of the delivery rooms, "Is well cared for. She's young, but not a street kid. Her teeth are in great shape, she doesn't have any outward signs of abuse—"

"Other than the pregnancy."

"Right."

"Call when she wakes up?"

"Will do."

…...

During the closing, Sarah demonstrated no outward signs of being nervous or overly excited. She had all the cashier's checks in order, the money was in the proper accounts, and she calmly signed and initialed, nodded and smiled, until, finally, the deal was done and the keys and amenities cards were handed over. She and Justin stood, shook everyone's hands, and made it inside the elevator. There, Sarah let loose a profanity-laden celebratory flurry of exclamations.

" _Holy fucking shit."_

" _Goddam, I cannot believe this."_

" _Justin, I cannot fucking breathe."_

" _Omigod, omigod, omigod."_

" _I hope you're okay with what I did."_

Justin hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Unbeknownst to him, Sarah had arranged for his name to be on the deed to the property. Learning this in the midst of the closing process had stunned him and he hadn't thought about much else until now. If there were any doubts about Sarah's dedication to their relationship, they were gone with that one gesture.

"I had no idea," he murmured.

"Are you _okay_ with it though?"

"Yes. It's, uh, it's serious. Like… _for real_."

"Yes. For real. Now let's go there!"

They took an Uber from Midtown to their new neighborhood. Sarah cut the ride short when she saw a liquor store, and they ducked inside to buy champagne. The friendly doorman greeted them and welcomed them home; he handed over a small box and, seeing Sarah's confused expression, said it arrived that morning and chalked it up to a surprise housewarming gift. Justin took it and they rode the elevator upstairs.

Sarah fumbled the keys but eventually opened the door with a flourish. They walked slowly through the foyer. A laundry room and closet were on the immediate right and left then the hall gave way to the combined living/kitchen/dining area. On one side of the apartment was the smaller of the two bedrooms and a guest bathroom. The corner terrace had an entrance in the living room and in the master bedroom. After twirling around there, Sarah grabbed the champagne and led Justin outside.

They had a view of the bustling corner and, in the distance, the edges of Union Square. Sarah nudged Justin and pointed out Trader Joe's, the home of his coveted ginger snaps, and he leaned into her and kissed her head again.

"The first thing I want to do—other than you," Sarah joked with a twinkle in her eye, "Is get some chairs and a small table for out here. I cannot wait to drink coffee out here in the morning and have a drink at night and _gawwwd_ , I love it. And Noey will love it, too. Great people watching." She looked up at Justin. "You alright? You're kinda quiet."

He smiled convincingly. "Stunned, that's all."

"Good stunned?"

"Really good stunned."

"Champagne?" Sarah held up the bottle for Justin to take it. He deftly uncorked it and looked around. "What?" she asked.

"No glasses."

"Shit. Wait! Yes there are." She darted inside and reappeared with two paper Dixie cups. "Nice of them to leave us some of these!"

Justin grinned and poured the bubbly. "You wanna do the toast?"

"No," Sarah said, "You're better with words."

Justin chewed the inside of his mouth and shifted his weight from foot-to-foot. Sarah scrutinized him. Once again, his mannerisms seemed off. Even when he was nervous, Justin never fidgeted. Though prone to thoughtful silence, these lulls seemed born of indecision rather than a search for the right words.

"Have you read _A Farewell to Arms_?" He asked.

" _Justin_."

"Oh, right," He grinned.

Sarah stared at his adorable crooked tooth.

"Well, the two characters, Catherine and Henry, there's a scene with the two of them and it's raining, and she hates, no, fears the rain. And she's asks Henry if he'll always love her, no matter what, even if it's raining…" Justin knew he was walking a fine line between new home toast and marriage proposal, so he dialed back the literary references. "Let's toast to a happy home. No matter what happens on the outside. Here, let's always be happy."

It took Sarah a few seconds to respond. When she did, it was a hoarse, "Okay."

The Dixie cups thudded together and they both chuckled at the makeshift stemware. Sarah took her shot of champagne and gripped Justin around the neck, initiating what she planned to be the first of many balcony make-out sessions. Energized, Sarah wanted to pack and begin moving as soon as possible. The movers were scheduled for the following weekend, but she was suddenly in a very big hurry to relocate.

"I can't wait to come home and sit on the couch and watch TV with you," she said. "I used to think I wanted crazy, fancy, outlandish things, but I was wrong. I want to be here, with you, with absolutely nothing to do."

Justin kissed her head and slung his arm around her shoulder. On the way out he glanced at the unopened box and longed to take it with them. However, doing so would ruin the surprise and he settled for double-checking the locked door instead.

…

Olivia kissed Maggie and Wyatt goodnight, gave her daughter an extra pat on the back, and left the door slightly ajar. She was off-duty for the night and looking forward to having Ed all to herself. Still, she wondered if Maggie would try to trick one of them into getting her out of bed even though the little girl knew her chances were better when Mommy wasn't home.

"That was quiet," Ed wisecracked.

"Yup!" Noah agreed wholeheartedly. "Super quiet!"

"Mommy must know what she's doing," Ed remarked with a teasing glint in his eye. He cupped Olivia's upper leg as she sat down next to him. She never got tired of being close to him, and he appreciated that fact more than anyone could understand. Making love to her was amazing and an experience in and of itself, but he couldn't remember the last time they sat down on the couch with any space between the two of them.

"Mommy! You know how ta get those babies in bed!"

"It's easier when Maggie knows she's not getting out until morning," Olivia said, glaring at Ed playfully. "So, what are we doing for Noah time?"

"Wanna draw with me?" Noah asked in a sugary-sweet voice as if there were a chance Olivia would turn down the request.

"Absolutely."

Noah dragged his large white chart paper to the coffee table and spread out his colored pencils. He thoughtfully twisted his lips and gave general instructions. Even though it was only late September, he was already excited about Halloween.

"We draw trick-or-treating," he said. "In da costumes."

"Whaddya gonna be this year bud?"

"Maybe Justy."

"Justin?"

"Yup. Justy in da uniform."

"That's a good choice, sweet boy. Maybe we can ask Justin if we can borrow some of his equipment."

"Mommy, Justy needs da 'quipment for his work! We get some toy stuff at da store or Sare Bear can buy it with her phone."

Amused at Noah's thought processes and the way he perceived other people, Ed raised his eyebrows and asked why Sarah had to make the online purchases.

Noah shrugged. "She always buyin' stuff on da phone! One time," his eyes grew wider and wider, "She bought toilet paper on da subway!" Noah erupted into giggles and ended the burst of laughter with a sigh and murmured, " _Sare Bear_."

The trio worked on the art project until Noah's bedtime. Ed rolled the paper and placed it in a corner of his bedroom where it would sit unfinished until the following evening. Noah opted to read books in his bed, so Ed and Olivia sat side by side and Noah stretched aside their laps. By the time Olivia closed the cover on story number three, Noah's eyelids drooped lazily and his goodnights were slurred.

Ed left the door slightly ajar and followed Olivia back into the main living space. They finished what was left of the nightly chores, and Ed poured the rest of last night's wine into two glasses and handed one to Olivia. He touched his glass to hers without saying a word, sipped, smirked, and stared.

"What?" Olivia finally asked, doing her best to seem annoyed.

Ed was not fooled. "I like this."

"The wine?"

"Nah, well, yes, but that's not what I meant. Kids sleeping. Lights low. House clean. Beautiful wife…" He stepped around the island toward her, "…Very, _very_ beautiful wife." He stroked her hair with one hand and took her glass with the other, "Sorry, I have to kiss you."

Olivia grinned and put her arms around his neck. Ed kissed her tenderly and deliberately. He concentrated and swirled his tongue around hers until her fingertips were no longer lightly tickling his neck but pressing firmly into the back of his head.

She tilted her head backwards, momentarily breaking away from his lips. "Why don't you grab the wine and meet me in the bedroom?"

Ed did as he was told. He placed the glasses on Olivia's nightstand and crawled on top of her. Olivia had already stripped down to her underwear and, as Ed trailed sloppy kisses along her collarbone, she shoved his sweatpants down with her foot, and worked him out of his shirt. He was in a romantic mood and moved leisurely, pausing to admire her body every few minutes and pepper in _I love yous_.

" _Ed_."

He entered her slowly, his forehead pressed to hers, staring into her eyes. The look on her face—pure contentment and joy mixed with a hint of surprise—reminded him of the first few times they made love. He remembered being so careful, both nervous and eager to show her how potent his desire was. Bringing her to the writhing, moaning, quivering climax quickly became his most favorite thing and he knew the sight of her perfectly sated, happy, and relaxed in the afterglow would never get old.

"Want the rest of that wine now?" Ed asked blithely.

Olivia rested her head on his chest and slung her arm around his waist. "Not yet. I want to stay right here for a little bit." Under the covers, she wedged a leg between his, a signal she was going to want more of him soon.

"Stay here as long as you want."

Olivia's lips curled into a smile against his skin. "So good to end the day like this," she said, "I had a rough morning."

"Ya did? What happened?"

"Got a call. A young, pregnant OD vic—the trauma to her body brought on labor so the baby is in the NICU, several weeks premature…"

"I know ya hate goin' in there."

"I shouldn't…they work miracles in there…but they also have to deliver their fair share of devastating news."

"Ironically, I'm on that chapter."

Olivia glanced at the book on his nightstand. He was halfway through the four-hundred page tome, and, once again, she marveled at his steadfast dedication to reading it cover to cover for what had to be at least the tenth time. The chapter he referred to detailed her guardianship of Calvin Arliss and the baby girl born too early to Gladys Dalton who disappeared and left her child legally in Olivia's care. It was also the chapter in which Noah made his first appearance.

"Isn't it weird I almost forgot about that?" At this point in the book, Olivia started getting more personal and she used the chapter to explain all the ways her job made her think like a mother before she officially was one. "I beat myself up for days over that decision."

"It was the right one," Ed replied confidently.

"I know."

He kissed the top of her head, "I'm glad you don't question it anymore."

"Me too."

"So did you get anywhere with the case?"

"Not really. We got her picture out, but haven't been able to identify her."

" _Damn_."

Olivia gently scratched his abdomen. "I know I brought it up, but, new subject. I don't want to talk about this now."

"Okay," Ed kissed her head again. Olivia's reticence didn't bother him. After so many years of keeping horrifying details and their reverberations inside, she had finally proven to Ed that she was comfortable and willing to express her feelings. In time, as this new case unfolded, she would talk to him.

He massaged her bare shoulder. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you," she turned her head and rested her chin on his pec, looking up at him, "Ed Tucker, you are so wonderful."

Smirking, he replied, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

….

Noah spun slowly around and around, marveling at the size and the space of Costco's Upper Manhattan warehouse. He had been shopping there with his parents before, but this was Sarah's first time visiting with him. She giggled at his reaction to the juxtaposition of items that typically did not belong together. At this remarkable place, one could buy a television, a ten-pack of razors, and a set of tires without walking more than a few steps.

"This store has a lotta stuff," he murmured.

"I know," Sarah pushed the cart slowly ahead. "You want to ride in the cart or walk?"

"Walk," Noah answered assuredly. "What we getting?"

"We need supplies for the new apartment," Sarah said.

Noah skipped along. He had been the only person other than Justin to see the apartment before the purchase was final. Realizing she and her little brother had never completed the home search they started together, she took Noah along to the appraisal and the final inspection. After both walk-throughs, she took him to lunch and grilled him about his reactions. He had nothing but plaudits for the space and had trouble fixating on anything other than the balcony.

"Wanna balcony for my house!" Noah said in a tone that was uncharacteristically whiny.

"You have your rooftop," Sarah said. "And you can come here any time you want. In a couple years you'll even be able to take the subway by yourself."

This appeased Noah, and he gave his stamp of approval.

He and Sarah weaved their way through Costco tossing in boxes and cellophane-wrapped items as they went. In minutes, the cart was nearly filled to capacity with soap, paper towels, various detergents, and other cleaning supplies.

"Okayy," Sarah said, "What else do you think we need?"

"Mommy and Daddy get diapers."

"Noey. I don't need diapers."

"Not you," he protested, "Your baby!"

Sarah screwed up her face. "The only babies I have are you and Maggs and Wyatt. And they're not actually mine. And they also come with diapers."

"But you gonna have a hubbind den you have a baby."

Luckily, Sarah didn't realize Noah had actually let a secret slip. "Is that how you think life works?" She asked teasingly.

"Yup!"

"Oh."

She and Noah walked up and down more aisles. Noah chose frozen pizzas and pigs-in-a-blanket. He dragged open the heavy freezer doors, took his time making a choice, and dropped the oversized boxes into the cart.

"Well," Sarah said, "We have plenty of adulting supplies and junk food. Perfecto."

"What's 'dulting?"

"It means you are acting like an adult. Like Mommy and Daddy."

Brow furrowed, Noah replied, "Mommy an' Daddy don't buy this stuff!" He poked the food through the grated sides of the cart and giggled.

"I know. That part isn't adulting. The other stuff is. Do Mommy and Daddy buy detergent and soap?"

"Uh-huh! An' shampoo and toothpaste and da green mouthwash but mine's pink."

"We shall get pink mouthwash for you to keep at my place."

"Thanks."

Sarah circled back to their earlier conversation. "Noey?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think Justin should be my husband?"

"Yep!" Noah performed a series of hop-steps.

"You like him better than Jeff?"

"Yep!"

"Why?"

Noah shrugged. "Because he _here_."

Sarah grinned. Noah sounded wiser than his years, and he was absolutely right. Justin was _here_. He was attentive and considerate without being a pushover. They had only been together a few months, but he could read Sarah better than anyone.

"Great answer, Noey," Sarah stopped in the middle of the aisle and bear-hugged him. "Let's get goin. What should we eat tonight? Mommy and Daddy said I could keep ya for dinner."

Noah chewed the tip of a finger. "Let's make somea dis food and eat it all up on da balcony!"

"You have the best ideas."

"Thanks."

….

At home, Brooke dragged herself from the couch to refill her water jug and make a slow lap around the living room. She cracked the window and took a satisfied breath. Finally, fall had arrived. It was almost October and, at her last appointment, the doctor was pleased with her vitals. Though she was still instructed to take it easy, he was confident Brooke would carry baby Carisi close to full term.

Brooke continued meandering through the apartment. Baby-wise, everything was in order. The nursery was complete. The baby's bureau drawers were full of onesies and sleepers and receiving blankets. Ed had brought over the bassinet and a few other barely-used hand-me-downs. Motherhood no longer seemed daunting.

Being a wife to a police officer and a parent to Aidan, on the other hand, had grown more troublesome. Since starting school, Aidan had grown more distant. He insisted he liked the new environment and he had made some friends, but he rarely said more than a few words about his classes and the only non-school outings he had were to work.

She took a seat in the new rocking chair and stared contemplatively into the clear Brooklyn night. An hour ago Sonny called to check in as he usually did at the end of his shift. They finally caught a break in the case of the thirteen-year-old and her premature baby, and everyone but Olivia was going out to have a drink and toast their progress.

"Do you mind?" Sonny asked after she gave him the nightly update of how she was feeling.

He sounded so hopeful Brooke could not bring herself to say she preferred him to come home and hang out with her. "No," she lied. "Could you…would you mind bringing me dinner though? Tacos?"

"Sure thing," he said cheerfully. "I won't be long."

Admittedly, Brooke had not fully recovered from learning her husband had spent the night at Rollins' apartment while they were on vacation. She told herself she trusted Sonny and she believed him, but the more she thought about it, the more other things seemed suspicious. It wasn't uncommon for him to work late, sometimes even overnight, but now she wondered how much of his time away was actually devoted to police business. She found herself texting her Dad and Olivia and sometimes Sarah to gauge SVU's staffing and to try and get an idea if Sonny's long shifts were actually necessary. On modified bed rest and lonely, Brooke often found herself rubbing her belly and wondering what exactly her future entailed.

…

Olivia was already asleep when Ed crawled into bed. When she arrived home early that night, she immediately collapsed on the couch and mumbled something about not being sure if the worst of the case was over or if it was yet to come. The subject changed quickly, however, because Maggie and Wyatt scrambled to their mother's side and she hoisted them onto her chest. Olivia babbled with them. At almost seventeen months they were adding new words to their vocabularies every day, and despite her busy schedule, Olivia made sure to read all she could about language development and employ the strategies when she was with her youngest children. Olivia cycled through words they'd been saying for months—Dada, Mama, Noah, Grandma, ball, dog-and peppered in two-word phrases which the twins skillfully repeated.

" _Eat food."_

" _Hug Mama."_

" _Sing song."_

While she remained occupied with the babies, Ed prepared dinner. Olivia snuck glances at him and grinned as his eyes moved back and forth from the recipe on the iPad to the stove. In forty minutes or so, he was piling his one-pot Cajun chicken pasta into bowls and chopping separate, less spicy portions for Maggie and Wyatt.

Sarah returned Noah slightly later than she'd predicted and he went straight to the bathtub and then bed. After school, Costco, and the excitement of helping Sarah begin to organize the new apartment, he barely made it through the first story. Ed sent Olivia into their bedroom while he cleaned up the kitchen. He saw the fatigue on her face and knew he'd find her snoozing away, perhaps with her reading glasses still perched on her nose, when he joined her.

Nowhere near tired enough to try and sleep, he picked up the book. Cheating a little, he thumbed past the final two chapters and smirked when he saw the added epilogue. After finishing the tenth chapter, he _knew_ there were too many pages remaining.

 _After perceiving my existence as a mishmash of triumphs and ordeals, I now divide my life into two parts—before family and right now._

One sentence in and Ed already had to fight tears.

 _I allowed myself to be loved, and my son Noah and I ended up with lives more wonderfully full than I ever imagined_.

Ed's eyes burned.

 _And while I do not believe a woman must have a man or a partner to be happy, I know I had to have Ed in order for me to be completely happy. There is no one in the world who makes me feel more safe and comfortable. He is the only person who could both understand the horrific aspects of my job and help mitigate the damage without condescension. Others may cringe and lament my literal and figurative scars, but Ed sees_ _me_ _. Some may call me broken, but Ed has only called me beautiful. Instinctively, he knows when to wrap his arms around me and not let go. He also knows when it's better to leave me alone. When he knows what to say, he speaks his mind honestly and intelligently. When he doesn't know what to say, he settles on I love you._

 _And that is never a bad choice._

Ed scratched the side of his head. Where was she going with this encomium? For two, three, four paragraphs she went on and on with her laudatory words. Throughout the book she peppered in Tucker stories and it was only in the final chapter she revealed one of the book's villains turned out to be her husband. In this previously unread chapter, she was _gushing_.

 _It was confusing, at first, to have to admit the man I had despised and mocked for two decades turned out to be the missing piece, the one human being in the world meant for me. Better late than never, right?_

Thinking of the many conversations they'd had on the topic made Ed chuckle softly. He remembered their first kisses and dates—so tentative and curious, as if fate were playing a prank on them. He recalled how much more difficult it had been for her to fall in love with him than the other way around.

Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt got their own sections. Noah made her a mother. Maggie and Wyatt were "absolutely necessary miracles" who cemented their family of five. Sarah and Brooke were next—Olivia told the story of their first meeting when they surprise-visited her at the precinct. She described them as blessings in their own right but also gave them credit for nudging her "toward thinking of Ed as a husband and a father rather than a boyfriend and companion."

Olivia made a noise and stirred. Ed gingerly turned the page, eager to read her concluding thoughts. He caught a glimpse of his mother's name then another reference to him.

 _Husband._

 _Ed_.

Olivia turned over. She had woken enough to sense his presence and wanted to be closer, wanted to fall back into a deep sleep again, only this time in his arms. Ed cooperated, but held the book with one hand, trying to at least skim the final half-page.

 _Wife._

 _Mother_.

She whined a little. Ed wasn't cooperating. He _always_ cooperated. He _always_ dropped his magazine or book or glass to hold her.

One paragraph left.

She draped an arm across his torso. He tried to pacify her with a one-arm hold.

" _Eddd_."

He wondered if that was that a " _make love to me Eddd"_ or an " _Eddd, what is wrong with you_?"

He tossed the book aside. She smiled as he cocooned her in his thick, muscular grasp. She burrowed her head in his neck. Every exhale wafted across his skin in slow motion; the fresh, flowery scent of her shampoo blanketed his face. Her lips curved upward in a tiny, smug smile.

He glanced at the book.

There was something big in that last part. He knew it. Sensed it.

But reading would have to wait.

"Gonna turn the lamp off," he whispered, leaning over to tug the cord and kill the only remaining light in the room. She settled even further into him and he kissed her head. "Love you, Olivia Margaret."

"Love you," she said in a raspy voice. "Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow when you drop them off, will you remind the day care people to practice two-word phrases with the twins?"

"Yep."

"And Noah—"

"—I already made his lunch. He didn't like the Shepherd's Pie last time."

"Do you think he's okay in that math class? He doesn't talk about it like he did last year."

"I think so, but we can ask him about it." Ed kissed the top of her head. "Relax, Liv. Go back to sleep."

"Right," She pressed a gentle kiss to his chest and took a deep breath, "Okay. Mmmm. I'm so glad you're my husband."

Ed smirked into her hair, "Not as glad as I am."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	77. Chapter 77

**Seventy-seven**.

Boasting two bags of take-out and a wide smile, Sonny burst into the apartment, didn't bother removing his shoes or blazer, and plopped down next to Brooke. He produced tins of spaghetti and lasagna, breadsticks, and tossed salad.

"Want dressing?" He asked. Lately, Brooke had an aversion to the tangy house variety their go-to trattoria offered.

"Sure." Brooke frowned. Sonny had forgotten her taco request. Nevertheless, she accepted the plate, thanked him, and asked, "Have fun?"

"Yeah, blowing off steam, basically. It's not over, but we have a much clearer path than two days ago."

"Good," she forced a smile and tapped his knee. "I miss ya."

"You're probably gonna get sick of me after this one's born," he quipped.

Brooke finished her bite and looked at him quizzically. "Why would you think I'd be sick of you? Since the summer…we've hardly spent any time together. It's been…well…the focus has been on everything and everyone but us."

Her words had very little bite, but, nevertheless, Sonny winced. "I know it's been tough. I know that." He stared at her intently, evidently reading her mind. "I wouldn't be at work if I didn't have to be."

Unfortunately, Brooke had trouble believing him, but she tried her best to pretend otherwise. "I know…I have a hard time understanding…how you've lasted so long there. It seems like every case hits you harder and harder and takes longer to fade away."

"Because they don't fade away," Sonny said.

Brooke had stopped eating altogether. "Do you ever think you'll do law? Is it even on the radar anymore?"

"It's complicated," he replied, "I love Liv and Rollins and Fin…I love working with them. And I keep thinkin' maybe I should take the Sergeant's exam. I know Rollins wants to move into Liv's position eventually."

Had Sonny been completely focused on Brooke, he would have picked up on the mounting frown that crossed her face, but he was devouring pasta with the fervor of someone who had downed four drinks in an hour and hadn't eaten since the morning's Kaiser roll.

"I like being on this side of the law," he finished with his mouth full. "But, anyway, when the baby's born, I'm taking time. We gotta figure out how to be parents. Well," he glanced toward Aidan's room and smirked, "Parents of an actual newborn."

Brooke smiled and concentrated on her food.

"But we're gonna be great," he continued. "No doubt about that."

…

When Justin stepped out of the elevator he immediately heard music blaring from the apartment. He took his time walking to what had become his de facto home over the course of only a few weeks. Given his brief residency, the melancholy he felt when he thought of leaving the building made him break into an embarrassing grin. Justin grew up close to his neighbors and others who lived on his block. It was tough for almost everyone to "get out" of Soundview, but there were many people who simply chose not to leave. His mother was a part of that slowly dwindling population and though she didn't regard gentrification with the virulent derision common to her friends and neighbors, she often eyed the Manhattan skyline and wonder when developers would suddenly want to reinvent Soundview and market it to younger, richer, and whiter people.

The people in Sarah's, or Ed's, building had lived in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood for decades. They were mostly stubborn holdouts—people who refused to sell even though they stood to make a killing on their prewar apartments. Justin appreciated the building's vintage New York City vibe, and he quickly became friendly with a handful of residents he encountered on a regular basis. They shared accents and attitudes, and he felt home here.

Justin suspected Ed's impeccable reputation as a quiet, mostly absent owner leveraged people on the floor to tolerate the blaring Beyonce lyrics. He unlocked the door and almost fell flat on his face. Sarah had begun stacking boxes and hadn't been clearing any discernible path to the entrance.

"Oh, shit," she rushed to her teetering boyfriend, "Sorry." She divested him of his backpack and held him close for a few seconds. She pressed her ear to his chest and breathed in the lingering scent of the cool autumn night mixed with traces of his aftershave and evergreen-scented body wash.

"I was gonna help pack…" He poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. "But I guess…"

"I'm impatient. You're sure your brother doesn't mind helping Saturday?"

"He doesn't. The two of us and Salim…we'll be able to get everything in the truck in one trip I think. Then it's only the bigger items

"I made Noey take one trip today. Well, two. To Costco and one trip for boxes."

Justin grinned. "Whadja get at Costco?"

"Omigod I spent like four hundred bucks." Sarah bit her lip. Even though she and Justin were determined not to let their wildly different incomes cause rifts between them, she had trouble reining in her lackadaisical attitude toward money. "I, uh…"

Justin played with stray strands of her blonde hair. They were sticking out every which way from the bun atop her head. "Stop," he said softly.

She tilted her head back and grinned. "Okay."

"Ready for a break?"

"Sure. Whadja have in mind?"

"Wanna go grab a drink? Walk a little?"

"Sure."

They went to a nearby pub then aimlessly strolled hand-in-hand until they were in the vicinity of the garish lights and touristy chaos of Times Square.

"Whoops," Justin quipped when they found themselves outside of T.G.I. Friday's. "Should we go in?"

He was joking, but Sarah moved toward the entrance. "Why not? Let's drink. We're not working tomorrow."

"Yeah, moving boxes with a hangover is my favorite thing."

"I don't think you've ever been hungover," Sarah sassed, tugging open the door and making a beeline for the bar. "And besides, we're not drinking _all night_." She pulled up a barstool and leaned over for a kiss. Before touching her lips to his, she whispered, "Senor Vidal, you're blushing." He grinned shyly and ducked his eyes. She kissed his forehead. "I _lovvvvve_ making you blush."

….

Ed's eyes shot open every hour on the hour. At midnight Olivia showed no signs of straying from his arms. An hour later she was even more plastered to his chest, so relaxed and at ease he double checked she was breathing. At four o'clock she had moved to her back, one arm above her head and the other at her side. Ed saw an opening and turned to his nightstand, but she rolled back in his direction and mumbled, "You awake?"

"Yeah."

"I was dreaming about you."

"Yeah?"

She slithered on top of him and nibbled at his earlobe. "I want you."

In one motion, Ed expertly flipped her to her back. "Then me you shall have."

Olivia arched her back, admiring how Ed could so quickly go from half-asleep to rock hard and ready to love her. He twisted his hips and ground them into hers. Starting at her neck, he swirled his tongue in circles against her skin. His hands drifted inside her pajama pants and he smirked at the sensation and at her satisfied moan.

"Had enough?" He teased.

She let out a sarcastic, throaty chuckle.

He paused. "Gotta answer, Liv."

She gripped his head with both hands. "Don't ask silly questions, Captain." When he still refused to continue, she added, "I never have enough of you."

His smirk was haughty, almost devilish. There were no limits to his love for this woman. He stripped her of the only two garments on her body—t-shirt and the pants—and tossed his boxers to the floor. Her fingers were digging into the muscles on his back. He gripped one of her thighs and slammed into her, trading his usual slow, methodical start for an immediate session of rough sex, a display most people would probably have labeled tame. It was playful, aggressive, a bit too loud, and interrupted occasionally, for a split second, by Ed checking to make sure Olivia was still in the throes of pleasure and hadn't drifted off to a dark place. She had never done that, but he feared it nevertheless.

Had he verbalized that one concern, Olivia would have dismissed it without question. There was no safer place than wherever they were making love.

They fell back asleep an hour or so before Maggie chatter filtered in through the iPad. Much to Olivia's delight, she had begun stringing words together and her new phrase for the morning was "Ma" or "Da" paired with "UP!" Bracing herself on the rails, Maggie used the mattress as a trampoline and chanted until she was sprung from bed. If Wyatt woke early, he copied his sister.

"I'll get her," Olivia said softly, reluctantly extricating herself from the sheets and her husband.

Ed admired her backside in the seconds it took her to throw on some clothes. "Goddam you're beautiful," he rasped. "You're a painting."

Olivia's cheeks burned. " _Ed_."

"I'm serious. A priceless work of art. That's you."

She hovered over the bed, let her hair fall in his face, and kissed him.

"Thank you for choosing me," he said, his words dripping with sincerity. " _Thank you_."

"You're welcome," she said, smiling. "I think that choice has worked out pretty well."

"Yeah it has."

" _MA! UP!"_

"I'm going to get our daughter now," Olivia said, smiling even wider. Her eyes glistened and she murmured, " _Our daughter_."

Ed looked past Olivia to the iPad screen. "She's gonna jump outta that bed."

"And look at baby boy, still snoozing away."

"He's got my personality. Laid back. Calm. Doesn't let anything bother him."

Olivia rolled her eyes, gave him a playful swat, and went to get Maggie.

…..

Ed was supposed to meet Sarah and Justin at his apartment, but he took a detour and made a stop at the Sixteenth Precinct. He apologetically explained to Sarah that something had come up and he was going to be a little late.

The morning had unfolded no differently than any other. Olivia spent lazy time with the twins and when Noah woke up she plopped them in the high chairs. Ed served them breakfast and Olivia snuck some morning cuddles with Noah before she went to shower. Noah's Kindergarten-year milestones included independently completing his morning routine, and he needed little assistance from his parents.

The family left together and walked the short distance to school and day care, parting at the last minute when they got to Eighth Avenue. The goodbye routine of exchanging kisses and hugs sometimes lasted a full five minutes after which Olivia took Noah to school and Ed continued on to day care.

Ed was reluctant to leave the twins in their toddler classroom even though they always happily joined the group and never expressed any distress when Ed departed. He occasionally lingered for longer than any of the other parents. Seeing Maggie and Wyatt among their friends and teachers intrigued him. The twins rarely veered more than a few feet away from each other. They explored the room in tandem and interacted with other kids, but they frequently looked around, needing a visual check-in every few minutes.

After the day care drop-off, he went to an old breakfast haunt and ate scrambled eggs and toast at the counter while skimming the morning newspaper. When he was single and working, he was a voracious consumer of periodicals. He still read the paper every day, but he wasn't nearly as thorough as he had once been.

Back at home he got trapped in a conversation with a high-ranking member of their Homeowners' Board of Directors and he was sufficiently distracted so that when he entered the empty apartment he forgot about the book.

But not for long.

He plucked it from the nightstand and sat in the armchair, feet propped on the ottoman.

 _Next year, I will lay down my shield. It will mark my twenty-eighth year on the force and yet another…_

Ed kept reading but didn't process the words. _I will lay down my shield_ played over and over in his head. She used his words. Those words were exactly what he said to her before their brief breakup, when she was questioning everything, even his love for her. More significantly, she was committing to retirement. He smirked, suddenly understanding why she'd continually inquired about which chapter he was currently reading. Telling him this way left no gray areas. He didn't need to feel guilty or as if he had pressured her into a decision, and he also didn't have the opportunity to talk her out of it. And by pinpointing a future date, she had time to get used to the idea of leaving SVU.

Next to him, on a small, round, side table, sat a framed photograph. Olivia religiously swapped most of their older pictures for newer ones, but a few, including this one, remained in their frames. Either Sarah or Brooke had taken the shot of the two of them seated at a table, the cluttered remnants of the meal the four of them had shared on full display in the foreground. It seemed an odd choice for a frame—most of the others were either professionally done or heavily staged—but Ed knew why this one had staying power.

" _Olivia Margaret Benson, will you marry me?"_

The proposal did not begin as planned. He hadn't even meant to propose that night when the conversation between the two of them became about family and how much they both meant to each other.

" _Tell me what you want, Ed."_

" _I want to marry you."_

" _Okay."_

" _Okay?"_

Seconds later, he produced the ring, got down on one knee, and formally popped the question. The next day they delivered the news to a very excited Noah. Then they called Sarah and Brooke and arranged an impromptu dinner. Sarah screamed and tackled Olivia with her hug; Brooke, more subdued but no less enthusiastic, congratulated them with a wide, genuine smile.

He re-read the paragraph and picked up his phone, but immediately reconsidered. He needed to _see_ her.

…

Included in the squad's unwritten rules was a stipulation that anyone could be interrupted at any time if the interruption involved family. This applied most frequently to Rollins and Benson, but, typically, the two mothers had to step away to take or make phone calls. In-person, unexpected appearances alarmed everyone, even the unflappable Fin who was the first one to encounter Ed Tucker when he arrived.

"Hey, Tucker," Fin muttered, raising his eyebrows. Despite Olivia's obvious happiness, Detective Tutuola had never completely warmed up to Ed.

"Hey. Liv here?"

"She's in her office with—"

Ed breezed past Fin and barged into the office. The blinds clanged against the door and four heads snapped up at the cacophonous intrusion.

"Sorry," he said hurriedly. He spoke directly to Olivia, ignoring everyone else. "Liv, I need to talk to you."

Worried, she tossed her reading glasses aside, fired off a quick apology, and took Ed to the most distant interrogation room where they could have complete privacy.

Sheer terror filled her eyes. "What is it?"

Ed grabbed her hands before she could start kneading her fingers. He smiled and kissed one cheek, then the other. "I read the last page."

Relief supplanted the tension and anxiety. She smiled and hugged him before lightly punching his shoulder. "You _scared_ me!"

"I know and I really am sorry about that, but I had to see you."

"I was hoping you would read that while we were both at home." She was smiling now and rubbing his back, keeping their waists pressed together. "I was also hoping you wouldn't mind being told that way."

Smirking, he kissed her a few times and murmured, "You're always thinkin' of everyone else…"

"So…what _do_ you think? July First."

"I think on July Second we're going to drive to our new beach house and not worry about when we're coming back." He kissed her again, "I know it's gonna be tough for ya…but…the beach, you know, makes everything easier to deal with."

"It may be," she said, "But it's worth it. It's worth being a full-time mother and wife. It'll be worth volunteering at Noah's school and chasing Maggie and Wyatt around. It'll be worth helping Brooke with the baby. It'll be worth not having to call you and tell you I'll be late..."

"I _hate_ it when you have to be late," Ed said with an exaggerated pout.

Olivia laughed and put her head on his shoulder.

"I really should get back in there," she said.

"Yeah." Ed locked her more firmly in his embrace.

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"I was, um, sort of in the middle of a meeting…with my boss and the ADA, and his boss…"

"Gimme one more minute?"

Olivia breathed deeply and melted even more into the contours of his body. "Sure," she whispered. "One more minute."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	78. Chapter 78

**Seventy-eight**.

Remnants of the Tucker family breakfast sat abandoned on the bench next to Olivia. Taking advantage of the pleasant fall morning, she and Ed loaded the stroller and took the kids out for a walk and a breakfast picnic along the Hudson River. Noah rolled alongside his family on his scooter, occasionally drifting ahead but always making sure to stop and wait for his parents and the stroller to catch up. Ed and Olivia were enjoying themselves so much they didn't think to stop and assess the distance from home they'd traveled. When they arrived at the picturesque Pier 51 playground, Ed suggested they stop, eat, and let the kids play for a while.

"May wanna Uber back," he said.

Olivia sipped her coffee, "Or not. It's so nice out."

Ed rubbed her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Whatever you want."

Olivia smiled at his almost sycophantic compliance. "But then again, we're supposed to be at Sarah's around noon, so maybe we better. Or maybe we should go straight there from here."

"We could do that. Do we have enough of everything?"

"We do."

"Sounds like a plan then."

Keeping an eye on her children, Olivia partially turned to Ed so she could kiss him on the lips without losing sight of the three young Tuckers playing nearby. The one thing they did not have in the otherwise stocked stroller was a supply of sand toys, but Maggie had found a friend in the sand pit and was repeatedly filling and dumping a borrowed bucket full of sugary sand. Amazed at her achievement, she laughed and looked back at her parents each time.

"We may need to use Sarah's bathtub for her though," Ed remarked.

Noah and Wyatt were more interested in the slide. At first, Ed shadowed his sons, but soon accepted his presence wasn't required. Noah led Wyatt by the hand up the wide, toddler-friendly steps, sat down, secured his brother in his lap, and scooted forward until they hit the plastic incline and hurtled downward. Wyatt squealed, clambered to his feet, and made a beeline for the stairs shouting, "GAIN! GAIN, NO!"

At one point Olivia went over and offered to help Wyatt on the slide so Noah could play elsewhere, but he refused to leave Wyatt in anyone else's care.

"Wyatt wanna keep slidin!"

"Sweet boy, I'll hold him on the slide. What about everything else? You want to do the monkey bars, right?"

Noah twisted his lips. "We keep sliding _den_ I can do da bars."

Olivia nodded and returned to Ed's side.

"Is Wyatt saying _again_?" Ed asked.

"He is. And Noah is more than happy to indulge him."

Ed gazed at his sons. Noah insisted they dress similarly whenever possible and today he and Wyatt wore almost identical attire—jeans, zippered kelly green hoodies, and gray Nike sneakers. The only difference was the dye in Noah's denim was slightly darker and his shoes had seen significantly more playground time than Wyatt's.

Maggie wore jeans as well, but instead of a hoodie Olivia dressed her in a purple half-zip fleece and her pink-and-white Adidas sneakers which were now completely buried in the ecru sand.

Wyatt still boasted his deliciously chubby cheeks, bright blue eyes, and Olivia's bone structure. His head was full of chestnut brown loose curls which Olivia resisted cutting though she always kept Noah's hair sharply coiffed. Ed suspected she was reluctant to take Wyatt for a trim because lopping off his locks would make him look more like a little boy rather than a baby.

Maggie's face had changed drastically. In fact, Ed and Olivia often compared photos of her as a young infant to those of her as a seventeen-month-old and joked about how they weren't completely sure they had the same baby. After beginning her life as a lean, long carbon-copy of Sarah, she now looked like a genuine combination of her parents. Her hair and eyes had darkened, and her face filled out. She had her father's cheekbones and her mother's jaw. She also inherited the Tucker smirk which, as she got older, she employed with amusing frequency.

Ed caught sight of their stroller and noticed something he'd never taken stock of before. "Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"You think we're too… _boy-girl_ with Maggie and Wyatt?"

"That sounds like a question I would have," she quipped.

"Yeah I know. Maybe I need to go back to thinking of all the ways I'm gonna intimidate potential boyfriends."

Olivia nudged him, "Or girlfriends?"

He shrugged. "Whatever makes her happy. I don't care."

"But to answer your question, maybe we are, but that's us. For better or for worse, that's us. It's not like we're depriving her or Wyatt or Noah from anything. And she _loves_ her baby." The small, plush Baby Gund doll Sarah had gifted Maggie when she was born was perpetually in Maggie's grasp.

"It's for better," he said, kissing her cheek again. "Ope, she's on the move."

Maggie extricated herself from the sand and climbed out of the pit. Her eyes were fixated on the water and she scrambled to the playground's edge and pressed her face between the white railing bars.

"Whatcha see, Maggs?" Ed asked.

"BO!" She jabbed her finger at a boat in the distance. "BO!"

"Yes, sweet girl," Olivia praised, " _Boat_. Is it a big boat?"

"Bi'BOAT!"

Ed smiled. "Two word phrases," he murmured, good-naturedly needling her.

Olivia ignored the teasing and matter-of-factly replied, "Now we need to start working on sentences she said. Short ones. Subjects and verbs." She continued coaxing more vocabulary from Maggie and Ed listened with an amused smirk on his face. Lately Olivia had seemed to let go of the melancholy she felt about the twins becoming full-fledged, more independent toddlers, and he suspected one reason was because she desperately wanted to have conversations with her two youngest children. He imagined spirited debates between Olivia and Maggie and deep, insightful talks with Wyatt. Ed also looked forward to hanging out and bantering with his kids as they grew up. He missed those opportunities with Brooke and Sarah and he was buoyed by this second chance to be a truly present Dad.

Noah and Wyatt walked over hand-in-hand. Wyatt grabbed his cup and sipped juice. Noah announced he was ready to go over to the monkey bars.

"I get eight in a row at school," Noah reported seriously. "I gotta get nine 'cause Mia got nine last time."

"Alright, bud," Ed chuckled, "Let's go over and see if ya can get nine. Did anyone get ten?"

"Nope!" Noah said cheerfully, "Jus' Mia with nine!"

"She's a strong kid."

"Yep! She really strong! I gotta be strong like her!"

Ed winked at Olivia. "Let's go practice then. Let's getcha to nine."

….

Like most homes are after a move, the new Union Square apartment was in an ironic state of semi-organized disarray. The larger furniture had been placed in the proper spots. The television had been mounted on the wall along with the surround-sound speakers. The bedrooms were in order. Newly purchased bar stools and the balcony's table and chairs were situated and gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. However, boxes in various stages of being unpacked lined the walls and, in some cases, obstructed normal movement patterns. The adults and Noah moved about carefully. Maggie and Wyatt paused next to and explored every open box.

"Where should we start?" Olivia asked, shooing Maggie away from a box of kitchen utensils.

Sarah and Justin led the grand tour and Olivia and Ed gushed about the floor plan, the view, and the amenities. They weren't simply being gratuitous. The place was recently renovated, modern, was freshly painted, and had a crisp new-construction feel to it.

"Livvie! We didn't invite you here to work!"

"We don't mind. But, I get it. Unpacking is kind of a personal thing."

"Actually," Sarah bit her finger, "I dunno if I would mind someone doing it all for me. I'm open to new organizational systems."

Olivia looked at Justin. He was smiling, clearly amused at his girlfriend's thinking.

"Part of the fun of moving into a new space," Olivia said.

"With three kids staying organized must be hard," Justin chimed in. He had been quiet, though that wasn't unusual. He was always more content to sit back, listen, laugh, and add his two cents when necessary.

"Yeah it is," Ed said, "Bout every five days it gets a little outta control."

"But Noah helps a lot," Olivia added, "Don't you, sweet boy?"

"Yep! I put my clothes in da drawers and I help da babies put the toys away! Those babies are messy!"

"Noey, I should hire you to help us!"

He shrugged. "Kay."

"I'll pay you."

"Actually," Ed interjected, "We need a favor. Justin, do you have any spare EMT things you can let Noah borrow for his Halloween costume?"

"He wants to be you," Olivia said.

Noah jumped up and down and grabbed Justin's arm. "I gonna be JUSTY! But I need da uniform and da radio and all da other stuff! But it haveta be _toy_ 'cause you need it for work!"

Clearly honored and maybe a bit overwhelmed, Justin smiled nervously and stammered a little. "Yeah, uh, sure. Well, Noah, you wanna come and see the station house someday? Then you can pick out what ya wanna borrow?"

Noah's eyes took up half his face. "YEAH!"

"If your mom and dad say it's okay," Justin added.

Noah looked pleadingly at Ed and Olivia.

"Of course, sweet boy," Olivia said.

"I can prolly get him a hat," Justin said, "It's early enough. I bet they can make a smaller version of mine."

"Daddy getted me a police badge!"

"He did?"

"Uh-huh!"

Sarah swooned, "Omigod, omigod, that was _sooo_ _cuuuute_. Justin, it was, like the beginning of all of us and it was Noah's birthday and he loved police and ties and—"

"Daddy, I gotta wear a tie 'gain."

"Sure, bud."

"You gonna wear a tie 'gain?"

Everyone laughed.

"Well, pal, sure. If Sarah and Justin wanna stay with you and your brother and sister sometime soon, I'll wear one to take your mom on a date."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod. Of _course_ we will babysit."

Olivia grinned uncontrollably.

Sarah collected Maggie and Wyatt into her arms and smothered them with kisses. "And these children are the best!"

"So anyway," Ed continued, "What should be help with?"

"We need to hang some things," Justin said, "Give me a hand with that?"

"Sure thing."

It took a couple hours for Justin and Ed to hang pictures, the wall wine rack, and rearrange the closet shelving. They also adjusted the height of a chandelier and made plans to raise the shower head in the master bathroom to a more comfortable height. Sarah, Olivia, and the kids hung out on the balcony.

"This table is perfect," Olivia remarked. "Where did you find one this size?"

"Oddly enough I Googled narrow outdoor table for balcony and this came up," Sarah answered proudly. "I remember my teachers telling me not to search like that but it seems to work."

"Sare Bear," Noah said, "You gotta LISTEN to da teacher!"

"I know, Noey Boey. I usually do."

"Your book is coming out Monday," Sarah said, "Are you nervous?"

Olivia stared off toward Union Square. "I suppose I would be if the preordering hadn't gone well. But I'm actually excited to see what people think."

"Everyone's gonna love it, Livvie."

"Not everyone, but, I hope most people…get it."

"I think they will."

Olivia raised her eyebrows, "You read the whole thing?"

Sarah giggled and raised her hands, palms facing outward, "Not exactly. I started reading it but I've had those spoilers from Brooke and Justin. I'm sorry, but, if there are no numbers or charts or graphs involved, it takes me forever."

Olivia cast an appreciative glance inside directed at Justin. He had read the final, _final_ version and had no divulged her secret. Or, if he had told Sarah about her retirement plans, he swore her to a level of secrecy previously unknown to Olivia.

Noah narrated the street action for Maggie and Wyatt and Sarah and Olivia listened contentedly for several minutes. However, Sarah was not willing to let precious semi-alone time pass without delving into the personal.

"Livvie…I'm still…I'm still…It's like," Sarah groaned, "I almost don't want to read it for myself. Then it seems less real."

Given Noah's close proximity, Olivia chose her words carefully. "I understand," she said, "Completely understand. And I don't want what's in the book to cloud our life. Because, well, I'll never be _over it_ , but I've moved past it, I've found peace and happiness, and I'm able to… _live."_

Sarah bit her lip. "Maybe I don't want to know."

"Understandable."

"I'm sorry that happened to you." Sarah turned to look Olivia in the eyes and expected to see tears, but she was greeted with a combination of resolve and contentment, for part of Olivia's attention was on her children.

"I am too," Olivia replied, "Because it will always be there. But our family will always be here. And you, Brooke, these three," Olivia made a silly face at Maggie causing the little girl to erupt in giggles. "Your Dad…you all make my life so wonderful. You make it easy to put all of that permanently behind me."

"And we get a new baby soon," Sarah murmured.

"Yes we do," Olivia replied, "I think I'll go and see Brooke later today. I haven't actually seen her in a while. We've been texting and calling. The last time I talked with her she seemed a little down."

"I think she's sick of being pregnant."

Olivia laughed softly, "It does seem like it's taking forever. But then again, that's a good thing. It scared all of us when she was in the hospital."

Wyatt staggered over to his mother and lifted his arms, requesting to be picked up. Olivia cradled him as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Ready for a nap big guy?" She asked softly, kissing him on the spot next to his left eye. "Sleep right here with Mommy." Wyatt fussed for a few minutes but eventually buried his face in Olivia's chest and fell asleep.

Maggie bolted over with a curious expression and inspected her twin brother. She looked up at Olivia quizzically and softly said, "Wy!"

"Yes, Maggs," Olivia whispered. "Wyatt's asleep. He's taking a nap. You want to take one?"

"Maggie," Noah said, "Say _No Nap_!"

"No nap! No NAP! No NAP!" Maggie marched around to the beat of her chants.

"Great job, Noey Boey," Sarah said sarcastically.

Noah marched along with his sister and grinned. "No problem!"

"No problem?" Sarah asked incredulously, "Where did you learn that?"

"That's what Mr. B. say!"

"Noey Boey you're getting too old."

Noah froze, arms akimbo. "Sare Bear! I'm a little kid!"

"Good. Stay a little kid for twenty more years."

"Kay."

…..

Olivia was in Brooke's apartment for all of five minutes when she recognized her stir-craziness. She suggested they go out for a stroll since Brooke had been cleared for moderate physical activity and, after a morning and afternoon of binge watching old episodes of _Beverly Hills, 90210_ , she had reserves of energy. They strolled around the neighborhood, stopping for drinks—coffee for Olivia and a smoothie for Brooke—and made small talk. Aidan was keeping busy with his job and school and had refused to see his Dad for last month's visit. Brooke relayed the details in such a casual manner Olivia didn't fully process them at first.

"Are you sure he's keeping busy and something else isn't going on?" Olivia asked.

"I think so," Brooke said, "I mean, his grades are good. He seems fine when he's home. He just really doesn't want to go out to Rikers. So, of course, I'm worried about Dave's release and what that's going to mean for everyone. Aidan's excited about the baby. What if he doesn't want to live with Dave? Then what?"

Olivia slowed her pace. "Maybe wait and worry about that when the time comes?"

Stunned, Brooke stopped altogether and gaped at Olivia.

"Not my best advice," she said, grinning. "I know." She nudged Brooke. "It's okay. You can say it."

Brooke laughed and started walking again. "You're right," she said, "Maybe it is that simple. But I'm picturing this huge battle. But maybe Dave doesn't care. But how could he not care?"

"I'm sure he cares," Olivia said, "But he's also going to have to get his life in order. Maybe he'll be okay with Aidan making his own decision. That is, if you want Aidan living with you."

"It's really no big deal most of the time," Brooke said, "He's a good kid."

"What does Sonny think?"

"Sonny's not home enough to think about him," Brooke snapped, then, taken aback by her own bitterness, tried to backtrack, "He's busy…putting in hours now so he can take them later."

Brooke seemed to have forgotten she was talking to her husband's boss.

"Is—" Olivia paused to reword. The first reply that almost jumped off her tongue was too incriminating, "He'll be able to take time. I'll remind him. Sometimes he still thinks like a rookie when it comes to things like that."

"Olivia, I'm scared." Brooke blurted out the confession so abruptly she knocked herself sideways.

Literally.

Olivia grabbed her elbow and steadied her. " _Sweetie_." She spotted a nearby bench and the two of them took a seat, "Scared about what?"

"I don't think Sonny's into this," Brooke moaned. Tears poured from her eyes like they'd been held up there for weeks. "He says all the right things. He's excited. But there's something insincere about it. About him. And I've never seen him like that. He's always been over-the-top genuine, and now, he's, well, it's like he doesn't want to do it anymore but he's in it so he's here as an obligation, not as my husband."

Olivia slumped forward and stared at the concrete. She was sure her heart was lying, shattered in pieces, all over Ft. Greene.

"Please keep this to yourself," Brooke pleaded. "I mean, I know you'll tell Dad, but please don't say anything to Sonny."

"I won't," Olivia held Brooke's hand. She could have been offended by the request, but she knew Brooke was imagining Olivia starting a purportedly innocuous conversation with Sonny with the intention of passing on some wisdom. And Brooke was probably right. "But I don't want you to think you're alone. Because you're not. And it sounds like Sonny, well, the two of you have had to deal with so much…maybe this is his way of getting through it and to his new normal? I'm not making excuses, but I do think it's worth asking him…because…" Olivia winced, "You _do_ want this marriage, right?"

Brooke tapped the tips of her fingers together. "I do. But not like this."

Olivia put her arm around Brooke's shoulders, and, after a few seconds of resistance, quietly coaxed her closer. "As hard as it will be to say it," she said, "Sonny needs to hear how you feel."

"I was really afraid you would say that," Brooke said with a sarcastic chuckle. "I knew that's what you'd say. And you're right."

"See?" Olivia said, "Trust your instincts."

"I trust them more when they agree with you."

…

Both the office phone and Olivia's cell phone rang incessantly in the wake of the book's official release. Journalists left voicemails and followed up with text messages. People Olivia hadn't heard from in years called to offer their congratulations. The books were flying off the shelves of brick and mortar stores and being downloaded at near-record rates. Three days later, Olivia was overwhelmed but a bit bewildered at all the attention. Everyone close to her predicted the book's success, but she had not imagined demand or attention on this scale. Each night she came home to Ed who, filled with pride and admiration, doted on her even more than usual.

So, when Olivia arrived extremely early on the Friday after the release with a rigid expression and a distant attitude, he immediately questioned her.

"Somethin' happen?" He knew a tricky, troubling case was capable of sending her into despondency and home for a breather before embarking on a round-the clock manhunt.

Without hesitating, she snapped, "You talked to Stabler and didn't tell me?"

The first thing Ed noticed was she didn't use her former partner's first name. That was a good sign, but his wife was still understandably miffed. She'd parted her lips ever so slightly and glowered accusatorily. He hadn't intentionally kept the encounter from her, yet he hadn't prioritized remembering it.

"Shit, Liv, I'm sorry, I saw him at PAL a few weeks ago."

Ed made every effort to sound remorseful, but Olivia wasn't buying it. Her frown deepened.

"I played it off," she said, "Like _I_ forgot."

"No reason to do that," he replied nonchalantly, "I'm the one who screwed up." _There_ , he thought, _I've admitted guilt. Now we can move on_.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. " _Why_ didn't you tell me?"

"I saw him first thing that morning. We talked for a minute, maybe less. Went on with my day. By the time we saw each other later I wasn't really thinkin' about it."

She pressed her lips together in a straight line.

Reason and honesty were getting Ed nowhere, so he turned on the charm and dared to step closer to her. She didn't resist him sliding his arms around her waist, but she didn't easily acquiesce, either.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, this time with a pout. "Maybe I forgot on purpose. Maybe I'm a little…jealous."

Her tone softened ever so slightly. "Jealous? Why would you be jealous…" she looked around the room for effect, "…after all this?"

"Residual. From years ago. Or maybe it's more…resentment…that he got all this time with ya, and I coulda, but, I conflated the two of you…suspicion of him became suspicion of you. And I really am sorry for that."

Olivia played with the collar of his polo shirt, "So you're actually _not sorry_ for not telling me?"

"Oh I am, but not in the same way." He smirked as she began lightly tickling the nape of his neck and he knew he was forgiven. "I know you two will always have a bond."

"But not like ours." Olivia kissed him abruptly, passionately, and it caused Ed to stumble backward.

"Damn," he rasped, lips still on hers.

Olivia shoved him to the couch. "Let's get rid of that residual jealousy and resentment, huh?" He fell backwards onto the cushions. His head hit Wyatt's train blanket and several stuffed animals. Olivia swiped them to the floor.

"You sure went from pissed off and a little scary to…"

Another ferocious kiss interrupted him. When Olivia lifted her head, she cocked an eyebrow and asked, "To what?"

"To in love with me again?"

"I'm never going to not be in love with you Ed Tucker," she tapped his chin with her index finger. "You're too cute. Especially when you're in a little trouble."

"I really am sorry."

"No more apologizing. At least," she planted sloppy kisses on Ed's neck, "Not with words. And not now."

Ed deftly unbuckled her belt. "Yes ma'am."

…

One of Ed's lesser-known talents was his ability to wake up without an alarm clock within minutes of a desired time. With young children in the house he hadn't needed his internal alarm clock very often, but the morning after their very brief display of marital tension, he intentionally woke up before everyone else, stealthily swiped the iPad from Olivia's nightstand, and parked himself in the kitchen where he began piling breakfast ingredients on the island. He was going all out this morning, punctuating his multiple verbal and nonverbal apologies.

After yesterday's living room tryst, he and Olivia walked hand-in-hand to day care and Noah's school. The family ate an early dinner at the pub and spent the rest of the evening playing games. Olivia had reverted back to her normal self and made to show of any harbored ill feelings about his blunder. She did mention later on, after the kids were in bed, that she and Elliott promised to meet for drinks soon and she gave Ed the option of staying home, a suggestion he met with a snicker and a sly grin.

 _Not gonna fail this test, sweetheart_.

Of course he was going. And he promised to behave.

"You know," Olivia had said as they settled in under the covers, "You could be that funny, charming guy I know? Kathy will be there."

"I'm only funny for you."

"Now that is not true."

She teased him more, he ate it up, and they spent the better part of the night making out, making love, and snoozing naked, cradled in each other's arms. Ed was shocked when Olivia barely stirred when he left the bed.

Ed was in the middle of whisking pancake batter when Noah staggered into the room with his eyes half-open. He managed to clamber into one of the island chairs and observed Ed's mise en place with extreme interest.

"Mornin, bud."

"G'mornin. It Saturday?"

"Yup. Want milk or juice?"

"Choc'lit milk, please."

"Sure thing. Very polite." Ed served Noah and went back to chef duties. He temporarily stored the batter in the refrigerator and got to work making an egg, bacon, and cheese frittata he had seen on the cover of a magazine in the market. Maple chicken sausage sizzled in one skillet and another was gradually warming to the perfect temperature for the pancakes.

"Should we make the pancakes a certain shape?" Ed asked.

"We do letters," Noah said, a bit more alert. "D for Daddy, M for Mommy and Maggie, N for Noah, and W for Wyatt."

"Sounds like a plan."

Noah giggled. "You Daddy AND you Ed! So we need E. Den we need O for O-liv-i-a!"

"That's right. Good job pal."

"And B for brother and S for sister."

"Startin' to get a lot of pancakes."

Noah shrugged. "Dat okay. Those babies _lovvvvve_ their pancakes!"

"They sure do."

"Daddy?"

Ed looked up from the eggs he was cracking. Noah's contorted and twisted his face, his typical mannerism for when he processed intricate concepts. "Yeah bud?"

"Why you call me Noah?"

"What's that?"

"Why my name Noah?"

Ed's eyes drifted in the direction of the bedroom. He desperately wished Olivia would appear. She would know what to say and how to navigate this challenging line of questioning. But it was still early and he wanted to let her sleep. For now, he had the not-so-simple task of making sure he didn't irreparably fuck things up.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	79. Chapter 79

_**Seventy-nine**_.

 _(Just a reminder about this story re: Sheila. In this AU, OMBT never gave Sheila a chance to develop a relationship with Noah)_

Ed cleared his throat.

"Well, bud, the first Noah was a man who lived a long time ago. And he helped all his friends be safe," Ed had to suppress a chuckle thinking about how Caroline would vehemently disapprove of Ed's Genesis anecdote. "So, when you were a baby, everyone knew Noah was the right name for you. Everyone knew you were going to be a good friend."

Noah smiled appreciatively.

Ed breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed another egg.

"Why I have _Porter_ , too?"

 _Shit_.

"Because we have middle names," Ed began, thinking and speaking at the same time.

"Why?"

"Some people give their kids middle names to honor other people," Ed replied. "And some people can't decide what to name their babies so they give 'em two or even three names."

"I have FOUR names!"

"Yeah ya do. And so do Wyatt and Maggie." Ed groaned. He'd successfully steered Noah onto more generic questioning only to bring his brother and sister into the mix.

"You have four names?"

"Nope. Only three."

"How many names Brookey's baby gonna have?"

"Probably three."

"We make a B for dat baby," Noah said, "B for brother and _Buh_ -aby. Need two _Bs_."

"Got it, bud."

"And B for _Buh_ - _Buh_ -BUD!"

Ed covered the eggs with plastic wrap and sipped his coffee. "You sure are gettin' smart. Pretty soon you're gonna be able to write a book like Mommy."

"Mommy writed a BIG BOOK!" Noah exclaimed gleefully, "That's a lotta words! I gotta get a c'puter to write a book, Daddy! Mommy work on da c'puter not da iPad!"

Ed leaned forward on his elbows. "Whatcha gonne write about, bud?"

"What Mommy write about?"

"Being police."

"Den I write about being NOAH!" He cracked up at his own joke.

Ed laughed along with him. "I would love to read a book about being Noah."

….

After everyone gorged on Ed's breakfast, there was enough food to feed another entire family, so Ed decided to package the food that kept well and take it to Brooke. He scooped portions of the frittata into one plastic container and stacked extra "B" pancakes in another. When everything was placed in a shopping bag and ready to go, he went back to the master bedroom to say goodbye to his pajama-clad family.

"We may or may not be dressed when you get back," Olivia said with a grin. She was helping Maggie do a somersault and didn't make eye contact with him.

Ed leaned over. Off balance, his kiss went off course and his lips met her skin just below the earlobe. "Doesn't matter," he whispered.

Finally she turned to him. "Thank you for breakfast."

"You're welcome." He kissed her again, this time on the lips. "Be back soon. Love you."

"Love you."

The Saturday morning traffic posed few obstacles, and Ed made it to Brooklyn relatively quickly. Brooke was the only one home and broke into a wide grin when she saw her father. She rose from the couch as quickly as she could and waddled over.

"Thank you," she said, "We have food but I really don't feel like cooking."

"I'll make ya a plate." Ed kissed her cheek. "Go relax."

"I'm tired of relaxing," she said.

"Almost there."

She sighed and sat at the kitchen table. Ed microwaved a plate full of food and set it in front of her with utensils and a glass of orange juice. He helped himself to a drink and sat across from her while she ate.

"Everything else alright? You need me to do anything while I'm here?"

"No," Brooke said with her mouth partially full, "Damn this is good…everything is ready to go. Need the baby."

"Sonny excited?"

"I think so," Brooke replied.

"You think so?"

Brooke shrugged. "Olivia told you. He's—"

"Told me what?"

"About my epic meltdown last week."

Brow furrowed, Ed mumbled, "No she didn't."

Uncomfortable at having uncovered rare evidence of marital discord, Brooke brightened and attempted to downplay the gravity of the conversation. "No big deal, really. Girl talk. Pregnant person talk." She paused and studied her father. "Seriously, Dad, it's—"

"What's goin on?"

Brooke knew better than to think she could possibly hide her inner turmoil from her father, so she surrendered and told him exactly what she had told Olivia. In addition to having jitters about being a new mother, she couldn't get a genuine read on Sonny and the state of her marriage now and in the future worried her. While she spoke, she noticed Ed's features soften and change from incensed to sympathetic.

"I remember when we were about to have you," he said, "I'd been around kids all my life, big Irish family, but bein' a Dad was another thing. It was huge, scary, I dunno if I shut down but I know after you were born I saw myself as the only thing in the world between you and everything else. Your mom wasn't working, it was just me, a patrol officer at that time, and, yeah, I can kinda see how Sonny might be a little apprehensive and not want to admit it."

"It's annoying."

Ed laughed. At least his daughter hadn't lost her sarcastic sense of humor. "Maybe."

"And it could be that I'm off the meds, too. Maybe I should've stayed on them."

"What meds?"

Brooke had also revealed to Olivia that she had been taking antidepressants since the miscarriage. When she found out she was pregnant, she and her doctors weighed the pros and cons and made a conscious, well-thought out decision to stop the medication.

"I didn't know…" Ed trailed off, rubbed his face, and stared past Brooke at the wall.

"It's not something I publicized…."

"Except to Liv."

"Well, um, not at first." She saw him set his jaw and his shoulders stiffen. "Dad, I told her a while ago, I was asking about therapy, getting recommendations…"

Ed seemed to instantaneously expel his tension and snap back into Dad mode. It startled Brooke, but she let it go.

"But you're feelin okay? Otherwise?

Brooke patted her belly. "Six weeks. I can do this."

"Good," Ed smiled, "But, you know what, lemme check that ceiling fan in the nursery again. I didn't like the way it rotated last time. Somethin' might be loose."

Brooke nodded. Nothing was loose, and the fan was working flawlessly. Nevertheless, she finished her breakfast then followed her Dad into the baby's room for what would probably not be the last inspection.

…

Purchasing window treatments shot quickly to the top of Sarah's to-do list as soon as the blinding sunlight invaded their new master bedroom. They had officially moved in a few days ago but had been sleeping in the guest bedroom until their new mattress and bedroom furniture were delivered. Sarah convinced Justin to splurge on the items and they both agreed the memory foam and the sleek, midcentury modern style were worth the extra cost.

"Fuck," Sarah muttered, "Good fucking morning."

Justin mumbled something into her neck.

"I'm surprised you aren't up," she said, not hiding the fact she was actually elated he was sleeping in. "Or have you already been up, written a paper, and are now back in bed?"

"Mmm- _mmm_."

"Justin? Are you, um, you're acting weird."

"I know," he whispered.

Sarah smiled and intertwined her fingers in his. "I wish I had a real, authentic accent," she said, "You sound so sexy."

"You have an accent."

She felt his mouth move against her shoulder blade and smiled at the pleasant shivers that ran down her spine. "No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"Not like you."

"That's 'cause," Justin rolled himself on top of her and smiled. He knew Sarah loved being consumed by his gangly body. "You had to lose a little of it," he started kissing her face after every couple of words, "to work in that sweet office with the sweet view—"

"You fucked me with that view," she interjected playfully.

"I did," he droned, "But I love hearing you…even when you text me I hear you…"

Sarah clasped his head and kissed him. She was obviously intending to do more than kiss, but Justin kept her at bay. "Oh come on," she said, "I want you. In front of these wide open windows so everyone can see."

"Not yet."

Sarah frowned. Frustrated, she whined and writhed and reminded him that they had a morning sex streak to continue. To her absolute shock, Justin got up and, completely naked, went into the kitchen and returned with the box they had been given by the doorman on the day they received the keys.

"What are you doing?"

"Tying everything together." He popped open the box, tossed aside the packaging, and produced a felt-lined box.

Sarah's breath caught in her throat. Justin made a slow, deliberate show of crawling back under the covers with her. "When my Grandma died, she didn't have much. She never had much. It wasn't that she couldn't afford stuff it was she didn't see the need for anything excessive. The one splurge, the one thing she had that was of any monetary value was a gold cuff she wore everyday. It had a stone called Larimar in the center. Larimar—it's all over the islands, but when it's set in gold, you know it's a rare find, there's something about it that's more pure, or more perfect…so, uh," he opened the box. "I know you don't like gold very much," the stone from Justin's grandmother's bracelet was set in a unique, octagon shape with a diamond border. The ring itself was white gold but with a threat of yellow gold running through the twist pattern.

Sarah gasped. It was exquisite.

"Omigod."

Justin grinned. "That's what I hoped you would say."

"Omigod, omigod," Sarah slapped a palm to her mouth as Justin extracted the ring from its perch.

"An octagon," he said. Later, Sarah would retell the story with incredulity. Justin's voice never wavered. He never showed any signs of nervousness. "Because we met on the eighth. And I know you're prolly thinkin' how the hell did he remember that, but I did, and then I know you're beating yourself up for not remembering that we met on the eighth, and now I'm gonna kiss you," he pressed his lips to hers, "And tell you that's okay. Because you started it. When we first met I had zero expectations. But you knew. You always just _know_. And I love that about you. And I love that you question that about you…you think you're too impulsive…you think you don't think right…but this time, you were spot on."

Sarah batted at her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was sure she was a mess of old makeup streaks and last night's sex and booze.

"Sarah Anne Tucker…will you marry me?"

"Omigod YES!" She jumped on top of him and giggled as they kissed.

"I was gonna put the ring on ya," he said, laughing along with her. She let her body fall limp and he flipped her onto her back. He raised himself onto his knees and took her left hand. "You'll marry me?" He asked softly.

"I will."

He slid the ring on and tested the fit. "I hadta guess. May need to take it in."

"No," Sarah said, "It's perfect. I love you, Justin."

"I love you, too. Who ya gonna tell first?"

"Omigod…well, I don't know."

"Noah already knows."

"He does?"

"He suggested it."

Sarah held out her hand, examined the ring, and laughed. "Of course he did. He loves you."

"Nah," Justin said, "He loves you."

…

Ed ran a few errands after he left Brooke's apartment and returned to his own home to find Olivia and Noah at the table doing his weekend homework while the twins napped. Ed gestured to his wife and they went to the bedroom while Noah made his way through math problems.

"How's Brooke?" Olivia asked.

"She's good."

"Sure?" Olivia noticed a cageyness about him. Ed threw off his polo and traded it for a t-shirt.

"Ed?"

"She's good."

Olivia stepped closer. "Okay, but, you're obviously not."

"I am." He started to walk past her but she held out her arm. He froze. " _Liv_." He met her eyes. "Let's just…finish with Noah."

"No. What happened?"

Ed craned his neck and, seeing that Noah was busy and occupied, disappeared back into the master bedroom with his wife. "I don't understand why I'm such a bad guy for forgetting to tell you about Stabler but it's okay for you to not tell me about what's going on with Brooke."

"What are you talking about?"

Ed narrowed his eyes, "Last weekend? You and Brooke? She said she was worried about…everything? And you didn't tell me? But I forget to—"

"I came back here and we grilled out with Sarah and Justin," Olivia said, "It was hardly the time or the place to bring up what I talked about with Brooke. And then…I got called in…and it wasn't the first thing on my mind anymore."

"But Stabler was supposed to be the first thing on mine."

Olivia stared at the ceiling. "I think…you speaking to a colleague of mine who I haven't seen nor spoken to in years would warrant a little more urgency then me talking to your daughter."

"Who is pregnant."

"Who is a pregnant _adult_."

"I didn't know she and Sonny were having problems. I didn't know she was _on_ meds. So, of course, I didn't know she was _off_ the meds."

Olivia swallowed hard. "I haven't had a chance to tell you about what she said. And the meds, well, that was a while ago…I…I didn't think it was something that needed to be said. When I took them I didn't want anyone to know." She met his eyes. She was firm and unapologetic. "Ed…is it realistic that we tell each other everything? I mean, you didn't tell me Noah asked about being Noah."

"That happened about two hours ago."

"So, what's the protocol? We drop everything and call each other?"

" _Liv_."

"I'm serious."

"It doesn't have to be difficult. I, uh, we shouldn't keep these things from each toher."

"It's not keeping things from each other, Ed," Olivia protested, "We both, well, we have three kids of our own, and these things came up at busy times and we forget."

"How can you forget to tell me my daughter is thinking about divorce? Was on antidepressants? Is… _unhappy_?"

"How can you forget to tell me my former partner who was my family for a decade wanted to reach out and get together?"

Ed grumbled and vigorously shook his head. "Not the same thing."

"It is the same thing," Olivia said, "Same concept."

"No," He replied firmly. "No, it's not. I—"

"HEYYYYYYY!" Noah ran into the bedroom, his phone in hand.

"Sweet boy, what—"

He somersaulted onto the bed with Ed's help and stood up. They heard Sarah's voice.

" _Noey, get everyone prepared for an announcement."_

Wyatt and Maggie toddled in. Ed glanced at Olivia as they each picked up a twin. She refused to make eye contact.

"Okay, sweet boy," Olivia said calmly, "Let's hear it."

….

 **#Tuckson.**


	80. Chapter 80

**Eighty** …. _EIGHTY_?!

Sarah opting to call rather than Face Time was a strange decision, but she and Justin were still in bed and Sarah didn't have much motivation to go anywhere else for the rest of the day. She giggled and wisecracked that the only thing she needed to wear on this perfect Saturday was her new ring. When neither Ed nor Olivia picked up, she took a chance with Noah's phone. The device was stowed in his backpack more often than not, so Sarah was pleasantly surprised when he picked up.

"Hi Noey Boey!"

"Hi Sare Bear!

"Glad you answered."

"I'm doin' math and I use da calc'lator."

"Oh, perfect, well, where are your mom and dad?"

"In da bedroom."

"With the door closed?"

Noah clambered from his chair to the back hall. "Nope. It's open." He continued walking to the bedroom and Sarah instructed him to get everyone ready for an announcement. Sarah heard a few thuds, some rustling, and, finally, Noah's voice telling her everyone was present and ready. Ed helped Noah put the phone on speaker.

"Omigod," Sarah squealed, "I, um, well, Justin asked me to marry him this morning!"

Despite the gulf between them, both Ed and Olivia broke into broad smiles. Noah jumped up and down and Olivia instinctively held out the arm not holding Wyatt in case he lost his balance.

"That's wonderful!" Olivia gushed, "Wow! So happy for you two!"

"Yeah," Ed added, "Congratulations!" He shifted from foot to foot. His first instinct had been to kiss his wife, but, intentionally or not, she was preoccupied with Noah, Wyatt, and the good news. Her body language and overall vibe was far from welcoming and open for contact, so he focused on Noah. "No, whaddya think?"

"I arready telled Justy ta be da hubbind!" He shouted gleefully. "You get a ring, Justy?"

Sarah's giggles nearly made Justin's answer inaudible.

"I did."

Is it _verrry_ shiny?"

"Yep. Exactly like you told me."

"Daddy, Livvie, let's go to lunch," Sarah suggested.

"We, uh," Ed stammered, "We had a huge—"

" _C'mon_!"

Next to Sarah, Justin grinned and whispered that he thought they were staying in bed all day. She looked at him apologetically and mouthed _sorry_. Unconcerned, he smiled adoringly at her and played with the ring, turning it around and around.

"Maybe a late lunch?" Olivia suggested. "Around three? Noah has to finish homework and the twins can take a nap."

"NO! NAP!"

Ed bounced Maggie and kissed the side of her head. "You'll take a nap with Daddy, wontcha?" He asked softly then raised his volume to address Sarah. "Pub at three then?"

"Sounds good! Love youuuuuuuuu!"

Maggie jerked her head around and stared at the phone. " _Oooooooooo_!" She replied.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, she's _talking_ to me! And yes. See you at three!"

Sarah hung up and Noah crinkled his forehead at his phone. "Gotta charge this," he said.

"Sweet boy, let's finish your math," Olivia said, holding Noah's hand as he leapt from the bed. "Then we'll get you cleaned up so you're nice and sharp for our celebratory lunch."

"Gonna wear da tie I think," Noah said.

"Okay. Math then we'll choose an outfit."

Noah scampered out of the room, leaving Ed and Olivia alone with the twins.

"Wow," Olivia said, "Good for them. They seem so perfect for each other. I never would have guessed it, but they really do."

"Yeah. I like him. I'm glad she's finally happy." Maggie squirmed in Ed's arms and he put her on her feet. She ran off in search of Noah. Ed shoved his hands in his pockets. "So, uh, we'll leave around two-thirty?"

"Sure."

Ed and Olivia spent the next few hours apart in their own home. Olivia attended to Noah; Ed entertained the twins, got Wyatt down for a nap, and rocked Maggie until she fell asleep. Kid sounds filled the apartment, but their home was devoid of their customary banter. When they passed each other in the living room or kitchen, they did not exchange flirty glances or touches. The "alone time" didn't amount to contrition. By the time they left for the pub with their three adorable, almost identically-dressed children, the iciness between them had not yet begun to thaw.

…..

Sonny pulled on his fleece half-zip jacket and smoothed his hair. Behind him, Brooke was doing her best to shove her feet into a pair of Uggs without the assistance of her hands. Sonny noticed the struggle and helped her into the boots.

"Sure you feel like goin?" He asked.

"Yes," Brooke said, "I feel good and I want to get out. I love fall."

"Weather's perfect."

The car was parked two blocks away and Sonny held Brooke's hand during the walk. They stopped in to say hello to Aidan but managed only a wave since he was busy clearing brunch remnants from a large table.

"He's gotta be savin' up huge," Sonny remarked.

"Probably. He doesn't seem to buy much."

"He still refuse to see Dave?"

"Yes. He called last night. Didn't talk for long."

"So tough. I wish, I dunno, I feel like we were formin' this bond then school started…" Sonny took a frustrated breath.

"Yeah," Brooke murmured, "I'm worried he's not going to want to live with Dave after he gets out." Brooke uttered the comment so abruptly, Sonny reacted as if she'd punched him in the gut. He stopped walking and led her aside.

"You think that's a possibility?"

"Yes. I think he's been so quiet and reserved and… _good_ …because he's trying to prove he won't bother us, that he can live there and not be a burden and maybe even help with the baby."

Sonny glanced at his wife's round, protruding belly. "What do you want?"

Brooke forced a sardonic chuckle. "Honestly? Right now? I want to have this kid."

Sonny leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Alright. Kid first. We'll worry about the rest later."

Brooke squeezed Sonny's hand more tightly and put her head on his shoulder. For the first time in a while, it felt like her husband was back.

…..

At the corner pub so beloved to the Tuckers, there was a battle for the right to sit in Justin's lap. The newly engaged couple arrived first and snagged the set of tables by the window. Noah led the Tucker brigade and immediately sprinted to Sarah and inspected the ring. He gave it his stamp of approval and fist-bumped his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

"Itsa great ring, Justy!"

"Thanks, little man. Good idea about me being the husband."

Noah smiled. "Mr. B say I always have good ideas!"

After more hugs and congratulations, everyone settled in and ordered drinks but agreed to wait until Brooke and Sonny arrived for a toast. In Ed's arms, Maggie contorted her little body across the table, reaching for Justin, and Wyatt played his sister's game of flinging himself toward the person sitting next to him, slowly making his way from person to person. When he got to Sarah, he, too wanted to sit with his future brother-in-law.

"Wyatt!" Sarah said, "You stay with me for a second. I want snuggles!" She nuzzled his cheek, inducing deep, belly laughs. She stood him up and assessed his appearance. "You are so handsome, Wyatt Edward. Lookit those _eyes_. Say, _Sare-AH_!"

"SAH!"

"Good boy. You shall have a cherry as soon as they arrive."

Sarah hadn't told Brooke about the engagement, she only said she wanted to have a big family lunch since they hadn't had one in a while. Sarah possessed impeccable powers of persuasion, and Brooke didn't think anything was odd about her sister's insistence that everyone be together. When she and Sonny arrived and Sarah triumphantly held out her hand, Brooke appeared shocked but also genuinely happy for her sister. She gave both Sarah and Justin a warm embrace. Sonny grinned and offered heartfelt congratulations.

"You probably haven't had a chance to think about wedding dates or anything," Olivia said, making small talk and intending to keep the lunch chatter focused on everyone else.

"No," Sarah said, "But it'll be at Justin's church. Not huge. Mostly family."

Ed raised his eyebrows. Sarah was describing the complete opposite of her first wedding. Suddenly, he couldn't remember whether or not Justin knew she'd been married before. Surely she had told him, but, then again, Sarah sometimes had a way of burying the past that made it seem like certain things had never happened.

"That'll be nice," Olivia said. "I'm _so_ happy for the two of you."

"And Noey, you're going to be in the wedding and Maggie and Wyatt, too."

"Kay! But what I be dis time?"

"Well," Sarah said, "You were a ring bearer and a best man…so…I think you should be, well…"

"He should be a groomsman," Justin said.

Sarah wagged a finger in the air and took a drink, "Excellent idea. It's a step up. And we'll have a bunch of ring bearers and flower girls. Including these two adorable twinsies." She leaned over and growled as she kissed Maggie's cheek and rambled on about how gorgeous the little ones would look all dressed up in formal wear.

"Anyway," Sarah said, clapping her hands, "What's up? What's everyone been up to?"

To their regular waiter and, eventually Sonny and Brooke, the chatter around the table carried on like so many times before. Noah was charming and Maggie and Wyatt entertained and impressed with their expanding vocabularies. Sonny and Justin hadn't spent much time together, but they immediately caused Sarah and Brooke exchange exasperated looks when they suddenly started trading stories like old friends. Their side conversation grew louder and louder and Sonny's accent sounded thicker and more like Justin's.

Though she participated wholeheartedly in the conversation, Sarah regularly squinted at Ed and Olivia who were sitting across from her. They smiled, engaged, and reminded Justin he could put Maggie in the high chair alongside Wyatt. But Sarah noticed all conversation funneled through Noah; there was almost zero interaction between the two of them. When the subject of Halloween came up, Olivia said, "Noah's going to be an EMT and, sweet boy, what do you think Maggie and Wyatt should be?"

To anyone other than Sarah, the question was as unsuspicious as they come; however, Sarah would have thought Olivia would sidle up to Ed and ask him about his ideas for the twins' first _real_ Halloween. Under normal circumstances, Ed would smirk at her, shrug, and say something simple but charming and maybe a tiny bit flirtatious. But that type of banter never occurred.

Justin reminded Noah he was welcome to come to the station house at any time to find equipment to borrow.

Hearing this, Ed said, "Yeah, Noah, let's think about doin' that next week sometime."

Then he proceeded to compare schedules with Justin without input from Olivia, and they settled on Thursday afternoon.

"Justy, you gonna pick me up from school?" Noah asked, wide-eyed and clearly excited at the idea.

Justin made eye contact with Ed and Olivia, "I can…if that's alright?"

"Don't want to bother ya," Ed replied.

"But it's great if you don't mind," Olivia added.

"Not at all."

"Hey!" Sarah said brightly, "You can do your thing then come visit me! Noey, you haven't been to my office in forever and everyone misses you!"

Noah grinned, "Okay, Sare Bear. We come. And _I_ get to sit in your big chair!"

For the next half hour, Sarah plotted ways to get either Ed or Olivia alone, but she couldn't manufacture an opportunity without appearing overly suspicious. So she reveled in her own good news, fawned over Justin, and doted on the children. When it was time to leave and Olivia murmured another "congratulations" as she hugged her goodbye Sarah held Olivia by the shoulders.

"Everything alright?" She asked in a low voice.

Through a forced smile, Olivia nodded. "Of course." For emphasis, she looked Sarah in the eye for an extra second before turning her attention to Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah. "Okay, kiddos, let's head home."

….

Noah kicked off his shoes and skipped down the foyer. Maggie and Wyatt followed, trying their best to copy his bouncy gait. Noah's voice resonated throughout the apartment. Using their healthy collection of stuffed animals, Noah showed Maggie and Wyatt how the wedding would unfold. Ed unpacked the stroller and Olivia busied herself in the kitchen. Via a mumbled, curt conversation, they determined an actual dinner wasn't necessary. Olivia cleared a corner of the train table where she placed a small platter of cut-up fruit, cheese, and crackers.

Delighted, Noah exclaimed, "OH! Good job, Mommy! Dat's gonna be for da r'ception!"

Olivia kissed his head, "Sweet boy, you are so clever. You are always thinking." She heard the shower come on. Dejected, she went back to the kitchen and sorted through the refrigerator and pantry, discarding leftovers and almost-gone, probably-stale cereals and potato chips.

"Now, babies, at da end they say KISS DA BRIDE and then Sare Bear and Justy gonna kiss, then they play da music, THEN there's the r'ception and everrone dance and eat." Noah stacked cheese and a strawberry slice on a cracker and took a bite. "YUM!" Both Maggie and Wyatt begged for one of their own and Noah served them. "Watch da crumbs! Mommy?"

"Yes, sweet boy?"

"I show Maggs and Wyatt all 'bout da wedding so they know what ta do! Wyatt needs a tie and Maggs needs a dress."

"Yep," Olivia said, "Once Sarah decides on the colors she wants, we'll get you and Wyatt suits and ties and Maggie's dress. And maybe a bow for her hair."

"Small sister always take da bows off!"

"Ah," Olivia said with a twitch of her nose, "We'll give it a try."

"Kay." Noah spun around on his heels a few times, made himself dizzy, and staggered into Ed as he walked into the living room in a fresh, tight-fitting white t-shirt and sweatpants. He brought with him the faint scent of soap, shampoo, and their fabric softener.

"Whoa, bud," Ed scooped Noah and swung him around before enveloping him in a bear hug and kissing the side of his head. "Whatcha doin?"

"We had a wedding with da animals."

Ed glanced at the floor where the toys were impressively placed in two rows representing the sides of the bride and groom. "And I see ya even have food."

"Yep! Mommy made it."

"Mommy's great, isn't she?" Ed cast a genuine yet tentative smile at his wife. He could practically see waves of anxiety and unease leave her body and knew he made the right move by extending the subtle olive branch. He and Olivia still had a legitimate yet minor problem to hash out, but, in order to do that, they needed détente.

"Mommy's SUPER GREAT!"

Choking back her emotions, Olivia asked Noah what he wanted to do for the rest of the evening.

"Watch a movie!"

"Okay, sweet boy. Let's get jammies on first."

"Kay! We gonna wear da din-o-saurs tonight!"

Minutes later, the three Tucker kids in their matching yellow, blue, and gray pajamas were cuddled together on the chaise end of the sofa. Ed covered them with a fleece throw and snapped a few photographs of the happy brood. He sat on the middle cushion and navigated through their queue to _Cars 4_ , a new release Noah had not yet seen.

Olivia delivered sippy cups and cookies. She hovered over the trio, nudged their cheeks with a knuckle, and lavished them with _I love yous_. After dimming the recessed lighting, she handed Ed a glass of wine and sat beside him with her own serving. He hit play.

As the opening music commenced and an intense racing scene entranced the kids, Olivia inched closer to Ed. He put his arm around her shoulders, extending an invitation for her to recline against his chest where she fit so perfectly. She snuggled into him and unfurled another throw.

"Want some of this?" She asked, holding up a corner of the lightweight blanket.

"Nah," he replied, kissing her head. "I'm good."

Olivia took a deep, relieved breath and rested her free hand on his thigh. "Let me know if you change your mind."

"I will."

….

Sarah and Justin considered going to see his mother after lunch, but they decided to wait until the next day and surprise her by meeting for Sunday morning mass. Since creating the ring from his grandmother's bracelet required special arrangements, Carmen already knew Justin was planning to propose, but that was _all_ she knew. Justin kept the timing a secret. The newly engaged couple spent the early evening wandering through SoHo. They browsed at a few stores, bought a bottle of wine solely because Sarah liked the label, and meandered back home.

"Well," Justin flopped down on the couch, "Here we are. Your dream's come true. The two of us with nothing to do."

Sarah smirked. "I want to do you."

To Justin's delight she continued to sneak glances at her left ring finger. Even as she twisted the corkscrew, she focused more on her hand than the task of opening the wine.

"You wanna watch somethin' first or…"

Sarah brought the bottle and glasses to the coffee table. She put them down and sat in Justin's lap. "Yes. Let's watch." She kissed him several times and ran her fingers through his curls. "I'm, um, let me send one quick text to Livvie, though. I'm still worried about her."

On their walk, Sarah detailed her concerns. Justin replayed their time together and realized she was absolutely right, though Ed and Olivia did an award-winning job of pretending everything was fine.

"Well, actually, maybe I'll wait until tomorrow," Sarah said with a mischievous grin, "I would hate to interrupt make-up sex."

Justin smoothed her hair. "I hope we never haveta have make-up sex," he said softly. "I don't ever wanna fight with you."

"I can't imagine what we'd fight about. We're, like, the two nicest people in the world."

"Yeah we are."

Sarah kissed him a few more times. "You wanna play basketball tomorrow after your mom's?"

"Yup."

Sarah held out her left hand, "But this baby's gonna have to stay home," she said of the ring. "And that makes me a little sad."

Justin kissed her fingers. "I'll just haveta put in on ya all over again."

" _Gawwwd_ ," Sarah flung her body forward and pressed her forehead to his. "You are so fucking perfect."

"Hope you're still sayin' that fifty years from now."

"Oh I will be," Sarah replied, "No fucking doubt about that."

…

All three kids fell asleep on the couch before the movie ended. On either side of their big brother, Maggie and Wyatt used Noah as a pillow and he had slung an arm around each of his siblings. Maggie smirked in her sleep, as if she had plans to make sure to wake up if jostled, and Wyatt snoozed peacefully with his fist in his mouth. Olivia gently played with his brown curls, kissed his chubby cheek, and reluctantly picked him up and carried him to his own bed. Ed did the same with Maggie who miraculously did not stir. Noah mumbled something but curled up with Bernie and settled in seconds after Olivia laid him down. Ed made the nighttime rounds. He double checked the locks, turned off all the lights except for the one under-cabinet strand they always left on, folded the blankets, and connected Noah's iPad to its charger.

He wasn't sure what to expect when he joined Olivia in the bedroom. She had already changed into pajama pants and one of his t-shirts, which he deemed a good sign. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Her freshly scrubbed face was free from anything artificial and he concentrated on her freckles. More specifically, he was aching to kiss the one on the edge of her upper lip.

Brow furrowed in confusion, she asked, "Are you coming to bed?"

"Yeah, of course, I, uh, Liv, I'm sorry. We're busy and have a lot goin' on, a lot of _people_ , and I shouldnta come down on you so hard."

Tears glistened in her eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I should have made it a point to tell you about Brooke. Total double standard. I'm sorry."

"I guess, uh," Ed played with her fingers, "I wasn't completely honest with you about Stabler. Me not telling you _was_ more intentional than I let on, I mean, I didn't say to myself, _I'm not going to tell her_ , but I did say to myself _I don't want her to see him_. That was selfish and I feel terrible about it."

"But it _is_ how you feel."

"That's true."

"Why? Elliott and I were partners. Friends. That's all."

"I dunno," Ed mumbled. "I think it's...it's…what he _represents_."

"What's that?"

"The past. Me at my worst. Me not with you. You not having _us_. I think I'm scared you're gonna see him and realize you missed him…realize there's this void that nobody but him can fill…"

Olivia sat up and firmly held his hands. "I have no more voids," she said assuredly. "I _promise_ you, there are none. And you've got to stop beating yourself up about the past."

He hugged her, holding the back of her head against his shoulder. "Liv, I love you so much. I'm sorry I get so defensive, I, uh, I haveta protect this. Protect _us_."

Olivia put her hands on his chest and created some space between them. "I know," she said softly. "I understand, and, most times, I love that about you."

"Most times…" Ed trailed off, smirking.

"I understand being defensive," she said, "What I don't understand is why you're still insecure."

"Because the very thought of losing you makes me stop breathing. It makes me crazy."

"Ed, you're not going to lose me."

"I know that," he said, "I really do. But when…but when you get a second chance like I did, when you get so lucky, it's, well, I'll do _anything_ to preserve what we have, Liv."

She bit her lip and nodded. "I will, too."

They gazed at one another.

"Can we go back to normal?" Ed asked, his eyes drooping.

"Right now, that's all I want."

"I can't believe I went almost a whole day without kissing you."

"Let's fix that right now."

They kissed passionately and fell back into the pillows, separating only to rid themselves of their clothing. Ed was even more deliberate with his foreplay. He stopped frequently to stare into her eyes or trace patterns on her cheeks. He tried to kiss each freckle. He paid special attention to the one on her lip.

Olivia arched her back and moaned with pleasure as Ed took his time with each breast, kissing and sucking and swirling his tongue around. He massaged them while he moved down her torso, kissing every inch of skin along the way.

" _Oh, God, Eddd_ …"

The ferocity of Olivia's cries and the spasmodic, almost violent way she arched her back was in direct contrast to the way Ed tenderly worked his lips between her legs. Olivia couldn't get enough and, panting, she pleaded with him to keep going. One hand on her thigh, he continued as long as possible until he apologetically trailed kisses back up her body and rasped, "I need you, baby."

He was throbbing and dizzied by the sensation of being inside her. Maintaining a semi-slow, rhythmic pace, he alternated between planting sloppy kisses on her lips and face and staring into her eyes. Desperate for a simultaneous climax, he checked in with her when he felt himself getting close.

"Almost there," She threw her head back and he sucked at her exposed neck. Feeling her hips meet his with more force, he sucked harder until, finally, he heard, " _Oh God_." He raised his eyes to hers. She smiled, clasped the back of his head, and screamed into his neck. The vibrations of the muted shriek traversed his spine and pushed him over the edge. He melted into her, still grinding his hips, trying to make sure they squeezed every bit of pleasure out of make-up sex.

For several minutes they barely moved. All concentration was spent on breathing normally.

"That was…. _wow_ …" Olivia eventually gasped, " _Wow_."

Ed ran his fingertips along the side of her breast. "You're amazing."

"All I wanted for tonight was to not go to bed angry," Olivia quipped.

"I always try to give ya whatever you want and more."

"This was certainly _more_."

Ed's body shook with proud laughter. "Gimme about ten, fifteen minutes," he said, "I'm not quite done." Seeking approval, he looked up at her.

She smiled and kissed his nose.

"Me neither, Captain."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	81. Chapter 81

**Eighty-one**.

Ed slept with both arms around his wife and Olivia found herself insulated against his body when she awoke with a start before dawn. Something was still bothering her, and, after an hour spent wide awake reflecting while riding the undulations of Ed's breathing, she realized what it was.

"Ed? Honey?"

His head lolled back and forth. He sniffed a couple times and buried his face in her hair. Olivia decided to let him sleep and talk to him in the morning. After all, she only woke him up in the wee hours of the morning for sex or if someone was sick. Adding to her shallow apology could wait a couple hours.

Sleep eluded her, though. She thought about what Ed said about Stabler and how her husband's misstep had been conceived entirely out of fear rather than an intent to deceive. Olivia, on the other hand, had simply been reckless and insensitive. Brooke trusted her, but also had expected her to relay everything to Ed. She explicitly said so. And the more Olivia thought about it, the guiltier she felt.

Having been roused, Ed started lightly tickling her back. Slowly coming into consciousness, he held her more tightly and let one hand drift to the small of her back. Gradually he rolled over until he was almost on top of her and, in the moonlight, Olivia could see his smirk.

"Sweetie—"

He kissed her and, for a few seconds, Olivia considered sticking to her plan and postponing the rest of her apology.

"Ed," She pushed him away and her heart constricted when she saw the disappointment on his face. "I need to tell you something."

He raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

"Tell you the rest."

He sat up and turned his lamp to the dimmest setting. "What is it, Liv?"

"I can't explain why I didn't tell you about Brooke."

"Liv, we're _normal_ now," he said with a hint of jest.

"No…no we're not…"

Ed groaned.

"Sweetie, I…it was wrong for me to not tell you about Brooke."

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know. I knew she was on meds, I knew she was seeing the therapist—"

"—I knew that too—"

"—So maybe I conflated the two. Maybe, well, when we talk I kind of think it's between us, she's not like Sarah, with that kind of information she's more like me, and...I locked it away. I saw her pain and healing process as _mine_. It was selfish. I didn't think about why you would need to know and I should have. I…I'm so close to those girls sometimes I forget you're their parent, too, the only parent they have left."

"You're the mother they never had," Ed replied, "They feel comfortable talking to you. Especially Brooke. I know sometimes she seems closed off, especially compared to Sarah, but she's way more open with you than anyone, even my mother. It's just the way she is. She's a hard person to know. Which," He turned to her and kissed her lips, "I think you kinda understand."

"I am _so_ sorry," Olivia said. "I feel terrible. I'll be better."

"Me too," Ed replied.

Olivia settled back in to his chest.

"So, uh, you…you woke me up…"

"To apologize."

"MA! UP!"

Olivia and Ed groaned, kissed, and laughed.

"Be back with small sister," Olivia said. "Maybe…tomorrow morning…"

….

For the first time in a while, Olivia and Fin went out to lunch solo. The two of them had always been professionally close, but had strayed personally. Even though they both had an unspoken mutual loyalty to one another, they did, perhaps, the best job of keeping professional and personal lives separate.

"So how's that grandson of yours?"

Fin showed Olivia videos and pictures. "He's wild. Plenty of energy…"

"You think you'll move out there when you retire?"

"You know what's funny, Liv?" Fin asked reflectively, "I never thought about retiring until I met this little dude," Fin tapped his lock screen, "This kid, and the fact that Ken let me into his life, it really changed my priorities."

"Kids will do that…"

"You would know."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

Fin held up his hands, "Hey," he said, "That's me sayin I'm happy for you, Liv. I always knew you would be a good mother, and that you wanted to be a mother, and when I saw you with Tucker, hey, I gotta admit, it still shocks me."

Olivia shot Fin a wry smile and joked, "Shocks you or makes you nervous when you see him?"

Fin puffed out his chest. "Tucker never made me nervous."

Laughing sardonically, Olivia replied, " _Okay_."

"So, speaking of retiring…you kinda snuck that in the book. Avoiding a big announcement?"

Olivia grinned as if she'd been caught doing something naughty. "July first…wanna go with me?"

"Nah, not yet. I'm not ready."

"Truth is," Olivia said, "I'm not sure I am. But I needed to set the date."

"I get it. Warm up a little."

"Yes," Olivia stared straight ahead with a dreamy look on her face. "I _am_ looking forward to being so present. Maggie and Wyatt are talking more and more. Before long we're going to have incessant chatter fest in the Tucker household."

"Think you'll move?"

"Not right now," Olivia said, "Ed's selling his old apartment and…we're buying a beach house."

Fin smiled and gave her shoulder a playful punch. "Lookit you, Liv. Congratulations." Fin looked at her proudly. He was purportedly congratulating her on the house, but he soon realized he was acknowledging how far she'd come both personally and professionally in the two decades they'd worked together.

"Thanks. And we're looking at places only a couple hours away. So you can join us every once in a while."

"I'm not really a beach guy…"

"Aw, c'mon, Fin. There'll be jet skis…we promised Noah."

"Oh, well, sold then."

….

After three days of asking if today was the day Justy would be picking him up from school, Ed and Olivia were finally able to nod, smile, and give Noah the good news. Thursday had finally arrived, and Justin would be outside the Kindergarten classroom promptly at two-thirty. Olivia made sure Justin was added to the list of people allowed to take Noah from school and sent Justin a detailed text.

… _Check in with the security desk. You'll have to show ID. His room is down that hall and to the right. He's always the last one out, so don't get worried. Thank you! Call me if you need anything. I'll see you when you drop him off…_

On this particular day, Noah deviated from tradition and exited class first. He easily spotted Justin who towered over the mothers and nannies and ran over. Mia followed closely behind.

"Hi Justy! You picked me up!"

Justin fist-bumped him. "Yeah, little man. Told ya I would!" He regarded Mia with a smile, "Hello."

"HI!" Mia shouted in her outside voice.

"This Mia," Noah said. "She's my best friend. She know Sare Bear, too. Mia, Justy gave Sare Bear a ring, so he's gonna be da hubbind and my _brother_!" Noah giggled.

Mia looked up at Justin, "Thatsa _tall_ brother!"

Tasha-the-nanny rushed down the hall fumbling with her oversized tote. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Justin. He was a handsome addition to the usual after-school faces.

"Hi there," she said, smiling and tucking her tight spiral curls behind her ear.

"Hi."

Arms akimbo, Mia scolded Tasha for being late. "Thought I was gonna haveta walk home all by myself!" She said, frowning.

"Sorry sweetie," Tasha replied, "I had an appointment."

"What 'pointment?"

"Dentist." Tasha flashed her pearly whites, "No cavities."

"WE goin' to da fire station to get my Halloween stuff!" Noah announced boastfully and a bit impatiently.

"Yeah," Justin said, "We better get goin. Nice meeting the two of you."

"Nice meeting you," Tasha said. Mia had already said goodbye to Noah and was struggling to shoulder her overstuffed backpack.

Noah grabbed Justin's hand. "C'mon! Lessgo! We haveta take da subway?"

"Yep."

"Got my card in da bag," Noah said, "You have a card?"

"Sure do."

"We take da C?"

"Nope. The One."

"Then we gotta go to C'lumbus Circle."

Shocked, Justin grinned down at Noah. "You sure know your way around."

"Yup! Sare Bear say we gonna ride all da trains!"

"What's your favorite train?"

"Da F and da C!"

"Why those?"

"Cause da F go to Coney Island and da C's what we take for DaVinci!"

Noah and Justin made their way to Columbus Circle and swiped through the turnstile. Noah bopped his head to the music coming from a saxophonist, but he walked swiftly, with purpose, and confidently to the downtown platform. While they waited he inquired about the train he would use to get to the new apartment.

"There's a lotta trains that go to Union Square," Justin said. "But from your house, guess what?"

"What?"

"You can take the F!"

"YES!" Noah jabbed a fist in the air. "Ope, train's comin! It say ONE!"

Justin explained the ride would be a little long, so he suggested they find seats. There were several empty spots and Noah chose two seats facing forward. "Here we go," he said, "For Justy and Noey Boey!" Noah whipped out his phone and told Justin to pose for a picture. "We'll send it to Sare Bear," he said. "DEN we send one of me with the 'quipment!"

"Sounds good."

"Justy?"

"Hmm?"

"You go trick-treating with me in da uniform?"

Justin grinned. "I usually haveta work on Halloween," he said, "But I'll try to get that night off."

Noah smiled. "Thanks."

At the next station Justin sent a message to Olivia and Ed assuring them he had Noah and they were on their way to the station. Justin put a protective arm around his young charge. He was honored Ed and Olivia trusted him enough to not only get Noah from school but take him on a solo outing, and he didn't take the responsibility lightly.

"What stop?" Noah asked.

"Franklin."

"Okay," Noah said, folding his hands and contentedly resting them on his backpack, "I look for Franklin."

…..

Ed chose Thursday as the day for Justin to take Noah because he was starting Mommy-and-Me swim classes with the twins that afternoon. To his relief, there were two other dads there, but he was the only one with twins, so he initially assumed that was the reason for him being the recipient of the instructors' extra attention.

He tossed aside his jogging pants and sweatshirt and removed his shirt before ridding Maggie and Wyatt of their outerwear. He'd changed them into swim diapers before they left and he congratulated himself on remembering diapers and dry clothes for afterwards. He held a twin under each arm and entered the pool using the steps. Maggie and Wyatt gleefully slapped at the water.

There were three instructors, two blondes and one brunette, which Ed thought a bit excessive since every parent was responsible for his or her own baby. Even with two, Ed didn't necessarily need any extra hands since the day's goal was merely for the children to be comfortable in the water.

"Well, hello there!" One of the blondes met them at the foot of the stairs. "Who do we have here?"

"Maggie and Wyatt," he responded.

She smiled at the twins, "They sure look like they've been in the water before."

"They have."

"We'll have them swimming laps in no time. How old are they?"

"Seventeen months."

"Perfect age to start." She held out her hand, "I'm Megan."

"Ed."

To him, it felt like Megan held onto his hand a little too long.

"When we get started, if you want me to take one of the twins, all you need to do is ask."

Her eagerness to help was off-putting, but Ed considered the possibility it was an unalterable personality trait.

"Yeah, okay, thanks." She waded away and he and the twins inserted themselves in the participants' circle. Everyone was given a turn to introduce themselves and their babies. They were supposed to say their names and provide one interesting detail about their child's life. Ed, unaware there would be so much socialization, thought of something to say while mocking the activity in his head.

 _An interesting detail about a seventeen-month-old's life?_

"I'm Ed Tucker," he said, "This is Maggie and Wyatt." He was holding the twins on his hips, but they were straining to immerse themselves in the pool. "They love the water, and, uh, they actually swam in the ocean before a pool."

"Now _that_ is interesting," the overly enthusiastic brunette instructor said. "And what about you, Ed?"

He blinked. She had not asked any other adult for interesting information. "I, uh, sure, well, I was a cop, retired now."

Ed swore everyone broke into grins at the same time.

"Oh, wow, well, don't we all feel safe!" One of the other parents said.

Ed's cheeks burned. He concentrated on Maggie and Wyatt. The second blonde instructor moved on with the introductions; however, he still felt the looks of intrigue directed his way.

The lesson lasted an hour. Afterwards, Ed expertly wrangled the twins, changed their clothes, and pushed them into the locker room so he could trade his wet swim trunks for a dry pair of shorts. He dressed slowly, hoping the other parents would be cleared out of the lobby before he emerged.

"Alright Tucker twins," he said, crouching in front of the stroller, "Ready to go home?"

"Da! Dadada!"

"Say bye-bye to the pool."

Wyatt immediately waved. Maggie mumbled "Buh" sounds.

"You two are so smart," Ed kissed the tops of their heads. "Daddy loves you."

" _Ooooooooo_!"

Maggie was still intoning " _oooooo_ " when Ed left the locker room and passed through the vestibule. It was empty save for a few people rushing in, probably late for the next session. He was almost in the clear when he heard someone call his name. For a split second he thought about pretending he hadn't heard the summons. He stopped, turned around, and the first blonde instructor nearly crashed into him. She held a child-sized beanie cap in the air.

"Is this yours?" She asked.

Ed immediately knew it didn't belong to either of the twins. "Nah."

"Are you sure?"

Ed made a show of looking at Wyatt and Maggie. They each had a hat on their heads—proof he wasn't mistaken or telling an outright lie. "Yep."

"Oh, well, okay then. To the lost and found this goes. Great job today," she said, a sweet smile plastered on her face, "See you next week!"

"Yeah, we'll, uh, we're going to hit the earlier session from now on. I have a son, in school, gonna be cuttin' it kinda close with pick up."

"Oh," she replied brightly, "That's great. I work that one too!"

"Great," Ed muttered under his breath. "Well, see you Thursday."

"Sure thing!"

…..

Later on the Tuckers debriefed one another over plates of cheese ravioli and garlic bread. Noah was wearing a too-big EMT shirt. The hat Justin had made for him was hanging on the back of his chair. He also had an old radio and a small pack with first aid supplies complete with a stethoscope.

"It real," Noah said seriously, "Not like da toy!" He demonstrated its use and listened to his family members' heartbeats before they sat down at the table. Noah also described how Justin took him for a cupcake and they brought one to Sarah's office. "Justy know Sare Bear likes da red ones," he said.

"Was Sarah happy to see you?" Olivia asked.

"YES! She ran and said NOEY! And then she hugged me and kissed me and got da gloss on my cheek! She kissed Justy, too."

"Lot of kissin' goin on," Ed said with a smirk.

"Yup!" Noah took a bite of his ravioli. "Mmmm. Good stuff."

Olivia stroked Maggie's cheek. "How was swimming?"

"Good," Ed said. He described the uncomfortable introductions and Olivia chuckled sympathetically. "Didn't really do much. I think the teacher likes me."

"Oh _really_?"

"Yeah. She asked me for an interesting detail but she didn't ask anyone else."

Olivia laughed harder. "I may have to drop by next week."

"Please do." He smirked and his eyes sparkled. "So, how was your day?"

"Well," Olivia grinned. She had been holding back her big news and now could hardly wait to spill it. "It was good, but, at the end of the day, I kept getting calls from a California number but kept missing them and they didn't leave a voice mail. Finally I picked up and…"

Ed placed his palms on the table. The suspense was killing him. "And what?"

"Care to go to LA with me in a couple weeks? Ellen, you know, the _Ellen Show_ , read the book and wants me to come there as a guest!"

Ed broke into a huge smile and beamed with pride. "I would be honored," he said. "I told ya. I told ya this was gonna be big."

Olivia ducked her eyes shyly as he got up and kissed her.

"Mommy's gonna be on TV again, No!" Ed said. "The whole _country_ will see her!"

"YAY! Mommy, you good on TV! We go 'gain and see? They have all da cameras, and lights and the guys running 'round and 'round!"

Ed looked at Olivia for the answer. She shrugged. "They said they would fly my family out. But, ah, it could be a nice little getaway for us, too?"

"Wanna fly on da airplane!" Noah said, "And Maggie and Wyatt too!"

Ed smiled at Noah. "Kinda a long flight with three kids," he said, "And for only a couple days?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, No, how 'bout we fly on an airplane for Thanksgiving? Around your birthday? We could go to Florida and Disney World?"

Noah immediately forgot about California. His eyes grew wide and he bounced in his chair. Via commercials, billboards, and other media, he was very familiar with the offerings of Disney World. He also remembered bits and pieces of the EuroDisney trip from when he accompanied his mother and her then-boyfriend to Paris.

"YES! We go to Disney and ride rides and see Mickey and da castle!"

Olivia smiled at Ed. "You realize this has to happen now, right?"

"Yep." He reached for her hand. "But first I take my superstar author wife to Los Angeles for her national TV appearance. I. Am. So. Damn. Proud of you."

" _Daddy_!"

"Sorry, bud." Ed continued simpering at his wife. His food was getting cold. He hadn't had more than a sip or two of wine. Their rift, if it had indeed happened, seemed like a hazy figment of his imagination, like something that happened in a dream yet was so convincing one awoke questioning what was real and what was not. The twins, in their booster seats rather than high chairs, rapped their plastic utensils on the table top. They happily babbled both actual words and gibberish, and Noah did his best to engage them in conversation. He pronounced words slowly, giggling at himself when he tried to get his brother and sister to say _rav-i-o-li_ or something equally challenging.

"Maggs you got sauce in your hair!"

"HA!"

"Wyatt, dis how you use da fork!"

"Bababa…Nonononono…EAT! NO!"

"Yeah, Wyatt!" Noah said, "We're _eating_!"

The kids were loud. Messy. Silly. Not exactly the exemplars of appropriate table manners. But neither Ed nor Olivia cared at the moment. He couldn't stop staring at her.

She gazed back at him. The admiration pouring from his expression engulfed her in an invisible security blanket of warmth and confidence and, predictably, tears welled in her eyes. In that moment, she vowed to coin another phrase for being in love. There were too many distinct yet intertwined emotions swirling in the space between them, and _being in love_ did not come close to encapsulating the feeling.

So, when Ed finally broke their silence, his mundane comment caused them both to break into laughter.

"I'll see if Sarah and Justin are up for hosting three kids for a couple of nights."

Olivia wiped away the fallen tears with the back of her hand. "Good plan, Captain."

"Mommy, Maggs needs more rav'oli!"

Olivia and Ed went back to their meal and basked in their children's boisterous company. Nevertheless, Olivia kept grinning to herself. She accurately predicted Ed would hurry everyone to bed as early as possible.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	82. Chapter 82

**Eighty-two**. _Thank you JennBenson who contributed around 1714 ! Actually, this whole chap is inspired by and for JB!_

A pungent chlorine smell smacked Olivia in the face when she walked into SwimJim. She immediately saw Ed in the pool with Wyatt. Maggie, more likely to warm up to strangers, was the demonstration baby and in the care of a blonde instructor who everyone called Megan. Even though Olivia stood out (fully clothed with gun and shield), the adults concentrated so much on helping their babies float on their backs that nobody paid her any attention for several minutes. She sat on a bench and observed.

Maggie was not the best demonstration baby in the world. Instead of compliantly remaining on her back, she wanted to roll over and dive headfirst into the water. The patient instructor would flip her over and continue with the lesson, guiding the parents from a full shoulder hold to two-handed support. Many of the babies and toddlers cried as their parents gradually let go, but Wyatt spread his arms, kicked his legs, and, as far as Olivia could tell, enjoyed himself.

"Oh, KAY!" the instructor announced, "Final five minutes free swim!"

Ed rolled his eyes. Olivia laughed. Either he heard the barely audible chuckle or sensed her presence because he looked up at that instance and met her smile with one of his own. He pressed his cheek to Wyatt's and pointed.

"Lookit Mommy!"

Wyatt spotted her and immediately flung his body forward. Olivia saw their swim bag nearby, plucked a towel from it, and walked to the edge of the pool.

"C'mere, big guy," she said, wrapping her son in the bright red terry cloth. Absolutely irresistible with his wet head and in cocooned in the towel, Olivia cradled him and smothered him with kisses. Adding to the adorableness, his long, dark eyelashes clumped together in tiny triangles. "You are a handsome, handsome boy, Wyatt Edward."

Ed retrieved Maggie from the instructor. Purportedly on accident, she lost her grip on Maggie and both she and Ed grabbed the little girl before she plunged into the water. The save caused them to come within closer, uncomfortable proximity and he shyly backed away and headed for the stairs.

"Hey," he kissed Olivia, careful not to drip excessively on her. He wrapped Maggie in a second towel.

"Hi," she cooed, "Good lesson?"

"We'll be floating by Disney."

"Good," Olivia was in the middle of leaning in for another kiss when the same blonde instructor approached.

"Got everything, twin Dad?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah, we're all set," Ed replied gruffly.

She tickled Maggie's belly. "Thanks for being my assistant today, Maggie!"

In response, Maggie blew bubbles and squirmed. Wyatt was still placidly curled in his mother's arms. Megan asked him if he would help her out next time.

"I dunno," Ed replied, "He's a little less outgoing than this one."

The lengths to which Megan went to ignore Olivia had crossed the line from rude to comical.

"This is my wife, Olivia," Ed said. He fidgeted uncomfortably. Maybe it was because, since he was barefoot, Olivia had two inches on him. Or maybe it was because the twenty-something swim teacher was brazenly flirting with him in front of his spouse.

"Oh. _Hi_!" Megan gushed as if she'd just noticed there was a third adult in their semicircle.

"Hello," Olivia said curtly.

"I'm so glad Ed, Maggie, and Wyatt are in the class!"

"They're glad to be here."

"Well, we should get changed and get goin," Ed said.

"Good job today," Megan said and gave him a pat on the bicep.

Incredulous, Olivia's jaw dropped.

"See you next week!"

Megan flounced away.

Olivia kissed Wyatt's head and raised her eyebrows, "That the teacher who likes you?"

"Yeah," Ed replied sheepishly.

"Phew. Because if that _wasn't_ the one who likes you…"

Ed grinned. "C'mon. Let's go."

….

The early October evening was warm enough for Sarah to sit on the balcony and be comfortable in one of Justin's hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. She had spent most of the evening organizing closets and finding places for random odds and ends. Justin was working an overnight shift. Lately, when he wasn't home, she found herself desperately missing him. Frightened by the intense longing, Sarah dove into decorating and organizing. Next week Noah and the twins were coming to stay for two nights, so she had a renewed sense of urgency.

Ed knew Sarah and Justin would never say no to the request, but he kept the _Ellen Show_ detail in his pocket in case there was any hesitation. When Sarah learned why they were going away, she squealed, cheered, screamed for Olivia to come to the phone and bombarded her with at least a dozen _omigods_ before lavishing her with praise and various forms of the word _proud_.

Both Sarah and Noah wanted to spend the two nights at the new apartment. Even though, with the twins, it was slightly more convenient for Justin and Sarah to relocate for a couple of days, Ed and Olivia agreed to their kids' staycation. The pack-and-plays were already set up in the guest bedroom. Sarah chuckled while putting the sheets on the thin mattresses. Surely they would all sleep together either on the pull-out couch or in the new California King bed.

The new home brought Sarah more joy than she imagined. She rushed home every night regardless of whether or not Justin was home. When he wasn't working an evening shift, they often ventured back out to play one-on-one or play darts or pool. Some evenings were spent strolling aimlessly around the neighborhood, up one street and down another, and they discovered previously unknown places to eat, drink, and shop.

When he was working Sarah occupied herself with what she called "wifish things"—making sure the refrigerator and pantry were stocked with their favorite foods, doing laundry, perusing websites for accent pieces, and, when she had exhausted all other options, making a dent in the stack of novels Justin had selected for her.

She couldn't bring herself to read Olivia's book.

Not yet.

Sarah sipped wine and listened to the city sounds. Somewhere in the distance a saxophone wailed. Tires ground to a halt at the intersection. Taxi horns blared. Two men smoking cigarettes outside the corner bodega chatted loudly in either Persian or Hindi; Sarah couldn't decide which one, so she concentrated as hard as she could until an emergent migraine threatened her peaceful evening.

 _Bzzzt! Bzzzt!_

Justin was calling.

" _Hell_ - _lo_!"

"Whatch doin', gorgeous?"

"Trying to differentiate between Persian and Hindi."

"Tough one."

"I _know_!" Another call pinged, but Sarah ignored it. "What are you doing?"

"Eating. Thanks for packing it for me."

"You're welcome. Did you get my napkin note?"

"Yes."

Sarah could practically feel Justin blushing. "Uh oh," she teased, "Did the boys see it?"

"Almost," he said, "I hid it after the first couple a words."

"I'll go PG next time."

"Nah."

The second caller rang through again. This time, Sarah checked. It was Brooke.

"Hey, Jus', Brooke's calling."

"Oh, yeah, okay. I'll see ya in a few hours."

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you."

Sarah hastily called back and it wasn't Brooke but Sonny who answered. Sarah shot into a standing position assuming she was going to have to make a dash for the hospital.

"No, no, no," Sonny said, "She was wonderin' if Aidan was with you."

"No. Why?"

"He didn't come home last night."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sarah snapped. "Did you track his phone?"

" _No_."

"Well, this is the second time he's pulled something like this. So track that motherfucker."

"Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm pissed. Brooke was all _oh he's so good and responsible and blah blah blah_ and now he's gone off on his own again. Was he at school today?"

"I dunno."

"Jesus Christ, Sonny, you would think you're the one who's pregnant! You're an SVU detective! You didn't check to see if he was at _school_?"

"They didn't call. They usually call if he's absent."

"Well, get one of your techy NYPD people to find his phone and I'll go kidnap him back," Sarah downed what was left of her wine, "And why are you answering Brooke's phone?"

"She's in the bathroom."

"Oh, yeah, that kid's sitting right on her bladder. Tell her to relax. I got this. Just… _tell me_ where he is!"

"Okay. I'll call you right back."

"Fine." Sarah hung up and went inside to change wondering when and why Sonny had become so flighty. She decided to wait to loop in her Dad and Olivia since she suspected Aidan's disappearance had something to do with Blake or one of Blake's musical friends. From what she saw in Washington, D.C., they were annoying but harmless. Nevertheless, they were also older than Aidan and a high school sophomore, in her opinion, had no business hanging out college kids ever, but especially not on a school night.

….

Between dinner and bedtime, Ed completed his bench presses and pushups using the kids as his weights. Wyatt was the last to have a turn, and, on rep ten, Ed nuzzled his neck, sat up, flipped Wyatt, and stood the dizzied little boy on his feet.

"They still smell like the pool," Ed remarked. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer.

"That's a good post-workout drink," Olivia patted his stomach, "Recommended by Megan?"

"Megan?"

"The swim instructor from today."

"Oh," Ed tried not to smile, "She'd prolly recommended one of those green smoothies."

"Probably."

Ed caught a hint of bitterness in her mumbled reply. " _Hey_."

"What?"

He did his best to imitate her tone. "Probably?"

"Yes. _Probably_."

"Whydja say it like that?"

"Like what?"

" _Liv_."

She threw her arms into the air, "Okay, okay," she said, "At first she was…well, she was eye-roll worthy. But I couldn't get her out of my head. The way she smiled at you, fawned over you…" Olivia bit her lip and asked an excruciatingly difficult question, "Did you…did you like that?"

Ed's cheeks burned. "Liv, I thought it was funny. Talk about tryin' too hard—"

"—but did you _like_ it?"

" _Like it_ as in am I attracted to her?"

"Yes."

"No."

Olivia vigorously rubbed his arms. "You said, the thought of losing me…makes you stop breathing." She looked at him with a desperation he hadn't seen in a while. "It's the same…for me. I can't lose you, either."

"What the hell is wrong with you, baby?" Ed laughed, and slid his arms around her waist, "You seriously think I'd _look_ at someone else?"

Trying not to cry and staring at the floor, Olivia shrugged.

His attempt at lightheartedness having failed, he bumped her chin with a knuckle. "I want you," he said softly, demanding she look him in the eyes, " _Only_ you."

They traded a few kisses and Ed hugged her tightly until two pairs of little hands slapped at their legs.

"Well hello Tucker twins," Ed crouched down to their level. "What's goin' on?"

The twins grinned and babbled and practically begged to be picked up. Olivia and Ed hoisted them into the air, turned them upside down, and blew strawberries on their exposed bellies.

Noah trotted in. "We finished da puzzle!"

"You did?" Olivia asked. "All by yourself?"

She bought Noah a Disney World puzzle in anticipation of their visit and the two of them had started putting it together, albeit only the edges.

"Maggs and Wyatt helped!"

"How'd they help, bud?"

"They give me da pieces!" Noah exclaimed, his tone suggesting Ed and Olivia should have already known the answer.

"And you knew where to put 'em?"

"Yep!" Noah hopped around on one foot.

"Whaddya gonna do now?"

"We should play some songs," Noah tugged on his siblings' feet, "C'mon, we gotta play in da band."

Maggie and Wyatt followed their brother and Ed re-wrapped his wife in his arms. "He did that puzzle _by himself_? A hundred piece puzzle?" Ed leaned in and whispered, "He's a fucking genius."

Shocked, Olivia peered at the table. "It's amazing."

"We're amazing parents."

"Yeah," Olivia tickled the back of his head, "Yeah we are."

…..

The Tucker girls had grown up mostly in New York City and both prided themselves on their knowledge of Manhattan's numerous neighborhoods. Both Sarah and Brooke attended out-of-state colleges, but Sarah always made it a point to return to the city and her friends on the weekends or on breaks. When Sonny gave her the address of where Aidan's phone had last pinged, she knew exactly where to go.

She descended the steps to Peculiar Pub and snickered at the way the ambience hadn't changed. It was a dingy, dark, dive bar that only accepted cash and employed seasoned bartenders who typically were adept at carding and spotting underage patrons. Sixteen-year-old Aidan had apparently flown under the radar. Either that or someone in the entourage had a wink-nod relationship with the powers that be.

To Aidan's horror, Sarah slid into the booth where he was sitting with a group of young men.

"Hello!" She said brightly.

Busted yet indignant, Aidan glared at her. Sarah smiled. The rest of the group, bewildered, waited for an explanation.

Sarah kissed Aidan's cheek. "You gonna buy me a drink?"

Aidan froze, slack-jawed.

"Yeah, sure," one of the other young men said. "Whaddya want?"

"No," Sarah said. "I want _this_ guy to buy me a drink. C'mon."

She tugged on his sleeve and they went to the bar. Sarah waved off the bartender. "What in the hell is wrong with you?" She hissed.

Aidan shrugged.

"Oh hell no, you're gonna have to talk. I cannot believe you would make Brooke worry like this. That is so fucking wrong, Aidan."

"How'd you find me?"

"You dummy. Brooke's husband is a cop. Everyone I know is a cop. We pinged your phone."

Offended, Aidan balked. "You're _tracking_ me?"

"Not usually, but what were we supposed to do, Aidan? You didn't come home, don't answer your phone, and I find you in a fucking bar? Are you kidding me?" Incredulous, Sarah swiveled around with her palm to her forehead. "You don't get to disappear whenever you feel like it."

"Blake's friend was playing…" Aidan trailed off. Any argument was futile. "I went to a show. It was in this warehouse, I had some drinks and passed out on this guy's couch."

" _Passed_ _out_?"

"Yeah. _I went to school_ ," Aidan stressed the sentence thinking it would exonerate him.

"What guy? Where?"

"A loft downtown."

"Aidan," Sarah lowered her voice to a whisper, "Are you _okay_? Like, I mean…"

"Nothing happened."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"And you're here now because…."

"He told me to come by after school and we'd eat and go see the band rehearse. I like him. He's cool."

"And he's an adult. And you're not."

"I like these people," Aidan replied indignantly. "The kids at my school, they're, I dunno…"

Sarah calmed down a bit. "You have to think about what you want from us, Aidan. If you want to keep living with Brooke and Sonny, you can't do this. And you _are_ a kid. There's too much room for something to go wrong here—"

"Because of what happened with me and Blake?"

"No. Well, yes. I get it. You're figuring stuff out. Everyone does. But, in the past twenty-four hours a whole bunch of laws have been broken…this can't happen."

Aidan looked like he was going to cry.

"So, go say goodbye," Sarah said gently, "I'll wait for you outside. And I _will_ come back in."

Sarah briskly headed for the exit. Two minutes later, Aidan appeared and they took the train home.

…..

Ed and Olivia departed for Los Angeles on a Wednesday, so the goodbye they gave Noah did not involve any tears. Olivia and Ed gave him extra hugs and reminded him to help Sarah and Justin with the twins. They watched Noah join his class and begin his morning ritual of stowing his belongings in the cubby. After one last wave, they toted the twins to the car and drove to Sarah's place.

Leaving Maggie and Wyatt presented a more daunting challenge. Olivia smothered them with hugs and kisses and held them so tightly Ed wasn't sure he would be able to peel them away from each other without hurting someone. Olivia did not break into total sobs, but she needed several tissues to absorb her tears.

Fortuitously, Justin's afternoon class was canceled, so he stayed home with the twins while Sarah picked up Noah from school. She planned to take him on their usual shopping and snack outing, but Noah insisted on going back to her apartment. He wanted to have his snack on the balcony and "watch da people from da sky!"

The doorman had seen Noah before and greeted him by name. While they waited for the elevator, another resident joined them and, perhaps attracted by her friendly smile, Noah struck up a conversation.

"We're goin to sit on da balcony!" He told the woman.

Sarah had seen her many times before but they had never exchanged anything more than polite nods.

"Oh? _Wow_ , that sounds fun!"

He eyed the plastic bag at her side. "You getted dinner?"

"Yes," she said, amused at the young extrovert. "Tacos."

"Oooo! Sare Bear! We should get tacos!"

"Sure Noey Boey," Sarah said. She extended her hand, "I'm Sarah Tucker. My fiancée and I moved in a few weeks ago. On six."

"Oh, yeah…welcome! Have you gotten all settled?"

"Pretty much," Sarah said, "Just a few little things to do."

"What your name?" Noah interjected.

"My friends call me G," she said.

"I'm NOAH! N. O. A. H."

"Wow, good spelling!"

"Thanks. I can write da letters too! You have G? Mr. B, that's my teacher, he say I write da best G's! Noah wrote the letter in the air with his index finger. It kinda curvy den ya go up, then over!" He finished with a flourish and giggled, "Dats a fun one!" He narrowed his eyes and thoughtfully crinkled his forehead, "I call you G?"

"Sure."

"Thanks," he said, "Then we're friends!"

"Deal," she said, "You're not just saying that so I'll give you a taco, are you?"

"No," Noah answered through more giggles.

"I don't know," Sarah said slowly, "He's a clever one…"

The elevator stopped at G's floor, "Well, you two have a good night and happy taco eating."

"We have MORE than two!" Noah said, "We have Maggie and Wyatt and Justy _and_ us!"

"Oh…well, have fun with everyone on your balcony."

"You gonna be on da balcony?" Noah asked.

"Maybe I will," she said, completely stepping off the elevator. "Nice meeting you."

"You too!" Sarah said.

"Bye _GEEEEEEEEE_!" Noah called out as the doors closed. "Sare Bear, you and G should be friends, too!"

"Apparently," Sarah replied, "After these two days and nights together I'm going to have a lot of friends in the building thanks to you."

….

The only problem Ed had with first class was the armrests did not raise and he couldn't sit as close to Olivia as he wanted. He settled for holding her hand and chuckled when she had to flip the page of her magazine one-handed.

"Am I annoyin' ya?"

"No."

"Liar."

Olivia simpered but kept her attention on the magazine.

"Whaddya reading?"

" _People_."

"You're gonna be in that after tomorrow."

"Sure."

" _Olivia_. You're doubting me now? Have I not been right about everything so far?" He leaned over for a kiss, "You're a superstar."

"I love you," she cooed softly. "Like, I really, really love you. I could not have done this without you."

"Sure ya could have."

Olivia shook her head. "Nope. I have so much confidence. It's almost as if, the one hurdle I couldn't quite get over was a relationship, after…" Olivia winced, "…after, well, you know—"

Ed interjected, "Cassidy?"

"—Yes," she sighed with a relieved smile, "I thought, well, I knew it wasn't right and I felt bad about that but I blamed myself because if I couldn't make it work with him, obviously, what was wrong with me?"

The rhetorical question punched Ed in the gut.

"—but there was nothing wrong with me," she continued, "Being with you…it's so _right_. So perfect. And I don't second guess myself or worry with you, I can… _be_ _me_ without reservation."

"Some people really do belong together," Ed murmured.

"Yes we do."

"I'm so glad you let me buy you that drink."

"I'm so glad you let me see the real you."

He smirked and kissed her again, "But you did kinda think I was good lookin' before that, right?"

" _Weellll_ ," Olivia equivocated. "Maybe a little."

…

After feasting on delivery tacos, the crew in the apartment off Union Square went inside to play Uno. Noah played his own hand and proved to be a shrewd card shark. Maggie and Wyatt sat with Justin and Sarah. Wyatt sucked on his Wubbabub and Maggie waved around a plastic butterfly toy when she wasn't grabbing Justin's cards.

Sarah's heart filled with joy when Justin interacted with the children. He was so calm and patient. Maggie had taken to him right away the night Wyatt was in the hospital and sat in Justin's lap far longer than she would have lasted with anyone else. When she did toddle away, she returned with new items in her hands and gave them to Justin.

"She givin' ya presents," Noah said. "Maggs _lovvvves_ givin presents!"

"Thank you," Justin said sweetly as he accepted a remote control. "Very kind of you, small sister."

"KI!"

"Yes, _kind_."

"Maggs sayin' all da words on da board now," Noah said.

"What board?" Sarah asked. "Draw FOUR, Noey!"

Noah grumbled and took his four cards, "Da board with the letters. You press and they say A for Apple and B for Baby."

"What about Wyatt? Does he say them all?"

"Uh-huh," Noah replied, "Cept Zebra. But Maggs know the words _before_ she press da letters!"

"Wow," Sarah said. "Small sister is a smarty pants. Like you, Noey!"

"Yep!" He smiled and turned to Justin, "Justy you smart too because _you_ know how ta help people who get hurt!"

"Thanks, little man."

"What about me?" Sarah asked, pretending to be hopelessly offended.

"You da SMARTEST!"

"And," Sarah said triumphantly, "I am also down to UNO!"

Sarah dominated the game for two more rounds, but she was keeping a careful eye on the time. Noah objected at first, but when Sarah reminded him he had to be sharp for school the next day, he got ready for bed without further protest. They FaceTimed with Ed and Olivia and _ooohed_ and _aaahed_ over their elegant suite. Maggie and Wyatt smacked the screen, and Olivia puckered her lips and "kissed" their hands.

"You two look California cool already," Sarah said. "What are you doing tonight?"

"We're a little tired," Ed said, "We'll go grab a bite, get back early and get some sleep."

" _Mmmmhmmm_."

Ed rolled his eyes. They exchanged goodnights and I love yous and blew kisses before ending the call.

"Alright," Sarah said, "Tucker kiddos, Justin's turn. Say goodnight."

"Ni'night, Justy," Noah and the twins hugged Justin. Noah's kiss on the cheek both overwhelmed and heartened Justin. Maggie and Wyatt followed suit, and Sarah noticed tears in his eyes when she ushered everyone to the bedroom.

Noah eyed the Pack 'n Plays suspiciously. "Maggs not gonna sleep in there," he said.

"Well, she has to."

"Uh-uh. We all sleep in da big bed."

"Noey, I don't have the side rail things. Someone will fall off."

"Okay," Noah said, "Maggs, you gotta try ta sleep in da crib, kay?"

Maggie was wandering around the room with her baby. Sarah snagged her and put her in the crib, but she immediately started fussing. Noah went over and tried to soothe her. "Maggs, go ni'night, baby," he patted her head gently. "Lay down with baby."

"Baby," Maggie repeated softly.

Meanwhile, Sarah covered Wyatt with his train blanket, gave him his Wubbanub, watched him toss it aside in favor of his fist, and pressed a kiss to his head. "Goodnight, sweet brother," she said softly. Wyatt's eyes fluttered closed. He was so placid and content, Sarah gazed at him for a moment longer and didn't realize Noah had somehow coaxed Maggie into lying down.

"Good job, Noey," Sarah whispered.

"Thanks." He climbed into bed. "Tight tuck, please, Sare Bear."

"Sure thing." Sarah wedged the blankets and sheets under the mattress. She ran her fingers through Noah's closely cropped brown hair, "Night Noey Boey. I love you."

"Love you, too," Noah said, "Sare Bear?"

"Yes?"

"I'm 'dopted."

Stunned, Sarah blinked and her jaw dropped. "Um, uh, who told you that?"

"Mommy and Daddy."

"Oh…what did they say it means?"

"It mean another person had me in her belly, but Mommy's my Mommy 'cause she couldn't take care of me and Mommy wanted me _so much_."

" _Ohhhh_ ," Sarah droned, buying herself time to figure out what to say next, "Mommy told me how much she wanted you. And look how lucky we all got? Mommy met Daddy so he got to be your Daddy and me and Brookey got to be your sisters!"

"Yeah," Noah smiled sleepily, "And den we got Maggie and Wyatt so I'm da big brother, too!"

"Yes," Sarah sat down beside him for a hug. "I love our family."

"I love 'em, too."

"And when Brookey has her new baby we'll love him, too."

Noah scrunched up his face, "Da baby not a _him_. It's a _her_!"

"How do you know that?"

"I jus' know."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I guess, I'm gonna get ready for bed, too."

"You gonna sleep with Justy?"

"Yes," Sarah said. "If you need me though, you come over. I'll leave the door open."

"Kay. Mommy and Daddy close da door a lot."

Stifling a giggle, Sarah kissed Noah's forehead. "That's a good thing, Noey Boey," she whispered. "Trust me."

"I trust you, Sare Bear."

"Good," she said, "No matter what, we'll always trust each other."

"Yep," Noah held Bernie more tightly and shifted to his side.

"I'll see ya in the morning."

"Kay."

An hour later, in the master bedroom, the purplish light from the flat screen television cast a glow on the cherubic faces of the three children as they snoozed between Sarah and Justin.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	83. Chapter 83

**Eighty-three**.

Punishing Aidan did not appeal to Brooke, but she and Sonny agreed his actions warranted consequences. For the rest of October, Aidan was limited to traveling from the apartment to school and work. No stops anywhere. No freedom on the weekends to head to the subway and freely explore. Brooke's recent burst of energy had waned. She was sluggish, irritable, and always home, so Aidan had little chance of flouting his restrictions, at least not without further trouble.

"Guess I'll see you at two-thirty," Aidan grumbled as he zipped his backpack.

"Have a good day," Sonny said cheerfully.

"See you later," Brooke said weakly, barely lifting her head from its perch against the sofa's armrest. Aidan slammed the door, but Brooke only managed a half-hearted eye roll.

"He'll snap out of it," Sonny said. He examined Brooke critically, "You sure you don't want me to stay here?"

"Yes, I'm going to sleep," she said. "I'm so tired but I can never get comfortable."

"After the baby's born, you can sleep for a week straight."

" _Hmph_."

Sonny covered her with a blanket and kissed her forehead. "I'll call you in a little bit."

"Okay."

…..

Strong enough now to pull open the door at day care, Noah stood with his back to the glass so Sarah could wheel the stroller inside. The front desk attendant greeted Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah by name, checked her computer, and murmured something about how Mr. Tucker had told them his daughter would be dropping off and picking up. Sarah frowned at the "Mister." Any title other than his police versions always sounded weird.

"Kay, we gotta put da stroller there," Noah pointed to a corner where other parents had left their collapsed buggies. "And then we put their coats on da hooks."

Sarah took her time ridding the twins of their outerwear. Her heart constricted. Suddenly she was overwhelmed by separation anxiety.

 _How in the hell do Daddy and Livvie leave the twins here_?

Noah tugged on Sarah's arm, "C'mon, we gotta take 'em to their room. It's right here." He pointed across the hall to the half-door decorated with primary-colored letters.

"I don't wanna."

" _Sare Bear_! They like it! They get ta see all da friends!" Noah put his arms around Wyatt and somewhat clumsily extracted him from the stroller seat. Noah stumbled backward but kept his balance then put Wyatt on the floor. " _See_?" Noah said as Wyatt made a beeline for the classroom.

Sarah possessively embraced Maggie. "Are you sure?"

" _Yes_ ," Noah said.

The toddler room teacher, Miss Debbie, opened the door for Wyatt. Sarah kissed Maggie, put her down, and watched dolefully as she happily joined her brother. By the time Sarah peeked in, Wyatt and Maggie had toys in their hands and were fully involved in play.

"I'll be here to get them this afternoon," Sarah explained to Miss Debbie. "I have two meetings this morning, then a lunch conference call, so, after that I'll be able…" Sarah rambled on and on to a less-than-interested Miss Debbie.

School drop-off was significantly less dramatic. Unlike day care, school, to Sarah, was an acceptable option. Kids Noah's age were _supposed_ to go to school. While Noah unpacked his belongings, Sarah questioned Mr. B. about Noah's progress. She asked specific questions and asked to see work samples. Unaffected, the young teacher answered her questions and complied with the requests. He showed her a thick folder full of Noah's work and gave her log-in credentials so she could see their virtual classroom.

Satisifed, Sarah thanked him. She kissed Noah and told him to call if he needed anything. Outside, she hailed a cab to the office and called Ed. Noah's "I'm 'dopted" revelation last night both haunted and intrigued her, and she needed the entire story.

….

 _Maggie stalked around the apartment like a furious politician, and, though her arguments were typical of most teenagers', she fired them off in a convincing, assured tone._

" _Nothing will happen, Mom. We're taking the train there, going to the concert, and coming home. It won't even be that late. I stayed up way later studying for the AP Test last week."_

" _You_ _had_ _to stay up late because you didn't study at all before then."_

 _Maggie looked at Ed for help, but he only offered a shrug._

 _Sorry, princess, but Mom's the boss._

 _Ostensibly he was on her side, but, deep down, he was glad Olivia was standing her ground. If she had allowed Maggie and her friends to travel by themselves to the concert on Long Island, he would've shadowed her the whole way._

" _And you can go," Olivia said, "Your Dad or I will drive you."_

 _Maggie let out her best I'm-sixteen-and-beyond-frustrated groan. She cocked her head, smirked, and launched into a rebuttal. Purportedly listening, Olivia sat back and folded her hands while her daughter paced back and forth, punctuating her points by waving her hands all over. Since there was no way anything Maggie said would change Olivia's mind, she concentrated on her daughter's mannerisms. The smirk was all Ed, but the talking with the hands was the epitome of Olivia. Maggie's expressions, though, were always tinged with a hint of amusement as if she had created the conflict merely for the pleasure of having to battle to get her way. Olivia held back a smile. With her piercing blue eyes, sharp jaw, and high, defined cheekbones, a lesser opponent would have given in right away. Maggie's perpetual struggle, though, was that she rarely faced a lesser opponent._

"Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"Y'alright?"

Olivia opened her eyes. As far as she could tell, it was still dark, but their suite came equipped with blackout shades and drapes. "Yes," she mumbled, "Why?"

"You were saying no and tossin' and turnin'"

Olivia laughed, "I bet I was."

"Why?"

"I was dreaming…about Maggie wanting to go somewhere," Olivia said, speaking slowly as she recalled the details, "To a concert…by herself on the train…"

Entertained but also relieved her dream had been far from a nightmare, Ed cuddled up to her and listened with a smile on his face. When she finished, he got up and opened the drapes, revealing the cusp of a crisp, bright sunrise.

"Miss Maggie," he said, "Doesn't stand a chance."

"I don't know," Olivia said, "I have a feeling Daddy may have a soft spot for that little girl."

Smirking, he quipped, "That's why there're two of us."

"Excellent point, Captain." Olivia held out her arms. "Come here."

"Want coffee?"

"No," she said, "I want you to make love to me."

He glanced out the window. "It is a beautiful morning for it."

Ed crawled on top of her and played with her hair. "How ya feelin about today?"

"I'm excited," she said. "I'm excited about meeting her…then about going to the coast with you." After learning the actual taping wouldn't last more than a couple hours from start to finish, Ed suggested they rent a car so they could drive a little along the Pacific Coast Highway and stop as they pleased.

"I'm excited, too," he said, "You're gonna be incredible."

Olivia tickled the back of his head. "Thank you."

"Oh," Ed said with a grin, "I'm supposed to be makin' love to you."

"Yes, please."

"Well, since you're so polite…"

They kissed in each other's arms for several minutes. It was passionate and tender. Ed paused frequently to stare into her eyes and whisper "I love you." When he sensed her becoming impatient, he ran a hand down her side, completing the journey between her legs.

"Ed, that's, _God_ , that feels so good."

"You feel perfect, baby," he rasped, kissing at her throat now. "You are so damn perfect." The sun's rays began to filter into the room, illuminating Olivia's features. "Goddam," he said, stopping to stare and admire her once again, "I think I like LA. I like it _a lot_."

In the golden glow of dawn, Ed and Olivia stopped thinking and talking and let instinct and passion take over. Afterwards, as they cuddled and exchanged kisses, Ed said their suite resembled a scene from a movie, the title of which he couldn't recall.

"Sure you don't feel like that because we're close to Hollywood?"

"Maybe that's it," he said, "But, damn, we don't get the sunrise like this in New York. The light. The way you look in this light…"

"You want to film us tomorrow morning, Captain?"

Unable to believe she was serious, Ed chuckled. "I never, uh, understood why people do that. They, uh, really watch it?"

"I guess so."

"Like porn?"

"I suppose…"

"I think I'd be too self-conscious…to actually… _see myself_."

"And what if one of the kids found it?"

Ed started laughing again, "That'd be awful."

Olivia tilted her head back, kissed him, and kept her eyes on his, "You wouldn't be self-conscious, though, Ed," she said, "You have…excellent skills."

His cheeks burned with embarrassment. She loved seeing her cocky, confident husband a little flustered and nervous under her scrutiny and when showered with her compliments. She kissed those sturdy cheeks and rolled him onto his back.

She hovered over him and let her hair dangle in his face.

"Show me those skills again, Captain."

….

When Sarah returned to her office after the noon conference call and checked her phone, she was greeted with a voicemail notification from Ed. Consumed by her work projects, she had almost forgotten she had called him in the first place.

He picked up on the second ring. "Hey, Sare."

"Hi," she said, "Why didn't you pick up this morning?"

"Mostly because it was five a.m."

"Oh," Sarah smacked her forehead, "Duh. Well, how are you?"

"Good, getting ready to leave for the studio in a little bit."

"That is incredible," Sarah said, "So cool, when will it air?"

"Couple weeks."

"Omigod. Hey, listen, last night when I was putting Noah to bed, he told me he was adopted." Ed didn't say anything so Sarah continued, "It, uh, it kinda shocked me."

"We told him a week or so ago," Ed said, "He was asking about names and it was hard to answer, so Liv figured this was the right time."

Sarah screwed up her face and stared into Battery Park. "So, that's it?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, "He asked a couple of questions, but we were honest and he understood, or, I thought he did. But maybe, if he told you, maybe somethin's still bothering him. Thanks for telling me."

"Well we ended the conversation about how awesome our family is and how great it is that he's a big brother. And holy shit, he got Maggie to lie down. And he also talked me off the ledge at day care this morning."

Ed chuckled sympathetically. "I'm glad he's there to babysit you while we're gone."

" _So am I_!"

"Alright, well, we need to head out…thanks again, Sare. We really appreciate it."

"No problem," Sarah said, "Hey, Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"You said before you didn't answer _mostly because it was five a.m_."

"Yeah."

"Well, _mostly_? What's the rest of the reason?"

The question was mischievous and Ed imagined Sarah standing in the middle of her office smirking and eagerly waiting for a smidgen of an erotic detail.

"Figure of speech, rhetorical," he said.

" _Okayyyy_."

"Sunrise here's gorgeous though," Ed added.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod…"

…

Her work goals for the day accomplished, Sarah left early, got the twins, and then checked Noah out of school with an hour left in the day. She assumed she could get away with the minor sidestep of protocol, maybe even without having to apologize or explain herself. She and the kids went to the park, stopped for some sweet treats, and picked out pumpkins. Maggie and Wyatt each received a small gourd and Noah chose the largest one that could fit in the stroller's lower storage bin.

"We'll carve them with Justy later," Sarah said.

"I'm gonna make mine scary!" Noah said.

"Cool. And we'll let Maggie and Wyatt draw on theirs with markers. Those are too little to carve."

"Sare Bear, dey can't use da markers! They too little and it get ALL OVER!"

"Oh, oops. Well, I guess they can enjoy yours then."

"Yep!" Noah suddenly jump-stopped. "I hear a phone!"

His head was next to Sarah's bag. Either that or he had superhuman hearing skills. Sarah dug around for the phone.

"Sare, good, hey," Sonny was breathing heavily, "Brooke's in labor. For real."

"Omigod."

"It's fine. It's gonna be fine."

"Well, okay, we're out, I'm going to run home and I'll be there ASAP."

"Okay."

Noah was eyeing Sarah curiously. She patted his head, "Don't worry, Noey. Guess what?"

"What?"

"You and Wyatt are about to be uncles. And Maggie will be an aunt. A very young aunt."

"Brookey having da baby?"

"Yep! So, we gotta get a taxi and go home and…shit—"

"—Swear jar!"

"I know, I know," Sarah muttered, "We may all have to go to the hospital. Justin's working."

"He has ta save people, Sare Bear!"

"I know, I know, but I'll call him and let him know what's going on anyway. Okay home then Brooklyn."

…..

Ed viewed Olivia's appearance from a seat in the audience. He was offered a room with a monitor, but he preferred seeing everyone in the flesh. Right before she was introduced and he was led away, she death-gripped his hands and confessed she was suddenly and irrevocably nervous. Her hands were clammy and the terror in her body seemed to be manifesting itself as tears.

"Hey," he said in his best coach's voice. "You are a best-selling author. She loved your book. You're gonna laugh. It's gonna be fun. Then we're gonna get in that car and go to the ocean. We'll have a whole bunch of seafood and wine and then we'll find a place secluded enough to, you know," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "for sex so we can say we've made love on both coasts."

The tears dried up instantaneously and she broke into soft laughter. "If you're like this in your fifties you must have been insatiable as a college kid."

"Nope. Only with you."

One of the producers interrupted the flirty exchange. "Lieutenant?"

Ed kissed her and surreptitiously patted her behind. "You'll be great. Love you."

"Love you."

Ellen began the interview by asking Olivia basic biographical questions—where she'd grown up, how she came to be a cop, and her ascension to Lieutenant. Olivia glossed over details about her mother and merely explained she was drawn to Special Victims because of a desire to help victims who law enforcement often forgets about or shuffles to the bottom of the pile. Clearly intending for the segment to be both efficacious and funny, Ellen asked Olivia to describe some of her weirdest moments on the force. After warning Ellen the nature of her job didn't allow for much light-heartedness, she described inhaling mushroom vapor and a few oddball suspects like "the waxman" who obsessively swabbed his ears during interrogation.

Ellen then pivoted the conversation to the kids and they projected a family photo—their last Christmas card.

"So that's Noah, and Maggie, and Wyatt," Ellen said. She had memorized the names. "They're adorable. But that's last year so they're, what? Almost two?"

"Seventeen months. And Noah will be six right around Thanksgiving."

"I imagine in a house with two police officers things run pretty smoothly?"

Both Olivia and Ellen cracked up.

"You would think…" Olivia said through laughter. "We're not exactly the strictest of parents."

"A lot of missed bedtimes?"

"Yes, and extra cookies and stories and camp outs in mom and dad's bed…"

"Now this husband of yours," Ellen rested her elbows on her knees and gazed at Ed's image like she was a lovestruck teenager and deadpanned, "He's, um, well, he's okay looking. I mean…for a cop."

The audience laughed. A few whistled approvingly.

Ellen continued, "And the two of you," she wiggled her index finger in the air, "The two of you didn't exactly click at first?"

"No," Olivia replied curtly, "No we did not. I mean, he arrested me…kind of hard to click…"

Ellen sat back and crossed her legs. "Now this I have to hear more about."

Olivia gave a PG-version of the case to a grinning Ellen. "So here I am, sick with the flu, asleep, and there he is with cuffs, slaps them on me, and leads me out."

"Unbelievable."

"Right? And I'm dizzy, trying to figure out what could have possibly happened."

"You know," Ellen said, still grinning and looking flabbergasted, "Where is Captain Tucker?" She used a hand as a visor and peered into the audience. "Captain? Are you out there?"

A spotlight shined on Ed. He gave a shy wave and smirked while the audience applauded boisterously.

"Captain?" Ellen shook her head reprovingly. "Fooled by fake DNA, huh?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, "If it's not one thing it's another."

"So after she was exonerated you thought you'd take her out for a drink and live happily ever after?"

"Took a few years," he said, smirking, "But, yeah, that's what happened. I got lucky."

"Still _arresting_ her from time to time?"

After the now-raucous audience calmed down, Ed answered. "Well, she's the only one with cuffs now…"

The crowd went wild. Olivia and Ellen were laughing so hard they both reached for tissues and dabbed at their eyes.

" _Whoooooweeee_!" Ellen threw herself back in the chair and took exaggerated deep breaths and collected herself, "We have a few minutes, so, on a more serious note, in your book you talk about retirement yet still make a commitment to victims of rape and sexual assault. What do you think that will look like?"

Olivia's features softened. From the audience, Ed could practically see her years of service playing in rapid-fire motion in her mind.

"I'm not sure yet," Olivia said, "There are, however, so many small organizations whose missions vary from clearing the rape kit back log to providing counseling and other support for victims. It could be beneficial to unite those entities under one umbrella. It could increase exposure and funding. So, there's one project."

"Well, Lieutenant Benson—"

"-Please, call me Olivia."

"—Olivia, I certainly think writing could also be in your future and we would love to have you back sometime. Thank you so much for everything you've done over the course of your career."

Olivia nodded. Ed could tell she was at the point where if she tried to speak she might start sobbing uncontrollably.

"And when you come back, bring that Captain guy with ya."

Grinning, Olivia replied, "Of course. I try not to let him get too far away from me."

Ellen winked at Ed. "Totally understand that, sister," she said, "Totally understand."

…..

Justin was in the middle of an ambulance transport when Sarah called, so she packed a bag for the kids, piled everyone in an Uber, and they sped to Brooklyn. On the way Noah and Sarah debated whether or not the baby would be a boy or a girl, with Noah sticking to his gut feeling of girl and Sarah sure they were getting a Dominick Carisi, III.

When they arrived Sarah expertly kicked the stroller into place, plopped Maggie and Wyatt in their seats, and followed Noah who instinctively knew where he was going. He led them through the automatic doors to the elevators and pressed up.

"Which floor?"

"Sonny said five."

Noah smacked the five.

When the doors opened they rushed down the hall, searching for 517. Noah jogged along, checking out the plates next to each wide doorway, until he triumphantly announced he'd found it. Sarah rushed into the room.

"Holy shit, Brooke," She rushed to her sister and brushed strands of hair away from her damp brow. "You're not pregnant. Where's Sonny? What happened?"

A bewildered Noah stood still next to the stroller. Even Maggie and Wyatt froze and remained silent, awaiting Brooke's answer.

"She's in the NICU," Brooke said in a raspy, fatigued voice. "She's fine. Jaundice is all. She came out screaming. She's small though, five pounds—"

"Five freaking pounds? You were HUGE!"

Brooke winced.

"Sorry," Sarah said in a much quieter voice. "So, she needs to gain a little weight is all?"

"Yeah. That's what they said."

"She came awfully quick."

"I got here and an hour later she was here."

"Where's Sonny?"

"In with her now."

The sisters looked over at Noah and the twins. Neither Sarah nor Brooke had ever seen Noah so scared or unsure of himself. Brooke waved him over. "C'mere, No. It's okay. Everything's okay."

He gingerly made his way over. "Where da baby?"

"In a special room. She was a little early, so she needs to be there right now. But, we have pictures." She looked around, "On Sonny's phone. He must have it."

"What da baby's name?"

"Sofia," she said. "Sofia Angelina." Brooke caught Sarah's eye. "For mom," she whispered.

Sarah nodded acceptance. The sisters squeezed hands. Noah noticed and stepped back, recognizing his sisters needed a moment.

"Omigod, we have to call Daddy and Livvie! This happened so fast I totally forgot."

"Olivia will want to come back right away," Brooke said, "Tell them to stay there and have fun. We're good."

Sarah handed Noah her phone, "Call Daddy and tell him you and Wyatt are uncles and Maggie's and Aunt. Then I'm gonna sneak you into the NICU so you can meet Sofia."

"Kay," Noah puckered his lips, "We gonna get in trouble?"

"No," Sarah said. "Brooke, do you know the age?"

"It might be twelve."

"Noey you're smarter than most twelve-year-olds. So, that's good."

"Kay. Dey wouldn't let me see Wyatt when he was in da special room and I was so sad." Noah sighed and slumped his shoulders.

Sarah made a clicking noise. "I shall never let Noey be sad. Call Daddy, then we'll see the newest Tucker."

"Sare Bear! She _Carisi_!"

Sarah covered her mouth with a hand. "Maybe I'm the one who doesn't need to be going to the NICU," she joked. "Noey, if they ask, tell them you're twenty-eight."

"Kay."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	84. Chapter 84

**Eighty-Four**.

One of the people at the studio recommended Ed and Olivia visit Santa Monica Pier, but when they found it similar to Coney Island, they departed and drove north along the coast. Olivia cautioned about going too far, but Ed brushed off the concern. He wanted to find a bluff overlooking the ocean so they could enjoy a lofty, panoramic view.

After they left the studio in Burbank, they went back to the hotel to change clothes and decompress. Olivia repeated "I can't believe it" and a proud smirk remained plastered on Ed's face as he listened to her chant the phrase. The interview had been a success, and Ed was giddy thinking about how viewers would react after it aired. Olivia persistently downplayed the attention and her accomplishment, but, little by little and with Ed's prodding, she was starting to acknowledge and accept the success.

Dressed in shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers, they hit the road. Even though the pier wasn't up their alley as a couple, they vowed to come back with the family. They grabbed coffee and split a sandwich at a quaint Santa Monica café then meandered up the coast, stopping every once in a while for photographs. Having researched the route, Ed selected Point Mogu State Park as the destination. From the online photographs he decided that was the best bet for an elevated view, and it was only about an hour from the hotel.

Other visitors were equipped with hiking poles and hefty backpacks, and Olivia joked they were comparably unprepared for their trek. She had a small bag of her own in which she'd stuffed water bottles, sunscreen, her wallet, and phone. The water was definitely necessary as the first part of their hike presented a mile-long steep climb, but when they arrived at the top, the grueling walk was well worth it.

"Holy shit," Ed hunched over with his hands on his knees but his eyes were focused on the gleaming turquoise water.

Olivia patted his damp back, took a swig of water, and handed him the bottle which he emptied within seconds.

"Ed, this is stunning. Incredible."

There was no one around and the only sounds were the faint crashing of waves and the breeze whipping the tall grass.

"We shoulda got married here," he said.

"You want to do another renewal, Captain?"

"I wanna marry you again _every day_."

"You'd run out of vows."

Ed squinted at her feigning serious shock, "Never." He crumpled the plastic bottle and shoved it in one of his pockets so he could hold her hands. "Olivia, I love you so much. And I am so incredibly proud of you and proud to be your husband. I'll always be amazed that we found each other and I thank God we were both able to give us a chance. There is absolutely nothing more important and precious in the world to me than our family, but you…there's a special place in my heart and my world reserved for you. I can't explain it, I dunno if there are words to explain it, but you are my number one…and that distinction, doesn't necessarily mean the kids…the family…are number twos…it's that, it means, you and I are the heartbeat of all we have, baby, and I…I'll never let anything take that away."

Olivia leaned forward for a kiss. She wrested her hands away so she could caress his head and face as they shared the moment of intimacy atop the bluff.

"I don't think I can top that," she whispered.

"Don't have to. C'mon. Sit with me."

They found a grassy spot and sat together in tranquil silence. Olivia snapped pictures, trying to capture the mesmerizing juxtaposition of the earth-toned, craggy mountainside and the white capped ocean. She interrupted their solace for a few minutes, propped the phone against some brush, set the timer, and captured herself and Ed with the view behind them. She chuckled a bit as she stowed the phone in the bag and Ed raised his eyebrows.

"No reception up here," she said.

He kissed the side of her head, "Y'alright with that?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

"The kids are perfectly fine."

"I know."

"And oddly enough, I almost feel even better knowing Justin is there. He…he really is the real deal."

"He is."

"Maggie likes him."

Olivia nudged Ed, "Not more than her Daddy. She's a Daddy's girl. She has been since day one."

"It's only 'cause she senses I'm actually a pushover."

"Like you said," Olivia put her head on Ed's shoulder, "That's why there're two of us."

…..

Sonny, every bit the proud new Dad, had trouble relinquishing his hold on Sofia, but the nurse coaxed the little girl out of his arms and into the crib for more light therapy to combat the jaundice. Sofia was eating and breathing normally. After a conversation with the doctors, Sonny and Brooke agreed to their plan to keep their daughter in the NICU until she had gained a bit more weight and showed no signs of jaundice. At worst, the doctors said, it would be a week before they were able to bring their baby home.

"She very small and pretty," Noah said. He stood on his tiptoes to get a glimpse of his niece. When Sarah walked in with Noah at her side, she preempted the impending reprimand by assuring the nurses her brother was clean, complete with freshly washed hands.

"And also," she said, "He's been in here before, for his brother."

The nurses nodded and waved her along.

Noah frowned at Sarah. "I hadta stay OUT with Wyatt!"

"Shhhh," she said, "A little fib."

Somehow keenly aware of the minute difference between a lie and a fib, Noah continued on in Sonny's direction. Sofia, though small, had a round face which made her look a little heavier than she actually was and boasted a thick swath of sandy blonde hair.

"I can't tell who she looks like," Sarah said.

Noah turned back and forth from Sonny to Sofia. "She look like Sonny."

"You think, Noey?"

"Yep!"

"Wanna hold her hand, No?" Sonny asked. Of course, Noah did, and Sonny lifted him so he could touch her little fist. Sofia immediately gripped his finger and Sarah almost collapsed when she saw the protective, loving expression on Noah's face. "Alright, No," Sonny said. His arms were aching, "I gotta putcha down."

Noah gently touched Sofia's hair and whispered, "Night, night, sweet girl."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Sonny couldn't help but shed a few tears. "Did you…did you get a hold of Captain and Lieu?" He asked, trying not to cry.

"Went straight to voicemail."

"Probably still filming or something," Sonny said, "We'll keep tryin."

…..

Since they had had an emotionally heavy day, Sarah made the executive decision to keep Noah home from school on Friday. Ever the diligent student, Noah objected to the planned truancy at first, but Sarah explained that new babies meant excused absences, and he already knew all the Kindergarten material anyway.

"Noey," she said seriously, "You have negotiated multi-million dollar acquisitions working with me. I think you can handle one missed day of Kindergarten."

"Okay," he said warily. "But you ask Mr. B for my work!"

"Will do."

They arrived back at the Union Square apartment during rush hour and Sarah was exhausted. Fortunately, the twins had been content playing with their limited toy selection on the floor in Brooke's room, and the snacks Sarah packed kept their hunger at bay. Even though they were perfectly behaved, the new baby, concern for her sister's well-being, and the responsibility of three children weighed on her.

Perhaps due to mental and physical fatigue, Sarah struggled with the stroller, and the Uber driver did nothing but impatiently huff and peer through the rear view mirror as she yanked the contraption from the trunk. Noah entertained the twins in the back seat.

"Sorry," Sarah said as she tried to kick the stroller into place. "I—"

"Need some help?"

Sarah whirled around and was greeted by the friendly face of G, the neighbor and Noah's new friend.

"Omigod, _please_ ," Sarah said, "And thank you."

G crouched down so Noah could see her. He smiled and waved.

"Want me to get the little ones?" She asked Sarah.

"Sure." She tucked the stroller and the diaper bag under her arm. G collected Maggie and Wyatt into her arms and expertly perched a twin on each hip. Sarah slammed the trunk, kicked the rear door closed, and grabbed Noah's hand. The car sped off, and Sarah muttered, "What a jerk."

In the elevator, Sarah reminded herself to leave a nasty review and also not to give the diver a tip. "One would think, if he was in such a hurry, he would've helped!"

G wholeheartedly agreed. "I've had some shady Uber drivers. Probably more than the average person."

"What shady?" Noah asked.

G cringed, thinking she'd made a mistake, but Sarah's nonchalant answer indicated Noah had frequent vocabulary-related questions.

"Shady means you can't trust someone," Sarah explained.

"Oh," Noah twisted his lips and looked up at G, "I trust Sare Bear."

G smiled and said, "That's good. It's good to have people you can trust." She rode the elevator to Sarah's floor and helped her get the kids and the stroller into the apartment. Sarah offered a drink, but G had work to do for an upcoming work event.

"Well, thank you for rescuing us," Sarah said, "Let's get a drink sometime."

"Sure. Absolutely."

After G left, Noah's next order of business was Justin.

"When he gonna be home?"

"He's on his way now."

"On da train?"

"Yes."

"Da F?"

"Hmmm," Sarah intoned, "No, probably the N or the R."

"I don't know those."

"We'll ride them," Sarah said, "I promise. I'm sure we've been on the R, though."

"Maybe..."

"We need to call your parents again." Sarah couldn't believe Ed and Olivia were ignoring their calls. "They need to know they're grandparents."

"I know!" Noah exclaimed. He climbed on one of the barstools and sipped from a soda can Sarah put in front of him. "Sare Bear, who I look like?"

"What's that?"

"Sofia look like Sonny," Noah said, "Who I look like?"

 _Fuck_.

"Well, Noey, I, um, well, " Sarah desperately hoped she was about to say the right thing, "You know what?" She leaned across the counter on her forearms.

"What?" Noah smiled. He was in a good mood and interested.

"You look like your Mommy when you tell us we have to pay the swear jar."

"I do?"

"Yep!" Sarah tapped his forehead, "You get crinkly just like she does right here. And you look like Daddy when you take care of Maggie and Wyatt and when you get serious." Noah's smile widened and Sarah could tell she had successfully navigated this obstacle. "And now you get to help take care of Sofia. You sounded exactly like Mommy when you told her night night."

Wide-eyed, Noah replied, "I know how ta take care of babies. I taked, _took_ , care of Maggie and Wyatt. They need bottles and pacis and lotsa diapers!"

"You are an awesome big brother and you'll be an awesome uncle. Noey," she reached over, took his hands, and looked intently into his eyes, "You are the most important person in our family."

Noah raised his eyebrows.

"I'm serious. You are. When your Mommy adopted you, that was the start of everything all of us love. It's all because of you."

Noah stared at their entangled fingers. "I'm Noah Porter Benson Tucker," he murmured, searching for identity in his names.

"Yes," Sarah ducked her head to meet his eyes, "And you are the best boy I've ever met. You are smart and nice and funny and you're my BFF. We were all meant to be together."

"What dat mean?"

"That means…" Sarah's eyes drifted toward the ceiling, "Well, look outside. Actually, come with me."

Making sure the twins were safe and busy with their toys, Sarah took Noah onto the balcony. She picked him up and pointed at the bluish gray sky.

"Have Mommy and Daddy told you about God?"

"Uh-huh. And Gramma Care-line."

"Well, there's something else like God out there," Sarah said, "It's called fate. And fate and God are friends. And fate knows which people are supposed to be friends, and which people are supposed to love each other and be family. Like, I never even tried to meet Justy! He showed up! On accident! It was fate! Fate let me meet Justin. And fate let you and Mommy meet. Fate makes things the way they're supposed to be."

Noah squeezed Sarah's neck. "We s'posed to be Noey and Sare Bear."

"Yes," Sarah said, "Never forget that."

Noah sighed contentedly. "I won't."

"Now," Sarah said, fighting back tears. "We've got to get Mommy and Daddy on the phone."

"Yeah," Noah sighed, "They busy on TV and stuff."

"Well, they need to get unbusy," Sarah said, smirking. "There's a new baby to celebrate."

…..

Out of sheer prudence, Ed stopped kissing his wife. For two hours they alternated between make-out sessions and shared contemplative gazes into the distance. They had been sitting in the same spot and seen only one other person who passed by quickly with a giant Labrador. Neither Ed nor Olivia was bold enough to do anything other than kiss and hold each other in the vast, open space. Nevertheless, Ed detected a familiar urgency in Olivia's touches and kisses.

"You wanna head back?" He rasped, his eyes dazed and eyelids drooping.

"Yeah," she said, smiling lazily. "Maybe find some place to eat close to the hotel? On the water? Oysters? Shrimp?"

"Love that idea."

As soon as they descended back to the car and begin the return cruise on the Pacific Coast Highway, their phones exploded in a flurry of vibrations and beeps. Olivia frantically grabbed for the phone. Missed call notifications from Noah and Sarah slapped her in the face.

"Shit," She muttered as she called back, "What the hell?"

"LIVVIE!"

Ed immediately knew everything was okay. Sarah's voice was jubilant.

"Hey, sweetie," Olivia released a relieved sigh, "We didn't have reception…"

"Brooke had the baby!"

Olivia's jaw dropped.

Ed grabbed the phone, "How is she? How's the baby?"

Sarah rattled off the details and Olivia took back the phone. "We're on the first flight back."

"Livvie, Brooke said not to rush back."

"We're coming back."

Although he was eager to see his first grandchild, Ed glanced warily at the clock. "Liv," he muttered, "I dunno if we can get a flight…"

"Livvie," Sarah said, "Don't worry. Brooke's knocked out and you wouldn't get back here until super early morning at best."

Olivia accepted her reasoning, "I'll call the airline and see what they can do."

Sarah described Noah's tender moment with Sofia and told them Brooke was completely healthy but tired and resting. Sonny, however, was a bundle of energy and was on his way to meet a friend for a drink while Brooke slept. The doctors had given her some meds and she would be out for several hours. Ed and Olivia talked to Noah and the twins and wished them good night.

"Sarah, thank you so much," Olivia said, "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you and Justin stepping in."

"Livvie, we will do anything for you and these children and also it is our pleasure. They are _delightful_. Oh, and also, I'm keeping Noey home tomorrow."

"Fine with me."

"However, I do not understand how you and Daddy ever get alone time in bed."

"Creativity," Olivia muttered, "You'll get the hang of that when you have kids."

"Good tip, Livvie," Sarah said, "I don't know what I would do without you!"

…..

Ed and Olivia stuck with their plans and ate dinner at a seaside café. On the way, Olivia changed their flight so they would leave first thing in the morning arrive back in New York the next afternoon. She was giddy and beaming with excitement at the prospect of meeting Sofia. She and Ed flipped through the pictures as they sipped wine and nibbled on shrimp.

"She is so beautiful," Olivia said. "She's perfect."

"She is," Ed murmured, "I'm so glad there's no…nothing else…no complications."

"Me too," Olivia murmured. Pure contentment on her face, she gazed at the ocean then grinned slyly, ready to tease her husband. "So… _Grandpa_ …"

He raised his eyebrows. "Careful, _Grandma_."

"Maybe Brooke won't want me to be Grandma," Olivia said, "After all—"

Ed clicked his tongue, "—nope, you'll be Grandma."

"Sounds so strange."

"Yeah it does," he replied, smirking triumphantly, congratulating himself for redirecting the silly barb.

"We should get her a cute California onesie."

Ed groaned. "We didn't get Noah anything."

" _Shit_."

Ed looked around the restaurant and found an easy solution. "Excuse me," he waved over a server, "Do you have kids' sized shirts?"

"Yes," she said with a smile, "2T and up."

"Bring us two of the 2T and one," he looked at Olivia, "Youth Medium?"

"Yes," she said, "Get it big just in case." The waitress hurried off and Olivia leaned over for a kiss. "Nice work."

Ed shrugged. "They have the lobster claws on the shirts," he said, "Noah will love it."

….

"JUSTY!"

Justin's arrival at home was a cross between the homecoming of a long-lost soldier and the second coming. While Justin hoisted Noah in the air, Maggie and Wyatt slapped at his legs, begging to be next. He gave the same attention to the twins, then, breathlessly, went to change out of his EMT gear.

Sarah followed him into the bedroom and looked on approvingly as he stripped down.

"How's the baby?" He asked.

"Fucking gorgeous," Sarah said under her breath.

"And you said nothing wrong? She's breathing?"

"Yes. Just jaundice." Sarah screwed up her face. "What exactly does that mean?"

"Too much bilirubin."

"What?"

"The body eliminates it usually…it's normal. Well not normal, but a normal normal."

Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck, "I love how you explain sciencey things so I can understand." She kissed him a few times, "Did you have a tough day?"

"Nope. Toughest part was not being there with you. I really am sorry. It was like one call after another." He kissed and hugged her. "What's on tap for tonight?"

"Well, I took the day off tomorrow and told Noey he didn't have to go to school. So we're…we're gonna hang out and I need dinner."

"Then let's order."

"Yes," Sarah pressed another kiss to his lips. "Jus?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to know I think you're wonderful."

Flattered yet feeling undeserving of the praise, he smiled tentatively. " _You're_ wonderful."

"No, I mean, well, thanks, but…" Sarah groaned, frustrated at her lack of articulation, "Not many men would be okay with what you're okay with. Babysitting three kids, sometimes overnight and sometimes with no notice. Understanding how important they are to me. And you're more than okay with it…like, you like it…"

Justin twirled a lock of her hair around an index finger. "I do like it. I love kids. And I love these kids."

"And someday we'll have kids of our own."

"Yeah," Justin said, "And look how well we're doing with three."

Sarah grinned and nodded, "One will be a breeze."

"JUH! JUH!"

"SAH! BAH! BAH!"

Maggie and Wyatt came toddling in. Wyatt led the way and he held a rubber basketball. Noah jogged in after them, his arms forming a circle in front of his body for the makeshift "hoop."

"Wyatt!" He said, "You s'posed ta shoot the ball here!" Noah giggled and spoke to the adults. "Wyatt always run away with the ball!"

Justin flipped Wyatt upside down and put him through Noah's arms headfirst. "There ya go. Slam dunk." Wyatt squealed and dropped the ball. Maggie retrieved it and ran back into the living room.

"Maybe they'll be football players, Noey," Sarah suggested.

"Maybe."

"Well, let's get dinner," Sarah said, "Then we need some quiet time."

Noah twisted his lips. "I draw Sofia a picture. You have da art stuff?"

"I sure do."

"Kay," Noah said, "I draw all 'a us so Sofia know who we are."

Sarah directed him to the entryway closet and Noah dragged out his pad of large white paper and the box of markers and colored pencils. He stepped more deeply into the closet and rummaged around, finally locating a second box. This one was smaller and contained pastels. He set himself up on the floor, and Maggie and Wyatt quickly joined him. They stomped on the paper and Noah tried to politely shoo them away before coming up with an idea.

"Sare Bear? You have paint?"

"No, why?"

"I wanna put footprints! And handprints!"

Justin was about to open a beer, but he put the bottle back in the refrigerator. "I'll take ya down to the store to get some paint, Noah. And we can get dinner while we're out. Sound good?"

Noah nodded vigorously. "Justy, you da best."

….

After dinner Ed and Olivia ditched their shoes and went for a walk on the beach. As the sun began to set, they found a place to sit and enjoy the natural beauty. On the walk Ed had been holding Olivia's hand. Seated now, he draped his arm across her shoulders, creating space for her to comfortably and perfectly lean against his chest.

"I am so excited to go home," Olivia said, a hint of regret in her voice since she felt guilty about having to depart Los Angeles and all they had left to explore. "But I want to come back here in the very near future. You would think all beaches, all coasts would be the same, but there's something different here."

"I see what ya mean." Ed kissed her head so insistently Olivia turned so he had access to her lips. After a few kisses, he said, "You wanna come out here instead of Florida?"

"Didn't you already book the hotel?"

"Yeah."

Olivia patted his chest. "So we have two trips ahead of us."

"More than only those," Ed added, "And a beach house to buy."

"You may want to think about listing the old apartment," Olivia pointed out.

"Shit," Ed said with a self-deprecating sigh, "How did I forget about that?"

"You're busy being a dad and a husband."

"Life must be pretty damn good if I'm letting a million bucks sit there."

Olivia cupped the back of his head and kissed him. "It's better than I ever imagined."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	85. Chapter 85

**Eighty-five**.

 _A taller, brawnier, yet still slightly-baby-faced Noah aimlessly paced the living room and kitchen. Olivia let him wander without question for a while, but concern eventually outweighed her respect for his privacy._

 _She looked up from the table. "Sweet boy, what is it?"_

 _Noah rubbed his face vigorously with both hands._

" _Sit down, sweetie," she said. "Tell me."_

 _Noah slid into the chair across from his mother and propped his chin in his palms. His perfectly clipped, clean fingernails faced outward. He took a deep breath and blurted out, "Do you think I should invite Sheila to graduation?"_

" _Honey…"_

" _Do you think Ellie would have wanted me to ask her?"_

 _Olivia briefly closed her eyes but then looked intently at her son. He desperately wanted her to tell him what to do._

 _Noah did not come close to resembling any of his biological relatives. Olivia pictured the strung-out, frail, bedraggled Ellie. She remembered Shelia's desperation. She held memories of Johnny D at bay._

" _I don't know sweetheart," she finally answered. "She, Ellie, had a difficult relationship with Sheila. But I do know…I do know she wanted you to be loved, to be happy."_

 _Noah broke into the adoring smile he reserved solely for Olivia. It was part-grin, part-Ed-esque smirk. He detected a hint of doubt in her voice, and he long ago learned from his Dad the best way to combat the uncertainty was to reply with succinct, honest answers. "I know I'm loved," he said. "And I'm happy."_

 _It was a confession that would have rendered most young men uncomfortable, but Noah had always been at ease verbally expressing his feelings._

 _Tears poured down Olivia's cheeks. "Good," she croaked, "That's all I've ever wanted. I am so proud of you, sweetie. I love you so much."_

" _I love you, too, Mom."_

 _She reached across the table for his hands and steadied her voice, "You follow your heart when it comes to Sheila," she said. "Whatever you decide, your Dad and I will support you." She paused then added, "And if you do decide to invite her, I won't be hurt."_

 _Unconvinced, Noah raised his eyebrows and cocked his head._

" _I promise you I won't be hurt."_

" _MAGGIE!"_

 _Noah and Olivia whipped their heads around and saw an enraged Wyatt stomping into the room. Wyatt didn't typically shout at anyone, and he rarely expressed such anger and hostility._

" _She took my laptop cord," he seethed._

" _Where's hers?" Noah asked._

" _She always leaves it at school."_

 _Ready to plead guilty, Maggie sauntered in with the cord in her hands. She handed it to her brother._

" _Thank you," he snapped. "If I can't finish this paper I'll fail seventh grade."_

" _I'm finished with mine," she boasted, "So at least one of us would pass!" She spun on her heel and retreated back to her room leaving her mother and older brother shaking their heads in disbelief as Maggie and her messy brown ponytail disappeared behind the door._

" _No," Wyatt said in a significantly calmer voice, "Will you read my essay when I'm done?"_

" _Yep."_

" _Thanks." Wyatt jogged away, eager to get some juice into his computer._

 _Olivia smiled. "It really is well-written."_

" _He already asked you?"_

" _You know how he is…"_

Olivia woke up smiling yet nonetheless troubled. She turned her head and saw Ed sleeping on his side with his bare back facing her. She clutched his hip, her go-to, wake-husband-up-for-sex move. As if he'd simply been dozing and biding his time until she requested him, Ed immediately rolled over.

"Hey," he rasped, smirking with his eyes half-open.

"You mind?" She asked.

He started trailing sloppy kisses across her collarbone and chuckled a bit in the process, causing his shoulders to shake.

"Hell no."

….

Hours earlier, Olivia and Ed landed and took a taxi directly to the hospital even though they had to drag their luggage along. It wasn't much—they shared one of the smaller suitcases in their set—and they stowed that and their carry-ons in Brooke's room before Sarah led them into the NICU.

"You're sure Justin didn't mind staying with Maggie and Wyatt?" Olivia asked as they hustled down the corridor.

"He more than doesn't mind," Sarah said, "He loves hanging with them. Maggie keeps bringing him things around the house. Last night she tried to drag the floor lamp over."

Ed raised his eyebrows, obviously picturing a heavy, metal-and-glass fixture crashing down on his precious daughter.

"I stopped her before she got started," Sarah assured him, "She's slick though. She was eyeing it then sneaking a couple steps toward it. Better be careful Daddy. She's gonna be sneaking out and partying before ya know it."

Ed grunted.

Noah spotted his parents and briskly walked over. He would have run, but he was cognizant of the nurses and the privilege that had been extended to him.

"Hi!" He said, bouncing back and forth on his tiptoes.

Olivia bent down to hug him, but Noah had other ideas. He took each of their hands. "C'mon. I show you Sofia." She's _verrry_ sleepy and _verrry_ tiny!"

"Yes sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "Remember when Maggie and Wyatt were sleepy and tiny?"

"Yep! But we gived, _gave_ , 'em bottles and dey got big!" Noah giggled, "But dey still kinda little!"

They rounded a corner and finally got to Sofia's crib. Sonny and Brooke were hovered over the hard plastic sides. Each of Sofia's hands was wrapped tightly around one of their index fingers.

"Here she is!" Noah announced, waving his arm like an emcee.

Olivia and Ed hugged Brooke and Sonny then took their places at the side of the crib.

"Hello, precious!" Olivia cooed. "Oh, you are so beautiful." She stroked Sofia's cheek with the back of her knuckle.

"I wanna hold her," Ed declared.

"Sure, sure," Sonny motioned to the rocking chair and explained why neither he nor Brooke had their child in their arms. "We were about to go get somethin' to eat."

"Are they discharging you already?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Brooke replied weakly. "And I'm exhausted and starving a feel guilty leaving her…" she smiled and grabbed Olivia's arm, "But I feel better now that you're here."

Heartened at the transparency, Olivia fought tears and wrapped Brooke in her arms. "I do, too."

Ed mumbled something about taking the bags from their room but quickly shoved the though aside. His breath caught in his throat as Sonny placed the five pound baby in his arms.

"Hi there, So-fi-a," he half-whispered. "It's Grandpa."

Olivia kissed the top of her husband's head. Sofia, wrapped in a pink receiving blanket and wearing a yellow knit beanie, seemed even tinier in Ed's muscular arms. She smacked her lips and turned her head toward his chest, settled in, and went back to snoozing peacefully.

His chin on the armrest, Noah looked on approvingly. "You good at holdin' babies, Daddy," he said softly. "You know how ta hold da head."

"Learned it from you, pal. You're good at it, too."

"I gotta wait ta hold Sofia till she doesn't haveta be hooked up to all this stuff!"

"Yeah, won't be long."

"Nope!"

Only her immense, raw happiness prevented Olivia from leaving the room and bursting into a round of inexplicable sobs of joy. Witnessing Ed fall in love with his granddaughter was one thing, but watching her son seamlessly accept yet another new member of the family was close to overwhelming. Noah had every right to be a little skeptical of new babies, especially now that he knew age-appropriate details about his beginnings. Yet with Maggie and Wyatt and now with Sofia, he wore the older sibling/uncle badge proudly.

"You, ah," Sonny apologetically interrupted the sweet moment. "Ah, guys, you mind—"

"Not at all," Olivia answered. Ed had drifted off into his own little world gazing at his granddaughter and she wasn't sure he heard Sonny. "We won't be long. Fresh air and a sandwich. You want anything?"

"No, we're good."

Sarah draped an arm around Olivia's shoulders. "Sonny and Brooke shoulda had two you like you. I dunno if we'll be able to share this one nicely."

"Sare Bear! Sofia's a baby. Not a _thing_. We share _things_ , not babies!"

Sarah slapped her mouth with her palm. "Uncle Noey, what would I do without you?"

Noah twisted his lips and frowned. "I don't like _Uncle_."

"You don't?" Olivia and Sarah asked the question at the same time.

"No," Noah shook his head, "I jus' like Noah." He turned to Sofia, "You call me Noah, kay, sweet girl?"

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

…

By the time Brooke was officially discharged, it was early evening and, despite their desire to remain close to Sofia, Ed and Olivia decided to take Noah, pick up Maggie and Wyatt, and go home. They had been checking in with Justin constantly throughout the day, and with each text, call, and Face Time session, he insisted they stay at the hospital as long as they wanted. He did mention he had not yet had a chance to meet Sofia. Olivia offered to get the twins solo, but Ed nixed the idea. They were leaving together.

At the sight of their parents, Maggie and Wyatt dropped their toys and ran over, screeching "Mama" and "Dada." Olivia and Ed swung their toddlers in the air and smothered them with hugs and kisses. After holding Sofia, the twins suddenly seemed gigantic, and Olivia swallowed back a tiny hint of melancholy. She cupped Maggie's head as she whirled around. Maggie threw her head back and opened her mouth wide, giving Olivia a view of her pearly white teeth. Olivia blinked.

Very soon, the term "baby" would no longer apply to her miracle twins.

They thanked Justin and he walked them out.

"You gonna head over there?" Ed asked before they parted ways.

Uneasy, Justin fidgeted. "I, uh, yeah, Sarah said I should come. I don't wanna impose, though."

Olivia immediately sniffed out and quelled Justin's anxiety. "Family doesn't impose," she said, "Go. You're the only one who hasn't seen her. She needs to meet her Uncle Justin."

He regarded her gratefully and nodded.

"You gonna go on da F, Justy?"

"No, little man, I think I'm gonna Uber."

"Kay!"

Noah fist-bumped Justin and he and his family continued down the street. Since they were in the neighborhood, Ed asked Sarah's doorman if they could leave their suitcase with him and suggested they hit Max Brenner before going home. It had already been a crazy day, so he figured they could add some dinner and chocolate to cap it off. Olivia agreed, but right when they were entering, Sarah called.

"You want to get a table?" She asked, peeking inside, "I'll just be a minute."

"Sure." He gave her a quick kiss and ushered the kids inside.

Olivia hit "accept" at the last minute. "Hey Sare," she said breathlessly.

"Hey Livvie."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes, I, uh, well, are you alone?"

"Yes. Your Dad and the kids are inside the restaurant. What's up?"

"Livvie, I wanted to tell you in person but I really didn't have a good chance, but you need to know."

"Know what?"

"Last night…Noah asked me who he looks like."

The statement nearly brought Olivia to her knees. The blissful weightlessness she'd enjoyed for the past forty-eight hours was replaced by a sickening pit in her stomach. She must have made a sound, because Sarah continued and explained how she'd answered the question.

"So, I made it about expressions and behavior and then I told him fate brought us all together and we were meant to be and I think that satisfied him. But you obviously had to know," she said. "I hope I didn't fuck up, Livvie, I—"

"—Are you kidding? It was perfect," Olivia took a few deliberate breaths and felt the euphoria start to creep back, "On the fly? Perfect."

"Are you…um…are you ever—"

"Am I ever going to tell him everything?"

"Yeah."

"Probably not. Well, I suppose it depends on what he asks…" Olivia thought about her inquisitive, curious boy, "…and what he finds out on his own. I told your Dad, we have to remember, we have to keep in mind, there's a balance between what's comfortable for us and what's fair to him."

"So hard…"

"Maybe, maybe not. He'll probably continue to have questions, maybe forever, but I don't think that diminishes _us_ …He'll always know his family loves him."

"Livvie I love that boy more than anything or anyone in the entire world."

Olivia laughed. "Don't let Justin hear that," she joked.

Sarah giggled. "He's already heard it a million times."

…

A couple hours later Ed and Olivia finally arrived at home with three sticky, chocolatey kids who needed baths, pajamas, stories, and bed. Since the next day was Saturday, Olivia wasn't too worried about late bedtime, but she hurried things along the best she could so she could talk to Ed. After agreeing to books in the big bed, Olivia denied the request for a movie.

"Slumber party in da babies' room?" Noah asked, hoping his second choice would be approved.

She shrugged. "Okay."

Ed removed the chaise cushion from the couch and Noah cuddled up with his blankets, pillow, and Bernie. With Noah in the room they knew the chatter would last a while, so Ed turned the iPad volume to its lowest setting and dimmed the bedroom lights. Olivia turned on the television more out of uncertainty than anything else, but Ed grabbed the remote control and flicked it off.

"Let it go, Liv," he said softly and took a seat at the end of the bed. He started a foot massage and, more assertive this time, said, "Tell me."

Olivia repeated the details Sarah had relayed over the phone. Ed agreed that Sarah had handled the situation and answered the question flawlessly. Nevertheless, he commiserated with Olivia's concerns that they may have told him about adoption too early or with too much or not enough information. They had both read articles online about the subject, but, in the end, went with their instincts. Suddenly, that seemed like a mistake.

"He's gotta form his identity, Liv. Every kid has questions about that. Maybe it's best that he's asking them now? Maybe it's _good_ he's asking them rather than not?"

"So…do we ask him about it?"

Ed switched from her right to left foot and repeated the same patterns. "Nah. Let it be for now. If somethin' seems off, you'll know," he looked up at her and smirked, "You're his mother," he said, "You'll _know_."

"The whole adoption conversation was apparently too smooth to be true."

"It was smooth…"

Olivia and Ed decided to tell Noah about being adopted after he persisted with questions about his name. They explained the entire thing in very simple terms.

" _The woman who carried you in her belly couldn't take care of you. She was very young and very sick."_

" _That's sad," Noah had interjected._

" _It was sad," Olivia said. Somehow, she had managed to conduct the entire conversation without her voice trembling. "But it had a happy ending. I got to take you home. And I wanted you so much, Noah. I wanted you to be my son forever. And I love you so much. You make Mommy so happy."_

 _Noah smiled and hugged her. "Den we got Daddy!"_

" _We did," Olivia allowed a couple of tears to escape. "Then we found Daddy. And it was the three of us and we've been so happy as a family, haven't we?"_

" _Yup!"_

" _Mommy, where da lady go? Da lady who had me in her belly?"_

 _Olivia closed her eyes, opened them, and looked at Ed. He nodded. They'd anticipated the question and agreed to be honest._

" _She died honey."_

" _Like Angela?"_

" _Yes."_

 _Noah curled his lips into a circle and blew a long stream of air. "It's good dat you took me home, Mommy!"_

" _Sure was, sweet boy." Olivia lifted Noah into her lap and cuddled him. "I love you, Noah," she said. "Never, ever, ever forget that. Mommy and Daddy love you so, so, so very much."_

" _And you love Maggie and Wyatt, too!"_

" _Yes we do."_

" _I love those babies!"_

" _I'm so glad my three babies love each other."_

" _Mommy! I'm not a baby! I'm da big brother!"_

 _Olivia held him even more tightly. "You'll always be my baby. My first baby. You made me a Mommy."_

" _You da best Mommy!" Noah strained to distance himself only so he could look at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Did you know some Mommies at school don't give cookies?"_

 _Olivia laughed and feigned shock. "No. I didn't know that."_

From there, the conversation became jovial and lighthearted. Noah asked a few more questions, but it was mostly about how big he was when Olivia gained custody and if he cried a lot when he was a baby—all questions similar to the ones they'd fielded when Maggie and Wyatt were going through infancy.

Ed worked his hands from her feet to her calves. He occasionally checked her expression and realized the only way he was going to get her to relax, at least for tonight, was to wrap her in his arms and not let go.

"C'mere," he said, crawling to the headboard. "It'll be okay, Liv."

"I trust you. It's…it's just…a little scary right now. I thought I was finished second-guessing myself."

"You are," he said firmly. "You are a wonderful, amazing mother. And…and I wish we could have ten more babies together."

To his relief, Olivia laughed and sassed, "It's a good thing we _didn't_ get together earlier. I would've been constantly pregnant."

"Yep."

Olivia played with his fingers. "I _do_ love seeing you with babies, though."

"Oh, really…"

"Yeah."

"Sure you don't wanna have another one?"

He hoped she could tell he was teasing.

"I think we should quit while we're ahead."

"Agree."

"Can you believe we're grandparents?" She asked incredulously.

"No. No I can't."

Her hand drifted to his thigh. "Promise we're not going to start _acting_ like grandparents?"

The first pangs of arousal shot through his midsection. He sat up and gently laid her on her back. "Never," he intoned as he descended toward her lips. " _Never_."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	86. Chapter 86

**Eighty-six**.

"Raggedy Ann and Andy?"

"Does anyone even know who they are anymore?" Olivia asked.

Ed shrugged, conceding her point. He had one arm wrapped around her and scrolled through a website advertising twin-themed Halloween costumes with his other hand. "Soy sauce and Sriracha? Salt and Pepper?"

Olivia scrunched up her face. "I don't want them to be condiments."

"Cookie and Milk?"

"Awww," Olivia said, "That's kind of cute."

"Superman and Super Girl? Batman and Robin?"

"I like the superhero idea."

"Oh," Ed put the iPad in front of her face, "Magician and rabbit in a hat."

"Omigod, I _love_ that."

"We'll have to get Noah's approval, of course," Ed said with a grin.

"Of course."

"I'm surprised he doesn't want them to be something coordinated with his costume."

"I think he's too obsessed with Justin to think about it."

Olivia snuggled closer to her almost-nude husband. As they were basking in the afterglow of their early morning lovemaking, they heard a dull thud come from the twins' room, so Ed threw on shorts and went in only to find Noah had rolled off the chaise cushion and onto the carpet. By the time Ed arrived, Noah had already buried his face back into his pillow.

Instead of catching another couple hours' sleep, Ed and Olivia stayed awake talking. The reminisced. They sassed and bantered. Ed couldn't stop thinking about the airing of Olivia's Ellen appearance. He was giddy with excitement. And he predicted the entire country would immediately be envious of him.

"You are so funny," Olivia traced the skin around his belly button.

"You don't get it, Liv," he replied, "You were… _electric_ on that stage. You were absolutely stunning—your voice, the way you smiled, the way you looked when you talked about the kids and then about the job…past and future…everyone in America's gonna wanna be your friend…and probably your lover."

Olivia laughed against his chest. "I can always use more friends…but another lover? Nah. That would be setting someone up for major disappointment."

Ed made an exaggerated show of lifting the sheet and eyeing her body from head to toe. "That is absolutely _not true_."

"I mean…even if I had another lover, they wouldn't be you. No one can do what Captain Tucker does."

"And no one ever will," he growled playfully into her neck. "But I do feel bad for other guys who want you. Well, actually, I don't feel _that_ bad."

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever get scared about getting old?"

He answered immediately, like he'd had advance notice of the question. "Scared? Nah. But I do wanna do whatever we can to be healthy and active for the kids. I don't want them to be in middle school and _think_ their parents are old, ya know?"

Olivia remembered her dream. She recalled her children's tween and teenage faces; similar to the moment she woke up, the images both heartened and petrified her.

"I know…" she murmured.

Ed lightly scratched her head. "You asked…are _you_ scared?"

"A little," Olivia admitted, "But it's more like regret…regret that I can't freeze them at certain ages for a while."

"I know…" he trailed off then quipped, "We're prolly in for a whole slew of grandkids."

"Probably."

"But remember our promise?" Ed turned so they were face-to-face with barely a millimeter between them. He kissed her lips gently, barely touching his to hers, and stared intently with his sparkling blue eyes.

"I remember," Olivia purred. "No acting like grandparents."

"Right."

…..

Noah sulked at the news.

Justin had to work Halloween night. He sincerely explained his predicament, knowing Noah was going to be upset. "I'm really sorry, Noah," he said softly, "Halloween…it's a busy night for us. Ya know…all that candy, things get a little wild."

Slightly mollified and having been warned of the dangers that could befall kids on Halloween night, Noah slowly nodded his head. "Gotta make sure we check the candy," he said in a low voice, "Stay with Mommy and Daddy. And not eat too much! We can save some for later!"

"Right."

"So here," Justin handed over a plastic card and proudly observed Noah's eyes widen as he discovered what it was.

"I have one like Justy!" He said, holding the card in the air for Sarah to see. "It have my pic'ture and my name and _E-EM-TEE_!"

Though he had usually followed the straight and narrow path, Justin still knew people who could procure, among other things, fake IDs. When he approached his contact with Noah's school picture and an old EMT identification card, the perplexed counterfeiter grinned, shrugged, and proceeded to imperceptibly create the forged documentation. He only charged Justin a quarter of the price he charged others for similar, yet significantly more nefarious services.

"Yup," Justin said, "And I gotcha a clip for your belt. Or you could keep it in your wallet. So you're all set."

Noah dove into Justin's lap. "Thanks, Justy."

"You're welcome. You gonna share some candy with me?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah said, grinning uncontrollably. "An' Maggs and Wyatt can't have much and Sof can't have any so it's all for ME! An' I share with you."

"What about me, Noey Boey?"

"I share with you, Sare Bear. But Justy get da Reese's Cups 'cause he like those A LOT! I like 'em, too, but I give you some, Justy."

"Alright, Noey Boey, we need to get going."

In an effort to increase employee morale and develop closer relationships among personnel, Sarah's firm had organized on a series of community events. They began the year with charitable causes—a book drive and a project in conjunction with Habitat for Humanity—but today's family-friendly Halloween party was designed purely for fun. It was also Noah's first chance to try out the EMT costume and props. Sarah had used red makeup and fake skin to feign traumatic injury, and she was going as his patient. Justin was set to begin a ten-hour shift, so he reluctantly had to skip the festivities. On the way out, Sarah and Noah bumped into G the Neighbor, and she did a double take at Sarah's "wounds" before noticing Noah's clothing and first aid bag.

"Early Halloween?" She asked with a glint in her eye.

"Yep!" Noah slapped the bag, "Gotta try out all dis stuff b'fore REAL Halloween!"

"You look great," G said, turning to address Sarah, "Hey, the other day, you and your fiancé were going out to play basketball?"

"Yes," Sarah said slowly, trying to remember when they had passed G with the basketball.

"Do you happen to play softball?"

"No," Sarah replied, "But I'm sure I can catch on."

"I'm in a league…our last game is next month, and we have a couple of openings. I don't know how much you'd play, but it's always good to have a full roster. Think you'd like to join the team?"

Other than tossing the ball around with Noah, Sarah had never played anything close to baseball or softball, but she had attended several games and understood the nuts and bolts of the game.

"Why not?" She said with a shrug. "When are the practices?"

"We don't exactly practice at this point in the season," G said, "Just games. I'll text you the schedule."

"Great!"

Noah and Sarah hustled to the subway. A few passersby gave Sarah odd looks, but neither she nor Noah paid them any mind.

"Sare Bear, you gonna play baseball?" Noah asked doubtfully, his cross-body first aid bag bouncing along as he walked.

"Apparently."

"You know _how_?"

"Not really. But I'll figure it out."

The look on Noah's face suggested he was well aware that baseball/softball skill sets weren't simply "figured out."

"I have a glove," he said, "S'under my bed. You can use it."

"Thanks, Noey Boey."

"And we gotta show ya how to hit."

"We'll go to the batting cages. Have you been there?"

"No."

"Then we shall go. Yet another Noey Boey-Sare Bear adventure!"

Noah hugged her legs. "We have good 'ventures!"

"Yes we do. And our next one is the downtown C."

…

Maggie and Wyatt regarded Sofia curiously and somewhat suspiciously. Wyatt leaned across his mother's lap to get a close look at the infant and was awestruck when she moved or made a noise. Wonderment on his face, he looked at Olivia and Ed then back at Sofia, waiting for her to do something else. Maggie was more aggressive and, apparently, jealous, because she battled for space in the lap of whoever was holding Sofia. When Sofia was in her carrier or laying on the floor, Maggie mostly ignored her. Sonny and Brooke chuckled at the seventeen-month-old's envy. Ed shared in their amusement, but he could tell it bothered Olivia. While she and Brooke were in the kitchen, Ed moved from the couch to the floor.

"Hey, Wyatt," he waved over the little boy. Grinning, Wyatt scrambled over and plopped down beside his Daddy. He looked up at Ed expectantly with his wide, sparkling blue eyes which contrasted perfectly with his Olivia-esque skin tone. Ed pinched a chubby cheek. "Hi bud!"

"HI!"

"Wanna show Maggie how we can give Sofia a nice hug?"

"HUG!"

"Yeah." Ed picked up Sofia and held her to his shoulder. "Nice hug." Cradling the baby, he invited Wyatt to so the same.

"Hug," Wyatt said again. He scooted closer and put his head on Sofia's chest. " _Hug_."

Maggie had been watching everything. She cocked her head. As Ed predicted she would, Maggie came over and repeated what Wyatt had said and done.

"Good girl," Ed said softly, "See? Nice baby. Good hug, Maggie." He kissed the top of her head. "You're Daddy's best girl."

"Gonna have to watch it with those superlatives, Dad," Brooke joked. She and Olivia returned with a tray of drinks and kid-friendly snacks.

"You were my first _best girl_ ," he said, rushing to his own defense.

Though swoon-worthy, Ed's remark was drowned out and trumped by Aidan's arrival. He burst through the door in what Ed and Olivia perceived as a frustrated huff, but Brooke and Sonny had little reaction, suggesting that was his typical entry style.

"Hey," he said to everyone. He tossed his bag on a kitchen chair. "I'm gonna get changed. Be right back."

Olivia waited until his bedroom door closed before asking Brooke about Aidan's adjustment to having Sofia at home. Brooke happily reported Sofia had made Aidan come out of the shell he'd been in since summer. On days when he didn't have to work after school, he came directly home and took care of her while Brooke and Sonny slept or ran errands. He was often the first one to run to her bassinet when she started to cry, and he'd even changed a few diapers.

"That's good to hear," she said. She wanted to ask about whether or not the uncertainty surrounding Dave's release had been resolved. She suspected it hadn't, but Olivia knew the question had been casting a pall over Brooke's entire life. However, Aidan returned quickly and held out his arms to Ed.

"Can I take her for a few minutes?"

"Sure."

Aidan took Sofia to the rocking chair. The twins occupied themselves with a combination of their toys and Sofia's. Olivia helped Ed up from the floor and handed him a beer. She refused to let go of the bottle until he gave her a kiss.

Sonny and Aidan diverted their eyes, but Brooke did not. Sarah was right—Ed and Olivia possessed the capability to momentarily drift off into their own world even in a room full of people and children. Brooke had seen her father in various states of anger, happiness, sadness, and excitement, but the expressions he had for Olivia were unique and reserved only for her. They were combinations of love, lust, and admiration. The smile Olivia offered in return was the epitome of pure, unsullied joy. It was no wonder Sarah so badly wanted what they had.

"So," Olivia said, taking her place back on the sofa, "Halloween. This Thursday. We thought we would have an early dinner at our place and then take the kids out. You interested?"

"Yes," Brooke said, "Sofia's first trip to Manhattan…"

"I'm going around with some friends," Aidan said. He eyed Brooke. "From school. Nick is having some people over at his house then we're gonna go walk around…"

"Sounds like fun," Sonny said, implicitly approving the plan. "We have to get little Sofia a costume!"

"She has a pumpkin sleeper and hat," Brooke said, "That'll do…right?"

"That's what we did for Maggie and Wyatt last year," Olivia said.

"What are they going as this year?"

Olivia started to answer, but Ed stopped her.

"It's a surprise," he said.

Over the next hour or so, the small talk continued. Olivia participated, but only in between frequent, quick glances at Ed. Later, when they were on their way home, he teased her about sneaking the looks.

"It was nothing," she said breezily, "I…you're extra attractive sometimes."

"What times?"

"You wanting the twins' costumes to be a surprise…it's so…it's a little thing but it's…" she leaned into him and whispered, " _Sexy_."

He spotted the twins in the rear view mirror and remarked, "They look tired. Prolly gonna need a nap when we get home."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"Probably."

…

Despite the less-than-enthusiastic reactions from her family, Sarah beamed about becoming the newest member of G's softball team. She fended off sincere yet critical inquiries about her experience with the sport, and bolstered her replies with assuring everyone she and Noah were soon heading to the batting cages.

"This weekend," she said, "Noey. You. Me. Batting Cages. Saturday. Is that okay, Livvie?"

"Of course," she said, "Noah, we'll have to get you a bat."

"I have one!"

"It's plastic, sweetie. You need a real one for the batting cages."

"I may need to tag along with ya," Ed interjected.

"Sure, Daddy! The more the merrier!"

"Liv and I have been there before. Remember?"

"I do," she said, grinning.

As usual, Sarah picked up on the erotic undertones. "Did that go along with some sort of, uh—Noah, go get me a napkin please—" she waited until Noah's head was half-buried in the pantry, and whispered, "—sex bet?"

Olivia's face turned beet red at the same time Ed muttered, "Yep."

"Omigod."

"Alright," he said, "Costume time." He was about to call Mia's father and check on her whereabouts when the intercom buzzed, announcing the Bianchi's presence.

Mia had been spending more and more time on Long Island at her mother's stables, so she and Noah hadn't had many after-school or weekend play dates during the school year. When Ed suggested to her father that they take Mia trick-or-treating, Mr. Bianchi mumbled something about the nanny being busy that night and eagerly took Ed up on the offer.

Given that her family often regarded her as an afterthought, everyone was surprised at Mia's elaborate witch costume. The black velvet dress and hat appeared hand sewn and especially tailored for her. Her makeup was flawless and complete with a large, disgusting greenish-brown wart and a long, crooked nose. Since her hair was jet black, a wig wasn't necessary.

"WHOA!" Noah shouted. "YOU'RE SCARY!"

Mia cackled. "Ha, ha, HA! I'll cast a spell on you, Noah!" She spun around on a one-inch heel. "Noah, I cast a CANDY SPELL! You will give me all your lollipops!"

Noah giggled. "I _trade_ you lollipops for Reese's!"

Mia did not focus on any one subject for long. "Hey," she said in her normal hoarse voice, "Where are the babies?"

"Right here!" Olivia walked them out. Maggie was dressed in the magician's tuxedo and Wyatt was the rabbit in a hat. She and Ed initially planned for the costumes to be the other way around, but Maggie refused to wear the bunny ears hood for very long. Uncomfortable with the attention, Wyatt sidled up to his mother, but Maggie grinned and waved her arms around wildly.

"DA!" She shouted.

Mr. Bianchi looked at Ed and smiled. Ed explained, "She's actually tryin' to say _ta-daa_. We've been workin' on that this week."

Olivia posed the kids for pictures. Ed and Tony had a quick beer together at the island. He surprised Ed by accepting the offer for a drink. Ed had assumed the need to be at work snagged Tony's Halloween plans with his daughter. Apparently, he simply wanted the couple hours to himself. Tony left as the Carisis arrived, and the ten of them set out for trick-or-treating right before dusk.

Noah and Mia led the way, expertly bounding brownstone stoops with their bright orange plastic buckets and shouted "TRICK-OR-TREAT" more jubilantly each time. They stopped in at a few shops along the way, and their eyes almost popped out of their sockets when the benevolent owner of a children's bookstore presented them with full-size candy bars.

An hour into the trek across the Upper West Side, Mia slowed her gait and gasped sharply.

"Mia? You okay?" Noah asked.

Olivia crouched beside her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"These _shoes_ ," Mia said, "They hurt here!" She tapped her heel.

Olivia ushered them to the curb, sat Mia down, and removed her green-and-black striped stockings. Sure enough, both heels were red and blistering. Before Olivia could think about a makeshift remedy, Noah dropped to his knees and opened his first aid bag.

"S'okay," he said in a businesslike manner. "Have dis stuff," Noah produced a fistful of gauze with one hand and white surgical tape with another, "Mommy, I hold this here, and you do da tape."

In a matter of minutes, Mia was on her feet again and skipping happily alongside Noah. The two of them went back to normal, but Sarah hadn't stopped swooning and was annoying Brooke by leaning against her with almost all her weight. "Omigod, omigod, omigod. That was. _GAHHHHH_!"

"I didn't know he had all that in the bag," Ed said, "Thought it was only the stethoscope and some band aids."

"Justin fixed him up," Olivia remarked.

"Sure did."

As if on cue, an ambulance rounded the corner. Emergency vehicles were a common sight, so nobody paid much attention to it until it pulled to a stop next to the Tucker-Carisi clan. The back doors opened and out jumped Justin and one of his fellow EMTs. He leaned back into the vehicle and produced a huge bin full of candy.

"JUSTY!"

" _Heyyy_!"

Kids were already crowded around, clamoring for their share of the treats, and the other guy expertly lined everyone up along the sidewalk.

Sarah ran up to Justin. "Can I kiss you on duty?" She asked loudly.

"Never stopped you before," he replied and planted a less-than-chaste smooch on her lips. "Thanks for the pics," he said. "Had a slow night so far, so thought we'd make a little detour up here."

"So awesome," Sarah said.

"Justy!" Noah skipped over after he received candy from the other EMT, "You came to trick-or-treat!"

"Yeah! Had to see you in your costume!"

"I helped Mia!" Noah announced proudly. "Her shoes hurt her so I used the stuff in da bag and she's better now!"

Justin mussed Noah's hair. "That's so cool, man. Isn't it good to help people so they're not hurt anymore?"

"Yep!"

"How are Maggie and Wyatt doing?"

"They got tired," Noah sighed, "So they're in da stroller. But I gived them some Hershey bar, so Wyatt's got choc'lit on his bunny ears and small sister's shirt is DIRTY!"

"They'll have to do laundry."

Noah giggled. " _Daddy_ does da laundry."

"What about Sofia? How's her Halloween?"

"She jus' sleep! When babies are little like that, Justy, they sleep _a lot_!"

" _Ohhh_."

At about the same time as Justin and his crew got a call, Olivia's phone buzzed in her pocket. It was Rollins, calling from a scene downtown. She tried to avoid dragging Olivia in, but Fletcher was the only other detective on duty, and the case already presented challenges. The rape and assault had occurred at a high school Halloween party, and SVU and uniformed officers were not allowing anyone to leave until they sorted the suspects from the bystanders. Olivia apologized and kissed the kids goodbye.

She saved Ed for last.

"I'll be home later."

"Of course you will."

"Take pictures."

"You bet."

"I love you."

"I love _you_."

They weren't standing that far away from everyone else, but their words were audible only to each other.

Sarah put one arm around Brooke and the other around Noah.

"They are the most gorgeous couple in the history of the world," she sighed. "Gawwwd, they're goals."

Noah turned to Mia, "Goals means everyone wants to be like you," he said, "Sare Bear telled me that."

Mia smiled and tugged on Noah's EMT bag. "You're goals!" She said. "You fixed my feet!"

Embarrassed, Noah fell silent and his cheeks reddened then turned their deepest shade of crimson when Mia put her head on his shoulder.

"You a good fixer, Noah," she said.

"Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwwd_ …"

…

It was after midnight when Olivia finally got home. Ed was still awake and on the couch watching reruns of old, cheesy horror movies. On the coffee table were a few assorted candy wrappers and a half-consumed beer.

Olivia placed herself between the monitor and Ed. "Hello there."

Ed sat up and put his hands on her hips. "Halloween SVU horror?" He asked in a low voice.

"No more than usual," she said. "Couple arrests. They're in holding…charges in the morning. You know the drill."

"Sounds less complicated than you thought."

"Faced with a house full of teenagers," Olivia said, "Rollins didn't have the most optimistic attitude."

"Understandable."

"Yes."

Ed slowly removed the badge from her belt. The holster and gun were next. He placed both items gently on the coffee table and tugged Olivia into his lap.

"Ed…the gun…"

"We won't leave it out here," he said. "I'll remember. You're the one who's gonna have trouble thinkin' in a little while." Ed kissed at her neck, collarbone, and shoulders.

"I'm surprised you're still awake," she said, throwing her head back. " _Oh_ … _God_."

"Sugar high," he rasped into her ear. "And about to be Olivia high."

"That a thing?" She teased breathlessly.

"Yep. I've been Olivia high for a few years now."

"Sounds like you need rehab."

"Nope," Ed tilted his head back and smirked, "Only need you." He nudged her to her feet, stood up, collected the weapon, and took her hand. "C'mon. We could stay out here, but I don't wanna wake the twins."

A pleasant chill ran up and down Olivia's spine.

"After you, Captain."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	87. Chapter 87

**Eighty-seven**.

No matter how often it happened, Olivia linking her arm through Ed's as they walked thrilled him. So simple a gesture should not have elicited such juvenile giddiness, but he had ceaseless desire for Olivia wanting and needing him. The arm link was yet another reason to love the onset of cooler temperatures. Once the thermometer dropped below sixty degrees, the likelihood of her pulling him close increased exponentially. The week after Halloween was jam-packed with activity and, for both Olivia and Ed, work. He had been invited to deliver a few end-of-semester guest lectures and was meticulously preparing his words. Olivia loved being in his presence when he pored over the legal pad, crossing out lines with his pen and scribbling in corrections. More than once she had knocked the pad onto the floor, insincerely apologized, and draped her body over his. Ed suspected his recent foray into higher education was a secondary reason for her extra firm grip on his arm.

As Sonny had predicted, Brooke quickly grew weary of having so many hands at home _all the time_. Motherhood suited her. After nine months of doubting her ability to be loving, nurturing, and excited about being a mother, she realized almost immediately her fears and worries were unnecessary. She was addicted to Sofia, and, she also came to the revelation that "practicing" with Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt, though special and precious, actually gave her a false sense of reality. Caring for one baby seemed like a breeze compared to the chaotic nature of the adventures with the three little Tuckers. So, Brooke sent Sonny back to work.

His return bolstered the squad back to full strength which meant the Lieutenant could spend more time behind the desk on administrative duties and also reserve Friday nights for dates with Ed. On this particular evening, they left the kids in the care of Sarah and Aidan. Justin was working and, these days, Aidan was needing almost constant help with Calculus. When Ed and Olivia left, the twins were playing on the floor and Noah was intently watching Sarah tutor Aidan at the dining table.

Their evening began early, so they stopped for a drink and decided to walk a little and choose a random place for dinner. As they strolled, they batted around ideas for Noah's birthday present. They had already planned the party and sent invitations to his school friends, but they had not yet decided on the perfect gift. Olivia ushered Ed in and out of certain shops and he waited patiently as she stopped to examine items. In one funky shop, it was Ed who paused to inspect one of the reusable aluminum water bottles lined up on floating shelves. They each had a different quote or maxim printed on the sides. He plucked a black one from the shelf and showed it to Olivia.

 _Wetness is the essence of beauty_.

Disgusted, Olivia scoffed, "That shouldn't be on…anything. It's…a bit…no, it's _very_ … _crude_."

Blushing, Ed cocked his head and smirked, "Well, I'd never buy that for anyone, especially not my kids, but…in a different context…"

Trying to fight a burgeoning smile, Olivia ducked her head. When she started to look up, Ed was leaning in for what she thought was a kiss but he nipped at her earlobe instead. Chills traversed her back and her cheeks burned.

"Let's go," she said, elbowing him playfully and wresting the bottle from his grip. "We'll leave this here."

"Leaving it here doesn't diminish the message."

" _Ed_!"

" _What_?" He asked, mimicking her tone. They stepped back onto the sidewalk and he kissed her cheek. "I love you. And I love loving you."

Olivia put her head on his shoulder. "I love you loving me."

"We're getting really sappy right now."

"Yes we are," she said, taking his arm again so they could walk without swaying across the narrow sidewalk.

"You know," Ed's tone suggested he was happily continuing with the sappiness. "It was pretty daunting figuring out what you liked…"

"It couldn't have taken you much time to… _figure it out_ ," Olivia said. "I don't remember ever thinking, _after_ , I wish he would've done this or that."

"Well, that's a relief."

"Almost four years later and now it's a relief?"

He kissed the side of her head. "Yes. And if you want me to do somethin' now, well, I know you'll tell me. Then…at first…I dunno."

For the next few minutes, Olivia concentrated on walking. Simply thinking about Ed making love to her was enough to make putting one foot in front of the other challenging.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" He finally asked, breaking their silence though there was plenty of street noise to fill the void.

"Us."

"Good thing to have on your mind."

"Yes," Olivia agreed, "Can't think of anything better."

Later that night as Ed held her after they made love, she felt his chest shake ever so slightly. She craned her neck, looking up at him, and saw a sly smile on his face.

"What?" She asked softly.

"Nothin," he said with a slight shrug, "Well, uh, actually, thinkin' about that bottle..."

…..

The hearty scent of Caroline's famous pot roast filled every room in her cluttered Riverdale home. Since the meal required little else other than time in the oven, the sprightly eighty-two-year-old parked herself at the oval dining room table and, one by one, fired questions at her children and grandchildren.

"Brookey, give me that baby," said the newly minted great-grandmother, "Oof! She's gained ninety pounds since I saw her last!"

"She's been eating a lot lately," Brooke said proudly, "No concerns about her weight anymore, that's for sure."

"She letting you sleep at night?"

"Not really," Brooke replied, "But Sonny gets up with her. Usually around two or three in the morning then she sleeps until six or so. Not bad."

"Whaddya think about this baby, Noah? You remember when Maggie and Wyatt were this small?"

Hearing their names, the twins' heads popped up and they toddled in from the living room, making a beeline for their mother. Ed, Sonny, and Justin were in the family room watching football and nursing beers.

Noah finished taking a gulp of his root beer float and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I 'member," he said, "An' I LOVE Sofia, but she hasta get a little bigger b'fore she can play with us!"

"She'll be runnin' around with you in no time," Caroline assured him.

Olivia now had Wyatt on one leg and Maggie on the other. She tried to hand off Maggie to Sarah, but Maggie contorted her body and resisted. "No! Wa! Mama!"

"Want Mama?" Sarah asked incredulously as she grabbed Wyatt and plopped him into her lap. "Small sister, you never want anyone! Except maybe Daddy. And even then you have an ulterior motive."

Olivia hugged Maggie to her chest and kissed the little girl's head. She fussed with her brown hair, making sure it wasn't hanging in her eyes or across her face. "Sweet girl," she murmured.

"Olivia," Caroline said, "She looks more like you now that her face filled out some."

"Still has those gorgeous Tucker eyes, though," Olivia remarked, nuzzling Maggie's cheek. Somehow, the buttons on her lavender cardigan had come undone and matched to the wrong eyelets, so Olivia fixed them. Maggie softly pinched her mother's fingers as she worked.

Caroline cleared her throat. "Olivia, Eddie told me you're going to Florida for Thanksgiving?"

"Yes."

"Goin' to DISNEY!" Noah exclaimed, "Gonna ride da rides and see da castle! AND! Da hotel has a _waterslide_!"

Everyone smiled at Noah and Caroline continued.

"The whole week?" She asked.

"Yes," Olivia said curiously. Though Caroline had never had an affinity for American Thanksgiving, she did recognize the holiday and always hosted a family dinner. Even so, Ed and Olivia figured their absence would not be cause for major concern. Apparently, they'd been wrong.

"We're going to miss you," Caroline mumbled. "We have a new baby to celebrate and Noah's birthday—"

"—My birthday on da two-eight!" Noah interjected, "Same as Turkey Day!"

"Yes, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "November twenty-eighth. Thanksgiving birthday for you."

"—and I invited the entire family this year," Caroline said, "Because we have extra celebrating to do…"

The plans tugged at Olivia's heartstrings, and she knew she and Ed were going to have to pare their vacation so they could return Wednesday night. "I'll talk to Ed," she promised. "We loved the idea so much we…we didn't think…"

"I understand," Caroline said, "It would be nice to have everyone under one roof this year is all."

Olivia smiled at her ruddy-faced mother-in-law. Tiny wrinkles jutted from the corners of her mouth and eyes and triangle-shaped pixie cut wisps fell across her forehead and her cheeks. Suddenly, every bit of Caroline's eight decades showed in her features, and a jolt of panic boiled in Olivia's chest. Every holiday could, potentially, be Caroline's last.

"You're right," Olivia said. "We'll change things around. Holidays are for family. The whole family." She made teary eye contact with Sarah and Brooke and felt excruciatingly guilty that she and Ed had been so insensitive. "We'll be here."

….

Soft grunts and moans filled the space behind the locked master bedroom door. It was common practice for Ed and Olivia to forget to close the blinds, and the midnight moon cast a bluish glow across their bodies as they writhed together on top of the sheets.

After the kids fell asleep, the two of them got to work rearranging their travel plans and were able to shorten the resort stay and change the return flight with minimal added fees. Ed, too, chastised himself for neglecting to think about how a holiday away would affect his mother, and he thanked Olivia for resolving the potentially tense situation so quickly. The _thank-you_ turned into a few passionate kisses which eventually led them to where they were now—coming down from yet another euphoric lovemaking session.

Olivia attempted to move to a pillow instead of resting her head on Ed's heaving chest, but he refused to let her out of his grasp.

"I'm fine," he rasped into her ear, making sure to nibble the lobe a bit before he went back to his labored breathing. The bite sent chills down Olivia's spine. She trembled and Ed, proud of himself, smirked into the top of her head. "I love you," he whispered.

She ran her fingertips along the tops of Ed's hands and replied playfully, "Love you more."

"I'm gonna come by your office tomorrow to watch the show," he said, "If you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind," she said, "I want you there. I _need_ you there. I'm a little…I get embarrassed watching myself on TV. And this is huge, national, I'm nervous."

"Bout what?"

"I know I said before I was writing the book for me. That it was therapeutic and, if it helped or influenced others, that would be an added bonus. But now that it's been so well-received, I, uh, I feel like it could have a broader impact. I _want_ it to have a broader impact. So I hope the show's editors didn't cut some of the more serious parts of the interview."

Ed kissed the top of her head. "She invited you on the show because of the book," he said, "It wouldn't make much sense to cut that part of the interview."

"It wouldn't," Olivia said, "But how much say does she really have in what airs?"

"Not sure," he said, "But even if nothing serious is shown, people will know you're there because of the book. They'll buy it, want to read it. And there's your broader impact. And also, well, the audience really got to see _you_. The way you lit up when you talked about the kids…and me…I told ya, everyone's gonna want to know you, so they'll read the book, and that's the closest they'll get."

Ed's words not only put Olivia at ease, but the last comment was so tinged with selfishness she couldn't help but grin and tease him. "Not letting anyone else get close, Captain?"

"Nope." He chuckled, acknowledging how possessive he sounded, "I mean…"

"I know what you mean," she said with a grin. "And what should I do with the people who want to get close to _you_? You were pretty sexy _and_ _funny_ there in the audience." She slapped his belly and murmured, " _Cuffs_ …"

"Ellen started it."

"That's true."

Ed moved so he was on his side and stroked her face. "You know I'd never do that to ya."

"Do what?"

"All that…all that _bondage_ crap."

"I know you wouldn't," Olivia kissed him. "I don't…I don't understand how anyone gets pleasure from it. But, if you—"

"—No," Ed interrupted. "Not happening. I don't want that. At all." He took her hands, "And I'm with you. I don't get it. I don't get how I could make love to you without these hands…" he kissed her fingertips, "…on me."

She cocked an eyebrow and ran her fingers along the side of his chest before settling at his hips. "Like this?"

"Yeah," he breathed in sharply. "Like that."

…

Everyone but Olivia wanted to watch the show on the larger monitor in the media room, but the Lieutenant insisted they gather in her office and wheel in the portable flat screen. Despite the floor being SVU's domain, patrolmen and other department employees traversed the area, and she didn't want to create an even bigger fuss. Since the show aired in the late afternoon, Ed brought Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah. At first he was going to let the twins stay at day care, but reconsidered that morning when he saw Olivia's doting goodbyes.

"Num, num, num," she had growled as she kissed their cheeks, eliciting shrieking belly laughter. "Mommy loves you, sweet twins."

He remembered the night at the beach when they found Noah comforting Maggie during the thunderstorm and how Noah successfully requested to sleep in the big bed. Even though Wyatt was conked out, Olivia refused to leave him in the room by himself.

For moments both monumental and seemingly inconsequential, the five of them needed to be together.

Fin smirked at Tucker behind the double stroller. It still blew his mind that the gruff, unforgiving former IAB investigator had morphed into a loving husband and father—one who clearly delighted in toting three children into a precinct where he used to be regarded with scorn.

Everyone greeted him with a friendly hello and immediately fawned over Noah and the twins.

"Brought my police badge," Noah said, shoving the shield into the air.

"Awesome, Noah!" Carisi said. "After the show we'll put ya to work."

Ed unbuckled Maggie first and put her on the floor. Dressed in jeans, a pink fleece pullover, and her pink Adidas sneakers, she stomped around, examined a few items on the tables, dodged a hug from Rollins, and darted to her mother. Wyatt was more tentative, but eventually let Rollins hoist him into her lap, lured by a toy taxi cab.

She straightened the collar of his green plaid shirt and sized him up. "You sure are handsome, Wyatt! Look exactly like your Mommy."

Wyatt pointed to Olivia. "MA!"

Olivia blew him a kiss then motioned for Noah to come to her. "How was school today, sweet boy?" She asked.

"Good," he replied nonchalantly. "Did some work and had a hide drill."

"Hide drill?"

"Yep! Mr. B. turn off all da lights and say, _'COME TO DA CORNER'_ and we had to squish and hide!"

Olivia's heart sank and a lump formed in her throat at the description of the active shooter drill. Adding to her alarm was that she kept forgetting to ask Sarah how Justin was coping with the carnage he'd witnessed back in September. Like almost all school shootings, this one, too, had faded from the city's collective memory, but she was certain Justin, in one way or another, was still suffering.

Ed stepped toward Noah and mussed his hair. "And ya followed directions, right bud?"

"Yep!"

"Good boy," he smiled and continued in a much brighter tone, "Now, we're ready to watch Mommy on TV!" He perched Noah on the edge of Olivia's desk. "Good view up here."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome." Unconcerned about the audience, Ed rounded the desk, massaged Olivia's shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. With the hand that was not securing their daughter, she reached back and squeezed his forearm.

Olivia need not have worried about the editing. Almost the entire interview was aired, including Ed's quip about the handcuffs. The squad was in stitches and a confused Noah looked at his parents for clarification.

"Daddy made a joke about Mommy being the boss," Ed explained.

" _Ohhh_ ," Noah said, giggling, "Yeah, Mommy's da boss! At police and at home!"

Everyone fell into a contemplative silence when Olivia described her life after retirement and reflected on her career. Carisi, Rollins, Fletcher, and Fin glanced at one another acknowledging they were in the presence of a legend. Ed and Noah beamed with pride. Maggie and Wyatt munched snacks and occasionally turned their heads from the screen to their mother, intrigued she was in two places at once.

"Wow, Lieu…" Sonny drawled. His mouth remained open as he searched for words.

"Liv, that was awesome," Rollins said. "Truly, truly awesome."

"Wow," Fletcher, awestruck, mimicked his head exploding with his hands, "I'm blown away."

Fin came over and gave Olivia a hug. It was a little awkward since she was sitting down and still had Maggie in her lap, but she managed to return the gesture. "Real good, Liv," he said softly. "I'm proud of you."

The squad filed out leaving the five Tuckers alone. Olivia put Maggie down and stood up. She and Ed slid their arms around one another's waists.

"It was perfect," he said, kissing her lips, "Absolutely everything I saw when I was there, it came through. You were smart, funny, radiant…you amaze me, Liv. A- _maze_ me."

Both her office phone and her cell phone rang and he smirked into another kiss. It was highly probable at least one member of the squad was spying on them, but Olivia's embrace and her kiss made it clear she did not care one bit.

"Gonna get crazy," he said.

"It is…"

"Glad ya have me along for the ride."

"I told you, there would be no ride without you."

"Da! Da! FISS!" Wyatt toddled over with an empty plastic bowl and rapped it against Ed's legs.

"Outta Goldfish, little man?"

"Wa! FISS!"

Noah found the Goldfish in the twins' bag and shook it. Hearing the sound, Wyatt scrambled to his brother and Maggie followed.

"Here ya go, babies," Noah deposited a handful of crackers into the bowl. "Keep it on da table! Don't wanna spill! Mommy an' Daddy will be done huggin' den we go to da pub! Daddy say we're gonna have tater TOTS! He _promised_!"

Ed and Olivia overheard their son while they remained locked in their embrace, refusing to break eye contact. They smiled wistfully and swayed from side to side.

"I _promise_ I'm never gonna be done hugging you, Ed Tucker."

"Me neither."

"Pub time? I already told everyone I was leaving early."

"Yeah," Ed glanced at her desk, "Sure ya wanna ignore these calls?"

"Yes. And I'm turning my phone off. Tonight's ours. Only ours."

….

After her family lavished praise upon her (Sarah's _omigods_ numbered in the hundreds), Olivia spent the rest of the week returning calls, text messages, and emails. She went about the task in no particular order, and, when she finally listened to her former partner's voice mail she couldn't help but laugh at the pleasure Ed would get out of knowing Stabler came in close to last.

She called Elliot. He was in the city and offered to take her to lunch. It had been a while since they'd had any real conversation. They had previously set loose plans for dinner with their spouses, but Olivia immediately concluded a quick lunch was better than making uncomfortable small talk while watching Ed try to not to seethe and scowl for a couple of hours at a restaurant.

On the way she left Ed a sweet, sexy message; he and the twins were at swimming lessons and she felt a pang of guilt. Here she was going to lunch when she could be sneaking away to participate in the class. She vowed to do just that next week.

Elliot hadn't aged much. Other than speckles of gray in his close-cropped hair, he looked the same as he did when they were partners. Olivia had trouble picturing him at their wedding. Elliot and Kathy were in a hurry to get to the airport, and Elliot hadn't been the most effusive guest. They spoke for less than five minutes.

He greeted her with a hug. "Liv," he said, grinning and holding her at arm's length, "Congratulations. Again. You look great."

"Thank you," she replied, sliding into the diner booth across from him. "Looks like retirement's been treating you well, too."

"Have little side projects here and there," he said with a shrug, "But, yeah, it's good. Next project's reading that book of yours. How'd that come about?"

Olivia told him the story. She'd been approached out of the blue. Her initial reaction was to say no, but she thought about it, reflected, talked to Ed, and finally decided her words would be worth potentially opening old wounds. She filled in more details, but Stabler had stopped listening at "Ed."

Elliot pinched his chin. "Tucker, he, uh, he treating you alright?"

Slightly flabbergasted, Olivia's jaw slackened and she narrowed her eyes. After seeing her clearly glowing with happiness on television and reading the book, she couldn't believe he had the audacity to ask the question.

"He always has," Olivia said.

Stabler pretended to stifle a laugh.

"It was the job we hated, El," Olivia said, "Not him. At least…that's what I came to realize."

"He was a perpetual thorn in our side, Liv. When we got the wedding invitation, I seriously thought, the first thing I said was, 'what's he after?'"

Olivia circled the rim of her glass with her index finger. "And your second thought was what in the hell was I thinking?"

"Somethin' like that," Stabler admitted unapologetically.

"I don't expect you, or anyone for that matter, to understand," Olivia said. She hadn't had to defend her relationship with Ed in a while, but the weariness of it all quickly resurfaced. "We sort of…found our way to each other."

"I can't picture Tucker…" A flush spread over Elliot's cheeks, " _Wooing_ you."

" _Wooing me_?" Olivia threw her head back with laughter. "I don't think I've ever heard you use that word."

"Doesn't happen often."

Olivia took a deep breath and her laughter gave way to a satisfied smile. "I know you're skeptical," she said, "But I have everything I ever wanted. I'm finally…comfortable."

"Good place to be."

The waiter approached and Olivia picked up a menu for a quick perusal. "It is…I am…in an incredibly good place. And you know what the best part is?"

"What?"

"I'm never worried the bottom's eventually going to fall out. Not anymore."

….

By the time Olivia left the diner, stopped to check in at the precinct, and went home, Ed and the kids had been home for an hour and the little ones were munching on the last pieces of their afternoon snack. Olivia burst through the door and, with laser focus, strode down the foyer and into the living room without removing her coat or her shoes.

"Mommy!" Noah jumped into her arms for a hug and squeezed her neck. "You home!"

"Yes, sweet boy. I'm home." She eyed Ed who was looking at her suspiciously. There was an unsettling urgency about her. "Noah," she said with a cocky smirk, "I have to talk to Daddy for a few minutes. About, uh, your birthday. Will you stay out here with Maggie and Wyatt?"

Noah was all too willing to step in as babysitter. He propelled himself from Olivia's arms with a cheerful, "Yep!"

Olivia grabbed Ed's arm and half-dragged him to their bedroom. She closed the door and backed him against it, kissing him passionately, leaving little space or air for him to ask what had gotten into her.

Finally, panting, Olivia pressed her forehead to his. "Sorry," she gasped. "I…I needed to remind myself you're really mine."

"Well, damn, sweetheart," Ed rasped with a devilish grin, "I'm always yours, but, uh, if this is what ya need, that's perfectly fine with me." He looked into her eyes and read her mind, "Everything go okay at lunch?"

"Yes…but…I, um, I thought I had dealt with all the naysayers."

"Naysayers?"

"People who don't get us."

"You know what I say about people who don't get us?"

"What's that?"

Ed shot her the most classic of Tucker smirks.

"Fuck 'em."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	88. Chapter 88

**Eighty-eight**.

Olivia let her head fall into Ed's chest and he scratched the back of her head as they laughed together at his "fuck 'em" remark.

"I love you," she murmured.

"Ya tell Stabler you love me?" Ed asked in a teasing voice.

"I did. In fact…I think I said _in love_ with you."

Ed released a satisfied grunt.

On the other side of the door, little feet pattered down the hallway.

"No, babies!" Noah barked, "Ya can't go in there! Da door's closed! Gotta knock!"

Ed chuckled softly. "He doesn't knock."

"Do as I say, not as I do," Olivia quipped. She kissed his neck a few times and made him gasp. "Long few hours of anticipation ahead."

"Mmmhmm."

They looked at each other curiously, for the sounds and movement outside their door had ceased. Ed moved to the side and Olivia turned the knob to find a smiling Maggie and Wyatt sitting on the floor, patiently waiting for their parents to appear. Noah rounded the corner with their sippy cups in hand.

"These babies wanted to see ya!" He said. "They jus' ran 'round sayin where's Mommy? Where's Daddy?"

Ed crouched. "Did you think we were playing hide and seek, Tucker twins?"

"Ooo!" Noah said. "Hide and seek! Thatsa good game!"

"Speaking of games," Ed replied, "Sarah has a softball game tonight. Liv, you mind if Noah and I go? We could all head over there, but it's a little chilly."

"Go ahead," she said. "Make sure to get video of her batting, though. At least once."

"Will do. She's actually not that bad. I don't know…she picks up on things quickly. Like you, pal," Ed mussed Noah's hair. The two of them and Sarah had had one session at the batting cages and, by the end of their thirty minute time slot, both Noah and Sarah were ready to hit their respective fields.

"Jus' haveta practice!" Noah said. "Practice makes perfect!"

Olivia grinned and shook her head in amusement. Noah had a collection of maxims he picked up from various sources and adeptly plucked from his memory at opportune times. That skill coupled with his appreciation for vocabulary often resulted in him sounding much older than almost-six.

"That's right, sweet boy. Now…how about we practice making dinner?"

" _Mommy_ , we arready know how to cook da dinners!"

Olivia and Ed traded doubtful glances. "We could still get better," she said. "But I didn't start cooking until I was older. So you have a head start. By the time you're an adult, you'll be really good."

"Like Gramma Care-line!"

"Yes, sweetie. Like Grandma Caroline. Okay kiddos, everyone in the kitchen." Olivia hoisted Maggie in the air and she shrieked with delight. "Hungry, baby girl?"

"Wa! Cookie!"

"Cookie?" Olivia asked incredulously. "How about some veggies and dip?"

"DIP! Dipdipdipdip!"

Olivia bounced Maggie on her way to the kitchen and echoed her "dips." On the first attempt, Maggie resisted sitting in the high chair. She gripped Olivia's neck and stiffened her legs.

"NO!"

"No? You want to cook with Mommy? Want Mommy to hold you? Okay…" With Ed's help, Olivia got to work making dinner one-handed. Maggie suddenly becoming the clingiest child rather than the most aloof one baffled Olivia and maybe even worried her a tiny bit. Nevertheless, Olivia selfishly took advantage of every moment. As she moved around the kitchen, she narrated her actions and Maggie repeated words, easily rattling off the two-word phrases Olivia emphasized.

"Good talking, Maggs," she praised, kissing the little girl's soft brown locks. "Mommy's so proud of you."

"Ma! POW!"

"Yes, sweet girl, _proud_. Here," Olivia handed her a carrot spear that had been steamed and softened for the toddlers. "Little snack."

"Wa cookie!" Maggie said, taking the carrot and eating it anyway.

She happily chewed and watched her mother work.

"Silly girl," Olivia murmured. "My silly, sweet girl…"

….

A bundled up Noah raced for the softball field as soon as he recognized Sarah's team's orange jerseys. Ed followed, walking briskly, his hands shoved in his coat pockets. He was glad he'd opted for his black winter parka rather than the lighter weight fleece jacket or even a simple hoodie. The balmy fall day had descended into a crisp, forty-degree night which would not have seemed so cold had it not been for the occasional wind gusts.

"There's Sare Bear!" Noah excitedly jabbed a finger through one of the diamond-shaped holes in the chain-link fence. "She's number THIRTY!"

"Good job, bud." Impressed, Ed patted Noah's back. The last time he heard Noah say a two-digit number, he'd pronounced both numbers separately. "Should we call her over?"

"Yeah!"

After Ed let loose a sharp, piercing whistle, Sarah whirled around, saw her father and brother, and jogged over. "Hi guys!"

"Hi Sare Bear! We here for ya!"

"Thanks, Noey Boey. Well, I'm not playing in the field, but I'm batting. So…I won't be hurt if you leave early. It's freaking freezing out here."

Noah slid off one of his mittens and held up an opaque package. "S'okay! I have dese hand warmers Daddy got for me!"

"Well, aren't you the most prepared boy in the world," Sarah said as she watched Ed help Noah get the mitten back on. "Okay, well, game's about to start. See you later! Kisses!"

Ed assessed their seating options. The bleachers looked cold, so he put Noah on his shoulders and they watched the game along the fence on the right field baseline. Noah's play-by-play commentary entertained Ed immensely. He was critical yet kind—after one player was out on a low fly ball, Noah said, "Good try, but he hasta hit it _away_ from those players next time!"

When G strode to the plate, Noah got excited and rocked back and forth. "It's GEEEE! Daddy! See? That's da nice neighbor! She helped with Maggie and Wyatt and she lovvvve tacos!"

"Oh, yeah," Ed said, "That's the one who asked Sarah to play in the first place."

"Uh-huh!"

He watched her take a couple of practice swings and evaluate the fielders' positions. "Looks like she knows what she's doing."

Sure enough, on the second pitch, G belted a laser-like line drive between the center and left fielders. The force of the hit caught them off guard, and by the time they sprinted after the ball, G was rounding second base. She crossed home plate and was smacking her teammates' palms when the relay throw finally reached the opposing catcher.

"WOW!" Noah clapped his hands. "That was a GREAT HIT!"

"Yeah, bud. Home run for G!"

"I hope Sare Bear gets a home run!"

Ed tried his best to sound optimistic when he replied, "Me too."

The inning ended before Sarah got her turn at bat, but when she did step up to the plate, she copied G's pre-pitch routine.

Two gentle swings and a scan of the field.

Noah joined in with her teammates' cheers.

" _Rip it, Sare!"_

" _Bring 'em in Sarah!"_

" _Let's go, THREE-OH!"_

Ed thought the team sounded awfully confident in the novice new addition to their roster, so he assumed she'd proven herself in a previous game. Sarah swung hard at the first two pitches, fouling them off and knocking herself off balance.

"Relax up there!" Someone called.

Sarah took a deep breath and stepped back into the batters' box. The next pitch looked too high. Ed muttered "take it" under his breath. Sarah's face twitched and her shoulders relaxed. Everyone assumed she would let the ball pass. However, at the last second, Sarah pursed her lips in determination and swung. The ball hit the end of the bad—the contact must have stung her hands—but she got enough of the ball to send it looping over the first baseman's head and into short right field. Sarah sprinted down the first base line.

The aggressive right fielder darted to the ball and fired a throw to first base, but Sarah was a step quicker and, to Ed's surprise, overran the base and veered to the right.

"SAFE!"

Elated, Noah bounced and rocked so wildly Ed put him down. He sprinted along the fence until he was as close as possible to Sarah. "GOOD JOB, SARE BEAR!"

Sarah beamed at Noah and flashed a thumbs-up sign, but someone bellowed "TWO DOWN" and Sarah refocused on the game.

Sarah's team easily built a commanding lead, and her next two at bats resulted in a pop out and a weak line drive that was snagged by the shortstop. She had, probably, the worst statistics of all batters. Nevertheless, she confidently skipped over to Noah and Ed after the game and asked them how they liked her debut.

True to his personality, Ed wasn't about to give credit where it was not due. "Not bad," he said, "Gotta keep your weight on your back foot for longer, but, not bad."

"Good hitting, Sare Bear," Noah said, hugging her legs, "When you gonna use da glove and play in da field?"

"Maybe next game, Noey."

"And maybe next game you," Noah simulated a monster swing, "You hit a HOME RUN like G!"

"I dunno, Noey," Sarah said, "G's played softball for a long time! I need more practice!"

"Yep," Noah said, "You take G to da cages where we went!"

Sarah giggled. "When you grow up, you're going to be a life coach."

Noah crinkled his nose as he tried to picture what exactly a life coach's job duties might entail.

"I need to get Noah home," Ed said, "School night…you want to come have a drink?"

"No," Sarah said, "I have to get home. Justin's shift ends soon. We haven't had dinner together all week. He's had crazy hours."

"Alright—"

G approached with her back slung over her shoulder. She'd changed out of her cleats and into a pair of untied, well-worn sneakers. She, too, invited Sarah for a drink. After declining the second invitation, Sarah introduced G to Ed.

"Nice to meet you, Captain," G said, firmly shaking Ed's hand.

"Nice to meet you. Great work out there."

"Thanks."

"G!" Noah exclaimed, "You go like DIS!" He swung in the air again and then jabbed his arm into the air, "And the ball FLEW AWAY!"

An embarrassed grin crossed G's face and she mumbled another thank-you. Ed and Noah said goodbye and left the field hand-in-hand. Noah, showing no indication he was ready for bed, skipped along and chattered incessantly about the game.

"You gonna want to play baseball or soccer in the spring, pal?"

"BASEBALL!"

"Sounds good."

"Yep!" You can teach me how ta pitch!"

"Okay."

"An' G can teach me how ta hit da HOME RUNS!"

"Sounds like a plan."

…...

Olivia's first week at swimming lessons was the twins' sixth, and she was shocked at how well they handled themselves in the water. Unlike other parts of their day, Ed was unable to take videos of the lessons, and his descriptions did not do the live version justice. Maggie and Wyatt paddled like old pros and eagerly heaved themselves into the water as soon as they were carried into the pool. The day's lesson was ongoing swim-float-swim practice. The babies and toddlers paddled until they heard "float" at which time they flipped onto their backs for rest and breathing. Finally, on another "swim" command, the child swam into his or her parent's waiting arms.

Ed and Olivia took turns shouting the commands and receiving Maggie and Wyatt. Olivia loudly praised them when they completed each lap. She became more and more amazed each time and laughed at how their personalities translated to swimming. Maggie precisely followed each command, moving as soon as she heard "swim" or "float." Wyatt lingered in the floating position after "swim" was called, puffing breaths and closing his eyes. Eventually, he reluctantly turned over and started paddling.

The final ten minutes of class was now reserved for "free swim," and Ed and Olivia used the time to swing the twins around in the water. Ed made sure to stay close to his wife and mercilessly flirt with her.

"You look too good to be at Mommy and Me swimming lessons," he whispered in her ear. "The other Dads are checkin' ya out."

"They are _not_."

"Yes. They are."

Olivia held Wyatt at arm's length as he splashed. Keeping her eyes on her son, she replied, "Swim lessons are dangerous…the instructors want you…the Dads want me…"

"Who do you want?"

Olivia finally turned to him and eyed him lustfully. "I think you'll do."

"I'll _do_ , huh?" He smirked and snuck a swat at her under the water. "I'll do alright…"

Deciding they'd done enough public flirting for the afternoon, Olivia changed the subject. "These two are ready for the Disney pool for sure," she said. "I can't believe how well they're doing."

"Sure are," he replied proudly, "It helped they weren't afraid of the water. Some kids spent the first couple of lessons screaming."

Imagining Ed proudly holding the quiet twins while other parents tried to soothe their hysterical sons and daughters warmed Olivia's heart. The added bonus to the miracles that were Maggie and Wyatt was that they were both happy, healthy, and, for the most part, mild-mannered. Maggie could be strong-willed at times, but neither she nor her brother fussed or cried much.

After everyone was back in dry clothes, Ed and Olivia grabbed Noah from school and they returned home to begin what they hoped would be a lazy weekend. Noah and the twins played on the floor while the adults sat at the island and paged through real estate listings. Ed had finally listed his condo, and it was time to start their beach house search.

"House or condo?"

"House," Olivia replied firmly. "I want a…a special place, like the one in Bethany, maybe a little closer though? Two, three hours away max…As many bedrooms as we can get. It's okay if they're small—"

"—all except ours—"

"—yes, of course. And I want a huge open living and kitchen area, back porch, maybe some grass for the kids to play…am I asking too much?" She batted her eyes at Ed.

He bashfully ducked his eyes. "No," he said softly, "Nothing is too much for you, sweetheart."

Olivia's phone vibrated and she took a second before looking at the screen, dreading the sight of one of her detectives summoning her to a scene. To her relief, it was Sarah. Olivia answered on speaker.

"Hey, Sare."

"Livvvvvieeeee! What are you doing?"

"Sitting here with your Dad."

"Oh, well, any chance you want to meet for a drinky drink? Justin's working all weekend and I'm bored and I wanna go out!"

Olivia looked at Ed.

"Go," he said with a smirk, "I'll feed the kids and…you wanna bring the two of us dinner?"

He was almost mouthing the words, but Sarah heard anyway. "Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwd_. That's so romantic. So, Livvie, I'll come up there. I'll text you the spot. Give me about a half hour. MWAH!"

"I'm going to change," Olivia stood up and rounded the island for a quick snuggle in her husband's arms. "I won't be long."

"Take your time," he said, "I kinda like the idea of a later dinner for two…I'm even gonna light candles."

"Candles, huh?" Olivia asked, and eyebrow cocked.

"Yeah," he replied softly. "Impromptu mini date night."

Olivia leaned in for a kiss. "Now I really won't be long. Won't be long at all."

….

Sarah hugged Olivia and presented her with a freshly poured drink. "Livvie, it's been forever since we've been out, just the two of us! Sit, sit, sit. And thanks for coming. You weren't in your PJs were you?"

Olivia draped her coat over the barstool and sat down. "No, we were looking at beach houses. And you're right, it has been awhile. Thanks for calling. Perfect night for it."

"One more week then you'll be in Florida?"

"Yes…and I'm on duty every night, so I'll be ready for it." Olivia squinted her eyes. Something was different. "You cut your hair," she remarked and played with a shorter lock of wavy blonde hair. "It's cute."

Despondent and apparently regretting her decision, Sarah sighed, "She took a little more off than I wanted, but thanks, and, it's hair, it'll grow back. Justin likes it long and Noey likes it long…I don't know what I was thinking when I said three inches."

"You're right, it'll grow," Olivia said, "But I really do like it."

"Thanks. You have the best hair in the family, though. So thick and healthy…I hope Maggs gets that hair."

"I do too."

Sarah restlessly swiveled back and forth in the chair. She fidgeted, tore at the edges of the cocktail napkin and chewed on the plastic garnish sword.

"You okay?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, yeah," Sarah replied in a sing-songy voice. "Boring time of year in the world of finance. Nothing going on. It'll tick back up the first week in December when everyone's vying for bonuses, but the year's pretty much over for me. So, I'm bored. And Justin's been working like nonstop lately."

"Any wedding plans?"

"No…" Sarah's head snapped up and she stared at Olivia with wide-eyes, "But we're definitely getting married. Nothing's wrong. I swear."

Olivia held up her hands, "No, no, I didn't mean I was worried."

"I wouldn't blame you if you were." Sarah grinned. "I want a spring wedding. Maybe we could even have the reception outside somewhere. And I get this feeling Justin is working so much now so he'll be able to easily request time off later. He thinks so far ahead like that…" Sarah smiled even wider, "He's so… _responsible_."

"He sure is," Olivia said. "Has he…how's he doing with the shooting?"

Sarah rubbed her temples and stretched her eyes into slits. "He's been going to departmental-required therapy. I don't like it because when he goes he ends up not sleeping. Like, last week, he sat on the porch until sunrise then went to work a couple hours later. I don't know how he handles this and school and…I wish I could tell him to pick one or the other…"

"Maybe he doesn't want to?"

"He doesn't," Sarah moaned, "He's happy."

"Are you?"

Sarah was in a weird mood. It reminded Olivia of her behavior prior to the first wedding, but considering her second was several months away, pre-wedding jitters seemed premature.

"I am," Sarah said convincingly. "I keep thinking more and more about the future and having kids and I think maybe now I'm getting a little impatient for all of it. Sofia's made Brookey so happy and so content—that baby's a lifesaver I tell ya, and I love your kids, and now I want the family, too! I cannot wait to take our son or daughter to Justin's mom's and Grandma's and see everyone pass him or her around…" Sarah sighed, held up her empty glass and studied it. "I am even fine with giving up alcohol for nine months. Imagine that!"

"Very challenging," Olivia said, "But it's for a good cause."

"How ever did you do it?" Sarah joked.

"I made your Dad take drinks and then I'd kiss him."

"Omigod, omigod, _omigawwwwwd_ ," Sarah leaned over and gave her a quick hug. "I could not love you more. And that's a very good idea."

"Thank you."

"So," Sarah clapped her hands, "How _ever_ are you and Daddy going to get alone time in Florida?"

Olivia's cheeks flushed. "Well, we're probably not going to get much…but that's not why we're going. But then again, the kids go to bed early…we don't have a suite this time because they don't have those in the main building…but there's a balcony. So we'll probably spend the evenings out there."

"Main building?"

"Yes, at the Grand Floridian."

"Is that the white one?"

"Yes."

"I think we stayed there when we were kids. Gawwwd we were bad on that trip. Dad's probably gonna redo all our bratty trips so he can have better memories."

Clearly, Sarah was joking, so Olivia laughed along with her. "I guess we better do everything while they're this age."

"Keep those suitcases out."

"Right."

….

The next week flew by. While Olivia worked almost nonstop, Ed packed suitcases, stopped mail, purchased sunscreen, and made sure all his wife had to do when she returned was change clothes, eat dinner, play with the kids if they were still awake, and, finally, let him love her.

They booked a Friday evening flight from JFK to Orlando, figuring the twins would fall asleep in the air, Noah would have a good night's sleep in the hotel, and everyone would be fresh for a full Saturday at Magic Kingdom. Olivia commended Ed's packing job—he managed to fit everything into two medium-sized suitcases. He and Noah each had backpacks, and Olivia had a large cross body tote which fit her wallet, magazine, and the twins' snacks, extra diapers, and travel wipes. At the airport they checked their bags and proceeded to security where Olivia used her credentials to bypass the main line.

Noah paid close attention to the procedures. He watched his parents pluck their driver's licenses from their wallets and peered closely at the boarding passes gleaming on Olivia's phone screen.

"That da ticket to go on da airplane?"

"Yes, sweet boy. I have all our tickets right here on my phone."

Ed added, "You'll have to tell the person up here your name, bud."

Noah reached in his cargo pocket for his own wallet. "I have a card." He produced his burgundy and white school identification card which he received upon enrollment. For older students the card served multiple purposes—library and computer lab privileges, cafeteria card, entry to school sporting events—but for Kindergarteners, they were merely formalities. Nevertheless, Noah took ownership of his card very seriously.

"Oh, that's right, sweet boy! I forgot about your ID."

"What 'bout Maggie and Wyatt?" Noah asked, his eyes tracking people as they shuffled along in the main line.

"Daddy and I will tell them their names. When you're little, your parents are enough."

Noah nodded and stepped forward. Olivia scanned their passes and the TSA Agent took a quick peek at the licenses before turning his attention to Noah.

"What's your name, sir?"

Noah giggled at the _sir_ and forgot he was holding his own card. "Noah Tucker."

"And how old are you?"

"Oh!" Noah jabbed the hand holding the card in the air, "I have dis!"

The agent took the card. "Ahhh, Kindergarten. Very good. How old are you?"

"Five. But I'll be SIX on Turkey Day!" He accepted the ID back from the agent. When he wasn't asked another question, he gestured to the twins who were lazing in their stroller seats. "These babies are Maggie and Wyatt," he said. "They're ONE."

"Excellent," the agent replied. "Well, Noah Tucker, you have a fantastic vacation."

"Thank you."

Noah marched forward. He noticed people in other lines removing shoes and belts, but Ed told him they could keep everything on.

"Why?" Noah asked.

"Because Mommy's police."

In the middle of tossing her bag onto the belt, Olivia turned and winked at Ed and Noah. She proceeded through with the stroller. Ed and Noah followed, they collected everything, and continued on to the gate. They munched on fast food snacks, played tic-tac-toe and go fish, and studied the map to Magic Kingdom and the Grand Floridian. Before boarding, Olivia took the twins to the restroom for a final diaper change. When she returned, Ed took Noah. They came back just in time for the first boarding call.

"We get to get on da airplane _first_?" Noah asked as they walked down the jetway.

"Yes we do," Ed replied.

Before stepping onto the aircraft, Ed handed the twins to Olivia and collapsed the stroller. Alarmed that he was leaving it outside of the plane, Noah tugged at his belt, "Daddy! We leavin' da stroller here?"

"No, pal. They'll put it under the plane with the bags before we leave. Don't worry."

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. Those babies love that stroller!"

Olivia and Ed took aisle seats. Noah buckled himself in next to Ed, and Olivia let the twins toddle around in the small area in front of the seats before it was time for them to be buckled in together in the seat next to Olivia. She tightened the belt and covered them each with their preferred fleece blankets.

"Ready to fly, sweethearts?"

"FY!"

"Good over there, Liv?" Ed asked, reaching over to touch her arm.

"Yep. They're wondering what's going on. Noah? You ready to go?"

"Yep! Gonna see all da lights, then Daddy say we watch a movie and we'll be in Florida!"

"Yes. Ready for some warm weather and palm trees?"

"Yep! And rides!" Despite also holding his iPad, Noah was still adorably clutching the Magic Kingdom map.

The force of takeoff shocked the twins at first. Their blue eyes turned to saucers and they looked at Olivia for reassurance. She already had an arm outstretched in front of them, and she patted their bellies. "Here we go, sweet twins. We're flying to Florida!"

"Fy!"

Once they reached 10,000 feet, Olivia tucked more pillows around them and rearranged the blankets. She rummaged through her bag for the sippy cups and books. When she turned to deliver the items, the babies were already dozing off.

Ed once again reached across the aisle. This time, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. "We need to get a crib that simulates take off for Maggie," he joked.

"Such a great idea."

"I don't think I've ever seen her fall asleep like that."

"Nope." Olivia leaned forward to get a glimpse of Noah. He looked to be putting the finishing touches on a drawing of the aerial view of lit-up New York. "Looks like everyone's content for now. Are we having a drink?"

"Absolutely." Ed stretched over as far as he could with his lips pursed. "Kiss first."

"Sure."

They kissed somewhat clumsily and broke apart right as the flight attendant approached for their orders.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	89. Chapter 89

**Eighty-Nine**.

"C'mere."

Ed left the balcony door open a crack and took Olivia into his arms. He kissed her deeply and methodically, threading his fingers through her hair and gently placing his other hand on the small of her back. The thick, humid, earthy-scented Florida air was a welcome change from the early winter that had been sinking its claws into New York City.

"Mmmm," he moaned when they briefly parted. He kissed her neck, shoulder, and ran his hands up and down her bare arms. "Now I regret not gettin' the suite."

Olivia grinned. "We'll be fine. And it's better to be in this building. It's closer to everything."

Ed peered at their view—it overlooked the main pools and the Grand Lagoon. "Don't think it'll be too loud?"

"Maybe, but I like it. And the kids will, too. Good people watching."

"I only wanna watch you."

Olivia massaged his chest. "I love you so much. Thank you for bringing us here."

Ed smirked and kissed her again. He slid his hands under her top and gradually got more aggressive, nipping and biting along her collar bone, rocking his hips into hers, and unclasping her bra. Olivia moaned and gasped, feeling him grow hard against her, and she wondered what exactly his end game was. Their room was huge, large enough for two King beds, a sofa, a desk, two arm chairs, television and entertainment center, and a vanity separate from the bathroom. But there was no way they could get enough privacy to have sex.

"Let's go to the bathroom," Ed rasped, his lips on her throat. "I want you. It's either there or out here."

Olivia eyed the small white armchairs.

"Bathroom," she said.

They entered the room, locking the door behind them, and tiptoed past the beds. There was probably no need for the stealth—the kids were completely out, sleeping together in one of the beds which was possible thanks to the portable side rails the hotel provided. All three slept flat on their backs with their arms over their heads. In Wyatt's mouth, instead of his fist, was a new tiger Wubbanub.

"They're precious," Olivia murmured.

"You're precious," Ed was already in the bathroom, "C'mon."

They started kissing again. Olivia shoved Ed's shorts and boxer briefs down at the same time and wrapped one of her hands around him. Ed threw his head back as she took control for a little while. She smiled devilishly as her hands and mouth made him grunt and groan and rasp her name.

"Liv, I fucking love you baby…"

"Yeah?"

" _Yeah_." He looked at her with droopy yet insistent eyes.

"Then fuck me."

Hearing her talk like that sent him into overdrive. He switched positions and lifted her onto the counter. They pressed their heads together and watched as long as they could as he entered her. She squirmed a bit then relaxed and threw her arms around his neck, biting his ear and moaning how good he felt.

"How you doin, baby?"

"Almost there. Harder, and, _oh_ , _yeah_ , like that."

"Lookit me."

She held the sides of his head, keeping their foreheads together while they finished. They swayed together for a few minutes. Ed poked his head into the room, confirmed the kids were still sound asleep, and they took a quick shower.

"Nice bathroom," Ed quipped as he dried off in front of the mirror.

Olivia came up behind him and put her chin on his shoulder. "Very nice. And _this_ …this is a great view."

They changed into fresh shorts and t-shirts and slid into bed. Ed slung an arm over Olivia and breathed deeply. "Mmmmm, Disney shampoo."

Olivia shook with laughter.

"Want TV?" he asked.

"Maybe for a little while," she said.

Ed found a channel airing classic reruns. The night's marathon was _Three's Company_. He adjusted the volume and propped the pillows so they were reclined at a comfortable angle. Olivia reached up to turn off the lamp and caught a glimpse of her sleeping children. Noah and Wyatt hadn't moved much, but Maggie was now curled into Noah, sharing his pillow and clutching his upper arm. Olivia swore there was a tiny smirk on her daughter's face.

She settled back in with Ed. "I want them to stay little," she said, a hint of panic in her voice. "They're so perfect."

"They're perfect because of us," Ed whispered.

"I don't want to miss any more important times in their lives."

Ed kissed her head reassuringly. "You won't, baby. The most important time is right now."

….

Olivia opened her eyes the next morning and was greeted by the sight of Maggie sitting up in the other bed. She didn't immediately become aware her mother was awake. Maggie scooted herself around in a slow circle, trying to make sense of the unfamiliar confines. After a full, three-hundred sixty degree rotation, she poked Noah's cheek, then Wyatt's. When her brothers didn't wake up, she finally looked in her parents' direction.

Olivia mouthed _Hi Maggs_.

"Hi!" Maggie smiled and waved her arms excitedly. Her teeth gleamed and her wispy brown hair fell across her face the way it always did in the morning. Olivia brought her over to their bed and laid her in the middle. Ed rolled over and sleepily tickled Maggie's belly. He slowly came into consciousness. The two of them took turns holding Maggie's Baby Gund doll an arm's length in the air and letting it fall on her. The little girl giggled uncontrollably and tried to catch her plush friend.

Wyatt and Noah woke up shortly after. Ed ordered a light breakfast to be delivered to their room and Noah delighted in the process. He marveled at the cart and the covered entrees as well as the efficiency of it all.

As soon as everyone was clean, dressed, and ready to go, the family headed for the monorail station. Noah was given the option of taking the monorail or the water taxi to Magic Kingdom park, and he decided he would like to ride the tram there and the boat back to the resort.

"You got it, bud."

When they entered the park and began walking down Main Street, U.S.A., Noah succumbed to sensory overload. At rapid fire pace he named shops, pointed out characters, and, finally stopped in his tracks.

"LOOK. AT. DAT. CASTLE!"

He had seen the castle multiple times in pictures, but they did not do the first-hand sight justice.

"MAGGS! WYATT!" Noah jumped up and down causing Maggie and Wyatt to furiously kick their legs. "DA CASTLE!" He stumbled backward into Olivia's legs.

She picked him up and pressed her face to his. Noah stammered, desperately trying to verbalize his reactions, but, for once, words failed him. He settled for a deep breath and a long, satisfied sigh. People milled about—mostly families toting children in various states of awe—but it was early and the Tucker brood was not impeding traffic quite yet.

They began their adventure in Tomorrowland. The plan was to spend the morning and early afternoon at the park, go back to the hotel for lunch and rest, then spend the afternoons by the pool. The park boasted five main areas which dovetailed perfectly with their five days.

Tomorrowland was the most toddler-friendly, so Maggie and Wyatt were allowed on most rides. They began at Astro Orbiter, and Olivia took multiple pictures of the twins and Noah. The ride took them up and down in gentle swoops. There was room for two passengers in each car. Noah rode in the front of one with Olivia and Maggie in the back. Ed and Wyatt were in a car behind them. Noah held the steering wheel and pretended he was an airplane pilot. Maggie tilted her head back, threw her arms in the air, closed her eyes, and let the wind whip through her hair. Olivia couldn't see Wyatt's reaction, but she learned later he mostly strained to see over the sides at the activity below. Their youngest son definitely had no qualms about heights.

After the first ride, the family returned to the stroller parking lot which had swelled from only a few to at least thirty. Noah cracked up at the sight. "It like at da park, but WAY MORE!" He shouted, "Mommy, we need a pic'ture! Gotta show Sare Bear dis parking lot!"

Noah took the twins' hands and directed them to look at Mommy. It wasn't the most scenic snapshot of their trip, but it remained one of Olivia's favorites. Noah's face jutted out in an exaggerated smile. Maggie and Wyatt stood compliantly at his side. Noah and Wyatt wore khaki shorts and plain, dark grey t-shirts. Olivia dressed Maggie in blue and white polka-dot bubble shorts and a white tank top. All three kids wore their trusty Adidas sneakers, though Olivia couldn't resist pairing Maggie's with frilly socks.

"Say cheese," Noah had instructed.

When the two little eighteen-month-old voices complied and Olivia heard their jubilant " _teeeeeeees_ " and saw how they coupled the word with little jumps, she had to take a moment to steady herself and will away happy tears. She felt Ed's hand on the small of her back and heard him say "that's a good one."

"Yes," she said, sliding the phone back in her pocket, "Yes it is."

Ed plucked the map (he refused to use the app) from his back pocket. He and Noah had used a highlighter system to distinguish between the rides that were and were not twin friendly. They made a lap through Tomorrowland's main path, stopped twice at two different coin press machines, and matched the names on the map with the real-time attractions.

"Glad we got these fast pass things," Ed mumbled, "Lines are filling up."

Indeed, the crowd had swelled in the hour or so they'd been there.

Olivia gave him a peck on the cheek. "Good thinking, Captain." Noticing him blush, she grinned, "So, wanna tag team for a while? One of us take Noah on his rides?"

"Yep. Bud? Where do you wanna start?"

"SPACE MOUNTAIN!"

Noah had become keenly aware of height restrictions during the pre-vacation research sessions. He was absolutely elated to learn he measured in at forty-six and a half inches (tall for his age) and would be allowed onto every single attraction in Magic Kingdom (Ed and Olivia conveniently did not tell him there were other parks in the Disney complex. They excused this subterfuge by promising they would return to Disney on a yearly basis and explore a new park each time).

Olivia gnashed her teeth. Magic Kingdom rides probably did not fall into the "thrill" category, but the hype surrounding Space Mountain made her nervous.

Noah would be in a rollercoaster seat all by himself.

He was a rule follower, but what if he got too excited and tried to stand or reach for something outside the car?

The ride was inside and hurtled through darkness, what if he got scared?

And also…

….it was a _rollercoaster_.

Well aware of his wife's trepidation, Ed cautiously proceeded with their plan. "You or me?" He asked.

"I go on it one, TWO times," Noah interjected. "One with Mommy and one with Daddy!"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I'll go first."

Ed chuckled as they walked away. His wife had battled some of New York's most dangerous, unsavory elements, but the prospect of her almost-six-year-old riding a tame rollercoaster terrified her.

The twins busied themselves with the patterns in the sidewalk and were paying him no attention; nevertheless, he spoke loudly enough for them to hear.

"Mommy's adorable, isn't she?"

Wyatt's path veered him into the path of Buzz Lightyear. Both Buzz and Wyatt stopped in their tracks. Ed expected screams. Maggie eventually noticed the shadow, looked up, and slowly meandered over to Ed, never taking her eyes off the character.

"It's Buzz," Ed said calmly, helping Wyatt to not freak out. "He came to say hi." Ed took Maggie's arm and waved, "Say hi to Buzz."

Wyatt whispered the character's name.

"Say, ' _hi, Buzz_!'" Ed coaxed.

Wyatt crouched slightly—the move was his go-to when he was overcome by his inherent shyness—and repeated the phrase a few times, his volume growing louder and louder.

"Good boy! Maggs, how 'bout you?" Maggie clamored for Ed to pick her up. He did, and, just as quickly as he arrived, Buzz continued making his way down the path. Wyatt stared at him until he disappeared into the crowd. Ed smoothed Maggie's hair and kissed her cheek. "We'll have to find Cinderella, Maggs. She's a princess, just like you."

…

The Tuckers ate lunch in Tomorrowland and browsed in a few shops before boarding the ferry back to the Grand Floridian. In the room, Olivia and Ed changed diapers and helped everyone into fresh clothes. They drew the curtains and played soft music. Neither Wyatt nor Maggie had fallen asleep on the ride back as planned, so getting everyone down for a nap proved challenging. Even with his Wubbanub and blanket, Wyatt refused to lay down. Noah insisted on seeing the pictures from the morning and, after he'd flipped through the set, grabbed the map and started plotting the next day's agenda. Maggie did not want to go near a bed. She was particularly intrigued with the full length mirrors in the room and made faces and did little dances in front of the glass. At one point, using her blanket, she played peek-a-boo with herself and laughed so hard she lost her balance and repeatedly collapsed onto her bottom.

"C'mon, sweet girl," Olivia said, "Let's take a rest. Come with Mommy." Olivia took Maggie's hand. "Let's get your baby." She looked around the bed, flung back covers, rummaged through their baggage.

No baby.

Maggie had long ago ditched the pacifier, but she never, ever slept or even went into rest mode without her baby.

Ed and Noah joined in the search. Ed inspected the least likely of places—the bathroom and closets. Noah tried to look under the bed, but there was no "under the bed." He kicked the wooden base in frustration.

"Nothin' can get under here!"

Ed and Olivia realized at the same time what had happened. The baby had been taken away with the room's dirty linens.

By now, Wyatt was finally dozing off and Maggie was fussy. Still in Olivia's arms, she whimpered and buried her head into Olivia's neck. Ed gave her the fleece blanket, but Maggie tossed it to the floor.

"Wan'! Baby!"

Ed collected his phone and the key card. "I'll go to the front desk. Maybe they have it."

….

The reception area teemed with new arrivals. Ed wished he had his shield, for he had no scruples about using it to cut through the crowd for his daughter. But, he didn't have the credential, so he tried the concierge who directed him to the service elevator and the Housekeeping office.

Ed made his way through the bowels of the building. The dimly lit, cinderblock halls were a sharp contrast to the posh guest areas. It was humid and reeked of detergent. Industrial washers and dryers rumbled incessantly. A mishmash of various languages echoed throughout the various rooms. He came to the end of the corridor and found a glass-partitioned enclosure labeled "office." Obviously out of place, the tired-looking manager narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, uh, sorry to bother you," Ed said in his most polite, professional voice, "They sent me here. I'm wondering if you came across a Baby Gund doll in the laundry? It's my daughter's and we left it in the room this morning and now it's not there. We looked everywhere…no baby."

A comely smile crossed her face. "No…I haven't heard of us finding one, but I'll let everyone know. What room are you in?"

Ed gave her their information along with his cell number. He also showed her a picture of the baby. It was from the airplane. Maggie clutched it as she slept.

"What a beautiful child," she said.

"Thanks."

"I'm sure it'll turn up. Don't worry."

Ed thanked her again and hurried back to the room. Hearing nothing as he approached, he entered as quietly as possible. Noah and Wyatt were conked out in one bed. In the other, Maggie was plastered across Olivia's chest sleeping soundly with a clump of her mother's hair in one fist.

…..

First it was Space Mountain.

Then it was the waterslide.

" _Mommy_ ," Noah pleaded, "I can go by myself!"

Olivia was sitting on the edge of the zero-entry pool. In front of her the twins played with buckets, funnels, and boats they'd paid an exorbitant price for in one of the resort shops. They began their pool time at another water play area, but it was more of a playground in the middle of a splash pad, and all three Tucker kids quickly lost interest. This pool featured waterfalls, deeper water, and a higher, more intricate, waterslide. On the first run, Noah slid down in Ed's lap. When he saw younger, smaller kids go on their own, he demanded to do the same.

Olivia looked at Ed. He shrugged.

"Okay," she finally said, "But Daddy's going to watch you go up the steps." She wasn't concerned about the actual structure. The stairs leading to the top were hidden from the view of anyone in the pool.

This arrangement was fine with Noah. He grinned and trotted off with Ed following. Minutes later he came hurtling down the slide and into the water. He popped up and swam up the incline toward his family until he could walk.

"You see that, babies?" He asked, splashing in the ankle-deep water. "Mommy, Maggs and Wyatt should go!"

"I dunno, pal," Ed said, "This one's kinda fast."

"Does it slow down at the end?" Olivia was more concerned about the impact when the slide gave way to the pool. It didn't look very forceful.

"Yeah," Ed replied. "And the water's only four feet."

This time it was Olivia who shrugged. "Alright. Who's first?"

"Small sister should be first," Noah said. "Cause she's sad about her baby."

"Small sister it is," Olivia said. "C'mon, sweet girl. You and I are going down the slide."

"SY!" Maggie said, pointing. "Go SY!"

"Yes, sweetheart." Olivia tossed her cover up on top of their bag and Ed made no effort to conceal his admiration for her in her simple yet sleek black swimsuit. The color contrasted perfectly with Maggie's pale yellow tankini.

"I'll get pictures," Ed said.

"OH!" Noah darted from the pool and rummaged through his backpack which he'd insisted on toting from the room. "I forgetted dis!" He pulled out a black elastic headband with something affixed to it.

"What's that, bud?"

"Itsa camera for da water!"

Ed took it. "GoPro," he read. "Where'd ya get this?"

"Sare Bear!"

He rolled his eyes and looked up at Olivia, "How does she manage to get him all these things and we're the last to know?"

Noah answered the question. "She getted it for me and said it's for Disney, so I put it in da bag and waited for Disney! It have a stick, too!" Noah produced a clear plastic retractable selfie stick. "And da cords." Noah pressed the silver power button, "But it's ready!"

"Sweet boy, come with us. Put that on your head and you go first. Then you can film your ride down and then me and Maggs."

"Kay! Daddy, you and Wyatt go over dere and wait for us! Den you can be in the video, too!"

"Maybe Daddy can wear that on his next turn," Olivia said with a sly grin and a wink.

"Sure!" Noah said, tugging the contraption on his head. "Kay! Lessgo!"

…..

Dozens of trips down the waterslide, burgers in their rented cabana, and a surprisingly competitive ring-toss game made bedtime significantly easier than naptime. Both twins fell asleep in the stroller on the way back to the room, and Noah, on Ed's shoulders, was beginning to slump forward. There was a nighttime boat parade on the lagoon, but the Tucker kids would have to experience the event on another night.

Ed swiped the card and unlocked the door. Olivia wheeled the stroller in, parked it off to the side, and went about gingerly changing diapers and getting the twins into their pajamas. Noah was sent into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Ed unpacked their bag then tossed Noah's clean pajamas on the bed.

Something caught his eye.

" _Liv_."

Keeping one hand on Wyatt's chest, Olivia looked up and broke into a relieved smile. While they were at the pool, someone from housekeeping had returned the baby. She was propped on the middle pillow with a note attached.

 _I went on a Disney adventure of my own, but I came back…nice and clean._

 _Enjoy the rest of your stay._

 _XOXOXO_

 _-Housekeeping_

…

 **#Tuckson**


	90. Chapter 90

**Ninety.**

Sunday morning began early for Olivia when, as the sun rose, she felt the touch of tiny fingers on her face and heard a faint yet insistent. " _Ma! Mamamama_." Her eyes fluttered open. Maggie had perched her chin on the side of the mattress. Her lips had been pursed in concentration as she woke up her mother, and when she saw Olivia's eyes open, she broke into a gigantic, awestruck smile as if she'd accomplished an incredible feat. On the other side of Olivia, Ed was lying face down into his pillow and, every few minutes, snored softly, and indication he was still deeply asleep.

"Hi sweet girl," Olivia whispered. "You got out of bed all by yourself!"

Maggie didn't appear to want to come into bed, so Olivia extracted herself from the covers and took Maggie to the bathroom. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and swept her hair back into a clip. She dressed Maggie in sundress emblazoned with tropical flowers and strapped white sandals on her feet. Maggie stomped around, looking at the new shoes.

"Toes!" she said, pointing. "Magg toes!"

"That's right!" Olivia quizzed Maggie on other body parts. Maggie expertly pointed out her nose, ears, hands, arms, legs, head, and teeth. Olivia grinned and held out her hand. "You want to walk with Mommy?"

"Walk! Wa! Walk!"

Olivia offered the sippy cup. "Drink first?"

"Dink!" Maggie took a swig from the cup and handed it back. "Walk! Wa! Walk!"

Their stroll led them through the ornately decorated main lobby. Maggie scampered ahead of Olivia. She stopped to inspect the grand piano. Familiar with the instrument, her little face scrunched in consternation when she found the keys covered. They made their way outside and onto the path skirting the lagoon. Maggie pressed her face against the railing slats and exclaimed "BOAT! I! Ri! Boat!"

"C'mon, sweetie, let's go down here to the sign and see if we can rent one!" Olivia took off on a slow jog which lured Maggie away from the railing. Squealing cheerfully, she chased after her mother. They found a sign advertising rates, and Olivia took a picture. She and Ed had not considered the option of renting a boat, but she was sure it was something the five of them would enjoy even if it was only for an hour.

She had left a note for Ed to text her once he and the boys were up, and as she and Maggie made their way back toward the main building, there was no indication anyone else in the family was awake. Olivia spotted the Gasparilla Island Grill's white tables and decided to treat her daughter to breakfast and order takeout for everyone else.

An attentive host brought a booster seat and a menu as soon as Olivia sat down. Maggie fussed when Olivia tried to sit her in a second chair. "No! Sit! Mama!"

"Okay sweet girl," Olivia kissed Maggie's head and smiled at the comely waitress, "You can leave it here just in case she changes her mind."

"No problem. Anything to drink other than water?"

"Coffee for me and orange juice for her, please."

She nodded and hurried off to the beverage station. Olivia unfolded the menu on the table and pointed at the pictures. "What would you like to eat, Maggs? Waffle? Eggs?"

"MOUSE!" Maggie jabbed a finger at the menu and the Mickey Mouse shaped waffles. Olivia grinned and, when the waitress returned with the drinks, ordered the entrée complete with strawberries and whipped cream for Maggie and eggs and toast for herself. The resort began to come alive while they waited and Maggie was content to recline against Olivia and watch the activity. When she saw a family take off in a boat, she excitedly bellowed _boat_ once again.

"We'll tell Daddy we want to ride in the boat, sweet girl."

"Dada! Ri! Boat!"

"Yep. Daddy will take us for a ride in the boat. Maybe," Olivia kissed Maggie's head, "Maybe he'll let you drive!" Olivia imitated steering a wheel and made _whirrring_ sounds. Maggie giggled and Olivia kissed her cheeks. "I love you so much sweet girl. I'm so happy to be here with you."

"Luvooooo!" Maggie cooed. "Doos! Wa! Doos! Peeeaaaase!" She leaned forward for the child-sized juice cup. Maggie leaned back, sipped, and rested one heel on the table. With her sunglasses (which she kept on for once) and her dress, she was the poster child for beach chic.

Since there were few customers so early, their food arrived quickly. The Mickey Mouse waffles were huge, and Olivia immediately knew she could bring the rest of the portion back for Wyatt. She cut up the strawberries and the waffles and scooted forward so the two of them could access their plates.

"Mmm, good," Olivia said. "Good waffle, Maggs?"

"Mmmm!" Maggie swallowed a bite, picked up another, and offered it to Olivia. "Ma! Bite!" Twisting her lips in concentration much like Noah always did, Maggie popped pieces of waffle and strawberry into her Mommy's mouth.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Olivia gathered a child-sized bite of eggs, "You want some of mine?" Maggie took the bite but immediately went back to her waffles, clearly preferring the sweeter breakfast.

Olivia's phone vibrated and danced around on the tempered glass. It was Ed announcing everyone was up and hungry. Olivia quickly ordered two more breakfasts to go, requested a takeout container for the other Mickey waffle, and paid the bill.

"Oh-kay, sweet girl. Ready for more Magic Kingdom today?" Olivia stood Maggie on her thighs. "More rides?"

Maggie twisted her body around so she could see the lagoon. "BOAT!"

Olivia laughed and hugged her daughter. "I know, sweet girl. I know. We'll go on the boat. I promise."

…..

Church, rather, Catholic Mass, suited Sarah. She was still ambivalent about the spirituality of the whole production, but the appreciated the predictability and routine. She hadn't attended church regularly since she was in middle school, but she relearned the prayers and responses. She even sang. Meeting Mrs. Vidal for mass, with or without Justin, had become an important part of her week.

While Ed, Olivia, and the kids were readying for their second day at Magic Kingdom, Sarah, Justin, and Carmen left the cathedral and took the train two stops to Soundview. They stopped at a market for some last minute items and spend the rest of the morning cooking and talking around the kitchen table. They spoke mostly Spanish, peppering in English idioms every once in a while. Carmen continually complemented Sarah on her bilingualism and still could not believe Sarah picked up the language solely in her middle and high school classes.

"Justin's teachers were still teaching colors in ninth grade," she snickered derisively as she hovered over the stove. "Thanks to me he can write in Spanish. Imagine! A classroom full of Spanish speakers and you give them word searches and nursery rhymes! Even now I have to make sure the kids are writing…"

The kids—Justin's nephews and niece—arrived later with their father and his girlfriend. From what Sarah gathered from her observations and Justin's remarks, it wasn't worth getting to know the girlfriends very well. Sarah had only met his brother a handful of times, and this was the third girl to whom she'd been introduced as his significant other. Carmen's attitude immediately soured and she mostly ignored everyone but the children. Used to this reaction, Justin didn't take it personally. He grabbed a beer for himself and for Sarah and motioned for her to follow him into the family room.

Every time Sarah spent an afternoon at Carmen's house she reminded herself to arrange a meeting between Carmen and Caroline. Though they were thirty or so years apart, they had similar values and personalities. She predicted they would hit it off. Vowing to make the meeting happen, she put a reminder in her phone and sat on the loveseat under Justin's arm. They watched football, ate Sunday supper around the dining table, and returned to their places for the second half of the Jets game.

"Sarah?" Carmen called from the kitchen. "Can you come here for a minute?"

Sarah assumed Carmen wanted help delivering the dessert plates, but when she entered the kitchen, there were no desserts to be seen. Carmen ushered Sarah into the back room which probably began as a porch but had been converted into a utility space. Carmen's sewing machine was set up there and rolls of fabric were stuffed into homemade shelves.

"I have something I want you to have," she said hurriedly and in a hushed voice. From a cabinet obscured by plastic storage tubs Carmen produced a mortar and pestle set. It was made from some type of dark wood and had obviously been used many times before. There were nicks on the exterior of the bowl and the pestle appeared to have the indents of someone's, or many people's, fingertips. Speaking Spanish, Carmen explained the utensils were those of her great-great grandmother and had been used by cooks on her side of the family for generations.

"I want to make sure you and Justin have them," she said in a hushed voice. "I know you'll take care of them."

"Thank you," Sarah mumbled, "I, um, I'll, um, I'll have to learn how to make something with them." She was a little confused as to why Carmen was giving her something so special now, on a seemingly random day. "Is there…is there something I need to know?"

Carmen smiled, "No, mi amor. Everyone keeps telling me I need to get rid of all this clutter. I want certain things to go to certain people before they come in and start tossing everything every which way."

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, Sarah asked why Carmen gave the mortar and pestle to her rather than to Justin.

"We women see more value in these types of things," she said. "We appreciate sentimental value. That's been the beginning of many memorable meals for my family…and it'll serve the same for you."

"Omigod." Sarah clutched the set to her chest. She gave Carmen a hug and snuck around to the entryway to put the items in her bag. With the mortar and pestle safely stowed, Sarah took a deep breath and blinked away tears. "Jesus," she muttered to herself. "I'm becoming Livvie."

…

Carisi was annoying everyone, so Fin and Rollins did their best to ignore him while he and Fletcher hypothesized about one of their current cases. Despite flecks of gray hair, Carisi looked just as young and overeager as his young protégé as they hunched around the large table.

"I'm sorry," Rollins muttered through a bite of lo mein, "Being a Dad has really had an odd effect on him. Babies are exhausting. He's gotta be on something."

Fin shook his head in amusement. "Ah, you know how it is…new birth, new life, he's got somethin' else to live for."

"Lookit you all sappy…"

Fin shrugged. He saw Rollins' eyes divert to the elevator and turned around. A young, jittery-looking woman walked hesitantly into the squad room and approached Amanda.

"I'm…they told me to come here."

Rollins ushered her to a chair. "Okay. How can I help you?"

"I need help," she said. "My sister. She's…they won't let her go."

"Who?"

"My parents."

Fin and Rollins exchanged knowing glances. Rollins and the woman relocated to the more comfortable interview room, and Fin went to the Lieutenant's office to listen in. He flipped the switch and listened to the preliminary questions and answers. At one point he caught a glimpse of a Tucker family photograph snickered.

" _Tucker_ ….still can't believe it… _Tucker_ …"

…..

With time to kill before dinner, Ed, Olivia, and their three freshly bathed and beach-casual-clad kids hung out on the balcony overlooking the pool and lagoon. The late evening sun had dipped just enough behind the palms in the distance, and its light was no longer blinding. Noah gabbed with his siblings and helped them manipulate the new toys they'd acquired during the day at Magic Kingdom. Olivia allowed them each a bit of Sprite since it was clear and all three of them were dressed in white shirts. Wyatt regarded the drink suspiciously at first. He twisted his mouth and puffed his cheeks and tried to look inside the sippy cup. When he realized the beverage was not going to hurt him, he took sip after sip and erupted into giggles at the fizzy sensation. Olivia lovingly played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

"Here ya go, my dear," Ed served Olivia a glass of wine, kissed her, and sat down in another one of the white patio chairs.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"Toast?"

"Of course." He raised his glass, "To Disney. Noah? Maggie? Wyatt? C'mere. Say _To Disney_."

Noah, of course, easily repeated the phrase. He repeated it for his brother and sister. Finally, they were able to belt out something that sounded like "knee."

"Cheers!"

"So, bud," Ed continued after taking his first sip, "How would you rate this vacation so far?"

"Rate?"

"Yep." Ed articulated a simple Likert scale rating system. He got to "four means like it" when Noah interrupted.

"I LOVE IT!" He bellowed and waved his arms around as he ticked off all the reasons he loved Disney World. "I ride all da rides and I buyed—bought—really great stuff and a present for Sofia and I still have some money and I met Buzz and Mickey and da Cars and, and, MISTER INCREDIBLE! And den…den we come back to da pool and da slide! And today we played chase!" Breathless now, Noah sighed and leaned against Ed's knees, "That was really fun!"

That afternoon, Maggie and Wyatt had shown off their swimming skills and the Tucker brood spent an hour engaged in an aquatic version of "Get Noah." Maggie was relentless in her pursuit and never seemed to tire. Wyatt, on the other hand, frequently flipped into float mode which sent Ed and Olivia into hysterics.

"He's saying, _I'm on vacation, guys_ ," Ed remarked through laughter, " _No need to get this much of a workout_."

Olivia sat back and propped her feet on the railing. "My kiddos are great swimmers," she said, "And, Noah, what was your favorite ride today?"

"Tea Party was fun," Noah drawled, "And SMALL WORLD! We see all da kids from all the diff'rent countries in da world! Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"I wanna go to all those countries! I wanna see dose kids! Da REAL kids!"

Olivia stroked his head. "You can do that, sweet boy. We'll take you to some of those places, and when you get older you might even want to go to school in another country for a little while. Like college."

"Sare Bear went to college in _Philly_."

"Yes, sweetie, but that's not a different country—"

"—debatable—" Ed muttered.

Olivia ignored him and continued. "—You could go to college for a little while in France or in Spain…"

Noah peered out into the distance. Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat. She envisioned a time-lapsed Noah, a scene that would play in a movie, there he was, standing in front of her in his khakis and loose white linen shirt and, in a matter of seconds, he transformed into an adult in front of her eyes.

"…Mommy?"

"Oh, yes, honey?"

"Dis paper say they throw fire knives at da dinner."

"How do you know that?"

"I _reading_ it!"

"Reading it?"

"Uh-huh. Fu, fuh, fuh-ire. An' Mr. B. say when da K is there, you don't say it so, nuh-nuh- _ives_."

"Wow…"

Accolades for reading prowess were not high on Noah's priority list. He protectively eyed Maggie and Wyatt. "These babies can't get close to fire!"

Noticing Olivia was trying her best not to choke up, Ed patted Noah on the back and assured him the fire knives would be kept far away from their tables.

"But," he added, a teasing glint in his eye, "They might ask ya to come on stage and dance with them after the fire's out."

Noah jerked his body around, performing a little dance. He grabbed the twins' hands and they joined in. "Get ready to dance, babies!" He said, "An' Daddy, you dance with Mommy."

"No problem," Ed leaned over and kissed Olivia, "My pleasure. I don't dance nearly enough with Mommy."

…

The Tuckers and dozens of other families were seated at semi-circle banquettes facing the both the stage and the open-air hibachi-style grill. Before the actual stage show began, the kids and many adults were entranced by the chefs' antics. They tossed and caught utensils, chopped at a furious pace with precision, and engaged in friendly trash talk. Ed smirked at Maggie and Wyatt then at Olivia. The later dinner show began when the twins were usually in bed. They took late naps, but Olivia still worried it would all be too much and they would be fussy. Maggie shrieked. Wyatt bellowed. Noah narrated. For now, everyone was in the best of moods.

Noah sat between them with the twins on either end. Ed reached over Noah's shoulders and rubbed a knuckle against his wife's cheek. He loved the way she looked in the dim, fire-streaked light. At one point, Maggie wedged her foot at an impossible angle in the high chair and, when Olivia helped her she knocked her chopsticks to the floor. Noticing this and also recognizing neither Wyatt nor Maggie needed their sets, Noah gave Olivia an extra pair and, as he handed them over, repeated what Ed had said earlier.

"Here ya go, my dear."

"Thank you, sweet boy." She planted a kiss on his head and made teary-eyed contact with Ed who was smirking proudly.

In the spirit of the beach and the Polynesian theme, everyone ordered elaborate, fruity drinks. Noah's virgin cocktail arrived in a half-pineapple. Beverages for Maggie and Wyatt were served in small faux-wood tiki tumblers with child-sized straws. The adults' Mai Tais were in 12-inch tall glasses and the garnishes were speared onto mini umbrellas.

"S'cuse me," Ed stopped the server before he disappeared, "Would you mind taking a picture?"

Though perhaps a bit overexposed, Olivia immediately replaced her lock screen photo with the photograph. They were perfect. The three tanned kids smiling behind their frozen treats. Ed and Olivia sporting wide, proud grins. She kept sneaking glances at her screen for the rest of the evening.

While they sipped and munched on appetizers, Noah, in deliberate fashion, made his way through the "History of Polynesia" passage on the back of the menu. He pronounced words such as "warrior" and "Samoan" slowly yet accurately. In the middle of his history lesson, another family of five was seated at the table next to them. Minutes later, the three kids, all older than Noah yet still elementary school aged, whipped out their cell phones. One boy propped his phone against the pepper mill and began watching a football game with the sound on.

Olivia saw Ed's jaw stiffen and she reached behind Noah to rub his shoulder. Ed rolled his eyes and shook his head. Though Olivia agreed, she hoped Ed would suffer in silence. She didn't want an altercation and, contrary to what many people thought, he didn't go around seeking conflict.

"Da warr-i-or duh-duh-DOES not muh-muh-ake, make war. Da warrior—" Noah scrunched up his face, "Mommy, what dis say?"

"Serves."

"The warrior _serves_ the _people_."

Smugly, Ed muttered, "Million bucks says their kids can't read that."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and leaned over for a kiss.

"I'm sure you're right."

….

The brief monorail ride back to their resort was enough to send all three kids into deep slumbers. It was well past bedtimes and they had eaten more than usual. Olivia knew the noodles would be devoured, but items such as pineapple glazed spare ribs and sweet potatoes with coconut were also a hit. The show—complete with drummers, dancers, and the fire knives was almost too much entertainment for Noah to handle. At one point he was standing in Ed's lap, enthusiastically participating in one of the call-and-response routines. Afterwards, Ed took him to get his new restaurant t-shirt autographed by the performers. Asleep on Ed's shoulder, he now clutched the shirt under his neck.

Ed and Olivia received knowing glances from Grand Floridian staff when they returned. During diaper changes and the switch to pajamas, not one child flinched. Ed and Olivia tucked them in and took a few moments to admire their sweet, sleeping children.

"Gimme a minute and…meet you on the balcony?" Ed nuzzled Olivia's neck.

"Sure."

Ed joined her outside with two glasses of what Olivia thought was bourbon but was actually a sweet liqueur. Ed grinned at her surprise. "Bought it in the gift shop when I paid for Noah's t-shirt."

"Great choice."

"Yeah, it is pretty good."

"Such a perfect night. An amazing night."

"It was," Ed replied, "But we missed out on one thing."

"What's that?"

"Didn't get to dance with ya." Ed rose to his feet and held out a hand. "Dance with me."

There was no music. No sound other than the occasional smack of lagoon water against the retaining wall after a wind gust. Nevertheless, Ed swayed his wife around the narrow balcony to a beat in his head. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and surrendered her body to his. Only Ed could make her feel this way—weightless, carefree, protected…endlessly optimistic. All around the world, at that moment, there were people who, for whatever reasons, declared themselves to be happy.

But Olivia was certain she was the happiest.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	91. Chapter 91

**Ninety-one**.

The thunderstorm woke Ed in the middle of the night. It wasn't the noise that roused him but the purplish lightning invading their room. He lifted his head ever so slightly and tried not to move any other part of his body. Olivia's legs were entangled with his. He glanced at her and smiled—her face was half-buried in the pillow and a mop of brown locks obscured the rest of her face. She looked like they'd had a night of aggressive sex instead of having fallen asleep watching the classic sitcom channel. Over on the second bed, the kids were frozen in the same positions they'd been in when Ed and Olivia tucked them in.

Unable to fall back asleep right away, Ed stared at the ceiling and listened to the storm. He was smug, proud of himself, and thrilled he and Olivia had, so far, managed three kids at Disney World without so much as the tiniest wrinkle. It helped that Noah was probably the most compliant, flexible kid in the world and that Maggie and Wyatt had naturally pleasant dispositions. Olivia's willingness to disconnect was also heartening. He knew she harbored doubts and reservations about her life after SVU, so "tests" like this one served an extremely important purpose. Retirement may not be as daunting an adjustment as they feared.

He dared to tilt his head so he could detect the scent of her—the face cream she used religiously, whatever she put in her hair from the little Kiehl's bottle after showering, and maybe a hint of the sugary drink they'd shared on the balcony.

His eyes drifted over to the kids' bed. It was large enough for them each to have their own space on the mattress, but Maggie and Wyatt had clustered themselves around Noah. He had the most interesting look on his face—content, cognizant of the confines of his siblings, yet comfortable. Being a big brother suited Noah, and Ed was so proud of the way he instantly and without prodding, took it upon himself to care for Maggie and Wyatt. When the twins were infants, he and Olivia would occasionally fret about the day the novelty of having younger twin siblings would wear off, but they were wrong. Noah neither regarded the role as temporary nor did he take it lightly. Sure, the twins could frustrate him when they picked apart his trains or didn't maintain his selected beat when they played with their drums and keyboards, but, even exasperated, he was good-natured and patient.

The twins adored and revered Noah. They constantly tracked him when he was nearby, and when he returned from school or, at Disney, from a ride, they greeted him with shrieks and jubilant repetitions of "NO!" When she concentrated, Maggie twisted her lips like Noah did. Wyatt and Noah had the same bashful giggle. Neither boy was comfortable being the focus of excessive amounts of attention though Noah deserved it and Ed was convinced Wyatt was going to be the scholar of the three and would have to get used to accolades. Wyatt studied everything and everyone. While Maggie was curious and constantly exploring, from the moment he was independently mobile, Wyatt focused on particular things and scrutinized people. If something caught his interest, he stopped to investigate. He showed flashes of cop instincts already; nevertheless, Ed was sure he would go into academia.

At no point in his first go-round as a father did Ed think about his children in this way. When Sarah and Brooke were young, life was hectic and exhausting. Work was difficult and stressful. He had no intention of remaining a patrol officer and doggedly worked his way to the Hostage Negotiation Team. Unfortunately, the second he had a handle on his career, his marriage fell apart. Or, maybe, that was when he noticed it was already in shambles.

Falling in love with Olivia redefined many things for him, but, most importantly, she and Noah made him realize his enormous capacity for love. It sickened him to admit parenting Brooke and Sarah had been more of an exercise in management rather than paternal affection. As an older, retired parent, Ed had more time to spend with his children and he appreciated and savored every moment. If Wyatt, Maggie, or Noah stopped to examine something as they strolled in the park or along the street, he allowed them to linger as long as they wanted and shared in their fascination rather than ushering them along. The bond Ed, Brooke, and Sarah had didn't begin developing until the girls were both in high school. He made sure not to repeat that mistake with Noah and the twins. Besides, in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't have as much time with the younger ones.

Ed stopped his mind from straying to less cheerful thoughts by giving in to the urge to have Olivia in his arms. He dipped his shoulder under her pillow so her upper body had no choice but to rest against his. She responded immediately and, eyes still closed, draped one arm across his midsection. He kissed her head through the mop of hair.

"Love you," he said in barely a whisper.

Though she didn't verbally respond, Ed felt her lips curve into a smile against his chest. He wondered if Olivia had fallen asleep smiling against anyone else's chest.

He liked to think she had not.

….

Fighting debilitating fatigue, Sonny stumbled into the apartment, kicked off his shoes, shed his coat, and dove into bed beside Brooke. Minutes earlier she had finished nursing Sofia and the baby was asleep on her shoulder.

"Holy shit," Sonny said, "What a night. Call after call after call then…this girl…she came in yesterday but we kicked her case to Brooklyn. She came back today because she didn't get the answers she wanted." Sonny groaned, "Good thing Liv isn't here. We would still be spending useless hours on this one."

Brooke raised her eyebrows. "Why wouldn't SVU here help her?"

"She says her sister's being abused…because her parents won't let her enroll in college out of state. But the sister's seventeen. Not legally an adult. And that's not abuse. And also…they live in Borough Park."

"It sounds like there could be something else going on," Brooke said. Usually cop stories failed to pique her interest. To her, they were all the same. Good guys trying to get bad guys and even if the bad guys were caught, the people they hurt were still left to pick up the pieces of their lives. "They're Hasidic?"

"Yep."

"And the girl who came to you? How did she get away?"

"She left," Carisi said, "She lives in Manhattan. Goes to school and works at The Met."

"Like…left her family?"

"When you leave, you're gone. Shunned. Dead to them."

Brooke let out a low whistle and looked down at Sofia. "I've never understood…faith…like that. Living and breathing and _doing it_ all the time. I mean, Sarah and I would get annoyed with an hour every Sunday."

"I get it," Sonny said, "At least, I get being Catholic."

"More than me."

Sonny leaned over and kissed her, "Everyone who wants to finds faith in their own way."

"I suppose so," Brooke sighed and kissed Sofia's head, "Speaking of…we should probably think about setting a date for her baptism."

Sonny waved his hands, requesting his daughter, and Brooke handed her over. "I'll call tomorrow," he said. "She's gonna look great in the gown…my family's had it forever."

…..

Noah sucked in his cheeks as he assessed the weather from inside the sliding glass door. Large rain droplets pelted the balcony furniture and the winds swirled the lagoon waters. A foggy mist engulfed the dock area.

"Itsa rainy day," Noah said softly. "It looks _puffy_ out there! Da clouds are on da sidewalk!"

From the bed where she was snuggling with the twins, Olivia smiled sweetly and said, "It sure does, sweet boy. But, you know what? Daddy looked at the forecast and the rain's going away in a few hours. So, we'll go to the park later. Maybe we'll wait until it's dark and we can go on the rides with all the lights."

More than placated, Noah smiled. "What we gonna do now?" He asked cheerfully.

"How 'bout we order room service and play cards?" Ed suggested.

"And we better call Sarah," Olivia said.

"I call her," Noah rummaged through his bag for his phone and expertly Face Timed his sister.

She picked up with a frown and snapped, "It's about time you called me!"

"We're so sorry," Olivia said, sounding truly remorseful.

"I have two pictures! _Two_!"

"Sare Bear, I used da head thing!"

"I need so see that video, Noey!"

"Kay! When I come back for Turkey Day and my birthday den we put it on da c'puter!

Sarah swiveled in her chair. Behind her, snowflakes were falling in lower Manhattan. "Sounds good! How are my babies?"

Noah pointed the camera at Maggie and Wyatt. "Dey good. They ride somea da rides, too! And we went swimming and down da waterslide. Sare Bear?"

"Yes?"

Noah narrowed his eyes and asked, "You been on a waterslide b'fore?"

"Believe it or not, yes I have," Sarah replied, grinning.

The conversation lasted until room service arrived. Noah showed Sarah the spread and she said she was terribly jealous of the food and the cart and their hotel room. Noah finally noticed the snow, and Sarah reported it had been cold and miserable since they left.

"Bring back sunshine, Noey!"

"Kay!"

Ed brought the plates to the bed and the five Tuckers enjoyed their brunch seated in a circle on the mattress. When they finished eating, it was still drizzling, and Noah requested to watch a movie instead of playing cards. Olivia nodded, and they all got back under the covers and snuggled together while the show played. Everyone was still in their pajamas. Olivia loved the contrast between the kids' whimsical sleepwear designs and hers and Ed's plain t-shirts. They were in the middle of their parents—a cluster of multi-colored hearts, green and blue stripes, and spaceships.

Noticing she wasn't paying much attention to the movie, Ed tickled the back of her head. Getting her attention, he wiggled his fingers, summoning her to meet him in the middle for kiss.

Noah scolded them good-naturedly. "Daddy! No kissing Mommy during da show!"

Ed grinned and kissed her again. "When can I kiss Mommy, bud?"

"After da movie."

"Okay," Ed replied, "It'll be tough, but I can handle that."

….

Later that night, after visiting all the Frontierland attractions, the Tuckers boarded the train that circled the entire park. Visiting at night had been an unexpected good idea. The kids enjoyed seeing now-familiar landmarks like the castle in their illuminated forms. Maggie and Wyatt pointed and said "lights!" Noah coached them into pairing the names of colors with the word as well. Ed used the cover of darkness to nudge, kiss, and generally flirt with his wife more than usual. It wasn't only Maggie who was in a clingy mood. Ed, too, had a stronger than usual pull to be close to Olivia. He chalked it up to the vacation being perfect and their lack of alone time. He also figured no naps and a late night would give him the opportunity for more bathroom intimacy, so he started light foreplay early.

The five of them fit snugly into one row of the train car. During the ride, Noah pointed out where they'd been and where they still needed to go. He wore a green safari hat they'd purchased earlier and projected his voice, probably mimicking tour guides he had heard on other rides.

"See, babies, if ya get lost, all ya need to do is look for da castle! Then you can tell where you are!"

Maggie tried to say "castle." Her wispy brown hair whirled around in the breeze and she was content to take in the scenery nestled in Olivia's lap. Wyatt seemed fascinated with his immediate surroundings and strained to get better views of the train's wheels on the track. "Tain!" He chanted over and over. "Tain!"

"We gonna swim when we get back?" Noah asked.

"Sweet boy, it's a little late. The pools aren't going to be open anymore. So we should get a good night's sleep and we'll swim tomorrow. If you want to come back to the park at night again, we could swim first."

"Yeah," Noah said slowly, "Let's swim first den come when da lights are on again! Then after that we get back on the airplane?"

"Yep. We'll have time to do something in the morning on Wednesday, though. Maybe we can come back to the park and go on some rides again. The ones you really liked."

"Like Space Mountain!"

Olivia grinned. He was too cute in his hat. "Sure, sweetie. Like Space Mountain."

…..

Ed pinned Olivia against the bathroom wall and kissed her ferociously. "I can't go this long," he rasped. As he explored her face, chin, and neck with his mouth, he managed to say, "I see these other families, other parents here and they look tired and maybe sick of it but they're prolly happy to be here so they don't have to make beds or make dinner and they're not even thinking of sex, but not me, Liv. I have to make love to you. I have to. Or I'll die."

His "Or I'll die" was do desperate and oddly innocent sounding Olivia nearly burst into laughter. However, she was tingling from his kisses and caresses, and his words made her physical responses even more intense. Needing his skin on hers, she shoved his shorts and underwear down and gently pushed him away so she could rid him of his shirt.

" _Damn_ ," Olivia murmured in a low voice, admiring the sun kissed undulations in his chest and biting her lip as she let her gaze fall lower.

He massaged her breasts and pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you so much, Liv. You have no idea how much."

"But I do," she said softly. "Trust me. I do. And I love you just as much. Maybe more."

"I love you more," he said, his lips curling into a teasing smirk, knowing this could erupt into an endless cycle of "love you mores." He kissed her again. "How 'bout we stipulate we both love each other, cause I _need_ you, baby."

"You said _stipulate_ …" Olivia laughed softly, clutched his hips, and pulled him closer. "Stipulate…"

….

For what seemed like the first time in the history of Ed and Olivia parenting three children, they woke up first on a day which required no alarm clocks. They lay spooned together in the middle of the mattress, and Olivia ran her fingertips up and down Ed's bare arm. She appreciated every inch—the curve of his shoulder as it gave way to his firm bicep, then the thick, powerful forearm and wrist. As she traced the tops of his fingers she remembered the first time he dared to take her hand. It happened at a bar, during one of their many rounds of after-work drinks when they were both cautiously circling each other and trying to figure out the next move. They had gone down a road of heavier conversation—tension with Stabler, his perceived hostility toward SVU, and, of course, her arrest. At one point he put his hand over hers and held it firmly.

"None of it was personal," he had said, "I know it seemed like it was, but I couldn't, in that job, let any feelings get in the way. And, as a result, everyone was guilty until proven innocent in my eyes. That's how I operated. For a long time. And once I let myself get into that mindset, it was easier just to stay there."

His sentences were thoughtful and were delivered slowly, so the hand-grab lasted for over a minute rather than a few seconds. Olivia remembered her eyes moving back and forth from his eyes to their hands and being both nervous and relieved he'd taken the next baby step. She turned her wrist over so she could reciprocate.

"I know that wasn't an apology," she said, "Not that an apology for doing your job is necessary, but…I understand. And all's forgiven." She almost kissed him then. From the look on his face, he almost kissed her, too. But the atmosphere of the loud, crowded, dive cop bar stopped them both and they reluctantly released one another's hands. Nevertheless, unsure-of-himself, sincere Ed had been revealed, and the mutual attraction was undeniable.

Ed whispering in her ear brought her back to the present, but, as it turned out, he'd been enjoying his own trip down memory lane.

"I love this feeling," he said, "So good to be here with you. Hold you. It reminds me of the first morning we woke up together."

"I remember that," she said softly, "Waking up in your arms, you breathing into my neck, kissing me awake…"

Ed smiled sheepishly, "I didn't know how ya wanted to go about telling Noah…"

"I was nervous. I knew what I wanted. I wanted the perfect world. I wanted you to be exactly what you are now, but I didn't want to scare you away."

"And I was worried I wouldn't be able to convince you I wouldn't go away."

Olivia shifted to her back and held his face in her hands. "Thank you for finally convincing me, Ed Tucker."

"You're welcome."

They fell into a liplock that quickly became too hot and too passionate. To calm themselves down, they relocated to the balcony, leaving the sliding door ajar for whichever kid woke up first. Ed made coffee with the in-room machine and set the steaming cups on the tempered glass table.

"Said they got two inches at home last night," he said, "Sure you want to go back?"

"No," she said dryly, "But we have a granddaughter, and Noah's birthday, and Thanksgiving…and I love Christmas in New York," she reached for his hand, "With you."

"Me too," he smirked at her, his eyes sparkling. "And our anniversary. Wonder if we can talk Sarah or Brooke into babysitting that night."

"That's not very nice of us to ask…on New Year's Eve? Maybe Brooke and Sonny will ask us."

"It's _our_ anniversary!"

They both laughed and took their first sips.

"Whatever we do, it'll be good," Ed assured.

"I'm not at all worried, Captain."

Ed gazed into the distance at the boats docked in the lagoon. "We better rent that boat today," he remarked, "Looks like someone's there working. I'll call and reserve. Baby girl can't miss out."

"She does want her Daddy to take her on the water."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "You think by now she knows I'll give her anything she wants?"

"I think so…"

"Uh-oh."

Olivia waved a hand in the air, "But it's not…it's not that she's spoiled, well, maybe they all are," she grinned self-deprecatingly, "It's endearing, really. And it makes me relieved…that our children have a Daddy. A solid, protective, present Dad."

"I know how much that means to you, Liv."

"DA! MAMA!" Little Wyatt grunted and exerted all his strength to open the heavy glass door enough so that he could slither out and onto the balcony. Successful, he toddled out and made a beeline for the slatted railing and babbled about the pool and the waterslide below.

"Gonna go on the boat today, Wyatt," Ed said excitedly.

"BO!"

"Yessir."

"You're the first one up, Mister Wyatt," Olivia cooed, "That almost never happens." Wyatt turned around, grinned, and sprinted into Olivia's legs. She picked him up and smothered his face with kisses. "Mommy loves you, Wyatt Edward. And she really loves these cheeks!" She kissed him more, sending him into a fit of soft morning giggles.

He batted at her hair then squirmed to face the lagoon. "Mamamamamama! DA! BO!"

"Yeah, bud," Ed reached over and mussed Wyatt's hair. "We'll go on the boat as soon as everyone gets up."

"MAG! NO! UP!" Wyatt bent his knees and bounced up and down on Olivia's thighs. "BO!"

Olivia turned to Ed and grinned, "We may need to make room in the beach house budget for a boat," she said, only half-joking.

Ed, however, was serious in his reply. "I definitely think we can swing it."

….

 **#Tuckson**

Dear Guest Who Keeps Asking About An "Early 7 Chapters" Story: If you're not logged in, I cannot respond to you. Also, I'm not sure which story to which you're referring! All of mine are posted. Thanks for reading!


	92. Chapter 92

**Ninety-two**.

They had been away only four nights, but waking up at home in their bed in New York disoriented Olivia. She had become used to the hotel sheets—stiffer than their set and faintly smelling of bleach—and being cognizant of her children's close proximity when she rolled over to close the distance deep sleep had created between herself and Ed. It took her a minute or so to get her bearings. Their open but unpacked suitcase rested on the ottoman, spilling over with clothes from their late-night search for toothbrushes. The jeans and sweatshirts they'd reluctantly donned at the airport had been tossed near the bathroom door. Last night, Ed had wasted no time taking advantage of being back at home in their bedroom.

Thinking of his energy and the gusto with which he approached last night's sex, Olivia smiled, shivered slightly, and plastered her naked body to Ed's.

"Hey Captain," she purred in his ear. "Happy Thanksgiving."

 _Captain_ had taken on a second meaning due to the previous morning's Pontoon boat ride around the lagoon. For Ed and Olivia, the small area they had to navigate was almost comical, but the three kids considered the ride as an adventure on the high seas. Noah called the lagoon the ocean and the boat a pirate ship; he narrated a story Ed recognized as similar to the the plot of one of the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies.

"Daddy, you Captain and I'll be Captain, too," he said, "Wyatt can be da Com'dore and Maggie…MAGGIE!" Noah rushed from stern to bow where Olivia was holding Maggie. She was shrieking in delight.

"Magg! BO!" She chanted over and over alternately straining to look into the water and bouncing in Olivia's lap.

"Yes, sweet girl, we're on the boat," Olivia said, "Let's tell Daddy thank you for taking us!" Olivia coaxed something that sounded like "Thank You, Dada" from Maggie and kissed her head.

"You're welcome, Maggie May," Ed called out, keeping his eyes on the water.

"Maggie!" Noah exclaimed, "You need a job on dis boat! We haveta find da treasure chest!"

Olivia hugged her bulky, life-jacketed daughter. "Maybe she can be the navigator?" She suggested, "She loves to look and see what's out there."

"Good idea, Mommy," Noah said, putting his body in the middle of Maggie's view, "Maggs, you tell us if you see da treasure. Wyatt, you stay right there in da chair. You watch for bad guys! I help Daddy."

During the ride, Olivia took pictures of the kids as they took turns steering with Ed's assistance. They killed the engine and dropped anchor for a while, ate snacks, and posed for more photographs. Olivia propped her phone against the console, set the timer, and a burst of family photos was captured with their resort as the backdrop.

"Perfect," she said as she reviewed the images, "Absolutely perfect."

Ed finally mumbled something in response to Olivia's advances. She gently bit his earlobe and smirked when she felt him shiver. "I am so thankful for you," she intoned. "So, so, thankful." She rubbed his hip then let her hand drift to his burgeoning erection. " _Mmmmm_. I was about to give up."

"Don't do that, baby," He turned and faced her. Eyes half open, he played with her hair and smirked. " _I'm_ thankful…I have a woman like you to wake me up for sex," eyes fully open now, he kissed her, "I'm the only man in the entire world who gets you. I'm So. Damn. Lucky."

They fell into a tender yet somewhat rushed version of their typical predawn lovemaking, for the real focus of the day was Noah and his "Turkey Day" Birthday. Even abbreviated, they lay panting afterwards and remained tangled together under the sheets until the first signs of light appeared on the other side of the window blinds.

"I'm going to shower," Olivia said. She kissed the tip of Ed's nose. He was breathing steadily and heavily now and falling back asleep. Nevertheless, in a slurred voice, he asked if she wanted him to join her. "Always," she replied, "But you sleep. I'll get cleaned up and see about the birthday boy."

After showering Olivia towel-dried her hair, pulled it into a clip and threw on sweats. Ed was sleeping soundly, and she saw the twins stirring but not yet fully awake. On the way to the kitchen, she peeked in at Noah just as his eyes were cautiously fluttering open. Like his mother, he seemed surprised to wake up in his own bed.

Olivia snuggled in next to him. "Good morning, sweet boy," she whispered, "Happy Birthday!"

Noah smiled lazily and wrapped his arms around her middle.

"Six years old," she said, "My sweet Noah is _six_!"

"Yeah," Noah sighed. "Now I'm six like Mia…"

Olivia held him for a while longer, allowing Noah to wake up slowly and completely before she said the rest of what she'd been planning to say.

"Mommy?" Noah asked in his wide-awake, chipper voice, "Why Turkey Day change and birthdays don't?"

"Because Turkey Day is always the fourth Thursday in November," Olivia explained, "And your birthday is always November twenty-eighth. So, if we look at the calendar, we count four Thursdays, but we always look for the twenty-eighth for your birthday."

" _Ohhh_ …"

"But this is special, sweet Noah, your birthday and Thanksgiving on the same day, honey, because Thanksgiving means we think about everything and everyone we love and we say how happy we are for those things and those people. And that means _thankful_." Olivia sat up so she could look Noah in the eyes, "Noah, I am _so_ thankful for you, so thankful you're my son. You made me a Mommy," Olivia paused to fight tears, "And I will forever be thankful for that."

Noah cocked his head and used an index finger to wipe away a single tear that had escaped from his mother's eyes.

"Thank you, sweetie."

"You welcome." Noah studied her face. "You have lotsa freckles."

"From the Florida sun," Olivia said. She touched his cheeks, "You got more, too."

Noah's palms flew to his cheeks. "I did?"

"Yes you did."

"Mommy and me both have freckles!"

"Yes sweetie," Olivia pulled him into her lap and she reclined against the headboard. "Sometimes, Noah, I sit back and reflect—"

"—what reflect?"

Olivia smiled. Noah was so precocious, she often used words he didn't understand, but he always interrupted for clarification.

"—it means I think about really hard," she checked his face for comprehension and he nodded. "I reflect about when it was just you and me in our house. Do you remember that at all?"

"I 'member," Noah replied softly, "Cause Daddy didn't live there with us. And my room was small. And we didn't have Maggie and Wyatt and I had Lucy! Where Lucy?"

"She graduated from college and lives in England now. That's sort of by Paris where we went with Daddy. Someday we'll see her again."

"Lucy's nice," Noah said, "She always take me to the park!"

"Yes."

"But if she comes back, we haveta tell her we have Maggs and Wyatt!"

"We'll tell her, sweetheart. I bet she would love to meet them." Olivia kissed the top of Noah's head and redirected the conversation. Their one-on-one talks often concluded with tales of the twins. Noah usually was responsible for including them, but Olivia still worried about depriving Noah of attention. "Your first few birthdays it was just you and me," she continued. "Well, we had some of Mommy's friends over, but at the end of the day, it was just us. And on all those birthdays…I thought about how big and smart you were getting and I was so proud of you. And thankful, like today. But this year, you know what makes me most thankful about you, sweetheart?"

"What?" Noah slapped a beat on the tops of Olivia's hand as he patiently listened.

"That you love so many people and so many things. You love to learn. You love your friends and your brother and sisters, you love Sofia and Aidan—"

"—and Mommy and Daddy!"

Olivia laughed gently, "—and Mommy and Daddy. And you love your trains and your art and playing outside…you love Manhattan and you love the beach and Florida…"

"YepIdo!"

"I want you to always love things, okay?"

"Kay."

"I want you to love your life, sweet boy. There's so much to do and see…whatever you want…there's nothing we won't do for you to help make all your dreams come true."

"Kay, Mommy."

Realizing she was going overboard, Olivia reined in the sentimentality. "So," she said brightly, "What does my six-year-old want for breakfast?"

Noah twisted his lips and contemplated the question.

"Would you like to go out to a restaurant?"

"No," he replied cheerfully, "I want da cin'min cereal! Cin'min Toast CRUNCH!"

Olivia kissed his head and smiled at the simple yet enthusiastic request. "Then, Cinnamon Toast Crunch it is! Should we all have that?"

"Sure! But those babies love their waffles!"

"They do…"

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"You gonna have more twins?"

"Oh no, sweet boy," Olivia said through soft laughter, "No more babies for me."

….

The Tuckers arrived fashionably late at Caroline's home, and as soon as the crowd caught sight of Noah, they broke into a rendition of _For He's A Jolly Good Fellow_. Noah grinned shyly and fidgeted, uncomfortable yet flattered with the sudden burst of attention. In their parents' arms, Maggie and Wyatt looked around curiously. When placed on their feet, both twins clung to Olivia's legs.

"Happy, happy birthday, Noah!" Caroline rushed over and gave the birthday boy a bear hug, "What are you? Eighteen? Nineteen?"

" _Six_ , Gramma Care-line!" Noah held up six fingers, "Gotta use two hands now!"

"Well, that is fantastic." Caroline showered her affections on the other Tuckers and ushered them into the living room. Ed's sister and brother were there along with their children and a handful of other more distant relatives. Brooke and Sarah were on the loveseat with Sofia. Outside, Sonny and Justin were manning the smoker.

"I'm not sure they exactly know what they're doing," Caroline said with a shrug, "But you know turkey isn't really up my alley anyway."

Olivia inhaled deeply, "You made pot roast, too, didn't you?" She asked with a knowing grin.

"Of course! I know how much everyone loves it! Turkey is for the birds…well…it is a bird. Who likes to eat birds? The British, that's who! And we are not British!"

Ed lovingly rolled his eyes. He and Olivia went over to hug Sarah and Brooke.

"How was the trip?" Brooke asked. She placed Sofia in Ed's waiting arms. He cradled her for a few minutes before handing the baby over to Olivia. He knew she was anxious for some baby time.

"Awesome," Ed replied.

Sarah burst into laughter. " _Awesome_? Daddy, you have never, ever said that word before."

He shot her a playful glare. "Yes I have."

"Okayyyyy. Noey! Noey Boey, come here!"

Noah heaved himself into Sarah's lap. He'd already removed his hunter green sweater and was down to a white oxford and tan slacks. Caroline's house was always hot.

"You did not bring back sunshine," Sarah scolded, pretending to be serious. "I specifically requested sunshine."

"But I did, Sare Bear," Noah dug into his pocket and produced a bright yellow sunshine-shaped key chain with Sarah's name on it and the Walt Disney logo on the back. "Here da sun!"

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Brooke's eyes filled with tears.

Sarah squeezed Noah and kissed all over his head.

"He picked it out himself," Olivia said. She had her cheek pressed to Sofia's and was swaying around the room.

"And we got a Minnie Mouse for Sofia and these little glasses for everrone!"

Brooke's tears spilled over, but she started laughing. "Shot glasses?" She asked Ed.

"Yep," he said, "He found all our names. Except Sonny. We had to get that one done special."

"I can't believe you let him get shot glasses."

"They _verrry_ small," Noah explained, "For when you jus' want a little drink and you're not too thirsty. We got some other stuff, too, but Mommy said we couldn't bring it all here. But, but, Mommy, where's da thing for Gramma?"

"In the twins' bag, sweetheart."

Noah found the Disney-themed oven mitts and took them to Caroline who had retreated back to the kitchen.

"Noah tall enough to go on the rides?" John asked.

"Yeah," Ed replied, "All of 'em. Pretty tame at Magic Kingdom…I didn't remember. But he loved Space Mountain, threw his hands in the air and everything. Then there was a Buzz Lightyear ride with lasers you could shoot…he went on that over and over again trying to beat his high score…" Ed rambled on about the trip and sipped beer with his brother and his nephew who he hadn't seen in some time. Their bewildered expressions amused Olivia. His second round of fatherhood still occasionally mystified his family.

Noah reappeared quickly. Caroline had shooed him away because she wanted to keep the birthday cake a surprise until after dinner. "Mommy, I gotta get my coat and mittens and shoes," he said, "Gramma say I haveta help Justy and Sonny."

"Okay, sweet boy. Need some help?"

"No, I can do it."

Maggie and Wyatt were still at Olivia's side. Maggie started fussing and asking to be picked up, and Wyatt promptly joined in. Sarah and Brooke each took a twin and snuggled them in their laps.

"You don't like Mommy holding another baby?" Sarah asked Maggie. She bopped her nose and retracted her finger before Maggie could grab it. The game sent Maggie into a fit of giggles.

"It seems she does not," Olivia said. "Funny thing…Noah asked me this morning if we were going to have more twins."

"Are you?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed.

Brooke elbowed her and answered for Olivia, " _No_."

"I would like Olivia to answer, Brookey."

"That would be a no," Olivia said. "No more babies for us. The next babies are all you two."

"You know what's gonna happen, right?" Sarah asked rhetorically, "You and Brooke have the nicest, most mild-mannered kids and I'm gonna have terrors. I've been spoiled. Sofia hardly ever cries. And when she does it's not really a scream—"

"—come over at three a.m.," Brooke interjected.

"—My babies will probably be colicky and bratty and awful." Sarah started laughing uncontrollably, "But you all better be sweet to them!"

Outside on the deck, Justin and Sonny were joined by Noah and Ed, and the four of them tried to determine whether or not the smoker was doing what it was supposed to do.

"Doesn't seem like the temp is going up at all," Sonny said, peering at the meat thermometer. "But then again Caroline said she never uses it so it could be broken."

"I feel heat," Justin said, running his palm along the oval-shaped exterior, "The turkey looks raw, though."

"How long's she had it in?" Ed asked.

"Said John put it in this morning."

"That turkey does NOT look done," Noah added.

Ed poked the bird, "It's warm…maybe we should stop opening it?" He pulled out his phone and searched for instructions, "Yeah, this says the meat isn't to be disturbed while it's in there."

"Shit," Sonny said and immediately glanced at Noah, "Oops, sorry, well, we've been opening and closing it since we got here."

"Let's turn the temp up and leave it alone," Ed suggested. "Nice out here though. Glad she decided to do this." He looked up at the awning and its retractable sides which created the effect of an enclosed porch. Ed also caught sight of his mother's trusty ashtray. It had been cleaned and tucked between two empty flowerpots, but its mere presence indicated she had not been sticking to her vow to quit. At any rate, if his mother lived well into her eighties as a lifelong smoker, perhaps he had longevity on his side. He pulled Noah into a quick side hug. "How's the birthday boy?"

"Gramma Care-line said I hada get OUT of da kitchen! She said my cake in there but I can't see it yet!"

"She probably has presents stashed somewhere too," Carisi said.

Noah rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"We brought a couple of your presents, Noah," Justin said, "But there's a big one we couldn't take all the way out here…"

Noah's eyes widened. "What is it?"

"It's a surprise!"

"How big?"

"Not telling."

Noah continued interrogating Justin about the large present. The men sipped beer and Noah drank the hot chocolate Caroline delivered to him. They resisted the urge to check the turkey, and resigned themselves to the fact the smoker experiment may end up in failure.

"If you really want turkey, I'm sure my mom will have leftovers," Justin said.

"You going there later?" Ed asked.

"Yeah."

"Semester over for you?"

"Two more weeks. Then one more semester and I'm done." Justin ran down his post-graduate options. They were numerous and varied, ranging from social work to opening a nonprofit in his old neighborhood, to going right back to school on a PhD path.

"You gonna stop bein' EMT, Justy?" Noah asked.

"Not for a while."

The screen door screeched and Caroline's voice rang out, "Is that bird ready?"

"I don't think so, Ma."

"We're eating in an hour."

"And we may not be eating turkey."

"Fine with me. Are you going to come in and join the rest of us? Or are you staying out here with boys club?"

"On our way, in, Ma."

…..

The family had to be divided between the main dining table and a folding table set up in the family room, but before everyone took their seats, Ed proposed a toast. He thanked his mother for preparing the meal, and talked about how good it was to have the whole family in one place for the holiday, particularly his nieces and nephews who lived out of state. Then he turned to Noah who was beaming and holding up his own glass full of sparkling grape juice.

"Finally, cheers and happy birthday to Noah. Bud, I am so thankful you're my son, and I am so proud of you."

Ed's voice cracked slightly. Hearing this, Noah put down his glass, climbed off his chair, and jumped into Ed's arms. Olivia unfolded her napkin and mopped her tears. Noah finished squeezing Ed's neck and scrunched up his face at the silence.

"Da toast over?"

Polite, soft laughter filled the room.

"Almost, bud. You want to say anything?"

"I want to say…" he twisted his lips and gathered his thoughts, "…I want to say…I'm verrry hungry! We should really eat!"

More laughter ensued.

"Alright bud," Ed held up his glass, "Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!"

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"

Noah did not take a drink. Something outside distracted him. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"I think da turkey's on fire!"

Everyone leaned forward for a glimpse of what Noah saw. Sure enough, on the deck, a steady stream of thick, grayish smoke seeped through the slit between the cover and the smoker's main compartment.

"Dammit, Eddie, Johnny, Justin…" Caroline rattled off all the male names in the room. "Get the fire extinguisher."

"I think it's okay," Sonny said, "I think it's _supposed_ to do that."

Sarah was cracking up. "Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"MOKE!" Wyatt shouted, "Mamama! MOKE!"

Ed put Noah down and trailed his hand along Olivia's lower back as he shuffled around the crowded table on his way to the deck. Armed with the fire extinguisher, he, Justin, and Sonny went out to see if they could salvage the turkey.

"Good thing I made that damn pot roast," Caroline muttered good-naturedly. "Now. Who needs more wine?"

….

 **#Tuckson**


	93. Chapter 93

**Ninety-three**.

The cake was enormous and prepared solely by Caroline. Thick swaths of her famous buttercream frosting separated chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla layers. On top she had written _Happy Birthday, Noah_ in careful cursive, and Noah deciphered the script slowly and deliberately then announced he wanted to learn to write that way. Ed lit the six blue candles, and everyone sang _Happy Birthday_. Noah stared into the flames and readied himself for the moment he would take a deep breath and hopefully extinguish the small blaze in one shot.

At the end of the song, at Olivia's prompting, he closed his eyes and made his silent wish. Later, before Sarah and Justin left to spend the second half of the day with Justin's family, she asked what he'd wished for. Noah frowned and sharply reminded her that birthday wishes would not come true if vocalized.

"Sorry, Noey Boey!" She said brightly. "I forgot you were a rule follower!"

Noah bear hugged Sarah and Justin. "When I get your big present?"

"It's from Sonny and Brookey and Aidan and Sofia, too," Justin said, "And, um, whaddya doin tomorrow?" He directed the question at Ed and Olivia.

"I'm going in to work for a few hours," Olivia said, "But I hopefully won't be there late. Can we bring you dinner?"

Sarah puffed out her cheeks, "Not sure I'll be hungry yet, but sure. Brookey? Dinner tomorrow night? Sof on the balcony?"

"Sure." Brooke patted Sonny's arm, "That okay?"

"Yeah, maybe Lieu and I'll get to leave at the same time."

"Depends on how big a mess you left me," Olivia joked.

Carisi assured her the workload was manageable, but also stressed Rollins was ready for a break. The mention of Amanda's name made Sarah twitch, but Brooke took it in stride. She cuddled Sofia and didn't seem affected at all.

Before Sarah and Justin departed for Soundview, Noah opened his presents from Caroline. They were wrapped in blue metallic paper and expertly stacked from widest to narrowest and held together by a green ribbon. Noah grinned at the presentation, cocked his head, and hugged Caroline's legs. "You love green and blue, Gramma Care-line."

"The colors of our heritage, Noah. The Irish love green and blue."

"I Irish?"

"Yes you are," Caroline replied without hesitation, "And open the first one, the little one."

Noah tore into the paper, opened the box, and held up a small beaded bracelet.

"It's Connemara marble," Caroline said, "Your Mom has one. It's four million years old." Caroline's older grandchildren disguised their eye rolls as she continued, "It will not break, but it might get too small. So, there's another one in there, a bigger one, you wear that when you're older."

Transfixed by the earthy, greenish-brown beads, Noah murmured his thanks. "This a really nice bracelet," he murmured, holding it in the air then slipping it on his right wrist.

He was ignoring the other gifts, so Caroline swatted the air in front of him. "Keep going, sweetheart."

Next was a hardcover volume entitled _The Children's Book of Irish Folktales_. It was obviously not new and Olivia cringed, waiting for questions, but Noah simply opened the book and flipped pages.

"That's your Daddy's book," Caroline explained, "I don't know if he ever read it, but it was always on his night table."

"I read some," Ed mumbled, sounding defensive.

Noah hugged the book to his chest, "Dis a good book. I know howta read, so I read it everrnight and read to Maggs and Wyatt!"

Ed stepped closer to Olivia and slid his arm around her waist. He knew moments like this—chock full of family history and lore—meant more to her than anyone else and he wanted to make sure her tears were only those of pure joy.

"What kid thinks about his little brother and sister on his birthday?" Olivia rhetorically whispered in his ear.

"One more, Noah," Caroline urged.

The final box was extremely heavy and everyone familiar with Noah's interests predicted it contained trains. Sure enough, he ripped open the paper and bellowed, "WHOAH!" He had been given the Brio Builder Deluxe Set and held the box at arm's length in awe.

"Think you can do something fun with that?" Caroline asked.

"REALLY FUN, GRAMMA!" Noah fought to open the box, abandoned it to hug her, and went back to breaking through the heavy tape and cardboard. He babbled away about what he could make with the new parts. The curious twins wandered over and watched in awe as Noah started snapping pieces together. He constructed a small car and handed it to Wyatt.

"There ya go, Wyatt," Noah said encouragingly. Wyatt rolled the car along the carpet. He and Maggie competed for the toy. "Share dat one for a second," Noah said, "I makin' another one."

Nearby, Olivia and Ed stood and watched their children play. Ed took hold of her wrist and whispered in her ear, "Help me a minute out back?"

They had stored their gift to Noah—a shiny red-and-black two-wheeler to replace his current "baby bike"—in Caroline's garage. Agreeing it was cruel to give a kid a bicycle and not allow him to immediately take it for a spin, Ed had it assembled and delivered to his mother's house.

"Sure."

He took her hand and they slipped out the back door. Alone in the garage, Ed used the opportunity to sneak a few kisses before they affixed the gigantic bow to the handlebars.

"You havin' a good day?" He asked softly and confidently, for he already knew the answer.

"Yes. One of the best days."

Ed tucked a section of hair behind her ear. "I love you all the time," he said, "But I really love seein' you this happy."

"Get used to it," she said, grinning.

"Absolutely." Ed turned to the bike and hoisted it in the air. "No training wheels," he said, "We'll see how this goes."

Noah reacted to the gift much like he'd reacted to his first Christmas bike—with a combination of shock and enthusiastic anticipation. He straddled the frame, gripped the handlebars, and squeezed the hand brakes. He rolled back and forth, the new rubber tires grinding against the concrete.

"Wanna take it for a ride, bud?"

"Yeah," Noah said slowly, taking note of the lack of training wheels. "Gotta balance."

Ed helped Noah onto the seat. He could still touch the ground which boosted his confidence. He pushed off on the upper pedal and zoomed down the driveway. When he slowed he wobbled, so Noah pedaled furiously down the sidewalk and Ed jogged alongside. The family had congregated outside without coats, so they went back inside. Olivia and Ed took turns next to Noah and, by the time darkness fell, he was close to being able to ride independently. By spring, they would be ready for family bike rides.

"I still gonna ride da scooter," Noah said as they secured the bike in the back of their SUV, "But I ride da bike more, cause I can go faster!"

"Good plan, bud." Ed pressed the button and the rear hatch closed.

"Didja lock it?" Noah asked.

"Sure did."

Satisfied the bike was secure, Noah skipped inside and immediately asked for another helping of birthday cake.

…

When Ed and Olivia finally brought their brood home it was past everyone's bedtime. Maggie and Wyatt had already been dressed in their pajamas at Caroline's, and she had rocked them to sleep in the upstairs bedroom. During brief periods of silence, her lullabies could be heard downstairs. The twins did not stir when Ed strapped them in the car seats or when Olivia unbuckled them. Ed, Olivia, and Noah spoke in hushed voices in the elevator, and the first order of business upon entering their home was to tuck the babies in bed.

"Okay sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "You're next."

Ed had already collapsed on the couch. He motioned for Noah to come over and bear-hugged him. "Didja have a great Turkey Day birthday, bud?"

"It's was grrrrreat!" Noah replied in a sleepy voice. "I blowed—blew—out all da candles and rode da bike and, _oh_! Daddy, I didn't read da book to Maggs and Wyatt!"

"You can do that tomorrow."

" _Okayyyy_."

"I love you, pal," Ed hugged Noah once more and kissed his head, "Happy Birthday."

"Love you, Daddy."

Olivia scooped Noah into her arms and supervised his pre-bedtime routine. He carefully brushed his teeth and swished mouthwash. He smiled in the mirror and announced, "Chompers all clean!"

Olivia tucked him in and sat down next to him. "Which story would you like?"

"I read to you," Noah said, "From da book from Gramma Care-line."

"I'd like that."

With Olivia's assistance, Noah read one of the folktales. She thought he would attempt a second one, but he yawned and mumbled, "My eyes are tired."

"Okay honey," she said. "Time for sleep." Olivia hugged and kissed him. "Happy, happy birthday, sweet Noah. I love you so much. I'm so glad we got to spend this perfect day together."

"Me too, Mommy. I love you."

Olivia blinked back tears on her way out of the room. There were very words more comforting and heartwarming than her son's _I love yous_. In the living room she found Ed conked out, snoring softly, his face and mouth twitching like he was in the middle of an intense dream. She left him there while she unpacked the twins' things and completed a few nightly chores. Every couple of minutes she glanced at Ed and smiled. Thanksgiving had sent him into a deep slumber.

 _Ed straightened Noah's bow tie, stood behind his son, and smirked proudly at their reflection in the mirror. Ever the stickler about his appearance, Noah was clean-shaven and his hair sharply coiffed. Unlike many of his friends, Noah had not gone through a stage of rebellious hairstyles or scruffy beards. Yet today, his wedding day, his neat appearance shone with added luster._

" _Sure you won't read my vows?"_

" _No bud. First time you read them…that's the time."_

" _I'm nervous."_

" _Normal."_

" _Were you nervous?"_

" _Hell yes," he laughed reassuringly, "But a good nervous. I couldn't wait to marry your mother, start our life together. Simple things…wake up with her there, say my wife, buy the wife birthday card, have that guarantee…"_

 _Noah grinned slyly, "You woke up with her before she was your wife."_

" _It's different. You'll see."_

" _Mom gonna make it today?"_

 _Ed pictured Olivia nervously waiting in the vestibule with Maggie and Wyatt and the other members of the wedding party. She and Noah had eaten breakfast together earlier, and Olivia insisted this particular moment belong to him and Ed._

" _She will," Ed replied, "We're both so happy for the two of you."_

" _Dad, I…" Noah's voice cracked. "I want you to know, I hope, no, I will be as good a husband and eventually as good a father as you are. You always say…you're just doing your job, but you're way too humble. I don't…I don't remember life without you in it, but I know the story. I know…I'm incredibly lucky, I got lucky twice with mom and then you, two amazing parents, and you…every day you showed me how to be a good man."_

Ed smiled as he woke up. Olivia was standing over him, smiling back lovingly. She held out her hand.

"Ready for bed, Captain?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, squeezing her fingers and allowing her to pull him into a standing position. "Always ready to get in bed with you, Lieutenant."

…

November, in general, was typically a slow time for SVU, and the Friday after Thanksgiving was almost always uneventful. Olivia used the morning to update herself on everything that had transpired while she was on vacation. She cleared her email inbox and paged through files. Nothing in particular caught her eye until she read Rollins' report of the young woman who had come in seeking help for her sister who, according to the older sibling, was trapped in their Borough Park Hasidic community. Rollins' last remark was, _referred to Brooklyn SVU_.

Olivia summoned Fin into her office and waved the manila folder in the air. "What was this? About the sister who came in?"

"Oh, yeah," Fin replied dismissively, "Not much we can do about that. Brooklyn, and, the younger sister's a minor…"

"Kind of thin on the details," Olivia remarked.

Fin shrugged and repeated his previous response.

"No contact info for her?"

"Anything we have it's in there."

Olivia pressed her lips together in a prim smile, but her displeasure was not lost on Fin. He spun on his heel and left, knowing the Lieutenant's next move was to call Brooklyn.

…..

"This seat taken?" Ed ran his hand along Olivia's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "You know what always fascinates me about you?"

"What's that?"

"How you can be this gorgeous after a day at work."

Grinning, Olivia replied, "I didn't work too hard today to be honest."

"Doesn't matter," Ed hoisted himself on the barstool next to hers, ordered a drink, and gripped her thigh with his free hand. "You always look beautiful," he said, gazing into her eyes, and added for emphasis, " _Always_."

Olivia pretended to be immune to his flirting and sipped her wine casually, though she did plant an initial kiss on his lips. While she was at the precinct, Ed arranged for Noah and the twins to spend a couple of hours with Sarah, Brooke, and Sofia. Sarah and Brooke spent the day together shopping and hanging out with the baby and were more than happy to entertain the three little Tuckers at Sarah's Union Square pad so Ed could have an impromptu dinner date with Olivia. Noah was more than happy to visit since his final birthday gift was there, but Sarah and Brooke wouldn't let him open it until Justin got home.

Ed glanced at the specials board and caught a glimpse of the mounted flat screen. "You gotta be kidding me," he muttered in response to what he saw on the local news channel.

Olivia's eyes drifted to the screen and she echoed Ed's sentiment.

 _Rebirth of Values at St. Fabiola's_

They read the captions. Students, teachers, and members of the clergy raved about how well the church and school rebounded and gained trust after the scandal that rocked both secular and non-secular parts of the city. Students were enrolled in Advanced Placement courses and taking advantage of study abroad opportunities; culpable faculty and staff had been replaced. New administrators had successfully implemented a progressive vision, and more students than ever before were graduating and embarking on college or career paths.

Olivia rolled her eyes.

Ed grabbed her hand.

"Have you…have you spoken to Eugene at all since then?"

"Nope."

She turned away from the television and saw Ed's jaw stiffen. His entire body and aura went into IAB mode.

"Hey," she said softly and kissed his cheek, "Long time ago. It's over."

"Yeah but…doesn't take much for that bitter taste to come back," he muttered, "For that dread, that pit in my stomach that it was all goin' so great and then…"

"I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to take them all down together," Olivia said, trying to counter his gloom, "I remember telling Nina…saying to her, _'Tucker and I'_ and it felt so good to say that. So good to be on the same team. And also…and also be falling in love with you."

Nothing in Ed's memory resembled anything close to what she was describing. In addition to being furious and betrayed, he had been plagued with the nagging feeling that Olivia would abandon him. By that time they had ironed out the rough patches from the past, but Ed still worried he hadn't completely convinced her he was honest, honorable, and worthy of her loyalty.

"You were gonna go to bat for me," he murmured, "No question about it you were gonna get justice, fix it…I was so pissed but so flattered that you'd be willing to go to those lengths…for me. I wanted to tell you that night at the bar…when you told me Barba knew about us, I wanted to tell you I loved you, tell you how much I appreciated you being on my side…but I couldn't…I was shocked."

Olivia stroked the top of his hand with her thumb. "I knew," she said. "It was shocking for me too…how everything imploded…how we were both presumed guilty…" She intently gazed back at him, "We were all we had…there was no point when I ever considered abandoning you."

The tension left Ed's body and he leaned in for a kiss that was borderline too intimate for a restaurant bar. "The whole thing…it's why I don't believe in signs. People who believe in that kinda stuff…woulda quit."

Olivia took a breath and smirked naughtily. Ed caught on to what she was thinking. Prior to the church fiasco, he and Olivia had been spending most of their free time together both with Noah and out on dates. Their sexual appetites for one another were voracious and, more than once, they skipped after dinner drinks in favor of an extra hour or so at his place, or, more recently, nightcaps at Olivia's.

"No way I wanted to quit," she said. Suddenly, her eyes clouded over and her voice turned doleful. "But then..I—"

"— _Stop_ ," Ed interjected.

Olivia took his hand again. "That time in my life…after we got back from Paris…was set up so perfectly…but ended up making no sense."

Ed had zero interest in dredging up their split. "Now everything makes sense," he said, smirking.

"It does."

"Got an anniversary comin' up…Christmas…and we buy our beach house…"

"Yeah."

They swapped a few more kisses. Olivia's phone vibrating and the bartender asking about refills interrupted them almost simultaneously. Ed ordered another round. Olivia burst into laughter.

"What's goin' on?"

"Well, Justin got home," she said slowly, pausing for effect before showing him the photo that arrived seconds earlier. "And Noah…has a guitar."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	94. Chapter 94

**Ninety-four**.

 _The second half of the story is all JennBenson! Thanks, JB. I heart it when you write my stories!_

Having polished off a bottle of wine and a dessert port each, Ed and Olivia were a tad tipsy when they left the bistro and began the ten-block walk to Sarah's building. For dinner they shared three small plates. Ed loved sharing anything and everything with her, but sharing food always took him back to the time when their relationship started to evolve into something more than two weary cops accidentally-on-purpose bumping into each other. One time, shortly after she'd legally taken custody of Noah, they met for a drink at a dive bar, the menu of which consisted of potato chips and unshelled peanuts. Since it was early, Ed suggested they relocate to a nearby Irish pub. It was popular with tourists but close and convenient, so Olivia agreed. It had been their first official meal together—Irish spring rolls and short rib sliders—and Ed especially enjoyed the fact that utensils weren't needed. It was innocent, simple intimacy, but it meant the world to Ed.

After they moved on from the St. Fabiola's news, their familiar easy banter returned. They wondered what they had done for Sarah and Brooke to buy Noah a guitar.

"At least it's acoustic," Olivia had pointed out.

They talked more about the beach house hunt and decided they would take a few days after Christmas to view properties if the plan worked with their real estate agent. There had been a steady stream of interest in Ed's apartment and all signs indicated it would sell quickly. At one point the bartender complimented their tans and asked where they'd been.

"Disney with our kids," Ed answered proudly.

"Picked a great time. It was awful here," the bartender replied, "Cold and snow. Hope that's not what the rest of winter has in store for us." He delivered more drinks and darted to the opposite end of the bar.

Ed leaned over and whispered in Olivia's ear. "I wanna have a bunch of cold, snowy nights with you on the couch."

As usual, his gravelly voice sent shivers down her spine. Although she cherished every moment with her children, she wished she had the nerve to ask one of the girls to host the kids for the night. Instead, she suggested another getaway. "Maybe…sometime this winter…we can rent a cabin or go to a resort…with a fireplace…get the full cold, snowy experience?"

"I love the way you think, Liv."

At that point, Olivia insisted they begin wrapping up date night. Ed's charm and sex appeal were getting the better of her were commensurate with intoxication. His eyes were so intense she had trouble meeting his gaze for more than a few seconds at a time. To anyone else, his attire was unremarkable, but the way his sweater hugged his chest and biceps made Olivia see right through the garments. Then there was his voice—that deep, raspy, loving voice. Olivia still sometimes chuckled to herself when she heard Ed play with the kids and utter lines such as "Maggs, here's your baby" and "Imma get those cheeks, Wyatt." Never in a million years did she think his voice could ever sound so paternal.

Or so sexy.

She slipped her arm around his waist and they walked the entire way practically glued together. At intersections Ed kissed her head and scanned the heavy pedestrian traffic that never seemed to disperse around Union Square. Swaths of people entered and exited stores and weaved through one another without collisions and without barely a brush of an arm. Ed pulled Olivia even closer. He never wanted to let her go.

…..

Seated on Sarah's sofa, Noah strummed away on the acoustic guitar that seemed to have been fitted especially for him. The instrument itself was from Sarah and Justin, and Brooke and Sonny had gifted him with a leather strap emblazoned with the letters of his name, a train, the Sagittarius sign, a skyscraper, and an artist's palette. When Ed and Olivia arrived he greeted them hastily and promptly continued playing. Wyatt and Maggie, mesmerized and interested, stood in front of Noah and tapped their hands on the couch cushions. Sofia had been in her bouncy seat, but Ed scooped her up.

"It actually sounds like he's playing something," Olivia said under her breath.

"Justin taught him a couple of chords," Sarah said proudly as she leaned into her fiancé.

"Then I left him alone," Justin said, "With music…don't wanna make it all about technique. My friend Salim plays in a band and he's totally self-taught. Never had a lesson. Has an ear…" he kissed Sarah's cheek, "Like this one with languages."

Had Ed not been the object of others' eye rolls, he would have balked a little at Justin's sweet PDA. Instead, he patted Olivia's behind and asked her if she wanted a drink.

"Omigod," Sarah gasped, "I'm sorry, I am _so_ rude!" She darted to her wine rack, "Here, Livvie, we'll open this."

Brooke eyed the wine. "Will you pour me one? A tiny one?"

"Sure, sis."

"So we set the date for the Baptism," Brooke said as she tentatively sipped her wine, "The Sunday after Christmas. Is that okay? I thought it was too close to the holidays, but Sonny said it was good…everyone will be around…"

Olivia patted the top of Brooke's hand, "I think it's perfect."

"Okay," Brooke said, smiling with relief, "It'll be small anyway, well, for us. The Carisis will all be there. And I mean… _all_. At least his mom is planning everything. I don't get it…really."

Sarah made a smacking noise and waved a hand in the air, "It's just an excuse to eat and drink," she said, "And I'm glad they're planning everything. I loooove the Carisi's food." She batted her eyes at Justin, "But not as much as your mom's."

"Oh for God's sake," Brooke snickered.

"Careful, Brookey," Sarah warned and playfully made the sign of the cross.

"Oh, you're _so_ Catholic now," Brooke retorted, "I forgot."

She'd intended to deliver the barb playfully, but Justin detected some underlying venom and quickly stepped in. "She'll never be as Catholic as my mom," he said, "She goes to mass on Sundays and every holy day. But, I think, you like Spanish mass?"

"Oh I do," Sarah said, "There's something different about it…other than the language," she quipped and winked at Brooke, "If I happen to be the godmother, I shall embark on making Sofia bilingual."

"Thank you," Brooke said.

Sarah swiftly switched subjects, "When are we shopping? Omigod, we have Sofia _and_ small sister to take with us this year!"

Olivia looked over at her daughter, still transfixed by the guitar music. Every day Maggie seemed more little girl than baby. Her hair was growing longer and getting darker. It naturally fell across her forehead, above her eyebrows and out of her eyes. Her dazzling deep blue eyes were a sharp yet appealing contrast to her increasingly deep olive skin tone. Despite having been slathered in sunblock, none of the Tucker kids could hide the fact they'd been in sunny Florida for five days.

"Maggie," Olivia called, "Come here."

Maggie ran over with her arms out, ready for her mother to pick her up. Olivia brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Are you ready to go Christmas shopping with the girls?"

Maggie pointed to Sofia. "BAY!"

"Yes, sweet girl, baby Sofia will come, too."

"Magg! BAY!"

Olivia nuzzled her cheek. "You'll always be my baby girl, Maggie May. Always."

…

Fin and Fletcher were on duty Saturday morning, but Olivia went into the office anyway to clear her desk for the next week. She left home early with Maggie in tow, figuring she could close the door and let the little girl play for the two hours she planned to be at the precinct. As soon as Maggie was set up with her toys, books, and snacks, Olivia parked herself behind her desk. It wasn't long, though, before Maggie walked over and peered at her mother.

"Ma! Work!" She said, slapping the sides of the desk.

"Yes, sweetie, Mama's doing a little work. You want to help?" Olivia sat Maggie in her lap. To her surprise, the typically-busy little girl sat back and watched Olivia scroll through and sort emails. When she paged through files, Maggie gripped the side of the folder as if she, too, were reading the details. Olivia rested her chin on top of Maggie's head. She could smell the baby shampoo and a hint of the crunchy granola bar that had served as Maggie's breakfast.

The photographs on the desk eventually attracted Maggie's attention and she murmured the names of her family members. Some were more easily discernable than others. Noah was always _No_. Sarah was _Sah_ and Justin was _Jussy_. Brooke was _Book_. The twins had trouble with "Uncle Sonny." Sofia was referred to simply as "Baby."

"CAR!" Maggie reached for the toy police car that was a favorite of all her children. Olivia gave it to her and put Maggie down so she could roll the car on the floor. She rolled it all over and was in front of the door when Fin walked in.

"Whoa," he said, sidestepping her. "Hey there, little lieutenant."

Maggie grinned at him and ran the car into his boot.

Fin smiled down at her, but returned to cop mode when he addressed Olivia. "The girl's back, he said. The one who wanted us to rescue her sister?"

"Where?"

"At my desk."

Olivia eyed Maggie.

"Send her in."

…

When Olivia and Maggie got home, Ed was helping Noah with his Thanksgiving Break homework and Wyatt was playing by himself on the floor. He saw Maggie and immediately rushed to her, a toy in either hand, summoning her to come play. Olivia crouched and hugged Wyatt.

"Did you miss us, handsome?"

"Mama! Magg!"

"Yes, honey, I brought Maggie back."

The twins went back to the play mat and their heaping piles of plastic toys and plush stuffed animals. Olivia regarded the pile with a hint of shame. She and Ed were terrible about purging old items and the new ones arrived.

"We writin' a journal, Mommy," Noah said in his most serious voice.

"What are you writing about, sweet boy?" She walked around the table and kissed his head. Ed tilted his head back for his own kiss and Olivia planted a semi-sloppy smooch on his lips.

"Da turkey burning up!" Noah convulsed in laughter.

"And also Disney," Ed mumbled, still reeling from the shame of turning the smoker's temperature too high.

"And da pool and da slide and da ROLLERCOASTER!"

"It was such a nice vacation, wasn't it?" Olivia said.

"Yep!"

Noah's lined paper was almost full, so he flipped it over and set up his colored pencils. "Now I haveta draw," he said. He carefully drew two lines to separate the page into quadrants. "I draw birthday here, Thanksgiving here, rides here, and da pool here."

"Good plan, bud."

Noah began his illustration and Ed followed Olivia into the kitchen. They stood at the island and updated one another on their mornings. He had taken Wyatt and Noah out to breakfast. Afterwards they stopped at the park and then came home to start the journal. Olivia told Ed about Maggie's interest in her work and Ed chuckled.

"She keeps changing on us," he remarked. "One day she's tearing through toy after toy and the next minute she's reading DD5s with you."

"I love it."

"I know."

"So then…this girl came in. Apparently she wanted to file a report earlier this week about her sister. The girl, well, woman, Este, left their family, they're Hasidic, so she's basically persona non grada, and she believes her sister is trapped there in Borough Park. But the sister's a minor—"

"—and they live in Brooklyn."

"Nobody's helping her," Olivia said, skirting Ed's valid point, "She did a very brave thing and now is trying to do something even more courageous, but she's all on her own."

Ed smirked knowingly. "But not anymore, right?"

"I'm going to do what I can to help her."

He rounded the island and kissed her. "Of course you are."

…

The next morning, Olivia woke up, took a sip of water, and winced from the pain of swallowing. Her throat was on fire and her sinus throbbed. She drank more, hoping the pain was a result of dryness, but it felt like she was swallowing needles. With a groan, she collapsed back into the pillow.

Ed rolled over and draped his arm across her torso.

"Probably don't want to get too close," Olivia said, already sounding hoarse.

"What's wrong?" He shot up and hovered over her, concern etched on his face.

"I feel like shit."

"You can't possibly feel like shit after last night," Ed joked.

Olivia managed a smile. Last night's sex had been rambunctious, playful, and as rough as they dared to get with one another. "It does seem odd," she replied, "But…it's true. My throat is killing me."

Ed hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom. He reappeared with several bottles in his hands. "Want any of this? We got…cough, allergy, sinus, cold…ibuprofen, aspirin…"

"Let's start with the cold meds and ibuprofen." She started to get out of bed, but Ed rushed to stop her.

"Stay there," he commanded. "I'll be right back."

Ed returned and handed her a glass of fresh water and the pills. "I put water on for tea," he narrowed his eyes and ran an index finger along her collar, "Your shirt…it's damp. I'll get ya another one."

Olivia watched her boxer-clad husband rummage around in their bureau. Even sick, the sight of his bare legs and chest turned her on. He handed her one of his old Jets t-shirts and started helping her out of the top she was currently wearing. She expected him to flirt, to ogle at her breasts, but he was all business and slid the shirt on like he was dressing one of the kids.

"Lie down and go back to sleep," he said, "Unless you want the tea now. I'll bring it just in case."

"Thank you," she said, settling back into the pillows. "I—"

"—Don't talk. It sounds like it hurts to talk. You rest. I'll take care of everything else." He switched off the iPad baby monitor before leaving and closed the door.

Officially quarantined, Olivia closed her eyes and easily fell back asleep.

…

Upon learning his mother was ill and in bed, Noah sprang into action. He yanked construction paper from its storage space in the closet and parked himself at the table with his vast array of art supplies—pastels, paints, markers, and colored pencils.

"Wait," he said, "Babies, you gotta make a card, too." Noah fetched large chart paper from his room and laid it on the floor. He spread a few crayons out, and Maggie and Wyatt began scribbling. "And, Daddy, you gotta get Mommy flowers."

"Good idea, bud," he said, "We'll go out and get her some good chicken soup and flowers in a little while."

"And maybe a b'loon."

"For sure a balloon."

Ed spent the next couple of hours playing with the twins, refilling snack bowls and sippy cups, and wiping down surfaces with antibacterial wipes. He served the kids an early lunch and, while they ate, went to check on Olivia. Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of the door.

He sat on the edge of the bed and threaded his fingers through her hair. "Hey there," he said in a hushed, raspy voice, "How ya feel?"

"Bad." Olivia sniffed and Ed handed her a tissue.

"Hungry at all?"

"A little."

Ed studied her eyes and face. He made a visual cross section of her features and felt her forehead with the back of his hand.

"Ed, honey, it's only a cold."

He didn't answer. Brow furrowed, he scrutinized her coloring and gently ran a knuckle along her jaw. Other than a slight flush in her cheeks, she was peaked, more so than earlier. Her eyes lacked their usual sparkle—they always filled with life when she looked at him, even when the topic of conversation was glum.

He tenderly kissed her cheek. "You feel warm. We're gonna go out and get soup and some different meds. And where's the thermometer?"

"In the twins' room, but, Ed, I'm fine—"

He couldn't stop himself from laughing a little. "You're most certainly not fine," he said, "But you will be. We'll be back soon. Imma get you more tea. Want more pillows? Sit up a little? That might help the sinuses." Without giving her the opportunity to answer, he lifted her head with one hand and added more pillows with the other. He brushed her hair back away from her face and cheeks, handed over the remote control, and gave her another intense, worried stare. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you, sweetie," she replied. "Don't worry, I'll be _fi_ —I'll be okay."

….

Noah rolled alongside the stroller on the scooter. Since the past two days' temperatures had climbed into the upper 40's, the snow had melted and the sidewalks were damp. Nevertheless, Ed took no chances and made sure the kids wore hats and mittens. Overdressed, Noah asked if he could rid himself of the hand and headwear.

"Leave the hat on, bud." Ed held out his hand to take the mittens.

They stopped at the flower shop first. Noah wandered around slowly, taking care to choose the perfect bouquet. He tentatively decided on daffodils before opting for a Transvaal daisy bouquet.

"This one have more colors," he reasoned, "Mommy will like these better."

They left the shop with the flowers and two balloons—one with a smiley face and the other with _Get Well Soon_ emblazoned on the Mylar. At the deli they loaded up on chicken soup and a hearty casserole to be warmed later for dinner.

"Daddy?" Noah asked as they made their way back home, "When Mommy gonna be all better?"

"Prolly in a few days, bud. We'll take good care of her."

"Yep! Mommy take carea us when we're sick so we take carea her!"

"That's right. Remember we always take care of the people we love when they don't feel good."

"I 'member." Noah pushed off a few more times then stopped suddenly. "Daddy, we gotta get ice cream."

"Why's that, bud?"

"Mommy's throat hurts! Ice cream's nice and cold and will make it feel smoooooth!"

"Good idea pal. We'll stop and get some. What flavor?"

"Vanilla," Noah answered confidently, "Other flavors for when ya wanna treat, vanilla for when you have a sore throat."

Ed's shoulders shook with silent laughter and he amusedly smirked at his son. "I didn't know that, pal. Thanks."

"You welcome."

…..

Ed blew on the steaming soup and wondered how it could possibly still be close to boiling when it hadn't been near heat for at least thirty minutes. He poured half the container into a wide soup bowl and placed it on a tray. He added oyster crackers, more tea, stronger cold pills, and a new bottle of Chloraseptic and slowly walked toward the bedroom. Noah followed with the flowers and the balloons.

"Oh…my…" Olivia gasped.

"Here ya go, Mommy!" He set the vase on the nightstand and let the balloons ascend to the ceiling. "We getted dis for ya so you get all better!"

"Thank you, sweet boy."

"They from Maggie and Wyatt, too, but they're sleepin."

"I probably should stay away from all of you anyway," Olivia said. "I don't want you getting sick, too."

"If I'm sick I can't go to school!" Noah tiptoed to the bedside. "But I give you a hug and a kiss. Olivia leaned over for a hug and tried not to breathe on him while he kissed her head. "I drawed somethin' for you, but I gotta put more stuff on it."

"Why don't ya go finish it, bud?"

"Kay!"

"Love you, sweet boy! Thank you for the flowers and the balloons!"

"Love you! Welcome!"

Ed extended the tray's legs and set it across Olivia's lap. She dumped the crackers into the soup and took a small bite. He watched her like a hawk, trying to discern whether or not it still pained her to swallow.

"A little better," she said, answering his unspoken question.

"You sound more stuffed up now."

"I'd rather have that than have my throat feel like it's on fire."

Ed leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I would rather you never be sick again."

She smiled at him and took another bite.

"Don't forget to take the pills."

"I won't."

Olivia continued eating and tried to watch the day time talk show she'd found, but Ed partially blocked her view.

"Sweetie, I'm good," she said, intentionally avoiding the use of "fine."

"Oh," he said, slapping his thighs and ignoring her assurance, "Thermometer."

She reached out for his arm. "Don't risk waking up the twins. I don't feel like I have a fever. It's a cold. Only a cold." Keeping her eyes on his, she popped the pills into her mouth and flushed them down with water.

"Thank you," she said softly, "Thank you for taking care of me."

"I will always take care of you," he said, a sly, naughty grin forming on his lips, "In _every_ possible way."

"Ed Tucker…"

He nudged her cheek with his knuckle and quipped, " _That_ got some color back in your face."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	95. Chapter 95

**Ninety-five**.

 _(final sentence: Credit JennBenson)_

Maggie's wails pierced the otherwise placid Monday morning at the Tucker residence. She drank her milk and ate breakfast without incident, but after Ed wiped her face and hands and set her free, she made a beeline for her parents' bedroom. Wyatt followed, but remained a few feet behind his sister as if he were waiting for the impending tantrum and wanted to make sure to keep his distance. When Maggie started sobbing, Wyatt looked helplessly at Ed. Noah rushed out of his bedroom, fully dressed for school, and tried to no avail to coax Maggie away from the door. He, too, cast a distressed glance in Ed's direction.

 _Help us!_

"MAMAMAMAMA!"

Lower lip trembling, tears streaked across Maggie's face. Her rigid arms hung straight down at her sides and she balled her hands into fists. It was one of the most pitiful sights Ed had ever seen.

Olivia opened the door and caught Maggie as she flung herself forward. She hugged Maggie to her chest and kissed the side of her head. Ed examined his wife—aside from her red nose and watery eyes, she appeared normal. Her coloring was back and her shoulders no longer slumped with fatigue.

"Okay, sweet girl. It's okay, Mommy's right here." Olivia lifted her eyes and smiled at Wyatt and Noah, "Good morning, my loves!"

"Morning, Mommy! You feel all better?"

"I feel much better," Olivia said. "I think the flowers and balloons are really helping."

Noah grinned but didn't seem surprised that the gifts had healing powers.

"The twins can stay here while you take Noah," Olivia told Ed. "No reason to drag them out there."

Ed reluctantly agreed. Swaths of rain battered New York in the early morning hours. They had since moved out and given way to an intermittent drizzle, but Olivia was right.

"I'll make your tea before we go." Ed went back into the kitchen. Mugs rattled and cabinet doors thudded as he went about preparing the drink.

"Sweet boy, let's get your bag all ready to go," Olivia said. She gently bounced Maggie in her arms. She had stopped crying but was still sniffling pathetically and possessively kept her arms around Olivia's neck.

"S'ready, Mommy! We packed it last night! And I finished my 'lustration. And, and," Noah ran to the dining table, "We made dese for you!" He held up yesterday's artwork. He had drawn a mother and son holding hands in what looked to be a park on a sunny day. The other was full of multicolored toddler scribbles. "Dis one me and you," he said, "And dis one from Maggie and Wyatt. I dunno what it is."

Maggie allowed Olivia to crouch so she could hug all three kids. "Thank you, sweeties. I'm so lucky to have you to take care of me." Olivia spent some time the previous night using Google to try and figure out how contagious she was, and she concluded she had probably already risked passing the virus to her children. Ed told her he'd disinfected the entire apartment, but there was still a good chance the cold would make its rounds through the Tucker home. Therefore, she didn't see much point in keeping herself in isolation. Besides, school and day care had already bolstered the kids' immune systems.

Olivia double-checked Noah's school uniform. He'd capably tucked in his polo shirt and buckled his belt. Kindergarteners were subject to the same uniform requirements as everyone else, and she hated thinking he could be admonished for an untucked shirt or some other violation. She glanced at his shoes—he'd chosen his gray Nikes—they were securely double knotted, and gave him another hug.

"Have a good day, sweet boy. If I feel better, I'll pick you up."

Ed gave her a stern look.

"Daddy say you have ta stay in bed again today," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"Oh did he?"

"Yep! So he pick me up, den I come home, and we eat more soup!"

Realizing she was outnumbered, Olivia relented. "Okay then," she sighed. "I love you."

"Love you!"

The lock clicked and Olivia stood up with the twins at her feet. She smiled sweetly down at them and said, "What are we gonna do this morning, Maggie and Wyatt?" Sensing an impending sneeze, she angled her head away.

 _Achoo!_

Wyatt giggled and mimicked the noise.

"Is that funny, little man?" she mumbled, "I hope you don't start sneezing for real." The memory of Wyatt's hospital stay popped up and punched her in the gut. _Was_ his immune system actually as strong as she assumed? If her virus sent him back to the emergency room, the guilt would be suffocating.

"Mama! CHOO!" Wyatt ran to the pile of toys and grabbed a caboose. "CHOO CHOO!" He giggled more, went to the train table, and began playing.

 _Relax_ , Olivia told herself, _he'll be fine_.

Maggie made her way to the large chart paper Noah left on the floor. She stomped on it and looked around, apparently for the crayons.

"DAW! Mamama! DAW!"

Olivia spotted the Crayolas above the refrigerator—something must have necessitated Ed putting them out of sight—and delivered them to Maggie. Feeling a bit lightheaded from all the activity, she took her mug and sat in the armchair where she could gaze into the Manhattan skyline and keep an eye on the twins. She propped her feet on the coffee table and thought about retirement. Every school-year day would begin like this one. Until, of course, Maggie and Wyatt started school.

 _What would she and Ed do all day?_

Knowing how Ed would respond to the question, she started laughing. The man could make her smile, even when he wasn't there.

…..

The rectory was exactly how Sarah had pictured it—wide corridors framed with dark wood paneling interrupted every twenty feet or so by ornate arches which were simultaneously beautiful and intimidating. She clutched Justin's hand, suddenly nervous, even though she'd been preparing for their meeting with the priest for at least a month. Uncertainty still plagued her. Some forums described priests requiring intense questionnaires and invasive compatibility tests. Other people insisted the meeting was no big deal and was essentially a get-to-know-you session. Erring on the side of caution, Sarah brought her baptism and first Holy Communion certificates as well as photographs from each milestone. She had to dig through storage boxes to get the documents, but there was no way she was going unprepared.

Brooke thought she was paranoid. "There's no way they're gonna say you can't get married," she had snickered over the phone earlier that morning.

Sarah wasn't so sure. "Of course we can get married legally," she pointed out, "But it's really important to Justin and his mother that we do this Catholicly and I don't want to fuck up."

" _Catholicly_?"

Sarah groaned, "Okay, I have to go find my most modest dress."

"Don't say _fuck_ and you'll be fine."

Justin made a right turn and they were faced with a set of open double doors. Familiar with the confines, he walked past the unoccupied reception desk, made another right, and led Sarah into Father Daniel Acosta's office. The priest greeted Justin with a hug and extended his hand to Sarah.

"I've heard a lot about you, Sarah," he said in a warm, inviting voice, "Please sit down."

Sarah looked at Justin and he mouthed _my mother_.

"So," Father Acosta said, "How did you two meet?"

…

By mid-week, Olivia was on the mend and back at work. She went about her duties faithfully, but she often found herself distracted. First by the yearning to be with her family and second by the ex-Hasid who had visited the precinct almost daily since meeting Olivia.

That morning, Maggie and Wyatt roamed around the bathroom and closet while Olivia dressed for work. When she put on the shield, they both chanted "Police" which sounded more like " _peace_." They stood under foot as she donned her blazer and then her black trench overcoat. She hugged and kissed them, but, when she opened the door, Maggie and Wyatt fussed and whined and ran to join her.

"Magg GO!"

"Mamamamama!"

It broke her heart. The only reason she did not completely break down in the elevator was that the twins seemed to calm down after she was out of sight. Ed said something to them in a cheerful voice and Olivia heard her babies' giggles as she made her way down the hall.

Olivia was on her second cup of coffee and halfway through a bagel when Carisi announced Jane was, once again, in the squad room. The young woman had shed all vestiges of her Hasidism, including her name which she had legally changed to the unremarkable Jane Boyd. She did, however, choose a moniker with the same initials.

"Have you made any progress?" She asked Olivia. Her eyes were so dark they were almost black. Had the light not added an occasional sparkle, they could have been mistaken for two barren holes in her face.

"Jane," Olivia said with a comely smile, "Sit down honey."

She sat but snickered, "I'll take that as a no."

Olivia explained the barriers—jurisdiction and, most importantly, the sibling's age. "Without any evidence of abuse we can prosecute, I'm afraid…there's not much we can do. When your sister turns eighteen, if she's held against her will, that's a different story."

"She's graduating from school this year. She has opportunities. She's smart. She shouldn't be…" Jane trailed off and abruptly launched herself to her feet. She mumbled, "Thank you for your time," and stalked off.

Dejected and sad for Jane, Olivia watched her make her way across the squad room then disappear. Instances like this made her wish she possessed Ed-esque pragmatism. Instead, Jane Boyd's predicament occupied an inordinate amount of real estate inside her mind.

…..

Noah swung himself around the vertical subway car pole in rhythm to the stops and starts of the train. He let gravity takeover long enough for Sarah to think about a rescue before tightening his grip and regaining balance.

"Sare Bear?"

"Yes Noey?"

"I'm glad we get ta take da C to Brookey. Den I know how to get there."

Concerned, Sarah squinted at him. "Noey, you know you're not allowed to ride the subway by yourself, right?"

Noah shrugged. "If there's a 'mergency."

"An _emergency_?"

"Yes," Noah replied confidently, "Mr. B. say where dere's a 'mergency, sometimes you haveta follow diff'rent rules."

Hearing this, Sarah's opinion of Mr. B. completely tanked. She grabbed Noah and firmly held his wrists. "Noey, do _not_ get on the subway by yourself. If there's an emergency, me or Mommy or Daddy or Brooke…someone, an adult, will help you, come get you wherever you are."

Noah pressed his forehead against hers, "I _know_ ," he said in the sassiest tone Sarah had ever heard him use.

"Then why did you say you could ride the subway by yourself?"

"Cause I know where ta go! But not all da way to Brookey's! So I needta know."

Sarah let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you need to know everything?"

"Yes."

…

Justin entered the office unseen and unannounced. Carisi waved him in and Olivia was stuffing her laptop and a few files into her bag, preparing to leave. Justin made sure to rattle the door on the way in so he didn't completely startle his future stepmother-in-law. Hearing the noise, she looked up and smiled.

"Justin! Hi." He was welcome but not expected, so a flurry of panic swirled inside Olivia's chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling shyly. "Uh, I'm really sorry to bother you, but, uh, can I close the door?"

"Of course."

Olivia gestured toward the sofa and they took seats across from one another. He was out of uniform and clad in jeans and a half-zip crimson pullover. His hair had grown out a little and his normally close-cropped curls were free from product and tangled together in a half-inch jet-black cluster on top of his head. Olivia could tell by the desperation in his deep brown eyes that he'd lied. Something was wrong. And whatever it was, she was sure she was the first person, other than him, to know.

He began without further prompting. "In your book, you, uh, you mentioned, seeing someone after…after the assaults."

Olivia pressed her lips together, nodded, and leaned forward.

Justin continued, "Do you think you can recommend someone? I, uh, I saw the department person, but…I'm not comfortable, I feel rushed, and it's not really helping."

Heartbreaking as his confession was, Olivia first felt honored he'd come to her. "That's a brave thing to admit," she said softly and introspectively. "I can recommend someone for a consultation. And he will probably want to send you to one of his colleagues since…"

"Since he's yours?"

"Yes."

"Even if he sends me to another doctor, it has to be better." Justin stared at the floor and his voice quivered, "It's still so hard sometimes."

Olivia wasn't sure whether or not to hug Justin. In that instance she felt more like a mother than a cop or an almost-family-member. She settled for patting the top of his hand and saying, "Nobody can recover from what you saw quickly…or ever."

"Most times I'm fine." He winced and fidgeted and suddenly looked much younger than his twenty-six years. "But then I'll have these flashbacks…and they're triggered by nothing…you would think I would think about it when I'm around kids, but I don't. It's so random."

"I know…" Olivia tried not to talk too much. She had plenty of empathy and plenty of horror stories to tell, but this was about Justin and his recovery. Nevertheless, he fell silent, seemingly wanting her to take over. "It was a combination of both for me. But a lot of it was random. And it was so frightening…to go to that place and not come out of it until someone physically snapped me out of it."

"It always happens on the street," Justin said, "When I'm alone. And I kinda stumble into the side of a building and try to breathe…"

"You've been through a horrifying, traumatic event," Olivia said, "You're trained to save people's lives and there was nothing you could do…it's going to take a lot of time to heal, Justin."

"Heal…" he murmured.

"You've done a lot of healing…"

Justin leaned back and took on a more cheerful mien. "You know, it's funny, well, odd, no, I don't know," he buried his face in his hands, frustrated he couldn't find the proper words. "The first thing I thought after Sarah and I met, that first time, in the coffee shop, was that I wanted her. Not," he blushed a little and looked at Olivia apologetically, "Like _want_ , but, there was something about her I had to have. My whole life…people…even some of my family…were things I had to survive and endure…but with her…I was absolutely positive she would never be a person like that. She has her faults, but she's never gonna make me need to _heal_ …if that makes any sense."

"Perfect sense."

Olivia, of course, felt the same way about Ed.

…

While Sofia lay on her back looking up at the toys dangling from the arch above, Noah situated himself on the edge of the blanket and helped her swat at the rings and animals. Whenever she flailed her arms or legs, Noah rubbed her belly and congratulated her on trying to get the toys. Sofia did not like her pacifier as much as Maggie and Wyatt had as infants and this, along with her thick swath of sandy blonde hair, perplexed Noah.

"How she sleep without da paci?"

"I don't know," Brooke said, "We all sleep without pacis, so maybe she just figured she didn't need one."

The answer satisfied Noah, so he shifted gears to the hair. Maggie and Wyatt had entered the world more or less bald. "Why she have long, long hair?"

"Because I had long, long hair when I was born," Brooke said, "So Sofia takes after me."

Sarah cringed, expecting a parentage question, but Sofia erupted in squeals and inadvertently changed the subject.

"You sure are good with babies, No," Brooke said.

"I know how 'cause I take care of Maggie and Wyatt."

"Do you change diapers?"

"Nope!" Noah grinned, "But I get da wipes and da butt cream!"

"Good man to have around," Sarah quipped. "It really helps to have someone on butt cream duty. So, what are we doing?"

"We should take this baby out for a WALK!" Noah suggested.

"Yes," Brooke said, "Let's do that. It's not too windy, is it?"

"Nope," Sarah said, "And we can stop for a bite. I'm starving. I haven't eaten today. I don't think."

"How can you not know if you've eaten or not?"

Sarah cocked her head and made an exaggerated show of thinking about her day. "Nope, only coffee. Noey Boey, whaddya want to eat?"

He, too, gave a few moments of serious thought to the question. "Brookey? You have any pubs 'round here?"

Brooke and Sarah burst into laughter and Noah stood in front of them wondering what was so funny.

"There are some good pubs, No," Brooke said, "Help me get Sofia all ready and we'll go."

…

Feeling better and home early, Olivia practically skipped into the apartment, excited about the prospect of some alone time with Ed. Wednesday was the twins' day care day. Ed usually dropped them off mid-morning, ran errands, and picked them up in the late afternoon when he got bored. Before leaving the precinct she exchanged a few seemingly innocuous texts with him and concluded he was home.

The apartment was eerily quiet and dark. Thinking Ed was cleaning somewhere in the back of the apartment, she tiptoed to the bedroom. The flat screen was on with the volume low, the blinds were drawn, and Ed was under the covers, half asleep.

"Ed?"

"Liv." His naturally raspy voice was noticeably hoarser. Wads of used tissue were piled on his nightstand along with two glasses—one water, one bourbon. "Hey, I—" He erupted in a fit of sneezes and he grabbed a handful of fresh tissue. "—I didn't hear you come in."

"Sweetie," Olivia kicked off her boots and crawled next to him and felt his forehead. "I told you to stay away from me…"

Ed forced a sarcastic laugh.

 _Stay away from her? Yeah right_.

"Well, that's never gonna happen," he said.

"What do you want? Tea? Did you eat? Meds other than booze?"

His lips contorted in a pathetic pout, he smirked and held out his arms. "Lemme hold you."

Olivia removed her blazer and tossed it aside, not caring where it landed. "Sure. It's the least I can do after I gave you my cold."

"Nah," he said, "You didn't give it to me. I took it from you 'cause I can't stand you suffering."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	96. Chapter 96

**Ninety-six.**

 _JB…Here you go._

Apologetic but in a hurry to get back home to Ed, Olivia gathered a few things in her office while talking to Rollins and Fin about the handful of open cases SVU had been investigating. She mostly listened and tersely approved their ideas for pursuing leads, interjecting only when she vehemently disagreed with something they said. The Lieutenant's disinterest amused Fin; the new Olivia, the one who prioritized family above all else, was still difficult for him to get used to.

At home, Ed was fighting the cold and attempting to go about his daily routine. The twins had been fed and were playing on the floor. Neither Maggie nor Wyatt showed any signs of illness. They were rambunctious and lively and babbled incessantly. The twins employed a mixture of gibberish and intelligible words in their conversations, and Olivia loved to watch them interact, especially when they didn't notice her presence.

Coughing and sneezing, Ed was in the middle of transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer when Olivia walked in and immediately admonished him for overexerting himself. Ed tossed in a dryer sheet and started the machine.

"Ya gonna punish me?"

He was trying to be cute, but his voice was nasally and congested. His eyes drooped, but out of fatigue rather than flirtatious vigor.

"You need to go to bed." Olivia grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. She walked him to the bedroom and immediately saw he'd already changed the sheets and pillowcases. When he was settled under the covers she felt his forehead and kissed his cheeks. "You don't feel too warm," she said. "Have you taken anything today?"

"No."

"I'll bring you something. Water or juice?"

"Bourbon."

"No."

"Fine. Water. Please."

"Be right back."

It wasn't long before Ed was fast asleep. Olivia drew the blinds and closed the bedroom door. It was a sunny, balmy early December day, so she dressed the twins, put on their outerwear, and loaded them into the stroller.

"It is a beautiful day for the playground, isn't it sweet Maggie and Wyatt?"

The twins craned their necks to look back at her. They kicked their legs, waved their arms, and shrieked with delight. Olivia's heart filled with joy. They were so happy and also extra adorable in their matching multicolored knit beanies.

And they were hers.

Olivia took them to one of Central Park's older playgrounds because it had a toddler-friendly layout and a couple of slides that weren't too high. She ushered the twins to the top. They knew what to do and eagerly approached the edge. Wyatt went first and Maggie second. When they got to the bottom, Olivia called to them from the top of the structure and they climbed back up using one of the adjacent ramps. It was a route they knew and had completed multiple times. As late morning turned into afternoon and the temperature rose even more, the playground filled with young children. The potential for one of them to get lost in the crowd was high since all the older kids were at school, leaving the space free for the toddlers and a few preschoolers.

Olivia guided the twins to a climbing structure, but only Wyatt seemed interested in scaling the slope. Maggie was a couple of feet away, clustered with other kids playing with a rubber kickball.

Wyatt finally got to the top of the structure, but instead of going through the opening to the second tier, he looked down at Olivia, sat, and held out his arms for her.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Olivia said, waving her hands, "Come back down to Mommy."

"Ma!" Wyatt's face contorted though he didn't immediately start to cry.

Olivia glanced at Maggie. She had captured the ball and had draped her body over it. She was close to rolling over and crashing, but one of the nannies righted her.

"Thanks," Olivia called over.

The nanny smiled and went back to her charges.

"Wyatt," Olivia coaxed. "You can do it. Come to Mommy."

Wyatt refused to budge. It took Olivia only a few seconds to scale the wall and grab him. Back on flat ground she hugged the little boy and kissed his cheeks. "I gotcha, sweet Wyatt. Mommy's gotcha."

When she looked up, Maggie was nowhere to be seen. Olivia shifted Wyatt to her hip and began traversing the area, her head moving back and forth, desperately trying to spot her baby girl.

 _Multicolored beanie._

 _Purple fleece jacket._

 _Blue jeans._

 _Pink striped Adidas sneakers._

Panicking, Olivia approached the nanny, "Have you seen my daughter? The one," Olivia pointed to the ball, "The one who just almost fell? You helped her?"

The nanny had no idea.

Olivia frantically ran a hand through her hair and clutched her own cheek, stretching her skin away from her eyes. Her chest and throat burned. She wanted to scream, but when she tried to speak, tried to say something, anything, to calm herself, no sounds came out. She rounded the climbing structure, ducked under the bridge, under the slide and then stood erect, feeling small and helpless in a sea of faceless bodies.

" _MAGGIE_!"

Finally able to scream, Maggie's name came out in an intensely guttural tone which only terrified Olivia more. She patted her pockets, searching for her phone, but that, too, was apparently lost.

 _You're a cop. Snap out of it._

Olivia rushed to the stroller and rummaged around in the twins' bag. She found her phone and started to dial 9-1-1 when she heard a familiar, "Ma! Mamama! SING!"

Olivia whipped around, jerking poor Wyatt in the process, and nearly collapsed with relief when she saw Maggie perched on a low concrete wall topped with a black iron fence. She clung to bars, turned around as much as she could without losing her footing, and grinned at Olivia and Wyatt.

"MA!" She jabbed one arm through the slats, pointing at the swingset, "SING!"

Olivia sprinted to Maggie and bear hugged both twins. Her tears fell onto both their heads and pooled on the tightly woven threads before being absorbed. " _Maggie_ ," she sighed, "My sweet, sweet girl. You scared, Mommy." Maggie squirmed and fought to get free, so Olivia put the twins on their feet.

"SING!"

"Yes, sweetie, we'll go swing."

Pushing the twins on the toddler swings where they were harnessed and unable to stray, at the moment, was the most appealing thing in the world.

….

Ed was still compliantly in bed when three-fifths of his family returned. Olivia put the twins down for their nap, changed into sweats, and curled up beside him.

"What happened?"

"You sound better," she mumbled as she sunk in and got comfortable.

"What _happened_?" He knew the moment she walked in—slumped shoulders, a hint of shakiness in her voice—that not all was well.

Olivia reluctantly peeled herself away from Ed and sat cross-legged in front of him. Ed propped himself on an elbow and waited patiently.

"I...I…I lost Maggie," Olivia stammered.

Ed tried levity. "She's not here?"

Olivia glared at him and he backed off.

"Sorry," he patted her knee and reached for her hand, "At the park?"

"Yes," Olivia pressed her eyes closed and shivered as she relived the moment she lost sight of her daughter. "I was helping Wyatt—"

Ed had to let go of her hand because her arms were flailing as she spoke.

"—he climbed to the top of this…the wall, and I took my eyes off her for maybe ten seconds…and she was gone. One second she was in this little group playing with a ball and the next…"

Tears streamed from her eyes. Ed sat up and put his arms around her, holding her head to his shoulder. "Where'd she go?" he asked in a whisper.

"The fence…you know the one that separates the concrete from the wood chips?"

"Yeah."

"She climbed up there, on the ledge…she wanted to swing. I'm running around, screamed her name, and all of a sudden I hear her say my name then _swing_ …"

Ed couldn't help but smile. Maggie was assertive, assured, and had a mind of her own. He understood Olivia's panic, but he was not surprised Maggie had drifted off on her own little adventure.

He massaged the back of her head, "You musta been terrified," he said softly.

"Has that ever happened to you?"

"Sure. Ya take your eye off 'em for a second and they move," he replied matter-of-factly, "They're too little to know _stay where I can see ya_."

"I _lost_ her," Olivia moaned again.

"No," he replied firmly. "You didn't."

"You take all three of them to the park, to the playground, and nothing happens. I can't watch two?"

Guilt and desperation filled her eyes.

Ed put a hand on either side of her head. "You did not lose Maggie. And you would throw yourself in front of a bus before you let anything happen to the kids. Everyone who has ever taken a kid to a playground has had this happen, Liv. _Everyone_. _You_ ," he caught a few tears with his thumbs, "Have the unfortunate perspective of having seen that same situation turn out very badly for a lot of people."

"Yes," she said, "So I should be even more careful."

"You'll drive yourself nuts trying to do that." Ed had been trying to suppress his cough but lost the battle and convulsed into a fit of deep, violently hacking.

" _Honey_."

"I'm fine."

"I'm making you talk too much."

"Stop blaming yourself."

He was a sniffling, coughing, mildly-feverish, ruddy mess, but Olivia pressed a kiss to his lips anyway. "I love you, Ed Tucker."

"I love you."

She ran an index finger along one of his cheekbones, "You want some lunch?"

"Yeah….but no soup," he said a bit sheepishly.

"Right," she said, "I'm tired of it, too."

"Grilled cheese?"

"Yeah. That sounds good."

…

Olivia went early for Noah's school pick up so she could spend a little time observing the classroom. She emailed Mr. B. to make sure it was okay, and then stealthily entered a half hour before dismissal and took a seat in the back near the cubbies. At that time, as they were winding down for the day, all of the action took place in the front of the room near the window where the kids sat in a semicircle on a green rug and engaged in debriefing about their day. Olivia knew Noah's job for the week was supply manager, so he was last to join the class since he'd been neatly stacking the containers of scissors and glue sticks on their proper shelves. When he finished, he took a seat next to Mia. Olivia melted when she saw him whisper something to her and they both started giggling. Mia looked every bit the proper school girl in her tartan skirt, collared blouse, and tight ponytail, but Olivia assumed she had some antics up her sleeve. Perhaps Noah was in on it, and probably tempering her imagination so they didn't get into trouble.

"Oh-KAY class! Let's recap." Mr. B. slapped his thighs and wore a huge smile, one common only to those who worked with small children on a regular basis. Olivia had no idea how he still had this energy at the end of the school day. "What were the good things that happened today?" He grabbed one of three dry erase boards. A sun was affixed to this one.

The kids rattled off some good things. Mr. B. reminded them to raise their hands. Noah was compliant, but he nearly propelled himself off the floor. He desperately wanted to be called on. Finally, it was his turn.

"The good thing was we winned—won—in kickball!"

"That's a good thing," Mr. B. said, "But did we all have _fun_ in kickball?"

The question was met with a chorus on enthusiastic _yesses_.

Olivia wished Ed had been there to roll his eyes.

When Mr. B. asked for things that upset the kids, Noah also had a comment. "Miss Sandra wasn't here today so we didn't play da instr'ments!"

"Oh yes," Mr. B. responded sympathetically, "She's not feeling well, but she'll be back for the next music class."

The next question (and white board) was for things to think about for the future. This was mostly dominated by Mr. B. He told the kids about the holiday program and explained they would be singing and putting on a play. Preparation would begin the next day. Mia immediately shouted that she wanted to sing and dance. Having significantly more patience than the preschool teachers, Mr. B. smiled and assured her she could do both. Excited about the news, Noah nudged Mia encouragingly with his shoulder.

"Alright, class. It's almost time to go. But, before we do, it's time to say one thing we like about ourselves!"

Olivia leaned forward and listened intently. The kids mostly rattled off things they were good at—sports, art, music—but when it came to be Noah's turn, he took some time to respond.

"I like…." He stared at the ceiling, "…I like dat I'm good at reading da Irish book to my small sister and brother."

Feeling like she could possibly faint from joy, Olivia stood up and made enough noise to distract the class. Fifteen of the seventeen students regarded her curiously. Mia sprinted to her. Noah trailed with a slightly apologetic smile on his face.

Olivia absorbed the Mia contact with an _oomph_.

"Hi there, Mia! How are you? I haven't seen you since Halloween!"

"I gonna sing and dance, Livia! In the play! The Christmas play! Noah say he wanta be Santa!" Mia's dark eyes were huge and serious. "He need a beard."

"We'll get him whatever he needs." She opened her arms to Noah, "Hi sweet boy! Did you have a good day!"

"Uh-huh! I didn't know you were at school, Mommy!"

"I snuck in."

Noah threw his head back and giggled. When he calmed down, he asked, "Daddy still sick?"

"Yes, but he sounds better."

"Daddy talk like dis." Noah took a deep breath and tried his best to imitate Ed's deep, raspy voice for Mia. His show was cut short by Mia's nanny who was, for whatever reason, impatient to get her. This baffled Olivia, for Mia was the only child; however, the nanny seemed to be constantly in a hurry.

By contrast, Olivia slowed her gait on the walk home with Noah.

"Should we get Daddy flowers?" She asked.

" _Mommy_ ," Noah replied, "Boys get girls flowers."

"Oh…who told you that?"

"Daddy say," Noah took a few steps to gather his thoughts, "Daddy say we haveta be very nice to da girls. And we haveta bring dem flowers and b'loons and all kindsa presents because they're da best."

Noah was so serious, Olivia was compelled to probe for more information. "What else did Daddy tell you?"

"He say you never ever mean and dat if they don't wanta play something that you haveta 'spect it."

 _Spect?_

 _Oh, respect._

So, Ed had been dropping age-appropriate hints about consent all along. She and Ed had always employed the "no means no" mantra, but apparently Ed had gone further. It made her fall in love with him all over again and wish he wasn't stricken with her cold.

"Well," Olivia said, "What should we get Daddy so he feels better?"

"A mag'zine."

"Magazine?"

"Yes."

"Which one?"

Noah stopped in front of a periodical vendor and pointed to a _Cosmopolitan_.

"Dat one."

…

Dinner at the Tucker home was a typical standby—tortellini with marinara sauce and garlic bread. Much to Olivia's sadness, the twins no longer needed their food cut into bits, and she started serving them at the dining table with plates and flatware rather than in their high chairs. Maggie and Wyatt were skilled at stabbing food with their forks and they occasionally plucked pieces to offer Noah, Olivia, or Ed.

"Daddy! You sound grumpy!"

Olivia burst into laughter.

Ed tried to give her a censorious look, but he couldn't.

"We're glad Daddy's feeling a little better, aren't we, sweet boy?"

"Yep!" Noah shoveled another bite into his mouth. "Mommy sick den Daddy sick den…"

"Everyone's all better," Ed muttered.

Olivia told Ed the story of the end-of-day routine. They asked Noah if every day ended that way and he said it did. Olivia asked about his other answers to the "what do you like about yourself question."

"Once," Noah said, " I say I like dat I'm 'dopted 'cause it means my Mommy and Daddy love me a super lot!"

In an instant, Olivia's and Ed's eyes met.

Olivia swallowed a sip of her water. "What did Mr. B. say?"

"He say everyone's Mommy and Daddy love them a super lot!"

Olivia opened her mouth to ask another question, but Noah continued.

"—but I telled Mr. B. dat my Mommy love me da MOST!"

"He's right," Olivia said as she reached for Noah's hand. "He's absolutely right."

…..

Olivia and Ed sunk into the bathtub together and breathed in the pleasant, invigorating aroma of their mint green tea body wash/bubble bath. Throughout the evening, as they ate, chatted about school, and settled down with some shows, Ed insisted he was feeling better. Noah read from the Irish Folk Tales book on the couch, and all three Tucker kids went to bed at the same time though Maggie fussed and reached out for Noah when Olivia carried her away to her crib.

"NONONO!"

Olivia laid her in the crib and handed over the baby.

"NO!"

"Yes," Olivia said softly, "Noah and Wyatt are going to sleep. It's time to sleep, Maggie girl."

"NONONO!"

"Noah will see you in the morning."

Typically, one "NO" meant the actual _no_. Multiples meant Noah.

Olivia swore Maggie scowled.

"Noah's in bed, too," she said matter-of-factly, "Good night, sweet girl."

When she turned to leave she simpered at Wyatt, ever the compliant one, already dozing with his blanket corner in one fist and the other hand in his mouth. She went into the living room and snuggled up to her on-the-mend husband, but he had other ideas. He suggested the final remedy for his illness was a bath, and Olivia readily went to draw him one.

"Uh-uh," he said as she presented the sudsy water, "You're coming in, too." He stripped and slid into the tub, "Why on _earth_ would I take a bath _alone_?"

She cocked an eyebrow, "I feel the same way. Be right back."

She went into the kitchen and prepared a bourbon for him and a glass of wine for herself, but she also wanted a moment to check her phone. It had been vibrating constantly, but with a number unfamiliar to her, and when she'd checked in with Rollins, she was assured it had nothing to do with her job, at least not directly. The caller had been persistent, but, as a last resort, finally left a voice mail.

Olivia considered listening to the message, but decided to wait.

Whatever it was, it could wait.

Her husband needed her.

And she needed him.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	97. Chapter 97

**Ninety-seven**.

Unlike Olivia's cold, Ed's ailment disappeared almost instantaneously, a development which he credited to bolstering his over-the-counter medicine regimen with bourbon. Olivia rolled her eyes at his assessment, but admitted she would probably try the same thing the next time she was sick.

"The bath last night helped, too," he said, needling his wife as she prepped for the day in front of their bathroom mirror. "And tonight," he naughtily whispered in her ear, "I need sex."

"I thought you were going to go for it last night," Olivia sassed.

"I was still a little gross," Ed replied apologetically.

"I appreciate that." Olivia leaned forward to apply her lipstick. Ed didn't move, and when she stood straight again he put his arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder.

"I love you," he said, looking at her in the mirror.

She met his eyes. "I love you."

They stared at one another for a moment. Ed's complexion had returned to normal, and his eyes were once again bright and filled with a combination of amusement and adoration. Olivia's hair framed her face in waves. She'd applied neutral-colored makeup that accentuated her natural beauty, and the plum hue on her lips made the entire visage pop.

Ed kissed under her ear, felt her shiver, and apologized. "You're irresistible," he explained, not sounding all that remorseful. "I hope Maggie isn't this irresistible. And I hope Noah and Wyatt _find_ someone this irresistible."

Laughing, Olivia playfully shoved him away. "Double standard much?"

"One-hundred percent yes." Ed grinned and gave Olivia room to go into the closet and choose a blazer. He called for Maggie. She scampered in, brown loose curls bobbing and an eager smile on her face. Her cheeks were deliciously pink from excitement, and Ed kissed them as he picked her up. "You don't take any shit from the boys, Maggie May. You hear me?"

" _Ed_!" Olivia swatted him on the arm. "She _talks_ , now, you know."

"When she can say 'swear jar' we'll maybe dial it back."

Olivia took Maggie in her arms and spoke slowly. "Maggie. Say. Sah-wear-juh-arr."

" _SuhJuh_!" Maggie repeated, smiling proudly at her mother. "SUHJUH!"

Olivia shrugged and smirked at Ed. She flipped Maggie upside down, kissed her nose, flipped her rightside up, and hugged her. "Goodbye, sweet girl. Make sure Daddy behaves."

Ed winked and caught Maggie as Olivia half-tossed her to him.

"I'll behave until you get home," he said, puckering his lips for a kiss. "After that, no guarantees."

…

Goodbye kisses, hugs, and sexual innuendo caused Olivia to forget all about the previous night's missed call. She waited until she was in her office and, suddenly overcome with curiosity, eagerly hit "call back." A sugary-sweet voice greeted her on the first ring. Olivia identified herself and, before she could continue with the explanation as to why she was calling, the woman said, "I'll transfer you to Mr. Morello."

The name sounded vaguely familiar, but before Olivia could place it, Morello picked up. "Lieutenant Benson! I'm so glad you called back."

She had expected a name like "Morello" to sound more Mafioso than tinny and overly-excited. "Yes, um, well, thank you for calling. How can I help you?" His excitement was palpable, so Olivia assumed he wasn't calling to report a rape or assault. Or, if he was, he was putting on a façade for someone listening nearby.

"Well, I'm working on a pilot for a new series. And I had a premise, characters, had the whole thing mapped out, but then I read your book and threw it all away. I'd like to fashion the show after your line of work…and hire you as a consultant." He ticked off compensation options and time commitments, but Olivia barely heard him. Her head was spinning.

"I'm sorry," she interrupted, "You want me to do what?"

Morello explained his idea again. A fictional New York City precinct. A show about the Special Victims Unit. A lead character fashioned after the real Lieutenant Benson.

"So you would be our chief advisor," he said. "I want the show to feel and look real. I want to bring to light your most challenging cases, the intricacies of investigating and prosecuting these crimes…and a few things from your book, like the rape kit backlog, that we can shove to the forefront of the general public conversation. There's a real opportunity here. One, to create a series, but, more importantly, to create one with a _purpose_."

Slack-jawed, Olivia stared into the squad room. She had always envisioned doing advocacy work after she retired, but she had never considered marrying it with the entertainment industry. And why would she have? She was a cop, not an actor. Nevertheless, she found herself liking the idea.

"I…I would have to think about it," she said, "I have a family, I'm still working—"

"Oh, I know," Morello interrupted, clearly prepared to eliminate any openings she could use to wiggle out of the offer, "We're in the early stages. We can easily work around your schedule."

Olivia wondered what Morello looked like, and she did some quick Googling to find out. Even though he was a writer, she pictured him as a moustached car salesman.

"I…" she scrolled down a page and clicked on a Getty Images photo dated a year ago, "I would like to talk it over with my husband. Is…is this a good number to get back to you?"

"No. You'll need my cell."

He rattled off the numbers as Olivia got her first glimpse of Sebastian Morello. Far from _used_ _car salesman_ , he instead resembled one of the hundreds of Manhattan's young professionals. Future searches would reveal two decades of television and film experience, but Olivia initially aged him at no more than thirty. He was rail-thin and favored casual khakis and plain henleys of varying colors. At times he was photographed with a beard but mostly he was clean-shaven and his long sandy blonde hair was consistently pulled back in a tight ponytail knotted at the nape of his neck.

Olivia scribbled the numbers and promised to call him back within twenty-four hours. She checked in with the squad then called Ed.

"Hey sweetie," she said, "Want to meet for lunch?"

…

Olivia wasn't the only Tucker receiving life-changing phone calls that morning. In Brooklyn, as Sofia slept, Brooke answered a call from what she knew was the Rikers inmate phone service. She assumed Dave was calling to ask why Aidan had not been to see him in three months. They made the September visit right after school started. October and November were hectic, Sofia was born, Aidan never said anything about going, so here they were, in December, and Dave was surely wondering what was going on with his son. Brooke accepted the call, pressed the appropriate numbers, and finally heard Dave's voice. The connection was never very good, and he always sounded like he was both speaking into a tin can and confined to a small space.

"Brooke, ah, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas."

She screwed up her face. Dave had never been prone to unsolicited lightheartedness. His personality paralleled her mother's—aloof, austere, and perpetually no-nonsense.

"Same to you," she replied, trying to sound cheerful and unsuspecting.

Dave got straight to the point. "Great news! I'll be home for Christmas. December nineteenth to be exact."

Questions churned in Brooke's mind. The Connecticut house had been sold. Dave had money, but didn't he have to be released into someone's custody? Or have a job? Or a place to live? There was no way she and Sonny would allow him to stay in their apartment. How would Aidan react? Now that her mother was gone, what did Dave expect of her? Sarah would certainly brush aside this concern, but it was already dogging Brooke.

She tried her best to remain unemotional. "Wow, uh, how'd that happen?" She asked.

"My lawyer always insisted, once all the hype died down, he was sure he could argue for a reduced sentence. And he did. So, with time for good behavior, I'm out in a couple weeks."

Brooke screwed up her face at the injustice of it all. Dave had taken her former student's life, accidentally but recklessly, and the consequence was less than a year behind bars. Kyle died because of a situation she'd unintentionally created, and the guilt came rushing back, all at once, and she found herself gripping the back of a chair to avoid collapse.

Did Kyle's family know? Were they even consulted? Certainly they would have vehemently objected, but, then again, they couldn't afford legal representation commensurate with the quality of Dave's attorneys.

"Okay," Brooke said weakly. "So, what's the plan at that point?"

"I'm working on getting a place in the city. I know Aidan's in school near you, but I'm looking in the Financial District, so the commute for him won't be bad. I really appreciate you being there for him and all your help with the house and everything, Brooke. Aid at school?"

"Yes."

 _Where else would he be?_

"I'll call back later tonight and talk to him. But go ahead and let him know."

Brooke gathered herself and peered at the refrigerator where Aidan's work schedule was posted. "He's working tonight," she said, "So you'll probably want to shoot for right after school. Three or four."

"Will do."

Brooke hung up and fell onto the sofa. She stared at the ceiling and sorted her thoughts. Dave sounded so weird, almost like he was on drugs, but the euphoria of freedom was certainly a plausible explanation. Everything seemed to be in order. He was right. Aidan's commute wouldn't be bad from lower Manhattan, and, yes, the teenager should probably live with his father. Aidan had never expressed explicit disdain for him; his attitude fell more along the lines of indifference. In that sense, he was a replica of his father and mother. Yet, there was a sensitivity and kindness about him that set him apart from his parents. It was this feature that immediately worried Brooke. The past few months hadn't been free from the challenges of raising a teenager, but, at the end of the day, Aidan was a loving, albeit cautiously so, brother, uncle, and buddy to Noah.

She tapped her phone. School dismissed in three hours. He usually came right home, if only to drop his bag, change clothes, and go back out. Brooke allowed him his freedom. It did not seem Dave would afford his son the same courtesy.

…..

Ed was easy to spot. He occupied one side of a long booth. Two high chairs had been delivered to the head of the table, but Ed held Maggie in his lap and Wyatt was standing up on the bench playing peek-a-boo with the people on the other side. However, when Olivia entered the diner he must have sensed her presence because he whipped around and beamed at his mother. Excited, he jumped, teetered, and Ed stuck out his free hand to stop him from falling.

Olivia hurried to the table and leaned over for kisses from Ed and Maggie. She then held her arms out for Wyatt who dove at her, shrieking with delight.

"Hello, handsome!" Olivia said as she slid into the opposite bench and cuddled Wyatt some more. "How is my sweet, big boy?" She kissed his cheeks and held him tightly. He settled into her lap but reached for her water glass.

"Wah! Mama! Wah!"

Olivia help the glass so he could take a sip without spilling.

"You look happy," Ed said, smirking, "And sounded happy on the phone. What's goin on?"

"ON!" Wyatt repeated and tilted his head back so he could see Olivia's face. "Go on!"

Ed puffed out his chest and smiled proudly at Wyatt before resuming eye contact with Olivia. "You gonna tell us? We're all on the edge of our seats…"

Giddy as she replayed Morello's lofty words in her head, she leaned forward, squishing Wyatt a bit, and delivered the big news.

…

Olivia wanted to take the rest of the afternoon off, but she was due at One PP for a meeting. She went directly there from the diner hoping it wouldn't take long, but it was almost five o'clock when the commissioner sent everyone on their way. After checking in with Rollins, she went home. At the apartment, the twins were munching on snacks and watching cartoons in the living room. Timing her arrival perfectly, Ed already poured two glasses of wine and set them on the island. He planned to order dinner for the two of them and had grilled cheese sandwiches browning in a skillet for the kids.

"We'll get 'em to bed early," Ed whispered as they separated after the welcome home kiss.

"Sounds great," Olivia cooed. "I'm going to change and say hi to Noah."

"He's got a serious construction project goin' on," Ed swatted her behind and added, "Make sure ya watch your step in there."

Ed wasn't exaggerating. Noah was crouched on the floor among intertwined pieces of his train track. Playing around with the track's design was not unusual for him, but placing the pieces on the floor rather than the train table was odd. Olivia knelt beside him and noticed a hard plastic New York City Subway map which must have been purchased by someone, probably Sarah.

"Whatcha doin, sweet boy?"

"Makin' da F."

"The F?"

"Yep! Dis map shows da whole F, so I'm makin it, but I need some blue for da river."

Olivia thought. "How about a towel?"

"Oh!" Noah catapulted himself into a standing position. "Good idea, Mommy! Towels are kinda like carpets…" Noah chewed the tip of an index finger, momentarily reconsidering the suggestion. "Little carpets…But I really need some water!"

Olivia tapped the map. "See here? The people who drew the map used the color blue for the water because they didn't have actual water. When we're making a _model_ , which is what you're doing, you have to have something in place of the real thing."

Noah conceded the point without further protest and moved on. "After I'm done with da F, then I make da C. I'm gonna make the WHOLE SUBWAY!"

Olivia calculated he would need approximately four times the track he already had to construct a replica of the entire system and perhaps more floor space, but she chose not to dash his plans.

"You know, the Subway needs a lot of improvements. Maybe someday you'll be an engineer and you can help fix it."

Noah screwed up his face, incredulous that his beloved trains were somehow flawed. "It needs 'provements?"

"Yeah, it's a little old. It needs an update, to make it run faster and better and more safely."

He jabbed a finger at the partially constructed track. "Dis one'll be safe and fast!" He confidently declared.

Olivia kissed the top of his head. "I know it will be, sweetheart. You gonna take a break for dinner, though?"

"Yep! Havin' grillcheese."

"That's right. Want chips, too?"

"Yes, please." Noah snapped another piece into place and said, "Daddy say we gonna eat quick 'cause he hasta cel'brate with ya."

"Oh did he?"

"Uh-huh," he secured another section, sticking his tongue out in concentration, "I wanna cel'brate, too, so Daddy say we do that t'morrow when it's the weekend."

"What should we do?"

"Go to da pub den eat ice cream," Noah replied matter-of-factly as if he'd been waiting for Olivia to ask the question all along.

Olivia grinned and murmured, "I can't wait." She watched him work for a few minutes then turned to leave. "We'll call you when dinner's ready."

"Kay!"

….

A few hours later, half-empty take out containers, plates streaked with vodka sauce, and Pinot-splashed wine glasses sat on the dining table. The chairs Ed and Olivia had been sitting in were left at wide angles, and the dessert Ed added to their order was still in its plastic container in one of the bags. It hadn't been touched.

The way Ed made love to Olivia that night reminded her of their first time together. He deliberately kissed her face, neck, and shoulders before lavishing attention on her breasts. Olivia rubbed his head and pressed her fingertips into the muscles of his upper back. She moaned and shivered, especially when his rock hard erection brushed against her skin. Remembering the first time she felt him like that enhanced the pleasure Ed's moves had already sent coursing through her body. It had been at that point, four years ago, when she stopped being nervous and gasped, "I want you so much."

" _I want you more," he had rasped, lifting his chin and looking her in the eyes. He shot her a cocky smirk; the eye contact was part affirming his desire but also part check-in. He needed to be absolutely sure she was telling the truth. She pulled him up to her by the shoulders and raised her hips to his while opening her mouth wide for another deep kiss._

He was methodical but not predictable. After the kiss he slithered back down her body, exploring her curves with his mouth and creating just enough space between their legs to trail one hand up her thigh and then swirl his fingers between her legs. She arched her back and shrieked.

 _Hearing this, he peered up at her again, grinning naughtily, haughtily, proud of himself for eliciting this type of reaction from_ _this_ _woman. Her chest heaved. She threw her head back and swatted at damp strands of her own hair before tugging at his. From that moment on, all he wanted in life was to make her cry out with pleasure, squirm and writhe beneath him as he did whatever he needed to do to show her how much he loved her_.

"Ed, don't stop."

His fingers were inside her now moving in and out at a slow pace, but she could tell by the way he started to get out of rhythm and the strain in his voice as he told her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her that the foreplay was coming to an end. Sure enough, he pressed his forehead to hers and nudged her legs apart.

 _Entering her slowly, he stared into her eyes. She licked her lips, a little nervous but mostly needing to completely lose herself in the lovemaking. She closed her eyes, her lips curled up at the ends, and he took this as a signal to begin tender, gentle thrusts. He kissed her neck and breathed deeply as he traversed her collarbone with his lips. Midway through, she wrapped her legs around him, requesting a tiny bit more force. Once again, he checked her expression. The slight movement changed his angle and Olivia smiled._

" _Right there."_

Oozing with confidence, Ed quickened the pace and alternated between deep and shallow thrusts. He turned slightly and massaged her breasts, using the opportunity to admire the length of her body and the flush that came over her skin as he made love to her.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he rasped. "I can't believe you're my wife."

Olivia tried to respond, but her words were unintelligible. She shifted beneath him and clutched his hips. He dropped his head next to hers, his whiskers scratching her cheek, and she kissed his neck, managed to bite at his earlobe, and, finally, gasped…

" _Oh God…"_

 _He smirked and started kissing her, slowing the pace a little, needing to savor the moment. She moaned and smiled while their mouths were pressed together._

" _I'm so close."_

" _I am too."_

 _Olivia cried out. Her back arched again. Ed saw her head loll back and forth and her eyes droop. He adjusted his position so he could flick his fingers and, seconds later, he felt it, he heard it…he had given Olivia Margaret Benson the most intense orgasm she'd ever had._

His was powerful, too, and the sensation gave her a significant aftershock. She held him tightly and he stayed put, softening inside her, panting but refusing to stop kissing her lips.

 _Eventually, he rolled to his side and held her against his chest. He waited for her to speak, worried she was regretting it, worried she wasn't satisfied, wondering how this was going to change…_ _them_ _…_

" _You okay?" She asked softly as she played with his fingers._

 _His chest shook with soft laughter. "Was gonna ask ya the same thing."_

" _It was amazing," she replied. "I…I—"_

 _He almost needled her a little about being at a loss for words, but, instead, he simply concurred. "Amazing," he said, "No other word for it."_

He tightened his hold on her and kissed her damp locks. It was hot, and they lay atop the covers under the gentle breeze of the ceiling fan. "You wanna have that cake now?"

"In a few minutes," she said. Wondering if he'd remember the line she was about to use, she bit her lip, "I like us here."

Ed grinned. It was the same thing she'd said years ago when he offered to leave too soon for her liking. He carefully brushed away hair covering the ear that was exposed to him and whispered, "I like us here, too."

Olivia's lips curled into a satisfied smile.

He remembered.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	98. Chapter 98

_**Ninety-eight**_.

 _Olivia approached Maggie cautiously. She chuckled a little at her apprehension. Maggie was always_ _that_ _one. The kid who did not enjoy being hugged or cuddled or comforted. The kid who epitomized resiliency and grit. The first time Maggie had been seriously injured, she kicked and screamed not because of the pain but because she thought her brand new scooter was being left behind as Ed carted her, bloody knees and all, away from the park._

 _August had become a tough time for Olivia. Instead of the month being filled with back-to-school errands, it was now a countdown to when Maggie and Wyatt left for college. Wyatt had stayed close; his university was within a day's drive, but Maggie had chosen a west coast school. Both Olivia and Ed dreaded her departure, but Maggie's absence affected Olivia the most._

 _Despite the five of them being scattered across the globe, they all made sure to keep in regular, almost daily, contact. Noah was off learning how to save the world on a graduate study abroad trip. Wyatt, even on summer break, studied assiduously. He had an affinity for the law, legal history, and philosophy, and he often eschewed social interactions in favor of afternoons or evenings at Starbucks or the park surrounded by his notebooks and laptop. Olivia understood Wyatt; Maggie fascinated her._

 _Maggie was outgoing. She was brave and a bit brash at times. She had a wicked sense of humor and shared her father's smirk. Her perpetually flippant attitude both charmed and unnerved Ed and Olivia._

" _I'll do it later" was her constant retort…and the two former cops bought it, they let her slide, because Maggie actually_ _did_ _do things later. She followed through. She was reliable, albeit on her own time and in her own way._

 _Maggie quickly grew impatient with praise. She accepted accolades in the most matter-of-fact fashion, almost as if she were ashamed to accept praise for "achievements" that were, to her, expected or routine. Major attention was especially discomfiting. She shivered at the thought of accepting the Salutatorian medal._

" _I didn't even do that good of a—"_

 _Olivia and Ed spent the better part of an evening convincing their daughter she was more than worthy of the recognition._

 _When Maggie finished the previous year on the Dean's List, Olivia made sure to choose her congratulatory words carefully. Her relationship with Maggie had always been good, but she felt a nagging need to be especially close to her daughter, most certainly because of her strained relationship with her own mother. Maggie, on the other hand, balked at sentimentality, it made her uncomfortable, so Olivia had to temper her desire to constantly lavish affection on her daughter, lest she push her away._

 _Olivia knocked on Maggie's bedroom door before entering even though it was ajar. "Hey," she said softly. "You getting everything packed?"_

" _Mom, you don't have to knock," Maggie said, leaning over and swatting the door so it was completely open._

 _Olivia stepped inside the room and smiled at the mess. "We can send you whatever you can't fit into the suitcases," she said, "Like we did last year."_

 _Maggie contemplatively chewed her lip. "Okayyyy," she droned, "Next year when I move to an apartment it'll be easier."_

" _Apartment" made Olivia wince and Maggie noticed. She deftly jumped to a standing position and bear hugged her mother._

" _I'll still come back for the summers," she said softly during the protracted embrace, "I only meant I would have a place to leave stuff." Olivia nodded and tried to smile even though she wanted to sob. Maggie held her at arm's length. "_ _Mom_ _," Maggie implored. "Don't cry. And, the even better thing about an apartment is you can come and visit and escape Dad when he gets on your nerves! It can be a girls' getaway!"_

" _I like that idea," Olivia managed to croak._

" _Even though it's not like he ever gets on your nerves." Maggie went back to tossing items into the larger of two bright pink suitcases. Olivia cringed again, only this time it was at her daughter's lackadaisical packing job. She saw a pile of clean but unfolded clothes and began folding while sneaking glances at her daughter. Two weeks at the beach had turned Maggie's skin a deep honey brown, and the sun had added natural highlights to her wavy chestnut locks which were tied on top of her head in a messy bun. Though focused on the task at hand, her Tucker-blue eyes sparkled—those eyes continually caused strangers to do a double take. They were incongruous with the rest of her darker-toned features yet irresistibly alluring._

 _In a way, Olivia reasoned, it was probably best Maggie spent part of the year away from her overprotective father._

 _On cue, Ed poked his head into the room, two shopping bags dangled at his sides. Olivia smiled at the sight of her husband, red-faced from the late-summer heat and humidity and smirking proudly at his wife and daughter. Olivia was sure, somehow, they had both visibly aged, but Ed still looked as ruggedly handsome and sexy as ever._

" _Hey Dad!"_

" _Hey," he replied, pretending to be afraid to walk into the room among all the clutter, "I'll, uh, I'll be out here."_

" _Stahhhhhp," Maggie said._

 _Ed winked at Olivia, "What's the plan for today?"_

" _I'm gonna take Mom to lunch in a little bit," Maggie answered even though the question wasn't directed at her. "So you boys can do whatever."_

 _Pleasantly surprised by the impromptu date, Olivia beamed._

" _We'll figure somethin' out," Ed said with a shrug. "Dinner all together later though." It wasn't a question. He punctuated the firm statement by turning on his heel and walking away._

 _Maggie triumphantly closed one overstuffed suitcase and waved her arms for Olivia to stop folding. "C'mon, Ma, let's go. I'm starrrrving." She held out her hands and helped Olivia to her feet. "Where do you want to go?"_

" _Anywhere you want, sweet girl." Olivia looked down. They had the same hands._

" _Let's go to the water," Maggie said._

 _Olivia smiled. Maggie's affinity for watching boats on the river or in the harbor had not waned as she got older._

" _Great idea."_

 _Maggie pressed a firm kiss to the side of Olivia's head. "But no crying."_

" _Okay," Olivia said, already starting to tear up._

 _Maggie giggled sympathetically and draped an arm around her mother's shoulders. "Ma, I love you."_

" _I love you, too, sweetheart."_

"MA! MAMAMAMA!"

Maggie punctuated calls for her mother by pounding her little fists on the master bedroom door. Last night, before the celebratory dinner for two arrived, Maggie adamantly refused to go to bed. Admittedly, it was early when Ed and Olivia put the kids down, but she clung to Olivia and then to Noah who, after witnessing twenty minutes of small sister tantrum, exasperatedly suggested Maggie sleep with him.

"Want to sleep with Noah, sweet girl?" Olivia asked, amazedly still patient.

"Seep! No!"

Once Maggie was tucked in next to her big brother, she closed her eyes and at least pretended to drift off to sleep. For a moment Olivia felt guilty about pawning off Maggie on Noah so she and Ed could start their romantic evening, but Noah didn't mind. He good naturedly reminded Maggie to "sleep straight" and told her she had to go right to sleep because they had "cel'brating" to do tomorrow. Also, she was not allowed to leave the bed. Pinned between Noah and the wall, both Ed and Olivia felt comfortable letting them sleep without the removable side barrier.

Maggie abided by all the rules.

Until she woke up.

It took the nineteen-month-old seconds to remember she was not where she was supposed to be. She sat up and looked at Noah. Maggie didn't bother trying to rouse him. She seemed to understand it was very early, the sun had just started to peek through the shades in her brother's room, so she flopped back on the pillow, a puffier pillow than she was used to, cuddled her baby, and stared at the ceiling.

This didn't last long. Maggie soon scrambled out of the bed, baby in tow, and wandered out into the living room. Finding nothing but darkness and the occasional whirring of the refrigerator, she went back to the corridor, headed for her parents' room, and started banging.

"Do we have kids?" Ed grumbled good-naturedly. He and Olivia were both still sans clothing and he wasn't eager to change the status quo.

Olivia played along. She screwed up her face even as Maggie continued pounding. "I…I'm not sure…"

Ed smirked, kissed her, and ran a hand from her neck to her thighs. "I can't stand her out there like that," he explained apologetically as he got out of bed, threw on shorts, and tossed Olivia one of her oversized t-shirts. He opened the door with a flourish. Maggie, in the middle of another knocking barrage, collapsed into him.

"Hell- _LO_ my dear!" He exclaimed, sweeping her up and eliciting squeals and giggles. Ed tossed her in the air a few times and then let her land on the bed.

Olivia smothered Maggie with kisses. "Maggie May I hope you're up this early when you have to go to school!"

"SKOO! NO! SKOO!"

"Someday you'll go to school, too, but today is Saturday so there's no school."

"NO! SKOO!"

"You're going shopping with the girls and then we're meeting Daddy and Noah and Wyatt at the pub for dinner."

"PUB!"

Maggie was ecstatic. She giggled as Ed nuzzled her chin with the Baby Gund doll they'd almost lost in Florida. Olivia gazed at her daughter, clad in classic fuzzy footed pale yellow pajamas that snapped at the chin, and, at that moment, missed her own mother. More so, she missed that her mother was not alive to see Maggie or Noah or Wyatt…or _this_. Thoughts of Serena occasionally dogged Olivia and forced her to reconcile her current happiness with her dodgy past. She took solace in Caroline's firm belief that the deceased could "see" everything that was going on. Certainly the other-wordly Serena would delight in everything Olivia had accomplished both personally and professionally.

At the end of the day, Serena loved her.

"Liv?"

"Oh, sorry, huh?"

"Want coffee?"

"Sure."

Ed was used to his wife drifting off into her thoughts, so he didn't question the absent-minded-ness. When he returned with their coffees and Maggie's juice, Olivia had her iPad in her lap, navigating it with one hand and the other arm protectively around Maggie. So, when her placid expression faded into one of distress, he immediately asked what was wrong.

"An email from Noah's teacher…," she said, sounding horrified, "He's concerned because Noah keeps talking about being adopted."

Ed simultaneously looked concerned but also played with Maggie. "Talking how?"

"He didn't say. He just wrote he wants us to keep an eye on Noah."

"Does he ask other kids if they're adopted?"

"I don't know…"

School and teachers these days annoyed Ed to the point he had trouble taking any of them seriously. "So this teacher emailed you and got you all upset for some ambiguous thing?"

"Yes, but, if Noah's talking about it, something must be bothering…"

"—or it's _not_ bothering him," Ed said, "He's trying to make sense of it so he's talking about it. So we prolly need to tell him, that even though there's nothing wrong with being adopted, it's still a private thing that he doesn't need to, uh, lead with in every conversation."

"DA! TOONS! BAH-SOME!"

 _The Power Puff Girls_ were on and Maggie was enjoying every minute. She tried the best she could to mimic their moves.

Ed growled into her cheek, "You wanna be Blossom?"

Maggie giggled and inadvertently blew the spit bubbles she was notorious for depositing on anyone and everyone when she was an infant.

"Or Bubbles…" Olivia murmured and tried to ignore the chill she got seeing Ed play with Maggie and hearing him rattle off facts about the Power Puff Girls.

"MA!" Maggie dove at Olivia, "B'FAST!"

"Hungry sweet girl?"

"HUNGY!"

Ed smiled at the sight of his wife cuddling their daughter. Olivia was so at peace. Maggie tolerated being held for a few minutes. She smiled and cooed _Mama_ and grabbed lovingly at Olivia's face. Not yet two, and Maggie knew…she instinctively knew her mother needed this occasional closeness.

"Alright, sweet girl," Olivia said, her lips still pressed against Maggie's cheek. "Let's have breakfast. Then we'll get cleaned up and get ready to shop with Brooke, Sarah, and Sofia."

"SOP!"

Ed remained in bed after Olivia toted Maggie from the room because the little girl's shouts—BOOK! SAH! SOP!—did not abate and were sure to wake one of her brothers very soon.

….

Ed folded the stroller and checked it along with his, Wyatt's, and Noah's coats so they could move about the American Museum of Natural History unencumbered. Ed timed the arrival so they would see the show in the planetarium first and then explore a few of the exhibits. The museum wasn't Ed's favorite place in the world, but now that Noah was a little older he led the way and entertained both his family and others with his chatter. Their last visit had been spent mostly with dinosaurs, and Noah had already mentioned he planned to branch out and explore the Asian and African mammals after the _Dark Universe_ show.

Noah had never been to a planetarium before, and Ed had to nudge him along so they didn't block traffic. While customers entered, the space was dim and the dome a neon green which in itself was enough of a phenomenon for Noah. He wandered in with his eyes glued up above. When they chose seats, he gleefully reported, "They go back, Daddy! They tilt back!"

"Yeah, bud," Ed replied, "It's so we don't hurt our necks 'cause the whole show's up there on the ceiling."

" _Wow_."

Awestruck, little Wyatt didn't say much. He reclined against Ed's chest and stared upwards. Soon, the baritone voice of Neil deGrasse Tyson boomed over the loudspeakers and the neon green gave way to a nighttime sky projection.

"STAH!" Wyatt exclaimed, jabbing an index finger in the air, "STAH! No! Stah!"

Noah was too enthralled to issue a verbal reply. He reached over and patted Wyatt's leg, but his eyes never drifted from the dome. As the show continued through the origins of the universe, Wyatt excitedly propelled himself into a sitting position only to have to collapse backwards to get the intended view.

"S'like we're on a spaceship, Daddy!" Noah said in a hushed voice. "An' I wanna use dat big tel'scope!"

Ed reached over and mussed Noah's hair. He'd been skeptical about the planetarium and thought it could possibly put him to sleep, but his sons' enthusiasm was contagious. Ed found himself actually paying attention.

On the way out, Noah asked to go for an encore presentation, but Ed reminded him about the previously unexplored exhibits in the rest of the museum and also, each night, they had a real-life planetarium above them.

"We can go up to the roof, bud. On a clear night we should be able to see some stuff." Ed spoke with little confidence. The city's lights certainly would have a detrimental effect on their ability to see anything of significance.

"Need a tel'scope."

"Prolly should tell Santa."

"Oh! Great idea!"

Noah smiled and studied his map. Ed waited patiently for Noah to figure out which floor they needed to visit. Meanwhile, Wyatt still had _Dark Universe_ on his mind.

"BANG!" He shouted then erupted into giggle fit which sent him teetering off balance. Ed had chosen to leave the stroller and let Wyatt walk as much as possible.

Noah helped him back to his feet. "Yep, Wyatt. When I get the tel'scope, you can look up at da sky, but ya haveta see the video for da big bang."

"BANG!"

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"We gotta get Wyatt dat video 'cause he can't see da big bang in the tel'scope."

"Good idea."

"I'll tell Santa for him."

"Sounds like a plan."

….

The Tucker women—Sofia, Maggie, Olivia, Sarah, and Brooke—gathered in a U-shaped banquette after only an hour or so of shopping. They ordered drinks—holiday special cocktails for Sarah and Brooke and a glass of red for Olivia. Maggie received a Shirley Temple in a Styrofoam take out cup with lid and straw. One-month-old Sofia, of course, was relegated to bottles. Olivia held the baby first. Maggie kept a close watch and refused to sit with Sarah or Brooke. She stared at Sofia as she sucked down half her bottle and narrowed her eyes when Olivia held her to her shoulder.

"Baby needs to burp," Olivia explained softly. "Pat her on the back like this."

Maggie copied her mother's motions and managed a hint of a smile. Olivia simpered back at her brown-haired, blue-eyed girl dressed sharply in a long red sweater and black polka dot leggings.

"Small sister does not know what to think of that baby," Sarah remarked with a twinkle in her eye. "It's a really good thing you and Daddy decided to stop having them."

Olivia continued feeding Sofia but leaned over to kiss Maggie. "Love you, sweet girl."

Maggie crinkled her nose and replied with her customary, "Ooooo!"

Brooke assessed the afternoon's horde. "We didn't buy much."

" _Brookey_ ," Sarah snapped playfully, "You know these outings are simply an excuse for us to have Livvie to ourselves for a little while. We think Maggie's possessive? Daddy is even worse. Besides. Don't we all buy everything online anyway?"

"Pretty much," Brooke mumbled.

Olivia used her free hand to check her phone. "And…it seems my next online purchase will be a telescope." She showed Brooke and Sarah a picture Ed sent of Wyatt and Noah sitting in the planetarium seat together.

"Omigod, they're dressed alike again," Sarah giggled. "That is so funny."

"Do you have to make sure to buy all the same outfits?" Brooke asked.

Olivia grinned at the image. Noah and Wyatt dressing alike had become so common she hadn't given their matching navy button-downs and jeans a second thought when they separated by gender earlier. "We do…Noah usually gets new clothes first and then he'll say 'brother needs this' so we find something close for Wyatt. But most of it's easy—polos, sweatshirts…shoes are a little tough. Noah loves the boots your Dad has and they're hard to find for him let alone Wyatt."

"So cute," Brooke said. She held her glass and played with her napkin as if she weren't quite sure what to do with free hands.

Olivia studied the mannerisms and chanced a serious question. "Everything alright?"

Brooke's smile was one of a cop's daughter—she knew she was busted, not that she was doing a very good job of hiding her mild discontent. "Aidan," she groaned, "Well, Dave. He's being released soon."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

Sarah immediately frowned and asked why Brooke had kept such important information from everyone. She then looked to Olivia for finesse.

"Reduced sentence?" Olivia asked.

Wearing the knowing smile, Brooke nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah," Olivia sighed. She knew it was a weak case from the beginning. Though Dave was guilty of illegally possessing a weapon, he had a very strong case for shooting Kyle in self-defense. She also knew Brooke blamed herself for the former student's death and Dave would forever embody her guilt. "Well, what's ahead?"

"He says he's moving to the city. _FiDi_ ," she spat out the moniker as if it were rotten.

"Gawwwwd I hate that," Sarah said, "Like, really hate. Must we keep reinventing SoHo and TriBeCa? I don't know why anyone would want to live down there anyway. You'd always be running into tourists running for the Statue."

"And you," Brooke quipped.

"Haha."

"Anyway," Brooke nudged her sister and handed Olivia a bib to wipe the corners of Sofia's mouth. Olivia cradled Sofia with one arm and Maggie with the other. Maggie was occupied with one of her new favorite toys—a minute glass that she'd discovered in one of Noah's games. "When I talked to him he acted like Aidan living with him was a given. And I kind of think it should be up to Aidan. But then again, it's not really my call. Dave didn't give up parental rights. I'm just a temporary guardian."

"But he is sixteen," Olivia said.

"More courts," Brooke grumbled, "More lawyers…"

"True."

Sarah screwed up her face and nodded at the waiter for another round. "Brookey, why in the hell would you even consider keeping Aidan? This was never permanent. He belongs with his Dad. _Children_ belong with their parents."

Instead of responding to the direct question, Brooke retorted, "Dad's gonna kill you if Maggie says hell." Brooke mouthed _hell_.

Olivia decided to keep quiet about Ed telling Maggie not to take any shit from boys.

"Focus, Brookey," Sarah implored. " _Think_. Do you really want to be Aidan's parent? _Really_? I know you feel bad for him and you want him to have a home where he's comfortable and loved and all that crap, but _seriously_?"

"It would only be for two more years," Brooke said. "Until he's done with high school. He talks about college, going away, and his grades are really good."

Sarah made direct eye contact with her sister. "You know it's not that simple."

By now both Sarah and Brooke had consulted with Olivia about Aidan but neither one of them knew the other had done so. Olivia quickly realized this and stepped in.

"Raising a teenager is challenging," she said. "Of course, I haven't done it, but I've interviewed my share. Brooke, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I do want you and Carisi to seriously think about everything offering a home to Aidan would entail." She kissed Sofia's head, obviously wanting to say more but exercising some restraint.

"Livvie, you're already the best mom," Sarah gushed.

"Thanks, honey."

Brooke drank from her fresh cocktail. It was served in a copper mug and she cupped it and leaned forward like they were on a coffee date.

"You're both," she looked apologetically at Olivia, "Missing a huge point. He's my, _our_ , brother. Mom died. His dad served time in prison. He's already been uprooted once. He likes the neighborhood and his job and school, which, of course, he could still go to. This isn't some kid I took in off the street. And he is a kid…no matter what…he's done…or wants to do…he's a kid. And I love him. And I'll miss him. He's been great with Sofia. He just seems in a really good place—"

Sarah interrupted, "Does he know?"

Olivia swallowed hard. She hadn't thought to ask the question.

"Not yet. Dave called too late and then Aidan wasn't home the next day when he called. If he misses the call tonight I'm going to tell him."

"Then we need shots," Sarah said, only half-joking.

Ignoring Sarah, Brooke continued, "I hate having to tell him. Liv, I can't imagine all the times you had to break awful, terrible news…"

"Too many times," she said, tightening her grip on both children. "But even though it's difficult, it's not the worst thing in the world. Aidan has some time to get used to whatever's ahead and maybe you'll feel better after you see his reaction. Even if he agrees to move back with his Dad, that doesn't mean he has to stay away from you. Like you said. You're family."

"And where does Dave factor in to _family_?" Brooke asked.

Olivia finally was able to take a sip of her wine. "That, my dear, is completely up to you."

…

Ed folded his hands behind his head and smirked. Olivia sat cross-legged on the chair pretending not to be affected by the drinks she'd had with Sarah and Brooke. The ladies had all returned to the Tucker apartment together. Sofia and Maggie went down for a nap, Wyatt was already asleep, and Noah was absorbed in his Subway project. Olivia surprised him with a box of extra track and he hugged her fiercely when he accepted the gift.

"Now I can get da C ALL DONE!" He said before skipping back to his room.

Sarah helped herself to a bottle from the wine rack and poured three servings. Brooke demurred at first, but Sarah insisted they could take a cab to her place and chill for the rest of the day. The women listened intently as Ed relayed details of the museum trip, their pizza lunch, and their online search for the perfect telescope. Olivia's eyes popped out of their sockets when she saw the prices and she mumbled something about remembering that Santa was also buying a beach house.

"Beach house'll be perfect for stargazing," Ed pointed out.

Sarah swooned at the sight of her father locking amorous eyes on Olivia. She always operated under the assumption that her Dad was a little afraid of Olivia, so him teasing her always seemed worthy of extra attention and maybe a pat on the back.

"Good point." Olivia brushed past him on her way to the bathroom and lightly scratched his chest. He captured as much of her hand as he could and she winked back sassily.

"So Noah's getting a telescope," Sarah said. "What else do we have left to buy?"

They spent a while talking about gifts, particularly how to handle the kids. With Sonny's and Justin's nieces and nephews, the gift giving was becoming a bit overwhelming. Olivia suggested they all buy for the kids only and set a strict dollar limit. Sarah and Brooke agreed.

"I only want us all to be together anyway," Sarah said, "And I want one night at my house. Maybe Christmas? I never had a housewarming party, so I wanna host something! And Justin's family will be there, so, actually, not Christmas. They have so many parties…maybe Boxing Day, you know, the day after Christmas…"

Sarah never did nail down a date. They finished the bottle and opened another. Eventually, the clicks and clangs from Noah's room ceased. Olivia went to check on Noah and found him asleep in the middle of his Brio train replica Subway map. She kissed his head and lifted him into bed. In one hand he clutched a piece of track. She left it there, fully expecting him to get right back to work upon awakening.

Brooke, Sofia, and Sarah left soon after. And now Ed had his wife to himself for, at his best estimate, another ninety minutes tops.

"Didn't buy much," he said.

"No…I did not."

"Why not?"

"Easier online."

"Mmm."

"When's Noah's big gift getting delivered?"

"Wednesday. To my Mom's. So we'll have to hide it in our room 'til Christmas morning and sneak it in his."

"He's going to love it so much."

"It is, quite possibly, the best gift I've given anyone. Maybe except for the badge."

Olivia fingered her Cartier necklace. "Have you forgotten about this?" She asked before twirling her engagement ring. "Or this?"

"Correction," Ed sat up and slowly crawled over to Olivia. "The best gift I've given one of my kids."

"Oh. Okay."

He straddled her in the chair while she pretended to be unaffected.

"Got somethin' else for ya."

"Really?"

He kissed her cheeks and neck. His own cheeks flushed. "Forgive me for being so cheesy."

Olivia took a sharp breath in response to the sensation of his weight descending upon her.

"Forgiven."

"Sure?"

"Oh yeah."

…

 _A warm breeze wafted over the table, rustling the parchment basket liners and threatening to send the cocktail napkins swirling into the air. Olivia gathered the damp pile and pinned them under her half-empty water glass. They had long finished eating, but neither mother nor daughter was in a rush to leave._

 _Though she was wearing sunglasses, Maggie squinted at the wind. Olivia tried and failed not to stare at her daughter. With the shades, Maggie could easily pass as a carbon copy of her own college-aged self._

" _No matter what," Maggie said, "There's nothing like being here. The Pacific is awesome, but I love this view too."_

" _One of my favorite pictures is of all of us at Big Sur," Olivia said. "You really think this view is comparable?" She asked, peering skeptically across the water at New Jersey._

" _This one's home," Maggie replied with a shrug._

 _Olivia smiled, conceding the point. "You sure you're not taking too many classes this semester?" She asked, needing to broach a less sentimental topic._

" _I can always drop one if it's too much. And the classes are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I'll have time to study and volunteer at the shelter."_

 _Last year as a freshman Maggie attended a lecture about Los Angeles' homeless population, and immediately signed up to volunteer at a shelter for homeless women and children. Olivia and Ed were both proud and wary of the undertaking, but they decided to downplay their concerns and worry in private._

" _How many days are you planning to be there?"_

" _Weekends mostly. Saturday and Sunday. Then I'll have Monday and Wednesday to study and Friday to have fun." She grinned mischievously and swatted at Olivia's arm. "But not too much fun."_

" _I trust you, sweet girl."_

" _Mom?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _Am I ever not going to be 'sweet girl'?"_

" _You'll always be sweet girl."_

" _Good. Just checking."_

…

 **#Tuckson.**


	99. Chapter 99

**Ninety-nine**.

At first, Noah's chin quivered ever so slightly and it appeared he might burst into confused, embarrassed tears. Olivia regretted asking him about the _being adopted_ conversations he was having at school; however, the teacher had expressed concern. It was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any less painful when Noah's eyes revealed he was afraid he was in trouble.

Both Olivia and Ed reached for him at the same time.

Ed deferred to Olivia.

"Sweet boy," she said, holding him close. "We're not mad. Everything's okay, honey."

When Noah didn't verbally respond, Ed tried a question. "Do ya talk about bein' adopted much, bud?"

Noah shrugged and mumbled, "I jus' ask sometimes."

"Sweetie," Olivia held him at arm's length, "Daddy and I told you _you_ were adopted because we thought it was the right time and we always want to be honest with you. Do you remember what being honest means?"

Noah nodded, "Means you tell the truth."

"Right," Olivia replied, "Most kids in your class are probably not adopted. But, if they are, their parents may not have told them yet. You should not ever, _ever_ feel bad about being adopted, honey, but, right now, it's private. We talked about private, remember?"

"Uh-huh." Noah seemed to calm down and no longer looked like he was going to break into sobs. "I don't feel bad, Mommy," he mumbled.

"You don't?"

He shook his head vigorously from side to side.

"How do you feel?"

Noah furrowed his brow. Olivia and Ed could practically feel the intensity of his thoughts as he attempted to verbalize his feelings.

"I feel happy 'cause you love me!" There was desperation in his voice and in his expression. Years later, when he was in high school, Noah would write an essay on adoption laws and better articulate his philosophy regarding his own adoption. He would go on to explain he'd never experienced any anxiety about being adopted because his mother had chosen him and had fought for him—something not all children could say about their parents. The final segment was an encomium to Ed and Olivia, and it reduced them both to tears.

"We love you so much, bud," Ed wrapped his arms around both of them, "If you ever have questions about being adopted, ask one of us, okay?"

"Kay, Daddy."

"Now, why dontcha go get dressed so we men can go shopping?"

Noah giggled. "Oh yeah, it's da men shopping day!" He narrowed his eyes, "We gotta take Wyatt, too!"

"We are, bud."

Alone for a few minutes, Ed and Olivia quickly debriefed. He was satisfied; she was still in doubt. Ed rubbed her shoulders and kissed her cheeks and forehead.

"It's okay, Liv," he whispered reassuringly.

"I keep waiting for him to ask us if we love Maggie and Wyatt more…"

Ed stared at her with the most authoritative expression he could employ without being condescending. "He's not going to ask that question because it is absolutely not true."

"I know it's not, but—"

"—there's no time, _ever_ , when he woulda got that impression. _Ever_ , Liv."

Tears pooled along Olivia's lower eyelids. "But…someday…kids…"

"All kids say something like that at some point when they're mad," Ed reasoned. "They think they've been treated unfairly and they yell at you and say you don't love me or, in my case, Sarah says I love Brooke more than her, and that's what they do..."

Ed kissed her again and would not let her divert her eyes, even when she tried to glance at Maggie and Wyatt who were happily and loudly playing on the floor nearby.

"That's what they do," he repeated.

"I think that might kill me."

He tried a smile. "No it won't. I won't let it."

"Daddy!" Noah reentered the room, and his body language oozed frustration. "Wyatt's still in his jammies!"

"Well, I told him to get dressed," Ed joked.

Noah burst into laughter. "Daddy! He's a baby! He needs _help_!" Arms akimbo, he then addressed Olivia, " _Mommy_ , Daddy thinks Wyatt can get his clothes on like me!"

Olivia gave Ed a quick peck. "Daddy's silly," she cooed and patted his back pockets, "But we love him, don't we?"

"Yep! _Loooooove_ that Daddy!"

…..

The day Dave was released from jail was blustery and frigid. The gray sky threatened snow, but as morning gave way to afternoon, the city and surrounding suburbs remained dry. At home, Ed sat with his feet propped on the coffee table. He absent-mindedly flipped through channels while Maggie and Wyatt took their naps on either side of him. Today officially marked their nineteenth month. Before she left for work, Olivia posed them for their photograph and wistfully flipped back through the eighteen others. Each time the twins had been placed in the same chair, Maggie on the left, Wyatt on the right, and she dressed them as identically as possible. Last night they had worn similar moon-and-star pajamas, so Olivia snapped the picture as soon as the nighttime grogginess disappeared from their faces.

Ed risked rubbing Maggie's back and stroked Wyatt's cheek. Like Olivia, every once in a while, he, too, experienced pangs of melancholy at the reality of the twins hurtling out of babyhood.

He turned the volume even lower and stopped on a channel broadcasting afternoon local news. The time on the screen read 12:05et.

By now, Sarah was probably waiting for Dave; she had driven to Rikers solo in Brooke's small SUV, a vehicle the Carisis had recently leased. Now that Sofia was here, Brooke was worried about commuting in winter, and many errands were simply easier with a car. When it came to the question of who was picking up their stepfather, Sarah insisted she would go, and Brooke did not object. Ed wanted to be indifferent about Dave's return and Aidan's move from Brooklyn to the Financial District. However, Brooke agonized over the decision but remained evenhanded. She neither pressured Aidan to go nor persuaded him to stay. After little debate, Aidan decided he would live with his father. Ed knew the whole situation, the entire year, had pained Brooke, and he hoped, though not with much optimism, that this would serve as another point of closure. For once, Olivia had been the more matter-of-fact and resolute of the two of them.

"It's for the best," was her staunch remark. She was firm in her belief that Brooke was overburdened with the baby and a teenager, particularly since Brooke's position as sister/guardian often flummoxed her when it came time to enforce rules and set boundaries. Sarah was better at that, and Sarah, of course, had no intention of getting more involved than delivering Dave to his new apartment.

Ed agreed, but he knew Brooke would continue to second guess herself until she got some sign from Aidan that he was doing well. He crossed his fingers that the sign would come sooner rather than later, especially since Christmas was less than two weeks away.

Drama aside, there was a lot to look forward to in the coming days. They—

"I'll be damned…"

A breaking news report interrupted his pensive mood. On the screen, a gaunt, gray-haired Hank Abraham was shown exiting a secure prison area and entering a black sedan. There was no need to turn up the volume.

 _Former NYPD Deputy Commissioner Released After Serving Time for Possession of Child Pornography_

Ed did some quick calculations. Abraham had served almost his entire sentence. He sent a text to Olivia asking if she had known about his impending release.

 _No, I just saw it. Maybe they wanted to keep quiet?_

Ed grunted _._

 _Not very well done._

The dots indicating she was typing a reply persisted for a long time. He desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. Finally, her message came through.

 _Such a weird time_.

Why did _that_ sentence take so long? He typed his own succinct reply.

 _Yeah_.

He held his breath.

 _I like to remember how much fun we had that Valentine's Day._

Before he could respond, she did, _I know you're smirking right now. I'm going to try and leave early so I can come home first_.

The school Holiday concert was tonight and Olivia had originally thought she would have to meet her family there. Ed was happy plans changed.

 _Great!_ He snapped a photo of Maggie and Wyatt. _We'll be well-rested_.

 _So precious. I love you_.

 _Love you, too_. _  
_

…..

As had become the Tucker family custom, someone (Sarah and Caroline this time) arrived early and reserved, much to the disapproval of other attendees, an entire row with coats and extra shopping bags. Olivia shuddered at the thought of administrative reprimands, but she was willing to bend the rules if it meant her family could sit together. Olivia left unfinished work on her desk in order to get home as early as possible and, help Sarah fend off anyone trying to breach their seating arrangement.

When they arrived, Ed accompanied Noah backstage and Olivia hugged Sarah and Caroline tightly. "Hi," she said with a sweet smile, handing off the twins, "Thank you. Great spot."

Indeed, Sarah had chosen a space in the center, about ten rows back from the stage.

"Sarah made it sound like we were going to have to fight people off with a stick!" Caroline quipped in her raspy voice. "But I must be intimidating."

"Grandma," Sarah grumbled, "I was exaggerating, well, kinda." She eyed her grandmother. Caroline had put Maggie on her feet and meandered down the aisle holding her hand. " _Okayyyy_ ," Sarah rolled her eyes then trained them on Olivia. "I was in a bad mood when I picked her up. I'd been driving all over the damn city."

Olivia gave Sarah a tight hug. "How'd it go? With Dave?"

"He was late getting out and then made me stop at some crappy diner for lunch. Wouldn't you think, after jail, you'd want something a little more upscale? Then we went to his lawyer's office who had all the move in stuff for his apartment, then I picked up Aidan, and finally dropped them off. Then I had to go all the way to Gram's. I mean, would it be really _that_ indecent to ask her to hop on a train?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, grinning. "How's Brooke?"

"She's on her way—I hope there's still gas in the car—but she seemed okay. I don't actually think she wants Aidan with her. She just thinks it's what she's supposed to do."

"I'm sure she'll miss him?"

"I guess," Sarah reluctantly agreed, "But even she admitted he's not there most of the time. With school and work he's there to sleep. And, if I were her, I wouldn't want to deal with him and him wanting to hang out with this Blake dude."

"He's in D.C. right?"

"Yeah, but when I had to go kidnap him back a couple months ago, Aidan was with Blake's New York buddies, and I'm not convinced he's stopped communicating with them. I'm pretty sure he took my words to heart to not hang out with them, but he did that because I laid a huge guilt trip on him. He won't have that with his Dad."

Olivia pinched Wyatt's cheek. He giggled and lovingly batted his eyes at her. "Stay little for as long as possible, Wyatt Edward," she sighed.

Ed joined them seconds later with a smirk on his face. "You should go back there, Liv," he said, "It's like… _real_ theatre."

Olivia screwed up her face. "What do you mean?"

"They have makeup chairs and everything."

"Wow…" Olivia looked around at the auditorium. "I suppose our tuition money is well-spent then."

"You won't have to pay it long, Livvie," Sarah said assuredly. "Certainly Noey will go to Stuy."

Olivia imagined her little boy sitting for the grueling entrance exam and being overwhelmed by the school's demanding curriculum. She swallowed hard and forced a smile. Ed kissed her cheek.

"Maybe he will," Ed said brightly, "But first…he makes his debut as Santa Claus."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod. Did they give him a fat suit?"

"Yes."

The tension left Olivia's body and her expression, and she broke into laughter. "He said it's hard to walk in it," she reported. "So it's a good think he doesn't actually have to walk on stage. He pops out of a chimney."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

…

The children performed half a dozen songs and a brief play before a select group of Kindergarteners stepped forward to recite their definitions and examples of "Peace on Earth." Noah stood in the middle of the line, and Olivia grew increasingly choked up as the children spoke. Ed put his arm around her and held her as close as possible. Justin, Brooke, Sonny, and Caroline wore proud smiles. Sarah concentrated on her video and jerked her body around in order to get unobstructed footage of her brother's big moment.

When it was his turn, Noah strode confidently to the microphone and said, "Peace means there is no fighting and everyone says nice things to each other." The next part of his mini-speech was obviously coached, but he spoke clearly and without hesitation. "Please turn to your neighbor and say something nice." He waited a few seconds for the chatter to fade. "Thank you!"

He stepped back into line and gave his family a little wave.

The next song featured only a handful of kids because most of them were backstage preparing for the grand finale in which Noah would play Santa Claus and Mia would sing a solo. The children's rendition of Jingle Bells barely masked the clatter of props being moved into position behind the curtain. Then, as quickly as they'd started singing, they belted out the last verse and hustled into the wings. The drape opened with a flourish, and the entire cast of Kindergarteners surrounded a gingerbread house.

Mia's solo began with her singing offstage.

" _Who's got a beard that's long and white?"_

The kids responded with, "SANTA'S GOT A BEARD THAT'S LONG AND WHITE!"

Mia pranced onto the stage clad in a snazzy red dress that even Sarah said was borderline too risqué for a six-year-old. Instead of her usual ponytail, her long, straight, jet black hair was loose and whipped across her face as traversed the stage. She continued the call and response with her classmates.

"Must but _Saaaaanta_! Must be _Saaaaaanta_! Must be Santa! Santa Claus!"

They sang the chorus five times. Each time Noah appeared from a different window or door of the house. The final time he emerged from the fireplace, took the hand Mia held out for him, and lumbered to the apron with her as they concluded the song.

He grinned from behind the fake beard, took a bow, and bellowed "HO, HO, HO!"

The audience went wild.

"That was so good," Brooke had to half-shout her compliment to be heard. "The whole thing. Really varied and well done!"

"BRAVO!" Caroline called out, "BRAVO!"

Justin and Sonny stood and clapped proudly.

Sarah shouted, "GO NOEY!"

Olivia grabbed their Nikon and rushed to the stage. She took photos of Noah with and without his Santa suit. Finally, he and Mia posed together in front of the gingerbread house.

"Can I see, Livia?" Mia asked, already straining to see the camera's screen.

"Sure."

Mia beamed and exclaimed, "Cute!"

"I'll print a copy for you," Olivia said, "And you and Noah can play at our house over break. I'll give it to you then." She eyed Mia's father who was approaching with a woman Olivia had never seen before. "Mr. Bianchi," she said, outstretching her hand, "Good to see you."

"Hi there," he replied cheerfully. "This is Mia's Aunt Victoria."

"Hi," Olivia shook Victoria's hand, "I told Mia we'd love to have her over during the break."

"That'd be great," Mr. Bianchi said. "We'll be here."

"Oh good," Olivia said, "Mia mentioned something about moving to Long Island."

He brushed off the concern. "We thought about it, but that's not happening."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and gave Noah a side hug. "Great," she said, "We'll give you a call after Christmas."

"Say Merry Christmas to Noah," Mr. Bianchi prompted his daughter. We have to go."

Once again, Noah reacted to Mia's bear hug with a combination of delight and bewilderment. He let out a barely audible "oof" as she crashed into him and looked up at Olivia for reassurance. She patted his head, and Noah hugged Mia back, albeit less aggressively than she'd approached him.

"Merry Christmas, Noah!"

She released him. Noah relaxed and jubilantly reciprocated. He also added, "I hope ya get all da presents ya wanted!"

"Yup! I hope YOU get all the presents, too!"

Mia skipped away with the two adults.

"Okay, sweet boy. Ready for dinner?"

"Yep!" Noah replied. He assessed his light tan khakis and red oxford shirt. "Wish I could wear da Santa suit."

"We'll leave that here…for next year."

"Kay…" Noah bit his lip. "Mommy!"

"What?"

"We needta go see da real Santa!"

"We're going tomorrow," Olivia said, "Daddy got the tickets. Will you help Maggie and Wyatt tell Santa what they want?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah skipped along, leading the way back to the family. "And I hold their hands so they won't be scared!"

"You're such a good big brother, Noah."

Noah giggled and a mischievous glint formed in his eye. " _You_ gotta tell Santa that, Mommy!"

Olivia burst into laughter. "He knows, honey. Trust me."

…

Depending on one's disposition and perspective, Macy's Santaland was either odious holiday sensory overload or a fascinating hodgepodge of multicolored lights, elves, trees, reindeer, and swaths of fake snow. Whimsical, instrumenta, Christmas music blared from the speakers.

Ed and Olivia left the stroller at the entrance and let the twins toddle along behind Noah. He stopped occasionally to point out Rudolph or Mrs. Claus, or the elves.

"They makin' da toys," Noah explained to his attentive siblings. Maggie and Wyatt gripped the guardrails and peered at each display until Noah ushered them along.

Ed elbowed Olivia. "I really don't think we need to be here. Noah's got this."

Olivia leaned into him and simpered at the kids. For their Santa Claus picture, she dressed Wyatt and Noah in tan corduroys and green sweater vests over long-sleeved white shirts. Maggie's attire was almost the same. Instead of pants she wore a skirt and green tights. The new black Mary Janes enthralled her; every few steps she looked down at her feet and smiled.

"I wonder how he's going to handle it when Maggie freaks out," Olivia said. Before leaving, she predicted Wyatt would be tentative yet compliant and Maggie would scream at the prospect of approaching Santa.

"She's not gonna freak out."

Ed's bet was that Maggie would devilishly pull Santa's beard. Regarding Wyatt, he agreed with Olivia.

Thirty minutes later, they got their answers.

Ed stood ready to snap photos with his phone, and Olivia had the Nikon. Noah held the twins' hands and approached Santa. With his rosy, robust cheeks, bulky frame, and long white beard, he epitomized the traditional character.

"Three of ya, huh?" Santa bellowed good-naturedly. "Well, c'mon up!"

Two assistants dressed as elves hoisted the kids onto his lap. Olivia took her photos but also watched carefully, ready to step in if she got a bad vibe from the Santa or if someone started bawling.

Santa asked for Noah's name. He introduced himself and his siblings. When asked if they had been good all year, Noah answered firmly in the affirmative. Finally, it was time to make the present requests.

"Me an' my brother, we want tel'scopes! So we can see da stars and planets in da sky!"

"Anything else?"

"No," Noah replied matter-of-factly, "Daddy and Mommy and Sare Bear prolly get us all da other stuff."

Santa chuckled and asked about Maggie.

"Small sister would like a stroller for her baby. She has lotsa babies but no stroller!"

"Well, we have to fix that," Santa said.

"Yeah…"

Time was limited and other kids were impatiently waiting for their big moment. Ed got the kids to smile and look at Olivia for a final picture. The elves put the children down and doled out candy canes.

Neither Olivia nor Ed had been spot on in their predictions. Both Maggie and Wyatt spent their time with Santa awestruck, their little mouths agape and their eyes sparkling with curiosity. On their feet now, they backed away, still staring. They were on their way down the exit path when Wyatt stopped suddenly.

"SANNA!" He screeched. "SANNA!"

Maggie did her best to jump up and down, lost her balance, and collided with her brother, knocking them both to the floor. Unfazed, they scrambled to their feet and continued chanting their versions of _Santa_.

"Now they want to talk to him," Ed remarked amusedly.

"Were you nervous, sweet twins?" Olivia asked sweetly before noticing Noah's concerned expression. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Noah sucked in his cheeks. "I didn't tell Santa small sister wanted a _pink_ _and_ _purple_ stroller," he moaned.

Olivia crouched and kissed him. "We'll get him the message. I promise."

Noah eyed her skeptically. "When?"

"I'll see him tomorrow before I go to work. How about that? I'll leave a little early."

"Okay," Noah said, "I make sure you get up."

…

Even as Ed kissed his way down her body, Olivia couldn't help but think of Noah's pledge to wake her up early. She twisted, trying to get a view of the door yet not stop her husband who was now running his tongue south from her belly button at an agonizingly slow pace. It had been a few days since they'd made love and Ed was eager to let her enjoy each and every phase of his repertoire. He'd re-read a few _Cosmo_ articles and set a half pint of bourbon on his night stand. Additionally, a plastic-covered plate of strawberries and cantaloupe chunks sat on the top shelf in the refrigerator in case they needed a post-coital snack.

She gasped his name and scratched his head.

"Yeah baby." He continued his trail down her lower abdomen.

She felt him, hard and warm against her leg and almost reconsidered the interruption. Her entire body quivered, anticipating his next moves.

" _Didyoulockthedoor_ ," she managed to ask breathlessly. He was between her legs now and had not exactly eased into the oral sex.

He lifted his head and met her eyes. After he assured her the door was locked, he remained there, frozen and staring at her, lips pursed, and practically dripping with proof of her pleasure.

"Okay," she whispered. " _Don't stop_."

He smirked.

" _Ed_!"

Another smirk.

"Are. You. Gonna. Make. Me—"

Before she could utter "beg," he was back at it, voraciously coaxing her into what he planned would be the first of multiple orgasms. Euphoric and lost in the throes of pleasure, Olivia didn't have time to speculate how he managed to be so aggressive with his mouth and simultaneously stroke her thighs in such tender fashion. He swirled his fingertips in slow patterns, and the contrast was exhilarating.

Olivia pressed her eyes closed, grabbed one of his hands, and hooked a leg around his neck. She interlaced their fingers and squeezed.

Ed knew she was close. He went after her even harder, tried something new, heard her moan approvingly, repeated it over and over until she threw her head back, shrieked into a pillow, and went limp in his arms. Recovering quickly, she lifted her shoulders and nudged him onto his back. It was not their favorite position, but, so far, he'd done all the work.

"Time for you to relax, Captain." She leaned down and they kissed ferociously for the next few minutes until Olivia sat up and lowered herself onto him.

"Don't wanna relax," he mumbled, his eyes half-closed. "Wanna. Love. You. All. Fucking. Night."

They had gone to bed late.

The next day involved work and wrangling kids. Olivia would talk more with the television producer. Ed promised Noah they would start wrapping presents. He had to arrange for the telescopes to be delivered and assembled without Noah and Wyatt seeing them. Olivia had to procure a purple and pink stroller.

But if there was one thing, other than sex, Ed and Olivia did well together, it was live in the moment. And, on this night, five days before Christmas, they were both more than willing to accept a little fatigue in order to enjoy as much love as they could make before dawn.

…

 **#Tuckson**

 **#PenultimateChapter**


	100. Chapter 100

**One-hundred**.

Three days before Christmas and after a grueling weekend at SVU, Olivia dragged herself home and heaved her weary body onto the couch without removing her coat or boots or her shoulder bag. Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt rushed to her side. The twins pawed at her face and grabbed her hands. Noah carried the bag to its hook in the foyer and got to work unzipping her boots. Olivia puckered her lips, kissing at the twins' hands, and gazed up at Ed whose expression was partially filled with delight at the sweet scene and sympathy for the seventy-two hour shift she'd completed.

Noah grunted, yanked off the boots, and lined them up neatly with the family's other shoes. He returned to her side and wedged his way in between the twins. "Mommy, your coat now. Gotta take da coat off. Ya gonna get too hot."

Olivia had to stand to take off her olive green trench. She took the opportunity to hand Ed her weapon. He hustled to their bedroom and placed it in the lock box.

"Mommy you can lay back down now," Noah said. "You wanna drink? Daddy made hot choc'lit. There's some left but ya have ta put it in the micr'wave."

"I'm good, sweet boy, thank you. But I'll have some hot chocolate later. Maybe after dinner."

Olivia reclined against the cushions and removed her shield. As soon as she placed it on the coffee table Wyatt took off with it, ran into Ed, and babbled "police" which sounded more like "peace." Ed brought Wyatt back to the living room and sat down next to Olivia. She sidled up to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"You gonna sleep, Mommy?" Noah asked.

"I might. Maybe a short nap."

"Kay. I'm gonna go work on da subway."

"Okay, sweetie."

Ed shifted their position so the twins were in view. He kissed her head and played with her fingers. "Do I even wanna ask?"

"One thing after another," Olivia said. "Three missing kids, one a parental abduction. Two rapes. Three assaults. All at work holiday parties."

"Find the kids?"

"Two. The one whose mother took him—we have a solid lead. If you ever want to run off with the kids, use cash."

"If I run off with the kids I'm taking you with me."

Olivia's body shook with gentle laughter. She kissed Ed's fingers. "Okay."

"What about the other stuff?"

"Everyone was drunk and high," Olivia grumbled. "A mess. But we have forensics. I'm leaving it to Fin and Rollins to piece together over the next few days."

"Y'okay?"

Olivia tilted her head back and gazed at her husband. He still had that IAB manner about him when they exchanged police talk. The gruffness and cynicism were gone, but Olivia couldn't fool him.

"I am," she said, "But I can't help but think about our kids…alcohol and drugs scare me so much."

"Scares me too," he admitted. "But remember…in your job, Liv, you see the worst of everything. In our home, in our family…we have more control. Not total control. But a hell of a lot more." He felt Olivia's chest expand as she took a deep breath. "I wanna give you our Christmas present now."

Olivia sat up and faced him. " _Our_ present?"

He leaned over, plucked the iPad from the coffee table, and opened their _Tucker Five_ email inbox.

Shocked at the words, Olivia covered her mouth. "Oh. My. God."

"It's ours, baby," he intoned. "It's ours if we want it."

"We want it," she said. "We very much want it."

Ed hit "reply," typed a few lines, and sent the response. "Done," he announced with finality, leaning in for a kiss, "All done."

"I can't believe it."

"I wanna go there for our anniversary," he mumbled with his lips on her neck. "It'll be cold and snowy and perfect for using that fireplace."

"I'm there, Captain."

"You better be. None of my plans work without you."

….

On the Monday before Christmas, Noah's first official day of break, the six-year-old happily followed Ed around helping him tackle laundry and other household chores. They wiped down surfaces with dusting cloths and squeegeed the windows. In the twins' room, Ed bagged outgrown clothes that Brooke didn't want or couldn't use, and Noah transferred diapers from a box to the changing table shelves.

"When these babies gonna stop wearing diapers?" Noah asked.

"After they're two," Ed replied. "We'll work on potty training next summer."

"Why Maggs and Wyatt at day care t'day?"

"So we could get stuff done around here then eat lunch, just the two of us. And Mommy likes them to go to day care a couple times a week to see the other kids."

Noah smiled, stepped back, and admired his work. The diapers were stacked in eight piles of five. "All done," he reported. "What next?"

They folded a load of towels and stored them in the linen closet. Noah's room was neat, save for the subway on his floor, but Ed let that slide. He sprayed window cleaner on the bathroom mirror and Noah wiped it down while Ed scrubbed the rest of the kids' bathroom. Noah finished before Ed, and he perched himself on the vanity.

"You a good cleaner, Daddy."

"Thanks, bud. We want everything nice and clean for Christmas."

"Sare Bear haveta clean for her party."

"Yeah she does, but she'll prolly hire someone."

"How come we don't hire someone?"

"Cause I'm here and I can do it. Sarah and Justin are busy with work." Another reason, which Ed did not disclose to his son, was he hated the idea of a stranger coming into their home.

"How come you don't work at p'lice anymore?"

"I worked a long time bud," Ed explained, "And when ya work for a long time, you get to retire so you can spend time with your family."

"Mommy work a long time, too," Noah said, "But she's still p'lice."

"Yep. Mommy's gonna work a little bit longer."

"She _loooovvvves_ p'lice!"

"Yep. I hope you have a job you love when you're grown up." Ed turned on the bathtub faucet and rinsed away the foamy cleaner residue. With critical eyes, he surveyed the bathroom and, judging it properly cleansed, helped Noah hop down.

"What job I gonna do, Daddy?"

"I dunno bud. You have a lot of time to figure it out. Right now you should concentrate on learning as much as possible."

Noah nodded. "Mommy say someday I might fix da subway!"

Ed chuckled. "Well, that would certainly be an important job."

They ended their chores in the master bedroom which was, by far, the least tidy of any room in the apartment. Noah meandered around the bed, unsure of where to start. Ed gave him another dusting wipe and directed him to the nightstands. Ed tossed clothing into their hamper. He wiped down the shower glass and the vanity. Finally, he put fresh sheets on the bed. When he yanked the pillowcases free, he caught a whiff of Olivia—her shampoo and face cream—and the scent caused pleasant chills to run up and down his spine.

Noah ran the wipe along the perimeter of a picture frame. It held a photo of Ed and Olivia kissing right after Judge Linden pronounced them husband and wife. A younger Noah stood to the side, grinning up at them.

"Dis a good picture," he remarked, holding it up for Ed to see.

Ed eyed it and smiled. "Sure is. That's the day we officially became a family."

"What's 'ficially?"

"It means…" Ed paused, searching for an age-appropriate explanation. "It means that someone, in this case the judge, signed a paper saying we were family. You remember how we all lived together before then?"

Noah scrunched up his face. "Uh-huh."

"Well, we all knew we were family. But the Judge made it official when she signed the paper. It's like…Daddy and Mommy, we drive cars. But we have licenses, the cards, to officially _say_ we're allowed to drive the cars."

"Like Justy have a card to save people!"

"Right."

"I'm glad we're 'ficially a family, Daddy." Noah batted his eyelashes as if he knew it made him look extra adorable.

Ed mussed his hair. "Me too, bud."

"Even if ya do kiss Mommy a lot, like in dis picture."

Laughing, Ed shrugged. "Daddies are supposed to kiss mommies a lot," he said, "Otherwise, there's a problem."

"No problem here!" Noah quipped.

Ed laughed even harder. He couldn't wait to tell Olivia about the conversation. "C'mon, let's change our clothes and go eat. I'm hungry."

"Me too! I wanna cheeseburger t'day!"

"With tater tots?"

Noah giggled. "Daddy! _Always_ with tater tots!"

….

Fearing everyone would be suffering from post-holiday fatigue after Christmas, Sarah hosted a housewarming/holiday party on the day before Christmas Eve. It was planned at the last minute but not disorganized, and she was unbothered by the fact that the handful of friends she invited could not attend. Most importantly, it was the first time Justin's mother met Sarah's family.

This unnerved and embarrassed Olivia.

"I can't believe we haven't made the effort to get together before today," she lamented on the way to Union Square.

"I never thought about it," Ed replied unapologetically, "We're all so busy…"

"Even so…"

Once they were all together, Carmen fit right in with the Tuckers. She played with Maggie and Wyatt, conversed with Noah, and held Sofia. Sarah had most of the food catered, but she wanted to show off her use of the mortar and pestle, so Carmen helped her in the kitchen. While they worked, she, Brooke, Olivia, and Caroline chatted boisterously over drinks—wine for Olivia and Carmen, gin-and-tonics for everyone else.

Caroline and Carmen compared their respective Catholic cathedrals and priests. Had Carmen not been there, Sarah would have steered clear of any and all religious conversation, but she smiled sweetly and concentrated on the plantain recipe.

"Brookey, who's baptizing Sofia?" Caroline asked.

"Sonny's family priest."

"So you'll have to drag ass out to Staten Island," Sarah said.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "We postponed it to February," she said, "So you have time to arrange travel plans."

"That's very considerate of you," Caroline retorted. She scanned the platters of food that had been arranged on Sarah's pine dining table and across the island. Rather than a sit-down dinner, she opted for heavy appetizers. The only exceptions were the plantains and Caroline's soda bread. "We sure have a variety of food here this evening," Caroline remarked as she popped a scallop into her mouth. "These are damn good."

"Noey loves those," Sarah said. She glanced up, intending to invite Noah over for a sample, but she saw her father instead. He was standing with Justin and Sonny but only partially involved in the conversation because he kept sneaking glances at Olivia. Sarah winked at him. "Livvie, I think Dad wants you."

Brooke shook her head and smiled; Sarah's obsession with Ed and Olivia would never wane. Carmen and Caroline were oblivious to the underlying meaning in Sarah's utterance of _wants_ , but the older sister immediately picked up on the naughty implication.

Olivia set her glass on the counter. "Be right back." She slid her arm around Ed's waist and apologized for the interruption. "What's goin on?"

Ed smiled but furrowed his brow.

"Sarah said you wanted me?"

"Oh, yeah," Ed improvised, "Lemme show you something out here." He took her arm and led her onto the balcony. The cold and wind would not allow them to stay there long, but Ed was happy to sneak in a few kisses. "You havin' a good time?"

"I am."

"I got everything all set to be delivered tomorrow while we're at my mom's."

"They assembled the telescopes?"

"Yup."

"So the only thing we have to put together is the stroller."

"Yup." Ed leaned in for one last smooch. He could feel her shivering and was quite sure it wasn't because of their close proximity. Nevertheless, he deepened the kiss and held on until they were both breathless. "Guess we better get back inside."

"We should…"

"Liv, I wanna go to the beach house for our anniversary," he blurted out.

She was about to turn the door handle but let it go. "I would like that."

"I'm gonna see if one of the girls will take the kids. Just for a night or two?"

Olivia no longer felt guilty about asking Sarah or Brooke to watch the kids. The vision of the two of them, all alone in their new house in a deserted coastal town, huddled together in front of a fire was too appealing.

"I'm in, Captain."

They reentered the main living area where Noah was struggling to remove his sweater. "Mommy I'm hot!" He said, his voice muffled because his head was trapped inside.

Olivia helped him out of the garment and tossed it on her bag. "There ya go, sweetie," she said, "What are you playing?"

"Superheroes," he replied hurriedly and ran back into the guest bedroom. A few minutes later Olivia peeked inside and grinned at the cluttered space. In addition to the furniture, the toys the kids used when they were there were strewn everywhere among other odds and ends Sarah wanted to hide while the guests were present.

Back in the main living space, plates were filled and the adults sat in a circle around the coffee table. They ate, drank, and bantered for a while. When everyone was full, they cleared the dining table and played cards. Eventually, Olivia and Ed put the kids into their pajamas, and Brooke laid Sofia on the master bed surrounded by body pillows. Noah and the twins snuggled under a blanket on the guest bed and watched a movie.

"Dearies," Caroline announced, "I have to go. These old bones need their rest." She hugged Carmen first and demanded she attend Sunday dinner sometime soon. "Of course, you're invited on Christmas and Christmas Eve but it sounds like you have a gaggle of guests of your own!"

"I do," Carmen rose from her chair and hugged Caroline. "It was so nice to meet you."

"Let's not wait until the wedding to meet again!" Caroline said before saying goodbye to everyone else and taking Justin's arm. He had volunteered to walk her downstairs to wait for the Uber driver. He returned within minutes and took his place at the card table.

Sonny was dealing another hand of rummy when Ed frowned and smacked the table. "We didn't have a toast," he explained to the six sets of inquisitive eyes staring at him. "Hang on a minute, Sonny."

Ed raised his glass.

"This year hasn't been without difficulty," he began. "But that's what family's for. Brooke, Sarah, I'm so proud of you. Carmen, Justin, welcome to the family. Justin, you're a good man and I'm so happy for the two of you. Brooke, Sonny…thank you for bringing our beautiful first grandchild into the world. And Liv," he turned to face her and took one of her hands, "Every single day I'm grateful you married me. I love you so much, baby."

He was a little tipsy; Olivia could hear it in his voice, but she didn't care. Possibly breaching toast etiquette, she leaned forward, kissed him, and returned the _I love you_.

"May we all be in love like Livvie and Daddy in the New Year!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Alright," Ed said, barely peeling his lips away from Olivia's. "Merry Christmas! Cheers!"

They stayed at Sarah's much later than anyone had anticipated. Carmen was sleeping over, and, when she started to yawn, Olivia nudged Ed. "We better go so Carmen can have her bed.

"Oh, okay," Ed replied absent-mindedly. He had obviously forgotten she was staying there that night. "Yeah, let's get outta here."

They quickly packed everything that had been taken from Noah's backpack and the twins' bags. After thanking Sarah and Justin and hugging everyone, they made their way with the sleeping kids downstairs to wait for yet another Uber. Olivia was glad they'd made the decision to leave their SUV in the parking garage. Once in the car, Ed whispered, "We're all set for New Year's Eve."

"What?"

"New Year's Eve. Sarah and Justin said they'd take the kids."

Olivia grinned and caressed his face. "Did you get that in writing? We've all had a few drinks…"

"I did."

"You did?"

"I made her text me," Ed fumbled for his phone. "See?"

 _Justin and I will watch the kids on 12/30, 12/31, and 1/1._

"You're so perfect," she cooed.

Olivia put her head on his shoulder and stared at the illuminated streetscape as the weight of her children and her sturdy, loving husband kept her warm.

….

Despite two consecutive late nights—Sarah's party and Christmas Eve at Caroline's house—Noah woke up well before dawn on Christmas morning. He kicked off his covers and tiptoed out of his room, careful not to disturb the wooden tracks that now covered at least ninety percent of his available floor space. He stopped in the hall outside of his parents' room and listened.

Someone was snoring softly.

Noah grinned, cocked his head, and shrugged.

Savoring the anticipation, he took a deep breath and stepped slowly into the living room. The only light came from the under-cabinet bulbs in the kitchen, so he flipped the switch that controlled the stringed lights on the Christmas tree. The room became bathed in a dim reddish hue, and the horde of previously hidden and impressively wrapped presents caused Noah to gasp and cover his mouth with his hands.

The boxes were larger this year. Two of them were taller than Noah. An adult would have known they had been difficult to wrap and admired the quality of the jobs. At six, Noah was old enough to pinpoint the shape of boxes that most likely contained shirts and pants. He stepped among the gifts and concluded he and his siblings were definitely receiving more toys than clothes. Crouching, he examined the tags on some of the more interesting-looking presents.

 _To Noah; From Santa_

 _To Maggie; From Mommy and Daddy_

 _To Wyatt; From Santa_

 _To The Tuckers_ (the space next to "From" was left blank on this one)

Unable to contain his excitement, he darted into the twins' room. Maggie was awake but still curled under her blanket with her baby. However, as soon as she saw Noah, she scrambled to stand and desperately tried to scale the crib railing.

"No! NoNoNo!"

"S'Christmas, Maggs! There's a lotta presents out there!"

Maggie bellowed a few indecipherable sounds and craned her neck to try and see where Noah was pointing. She saw the lights and the star atop the Christmas tree. "Tee! Out! No!"

Noah looked around the room. He slid the small ottoman, a compliment to the rocking chair, over to Maggie's crib. Standing on it did not give him enough height to safely spring Maggie from her bed.

"Jus' a minute, Maggs," Noah said in his regular voice, unconcerned about waking Wyatt. He retrieved his step stool from the kitchen and returned to the room. Before climbing back on the ottoman, he arranged the small bean bags and stuffed animals so that, if he fell, there would be ample cushioning. "Stand on dis, small sister," he commanded after dropping the stool onto Maggie's mattress.

Maggie did as she was told and grinned. The top edge of the railing was now at her thighs. She put her arms around Noah's neck and he lifted her out of the crib, piggy back style. He leapt to the floor, teetered, regained his balance, and lowered Maggie to the floor.

Maggie beamed. Her brother's ingenuity meant a newfound element of freedom.

Noah's engineering did not go unnoticed by Olivia. While Ed snored next to her, the sounds from the iPad baby monitor roused her from her own deep slumber. She resisted the instinct to run into the twins' room and stop what was happening. It was too impressive to interrupt.

Maggie and Noah slapped hands, and the smack startled Wyatt. His face twitched and he opened his eyes. Still sucking on his Wubbanub, he stood up and clamored to join his siblings. Olivia stuck out her lower lip in sympathy when she saw Wyatt reach through the slats and wiggle his fingers. Noah dutifully scaled Maggie's crib for the step stool and repeated the process in his brother's crib. Minutes later, the three Tucker kids were sprinting for the tree.

Olivia scratched Ed's chest and kissed his cheeks and forehead. She could smell a hint of the rum they'd shared the night before. "Merry Christmas, Ed Tucker," she whispered.

Unwilling to completely surrender to consciousness, he turned onto his side and pulled her close. Since her face was now smashed into his neck, she kissed him there, using sloppy, open-mouthed smooches, perhaps unfairly teasing sex they would not be having until much later that night.

Her attempt to gradually wake him up failed.

Three pairs of bare feet thudded down the hall. Little fists banged on the unlocked door. Noah tried the knob and pushed it open slowly.

"MAMAMA!"

"DADADA!"

"UP!"

Noah gave Maggie and Wyatt a boost and bounded onto the mattress. Ed and Olivia, buried under their children, rolled onto their backs. Maggie pressed her exuberant face to Ed's. He finally opened his eyes and smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Maggie May," he said in a voice heavy with sleep.

"DADADA!"

Wyatt, still a bit sleepy, snuggled against Olivia's chest. She stroked the back of his head and kissed his exposed chubby cheek.

Noah wedged himself between his parents.

"Santa came!" He announced jubilantly. "He ate all da snacks and da reindeer were MESSY with da sugar and carrots!"

"Really, sweetie?"

"Uh-huh! And da presents are BIG!" Noah expanded his arms, "Like dis!"

"Wow!"

"How'd Maggie and Wyatt get outta their cribs?" Ed asked, genuinely perplexed.

"I helped 'em get out!"

Confused, Ed looked at Olivia for clarification. She smiled and told Noah he would have to demonstrate his technique later. Then, she scooted closer to Ed and kissed him.

"Ah! Mommy! You're squishin!"

"Sorry! Had to kiss Daddy." Olivia sat up, careful not to send Wyatt flying, and looped an arm around Noah. "And now I'm kissing you! Merry Christmas, sweet boy!"

"Ahhhh!" Noah shouted playfully, "Christmas kisses! Maggs! Wyatt! C'mere! Everrone gets Christmas kisses!"

….

Much to their parents' surprise, the Tucker kids were content to cuddle in the big bed for a while, and it wasn't until the sun rose completely that Wyatt surprisingly got restless and fussed to get down. Olivia and Ed kept waiting for Noah to get impatient.

"Brother wants those presents," Noah said knowingly, his eyes wide and sparkling.

Ed sat up. "Alright. Let's get out there." He batted his eyes at Olivia. "Coffee?"

"Please."

"Peppermint cream?"

"Yes, thank you."

The family parked themselves on the floor in front of the tree. Ed placed a platter of croissants and fruit nearby. He and Olivia sipped from their mugs and watched Noah, now in a Santa hat, organize the gifts by recipient. Unlike last Christmas, Maggie and Wyatt fully participated this time and delighted in ripping away the shiny paper and intricate bows. Noah giggled and tried to help them put the discarded shards into the large trash bag Ed brought over, but the twins ignored him and very nearly buried themselves in Santas, snowmen, and toy soldiers.

They unwrapped toy dump trucks, airplanes, trains, musical instruments, and several books. There were new art supplies, scissors that cut different patterns, and a gigantic kit containing beads, pipe cleaners, and plastic googly eyes. Maggie shrieked and ran to get her baby when she uncovered the stroller. Wyatt and Noah excitedly circled their telescopes. Santa added a planetarium projector for the twins' room. Olivia took the three kids into the bedroom to hook it up. While they lounged on their backs staring at the rotating array of planets and constellations, Ed moved the final present from the master bedroom closet to Noah's room.

"Pretty cool, huh?" He remarked upon rejoining his family.

"Yeah, Daddy!" Noah exclaimed, "Just like the plan'tarium! C'mon! Lay next to me!"

"Actually, pal, there's one more present."

Wide-eyed, Noah asked, "There is?"

"Yup."

The five of them relocated to Noah's room. Against the wall opposite his bed was a vintage schoolhouse desk and chair. Indentations had been carved along the perimeter so pencils and pens couldn't roll away. Noah's full name was etched in the top left corner.

To top it off, a brand new laptop computer sat open on the desktop.

Noah's jaw dropped. The gift rendered him speechless.

"Go check it out, sweet boy," Olivia prompted.

Noah approached the desk slowly. He ran an index finger along the back of the chair and then a palm along the refurbished oak desk. He tapped the computer, waking it up, and smiled at the photograph of him skim boarding at the beach.

" _Wow_ ," he gasped, "A desk and a c'puter…for my work!"

"Yeah bud," Ed lifted the laptop a few inches, "And the desk opens so you can put some stuff in there."

" _Wow_!" Noah repeated.

Ed put the computer back down. "I remember you tellin' me you wanted to write a book like Mommy, but you needed a computer. And everyone needs a desk for their work."

"Yeah…"

Noah was still in shock. Olivia stepped closer to him, careful not to knock any train track pieces out of order, and crouched to his level. "You like it, sweet boy?"

He nodded and appeared very close to shedding Olivia-esque happy tears. Instead, he launched himself into Olivia's arms, said thank you, and did the same thing with Ed.

"TAYOUUUU! TAYOUUU!"

Maggie and Wyatt, having been admonished multiple times for getting too close to Noah's subway, stood off to the side, grinning and trying to repeat their brother's words. Ed scooped them both into his arms before they could wreak havoc on the room. Noah sat in the chair and a doubtful expression crossed his face as he regarded the key board.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

Noah made a rapid typing motion. "I needta learn how to work da computer like you, Mommy. When you were writin' da book!"

Olivia opened a _Learn to Type_ app they installed.

"Here you go, sweet boy."

A comely voice welcomed the new user to the app and explained how it worked. The screen changed and she directed Noah to click on _Lesson One_.

"Honey, do you want to come back out and eat some breakfast?"

Ed's carefully arranged platter had gone untouched.

Noah was all business. "I do lesson one, first," he said as he swung his legs back and forth.

Olivia snapped a few photos before she, Ed, and the twins allowed him some quiet time to work in his new home office.

…

Christmas Day flew by after the Tuckers' lazy morning. The day consisted of an afternoon at Caroline's, and then drinks and a light dinner back at the Tucker home. In addition to their family, the SVU squad dropped by to say hello as did Rafael Barba who had very nearly fallen completely out of touch with his erstwhile comrades. Once again, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt had another past-their-bedtime night. Maggie showed no signs of fatigue when Olivia put her down at eleven o'clock, but the little girl compliantly snuggled under her covers with her baby and stared at the celestial images overhead. Olivia grinned. At the very least, the projector would keep Maggie from fighting whoever laid her in the crib.

Ed and Olivia tucked Noah in after all guests departed.

"Goodnight, sweet boy. We love you." Olivia kissed him and retucked a corner that had come loose.

"Ni'night," Noah said softly as he sunk into his pillow. "Mommy?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"It was a good Christmas."

"Yes it was."

"I'm gonna do lesson two in da morning."

"Okay, sweetheart."

"Then use da innernet ta look at jet skis!"

Ed chuckled. "Busy day tomorrow. You better get some sleep."

"Yeah."

In between the visit to Caroline's and the arrival of the guests, Ed and Olivia told Noah they had purchased the beach house. Thrilled, he jumped up and down and immediately suggested they buy a new skim board, jet skis, and "a giant bag of sand toys." He also got assurance that Mia could visit next summer, and he called Grandma Caroline to both give her the news and demand she join them at the beach.

Less than a week later, on December 30, Ed and Olivia dropped their brood off at the Union Square apartment and made the three and a half hour drive to Bethany Beach. Having very few year-round residents, the town was sleepier than normal, but the local market and liquor store were open, so Ed quipped they had everything they could possibly need. The previous owners had offered the home furnished, but Ed knew the décor was a little too kitschy for Olivia's taste—there was too much wicker and too much wallpaper—so the only furniture they had was a loveseat and a new king-sized bed in the master bedroom. They were thinking about bunk beds in the kids' room, but wanted to let Noah pick them out.

After dinner, Ed uncorked a second bottle of wine, tossed a few oversized pillows on the floor, and wrapped Olivia in his arms. They stared into the flames and reminisced about the holidays. Olivia was worried they'd spoiled the kids too much and vowed to more conscientiously emphasize _giving_ next year.

"I'm on board," Ed kissed the side of her head. "Whatever you want."

"You don't think we went a little overboard this year?"

"We did," he admitted, "But we _can_ go overboard. Maybe, next year, we'll volunteer at a soup kitchen or something, too."

" _Ed_." She elbowed him playfully.

"I'm serious."

"Sure." Olivia took a sip of the red. It was good, a rare vintage, and she made sure Ed knew she approved of his choice. "I can't believe it's been three years…" she murmured.

"The three best years of my life."

Olivia tilted her head back for a kiss. "Mine too."

"I, uh…" Ed reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I know we said no gifts…but, I wanted you to have this. I wasn't sure when to give it to ya, but I figured our anniversary would be the best time."

Olivia took the paper and gingerly unfolded it.

"Your editor," Ed explained, "Early on when he was tryin' to get ya to write more about your family, he suggested to me I write a chapter. I told him no, that the book was about you, not me, but I wrote it anyway. For you."

The chapter began with routine background information.

How long he'd known her.

The early days, before real tension between IAB and her unit developed, when he was in the dying days of his first marriage and first worked closely with SVU on a police impersonation case.

The admission that he'd had romantic feelings for her long before "I think you should try the bourbon."

 _Olivia struck me as incredibly smart, attractive, confident—I knew, for some lucky guy, she was the complete package_.

" _Ed_ ," Olivia gasped after the first few sentences.

He kissed her again. "Keep goin."

"Why don't you read it?" She wanted to hear the words in his voice.

"Sure."

She leaned back against his chest, still in his arms, and listened.

" _Most couples, when they get together, they get together with a blank slate. That wasn't us. Given my past behavior, I was lucky she said yes when I offered to buy her a drink. Before we could build a relationship, we had to revisit some moments I would have rather forgotten. It was daunting, but, as we talked (and this was a process, not a one-night chat) we both realized we actually had more in common than not. She and I defined justice differently, but it was still our ultimate goal. We both strongly believed in our jobs. In honesty. Morality. A dedication to truth. We were both relentless, and when that relentlessness overlapped, that's where the hostility was born. When we finally figured that out, I remember us taking a collective deep breath and smiling. After that, the path forward was clear…._

… _.I fell in love with Olivia quickly and without reservation. But "love" has always seemed too simple and uncomplicated a word for how I feel about my wife. My "love" includes how much I admire her. It emcompasses how I would endure other-worldly pain and sacrifice if it meant she could forever be safe, secure, and sheltered from the horrors and trauma of years' past. It includes how I have trouble keeping my eyes and hands off her, even in public, even when it might not be appropriate to hug and kiss her. My love is my amazement at her as a mother, a stepmother, and a mother-in-law. It is how the mere sight of her, at any time, can make my breath catch in my throat because not only is she the most beautiful, precious thing I've ever seen…she's my wife…and I still have to pinch myself when I wake up next to her."_

When Ed finished, Olivia took the paper, refolded it, and put it aside, next to her glass. She cupped his face with both hands. "That was…so…beautiful and touching… _sweetie_ …"

"So now when I tell ya _I love you_ , you know what it really means," he said, smirking, "Or I could read that paragraph every time…"

"I get what it means," she said, "And we can stick with the _I love you_ …because I don't think I can always wait an entire paragraph to kiss you."

They fell against the pillows in a passionate kiss and made love on the new shag rug. Afterwards, Ed wrapped them in the quilt they'd purchased in New York for their new bed.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" Olivia asked softly, the shadows created by the flames flickering across her face.

"No, Liv. It absolutely is not."

…

The next morning Ed came downstairs and found Olivia in the kitchen flipping pancakes and pushing bacon around in two separate skillets. He came up behind her and buried his face in her neck.

"Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary to you, too," Olivia replied sweetly, "I wanted you to sleep in."

"Can't sleep without you there."

"You want me to come back to bed?"

" _Always_ ," Ed quipped, "We'll prolly need a nap after breakfast." He inhaled deeply, "Smells great."

Olivia divided the food between two plates. She situated them at the island. Ed scrutinized a small bottle she'd placed by the salt and pepper shakers.

"Bourbon infused maple syrup," he read with interest before dumping a healthy portion on his pancakes. "Now that's a hell of an idea."

Olivia watched him take a bite. "Good?"

"Damn good." A sly grin formed on his face as he chewed. "And I bet it's good in other, uh, _contexts_ , too," he added with a wink.

"We'll investigate that later."

Despite the banter, Ed detected the tiniest hint of gloom in her eyes, and he knew exactly what was wrong. She missed the kids. Even though last night and this morning had been amazing, Olivia hated leaving the kids out of any milestone. Their first time at the beach house as owners and their anniversary felt incomplete without Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Ed had known this would happen, and he planned for it. After they finished breakfast, he sent a text to Sarah.

 _What's your ETA?_

She replied immediately. Justin must have been driving.

 _An hour._

Ed stopped Olivia from cleaning up. They had enough time for sex and a shower.

On the way out of the kitchen, he made sure to grab the syrup.

…..

The doorbell rang around noon. Ed pretended to be preoccupied with his suitcase, so Olivia went to see who was at the door. Halfway down the stairs she heard the hushed voices of Sarah and Justin imploring the kids to be quiet. Olivia bounded down the last few steps and flung the door open.

"SURPRISE!" Noah shouted.

His greeting was followed by Maggie's and Wyatt's versions of the word.

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. Her bundled-up little ones looked up at her from under their beanies with jubilant smiles. She knelt, and they piled into her arms.

"My sweet babies," she murmured.

Ed came downstairs and ushered them all inside. Olivia looked at Sarah and Justin quizzically. Sarah point to Ed.

"All Daddy," she said.

"You planned this?" Olivia asked him breathlessly.

He shrugged as if it were no big deal. "Yeah." He unzipped the twins' parkas, removed their hats and mittens, and tossed everything onto the bottom step. Noah had already shed his outerwear and was running around, mumbling to himself about how different the place looked with sparse furnishings. He stopped at the sliding glass door and looked out at the beach. A few patches of snow remained from the most recent storm. It was windy, and the frigid waves crashed violently at the shore. Nevertheless, Noah had a grin on his face as he envisioned sand castles and watersports.

Olivia hugged and kissed Ed and made no effort to conceal her tears. "Thank you," she said softly, "So perfect."

Ed offered Sarah and Justin a drink, but they declined.

"We're going to AC to ring in the New Year," she said, "This was like, on the way, so we figured we'd drop the kiddos off."

Olivia burst into laughter and hugged them both. "Thank you so much," she said.

"No problem. And, Justin drove, so we were very safe."

"We appreciate that," Ed shook Justin's hand. " _A lot_."

Justin grinned. "No problem. Happy to help." He checked his watch, "And we'll get there right at check-in time."

"Perfecto," Sarah said, "Okay, NYE hugs and kisses, kiddos! Then we're out." Sarah smothered Maggie and Wyatt with affection and bear hugged Noah. She and Justin double checked to make sure all the kids' bags were unloaded then buckled up for their drive back north.

Inside, Noah skipped around. "What we do at da beach in winter?" He asked.

"How 'bout we make some hot chocolate?" Olivia suggested.

"Yeah!"

"And we'll get another fire goin," Ed added. Sarah made sure to bring toys for the twins, and Ed spread them around. He laughed when both Maggie and Wyatt ignored the toys and toddled into the kitchen. Their eyes tracked Olivia while she prepared the drinks.

They passed the afternoon reading stories and playing games. For dinner, Ed prepared pasta with a short-cut "cheat" Bolognese sauce he found online. He cut up a baguette and they ate on the floor in front of the fire. He made rotini for the twins so they could eat more or less independently. Noah was adept at twirling longer pasta on his fork. Before the meal Ed made sure that champagne and sparkling grape juice were chilling in the refrigerator.

Dinner conversation surrounded the concept of resolutions. Before leaving for the holidays, Mr. B. encouraged the students to reflect on the first few months of school and to think about goals for the winter and spring. Noah described this process in Kindergarten language and mentioned his goal for the spring was to get twelve in a row on the monkey bars and to be able to type like Olivia.

"What's your res'lution, Daddy?" He asked in between bites of pasta.

"I think I'm gonna exercise more," he said. "And when it gets warm enough, we should go for bike rides at least a couple times a week."

"That's a good res'lution," Noah replied. "Mommy? What's yours?"

"I want to finish strong at work," she said, knowing the goal wasn't something she could fully control. "But, most of all, I want to spend as much time as possible with my family." She sat back and took in the sweet scene. The fire crackled. The overhead lights were turned to the dimmest setting and they bathed the room in a soft, yellowish hue. Maggie and Wyatt, clad in matching gray sweaters, diligently shoveled pasta into their mouths. Red sauce streaked their cheeks.

Ed gazed adoringly at Olivia as she reached for Noah and pulled him into a side hug.

"I love you all so much," she croaked.

"We love you," Ed murmured.

They had decades of beach house memories ahead of them. However, as long as she lived, Olivia swore the best time they would ever have in the house was that New Year's Eve. They had very little furniture. The pantry and refrigerator were not yet stocked. The five of them slept in the only bed currently in the house, and Maggie tossed and turned and moved around so much that Ed eventually decided to take her to the loveseat and let her sleep against his chest.

But the inconveniences did not matter one bit.

As long as the five of them were together, they had everything.

…

 **#Tuckson**

 _Rest easy! I'll start a new story; however, I am going to take a little break. Stay tuned!_


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